Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild ♪

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another dimension ♪

♪ Gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another, woo-hoo ♪

♪ Yeh-heah ♪

♪ I'm talking rainbows ♪

♪ I'm talking puppies ♪

♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild ♪

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another dimension ♪

Mmmm.

Hm.

Oh, just eat one already!

There's only ever one chip worth eating.

Besides, if this is too boring,

you could be practicing your magic.

Fine!

What are we learning today?

Why don't you pick one? Pick anything.

And my mom would be cool with that?

Yes, there's a lot I do that your mom isn't cool with.

Well, how cool would she be with this?

( evil laughter )

The table of contents?

A thrilling choice.

Why is that in the middle?

- Ehhh? - Pedestrian.

- Ehh? - Boring. - ( barks )

( laughs ) The perfect chip.

What's this?!

- Oh, no, no. - Hey, you said anything.

It's the most dangerous chapter in the book.

It shouldn't even be in there.

Your mom would totally freak out.

Okay, okay, you sold me.

I wanna read that.

Oh, I don't know, Star.

It could taint you.

Perfect chip!

Unlock it.

Hostage-taking.

Classic Butterfly.

Unlock it or else.

- You wouldn't. - Uh-uh-uh.

Okay, okay.

Chip. ( crunching loudly )

Okay, so...

- Yes, yes, but, um... - Hey!

This wasn't the deal.

Oh, well, I'm so sorry.

But you're without your bargaining chip.

Fine. I am standing here. Open it.

Now, I'm going to show you, for a split second.

( loud buzzing )

Bureaucracy of Magic. Yes, this is he.

- Tell 'em you're busy. - Kind of a bad time.

- Tell 'em you're busy. - Are you listening to me?

- You're busy right now. - This is not a good time.

This is the worst time.

- Star, I'll be right back. - Just hang up.

Don't turn the page.

( shrieking )

Uh, Glossaryck?

( shrieking )

Oh, hi, Mr. Glossaryck. Sir?

Sean. Oh.

Sorry. The transporter's on the fritz today.

But there's free muffins in the lobby.

Look, Sean, I was in the middle of something,

and it was of ultra cosmic importance.

Yeah, but you see,

the Magic High Commission wants to see you, too, and...

( laughing )

Uh, is everything all right?

I don't know. Is everything all right?

Did you get on the right flight? Are you running late?

Are you cracked, are you confused?

Are you mad? ( blubbering )

Oh, Mr. Glossaryck, you're so crazy.

But you still have to go up and see the Magic High Commission.

Hand me your radio.

( loud blaring sound )

Radio's on the fritz, too.

You're gonna have to go up.

Very well.

Great. Up the elevator, all the way to the top.

Wait, wait, wait. No magic in the building.

You'll have to walk.

Fine.

Have a magical day.

Glossaryck.

Glossaryck, Glossaryck, Glossaryck.

He is not waking up.

Time to call Mom.

Uh, never mind.

Please step through the magical detection machine.

Oh, come on.

Are you carrying any articles of magic, sorcery,

or occult objects of a mystical nature?

Uh... no.

Just step this way, please.

- ( beeps ) - Thank you.

Okay, Mr. Glossaryck. Your turn.

( alarm blaring )

Wait. Hold on. Are you kidding?

That other guy just walked right through.

Technology, right?

I miss the simpler days.

I think we're done here.

- Have a magical... - ( alarm sounds )

Sean, work with me, please.

Cosmic ultra importance.

( beeps )

( alarms sounding )

That stays with me.

Hello. Hold the elevator.

Oh, hey, Mr. Glossaryck. Which floor?

We've done this. Top floor.

Uh, what's going on? The elevator's not moving.

Uh, elevator's on the fritz, too.

Sorry.

But there's muffins in the lobby.

Which part of "cosmic ultra importance"

do you not understand?

( bell dings )

Now we have to stop on every floor.

( maniacal laughter )

Sean. Stairs.

( exhausted sigh )

( panting )

Hey, Star, check it out.

I'm getting my first chest hair.

It's pretty small, but if you look at it

in just the right light...

Uh, Glossaryck?

What's up with him?

He's on the fritz.

Wait a sec.

Are you doing something you're not supposed to?

Glossaryck said not to turn the page.

But he didn't say you couldn't.

( panting and muttering )

Stairs are on the fritz, too.

( angry groaning )

Now, now, Mr. Glossaryck.

No magic in the building.

You're probably wondering why you're here.

Children, the only thing I wonder

is why you waste my time.

Don't call me children.

You're the children.

I've got chest diamonds bigger than you.

Rhombulus.

Rhombulus, you still mad about my last visit?

( bleating )

Excuse me, sorry. Don't mean to be rude.

Getting stronger, though, huh? That's good.

You always do this!

So you bring me here while I'm at work.

Doing my job.

Yes, Glossaryck.

That's exactly what we're here to talk about.

My liege.

The commission has discovered a problem.

Something somewhere is sapping the power of magic

from the universe.

Yes, that would explain the fritz.

That's what I've been saying.

Hey, the time-out corner is not on the fritz.

Stupid Glossaryck.

Stupid time out.

Omnitraxus has been searching for the leak's cause.

Omnitraxus, what have you learned?

- ( muffled speaking ) - Hello!

Omni?

Can you hear me?

- Check the inputs. - You out.

Yeah, whatever. I'll crystallize myself.

Would you miss me? No.

( bleating )

Whatever's causing it,

I want everyone to be on their toes.

Especially Star.

I need you to accelerate her training.

Yeah... no.

Why all the riddles?

You were always very direct when you were training me.

Well, it finally happened.

Every queen wants to tell me how to do my job.

"My training was different."

You know what Glossaryck hears?

Me-me-me-me-me!

"I'm going to pull my mentor away from his job

so I can be in the spotlight again."

The only Butterfly to leave me be

was your great-great-great great-great-great-great great-grandmother,

Eclipsa, the queen of darkness,

whose chapter, coincidentally, you left Star alone with

when you pulled me into this wonderland of red tape.

Turn the page, turn the page!

I'm gonna turn the page.

Turn the page, Marco!

( anguished bleating )

You all did this because you don't trust me,

and what's worse, you don't trust Star.

My queen. My queen, your training was different

because Star is different.

You have to have faith in her to make choices

that are best for her.

And my job

is to train Star to be a queen.

Oh!

- So? - Yeah.

You read the whole thing?

Yeah.

And?

It wasn't all that. I mean, I get it.

Power of darkness, forces of evil,

eternal suffering, blah, blah, blah.

But honestly, didn't really affect me that much.

- Just wasn't my thing. - Yes!

But Marco, on the other hand. Yikes.

( evil muttering )

Luckily, there's a spell to fix that.

Oh, Minnesota. Fancy.

Okay, you got this.

Today is the day.

- Hey, Marco. - ( gasps )

Today is the day for what?

Oh, uh...

Today is the day...

I was going to ask you a question.

Okay.

Jackie, I was wondering

if you'd like to go out and get me some paper towels

for Marco's sweaty pits.

- Uh... - No, no, no, no!

That is not what I meant to say.

What I meant to say is,

the sweat is gushing down Marco's back

- like a waterfall. - ( nervous laugh )

Now it's crossing the border into Marco's undies.

Aaaah!

Okay, well, Jackie is going to go now

and get Marco some paper towels

for his wet body.

( whimpers )

That was so stupid!

Hey, hey, now, Marco.

It's not that big a deal.

I heard what happened. Everyone's talking about it.

Well, looks like you should just give up on dating forever.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

I'm not gonna let being tongue-tied stop me.

Pen me.

Jackie, will you go out with me Friday night?

Hey, uh, Jackie.

Oh, hey, there you are.

I got your paper towels.

Oh, uh... ( nervous giggle )

Thanks. Here's some paper for you.

"Marco can't grow hair on his chin,

but he can on his back"?!

- Ha! - What?!

( reading quickly )

( giggling )

Bro, my jacket.

Oh, sorry, Chet.

No worries. It's just a material possession.

Marco thinks Chet should punch him.

- What? - No, no, no. I mean,

if Marco were Chet, he'd totally punch Marco.

It's just a jacket, dude.

Marco would lose all respect for Chet

if Chet didn't punch Marco.

Don't... don't make me do this, bro.

What happened in there?

I don't know what got into me.

Every time I'm around Jackie,

I keep blurting out the wrong thing.

Every night when Marco goes to sleep,

he shapes his pillow in the form of Jackie Lynn Thomas.

and kisses it good night.

Did you say something?

( muffled speaking )

( groaning )

Marco, what's happening?

Wait. Let's see where this goes.

( anguished screaming )

( all gasping )

Hello.

( yelps )

Oh, you made a little Marco Junior.

'Sup, Marco Junior?

Janna, that's not his hand. That's...

Oh, oh, oh.

Marco Diaz covers the mirror when he showers,

because, because, because,

because Marco is ashamed of his own body!

Oh, it's so adorable.

Are you crazy?!

How am I ever gonna ask out Jackie like this?

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

Did any of you get the English homework assignment?

Marco thinks...

Oh, I can show you, Jackie. Come with me.

That's it. I remember where I've seen you before.

Hey, where'd you get my combination?

From your diary.

What is that stuff?

Just some of my personal things.

I've seen Marco Junior somewhere before.

Stop calling it that!

Here. The Naysaya.

"The Naysay grows out of the neck of its victim."

Yes, that is Naysaya when Naysaya was younger.

"It reveals itself when the afflicted

attempts to woo their true love,

exposing the victim's deepest, darkest secrets

for all to hear."

And to judge.

What the heck is that thing?

JANNA: Oh, that's a demon.

The Naysaya is a total demon curse.

( groans ) A demon.

Dude, I'm so sorry.

I totally put that curse on you

to prevent you from asking out Star.

Why would you do something like that?

That was before we started hanging out.

You haven't asked out a girl since the Blood Moon Ball?

That's way more embarrassing than that thing on your neck.

How do I get rid of it?

Just let it run its course.

Once it's shouted all your worst, most shameful secrets,

it'll wear off.

And how long will that take?

It depends. How insecure are you?

Oh, no.

Good luck, dude.

( knocking on door )

STAR: Marco? What did Tom say?

Tom says Marco will have Naysaya for the rest of his life,

because, because, because Marco is so insecure.

You should get back to school.

You're missing class.

Well, aren't you coming, too?

I won't be going to school anymore.

What?

Marco, it's just a demon curse.

Don't let Naysaya keep you from what you want.

( sighs ) Okay.

The door is cutting off the circulation to my finger,

so I better get going. Ooh, tingly.

She's a good friend.

All right, dude, what do you want

what do you want to keep your mouth shut?

What?

What do you want?

Marco wants to know what Naysaya wants?

But no one has ever asked what Naysaya wants.

Well, dude, it's your lucky day. What do you want?

May Naysaya have whatever he pleases?

As long as you let me ask Jackie out,

you can have whatever you want.

Then Naysaya would like...

cereal.

Seriously?

You can have cereal.

But... but...

Naysaya would like to enjoy cereal

in Naysaya's own mouth.

Ahhhh.

Will... will... will it hurt?

Just make sure you chew with your teeth.

Some more.

Some more.

Some more!

Okay, so you promise to keep your mouth shut, right?

( swallowing )

Naysaya is in your corner.

( bell rings )

That is so cute, you guys.

( sighs deeply )

Hey, Jackie.

Look. Is that Marco?

He's going for it.

Hey, Marco. Are you cold?

What's going on here with the scarf?

Oh, you know, sometimes I...

ski to school.

No way! I snowboard. Awesome!

Yeah, yeah, there's probably a lot of stuff

you don't know about me.

That's why I thought it would be cool

if we, uh, if we, if you and I, if we...

went on a...

Oh, oh, oh, this is the Jacqueline

Marco practiced asking out in the mirror. Oh!

Marco even pretend-kissed you with his own... reflection.

Naysaya, you promised you wouldn't do that.

What's a promise?

Look, I gotta go home.

You're... you're really confusing me.

Jackie, wait!

It's not me saying this stuff.

It's him.

- Greetings, Jacqueline. - ( gasps )

That is disgusting.

Is that a British accent?

Jackie, there's nothing I can do.

Got this curse thing on my neck.

But I'd still like to ask--

Marco hasn't taken a bath

since he saw that shark movie.

He's right.

I haven't taken a bath since I saw that shark movie.

I mean, I take showers.

I'm just afraid of the tub.

Oh, oh, oh, and Marco wears...

I wear ballet shoes around the house.

And he never held hands--

I never held hands with a girl.

- So I practiced with Ferguson. - And, and, and--

I always sit when I go to the bathroom

What? Come on, there's ladies in the house.

I cry when it rains.

I still got my wubbie and his name is Esteban.

Until last week, I thought that the state of mind

was between Nebraska and Kansas.

I'm a straight-A student,

and I've still got no idea how to do long division.

Go ahead, someone yell out a division.

BOY: 724 divided by 7.

I got no idea. Get a calculator.

Yes, but Marco--

I filled a notebook with my first name

and your last name,

because I couldn't decide which looked better--

Marco Diaz Lynne Thomas,

or Marco Lynne Thomas Diaz.

- Oh, oh... - Oh, yeah, and another thing.

I kept this drawing you made of the moon.

I pulled it out of the trash in art class.

That's supposed to be a watermelon.

Oh, really? Looks like a moon.

Well, your watermelon reminds me of my biggest fear of all--

that we're all alone on this tiny blue marble,

floating in the infinite expanse of the universe,

ripped from the center,

and ejected out into a black void for no reason at all.

Players on the stage of the absurd.

Wow, that was really... deep.

So there it is, Jackie Lynne.

That's it.

That's all my insecurities. You know everything now.

Unless I left anything out.

No, Marco, that's...

everything.

I still think it'd be really great

if we hung out Friday night.

Whoo!

You know, a group of us are all going to a movie Friday night.

You should totally come.

That would be awesome.

Cool. Well, see you then.

You did it, you did it, you did it, you did it!

You did it, you did it!

You know who to call when you get divorced, Marco.

So, curse fulfilled, right?

How's this work? You just kinda dry up, flake off?

You know, Naysaya has never been to the movies.

Ah!

Don't open the door. It's not the milkman.

( screaming )

Oh, Marco's very nervous right now.

After the movie, you gotta go.

♪ I think Earth is a pretty great place ♪

♪ That's saying something ♪

♪ 'Cause I've been through outer space ♪

♪ I think it suits me, it's just my style ♪

♪ I think I'm gonna stay a little while ♪

♪ I think that strangers are just friends ♪

♪ You haven't met ♪

♪ I'm blasting monsters and I never break a sweat ♪

♪ I'm really thinking I could call this place home ♪