Original subtitles

? I know my parents love me ?

? Stand behind me come what may ?

? I know now that I'm ready ?

? Because I finally heard them say ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? Here's a chance to make it ?

? If we focus on our goal ?

? If you dish it, we can take it ?

? Just remember you've been told ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

? It's a different world ?

? From where you come from ?

Hey, how you doing?

Listen, if there's anything that I can do

to make your stay here at Hillman more enjoyable�

Anything you can think of.

You know, you may need someone to talk to,

or someone to hold your hand,

or someone to hold your other hand�

Any part of you that needs holding, let me know.

How you doing? My name's Dwayne Wayne.

I'm the official greeter of the Dorm Orientation Committee.

Tell me, why do you waste your time here

when there are magazine covers begging for your countenance?

"Countenance," you know, that's like a face. That was a compliment.

How you doing? The name's Dwayne. Dwayne Wayne.

Official greeter of the Dorm Orientation Committee.

Dorm Orientation Committee?

I didn't know we had one.

Oh.

In fact, we're having our first meeting tonight, 7:30, my place.

- You like wine coolers? - Oh, gee, I can't make it tonight.

Someone's coming to fix the soda machine.

Why do you have to be there for that?

Well, they do want the dorm director to be there.

You're the dorm director!

Oh, this is� this is cute. Listen, I'm sorry.

Anything I just said to you was said with complete respect.

Aw. And with complete respect, I'm telling you, "Leave."

I'm going.

Goodbye, ma'am. Don't tell the dean, ma'am.

There is a god.

Hi. My name is� My name�

Earl. No, that's not it! It's not even close.

It something with a "D." My name is� is� Dwayne!

- Dwayne is my name! - Dwayne.

Hi, my name is Denise, and this is my luggage.

Let me help you with that.

I could kick myself for not thinking of this earlier.

This time with no respect, get out.

- Get out, out, out! - I'm going.

I'm going. Denise, it was my pleasure. I'll see you.

What was that?

That's one of the things that's gonna make my job more difficult.

- Hi, I'm Stevie Rallen, dorm director. - Oh, hi.

- Welcome to Gilbert. - Thanks. It's so nice to be in this dorm.

You know, compared to freshman dorms, this place is like paradise.

Oh, I'm Denise Huxtable.

Oh, it's so nice to meet you. And don't lose that enthusiasm.

- You're gonna need it. - Right.

Mm. You know, my mom used to live in this dorm.

And my dad used to live on those steps.

Well, times haven't changed.

Let's see, Huxtable� Huxtable� You're in 20Y with, um�

- Jaleesa Vinson. - Jaleesa Vinson?

I think she's here already.

Great, I can't wait to meet her. Thanks, Mrs. Rallen.

Oh, uh-uh. The name is Stevie.

Thanks, Stevie.

- Denise! - Whitley.

Welcome back. How was your summer?

I just worked my little tail off interning in Daddy's chambers.

Have you ever spent a summer in Richmond?

You can fry an egg on a Jaguar.

Wouldn't that ruin the paint job?

I didn't mean that literally.

Oh, we have so much to catch up on.

Oh, well, Whitley, can we do that later?

I just want to go to my room and meet my new roommate.

Oh, you haven't met her yet.

Well, you're in for a surprise.

Surprise? Whitley, what are you talking about? What surprise?

Oh, I don't know. I'm sure she's a very nice girl.

Though, you really can't call her a girl. I mean, she's no teenager.

Well, how old is she?

They say 26. But I suspect that's on the conservative side

when you consider that she has been married.

And divorced.

So?

Oh, of course, that alone doesn't make her a bad person.

It's just that I've also heard she's had a brush with the law.

What brush with the law?

Of course, I don't think a prestigious institution like Hillman

would admit criminals. Do you?

Erica, welcome back, sweetie-pie!

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Denise. You must be 26.

Oh, I didn't mean that. You don't look 26. You don't look a day over 18--

Why don't we just start over?

Okay, great, I'd like that.

Hi, I'm Jaleesa.

Hi, Jaleesa, I'm single.

So, what else have you heard about me?

That you're no teenager.

Look, let's be straight, and just get this out in the open, okay?

- Okay. - Yes, I was married.

It lasted for two years.

I had no children while we were married, but my husband did.

That's why we're divorced.

Anything else you wanna know?

No, just let me just deal with what you just told me.

Gee, you've got a lot of books.

Yeah, I hear they're big on that in college.

Hey, you know, you are the first 26-year-old divorced person

that I've ever lived with.

Oh, wow. I should probably ask. Have you picked a bed?

Yeah, that one.

Okay, sorry.

Are all those clothes yours,

or did you mug Joan Collins on the way over here?

Funny, really funny.

Oh�

Gee, are you always that organized?

Well, basically. I just can't live around�

clutter.

Oh, me, neither.

I can't live around that, either.

Oh, but my sister, Vanessa, made this for me.

See, they're dental retainers.

It was a going-away present.

Couldn't she have just given you a watch?

You're funny. Really funny.

Come in? I'd love to.

Denise�

Um�

I always knew that we were meant to be together.

Oh.

And when you read this�

�you're gonna know it, too.

I think that says it all.

"To whom it may concern"?

Uh, that's you. It concerns you.

"If your idea of heaven

"is driving down a winding country road in France

"in an elegant racing machine with soft music on the stereo,

a couple of Philly cheesesteaks in the glove compartment�"

Well, on-- Okay, just take it and read it at your leisure and call me.

And if I'm not in, I'll be picking up the cheesesteaks.

- Oh, hi, Denise. Come on in. - Thanks.

So, what brings you here?

Trouble in paradise?

Stevie, I need to talk to you about--

Uh, why are you wearing those on your head?

I forgot to tell you. I'm a Martian.

- Oh, you are? - Mm!

Well, hello.

Mommy, when are we going to collect the soil samples?

In a minute, J.T. There's somebody I want you to meet.

Denise, this is my son, J.T.

I'm not J.T.

I'm Captain J.T.

Well, it's an honor to meet you, Captain.

I'm doing very important work.

Well, could you do it over there for a minute?

We're being invaded, and I've got to talk to Denise.

- Okay. - Okay.

Oh!

Now, what's your problem?

I want to change roommates.

Uh-huh.

Well, I guess this is no time to be a Martian.

I know this probably sounds like I'm overreacting,

but, you know, my dad always says, um,

if you feel strongly about something, then just to follow your instinct.

After one day?

Well, he also says not to procrastinate.

Your father is very talkative.

Well, Stevie, you know, I come from a very big family,

and I get along with all sorts of people.

I really do. But, I don't know, Jaleesa's different.

Everything I say, everything, seems to rub her the wrong way.

- I just don't think that girl likes me. - Oh!

It's just been one day. Now, Denise�

unless the woman is a criminal,

you two should be able to find a way to live together.

Is there something about Jaleesa that no one is telling me?

Denise, this is college. This is not computer dating.

There are no perfect matches.

I know, but this is really, really a bad match.

I just don't think that we are meant to be together.

Okay.

I do have a solution for you.

- Oh, great, what? - Whitley.

- Whitley Gilbert? - Mm-hmm.

I didn't say it was a good solution.

Besides, she's the only girl still here without a roommate.

Well, I think there could be good reason for that.

Look�

why don't you try applying some positive energy in this situation?

You just might be surprised at what you get back from Jaleesa.

- Okay. I will try it again. - Okay!

I just know you two guys can work this thing out.

And, remember, getting along with different people

is a sign of growing up.

Hmm.

You know, you only get out of a relationship what you put into it.

And I've been thinking I'm just gonna put a lot of positive energy into this one.

Huxtable, who have you been talking to?

No one. But Stevie's right, I feel that--

You were talking to Stevie about me.

Well, all Stevie said was

how important she thought it was that we got along.

You asked for a new roommate, didn't you?

No.

Well, okay, yeah, but, you know, I've changed my mind.

I am perfectly happy with you.

You know, I don't believe you.

You went to talk to Stevie about changing roommates behind my back,

without even asking me?

Well, okay, I admit that I was wrong,

but I was just following my father's advice.

Oh, I'm sure your father told you to be selfish, rude, and sneaky.

Oh, no, not exactly in those words.

Huxtable, you're worse than I thought.

I'm worse than you thought? What were you thinking?

That you're a spoiled, bougie, rich kid with more clothes than brains

who is gonna be impossible for me to get along with.

Oh, well, is that right, Jaleesa?

Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore, because,

it just so happens I do have a choice of roommates, okay?

- Oh, really? - Yeah, really.

Well, aren't you the lucky one!

Whitley.

? Baby, baby ?

? Where did our love go? ?

Hi. Do you need some help?

Just put them up by my bed.

I really wish you could've been there with me. I just hate shopping alone.

I can never decide what I want, so I just buy everything.

Oh.

Me, too.

I'm just sorry I couldn't find a wheelchair.

A wheelchair?

If you put one in the back seat of your car,

it's about the only way you can find a place to park that's not in the boonies.

Oh!

Whitley, that's terrible.

Well, should I be punished because I can walk?

No, Whitley, life has punished you enough.

I just can't tell you how thrilled I am that we're gonna be rooming together.

You and I are gonna have a ball.

Listen. Do you know how to give foot massages?

No, I'm terrible. Awful. You wouldn't want one from me.

Oh. What a shame.

You know, Denise, when Stevie first approached me

about extending my hospitality to you,

I was somewhat taken aback.

Then I found out that you come from a fine family.

I mean, my daddy's a judge and your daddy's a what? A dentist?

Close. He's an obstetrician and gynecologist.

My, how interesting.

This year is going to be so much fun!

What is that?

This? My sister, Vanessa, made this for me. It's made out of my dental retainers--

Those things have been in people's mouths!

Just my mouth, Whitley.

Well, I'm going to go take a shower.

I feel like Miss Gritty City.

Make yourself at home.

Thanks. Will.

Oh, silly me, I almost forgot.

What's that?

It's a lock for the phone.

Bye-bye, roomie.

Bye�

�roomie.

? When I look into your soul ?

? Girl, it makes me lose control ?

? When I see your smiling face ?

? Takes me to another place ?

? I'm gonna keep it ?

? Gonna keep it ?

? Make you love and see� ?

- Hi, roomie. - Whitley. Whitley!

Hi. I think we need to talk.

Whitley, I've been thinking�

and I think that the only way for us to get along with each other

is if we are completely�

�completely honest with each other.

I couldn't agree more.

Oh, good!

Good, because,

I feel that if we're to get along,

then we've really got to respect each other's rights.

Denise, look at that table over there.

Whitley, I'm trying to talk to you.

The one in the baggy chinos can't take his eyes off of me.

I think he's looking at me.

Never mind. He's coming over.

Oh, my hair is a mess, and I just feel sticky.

Hi. I'm Chip.

Chip St. Charles.

Hi, Chip, I'm Whitley. Whitley Gilbert.

- And, um, what's your name? - Oh, Denise.

- That's a lovely name. - Thank you.

St. Charles� St. Charles�

Are you one of the Atlanta St. Charleses?

Because my sister went to a cotillion with a Julian St. Charles.

That wouldn't be your brother, by any chance, would it?

I'm from Seattle.

Rains a lot there, doesn't it?

Um, Denise, uh, would you like to dance?

Oh, wow. Thanks, Chip, I'd love to.

I'm one of those Brooklyn Huxtables.

Hey there. My name's Dwayne Wayne.

You know, for you to be sitting here all alone like this, it� it pains me.

- Why are you all alone? - Oh, shut up and let's dance!

All right. A woman who thinks for herself.

I like it. It scares me, but I like it. Okay.

Hi again.

Hi, Whitley.

Don't you just love this song?

We can play it in the morning when we're doing our exercises.

And I bet you, in no time, we'll get rid of that ice cream inch

you seemed to have put on over the summer.

Listen, I hate to be a party poop,

but I just can't seem to get the top of my convertible closed.

Oh, no problem.

Dwayne, you'll have many more chances to be nice to me, I promise�

but I need a man here.

Well, I guess, uh, I could do it.

Could you, Chip? I'm just afraid I might catch a chill in the night air,

and I wouldn't want to give anything to my new roomie.

Oh, I think you're giving it to me pretty good.

My car is just around the corner.

Your arm is just one big muscle.

"Your arm is one big muscle"?

The woman left me standing here on the dance floor alone.

Whatever happened to chivalry?

Denise.

- What are you doing here? - What does it look like I'm doing here?

Well, from the way you were rolling back and forth,

I'd say an impression of Stevie Wonder.

I'm trying to get some sleep, Jaleesa.

Well, you know, they have beds for that now.

I have a perfectly good reason for being down here, okay?

Oh, let me guess. Whitley?

No. Whitley and I are doing just fine.

In fact, Whitley and I went dancing tonight at The Pit.

I even met a really nice guy.

He's fixing Whitley's car right now�

but we're doing fine, just fine.

Really?

I mean, so what if the girl only uses a bar of soap once?

Or doesn't eat cheese,

or allow anyone else to eat cheese in the room?

And so what if this girl has got to fall asleep

to the sound of crickets?

I mean, she's entitled, right?

She doesn't let you eat cheese?

Hey!

There are plenty of places on this campus where I can eat cheese, okay?

Fine. Good. I'm gonna go to bed.

Fine.

Um, before you go, can you just do me one little favor?

- What? - Take me with you!

Jaleesa, the girl's nuts! She's driving me nuts!

- She locks the phone, she steals men-- - Denise, please!

Jaleesa, right now, she's listening to a recording of bugs.

- Denise-- - She doesn't eat cheese.

She won't let me eat pizza in bed.

- It's un-American. - Huxtable.

Please, let me go.

Jaleesa, I want to move back.

Well, isn't that special?

You are not going to make this easy, are you?

Oh, you got that right.

Come on, it wasn't all my fault.

You know, you have got the biggest chip on your shoulder that I've ever seen.

Look, I didn't socialize much last year,

because I felt strange, you know, out of place about being older?

But I thought, "Hey, it's a new year. Go live in the dorm.

After all, college is more than just books."

You thought that?

Yes, I thought that.

But as soon as I got here, all I heard was,

"Did you hear? Jaleesa did so and so."

"Jaleesa this, Jaleesa that."

- "Jaleesa once punched out a teacher." - I heard it was a dean.

See, I felt like you all had your minds made up about me,

so I got my back up.

And, well�

maybe I'm not the easiest person to live with.

Well� �I was wrong to judge you so quickly.

Well, I was pretty unfriendly.

Yeah, but I have to learn to give things more time.

No, I need to be less defensive.

We were both pretty stupid, weren't we?

- How did we ever get into college? - I don't know.

Mm.

This is the best pizza I've had in a long time.

Oh, you are not kidding.

Such a simple idea.

A little dough, a little sauce, a little cheese�

eat it in a bed.

Elegant in its simplicity.

Jaleesa, I'm a little surprised to see you eating in bed. I thought you were so neat.

Well, you know, pizza brings out the contradictions in me.

My only regret�

is that Whitley is not here to be repulsed by this.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised

if she eats it under the covers with a flashlight.

Mm-hmm.

Jaleesa�

could I ask you a little question?

Shoot.

Were you ever in jail?

Would it bother you if I was?

No, of course not.

Good.

Good night.

Good night�

roomie.

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