All language subtitles for Vivre_ mourir_ renaître

---

Fire crackling

---

A slight hubbub builds to a crescendo.

---

Hard techno music rises
crescendo.

---

Muffled surroundings

---

- Are you sure it's this way?

- If we follow the canal,
we're bound to come across Paris.

- Emma, you know,
it wasn't the first time.

- Ecstasy?

- No, the guy.

I've slept with guys before.

- Have you ever been in love with a guy,
before?

- No, never.

- Could it happen?

- No, I don't think so.

Well, no.

I love you.

That's why
I don't want to hide anything from you.

Are you mad at me?

- Why didn't you say anything
when we first met?

- I was afraid you'd throw me out.

- Are you stupid or what?

On the contrary, it excites me.

- What about you? Don't you have any secrets?

Tell me, it's now.

- No, I have no secrets.

But I have one very big flaw.

I'm very possessive.

If you leave me, I'll kill you.

- I'll never leave you.

Never.

Ominous atmosphere

---

Ejecting the photo from the Polaroid

---

- Come on, we're closing!

Come on, it's over, we're closing.
Come on, you're going down.

I won't look for you. Too high.

Here you go.

Oh!

She laughs.

- Thanks again.

Someone is whistling.

---

---

---

---

---

Repeated blows

---

He sighs.

Repeated blows

---

---

---

- Excuse me.

Excuse me!

- Don't climb the ladder.

Listen to Daddy.

Yes ? Hello.
- Oh, hello, dear.

Er... I work right downstairs
and it's complicated with the noise.

It's even disturbing.

- Sorry, I've got to get a move on.
My girlfriend and I are moving in soon.

And I'm late, so...

- Are you here every day?
I never hear that racket.

- Go over there. Daddy's talking, he's coming.

Don't touch anything.

Today, I'm breaking through a wall.

So it's noisy.
But no, I'm not here all the time.

I have a job. That's why I'm late.

- Er...

Maybe we can leave each other some words
to tell each other when we're there?

I can arrange that too.
I don't live here.

I can come when you're not here.

- If you like.

- We're on first-name terms, aren't we?

- OK.

Goodbye.
- Goodbye, dear.

Well, yes, I...

I'll be at the gallery tonight. Yes.

I have a few things to take care of,
that's all. Is that all right?

See you tonight.

Soft piano music

---

"I kiss you.

"Have a nice day."

---

The door opens.

- Hi, there.
You weren't supposed to be here today.

- I picked something up
from the lab.

- Ah. I'm not making any noise today.

- No, it's not that...

Nothing to do with the work.

I wanted to ask you if...

if I could photograph you one day.

With your son.

I'm a photographer,
I didn't tell you that.

- Ah. No.

I mean, I don't think so.

- I take a new series of photos,

fathers with their children.

I thought of it the first time
I saw you, with...

with your son.

- Nathan.
- Yes.

I wish I could have
photographed you like this.

- With plaster everywhere?

- No, without the plaster.

- Well, why not?
I have to talk to his mother.

It concerns her too.

- Of course you can.

- I'll put a letter in your box
with the answer.

- Very good.

Thank you.

- Thanks to you.

Isn't that a flattering proposition?

Doorbell

- Good morning to you.
- Good morning to you.

Do you have anything of Cyril Varga's?
He exhibited at your place.

- Of course you can.

And we have an exhibition coming up soon.

This is the most complete catalog
of his work.

- Thank you.

- I've been following it since its inception.

I really like her look.

He's one of the people
who make my work exciting.

The gallery owner walks away.

- Do you have another book for less?

- We have a smaller brochure.

It costs 60 francs.

- OK.

Gasping breaths

---

- Dad?

(- Oh no, damn it.)
- Daddy?

(- Go on, you. Go on.)

(- I'm not going to go like this,
I've got a hard-on.)

(Go ahead, please.)

- Yes, darling.

(- Hurry up, I'm too excited.)

(Quickly, please.)

(Hurry up.)

- Did you have a nightmare?

(He's already asleep.)

(- Huh?)

(- He's already asleep.)
(- Is he asleep?)

- Only a few weeks to go.

- I can't make love like this anymore.
like this.

(What are you doing?)

Do you want to read there?

- It's the neighbor's job
who finds you noisy.

- Let me see.

It's not bad.
- Not bad?

It's really good.

It's hard to see,
it's the worst prints.

There was a catalog for 200 francs,
it was magnificent.

- I like that.

- I'm going to have a beautiful photo
of the two of you.

- Is he going to give them to us?
Aren't we going to pay?

- I hope not.
He sells photos for 5,000 francs.

- 5,000 bucks? For a picture?

- He's a real photographer.
- Oh, yeah!

Above all, he's a big bourge.

- Do you think so?

- I don't know.

- Look, a mosquito!

A mosquito, a mosquito,
mosquito.

A mosquito, a mosquito!

Soft piano music

He stung you, look.

- Did he bite me? Oh, no, he didn't!
Give me a kiss to make me well.

I don't know how
how long it will last.

- We'll deal with it.

- Why won't he fall,
but I am?

- You're not going to fall.
- Why won't I?

- Daddy's here, you won't fall.

Should I take this off?

- Yeah.

- Would you?

You're strong. No hands?

Yeah!
- I can do it without hands.

- I remove
to make the photo more beautiful.

Are you watching?

---

He knocks.

- Good afternoon.

I'm Cyril, the neighbor downstairs.

- Yes, hello.

- I bring you
the portrait of Sammy and Nathan.

- Thank you.

I don't know if I should open it.
I'm not the model.

- As you wish.

- All right, come on.

It's very beautiful.

Thank you.

Is it for us?

- Yes, yes.

Sammy's not here?
- He's working today.

And he's already done a lot.

But it's okay, I'll finish painting,
I like it.

- I can help.

To thank you
for your approval.

- Why not? When could you?

- Now.

- Yes, come in.

You don't look so much
your photos.

- What do you mean?

- Well...

You photograph the night world
and you look serious.

And wise.

- I'm dead serious.

And not so wise, either.

Do you know my work?

- Yes.

I went to your gallery.

If it had been crap,
I would have said no.

Your "Father-child" portrait series,

it's not in the spirit
of your usual work.

- It's a new desire. And...

The idea came from Sammy, in fact.

From when I ran into Sammy
with your son.

- Why did you come up with this idea?

- I don't know.

Well, yes, I know.

Probably because I wasn't close
to my father.

And it touches me
to see that in others.

- Is your father dead?

- No, but we don't talk anymore.

- Sammy told you I was a midwife?

- No, I didn't know.

- Because I see fathers
every day.

If you're interested in babies too,

I can see
to get you an authorization.

To come and work at the hospital.

That is, if you're interested.

- Yeah, that'd be great.

- Problem?
- Yes, something's wrong.

- Is it serious?

- It has nothing to do with you.
I have a hardware problem.

I've got everything you need, don't worry.
I've finished examining you. Here you are.

- Thank you.

What's up?

- I'll send the report to Dr. Cohen.
He ordered this test for you.

- Yes, it follows my HIV.

Anything to worry about?

- If we had to say something...
- We don't have to.

- We're doing fine.

Pay attention to your diet,
you have diffuse hepatic steatosis.

Let me explain, take a look.

That's your liver.
That's your kidneys.

Your liver is a little white.
It should be like the kidneys.

- What does it mean?

- If you're not careful,

if you don't manage your excesses,

you risk serious liver problems
in 20 or 30 years.

Cirrhosis type.

- I want to kiss you.

I've never been credited with such longevity.

- Your organs encourage me to do so.

- I just want to believe you.

And... my liver damage...

could it be
a side effect of AZT?

- It's tricky,
because it's the only treatment we have.

But indeed,
among the many side effects,

these disorders are observed.

- Anyway, I'm taking more.
And I'm feeling better.

- What are you on?

- Nothing.

I have blood tests
regularly.

I don't want to be a guinea pig anymore.

- I shouldn't be telling you this,
but I understand.

Take heart.
- Thank you.

Screams of an argument

---

- Try to understand me...

- That's all I do, try!

Stop it! Stop it! Shut the fuck up!

Shut the fuck up!

Damn!
The door slams shut.

- Cyril?

Cyril?

What's up? I heard a noise.

- It's nothing.

- Are you sure?

- I think I'll feel better
after a drink.

Would you like to?

- OK.

- My cave.

- Thank you.

Clinking glasses

Who was it?

- A guy.

My man.

Well, not anymore.

Come on.

These are the photos I took
thanks to Emma.

- It reminds me of when Nathan was born.

Emma had it rough that day.

It was atrocious.

She was suffering and I couldn't do anything.
I felt like an ass.

- This is the first time
you've talked so much.

- I don't talk much when I don't know someone.

- So we know each other now.

Stop, stop.

- What?

Is it because of Emma?

- No, it's...

Please go away.

- Wasn't Cyril supposed to come and help us?

- Yes, he did. He must have forgotten.

- Your neighbor, the photographer?
- Yes, he is.

- The photo of you and the little
is nice.

I'd like the same with my daughter.

Will you ask him?

He's got quite an eye.

- What are you doing, sweetheart?

- I'm looking for toys.

- Where did we put them? There you go!

Do you keep it in your room?

Here, let me help you, honey.

You've done well.

- Beautiful, isn't it?
- And big.

- Now we can finally get some sleep,

Nathan has his own room.

- If you want to make a 2nd,
you need privacy.

- Hot in front.

- My darling, I'm so happy for you.

- See how big it is?

- Well, my darling?
You'll like it here.

- You have a room all to yourself.

Like a big boy, my baby!

- Shall we play some music?

- Watch your back.
- Yeah.

* Dance music

*---

Muffled surroundings

Melancholy piano music

---

- Cyril?

- What are you doing here?

- I've been looking for you.

- How did you get my address?

- I got it with Minitel.

You never let me hear from you again.

- Come on, now that you're here.

*- You have 3 new messages.

*- Cyril, it's me.

I hope it's okay.

It's been 15 days since I've seen you
at the lab. I'm really worried.

I hope nothing's happened to you.

Give me some news.
I'd love to see you.

- Would you like a coffee?

- Something stronger, if you got it.

* I don't know what's going on,
you don't come to the lab anymore?

It's driving me crazy.

You can't do this to me.

You take my picture, you kiss me...

Don't you want to turn it off?

Right, Cyril? It's okay, it's okay.

- I listen to my messages.

*- Please call me back.

Hi, there.

Sorry, it's me again.
I just wanted to tell you that I miss you.

Are you having fun?

* I want to see you.

Gasping breaths

---

- Damn it, stop.

I'm out of condoms.

- Who cares?
- Stop, I tell you!

- But it's okay.
- Sammy, stop.

- I'm HIV positive.
- I'm HIV positive.

- Huh?

Are you sure?

- Yes, I'm sure.

I've been under care for 6 years, so yes.

- You don't look sick.

- It's not written
on people's faces.

- I'm so sorry.

- I am in good health.
I'm well looked after.

But I'm still infected.

Are you leaving?

Are you leaving?
- No, you're crazy!

Come here. I've got an idea.

Modern Love
(David Bowie)

---

He knocks.

- Hi.
- Hi.

What's with the mystery summons?

- You'll see, come in.

- What's going on?
- I don't know what's going on.

- She told me
to take my camera.

He sighs.

- What is it?

- Go ahead, open it.

You're going to be a dad again.

- Great stuff. That's great.

- Wow, I wasn't expecting that!

- I'll take your picture too.

Can you show me?

- You trigger it, and it's already taken care of.

- It's a pregnancy,
not a funeral.

Come closer.

Come on, cheese.

Melancholy piano music

---

- Hey!

- Can you give Grandma a kiss?

- Sammy, how are you?
Welcome, Sammy.

- Cyril, pleased to meet you.
- Daniel, nice to meet you.

- Hello, Myriam.

Are you well?
- Yes, and you?

- Beautiful dress.
- Thank you so much.

- Are you the famous Cyril?
- Yes, I am.

- Pleased to meet you.
Very pleased to meet you.

I've heard about you.
Don't you have your camera?

- No, but I have champagne.
- That's nice too.

Please, come in.

Aren't you too tired, darling?
- No, I'm not tired.

- Won't you sit down?
- I'm fine.

- How do you sleep at night?

- Yes, yes.

- Incredible, it doesn't show at all.

- It's normal, it's too early.

- Don't you have a 2nd bedroom?

- We'll get organized, don't worry.

- I hope Cyril isn't complicated.
I did it the right way.

I made leg of lamb and potatoes.

Since your father isn't exactly
a cordon-bleu...

I keep it simple.

- We're having an aperitif outside, aren't we?
- Yes, we are.

- Where are the boys?

- In the cellar, for the wine.

Shall I put this away?

- Wait, I'll do it.

- Are you all right, darling?
- I'm all right.

Watch this,
I'm going to throw out some more sliced bread.

Ah, did you see?

Key tinkling

The door creaks slightly.

...

- Hep, hep, hep.

Take it easy, though.

- How do you like it, Cyril?

- What?

- Physically, I mean.

Isn't he handsome?

- Yeah, I don't know.

- I think it's beautiful.

- OK.

I don't know, I didn't notice.

I don't think about that when I see it.

Hey! What's wrong, oh?

- I saw you, Sammy.

I saw you at my parents' house.

Since when do you take me
for an idiot?

- Nobody takes you for a fool.

- Do you see each other often?

He sighs.
- I don't know...

No, not very much.

- Couldn't you have chosen another one?

Did you have to screw someone
I know?

Do you want to say goodbye?

- What?

Of course not.

No.

I never thought of leaving you.

My life is with you.

With Nathan.

I never thought
being anywhere else but with you.

I don't want to leave you.

- What were you thinking when you did that?
- I don't know what I was thinking.

- I don't want to leave either.

- Excuse me.

I'm so sorry.

She sighs.

- Do you do the same
when he's against you?

Is his heart beating as fast as mine?

- I don't know what to tell you.

I'd rather you were angry.

- Yes, that would be easier.

I came here to finish you off,
tell you some final things...

Like "move out", "get out of our lives"...

"get closer to him".

But actually, I don't blame you.

I should be mad at him
and I can't.

- I would understand if...

that you don't want to see me anymore.

- When I found out that Sammy could
like boys,

I didn't mind, on the contrary.

I felt out of danger.

But it's worse
than if it were a woman,

because this thing that unites you is unknown to me,
and that's what I'm jealous of.

Do you like it?

Actually, I don't want to know.

And I prefer it to be you,
because I understand that you can be loved.

- Emma, I...

I'm going to disappear for a while.
It'll be better for everyone.

My gallery owner can lend me a house
in Italy.

I think I'm going to say yes
and go away for a while.

- I don't think it
change much.

If this is about Sammy being
like a madman waiting for you to come back,

what's the point?

He certainly loves you.
I can assure you of that.

Sharing someone,
is like sharing a territory.

We need a non-aggression pact.

Then I suggest this.

You live what you want.

I don't want to see it,
I don't want to know.

You're on your own.

But I'm warning you,

I don't want war.

If there is to be one,
I'll win it.

Metallic creaking of the subway

---

He blows.

He groans.

---

- The electrocardiogram is perfect.

- Super.

What was it then?

An anxiety attack?

I felt like my heart
my heart would burst.

- I don't know. We're prospecting.

Can you hold it?

You have an average blood test,
with a sign of infection,

but it could be nothing.

We'll do
further tests.

Thank you.

- Exams like what?

- Another blood test.
We'll look for something else:

hepatitis, HIV...

Have you taken a test recently?

- No.

- When was your last test?

- I've never made one.

I live with a woman,
I'm pretty faithful.

- Rather faithful?
She laughs.

You're funny.

It would be a good idea to do the test.

- All right.

Do I have to do it in the lab?
- No, we do it here.

You will receive your results within 5 days.

You'll need to see a doctor
to recover them.

- I've never been so scared in my life.

- Come on.

- Mr Sammy Benor?
- Yes, Mr. Benor.

- Are you with me?

He sighs.

Lydie!

Quick, he's fainted!

The door slams shut.

- You need to get tested.

And Nathan needs to be tested too.

- Could Nathan be sick too?

- It needs to be tested.

- The baby, whether I have it or not, he has it?

- I don't know.

I didn't think to ask.

- You didn't think to ask?
You didn't think to ask?

But what did you think?
What did you think? What did you think?

Who did you have in mind?

I hate you!

You're a loser!

You're a shit! A piece of shit!

Light sobs

I'm going to get Nathan,
leave before he gets home.

The door opens and slams shut.

He sobs.

- Your son Nathan is HIV-negative,
but you are HIV-positive.

- What about the baby?

- The phenomenon of mother-to-child
phenomenon is still poorly understood.

There is a small possibility

to ensure that your child
born HIV-negative,

but the opposite is more likely.

- And with more thorough examinations?

- No.

Impossible to know
before birth.

In any case,

your T4 level is better
than your companion. You are at 800.

This means that the virus is
in your body,

but the viral load is still
not yet very active

and still very weak...
With a bit of luck,

it may not evolve.

- With a bit of luck.

- Sir.

Your immune system
are weaker, less active.

This suggests that
that HIV infection

is prior
that of your partner.

He nods.

- How much time do we have?

- I can't answer that.

And I'm not trying to spare you,
I don't know.

Nobody knows.
T4 levels and viral loads

can guide us,
but by no means,

to answer your questions.

Your AIDS is declared. In this case,

we can hope for 2 or 3 years.

At best.

- So there's no happy ending.

I want an abortion.

- What?

We didn't even talk about it.

- I've had time to think about it.

I won't make another orphan.

I don't think you have anything to say.

At the very least,
you didn't get it from Cyril.

- No.

I knew he was HIV positive.

We've always been careful.

- So with the others,
you weren't paying attention.

- Emma...
- Be quiet.

Really, shut up.

I'm going home on my own,
I want to be alone.

Melancholy music

---

- Sammy,

I did the right thing for the baby.

There will be no baby.

No new children.

I don't have the strength
or the foolish courage for such a gamble:

carrying life without knowing
if it isn't death as well.

I hope you'll understand.

Anyway, it's done.

I'm going away with Nathan for a few days
at my parents' house.

I need to be with people who love me
who love and trust me.

You don't fit into that category
at the moment.

- Did you have a fight with Sammy?

- Why not?

- Darling...

You show up here
with Nathan under your arm...

You say Sammy's not coming.

It's only natural that I should ask.

That's not like you.

- I lost the baby.

- Darling...

Why didn't you tell me?

- I don't know.

It's hard, but I'll be okay.

- Sweetie...

* Funk music

*---

- Cyril, someone's waiting for you.

*---

- I seem to be disturbing you.

- No, not at all.

What's going on?

- I'll come back.
- Wait, come on.

- I couldn't sleep.

Nor to stay at home on my own.

I always feel
I'm afraid.

It drives me crazy
that she didn't keep the baby.

- It was the only thing to do, wasn't it?

- Yes, I know.

Rationally, I know.

But it gives me even more
a feeling of...

loss.

See?

Except for Nathan,

I'll never have another child.

Never again.

I've always wanted to have children.

Even when I was 16,

I was already thinking about it.

They say it's the women
who think like that.

I've always thought about it.

I wanted to be a father, a good father.

Not like mine.

And that's why
I could never have done what you did.

- What do you mean?

- Just being queer.

- Come on.

* Quiet funk music

*---

Who wants a beer?

*---

- Would you like some?

*---

He coughs.

---

- Sammy, are you okay? Hey, how are you?

Sammy? Sammy! Sammy!

Sammy!

Come here, calm down.

Get me some water. Water, damn it!

Calm down, Sammy.

Breathe in... Breathe in...

Hurry up!

*---

- What's up?
- Better. He's sleeping.

But you have to wait for visitors.
I had to go out.

- How long does he keep it?

- A short week.
He's already recovered well.

- Damn, this is going too fast.

The results were a month ago
and he already has pneumonia?

- Maybe it has nothing to do with that.

How are you doing?

- I don't know. I feel fit
physically, that's something.

Otherwise, the sky is falling
a little more every day.

I was so angry with him
that I wanted him to die.

At my parents' house,
I was still thinking about it.

I imagined him dead, and it soothed me.

And when I got your call...

- I shouldn't be telling you this, but...

he didn't want me to call you.

He was afraid you wouldn't come.

- What a jerk.

...

- Come on.
Sammy groaned.

OK.

---

How are you?

Would you like a lift?
- No, that's all right.

Are the stairs all right?

Are you feeling up to it?

- Your parents are looking after Nathan
until when?

- Two or three more days.

I wanted us to spend some time together.
together.

I have to fill you in
before I go looking for it.

You've lost a lot.

- Normal, their food was disgusting.

You see, I didn't lose everything.

- What do you feel like eating?

Soft music

---

Wine?

---

Sammy vomits.

He coughs.

---

---

---

We knock.

- It's me, can I come in?

Am I bothering you?
- No, you're not. Come on in.

I couldn't sleep.

So I came here.

- I can't sleep either.

- Have you decided anything for your mother?

- I don't know yet.

What am I going to tell him?

That I'm sick?

That I have AIDS?

That some guy I don't know
gave it to me?

She'll start screaming and crying.

Begging me to return to Martinique,

and go with her to church
to heal myself

being queer, being sick...

I don't feel like it.

Photography is your drug.

You can't live without it.

- If you like.

I feel like...

my photos have changed
since I became HIV positive.

- What do you mean?

- I don't know.

It gave me

a requirement.

I want to work more and better.

I'm a better photographer
since the illness.

- Cool.

Long live sickness, long live death, then.

But I'm not an artist.

And neither did Emma.

We've got nothing else, just us.

- Have you seen Emma's photo?

- Where?
- That one.

- Mmh.

She's beautiful.

Emma, I mean.

Well...

The photo too, sorry.

- The model has a lot to do with it.

- And the artist.

- I've got good news
and bad news.

Well, no, not really. I just...

I've got some not-so-great news
and a good idea.

That's more like it.

Er...

I saw my doctor recently, and...

my T4s are falling apart.

And since I can't stand AZT...

There, I won't draw you a picture.

When it's over for me,

my parents will inherit
what I have left.

And I can't stand that they're making
money from my work...

because they only hurt me,

and have never understood anything
about me or my photos.

That was for the dark side,
the bad news.

And now for the light.

To the right idea.

Er...

If I married Emma,

she would inherit
and so would Nathan.

It'll help him
when the three of us are gone.

I know it sounds crazy, but...

but I've been thinking about it for a while.

And I, for one,
I find it perfectly logical.

- Look, there's Cyril. Cyril! Cyril!

- It has flowers.

- Hi, there.
I didn't know you were here.

I was on my way to your place.

- We're having coffee.

- Who's it for?

- It's for both of you.

Um... I need to talk to you
about something.

I have good news and bad news.

Well, no, it's not that...

I've got some not-so-great news
and a good idea.

Come on, hurry up! You're late!

She looks like the Queen of England.

- It's a wedding, after all.

My wedding was a long time ago.

I was in white, I regretted it.
I wanted fantasy.

- That's a good one.

- Good morning to you.
- Good morning to you.

The man sighs.

- Are we expecting other people?
- NO.

- Please have a seat.

We will now proceed with the ceremony.

I'm going to read you
the articles of the Civil Code.

We are here to unite

Cyril Paul Roger Varga

and Emma Anne Marie Clerval.

If the bride and groom
please come closer.

So, section 144:

a man and a woman may not
marry before the age of 18.

Article 146: there is no marriage
without consent.

Article 180:

marriage that has been contracted
without the free consent of the spouses

or one of them,
can only be contested by the spouses.

or by the person whose consent
was not freely given

or by the public prosecutor.

Melancholy music

---

- Ridiculous, isn't it?

I'm not going to wear it?

- It's up to you.

- I'd rather you had it.

Here.

---

He coughs.

- What are we toasting to?

- Summer?

- In summer.

---

- I'll sign.

To Albane,
because she lent us her house.

Do you want to sign?
- Yes, please.

- Sign here.

You be careful.

The man speaks in Italian.

---

- Daddy!

- I'm off.

---

- It's a harmonica. Blow.

Notes

Nathan's playful cries

- Oh my! Oops!

- Are you going to the shower with Mum?

- Yeah. Nathan, hit the showers.

Nathan laughed.

To the shower!

Soft, traditional Italian music

---

- Shall we see the music?

Oh, man, this is hard.

---

- Did you see that, Nathan?

---

- Would you like a drink?
- Sure.

---

- Here.

Emma, salute!

---

...

- Is it any good?
- We're good.

- Sammy, look out!

I told you not to wear it!

You'll end up hurting him!

Don't make that face,
the merchant's not far away.

Sammy.

He's crying.

---

- I'm dying.

- Don't say that...

Breathe, breathe...

It's okay, it's okay.

- I can't take it anymore.

I can't take it anymore.

---

Moving music

---

- The last time
I was in hospital,

I was full of medicine
and fever.

I was about to fall asleep,
I felt a presence.

I opened my eyes again,
I saw a black mass in the corner

approaching.

It was a bear.

A real one. Huge.

Hyper threatening.

I was tetanized.

He came so close to me

that I could feel his breath
on my face. I was frightened.

I was afraid for you. For Nathan.

I was hoping it would devour me
and leave you alone.

Then he disappeared.

I was swimming, out of breath,
like after a run.

Now,
I know when it happens,

it will look like this.

A bear that devours me.

But I'll also know, as I disappear
after the first bite,

that he'll leave you alone.

- No one will devour you.

When I walk with you
in a place like this,

everything seems eternal.

I guess we are, too.

I'm thinking we could be
the beginning of everything.

Before the illness, before Nathan.

First and foremost.

We're 16, standing in front of the
information gate.

We devour each other with our eyes.

I'm looking for my name, my class.

I don't care
which of my friends will be with me,

because it's so obvious:

it's you I want to be with.

It's you I want to know.

I know with absolute certainty
that you will come and talk to me.

From this moment on,

my life, our life,

it will be us.

Together.

Forever.

We're 16.

And nothing can happen to us.

Moving music

---

Little moans from an animal

---

Distant discussions of men

---

- 3 years ago,
if I had come here with Emma,

I might have gone to pick them up.

But right now, I don't even have the strength.

And at the same time,
3 years ago, I didn't know you,

so we couldn't have come here.

Maybe I wasn't sick 3 years ago.

Maybe one of them
who gave it to me.

No.

Well, no, 3 years ago,
I couldn't be here.

It wasn't an Italian
who gave me this stuff.

It's not...

---

...

* Radio crackles

* Lontano Dagli Occhi
(Sergio Endrigo)

*---

- "I REMEMBER THE BIG HORSE

"WHO WALKED HEAD AND MANE

"LIKE A CLUSTER OF LIGHT

"IN THE NIGHT OF THE NATIVE LAND."

- All right, I'll carry on.

"Who will tell me my worried dog

"His pawing at the door

"He who took for game

"The swirl of dead leaves."

Where are your parents? They're here.

Enjoy your evening.

Chloe, it's here.
Who's picking you up, Nathan?

Ah yes, very good.

- Cyril! How are you?
- Fine and you?

- I'm fine.

- I got you a pain au chocolat.
- Thank you for that.

- How was your day?
- Yeah, it was.

How are you?
- Yeah, fine.

- Frankly, it's amazing.

- That bad?

- Yes, it does,
triple therapy works perfectly.

And even beyond my expectations.

Your T4s have skyrocketed.

They are at the level
of a person who is not ill.

And your viral load is undetectable.

It may sound strange for me to say this,

but you're healthy.
Very healthy.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

I'm telling you

that you need to look ahead
on a long life.

A normal life.

- A normal life?

- I would never say that lightly.
lightly,

but you might even
have another child.

- Are you kidding me?

- No.

A viral load this low
is not contaminating.

If you became pregnant,

it is highly likely
that the child is HIV-negative.

- I can't believe it,
I can't believe it.

But it's not 100% sure?

- Yes, almost.

I know you're still in mourning,

but as I was saying,

life is long.

You need to start
to integrate this idea.

Nathan exclaims

- Another slip!

Beautiful!

- Cuckoo.

What's with the rollerblades?

- It's a gift.

- It's not her birthday.

- It's a gift like that,

for no official reason.

- Did you thank Cyril?

- Yes.
- I've had hugs for 10 years.

- Are you staying for dinner?

- Yeah,
I've already prepared a few things.

- Come and see!

- I'm on my way.

- What were you thinking?

It would have made a great Christmas present,
but now...

- We talked on the way home from school...

I felt sad,
I wanted to please him.

- If he has a gift
every time he's sad...

Don't give him gifts
that I can't give him.

- OK.

- How's Cyril?

- Why do you ask?

You see him a lot, don't you?

- That's just it, no.

You see it more often than I do.

- Can't you see yourself
for his next show?

- Not really, no.

It's been a long time
since he showed me anything new.

How do you think he's doing?

- Listen, health-wise, it's fine.

In fact, it's very good.
The triple therapy works like a charm.

And he looks after Nathan.

Strange that he didn't show you anything,

because he's in the lab all the time.

- Below your house?
- Yes.

- You know, in the beginning,

when he told me he was ill,
I was afraid of losing him.

Now that he's better,
I'm happy for him, but...

it's as if the urgency has disappeared.

That it had dried out.

- I'll introduce you to her.
She means a lot to me.

- We'll see.

It's crazy.

You're the first married man
who wants me to meet his wife.

- We're married, but not really.

- Well, yes.

- You know, with Emma...

we don't live together,
we don't sleep together.

It's nothing like
with anything you've ever experienced.

- What about Sammy?
- What about Sammy?

- Do you think about him often?

- Very much so.

But less than before.

It's mostly when I see his son,
Nathan.

He looks so much like her.

- Yeah, yeah.

And you pick him up from school
3 times a week.

Is there anything I should do?

- No, keep sulking.

Pretend I'm not here.

Don't smile.

You need to sulk.

- You're funny...

- Well, keep drinking your coffee

and do nothing.

I can't do it.

The light is good, though.

- You've got the wrong model.

- It's not you, it's me.

I can no longer
to photograph what I see.

I mean, the way I feel.

A door opens and closes.

- Hi, there.

- We weren't supposed to meet today.

- I'm on my way to the lab, so I stopped by.

I'm hungry, is there anything left?

Shall I get Nathan?

- I left him at the canteen.
I took the day off.

- I never stop working.

- Really?

- By the way, I wanted to tell you...

I met someone.

Do you mind?

- Why would that bother me?
- I don't know why.

I wouldn't want you
think I'd forget.

- I don't think so.

I'm so happy for you.

Really.

Cyril.

I'd like my keys back.

Your keys. Duplicate keys.

- Why?

Have you met someone too?

- No, I'd just like them back.

- How do I deal with Nathan?
Wait for you at the café for 3 hours?

- I've been thinking about it

and I'll check with Albane
to finish earlier on certain evenings.

And it can go to the study.

- He hates it.

- I'm not going down on my knees
either.

- Here.

I don't see why you have to change everything.

I feel like I've been dismissed.

- No, it's not that.

But I can't rely on you
like this.

I have to do things differently.

All alone.

- What's the point?

- I just don't know
if we're doing the right thing for Nathan.

You're so present in her life.

I don't know if he realizes
that his father is dead.

- You don't know him very well.

- Please go. Please go away.

We're going to get nasty.

The door opens and slams shut.

...

(- Damn, that sucks.)

Damn it!

- Kisses, see you tomorrow.

- Enjoy your evening.
- Thank you for your time.

- Excuse me, can I get through?
- We're working.

- Everyone's working!

Close the door, I'm coming through.
- This can't be happening.

Horn

- Can you step back?

I'm late, sorry.

- It's okay, it's okay,
he's waiting for you in the courtyard.

- I'm sorry, darling.

She starts the scooter.

Nathan, I told you
to hold me for the road.

She turns it off.

Nathan? I'm talking to you.

You've got me.

- I don't feel like it.

- All right, then. We'll stay right here.

We can sleep here,
we won't be late tomorrow.

Soft music

---

You've got an army of them.

- They're lifeguards.

Into the water!
- All right, then.

I'm sorry I got upset
earlier.

I got upset
because I'm tired.

- When Cyril picked me up,
you were less tired.

- It's true, I ran less.
It was more practical.

But I have to do without him.

- Why?

- Because he's not your daddy,
or my lover.

I have to do this alone.
- You're not alone. I'm right here.

- Yes, you're here.

Of course you can.

---

Come on.

We have to get a divorce.

I've been thinking about it.

There's no rush,
but I'd like to do it this year.

Do you understand or not?

- Yeah, I get it.

I'm not an idiot.

- In any case,
it's better for you too?

For Jérémie.

- No, Jérémie doesn't care.

He understood the situation.

I'm sad,
like a real divorce.

- It will be a real divorce.

- I feel like I've lost everything.

But I don't have Sammy anymore.

I'll have more Nathan soon.

After the divorce, I won't see you anymore.

- What about your work?

- I can't do anything anymore.

- Is it since Sammy died?

- No, that came later.

With triple therapy.

On the one hand, it saved me...

but I have more momentum.

- Photos taken in Italy,
what did you do with them?

- Can't sleep?

- No.

- What's on your mind?

- To nothing, to us.

- To nothing or to us?

* Holding Back The Years
(Simply Red)

*---

---

- He'll make the prints bigger
if I validate the idea of an exhibition?

- Obviously.

He didn't want to make the selection.
He didn't feel strong enough.

- You were his second eye,
in a way.

- Yes, well, I did what I could.
By feel.

It was hard to know how to choose

and dive back into it all.

- Yeah.

Well...

It's very beautiful.

We're going to do the exhibition.
But I want Cyril to come and see me

and make sure he doesn't plant us.

- He'd never do that to you.

- I haven't seen him for 6 months.
Tell him to call me.

If it's the last one,
I want it to be sublime.

Melancholy music

---

- Jérémie?

- Emma?
I've heard a lot about you.

- Me too.

I haven't seen Cyril, where is he?

- He's outside, hiding.

---

- You're not spending the evening here?

- No, but I'd like to.

Thank you.

I couldn't have done it without you.

This is my last exhibition.

- Are you sure?

- Pretty sure.

- What are you going to do next?

- I don't know, I'll find out.

We've got life ahead of us,
now, don't we?

---

Soft funk music

---

Subtitling TITRAFILM