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1
00:00:03,201 --> 00:00:06,237
[♪]
2
00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:16,841
So he said to me,
3
00:01:16,842 --> 00:01:18,910
"I just can't move my feet
like you do, bud."
4
00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:21,645
So I says, "hammer,
please don't make me hurt you.
5
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:24,148
Now, just watch my feet."
6
00:01:24,149 --> 00:01:25,549
And the rest,
shall we say, is...
7
00:01:25,550 --> 00:01:27,051
A lie?
8
00:01:28,153 --> 00:01:29,153
Yes.
9
00:01:29,154 --> 00:01:30,788
Yes, my mouth
must be punished.
10
00:01:30,789 --> 00:01:32,490
Kiss me, you minx.
11
00:01:40,132 --> 00:01:42,600
Was it everything
I told you it would be?
12
00:01:42,601 --> 00:01:44,101
No.
13
00:01:45,003 --> 00:01:46,537
But it was everything
14
00:01:46,538 --> 00:01:48,539
The other girls
told me it would be.
15
00:01:51,376 --> 00:01:54,279
Well, then, let's try
my patented gyro-tongue action.
16
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,114
Look...
17
00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:58,716
Before I cheapen
myself anymore,
18
00:01:58,717 --> 00:02:01,285
Are you sure you can get
front-row tickets
19
00:02:01,286 --> 00:02:03,889
To the vanilla ice
concert?
20
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,256
Hey.
21
00:02:05,257 --> 00:02:07,859
Now, I'm the one
who showed ice, hammer's steps.
22
00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:17,335
Now, play that funky
lip music, white girl.
23
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,048
Hey, if I told
you punks once,
24
00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,783
I told you
a thousand times.
25
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,818
Keep your hands
off my daughter.
26
00:02:35,487 --> 00:02:37,221
You little ninny.
27
00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:41,793
[knocking on door]
28
00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:49,334
Oh, I love it when
they come back for more.
29
00:02:52,904 --> 00:02:54,572
Oh, hi, son.
30
00:02:56,108 --> 00:02:57,141
Turn on the lights.
31
00:02:57,142 --> 00:02:58,609
What for?
32
00:02:58,610 --> 00:03:00,144
Turn on the lights!
33
00:03:03,582 --> 00:03:05,717
Does that look like
kelly to you?
34
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,154
Does it?!
35
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,528
You mean...
36
00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:20,432
That was you over there,
bundyfying that girl?
37
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,004
All right, son.
38
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,605
[chuckles]
39
00:03:27,606 --> 00:03:29,941
Come on over here,
now.
40
00:03:29,942 --> 00:03:31,076
Sit back down--
here.
41
00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:32,777
Put your little arm
around her-- there.
42
00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:33,911
Hey, peg!
43
00:03:33,912 --> 00:03:36,214
Peg, get down here,
you gotta see this!
44
00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:37,281
Bring
the camera!
45
00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:39,417
I gotta go.
46
00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:41,386
Call me when you get
the tickets.
47
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:45,222
And remember,
the closer I get to ice...
48
00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:48,192
The closer you get
to the heat.
49
00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,568
Oh! What is it, al?
What is it?
50
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,103
Are marcie and jefferson
playing nude jeopardy again?
51
00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:00,104
No, no.
52
00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:01,906
No. More incredible.
53
00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:03,207
Bud had a girl here.
54
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,242
Yeah, right.
55
00:04:06,912 --> 00:04:08,179
Al, I thought
we agreed
56
00:04:08,180 --> 00:04:10,515
Not to make fun of him
to his face.
57
00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:13,017
Now, good night,
honey.
58
00:04:13,018 --> 00:04:14,218
And don't worry.
59
00:04:14,219 --> 00:04:16,587
One day, it won't be
just a cruel joke.
60
00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:18,289
[laughs]
61
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,725
Does no one in this house
see my sex appeal?
62
00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:24,028
I mean, I see it.
These people must be crazy.
63
00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:26,531
Well, luckily, I have a girl
who loves me now.
64
00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:27,632
Buy the way, dad,
65
00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:29,467
I need 60 bucks
to take her to a concert,
66
00:04:29,468 --> 00:04:32,771
Or she's gonna go with someone
she finds genuinely attractive.
67
00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:42,547
Daddy? Have I told you
how much I loved you?
68
00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:43,815
Oh, no.
69
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:45,817
How much, kelly?
70
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,686
A whole lot.
71
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,921
No, I mean, how much
money do you want?
72
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,322
That's what I was
talking about:
73
00:04:51,323 --> 00:04:52,423
A whole lot.
74
00:04:52,424 --> 00:04:54,759
Daddy, I need
this money so bad.
75
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,795
Our modeling school's going on
this really important field trip
76
00:04:57,796 --> 00:05:00,264
To the old models
home...
77
00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:03,233
To visit...Renee.
78
00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:06,370
She was the first model
who only had one name.
79
00:05:06,371 --> 00:05:09,908
I mean, since renee, models
from iman to cheryl tiegs
80
00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:12,410
Have had only one name.
81
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:20,118
Forget it, kel.
82
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,953
Dad works hard
for his money,
83
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,888
And I say we use it
only for necessities.
84
00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:25,890
He's gonna give it to me
so I can get me some,
85
00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:26,925
Aren't you, dad?
86
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,693
[chuckles]
87
00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:33,865
Yep, both my kids
have legitimate requests,
88
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:35,734
So, uh, maybe I shall
solve this
89
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:38,536
As the oh-so-wise solomon
would.
90
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,205
I shall keep my money
91
00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:42,540
And go to the nudie bar
tomorrow.
92
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:48,579
So it shall be written,
so it shall be danced.
93
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,015
Part the seas
of uselessness.
94
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:56,354
I must go sleep
with the red plague.
95
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:13,504
Well, maybe for a penny.
96
00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:16,741
Get out of here,
you old rag.
97
00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:18,209
Oh.
98
00:06:23,348 --> 00:06:24,883
[sighs]
99
00:06:26,184 --> 00:06:28,887
What's wrong
with everyone, huh?
100
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,122
I mean, surely a quarter's
not too much to ask
101
00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:32,991
To rub your hands
over all this.
102
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,796
Buck:
Yeah, it's a real bargain.
103
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:40,197
You and I are
a lot alike, boy.
104
00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:41,532
No.
105
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,401
I've had sex.
106
00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:51,141
And at least I have the decencyto die at 13.
107
00:06:56,114 --> 00:06:57,449
I wonder how
kelly's doing
108
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,517
On her new roller-skating
waitress job.
109
00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:01,753
Kelly [screaming]:
Help me!
110
00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:06,790
Open the door! Open the door!
Open the door!
111
00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:15,700
Open the door, bud!
Hurry!
112
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,134
Hurry!
113
00:07:18,169 --> 00:07:19,470
[thump]
114
00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:26,244
Thank you.
115
00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:28,279
But a trifle late.
116
00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:31,683
Help me down
the steps, sneezy.
117
00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:35,687
Dumb, stupid,
rotten job.
118
00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:39,356
Roller-skating waitress
at bill's hilltop drive-in.
119
00:07:44,162 --> 00:07:45,897
This is what I spent
all those years
120
00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:48,199
Learning my abd's for?
121
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,602
How much money
did you make, kel?
122
00:07:51,603 --> 00:07:52,804
Nothing.
123
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,806
This is
my first order.
124
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,341
Stupid people put
their stupid restaurant
125
00:07:57,342 --> 00:07:59,644
On a stupid hill.
126
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,013
So these people order
burgers and fries,
127
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,915
And then they load me
into this chute,
128
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,483
Fire me towards the car.
129
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:07,085
And I'm doing fine.
130
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:10,655
I'm also doing warp 10
zooming down the expressway
131
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,290
To the yells of:
"it's a bird. It's a plane.
132
00:08:13,291 --> 00:08:17,061
No, it's a girl going 90
with a dress over her head."
133
00:08:18,597 --> 00:08:20,298
You know,
if mom hadn't made me stop
134
00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:21,799
Kissing for money
when I was 5,
135
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,001
I wouldn't be
in this pickle of a fish.
136
00:08:26,104 --> 00:08:28,205
So...How'd you do?
137
00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:30,474
Well, you know, I haven't
actually started yet.
138
00:08:30,475 --> 00:08:32,243
Let me save you
a lot of grief.
139
00:08:32,244 --> 00:08:34,478
Don't try the oil-me-up-
for-a-quarter bit,
140
00:08:34,479 --> 00:08:36,247
Because you can feel
the chihuahua
141
00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:37,781
Down the block for free.
142
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,058
Bud, I just can't miss
this bus trip.
143
00:08:48,059 --> 00:08:51,261
I mean, if I do, I'll fall
behind the other models.
144
00:08:51,262 --> 00:08:53,764
I'm already failing
smiling 101.
145
00:08:54,999 --> 00:08:56,600
Oh, my god.
Now I've done it.
146
00:08:56,601 --> 00:08:59,269
My brain's beating faster.
Help me.
147
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:03,907
Easy now,
breakfast of champions.
148
00:09:03,908 --> 00:09:06,310
Now, listen...
From here on in,
149
00:09:06,311 --> 00:09:08,446
I'll do the thinking
for the both of us,
150
00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:10,247
And you do the working
for the both of us.
151
00:09:10,248 --> 00:09:12,683
And we'll split it
30-70.
152
00:09:14,019 --> 00:09:16,620
Wait a second,
wait a second.
153
00:09:16,621 --> 00:09:18,723
I'm doing
all the work, right?
154
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,158
So it's 30 for me.
155
00:09:22,827 --> 00:09:24,094
Okay.
156
00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:27,632
[both laugh]
157
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:31,035
Oh, god, I just love
going to the mall.
158
00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:33,571
And did you see how
I controlled myself?
159
00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:38,142
I couldn't be more proud
of you if you were dead.
160
00:09:39,944 --> 00:09:41,245
You know, peg,
161
00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:43,548
The least you could have done
was stand next to me in line
162
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,483
When they shredded
my credit cards.
163
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,452
Well, it wasn't my stuff
that put us over the limit.
164
00:09:48,453 --> 00:09:51,121
It was that thing
you just had to have.
165
00:09:51,122 --> 00:09:54,925
So here it is:
Your hanes underwear sewing kit.
166
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:58,262
So, what do you want
to do tonight?
167
00:09:58,263 --> 00:09:59,931
Same thing the rockefellers do:
168
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,566
Sew my underwear up
and cry.
169
00:10:03,068 --> 00:10:04,535
Come on, honey.
170
00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,404
I wanna go out.
171
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,873
Peg, I just spent three hours
in your presence.
172
00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:10,374
I watched you buy lingerie
173
00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:13,043
That I wouldn't sleep next to
even if you weren't in them.
174
00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:18,516
So I don't want another
chalkboard screech out of you.
175
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,387
[whining]
al!
176
00:10:24,289 --> 00:10:26,457
Honey, I wanna
go out tonight.
[clicking]
177
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,396
Hi.
178
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,463
Hi.
179
00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,865
You know,
in this day and age,
180
00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:35,767
I don't know why
you leave your door open.
181
00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:38,703
A maniac could just walk in
and kill you.
182
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:41,772
Yeah, like I ever
get what I want.
183
00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:48,112
Yeah, al, uh, we'd kind of like
to rent a video tonight,
184
00:10:48,113 --> 00:10:49,780
Pop it on the old vcr,
185
00:10:49,781 --> 00:10:52,150
And spend a nice night at home.
186
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,918
What are you telling me for?
187
00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:56,353
That's our vcr.
188
00:10:56,354 --> 00:10:57,888
Yes, I guess
about a month ago,
189
00:10:57,889 --> 00:10:59,523
When you came over
to borrow a soda,
190
00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:01,358
And we said,
"take whatever you want,"
191
00:11:01,359 --> 00:11:04,195
You might have
misunderstood.
192
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,731
Which brings me
to our flatware.
193
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,899
Hey, I didn't steal
your bra.
194
00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:13,237
Easy, marcie.
195
00:11:16,074 --> 00:11:17,875
Al, I know what
let's do.
196
00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:19,977
Let's go over to their house
and watch videos.
197
00:11:19,978 --> 00:11:21,846
Marcie, that's
a great idea.
198
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,447
You'll bring the food
and the movies,
199
00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:24,916
And we'll bring
your vcr.
200
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,383
[laughs]
201
00:11:26,384 --> 00:11:28,119
Absolutely not.
202
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,721
Dad, I just got kelly
a babysitting gig,
203
00:11:30,722 --> 00:11:33,256
So tonight you have to stay
up in the bedroom with mom.
204
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:36,460
Oh, al...
205
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:41,365
We can break in
my new lingerie.
206
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:42,633
I know.
207
00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:45,403
I'll wear
the mood panties.
208
00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:50,541
[clicking]
209
00:11:54,579 --> 00:11:55,780
Hey!
210
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,214
Let's do it!
Let's go!
211
00:11:57,215 --> 00:11:59,517
Last one to your house
gets to sit next to the wife.
212
00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:01,084
Come on.
213
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,522
Babysitting.
214
00:12:05,523 --> 00:12:07,024
God, the degradation.
215
00:12:07,025 --> 00:12:10,261
You know, the last time
I babysat,
216
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:13,197
It was for
this stupid little boy.
217
00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:14,732
I got so sick
of his whining
218
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:17,835
That I held him over the toilet
and I kept on flushing it...
219
00:12:17,836 --> 00:12:21,038
Telling him that the next time,
he'd be in it.
220
00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:23,808
From then on, every time
he heard running water,
221
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,976
He freaked.
222
00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:28,512
Too bad, I just can't remember
who that kid was though.
223
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:31,148
[water running]
224
00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:33,150
[whimpering]
225
00:12:35,854 --> 00:12:36,854
[sighs]
226
00:12:36,855 --> 00:12:37,989
Oh, well.
227
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,857
I'm sure he's
gotten over it by now.
228
00:12:39,858 --> 00:12:41,892
[doorbell rings]
229
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,461
That must be
the client now.
230
00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:46,330
Just can't figure it out,
though.
231
00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:49,766
Why would people pay
$120 just to babysit one kid?
232
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:51,402
I didn't say one kid, kel.
233
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,004
I said one family.
234
00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,339
Which family?
235
00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:57,708
The hubbards.
236
00:12:57,709 --> 00:12:59,377
[all shouting]
237
00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:05,183
Kel, I got the money,
and I'm off to the concert.
238
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:06,517
Bud, don't leave me!
239
00:13:06,518 --> 00:13:08,018
I'm your sister!
240
00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:09,119
What means more to you:
241
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,288
Your sister
or some little tramp?
242
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,729
So...Are we gonna be
good little boys and girls?
243
00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:20,397
Destroy!
Kill!
244
00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:21,398
Hate.
245
00:13:21,399 --> 00:13:24,168
I went wee-wee.
246
00:13:24,169 --> 00:13:26,670
Help!
247
00:13:27,672 --> 00:13:30,107
Okay, now,
here are our choices:
248
00:13:30,108 --> 00:13:32,376
Anna karenina,
249
00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:34,211
Beaches,
250
00:13:34,212 --> 00:13:36,847
Madame sousatzka,
251
00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:39,516
Or the one that was
already in the vcr,
252
00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:42,252
Breast monstersfrom jupiter.
253
00:13:43,421 --> 00:13:45,355
Well, I've already seen
breast monsters,
254
00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:46,691
But I'll go around again.
255
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:48,325
I won't spoil
the ending for you,
256
00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:50,327
But it involves breasts.
257
00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:52,063
[both laugh]
258
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:54,898
Oh, well, I'm game if
the ladies don't mind.
259
00:13:58,036 --> 00:14:00,605
Or we could watch
that one second.
260
00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:01,905
No, let's watch
that beaches one.
261
00:14:01,906 --> 00:14:03,974
I wouldn't mind seeing
a couple of college babes
262
00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:05,108
In string bikinis.
263
00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:07,645
Actually...
264
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:10,648
A complex tale about
the enduring friendship
265
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:14,452
Of two women
over a period of 18 years.
266
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:17,254
Two girls swapping tans
on a beach for 18 years?
267
00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:18,989
Pop it in.
268
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:20,991
You know, we can watch it
until they hit 30.
269
00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:22,793
[both chuckle]
270
00:14:24,429 --> 00:14:26,897
Then we watch
breast monsters from jupiter.
271
00:14:26,898 --> 00:14:27,998
[both laugh]
272
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,467
Oh, relax, al.
273
00:14:30,468 --> 00:14:32,736
You haven't even learned
how to capture breasts
274
00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:34,671
On this planet yet.
275
00:14:36,808 --> 00:14:38,241
He loves them,
you know...
276
00:14:38,242 --> 00:14:40,243
But he doesn't know
how to handle them.
277
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,948
You know,
sometimes at night,
278
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:45,349
He'll grab my knee,
279
00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:46,684
Squeeze it, heh,
280
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:49,419
And say, "go on, say it.
281
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:52,389
Who's the king, baby?
Who's the king?"
282
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:53,891
[laughs]
283
00:14:55,193 --> 00:14:58,696
Sometimes I laugh so hard,
I lose my place in my book.
284
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,700
Well, I--
in my defense,
285
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:05,536
Uh, these days,
most things on her
286
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:07,171
Orbit around
her knees.
287
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:08,639
[laughs]
288
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,508
Shall we movie?
289
00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:11,675
[claps twice]
290
00:15:17,115 --> 00:15:18,115
Honk, honk.
Oh!
291
00:15:18,116 --> 00:15:19,116
[both laugh]
292
00:15:19,117 --> 00:15:21,252
You love it, baby.
293
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,220
"'honk, honk,'
said the goss..."
294
00:15:23,221 --> 00:15:24,889
"goose."
295
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:31,194
Oh.
296
00:15:31,195 --> 00:15:34,798
"goose, as she swims
to find..."
297
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:38,702
"a."
298
00:15:40,471 --> 00:15:42,973
"...A worm for dinner"?
299
00:15:42,974 --> 00:15:43,974
Very good.
300
00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:45,342
[giggles]
301
00:15:48,846 --> 00:15:51,915
"quickie she flopped
her winds..."
302
00:15:51,916 --> 00:15:53,050
Oh, god.
303
00:15:53,051 --> 00:15:56,654
Look...Let me capsize
the story for you.
304
00:16:00,124 --> 00:16:02,459
When the goose got
where it was going,
305
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:06,530
She met this really cool
blonde goose...
306
00:16:06,531 --> 00:16:08,599
Who only had one name:
307
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,401
Kelly.
308
00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:11,902
Cool, huh? Huh.
309
00:16:13,438 --> 00:16:15,706
Anyway, she was a model.
310
00:16:15,707 --> 00:16:17,675
Everybody thought
that she was dumb,
311
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,476
But she wasn't.
312
00:16:21,979 --> 00:16:24,948
Anyway...
She was so beautiful
313
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:28,185
That all the boys
in fairyland wanted her.
314
00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:31,088
You know, like
prince charming and...
315
00:16:31,089 --> 00:16:33,657
The guy with the pies
and the sheep...
316
00:16:33,658 --> 00:16:36,927
The guy shaped
like an egg...
317
00:16:36,928 --> 00:16:40,531
Dopey and zeppo...
318
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,032
Curly and moe,
319
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:45,001
And the other dwarfs,
et cetera.
320
00:16:45,002 --> 00:16:48,004
But instead of going
to the fairy dance,
321
00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:49,273
She had to babysit
322
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:53,076
A bunch of troll-like
snot monsters, who...
323
00:16:53,077 --> 00:16:55,646
If one of them
squirts me with that gun,
324
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:57,981
Will die a horrible,
screaming death,
325
00:16:57,982 --> 00:17:01,052
Along with his demon-seed
brother and sister hubbards,
326
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:04,387
At the hands of
the mighty dragon-beast buck,
327
00:17:04,388 --> 00:17:07,457
Who hasn't eaten
for a thousand years.
328
00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:12,363
The end.
329
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:15,332
So...What have we learned
from all this?
330
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:17,568
You die at dawn.
331
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:18,569
[all shouting]
332
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,104
[kelly screams]
333
00:17:24,909 --> 00:17:26,209
Isn't this
a good movie?
334
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,545
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, it's great.
335
00:17:29,781 --> 00:17:31,682
Jefferson:
Why did I marry?
336
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,650
All I ever reallywanted to do
337
00:17:33,651 --> 00:17:36,119
Was play racquetballwith the guys,
338
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:39,089
Maybe ride a motorcycleacross country,
339
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:42,526
Go to californiaand become a porno star.
340
00:17:44,829 --> 00:17:46,196
Ah...
341
00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:49,099
But this is
almost as much fun.
342
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,067
Peg:
What a life.
343
00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,402
Is this it?
344
00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:54,271
Is this the end?
345
00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:57,775
Did it happen last night,and no one told me?
346
00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:59,443
Gads.
347
00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:00,844
It's Saturday night.
348
00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:03,447
I should be out on the town,dressed in leopard,
349
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:08,251
Purring like a kitten in karl"the mailman" malone's lap.
350
00:18:09,687 --> 00:18:13,123
Ah, but this is
almost as much fun.
351
00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:21,331
Al:
Hey! Peg wouldwanna see this.
352
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:28,705
Marcie:
I know whatthey're all thinking:
353
00:18:28,706 --> 00:18:31,842
Marcie has the smallest breastsin the room.
354
00:18:33,411 --> 00:18:36,113
Well, I'm happy about it.Happy, I tell you.
355
00:18:36,114 --> 00:18:39,250
They are perfectly symmetricalfor my frame.
356
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,952
And I'm happy about it.Happy, I tell you.
357
00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:44,421
Besides, I'm smart.
358
00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:47,458
I have a big brain.
359
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,526
That's what men really want.
360
00:18:49,527 --> 00:18:50,827
Milk dud?
361
00:18:50,828 --> 00:18:52,296
Tootsie roll.
362
00:18:57,602 --> 00:19:00,670
Al:
How long is this movie,an eon?
363
00:19:00,671 --> 00:19:02,940
There isn't a woman under 50in this film.
364
00:19:06,444 --> 00:19:08,044
About now on jupiter,
365
00:19:08,045 --> 00:19:11,582
The breast gladiators would bedueling with the liquid cheese.
366
00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:17,520
But, gee, then I'd be missingout on all this human feeling.
367
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:22,325
God, what happened to me?
368
00:19:23,995 --> 00:19:26,529
When I was young, I would havebeat the hell out of him
369
00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:29,433
And made his wifehold my jacket.
370
00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:33,337
And here I amhanging out with them.
371
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,139
God, I was greatwhen I was a kid.
372
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:37,974
A football hero.
373
00:19:37,975 --> 00:19:41,778
Young, strong, fast,indestructible.
374
00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:46,216
♪ memories ♪
375
00:19:46,217 --> 00:19:49,553
♪ of the worldI left behind ♪
376
00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:52,489
♪ misty, water-coloredmemories ♪
377
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:55,392
♪ of the way we were ♪
378
00:19:56,394 --> 00:19:59,096
Peg:
♪ shattered pictures ♪
379
00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:03,267
♪ of the smilesI left behind ♪
380
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:07,871
♪ smiles we gaveto one another ♪
381
00:20:07,872 --> 00:20:12,443
♪ for the way we were ♪
382
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:18,749
Jefferson:
♪ can it be that it wasall so simple then? ♪
383
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:24,554
♪ or has timerewritten every line? ♪
384
00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:28,926
Marcie:
♪ if we had the chanceto do it all again ♪
385
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:32,729
♪ tell me, would we? ♪
386
00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:35,432
♪ could we? ♪
387
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:40,404
All:
♪ memories ♪
388
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:44,474
♪ may be beautifuland yet ♪
389
00:20:44,475 --> 00:20:49,979
♪ what's too painfulto remember ♪
390
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:54,818
♪ we simply chooseto forget ♪
391
00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:58,889
♪ so it's the laughter ♪
392
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:02,626
♪ we will remember ♪
393
00:21:02,627 --> 00:21:07,598
♪ whenever we remember ♪
394
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:11,902
♪ the way we were ♪
395
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:18,141
♪ the way we were ♪
396
00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:22,112
[all sobbing]
397
00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:31,789
Hi, kel.
398
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,324
[clears throat]
399
00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:34,491
The greatest thing.
400
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:37,728
I got her front row.
401
00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:40,163
I got her backstage.
402
00:21:40,164 --> 00:21:42,165
I got her.
403
00:21:46,537 --> 00:21:48,338
I was so cool!
404
00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:51,508
Could you untie me,
please?
405
00:21:51,509 --> 00:21:53,110
Well, I'm not sure.
406
00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:55,412
Would you be mad if I said
I spent your share of the money
407
00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:56,413
On my date?
408
00:21:57,248 --> 00:21:58,615
I'd kill you.
409
00:21:58,616 --> 00:22:00,550
Well, then...
410
00:22:00,551 --> 00:22:03,020
I'll see you in the morning.
411
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:04,787
If you need me,
I'll be upstairs.
412
00:22:04,788 --> 00:22:07,290
The bad thing
do make you sleepy.
413
00:22:08,659 --> 00:22:10,194
[grunts]
414
00:22:11,196 --> 00:22:12,329
Oh, god.
415
00:22:26,210 --> 00:22:28,278
[♪]
29097
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