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1
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? I know my parents love me ?
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,333
{\an8}? Stand behind me come what may ?
3
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,333
{\an8}? I know now that I'm ready ?
4
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,200
{\an8}? Because I finally heard them say ?
5
00:00:18,266 --> 00:00:21,466
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
6
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,233
{\an8}? From where you come from ?
7
00:00:42,066 --> 00:00:44,433
{\an8}? Here's a chance to make it ?
8
00:00:45,266 --> 00:00:48,266
{\an8}? If we focus on our goal ?
9
00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:52,233
{\an8}? If you dish it, we can take it ?
10
00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:55,433
{\an8}? Just remember you've been told ?
11
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:58,600
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
12
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:01,366
{\an8}? From where you come from ?
13
00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:06,200
{\an8}? It's a different world ?
14
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,833
{\an8}? From where you come from ?
15
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{\an8}
16
00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:23,966
Morning, Jaleesa. Hi, Denise.
17
00:01:24,433 --> 00:01:25,633
- Whitley.
- Whitley.
18
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:28,866
My, what full plates we have today.
19
00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:32,086
Could I borrow some condiments?
20
00:01:32,087 --> 00:01:34,432
My eggs need
a little sprinkling of something.
21
00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:36,499
Sure, Whitley,
sprinkle to your heart's content.
22
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:37,550
Thanks.
23
00:01:37,566 --> 00:01:39,166
Bon app�tit, ladies.
24
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:43,966
But remember, full plates today
mean empty arms tomorrow.
25
00:01:45,433 --> 00:01:47,133
Come on, Maggie!
26
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,133
I said no, Dwayne.
27
00:01:49,766 --> 00:01:50,933
Please?
28
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,050
Dwayne.
29
00:01:52,051 --> 00:01:54,932
Didn't your mother ever tell you
not to play with your food?
30
00:01:54,933 --> 00:01:56,100
This isn't food.
31
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,300
- These are Eggbies.
- A whatby?
32
00:01:58,366 --> 00:02:00,333
Eggby. Baby.
33
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,900
Yeah.
34
00:02:04,766 --> 00:02:06,506
It's an experiment for psych class.
35
00:02:06,507 --> 00:02:08,965
We're supposed to look after them
like they're real babies.
36
00:02:08,966 --> 00:02:10,100
See, mine's a boy.
37
00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:11,266
He's adorable.
38
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,766
Come on, Maggie, we got to switch, please.
39
00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:17,266
Dwayne, this is the egg
I've been assigned.
40
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:18,999
I feel I'm already bonding with it.
41
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,765
You could bond with this one even better.
42
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,366
It's a girl. You're a girl.
43
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,923
It's gonna be a scrambled girl
if you keep tossing it around like that.
44
00:02:25,924 --> 00:02:26,932
Whoops!
45
00:02:26,933 --> 00:02:28,000
Dwayne!
46
00:02:28,066 --> 00:02:29,600
Psych!
47
00:02:32,166 --> 00:02:34,516
Maggie, what's the point
of this assignment?
48
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,933
We're supposed to write down
all the things that happen to the egg.
49
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,366
Oh, that's exciting.
50
00:02:39,433 --> 00:02:42,100
10:45, sat on cafeteria table.
51
00:02:42,166 --> 00:02:43,933
Eleven o'clock, still there.
52
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:49,600
No, we're supposed to make up things
that could happen to a real child,
53
00:02:49,666 --> 00:02:52,166
so we'll know
what it's like to take care of one.
54
00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:55,400
Maggie, no egg is going to teach you that.
55
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,533
Real children do not come in cartons.
56
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,866
I always wanted a baby brother�
57
00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,233
Or at least a dog.
58
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,166
- You never had pets?
- We couldn't.
59
00:03:05,233 --> 00:03:08,303
My dad was always transferring us
from army base to army base.
60
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,933
I did have a lot
of imaginary friends, though.
61
00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:14,433
There was Sheila in Scotland,
62
00:03:15,166 --> 00:03:16,900
Gunther in Germany�
63
00:03:16,966 --> 00:03:18,633
- Gunther?
- Yes.
64
00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:20,000
Omar in Iran�
65
00:03:20,001 --> 00:03:21,499
But I didn't get along with him.
66
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,866
And Peach Blossom in Japan.
67
00:03:24,933 --> 00:03:26,166
Peach Blossom?
68
00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:28,600
She was very shy.
69
00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:31,533
Sometimes, I even forgot she was there.
70
00:03:32,866 --> 00:03:36,416
Trouble with imaginary friends
is you just can't play catch with them.
71
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,166
Here are your condiments back.
72
00:03:38,233 --> 00:03:39,283
Thank you.
73
00:03:39,966 --> 00:03:43,300
Oh, they're not doing
that silly egg experiment again, are they?
74
00:03:43,301 --> 00:03:47,099
I did the same project last year,
and I found it to be a relentless bore.
75
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,720
You actually took care of an egg?
76
00:03:49,266 --> 00:03:50,316
Of course not.
77
00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:53,566
Any sensible parent knows
how essential a nanny is
78
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,433
to the upbringing of a child.
79
00:04:03,766 --> 00:04:05,300
- Stevie?
- Yeah?
80
00:04:05,301 --> 00:04:07,632
I know you're busy being a mother,
81
00:04:07,633 --> 00:04:10,566
which is what exactly
I'm coming to ask you about.
82
00:04:10,633 --> 00:04:13,533
Ah-ha, the egg experiment again.
83
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,666
J.T.!
84
00:04:18,733 --> 00:04:20,899
How many Band-Aids did you put on?
85
00:04:20,966 --> 00:04:22,166
All of them.
86
00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:25,000
Did Teddy fall down and hurt himself, too?
87
00:04:25,066 --> 00:04:26,633
We're not really hurt.
88
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:29,665
Every time you think you've
told them everything you remember,
89
00:04:29,666 --> 00:04:32,265
you didn't tell them not to put Band-Aids
all over their bodies.
90
00:04:32,266 --> 00:04:34,133
Oh, that's good, that's good.
91
00:04:36,033 --> 00:04:37,966
Is that a robin's egg?
92
00:04:39,766 --> 00:04:40,816
Oh, no.
93
00:04:41,666 --> 00:04:42,800
This is my Eggby.
94
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,633
I have to take care of him
for a class project.
95
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,200
What's his name?
96
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:51,220
I haven't thought of a name.
97
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,066
Can you think of one?
98
00:04:53,566 --> 00:04:54,616
Artie.
99
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,083
Artie?
100
00:04:56,766 --> 00:04:58,633
He's a fireman at my school.
101
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,600
He doesn't have any hair, either.
102
00:05:04,166 --> 00:05:05,900
We'll call him Artie, Jr.
103
00:05:05,901 --> 00:05:08,999
So, Maggie, what exactly
do you want to know about raising kids?
104
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,633
Everything. I don't even know
how much babies weigh.
105
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,500
Well, J.T. was nine pounds, eight ounces.
106
00:05:14,566 --> 00:05:15,616
I was big.
107
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,833
Show her my book, Mommy.
108
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,900
Oh, J.T. that's a good idea.
109
00:05:19,966 --> 00:05:22,766
It's a whole book about me!
110
00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:24,700
- Wow!
- Maybe this will help you.
111
00:05:24,766 --> 00:05:26,266
It's J.T.'s baby book.
112
00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:31,700
J.T., you didn't have
any hair, either.
113
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,866
Oh, oh!
114
00:05:34,933 --> 00:05:36,266
Oh, this is perfect.
115
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:37,833
Can I borrow this overnight?
116
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:38,950
Sure.
117
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,050
Thank you.
118
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,333
- Maggie, you forgot something.
- What?
119
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,733
Your firstborn.
120
00:05:48,566 --> 00:05:51,166
? Cinderfella Dana Dane! ?
121
00:05:51,233 --> 00:05:53,400
? But I'm the rapper Dana Dane with fame ?
122
00:05:53,466 --> 00:05:55,766
? Cinderfella Dana Dane! ?
123
00:05:58,466 --> 00:05:59,516
You guys, listen.
124
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:02,233
J.T.'s first word was "wub."
125
00:06:03,033 --> 00:06:06,566
- "Wub"?
- Maggie, "wub" is not a word.
126
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:10,333
Yes, it is. His first sentence was
"Mommy, I wub you."
127
00:06:12,466 --> 00:06:15,966
Okay, what should Artie's first word be?
128
00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:17,333
What about "fwy"?
129
00:06:18,517 --> 00:06:20,599
What do you mean?
130
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,833
Well, then, his first sentence could be,
131
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:25,166
"Mommy, please don't fwy me."
132
00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:27,000
Oh!
133
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,833
Come on, Jaleesa,
the point of this experiment
134
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:34,499
is to stop treating Artie like an egg
and start treating him like a child.
135
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:36,399
What did you name him "Artie" for anyway?
136
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,366
J.T. named him
after his school's bald fire marshal.
137
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,903
Oh, yeah. That's why I plan to name
all my children.
138
00:06:41,904 --> 00:06:43,565
How many are you gonna have?
139
00:06:43,566 --> 00:06:44,933
A dozen? A half a dozen?
140
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,333
Probably two�
141
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,450
sunny side up.
142
00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:49,766
You guys, come on!
143
00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:52,032
You know, in the half a day
that I've had this egg,
144
00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:55,223
it's really made me start thinking
about motherhood and stuff.
145
00:06:55,766 --> 00:06:58,233
I mean, what if there's a nuclear war?
146
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,466
What if he runs with scissors?
147
00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:06,143
What if he goes to school
and he gets in trouble with his teachers,
148
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,850
and he can't get into college,
and he can't get a job,
149
00:07:08,851 --> 00:07:11,232
and he'll be 25 years old
and he'll still live at home?
150
00:07:11,233 --> 00:07:13,333
And I'll say, "You're wasting your life!"
151
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:14,966
But you just can't talk to him.
152
00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:20,965
Maggie, look on the bright side.
What if he grows up and becomes President?
153
00:07:20,966 --> 00:07:23,500
Oh, he'll be so happy in the Oval Office.
154
00:07:26,333 --> 00:07:29,866
Okay, I know I'm taking this
a little too seriously.
155
00:07:30,633 --> 00:07:33,200
But Artie's the first thing
I ever had to care for.
156
00:07:33,766 --> 00:07:36,266
And he breaks easily, don't you?
157
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,866
Good night, little Artie,
pleasant dreams.
158
00:07:43,833 --> 00:07:47,563
Hey, Maggie, if you're Artie's mother,
who's the father? Humpty Dumpty?
159
00:07:50,934 --> 00:07:53,899
Thank you for the help, Dwayne.
160
00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,032
These days, it doesn't seem
I have enough hands.
161
00:07:56,033 --> 00:07:57,432
Hey, how was volleyball practice?
162
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,933
- Oh.
- Lousy.
163
00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:02,665
I just couldn't concentrate
with Artie there.
164
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:04,199
She's not kidding. It was amazing.
165
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,333
The ball hit her more times
than she hit it.
166
00:08:06,334 --> 00:08:09,499
I don't know how I'm gonna play
in the game tonight,
167
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,900
with Artie on the sidelines.
168
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,866
He might get splattered by a stray spike.
169
00:08:13,933 --> 00:08:14,983
May I suggest�
170
00:08:16,133 --> 00:08:17,933
for the single parent on the go�
171
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,216
the padded,
172
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:21,800
water-resistant,
173
00:08:21,866 --> 00:08:23,400
and extremely fashionable
174
00:08:23,466 --> 00:08:25,566
Egg Transporter!
175
00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:27,199
Dag!
176
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,932
Is this the same man, who, yesterday,
177
00:08:28,933 --> 00:08:31,066
was playing Frisbee with his daughter?
178
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:32,766
What, a person can't change?
179
00:08:32,833 --> 00:08:36,033
We are in college
to learn and to grow, aren't we?
180
00:08:36,034 --> 00:08:39,132
Dwayne, I'm very impressed. Maybe our kids
could play together sometime.
181
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:40,183
Not on your life!
182
00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:42,333
I know those blue eggs.
183
00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:45,566
They only have one thing on their minds.
184
00:08:46,466 --> 00:08:48,033
Come on, pumpkin, let's go.
185
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,770
I really don't know what I'm gonna do
about that volleyball game tonight.
186
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,433
Maggie, why don't you just
leave Artie in the room?
187
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,933
I'm sure he'll be fine.
188
00:09:00,934 --> 00:09:04,899
I'm supposed to treat him like a real kid.
I couldn't leave a real kid in a room.
189
00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:06,033
Not with my stuff.
190
00:09:07,666 --> 00:09:11,166
I'll have to give up the game
and I'll have to stay at home with Artie.
191
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:13,633
Motherhood!
192
00:09:14,333 --> 00:09:18,266
Look, Maggie, I'm going to be
watching J.T. tonight anyway,
193
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:21,966
so, I guess Artie won't be
that much more trouble.
194
00:09:22,033 --> 00:09:23,933
I'll watch him if you want me to.
195
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,933
I don't know. Would a mother
leave her brand-new baby?
196
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:28,533
Maggie, please!
197
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,800
I raised seven brothers and sisters.
198
00:09:30,866 --> 00:09:32,933
I really think I can handle this.
199
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,880
Did you ever drop any of them by mistake?
200
00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:38,500
Okay, okay, I know!
201
00:09:38,566 --> 00:09:41,266
If Stevie can trust you, I can trust you.
202
00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,683
- Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.
- Wait.
203
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,450
Here.
204
00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:47,283
What's that?
205
00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:49,400
That's the number where I can be reached.
206
00:10:04,933 --> 00:10:07,066
- Did you time me?
- Mm-hmm.
207
00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:09,966
Exactly three minutes and 29 seconds.
208
00:10:09,967 --> 00:10:12,599
That's pretty fast
for changing into your pajamas.
209
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,900
- You didn't cheat, did you?
- No.
210
00:10:14,966 --> 00:10:18,396
I'm not gonna go in there and find clothes
all over the floor, will I?
211
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,400
Time me again.
212
00:10:20,466 --> 00:10:21,900
Okay.
213
00:10:23,466 --> 00:10:25,200
- Jaleesa.
- Yeah?
214
00:10:25,266 --> 00:10:26,366
I tried for 15 minutes.
215
00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:29,323
Your desk drawer is stuck,
and my calculator is prisoner.
216
00:10:29,466 --> 00:10:32,433
- Will you help me?
- Oh, I can't now. I'm babysitting J.T.
217
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,633
Oh, besides, this is the best part.
218
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,765
Jaleesa, come on,
I really need my calculator.
219
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:39,299
What, you were struck with
a sudden urge to calculate?
220
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:42,730
No, I was struck with a sudden urge
to pass my calculus test tomorrow.
221
00:10:43,266 --> 00:10:44,800
Buona sera, Tutti.
222
00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:49,866
My, Jaleesa, don't we look comfy tonight.
223
00:10:50,666 --> 00:10:52,666
Whitley, will you watch J.T. for a second?
224
00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:56,766
Well, ordinarily, I devote this time
to my nightly beauty ritual.
225
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:59,533
Something I recommend
for you two, as well.
226
00:11:02,533 --> 00:11:03,583
Well�
227
00:11:03,584 --> 00:11:05,999
it's just that my calculator
is stuck in Jaleesa's drawer,
228
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,065
and I need her to come upstairs
and help me get it.
229
00:11:08,066 --> 00:11:08,965
Please, please.
230
00:11:08,966 --> 00:11:12,833
There is no need to explain
your bizarre ways of sharing to me.
231
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,100
So, does that mean you'll watch J.T.?
232
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,666
Oh, I suppose so.
233
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,100
Where is the little cherub?
234
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,999
He's in his room picking up his clothes.
235
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,032
Hmm.
236
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:29,463
Don't you think he should be aboard
the Slumberland Express by now?
237
00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:31,633
It is almost his bedtime.
238
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:33,560
So, could you give him a glass of milk,
239
00:11:33,561 --> 00:11:36,632
and tell him about the time
your great-great-aunt Genevieve
240
00:11:36,633 --> 00:11:38,233
shook President Taft's hand.
241
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:41,200
He'll be on that train
to Slumberland in no time.
242
00:11:46,366 --> 00:11:47,866
Whitley, where's J.T.?
243
00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:51,400
I just tucked him in for the night.
He's sound asleep.
244
00:11:51,466 --> 00:11:52,900
What a sugar pie.
245
00:11:52,966 --> 00:11:56,233
Hey, I told you that President Taft story
works like a charm.
246
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,100
I tell it to myself sometimes.
247
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,600
What is Michael Landon
doing on Twilight Zone?
248
00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:08,200
I learn something new every week
on Highway To Heaven.
249
00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:12,183
Yeah.
250
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,666
Study break already?
251
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,566
I find popcorn essential
to solving quadratic equations.
252
00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:21,916
Yeah.
253
00:12:24,366 --> 00:12:25,416
Where's Artie?
254
00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:27,283
Who?
255
00:12:27,766 --> 00:12:28,816
Artie, the Eggby.
256
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,250
He's right in the-
257
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:31,716
Oh, no!
258
00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:35,303
Quick, check around the couch!
He's got to be here somewhere.
259
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:38,933
When's Maggie getting back?
260
00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:39,999
Any minute.
261
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,766
The game's got to be over by now.
262
00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:43,033
She's gonna freak.
263
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:45,870
Just keep looking, okay?
And be careful where you step.
264
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,933
Jaleesa, where could an egg go?
265
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:52,366
Denise, he was right here all night,
until I went upstairs with you.
266
00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:54,399
Oh, no, Miss Thing.
Don't bring me into this!
267
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,065
You were the one who was egg-sitting!
268
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,799
Yeah, and that's exactly what I was doing
269
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,333
until you came down
crying about my desk drawer!
270
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,666
Now, that makes you just as responsible.
271
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:04,733
Well, it doesn't matter.
272
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,200
Maggie's gonna come here and kill us both.
273
00:13:07,266 --> 00:13:08,500
You know, this is crazy.
274
00:13:08,501 --> 00:13:11,365
She's gonna walk through that door,
find Artie missing,
275
00:13:11,366 --> 00:13:12,633
and jump all over us.
276
00:13:13,733 --> 00:13:14,783
I know.
277
00:13:15,133 --> 00:13:18,200
All because of a stupid egg.
A stupid blue egg.
278
00:13:18,266 --> 00:13:19,466
You know, you're right!
279
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,766
You know, if the egg
was so important to her,
280
00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:24,032
then why did she leave it here
to go play volleyball?
281
00:13:24,033 --> 00:13:25,266
Right? Some mother.
282
00:13:26,033 --> 00:13:27,466
She has got some nerve!
283
00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:29,332
You know, here I am, doing her a favor,
284
00:13:29,333 --> 00:13:30,833
wasting my entire evening,
285
00:13:30,834 --> 00:13:32,865
and she's gonna walk in here
with that attitude?
286
00:13:32,866 --> 00:13:33,916
Okay.
287
00:13:36,111 --> 00:13:40,565
Well, if she thinks
I'm going to feel guilty,
288
00:13:40,566 --> 00:13:42,126
she's got another thing coming.
289
00:13:45,066 --> 00:13:46,766
Hey, I made the winning spike!
290
00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,600
It was just a stupid egg!
291
00:13:49,266 --> 00:13:50,316
What?
292
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,633
Denise has got something to tell you.
293
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,066
I knew it. I knew
I never should've left him.
294
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,633
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
295
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,200
Sorry won't bring Artie back.
296
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,966
Okay, did you look under the couch?
297
00:14:10,033 --> 00:14:11,413
Maybe he rolled under there.
298
00:14:11,466 --> 00:14:12,516
Maggie.
299
00:14:12,833 --> 00:14:14,000
Artie's not here.
300
00:14:16,866 --> 00:14:18,000
Oh, my God.
301
00:14:18,533 --> 00:14:20,000
You didn't drop him, did you?
302
00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:21,932
He's not at the bottom
of some garbage pail,
303
00:14:21,933 --> 00:14:24,566
smeared all over some cheap paper towel?
304
00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:27,200
Maggie� �no one dropped him, okay?
305
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,500
He's just missing. Temporarily.
306
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,266
Okay. Where was he?
307
00:14:32,733 --> 00:14:34,333
Where did you last see him?
308
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,333
He was right here all night,
between the peanut butter and the popcorn
309
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,066
until I came back downstairs.
310
00:14:40,133 --> 00:14:42,733
Back downstairs? You left him!
311
00:14:43,266 --> 00:14:44,633
Well, just for a minute.
312
00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:48,000
Denise begged me to go and help her
with my desk drawer.
313
00:14:51,666 --> 00:14:54,800
I really needed my calculator
to do my calculus.
314
00:14:54,866 --> 00:14:57,166
So, you did. You left him all alone.
315
00:14:57,633 --> 00:14:59,033
No, Whitley was here.
316
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,000
Whitley?
317
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,666
Okay, where's my-
318
00:15:16,733 --> 00:15:18,000
Murderer!
319
00:15:18,566 --> 00:15:22,433
Don't you think you're
carrying vegetarianism a little too far?
320
00:15:23,033 --> 00:15:24,900
Whitley, did you take Maggie's egg?
321
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,133
Denise, why would I do that?
322
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,800
I don't just use any old yolk on my skin.
323
00:15:29,801 --> 00:15:32,932
Whitley, are you positive you didn't
pick up Maggie's egg by mistake?
324
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:36,133
Jaleesa, are you accusing me
of being an egg poacher?
325
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:42,866
Oh.
326
00:15:42,933 --> 00:15:44,800
It's almost funny, isn't it?
327
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,133
Well, check the egg shells
if you're not convinced.
328
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,650
Oh, she's telling the truth.
There's no blue shells in here.
329
00:15:55,633 --> 00:15:56,683
Sorry, Whitley.
330
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,300
Oh, Maggie, I'm�
331
00:16:01,466 --> 00:16:02,566
I'm really sorry.
332
00:16:02,567 --> 00:16:05,832
This is just as much
my fault as it's Jaleesa's.
333
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:08,133
Mm, it's nobody's fault but my own.
334
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:11,100
I made the decision to leave him with you.
335
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:13,366
It was an incredibly stupid decision.
336
00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:15,766
It was my decision.
337
00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:18,800
Ladies, I know you're distraught,
338
00:16:18,866 --> 00:16:21,300
but don't dwell on your sorrows.
339
00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:23,366
Or on my bed.
340
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,630
Maggie, aren't you gonna be late
for class?
341
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,700
He's out there somewhere.
342
00:16:42,533 --> 00:16:43,583
Who?
343
00:16:44,033 --> 00:16:45,083
Artie.
344
00:16:45,084 --> 00:16:49,832
Somewhere among those dead leaves
and those barren trees,
345
00:16:49,833 --> 00:16:51,600
there's a blue Eggby out there.
346
00:16:51,601 --> 00:16:53,865
And he's calling out for help,
but no one can hear him
347
00:16:53,866 --> 00:16:55,333
because he has no lips.
348
00:16:56,317 --> 00:17:00,665
Maggie, come on,
he'll show up sooner or later.
349
00:17:00,666 --> 00:17:02,800
Yeah, Mag. He's got a tough shell.
350
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:08,166
I made up some posters
to put around campus.
351
00:17:11,066 --> 00:17:12,933
I know you guys think I'm crazy,
352
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,966
but I haven't been this upset
353
00:17:15,033 --> 00:17:17,400
since my pet got left out in the rain.
354
00:17:17,466 --> 00:17:19,166
I thought you didn't have any pets.
355
00:17:19,233 --> 00:17:22,566
He wasn't a real pet.
He was a Kleenex on a leash.
356
00:17:27,566 --> 00:17:28,866
- Bye, sweetie.
- Bye.
357
00:17:29,433 --> 00:17:30,483
Bye.
358
00:17:31,933 --> 00:17:33,633
We have got to help this girl.
359
00:17:36,766 --> 00:17:39,416
All right, which one of these
most looks like Artie?
360
00:17:39,666 --> 00:17:41,226
Medium, extra large, or jumbo?
361
00:17:41,533 --> 00:17:44,000
Denise, I don't know.
He was an egg in a basket.
362
00:17:44,001 --> 00:17:46,432
It's not like he had
any distinguishing features.
363
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,843
- You were the last to see Artie alive.
- All right.
364
00:17:51,866 --> 00:17:54,533
I'll have to say Bachelor Number Two.
365
00:17:58,066 --> 00:17:59,116
This guy?
366
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:01,550
No way.
367
00:18:01,766 --> 00:18:03,300
Fine, then you pick one.
368
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:11,133
No, he's too thin.
369
00:18:13,366 --> 00:18:14,416
How about this one?
370
00:18:16,966 --> 00:18:18,033
It's too pointy.
371
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:24,666
Artie!
372
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,500
Hey! Any luck with the posters?
373
00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,766
No. It doesn't matter.
374
00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:41,400
It's just a psych experiment.
375
00:18:41,466 --> 00:18:43,816
No, come on, Maggie,
I know how you really feel.
376
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,133
I feel like I failed as a parent.
377
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,066
Don't! Anybody can tell that
you'd make a great mother.
378
00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:52,600
You would. You're warm, caring�
379
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:55,483
warm.
380
00:18:57,766 --> 00:18:58,816
Thanks, Dwayne.
381
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,933
- Hey, you think I'd make a good father?
- Yeah.
382
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,233
Would you do me a favor?
383
00:19:04,866 --> 00:19:05,916
What?
384
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:07,920
Would you be sure to tell Denise?
385
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:09,750
Maggie�
386
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,666
We got some great news.
387
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:14,865
We came home from class today,
and guess who was outside the door.
388
00:19:14,866 --> 00:19:15,966
Artie!
389
00:19:17,433 --> 00:19:18,833
This isn't Artie.
390
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,033
- Are you sure?
- Well, how can you tell?
391
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,466
A mother can tell.
392
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:25,700
This is an impostor.
393
00:19:25,766 --> 00:19:28,476
Oh, yeah, somebody's trying
to sell you a wolf ticket.
394
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:34,233
Somebody who forgot to wash
incriminating egg dye off her hands.
395
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:35,350
Wait.
396
00:19:35,766 --> 00:19:39,266
The same somebodies who would make up
an egg-on-the-doorstep story
397
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:41,365
because they're finally feeling
a little guilty.
398
00:19:41,366 --> 00:19:44,000
Denise, Jaleesa, I'm surprised at you.
399
00:19:44,066 --> 00:19:45,633
You just don't understand.
400
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:48,833
You can't fool a parent.
401
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,400
We were only trying to help.
402
00:19:51,466 --> 00:19:52,800
You don't understand.
403
00:19:53,466 --> 00:19:55,086
When I started this experiment,
404
00:19:55,566 --> 00:19:57,166
I really didn't care about�
405
00:19:57,833 --> 00:19:59,033
Doreen.
406
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,666
She was� To me, she was just another egg.
407
00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:05,843
But, uh, then, something happened.
I don't know, she became a part of me,
408
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:07,400
like my high-tops.
409
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:10,566
Well, I guess we made a mistake.
410
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,000
To err is human,
but you guys really messed up.
411
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,270
What kind of world do we live in
where an egg just disappears?
412
00:20:22,066 --> 00:20:23,116
Sorry about the door.
413
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:25,633
Maggie, I think we need to talk.
414
00:20:25,634 --> 00:20:27,299
About my door slamming?
415
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,266
No, about this egg business.
416
00:20:29,733 --> 00:20:32,733
Now, I know losing this egg
is upsetting to you.
417
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,433
Yeah. And Denise and Jaleesa
just tried to slip me a fake Artie,
418
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:38,300
as if I wouldn't know the difference.
419
00:20:38,866 --> 00:20:41,766
If someone tried to slip you a fake J.T.,
how would you feel?
420
00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:43,966
J.T. is my flesh and blood.
421
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,366
Artie is just an egg.
422
00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:47,899
I know he's just an egg,
but he's more than just an egg.
423
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:50,266
He was my responsibility,
and I really blew it.
424
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:52,366
Maggie, I lost J.T.,
425
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:55,600
at a department store,
in the fabric section.
426
00:20:55,666 --> 00:20:57,933
It was the longest two hours of my life.
427
00:20:58,766 --> 00:21:01,066
- But you found him.
- No, not me.
428
00:21:01,133 --> 00:21:04,633
A security guard found him
fast asleep in the fake furs.
429
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:05,800
Really?
430
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,066
Mothers make lots of mistakes.
431
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:10,900
Motherhood is not a course
that you can get an "A" in.
432
00:21:11,933 --> 00:21:14,266
- But I failed.
- Come with me.
433
00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:15,533
I need to check J.T.
434
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,000
He's probably
kicked his covers off by now.
435
00:21:26,066 --> 00:21:28,666
I think he does the decathlon
in his sleep.
436
00:21:35,266 --> 00:21:36,400
It's not fair.
437
00:21:36,466 --> 00:21:38,200
He's hell on wheels all day.
438
00:21:38,633 --> 00:21:40,900
But when I see him like this, I just melt.
439
00:21:41,866 --> 00:21:43,933
This room was clean an hour ago.
440
00:21:45,633 --> 00:21:46,933
Put this in his glove.
441
00:21:51,566 --> 00:21:52,616
It's Artie!
442
00:21:53,066 --> 00:21:56,100
I can't believe it.
How did J.T. wind up with him?
443
00:21:56,700 --> 00:21:58,766
His father gave him that glove.
444
00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:01,633
I guess J.T. really wanted
to take care of him.
445
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:04,133
Mm! And he did name him Artie.
446
00:22:05,433 --> 00:22:07,433
You know, J.T. is an only child.
447
00:22:07,966 --> 00:22:10,500
I'll just tell J.T. Artie had to go home.
448
00:22:11,566 --> 00:22:12,616
No.
449
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,733
I guess it will be okay
if he sleeps at a friend's house.
450
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,600
I'll pick you up in the morning.
451
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,200
I'll take down the posters.
452
00:22:22,666 --> 00:22:25,066
There's so much to know
about being a mother.
453
00:22:25,133 --> 00:22:27,533
I don't know how
I'll ever learn it in time.
454
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,600
Maggie, don't worry.
455
00:22:29,666 --> 00:22:31,266
No one ever does.
456
00:22:32,966 --> 00:22:34,133
Thank you.
457
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:40,800
Maggie, would you stop apologizing?
458
00:22:40,866 --> 00:22:43,966
- We accepted over an hour ago.
- I know, but I feel so bad.
459
00:22:43,967 --> 00:22:46,865
You guys tried to do something nice,
and I nearly took your heads off.
460
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:49,996
Look, if you can't behead
your roommates, who can you behead?
461
00:22:49,997 --> 00:22:53,999
All of this made me
really start thinking about my mom.
462
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,332
I thought she knew everything,
463
00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:57,863
but when she had me,
she was a year younger than you.
464
00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:00,666
Scary, you could be my mom.
465
00:23:00,733 --> 00:23:02,133
That is scary.
466
00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,533
You know what I really get a kick out of?
467
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,733
Dwayne. Overnight, he went
from macho man to Mr. Mom.
468
00:23:11,300 --> 00:23:15,833
Oh. He wanted me to be sure to tell you
what a great father he'd make.
469
00:23:16,533 --> 00:23:18,266
Tell him I already have a father.
470
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:21,716
{\an8}Yeah.
471
00:23:21,717 --> 00:23:22,949
{\an8}
472
00:23:22,950 --> 00:23:27,500
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