All language subtitles for It s Always Sunny in Philadelphia - 9x10 - The Gang Squashes Their Beefs.BluRay.en

Oh, there it is, Mac.
There it is.

I can't believe it's
finally arrived.

Oh, my God, Thundergun Express:
The Unrated Director's Cut.

13 extra minutes of
movie in this one.

And it's unrated. They
were not able to rate it.

This is gonna be the
best Thanksgiving ever.

Oh, yeah, absolutely, man.
Thundergun, hoagies

and four extra seconds dedicated
solely to the dong shot.

Buddy, that's what
I'm thankful for.

So much better than a
traditional Thanksgiving.

Oh, yeah, dude, I hate
Thanksgiving. What is that?

What am I supposed to be
thankful for exactly?

Who am I meant to
be thanking, right?

I've had to scratch and claw
for everything I've got.

If anything, I should
be thanking myself.

Yeah.

Hey, man.

Welcome to Mahndo Video.

How may we help you?

What are you guys doing here?

We own the store. We
bought this bitch.

We wanted to invest in
an emerging market.

An emerging market? Video
stores are a dying market.

This is, like, one of
the only ones left.

- Then we're gonna corner that market.
- Okay. Whatever.

Liam, what is on your eye?

Someone ate my eye at my wedding.
Don't you remember, man?

The eyepatch is flesh-colored to
make people less uncomfortable.

I'm way more uncomfortable.

Yeah, absolutely. You look like a
man who was born without an eye,

which is way creepier
than a man who lost one.

Just get a black
eyepatch, you know?

- Embrace it. Losing an eye is badass.
- It's not badass.

I have no depth perception!

It's all your fault.

What are you... How is it our fault?
What are you talking about?

Let's not get into a whole thing about
missing eyes and whose fault they are.

You know, we'll just rent the
video, and we'll be out of here.

You are not renting shit. You
are not welcome in this store.

- Your video-renting days are over!
- No, come on, don't do that, dude.

Oh...

I-It's not even... it's not even close.
I mean, I...

Let me get that for you.

- Thanks, man.
- Don't cut... don't...

Goddamn it.

All right, look, just
pay the man already.

We'll be done with it.
It's freezing in there.

No can do, Charlie. It's the
principle of the thing.

- You guys having a principle fight?
- No, we're not having a principle fight.

We're having a heat fight, okay?
'Cause our heat's broken,

and Hwang won't fix it until
this guy pays the rent.

This guy's not gonna pay the
rent till Hwang fixes the heat.

So you got one of those snafus,
where you got old assholes...

- It's a deadlock.
- It's a deadlock of butting heads.

We got a disaster on
our hands, a disaster.

The McPoyles bought Mahndo Video.
They revoked our membership.

- You didn't get Thundergun?
- We didn't get shit!

Aw... Hang on.

Dee, why do our hoagies
reek of gasoline?

- Maybe 'cause I got 'em at the
gas station, I guess. - Why?

Why didn't you get the ones
we like from the Wawa?

Because Gail the Snail
works at the Wawa, okay?

And we got mad beef.
She won't serve me.

- Oh, my God.
- This is a mess. This is a mess.

We can't get the sandwiches we want,
we can't get the videos we want,

my apartment's an icebox. Thanksgiving's
gonna be ruined, you know.

It's not just Thanksgiving, pal.
You know what the real problem is?

We have too many beefs all
over town. It's jamming us up.

- We made a lot of enemies over the years.
- We have made enemies.

We got to do something
about this, guys, okay?

So I say...

we use Thanksgiving as an opportunity
to squash some of those beefs.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

All right, guys, this is really coming
together. It's looking good.

You know... you know, this was the
original meaning of Thanksgiving anyway.

The Pilgrims and Indians had beef.
So what did they do?

They got together, they sat at a
table, they ate some delicious food

and they squashed that beef. And
that's exactly what we're gonna do.

Mac and I are gonna squash the McPoyle
beef, you guys are gonna squash Hwang...

And you guys are gonna
squash with Bruce.

- What?
- Say what?

- Bruce Mathis, I invited him.
- What?! - Why would you do that?

Because he is your dad, and
Thanksgiving is a holiday for families.

I also invited Charlie's mom, my mom and
my dad, but they didn't want to come.

- So just Bruce?
- You know what, it's okay.

We'll-we'll manage very
carefully, and it'll be fine.

Hey, maybe we can squeeze
some money out of the guy.

I'm-I'm confused though.

In this whole scenario with the Pilgrim
and the Indians, which one are we?

- The Pilgrims. They came out on top.
- I don't know about that, Frank.

The Indians, they've got sports
teams, they've got casinos.

They're a very
celebrated people.

Yeah, that's true, actually. You
don't see people walking around

with the tall hat with a
buckle on the front.

Makes no difference
though in our scenario

with what we're trying to accomplish here.
They buried the hatchet.

That's what they did, and
that's what we're gonna do.

Okay, so, to that end, here's the
plan: once the guests arrive,

we will ply them with liquor and
then I will present to them

this peace treaty that
I will have them sign.

Why do you always want people
to sign creepy documents?

Well, Frank, once something's in
writing, that means it's set in stone.

Then no one can do
anything to stop me.

When do you want me to serve
the squash and the beef?

S-So we're literally
serving squash and beef?

You said we're squashing beef.

I thought it would be part of the
ceremony to have squash and beef.

Yeah, it's all about
the ceremony.

That's why I got this bucket
of dirt and a hatchet,

so we can have a ceremonial
burying of the hatchet.

Right. And after we do that, we're
going to wipe the slate clean.

Wait, no, guys, look, this is all very
on the nose and totally unnecessary.

- Where's food?
- Walk right in, why don't you, Hwang?

- Thanksgiving, food.
- Yeah, Thanksgiving...

- Have a seat, have a seat, man!
- Thanksgiving, yeah, go sit down.

- What do you live in, a barn?
- Have a seat, Hwang.

Guys, listen, regroup, regroup.

Let's put on some music, lighten the
mood and get this party started.

- Dee.
- Hmm?

- Go break the ice.
- What?

- Yeah.
- Why me?

Yeah, yeah, someone's got to do it.
Just go to go over there... Go, go, go.

- S-Some good crackers.
- Huh?

- Mm. Mm.
- They are delicious.

- Yeah.
- What's wrong? Is it the eye?

Why would... I don't even know
why you would say that-that.

- They made me feel self-conscious.
- Did they?

Yeah. Is it off-putting?
Or does it look real?

The skin tone is a... is a...
a good match.

Oh, well, when you
move the other one,

I guess I can tell a little
bit, if I'm being honest.

Hey, turkeys, gobble, gobble.

Cricket, what the hell
are you doing here?

Word around town is you
guys are squashing beef.

- We don't have beef with you.
- You don't have beef with me?

I was a priest before I got
involved with you guys.

- Unbelievable. - Look, we have
enough on our plate right now, Crick.

Come on, guys, let me stay.

- I-I'll eat the gristle. - You can eat it
off the floor like a dog, how 'bout that?

- Now you're just creating more beef.
- I don't mind.

- Woof, woof, baby.
- Great.

- Look at that. Beef squashed, huh?
- Okay, wait, wait, hold on a second.

- Here, sign this treaty.
- Mmm, yeah.

- It'll be official.
- Good.

- Boom, all right, get out of here.
Go, go, go. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Okay, let's get started.
- I really like your room, Mac.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, great. Have a seat, guys.

Um, now, I...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little to the...
to your right. - Yeah.

Okay, good. Now, I know we've had
our differences in the past.

- Things have been a little tense
between us. - What is this?

- What is what?
- Standing.

- What's with the standing?
- You're lording.

We're not lording, we're
just having a conversation.

- Yeah, we're just...
- Some kind of a status thing?

- A power move?
- Some kind of power play?

- Come on, guys. No.
- It's not a power move!

We're having a conversation.
There's one chair.

- Bring it down.
- Just bring it down on the haunches.

- You want us to squat?
- Haunch it.

- Oh, Christ, fine.
- Just do it, just do it.

- Arch down. - All right, look...
Just do it. Give him the...

Guys, look, I know we've had
our differences in the past.

Things have been
very, very awkward,

but it's time for us to move forward
with our relationship, all right?

It's time to hit the reset
button, wouldn't you say?

Here's this. Open it up.

- Mm-hmm.
- It's your gift.

- What the hell is this?
- It's a peace treaty.

- We need you to sign that.
- I thought I was getting an eye.

An eye?

- Why would you think that?
- You kept making comments.

- You were hinting about eyes.
- We're not giving you an eye!

Where the Christ
would we get an eye?

And if we did get an eye, how
would we attach it to you?

I'm not signing shit until I
get an eye. You owe me.

- Give him your eye.
- You want me to give him my eye?

- Mm-hmm.
- You realize how preposterous that is?

- Okay, then apologize.
- Apologize for what?

For everything!
For all of it!

- This isn't... It's not about apology.
- We're not apologizing.

We're not apologizing, okay?
Nobody's apologizing.

No one's admitting guilt or anything.
We've all done something wrong.

Okay, it's just about... it's
just about, like, you know,

moving forward, moving on.

Look, all you have to do is
apologize, and I'll sign it.

Give us a second.

All right. How are we
gonna get this eye?

I don't know.

Come on, come on, give me some.

Eat the... eat the... you know, the
skins if you got to eat something.

I'll eat the skins. I'll always eat
the skins. I love the skins.

- It's where all the vitamins are.
- What kind of meat is that, Charlie?

- Doesn't smell right.
- It's not grade A meat.

You know, I'm not gonna get
grade A meat. Just...

Why are you guys hovering? Don't hover.
Answer the door! Get the door!

All right.

Yeah, all right!

I'm gonna fight with you.

What?! Snail, what the
hell are you doing here?

- Who invited you?
- Dee, we invited her, okay?

Enough is enough. You got to
squash it with Snail, all right?

- We want to go to the Wawa
again, all right? - Goddamn it.

Hey, you want some beef?
You want some squash?

You want to pack some beef?

Listen, could you just swallow
your spit and then breathe,

- and then we can talk?
- Then breathe, and close your mouth.

- Oh! Oh! Oh! - Oh, my God, it was sad
for a second, and now it's right back to...

- rah, making me do the...
- See a doctor! Go see a doctor.

- All right, oh, let's just...
- All right, hold on. Um...

Let's compromise. Is there
something that we can do to just,

you know, patch this up
between you and Dee?

I want her to be my
best friend, yo.

Oh, well, you know what?
That's not gonna happen, so...

- Yeah, that's too much.
- Okay...

Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Is there a compromise?

- Is there anything?
- How about just for today?

- Just for today?
- Together.

Okay, and then I get
my convenience store

to be convenient to me
again, that's the deal?

Word is bond, yo.
- Okay. Okay, yeah, that sounds good,

- let's do it. Yes, okay.
- All right, good.

- Frank, Hwang, you're up. Let's go.
- Okay.

All right, well,
somebody say something.

These crackers need more salt.

I agree.

Okay, well... they're extremely
salty, but-but good. That's a start.

I mean, you know, you guys
agree about something.

- Hey! All right.
- My doctor say, no salt.

- Mine, too.
- Doctors are shit!

Goddamn medicine men, trying
to tell me how to eat my food.

- They're all shit.
- Well, look at that.

You guys agree about something!
Look at you two--

two extremely hardheaded, unhealthy old
men who refuse to listen to doctors.

Come on, you guys are, like...
Can we work this out?

All right, Hwang, what if Frank
gives you, like, half the rent now,

then you fix the heat?!

And then, he gives you the other
half when the job's done?

- It's okay.
- Yeah?

All right, that's a deal. That's
a squashed beef. Frank, you.

Oh, as a matter of fact...

I could give the whole
month's rent right here.

- Well, that'd be... good. - I'll take it.
- Yeah, but I'm not gonna do it,

because I'm not gonna
let you beat me,

- because you're a lousy son of a bitch.
- You're a dog!

- I'm a dog, you're a dog, huh?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

How's that? Huh?

- Plenty more where this came from.
- You're a fire dog!

I could heat that apartment
all winter, huh?

- You want it? Aah...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, fire dog. - Aw!

You're trying to burn me!

Just give us an eye.

- You don't need both of them.
- I only have one good working eye.

Yeah, but I think it might be
better if you're blind anyway.

You know, it's gonna heighten
all your other senses.

Let me think about it.
I'll think about it.

Okay, give it some thought.
Give it some thought.

- All right, well, we'll work that angle.
- All right, just...

- Ooh, maybe that's Bruce.
- Oh, yeah.

Hey, how'd you get him
down here anyway?

I told him that his kids wanted
to see him for Thanksgiving,

and that you guys wanted to be
one big happy family again.

Oh, nice.

Hey.

- Who's this jabroni?
- I have no idea.

- Slam the door on his face.
- See you, bozo.

Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Actually, I know who this guy is.

Holy shit! Dude, this is the guy that
Frank and Dee mistook for Bruce,

and Frank got that bad intel,
so they went to his apartment,

- instead of Bruce's apartment.
- And then we blew up his car.

Blew the shit out of his car.

- Oh, my God. - Wait a minute.
That was you guys?

Huh? No.

I don't even know what
you're talking about.

- Uh...
- Happy Thanksgiving.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Wait, wait. Please.

Are my kids in there?
Somebody wrote me a note

and said that my kids
wanted to see me?

I haven't seen 'em
since my wife left me.

- Are they in here? Sabrina?
- Oh, this is bad.

- Yeah. Oh.
- Marco? Daddy's here.

Oh, my God. We really
opened up a can of worms.

It's a bit messy.
The good news is,

seems that the kids thing took
his mind off the car thing,

so, maybe it'll work itself out.

- Okay, good.
- All right.

- Mac.
- Hey.

Hey, thanks for calling, man.
So, where are the kids?

I can't wait to see those little rug rats.
It's been forever.

I'm sure they're around somewhere. Go ahead
and mingle, and maybe you'll find 'em.

- My kids aren't really here, are they?
- Uh... no.

- No.
- No, I lied about that.

Thank God. Let's get
shit-housed, right, guys?

- What a piece of shit that guy is.
- Yeah, he's a real piece of shit, yeah.

Oh, my God.

What the hell is
Ponderosa doing here?

Well, he's the one that's responsible
for Liam's eye, so we figured,

you know, he shows up, it shifts
the blame from us to him,

and, worst case scenario,
they'll take his eye.

Oh, my God, this is getting way too
confusing. We got too many beefs.

- I can't keep up.
- God, Dee, we got it.

Honk, honk, honk...

- Too many beefs, we got it. - I'm not
honking. I'm expressing something...

I'll admit it, it's getting confusing,
there's a lot of people here.

- See?
- I'll take some of the blame for that.

- I did invite... Okay. - Let us
take the lead. We got it, we got it.

Can't get it to stay.
There you go.

Hi, uh, everybody, I'd like
to say something, please.

Uh, could I have your attention, please?
I'd like to say something, yeah.

Um, so, the Pilgrims hated the Indians and
the Indians, they despised the Pilgrims.

Yeah.

But nonetheless, on Thanksgiving,
they got together, right,

and it wasn't about
apologizing to each other.

- "Aw..."
- It wasn't about admitting guilt.

Won't do that. Okay?

It was just about making the peace--
that was all that it was about.

And if the Indians
knew how to sign shit,

they probably would've
signed a peace treaty.

Right? So that's
what we're gonna do.

We're gonna make peace with each other,
and we're gonna get it in writing.

All right? Is everybody amenable
to that? Sound good?

Great, uh, so we'd like to
begin with Bill Ponderosa.

Yes.

It's not... There's no need to clap.
It's not a clapping event.

No. Right. So...

Okay, so, um, Bill, do you have something
you'd like to admit to someone here?

Yes, actually, I do.

Uh, I once broke into Dee's apartment
and sniffed on her panties.

What? Goddamn it! Beef!
No, I got beef with that.

Uh, can we, um...
Just stay on track.

Um... Bill, is there something
you want to say to the McPoyles?

Oh, um... Hey, hey.

I love that painted-on eye, man.

- That is fun.
- No. No, wait. No, no.

Okay. No, no, no.
All right, hey, hey, hey!

Everybody stop clapping.
All right, Liam,

Bill's the one who put bath salts in
the punch at your wedding, all right?

He's the one who is responsible
for your empty eyehole.

- Is this true, man?
- Maybe. I...

The only thing I remember from
that night is my sponsor Frank

giving me the green light
to get shit-housed.

- That's true.
- That happened.

- I'll back that up.
- Then it's your fault.

- You owe my brother an eye!
- All right, settle down!

Settle... Take it
easy, all right?

Don't drag him into your beef 'cause
I need him to focus on ours here.

Hey, Frank, I'm giving this guy a handy
under the table. Are you jealous?

She's mashing it.

She does that.

I'm very aroused.

- Very good.
- Look, I'm-I'm sorry.

Which one of you knows my ex-wife
and when are my kids getting here?

They'll get here. Just...

- Who's this jabroni?
- Uh,

this is the gentleman who we
mistook for Bruce Mathis.

Right, yep, and then
we blew up his car.

Don't say that!

A-All of this, and it was you guys.
You owe me a car.

Whoa, easy, man! That's
a big leap right there.

Buddy, buddy, um, what's
the deal with your kids?

Y-You haven't see 'em in a while.
Did you do something?

- Is it... Was it your fault?
- Oh. I have a horrible drug problem.

Ooh, I hear you.

I know that game, huh?
You want to do a bump here?

Yeah, of course I want a bump.

I'll have a few of those
delicious nose clams.

Frank, no, come on.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Don't clap for that!

- What? I can't have squash? I can't
have blow? - We need you to focus!

Sign the damn treaty!
All right, you know what, Hwang,

- you sign the treaty.
- I'll sign it.

Oh, gross! Don't touch
me with that hand!

Put your hand over here.
I'll take sloppy seconds.

- Absolutely not.
- Mash me, baby. Mash me.

- No mashing at the table!
- Stop mashing, all right?

Come on. Goddamn it, Frank, I'm
starting to think I have beef with you!

- Yeah, us, too!
- Okay, I have an idea.

It's time now to wipe
the slate clean.

No, you said we were gonna
do the hatchet thing first!

Don't worry about the hatchet thing, okay?
That was an unsanctioned move.

Well, none of these moves are working!
We got to do something else!

- Food fight! Food fight!
- I guess!

What?! No!

Sign the treaty!

You owe me an eye, Frank!

Oh, shit.

No, no, no, no.

- Uh, this was a bad idea.
- We stirred up too much conflict.

Yeah. It smells like smoke.

Is something burning?

I think it's coming
from your room, dude.

What?!

My room's on fire. Why
is my room on fire?

I may have started
a money fire.

- Why would you start a fire in my
room, Frank? - What are we gonna do?

I don't know, I don't know. We got to
think, we got to think. Think, think.

I've got an idea.

- So we're just gonna lock them in there?
- They're definitely gonna burn to death.

Okay, guys, nobody's
gonna burn, all right?

There's a fire escape.
We'll call 911.

We just need to buy a little time
so we can get the hell out of here.

I feel like we're just
creating more beef.

Which we will not resolve.

Beefs are best left simmering under
the surface-- I've learned that now.

The best thing to do with a beef is jam it
deep down inside and then press forward.

What are we gonna do now?

You know, we could just buy Thundergun
and go to a different Wawa.

Yeah, it's a little inconvenient, but
it's better than facing our problems.

Yeah, or saying we're
sorry, which I'm not doing.

Hell, no, I don't do that.

All right, you want to go back to my
place, get some blankets, bundle up?

- Just us? No one else?
- That's what I'm thankful for.

We don't need to get along with
anybody else-- we got each other.

Yeah, screw everybody else.

I hate people who are different
than me, you know? Why pretend?

There's a fire
escape right here.

- Fire escape.
- Out the window.

Who's got me? Man down.

I'm right back here, guys.
Who's got me? Guys?

Hello?

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther