Original subtitles

Barbara, where were you? You're supposed to be guarding him!

Play the game, man. Play the game!

Ber-ber-ber-ber-ber!

Welcome to the first teachers vs. students

B-ball game fundraiser.

Ha ha! As president of the PTA, I put this on.

I charge $5 a head,

but after the DJ fees and gym rental,

we're gonna be down about $700.

Alright, y'all. Focus now. Come on.

Uh... Cut!

I cut. Here!

Oh, he said, "Cut!"

Shoot it, Barb!

You shoot it!

Oh! Come on! Should've shot it!

No! Don't-- You can't!

Foul! Technical foul!

Give it to me, then. Arguing...

Gimme another one! Gimme another one!

Shoot it, Barb. Shoot it. Shoot it!

Stay down!

Ava. Ooh!

Unh!

Unh!

Ohh!

Unh!

Give me the ball.

Three, four, five.

And shoot!

Yes!

I'm carrying this team!

Yes! Yes!

The wrong basket.

Whoa! Ohh!

Gregory! I'm bummed we're missing your panel. Oh.

Remember-- the best response

is the one given with a smile.

Noted. Thank you. But I'd rather be doing CPR training

at the district with you all.

What?! You're gonna be on a panel

about the future of education!

You're about to have the time of your life.

Eh, it's not exactly my idea of fun.

Yeah, well, your idea of fun

is, like, collecting rare teaspoons.

I guess it'll be cool talking with other educators.

Maybe I'll learn something,

but other than that, it's an easy, low-key night.

Well, well, well! Ooh!

Are you sure the two of you

are going to the same event?

Yes, Barb.

Why don't you look better?

Because this is a modest panel of educators

speaking mostly to fellow educators on a Tuesday.

I'm dressed appropriately!

Maybe for a Monday.

What is up with you today?

I dunno.

This is the Thunderdome. Okay?

My sorority sister/rival, Crystal, is gonna be there.

We hate each other, but admitting that means defeat,

so, Gregory, we have to win this panel.

Hey. Hey.

How are we feeling about tonight?

Definitely not diarrheal, I'll tell you that much.

So, the superintendent makes his final decision tonight

on whether or not my librarian program

is gonna be instituted district-wide.

I also have CPR training in a bit

with my Abbott friends who I haven't seen in a while.

Good news is CPR class-- best place to stress faint.

It's kind of a big night.

You sure you're good to take a class?

Yeah. I can't reschedule it again.

My certification lapses next week,

so if I don't do it tonight, I can't teach anymore.

Oh.

Captain Robinson: Alright, everyone! Settle in!

- Jacob? - Avi. Hi!

Nice to see you again.

Aah! I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!

I know, right? Well, let's get a drink later and catch up.

Okay. Captain Robinson: Ahem!

Who knows the three C's of CPR?

How about you, miss?

Ha! Why don't you ask someone else, Captain Rob?

I can show you!

Yes.

Ooh! Melissa.

I think that man wants to socialize with you.

I would hope so.

He ate the last of my cereal this morning.

What? He was at your house?

Girl, was there a fire?

Eh...

You are dating this man?

No, we're not dating. They're hooking up.

Jacob!

Now I missed the second "C."

How did I not know about this? Or me?!

Because there's nothing to know.

Except maybe the walls at my place

are thinner than I thought, Jacob.

Wh--

Um, uh, you know what? I-I'll be right back.

Nobody say anything important while I'm gone.

We will not be pausing the course!

Hey. Please tell me you pulled me out in a panic

as a fun prank-- 'cause you got me. Ha!

Uh, no. We have a big problem.

Captain Robinson: ...people, we think that way about...

What are you doing?

Sizing up the opps.

The opps?

There she is. Darth Hater herself.

Who? Crystal.

My trifling sorority sister and nemesis.

If her bird-ass ain't competing with me,

her raggedy-ass is copying me.

Her crusty self even copied me on becoming a principal.

Or her dusty self became one first just to spite me.

Crystal!

Oh!

Soror!

Oh! Mwah! Ooh!

Don't mind him. He's just documenting

since it's my fourth time here.

I'm so glad you were finally invited!

And you brought your educator of the year.

You know Richard won that two years ago?

Richard.

Richard Tyler Williams. Hi.

Richard Tyler Williams. On all platforms.

Ava Coleman, esteemed principal of Abbott Elementary.

To my left, Gregory Eddie--

Gregory Eddie. Last year's educator of the year!

Congrats! Ah. Thank you. It was, uh--

You just started teaching full-time

when you got that, right?

Yeah. Interesting.

Oh

What's good, Abbott family?

Oh. Tariq's here. Hey. Why?

Uh, I'm moderating the panel. Yeah. I'm president of the PTA.

Questions about to be real off center.

Real head-scratchers.

Sorry. Let me get this straight.

Passyunk University is pulling out of the librarian program

because it doesn't meet their standards for academic credits?

Some random chancellor swooped in,

blew the whole thing up last minute.

Oh, my God. Look. It's a setback.

Maybe you can go to the other universities in the area.

They all needed money to participate.

Passyunk was the only one to say yes!

Um...

We have to ask the district for money.

That's... a wild sentence! Whoo-hoo!

Have Superintendent Reynolds in my office within the hour.

I got carried away.

I can go to him. Whatever works.

Okay. Okay.

Alright. Let's get this show on the road.

Uh, panelists, what's the single most important thing

about being a leader?

Well, what I've learned from my experience-- I'd have to say the most important thing

about being a leader is...

showing up, looking good, and being on.

Well, I was going to say that being a leader

means asking yourself,

"Would I follow me?"

Yes!

That's a bar!

The applause is letting me know that that's interesting.

Hello? I don't-- I don't think this is on.

It is!

Avi, hit 'em with it!

Compressions for circulation.

Check the airway. Administer breath.

And that's cap! Alright.

Partner one, take five! Partner two, you're up!

Are you seriously mad?

I don't know why you wouldn't trust me enough

to tell me who's courting you.

Nobody is courting me.

This ain't "Bridgerton." It's casual.

Casual what? Casual friends?

Casual pickpockets? Casual ghosts?

Casual what?!

It's modern day, Barb.

It doesn't have to be... casual anything.

There's no reason to label it.

But if I were gonna label it,

I would say it's just sex.

Hm...

We can only do what we can do.

Okay, then. Well, uh, uh, Greg, same "Q."

Do students need to take tests? Yes.

Tests are the barometer for what information has been retained.

Uh, I'd like to "minus one" Gregory's answer.

Uh, yeah. I'm-- I'm gonna have to

times two that "minus one."

Because although tests are important,

at the end of the day, the children are our future.

Alright. Well, uh, that's gonna bring

Abbott's score to a negative-2

at the bottom of the first, y'all.

Educator of the year, folks. Ugh...

We are not just losing. We are getting smoked.

You cannot lose a panel.

This is like every other panel that's ever existed.

It's non-competitive.

You are getting our asses kicked out there!

I am being asked questions, and I'm answering them

clearly and concisely.

Okay? Everyone else is just grandstanding.

That's what a panel is. Richard is a career panelist.

I'm not even sure he still teaches.

He's corny, but he knows nobody cares what you say.

They care how you say it.

I care what I say! Then say it better!

Give it some razzle!

For the love of God, Gregory, give it some dazzle.

You have to change up your tactics, too.

Nobody's lobbing questions at me.

That's 'cause you keep trying to answer every question.

If you stop talking, people will start paying attention.

That's counterintuitive. Trust me.

Don't say anything... at all.

Like asking a swan not to glide.

Now, the most important thing to remember is--

Okay. What did I miss? I was just in the middle of--

No, I meant in regards to gossip.

Well, it seems that my friend here

of over 15 years...

trusts me less than a common street stranger.

I trust you. I just didn't think you would understand.

Boy, was I right!

Can we focus, please?! Alright.

We're gonna split up into pairs again,

but now we have an uneven number.

So, Avi, why don't you partner up with Jacob over there

since your lips already touched?

Ooh. What?!

Why would our previously touching lips

even matter in this situation?

Okay. You hooked up with him? Why didn't you tell me?

Well, well, well!

Doesn't seem like such fun being left out, now, does it?

No, it's different because we are roommates,

so I have to know what goes on under my roof.

Or on your roof.

What?! Oh, my God.

Okay. You know what? I forgive you for not telling me.

In fact, I'm not even gonna take it personally.

Ha! Jacob, why didn't you tell me?

I did. I texted you. You responded, "10-4, my dude."

I'm sorry. I guess I have been busier than normal.

Hey, Big Teagues. I just got us five minutes

with Superintendent Reynolds.

Okay. I can sell it in three.

Folks, you can't be a hero if you leave the scene!

I-- Teacher reviews are stellar.

Everything about this feels like a win.

But just to be clear... Mm-hmm.

...y-you're now saying that it's no longer free.

That's correct. Oh. Dang it.

I was really rooting for this one.

Sorry. That's it? It's over?

Well, it's not my "project approved" trash can.

You know-- Why would I have one of those?

Right. Um... Hey.

I like the program. A lot.

Mm-hmm. But we...

Y-You know, we...

don't have money for this.

Right. Right.

See, free is my jam.

Yeah. Right. Right? Right?

Free... Mm-hmm.

...not free. Mnh!

Free! Yeah.

Not free. Rrr! Right?

This-- This visual is working, right?

It is, yeah, for sure.

Maybe if we can have, like, one more day

just to figure something out.

Well, final approvals are recorded by 8:00 p.m. tonight.

That's the state's rules, not mine.

Right. Of course.

This sucks. Oh, unless it doesn't suck.

Because we could-- Oh, it does suck.

Okay, I didn't go with this originally

because I thought the program would have a better shot

if there was, like, a big-name school attached, but...

Yeah.

What about Tasker Community College?

And, you know-- Now, I assumed

people would have opinions about community colleges.

However... I went there.

I went to Penn!

I am so sorry. I don't know why I do that.

Let's make a call. Just give me 15 minutes.

I need to go save a dummy's life. Okay.

Let's hear from someone we haven't heard from in a second.

Principal Coleman, how do you continue

to motivate students?

Persistence.

Okay. Maybe, Greg, you want to answer that one?

I would like to answer that question, yes.

Um... motivation.

Motivate. Let's look at that.

Let's-- Let's break that down.

Let's break down "motivate."

The first-- first part of the word. "Motive."

Why are you doing what it is that you're doing?

You better figure that out. Second part, "ate."

Are you taking in enough nutrition

to sustain you throughout your day?

Because if you balance your breakfast...

...you'll balance your blessings.

Let's take some questions from the audience.

What the hell was that?

Me? What the hell was that?

I did what you said to do! I did what you said to do!

Ooh, man, you're lucky I got a backup plan.

Yes. My man in the Rat Pack jacket right there.

Hello, lads. I'm Bister Bohnson

from Babbott Belementary,

where I work as a teacher, not as a janitor,

although I have immense respect for the work they do.

My question is for Ava.

How do you balance curriculum and after-school programs

like step team and garden club?

Thank you, Bister. Uh, balance starts with the--

You know, Bister, after-school programs

are all well and nice,

but a better predictor for success

is a program we have at Liberty

that's not at Abbott--

in-school day care.

Because learning knows no age.

Well, damn! That was powerful!

Three points for that lady!

Yes, sir.

Mr. Johnson: Thank you.

Alright. Test time! I call first!

But you talked to me about Gary.

Because that was a real relationship

that you approved of.

You wouldn't understand. You've been married 30 years.

Oh, my God! Congrats!

Oh, thank you, baby.

But that does not mean that I cannot understand

newfangled dating.

Hey, guys, I'm kind of on a time crunch,

so if we could just get to...

Okay. Listen.

I'm sorry that I didn't think you would understand.

Thank you.

So why didn't you tell me about him?

Oh, I just didn't think it was serious.

Huh?

I'll tell you what's serious!

The bystander phenomenon!

Hey. What if I take the test now?

Oh, I thought we just both assumed that it wasn't serious.

That's why I didn't respond to your texts.

I thought you were being coy. I even showed Captain Robinson.

I said, "Look how coy this boy is."

And I told you that was unlikely.

Okay, enough! Captain Robinson, the test!

Alright, but I don't think you'll pass.

You missed almost the entire class.

Oh, has human biology changed in the past three years?

Start the clock.

There's no clock! That's not how it works!

I said start the clock!

...four, five, six, seven, eight...

Ooh! My, my, my.

So, not sure if you had a chance to read our e-mail,

but we'd love to invite some of the students

over at your community college to participate in a program.

We'll do it!

R-Really?

Okay. Awesome!

So you did read the e-mail?

No, but no one ever invites our students

to participate in these or any kinds of initiatives,

which is a shame.

Too true. Okay. Amazing!

So w-we'll set something to finesse the details this week.

But for now, as I'm presenting it tonight,

I can confirm that you're in?

We'll do it. And thanks for thinking of us.

We're not always the first call.

Ohh. Well, you were this time.

Then why was this so last-minute?

We live on the edge. Okay. Bye.

What?

Couldn't be me.

Yeah, I'm not really good at this stuff.

Because me and you are a lot alike. Hm?

We're too real for this crap.

Yeah, that might be true.

I'm not really made for grandstanding.

That's a good thing.

My shiniest mop leaves the most grime in its wake.

They're not even really saying anything.

Meanwhile, we're doing a ton of stuff at Abbott

that's actually having a positive impact on the kids.

Then maybe you should tell them that!

They ain't gonna clap for that.

They might learn somethin'.

We spoke to the vice president of Tasker's, and he's in.

Yes. All we need now is your approval.

Tasker Community College?

Look, uh, Superintendent Reynolds...

Mm-hmm?

...people overlook community colleges

the same way they overlook public schools.

But I believe that this will provide a unique opportunity

for people from our community to work with our students.

Is... it... free?

It is free. Approved!

- Aah! - Lead with that next time. Okay?

Alright? Because when it's free...

it's my jam.

That's your jam. That's my jam. Yeah.

Are you still down to grab a drink?

Oh, I can't. I'm getting a drink with Barb.

Oh. Did you two have plans?

No, one of the many benefits of being casual

is canceling plans without any hard feelings.

Hm. Cool. Maybe I'll text you Monday?

Sure. Worth a shot.

♪ My librarian program's been approved! ♪

Whoo!

- Hey! - Yes! Congrats!

Yeah!

- Whoo! - Congratulations.

Aah! Mmm! Congrats.

Oh, my God. Thank you. What did I miss?

Is Barbara hooking up with that guy? 'Cause--

I'll fill you in at Rubensteins.

Or... it looks like we can make the last 10 minutes

of Gregory's panel if we hurry. I just need to grab my bag.

Panel Pals?! Chyeah. Duh!

Ooh. I can't make it. Sorry.

Oh. Uh, did I invite--

Have fun, though.

Okay. Did he just make me fall in love with him?

Because, I mean, wow. He played that perfectly.

Ohh!

Oh, my God.

Be the teacher you wish you had.

Amazing. Wow.

We might as well just end the panel here, right?

But we got a few minutes left.

So, Principal Ava, since y'all are getting cooked,

what makes a successful principal?

As principal, I'm only as successful as my teachers.

So I'm gonna pass this question over to Mr. Gregory Eddie.

O-kay. Kind of a re-gift, but sure.

You know, it sounds simple, but... listening.

Um, I run a gardening program at Abbott.

I didn't expect to or even really set out to,

but the kids wanted it.

I mean, they didn't ask for it directly

because that's not how kids are.

But when I listened to what they were saying,

they needed somewhere to hang out.

So I took what I knew, gardening,

and I created the program.

That's what being a successful teacher is.

It's listening and fulfilling needs that exist.

That's it?

Yeah.

O...kay.

Y'all, that concludes the panel.

Make some noise for your winners--

the Liberty Rings.

I'm not sure why they're scoring a panel,

but Gregory did great.

He was right. Those little moments when

you're just in your classroom listening to your students...

It was a really great answer.

Ava, I just want to say I am so proud of you.

Hm? I mean, I look at you

and I think about how much more I could accomplish

if I didn't have three beautiful kids

and a husband at home to care for.

Did you hear how mean that was?

"How much more I could accomplish."

She just admitted I've done more than her.

She is defeated. I am that bitch, and she knows it.

My school stay winnin'!

My students are smart. My staff is sexy.

I'm not even talking about Gregory.

Have you seen Melissa? Barbara?

Janine, on a good day.

It must be pricey

paying for a whole crew to capture your progress.

I don't pay them.

They asked me to capture Abbott's glow-up

for free... free... and free.

I can't get them to leave me alone.

Hm.

Come on.

Mr. Eddie. Charles Pearlman.

I'm with the Philadelphia Activities Fund.

Great job on the panel.

Oh. Uh, thank you.

The score didn't really reflect it,

but I felt pretty good.

We offer grants to activities that serve the community.

I appreciated your answers today,

especially the one about the garden.

Oh. Uh, thank you.

I gotta run, but let's be in touch.

Yeah.

Hey! Y'all made it. How was the, uh, CPR training?

Oh, it was great.

My program got approved, and I found out

Jacob hooked up with an EMT on Melissa's roof.

Oh, was it Avi or Wade?

What?! Who the hell is Wade?!

Read your texts.

Wow. That's actually a really good point about scrub brushes.

Uh, Mr. Johnson, what do you think is the biggest threat

A.I. poses to your profession?

I'll tell you what. I'm not scared.

Mopping takes elbow grease, not microchips!

You know what would happen if you made a microchip mop?

Uh, well, I have my theories.

I saw "Smart House," now.

You think what we do is easy?

Cleaning up after hundreds of kids day in and day out?

You think you could do that?

Well, come on up here and, "Beep, beep, beep," that to my face!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Guys, we gotta calm it down.

You of all panels should know, we gotta keep it clean.