All language subtitles for Common.Side.Effects.S01E05.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL

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Original subtitles

I'm actually looking to buy a very specific property.

Jimmer Jarvis. Nice to meet you.

- Mom. - My little girl.

Someone sent me a postcard.

- Frances? - I came to help.

Yaaaaah!

Frances, run!

Sick.

What the fuck?! What the fuck?!

I think this fucking dude is still alive!

He's still... He's still fucking twitching!

Knock it off, Rusty.

What?

Alright, now, you, who are you?

Turtleman's girlfriend?

- It's okay. Okay. - No, she's...

she's not my girlfriend.

I mean... - Okay, who was this guy?

I think he was trying to kill me.

Or take my...

Look, it's a long story.

I like stories.

You like stories, Rusty? Rusty likes stories.

Seems like you got a real interesting story here, guy.

So why not you come inside right now and tell us a story?

Alright, who's after you?

Uh, the DEA, definitely.

But I don't think that was them.

Um, Big Pharma, probably.

I have a half brother

who seems kind of obsessed with what's going on.

Oh, maybe a crazy mycologist, uh, and her disciples.

A mycologist is a specialist or expert in...

I know the fuck a mycologist is!

Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. So...

Okay, you guys, this night has been really scary and crazy.

But this man, Marshall, I'm telling you,

he can change the world if he can just grow his mushroom.

This mushroom heals anything?

Tommy's got some stuff wrong with him.

Real wrong. Hehe.

You don't have to hug him or anything.

He's got sludge spots.

Unless you're a sludgie chaser, they're out there.

Lotta kids around here are Sludgies.

Th-They don't like that term. Come on.

I don't mind it. We're reclaiming it.

My lungs is like... toast. Barely work.

There's no hope for him.

One night he'll just choke and die.

Gurgling, probably, like

This is because of the waste site?

Yep. There's no hospital for 60 miles.

Tommy's got no insurance anyway. What're you waiting for?

Give him your magic shroom medicine.

Come on. - I want to, but right now,

I only have two mushrooms left.

You're gonna give it to him.

Okay, Tommy, there's a side effect that you might feel.

Your mind is gonna just kinda go to a place.

Try and just take it in, okay, bud?

Go ahead. You got it. Just chew and swallow.

Does it taste disgusting?

Listen to him breathing! He's like... normal.

Shit, I've seen a miracle today.

Okay. Well, I think we can forget about that, uh,

wild hog that blew up.

Right. Yes.

It was just an accident.

Your typical hog accident.

You're talking about the guy?

And you think you can grow this thing here?

Okay, a few hours ago there was some kind of explosion.

Now it's all handshakes?

What is that? A barbecue?

Cooking up ribs or something.

He took her back to his trailer. Is he about to murder her?

Look, maybe headquarters doesn't need to know exactly

where we are, but we gotta stay on this.

Okay, we can keep eyes on him. For now.

But I'm not loving our sight-lines on the trailer.

Could use some kind of elevation.

Hi! We're with Star-Tel-Lite. It's a new satellite TV company.

Your roof has the proper exposure

to the Southern Hemisphere,

and we're offering a new program to rural subscribers

that could land you one year of free TV.

Are you messing with me right now?

No, sir.

Get the hell out of here! That is so cool!

Damn, we're lucky. - Really lucky.

We're offering this to less than one in 17,000 homes.

Wow, that's like... less than...

Southern exposure. Wow.

Everything sterilized, all different soil combos.

But nothing grew.

I tried agar, I tried syringing out spores, I tried...

Okay, is it possible you're too smart for your own good?

When you found the mushroom in Peru, it was just growing?

Yeah, on the valley floor.

Have you tried that?

What? Like just grow it on the ground?

I mean, that is where stuff grows.

Oh.

Uh...

Oh, it's my mom.

Oh, sorry, yeah. Yeah.

Frances, what the hell am I looking at here?

I mean in the video you sent, not on the TV.

I think it's a German reality show?

"Housewives of"...

But they're married to their dogs, I don't know.

Okay, wow, really captivating, Rick, but please listen?

It's 100% real, and it works.

Okay? I just need some time. This will be huge for us.

- Could it save my job? - M-Maybe.

Well, where are you? We can send help if you need it.

No. Rick, no. I don't need help.

You just... Look, I'm gonna be gone for awhile, okay?

I'm trying to figuring out... - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Do you not get what kind of predicament we're in right now?

My job is hanging by a thread.

Our earnings report comes out Thursday,

and spoiler alert, it sucks!

I mean, really, Frances.

Do you know how bad my life is right now?!

Oh, great, now my room service is here.

Rick!

Rick, can you just...

We could be onto something huge here.

Alright, alright.

You know, funny story,

when I was on my high school baseball team...

Bye, Rick.

I found some yaupon and made some tea.

It's North America's only native caffeinated plant.

Well, dahoon, but you're not gonna find that in...

You picked Star-Tel-Lite. And it was your idea.

Okay, dude. Amazing news.

Who is that on our roof?

That's what I was about to tell you.

We might be eligible, man!

Oh, God damn it, Rusty.

Does it seem like a good time to have strangers poking around?

Hey, guys. - Oh, h-hey, there.

So, uh, you're with the satellite company, are ya?

Uh, mm-hmm. Yeah, Star-Tel-Lite.

Wow. Well, lucky us, huh?

Very lucky, actually.

Great access to the southern sky.

Yeah, so the problem here is, we don't take solicitors.

Rusty here forgot about that.

Yeah, plus I'm not supposed to have too much screen time.

No worries. Ha! That's fine.

Sounds like the best thing for us to do

is, uh, probably just leave you folks alone.

Yeah.

Probably damn right.

We cool?

We cool.

Okay!

Frances, I'm just gonna grab some trash bags,

but check the place out.

There's all kinds of interesting livestock feeds.

Growing anything interesting by the waste site?

You look city to me.

Of course he'd pick you,

little city cinnamon roll all to himself.

Okay!

Ohh.

Okay, ready to go?

Yeah, yeah!

Hey, brought you some barbecue!

Aw, thanks! Wow, smells delicious.

Wait. This isn't...

Just to make sure, this isn't meat from the, uh,

"hog" we discussed earlier.

Ha, come on, man. We ain't sickos like that.

We did smoke the guy. Then we fed that to a hog.

Then we smoked the hog.

Huh.

I'll, um, save it for a midnight snack.

Listen, there's a van about a quarter mile down that road.

They say they're from the cable company but they might be lying.

Uncle JJ thinks they might be government.

Gah. Alright.

Thanks for the heads-up.

Hmm.

He's coming towards us.

What?

What do we do?

We do nothing. You do nothing.

I'll do something if we have to do some...

Hello? Look, I know you're in there

and I know you can hear me.

Are you here to kill me?

No. No. I-I think you're government.

Now, if you're gonna arrest me, here's your chance!

You won't find anything illegal. I can prove that in court.

No, huh? So you're just spying on me?

Well, what do you see?

I mean, really, do you think I'm the real criminal in this world?

Just give me one more day, okay?

Please.

And by the way, if you've read this thing

about me being a Peruvian serial killer,

that's ridiculous.

I'm not El Chacal.

I'm non-violent.

Oh, uh, if the biker guys offer you any barbecue, do not eat it.

We're just gonna drop it?

This just doesn't seem scientific.

Well, what did science ever do for us?

Nuclear bombs?

Steam power, bioweapons, aspartame,

thalidomide, the Internet, OxyContin, Ozempic,

microwaves, penicillin, rocketry.

It's a mixed bag.

Okay.

Marshall, Socrates was there when you found it, right?

Uh, nearby.

Why don't you put him down?

Maybe he's smarter than us.

About this, anyway.

Go for it, bud.

It's so beautiful here.

Yeah, it kind of reminds me of this place in Joshua Tree,

Upside Down Elephant Rock?

Similar tranquility. And there's this special rock.

It looks like an upside-down elephant.

Oh, got it.

I'll know it when I see it.

So, is this the spot?

Is this the spot, Socrates?

Hm. Guess he picked it.

Okay. I guess it's time.

This has to work.

Whoa.

What's our backup plan if we never grow more?

Human race continues to be miserable forever?

Oh! But we'll have tried.

Look, I acknowledge I'm on a bit of a hot seat here.

We both know that.

But if this comes through, it could change

the pharmaceutical game as we know it.

Revenue possibilities? I mean, infinite.

Infinite. Infinite revenue?

You amuse me, Rick.

You're a classic type... the American bullshitter.

Um...

Okay, I'm gonna show you something

that one of my top research people is working on, okay?

Listen to him breathing. He's like... normal.

So? Right?

Richard. My dear friend.

You can't trust videos these days.

Deepfakes and so on.

My son, he's 7 years old, and he showed me a video

where Coco Melon, is in conference with the Pope!

It looked quite real!

But it's just a bit of clever fakery.

Rick. Forget videos.

Um...

You look like you could use some air.

We on the Board think it's time

to begin discussing your transition elsewhere.

Cecily, our people

are reporting a very troubling thing.

There's a video of a man using the poison mushroom

that we discussed.

Okay, I thought you were taking care of that.

Ah. Yes.

We had someone on it, but it seems we lost him.

Okay, so what is your plan?

We have the location, North Carolina.

I'll send it to you.

Okay, okay.

He's wanted in New York. We can bring him in.

Good, keep me posted.

Ciao.

Oh, my God!

Marshall! Marshall!

Ah.

Wait.

We... We did it?

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God!

- Marshall, it worked. - Yes!

It's everywhere. Frances, look. - Socrates found the spot.

And it worked. It worked!

We did it! Yeah!

Yes!

Uhh. Sorry, what's happening?

They grew their mushrooms maybe?

So what's our move here?

Maybe he was right.

Maybe he's not doing anything illegal.

Still, this is a lot of weird shit to not be illegal somehow.

Ah. They're so beautiful.

It's so cool.

I was thinking maybe I'd take some,

make a quick trip up to see to my Mom,

and then I could come back and m... and just get...

Hey. You okay?

I-I-I am. I just...

It's just so... enormous,

the range of possibilities, you know?

I'm... I don't know.

Like Hildy said, this kind of power is...

And we have no idea what other side effects there might be.

And how many will grow? How do we get it out?

What's gonna be the overhead?

- Hey, hey. - I mean, there's just...

Let's not think about that right now.

Well, who gets the mushroom first, right?

That's important. Oldest people? The sickest?

And, like, what if someone's super sick

but they're also super racist?

Does that guy still get it?

- Marshall. Marshall. - I know, I know. Just...

- Take... Take a breath. - Okay.

Okay? Look.

You're gonna have this great product.

You'll... You'll be able to relax.

Wait. Product?

Frances, we have a chance here to change the world!

This isn't a product. It should be free!

It could grow everywhere!

No more insurance, no more prescriptions,

no more evil companies.

You don't have to stay sick

just because you don't have money.

What happened to your mom, that should happen for everyone.

That would be so wonderful.

I-I want that. I want that world.

Good, good.

- You can make that world? - I can try.

The only people who'd lose would be pharma execs,

but, hey, maybe they can work in urban planning.

Right. Okay.

Marshall, I think I can help you.

We can do this the right way.

I don't know. You think so?

Do we even know if this works?

Should we... I dunno, try it?

I've never taken it when I'm healthy.

So many crazy things have happened.

Why not add shrooms to the mix?

You saved my life.

Frances? This better be worth my time.

Frances, how could you?

Whoa. Where was that?

No, that... that... that's the Portal.

Okay. Marshall, I...

I think I have to tell you something.

I...

What's that?

Marshall, I...

Marshall Cuso?

Yes.

Marshall Cuso, you are under arrest

for the arson of private property

in the State of New York.

You have the right to remain silent.

Okay! I'm Jimmer Jarvis, sheriff of this township.

What's going on here. - Yeah? And we're state.

Take a back seat. - The fuck you just say?

Look, he's just cargo to us.

He's getting sent to New York. Let us do our jobs.

You've been traded to the Yankees, buddy!

Oh, my... Oh, my God, Marshall,

what... what do you want me to do?

Pack everything up. Everything.

And just go home. I'll be out soon.

Marshall, please, I-I really need to talk to you.

I...

I'm sorry.

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