Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[driving music]

[door closing]

[phone alert]

You're fucking kidding me.

[typing]

Settling in okay?

Yeah, there was more space than I realize in there.

I could even do a couple of videos.

Videos?

Yeah, I do these short workout vids.

Helps me attract new clients.

What are you, like, trying to become an influencer?

That's the dream.

Say goodbye to that 9 to 5 hustle.

Rake in that sponsorship money.

Package came for you.

[backbeat music plays]

[box drops]

What the fuck is that?

I bought a new dick.

You like it?

Why are you wearing it?

Got to get used to it. I want to use it on my new girl

and I don't want to look like an amateur.

What?

Man, you broke up with your man not five minutes ago.

And you're- you're scared.

I'm not scared. I just--

Okay, get that thing away from my face.

Did you see that?

See what?

That was a windmill. You didn't-

Hold on. Okay.

-Watch. Can you? -Yup.

[funky music plays]

Fuck. Okay, hold on. Hold on.

I don't think you know how to windmill-

Super.

[funky music plays]

[lid closes]

Hey! What's the occasion?

I just really need a drink.

You want some company?

Absolutely.

[light music plays]

So what's up?

Something happen at work?

So I've been pushing to teach more third

and fourth year courses.

And the faculty had promised me

that this was my year.

But today she hit me with the budget cuts bullshit

and told me that they have to drop the African Histories

course due to a low enrollment.

Dom, you're like, the smartest person I know.

I don't know why you're teaching at that third rate university

that's probably not even paying you what you're worth.

I know, it's just-

Wait a minute. Did you just call me Dom?

Yeah.

Audrey just mentioned it's what your friends call you.

-Oh. -I mean, I don't have to.

I just thought, because, you know, we're friends and-

If you don't like it, I will literally never say that.

No, no, it's not that. It's just.

You're the only one that calls me Dominique and I like it.

Okay.

I'll stick with Dominique then.

So how are things with Audrey working out?

Fine.

Although I did have to make a no strap-ons in the kitchen rule.

Damn, you're bumping booties already?

She works fast.

You�re funny.

She can be a bit much sometimes, but she's good people.

One thing about her is that she prioritizes

the people that she cares about.

That's fine.

I just don't need to see her

strutting around her dick in my apartment.

It's both of y�all�s apartment

now. Don't forget.

[laughs]

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

ooh ooh ooh ooh

ooh ooh ooh ooh. Fuck me. Fuck me.

[hip hop song plays]

Ugggh!

Lord have mercy!

Ooh. Oh God.

Don�t stop.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh.

Yes!

Oh no, not again.

[yawn]

[backbeat music plays]

[typing]

[typing]

Waste management? God.

Hey, everybody.

I am constantly being asked how I keep trim

and still be able to eat what I want.

My secret? This.

This little bottle of magic called Fat on Fire.

Just one of these pills a day.

You will see results in no time.

I'm telling you, those extra pounds you're carrying

will just melt away. Link in my bio, guys.

Give me a follow. Peace.

What up?

Nothing much. A question for you.

How much do you make pushing that stuff?

What stuff?

Those pills that-

the fat burning one.

Oh, you mean Fat on Fire?

-Yeah -Not a whole lot because

I don't have a lot of followers.

I'm trying to grow.

Do you actually take it?

I mean, I don't really need it.

Why are you asking?

Oh, because I'm thinking of getting a job,

and there aren't many places hiring someone

with no skills and no experience.

You want to learn to bartend

because you'll make more

than enough on just tips alone.

No, bars are filled with creeps

who think that buying someone a drink equals

bathroom blowjobs.

I bartend a gay bar, so I don't have that problem.

Hold up. I need to talk to you about your visitors.

Visitors?

Your overnight visitors.

What about them?

They're too loud.

I need to sleep.

Oh, so I can't wear my dick around and I can't fuck.

Are you some kind of secret homophobe?

I'm queer.

Most secret homophobes are.

Look, do whatever you want. I just-

I mean, have you ever heard of

a silent orgasm?

No.

I have them all the time.

Oh, you poor, sexually repressed soul.

Maybe if you had someone of your own to fuck,

my shit wouldn't bother you so much.

Okay, well, this is great for me.

Thank you so much.

-You missed a spot. -I'll get there.

I�m not paying you if you do half the job.

Mom, please. You're not even paying me that much.

That's not the point.

But seriously, though, you can't keep running to me

every time you need money.

Part of being an adult is solving your own problems.

Mom, I swear, if you start lecturing me,

I am dropping this thing and walking out.

What is it with you millennials?

You all want to be superstars living like you're on

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous,

but I got news for you.

The world don't owe you a damn thing.

Oh, I'm sorry, mom, I couldn't hear you over how outdated that

reference was.

[laughs]

That's good. That's good.

That's good.

You know, there's a job waiting for you at my office.

No. Thank you.

You say no to benefits.

No to four weeks paid vacation.

No to a cool 50,000 a year.

And we have a celebrity spokesperson.

-Who? -David Suzuki.

Mom, please.

-He came to one of your events.

-Where he spoke.

You know, that's not what a spokesperson is.

-Baby, listen- -No, mom.

You need to give up on your dream

of me followling in your footsteps.

Not trying to work some soul sucking job.

Soul sucking?

We make the world a better place.

We�re the leading consultants in sustainable manufacturing.

We influence government.

Mum, I am not one of your clients.

Fine.

Then that leaves you only one other option.

What's that?

You�re going to have to sell something.

Something valuable.

The only valuable thing I own is-

No.

[upbeat music]

Hey, you selling?

Well, it's either that or start turning tricks.

I have heard it's a steady industry.

Hey, did you figure out that work situation?

Kind of.

They basically said if I can increase my enrollment

by registration deadline, then they'll continue

to fund my course for another year.

That's good. Do that.

It's not that easy.

Unless I can figure out a way to

recruit Megan Thee Stallion as my T.A.-

I have no idea

how I'm going to move students.

I can picture it, though.

Yeah. Yeah.

Miss Nasty herself rapping in a

in a thong bikini, rapping about the Red River rebellion.

Honestly, it's the only way to reach students these days.

Well, just cut out, Megan and do it yourself.

You're just trying to see me in a thong.

Guilty as charged.

Hey, Dom.

Hey, you heading to work?

Yep, I got a client.

Well, I don't envy them.

Please. I took it easy on you.

My glutes do not agree.

They look like the agree to me.

Girl, stop.

[clears throat] You unclog that toilet upstairs.

What? I-

I didn't clog up the toilet.

Well it was clogged when I went up there, so-

Then we must have a mystery guest

shitting in our bathroom because it wasn't me.

I gotta go. Later, gorgeous.

[hip hop song plays]

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