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1
00:00:03,409 --> 00:00:05,409
Gar-bage day!
2
00:00:05,544 --> 00:00:08,211
Stan, you gotta come
check out this new truck!
3
00:00:08,213 --> 00:00:10,814
Nope.
These things
are top of the line.
4
00:00:10,950 --> 00:00:13,917
Absolutely brutalize the bins.
5
00:00:24,429 --> 00:00:25,829
Yeah! Get some!
6
00:00:25,831 --> 00:00:30,700
What's this?
Small group of people outside.
7
00:00:30,836 --> 00:00:32,836
So, the neighbors
have finally noticed
8
00:00:32,972 --> 00:00:34,704
Our new
solid-gold lawn orb.
9
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,173
About time.
10
00:00:36,308 --> 00:00:38,175
No, they're over
at greg's house.
11
00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:39,376
What?
12
00:00:39,511 --> 00:00:42,846
Stan...Could you...
Scoot over?
13
00:00:42,982 --> 00:00:44,314
Oh, I'll scoot over.
14
00:00:44,449 --> 00:00:46,183
I'll scoot all the way over
to greg's house
15
00:00:46,318 --> 00:00:48,785
To see what the great
big deal is.
16
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,187
Move it, geek!
Comin' through!
17
00:00:50,322 --> 00:00:52,456
"this house has been
designated a..."
18
00:00:52,591 --> 00:00:54,524
Together with al:
"...Historic place of note...
19
00:00:54,526 --> 00:00:57,527
By the langley falls
historical society."
20
00:00:57,663 --> 00:01:01,331
It turns out james k. Polk
once spent the night here,
21
00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:05,134
And a few of us are extremely
mildly impressed.
22
00:01:05,136 --> 00:01:07,004
Stan, may I tie
your robe for you?
23
00:01:07,139 --> 00:01:08,138
Grr.
24
00:01:08,273 --> 00:01:10,674
A notable house
for a notable man.
25
00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:14,211
I mean, greg is a prominent
member of the community,
26
00:01:14,346 --> 00:01:18,615
Not some anonymous,
regular-degular nobody
27
00:01:18,750 --> 00:01:20,149
Like you or me.
[ laughs ]
28
00:01:20,151 --> 00:01:22,151
Anywho, better get back.
29
00:01:22,153 --> 00:01:24,153
I left ma all alone
at the house.
30
00:01:24,155 --> 00:01:28,291
Al-e-e-e-e-e-e-e! He-e-e-e-lp!
31
00:01:28,293 --> 00:01:31,561
Damn, I thought
I locked her in.
32
00:01:31,697 --> 00:01:34,097
♪♪
33
00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:36,633
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
34
00:01:36,768 --> 00:01:40,570
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
35
00:01:40,572 --> 00:01:43,573
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
36
00:01:43,709 --> 00:01:48,345
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ♪
37
00:01:50,115 --> 00:01:53,250
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
38
00:01:53,385 --> 00:01:56,119
♪ good -- ♪
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
39
00:01:56,255 --> 00:01:57,187
Aah!
40
00:01:58,590 --> 00:02:01,658
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
41
00:02:01,793 --> 00:02:03,993
♪♪
42
00:02:04,129 --> 00:02:06,796
Oh, jeff,
you wouldn't know anything
43
00:02:06,798 --> 00:02:08,265
About a $200 charge
44
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,468
From "right angler bait
and tackle," would you?
45
00:02:11,603 --> 00:02:13,737
No!
I mean...What?
46
00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:15,805
Huh, weird.
47
00:02:15,941 --> 00:02:17,274
Must've been
cybercriminals.
48
00:02:17,409 --> 00:02:18,275
Pockets, mister!
49
00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:20,544
Damn it, hayley,
I'm a grown man!
50
00:02:20,679 --> 00:02:22,145
And how am I
supposed to make
51
00:02:22,147 --> 00:02:23,346
My super mega worm world
52
00:02:23,482 --> 00:02:26,416
In the backyard
without these?!
53
00:02:26,551 --> 00:02:27,484
[ roger grunting ]
54
00:02:30,155 --> 00:02:31,020
Oh!
55
00:02:31,156 --> 00:02:32,822
What's in the box?
56
00:02:32,824 --> 00:02:35,092
Okay, as we all know, I was
no angel in my younger days,
57
00:02:35,227 --> 00:02:37,160
Back before I cleaned up my act.
58
00:02:37,162 --> 00:02:39,629
So there I am today,
hiding under an overpass
59
00:02:39,765 --> 00:02:43,032
About to carjack this deaf nun,
when what do I find?
60
00:02:43,034 --> 00:02:44,968
A delivery truck
I'd stolen years ago
61
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:46,770
And totally forgotten about!
62
00:02:46,772 --> 00:02:48,305
So...What's in the box?
63
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,040
No idea.
But there's 132 of 'em,
64
00:02:51,042 --> 00:02:52,642
So hopefully
something I can sell.
65
00:02:52,644 --> 00:02:55,546
Gold? Dildos? Golden dildos?
66
00:02:58,383 --> 00:03:02,719
The 1987 edition
of the encyclopedia brittanica?
67
00:03:02,854 --> 00:03:04,321
Not to worry though.
68
00:03:04,456 --> 00:03:06,255
Because with a positive attitude
and a little patience,
69
00:03:06,257 --> 00:03:08,391
I can sell anything.
70
00:03:08,393 --> 00:03:11,461
Francine, do you want to buy
132 encyclopedias?
71
00:03:11,596 --> 00:03:12,529
No.
Damn.
72
00:03:12,664 --> 00:03:13,596
How about you, stan?
73
00:03:13,598 --> 00:03:15,732
Stan? Stan!!
74
00:03:15,867 --> 00:03:18,502
I agree!
We do need a plaque of our own!
75
00:03:20,539 --> 00:03:22,806
Oh, there is one
golden dildo in here.
76
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:26,543
Franny? Hayley?
Ste-e-eve?
77
00:03:26,678 --> 00:03:29,879
[ jovial music plays ]
78
00:03:30,015 --> 00:03:31,848
[ ominous music plays ]
79
00:03:34,419 --> 00:03:38,488
Francine, would you describe us
as a notable langley family?
80
00:03:38,490 --> 00:03:39,288
Family?
81
00:03:39,558 --> 00:03:42,425
I've always considered us
more like a group of roommates
82
00:03:42,427 --> 00:03:44,294
That are related
to each other.
83
00:03:44,296 --> 00:03:46,363
And no, we're not all
that notable either.
84
00:03:46,365 --> 00:03:47,364
[ doorbell rings ]
85
00:03:47,366 --> 00:03:49,633
That's about to change.
86
00:03:50,502 --> 00:03:53,503
Glen hanover, langley
falls historical society.
87
00:03:53,505 --> 00:03:56,773
Glen-dog! Come on in, brah.
What can I snag ya?
88
00:03:56,775 --> 00:03:59,976
White claw? Absinthe?
Some [sniffing] party favors?
89
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,978
What's your pleasure?
I'm actually --
90
00:04:02,113 --> 00:04:04,113
Hungry?
I can do ya a smashburger.
91
00:04:04,115 --> 00:04:06,716
You said on the phone that
several founding fathers
92
00:04:06,718 --> 00:04:08,385
Are known to have
stayed in this house?
93
00:04:08,387 --> 00:04:09,786
If you say so.
94
00:04:10,389 --> 00:04:12,922
Which founding fathers,
exactly?
95
00:04:12,924 --> 00:04:13,990
Oh, all the big ones --
96
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,792
George washington,
johnny appleseed,
97
00:04:15,861 --> 00:04:19,396
And a whole lot...
Of benjamin franklins.
98
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,066
[ smooching ]
99
00:04:23,202 --> 00:04:25,001
I can't take
this briefcase.
100
00:04:25,136 --> 00:04:26,069
Alright,
let's cut the crap.
101
00:04:26,071 --> 00:04:27,737
What'll it take for us
to get our plaque?
102
00:04:27,939 --> 00:04:31,007
Mr. Smith, I'm afraid
only merit will suffice.
103
00:04:31,342 --> 00:04:32,876
You can have one night
with my wife.
104
00:04:32,878 --> 00:04:33,276
What?!
105
00:04:34,079 --> 00:04:36,880
Thank you for your interest
in the historical society.
106
00:04:37,148 --> 00:04:38,882
Please accept this
"historic langley"
107
00:04:38,884 --> 00:04:41,150
Coffee-table book
as a parting gift.
108
00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:43,220
Two nights!
Two nights with my wife!
109
00:04:43,555 --> 00:04:46,290
And...A "historic langley"
coffee-table book?
110
00:04:51,570 --> 00:04:55,839
Three days and
not sell one 'pedia.
111
00:04:55,841 --> 00:04:58,642
Rogu, there's no shortcuts
to making an honest sale.
112
00:04:58,644 --> 00:05:01,244
All I have to do
is remember my three p's --
113
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:04,982
With positivity and patience,
anything is possible.
114
00:05:04,984 --> 00:05:07,918
♪♪
115
00:05:08,454 --> 00:05:09,720
Aaahh!
116
00:05:09,855 --> 00:05:12,255
[ taser crackling ]
117
00:05:12,257 --> 00:05:14,257
Welp, I haven't gotten
inside a single door
118
00:05:14,259 --> 00:05:15,859
And I've been shot
six times,
119
00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:17,995
But that first sale is
just around the corner.
120
00:05:18,197 --> 00:05:20,331
[ taser crackling ]
121
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:22,967
Where'd you get that?!
Don't play with that thing!
122
00:05:26,005 --> 00:05:28,939
Family portrait's
just a bit askew.
123
00:05:28,941 --> 00:05:30,908
[ chain-saw motor revving ]
aah!
124
00:05:32,478 --> 00:05:34,945
Hmm, just comes right through
to the living room.
125
00:05:35,214 --> 00:05:37,648
Stan! What the hell
are you doing?!
126
00:05:41,754 --> 00:05:44,955
Look! Right here in the book
my buddy glen-dog gave me.
127
00:05:45,090 --> 00:05:48,158
Hayley: "the silken saltbox
parlor & comfort house"?
128
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,694
Super-famous brothel back
in the 1870s!
129
00:05:50,763 --> 00:05:51,628
Look familiar?
130
00:05:51,964 --> 00:05:53,496
No.
Not really.
131
00:05:53,498 --> 00:05:56,367
Yeah, I've never met
this house before, mr. S.
132
00:05:56,369 --> 00:05:58,235
Sure you have.
That's our house!
133
00:05:58,237 --> 00:06:01,572
Turns out our house has been
a historic landmark all along!
134
00:06:01,907 --> 00:06:03,707
All we need now
is some evidence.
135
00:06:03,909 --> 00:06:05,842
[ chain-saw motor revs ]
136
00:06:05,844 --> 00:06:07,110
Stan, stop!
137
00:06:07,646 --> 00:06:09,312
Why are you so obsessed
with this idea
138
00:06:09,314 --> 00:06:10,647
Of being "notable," dad?
139
00:06:10,649 --> 00:06:14,117
Is there some formative trauma
in your past
140
00:06:14,119 --> 00:06:15,052
We don't know about?
141
00:06:15,254 --> 00:06:17,688
No. Actually wait,
let me think...
142
00:06:19,992 --> 00:06:22,793
These society types
may not have ever
143
00:06:22,862 --> 00:06:24,661
Paid us much
notice before.
144
00:06:24,663 --> 00:06:27,530
But, by god,
they'll notice you now.
145
00:06:27,532 --> 00:06:29,400
Now, go be
somebody, stan.
146
00:06:29,668 --> 00:06:31,134
Be somebody!
147
00:06:31,136 --> 00:06:31,569
Yes'm.
148
00:06:33,873 --> 00:06:36,073
Out of the way, nobody!
149
00:06:36,275 --> 00:06:38,675
Whup, didn't notice you there,
kid!
150
00:06:38,677 --> 00:06:39,876
[ yells ]
151
00:06:39,878 --> 00:06:41,945
[ water splashes ]
152
00:06:41,947 --> 00:06:44,214
Hmm? Someone.
153
00:06:44,349 --> 00:06:46,283
Please. Help.
154
00:06:46,285 --> 00:06:47,350
Woman: Did you
hear somebody?
155
00:06:47,352 --> 00:06:48,752
Man: Oh, I'm sure
it was nobody.
156
00:06:48,754 --> 00:06:50,621
Or at least a nobody.
157
00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:53,090
[ alligator growls ]
158
00:06:55,694 --> 00:06:59,496
[ screaming ]
159
00:06:59,564 --> 00:07:01,298
So I guess that might have
something to do with it.
160
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:02,966
My poor little daddy.
161
00:07:03,168 --> 00:07:07,504
Maybe there's a tiny resemblance
to this old whorehouse?
162
00:07:07,706 --> 00:07:09,372
Let's tear
this place apart!
163
00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:13,978
♪♪
164
00:07:14,513 --> 00:07:15,513
[ grunts ]
165
00:07:16,916 --> 00:07:18,915
Well, that was
a mistake.
166
00:07:18,917 --> 00:07:21,184
[ floor creaking ]
167
00:07:21,186 --> 00:07:22,353
Aah!
168
00:07:23,922 --> 00:07:27,324
S-s-sixty-nining skeletons?!
169
00:07:27,460 --> 00:07:29,993
[ bones rattling ]
170
00:07:29,995 --> 00:07:32,329
S-s-skeleton sex swing?!
171
00:07:32,331 --> 00:07:33,430
Oh!
172
00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:37,668
Aah!
173
00:07:37,670 --> 00:07:39,503
Did you find anything?
174
00:07:43,842 --> 00:07:45,575
Well, what do you think?
175
00:07:45,577 --> 00:07:47,844
Mr. Smith,
this is quite possibly
176
00:07:47,846 --> 00:07:49,980
The most notable
historic place
177
00:07:50,048 --> 00:07:51,515
I've ever encountered.
178
00:07:51,517 --> 00:07:53,984
As you can tell, I'm
getting quite worked up here.
179
00:07:54,052 --> 00:07:55,385
So is it plaque-worthy?
180
00:07:55,454 --> 00:07:58,122
Plaque-worthy?
It's museum-worthy.
181
00:07:58,456 --> 00:07:59,923
Museum-worthy?
182
00:07:59,925 --> 00:08:01,291
Now, that's noteworthy.
183
00:08:01,593 --> 00:08:02,993
Noteworthy...
184
00:08:02,995 --> 00:08:06,363
And pin-worthy.
185
00:08:06,865 --> 00:08:07,931
[ gasps ]
186
00:08:07,933 --> 00:08:10,567
It's like a plaque
for my body.
187
00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:16,473
Say you have a report due on
gray wolves for biology class.
188
00:08:16,608 --> 00:08:19,209
What can you use?
Shmargle-bargle-dot-com?
189
00:08:19,345 --> 00:08:21,345
You'd need an encyclopedia
just to figure out
190
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,279
How to use this darn thing.
Ah!
191
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:27,283
Now, for a truly user-friendly
experience.
192
00:08:27,285 --> 00:08:28,418
Gray wolves.
193
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,687
You simply flip
through the "g" volume to --
194
00:08:30,956 --> 00:08:32,689
Hmm, not finding it here.
195
00:08:32,691 --> 00:08:35,091
Must be under "w."
196
00:08:35,161 --> 00:08:36,160
Nope, not seeing it here either.
197
00:08:36,562 --> 00:08:38,828
Maybe under "d" for dog?
198
00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:40,697
You know what?
Probably just need to crack
199
00:08:40,699 --> 00:08:42,566
The 2-volume
quick-reference guide first.
200
00:08:42,701 --> 00:08:44,568
Wow, this is really confusing.
201
00:08:44,703 --> 00:08:46,502
Could you google
"how to use brittanica
202
00:08:46,504 --> 00:08:48,839
Reference guide" for me?
You know what? Never mind.
203
00:08:48,974 --> 00:08:50,974
I think you get the point
and see the value
204
00:08:51,109 --> 00:08:54,177
Of truly having knowledge
at your fingertips.
205
00:08:54,179 --> 00:08:55,445
Ow! Paper cut!
206
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,181
Anyway, how many sets
can I put you down for?
207
00:08:57,583 --> 00:09:00,050
Oh, I don't know.
208
00:09:00,185 --> 00:09:03,319
They do seem nice,
but...
209
00:09:03,321 --> 00:09:05,922
Would you care to stay
for some tea?
210
00:09:06,058 --> 00:09:08,859
I'm going to need a little time
to think about it.
211
00:09:08,994 --> 00:09:10,727
Ma'am, you take
all the time you need.
212
00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:12,462
How about now?
Will you buy it now?
213
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:15,198
I'll need
a little more time.
214
00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:17,801
[ sighs ]
215
00:09:17,936 --> 00:09:19,503
No problem.
216
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:23,673
The brothel was founded
217
00:09:23,809 --> 00:09:27,010
By land baron cyrus talmadge
in 1868.
218
00:09:27,145 --> 00:09:30,881
But it was found by me,
stan smith, last week.
219
00:09:31,016 --> 00:09:33,016
Hi, I'm stan smith,
I live in a museum.
220
00:09:33,151 --> 00:09:34,818
Stan!
221
00:09:34,953 --> 00:09:36,352
There's cars all over
the damn lawn
222
00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:38,488
And mud all over
the damn house!
223
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,890
All: Oooooh!
224
00:09:40,892 --> 00:09:42,292
Sorry, dear.
225
00:09:42,428 --> 00:09:44,027
Just the price we pay
to bring history to life.
226
00:09:44,162 --> 00:09:45,429
Clean up that mud
227
00:09:45,563 --> 00:09:47,431
Or I'll bring "fistory"
to life!
228
00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:48,532
Hey-o!
229
00:09:50,035 --> 00:09:51,435
Is this it?
230
00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:53,569
It's kind of just
a dusty, old room, isn't it?
231
00:09:53,839 --> 00:09:56,372
Yeah, this place is...
232
00:09:56,374 --> 00:09:58,642
Kind of boring.
233
00:09:58,844 --> 00:09:59,976
[ sighs ]
234
00:09:59,978 --> 00:10:01,111
[ all grumbling ]
235
00:10:01,246 --> 00:10:02,412
[ whimpers ]
236
00:10:03,381 --> 00:10:05,915
Babe!
Did you seriously
237
00:10:05,917 --> 00:10:08,118
Cut off my venmo
teen credit card?!
238
00:10:08,253 --> 00:10:10,053
If you want money,
babe,
239
00:10:10,055 --> 00:10:12,122
Maybe you should
try working.
240
00:10:12,257 --> 00:10:13,323
Oh, I don't work?!
241
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,391
Day in, day out,
242
00:10:15,393 --> 00:10:18,928
I'm up to my goddamn elbows
in squishy little wormies.
243
00:10:19,064 --> 00:10:21,331
Well, those aren't
the only wormies around here
244
00:10:21,399 --> 00:10:22,933
That have been all
squishy lately!
245
00:10:23,135 --> 00:10:24,601
Oh, snap!
246
00:10:24,870 --> 00:10:27,604
Dude, you gotta check out
this fight. It's nuts.
247
00:10:27,739 --> 00:10:29,139
Well, I just saw
the blonde chick
248
00:10:29,141 --> 00:10:31,007
Shotgun an entire box
of wine.
249
00:10:31,409 --> 00:10:33,409
This family is
pretty interesting.
250
00:10:33,411 --> 00:10:34,610
Entertaining.
251
00:10:34,612 --> 00:10:36,146
"interestaining."
252
00:10:36,281 --> 00:10:37,848
Yes, we are.
Follow me!
253
00:10:39,017 --> 00:10:42,418
Why don't we get you
a little more comfortable,
254
00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:45,021
Mon cheri?
255
00:10:45,157 --> 00:10:48,158
Just gotta...Get this clasp.
256
00:10:48,293 --> 00:10:50,360
Grr!! Damn it!!
257
00:10:50,362 --> 00:10:51,962
This thing is impossible!
258
00:10:52,097 --> 00:10:54,698
What am I, harry [bleep] houdini
over here?!
259
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:58,602
[ laughter ]
260
00:11:01,239 --> 00:11:03,173
Can I get you anything
before you go to sleep?
261
00:11:03,441 --> 00:11:04,508
A glass of warm milk
262
00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:06,076
Or...A goddamn
encyclopedia?
263
00:11:06,778 --> 00:11:08,178
What's that now?
264
00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:10,246
I said would you like
to buy an encyclopedia?
265
00:11:10,382 --> 00:11:12,716
Oh, I'll need
a little more time
266
00:11:12,718 --> 00:11:14,451
To think about that.
267
00:11:17,055 --> 00:11:20,990
[ clock ticking ]
268
00:11:21,793 --> 00:11:25,996
Welcome to momaf, the museum
of the modern american family.
269
00:11:26,131 --> 00:11:29,399
[ indistinct conversations,
camera shutter clicking ]
270
00:11:32,738 --> 00:11:35,205
Jeff, I --
hey, watch it, lady!
271
00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:37,073
I could swear I had
a 20 in here.
272
00:11:37,209 --> 00:11:40,210
Oh, what, now you think
I stole from you
273
00:11:40,345 --> 00:11:42,145
To buy worms?
Look!
274
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,281
Check his hat!
What the hell, bro?!
275
00:11:45,283 --> 00:11:46,482
[ all cheering ]
276
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,552
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
277
00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:51,621
And here we see just
a fraction of the varied,
278
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,690
And at times surprising,
279
00:11:53,825 --> 00:11:56,626
Self-pleasure material
found under steve's mattress.
280
00:11:56,762 --> 00:11:58,828
"martha stewart living"?
281
00:11:58,964 --> 00:12:01,364
He's gonna crank it
right now!
282
00:12:01,499 --> 00:12:03,166
Based on her scat,
283
00:12:03,301 --> 00:12:05,435
Our scientists believe
the extreme lack of roughage
284
00:12:05,571 --> 00:12:06,903
In francine's diet
285
00:12:07,038 --> 00:12:10,106
Is the cause of her
frequent constipation.
286
00:12:10,108 --> 00:12:11,241
Together: Ohh!
287
00:12:11,376 --> 00:12:12,442
[ sighs in frustration ]
288
00:12:12,444 --> 00:12:14,011
[ camera shutter clicking ]
289
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,914
[ speaks foreign language ]
290
00:12:18,049 --> 00:12:18,982
Stan!
291
00:12:19,117 --> 00:12:20,316
Oooh!
292
00:12:20,318 --> 00:12:22,518
That's right.
It's me, stan!
293
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,787
How ya doin'?
Stan smith.
294
00:12:23,922 --> 00:12:25,455
Nice to see you.
295
00:12:25,591 --> 00:12:26,856
Is something wrong?
296
00:12:26,858 --> 00:12:29,525
No, stan.
Everything's wrong!
297
00:12:29,527 --> 00:12:32,328
Why is
the historical society
298
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:33,797
Even taking part in this?
299
00:12:33,932 --> 00:12:36,532
The historical society made
some bad crypto bets,
300
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:40,136
So we really need the revenue
from the ticket and cafe sales.
301
00:12:40,138 --> 00:12:41,737
What cafe?
302
00:12:41,739 --> 00:12:44,408
Okay, so we got two
arizona ice teas
303
00:12:44,542 --> 00:12:46,276
And a wet
egg salad sandwich
304
00:12:46,411 --> 00:12:49,279
That's been smushed down to
the thickness of a quesadilla.
305
00:12:49,281 --> 00:12:51,214
That'll be...$54.
306
00:12:51,349 --> 00:12:53,283
Want to make it
a lunch combo?
307
00:12:53,418 --> 00:12:55,218
For just 18 bucks more,
I can throw in some pop chips
308
00:12:55,353 --> 00:12:56,420
And a shitty apple.
309
00:12:56,554 --> 00:13:02,025
♪♪
310
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:07,431
♪♪
311
00:13:07,565 --> 00:13:11,100
I wonder what kind
of tree that is.
312
00:13:11,102 --> 00:13:12,768
You know a good way
to find out?
313
00:13:12,770 --> 00:13:15,038
Those encyclopedias
I'm selling.
314
00:13:15,173 --> 00:13:17,040
You sell encyclopedias?
315
00:13:17,175 --> 00:13:20,176
I do. Would you
like to buy one?
316
00:13:20,178 --> 00:13:23,880
Oh...I'll need some time
to think about it.
317
00:13:28,586 --> 00:13:30,754
[ whistling ]
318
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,324
Ugh, jeff,
was that you?
319
00:13:34,459 --> 00:13:36,059
Wait, why are you
all in here?
320
00:13:36,194 --> 00:13:38,528
Because everywhere we go,
every hour of the day,
321
00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:39,795
People are watching us!
322
00:13:39,797 --> 00:13:41,865
That's right.
323
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,134
If it truly is an attention
economy, we're gazillionaires!
324
00:13:44,269 --> 00:13:45,869
Then again if it's
a normal economy,
325
00:13:46,004 --> 00:13:47,804
We're bankrupt, because
I signed the house over
326
00:13:47,939 --> 00:13:49,806
To the historical society
back when this all started.
327
00:13:49,941 --> 00:13:51,475
What?!
What's the problem?!
328
00:13:51,609 --> 00:13:53,609
We're being noticed,
being seen!
329
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:56,746
We want to not be seen
for a while,
330
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:59,349
You self-obsessed
jackass!
331
00:13:59,351 --> 00:14:01,817
I had no idea you were
so angry about this.
332
00:14:01,819 --> 00:14:04,054
Let's get out of here.
333
00:14:05,357 --> 00:14:07,557
Okay,
a-a-a-and...Go.
334
00:14:07,693 --> 00:14:09,225
What?
All that raw anger
335
00:14:09,227 --> 00:14:10,960
Was way too good
to keep backstage.
336
00:14:11,096 --> 00:14:12,762
Ooh, start with that thing
about me
337
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:15,431
Being a self-obsessed
jackass. Nice and big.
338
00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:18,301
Stan, you [bleep] lunatic!
339
00:14:18,436 --> 00:14:20,570
[ all cheering ]
340
00:14:20,706 --> 00:14:22,171
Oh, yeah,
that's even better!
341
00:14:22,173 --> 00:14:24,174
We can't do this anymore.
We're gonna leave
342
00:14:24,309 --> 00:14:26,710
And hide out somewhere
no one can find us.
343
00:14:26,844 --> 00:14:28,244
We want you
to come with.
344
00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:30,113
You have to choose, stan.
345
00:14:30,248 --> 00:14:32,115
Us or the museum.
346
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,183
Look at all
these people, stan,
347
00:14:34,185 --> 00:14:37,853
All looking at you,
a real somebody.
348
00:14:37,855 --> 00:14:39,322
You can't
give that up now.
349
00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:41,925
I don't know what
you're looking over there for.
350
00:14:41,927 --> 00:14:43,527
There's only one
of me, stan.
351
00:14:45,663 --> 00:14:46,462
I'm staying.
352
00:14:46,664 --> 00:14:49,432
Then you're staying alone.
353
00:14:51,403 --> 00:14:52,335
[ door opens ]
354
00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:54,337
[ door slams ]
355
00:14:54,339 --> 00:14:54,938
Here, stan.
356
00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:58,308
That'll be $8.
357
00:15:02,093 --> 00:15:06,628
♪♪
358
00:15:06,764 --> 00:15:08,630
He do anything yet?
359
00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:10,766
Nah. Dude is forlorn
as shit.
360
00:15:10,768 --> 00:15:12,834
I'm starting to regret
buying a yearly pass.
361
00:15:12,836 --> 00:15:13,769
Tell me about it.
362
00:15:13,771 --> 00:15:16,838
I paid 14 bucks
for this god-awful coffee
363
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,040
And found a big chunk
of muffin in it.
364
00:15:19,042 --> 00:15:20,509
Oh, I'm gonna have
to charge you
365
00:15:20,511 --> 00:15:22,444
For a coffee
and a muffin then.
366
00:15:22,446 --> 00:15:23,645
16 more dollars.
367
00:15:23,647 --> 00:15:24,747
This place sucks now.
368
00:15:27,251 --> 00:15:28,183
[ door opens, closes ]
369
00:15:28,185 --> 00:15:30,251
Stan, your
whole energy of late
370
00:15:30,253 --> 00:15:32,988
Has really put a damper
on attendance.
371
00:15:32,990 --> 00:15:35,390
I just miss my family
so much.
372
00:15:35,793 --> 00:15:36,925
Do you know
where they are?
373
00:15:36,927 --> 00:15:37,659
I don't.
374
00:15:38,061 --> 00:15:40,596
And you need to start asking me
before you hold my hand.
375
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,798
May I hold your hand?
No.
376
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:46,201
Listen, we're bringing
in some new blood to the house
377
00:15:46,203 --> 00:15:47,669
To boost ticket sales.
378
00:15:47,671 --> 00:15:50,071
Lisa vanderpump,
logan paul.
379
00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:53,942
People the museum-going public
would be interested in seeing.
380
00:15:54,011 --> 00:15:56,411
Oh. Well I look forward
to working --
381
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:57,546
And living --
with them.
382
00:15:57,548 --> 00:15:59,214
You're not understanding,
stan.
383
00:15:59,216 --> 00:16:01,216
We're firing you
from the museum.
384
00:16:01,352 --> 00:16:01,784
I see.
385
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,153
May I hold
your hand now?
386
00:16:04,155 --> 00:16:06,621
Okay, but just
for a minute.
387
00:16:06,824 --> 00:16:08,323
Then you have to get
the hell out.
388
00:16:09,292 --> 00:16:14,095
Elderly woman:
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
389
00:16:14,298 --> 00:16:16,965
[ blows ]
what did you wish for?
390
00:16:16,967 --> 00:16:20,169
To be honest, ma'am,
my one, true, fondest wish
391
00:16:20,171 --> 00:16:24,306
Would be for you to please,
please, please
392
00:16:24,308 --> 00:16:26,508
Just buy
an encyclopedia.
393
00:16:27,711 --> 00:16:30,246
Let me just
get my checkbook.
394
00:16:32,583 --> 00:16:35,784
I know it's right here
in the --
395
00:16:35,853 --> 00:16:37,252
Oh.
396
00:16:37,254 --> 00:16:39,555
You're never gonna
believe this.
397
00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:45,927
Thank you
for your time, ma'am.
398
00:16:45,929 --> 00:16:47,429
You have yourself
a lovely day.
399
00:16:48,399 --> 00:16:51,200
Okay, so this one didn't
quite pan out, but -- gah!
400
00:16:51,335 --> 00:16:55,204
Rogu hungry.
401
00:16:55,206 --> 00:16:56,538
Oh, my god, rogu!
402
00:16:56,540 --> 00:16:58,474
We gotta get you
to a mickey d's, stat!
403
00:16:59,543 --> 00:17:01,877
I don't know how I forgot
to order anything for you.
404
00:17:02,079 --> 00:17:03,512
But what's this now?
405
00:17:10,021 --> 00:17:11,820
I just wanna check this out,
won't be long.
406
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,355
Don't touch my apple pie.
407
00:17:14,357 --> 00:17:17,893
The website says it's
a benjamin franklin museum.
408
00:17:17,895 --> 00:17:19,228
Things change.
409
00:17:19,230 --> 00:17:21,963
And don't I know it.
Roger?
410
00:17:22,032 --> 00:17:24,032
Stan? Whatcha got
going on here?
411
00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:26,435
After my so-called
"buddy" glen-dog
412
00:17:26,437 --> 00:17:27,769
Fired me
from my own house,
413
00:17:27,971 --> 00:17:29,104
He at least set me up
with a position
414
00:17:29,106 --> 00:17:30,906
At this benjamin franklin
museum.
415
00:17:31,108 --> 00:17:33,041
So it is a benjamin franklin
museum.
416
00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:33,575
No!
417
00:17:34,111 --> 00:17:35,977
I've turned it into something
much more meaningful --
418
00:17:36,113 --> 00:17:38,379
A tribute
to the beautiful family
419
00:17:38,382 --> 00:17:41,450
I so foolishly chased
out of my life.
420
00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:44,253
There's my little steve,
hitting the books.
421
00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:45,987
Keep up the good work,
champ.
422
00:17:46,056 --> 00:17:47,722
Don't stay up too late studying.
423
00:17:48,391 --> 00:17:50,592
And there's hayley,
flying her kite.
424
00:17:50,661 --> 00:17:54,062
Way to go, baby girl.
You got it up all by yourself.
425
00:17:54,397 --> 00:17:55,931
Daddy's so proud of you!
426
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,533
And there's the lovely francine,
427
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:01,603
Negotiating with
king louis xvi for more funds
428
00:18:01,605 --> 00:18:03,472
To support
the american revolution.
429
00:18:03,607 --> 00:18:06,775
She always loved doing that.
Perchance a kiss, my sweet?
430
00:18:07,611 --> 00:18:09,811
[ grunting ]
431
00:18:09,813 --> 00:18:11,613
[ electricity crackling ]
432
00:18:11,615 --> 00:18:12,814
Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl.
433
00:18:12,816 --> 00:18:14,283
[ sobbing ]
434
00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:15,951
Stan, why are you
doing all this?
435
00:18:15,953 --> 00:18:18,687
In the hopes that someday
they'll hear about this place,
436
00:18:18,756 --> 00:18:21,022
Come see
how truly sorry I am,
437
00:18:21,024 --> 00:18:24,359
And then hopefully,
eventually forgive me.
438
00:18:24,695 --> 00:18:27,829
Oh, papa,
we already have!
439
00:18:27,965 --> 00:18:31,032
Yeah, dad, you seem like
you've been through enough.
440
00:18:31,168 --> 00:18:33,368
Steve! Hayley!
And francine!
441
00:18:33,370 --> 00:18:35,436
Oh, I've missed you
so much, baby!
442
00:18:35,506 --> 00:18:36,505
Mm. Mm.
443
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,307
[ francine clears throat ]
444
00:18:40,444 --> 00:18:43,078
If you're ever in duluth,
call me.
445
00:18:43,847 --> 00:18:45,246
Bahhhhhhh!
446
00:18:45,248 --> 00:18:48,583
I, for one, don't know if I'm
quite ready to forgive you yet.
447
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:51,853
Sure you're sorry, but
you still don't seem to get it.
448
00:18:51,855 --> 00:18:54,455
You still put us all
on display here.
449
00:18:54,457 --> 00:18:55,924
We want our privacy back.
450
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,659
We want our lives back.
451
00:18:57,661 --> 00:19:00,128
We want our worms back.
452
00:19:00,463 --> 00:19:02,397
We want our house back.
453
00:19:02,666 --> 00:19:06,935
I think I have a plan
to do just that...
454
00:19:07,070 --> 00:19:10,839
With a little help from
our robotic replicas here.
455
00:19:14,077 --> 00:19:16,811
Hanover!
Give us back our house.
456
00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:17,879
You mean our house.
457
00:19:18,281 --> 00:19:20,349
The historical society, that is.
458
00:19:20,351 --> 00:19:22,684
Oh, yeah?
Remember the brothel?
459
00:19:22,886 --> 00:19:25,554
The reason the deed was
transferred in the first place?
460
00:19:25,689 --> 00:19:29,090
Well, I dug it, I staged it,
I faked the whole thing.
461
00:19:29,092 --> 00:19:31,026
You did?!
I could tell.
462
00:19:31,028 --> 00:19:31,960
Meaning that the deed
463
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:34,295
Was exchanged
under false pretenses.
464
00:19:34,431 --> 00:19:36,165
Ooh,
say "ipso facto,"
465
00:19:36,299 --> 00:19:38,700
This is the perfect opportunity
to say "ipso facto."
466
00:19:38,702 --> 00:19:41,036
And therefore...
Ugh.
467
00:19:41,038 --> 00:19:43,104
...Null and void.
[ all gasp ]
468
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,640
You say the brothel was fake?
469
00:19:45,776 --> 00:19:46,775
Prove it.
470
00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:48,443
I...Can't.
471
00:19:48,579 --> 00:19:50,979
I think I know
how to solve this problem,
472
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:54,783
With a little help from
my trusty encyclopedia here.
473
00:19:55,052 --> 00:19:55,784
He's right.
474
00:19:56,053 --> 00:19:58,519
There's an entry about
the silken saltbox in here,
475
00:19:58,521 --> 00:20:01,322
And it clearly states
it was located in east langley.
476
00:20:01,524 --> 00:20:03,125
This house couldn't be it!
477
00:20:04,061 --> 00:20:05,994
Oh. I was just gonna
kill him with it,
478
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,196
But your way
works, too.
479
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,735
I know I was obsessed
with being a somebody,
480
00:20:13,737 --> 00:20:15,670
But there's nobody
I'd rather be with
481
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:18,673
Than you beautiful nobodies
right here.
482
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:19,608
Thanks?
483
00:20:19,610 --> 00:20:21,276
Oh, stan,
when are you
484
00:20:21,278 --> 00:20:23,945
Finally gonna realize
what I've always known?
485
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:27,082
That absolutely nothing is
more important than family.
486
00:20:27,084 --> 00:20:30,118
Oh, my god, I left rogu
at a gas station in newark.
487
00:20:32,155 --> 00:20:33,221
You know what?
He's a tough cookie.
488
00:20:33,223 --> 00:20:34,490
He'll be fine
through the weekend.
489
00:20:36,227 --> 00:20:39,761
I promise all of you, I'll
never again lose sight of what
490
00:20:39,763 --> 00:20:41,830
This all should've been about
in the first place --
491
00:20:42,165 --> 00:20:42,964
The plaque.
492
00:20:42,966 --> 00:20:44,032
[ all groan ]
493
00:20:44,367 --> 00:20:46,101
Oh, not that plaque.
494
00:20:48,105 --> 00:20:49,104
Perfect.
495
00:20:49,106 --> 00:20:58,513
♪♪
496
00:20:58,515 --> 00:21:00,716
Bye-bye! See you soon!
33045
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