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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,882 --> 00:00:23,389 ♪ It's how you lie to me ♪ 2 00:00:24,335 --> 00:00:28,771 ♪ When I'm too blind to see ♪ 3 00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:35,354 ♪ And how you used the love I give you... ♪ 4 00:00:35,423 --> 00:00:37,523 Dee, what are you doing? 5 00:00:37,541 --> 00:00:38,723 I'm eating cake. 6 00:00:38,758 --> 00:00:40,253 I can see that you're eating cake, 7 00:00:40,272 --> 00:00:43,266 but that's Frank's cake from, like, a month ago. I threw that in the trash! 8 00:00:43,296 --> 00:00:45,409 - Oh, my God. Seriously? - Yes! 9 00:00:45,433 --> 00:00:47,531 Dee, you're eating trash cake and smoking? 10 00:00:47,708 --> 00:00:49,649 I mean, you know what you look like? 11 00:00:49,661 --> 00:00:51,389 - You look like... - Like a bird? 12 00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:54,128 Yeah. Yeah, of course you look like a bird. 13 00:00:54,159 --> 00:00:55,359 - Yeah. - You always look like a bird. 14 00:00:55,384 --> 00:00:57,393 But I was gonna say, uh, you look like a... 15 00:00:57,412 --> 00:01:01,571 Like a, like a bird lady covered in bird shit eating cake? 16 00:01:01,637 --> 00:01:03,146 - Dee, slow down, all right? - Yeah. 17 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,890 - Let the man do this. - Let me do my thing. 18 00:01:04,915 --> 00:01:06,068 You're jumping on my thing here. 19 00:01:06,086 --> 00:01:08,279 You know what she looks like? She looks like a bird that has no... 20 00:01:08,309 --> 00:01:10,578 A bird with no tits and no ass? 21 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,069 - Dee, let us handle... - Yeah. 22 00:01:12,087 --> 00:01:14,281 - I got one, I got one. - Go, go, go, go, go, go! 23 00:01:14,315 --> 00:01:16,433 - She looks like... - Like a bird. 24 00:01:17,052 --> 00:01:18,683 - That was it. - Was that it? 25 00:01:18,702 --> 00:01:19,464 - Ah... - That was it. 26 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,592 - See? That would have been funny, Dee. - Right. Yeah, Dee, don't... 27 00:01:21,619 --> 00:01:23,414 What are you doing? You know, that's not fun. Stop. 28 00:01:23,439 --> 00:01:26,300 - Stop whatever this is. I don't like it. - I'm sorry, you guys. I'm sorry. 29 00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:28,729 Don't apologize. That's just sad. Fight back at us. 30 00:01:28,747 --> 00:01:32,242 What's the point? The joke's always on me, all right? I get it. 31 00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:34,817 - Yeah, but it's no fun unless you fight back. - Yeah. 32 00:01:34,841 --> 00:01:37,926 - Yeah, I'm just gonna go home. - Good, go home. I hope you, uh... 33 00:01:37,969 --> 00:01:40,245 - You hope I get hit by a bus? - Dee, come on, that's... 34 00:01:40,264 --> 00:01:41,526 What difference does it make? 35 00:01:41,551 --> 00:01:43,917 I can't get any lower than I am already. 36 00:01:43,942 --> 00:01:46,298 I might as well just throw myself in front of a bus though, 37 00:01:46,329 --> 00:01:49,456 because I'm so ugly I can't even get a bus to hit on me. 38 00:01:49,665 --> 00:01:50,636 Well. 39 00:01:50,993 --> 00:01:52,093 Geez. 40 00:01:53,365 --> 00:01:55,211 What the hell was that all about? 41 00:01:57,329 --> 00:01:59,572 I'll tell you exactly what that was. 42 00:02:12,616 --> 00:02:22,616 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 43 00:02:30,291 --> 00:02:33,579 - Dee? Dee, are you dead? - Did you kill yourself, Dee, or...? 44 00:02:33,629 --> 00:02:35,741 - Ah. - Dee, why is your door unlocked? 45 00:02:35,766 --> 00:02:37,732 Do you realize how unsafe that is? 46 00:02:37,777 --> 00:02:38,537 Mm-hmm. 47 00:02:38,562 --> 00:02:41,842 Okay, Dee, this is truly pathetic, 48 00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:44,946 and you are really bringing us down, so we're gonna help you out. 49 00:02:45,014 --> 00:02:50,085 We realize we may be in some ways responsible for the state you're in. 50 00:02:50,109 --> 00:02:52,780 Yeah, all right, so we got an idea though, okay? 51 00:02:52,792 --> 00:02:55,593 We're gonna sign you up for an open mic night at a comedy club! 52 00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:57,048 - Yes. - Right? That's your thing! 53 00:02:57,066 --> 00:02:58,729 And we're actually gonna support you, Dee. 54 00:02:58,747 --> 00:03:01,760 And now that you don't care anymore, you're not gonna gag on stage. 55 00:03:01,791 --> 00:03:04,252 Yeah, you know, you're right in that sweet spot between, 56 00:03:04,283 --> 00:03:08,181 like, suicidal and actually dead, where most comedians, they thrive there. 57 00:03:08,206 --> 00:03:12,873 Yeah, what was that thing you said about how the joke's always on you? 58 00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:14,643 That could be a catchphrase. 59 00:03:14,659 --> 00:03:16,597 Dee, look, I don't want to pile on here, 'cause you're 60 00:03:16,626 --> 00:03:18,389 - clearly very close to killing yourself... - Yeah. 61 00:03:18,408 --> 00:03:21,477 ...but I got to say, I totally disagree with the guys on this. 62 00:03:21,508 --> 00:03:23,127 I'm glad you've given up. 63 00:03:23,182 --> 00:03:25,582 And I want to propose something totally different: 64 00:03:25,613 --> 00:03:28,306 - I would like to find you a man. - Come on. 65 00:03:28,337 --> 00:03:30,159 Yeah. A man to settle down with. 66 00:03:30,184 --> 00:03:32,715 Now, I'm not talking about a smart man, not-not a handsome man, 67 00:03:32,731 --> 00:03:35,401 but a very, very average if not below average man 68 00:03:35,426 --> 00:03:37,573 to take you off of our hands forever. 69 00:03:37,898 --> 00:03:40,975 Yeah, okay. Go ahead. Go with it. 70 00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:43,300 - Go with it? - Which one? You were not clear. 71 00:03:43,319 --> 00:03:45,892 The thing. Whatever. Both. I don't care. 72 00:03:45,915 --> 00:03:48,378 - Let's-let's do my plan. - The comedy plan. - Let's do our plan. 73 00:03:48,403 --> 00:03:50,847 - We're gonna do the comedy plan, all right? - Meh. 74 00:04:09,657 --> 00:04:12,755 Dude, she is gonna bomb so hard, and then she's gonna feel worse. 75 00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:13,811 It's okay, dude. 76 00:04:13,844 --> 00:04:17,068 She'll tell a couple jokes, and then we'll, like, fake laugh and stuff, you know? 77 00:04:17,086 --> 00:04:18,505 And tomorrow we can shit on her. 78 00:04:18,530 --> 00:04:21,201 And she'll fight back and be happy again. 79 00:04:21,946 --> 00:04:24,257 Say something! 80 00:04:24,625 --> 00:04:26,265 I decided to stop showering. 81 00:04:27,295 --> 00:04:29,761 - Too much, Frank, too much. - That's... - There was no joke told. 82 00:04:29,798 --> 00:04:31,565 I just figured, "What's the point? 83 00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,534 I'm just a filthy person." 84 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:37,924 I passed out at the park the other day, and a couple of kids wrote, 85 00:04:37,949 --> 00:04:40,738 "Wash me" in the filth on my vagina. 86 00:04:42,941 --> 00:04:44,487 - Gross. - That was kind of funny, man. 87 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,073 - That was kind of funny. - It was so gross. 88 00:04:46,112 --> 00:04:47,939 - It was gross. - Yeah, but that guy over there laughed. 89 00:04:47,957 --> 00:04:49,018 I guess, 90 00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:50,293 joke's on me. 91 00:04:51,443 --> 00:04:53,397 - There's the catchphrase. - Yeah, yeah! Ca... 92 00:04:53,416 --> 00:04:55,366 - Yeah, that's like a ca... - This is ridiculous. 93 00:04:55,391 --> 00:04:57,116 I'm gonna go select some men for Dee. 94 00:04:57,134 --> 00:04:58,591 This is a waste of time. 95 00:04:58,618 --> 00:05:02,055 Um, I stepped in front of a bus, but it missed me. 96 00:05:02,088 --> 00:05:04,522 I can't even get a bus to hit on me. 97 00:05:06,357 --> 00:05:08,196 - People are laughing! - We love it! 98 00:05:08,227 --> 00:05:09,365 - For real. - For real? 99 00:05:09,383 --> 00:05:10,407 Yeah! 100 00:05:11,159 --> 00:05:13,989 Knock, knock, knock. Can we say hi? There she is! 101 00:05:14,019 --> 00:05:16,269 - Comedy star. - Dee so funny. 102 00:05:16,281 --> 00:05:17,903 - Really funny. - Great! - Oh, my God, so funny. 103 00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:20,389 - It was absolutely great! - You did the bus joke, and it was like... 104 00:05:20,426 --> 00:05:23,000 - They loved the catchphrase. - They loved the catchphrase! 105 00:05:23,025 --> 00:05:24,717 And think about this, Dee. You didn't even gag once. 106 00:05:24,747 --> 00:05:27,336 - Not one dry heave, nothing. - I guess I did pretty good. 107 00:05:27,366 --> 00:05:28,741 - Yeah, great! - "Pretty good," she said! 108 00:05:28,766 --> 00:05:30,886 Dee, it was one of those shows where you're, like, "Whoa!" 109 00:05:30,887 --> 00:05:32,335 And then your brain goes... 110 00:05:32,354 --> 00:05:34,713 All right, guys, will you stop, okay? You're not helping. 111 00:05:34,744 --> 00:05:37,725 Please, go get a drink, all right? Give us a second. I need to talk to Dee. 112 00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,644 - We tried. - Yeah, you tried. 113 00:05:39,675 --> 00:05:41,106 - That was it. - Thanks, guys. 114 00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:44,142 All right, listen, listen to me. Your set tonight was terrible. It was atrocious. 115 00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:46,398 Every single thing that came out of your mouth was trash. 116 00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:48,855 It was filth. It was disgusting. That's what really happened, okay? 117 00:05:48,867 --> 00:05:50,316 I want to be very clear about this. 118 00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:52,808 Now, listen, I brought some men for you to look at, all right? 119 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:54,547 I've got some selections. Now, they're not great. 120 00:05:54,565 --> 00:05:58,006 They're not, they're not anybody to brag about, but, uh, you know, they're men. 121 00:05:58,037 --> 00:06:00,038 And they're probably willing to spend their life with you, so... 122 00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:01,588 Uh, hey, uh, sorry to interrupt. 123 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:04,478 My name's Snyder, and I'm a talent scout. 124 00:06:04,496 --> 00:06:06,305 And I just caught your last set. 125 00:06:06,382 --> 00:06:07,562 You were hilarious. 126 00:06:07,587 --> 00:06:09,818 So I just wanted to give you my card. 127 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,799 - Give me a call. - No, she will not be calling you, sir, okay? 128 00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:14,485 Please do not encourage her. Get out of here. 129 00:06:14,516 --> 00:06:16,216 You're-you're interrupting my work, all right? 130 00:06:16,229 --> 00:06:17,691 You're not on my list of chosen men. 131 00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:18,958 Why would you be? 132 00:06:19,256 --> 00:06:20,304 - What are you...? - Christ. 133 00:06:20,322 --> 00:06:22,210 - What are you doing? Why would you do that? - Come on, Dee. 134 00:06:22,228 --> 00:06:24,399 That guy clearly just lurks around these places 135 00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:26,440 pretending to be a talent scout so he can hit on women. 136 00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:28,451 Now look-look at my selects, all right? 137 00:06:28,469 --> 00:06:30,267 Look at these guys, huh? 138 00:06:30,699 --> 00:06:33,330 - Yeah, I know. - This one's just, like, one big chin. 139 00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:34,725 Well, I didn't have a lot to work with. 140 00:06:34,756 --> 00:06:36,920 You know, here we are, and look at you. 141 00:06:36,962 --> 00:06:38,669 I mean, for Christ's sakes, look. 142 00:06:38,706 --> 00:06:41,564 Okay, I'm sorry. Look, I want this to work, I really do. 143 00:06:41,589 --> 00:06:44,642 So I know I can do better, all right? Can you do better, all right? 144 00:06:44,667 --> 00:06:46,681 I'm gonna be at your house tomorrow morning, 10:00 a.m. 145 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,724 Have some new candidates for you to look at, all right? 146 00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:49,677 - Okay. - This is gonna work. 147 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,235 This is not gonna work. 148 00:06:51,248 --> 00:06:53,018 Let's get you cleaned up, all right? 149 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:56,286 God, everything you did tonight was so gross. 150 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:02,000 Ugh. What is this? Dee, open up! Open! 151 00:07:02,018 --> 00:07:04,646 You're locking your door all of sudden? What is that? Come on. 152 00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:06,040 - You care all of a sudden? - What? What? 153 00:07:06,065 --> 00:07:08,594 - Hey, let me in. I got selections for you. - Now's not a good time. 154 00:07:08,605 --> 00:07:10,875 - I'm right in the middle of something. - They're good selections. Hey, 155 00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:12,885 it's the time I said, so it's the time it'll be. 156 00:07:12,922 --> 00:07:16,361 - Now let me in. I got selects. - I don't care about your selects. Go! 157 00:07:16,388 --> 00:07:18,008 - What are you doing? Are you hiding something? - No. 158 00:07:18,034 --> 00:07:19,995 - Is someone in there? - No, no. Don't worry about it. 159 00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:23,483 - Let me in or I'll barge in. - Hey, everything all right over there, Dee? 160 00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:25,071 Yeah, it's fine. 161 00:07:25,138 --> 00:07:26,535 Oh, no. 162 00:07:26,557 --> 00:07:28,552 Dee, oh... Oh! 163 00:07:28,594 --> 00:07:29,833 - Snyder? - Mm-hmm. 164 00:07:29,851 --> 00:07:33,358 He's clearly using you. Or you're using him to further your nonexistent career. 165 00:07:33,383 --> 00:07:35,466 - I am not using him. - Oh, you're not using him? 166 00:07:35,478 --> 00:07:36,981 - Nope. - Oh, good, good, good, good. 167 00:07:36,993 --> 00:07:38,044 - So, you like him? - Mm-hmm. 168 00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:39,954 - Find him attractive? - Absolutely. 169 00:07:39,973 --> 00:07:42,258 Describe the ways in which you find him attractive. 170 00:07:43,842 --> 00:07:45,436 He's got... 171 00:07:45,505 --> 00:07:48,616 - he's got all of his skin, still. - Well, I would hope so. 172 00:07:48,653 --> 00:07:52,029 And that he has plenty of... 173 00:07:52,349 --> 00:07:53,530 teeth to get... 174 00:07:53,554 --> 00:07:55,592 - But not all of them? - No, not all of them. 175 00:07:55,603 --> 00:07:56,480 Hmm. 176 00:07:56,685 --> 00:08:00,748 Dee, why can't you see that this is the same pattern that you always fall into? 177 00:08:00,766 --> 00:08:03,545 Some guy uses you or you use him. And then you know what happens? 178 00:08:03,576 --> 00:08:06,242 It's use, use, use, fail, fail, fail, and then it's suicide. 179 00:08:06,341 --> 00:08:09,165 You think you can't go any lower? Because you can. 180 00:08:09,246 --> 00:08:10,379 Oh, yeah? 181 00:08:10,978 --> 00:08:13,819 Well, he got me another gig for tonight, boner. What do you think of about that? 182 00:08:17,942 --> 00:08:20,151 What-what is that? What are you... what are you doing? 183 00:08:20,169 --> 00:08:21,489 Sound effects. 184 00:08:21,865 --> 00:08:23,771 Oh, goddamn, Dee. 185 00:08:23,951 --> 00:08:25,976 You have no idea what's funny. Don't do sound effects. 186 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:31,350 Don't do... don't... wh-what... Oh, oh, oh. 187 00:08:36,497 --> 00:08:37,809 Hey, hey, hey! Oh! 188 00:08:37,846 --> 00:08:39,858 Hey, Dennis, oh, check this place out. 189 00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:41,311 This is legit. 190 00:08:41,342 --> 00:08:43,509 Dude, dude, Dee's opening for Landslide. 191 00:08:43,534 --> 00:08:45,777 - That guy's, like, the real deal. - I've never heard of him. 192 00:08:45,813 --> 00:08:46,958 Mostly diarrhea jokes. 193 00:08:46,995 --> 00:08:49,439 Yeah, he's the diarrhea guy, but it look-looks like this 194 00:08:49,464 --> 00:08:51,221 - comedy stuff's paying off for her. - Yeah, well... 195 00:08:51,252 --> 00:08:52,769 Hey, you don't get a gig like this by accident. 196 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,427 Oh, come on, don't get too excited, all right? 197 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,252 She got the gig 'cause she's banging some creep. 198 00:08:56,276 --> 00:08:58,276 - It's not gonna go well. - Who's the nerd? 199 00:08:58,309 --> 00:08:59,974 Who, this guy? This is Walt. 200 00:08:59,999 --> 00:09:03,282 Yeah, guy's got no self-esteem, just like Dee, so they're perfect for each other. 201 00:09:03,312 --> 00:09:05,351 So after she bombs tonight, I'll put them together, 202 00:09:05,369 --> 00:09:07,610 thereby controlling the situation, and her, 203 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,390 as I always have and I always will. 204 00:09:10,705 --> 00:09:12,248 - What? - Uh... 205 00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:14,798 Walt, just Walt-Walt's the plan. 206 00:09:14,995 --> 00:09:16,436 - I'm Walt. - Yeah, shut up, Walt. 207 00:09:16,447 --> 00:09:17,878 - They know who you are. - I'm sorry. 208 00:09:17,897 --> 00:09:20,966 Ladies and gentlemen, Sweet Dee Reynolds! 209 00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:24,597 Sweet Dee! 210 00:09:32,212 --> 00:09:34,128 Sweet Dee, joke's on you! 211 00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,784 She's got fans now? Christ, come on. 212 00:09:37,799 --> 00:09:42,615 So I finally broke down and I took a shower the other day. 213 00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:46,796 The stink flipped around and now my soap smells like dirty vag. 214 00:09:48,774 --> 00:09:51,157 She said "vagina." A woman said "vagina." 215 00:09:51,194 --> 00:09:53,232 - That's what makes it funny! - Tasteless. 216 00:09:54,692 --> 00:09:56,592 Vagina, vagina. 217 00:09:56,593 --> 00:09:59,075 Vagina, vagina. 218 00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:04,706 And the sound effects out of absolutely nowhere, no setup. 219 00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:07,112 - But it's funny! - It's not funny, it's not funny. 220 00:10:07,137 --> 00:10:08,950 - It's funny, Dennis. - What are you doing? 221 00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:11,136 Will you stop laughing, Walt? Oh, my God, this is the worst. 222 00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,586 People will laugh at absolutely anything. This is comedy? 223 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:19,027 So, men are just so hard. 224 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,608 Tell you what, they all walk out on me. 225 00:10:21,971 --> 00:10:26,212 Every one of them. I can't even keep crabs in this vagina. 226 00:10:28,193 --> 00:10:30,831 They're all like, "Clickety clackety, clickety clackety, clickety clackety clack. 227 00:10:30,856 --> 00:10:33,247 I got to get out of here!" 228 00:10:33,272 --> 00:10:36,066 Evacuate vagina. "Clickety clackety, clickety..." 229 00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:41,279 The crabs have machine guns. That makes sense. 230 00:10:41,298 --> 00:10:44,570 All right, well, that's it for me tonight. 231 00:10:44,741 --> 00:10:48,164 I'd like to say it was fun, but I've had a better time ripping out my own pubes. 232 00:10:48,178 --> 00:10:49,999 Shellac, shellac, rip! 233 00:10:52,093 --> 00:10:54,143 Ping, ping, ping, ow! 234 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:58,454 Okay, you guys, well, I'm Sweet Dee, and the joke's on me! 235 00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:03,160 What is going on? This is unbelievable. 236 00:11:03,283 --> 00:11:05,371 Let's give it up for Landslide! 237 00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:11,972 Well, that was a funny white bitch, wasn't it? 238 00:11:12,563 --> 00:11:15,655 Skinny though. I took bigger dumps than her. 239 00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:23,392 - It's a landslide! - Oh, my God. 240 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:26,761 - I bet his diarrhea is nasty! - Nasty! 241 00:11:27,098 --> 00:11:31,095 Oh, butts, vaginas and diarrhea, great. This is what the world's come to. 242 00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,234 Hey, hey. 243 00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:36,007 - You're on the list? - The list? 244 00:11:36,036 --> 00:11:38,134 I'm-I'm Sweet Dee's brother, so we're good. 245 00:11:38,147 --> 00:11:40,859 - Can't let you back there unless you're on the list. - We got to be on that list. 246 00:11:40,871 --> 00:11:41,727 This is fantastic. 247 00:11:41,745 --> 00:11:43,710 I'm not on a list for a place that I don't want to be. 248 00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:46,873 You know how that feels? Hey, Dee? Dee? 249 00:11:47,201 --> 00:11:49,268 Uh, don't play this game, Dee. I-I... 250 00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,587 - We're five feet away from you, I know you hear... - Deandra. 251 00:11:51,618 --> 00:11:53,243 Dee. Dee. 252 00:11:53,329 --> 00:11:54,263 Da. 253 00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,234 Da. 254 00:11:55,288 --> 00:11:56,189 Da. 255 00:11:56,231 --> 00:11:57,165 Dah. 256 00:11:57,228 --> 00:11:58,195 Dah. 257 00:11:58,223 --> 00:12:00,022 Dah. Dah. 258 00:12:00,103 --> 00:12:01,414 Dee. Dee. 259 00:12:06,651 --> 00:12:08,598 - Yes, yes, yes. What? What? - Oh, hey. 260 00:12:08,615 --> 00:12:09,498 Hi. What? 261 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,913 Hey, Dee, can we come back there with you? 262 00:12:10,944 --> 00:12:13,272 Yeah, hey, we're, like, you're biggest fans, like, great show, 263 00:12:13,296 --> 00:12:15,846 - like, good job, like, shut up, I'm sorry. - We're gonna start a fan club. 264 00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:18,495 Oh, come on, stop kissing her ass. Dee, enough of this, okay? 265 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,306 Step over the rope and come meet Walt. 266 00:12:20,337 --> 00:12:21,376 Tell you what. 267 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,704 You three, you're in. 268 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:23,791 Dennis, you're out. 269 00:12:23,822 --> 00:12:25,477 Go before she changes her mind, go. 270 00:12:25,485 --> 00:12:27,461 Hey! Faced! Thanks, Dee. 271 00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:29,792 - Dee, who do you think you are? - What is the matter with you, Dennis? 272 00:12:29,823 --> 00:12:32,130 You see them? They're supporting me, okay? 273 00:12:32,149 --> 00:12:33,641 Because they believe in me. 274 00:12:33,671 --> 00:12:35,906 A fan club could really help further my career. 275 00:12:35,936 --> 00:12:37,737 Career? Oh, wow, Dee. 276 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:38,903 See, you don't have a career. 277 00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:41,976 All right? So I need you to stop all this right now. It's gone too far. 278 00:12:42,071 --> 00:12:44,097 Now, come meet Walt. He is my select. 279 00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,809 You know what I think this is about, Dennis? 280 00:12:45,853 --> 00:12:47,105 I think you're jealous. 281 00:12:47,136 --> 00:12:48,785 I don't think you want me to succeed. 282 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,769 Dee, let me be very clear about something. 283 00:12:51,056 --> 00:12:52,689 You will never succeed. 284 00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:53,657 Ever. 285 00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,894 Instead, you will fly too close to the sun, 286 00:12:55,913 --> 00:12:58,652 and you will choke and you will gag in a spectacular manner. 287 00:12:58,681 --> 00:13:00,807 So, please, for the love of God, 288 00:13:00,832 --> 00:13:02,032 take Walt. 289 00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,032 Hi, I'm Walt. 290 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:05,398 She knows your goddamn name, Walt; I said it, like, a thousand times. 291 00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:07,698 Look, you know what? I don't want to be with Walt, okay? 292 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,275 And I don't want you to find me a man. 293 00:13:09,299 --> 00:13:13,375 What I need you to do is stay out of my way, because Sweet Dee 294 00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:15,762 is gonna be a star. 295 00:13:47,214 --> 00:13:48,133 All right! 296 00:13:48,155 --> 00:13:49,847 Here, buddy, everyone else. 297 00:13:55,018 --> 00:13:58,633 Right, I'm Sweet Dee, and the joke's on me! 298 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,446 Thank you very much. 299 00:14:06,993 --> 00:14:09,176 I don't care that you only have one mic. Look at me! 300 00:14:09,235 --> 00:14:13,216 Dee Reynolds does not use mics that other so-called comedians have spit into, okay? 301 00:14:13,247 --> 00:14:14,781 So get another one. 302 00:14:15,141 --> 00:14:16,754 - Dee Reynolds? - Mm-hmm. 303 00:14:16,782 --> 00:14:19,425 Hi, I'm Michael Rotenberg. I'm a talent manager from Los Angeles. 304 00:14:19,508 --> 00:14:22,184 - I've heard a lot about you. - Oh, hi. Well... 305 00:14:22,205 --> 00:14:23,636 I've got a proposition for you. 306 00:14:23,648 --> 00:14:26,211 One of my bigger clients is supposed to do Conan tomorrow night, 307 00:14:26,242 --> 00:14:27,517 and something came up. 308 00:14:27,544 --> 00:14:30,224 They need to fill the spot, and I brought your name up. 309 00:14:30,242 --> 00:14:31,655 Are you interested? 310 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,697 Conan O... 311 00:14:33,728 --> 00:14:35,378 - Conan O'Brien? - Yeah. 312 00:14:35,403 --> 00:14:37,854 I would love to represent you, too; I think you're amazing. 313 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:41,388 I can fly you to L.A. tomorrow on my private jet, and we can go straight Conan. 314 00:14:41,412 --> 00:14:43,210 - What do you say? - Uh, well, my goodness. 315 00:14:43,231 --> 00:14:45,588 This is all... This is all... 316 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,616 This is all... 317 00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:49,777 This is all... Oh, boy, hold on. 318 00:14:49,945 --> 00:14:52,490 - Uh, you okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah. 319 00:14:52,534 --> 00:14:54,957 It's just, uh, just had a little piece of sausage. 320 00:14:54,965 --> 00:14:56,110 Okay, I'm sure you did. 321 00:14:56,135 --> 00:14:59,093 Um, now, I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here, am I? 322 00:14:59,112 --> 00:15:01,710 - Do you already have representation? - Representation? No. 323 00:15:01,752 --> 00:15:04,020 - Hey, sweetheart, there you are. - Ew! Mm-mm. 324 00:15:04,051 --> 00:15:05,168 Who the hell's that? 325 00:15:05,193 --> 00:15:07,893 This is, uh, my new manager. 326 00:15:07,905 --> 00:15:08,560 What? 327 00:15:08,585 --> 00:15:10,143 Sorry, Snyder, I don't need you anymore. 328 00:15:10,167 --> 00:15:13,251 This guy's taking me to Hollywood on a private jet. 329 00:15:13,282 --> 00:15:14,715 - What? Hollywood! - Hollywood! 330 00:15:14,716 --> 00:15:17,870 - We're going to Hollywood! - No, no, no! We're not going anywhere. 331 00:15:17,907 --> 00:15:20,488 - There's plenty of room if you want to take your friends. - There's no room, okay? 332 00:15:20,516 --> 00:15:21,761 I have no use for you guys anymore. 333 00:15:21,786 --> 00:15:24,155 Hey, what do you say we go back to my hotel and have sex? 334 00:15:24,186 --> 00:15:26,000 Absolutely. Screw you, guys. 335 00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,442 What the hell, Dee?! We made you! 336 00:15:27,458 --> 00:15:29,373 I'm sorry, you made me?! 337 00:15:29,477 --> 00:15:32,085 You made me?! I made you! 338 00:15:32,151 --> 00:15:33,545 Screw you guys, all right? 339 00:15:38,086 --> 00:15:39,163 Oh. 340 00:15:49,128 --> 00:15:50,103 Oh my. 341 00:15:50,147 --> 00:15:50,948 - Here we go. - Okay. 342 00:15:50,971 --> 00:15:52,740 - You excited? - Am I excited? 343 00:15:52,771 --> 00:15:55,690 - Y... yes, I am. Yes, I... - Dee, wait, wait. 344 00:15:55,752 --> 00:15:56,765 Wait. 345 00:15:56,853 --> 00:15:58,413 I made a mistake. 346 00:15:58,637 --> 00:16:00,525 All this time, I've been searching for the perfect guy to 347 00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:02,572 take you off of my hands forever, but... 348 00:16:02,597 --> 00:16:04,372 I realized something. 349 00:16:04,515 --> 00:16:07,465 The perfect guy's been under my nose the entire time. 350 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,540 It's me, Dee. 351 00:16:11,211 --> 00:16:12,767 I'm the perfect select. 352 00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:16,264 I know, I've spent my entire life shitting all over your dreams, 353 00:16:16,302 --> 00:16:18,480 and not supporting you, but I was wrong, Dee. 354 00:16:18,504 --> 00:16:20,266 I see that now. 355 00:16:20,828 --> 00:16:22,335 You can succeed. 356 00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:24,419 You will be a star. 357 00:16:24,741 --> 00:16:26,275 You have to take me. 358 00:16:26,311 --> 00:16:28,315 I'm your twin brother. 359 00:16:29,490 --> 00:16:31,425 I love you, Dee. 360 00:16:34,204 --> 00:16:35,687 Dennis... 361 00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:39,036 suck my dick. 362 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,038 Wait. Dee! 363 00:16:45,050 --> 00:16:46,830 No, wait, Dee, wait! 364 00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:48,478 Don't do this, Dee! 365 00:16:48,503 --> 00:16:50,872 Dee, wait! Dee, stop! 366 00:16:50,905 --> 00:16:52,459 Don't fly away now! 367 00:16:52,515 --> 00:16:55,413 Dee, wait! Wait! 368 00:16:57,065 --> 00:17:00,280 So when we get to L.A., you're going straight into the limo and right to Conan. 369 00:17:00,302 --> 00:17:02,921 I'm gonna whisk you right backstage, and we go straight on. 370 00:17:02,933 --> 00:17:05,404 - This is the big-time, Dee. You're not in Philadelphia anymore, okay? - Mm-hmm. 371 00:17:05,423 --> 00:17:07,849 People are gonna be screaming your name, there's gonna be paparazzi. 372 00:17:07,868 --> 00:17:09,239 Papa... whew. 373 00:17:09,752 --> 00:17:11,233 - Paparazzi, huh? - Yes. 374 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,942 I tipped them off. It's all about image. 375 00:17:14,580 --> 00:17:17,324 It's great! It's all great. It's all super sudden though, isn't it? 376 00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:19,599 Ooh. 377 00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:20,993 There's a real smell to that one. 378 00:17:21,005 --> 00:17:22,255 - Yeah, that... - Are you okay? 379 00:17:22,266 --> 00:17:24,030 That one was... came... started deep, that's all. 380 00:17:24,061 --> 00:17:25,550 This is your moment, Dee. 381 00:17:25,551 --> 00:17:29,184 If you nail this, we're talking sitcoms, movie deals, the whole nine yards. 382 00:17:29,199 --> 00:17:30,368 - Yeah. - So let's get focused. 383 00:17:30,387 --> 00:17:31,900 - Yes. - All right. 384 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,433 Yeah. Let's focus. 385 00:17:34,293 --> 00:17:35,592 Focus. 386 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,709 ♪ Don't call it a comeback ♪ 387 00:17:41,742 --> 00:17:44,009 ♪ I've been here for years I'm rockin' my peers ♪ 388 00:17:44,028 --> 00:17:46,565 ♪ Puttin' suckers in fear I'm gonna take this ♪ 389 00:17:46,583 --> 00:17:49,864 ♪ Itty bitty world by storm And I'm just gettin' warm ♪ 390 00:17:49,882 --> 00:17:51,788 ♪ I'm gonna knock you out ♪ 391 00:17:51,802 --> 00:17:52,603 ♪ Huh! ♪ 392 00:17:52,627 --> 00:17:54,678 ♪ Mama said knock you out Huh! ♪ 393 00:17:54,712 --> 00:17:56,978 ♪ I'm gonna knock you out Huh! ♪ 394 00:17:57,002 --> 00:17:59,342 ♪ Mama said knock you out Huh! ♪ 395 00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:01,787 ♪ I'm gonna knock you out Huh!♪ 396 00:18:02,851 --> 00:18:05,813 Welcome to Los Angeles. Are you ready? Okay. 397 00:18:05,888 --> 00:18:08,227 Here we go. ♪ Mama said knock you out... ♪ 398 00:18:13,925 --> 00:18:16,162 - This is insane. - Driver, take the canyons. 399 00:18:16,193 --> 00:18:18,068 - Don't go on the highway. - Let's see... 400 00:18:20,312 --> 00:18:22,031 You're gonna be great! You're gonna be great! 401 00:18:23,337 --> 00:18:25,206 Here we go again. You ready? 402 00:18:29,272 --> 00:18:31,304 Okay, Dee is here, Dee Reynolds is here! 403 00:18:31,335 --> 00:18:33,332 Well, you're late. Hair and makeup! We got to go. 404 00:18:33,350 --> 00:18:35,079 The announcer's gonna call your name, you're gonna walk right 405 00:18:35,098 --> 00:18:36,411 through those curtains and do your routine. 406 00:18:36,423 --> 00:18:38,047 This is your moment, you got to grab it, jump on it, okay? 407 00:18:38,066 --> 00:18:40,079 - I'll be very... - Good. You're gonna be great. 408 00:18:40,110 --> 00:18:42,118 You made it, Dee. Dee, Dee, you're gonna be a star, all right? 409 00:18:42,145 --> 00:18:44,017 - I made it, I made it. - You made it. 410 00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:47,319 Okay, calm down, you can do this. You did this all by yourself, you can do this. 411 00:18:48,231 --> 00:18:48,995 Okay. 412 00:18:49,025 --> 00:18:53,379 Ladies and gentlemen, a very funny woman, Miss Sweet Dee Reynolds. 413 00:18:53,463 --> 00:18:56,441 Dee Reynolds is a star. 414 00:18:59,923 --> 00:19:02,439 The joke's on you! 415 00:19:14,605 --> 00:19:18,536 Speech, speech, speech, speech, speech... 416 00:19:18,555 --> 00:19:20,823 Shh, shh, shh! 417 00:19:21,575 --> 00:19:22,993 What... 418 00:19:23,165 --> 00:19:25,637 - What is going on? - We got you, Dee! 419 00:19:25,661 --> 00:19:28,203 - We tricked you, we tricked you, we tricked you! - We set the whole thing up! 420 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,632 - Yeah! - You know? None of that was real. 421 00:19:29,643 --> 00:19:32,018 - All of these people are actors. - I chartered a jet. 422 00:19:32,049 --> 00:19:34,973 We flew all over Philadelphia for six hours. 423 00:19:34,991 --> 00:19:37,461 - And I'm a garbage man. - He's a garbage man! 424 00:19:37,492 --> 00:19:39,267 - He's your garbage man! - You've met him. 425 00:19:39,297 --> 00:19:40,981 None of this is real, Dee! None of it! 426 00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:44,837 - Hey, hey, some of it was real. - Yeah! You banged that guy! 427 00:19:46,431 --> 00:19:49,365 Hey, best part? Dennis wasn't even in on any of it! 428 00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,865 I was and I wasn't. I was and I wasn't. 429 00:19:52,886 --> 00:19:54,411 - He wasn't, he wasn't. - No, no, no. 430 00:19:54,449 --> 00:19:57,427 No, we knew we had to drag him through the mud, make it seem legit. 431 00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:59,452 - It was great, it was great. - The joke's on him, too! 432 00:19:59,470 --> 00:20:00,869 Yeah, joke's on him! 433 00:20:00,894 --> 00:20:02,926 Well, it was good. It was a good joke. It was a good joke. 434 00:20:02,945 --> 00:20:04,733 - Good joke, guys, I love jokes. - She's got more to say. 435 00:20:04,758 --> 00:20:06,052 - Oh. - She's got more to say. 436 00:20:06,088 --> 00:20:07,565 Why would you do this? 437 00:20:07,631 --> 00:20:10,862 Oh, well, you know, you were being all mopey and annoying... 438 00:20:10,887 --> 00:20:12,172 - Yeah. - ...complaining and stuff. 439 00:20:12,190 --> 00:20:14,197 We wanted to show you that you could sink lower. 440 00:20:14,222 --> 00:20:15,945 Talking about killing yourself, ugh. 441 00:20:15,969 --> 00:20:17,815 Some things you just don't joke about, okay? 442 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,141 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You took it too far. 443 00:20:19,191 --> 00:20:20,792 - Too far. - Yeah. 444 00:20:21,696 --> 00:20:23,840 - I took it too far? - That's what I said. 445 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,385 Oh... I took... I took it too far? 446 00:20:27,646 --> 00:20:32,666 Oh, God, you sons of bitches! 447 00:20:36,624 --> 00:20:38,754 - And there she goes! - She's back! 448 00:20:38,783 --> 00:20:41,080 I... no! 449 00:20:41,126 --> 00:20:44,972 All right, so we got Dee back, and I think we may have broke Dennis. 450 00:20:45,028 --> 00:20:46,878 Broke me? Nah, come on, I'm good. 451 00:20:47,759 --> 00:20:49,340 I love all this. This is great. 452 00:20:49,364 --> 00:20:51,082 I'm gonna pop out for a little while. 453 00:20:52,895 --> 00:20:55,018 - He's not loving it. - He's not. - He's not loving it. 454 00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:57,866 - No, he's not. - He might go kill himself. 455 00:21:00,310 --> 00:21:10,310 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 36924

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