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1
00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:03,790
Today feels like a special day.
2
00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:05,880
The sun is out, so I won't
lose a toe to hypothermia.
3
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:09,670
[ Laughs ]
And I'm feeling less activity from my bodily parasites!
4
00:00:09,670 --> 00:00:11,460
Sitting there
like a couple of lumps.
5
00:00:11,460 --> 00:00:13,830
It's a sin to watch TV
on such a nice day.
6
00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:15,460
It's "Boxcar Benji."
7
00:00:15,460 --> 00:00:17,080
That fake TV hobo?
8
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:18,830
You should be out
in the fresh air, playing --
9
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:20,420
with real hobos.
10
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,500
[ Cheering ]
Dodgers are on.
11
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,250
I heard you that --
12
00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:26,580
Dad, you should be
out in the fresh air, playing real baseball.
13
00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:27,790
Funny you bring that up.
14
00:00:27,790 --> 00:00:29,460
When I played
high school ball,
15
00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:31,880
there were a few scouts
sniffing around.
16
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,380
I remember the --
Oh, no, Dad's talking about the past again.
17
00:00:34,380 --> 00:00:36,120
Figured that would
clear the room.
18
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,500
I remember
the first time
19
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,790
I tried that particular trick
on the kids --
20
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:40,880
I'm out of here.
21
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,290
[ Chuckles ]
22
00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:46,880
Just me and Don Sutton.
23
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,500
Give it back!
I found a heretic in our midst.
24
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,120
What, a Giants fan?
25
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,670
William has been studying
this fake religion
26
00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:56,460
based on those dumb
science-fiction books he reads.
27
00:00:56,460 --> 00:00:58,880
Always reading.
I'd hoped that was just a phase.
28
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,500
It's a science-based
thought-system,
29
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:02,080
much of it
just as feasible
30
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,620
as the stuff
they teach in church.
31
00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:04,750
"Magor-eology"?
32
00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:06,710
By J. Eldon Gutierrez.
33
00:01:06,710 --> 00:01:08,120
They were
handing those out
34
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,500
in front of
the vegetarian restaurant.
35
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:11,170
That's where I'd go
to look for suckers.
36
00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:12,580
Bunch of folks
willing to spend 2 bucks
37
00:01:12,580 --> 00:01:14,210
on a bowl
of grass soup.
38
00:01:14,210 --> 00:01:16,500
[ Laughs ]
It's a philosophy the Magorian people have used
39
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:19,000
to bring a trillion years
of peace to their quadrant.
40
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,880
Wouldn't mind a little peace
in my quadrant right now.
41
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:21,880
Give him his book back,
Frank.
42
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,750
Thank you.
[ Thump ]
43
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,830
It's a slippery slope,
Dad.
44
00:01:25,830 --> 00:01:28,830
First Magoreology, then he'll
be hanging out with Lutherans.
45
00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:30,330
Lutherans!
46
00:01:30,330 --> 00:01:31,620
Peggy: Now that Frank
is out of the room,
47
00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:33,710
I don't mind saying
I agree with him.
48
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:35,580
I don't like my kids looking
outside the Catholic Church.
49
00:01:35,580 --> 00:01:37,920
That's why we have
all the stained glass -- so you can't see out.
50
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,960
William's just got
a naturally curious mind.
51
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,670
The other day, he was asking me
about Buddhism.
52
00:01:41,670 --> 00:01:43,210
And you told him?!
53
00:01:43,210 --> 00:01:45,420
Yeah, it's been around for
a while, Mom. It's out there.
54
00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:47,170
Oh, it's "out there,"
all right.
55
00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:49,500
A big, fat guy stuffing
his wisdom into fortune cookies.
56
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:50,920
I think
that's Confucianism.
57
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,750
[ Laughs ] Damn right,
it's confusing.
58
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,500
All these new religions.
59
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:56,830
Buddhism's actually older
than Catholicism.
60
00:01:56,830 --> 00:01:59,000
Yeah, well, I'm just hearing
about it, and I don't like it.
61
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,080
Well,
I think it's healthy
62
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,460
that William's questioning
his beliefs.
63
00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:02,880
Well, you questioned
your beliefs
64
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,580
right out of
a cushy priest job.
65
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:06,830
Our religion has a lot
of beautiful, profound ideas
66
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:09,420
that only work if you don't
look at them too closely.
67
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,250
Yeah, church isn't set up
for brainiacs
68
00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:13,380
wringing their hands,
trying to pick things apart.
69
00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:15,040
That's what
synagogues are for. Mm-hmm.
70
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,290
If you think your faith
won't stand up to scrutiny,
71
00:02:17,290 --> 00:02:19,250
why is it so important
for your kids to follow it?
72
00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:20,790
Because it's right.
73
00:02:20,790 --> 00:02:22,250
[ Laughs ] Other religions
feel the same way.
74
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:23,790
Well, they're wrong.
75
00:02:23,790 --> 00:02:25,380
If you force William
to believe what you believe,
76
00:02:25,380 --> 00:02:27,710
you might just drive him
away from it.
77
00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:29,170
Maybe he's right.
78
00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:31,250
Maybe we should back off William
and see how this plays out.
79
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:33,880
That's the trouble with
smart kids -- they're awful.
80
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:34,920
The dumb ones
are awful, too,
81
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,210
but at least
you can boss them around.
82
00:02:36,210 --> 00:02:37,460
Eddie, pick up your feet
when you walk.
83
00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:38,580
Where have
you guys been?
84
00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:40,000
We got up
at 3:00 in the morning
85
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,330
to get in line
for Zeppelin tickets.
86
00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:43,040
Ooh, it's time
for the air show again?
87
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,040
I'm not surprised blimp day's
become a hot ticket.
88
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:48,210
[ Chuckles ] They're
the gentle giants of the sky.
89
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,830
They're talking about
the band.
90
00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,380
Zeppelin's a band now?
91
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,170
Your generation ruins
everything.
92
00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:55,380
Hermits,
stones, beetles --
93
00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:57,500
words used to
mean something.
94
00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:59,420
Joey: Well,
we didn't get the tickets
95
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:01,670
because someone fell asleep
on their shift.
96
00:03:01,670 --> 00:03:04,290
The guy promised he'd wake me up
when the Ticketron opened.
97
00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:06,170
You mean the guy
in line behind us
98
00:03:06,170 --> 00:03:08,040
who accused us
of cutting in front of him?
99
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,460
Yeah -- Doug.
100
00:03:09,460 --> 00:03:11,620
[ Both snoring ]
101
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,380
I am never speaking
to Doug again.
102
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:16,830
You're never
seeing him again.
103
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:17,710
How about
at the concert?
104
00:03:17,710 --> 00:03:19,120
Doug'll be there.
105
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,210
But we won't --
because of you!
106
00:03:20,210 --> 00:03:21,420
Because of Doug.
107
00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:23,250
If we had to depend on
you two in the war,
108
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:24,920
we'd all be speaking German
right now.
109
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,580
That would be
really helpful.
110
00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:28,830
I cannot get through
my foreign language requirement.
111
00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:30,880
I'm surprised
you're giving up so easy.
112
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,380
You always seem
to have a connection
113
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,210
for concert tickets
and fireworks.
114
00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:36,290
And a koala
that one time.
115
00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:38,120
Ohh.
Pat's best birthday yet.
116
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,540
Yeah.
[ Laughs ]
117
00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:41,290
I got Mousey and Ray-Ray
beating the streets,
118
00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:43,790
but so far, all they could
score me was "Ice Capades."
119
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,540
But I might be able to set you
up for that air show, Dad.
120
00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:47,500
I'll take two
for blimp day.
121
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,750
And, uh, some more
of those hot dog vouchers. Hmm?
122
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:50,750
♪♪
123
00:03:54,170 --> 00:03:56,500
Is this tie
too flashy for Mass, hon?
124
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:57,880
Huh. Didn't realize
I was married to Liberace.
125
00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,250
Wear the brown one.
126
00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:01,120
There you are --
the last place I checked.
127
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:02,500
Why aren't you
wearing pants?
128
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,790
They wouldn't fit
over my shoes,
129
00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:05,170
but that's
not why I'm here.
130
00:04:05,170 --> 00:04:07,540
Don't feel bad, pal.
I blew it with my tie.
131
00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:09,540
William says
he's not going to church today.
132
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:11,170
Nonsense.
You tell him he's going.
133
00:04:11,170 --> 00:04:12,580
And put your pants on.
134
00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:14,500
I mean,
I can try again, but...
135
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,750
Take your shoes off
first.
136
00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:17,580
Ohh!
137
00:04:17,580 --> 00:04:19,750
So, now William doesn't want
to go to church at all.
138
00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,040
Well,
I guess we clamp down
139
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,750
before his doubts about religion
affect the other kids.
140
00:04:22,750 --> 00:04:24,170
We don't want them
catching on.
141
00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:26,380
You mean we don't want
the others doubting it? Sure.
142
00:04:26,380 --> 00:04:29,330
Well, his problem is, he sits
in Mass thinking about stuff.
143
00:04:29,330 --> 00:04:31,330
We need to find him
a distraction --
144
00:04:31,330 --> 00:04:33,170
like when the baby and Eddie
get fussy,
145
00:04:33,170 --> 00:04:34,920
I give them my keys
to play with.
146
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,250
And Pat likes how the pew
vibrates under his butt
147
00:04:37,250 --> 00:04:38,460
when the organ
plays a low note.
148
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,380
[ High-pitched notes play ]
Peggy: What on God's green Earth?!
149
00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:44,380
Sounds like you're playing
Hell's national anthem.
150
00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:46,330
I'm just practicing scales
on my theremin.
151
00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:48,380
Oh.
I was hoping to skip Mass today
152
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:50,040
to learn the theme
from "Star Trek."
153
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,750
I know how into music
you are.
154
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,210
Father Abdi says
155
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,380
you're a once-in-a-generation
musical talent.
156
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,250
Would you
knock that off? [ Notes stop ]
157
00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:59,380
Wait. You were talking
to Father Abdi about me?
158
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:02,460
Just the other day,
when I was teaching him how Americans use stairs,
159
00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:05,080
he asked about you getting
involved with the boys' choir.
160
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,330
Our choir?
Mm-hmm.
161
00:05:06,330 --> 00:05:08,920
Oh, and do you know why
our church calls it a choir?
162
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,500
Because when they sing,
it's so terrible,
163
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,290
you...cwy.
[cry]
164
00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:15,170
Sure,
Timmy made a bad joke,
165
00:05:15,170 --> 00:05:18,830
but even in the worst comedy,
there's a germ of truth.
166
00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:20,250
Our choir stinks.
167
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:21,750
That's all
I wanted to communicate.
168
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:24,000
I thank ye.
169
00:05:25,210 --> 00:05:27,620
Look, that's why
Father Abdi needs you.
170
00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:29,960
He was hoping you'd listen
during Mass today
171
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,620
and give suggestions.
172
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:33,620
And they'll take them
seriously?
173
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,880
That's what the Catholic Church
is known for --
174
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,880
always
welcoming new ideas.
175
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,670
[ Organ playing "Holy God,
We Praise Thy Name" ]
176
00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:46,830
♪ Holy God, we praise Thy Name ♪
177
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:49,790
Tempo. Tempo!
Come on, people!
178
00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:55,500
[ Off-key ] ♪ Lord of all,
we bow before Thee ♪
179
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,620
Terrible.
It's just appalling.
180
00:05:57,620 --> 00:05:59,500
Cut 'em some slack.
Their voices are changing.
181
00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:00,830
Not changing enough.
182
00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:02,710
Ohh!
183
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:07,170
♪ Everlasting is Thy reign ♪
184
00:06:07,170 --> 00:06:10,710
[ Low organ note plays ]
Ooh! That hymn tickles my butt!
185
00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:12,710
Father Abdi:
I welcome you in Christ's name.
186
00:06:12,710 --> 00:06:14,580
Announcer:
Coming down the tracks on this two-for-Tuesday,
187
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:17,120
a double shot
of Grand Funk Railroad.
188
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,880
What's your finger doing,
besides putting undue stress
189
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,170
on the rotary mechanism?
190
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:22,500
KYWW has tickets
to Led Zeppelin.
191
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,710
You call in to win.
192
00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:26,880
But you have to say,
"KYWW plays all the hits."
193
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,710
Now that I understand it,
I care even less.
194
00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:30,710
Hang up.
I like to keep that line open.
195
00:06:30,710 --> 00:06:32,580
Dad, c'mon!
You never get calls.
196
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:35,080
I work in the defense industry,
so I must be reachable
197
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,920
at all times
in case of a national emergency.
198
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,290
[ Telephone rings ]
199
00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:40,210
What'd I tell you?
200
00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:41,620
Mike Cleary.
201
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,500
Uh-huh.
202
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,380
Uh-huh.
Well, that's intriguing.
203
00:06:45,380 --> 00:06:46,790
You confirmed those figures
with the Colonel?
204
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:48,000
And everybody
up at HQ?
205
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,620
Okay.
206
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,460
I'll be there.
207
00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:55,080
[ Telephone clacks ]
208
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,080
Peggy, Kentucky Fried Chicken
has a meal deal --
209
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,790
a bucket, fixins,
plus free slaw!
210
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,670
Clowns almost
made me miss that.
211
00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:04,380
Honey, I told you --
212
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:06,580
tonight we are
dining with the Colonel.
213
00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:09,040
We need a fresh vegetable,
so I'm opening a can of beans.
214
00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:11,830
Well, this just about
tears it!
215
00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:13,580
I am fit to be tied!
216
00:07:13,580 --> 00:07:15,790
Oh, Frank, stop talking
like an elderly person.
217
00:07:15,790 --> 00:07:19,170
William staged a power-grab
at choir practice.
218
00:07:19,170 --> 00:07:22,000
Came in throwing "suggestions"
at Sister Euphemia,
219
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,080
who rolled over
like an Irish Setter.
220
00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:27,500
Sounds like you got William
back in the fold.
221
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,580
Yeah, but I didn't realize
it would upset Frank.
222
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:31,080
So that's just gravy.
223
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,380
Mmm.
Savory country gravy.
224
00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:34,380
[ Door opens ]
225
00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:36,380
Time to pick up
the chicken. Mm.
226
00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:38,210
Hey, I hear you're
whipping the choir into shape.
227
00:07:38,210 --> 00:07:39,880
Good job.
228
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:43,210
[ Door closes ]
I hear Frank isn't too happy about it.
229
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:46,290
He's mad because he thinks
his voice is a tenor. [tenner]
230
00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:48,170
I would rank it more
of a four-and-a-halfer.
231
00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:49,620
Yes, it's a bad joke,
232
00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:51,710
but it doesn't diminish
the importance of the message.
233
00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:52,960
Frank stinks.
234
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,250
You can't kick him out.
235
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:55,830
They already spent good money
on that special robe
236
00:07:55,830 --> 00:07:57,170
that makes him
look like he's got shoulders.
237
00:07:57,170 --> 00:07:58,790
I told him he can stay
238
00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:01,210
if he just moves his lips
without making any noise.
239
00:08:01,210 --> 00:08:03,580
Oh, if only I could get him
to do that around here.
240
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:05,000
We sounded
really good tonight.
241
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,080
In fact, Father Abdi
stopped by and asked us to sing
242
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,040
on the "Mass for Shut-Ins" show
this Sunday.
243
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,500
What do you know?
244
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,960
Because of church,
you're gonna sing on TV.
245
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,210
Adult Timmy:
Acoustics in our house were a funny thing.
246
00:08:15,210 --> 00:08:16,830
Sometimes, I couldn't hear
my mother tell me
247
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,040
to pick up a dirty sock
from 2 feet away,
248
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,040
[ Echoing ] ...on TV...on TV...
but other times...
249
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,920
You hear that, Timmy?
250
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,920
William's gonna sing
on TV?
251
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:31,170
♪ Holy, holy, holy ♪
252
00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:35,920
♪ Merciful and mighty ♪
253
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:41,120
♪ God in three persons ♪
254
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,670
♪ Blessed Trinity ♪
255
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,830
William, your lovely voice
has drawn from me
256
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,880
long-dormant feelings --
257
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,330
passions,
innocence untouched,
258
00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:57,790
but longing --
so much longing.
259
00:08:57,790 --> 00:08:59,920
I'm...sorry, Sister.
260
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,960
No.
You were wonderful.
261
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,330
I think we have found
our soloist!
262
00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:06,290
[ Gasps ]
Timmy: Excuse me, Sister.
263
00:09:08,710 --> 00:09:10,420
I'd like to audition
for the solo.
264
00:09:10,420 --> 00:09:11,880
What are you doing here?
265
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,330
Isn't it obvious?
266
00:09:13,330 --> 00:09:15,420
Timmy can never stand anybody
getting more attention than him.
267
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:16,920
He'd climb up
on that cross
268
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,250
if he wasn't
scared of splinters.
269
00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:21,540
Listen, Ruth,
William's a doll,
270
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:24,290
and he'd be fine
if this was just a church gig,
271
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:27,170
but on television,
you're competing for eyeballs.
272
00:09:27,170 --> 00:09:29,380
There are, like,
four channels now.
273
00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:32,330
So you have got to pop out
of that screen and grab 'em!
274
00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:33,380
Let me give you
a little taste.
275
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:35,920
Billy, B-flat.
276
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,620
[ Note plays ]
♪ Holy-holy, holy-holy-holy ♪
277
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,790
♪ Holy-holy,
holy-holy-holy ♪ Yeah!
278
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:42,920
♪ Holy, holy, holy ♪
♪ Holy, holy-holy ♪
279
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,500
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Lord, God Almighty ♪ Almighty!
280
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:48,080
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Early in the morning ♪
281
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,330
♪ O-o-o-oh ♪
♪ My song shall rise to Thee, Thee, Thee, Thee ♪
282
00:09:50,330 --> 00:09:52,750
♪ Holy, holy, holy ♪
283
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,920
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Merciful and mighty ♪
284
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,620
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
♪ God in three persons ♪
285
00:09:57,620 --> 00:09:59,790
♪ O-o-oh ♪
♪ The blessed Trinity-ty-ty-ty ♪
286
00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:02,670
♪ Holy, holy, holy ♪
[ Scatting ]
287
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,580
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Lord God Almighty ♪
288
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:07,080
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ba-da, ba, ba-da ♪
289
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,750
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ The blessed Trinity ♪
290
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,580
Who are you sending
those postcards to?
291
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,460
Show business power players --
Lew Wasserman, Stanley Kubrick.
292
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:18,670
Folks who'll want to catch
my solo Sunday morning.
293
00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:20,960
I'm gonna be the first person
in our family on TV.
294
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,250
Not true. Your cousin
Brenda used to pal around with those Manson girls.
295
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:26,250
She made it into
all the courtroom sketches.
296
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,380
It seems very unlikely to me
that your industry big shots
297
00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:31,750
are gonna be watching
the "Mass for Shut-Ins."
298
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:34,380
You mean a guy
like Lew Wasserman, running a big studio?
299
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,210
[ Door opens ]
I doubt he has time to get to Mass.
300
00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:39,580
You took a beautiful hymn
and made it an abomination!
301
00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:42,580
Sounds like you might be jealous
somebody took your solo.
302
00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:45,540
I care about
honoring the music.
303
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:47,500
You don't add a whoopee cushion
to Mozart.
304
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,750
You do if you want
to get butts in the seats.
305
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,000
You've taken the one thing
I like about church
306
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,580
and you made it
about butts.
307
00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:54,920
My mom's plan
was starting to unravel.
308
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,420
[ Door opens ]
She now worried
309
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:58,250
William might stop making music
for the Catholic Church
310
00:10:58,250 --> 00:10:59,920
and end up making music
at the airport,
311
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,080
with a shaved head
and a tambourine.
312
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,330
You know, Timmy...
313
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:08,250
you're gonna have plenty
of opportunities to be on TV.
314
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,880
Maybe you should
let William have this one.
315
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,620
Mom, this isn't about me
anymore, okay?
316
00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,290
I've got to do this
for the shut-ins.
317
00:11:14,290 --> 00:11:16,290
A lot of them
don't get any sunshine.
318
00:11:16,290 --> 00:11:18,710
They need me
to bring it to them.
319
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:20,330
[ Door opens ]
Mike: Sorry I'm late.
320
00:11:20,330 --> 00:11:22,420
There's a dumb mattress
in the middle of the street on Glenoaks.
321
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,460
I'm gonna call it in.
322
00:11:23,460 --> 00:11:25,080
What size is it?
Eddie needs a new bed.
323
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,420
It's in the road,
Peg.
324
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:28,170
Well, does that mean stains
or just tire tracks?
325
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:29,250
[ Sighs ]
326
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,380
Father picks up
a little overtime.
327
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:33,460
Suddenly, we're too fancy
for a street mattress.
328
00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:36,540
[ Shocking Blue's "Venus"
plays ]
329
00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:37,670
Hello?
330
00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:38,880
Eddie: Hello?
331
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,500
Who's on this line?
Is that Eddie?
332
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,790
Joey, it's Dad.
333
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:43,460
What's going on?
334
00:11:43,460 --> 00:11:44,790
Hey, Pop!
335
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:46,620
We finally got through
to KYWW.
336
00:11:46,620 --> 00:11:48,000
We're on hold right now
as caller number 6.
337
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,290
Where are you?
338
00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:50,790
How are you even
on this phone?
339
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:52,000
Okay, full disclosure --
340
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,710
I kinda spliced
into our phone line
341
00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:55,500
and ran an extension
up to my office.
342
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,500
Turns out
I'm pretty technological.
343
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,250
Must've gotten that
from you.
344
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,080
You're about to get
something else from me.
345
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,250
Dad!
Don't mess this up!
346
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:05,620
We've been calling day and night
trying to win this.
347
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:06,670
[ Grunts ]
348
00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:09,290
No!!
349
00:12:09,290 --> 00:12:10,750
[ Laughs ]
What do you know?
350
00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:13,330
It hit the ground
just like a lead zeppelin.
351
00:12:13,330 --> 00:12:14,620
Announcer:
Hello, caller number 6?
352
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,290
Who is this?
Don't hang up, Dad!
353
00:12:16,290 --> 00:12:17,790
Do not hang up!
354
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:20,710
It's Rockin' Rocky
at KYWW Radio!
355
00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:22,790
Good -- you can get the word out
regarding a Sigalert...
356
00:12:22,790 --> 00:12:24,620
[ Feedback ]
...on Glenoaks Avenue.
357
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,420
It's a mattress --
probably fell off a U-Haul.
358
00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:28,380
People don't tie them down
like they're supposed to.
359
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,000
You're killing me, old man.
You're killing me!
360
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,710
Dad, you gotta
say the slogan.
361
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,880
Who am I speaking with?
Michael Cleary.
362
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,750
The unfortunate father
of two idiot sons who --
363
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:40,330
Ooh! Sounds like we've got
a grumpy dad.
364
00:12:40,330 --> 00:12:41,710
Well, tell me, Grumpy Dad,
365
00:12:41,710 --> 00:12:43,880
are you ready to have Zeppelin
rock your world?
366
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,710
That seems
extremely unlikely.
367
00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:47,420
Just repeat our slogan
and win the prize.
368
00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:49,330
"KYWW plays all the hits!"
Say it!
369
00:12:49,330 --> 00:12:51,750
"KYWW plays
all the hits!"
370
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:53,330
Please, please, please!
371
00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:55,000
So, what do you say,
Grumpster?
372
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,000
I can't just say something
I don't know to be true
373
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,420
on the public airways.
374
00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:00,380
It might be perjury.
We could lose the house.
375
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:03,000
Ooh!
Grumpy Dad is the most!
376
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,420
I don't just
give my endorsement
377
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,170
without believing
in the product.
378
00:13:06,170 --> 00:13:08,620
You're not endorsing the music!
You're just stating a fact!
379
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:11,830
There is no way I am saying
"KYWW plays all the hits"
380
00:13:11,830 --> 00:13:13,330
without first knowing
if that --
381
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:14,880
He said it!
You said it!
382
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,040
I heard you, Dad!
I heard you! You said it!
383
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,040
You just won two tickets
to Led Zeppelin!
384
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,330
Pick 'em up at will-call.
385
00:13:20,330 --> 00:13:21,920
See you at the concert,
Grumpy Dad!
386
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,080
Don't forget about
that mattress.
387
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:24,460
[ Both screaming ]
388
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:26,540
We won tickets
to Zeppelin!
389
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:27,580
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
390
00:13:27,580 --> 00:13:30,500
I believe Grumpy Dad
won those tickets.
391
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,620
Your mom and I used to go
to a lot of concerts together.
392
00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:35,210
You know, I recall
one of our first dates ever
393
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:37,420
was with Vaughn Monroe
and his band
394
00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:39,580
at The Twin Coaches
outside of Pittsburgh.
395
00:13:39,580 --> 00:13:41,880
Dad's talking
about the past again.
396
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,790
[ Hammering ]
397
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:45,170
Oh, my God,
this is the same stage
398
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:46,920
where they shoot
the "Boxcar Benji" show!
399
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:50,210
Wonderful -- Timmy
in his natural habitat,
400
00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:51,790
among the freaks
of Hollyweird.
401
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,830
Honey! It's not polite
to call these weirdos freaks.
402
00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:55,170
[ Gasps ]
This is the crate
403
00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:57,250
where Benji always goes
to sleep one off.
404
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,080
And right there
is the windowsill
405
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,210
where every week,
a lucky junior hobo
406
00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:02,960
tries to steal
the widow's pie.
407
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,920
Those of you appearing on-camera
need to report for makeup.
408
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,830
[ Chuckles ] I will not
be wearing any makeup.
409
00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:09,120
I am nobody's fop.
410
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,750
I need a number-three base,
or I wash out under the lights.
411
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:15,000
Okay, kid.
Let's go.
412
00:14:16,330 --> 00:14:17,620
Why would you
make me come
413
00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:19,960
just to watch Timmy
butcher my favorite hymn?
414
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,580
What if something happens to
Timmy and he can't sing today?
415
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:24,460
Well, then you would be here
to save the day.
416
00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:25,710
What's gonna happen
to Timmy?
417
00:14:25,710 --> 00:14:27,380
I don't know yet.
[ Sighs ]
418
00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:29,750
But in the meantime,
think about the shut-ins.
419
00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:31,880
It brings them joy to see
the shiny faces of children.
420
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,830
Does nothing for me,
but they don't get out much.
421
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,880
So, are you nervous,
Timmy Cleary?
422
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,790
This is actually
my first starring role on TV.
423
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,080
Hmm.
424
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,830
It doesn't
seem appropriate
425
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:45,330
for you to think of yourself
as the "star" of this Mass.
426
00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:46,670
I get it.
427
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:48,460
This is your rodeo.
You want top billing.
428
00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:49,750
No, I simply meant
that you should --
429
00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:51,210
Father,
they're ready for you.
430
00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:55,080
Announcer: Stay tuned for
Sunday "Mass for Shut-Ins,"
431
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:56,790
coming up next.
432
00:14:56,790 --> 00:14:57,960
Adult Timmy: While Lawrence
prepared to record
433
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,120
my historic TV appearance
434
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,500
using the technology
of the day,
435
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,080
Joey and Eddie
were still trying
436
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,670
to get their hands
on my dad's Zeppelin tickets,
437
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:07,210
demonstrating
a determination and ingenuity
438
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:08,750
which would've
made Dad proud --
439
00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:10,710
if they weren't also
ripping him off.
440
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:13,210
Pretty good.
441
00:15:13,210 --> 00:15:16,210
And now
for the finishing touch.
442
00:15:16,210 --> 00:15:18,500
You really think
the guys at will-call will believe I'm Dad?
443
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,500
Are you kidding?
444
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,790
You look
so much like Dad,
445
00:15:20,790 --> 00:15:22,080
you should be calling yourself
an idiot right now.
446
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,330
[ Both laugh ]
447
00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:24,330
Timmy's show's
about to start.
448
00:15:24,330 --> 00:15:25,750
[ Sighs ]
449
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,120
Nice try, pal.
450
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:31,000
Idiot.
451
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,500
[ Organ music plays ]
452
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:33,920
[ Gasps ] Hey, hey!
453
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,330
Is there any chance that I might
see Benji around here today?
454
00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:38,210
[ Laughs ] Oh.
455
00:15:38,210 --> 00:15:39,620
Well, you never know
with this guy.
456
00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:41,080
Some days, he flies in
457
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,670
from his private island
on his helicopter
458
00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:44,170
just to sit
in his dressing room
459
00:15:44,170 --> 00:15:46,040
and check out
his stock portfolio.
460
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,170
He's got a helicopter?
461
00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:48,580
Of course!
462
00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,080
You don't think
he's some pathetic burn-out
463
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,380
who moonlights on the weekend
and had to pawn his Daytime Emmy
464
00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:53,750
just to keep up
with three alimonies.
465
00:15:53,750 --> 00:15:55,540
That would be sad!
466
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,000
[ Sniffles ]
467
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,580
Save your money, kid.
468
00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:00,790
And do not marry women
who are too pretty for you.
469
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:03,960
Mom, he just said
that Boxcar Benji
470
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,620
might be in his dressing room
right now!
471
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,460
What are you
waiting for?! Go!
472
00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:09,460
It's almost time. I don't
want them starting without me.
473
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:11,500
How could they?
You're the star of this Mass.
474
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,710
Thank you! Now explain that
to Father Abdi.
475
00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:19,670
♪♪
476
00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:20,920
Stage manager:
All right, places.
477
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:21,960
Two minutes to air.
[ Lock clicks ]
478
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:24,710
Hello?
479
00:16:24,710 --> 00:16:26,250
Hello?!
480
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:28,750
Where is Timmy?
The program's about to begin!
481
00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:30,290
Sorry, Sister,
Timmy left.
482
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,120
I guess William
will have to sing his part.
483
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,540
Timmy left?
484
00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:35,420
One of his brothers
has taken seriously ill.
485
00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:36,460
[ Gasps ] Will you
be leaving, too?
486
00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:38,000
Eh, Timmy's got it
covered.
487
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,210
[ Organ music plays ]
488
00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:42,830
Places.
One minute to air.
489
00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:45,080
Everyone take their cue
from William.
490
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,080
And all I ask from you,
my dear boy,
491
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,790
is that you transfix us
with your pure angelic voice,
492
00:16:51,790 --> 00:16:53,080
as you did the other day,
493
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,250
right before
your brother came in
494
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,290
and did it
just a little better.
495
00:16:57,290 --> 00:16:59,330
I won't let you down,
Sister.
496
00:16:59,330 --> 00:17:02,330
More importantly,
I won't let down the music.
497
00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:04,580
S-Since we're
one vocalist short,
498
00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:06,920
instead of just moving my lips,
could I maybe --
499
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,250
No!
500
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:11,830
We're on the air
in five, four...
501
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,540
Somebody please open the door!
502
00:17:14,710 --> 00:17:16,710
Hello?!
503
00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:18,670
Announcer: Welcome to
the "Mass for Shut-Ins,"
504
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:22,580
our weekly broadcast
of the Catholic liturgy.
505
00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:24,290
I welcome you in Christ's name.
506
00:17:24,290 --> 00:17:26,500
Let us begin
with an opening hymn.
507
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,460
[ Organ music plays ]
508
00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:32,500
[ Organ stops ]
509
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,460
[ Whispering ]
Come on. Sing.
510
00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:37,250
God's waiting!
511
00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:41,250
[ Organ resumes ]
512
00:17:43,290 --> 00:17:44,120
[ Organ stops ]
513
00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:48,500
[ Organ resumes ]
514
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,580
I got this.
515
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:50,540
Hunh!
516
00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:51,880
[ Organ stops ]
Ungh!
517
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,540
[ Both laugh ]
518
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:56,420
Oh, I'm glad I captured that
for posterity.
519
00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:57,750
If you want something
done right... [ Organ resumes ]
520
00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:06,880
♪ Ooh, ooh, o-o-oh ♪
♪ Holy, holy, holy ♪
521
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,750
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Lord, God Almighty ♪
522
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,500
♪ Ooh, ooh, o-o-oh ♪
♪ Early in the morning ♪
523
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:18,670
Mom's really nice when
she lives in the television.
524
00:18:18,670 --> 00:18:21,790
♪ ...to Thee ♪
525
00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:27,120
♪ Holy, Thou art holy ♪
526
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:31,710
♪ There is none beside Thee ♪
527
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:36,120
No! This is the worst thing
to happen to anyone ever!
528
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:42,790
♪ in love and purity ♪
529
00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:44,120
[ Organ stops ]
530
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,210
[ Sighs ]
531
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,460
More fan mail for me.
532
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,000
Apparently I'm the reason "Barry
from Culver City Renal Care"
533
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,000
found the strength
to soldier on.
534
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000
Although, he might just be
buttering me up
535
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,120
for one of my kidneys.
536
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,580
Aww. Another one
from prison.
537
00:18:57,580 --> 00:18:58,830
[ Laughs ]
538
00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:00,580
Says he's
a "fan for life."
539
00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:02,670
I can't believe
I got locked out.
540
00:19:02,670 --> 00:19:05,120
I still feel like William
had something to do with it.
541
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,120
He did have
motive and opportunity.
542
00:19:08,670 --> 00:19:10,080
Oh.
Here's one for you.
543
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,330
Really?!
544
00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:12,750
One of your postcards
came back.
545
00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:14,620
I don't think
the producers of "The Waltons"
546
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,290
actually live
on Walton's Mountain.
547
00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:19,000
♪♪
548
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,120
[ Door opens ]
Mom, I've been doing a lot of thinking.
549
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,920
Yeah, and I said
knock it off.
550
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,420
You can pick whatever
godless cult you want to when you turn 18,
551
00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:27,210
but for now, every Sunday,
you're in that pew
552
00:19:27,210 --> 00:19:29,040
gutting it out
with the rest of us.
553
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,880
I've realized what happened
to me at the show
554
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,420
couldn't have
just been an accident.
555
00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:35,790
God struck me mute,
556
00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:38,830
like the Angel Gabriel did to
Zachariah in the Gospel of Luke.
557
00:19:38,830 --> 00:19:40,080
You know the story.
558
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,380
Sure.
But...refresh me.
559
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:45,170
Zachariah was punished
for his lack of faith.
560
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:46,290
And maybe I was, too.
561
00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:48,620
So I'm back on board
with Catholicism --
562
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,580
mainly because
I'm scared to death of God.
563
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,500
[ Chuckling ]
Oh, sweetie.
564
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:54,330
[ Inhales sharply,
clicks tongue ]
565
00:19:54,330 --> 00:19:56,620
You finally get it.
566
00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:57,120
Mm.
567
00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:02,040
I got 'em.
568
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,290
Now the question is,
what do I do with them?
569
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:06,670
Give them to Eddie and Joey?
[ Chuckles ]
570
00:20:06,670 --> 00:20:08,380
And then wait 2 1/2 hours
to give us a ride home?
571
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:11,000
I pushed it too far,
didn't I?
572
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,420
All right.
Here you go.
573
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:13,830
Oh!
Oh, hang on.
574
00:20:13,830 --> 00:20:15,710
These tickets
are worth $7?
575
00:20:15,710 --> 00:20:18,170
What do they do, come
over after the concert and paint your house?
576
00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:19,170
That's only face value.
577
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,670
Scalpers are getting
50 or 60 bucks.
578
00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:23,210
50 or 60?!
579
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:24,830
W--
580
00:20:24,830 --> 00:20:26,830
I could see these people
being that dumb.
581
00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:28,290
Dad, come on.
582
00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:30,330
Remember that time you
and your brother skipped school
583
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,380
to see Babe Ruth
play against the Pirates?
584
00:20:32,380 --> 00:20:33,880
Oh, a day
I'll never forget.
585
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,120
The Great Bambino hit
his last home run in the majors.
586
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,710
And as he
rounded the bases,
587
00:20:37,710 --> 00:20:39,750
he ate 12 hot dogs
and finished a case of beer!
588
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,540
[ Laughs ]
589
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:43,460
Greatest athlete
this country will ever know.
590
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:44,460
Exactly.
591
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,670
And Led Zeppelin
is our Babe Ruth.
592
00:20:46,670 --> 00:20:48,540
So don't rob us
of countless memories
593
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:50,080
we can bore our kids with.
594
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,420
Yeah! Thanks, Dad!
Ah!
595
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,960
I'll meet you
at our seats.
596
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,380
For some reason,
I need a hot dog.
597
00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:00,120
I got one here!
One here!
598
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,830
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?
599
00:21:01,830 --> 00:21:04,830
[ Scoffs ] Memories are great,
but 60 bucks is 60 bucks.
600
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,250
You're abandoning your brother
to pocket some cash?
601
00:21:07,460 --> 00:21:08,920
Okay, tell you what --
602
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,750
what if I used that cash
to buy us both
603
00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:12,250
a nice steak dinner
at Sizzler?
604
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,170
We got one here!
605
00:21:17,170 --> 00:21:18,670
One! One here!
606
00:21:18,670 --> 00:21:21,210
Floor seating, section D!
60 bucks!
607
00:21:21,210 --> 00:21:23,290
Section D,
we've got one!
608
00:21:23,290 --> 00:21:25,290
Best deal all night,
all night! Hey, hey, buddy,
609
00:21:25,340 --> 00:21:29,890
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