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Welcome back to
"Swords and Knives for Wives"
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00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,003
on the Langley Home Shopping Network.
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00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,472
Next up, we've got
these kitchen scissors.
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00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:10,142
What? "That's not a knife," you say?
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00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,878
Correct again, my home beauties.
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Two knives.
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- Whoa!
- Whoa!
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- Ohhhh-aaaaaaah...
- Ohhhh-aaaaaaah...
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00:00:20,404 --> 00:00:23,872
Now for a visit from an
old friend of the show.
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00:00:23,874 --> 00:00:28,277
Let's give a warm
welcome to Mr. Lincoln!
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Penny for your thoughts, Mr. President?
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00:00:32,349 --> 00:00:34,216
You say you want a shave?
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That makes cents.
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00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:43,158
While I show you how sharp
these scissors are, a joke.
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A llama and a raccoon walk
into a barbershop and...
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00:00:46,363 --> 00:00:47,962
Oh, we're done.
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He never gets to the punch line.
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His scissors are too sharp.
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I got to have those sharp-ass scissors!
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My producer says we're sold out.
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00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:04,647
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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00:01:08,919 --> 00:01:11,920
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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_
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Roger, what are you doing here?
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Just, uh, trying to return
these gently used sausages.
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Okay, but I'm meeting my dear friend
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00:01:42,687 --> 00:01:44,819
"Gina Lavetti" here,
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00:01:44,821 --> 00:01:47,289
so you going to go change
into her, or what?
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00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:48,490
That's weird.
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00:01:48,492 --> 00:01:49,958
I heard you and Gina were in a fight.
37
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What? Why? Did she say something?
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Oh, uh, no.
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What? Y-you know what?
It's not my place.
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Please don't tell Gina I said anything.
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Don't tell Gina what?
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Oh, shit.
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Don't look at him for help.
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This is between you and me.
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I'm still pissed at you.
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For what? What did I do?
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You're the one who's an hour late.
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At least I showed up,
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unlike you to make candle store opening.
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Hey, uh, I think I'm going to bounce.
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I'm sorry I didn't make the opening,
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but I can come by the
candle shop tomorrow.
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Can't. Failed.
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00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:26,795
Turns out taco smell
is not something people
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are looking for in a candle.
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00:02:28,599 --> 00:02:31,266
Gina, can we try to move past this?
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I forgot my sausages.
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Why would I want to move past this?
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It's not like it's the
first thing you've done.
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00:02:37,164 --> 00:02:37,940
What do you mean?
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00:02:37,942 --> 00:02:39,942
Well, for starters,
you kept liking Dan's
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Instagram after he dumped me.
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00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,412
You didn't reach out
when my turtle died.
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00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:46,014
You didn't even congratulate
me when I got my Prius,
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which I know you know I have.
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You're a bad friend.
You're not supportive.
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You're a toxic person. Goodbye.
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Gina, stop! You're right.
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I've been a bad friend,
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but I promise I'll be more supportive.
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Can you give me another chance?
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Well, I don't know.
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But if you want to tag along,
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00:03:03,968 --> 00:03:07,102
I'm about to go get some
jeans at the sexy jean store.
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00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,139
Really? But that place
is for hotties with b...
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Let's get Gina some jeans!
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00:03:14,911 --> 00:03:16,979
There's nothing even close, Francine.
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Uh, ma'am, you can't bring
your goat into this store.
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What? No. This is my friend, Gina.
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It is eating the jeans.
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I eat when I'm nervous!
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Oh, I'm sure they look great.
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Give us a show.
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Ta-da.
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I am going to kill myself.
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00:03:49,246 --> 00:03:50,779
Why does nobody make jeans
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00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:52,848
for regular women like me?
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Ding dong. Light-bulb moment.
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Maybe I'll make my own jeans.
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00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:01,923
Are you in support of that idea?
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00:04:01,925 --> 00:04:05,527
Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You should totally do that.
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00:04:05,529 --> 00:04:06,862
They won't only be for me.
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00:04:06,864 --> 00:04:09,331
They'll also be for women just like me,
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00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,600
complicated women with
complicated bodies,
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00:04:12,602 --> 00:04:13,936
but I don't know a lot
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00:04:13,938 --> 00:04:16,338
or even a single thing
about making jeans.
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00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,605
You'll learn!
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And this time,
I'll be there every step of the way.
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00:04:21,145 --> 00:04:22,344
Even when I go to the bathroom?
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00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:23,611
Even then.
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00:04:23,613 --> 00:04:24,746
What if I got a rotten tummy
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00:04:24,748 --> 00:04:27,015
from eating too many asparagus stalks?
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Sure! It happens.
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Okay.
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I'm starting to trust you.
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And now for the final step.
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00:04:34,224 --> 00:04:37,826
Figuring out how to make
jeans and making them.
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00:04:39,497 --> 00:04:43,231
Hmm, jeans.
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00:04:52,642 --> 00:04:55,243
Jeans.
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00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:56,630
_
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00:05:05,323 --> 00:05:09,591
Ugh, these renegade eyebrows
of mine, so bushy.
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00:05:09,593 --> 00:05:12,194
I feel like all I ever do
is pluck, pluck, pluck.
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I would kill for your eyebrows.
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Look at my little nothings.
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I wouldn't wish these thin-y
minis on my worst enemy.
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00:05:18,468 --> 00:05:21,670
Oh, please.
I'd trade you in a heartbeat.
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00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:36,752
- I wish I had Dad's eyebrows.
- I wish I had Steve's eyebrows.
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00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:55,704
Now that you know everything
about making jeans,
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I guess it's time to dig in.
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00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,241
Nope. I'm going to wait for a sign.
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00:05:59,243 --> 00:06:02,178
Oh, maybe it will come
in the form of a dream.
122
00:06:04,892 --> 00:06:07,249
Oh? Did I hear a little tippy-toe?
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00:06:07,251 --> 00:06:09,117
- Sorry?
- Am I just supposed to
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00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,787
drift off to sleep totally unsupported?
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00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:15,291
- Do you want me to stay?
- Yes.
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00:06:19,263 --> 00:06:20,930
Gina.
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00:06:23,201 --> 00:06:24,266
Jeans?
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00:06:24,268 --> 00:06:29,271
- It's time to make me, Gina.
- Okay, bye.
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Jeans!
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You need this,
but you got to call right now.
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I had the dream.
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00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,346
I made the jeans!
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I'm so proud of you!
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00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:41,417
I already know where
I'm going to sell them,
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00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:44,753
on an all-the-way unzipped
He-Man sleeping bag
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00:06:44,755 --> 00:06:45,821
in front of the bus depot.
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00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:48,490
What?! These jeans are great!
138
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:51,827
You should sell them on TV like Tuttle.
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My friend has a product to sell.
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00:06:54,965 --> 00:06:57,032
My name? Francine.
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00:06:57,034 --> 00:06:59,301
Sagittarius.
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00:06:59,303 --> 00:07:00,769
Red.
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00:07:00,771 --> 00:07:04,773
Uh... bi-curious.
144
00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:06,542
I got us a meeting!
145
00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:16,785
- You have my eyebrows!
- You have my eyebrows!
146
00:07:16,787 --> 00:07:18,520
Someone is coming. Quick, hide!
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00:07:21,693 --> 00:07:23,325
Oh, my God.
Wh... what are we going to do?
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00:07:23,327 --> 00:07:25,327
I can't go to school like this.
149
00:07:25,329 --> 00:07:26,862
And I can't go to work like this.
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00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:28,797
We'll have to switch places.
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00:07:29,399 --> 00:07:32,201
This is already working.
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These are very good jeans.
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And they got a good flap to them.
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It's my special proprietary blend.
155
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,813
- What's your revenue?
- Zero.
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00:07:44,815 --> 00:07:47,215
How about your customer
acquisition costs?
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00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,084
- What's that?
- Your ROI?
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00:07:49,086 --> 00:07:51,153
- Pass.
- Look. You have a great product,
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00:07:51,155 --> 00:07:54,222
but jeans are a hearty outdoor pant,
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00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:57,092
and our viewers are gentle indoor women.
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I see. Well, thank you for your time.
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00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,630
Listen, gentlemen.
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00:08:02,632 --> 00:08:04,232
I am one of your viewers,
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00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,102
and I am not some gentle indoor woman.
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I walked to the grocery store once.
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00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:11,173
Did I fall in the gutter?
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00:08:11,175 --> 00:08:14,376
Yes, and I wish I was wearing jeans
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00:08:14,378 --> 00:08:18,246
because the mud splashed all
the way up to my underwear.
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00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:23,519
So in conclusion,
my underwear is brown from a puddle,
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00:08:23,521 --> 00:08:29,791
and my friend deserves a
chance to sell her jeans on TV!
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Who are you?
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She's my rock.
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00:08:33,797 --> 00:08:35,597
Ladies, I'm convinced.
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00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,599
You've got yourselves a show.
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00:08:38,802 --> 00:08:41,937
Now, let me tell you why
my underwear is brown.
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Ladies, are you tired, stressed out?
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00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:53,716
Do you have swollen ankles,
sad eyes, bitch face?
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00:08:53,718 --> 00:08:55,450
Well, gross!
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00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:59,121
Wow. That guy knows how
to sell pancake mix.
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00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:02,391
Francine!
Oh, and you must be Gina Lavetti!
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00:09:02,393 --> 00:09:05,060
Welcome to the network. Are you excited?
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00:09:05,062 --> 00:09:06,328
More like nervous.
183
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:09,398
Don't worry about it, kid.
You're gonna do great.
184
00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:13,468
Ms. Lavetti, you're on next.
185
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,604
- This is too much pressure.
- Listen to me.
186
00:09:15,606 --> 00:09:19,808
I'll be right here in
your ear the whole time.
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00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,011
You're on in three, two...
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00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:28,483
Talk about the jeans.
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00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,352
- Jeans.
- Good!
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00:09:30,354 --> 00:09:33,155
Now show them who you are.
191
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:37,226
I'm Gina Lavetti, and this is me.
192
00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:42,497
I've got the body of a rabbit
and the soul of a lion.
193
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:46,368
I'm a 58-year-old woman
who's loved, lost, and lived,
194
00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:47,770
and I'm not done yet.
195
00:09:47,772 --> 00:09:51,906
I am embarking on a new journey,
a jean journey.
196
00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:54,243
So if you don't have
toothpick legs like the women
197
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,245
in magazines, pick up the phone.
198
00:09:56,247 --> 00:10:00,182
My jeans are built for women
who are built like me...
199
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,585
normal.
200
00:10:02,587 --> 00:10:05,520
This space-age fabric
is stretchy and tight.
201
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,721
You'll look so sexy,
202
00:10:06,723 --> 00:10:08,723
you'll never want to
take these jeans off.
203
00:10:08,725 --> 00:10:10,592
Gina, you have a customer.
204
00:10:10,594 --> 00:10:12,060
We're going to put her on the air.
205
00:10:12,062 --> 00:10:13,528
Oh, I didn't really expect
206
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:16,198
to be on the air,
but I do need some jeans.
207
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,667
You do? You love my jeans?
208
00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:20,002
Oh, they're going to change your life
209
00:10:20,004 --> 00:10:22,137
like you've changed mine.
210
00:10:22,139 --> 00:10:23,738
Who else wants jeans?
211
00:10:24,263 --> 00:10:26,074
That's a wrap!
212
00:10:26,076 --> 00:10:27,676
Can you believe it, Franny?
213
00:10:27,678 --> 00:10:31,880
We sold a pair of jeans to
every woman who called in...
214
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,215
Two!
215
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:35,550
I'm on top of the world!
216
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,219
You would sell way more
if they didn't give you
217
00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:39,354
the 5:00 a.m. time slot.
218
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:41,289
- Why?
- It's too late.
219
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:44,159
With the sunrise,
people's hopes come back.
220
00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:47,630
They stop trying to buy away
their sadness, but don't worry.
221
00:10:47,632 --> 00:10:50,165
I'm going to work day and
night to get your jeans
222
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:52,301
in front of as many
eyeballs are possible.
223
00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:55,103
Cool, cool, Francine. Well,
I'm going to head on over to Arby's
224
00:10:55,105 --> 00:10:57,372
and do my kegels.
225
00:11:00,377 --> 00:11:01,844
Como se dice!
226
00:11:01,846 --> 00:11:03,912
Wake up in Spanish?
227
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:06,581
Como se dice jeans?
228
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:10,619
Como se dice normal women?
229
00:11:12,056 --> 00:11:14,256
We need her to glow.
230
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,124
You're making her look gray!
231
00:11:16,126 --> 00:11:18,227
She is gray.
232
00:11:18,529 --> 00:11:19,928
Aah!
233
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,798
I'm so sorry. I just meant to fake it!
234
00:11:24,254 --> 00:11:26,669
But let's fix the lighting, okay?
235
00:11:28,739 --> 00:11:30,539
I don't know what's come
over you, Langley,
236
00:11:30,541 --> 00:11:33,315
but we sold out again!
And to reiterate,
237
00:11:33,378 --> 00:11:36,945
earlier I referred to that
prank caller as a maggot.
238
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,248
That's maggot with an "M."
239
00:11:41,485 --> 00:11:44,086
Big presentations today?
240
00:11:44,088 --> 00:11:45,554
I hope that was yesterday.
241
00:11:45,556 --> 00:11:47,356
- Steve.
- Uh, yeah?
242
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:49,624
You look like you've
gained 100 pounds overnight
243
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:50,893
and dyed your hair.
244
00:11:50,895 --> 00:11:53,295
If it weren't for those
big bushy eyebrows,
245
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,697
I wouldn't have recognized you.
246
00:11:54,699 --> 00:11:55,764
And you know the rules.
247
00:11:55,766 --> 00:11:57,299
Bushiest eyebrows go first.
248
00:11:57,921 --> 00:12:00,402
So you're right after Ross.
249
00:12:01,491 --> 00:12:03,405
Aaah!
250
00:12:04,575 --> 00:12:06,709
So you jump out of this helicopter
251
00:12:06,711 --> 00:12:08,243
and kill the terrorists!
252
00:12:08,634 --> 00:12:11,113
Then we'll tell
each other detailed stories
253
00:12:11,115 --> 00:12:13,048
to prove that we're not virgins!
254
00:12:14,051 --> 00:12:16,385
Now, Stan, you know the rules.
255
00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:18,787
Wispiest eyebrows jump first!
256
00:12:22,223 --> 00:12:26,629
Just kidding. Thickest pubes go first!
257
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,866
Hey, boss, wanted
to talk to you about getting
258
00:12:31,868 --> 00:12:34,002
Gina Lavetti a better time slot.
259
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:35,304
We want 3:00 a.m.
260
00:12:35,306 --> 00:12:36,405
Tuttle's at 3:00 a.m.
261
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,540
Tuttle is old potatoes.
262
00:12:38,542 --> 00:12:40,342
Gina is hot potato.
263
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:42,877
Tuttle's our boy. I'm not moving him.
264
00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:44,279
Your boy, huh?
265
00:12:44,281 --> 00:12:46,415
I look around, and I see me and Gina
266
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,682
are the only women here.
267
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,284
- So?
- So...
268
00:12:49,286 --> 00:12:54,089
I'm starting to think this
is nothing but a boy's club.
269
00:12:54,091 --> 00:12:56,425
Tss-cha-cha...
270
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:59,361
- Ch-ch-ch...
- Bam!
271
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:00,895
What's happening?
272
00:13:00,897 --> 00:13:02,497
♪ Boy's club ♪
273
00:13:02,499 --> 00:13:04,233
♪ It's a boy's club ♪
274
00:13:04,235 --> 00:13:07,035
♪ We're the boys ♪
275
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:10,372
- Pssh.
- Aah.
276
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:12,441
♪ We're the boys, yeah! ♪
277
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,843
♪ It's a boy's club ♪
278
00:13:14,845 --> 00:13:16,911
Pow!
279
00:13:16,913 --> 00:13:18,113
I was right.
280
00:13:18,115 --> 00:13:20,048
♪ Yeah ♪
281
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,650
The president is back!
282
00:13:21,652 --> 00:13:24,920
And he wants to be corkscrewed again.
283
00:13:24,922 --> 00:13:26,054
Move Tuttle?
284
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,389
He's a star!
285
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,461
This... this is embarrassing.
286
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:35,464
This, uh, this... this never happens.
287
00:13:36,297 --> 00:13:38,133
Damn it!
288
00:13:38,135 --> 00:13:40,936
Ow! These damn scissors suck!
289
00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,478
They fired him. They fired Tuttle.
290
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,879
You're welcome.
291
00:13:50,881 --> 00:13:52,481
Oh, my God. You were the one
292
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:53,616
who dulled his scissors.
293
00:13:53,618 --> 00:13:55,150
Damn it. That would have been
294
00:13:55,152 --> 00:13:56,952
way cheaper than buying a diamond penny.
295
00:13:56,954 --> 00:14:00,088
Tuttle was a dear friend, a mentor.
296
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,224
Why would you do this?
297
00:14:02,226 --> 00:14:03,892
What are you talking about?
298
00:14:03,894 --> 00:14:05,560
I got you 3:00 a.m.
299
00:14:05,562 --> 00:14:07,229
I never wanted 3:00 a.m.
300
00:14:07,231 --> 00:14:09,364
I didn't even want to be on TV.
301
00:14:09,366 --> 00:14:11,700
All I wanted was a supportive friend,
302
00:14:11,702 --> 00:14:14,102
but you're poison, so get out of my face
303
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,104
and take your friendship bracelet back.
304
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,439
I didn't give you that.
305
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:20,009
And why doesn't that surprise me?
306
00:14:24,315 --> 00:14:26,047
Welcome to "Gina's Jeans."
307
00:14:26,049 --> 00:14:29,184
I'm Gina,
and this is my co-host, Tuttle.
308
00:14:29,186 --> 00:14:31,720
She hired Tuttle back?!
309
00:14:31,722 --> 00:14:33,722
How could she do this to you?
310
00:14:33,724 --> 00:14:36,858
She's gone absolutely insane!
311
00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:39,128
I can't believe how stretchy they are
312
00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:41,463
and yet so tight.
313
00:14:41,875 --> 00:14:43,799
It's my proprietary blend.
314
00:14:43,801 --> 00:14:45,200
You can walk in these jeans.
315
00:14:45,202 --> 00:14:47,803
You can shop in them,
and you can be an older woman
316
00:14:47,805 --> 00:14:50,972
who is taking part in
this world in them.
317
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,007
Let's take a call.
318
00:14:52,009 --> 00:14:53,742
Love the jeans, love you.
319
00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:55,276
There's just one thing.
320
00:14:55,278 --> 00:14:57,947
I took the jeans off last night,
and when I woke up,
321
00:14:57,949 --> 00:14:59,080
I was wearing them.
322
00:14:59,082 --> 00:15:02,684
Sweet dream jeans
are made of these. Next caller.
323
00:15:02,686 --> 00:15:05,754
She put her jeans on in her sleep?
324
00:15:05,756 --> 00:15:07,689
- That seems weird.
- Yeah.
325
00:15:07,691 --> 00:15:09,491
That Gina is a real bitch.
326
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:11,360
Hey, Gina, love the jeans.
327
00:15:11,362 --> 00:15:13,162
My ass has never looked better.
328
00:15:13,164 --> 00:15:17,632
One thing, though,
the jeans occupy my every thought
329
00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,434
and also, uh...
330
00:15:19,436 --> 00:15:20,769
control them.
331
00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:24,239
Wait, the jeans
are controlling her thoughts?
332
00:15:24,241 --> 00:15:26,908
- Something's up.
- Oh, I'll say something is up.
333
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:29,845
You got her the best time
slot on the most successful
334
00:15:29,847 --> 00:15:33,114
local home shopping network...
all she ever wanted.
335
00:15:33,116 --> 00:15:35,784
Well, actually,
she just wanted to sell her jeans
336
00:15:35,786 --> 00:15:38,053
off a sleeping bag at the bus depot.
337
00:15:38,055 --> 00:15:40,856
We should be the ones
banging Tuttle, not her.
338
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,791
Woman #3: Anyway,
I met my friend for brunch,
339
00:15:42,793 --> 00:15:45,394
and our jeans compelled
us to steal a car
340
00:15:45,396 --> 00:15:46,862
and drive to the coordinates.
341
00:15:46,864 --> 00:15:48,463
- The coordinates?
- Yep.
342
00:15:48,465 --> 00:15:51,266
Uh-huh. What's at the coordinates?
343
00:15:51,268 --> 00:15:54,803
Oh, just... our destiny.
344
00:15:57,474 --> 00:16:00,141
Okay. Next caller.
345
00:16:00,143 --> 00:16:03,078
Tell me you're having a nice,
normal time with my jeans.
346
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,279
Oh, I am.
347
00:16:04,281 --> 00:16:07,749
I wore them to a summer party,
and it was a smash!
348
00:16:07,751 --> 00:16:11,286
Also, my jeans would be so
mad at me if I didn't say...
349
00:16:11,288 --> 00:16:14,756
10, 21, 16, 47.
350
00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:18,159
Okay, those are definitely coordinates.
351
00:16:18,161 --> 00:16:19,828
Keep selling.
352
00:16:21,832 --> 00:16:23,298
I'm going to the studio.
353
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:24,966
Yeah. Hit it with your car.
354
00:16:24,968 --> 00:16:26,702
I ain't gonna tell nobody.
355
00:16:26,704 --> 00:16:29,371
Klaus, you moron, Gina is my friend.
356
00:16:29,373 --> 00:16:30,572
I got to go help her.
357
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:32,307
Now she's your friend?
358
00:16:32,309 --> 00:16:36,511
Francine, I am working my
ass off to be on your side,
359
00:16:36,513 --> 00:16:38,380
but you've got me spinning in circles!
360
00:16:38,382 --> 00:16:41,917
Okay, cards on the table.
I will do anything to be liked.
361
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:45,454
I will say any words.
I am loyal to no person or idea.
362
00:16:45,456 --> 00:16:49,991
I just need the slightest
shred of human connection.
363
00:16:49,993 --> 00:16:51,126
Can you help me?
364
00:16:51,128 --> 00:16:52,794
Gina is in trouble.
365
00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:56,265
Gina is Roger!
366
00:16:58,869 --> 00:17:01,470
Gina, I love the jeans.
367
00:17:01,472 --> 00:17:02,872
She's gonna mention the coordinates.
368
00:17:02,874 --> 00:17:04,806
I can wear them with a T-shirt.
369
00:17:04,808 --> 00:17:06,275
I can wear them with a blazer.
370
00:17:06,277 --> 00:17:07,542
That is true.
371
00:17:07,544 --> 00:17:09,611
I get a lot of compliments on them.
372
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,813
That's wonderful!
I thought you were gonna say...
373
00:17:11,815 --> 00:17:14,750
10, 21, 16, 47.
374
00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:16,685
We got to stop this!
375
00:17:20,424 --> 00:17:21,490
Where you going?
376
00:17:21,492 --> 00:17:22,758
I don't know. Probably...
377
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:26,161
10, 21, 16, 47.
378
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:35,637
- Hayley!
- Mom, help me!
379
00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:37,172
- Get in.
- I can't.
380
00:17:37,174 --> 00:17:39,508
These jeans are taking me somewhere.
381
00:17:39,510 --> 00:17:40,709
I see.
382
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:45,981
Well, I'm going to 10, 21, 16, 47
383
00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:49,118
if that's anywhere near
where you're going.
384
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,252
Wow, this is crazy.
385
00:17:51,254 --> 00:17:52,988
That would be great.
386
00:18:00,197 --> 00:18:03,332
- How was work?
- I had no idea what it was like
387
00:18:03,334 --> 00:18:04,600
to have your eyebrows.
388
00:18:04,602 --> 00:18:06,268
And I had no idea what it was like
389
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:07,404
to have your eyebrows.
390
00:18:07,505 --> 00:18:09,338
So I was too light for your parachute
391
00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:11,940
and drifted 17 miles from
the mission drop zone.
392
00:18:11,942 --> 00:18:13,742
Well, that's probably safer.
393
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:15,677
For me, yeah, but I was supposed
394
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,614
to be covering Johnson, so he's dead.
395
00:18:18,616 --> 00:18:20,616
Then we're even because
I kind of messed up
396
00:18:20,618 --> 00:18:22,845
- your school presentation.
- Oh, that's okay.
397
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,620
They barely count towards your grade.
398
00:18:24,622 --> 00:18:26,087
Oh, good. That's great.
399
00:18:26,089 --> 00:18:28,690
I panicked and showed them my dick.
400
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:38,968
Gina, I'm so sorry. You were right.
401
00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,036
I was being a bad friend.
402
00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:42,972
That's great, Francine,
but we're a little past
403
00:18:42,974 --> 00:18:45,240
that now being in the middle
of what I can only assume
404
00:18:45,242 --> 00:18:46,642
is a jeans death march.
405
00:18:46,644 --> 00:18:48,243
What the hell is going on?
406
00:18:48,245 --> 00:18:51,180
Well, my proprietary blend was cotton,
407
00:18:51,182 --> 00:18:54,449
and a little piece of my
spaceship's seat belt,
408
00:18:54,451 --> 00:18:57,252
which is sentient and self-replicating,
409
00:18:57,254 --> 00:18:59,254
which I initially thought
might be a problem,
410
00:18:59,256 --> 00:19:01,122
but then the fabric told me it wasn't
411
00:19:01,124 --> 00:19:02,724
and to stop asking questions.
412
00:19:03,761 --> 00:19:06,662
Everybody, get out of those jeans!
413
00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:08,998
But the jeans make us beautiful!
414
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,733
You don't need jeans to be beautiful.
415
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,536
Easy for you to say, you skinny bitch!
416
00:19:14,538 --> 00:19:15,671
You have to do something.
417
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:17,072
They won't listen to me.
418
00:19:17,074 --> 00:19:19,208
What? The only reason
they're in those jeans
419
00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:21,543
is because you inspired them.
420
00:19:21,545 --> 00:19:23,879
Now you've got to get
them to take them off.
421
00:19:23,881 --> 00:19:25,747
The jeans have all the power.
422
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:27,883
Because you gave it to them!
423
00:19:27,885 --> 00:19:29,084
Now take it back.
424
00:19:30,138 --> 00:19:32,487
Women of Langley, I used to think jeans
425
00:19:32,489 --> 00:19:34,489
were the most important
thing in the world,
426
00:19:34,491 --> 00:19:37,292
that they made me worthy,
beautiful, lovable.
427
00:19:38,947 --> 00:19:43,164
Am I still now all these
things even without the jeans?
428
00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:46,768
Sure, but you're still
wearing them a little bit.
429
00:19:49,373 --> 00:19:51,306
I should have taken my shoes off first.
430
00:19:51,308 --> 00:19:55,577
I didn't realize it,
but I gave my power away
431
00:19:55,579 --> 00:19:59,381
to the jeans, something that
we are women should never do,
432
00:19:59,383 --> 00:20:02,183
because when we give
jeans too much power,
433
00:20:02,185 --> 00:20:03,919
they end up controlling us.
434
00:20:03,921 --> 00:20:06,588
Really go for it, Francine.
You can't hurt me.
435
00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:08,323
Aaaah, it hurts so much!
436
00:20:08,325 --> 00:20:09,725
You're breaking my feet!
437
00:20:11,568 --> 00:20:13,128
Find a supportive friend,
438
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:16,665
and get out of those damn jeans.
439
00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:17,867
They're doing it!
440
00:20:17,869 --> 00:20:19,935
They're free of the jeans!
441
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,347
It's just like the dream,
how it all started.
442
00:20:32,349 --> 00:20:35,817
Jeans, do you have a message for us?
443
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:39,288
Confidence is sexy.
444
00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:45,627
That giant talking pair of
jeans is worth millions!
445
00:20:45,629 --> 00:20:47,930
Get it, boys!
446
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:53,435
Sorry, jeans.
447
00:20:53,437 --> 00:20:56,171
You belong to the boy's club now.
448
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:58,440
Jesus Christ!
449
00:20:58,442 --> 00:21:00,709
Have a great night!
450
00:21:02,298 --> 00:21:04,329
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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