Original subtitles

Previously on 'Wynonna Earp'.

The universe has never given me a choice

about whether I wanted to be the heir or mother.

- Doc might not be the dad. - Then who is?

- You had sex with a revenant. - I'm your kid's father.

My DNA test. I'm not a child, Nicole.

From the look on your face, I'm not an Earp either.

The Order, they call it a weapon.

- Wynonna. - I know how to get her back.

- Who? - Wynonna!

I will not and cannot go back to hell.

Old Clootie has the power to make sure I never do.

They broke it and we're all gonna buy it.

Not now. Please. Oh!

Bobo Del Rey!

You do not get to do this.

You do not get to win!

Move her, or I will.

I mean it. Stand down, you shit strumpets.

And you. That is a woman's coat!

Ouch.

New gay Waverly's a little judgey.

Though I like the new sass

and how you betrayed your sister.

- You won't hurt me. - I won't help you either.

Giving a shit about you has only caused me pain.

No-one said parenthood was easy.

It's time to grow up, little girl.

Oh!

No more growing up for Waverly.

She's cooked.

- Wynonna. - All I smell is fried bride.

Oh, look, sister, an Earp-a-tiser for both of us.

- Robert Svane. - Gestating bitch.

Not so into angels anymore then, Bobo?

Let's just say, I got sick of betting on the losing team.

Why are you back?

How many times do I have to put you in the ground?

Bullets are useless against us.

The third seal is broken.

He's risen.

Oh, my God! Is the baby OK?

Please... please tell me you're OK.

Oh, I forgot he could do that.

Any chance you forgot what I did?

I also blew up Nicole, Jeremy and our barn

just to bring you back.

That's sweet.

When this is done, I'm gonna shove grass

down your pants just to watch you squirm.

But for now, come here.

Missed you.

How is Bobo resurrected?

Oh, during the vision quest, I kinda died.

- What? - Yeah.

- I'm still the Earp heir. - Yeah.

And our only hope.

So what do we do first?

Make sure John Henry Holliday's not dead.

Latex?

What?

Wynonna!

- Wynonna! Waverly! - Dolls!

- Hey. - Hey.

Is she back? Is she?

I am so glad to see you morons.

- Oh, thank you! - Hey.

Any idea where you disappeared to?

Last thing I remember I was with you holding that plate.

Then the next thing I know, I'm in a ditch.

Story of my life. What about you?

Woke up in a body bag.

They say you don't know how to party. What about Doc?

Probably in a similar situation.

Because I killed him.

- Jesus! - Yeah.

How the hell did you guys make it?

It's kind of a fog between what happened

and what didn't happen, unhappened, I don't know.

Well, I wish I could make everything I did unhappen.

Then Nicole wouldn't be here.

OK, it's settled. Everyone stops dying.

Or tries really hard not to

now that this third seal is broken.

- What?! - Bobo's back.

He's hanging with Widow Beth and Mercedes.

He crushed the seal, aka Doc's ring,

and made the earth cry.

Oh, yeah. We heard it.

Like Godzilla if he stepped on a Lego.

Yeah. That was the sound of the demon Clootie waking.

Guys, I really buggered this up.

Flush it out. No more guilt. No more secrets.

We don't have time for feelings. We need a plan.

And we need it fast, 'cause this sucker's coming out my vagina.

Yeah! My vagina, Jeremy. Any minute.

So... speaking of flushing, anyone need to pee?

- No. - Oh. Oh.

OK. Just me. Be right back.

After you, ladies.

He can't be here.

This isn't consecrated ground!

Oh, but it is, to the Assiniboine.

All of this.

You moved his coffin to an old mine?

- It got in the way of the dig. - Right.

For Constance's sons. She told us of your failures.

And then... pop! Off went her head.

Her death was deserved. But our husband lives!

And two wives are better than none.

We must tend to him with the vigour of three.

Sure.

Oh, bless the sands. It's truly him!

Let's just hope old Sheriff Clootie

is in the mood for bargaining.

Needless to say, if you betray us,

he'll see you rot in hell forever.

Lady, he's my only hope not to.

Guard him with your life

and he will surely spare you that fate again.

Oh. Then let's dig him up.

Sure this will work?

Hell, no.

Which is exactly why it might.

It's Wynonna logic. Don't question.

It's not just that. Watch.

See?

- It's like they know each other. - Whoa!

Gun and plate, sitting in a tree...

- Oh, boy. - It's our only shot.

Jeremy, figure out where Bobo and the widows were going.

- My bet's on Clootie's tomb. - OK. Off to the maps! Again!

- Dolls. - Yup.

Find Doc. He needs to be here.

And try not to kill him again.

You know I can't promise that.

I promised I wouldn't break it without him.

This ring kept him ageless and now he...

What if he's...

OK, he's not. I'd feel it in my groin.

I feel like just for that I get to say 'vagina' again.

- Mm-hm. - I'll find him.

And I'll go deal with this.

Then I'm coming with.

Especially with the due date being, like,

well, as far as anyone can guess... now-ish?

I am not letting you out of my sight.

Well, when this goes down,

you'll get to see a lot more than you bargained for.

Ayyyy.

Haught?

Yeah, I remember.

I got you, Earp.

Wait. What happened to flushing our secrets?

Oooh!

It feels a little light.

Ohh! Let thee rise.

Ohh!

Ohh! What happened? My master!

100 years underground, that's what happened.

He's weak. Feed.

Pure...

Nourishment.

The heir.

Wynonna Earp?

He's suggesting we feed him her baby, dipshit.

Yes. Yes!

A most powerful cure for what ails you.

You shall have it, my darling.

Warm, fresh, straight out of the oven.

Your wives will provide.

Sister, we did it.

Despite all of our differences, we fulfilled our purpose.

We saved our husband.

And now we shall serve him for all of eternity.

Actually, I want a separation.

What have you done?!

Chopped my way into the 21st century.

The world has changed.

Hell, look at Wynonna Earp.

She is 10 times the gunslinger Wyatt ever was

and he put Bulshar in the ground!

- I want that ring! - You were always a fraud.

You never believed!

I should have killed you when I had the chance.

Left you to rot in that box!

Ohhh.

Your rotten box can wait on him for eternity.

Mercedes!

Shhh.

What's that sound?

You sisters are wild.

You know, Constance liked to trap people

with stone and darkness too.

Clever girl.

No!

Who's rising now?

Witches get stitches.

Especially if they wish you

and your unborn child into oblivion.

Super rude.

OK, look. I learned my lesson.

I'll never trouble you Earps again.

You look like Mattie, but you're nothing like her.

The best part of me died with my sister.

I thought it was your fault.

Your sister's the only reason

I'm not going to punch you in the jugs.

That...

and I plan to exploit you.

Yeah? And what can I do?

The third seal's already been broken.

The shadow lord stirs and his wives grow even more powerful.

My family still remembers the last time he ruled.

So does ours. We get nasty demonic reminders.

Try to kill us on the regs.

Clootie isn't invincible.

Wyatt defeated him once.

Defeated? No.

Delayed? Maybe.

And look at the cost.

Even that gun isn't enough.

How about some stylish dinnerware?

- Where did you get that? - I lost a hand for it.

Mm-hm. And I bit the big one.

Short version - it's a weapon.

Legend has it your grandfather Edwin

ascertained it was only a shield.

Well, we don't need a shield.

We need a friggin' missile.

Holliday?

Whatever you're looking for,

you're not gonna find it in that well.

Doc. Henry.

Hey, hey. Doc. Look, look, look. It's OK.

Everything is back to normal.

Normal.

That's what I am now, I suppose.

Mortal.

I can feel it in my bones.

In my lungs.

The burning.

Your ring was broken, but not by Wynonna.

It does not matter who did it!

I've seen my future. My great heroic ending.

We shot each other, but now we're alive.

If it's an apology that you're looking for, then I'm sorry.

But Wynonna is back.

We all are, and that is thanks to you, Doc.

- Did you see her? - Not a scratch.

Still pregnant, still itching to shoot something.

The Widows.

Bobo.

Bobo has returned? From hell?

Doc, the Earp heir needs our help.

And here I was...

hoping to remain not dead for a few more hours.

You OK?

Mm-hm.

I should have trusted you. Um, I know...

I'm terrified, 'cause my sister,

who's supposed to be the smart, moral one, royally screwed us.

Though I suppose it was for someone you love.

- Nicole's married. - To a dude?

No. Gorgeous lady doctor.

OK, well, I have eyes, Waverly. Nicole loves you.

And I'm not your sister.

The DNA test confirmed...

Wynonna, I'm not an Earp.

Like hell you're not.

Well, you were right.

Made from the same metal as Peacemaker.

Good news is, it also had traces of ammolite,

which is the mineral that protects your land.

The bad news?

Oh, I guess it was a side plate.

- It's enough. - I know you're bad at math.

- But there are two widows. - It's not for them.

It's for their asshole husband.

Cut the head off an eel

and his parasites shrivel up and die too.

And I end the curse once and for all.

And, now... I have to pee again.

Ohhh!

Oooh!

I haven't felt this off

since the 2005 chilli cook-off debacle.

Wynonna, I don't think that's chilli.

My previous conjectures about holy sites

aren't even a thing anymore.

Bobo Del Rey's involvement is harshing up my whole system.

Yeah, and you haven't even met him yet.

I'm so OK with that. Can't wait to meet the Pod, though.

- What? - My code name for baby Earp.

I'm gonna teach it how to rap.

Why'd you stay, Jeremy, after Black Badge dissolved?

Wait, wait, uh, there are two sites

where Bobo had constant security.

One - the shack where he was holding Constance's sons' bones.

And the other?

A condemned gold mine in the foothills.

OK, yeah. OK, Jer, you're pretty smart.

I know. And, uh, I stay because I don't fit in here.

But none of you ask me to.

- I'm allowed to be me. - You're part of the family.

And being part of the family means...

dealing with terrifying forces of evil.

Where is the Earp wench? I want my weapon.

Why don't you eat mine?

Looks like you're shit out of luck.

Hardly. I just found me some bait.

- You drove my car? - Yeah.

Changed your radio settings too.

We gotta talk about your Adele obsession.

- Waverly? - We're headed to the homestead.

We have a code pot of gold, repeat pot... of... gold.

Dolls, baby's coming. You take Charlene.

- OK. - I know a shortcut.

Listen, I'll get Dr Navalar, you go to Wynonna,

and I'll bring her to the homestead, OK?

Oh. Hey. Holliday.

Whatever wrong you did in the past,

some people say... a baby is their immortality.

You touch my radio again and I will gut you.

Alright.

Oh, cheeesus coconuts!

Why isn't there an app for this?

OK, you're doing great. We're almost there.

Oh, shit!

Wynonna Earp, time to meet destiny.

Better not be a nickname for your beav

'cause I'm not in the mood.

I've come for my weapon. You will not deny me.

I might.

The demon lord is awake, but he has not risen.

I've come for the final piece of the puzzle

and I'm not talking about that useless gun.

Yeah, about that. Your stupid plate was tacky as shit.

So I melted it down into one sexy ammolite-laced bullet.

Let them go or I punch a hole

into your no-longer-rotting- but-still-stolen face.

You may want to cool that itchy trigger finger.

I'm a bit hurt that I wasn't invited to the party.

Also that you tried to blow me up.

Hear this, Wynonna Earp.

The weapon I seek isn't that awful plate.

It is you and I intend to use it.

Just so everyone's clear, I'm my own damn weapon.

And I'm about to unleash all this shit.

One bullet, two of us.

And then there's my husband.

But I can help you find the right path.

You got some nerve trying to negotiate with me.

You're still wearing my friend's face.

And Bulshar's ring.

Meaning, I can destroy

the rest of your friends before your next breath.

Which seems to be quite laboured.

Bulshar.

My husband's true name. Fires given.

Sorry I'm late.

- I kinda died. - Who didn't?

Enough. Use the bullet on Beth.

And we'll take Bulshar down together.

Shoot Mercedes or I kill your sister.

Do you know what she wants?

To feed your newborn to our husband.

Join me and we'll destroy him together or I'll let her.

Do not make the mistake of threatening my child.

That doesn't work on us.

Maybe I should just take the prize you are fighting for.

Wynonna, what is he doing?

I am the greatest gunslinger that ever lived.

When I pull this trigger, things die.

Bad things.

Mercy comes in many forms.

You're confused.

It's not so bad, Wynonna, up there.

I saw Wyatt and he is so damn proud of you.

But I will kill us both

before I let you walk in service to the devil.

- It's a ruse. - If I die, they can't use me.

- Wynonna! - Two birds, one stone.

The baby's coming. You can save it. Aim high.

I'll do my best.

I'll take one out on my way down.

Or me. I am so very tired, Wynonna.

- Doc, don't! - See you on the other side.

So much bluffing, I'm embarrassed for all of you!

No!

Oh!

Oh, gross.

- Oh. - Ohhh!

I had no idea you could split a bullet.

Neither did I.

Been so long since I actually killed something,

I forgot how happy it makes me.

Don't you two ever do that to me again!

If it's been 12 minutes or less

since your last contraction, you're dilating.

- You read the books? - The Wikipedia.

Look, guys, we need to get her anywhere

that's not in the middle of the fucking street!

- Ohhh! - Come on, big mama.

Did you just call me big mama?

I'm supposed to be at the homestead

where the revenants can't interfere!

OK, I'll take you back to the truck.

If you touch me, I'll bite it off!

This is all its fault, anyway!

- I have to go with her. - And I've got to get ready.

- What did Wynonna ask you to do? - The only thing she could.

Don't be too hard on her, OK?

She's really going to need you after...

- Yeah. OK. - OK.

Back in my day, the men just sat outside and smoked.

Don't smoke, idiot! You're about to be a father.

Outstanding, now the whole gang's here

and gonna see my destiny. Should we Skype in Nedley?

- We need a doctor. - Dolls is on it.

OK, boys, go to the homestead. Get Wynonna's hospital go-bag.

No. The demon Clootie.

Bulshar. Bullshit! Whatever his name is.

We need to know if he got out. I used up my bullet.

- You rest assured I have plenty. - I know where the tomb is.

- You are with me. - Always.

- Oh, Jeremy. - Yeah?

I'm glad you stayed in Purgatory.

Then can I name the baby? It feels like a Phil.

Oh, God! Here comes another one! Get out before I murder you!

- Whoo! - Go!

OK, I've been reading about home births.

OK, that's... that's great. Super.

Can you go lock the door, please?

Wynonna? Rosita...

- I got you, Wynonna. - I'm so sorry.

You're sorry now, wait until you have to push.

You gotta be shitting me right now.

Ewan, is there a reason why you and your boys

are out here in your Sunday best?

Deputy Marshal, I do believe

you were driving over the legal limit.

I don't got time for this fake bullshit macho stand-off

you got going on, I gotta go get a doctor.

Dr Navalar? Yes, we've taken care of her.

What do you mean taken care of her?

She was a good woman. A civilian!

As if you've never dispatched of either.

You're a hypocrite, Xavier.

So you're gonna kill everybody that knows about the baby?

Not just any baby. The next Earp heir.

Now, if my sources are correct,

it should be coming right about now.

Ohhh, motherknuckles!

- That's it. Deep breaths. - I'll get more towels.

And whiskey. All the whiskeys.

And rum. It hardly matters now, does it?

I'll mix up something. Something not whiskey.

Ohhhh! Why did I lie on the pool table?

There are multiple couches right over there!

You never were much for tradition.

And I guess our baby won't get the chance to learn ours.

Nicole told you the plan.

It's the only chance we have to keep it safe.

It's all that matters.

It matters that you didn't ask me. I could've helped!

You are helping, cutie.

I wanted to wait as long as possible to break your heart.

Besides, we don't know

if you can even leave the Ghost River Triangle.

- Cross the line. - How long have you known?

After my vision quest, I suspected.

Seeing Bobo...

Robert Svane, as he was...

He's your father, isn't he?

I honestly don't know anymore.

What would that make me?

Daughter of an asshole. Join the club.

You're still you, Waverly.

- And if this baby is Jonas'... - Ohhh!

Half-revenant, then I guess...

I guess it won't be able to get out either.

- Come on! - Ohhh! Waverly!

What the hell? No! Ohh!

Well, that was very emotional and annoying.

- Rosita, don't do this. - It's done. And so am I.

Done with your judgments, your holier-than-thou attitude.

Your "I'll shoot you last, Rosita".

- I made a mistake. - So did I.

Thinking an Earp would be anything but my enemy.

- No! - Your baby is currency, Wynonna.

The revenants, the Order, Black Badge...

Let's just say that there are endless men

that would kill to get their hands on it.

- Ohhh! - Guarantee me safe passage.

- Crazy traitor bitch! - What does it matter?

You're not even keeping it anyway.

I care more about this than anything else in the world!

Look, I promise to get it out of you.

I promise it will survive.

As for the mother...

Bobo Del Rey.

I love what you've done with your hair.

Ohhh. He changed me, Doc.

The demon Clootie.

His hellfire name is Bulshar.

And he is free.

Well, not for long. We killed his demon brides.

He shall have a new bride.

Someone who's pure.

I've pledged him my angel.

I promised him Waverly.

- You shit ticket! - Argh!

Jeremy, no!

Argh!

Shit!

8 centimetres.

- Getting close. - Oh, good.

It's fairly bad etiquette to kill someone

after you've had your fingers up their vadge.

I'll embroider that on a throw pillow in your memory.

What about Doc?

He doesn't love me.

He does, in his way.

When you disappeared, I saw what he was without you.

Hard, cruel.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

You don't know me at all.

I know you're the type of woman who made this about a guy.

I know you'd better be wearing a good sports bra

'cause you're gonna have to run so far, so fast.

I know it won't matter because I'll never stop hunting you.

My revenant brethren are coming.

You should focus on, um, concentrating on pushing.

Please...

let Waverly go.

I'm not going anywhere.

You wouldn't.

Hmm.

Oh!

Ha! You can't.

You're not 27, you're not the heir.

- But you are my sister. - Wynonna...

Waverly Earp. Yes, Earp.

You listen to me. You are one of the good guys.

The best of us.

And you are just as much a part of me as this baby!

Enough of this bullshit! Ohh!

- Let me go! - You can do this!

- No, I can't! - You have to! Ugh!

- Ohh! - No! Wynonna!

Hey, you, asshole, we need your help.

We need you to work. We need you to get in the goddamn game!

For the record, I really like you.

PEACEMAKER!

Good for you.

Wow. Nice gun. Ow! Make up your mind.

Waverly! It's coming!

- What? No! - Argh!

Nuts, he got Keith. You're still outnumbered, Xavier.

How long do you think you can keep this up?

I'll die before you hurt her.

You know better than anyone what the right training can do.

- But you gotta start early. - Shut up.

An Earp and a Holliday?

It's going to be a demon-fighting machine.

Not if Wynonna keeps it.

She's only gonna screw it up. Hell, she corrupted you.

You won't live to see that baby!

Oh, Xavier. You used to follow the rules.

We'll raise it well. We'll teach it the proper values.

Your 'values' can burn.

No, no, no.

Bad move, Junior.

You have metal in you.

Lots of metal.

I was in a car accident. I was 11.

So you're no stranger to pain, then?

You're the one who's gonna pain.

I'm gonna rip that gun out of your hand...

and make you beg for mercy.

You hurt my friend.

And it's made of plastic, asshole.

Ugh!

Argh!

Ohhh!

This is for threatening Waverly.

This is for betraying Wyatt.

- And this... - Ugh! Argh!

That was for leaving me in that godforsaken well.

You may be able to move metal.

Argh!

But you cannot move yourself.

How can anything have fingernails this small?

It's ridiculous.

You did it.

We did it.

You think everything's OK?

Just look. Pure perfection.

The revenants.

I'm the Earp heir.

They're always coming for me

and everything I love.

I don't want to.

I didn't realise how much I wouldn't want to.

You're the coolest thing I ever did.

You're going to have it much better than me.

I promise.

Shhh.

Hey.

- No! - Shh.

- You have to go. Quick! - Nicole's with the getaway car.

And those knob gobblers?

I got throbbing lady bits and a rage to match.

They're doomed.

Waverly!

Make sure he gets a moment with the baby.

You're wrong, Wynonna.

You're the best of us.

Go.

Are you sure about this?

We have to know. Both of us.

OK, so if the baby starts screaming

or I start to burn...

get us over the line fast, OK?

OK. I got you, Waves.

Ohh!

Hey.

The baby's Doc's.

And I don't have revenant blood.

Bobo lied to me.

What about the DNA test?

OK, so I'm not an Earp, either.

Nicole, what am I?

That's easy. You are extraordinary.

Come on.

Hey, so, how's that divorce coming along?

Yep, I'm on it.

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo! Baby!

Thanks for delivering our package, Earp.

Please don't hurt us and don't ever cross a mother.

I'm with you, Earp.

Where's the baby?

Somewhere you'll never find it.

Outside the Ghost River Triangle.

It's never coming back.

Neither are you.

NOOOOO!

That metal won't hold him for long.

OK, yeah, OK. I'll stand guard.

Besides, you need to go now.

Wynonna needs you to meet the baby.

WayHaught is taking it to the rendezvous point.

- WayHaught? - Here are the GPS coordinates.

How do you know this?

I told you. I was in an accident.

I wasn't recruited to Black Badge

for my excellent Seinfeld impressions.

Though they're really excellent. You should hear some of them.

- George! - Jeremy.

Thank you.

Get out of here, you gorgeous idiot!

You gotta see your kid.

At least once.

Ahhh.

Don't even think about it, Platinum Blonde.

Black Badge?

It's Perry.

The best private security money can buy.

I even brought a wet nurse.

Did you guys know wet nurses are still a thing?

You're a good man, Perry Crofte.

And still alive, thanks to Wynonna.

This is really the least I could do.

Her good deeds are finally paying off.

Hey, we should get going, just to be safe.

- Wait, wait. - I got it.

You need to say goodbye.

Not me.

Here.

Dainty and delicate in blue.

Where are you taking her?

As far away from the Ghost River Triangle as she can get.

Aunt Gus is waiting.

Goodbye, little girl.

You OK?

- Dolls... - Yeah?

Do you think they made it?

I know they did.

They're coming for your baby.

The baby is gone.

And Bulshar is coming for my angel.

Waverly is not your daughter.

She crossed the line without injury.

I never said she was my daughter.

Just that she was kin.

You will remain here

until the Earps are done with you.

You don't think I can handle being stuck in a well?

I've been in hell!

So have I.

Argh!

When Dolls shot me and I died,

that's where I went.

Hell.

With all the others.

Fire and brimstone.

The whole deal.

Deep down, Doc,

you have always been one of us.

Your fate is sealed.

Wyatt buggered us both.

You watch your mouth.

And now you're mortal...

Oh, the irony. Ahhh!

A seal for your tomb, Bobo.

Only this one is made of wood.

Good luck moving that.

Oh, you think you can end me, Doc?!

My master is coming

and there will be a reckoning!

You hear me, Holliday?!

A reckoning!

You OK?

Are you?

You sent her away.

Would you have done any different?

I would have done everything different.

The demon Clootie is still out there.

Not Clootie but Bulshar.

Whatever his name is, we'll get him.

We're going to break this fucking curse, Doc.

So she never has to.

Did you give our daughter a name?

Nobody looking for an Earp will ever find her.

But her first name is Alice.

Alice Michelle.

After your mother and mine.

That's a fitting tribute to those that have left.

Left, yes.

But Mama Earp is still waiting.

There are men, Wynonna,

mean as a rattlesnake cornered at dusk.

And there are demons...

sweet as clover honey.

And then there's him.

I told you he was real.

I never stopped believing.

And when he does...

you'll believe it too.

Fine. You were right. Bulshar's back.

Now what do we do about it...

Mama?