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Previously on "You Me Her"...
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Did you know that trying
to do everything in threes,
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00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:06,675
especially sex, is a
[WHISTLES] poly foul?
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00:00:06,693 --> 00:00:08,726
Somebody put a full-price
offer on this house.
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00:00:08,761 --> 00:00:10,461
Helen's gonna do us a landlord solid
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and give us 72 hours to match it.
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Could this morning
be any more stressful?
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- Don't say that.
- I'm having what?!
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They're twins, normal human girls,
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not aliens or devil children.
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I'm gonna get a real
job with a real salary
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00:00:21,006 --> 00:00:23,307
so I can help us get
the loan for the house.
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"I've got a session."
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I never thought I'd
actually be saying that
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as the therapist and not the patient.
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Good morning, darling.
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You look a little, uh... gorgeous.
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That's the word I was gonna say.
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- Thanks?
- So, how about school?
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You really should
mind your own business.
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Don't get that stupid
savior look in your eye.
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- Are you still in love with them?
- More than ever.
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Then you need to figure
a way to love their life.
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I have a gift. Pumpkin spice.
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The official shit candle
of Hawthorne Heights.
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Nathan. Nathan, Izzy.
Izzy is also a shrink.
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00:00:51,637 --> 00:00:53,570
She works with troubled
teens at Directions.
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I'm just gonna play it
cool until you tell me
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I'm definitely not getting this job.
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You are definitely not getting this job.
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I'm just gonna call 911.
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Jack. Izzy.
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Emma.
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♪♪
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Hi. Excuse me. Nope, not you.
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Hi. Excuse me. Hi.
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Um, we... Our, um, wife was
admitted earlier tonight.
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Right, and before you go,
like, "Our wife?"
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her name is Emma Trakarsky. Yeah.
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- And she's a beautif...
- Hey!
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Where the hell have you two been?!
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My... My ringer was off, and
I didn't quite hear the...
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Yeah, and my phone was
also kind of on the...
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- It was...
-... on the brink.
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You know, this is so typical.
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The shit gets real, and Mama's left
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to handle everything on her own, right?
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You got to live large in the spotlight,
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and we toil away in anonymity,
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Emma making not one, but two humans,
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and me just holding the
whole damn world together
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while Dave can't even remember
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what city he's lounging around in.
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I mean, honestly,
would it be so terrible
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if he just choked on his
room-service prime rib?
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- You know, not to death, because I love him...
- Mm. No, no.
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... but enough so that the EMTs
just have to kick in the door
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and then they find some
weird porn paused on the TV,
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and they put on Instagram.
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- Would that be so fucking terrible?!
- Carmen.
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- Is Emma okay?
- Who?
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Oh, yeah, she's fine. Babies are fine.
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[BOTH SIGH]
- I'm gonna go now.
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00:02:04,908 --> 00:02:07,053
- Where... Should we follow you, or...
- Okay, but is she... Is she... Is she...
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00:02:07,077 --> 00:02:10,011
Emma, are you okay?
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- Oh, guys, I'm so embarrassed.
- Does it hurt? What's going on?
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No, no, no. It was just gas. It was gas.
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- It's... I'm... I'm fine. Where were you guys?
- Hey.
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You know, it's like you fell
off the edge of the earth.
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We were at, uh...
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- At a class.
- Mm-hmm.
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For home... home improvement.
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Uh-huh. A class?
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- Uh, yep.
- Ah.
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You know how, um, I wanna be handier
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- around the house, like my dad?
- Uh-huh.
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Well, turns out I'm going through
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a mild identity crisis...
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- Oh.
-... which is very common for guys
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00:02:34,302 --> 00:02:35,847
who are approaching
parenthood and middle age
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at the same time.
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You smell like...
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Alcohol.
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- Good nose.
- Yes.
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They were serving it there.
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They... You know what?
Sometimes they, uh...
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You know how at cooking classes
they serve wine? Similar.
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00:02:48,683 --> 00:02:50,028
- Mm-hmm.
- No, no, it smells more like, um...
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00:02:50,052 --> 00:02:51,684
Bourbon? Right?
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- I was gonna say that before you interrupted...
- Do we?
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... because I wasn't done.
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We've been talking about
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- this not-interrupting thing, right?
- Have we?
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- Ah.
- Look, the bottom line
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is that we didn't learn anything
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00:03:00,229 --> 00:03:01,795
that we could actually demonstrate.
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- If you were to ask.
- You've been House Catting me.
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00:03:03,732 --> 00:03:05,565
- House Catting?
- House Catting me.
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00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,445
You know, like, when the house
cat gets away for the weekend,
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runs with the strays, and comes back
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a guilty, matted mess
spinning tall tales.
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That's you two right now.
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I don't know about
cats t... telling tales.
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Guys, just where were you?
Just tell me where you were.
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- Shaun's new bar.
- Shaun's new bar.
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00:03:18,713 --> 00:03:21,481
See, now, was that so
hard? A little honesty?
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- Sorry.
- Sorry.
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So, here's the thing: I'm totally fine.
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It was a false alarm. I
got a clean bill of health.
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You know, damn the luck.
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It happened in the
middle of my interview.
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- No, Emma, I'm sorry.
- Yes.
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No, no, no. It's fine,
because I totally rocked it.
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[CLEARS THROAT]
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Dr. Bhang, how long have
you been standing there?
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Long enough to hear
that torrent of bullshit.
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The only words you
got right were the ones
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that don't matter, like "she" and "the."
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Your wife had what's called
Braxton-Hicks contractions.
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00:03:46,340 --> 00:03:49,708
Which, I assume, is not
the technical term for gas?
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00:03:49,743 --> 00:03:51,811
So I left a few things out.
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What, you wanna tell me a little more
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00:03:53,214 --> 00:03:55,014
about your drunk-handyman class?
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00:03:55,049 --> 00:03:57,917
Anyway, Braxton-Hicks
isn't unusual at this stage,
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00:03:57,952 --> 00:04:00,452
but your symptoms were more
pronounced than I'd like to see.
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00:04:00,487 --> 00:04:02,788
- Oh, my God. Is it serious?
- Not this time.
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00:04:02,824 --> 00:04:04,589
But at your age with twins,
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00:04:04,625 --> 00:04:06,192
I'd like to keep an eye on things.
129
00:04:06,227 --> 00:04:07,960
So watch out for bleeding
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00:04:07,995 --> 00:04:10,429
and take it easy for a little while.
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00:04:10,464 --> 00:04:13,665
This is your body's way
of saying "slow down."
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00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:15,645
But when you say it's my body's
way of saying "slow down,"
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- you mean, like...
- Slow. Down.
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00:04:19,405 --> 00:04:21,639
- Got it.
- Doc.
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00:04:21,674 --> 00:04:24,020
At what stage of pregnancy are
tranquilizer darts acceptable?
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00:04:24,044 --> 00:04:26,177
I neither heard that nor told you
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00:04:26,213 --> 00:04:29,013
that they're readily available at
most outdoor-sporting-goods stores.
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- I like her.
- She's funny.
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MAN: Today, we are going to
show everything you need to know
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to get your slippery
shelf locked and loaded
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00:04:38,291 --> 00:04:40,325
and ready to store shit.
142
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,094
Hey, babe. How'd you sleep?
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00:04:43,129 --> 00:04:44,896
Like a rock. What's he doing?
144
00:04:44,931 --> 00:04:46,965
- It's very entertaining.
- Hm.
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00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,467
Voilà . [CHUCKLES]
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- Take notes, ladies.
- That is how you hang a cab...
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00:04:52,405 --> 00:04:53,570
Aah! -Oh, my God!
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00:04:53,605 --> 00:04:55,205
- Oh, my...
- Jesus! What the...
149
00:04:55,241 --> 00:04:56,584
He didn't scream the first seven times.
150
00:04:56,608 --> 00:04:58,375
- It's still hanging.
- It looks great.
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00:04:58,410 --> 00:05:00,210
Hey, babe, why don't you just ask Gabe?
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00:05:00,246 --> 00:05:01,845
- He's good at this stuff.
- Call Gabe?
153
00:05:01,881 --> 00:05:03,213
Yeah, the real fucking man?
154
00:05:03,249 --> 00:05:05,015
The one who got my dad's toolbox?
155
00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:07,062
Things would have been different
if I got the toolbox, right?
156
00:05:07,086 --> 00:05:08,385
Maybe he would have been the one
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00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:09,898
with the bleached hair and the eyeliner.
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[CHUCKLES]
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00:05:12,524 --> 00:05:14,024
Wait. Did that actually happen?
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00:05:14,059 --> 00:05:17,361
- Yes.
- Are there photographs? Guys, wait.
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- Wait, no. Emma. Emma.
- Honey... Honey, I... I got... I got it.
162
00:05:19,131 --> 00:05:20,364
- I got it. I got it.
- Thank you.
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00:05:20,399 --> 00:05:21,576
Please sit down. You don't need to...
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00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,267
- Please, sit down.
- Okay, there is
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00:05:23,302 --> 00:05:26,435
- a razor-thin line between sweet and creepy...
- Here.
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00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:28,470
... and you two are skating on it.
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00:05:28,506 --> 00:05:29,510
- Emma.
- Look, I'm fine.
168
00:05:29,511 --> 00:05:31,374
You don't need to
mummify me in Bubble Wrap.
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00:05:31,409 --> 00:05:33,776
Emma, the doctor said that you
are "moderate to high risk."
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- That is a big deal.
- Okay, well, so I won't base jump or fight crime.
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00:05:36,948 --> 00:05:38,781
- Here.
- Oh, my God. Shoo.
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00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:40,827
- Go already, guys, okay?
- You just need a little vitamin C.
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00:05:40,851 --> 00:05:42,985
Look, I have much to do.
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00:05:43,021 --> 00:05:45,121
Need quiet. Please.
175
00:05:45,156 --> 00:05:46,889
- Like what?
- Yeah. Like what?
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00:05:46,925 --> 00:05:50,993
[SIGHS] Well, I have decided
to turn all offers down...
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00:05:51,029 --> 00:05:53,129
- "All" offers?
- Did... Did we miss some?
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00:05:53,164 --> 00:05:55,864
... and start my own
architectural-consulting firm
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00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:56,900
from home.
180
00:06:00,103 --> 00:06:02,404
Well, don't all jump
up and down at once.
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00:06:02,439 --> 00:06:04,239
Uh... now, Iz...
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00:06:04,274 --> 00:06:06,319
Honey, the doctor just said you
were supposed to take it easy.
183
00:06:06,343 --> 00:06:08,910
Oh, my God, babe, this is
exactly why I said it was gas.
184
00:06:08,946 --> 00:06:10,478
Okay, shoo, both of you.
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00:06:10,513 --> 00:06:13,148
I can't just lay around
incubating our offspring all day.
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00:06:13,183 --> 00:06:14,882
I... I... I'm still me.
187
00:06:14,918 --> 00:06:16,784
I'm still Emma Goddamn Trakarsky,
188
00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:18,653
Slayer of Worlds!
189
00:06:18,688 --> 00:06:20,255
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
190
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:22,223
Please?
191
00:06:22,259 --> 00:06:24,059
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
192
00:06:24,094 --> 00:06:25,393
Okay, just be careful.
193
00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:29,264
We love you, Emma Goddamn Trakarsky.
194
00:06:29,299 --> 00:06:31,131
[ALL CHUCKLE]
195
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:32,833
- Mm.
- Okay, get out of here.
196
00:06:34,403 --> 00:06:37,171
Go, dorks.
197
00:06:37,206 --> 00:06:39,974
Sometimes I swear it's
like she can't stand
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00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:41,475
being in the same room as me.
199
00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:44,311
- You know what I mean?
- I do. I really, really do.
200
00:06:44,347 --> 00:06:45,946
[PILLS RATTLE]
201
00:06:45,982 --> 00:06:49,616
And... and... and I ask
her if she wants to talk,
202
00:06:49,651 --> 00:06:52,552
and she says that my voice is like nails
203
00:06:52,588 --> 00:06:55,322
on the chalkboard of her soul.
204
00:06:55,358 --> 00:06:57,358
Are you okay?
205
00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:59,659
Mm. That's horrible.
206
00:06:59,695 --> 00:07:02,262
- Sorry. Listen, Billy...
- Barry.
207
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:04,964
Um, [CHUCKLES] I'm gonna
do you a solid, okay,
208
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,499
and rip off the Band-Aid:
209
00:07:06,534 --> 00:07:09,702
Maybe today, maybe
tomorrow, maybe next month...
210
00:07:09,737 --> 00:07:11,437
I don't know... but
she's gonna dump you.
211
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:13,939
So just salvage whatever's
left of your dignity
212
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,209
- and beat her to it.
- But...
213
00:07:16,244 --> 00:07:19,012
Ship's sailed, Benny. Trust me.
214
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:21,981
- Am I your first patient?
- Fourth.
215
00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:24,617
You're my fourth session
of five hundred that I need
216
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,619
to get certified so I can
sit in rooms like this,
217
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,122
listening to people like you for the...
218
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,157
rest of my life.
219
00:07:31,192 --> 00:07:34,093
♪♪
220
00:07:34,129 --> 00:07:36,162
Hi.
221
00:07:36,197 --> 00:07:37,263
Hello?
222
00:07:37,298 --> 00:07:38,597
Mm.
223
00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:43,669
♪♪
224
00:07:43,704 --> 00:07:45,404
Are you... are you leaving?
225
00:07:45,439 --> 00:07:48,073
Brian, I quit.
226
00:07:48,108 --> 00:07:50,409
It's Barry.
227
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:54,680
Wow. This outfit
228
00:07:54,715 --> 00:07:58,517
is [POPS LIPS] amazing!
229
00:07:58,553 --> 00:08:00,285
Where did you get it?
230
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,465
Okay, but, seriously, I have
a question. Can I borrow it?
231
00:08:02,489 --> 00:08:05,891
So funny, but I probably
make more than you do.
232
00:08:05,927 --> 00:08:07,026
That's fair.
233
00:08:07,061 --> 00:08:08,326
Perks of working for The Man.
234
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:10,662
- I guess so.
- The downside is that my life
235
00:08:10,697 --> 00:08:13,731
is now a very strange, leafy nightmare
236
00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,733
- from which I can never wake.
- Mm.
237
00:08:15,769 --> 00:08:17,936
Do you know that song about broken wings
238
00:08:17,971 --> 00:08:20,271
- and learning to live so free?
- ♪ So ♪
239
00:08:20,306 --> 00:08:23,107
Yes, I hear that nine times per shift.
240
00:08:23,142 --> 00:08:24,709
Nine.
241
00:08:24,744 --> 00:08:29,380
Hey, maybe they're testing
interrogation techniques.
242
00:08:29,415 --> 00:08:31,849
Do you feel compelled
to confess anything?
243
00:08:31,885 --> 00:08:34,619
This job and living with Grams
244
00:08:34,654 --> 00:08:36,921
makes me nostalgic for homelessness.
245
00:08:36,957 --> 00:08:38,422
- Mm!
- That bad, huh?
246
00:08:38,458 --> 00:08:39,923
I'm mostly kidding.
247
00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:43,426
What about, oh... I
don't know... school?
248
00:08:43,462 --> 00:08:45,662
What about it?
249
00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:47,330
- Sasha.
- Hmm?
250
00:08:47,365 --> 00:08:49,277
You made a blood pact that
you would get your diploma.
251
00:08:49,301 --> 00:08:50,767
[CHUCKLES] There was blood?
252
00:08:50,803 --> 00:08:53,103
- I don't remember that.
- I don't mean to get heavy,
253
00:08:53,138 --> 00:08:56,406
but what you do now determines
the rest of your life.
254
00:08:56,441 --> 00:08:58,208
- So...
- Wow.
255
00:08:58,243 --> 00:09:00,711
- Thanks for not getting heavy.
- You're welcome.
256
00:09:00,746 --> 00:09:02,891
At the time I got right, it
was too late in the semester.
257
00:09:02,915 --> 00:09:05,916
Plus, I, um...
258
00:09:05,951 --> 00:09:07,517
[SIGHS]
259
00:09:07,552 --> 00:09:11,554
I called the admissions chick
a soulless shit sculpture.
260
00:09:11,590 --> 00:09:13,757
She seemed less helpful after that.
261
00:09:13,792 --> 00:09:15,324
- That's shocking.
- [CHUCKLES]
262
00:09:15,359 --> 00:09:17,493
Oh, what about your future?
263
00:09:17,528 --> 00:09:20,096
- Gotta wear shades, man.
- Yeah?
264
00:09:20,131 --> 00:09:21,764
- Yes.
- Yeah, well,
265
00:09:21,799 --> 00:09:24,066
seems like you're not
really an equal partner
266
00:09:24,102 --> 00:09:25,334
in your weird little triad
267
00:09:25,369 --> 00:09:27,436
working part-time at the teen daycare.
268
00:09:27,471 --> 00:09:30,139
That's a job for bleeding
hearts who don't pay bills.
269
00:09:30,174 --> 00:09:31,473
That's valid.
270
00:09:31,509 --> 00:09:32,920
What about that Hawthorne School gig?
271
00:09:32,944 --> 00:09:35,611
Uh, yeah, no, that's not happening.
272
00:09:35,647 --> 00:09:39,214
I did everything except barf
in that dude's shoes, so...
273
00:09:40,351 --> 00:09:44,453
I'm thinking you've overcome
worse first impressions.
274
00:09:44,488 --> 00:09:46,822
- That's nice.
- Mm-hmm.
275
00:09:48,759 --> 00:09:50,959
- Oh, God.
- What?
276
00:09:50,994 --> 00:09:52,794
- What is that?
- What?
277
00:09:52,829 --> 00:09:54,396
That is the savior look.
278
00:09:54,431 --> 00:09:55,830
- No, no. That's not.
- No.
279
00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:57,866
You misunderstood. Stop staring at me.
280
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,868
Look. Oh, no.
281
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:02,471
Cleanup on "Aisle you
need to go back to school."
282
00:10:02,506 --> 00:10:06,341
[FUTURE KINGS OF DENMARK'S
"IT'S A NEW DAY IN YOUR WORLD" PLAYS]
283
00:10:08,212 --> 00:10:11,346
♪ You never know how you're gonna feel ♪
284
00:10:11,382 --> 00:10:14,383
♪ Before you know you're blue ♪
285
00:10:14,418 --> 00:10:16,918
- ♪ You never know when you're gonna need ♪
- [SIGHS]
286
00:10:16,953 --> 00:10:19,555
♪ A friend to see you through ♪
287
00:10:19,590 --> 00:10:22,956
- ♪ It's a new day in your world ♪
- MAN: [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
288
00:10:22,992 --> 00:10:25,359
♪ Make the most of what
you find out there ♪
289
00:10:25,395 --> 00:10:28,196
- ♪ Not a blue day in your world ♪
- What do we have here?
290
00:10:28,231 --> 00:10:30,698
♪ All the colors flying,
everyone else dares ♪
291
00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:32,700
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
292
00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:36,070
♪♪
293
00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:38,939
Hey, I just wanted to, uh, check on you
294
00:10:38,974 --> 00:10:41,775
before I head to the magazine.
295
00:10:41,811 --> 00:10:43,444
Oh, Carm, that's
really sweet, but I'm...
296
00:10:43,479 --> 00:10:46,214
Hey, you scared me. Just
don't do that again, okay?
297
00:10:46,249 --> 00:10:47,481
- You sure you're okay?
- Yes.
298
00:10:47,517 --> 00:10:48,916
- You're one-hundred percent?
- Yeah.
299
00:10:48,951 --> 00:10:51,118
- Nothing holding you back?
- I'm fine.
300
00:10:51,153 --> 00:10:53,287
- Okay! You can watch my kids.
- Whoa! Hold up, hold up.
301
00:10:53,323 --> 00:10:55,489
Carm, look, you know I love
you and I love the girls,
302
00:10:55,525 --> 00:10:59,426
but I'm starting a business,
and as you said, verbatim,
303
00:10:59,461 --> 00:11:01,729
"Trying to watch kids
and start a business
304
00:11:01,764 --> 00:11:03,697
is the saddest clown show ever."
305
00:11:03,733 --> 00:11:05,966
Ah, sweetie.
306
00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:09,402
Why... why start a business
right before you have twins?
307
00:11:09,438 --> 00:11:11,905
So I don't lose my shit.
308
00:11:11,941 --> 00:11:15,275
[SIGHS] Am I gonna suck at this?
309
00:11:15,310 --> 00:11:17,277
Absolutely. [CHUCKLES]
310
00:11:17,312 --> 00:11:18,779
But then you'll get better.
311
00:11:18,814 --> 00:11:21,414
And then, one day,
you'll wake up and realize
312
00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:23,650
that being an amazing mom quietly became
313
00:11:23,685 --> 00:11:25,819
a big part of who you are.
314
00:11:25,855 --> 00:11:27,320
Part of Emma.
315
00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:32,591
- Mm.
- Thank you.
316
00:11:32,627 --> 00:11:35,094
[FOOTSTEPS IN DISTANCE]
317
00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:37,474
- You're looking at something over my shoulder, aren't you?
- Mm.
318
00:11:37,498 --> 00:11:38,731
The new neighbors.
319
00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:42,201
Oh, yeah, that's Marty and Will.
320
00:11:42,237 --> 00:11:43,702
They moved here from Hillsboro.
321
00:11:43,738 --> 00:11:46,038
- God, their kid is cute.
- What, so it's true?
322
00:11:46,074 --> 00:11:48,641
We have gays? We have gays!
323
00:11:48,676 --> 00:11:51,377
Yeah, well, maybe don't lead with that.
324
00:11:51,412 --> 00:11:53,646
♪♪
325
00:11:53,681 --> 00:11:55,014
Hey! If you can run that fast,
326
00:11:55,049 --> 00:11:56,215
you can easily watch my kids.
327
00:11:56,251 --> 00:11:59,652
Hi. Hello. Hi. I'm... Whew!
328
00:11:59,687 --> 00:12:01,620
- I'm Emma Trakarsky.
- Hey.
329
00:12:01,656 --> 00:12:05,157
I live next door with
my husband and my wife,
330
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:08,760
because I'm poly, which
means I'm bi, so, hi.
331
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,162
It's lovely to meet you, Polly.
332
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,930
- What? Oh, no, no, no.
- Wait.
333
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,643
EMMA: My name is Emma. I
w... I was just telling you
334
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,633
- I'm polyamorous.
- Please excuse her.
335
00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:18,003
She's just super-duper double pregnant,
336
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,771
and it's making her peculiar.
337
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,874
Oh, okay, well, I'm Marty,
and this is my husband, Will.
338
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,811
Hi. And who's this handsome little guy?
339
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,313
I love children. I'm
kind of known for it.
340
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:29,881
Ehh, are you really?
341
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,183
Oh, this is Parker.
342
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,285
He's four and, apparently, really shy.
343
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,188
My husband says everyone
named Parker is a winner.
344
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,323
Are you a winner, Parker?! [CHUCKLES]
345
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:39,824
He's a winner. Don't worry.
346
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:42,860
- Weird. I'm gonna go to work, so...
- Yeah.
347
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:45,029
I ju... I just want
to say how great it is
348
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,532
to have another "alt"
family in the neighborhood.
349
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,034
I mean, being polyamorous,
I... I know the challenges,
350
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,770
- but love is love, and family's family, right?
- Yeah.
351
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,672
Anyway, um, I'm just over there
352
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,552
- if you need anything at all.
- Is that a threat?
353
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,309
Well, that's enough relating for today.
354
00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,444
Come along. Bye, guys.
355
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,346
- Bye. [CHUCKLES]
- Bye.
356
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,826
- What the hell was that all about?
- We'll call you. I don't know.
357
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:05,628
We're the Gaydashians, honey.
Just milk it while it lasts.
358
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:13,857
♪♪
359
00:13:13,892 --> 00:13:17,427
Ohh, help me stave off the avalanche
360
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,162
of terror and hopelessness.
361
00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:21,197
Amnesia on the rocks, coming up.
362
00:13:23,535 --> 00:13:25,669
So, I'm sensing that
you've got a tale to tell.
363
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:26,936
Mm-hmm.
364
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:29,406
Well, I walked in, I quit,
365
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:31,441
I walked out, the end.
366
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,844
[CHUCKLES]
367
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:36,212
Oh. Yikes. Okay.
368
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:37,647
Well...
369
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:40,617
... this should do the trick.
370
00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:41,918
Good.
371
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:46,757
[COUGHING]
372
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,725
Ooh! [LAUGHS] That is a day changer.
373
00:13:49,761 --> 00:13:51,895
Yeah, don't ask what's
in it.-- Oh, man.
374
00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:53,930
I spent eight of my Best Ass Years
375
00:13:53,965 --> 00:13:55,464
slaving away to get my doctorate,
376
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,666
and all I learned is that
I loathe listening to people
377
00:13:57,702 --> 00:14:00,436
- whine about their problems.
- Oh.
378
00:14:00,471 --> 00:14:02,671
Well, that's, um...
379
00:14:02,707 --> 00:14:05,408
That's certainly a... a, um...
380
00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:06,943
What do you think that is?
381
00:14:06,978 --> 00:14:08,856
You know, instead of listening
to a bunch of Cray-Crays
382
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,180
go on and on, trying to
figure it out themselves,
383
00:14:11,216 --> 00:14:14,450
why can't I just cut to the
chase and tell 'em what to do,
384
00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:17,153
and if they don't do
it, they get shocked?
385
00:14:17,188 --> 00:14:18,621
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
386
00:14:18,656 --> 00:14:20,589
[SCOFFS] I'm so fucked.
387
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:25,094
Uh...
388
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:27,463
you like telling people what to do.
389
00:14:27,498 --> 00:14:29,131
Mm-hmm, yeah.
390
00:14:29,166 --> 00:14:33,302
Why not do that right here?
391
00:14:33,337 --> 00:14:35,904
You dole out the advice,
I dole out the drinks.
392
00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:37,472
It's the perfect hook for this place.
393
00:14:37,507 --> 00:14:39,174
And... and... and we can get you a sign
394
00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:42,110
that says "the doctor's
in", like Lucy van Pelt.
395
00:14:42,146 --> 00:14:44,813
Well, she is by far my favorite Peanut.
396
00:14:44,848 --> 00:14:47,615
See? It's... It's... It's destiny.
397
00:14:47,651 --> 00:14:50,052
You'd really do that for me?
398
00:14:50,087 --> 00:14:51,553
Babe, it's win/win. Yeah.
399
00:14:51,588 --> 00:14:53,322
Mm.
400
00:14:53,357 --> 00:14:55,357
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
401
00:14:55,392 --> 00:14:59,494
You see, I got a mind
to take your innocence
402
00:14:59,529 --> 00:15:01,830
- right here on this bar.
- Aww.
403
00:15:01,865 --> 00:15:03,897
Well, there's no one I'd
rather have deflower me,
404
00:15:03,933 --> 00:15:06,267
but I thought we were
waiting for the right time.
405
00:15:06,302 --> 00:15:08,436
♪♪
406
00:15:08,471 --> 00:15:09,711
Oh, the right time's right now?
407
00:15:10,940 --> 00:15:11,905
- The right time is now?!
- Yeah.
408
00:15:11,941 --> 00:15:13,174
Oh!
409
00:15:13,209 --> 00:15:15,909
Okay, what the hell just happened?
410
00:15:15,945 --> 00:15:17,511
I call it "sex."
411
00:15:17,546 --> 00:15:19,646
Mnh-mnh. No, no, no, no.
412
00:15:19,682 --> 00:15:22,716
No, three little letters
cannot house that experience.
413
00:15:22,751 --> 00:15:23,851
What the fuck are you...
414
00:15:23,886 --> 00:15:25,719
some kind of undercover fuck ninja?
415
00:15:25,754 --> 00:15:27,121
I lost count.
416
00:15:27,156 --> 00:15:28,389
I never lose count,
417
00:15:28,424 --> 00:15:30,057
in case I need to complain later.
418
00:15:30,093 --> 00:15:31,792
Sure. It was four.
419
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:33,361
I'm sorry.
420
00:15:33,396 --> 00:15:37,897
I must have been overexcited
'cause fi... five is my par.
421
00:15:37,932 --> 00:15:40,800
God, I don't what is yet, but
something about this is bad.
422
00:15:40,835 --> 00:15:43,003
It's very, very bad.
423
00:15:43,038 --> 00:15:46,006
Well, j... just give me a second.
I can... I can go for five.
424
00:15:46,041 --> 00:15:47,707
Give me... give me a minute.
425
00:15:47,742 --> 00:15:49,709
[MEN CRYING]
426
00:15:49,744 --> 00:15:55,248
♪♪
427
00:15:55,283 --> 00:15:57,384
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
428
00:15:57,419 --> 00:16:04,524
♪♪
429
00:16:04,559 --> 00:16:07,793
- [BONE CRACK]
- Aah! Aah! Oh!
430
00:16:07,829 --> 00:16:10,062
Ah, shit!
431
00:16:10,097 --> 00:16:11,931
- Ohh!
- You're getting it, man.
432
00:16:14,402 --> 00:16:15,635
Yes.
433
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:18,504
♪♪
434
00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:20,640
Okay.
435
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:23,976
So, um, what did you
release in Grief Yoga?
436
00:16:24,012 --> 00:16:26,412
No, I'm pretty sure that wasn't me.
437
00:16:26,447 --> 00:16:29,381
It was that skinny vegan
guy in the burlap clothes.
438
00:16:29,417 --> 00:16:32,117
♪♪
439
00:16:32,153 --> 00:16:34,020
Oh, fuck!
440
00:16:34,055 --> 00:16:37,557
What the fuck? Is that
what I think it is?
441
00:16:37,592 --> 00:16:40,927
Yeah, or, uh, maca root
tea and organic vinegar?
442
00:16:40,962 --> 00:16:44,295
It's animal urine, is what what it is.
443
00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:47,032
[SNIFFS] It's, like, feline
444
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:50,535
based on the bottom
notes of fish and rat.
445
00:16:50,571 --> 00:16:51,881
It's an amazing cleanse, you know,
446
00:16:51,905 --> 00:16:54,205
and it... and it evens out
447
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,953
- your, uh, testosterone production, and...
- Okay, you know what? Stop. Just stop.
448
00:16:56,977 --> 00:16:59,377
What has to happen to a guy
449
00:16:59,412 --> 00:17:03,081
to make him want to
pay to drink cat piss?
450
00:17:03,116 --> 00:17:05,050
Um, she cheated on me.
451
00:17:05,085 --> 00:17:06,851
- Yeah, that...
- With my brother.
452
00:17:06,887 --> 00:17:08,252
Ooh.
453
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:10,622
Over Thanksgiving at my parents' house.
454
00:17:10,657 --> 00:17:12,523
Wow. That happens in real life?
455
00:17:12,559 --> 00:17:13,959
Yeah.
456
00:17:13,994 --> 00:17:17,228
I found her in my childhood bedroom
457
00:17:17,263 --> 00:17:20,231
giving thanks to my brother's penis.
458
00:17:20,266 --> 00:17:22,066
[SNICKERS]
459
00:17:22,102 --> 00:17:24,569
I'm s... [CLEARS THROAT]
460
00:17:24,604 --> 00:17:26,704
That is... That is
awful. I'm s... That is...
461
00:17:26,739 --> 00:17:27,905
Then it got ugly.
462
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:29,373
- Then it got ugly?
- Yeah.
463
00:17:29,409 --> 00:17:30,719
I can't wait to hear what's worse.
464
00:17:30,743 --> 00:17:33,377
Yeah, I, uh... I forgave her,
465
00:17:33,413 --> 00:17:34,712
you know, begged her to stay,
466
00:17:34,747 --> 00:17:36,280
and... and... and, like,
467
00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:38,483
you know, not like, "Please stay."
468
00:17:38,518 --> 00:17:41,018
It... it was... it was... I beg-begged.
469
00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:42,420
- Ooh.
- Really begged.
470
00:17:42,455 --> 00:17:43,988
Like, there were... there were tears.
471
00:17:44,023 --> 00:17:46,424
- On... oOn... on her shoes.
- Mm.
472
00:17:46,459 --> 00:17:47,836
- Yeah, so...
- You're right. It did get worse.
473
00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:49,093
Yeah.
474
00:17:49,129 --> 00:17:51,762
So now, you know,
475
00:17:51,797 --> 00:17:55,999
my... my ex-wife is...
is... is my sister-in-law.
476
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:59,736
And I'm just trying to
purify myself, you know,
477
00:17:59,771 --> 00:18:02,639
maybe become perfect so
that... so that someday
478
00:18:02,674 --> 00:18:06,376
someone might love me or something.
479
00:18:06,411 --> 00:18:07,944
Dude. Geez.
480
00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:11,181
Nathan, I wish I could say
something, you know, better,
481
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:14,017
m... more inspirational,
but I'm really sorry, man.
482
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,685
- That's awful.
- Yeah.
483
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,421
Thank you.
484
00:18:18,457 --> 00:18:21,758
Ooh, you're going right in
for the cat piss again, huh?
485
00:18:21,793 --> 00:18:23,826
♪♪
486
00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:26,162
[SIGHING] Ugh.
487
00:18:26,197 --> 00:18:27,463
- [GROANS]
- MARTY: Welcome. Hey.
488
00:18:27,498 --> 00:18:28,831
Thank you for coming by.
489
00:18:28,867 --> 00:18:30,366
No, no, no, no. It's okay, it's okay.
490
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:32,201
No, yeah. There's a
bottle open on the table.
491
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,936
Yeah, just go on in.
492
00:18:33,972 --> 00:18:35,638
- [CHILDREN LAUGHING]
- Hey! Look at you.
493
00:18:35,674 --> 00:18:38,207
- [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
- Okay, sure. That's awesome.
494
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,109
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
495
00:18:40,145 --> 00:18:41,710
Doing real good. Hey, bud.
496
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:43,011
Give me a high five?
497
00:18:43,047 --> 00:18:44,647
Oh, my God! Thank you!
498
00:18:44,682 --> 00:18:47,849
[CELLPHONE CLICKS, DIALING]
499
00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:49,918
[CELLPHONE RINGING, VIBRATING]
500
00:18:51,355 --> 00:18:53,088
Oh, about time.
501
00:18:53,123 --> 00:18:55,269
Are you coming to get them,
or should I bring them to you?
502
00:18:55,293 --> 00:18:57,337
Question: What's going on
at Will and Marty's house?
503
00:18:57,361 --> 00:18:59,361
It looks like they're having a big party
504
00:18:59,397 --> 00:19:01,175
with all the neighborhood
housewives and kids.
505
00:19:01,199 --> 00:19:03,265
- CARMEN: Oh, that's Binge Club.
- Binge Club?
506
00:19:03,301 --> 00:19:05,634
Yeah, it's something they
did back in Hillsboro.
507
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,869
All the stay-at-home
parents meet up at Marty's
508
00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:09,371
and take turns watching the kids,
509
00:19:09,407 --> 00:19:11,351
and then when you're not
on duty, you get adult time
510
00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:13,474
bingeing the latest
and greatest TV shows.
511
00:19:13,510 --> 00:19:15,822
- Well, why wasn't I invited?
- Well, there's no president, Em.
512
00:19:15,846 --> 00:19:18,313
- Nothing whatsoever to conquer.
- What's that supposed to mean?
513
00:19:18,348 --> 00:19:20,348
Well, plus, you'd hate
the show they're watching.
514
00:19:20,383 --> 00:19:22,050
It's "Who We Are."
515
00:19:22,086 --> 00:19:25,253
Ugh, that sappy soap that
teaches us "what really matters"
516
00:19:25,288 --> 00:19:27,823
by metaphorically drowning
kittens till we cry?
517
00:19:27,858 --> 00:19:29,891
Yep, that's... that's the one.
518
00:19:29,927 --> 00:19:31,838
Oh, how could anyone watch
that manipulative shit?
519
00:19:31,862 --> 00:19:33,940
Don't they have anything
better to do with their time?
520
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,563
Speaking of, one of us has a job.
521
00:19:35,599 --> 00:19:36,932
You are horrible.
522
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:38,366
Ah, love you, too. Bye.
523
00:19:38,401 --> 00:19:40,135
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
524
00:19:45,275 --> 00:19:47,208
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
525
00:19:47,243 --> 00:19:49,409
[MAN VOCALIZING]
526
00:19:51,981 --> 00:19:53,781
Ugh.
527
00:19:53,816 --> 00:19:55,415
[KEYBOARD CLACKS, MUSIC STOPS]
528
00:19:55,451 --> 00:19:58,619
Four bars in, and I've
already lost 20 I.Q. points.
529
00:19:58,654 --> 00:20:00,788
MARTY: Who's ready?
530
00:20:00,823 --> 00:20:03,290
Binge Club in the house!
531
00:20:03,325 --> 00:20:05,793
[LAUGHTER]
532
00:20:05,828 --> 00:20:07,427
What?
533
00:20:07,463 --> 00:20:09,930
♪♪
534
00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:11,632
[LAUGHS]
535
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:13,467
♪♪
536
00:20:13,502 --> 00:20:15,102
[GRUNTS]
537
00:20:15,138 --> 00:20:16,670
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
538
00:20:16,705 --> 00:20:18,572
[CRYING] Hormones.
539
00:20:18,607 --> 00:20:21,108
It's gotta be the hormones.
540
00:20:21,144 --> 00:20:24,210
Nooo! He can't be dead!
541
00:20:24,246 --> 00:20:26,513
[SNIFFLES] I mean, he
literally can't be dead
542
00:20:26,548 --> 00:20:28,214
because he's, like, all over the preview
543
00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:31,184
for the next episode, but... still.
544
00:20:31,219 --> 00:20:33,720
Oh, like that?
545
00:20:33,756 --> 00:20:36,657
[MUFFLED] Always like that.
546
00:20:36,692 --> 00:20:39,459
Oh.
547
00:20:39,495 --> 00:20:41,995
Okay, here's what I'm thinking.
548
00:20:42,030 --> 00:20:44,063
Fresh start. I'm Izzy Silva.
549
00:20:44,099 --> 00:20:46,400
It's... it's nice to see you again.
550
00:20:48,404 --> 00:20:49,636
Okay, that sounds good.
551
00:20:49,672 --> 00:20:52,005
No, I'm Dr. Izzy Silva.
552
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,840
Nice to meet you again.
553
00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:55,542
Do you like that?
554
00:20:55,577 --> 00:20:58,678
- [DOG WHINES]
- Is that... Oh. Hello.
555
00:20:58,713 --> 00:21:00,145
- Izzy.
- Hi.
556
00:21:00,181 --> 00:21:02,147
What are you doing here?
557
00:21:02,183 --> 00:21:05,217
[BREATHES DEEPLY] Fresh start.
558
00:21:05,252 --> 00:21:06,952
I'm Izzy Silva. Uh, wait.
559
00:21:06,987 --> 00:21:09,622
I'm... I'm Dr. Izzy Silva.
560
00:21:09,657 --> 00:21:12,692
Yeah, the girl with the vape
561
00:21:12,727 --> 00:21:15,060
and the booze and the insults
562
00:21:15,095 --> 00:21:16,895
and the holier-than-thou attitude.
563
00:21:16,931 --> 00:21:18,163
That was playtime Izzy.
564
00:21:18,199 --> 00:21:21,367
This is very serious Izzy.
565
00:21:21,402 --> 00:21:23,001
I want the job.
566
00:21:23,037 --> 00:21:25,904
Helping entitled rich kids
with their faux damage?
567
00:21:25,940 --> 00:21:27,306
I'm good at what I do.
568
00:21:27,342 --> 00:21:28,541
See this stack over here?
569
00:21:28,576 --> 00:21:30,508
I added mine. Mine's on top.
570
00:21:30,544 --> 00:21:32,945
Okay, well, they're all
good at what they do,
571
00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:35,848
- and they're more qualified.
- Qualified. I've heard.
572
00:21:35,883 --> 00:21:37,883
You're not gonna make
this easy, are you?
573
00:21:37,918 --> 00:21:39,885
Why would I?
574
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,054
Okay. Well...
575
00:21:44,591 --> 00:21:49,194
A kid asked me to sign
this on the way in,
576
00:21:49,230 --> 00:21:51,897
which means they thought
I might be a student,
577
00:21:51,932 --> 00:21:53,772
and now I'm very, very
much in love with them.
578
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,968
- "Them"?
- Yeah, stay tuned.
579
00:21:56,003 --> 00:21:59,338
So, turns out that the
non-binary student collective
580
00:21:59,373 --> 00:22:01,973
is gearing up to protest
unless you start providing
581
00:22:02,008 --> 00:22:04,008
gender-neutral bathroom alternatives.
582
00:22:04,043 --> 00:22:05,377
[BREATHES SHARPLY] Rough.
583
00:22:05,412 --> 00:22:08,380
Wait. What? We settled this last year.
584
00:22:08,415 --> 00:22:11,282
Trans kids are welcome to
use any bathroom they wish.
585
00:22:11,317 --> 00:22:12,417
Dude.
586
00:22:12,452 --> 00:22:13,785
What?
587
00:22:13,820 --> 00:22:16,287
Non-binary is not the same as trans.
588
00:22:16,322 --> 00:22:19,056
I knew that.
589
00:22:19,092 --> 00:22:20,958
Did you?
590
00:22:20,994 --> 00:22:23,127
- I didn't know that.
- No.
591
00:22:23,162 --> 00:22:25,764
Look, you tell anyone,
and I will deny it.
592
00:22:25,799 --> 00:22:27,932
I won't. Look, I just... I fell behind
593
00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:31,269
on... on all the initials
and the acronyms and...
594
00:22:31,304 --> 00:22:32,904
Well, it sounds like, to me,
595
00:22:32,939 --> 00:22:36,307
that you need an
LGBTQIA-plus specialist,
596
00:22:36,342 --> 00:22:38,142
and I just happen to be pansexual,
597
00:22:38,177 --> 00:22:39,476
or so they tell me.
598
00:22:39,512 --> 00:22:42,980
So I'm very well-versed.
599
00:22:43,016 --> 00:22:44,515
Fine.
600
00:22:44,550 --> 00:22:46,083
- Really?
- Wait.
601
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,119
But it is probational for one month,
602
00:22:48,154 --> 00:22:49,420
and then we evaluate.
603
00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:51,488
Amazing. Thank you so much.
604
00:22:51,524 --> 00:22:53,024
Oh, I have one condition.
605
00:22:53,059 --> 00:22:54,491
I hope it's psoriasis
606
00:22:54,527 --> 00:22:56,593
because you literally have no leverage.
607
00:22:56,629 --> 00:22:58,629
Um, I just need you
to admit one student.
608
00:22:58,664 --> 00:23:00,042
Her name is Sasha, and she was homeless
609
00:23:00,066 --> 00:23:01,399
up until two months ago,
610
00:23:01,434 --> 00:23:03,045
but she couldn't go
to the public school.
611
00:23:03,069 --> 00:23:04,936
Um, she's amazing.
612
00:23:08,341 --> 00:23:11,175
Okay, I'll, uh... I'll tell you what.
613
00:23:11,210 --> 00:23:12,521
I'll try to put in for a recommendation.
614
00:23:12,545 --> 00:23:14,177
Oh, she'll start right away.
615
00:23:14,212 --> 00:23:15,412
Thank you.
616
00:23:15,448 --> 00:23:16,480
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
617
00:23:16,515 --> 00:23:17,748
I appreciate it.
618
00:23:17,783 --> 00:23:19,015
All right, see ya.
619
00:23:19,051 --> 00:23:20,984
See ya.
620
00:23:21,019 --> 00:23:27,090
♪♪
621
00:23:27,125 --> 00:23:33,163
♪♪
622
00:23:33,198 --> 00:23:34,498
[LID CLANKS]
623
00:23:34,533 --> 00:23:36,600
♪♪
624
00:23:36,635 --> 00:23:39,369
Polly? [CHUCKLES]
625
00:23:40,906 --> 00:23:44,374
Why are you giving me your mail?
626
00:23:44,409 --> 00:23:46,376
Why didn't you invite me?
627
00:23:46,411 --> 00:23:48,078
Wh... Oh! Oh, I get it.
628
00:23:48,113 --> 00:23:49,557
You think it's because
you're tightly wound
629
00:23:49,581 --> 00:23:50,746
and a little bit scary.
630
00:23:50,782 --> 00:23:54,050
No, that's... that's not what I think.
631
00:23:54,086 --> 00:23:55,885
Is that what you think?
632
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,288
Yeah, a little, but,
actually, the main reason
633
00:23:58,323 --> 00:24:00,023
is because you don't have any children.
634
00:24:00,058 --> 00:24:01,491
- Well...
- Like, out-vitro children.
635
00:24:01,526 --> 00:24:03,126
- Yeah, but...
- Do you?
636
00:24:03,161 --> 00:24:05,628
Have any kids that
aren't inside your belly?
637
00:24:07,832 --> 00:24:09,432
Yeah.
638
00:24:09,468 --> 00:24:11,001
Okay, bye.
639
00:24:11,036 --> 00:24:12,635
♪♪
640
00:24:12,670 --> 00:24:15,605
[SIGHS]
641
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,240
Fuck.
642
00:24:17,275 --> 00:24:19,742
NINA: What are you
actually doing down there?
643
00:24:19,777 --> 00:24:21,577
Well, I call it "work."
644
00:24:21,613 --> 00:24:23,090
What are you actually doing up there?
645
00:24:23,114 --> 00:24:25,748
Eh, not so much. Just pondering.
646
00:24:25,783 --> 00:24:28,183
I'm gonna spend the rest of
my life paying student loans
647
00:24:28,219 --> 00:24:30,085
for a career that spanned three days.
648
00:24:30,121 --> 00:24:32,354
Fascinating, right?
649
00:24:32,390 --> 00:24:33,923
Well, I'm not a therapist,
650
00:24:33,958 --> 00:24:36,726
but I did make it
through all twelve steps,
651
00:24:36,761 --> 00:24:40,763
which makes me insufferably wise.
652
00:24:40,798 --> 00:24:43,833
- May I?
- Knock yourself out.
653
00:24:43,868 --> 00:24:46,402
This, uh... this career
that you just quit,
654
00:24:46,437 --> 00:24:49,005
it's kind of like a pie-eating contest.
655
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,807
It's really not. At all.
656
00:24:51,843 --> 00:24:54,943
- But good effort, Izzy's dad.
- Yeah.
657
00:24:54,978 --> 00:24:57,212
You just spent the past eight years
658
00:24:57,248 --> 00:24:59,548
eating as much pie
as you possibly could,
659
00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:01,050
shoveling it down,
660
00:25:01,085 --> 00:25:03,152
spending all of your
money buying more pies,
661
00:25:03,187 --> 00:25:05,854
going into pie debt, but
you just kept on going
662
00:25:05,889 --> 00:25:07,856
because you didn't know what else to do.
663
00:25:07,891 --> 00:25:13,695
And, finally, one day,
you eat the last pie.
664
00:25:13,730 --> 00:25:15,197
Yay!
665
00:25:15,232 --> 00:25:17,399
You won the pie-eating
contest! It's great.
666
00:25:17,435 --> 00:25:20,001
And then they wheel in your prize
667
00:25:20,037 --> 00:25:22,371
on one of those big dollies.
668
00:25:22,406 --> 00:25:24,306
Can you guess what it is?
669
00:25:24,341 --> 00:25:27,443
I agreed to a story, Ben, not a riddle.
670
00:25:27,478 --> 00:25:28,909
More pie.
671
00:25:28,945 --> 00:25:31,412
A shit ton of fucking pie.
672
00:25:31,448 --> 00:25:34,248
That's what you got for
winning the pie-eating contest.
673
00:25:34,284 --> 00:25:36,050
- I hate pie.
- Yeah.
674
00:25:36,086 --> 00:25:38,286
I... I think maybe I always hated pie.
675
00:25:38,321 --> 00:25:39,387
Yeah.
676
00:25:39,422 --> 00:25:41,489
So why keep eating it?
677
00:25:41,524 --> 00:25:44,125
Well, I...
678
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,462
Fear? Obligation?
679
00:25:47,497 --> 00:25:48,829
Other people?
680
00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:53,401
Other people.
681
00:25:53,436 --> 00:25:55,269
I hate them as much as I hate pie.
682
00:25:55,305 --> 00:25:56,937
There you go.
683
00:25:56,973 --> 00:25:58,606
I wasted eight years.
684
00:25:58,641 --> 00:26:00,241
I doubt that.
685
00:26:00,276 --> 00:26:04,277
♪♪
686
00:26:04,313 --> 00:26:07,380
Hmm. I wondered what Izzy saw in you.
687
00:26:07,416 --> 00:26:13,286
♪♪
688
00:26:13,322 --> 00:26:15,822
Okay, it's almost pizza time!
689
00:26:15,857 --> 00:26:18,658
[CHILD LAUGHING]
690
00:26:18,693 --> 00:26:20,893
[CELLPHONE RINGING, VIBRATING]
691
00:26:20,929 --> 00:26:24,264
♪♪
692
00:26:24,299 --> 00:26:26,065
Oh, God damn it, woman.
693
00:26:26,101 --> 00:26:27,934
Quit being such a
needy, selfish little...
694
00:26:27,969 --> 00:26:29,314
- Give me you kids. Now!
- Jesus Christ.
695
00:26:29,338 --> 00:26:31,171
- Come on. Go get them.
- Okay, just...
696
00:26:31,206 --> 00:26:33,106
And any other ones you
find scurrying about.
697
00:26:33,142 --> 00:26:35,542
Go! Go, go, go.
698
00:26:35,577 --> 00:26:37,644
WOMAN: Be free!
699
00:26:37,679 --> 00:26:39,311
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
700
00:26:39,347 --> 00:26:42,115
♪ When we get together,
everything is better ♪
701
00:26:42,150 --> 00:26:45,351
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
702
00:26:45,386 --> 00:26:48,621
♪ When we get together,
everything is better ♪
703
00:26:48,657 --> 00:26:51,057
Be free!
704
00:26:51,092 --> 00:26:52,792
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
705
00:26:52,827 --> 00:26:55,995
♪ When we get together,
everything is better ♪
706
00:26:55,996 --> 00:27:00,996
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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