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1
00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:24,108
Narrator: And now, the
transcredible exploits of zapp brannigan,
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00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,777
brought to you by
bartley's rocket wax.
3
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,197
I wax my rocket every day!
4
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:36,871
No one can save you now, Leela.
5
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,040
What about zapp brannigan?
6
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:42,335
Well, obviously, zapp
brannigan could save you...
7
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:43,794
Zapp brannigan!
8
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,923
So, emperor chop chop,
once again, we meet at last.
9
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:50,051
Drop that space gun
or I'll shoot, like so.
10
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:56,265
Oh, zapp, tie me back up
and ravish me.
11
00:00:56,349 --> 00:00:58,392
I'd like to, Leela. So, I will.
12
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,653
Shake it, baby. Shake it like...
13
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,738
I surrender and
volunteer for treason.
14
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:13,157
Emergency summons from
the president, captain.
15
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:15,743
Oh, it's you.
Just let me freshen up.
16
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:18,162
Computer, captain's musk.
17
00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:40,768
The long, dramatic corridor.
That's never a good sign.
18
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:46,023
Automated voice: Glove
recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower.
19
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:50,278
Mr. President. What the hell?
20
00:01:50,361 --> 00:01:51,904
At ease, brannigan.
21
00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:56,492
What you're about to see
is highly classified.
22
00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:58,703
Reptilicus, hit the thingy.
23
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:02,999
At 0000 hours,
24
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:06,544
planet x-3 was attacked
by a mysterious death sphere.
25
00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:08,879
Magnify that death sphere.
26
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,425
Why is it still blurry?
27
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,468
Kif: That's all the
resolution we have.
28
00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:16,804
Making it bigger
doesn't make it clearer.
29
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,681
It does on CSI: Miami.
30
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,643
Nixon: They fought back
with advanced military hardware,
31
00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:25,563
but it was like shooting
88s at bebe rebozo.
32
00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:29,317
That poor, brave hardware.
33
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,695
Nixon: The sphere then fired
some kind of hellish blackout ray.
34
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:36,532
It erased that planet like 18
minutes of incriminating tape.
35
00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:43,164
Oh, I just wish
I understood why.
36
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,665
Why I should care?
37
00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:47,460
Because the death sphere
is now on course for earth!
38
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:53,883
My god, we're defenseless,
like fish in a barrel.
39
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:55,009
Options?
40
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,886
My instinct is to
hide in this barrel,
41
00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:58,387
like the wily fish.
42
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,890
Then we're down
to our last hope,
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00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:04,352
a radical new weapon
built by a visionary scientist
44
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:06,479
I once dismissed as crazy!
45
00:03:09,732 --> 00:03:12,943
Let's see how crazy
I am now, Nixon.
46
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,363
The correct answer is "very."
47
00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:16,781
All right, professor,
48
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,157
sock it to me!
49
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:20,117
Top-secret news, everyone.
50
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:25,247
I've developed a tiny, one-man stealth
fighter that's virtually undetectable.
51
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:26,832
How undetectable?
52
00:03:26,916 --> 00:03:28,250
It's right in front of you.
53
00:03:28,334 --> 00:03:30,753
I find that... To believe.
54
00:03:34,799 --> 00:03:36,717
But how exactly is
this happy meal toy
55
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:38,636
going to destroy
a giant death sphere?
56
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,887
From within.
57
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,473
This ship should be able
to sneak, undetected,
58
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,059
through the sphere's
one vulnerable opening.
59
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,602
What vulnerable opening?
60
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:49,397
All death spheres have
one vulnerable opening.
61
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,191
Well, sure, but who's brave
enough to fly into something
62
00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:54,318
we all keep calling
a death sphere?
63
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,320
I say brannigan. I say no.
64
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,447
I say me. I say Leela!
65
00:03:58,531 --> 00:04:00,658
I say yes. I say no.
66
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:01,992
I say Leela, too.
67
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,285
I say yes again.
68
00:04:03,369 --> 00:04:04,870
I say I shall join her.
69
00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:08,249
But it's only
a one-man craft, I say.
70
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:11,001
There'll only be one man. Me.
71
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:15,256
How would you feel if I rode
rear as your personal tail gunner?
72
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:16,465
Creeped out.
73
00:04:16,549 --> 00:04:17,758
Then it's decided!
74
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,641
Are you sure I have to
sit in your lap?
75
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:28,352
It'll help us achieve
maximum thrust.
76
00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:29,979
Ugh!
77
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,356
I made you some
trail mix for the flight.
78
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,733
Also, this picture,
to remember me.
79
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:36,193
You hold on to it.
80
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,404
I'll be back soon.
81
00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:43,325
Activating stealth shielding.
82
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,581
Liftoff!
83
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:49,999
I'll Roger that.
84
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:57,798
Does anybody else feel
aroused and jealous and worried?
85
00:04:57,882 --> 00:05:01,886
I haven't felt much of anything
since my Guinea pig died.
86
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,646
Death sphere in range.
87
00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:15,608
Engaging holographic targeting.
88
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,818
Activating the force.
89
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:21,113
Automated voice:
Feel the entrance, Leela.
90
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:25,910
Destination on your left
in 0.3 miles.
91
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:33,876
Zapp to Leela. Look at all
that surveillance equipment.
92
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:35,252
We better whisper.
93
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,755
Switching to pillow talk mode.
94
00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:40,591
Leela: Look!
What are those huge letters?
95
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,427
Zapp1v-giny?
96
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,137
Doesn't ring a bell.
97
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:50,184
Hmm. I don't like
the looks of this v-giny.
98
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,478
Does anyone recognize
those call letters?
99
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:56,190
Nope. It's not in the
janeway's guide, either.
100
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,859
Deciphering that
ID code is critical.
101
00:05:58,943 --> 00:06:01,695
I'll be in the chamber
of understanding.
102
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,998
This is it, the moment
we should have trained for.
103
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,808
Holy...
104
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:32,977
Incoming yucky.
105
00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:34,270
Firing pocket-rocket!
106
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,360
Don't panic, Leela.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
107
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,494
I hope this is
the control stick.
108
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:59,587
Zapp: Captain's log.
We've lost control.
109
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:02,631
Addendum. Whoa!
110
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:10,431
Narrator: And now, back to the
transcredible exploits of zapp brannigan.
111
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,309
Chapter two. The heat thickens.
112
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,936
Leela, wake up.
113
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:18,272
I can't face this
mysterious planet alone
114
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,024
without you or someone like you.
115
00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:24,528
Zapp? Zapp, wake up.
116
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,781
Leela, where are we?
117
00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,825
We crashed on
an uncharted planet.
118
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,620
When I woke up,
I was pinned under this tree.
119
00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:33,746
Can you help me?
120
00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:36,248
If anyone can move it, I can.
121
00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:40,753
No one can move it.
Are you hurt?
122
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,339
No, but I'm so thirsty.
123
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:45,841
This space suit is making
me sweat like a sow.
124
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:46,967
Me, too.
125
00:07:47,051 --> 00:07:50,554
We'd better strip them off and
continue surviving au naturel.
126
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:53,265
Uh, I suppose so.
127
00:07:56,685 --> 00:08:00,564
Here, we can cover ourselves with
these sticky, sap-covered leaves.
128
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,733
I'll try to avert my eyes
from your nudery.
129
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,444
You will? What's the point?
130
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,112
You'll have to look
sooner or later.
131
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,948
Well, I promise not to
abuse the privilege.
132
00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:13,077
For now, I'd better scout around
for food and water and help.
133
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:15,913
What a thoughtful and
considerate thing to say.
134
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,331
What the hell's wrong with you?
135
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,874
I'm not quite sure.
136
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:22,211
Perhaps it's the fresh air
or severe head injury.
137
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,338
In any case, I'm off.
138
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,675
If you see any steaks,
that'd be good!
139
00:08:30,094 --> 00:08:32,763
Why isn't Leela back yet?
Do you think she's okay?
140
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:36,016
How should I know? And how
come you never ask if I'm okay?
141
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,893
I'm feeling
a little neglected here.
142
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,188
Oh.sowy are you
okay, bender? Shut up.
143
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,690
What difference does it make?
144
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,233
When that death sphere
gets to earth,
145
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,360
we'll all be blown
to manwich meat.
146
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,487
Well, I guess
it's time to indulge
147
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,364
in some end-of-the-world
debauchery.
148
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,782
Who's up for an orgy?
149
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,492
Yes! Yeah!
150
00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:55,869
Nah. Nah.
151
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,163
Maybe a parcheesi tournament.
152
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,374
Belay that parcheesi tournament.
153
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,876
Pveidenfified the death sphere.
154
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,963
We may yet have
a faint hope of survival!
155
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,799
Still, a parcheesi tournament.
156
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:12,720
This is a top-secret
military satellite
157
00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:15,597
launched by the air force
in 1998.
158
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:21,270
And this is a top-secret fcc
satellite launched that same year
159
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:23,856
to censor indecent TV programs.
160
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:26,108
Like the pimpsons
and ass-o-rama?
161
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,276
Precisely.
162
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,404
However, the satellites
collided shortly after launch
163
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,406
and were never heard from again.
164
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,866
I found the board!
165
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:37,661
Now I've simulated that
collision using shrapnel-vision.
166
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,087
Granted, all that
makes perfect sense.
167
00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:49,548
But why is this death sphere
destroying planets?
168
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,675
That makes
the most sense of all.
169
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:54,511
Look at the planets
it's destroyed so far.
170
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:57,848
First came x-3,
the nude beach planet,
171
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,684
then, poopiter,
172
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:05,147
and finally that world that can't
be mentioned in polite company.
173
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,940
You mean...
174
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,567
How dare you?
175
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:13,363
So, the death-sphere is
"censoring" indecent planets?
176
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:17,910
Indeed, and we're next if we
can't keep it in our collective pants.
177
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:20,788
Our sole hope is to
persuade the people of earth
178
00:10:20,913 --> 00:10:24,249
to abandon their smutty ways.
179
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,668
So, the orgy's off?
180
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,713
So thirsty.
181
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:32,966
Why couldn't a water
fountain have fallen on me?
182
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,510
I couldn't find any water,
183
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:37,554
but the moisture in these
fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you.
184
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:38,972
Thank you.
185
00:10:39,932 --> 00:10:42,851
I climbed perilously high
into the trees to pick them,
186
00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:45,562
yet I saw no sign
of intelligent life.
187
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:46,855
Bummer.
188
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:50,108
Moreover, the crash
totally destroyed our ship.
189
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,402
So, we're stuck here
until someone finds us?
190
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,488
Alas, that may never happen.
191
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,366
Stealth technology makes
the ship impossible to locate,
192
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,451
yet easy to stub your crotch on.
193
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:02,371
Well, there's worse places
to be marooned.
194
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,540
Plenty of food, mild climate.
195
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:07,125
It's a veritable garden of Eden.
196
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,377
It is?
197
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:15,592
Hello.
198
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,135
Did that snake say, "hello"?
199
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:19,805
No. We're both delirious
from dehydration.
200
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,057
Just like Adam and Eve.
201
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:31,149
Farnsworth: We can still save earth.
People are sure to clean up their act
202
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:35,320
when presented with cold,
hard facts by rational folks like us.
203
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,992
The end is near!
Repent thy sins!
204
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:44,121
I'll thinks it overs while I
engages this $5 hooker.
205
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,331
Don't do it! It's not worth it!
206
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,166
Okay, make it $3.
207
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:51,461
Yuck! I don't wants
no $3 hooker.
208
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,214
I'm going backs to
the adults bookstore.
209
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:57,301
Adult bookstore? I thought
this was the public library.
210
00:11:57,426 --> 00:12:00,178
No. Pubic library.
211
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:03,181
Zapp? Where are you?
212
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,893
Oh, god, I'm actually
starting to miss him.
213
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,186
Maybe you two belong together.
214
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,564
We do not. And you can't talk.
215
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:11,732
Come on.
216
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:14,359
It must be an awful temptation.
217
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,613
Guess who just killed a
woodchuck with his bare feet?
218
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:21,283
I thought I'd whip
us up some shelter,
219
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,160
make this a little more
like home.
220
00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:27,414
I do miss the earth terribly. I
wonder if it's even still there.
221
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,999
Let's find out together.
222
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,502
I'll brave the ship's wreckage
to fetch you the telescope.
223
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,588
That's so sweet.
224
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,506
I'm just saying, is all.
225
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:53,440
I know my new plan is a long
shot, but it's the only hope left.
226
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,651
Well, now I've heard everything.
227
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:56,860
On my iPod.
228
00:12:56,944 --> 00:13:00,197
So, do you have a new plan,
professor? And is there any hope left?
229
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:04,159
Indeed. We're here on
earth's last unspoiled acre
230
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:07,913
to show the death sphere
there's still purity in the world.
231
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:09,581
Begin transmitting.
232
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,669
Commence purity chant.
233
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,635
Hey, I'm proud of you, bender
234
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,346
avoiding sin for
almost a full minute.
235
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:25,472
Bender?
236
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,141
Bender: Yeah, baby.
You're quite a dish.
237
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,605
Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah.
238
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:37,567
Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!
239
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:41,279
Quiet your riot. What's the
worst that could happen?
240
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,960
No! No!
241
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,754
Earth is gone!
242
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:01,216
We're the only two humans
left in the universe!
243
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:04,803
Oh, god. I'm sorry, Leela.
244
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:09,141
Maybe this was meant to be.
245
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:12,269
Maybe you and I were meant
to build a new world here.
246
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,354
We can avoid
humanity's mistakes.
247
00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:15,480
Like the tuba.
248
00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:18,233
Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve.
249
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,776
Only without the tuba.
250
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:22,738
And we'll beget little zapp
junior. And Leela junior.
251
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:25,157
And they'll have
kids of their... yuck!
252
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,534
Is that really what
happened in the Bible?
253
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,370
It's a sick and twisted
book of holiness, all right.
254
00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:31,997
Then we'll write our own Bible.
255
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,958
With less sodom
and more gomorrah.
256
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,126
Let's do it.
257
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,712
I shall become the mother
of a new world,
258
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,547
trapped here, under this tree.
259
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,257
The tree of knowledge!
260
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,468
Look, it even has apples!
261
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,262
Wow.
262
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:52,601
Come here, Adam.
Partake of my forbidden fruit.
263
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,978
Thee will be done.
264
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:07,657
Wait. One more bite before
we begin the begetting.
265
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,952
Mmm. Juicy.
266
00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:15,332
Those nut berries you found were
so salty, I couldn't think straight.
267
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,461
I mean, not to belabor it,
268
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,881
but they were as salty as that
bag of trail mix fry gave me.
269
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:27,469
Exactly as salty.
Hey! Wait a second!
270
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,853
I have a terrible
confession to make.
271
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,606
You see, when I first
went foraging,
272
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:43,485
what I actually found was the
smoldering wreckage of the ship.
273
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:48,031
Ignoring all danger, 1 charged
inside to liberate our provisions.
274
00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:50,951
So, this is the
trail mix fry gave me!
275
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:55,831
Yes. I exaggerated when I
said I picked it from the treetops.
276
00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:59,751
I just wanted you to think
a little better of me.
277
00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:02,629
Well, your motives were good.
278
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,465
And we were both
loopy from dehydration.
279
00:16:05,549 --> 00:16:06,550
Hey, wait.
280
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,969
You've been doing
an awful lot of urinating.
281
00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:14,141
There's plenty of water.
You see,
282
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,810
after I selflessly
rescued the trail mix,
283
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:20,063
I braved the flames once more
in search of fluids.
284
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,071
Then why didn't you give me any?
285
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,992
I thought it might help you
forget your intense hatred for me
286
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,369
if you were
a teensy bit delirious.
287
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:36,496
So, you let me dehydrate
288
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:40,250
while you washed down the trail
mix with imported mineral water?
289
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,253
Not exactly.
290
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:45,338
You see, besides the trail mix,
291
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,841
the minibar also
contained doritos, beef jerky
292
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,760
and a generous assortment
of fine chocolates.
293
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,264
I wanted to offer you
the chocolates.
294
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,684
I truly did. But I was
concerned about your waistline.
295
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,144
Very concerned.
296
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:01,479
It's because
I haven't been exercising.
297
00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:04,566
If only this tree hadn't
fallen on me by chance.
298
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,776
Oh, dear god!
299
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,699
It was just after we crashed.
300
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,493
I awoke first,
to find you trapped.
301
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,288
Leela! Leela, wake up.
302
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:35,222
You could've moved this
grub-infested log any time you wanted?
303
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,640
Well, sure.
304
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,226
But then I wouldn't have been
able to provide the loving care
305
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,560
you wouldn't have needed.
306
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,066
I'd leave you to rot
in this paradise,
307
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,318
if only the ship
weren't destroyed.
308
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,446
The ship's fully functional,
isn't it?
309
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,243
You see, after re-trapping you
310
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:57,911
and before
feigning unconsciousness,
311
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,038
I paused to enjoy a cigar.
312
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,999
Though mellow and satisfying,
it did parch me a bit,
313
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,960
so I went in search of Brandy.
314
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:08,922
That's when my keen senses
detected the still-invisible ship.
315
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,510
So, we can go back to earth?
316
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:18,598
But there is no earth anymore.
Everyone I know is dead!
317
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,144
This seems like a good place
to take a dump.
318
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,147
Leela? You're alive!
319
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,860
But how did you
find this planet?
320
00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:32,654
Well?
321
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,533
We're actually on earth.
322
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,702
The ship's homing device
brought us back.
323
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,620
But I saw earth explode!
324
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,748
I'm actually kind of
proud of this one.
325
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,542
You see, what you saw
326
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,627
was merely a simulation
1 rigged up
327
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:50,463
using the ship's holographic
targeting projector.
328
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:53,717
The alleged telescope
was a toilet paper tube.
329
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,177
You said there wasn't
any toilet paper!
330
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,638
And that humanity
was annihilated!
331
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:00,181
My motives were pure.
332
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,517
I just wanted you to think
we had to save humanity,
333
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,436
so you'd be willing to have sex.
334
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,229
Please say you believe me.
335
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,481
Yes, I believe you.
336
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,989
There must be something
to steal on this island.
337
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,407
Hey, it's Leela.
338
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:22,912
Let's go home, everybody. At
least the world wasn't destroyed.
339
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:25,749
Yet.
340
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:31,087
Automated voice:
People of earth!
341
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:34,632
Hear the righteous word
of the mighty v-giny!
342
00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:36,134
The mighty v-giny!
343
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:40,680
Seeing you frolic in
this unspoiled garden
344
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:43,683
gives hope that this world
may yet be redeemed.
345
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:46,436
Huzzah! The purity chant worked!
346
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,523
Unacceptable
wardrobe malfunction!
347
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,984
I was referring to Adam and Eve.
348
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:56,446
We're not Adam and Eve.
You see, due to a series of...
349
00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,116
Consummate your union
or I shall destroy earth.
350
00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:07,290
Well, if it's to save earth, I guess
I could take one for the team.
351
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,294
You what? Right now? But
I need a little romance first.
352
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,463
Maybe a vanilla candle
or something?
353
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,423
Commence intercourse!
354
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:19,511
Those giant guns are making
me feel sort of inadequate.
355
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:21,554
I'm not sure if I can...
Move it.
356
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,306
I've got to get home
and do laundry.
357
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:30,063
For god's sake,
censor it! Censor it!
358
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,399
Approved for all audiences!
359
00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:43,326
Narrator: And now,
the spicy finale
360
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:47,038
of the transcredible exploits
of zapp brannigan.
361
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:49,833
That was a close call,
but we saved earth.
362
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:53,002
Was it as good for you
as it was for the human race?
363
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:57,799
Oh, zapp. Let's save
another planet right now!
364
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,047
English - us - psdh
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