Original subtitles

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild

♪ I ain't from 'round here

♪ I'm from another dimension

♪ Gonna get a little weird

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another, woo-hoo

♪ Yeh-heah

♪ I'm talking rainbows

♪ I'm talking puppies

♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa ♪

♪ Ooh

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild

♪ I ain't from 'round here

♪ I'm from another dimension

( deep breathing )

♪ La la la la laaa

Huh?

Hi-yah!

Whoa.

You hate wood, too?

Yeah, crush that wood.

Wood's the worst.

No, I'm practicing for my upcoming

Tang Soo Do tournament.

Oh. You see, Star,

martial arts is all about honor and discipline,

which is why I'm gonna kick Jeremy Birnbaum's butt!

Jeremy Birnbaum?

Isn't that the talking bear

that used to rummage through my parents' garbage?

He's just this creep in my dojo

who's only any good because his rich parents

buy him fancy equipment and private lessons.

But Saturday,

he's gonna get a taste of this.

Hi-yah...

owwwhhh!!!

( groans )

This is a nightmare.

If I can't fight Jeremy,

he'll say I wussed out

and he'll never let me live it down.

Pigtails? Ponytail?

Pigtails? Ponytail?

Wait a minute.

You have a wand!

You could just fix my hand.

You know, that sort of spell

is not really in my comfort zone.

I can give you a pretty wicked set of pigtails.

Pigtails?

( groans )

( gasps )

Unless,

I could look up a bone-healing spell

in the magic instruction book

that came with the wand.

What?! This whole time,

you had a magic instruction book?

Yep, whenever a previous owner of the wand

mastered a spell, they scribbled it down in here.

But it's a complete disorganized mess.

It's gonna take me forever to find--

Oh! Here it is.

Really?

Hmm.

It's in an ancient language.

Releasio, Demonius, Infestica!

Aaah...aaah!

I can feel it working!

My fingers are tingling!

( screams )

( gasps )

Don't worry.

There must be a spell in here

that can change it back.

I can fix it.

( yawns )

( groans )

Ow.

( screaming )

( yawns )

Morning, Marco.

Morning, monster arm.

I was up all night

but I haven't found a way to reverse the spell.

( indistinct chatter )

LARS: Hey, kid. I got a joke for you.

What's the most important meal of the day?

Huh?

It's breakfast.

( laughs )

That's a good one, Lars.

( laughs )

( everyone gasps )

Who did that?

Uh...

No one hits La--

( grunting )

( crying )

I, sir, am in your debt.

You're a hero!

( cheering )

Can I check out that arm?

Uh, sure.

I want it to be my boyfriend.

Me too!

High five!

( breathing heavily )

STAR: Aha!

I found it.

A reverse tentacle spell.

I think.

Uh, maybe you should practice

on something first.

Way ahead of you.

Returnio, Armius, Normalritecus!

( gasps )

Uh, I'm going to bed now.

Don't worry.

I'll get it.

Returnius, Armius, Normalrinny!

Ugh.

STAR: Returnio, Armius, Normalrino!

( gasps )

Marco!

673,

674, 675.

I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it!

Hey, I think this monster arm

might actually help me take out Jeremy.

Hi-yah!

Wait. You're gonna fight with that?

That sounds kind of unfair.

Oh, funny how you never have a problem

using your magic when it benefits you,

but as soon as it gives me an advantage,

you wanna take it away.

Marco, I think that arm's a bad influence on you.

And I think you should go.

What?

Fine, but I don't--

( door slams )

Huh. Man, what does she know?

Don't listen to her, she's just jealous.

What? You can talk?

You don't need her anymore.

I can give you everything you ever dreamed of.

- Really? - First,

we're gonna destroy that little punk Jeremy.

Yeah.

Then we're gonna get Jackie Lynn Thomas

- to like you. - Yeah!

And then we're gonna slaughter all humans

and feast on their bowels!!!

Yeah!!!

Wait. What?

I mean, uh, win the tournament!

Yeah!

STAR: Excuse me. MAN: Ooh, watch it.

STAR: Sorry. GIRL: Hey! Ow!

Sorry, sorry...sorry.

Are you okay, Star?

You look terrible.

And I have very low standards.

I've been up for two nights,

trying to fix his monster arm,

then he gets mad.

And then I got to come here

and watch him karate, you know?

Allow me to introduce our first competitor,

Jeremy Birnbaum!

( music playing )

Hi-yah!

That's Jeremy?

FERGUSON: That kid can't be any more than eight years old.

Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!

We love you, son.

Shut it, Mom!

And his opponent,

Marco Diaz.

( audience gasps )

Now that's an appendage.

Hey, wait!

He's got a monster arm! That's not fair!

Yeah! Pretty cool, right?

Hey-oh!

Whoa!!!

( groans )

Point, Diaz.

Where are your private lessons now, Jeremy?

Huh?

( laughs )

He's beaten.

- Now, finish him. - What?

This is what you've always wanted.

Destroy him.

Eat his bowels.

Not my bowels!

I love my bowels!

Hey, listen, I just wanted to win the tournament

so he wouldn't make fun of me.

If you're too weak to finish him.

I'll do it myself.

( screams )

Star was right about you.

You are a bad influence!

And you are pathetic.

Whoa!!!

Point, Diaz.

Star? You can change it back now.

BOTH: Star!

( both gasp )

Star, you gotta wake up!

(crying) Star!

Star!!!

Stop hitting yourself.

Stop hitting yourself.

Hey, wake up!

Here, try this.

Oh, thank you so much.

No, on Star.

Oh, right.

MARCO: Star!

Returnio, Armius, Normalrino!

Returnio, Armius, Normalrino!

Hai.

Whoa!

ARM (laughing): I could do this all day.

Ahh! He's too wiggly!

( grunts )

Now!

Returnio, Armius, Normalrino!

You'll never get rid of me!

I'm part of you now.

You can treat the symptoms

but you'll never cure the virus...

Ugh.

Marco, are you okay?

( gasps )

My arm!

My beautiful arm.

It's back to normal.

( grunts ) And totally broken.

JEREMY: Broken arm?

Ha! Well, it looks like I win.

Brass knuckles? Seriously?

Brass?

They're gold.

You boys have brought shame and dishonor

to this great and noble sport.

'Tis a sad day

for strip mall dojos everywhere.

( grunts )

Oh, bravo, son.

Argh. I wish I could fight you, Mom.

What a turd.

Ahh. Sorry.

I should've listened to you, Star.

I know.

Hey, uh, when the monster arm said he'd be back,

that's nothing to worry about, right?

Uh...probably not?

( yawns )

ALL: Surprise!

Happy 47th day on Earth, Star.

Aaah! A party? For me?

I can't believe it! You can't?

We've done this every day since you got here.

Here, Star.

I made you a cake.

And I wrote you a poem.

Our lives were so small and puny,

till this angel arrived from... ( doorbell rings)

Ah, thank goodness.

Hello!

It is I, Gustav.

No way!

Ho-ho! Marco, my American friend.

Look who's here!

- How wonderful. - What a wonderful surprise!

We've missed you so much.

Um, hi.

Oh, hello.

I am Gustav.

I was Diaz's exchange student last year.

What? But I thought I was your one and only

foreign exchange student.

Not even close.

I mean, who did you think all these kids were?

Hmm.

I brought gifts from Scandinavia.

For Mrs. D,

a pair of clogs.

For Marco, the handheld game,

Lederhosen Tycoon.

And for Mr. Diaz,

a genuine Viking helmet.

( gasps )

And for you, nothing.

I did not know you existed.

Oh.

Oh, Mrs. D,

you've gotten so thin.

I need to fatten you up.

Gustav.

Come, everyone, and I will cook you my meatballs.

MARCO: Oh, Gustav.

The Scandinavian monsoons were over,

but the danger had just begun.

The iceberg was sinking.

Heedless of my own peril,

I disrobed.

I dove into the freezing fjord

and I carried Yuri back to his mother.

( gasps )

Ooh.

Oh.

Whoa.

Meh.

Marco, think fast.

So, uh, Gustav,

where exactly are you from?

How much do you know about Europe?

I know it's a place.

I'm pretty sure.

Oh, well then,

I come from the country of Scandinavia.

It is a land where Vikings teach gym class

and everyone has a pet penguin,

even if you don't like penguins.

Oop, too bad, here's your penguin.

MARCO: Hey, Gustav, I'm open.

Meatball me!

Ooh, Now me, Gustav.

Now me!

( laughs )

Are you sure those are cooked?

( laughs )

Over here!

Just think,

three more weeks of this!

( yawns )

ALL: Surprise!

Aah! A party for me--

ALL: Happy second day of your visit, Gustav.

Oh, Diaz family.

You are so full of pleasantness.

( all chanting ) Gustav, Gustav, Gustav, Gustav!

( laughing )

Huh?

What?

Oh, look at you. Such a curious girl.

Now, eat your cake

and mind your own business.

Okay.

More cake for everyone!

Marco, listen.

I think there's something off about Gustav.

I found Scandinavian books and language tapes in his bag.

Why would someone need to learn his own language?

Uh...

Why is he always making meatballs?

Meatballs aren't so great.

I can make things too.

Uh, jealous much?

GUSTAV: Hey, Marco!

Think fast!

I hope he never leaves!

( Mom laughing )

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh! That's a very big bite.

Ugh.

( phone ringing )

Huh? Huh?

( snoring )

Oh, Star.

We're about to-- Whaa!

( breathing heavily )

What's going on?

I've been awake for days

spying on Gustav,

and I'm this close to figuring out

what he's plotting.

What?!

His stories don't add up, Marco.

Penguins, icebergs, polar bears.

What the heck is a polar bear?

And he's making phone calls, Marco.

Phone calls!

He's up to something terrible!

You have lost your mind.

But if you find it,

we're meeting Gustav for a picnic

at Isolation Point,

where no one can hear you scream...

with enjoyment.

Oh, Mrs. D,

you've gotten so thin.

Gustav, Gustav, Gustav, Gustav!

Now, eat your cake

and mind your own business.

Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs.

Isolation Point.

Here is your penguin.

I need to fatten you up.

( screams )

Gustav's not taking them on a picnic,

they are the picnic!

( car starts )

( tires screeching )

Wait!

Bunny Rabbit Blast!

You're all going to die!

♪ Oh, we're gonna eat some meatballs in the woods ♪

♪ Yeah, we're gonna eat some meatballs in the woods ♪

♪ In the woods

♪ Yeah, we're gonna eat some meatballs ♪

♪ Yeah, we're gonna eat some meatballs... ♪

( thunder rumbles )

I knew you were up to no good, meatball boy!

( screams )

Get back here!

( panting )

Dagger Heart Blast!

Glow Worm Blast!

Narwhal Blast!

Ha ha ha!

STAR: Glitter Dragon Escalation!

Give it up, Gustav!

( screams )

Whoa!!!

It's over, Gustav.

I know you aren't who you say you are.

It's true!

I'm full of lies!

So, you admit you're planning to eat the Diazes?

Yes, yes.

Wait, what?

No, I don't want to eat them.

But you said--

I mean, I'm not from Scandinavia.

Truth is my name is Charlie Booth,

and I'm just a guy from Bakersfieldville.

Nobody's heard of it.

( all sigh )

GUSTAV: Back home, I'm just another boring face

in a really boring crowd.

It's not a good place for a talented guy like me.

But what about the phone calls?

And the axe? And those meatballs?

Well, the phone calls were to my meat guy,

but he wouldn't pick up.

MAN: I'm the meat guy, Leave a message.

Bro, it's me.

Come on, man, I need the meat.

The axe was to cut firewood for today's feast.

As for the meatballs, my dream is to become a chef

and open a restaurant in Bakersfieldville

that uses spices and flavors. All: Yay!

So that's why I ran away and moved in with the Diazes.

But what about measuring the Diazes in their sleep?

Uh...

( horn honks )

Star? What a pleasant surprise!

You made it!

Yeah, I did.

And I came here to tell you something about Gustav.

( gasps )

( laughs )

He's made you even more meatballs!

- Yes! - Fantastic!

Oh, meatballs.

Phew.

Thanks for not blowing my cover, Star.

If there's ever anything I can do for you...

Well, as a matter of fact, Charlie, there is.

Bye!

Bye-bye, Gustav!

Bye!

ALL: Bye-bye!

( indistinct chatter )

Gonna miss you, bud.

MAN: Hey, get off the road!

See you next year, Gustav!

Or not, you never know.

Bye now.

MR. AND MRS. DIAZ: Surprise!

Happy 51st day on Earth, Star.

Ah! A party for me?

Who wants cake?

I'm sorry your favorite exchange student

had to leave so soon.

You kidding?

You're my favorite.

Aww.

I will miss seeing him, though.

That guy is just so... real.

( doorbell rings )

Bonjour.

Francois!

Hey, what a great surprise.

I brought the baguettes for everyone!

Aww.

♪ I think Earth ♪ Is a pretty great place

♪ That's saying something

♪ 'cause I've been through outer space ♪

♪ I think it suits me

♪ It's just my style

♪ I think I'm gonna stay

♪ A little while

♪ I think that strangers

♪ Are just friends you haven't met ♪

♪ I'm blasting monsters

♪ And I never break a sweat

♪ I'm really thinking

♪ I could call this place

♪ Home