Original subtitles

My adrenaline's always flowin'

So it feels like I'll overheat

Even if I explode and turn to ashes

I'll probably still be laughing Just like this

Blowing past the town To the ends of the world

Let's burn rubber And die together like lovers

Let's cut loose Until we reach our limit

So we can reach the horizon

Crash! Into the rolling morning

Flash! I'm in the coolest driver's high

Toward the finish line

O.K. Then, I'll use a gun microphone from now on.

Now, let's go to a live report...

...five, four, three, two, one...

Today, I'm interviewing Mr. Onizuka, a new teacher at a private school...

...who rescued the kidnapped daughter of an assemblyman like an action hero!

Mr. Onizuka...

Hello!

I'm Eikichi Onizuka, 22 years old, a bachelor!

My hobbies are cosplay and surfing the Internet.

I'm currently looking for a girlfriend!

Isn't this a nationwide broadcast?

He is hopeless... desperately hopeless...

Let me ask you about the incident.

It was such a courageous act. But weren't you scared?

Heisei Version Kinpachi (Next Famous Teacher)

I concentrated more on the mission, rather than the fear, I should say.

Onizuka, 22 Years Old, Single Occupation: Great Teacher, Seeking Girlfriend

By the way, my favorite type of girl is Nanako Matsushima.

I heard that you were shot with a pistol in the abdomen.

Well... compared to her emotional pain...

...taking a bullet or two was just like an itch!

Ah, the age limit is 19!

It's kind of a hassle after the law passed...

Those were the comments from Mr. Eikichi Onizuka.

A mere teacher for life!

Critique Of Pure Reason: Kant

Any girl who looks like Nanako Matsushima!

I'm waiting for your letter!

Philosophical Investigations: Wittgenstein

Would you show my mailing address?

Why would we do that?

See? Interesting, isn't he?

It could be a little entertainment to kill time, I think.

That's all from here, live in Kichijoji!

Please don't edit out the part about my looking for a girlfriend.

- Please! Please! - It's a live broadcast!

Eikichi Onizuka! Yoroshiku!

Back to you, in studio!

Miyabi... it didn't work?

Yes, it did.

I know her character better than anyone else does.

That girl certainly got interested!

If that's the case...!

It's all over for Onizuka this time...

Please give me more time!

I beg of you! Please! Please!

Help! Hee! Help!

So...

Have you received any letters...

...or calls from women saying they want to be your girlfriend?

Nothing.

I figured...

No! It's not over yet!

There must be complicated reasons like...

...post offices were closed for holidays or the phone system was down or...

Eikichi, let me clarify this for you!

There is no way you can attract a girl after acting so stupid on national TV!

Did you say stupid? Stupid?!

Anyone would think you're stupid!

What was up with that weird dinosaur get-up?

Oh, no... you guys are at it again!

Ever since high school you guys were quick to pick a fight...

...and couldn't get rid of your bad habits.

You guys haven't made much progress.

Nagisa...

Nagisa! Long time no see!

Don't touch my girl!

Stingy!

Here you are!

I saw you on TV and in the newspapers.

Eikichi seems more and more like a real teacher.

Well... I would say it's my vocation...

Just his imagination, just his imagination!

If you find a cute girlfriend, your rosy life will be complete!

You're right!

That's my current headache!

Hey, Nagisa, aren't there girls at your college...

...cute, gentle, and voluptuous like you?

I guess... there is no such girl...

Come on, Eikichi...

I'm serious. Nagisa, you're a man's fantasy...

...no, ideal itself!

Your boobs... and boobs... and boobs...

But it's not that easy.

They give me stiff shoulders.

Besides, I heard they would hang low when I get old.

I see.

I happen to know a pressure point for keeping your boobs firm and up.

Do you want me to press it?

What?

This one has been passed down for a million years in China...

...and is believed to have miraculous efficacy.

Women who have this point pressed are said...

...to have "rocket boobs" even at the age of 90.

"Bee-tick, bee-tick.

Tick-tick, toon-toon."

Where's the non-flabby point?

You punched me really hard! Seriously!

Shut up! You tried to massage my girlfriend's boobs!

Stop it, you two!

Hey. You are monopolizing those giant boobs!

Your attitude sucks! You, the pervert teacher!

A girlfriend.

I need to get serious about finding one.

I wish I could find one lying around somewhere.

Her hair should be long like this.

She should be slender with big boobs...

...wearing a skirt with a slit, looking sharp...

Wow!

Lucky!

I heard about a fountain in a foreign country...

...where you throw a coin over your shoulder...

...and your wish comes true or something.

So, let there be luck!

I guess I sound like a superstitious old man.

I wish I could find a cute girlfriend!

Well, it would be too easy if I could find one just by doing this!

Wow!

Her hair should be long...

...slender with big boobs...

...wearing a skirt with a slit, looking sharp...

Is... is this a dream?

Or did that five-yen coin actually work so fast?

Teacher?

WHAT?!

You're Mr. Onizuka, aren't you?

You were on TV.

Uh... yes...

I became a huge fan of yours after watching that talk show!

Banzai Daytime News Show

Hail the talk show!

You!

Um... uh... it's my motorcycle.

Then let's go!

Go...? Where?

It's obvious... isn't it?

Well... the only place...

I haven't asked your name yet.

What? What did you say?

Name!

Urumi Kanzaki!

Urumi.

That's an unusual name.

So, Urumi, how old are you?

Nineteen!

Bingo! She's barely safe!

Ah! Turn right there and stop!

Oh, all right.

Good! No one's here!

This place is...

Laundromat

Don't tell me she wants to do it in a place like this.

Too bold, baby!

Teacher...

Whoa... wow!

I'll never forget you, Urumi Kanzaki!

My first girl...

Now, let me use this until my clothes dry.

I might catch a cold if I stay in wet clothes!

So, the place you wanted to go was...

Of course, where I can dry my clothes!

Where did you think it was?

Uh... well... it was...

I knew it was too good to be true...

I wonder what this is.

Good! This will work!

Here! Put this on. It's too cold to stay naked, isn't it?

Ah... no. Not really...

Stop.

Stop it. I have no inclination...

Never mind... never mind...

It looks good on you!

Does it, really?

Here's the next one.

What?

Whoa! Look what's in here... this and that...

Umm... excuse me...

- Here. Hold this in your hand. - What?!

Oh, take your pants off and put this on.

- Put this on, too. - You mean... this is...

- Here! This and this and... - Um... hey, hey...

Ah... this is...

Let me see. That looks pretty good.

You look great and kind of kinky...

Could this girl...

...with such a cute, innocent face...

...have abnormal taste?

What should you do, Eikichi Onizuka?

You're 22 years old.

Is it all right to step into... the forbidden territory?

Of course, there may never be another chance like this!

I should muster up all my courage and...

- Wait! - What?

Please help me kill some time.

I have 60 or 70 long and chillingly boring years...

...remaining in my life.

What?

Someone!

- Hey... hey! - Help!

What's wrong?

That pervert... to me... to me...

What? That guy?

- Hey, you! You're under arrest! - What?

Ah, no... no, no... this is... Ha ha ha! Whoa!

I'm sorry.

Hey! Hold it!

Hey, isn't Onizuka extremely irritated today?

Why wouldn't he be?

But it's not like him to get arrested...

...especially on suspicion of molestation.

But I heard that the victim disappeared.

Otherwise, he wouldn't have been released.

He insists he was set up...

...but I heard he was in his underwear...

...and he had all kinds of kinky props.

Does it mean he is guilty, then?

I wouldn't be surprised if he was.

Stop making that sound!

We'll believe you!

Don't take it out on us!

Stop it!

A healthy spirit resides in a healthy body!

Come on. Put more spirit into it! Three more rounds!

Raise your thighs higher!

Good morning!

Huh? Good morning?

What time do you think...

I swear the girl approached me saying she was my fan.

Who would believe such a ridiculous story?

I'm telling you the truth!

But that girl called me a pervert...

...out of the blue... and ran away.

She set me up...

I see. What a horrible girl... to deceive you, Teacher.

That's right. You understand...

Yoo-hoo!

You wench! The girl from yesterday!

Urumi Kanzaki!

What did you come here for?

For what? Because I belong in this class.

Kanzaki... why?

Don't lie to me. You told me you were 19 last night!

It's true.

Right.

Urumi Kanzaki

See?

I've been absent for quite some time.

But I'll start coming to school for a while.

So, Yoroshiku (thank you in advance).

Don't be cheeky!

You called me a pervert, and I had to go through hell!

What? Is that true?

All I said was...

"Someone!"

"That man!"

Just those three words.

I never used the word "pervert."

What?!

A King Cobra! How cute!

Are you trying to change the subject?

Do you think I will...

Noooo!

He's clamped on!

...on my... my...

Someone! Someone!

What's wrong? Mr. Onizuka!

A King... Cobra... deadly poison...

It's a King Cobra! With deadly poison!

Someone! Get it off of me! Fuyutsuki!

Nooo!

What's all the fuss about?

Help, Chairman! This!

This!

Miss Fuyutsuki, give me that pair of scissors!

Here they are!

What are you going to do?

The only thing we can do is to cut it off...

...before the poison goes all over his body.

What?

Um... excuse me.

We can't waste even a second!

Everyone, hold Mr. Onizuka tight.

Yes, ma'am.

Wait... please... I've never used it!

And you're gonna cut it off? That's too cruel!

Is it more important than your life?

I don't want to lose either of them!

Hey, let go! I'm telling you to let go!

Excuse me, Mr. Onizuka. Move your hands over!

I don't want to! No!

What?

This is...

It's a Japanese rat snake... it's not poisonous.

So, it was a fake King Cobra.

Gosh, simple as that!

I... I've survived...

Phew.

But who in the world thought of such an elaborate trick...

It must be that girl! Urumi Kanzaki!

- What? - Kanzaki?

Bad news!

Urumi Kanzaki came to school!

Who's teaching the next class in 3-4?

Umm...

It's me...

Uh... what is it?

Kanzaki...

What? Kikuchi...

...it's been a long time...

What have you come here for?

What do you mean, "What?"

It's natural for a student to come to school, isn't it?

I'm sure Aizawa or someone asked you to come.

Miyabi only told me that there was an interesting teacher.

He seems really interesting.

I think I'll be able to kill some time with him.

Kanzaki!

All rise!

Bow!

Be seated!

So, you must be...

Urumi Kanzaki!

I'm sorry I've been absent until today.

Oh, it's all right.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

Yes!

Since the teachers were warning me so much about her...

...I thought she'd be more outrageous...

...but she looks like an ordinary, gentle kid.

Confucius

Confucius says, "Study at the right time and acquire it."

"What a pleasure it is."

"Friends come to visit from afar."

"What a pleasure it is."

"Unless you know the person well..."

"...do not have negative thoughts towards them."

"This is the virtue of a wise man."

Chinese Classics III

In short, what Confucius wanted to teach was...

...that to study and acquire knowledge...

...by reviewing at the right time is such a pleasure.

Also, what a pleasure it is...

...to welcome a friend from afar with the same aspirations.

Now, let's have someone read the next sentence.

Teacher!

Ah, then, Miss Kanzaki.

Yes. Ah, before that, I'd like to ask a question.

Sure. What is it?

If you say Confucius' words...

...in their original language, it goes like this...

Isn't it?

But Confucius was the very first scholar in China.

When you take the historical background...

...of his time into consideration...

...I think it is more natural to interpret...

...the Chinese character "Study" as acquiring manners...

...suitable for noblemen.

In other words, the part you said was "to study at the right time"...

...could refer to social events throughout the year.

The part about friends visiting refers to welcoming and entertaining...

...important guests from other villages at those events.

Also, the part about not knowing the person and negative thoughts...

...could be interpreted as working behind the scenes...

...at those events and rituals...

...without complaining about the hard work.

That is what a true wise man would do.

What do you think of this interpretation?

Resignation

Whoa! Fuyutsuki!

What are you doing, submitting a letter of resignation?

Leave me alone!

I'd rather die...

...than not be able to answer a question from a student!

- Calm down. Cool down! - It's O.K. I'm just a... just a...

Fuyutsuki.

These are Kanzaki's tactics.

What?

She is...

...to say the least, a trickster, but, anyway...

She makes it impossible for a teacher to continue teaching.

There are times...

...when she asks questions that a teacher just can't answer.

Other times she starts some sort of trouble.

So, the snake that bit into my thing was her...

But there is no proof.

That's...

Anyway, she plays all kinds of tricks to harass teachers...

...without leaving any evidence.

That's Urumi Kanzaki's classroom terrorism.

There are teachers who left...

...because they had lost confidence...

Classroom terrorism? That's ridiculous!

Hardcore Drill Sergeant

I don't care whether it's terrorism or berrorism (bero = tongue).

There's no reason we shouldn't do anything...

...if we already know that much.

I'll make her understand!

Hmm!

Ah... Mr. Onizuka, but...

Just leave it to me!

No! She is special! Mr. Onizuka!

Kanzaki!

Don't you think your tricks are a little over the line?

Even gentle teachers have their limits!

What are you talking about?

Urumi doesn't understand!

Don't tell me you don't understand.

You tried to let a cobra eat my crotch...

...made Fuyutsuki cry and... Ah!

Come with me for a minute!

Whoa!

I will hang you upside down...

...and lower you into the pool and...

Mr. Onizuka. Please stop.

Fuyutsuki.

Don't worry about me.

It's my fault I haven't studied enough...

If you are this lenient, students like her won't understand!

Are you listening?

Wait!

Anyway, I'm gonna punish you until you cry so hard that...

Hey, Onizuka!

What is it this time?

What in the world are you doing?

Please keep quiet.

I am preaching to her as a mere teacher...

This is outrageous!

She is special! Don't you know?

Ah... Take your dirty hands off of her!

Listen! We watch over her...

...as a special student from the Ministry of Education.

What the hell is that?

This girl, Urumi Kanzaki, is a super-genius with an IQ over 200.

There are less than a handful of them in the entire world.

Do you understand?

200... IQ?

So what?

She has an official guarantee to go to any university freely.

She is the star of our school, so to speak.

So, if anything should happen to her...

Firing you won't be enough.

Please treat her with utmost caution!

Yoroshiku! Mr. Onizuka, my homeroom teacher!

Yoroshiku!

I'm telling you to stop that! Hold him down!

Class 3-4 Homeroom teacher. Eikichi Onizuka. 22 years old.

Yoroshiku.

You and me, let's go away

To look for new emotions today

Together we can overcome

Because I want to enjoy a new tomorrow

Open your eyes and open the door

The world in front of your eyes

I want to go out With my favorite sounds

I will taste my childhood emotions

I'm here to enjoy the sunlight

I'm enjoying myself More than in the past

I want to see you, but I can't

So I just embrace my love

Even walking on a crowded street

Your smile makes my head spin

Next Episode

Huh?

I know teachers abandon students in a time of crisis.