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1
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♪ love and marriage ♪
2
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,385
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:21,386 --> 00:00:24,756
♪ go together like
a horse and carriage ♪
4
00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:28,927
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
5
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:30,829
♪ you can't have one ♪
6
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:33,364
♪ without the other ♪
7
00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:35,466
♪ love and marriage ♪
8
00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:38,770
♪ love and marriage-- ♪
9
00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:42,807
♪ it's an institute
you can't disparage ♪
10
00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:46,544
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
11
00:00:46,545 --> 00:00:51,249
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
12
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:56,287
♪ try, try
try to separate them ♪
13
00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:59,557
♪ it's an illusion ♪
14
00:00:59,558 --> 00:01:02,260
♪ try, try, try ♪
15
00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:08,066
♪ and you will only come
to this conclusion ♪
16
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:10,468
♪ love and marriage-- ♪
17
00:01:17,176 --> 00:01:19,177
Nice game, peg.
18
00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:21,680
Oh, you're talking
to me again, huh?
19
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:24,683
It was fun, al.
It's only a game.
20
00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:27,686
No, it's only a game
if you win,
21
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:30,689
But if you lose,
it's a stinking waste of time,
22
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:32,691
Especially if you lose
23
00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:35,193
To the kiss-me
cosmetics company.
24
00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:37,628
Well, they sure smelled good,
didn't they?
25
00:01:37,629 --> 00:01:40,631
And you know, al,
I may have struck out
four times,
26
00:01:40,632 --> 00:01:43,134
But at least
I found out
27
00:01:43,135 --> 00:01:45,837
I was using
the wrong eyeliner.
28
00:01:45,838 --> 00:01:47,638
Peg, we lost to six women
29
00:01:47,639 --> 00:01:50,641
And three men
with visible panty lines.
30
00:01:50,642 --> 00:01:53,144
Bud, you had fun,
didn't you?
31
00:01:53,145 --> 00:01:55,513
You stink, mom.
32
00:01:58,217 --> 00:01:59,617
We lost to women, dad.
33
00:01:59,618 --> 00:02:01,686
You'll get
used to it, son.
34
00:02:01,687 --> 00:02:03,121
We haven't won
a game all season.
35
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:05,190
Well, I'm going to go upstairs
and take a shower.
36
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,491
Al, would you like me
to prepare your shower?
37
00:02:07,492 --> 00:02:09,493
You know, spray deodorant
38
00:02:09,494 --> 00:02:12,931
On the underarms
of a clean shirt?
39
00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:16,300
Peg, I don't have
any clean shirts.
40
00:02:16,301 --> 00:02:19,670
You guys can be
miserable if you want to,
41
00:02:19,671 --> 00:02:23,174
But I got out in the sunshine
and I had a good time.
42
00:02:23,175 --> 00:02:25,676
I love being on this team.
43
00:02:25,677 --> 00:02:27,979
Peg, you're right.
That's what
it's all about.
44
00:02:31,683 --> 00:02:35,186
We've got to get rid
of your mother, bud.
45
00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:37,655
I know, dad, but how?
46
00:02:37,656 --> 00:02:39,824
We've got to have
three women on the team.
47
00:02:39,825 --> 00:02:41,826
Well, we've got
to do something.
We're o in 7.
48
00:02:41,827 --> 00:02:43,261
If we lose
our next two games,
49
00:02:43,262 --> 00:02:44,629
We're out
of the league.
50
00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:48,066
And then you know where
we'll be spending our sundays.
51
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,234
Grandma's.
52
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:51,435
Yeah.
53
00:02:51,436 --> 00:02:54,639
Well, it may not
come to that, son.
54
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,641
Next week,
we're playing
55
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,643
The shaky acres
retirement home...
56
00:02:58,644 --> 00:03:01,146
And their best player
has bladder problems.
57
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,148
We'll take him out
58
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,150
On the first play
at second.
59
00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:09,320
But your mother would
lose a grounder in the sun.
60
00:03:09,321 --> 00:03:12,090
It's too risky, bud.
We need another woman.
61
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,092
Well, this may be
stretching the word "woman,"
62
00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:15,927
But kelly's pretty good--
she's got a great arm.
63
00:03:15,928 --> 00:03:20,665
I once saw her hit a police car
with a rock at 200 yards.
64
00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:23,835
I taught her to throw.
Let's sign her.
65
00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:25,670
I don't know.
Mom loves those games.
66
00:03:25,671 --> 00:03:28,372
How can we get her
not to play?
67
00:03:28,373 --> 00:03:29,874
Well, that's where
you come in, bud.
68
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:31,142
I leave it up to you.
69
00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:32,277
Nothing permanent.
70
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:34,478
I just want her
out for two weeks.
71
00:03:36,515 --> 00:03:38,449
You can depend on me.
72
00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:39,684
Hey, I--
73
00:03:39,685 --> 00:03:42,620
I don't want
to know about it.
74
00:03:42,621 --> 00:03:45,123
Just do what
you have to do.
75
00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:46,624
Right, dad.
76
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:48,126
Three-women rule.
77
00:03:48,127 --> 00:03:51,062
If god had wanted
women to play ball,
78
00:03:51,063 --> 00:03:52,997
He'd have made them men.
79
00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:58,169
I just met
the most wonderful guy.
80
00:03:58,170 --> 00:04:00,404
He's nice,
he's courteous,
81
00:04:00,405 --> 00:04:03,007
He's never thrown a teacher
through a window,
82
00:04:03,008 --> 00:04:05,643
But still, there's
something I like about him.
83
00:04:05,644 --> 00:04:07,745
That's good, uh...
Think fast!
84
00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,551
You know, kelly,
it's been a long time
85
00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:15,153
Since we've had
a father-daughter talk.
86
00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:18,957
We've never had
a father-daughter talk.
87
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:21,025
That's because
up until now,
88
00:04:21,026 --> 00:04:24,028
I've never had anything
to say to you, but...
89
00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:25,529
Sit down.
90
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:28,032
You grew up so fast.
91
00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:30,034
Just seemed
like yesterday
92
00:04:30,035 --> 00:04:32,136
We were out
in the backyard
playing catch.
93
00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:33,804
Before bud was born
94
00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:36,975
And you figured I was
your last chance?
95
00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:39,477
Bud means nothing to me.
96
00:04:39,478 --> 00:04:40,611
You were always
my favorite.
97
00:04:40,612 --> 00:04:41,946
You know that.
98
00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:43,481
Oh, daddy...
99
00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,483
Yeah, come on, come on.
100
00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:49,487
Honey, I was just thinking,
you know, your old dad...
101
00:04:49,488 --> 00:04:51,489
Might not
be around forever.
102
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:53,491
That's what mom says.
103
00:04:56,395 --> 00:04:57,728
Your mom is the reason
104
00:04:57,729 --> 00:04:59,998
That I might not
be around forever,
105
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:02,934
But, no, honey,
I was thinking, you know,
106
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:04,735
Maybe you might like
to play a little ball
107
00:05:04,736 --> 00:05:06,337
On our team this Sunday.
108
00:05:06,338 --> 00:05:07,805
I thought mom was playing.
109
00:05:07,806 --> 00:05:09,473
Peg: Ow!
110
00:05:09,474 --> 00:05:12,076
Al, I almost broke my toe
on your weights.
111
00:05:12,077 --> 00:05:15,280
I told you not to leave them
laying around.
112
00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:19,951
Mom might be
a little busy.
113
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:22,620
You know, dad,
I'd love to, but I can't.
114
00:05:22,621 --> 00:05:24,889
This new guy and I
are going to go watch them
115
00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:28,059
Unload the '88 harleys
down at the bike shop on Sunday.
116
00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:29,260
I think I'm in love.
117
00:05:29,261 --> 00:05:32,230
Kelly, honey, let me
tell you something.
118
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:33,664
Guys will come
and guys will go,
119
00:05:33,665 --> 00:05:37,101
But your dad will always
be your dad...
120
00:05:37,102 --> 00:05:38,436
Until he can't
take it anymore
121
00:05:38,437 --> 00:05:40,638
And he hops
on a freight train.
122
00:05:40,639 --> 00:05:42,006
Come on, honey.
123
00:05:42,007 --> 00:05:43,707
It'll be like old times
in the backyard.
124
00:05:43,708 --> 00:05:45,043
I can't, daddy.
I've got a date.
125
00:05:46,111 --> 00:05:49,213
You're playing
third, kelly.
126
00:05:49,214 --> 00:05:50,648
Oh, daddy.
127
00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:54,152
Mom! Guess what.
I'm in love,
128
00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,654
And wait till you meet him.
He's perfect.
129
00:05:56,655 --> 00:05:57,688
He does
the cutest things.
130
00:05:57,689 --> 00:05:58,856
We went down to this
131
00:05:58,857 --> 00:06:00,124
Great new restaurant
in new town.
132
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:01,459
We ate everything
on the menu,
133
00:06:01,460 --> 00:06:03,161
I mean, the most
expensive stuff.
134
00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:04,162
You know what he did?
135
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,563
He put a roach
in the food,
136
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:07,165
And we didn't have
to pay for anything.
137
00:06:09,835 --> 00:06:11,169
You're kidding.
138
00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,337
You know, that's amazing.
139
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:15,573
I used to date a guy
who did that.
140
00:06:15,574 --> 00:06:17,575
Yeah, now your father
just takes me to restaurants
141
00:06:17,576 --> 00:06:19,077
Where they have
their own bugs.
142
00:06:27,886 --> 00:06:29,887
So, what's his name?
143
00:06:29,888 --> 00:06:31,389
Brian.
144
00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:34,392
Oh, mom, I love
everything about him--
145
00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:36,894
His hair, his lips,
his breath.
146
00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:38,396
His breath?
147
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:41,899
Really?
148
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:44,402
Well, there goes
the old myth
149
00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:47,472
Of a girl wanting a guy
just like her father.
150
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:50,774
Peg, I wonder why
151
00:06:50,775 --> 00:06:54,578
You never went after a guy
like your father,
152
00:06:54,579 --> 00:06:55,946
Or weren't there any
153
00:06:55,947 --> 00:06:59,583
Chronically unemployed
social parasites...
154
00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:02,920
The month you were
in your prime?
155
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:07,058
Mom, how did you know
you were in love with dad?
156
00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:08,159
Well...
157
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,562
He was kind of
an athlete in school,
158
00:07:11,563 --> 00:07:14,165
And no one really thought
much about the future back then.
159
00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:18,236
Bud: Mom?
160
00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:20,138
Can you come up here
right away?
161
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,239
Al, I'm talking to kelly.
162
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,540
Could you go see
what bud wants?
163
00:07:22,541 --> 00:07:27,211
Clean up after the dog,
talk to your son--it never ends.
164
00:07:27,212 --> 00:07:28,612
You know, honey, you ought
165
00:07:28,613 --> 00:07:30,714
To bring brian down
to watch us play softball.
166
00:07:30,715 --> 00:07:32,716
I was so good today.
167
00:07:32,717 --> 00:07:35,219
Well, I thought I was good.
168
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:37,221
Daddy was a little upset,
169
00:07:37,222 --> 00:07:40,224
But, you know, he takes
these games much too seriously.
170
00:07:40,225 --> 00:07:42,993
Al: Whaa!
171
00:07:42,994 --> 00:07:44,728
[thud]
172
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:47,965
Bud: Dad, you ruined
everything.
173
00:07:50,469 --> 00:07:52,736
You don't love me.
174
00:07:52,737 --> 00:07:54,738
Yes, I do.
175
00:07:54,739 --> 00:07:58,242
Do you think that
I would do this for everyone?
176
00:07:58,243 --> 00:08:00,478
I've seen you do this
for everyone.
177
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:09,187
Al: You stink!
178
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,189
My parents are home.
179
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,691
I thought they'd be playing
softball all day.
180
00:08:13,692 --> 00:08:16,461
I thought I'd leave home
by the time I was 15.
181
00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:18,696
You know, sometimes things don't
work out the way you think.
182
00:08:18,697 --> 00:08:20,098
Don't worry about
meeting my parents,
183
00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:21,332
Except for my father.
184
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:22,766
He's okay and all,
185
00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:25,136
But if he finds you
sitting in his spot,
186
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,904
He'll punch you
in the face.
187
00:08:26,905 --> 00:08:28,706
Where's his spot?
188
00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:30,441
I forget.
189
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:33,711
Anyhow, only talk to him
190
00:08:33,712 --> 00:08:35,713
About sports
and bodily functions.
191
00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:38,716
It's what he knows,
it's what he likes.
192
00:08:38,717 --> 00:08:40,718
Oh. One more thing--
193
00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:43,721
If you touch me
while he's here,
194
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:45,723
He'll break your back.
195
00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:47,225
Ready?
196
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:53,231
It was very brave of you
to play with that foot, al.
197
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:54,832
Yeah, freak accident,
198
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,834
Slipping on
a banana peel.
199
00:08:56,835 --> 00:08:58,736
How'd you do, dad?
200
00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:00,738
I went 4 for 4,
201
00:09:00,739 --> 00:09:03,741
Bud went 4 for 4,
and your mom...
202
00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:05,743
Well, we lost 17-8.
203
00:09:05,744 --> 00:09:07,745
At least
I hit the ball, al.
204
00:09:07,746 --> 00:09:09,747
Oh, great. You finally
make a bunt,
205
00:09:09,748 --> 00:09:12,750
And an 80-year-old man
beats you to first base.
206
00:09:12,751 --> 00:09:15,253
Course, he wasn't
wearing high heels.
207
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,855
Bud, you want to get me
some juice, huh?
208
00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,757
Is this your spot?
209
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:22,260
This is my house.
210
00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:25,496
Every spot is my spot.
211
00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:28,766
Mom, dad, I'd like you
to meet brian.
212
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:31,769
Next week, we play
the christian t-shirt shop.
213
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:36,774
Now, they've never won a game
because they refuse to steal,
214
00:09:36,775 --> 00:09:39,277
But they've never played us.
215
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:42,713
Dad, the refrigerator's
been sucked dry.
216
00:09:44,783 --> 00:09:46,784
Who's this?
217
00:09:46,785 --> 00:09:48,186
It's brian.
218
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:50,188
Nice to meet
you, brian.
219
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:52,290
Yeah, nice
to meet you, brian.
220
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:53,291
Hi.
221
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:55,293
Your breath
smells of juice.
222
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,662
Oh, don't pay
any attention to al.
223
00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:01,632
No one ever does.
224
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:03,734
You know, you look
kind of familiar.
225
00:10:03,735 --> 00:10:05,803
Do I know you
from anywhere?
226
00:10:05,804 --> 00:10:06,804
I don't think so,
227
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:08,406
But I do work
at the grocery store.
228
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:11,909
Then there's no way
she ever saw you there.
229
00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:13,911
Drank all my juice, huh?
230
00:10:13,912 --> 00:10:15,913
Wait a second, dad.
231
00:10:15,914 --> 00:10:18,916
Juice gives him
the essential vitamins
232
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:20,918
He needs to fight...
233
00:10:20,919 --> 00:10:21,985
Infections.
234
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:27,758
Brian, I'd like you
to meet my brother, bug.
235
00:10:27,759 --> 00:10:29,260
That's bud.
236
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:34,765
I was named after a beer,
wasn't I, dad?
237
00:10:34,766 --> 00:10:38,769
So, brian, outside of drinking
all our juice,
238
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:41,772
What are your intentions
with kelly here?
239
00:10:41,773 --> 00:10:43,774
Come on, everybody,
240
00:10:43,775 --> 00:10:46,009
Let's give them
a little privacy.
241
00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:58,289
You know, I think my dad
really liked you.
242
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,991
Gee, I really liked him.
243
00:11:00,992 --> 00:11:03,060
By the way,
thanks for saying,
244
00:11:03,061 --> 00:11:05,563
"have some more juice.
There's plenty."
245
00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:07,565
You're more important
than my father.
246
00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:09,400
Am I?
247
00:11:09,401 --> 00:11:12,737
Sure. You know
how I feel about you.
248
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:16,340
You know, it takes
more than words.
249
00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:17,608
There is a way
250
00:11:17,609 --> 00:11:18,842
You could
prove it to me,
251
00:11:18,843 --> 00:11:20,844
But you'd never do it.
252
00:11:20,845 --> 00:11:22,747
Yes, I would. What?
253
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:25,249
You've known me
for two days.
254
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:28,619
You know there's nothing
I wouldn't do.
255
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:31,756
I know, but I'm talking
about a tattoo,
256
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:34,258
One with my name on it.
257
00:11:34,259 --> 00:11:37,261
I'm getting one
with your name on it.
258
00:11:37,262 --> 00:11:38,763
You are?
259
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,431
Yeah.
260
00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:43,267
That's the way
I feel about you, kelly.
261
00:11:43,268 --> 00:11:45,336
Well, where do you
want me to put it?
262
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,271
Anywhere,
263
00:11:47,272 --> 00:11:49,774
As long as it shows.
264
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,776
So, like, anywhere.
265
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:53,277
Yeah.
266
00:11:53,278 --> 00:11:58,148
I don't know.
My parents would kill me.
267
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,454
I'll do it.
268
00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:10,428
Al: Come on, peg,
269
00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:12,430
You're not leaving
till you catch a fly ball.
270
00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:13,731
Peg: It's dark.
271
00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:15,232
Catch!
272
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:17,868
Ow!
273
00:12:17,869 --> 00:12:21,205
That's it, al.
I am not practicing anymore.
274
00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:23,407
I'm good enough,
and it's just a game.
275
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:25,643
It's not just a game.
276
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,911
We'd better not lose
to the christians, peg.
277
00:12:27,912 --> 00:12:29,647
I'm warning you.
278
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:32,149
I hate that
three-women rule.
279
00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:33,651
I hate women.
280
00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,653
Dad, can I talk to you?
281
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:37,154
Oh, why?
282
00:12:37,155 --> 00:12:39,156
It's important, daddy.
283
00:12:39,157 --> 00:12:40,324
Okay. Now, listen,
284
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:42,259
This is
not about sex, is it?
285
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:45,363
Because I don't know
anything about that.
286
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:48,098
I know. Mom told me.
287
00:12:48,099 --> 00:12:50,934
No, it's not
about sex, dad.
288
00:12:50,935 --> 00:12:52,603
Good. Good.
289
00:12:52,604 --> 00:12:55,105
Okay. Now,
I'm going to be
290
00:12:55,106 --> 00:12:57,608
Totally straight
with you.
291
00:12:57,609 --> 00:13:00,611
There's this girl.
Let's call her... Betty.
292
00:13:00,612 --> 00:13:03,614
She has this guy
who wants her
293
00:13:03,615 --> 00:13:05,616
To look a certain
way for him,
294
00:13:05,617 --> 00:13:07,785
But, see, this girl
295
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:10,053
Isn't sure that she wants
to look this certain way.
296
00:13:10,054 --> 00:13:12,456
Kelly, let me
tell you something.
297
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:16,460
Society, somehow, some way,
separated the sexes.
298
00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:18,629
Now, they made girls weak.
299
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:22,633
Now, I'm not saying
it's bad to be a girl.
300
00:13:22,634 --> 00:13:24,635
I'd rather be dead myself.
301
00:13:24,636 --> 00:13:27,137
But it's always
the girl's place
302
00:13:27,138 --> 00:13:29,640
To do something
for the guy,
303
00:13:29,641 --> 00:13:33,644
Never the guy's place
to do anything for the girl--
304
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:34,845
Until you marry them--
305
00:13:34,846 --> 00:13:38,649
Then the law steps in
and makes you.
306
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:41,151
But back to this
friend of yours... Betty.
307
00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:44,087
See, she has to understand
that you don't always
308
00:13:44,088 --> 00:13:47,090
Have to do
what the guy says,
309
00:13:47,091 --> 00:13:49,593
Especially if betty...
310
00:13:49,594 --> 00:13:51,595
Is my little girl.
311
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:56,266
Yeah, come on, come on.
312
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:58,268
Okay, peg! Get out in the hall!
313
00:13:58,269 --> 00:14:00,037
We're going to do
some grounders!
314
00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:01,505
I don't want to, al.
315
00:14:01,506 --> 00:14:03,808
I didn't want to talk
to kelly either, but I did.
316
00:14:17,121 --> 00:14:21,124
Yeah. Is this
melvin's tattoo?
317
00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:26,530
Yes. Can I make an appointment
for next Sunday?
318
00:14:28,633 --> 00:14:31,635
I know, I know. I stink.
319
00:14:31,636 --> 00:14:33,971
But it was close.
320
00:14:33,972 --> 00:14:37,641
We lost to nuns.
321
00:14:37,642 --> 00:14:40,143
I have never been
so humiliated.
322
00:14:40,144 --> 00:14:42,079
In front of everyone,
323
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:46,484
You told sister mary alice,
"bless this, honey."
324
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:49,587
Hey, I might not know
all the religious gestures,
325
00:14:49,588 --> 00:14:52,590
But I recognized
the one she gave to me.
326
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,091
[doorbell rings]
327
00:14:54,092 --> 00:14:55,526
Gee, I wonder
who that could be.
328
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:58,462
If there's any justice,
it's the baseball police.
329
00:14:58,463 --> 00:15:00,097
Yes?
330
00:15:00,098 --> 00:15:01,599
Hi, peggy.
331
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,101
You don't remember
me, do you?
332
00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:05,335
No.
333
00:15:05,336 --> 00:15:07,605
All right, I'll give
you a little hint.
334
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:10,708
That night behind the aquarium
in high school?
335
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:12,476
Oh, craig!
336
00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:16,580
No.
337
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,116
Ted!
338
00:15:19,117 --> 00:15:21,118
No.
339
00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:23,521
Rodrigo!
340
00:15:23,522 --> 00:15:26,023
No.
341
00:15:26,024 --> 00:15:28,792
Well, you're just
going to have to be
a little more specific.
342
00:15:28,793 --> 00:15:30,227
Jimmy.
343
00:15:30,228 --> 00:15:32,129
Oh, that aquarium.
344
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:37,434
Well, come on in.
345
00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:43,574
Al, this is jimmy,
from the aquarium.
346
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:47,578
This is
my husband, al.
347
00:15:47,579 --> 00:15:49,580
You're
a lucky man, al.
348
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,582
Yeah, right.
349
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:53,584
So sit down, jimmy.
350
00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:55,586
You want a beer?
351
00:15:55,587 --> 00:16:02,593
Sure.
352
00:16:02,594 --> 00:16:06,096
So, what brings you around here
after all this time?
353
00:16:06,097 --> 00:16:08,098
Well, I wondered
what became of you,
354
00:16:08,099 --> 00:16:09,600
So I looked you up.
355
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:12,603
Who would ever have thought
that you'd be living
356
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:15,940
In a nice, big place
like this?
357
00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:18,943
I've never been
in a house like this.
358
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:21,946
How'd you let this one
get away, peg?
359
00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:23,948
Actually, al,
she dumped me.
360
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,684
Yeah? What did you do?
361
00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:27,851
Nothing, really.
362
00:16:27,852 --> 00:16:30,621
It was just before
the sophomore dance.
363
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:33,624
I'd rented a tux,
a car, bought flowers.
364
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:37,127
I got to her house
just in time to see
365
00:16:37,128 --> 00:16:41,966
Her little bottom pull off
on the back of a harley.
366
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,934
Let me get this straight.
367
00:16:43,935 --> 00:16:46,336
You think this house
is big, but her bottom--
368
00:16:46,337 --> 00:16:47,337
Al, jimmy is speaking.
369
00:16:47,338 --> 00:16:49,339
And I didn't dump you.
370
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:53,811
I just went out the back door
with a cuter guy.
371
00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:55,813
You know how kids are.
372
00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:59,149
Yeah, yeah,
I can laugh about it now.
373
00:16:59,150 --> 00:17:01,151
Ha ha ha!
374
00:17:01,152 --> 00:17:03,654
She didn't realize it then,
375
00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:07,024
But she was
the love of my life.
376
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,662
See how lucky
you are, al?
377
00:17:11,663 --> 00:17:16,066
See how lucky you are?
378
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,467
You know, that night
379
00:17:17,468 --> 00:17:20,170
I was coming
to take you to the dance,
380
00:17:20,171 --> 00:17:22,940
I had something special
to show you.
381
00:17:25,176 --> 00:17:27,410
Look at this.
382
00:17:27,411 --> 00:17:29,412
Oh, jimmy,
I'm so flattered!
383
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:31,481
Well, look at that, al.
384
00:17:31,482 --> 00:17:35,019
He has my name
tattooed on his arm.
385
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:37,021
You never did that.
386
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:39,523
Maybe that's because
I'm not insane
387
00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:41,692
Like old jimbo over there.
388
00:17:41,693 --> 00:17:43,627
Well, buddy,
thanks for stopping by.
389
00:17:43,628 --> 00:17:46,630
Next time you want to mutilate
some part of your body,
390
00:17:46,631 --> 00:17:48,832
Swing by and show it to us.
391
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:50,634
I'm going.
392
00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:52,736
I just wondered if you
knew what it was like
393
00:17:52,737 --> 00:17:54,304
To go through
your whole life
394
00:17:54,305 --> 00:17:57,641
With a tattoo of "peggy"
on your arm.
395
00:17:57,642 --> 00:18:00,644
I had to marry
a girl named peggy,
396
00:18:00,645 --> 00:18:03,147
A fat horse
of a peggy.
397
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:06,650
You know, the kind of woman
that looks like
398
00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:08,652
She inhaled
another woman.
399
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:13,157
I guess we should all be
grateful for what we have.
400
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:15,358
You got a peggy
that's beautiful and fun.
401
00:18:16,561 --> 00:18:19,663
I got one that sleeps
standing up.
402
00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:24,434
I can laugh about that now,
though. Heh!
403
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,906
We had fun in high school,
didn't we?
404
00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:31,241
Like when I took you
to that fancy restaurant
405
00:18:31,242 --> 00:18:32,910
And I put the roach
in the food
406
00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:35,012
And we got our meal for free.
407
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:36,346
That's funny.
408
00:18:36,347 --> 00:18:39,016
My daughter's dating
a guy who did that.
409
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:44,121
I know. It's my son.
410
00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:47,457
I can laugh
about that now too.
411
00:18:49,627 --> 00:18:51,128
Where's kelly?
412
00:18:51,129 --> 00:18:53,130
I don't know,
413
00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:56,133
But I think she might
be out with brian.
414
00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:58,635
That's great.
My daughter is out
415
00:18:58,636 --> 00:19:00,804
With the spawn of norman bates
and sea biscuit.
416
00:19:02,073 --> 00:19:06,076
I should have killed him
when he drank my juice.
417
00:19:06,077 --> 00:19:08,078
Maybe we'd better
go find her.
418
00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:10,480
Dad, I got a good one.
419
00:19:10,481 --> 00:19:13,984
This one is so good,
I won't even charge you.
420
00:19:13,985 --> 00:19:15,986
Guess where I saw kelly.
421
00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:17,454
Eliminate the obvious
422
00:19:17,455 --> 00:19:19,990
Like the back seat,
the bushes, jail.
423
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,658
Now guess.
424
00:19:21,659 --> 00:19:25,428
Okay, time's up.
She's getting a tattoo.
425
00:19:25,429 --> 00:19:26,964
Yep.
426
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:29,566
I saw her and brian
go into the tattoo parlor.
427
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:31,668
They were testing her arm.
428
00:19:31,669 --> 00:19:33,771
Should I bring down your belt?
429
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:37,174
Al, you've got
to do something.
430
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,676
Whoo! Much better
than a belt, dad.
431
00:19:39,677 --> 00:19:41,678
I'm going
to go stop kelly,
432
00:19:41,679 --> 00:19:45,615
Then find jimbo,
and hit one out of the park.
433
00:19:45,616 --> 00:19:47,617
Now, where's
this tattoo parlor?
434
00:19:47,618 --> 00:19:49,686
Okay, it's the one
next to the nightclub that says,
435
00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:51,021
"girls, girls, girls."
you go down--
436
00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:51,889
I know where it is.
437
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:56,693
Bud, where are you going?
438
00:19:56,694 --> 00:20:00,964
I'm moving my stuff
into my dead sister's room.
439
00:20:06,637 --> 00:20:08,138
Freeze.
440
00:20:08,139 --> 00:20:10,140
Show me your arm.
441
00:20:10,141 --> 00:20:12,509
Who spotted me?
442
00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:14,978
Bud: ♪ dum da-dum-dum-dum ♪
443
00:20:14,979 --> 00:20:16,980
Hey, that's my stuff!
444
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:20,250
Never mind that, kelly.
Show me your arm.
445
00:20:20,251 --> 00:20:22,652
Oh, mom, I didn't
get the tattoo.
446
00:20:22,653 --> 00:20:24,054
I mean,
I was going to,
447
00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:26,489
But on the way over,
brian told me the whole story,
448
00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:27,791
And a funny thing happened.
449
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:29,159
We really did fall in love,
450
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,828
And we both decided
to get tattooed.
451
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:32,229
But then you realized
452
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:33,964
How upset your father
and I would be?
453
00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:35,665
No.
454
00:20:35,666 --> 00:20:38,668
See, when brian
was getting his tattoo,
455
00:20:38,669 --> 00:20:42,605
I saw the cutest guy,
and we fell in love,
456
00:20:42,606 --> 00:20:46,609
So I went outside,
and we rode off in the sunset
457
00:20:46,610 --> 00:20:48,611
In his domino's
pizza truck.
458
00:20:48,612 --> 00:20:51,114
This is it, mom.
This is the real thing.
459
00:20:51,115 --> 00:20:54,617
You're really turning into
a fine young woman.
460
00:20:54,618 --> 00:20:57,620
You know, mom, I feel closer
to you than ever
461
00:20:57,621 --> 00:21:02,092
Now that both of these geeks
have tattoos.
462
00:21:02,093 --> 00:21:03,693
Yeah.
463
00:21:03,694 --> 00:21:05,695
You know, I feel kind of sorry
for brian, though.
464
00:21:05,696 --> 00:21:07,764
He's going to have to go
through his whole life
465
00:21:07,765 --> 00:21:09,967
With "kelly"
tattooed on his arm.
466
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:10,968
That's no problem.
467
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:12,469
I'll just introduce him
468
00:21:12,470 --> 00:21:15,472
To this other girl
at school named kelly.
469
00:21:15,473 --> 00:21:18,175
She's kind of fat, though.
470
00:21:18,176 --> 00:21:22,445
Well, as long
as we're happy.
471
00:21:22,446 --> 00:21:24,882
Kelly, my hair.
472
00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:29,152
♪ dum da-dum, dum-dum ♪
473
00:21:29,153 --> 00:21:30,487
Excuse me.
474
00:21:35,659 --> 00:21:38,161
I went to the tattoo parlor.
475
00:21:38,162 --> 00:21:39,662
Good news.
476
00:21:39,663 --> 00:21:41,798
She didn't get
the tattoo.
477
00:21:41,799 --> 00:21:44,935
I know. She's upstairs.
Did you find jim?
478
00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:47,938
Yep. I followed brian
to his house,
479
00:21:47,939 --> 00:21:49,940
Broke the door down,
480
00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:53,443
And I was going to
break jimmy's head when...
481
00:21:53,444 --> 00:21:56,446
She came out
of the kitchen.
482
00:21:56,447 --> 00:21:59,449
Peg, her face was
in a jell-o mold.
483
00:21:59,450 --> 00:22:01,451
She was wearing
a muumuu,
484
00:22:01,452 --> 00:22:03,954
But it
had to be slit
485
00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:06,456
So she could
fit into it.
486
00:22:06,457 --> 00:22:08,458
Peg, she had no knees.
487
00:22:08,459 --> 00:22:10,460
So I let him live.
488
00:22:10,461 --> 00:22:14,831
I figured that's the worst thing
I could do to him.
489
00:22:14,832 --> 00:22:17,534
That's my al.
490
00:22:17,535 --> 00:22:20,470
She was horrible, peg,
horrible!
491
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,975
You look good, peg.
492
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:27,144
Thanks, al.
493
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:30,013
God, she was fat.
494
00:22:42,861 --> 00:22:44,761
[♪]
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