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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:09,018 Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians 2 00:00:09,019 --> 00:00:10,418 Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians 3 00:00:10,419 --> 00:00:13,298 Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights 4 00:00:13,299 --> 00:00:15,818 Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians 5 00:00:15,819 --> 00:00:18,938 Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times 6 00:00:18,939 --> 00:00:20,138 Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless 7 00:00:20,139 --> 00:00:21,458 Cavemen, savage fierce and toothless 8 00:00:21,459 --> 00:00:23,978 Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages 9 00:00:23,979 --> 00:00:29,098 Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat 10 00:00:29,099 --> 00:00:33,178 The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... 11 00:00:33,179 --> 00:00:37,299 Horrible Histories. # 12 00:00:41,819 --> 00:00:45,938 You might think going to a Roman Emperor's dinner party would be fun. 13 00:00:45,939 --> 00:00:48,019 Well, think again. 14 00:00:49,699 --> 00:00:51,618 Four Romans. Four banquets. 15 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,578 400 courses! 16 00:00:53,579 --> 00:00:56,298 Yes, it's Roman Come Dine With Me 17 00:00:56,299 --> 00:00:59,858 and tonight it's teenage emperor Elagabalus's turn 18 00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:01,418 to cook for his guests. 19 00:01:01,419 --> 00:01:05,498 But the young emperor's reputation has some of his guests nervous 20 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,058 before they even arrive. 21 00:01:07,059 --> 00:01:08,898 I'm a bit scared to be honest. 22 00:01:08,899 --> 00:01:11,578 Apparently Elagabalus is a bit crazy. 23 00:01:11,579 --> 00:01:14,298 A friend of mine was invited to one of his feasts 24 00:01:14,299 --> 00:01:16,218 and he made them eat live parrots. 25 00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:18,698 Imagine trying to swallow all those feathers! 26 00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:20,699 It'd make you sick as a parrot. 27 00:01:21,699 --> 00:01:23,458 So how is the potty prankster 28 00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:25,658 planning to impress his guests tonight? 29 00:01:25,659 --> 00:01:28,738 Well, tonight I thought I'd just do something really easy. 30 00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:31,338 It's easy because I'm not making it, my slaves are. 31 00:01:31,339 --> 00:01:32,618 HE LAUGHS 32 00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:33,818 What are you cooking? 33 00:01:33,819 --> 00:01:38,098 Well, I'm going to do camels feet with scooped out flamingo brain 34 00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:40,818 and, er, some nice stuffed snails. 35 00:01:40,819 --> 00:01:42,218 - Oh. - Then we've got 36 00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:43,378 the sows udders, 37 00:01:43,379 --> 00:01:45,498 the jellyfish, I'm going to do 38 00:01:45,499 --> 00:01:47,339 dormouse which is rolled in... 39 00:01:48,419 --> 00:01:52,618 ..Jackdaws, horsemeat sausages, 40 00:01:52,619 --> 00:01:54,298 and rotten fish guts, 41 00:01:54,299 --> 00:01:58,058 and cold peas! With little nuggets of gold. 42 00:01:58,059 --> 00:02:01,179 That sounds like a really nice starter, what's the main? 43 00:02:05,219 --> 00:02:09,098 Agrippina is the first to arrive and there's a shock in store. 44 00:02:09,099 --> 00:02:10,898 SHE SCREAMS 45 00:02:10,899 --> 00:02:12,698 - HE LAUGHS - Don't tread in those. 46 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:16,578 - Those are the guts of some people I had sacrificed earlier. - Urgh! 47 00:02:16,579 --> 00:02:18,458 They're to tell the future. 48 00:02:18,459 --> 00:02:20,738 And the guts say... 49 00:02:20,739 --> 00:02:25,179 my pudding is going to be so scrummy you won't literally believe it. 50 00:02:26,419 --> 00:02:28,418 Elagabalus goes to check on the food, 51 00:02:28,419 --> 00:02:31,418 while the rest of his guests have a snoop round the palace. 52 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:32,698 I wonder what's in here. 53 00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:35,378 No, no, no, please don't go in there. 54 00:02:35,379 --> 00:02:37,699 Come on, it can't be that bad. 55 00:02:39,019 --> 00:02:42,538 - ARGH! - Lion! - There's a lion in here! 56 00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:44,778 HE CHUCKLES 57 00:02:44,779 --> 00:02:47,498 I hid a lion in there. Ha-ha! 58 00:02:47,499 --> 00:02:49,059 Random. 59 00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:54,458 The guests who survived the lion join their host for dinner. 60 00:02:54,459 --> 00:02:56,539 Tuck in. 61 00:02:58,339 --> 00:03:00,778 CRUNCHING OF TEETH Argh! 62 00:03:00,779 --> 00:03:02,458 That's rock hard. 63 00:03:02,459 --> 00:03:04,098 That's because it is rock. 64 00:03:04,099 --> 00:03:06,098 I gave you both bits of wax and stone 65 00:03:06,099 --> 00:03:07,778 that are made to look like food 66 00:03:07,779 --> 00:03:10,978 while I get the real food which is actually really nice. 67 00:03:10,979 --> 00:03:12,858 Mmm. 68 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,178 How mad am I? 69 00:03:14,179 --> 00:03:15,618 How mad am I? 70 00:03:15,619 --> 00:03:16,669 Eat it. 71 00:03:17,899 --> 00:03:19,098 CRUNCHING TEETH 72 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,339 HE CHUCKLES 73 00:03:22,979 --> 00:03:25,058 Time for some scores. 74 00:03:25,059 --> 00:03:27,418 Well, I slipped on human guts, 75 00:03:27,419 --> 00:03:31,498 I was attacked by a lion and I was forced to eat rocks. 76 00:03:31,499 --> 00:03:34,418 So I'm going to give him a two out of... 77 00:03:34,419 --> 00:03:37,699 If you give me a bad score I'll have you executed, so... 78 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,618 ..So I'm going to give him X out of X. 79 00:03:41,619 --> 00:03:42,738 Sweet! 80 00:03:42,739 --> 00:03:46,098 - And I got you a doggy bag because I'm so generous. - Thank you. 81 00:03:46,099 --> 00:03:47,378 It's an actual dead dog! 82 00:03:47,379 --> 00:03:48,418 HE LAUGHS 83 00:03:48,419 --> 00:03:50,058 I'm so random. 84 00:03:50,059 --> 00:03:51,779 Stay in touch, yeah? 85 00:03:55,579 --> 00:03:58,178 That's 100% accu-rat. 86 00:03:58,179 --> 00:04:01,658 Elagabalus really was one extreme prankster. 87 00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:03,738 I mean, hiding lions around the house, 88 00:04:03,739 --> 00:04:07,058 what's wrong with good old itching powder and whoopee cushions? 89 00:04:07,059 --> 00:04:09,418 SOMEONE BLOWS A RASPBERRY That wasn't me! 90 00:04:09,419 --> 00:04:10,978 That was Marcus my pet flea. 91 00:04:10,979 --> 00:04:13,978 He's like an all in one itching powder and whoopee cushion. 92 00:04:13,979 --> 00:04:16,819 MARCUS BLOWS A RASPBERRY Oh, Marcus! I do apologise. 93 00:04:24,739 --> 00:04:27,338 Walsingham? What happened to you? 94 00:04:27,339 --> 00:04:29,658 The Queen threw a slipper at me...again! 95 00:04:29,659 --> 00:04:31,458 What did you do this time? 96 00:04:31,459 --> 00:04:33,218 I told her she had a short temper. 97 00:04:33,219 --> 00:04:35,738 You idiot! You know that makes her angry. 98 00:04:35,739 --> 00:04:38,058 I know. Have you finished her portrait yet? 99 00:04:38,059 --> 00:04:40,898 Mmm...it's getting there, but I'm petrified. 100 00:04:40,899 --> 00:04:42,578 What if she doesn't like it? 101 00:04:42,579 --> 00:04:44,498 Better hope she's in a good mood. 102 00:04:44,499 --> 00:04:45,538 - Is she ever? - No. 103 00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:47,219 Where's my portrait! 104 00:04:48,979 --> 00:04:50,338 Urgh! 105 00:04:50,339 --> 00:04:51,818 Oh, I can't look! 106 00:04:51,819 --> 00:04:53,778 It's grotesque. 107 00:04:53,779 --> 00:04:58,298 The hideous nose, rotten teeth and pock-marked skin. 108 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,498 Walsingham. 109 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:02,058 Have that man relieved of the burden of his head. 110 00:05:02,059 --> 00:05:05,978 - Ma'am, you're looking into a mirror. - Oh. 111 00:05:05,979 --> 00:05:07,418 This is the portrait. 112 00:05:07,419 --> 00:05:09,338 Ah! 113 00:05:09,339 --> 00:05:11,418 Petite nose, 114 00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:12,898 perfect teeth, 115 00:05:12,899 --> 00:05:14,418 porcelain skin... 116 00:05:14,419 --> 00:05:17,538 Why, however did you manage to capture my good looks? 117 00:05:17,539 --> 00:05:18,578 Well, my lady, 118 00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:21,858 I just did an exact copy of the only portrait you've ever liked. 119 00:05:21,859 --> 00:05:23,378 As per your orders. 120 00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:26,218 Splendid. Do me another. 121 00:05:26,219 --> 00:05:28,899 And see if you can capture my regal beauty again. 122 00:05:31,659 --> 00:05:33,659 I think it looks nothing like her. 123 00:05:34,419 --> 00:05:36,178 I heard that! > 124 00:05:36,179 --> 00:05:40,538 As well as art, Queen Elizabeth loved plays by Shakespeare, 125 00:05:40,539 --> 00:05:42,979 especially one called Titus Andronicus... 126 00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:02,378 The pie was made out of her two sons! 127 00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:06,259 Yes, Shakespeare wrote some truly unforgettable things. 128 00:06:11,459 --> 00:06:14,059 May we have our next contestant please? 129 00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:17,378 Hello. 130 00:06:17,379 --> 00:06:19,298 Your name please? 131 00:06:19,299 --> 00:06:20,698 William Shakespeare. 132 00:06:20,699 --> 00:06:21,978 Your occupation? 133 00:06:21,979 --> 00:06:25,098 One that doth make words to dance upon the page 134 00:06:25,099 --> 00:06:27,618 and thence into the ear of the throng. 135 00:06:27,619 --> 00:06:29,218 I'm sorry, I don't quite... 136 00:06:29,219 --> 00:06:30,618 I write plays. 137 00:06:30,619 --> 00:06:32,658 Right, well why didn't you just say so? 138 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,978 And your chosen specialised subject. 139 00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:36,698 Phrases what I made up. 140 00:06:36,699 --> 00:06:40,378 William Shakespeare, you have two minutes on phrases what you made up 141 00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:41,818 starting from...now. 142 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:43,858 To be or not to be, that is the question. 143 00:06:43,859 --> 00:06:45,698 - I know it is. - I'm sorry? 144 00:06:45,699 --> 00:06:48,258 I know that's the question, you just asked me it. 145 00:06:48,259 --> 00:06:50,338 No, the questions is did you make it up? 146 00:06:50,339 --> 00:06:52,978 You just said the question was to be or not to be. 147 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,898 To be or not to be, that is the question, 148 00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,178 IS the question. 149 00:06:57,179 --> 00:06:59,138 Oh, yes I see, yes I did make that up. 150 00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:01,018 Correct. Good riddance. 151 00:07:01,019 --> 00:07:02,458 I've only just arrived. 152 00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:05,178 No, did you invent the phrase, good riddance? 153 00:07:05,179 --> 00:07:07,418 - Yes, I did. - Correct 154 00:07:07,419 --> 00:07:10,418 - Heart of gold. - Oh, thank you, that's very flattering. 155 00:07:10,419 --> 00:07:11,458 No... 156 00:07:11,459 --> 00:07:14,858 Were you the first person to use the phrase, heart of gold? 157 00:07:14,859 --> 00:07:16,538 - Yes, I was. - Correct. 158 00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:17,698 Dead as a door-nail. 159 00:07:17,699 --> 00:07:21,698 Oh yes, that is one of mine. Henry VI, part 2, the sequel! 160 00:07:21,699 --> 00:07:23,578 Correct. Wild goose chase. 161 00:07:23,579 --> 00:07:25,898 Yes, that's mine. Are they still using that? 162 00:07:25,899 --> 00:07:27,298 They are indeed. Correct. 163 00:07:27,299 --> 00:07:28,738 Knock, knock, who's there? 164 00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:32,458 No, that's wrong - you say "Knock, knock," then I say, "Who's there?" 165 00:07:32,459 --> 00:07:34,418 No, did you invent it? 166 00:07:34,419 --> 00:07:37,138 - What? - Knock, knock. - Who's there? 167 00:07:37,139 --> 00:07:38,859 NO...who? 168 00:07:39,899 --> 00:07:43,058 Did you come up with the phrase, knock, knock, who's there? 169 00:07:43,059 --> 00:07:45,338 - Yes, I did. - Correct. 170 00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:46,378 For goodness sake. 171 00:07:46,379 --> 00:07:48,378 - That's one of mine too. - Correct. 172 00:07:48,379 --> 00:07:49,578 All the world's a... 173 00:07:49,579 --> 00:07:51,818 END OF ROUND JINGLE 174 00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,458 I've started so I'll finish... 175 00:07:53,459 --> 00:07:55,538 - No, that's one of yours. - Correct. 176 00:07:55,539 --> 00:07:56,898 William Shakespeare, 177 00:07:56,899 --> 00:08:00,058 at the end of that round you have scored eight points. 178 00:08:00,059 --> 00:08:03,418 Sorry, is this what you do for entertainment nowadays? 179 00:08:03,419 --> 00:08:04,498 Yes it is, yes. 180 00:08:04,499 --> 00:08:07,498 - Think I preferred the theatre. - Hmm... 181 00:08:07,499 --> 00:08:09,418 "Think I preferred the theatre." 182 00:08:09,419 --> 00:08:11,379 - Get out of the chair now. - OK. 183 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:23,619 'And now on HHTV an advertising intermission from ancient Peru.' 184 00:08:25,299 --> 00:08:27,578 SHOUTING: Hi, I'm a shouty man 185 00:08:27,579 --> 00:08:30,698 and I'm here to tell you about new Incan Hole. 186 00:08:30,699 --> 00:08:33,258 The incredible childcare revolution. 187 00:08:33,259 --> 00:08:38,138 New Incan Hole is the simple way to keep your troublesome tots in check. 188 00:08:38,139 --> 00:08:40,058 Just chuck in your child 189 00:08:40,059 --> 00:08:43,658 and let those steep sides do all the hard work. 190 00:08:43,659 --> 00:08:45,578 Yes, compared with level ground, 191 00:08:45,579 --> 00:08:49,498 the unique raised edges of new Incan Hole are up to a big percent better 192 00:08:49,499 --> 00:08:51,618 at keeping little ones out of trouble 193 00:08:51,619 --> 00:08:54,538 What's more, it's quick and easy to install. 194 00:08:54,539 --> 00:08:56,778 And it's cheaper than a babysitter. 195 00:08:56,779 --> 00:08:59,218 And with the bargain price of nothing at all, 196 00:08:59,219 --> 00:09:01,298 why stop at just one Incan Hole? 197 00:09:01,299 --> 00:09:03,778 With the unique dig-anywhere design, 198 00:09:03,779 --> 00:09:06,458 you can take your hole wherever you go. 199 00:09:06,459 --> 00:09:10,098 And if you're not completely satisfied with new Incan Hole, 200 00:09:10,099 --> 00:09:12,738 why not dig another one? 201 00:09:12,739 --> 00:09:14,858 Try new Incan Hole today. 202 00:09:14,859 --> 00:09:17,698 Dig a hole and the child is safe. 203 00:09:17,699 --> 00:09:21,699 Warning, Incan Hole may become Incan paddling pool during rainy season. 204 00:09:22,819 --> 00:09:26,098 If you think keeping your kids in a hole is weird, 205 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,899 check out what we use to wash our hair. 206 00:09:29,859 --> 00:09:32,498 Do you suffer from a dry flaky scalp? 207 00:09:32,499 --> 00:09:34,258 Is your hair greasy? 208 00:09:34,259 --> 00:09:37,298 Does your head smell like a dead rotting llama? 209 00:09:37,299 --> 00:09:41,098 Then you need new Incan Shampee. 210 00:09:41,099 --> 00:09:45,218 Yes, Shampee is a revolutionary new anti-dandruff hair wash. 211 00:09:45,219 --> 00:09:48,938 Simply pee in a bucket and leave it to ferment for a week. 212 00:09:48,939 --> 00:09:51,858 Then just wash your hair in the piddle pot. 213 00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:55,378 The all-natural formula gets to work straight away. 214 00:09:55,379 --> 00:09:57,298 Here's the sciencey bit. 215 00:09:57,299 --> 00:09:58,898 Your pee contains urea, 216 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,858 a chemical that kills bacteria, 217 00:10:00,859 --> 00:10:03,218 fights dandruff and cleans away grease 218 00:10:03,219 --> 00:10:06,698 leaving you with shinier, healthier looking hair. 219 00:10:06,699 --> 00:10:10,498 Incan Shampee - it's what all the Incan ladies are using. 220 00:10:10,499 --> 00:10:11,618 I love it. 221 00:10:11,619 --> 00:10:13,818 Available in all full bladders. 222 00:10:13,819 --> 00:10:15,219 Bucket not included. 223 00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:23,578 So, welcome to Badminton House. 224 00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:26,098 I thought we'd take tea here in the gallery. 225 00:10:26,099 --> 00:10:28,259 Home to our fine collection of... 226 00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:33,339 Home to our fine collection of art. 227 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:35,859 CRASH! 228 00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:39,138 Home to what WAS our fine collection of art 229 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,938 and also sadly home to my husband, the Duke of Beaufort, 230 00:10:42,939 --> 00:10:45,699 - a keen tennis player. - Hello. 231 00:10:47,779 --> 00:10:51,298 Darling, can you please not play tennis in the gallery. 232 00:10:51,299 --> 00:10:53,258 Of course, dear. 233 00:10:53,259 --> 00:10:56,258 What would you like me to play? Football? 234 00:10:56,259 --> 00:10:57,778 CRASH! 235 00:10:57,779 --> 00:10:59,699 - Darling! - All right, rugby? 236 00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:01,898 WINDOW SMASHES 237 00:11:01,899 --> 00:11:04,138 - Darling! - Touch of boxing? - No! 238 00:11:04,139 --> 00:11:08,618 There must be a sport you can play indoors without smashing things up. 239 00:11:08,619 --> 00:11:12,538 - Well, there's always poona. - Poona? Sounds even messier. 240 00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:17,018 Oh, no, I've just come back from India and poona is a game they play. 241 00:11:17,019 --> 00:11:19,458 Like tennis, but with a shuttlecock 242 00:11:19,459 --> 00:11:22,818 and it's perfectly safe to play indoors, go on try. 243 00:11:22,819 --> 00:11:25,298 Ah, poona it is then. 244 00:11:25,299 --> 00:11:26,578 Anyone for poona? 245 00:11:26,579 --> 00:11:28,938 Oh darling, do stop saying poona. 246 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,498 Can't we think of a less smelly name? 247 00:11:31,499 --> 00:11:36,058 Yes, what can we call this game we play here in Badminton House? 248 00:11:36,059 --> 00:11:40,578 I know, something that would link it ever more to Badminton House. 249 00:11:40,579 --> 00:11:42,618 Badminton House? 250 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,698 I've got it. 251 00:11:43,699 --> 00:11:45,019 We can call it house. 252 00:11:45,059 --> 00:11:46,418 Or badminton. 253 00:11:46,419 --> 00:11:49,258 Ha, ha what a ridiculous suggestion! 254 00:11:49,259 --> 00:11:52,418 Who's ever heard of a game called badminton? 255 00:11:52,419 --> 00:11:53,778 Honestly. 256 00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:54,818 A-choo! 257 00:11:54,819 --> 00:11:55,938 SMASH! 258 00:11:55,939 --> 00:11:58,098 Oh, darling. 259 00:11:58,099 --> 00:11:59,579 Excuse me. 260 00:12:00,499 --> 00:12:05,858 Great eccentrics of the Victorian era, the second Baron Rothschild. 261 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:09,658 Yes, apparently the 8th Earl of Bridgwater used to have 262 00:12:09,659 --> 00:12:12,018 dinner parties with his pet dogs. 263 00:12:12,019 --> 00:12:15,098 The man was out of his mind, Mr Gibbons. 264 00:12:15,099 --> 00:12:16,938 Oo-oo-oo-ah-ah-ah! 265 00:12:16,939 --> 00:12:20,498 I'll take that as a yes. One shouldn't really judge, 266 00:12:20,499 --> 00:12:23,418 I have some strange dinner guests myself. 267 00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:26,338 Of course the vicar hasn't arrived yet. 268 00:12:26,339 --> 00:12:28,058 - TOGETHER: - Oo-oo-ah-ah! 269 00:12:28,059 --> 00:12:29,898 Don't worry he won't stay long. 270 00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:33,498 He doesn't like the snakes wrapped round the banisters. 271 00:12:33,499 --> 00:12:35,258 Tsssss! 272 00:12:35,259 --> 00:12:37,898 All right, let's start I'm starving. 273 00:12:37,899 --> 00:12:39,458 Oo-oo-oo-oo! > 274 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,178 Yes, the soup is hot. 275 00:12:41,179 --> 00:12:43,899 Mr Chimpington could you pass me a roll? 276 00:12:45,019 --> 00:12:48,178 Mr Chimpington, that is not how we pass... Oh! 277 00:12:48,179 --> 00:12:52,618 And I very much hope that was one of cook's brownies. 278 00:12:52,619 --> 00:12:54,778 Really now, we're not animals. 279 00:12:54,779 --> 00:12:56,498 - TOGETHER: - Oo-ah! Ah! Ah! 280 00:12:56,499 --> 00:12:57,898 That's all true. 281 00:12:57,899 --> 00:13:01,858 The second Baron Rothschild had dinner parties with monkeys 282 00:13:01,859 --> 00:13:04,858 and snakes and wrapped around his banisters. 283 00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:08,258 He also had a carriage drawn by - wait for it - zebras. 284 00:13:08,259 --> 00:13:12,498 He did, look it up in a history book, it's all there in black and white. 285 00:13:12,499 --> 00:13:14,458 And black-and-white, and black-and-white... 286 00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:15,738 Ha, ha, ha! 287 00:13:15,739 --> 00:13:19,339 Some Victorians really were very eccentric. 288 00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:22,738 Stupid deaths 289 00:13:22,739 --> 00:13:23,898 Stupid deaths 290 00:13:23,899 --> 00:13:26,858 They're funny cos they're true Woo! 291 00:13:26,859 --> 00:13:28,698 Stupid deaths Stupid deaths 292 00:13:28,699 --> 00:13:32,178 Hope next time it's not you. # 293 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,778 Don't like them? Why not? 294 00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:34,858 Next. 295 00:13:34,859 --> 00:13:36,698 And you are? 296 00:13:36,699 --> 00:13:40,138 Bobby Leach, famous Victorian daredevil and stuntman. 297 00:13:40,139 --> 00:13:43,338 Oh, I love it when stuntmen come through. 298 00:13:43,339 --> 00:13:46,218 They always have the most stupid deaths. 299 00:13:46,219 --> 00:13:47,778 Go on, spill the beans. 300 00:13:47,779 --> 00:13:51,058 I was fearless, there was nothing I wouldn't do. 301 00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:54,138 So I decided to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. 302 00:13:54,139 --> 00:13:57,418 And you died! You idiot! Ha ha ha! 303 00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,858 No, no, I survived. 304 00:13:58,859 --> 00:14:01,938 I had a few injuries but I made a full recovery. 305 00:14:01,939 --> 00:14:03,698 Uh. That's a shame. 306 00:14:03,699 --> 00:14:07,258 So then swam the rapids at the Niagara whirlpool. 307 00:14:07,259 --> 00:14:11,858 And then you died! I bet you did. You did, didn't you? I bet you did. 308 00:14:11,859 --> 00:14:13,778 No, no, I had to get rescued. 309 00:14:13,779 --> 00:14:15,258 So I tried it again. 310 00:14:15,259 --> 00:14:18,258 - And then you drowned! - No, I was rescued again. 311 00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:21,898 - And I got rescued a third time. - Business it's ridiculous. 312 00:14:21,899 --> 00:14:26,418 So I toured the world displaying my barrel to the paying crowd. 313 00:14:26,419 --> 00:14:29,818 I ended up in New Zealand. And that's where I died. 314 00:14:29,819 --> 00:14:33,338 By swimming over a waterfall blindfolded? 315 00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:37,458 No, I slipped on an orange peel, broke my leg and died of gangrene. 316 00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:40,978 Ha, ha! By slipping on an orange peel! 317 00:14:40,979 --> 00:14:43,538 You lemon! Ha ha, ha ha! 318 00:14:43,539 --> 00:14:49,298 Oh, yes, that's three yeses. You're through to the afterlife. 319 00:14:49,299 --> 00:14:50,938 Thank you very much. 320 00:14:50,939 --> 00:14:52,379 Toodle pip! 321 00:14:53,339 --> 00:14:55,459 Hey, mind how you go. 322 00:14:57,179 --> 00:14:58,658 Ha! Sorry! 323 00:14:58,659 --> 00:15:02,058 Ha ha ha. I'm on form, aren't I? 324 00:15:02,059 --> 00:15:04,538 Stupid deaths Stupid deaths 325 00:15:04,539 --> 00:15:07,539 Hope next time it's not you, Oo-hoo. # 326 00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:17,538 Everyone knows Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliament on November 5th. 327 00:15:17,539 --> 00:15:20,858 Did you know that he was one member of a bigger gang? 328 00:15:20,859 --> 00:15:23,818 In fact there were 13 of them all together. 329 00:15:23,819 --> 00:15:25,179 Come on, folks. 330 00:15:26,219 --> 00:15:28,618 You couldn't have done this alone. 331 00:15:28,619 --> 00:15:30,938 Who was in your gang? 332 00:15:30,939 --> 00:15:33,258 I'll never tell you. 333 00:15:33,259 --> 00:15:35,738 Oh, we'll see about that. Hee-hee-ha-ha! 334 00:15:35,739 --> 00:15:37,658 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 335 00:15:37,659 --> 00:15:38,778 - What? - What? 336 00:15:38,779 --> 00:15:40,899 No, you don't laugh, I laugh. 337 00:15:42,139 --> 00:15:45,538 It was the plot that seemed unthinkable. 338 00:15:45,539 --> 00:15:47,898 Fawkes is the explosives expert. 339 00:15:47,899 --> 00:15:52,018 We're going to blow up the royal family at the Opening of Parliament? 340 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,058 That's right. 341 00:15:53,059 --> 00:15:54,378 Just for fun? 342 00:15:54,379 --> 00:15:56,578 John Wright is the persuader. 343 00:15:56,579 --> 00:16:00,138 Because we're Catholics and the King's hates Catholics. 344 00:16:00,139 --> 00:16:03,418 - He thinks we're always plotting something. - As if! 345 00:16:03,419 --> 00:16:05,098 BOTH: Ha-ha, ha-ha! 346 00:16:05,099 --> 00:16:07,938 It was the plot that sounded impossible. 347 00:16:07,939 --> 00:16:10,458 Robert Gatesby is the brains. 348 00:16:10,459 --> 00:16:14,098 So we roll 36 barrels of gunpowder down the Thames, 349 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,938 sneak it into this cellar, wait for Parliament to open - 350 00:16:17,939 --> 00:16:22,138 I creep back in, light the fuse, run away and blow up the King? 351 00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:24,178 - Without getting caught? - Yes. 352 00:16:24,179 --> 00:16:27,458 OK. Just checking I had that down right. 353 00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:30,298 It was the plot that would surely go wrong. 354 00:16:30,299 --> 00:16:34,258 So I persuaded 12 guys, that ought to do it, don't you think? 355 00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:37,178 - Do you think we need one more? - It couldn't hurt. 356 00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:38,818 I'll get one more. Um... 357 00:16:38,819 --> 00:16:43,378 - Excuse me? Would you like to be in a plot to blow up Parliament? - Why not. 358 00:16:43,379 --> 00:16:46,098 I'll just check my diary. When? 359 00:16:46,099 --> 00:16:47,219 November 5th. 360 00:16:48,019 --> 00:16:51,018 - Yeah, I'm free. - Fabulous, that's 13 then. 361 00:16:51,019 --> 00:16:53,058 Isn't 13 an unlucky number? 362 00:16:53,059 --> 00:16:55,498 Don't worry I'm sure it'll be fine. 363 00:16:55,499 --> 00:16:57,498 Francis Tresham is the idiot. 364 00:16:57,499 --> 00:17:01,818 Hang on, my brother-in-law's due in Parliament on November 5th. 365 00:17:01,819 --> 00:17:05,018 I'll send him a letter telling him to take the day off. 366 00:17:05,019 --> 00:17:06,858 I'm sure he won't tell anyone. 367 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,218 It was the plot. 368 00:17:08,219 --> 00:17:11,258 Three, two, one... 369 00:17:11,259 --> 00:17:12,978 That went wrong. 370 00:17:12,979 --> 00:17:15,178 - Oh. - Horribly, horribly wrong. 371 00:17:15,179 --> 00:17:18,018 Fawkes' 13. 372 00:17:18,019 --> 00:17:21,939 What letter? What idiot sent a letter? 373 00:17:23,899 --> 00:17:27,298 Failing to explode on 5th November, 1605. 374 00:17:27,299 --> 00:17:30,378 You're going to be hung drawn and quartered. 375 00:17:30,379 --> 00:17:31,859 - Gutted. - You will be. 376 00:17:51,179 --> 00:17:53,498 The answer is C. 377 00:17:53,499 --> 00:17:57,058 The bodies were preserved in tar and sent to the West of England 378 00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:59,538 as a warning to other would-be rebels. 379 00:17:59,539 --> 00:18:02,259 Stuart punishments could be really gruesome. 380 00:18:03,259 --> 00:18:04,378 Will? 381 00:18:04,379 --> 00:18:05,578 Will Prinn. 382 00:18:05,579 --> 00:18:07,258 What happened to you? 383 00:18:07,259 --> 00:18:12,138 Sorry? King Charles I had my ears cut off for insulting the theatre. 384 00:18:12,139 --> 00:18:13,538 - Pardon? - What? 385 00:18:13,539 --> 00:18:16,218 I can't hear you, I had my ears cut off 386 00:18:16,219 --> 00:18:19,698 for writing a book that upset the government. 387 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:22,058 - I'm sorry, what? - I'm sorry? 388 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:26,578 I said the king had my ears cut off 389 00:18:26,579 --> 00:18:31,338 and when I was rude about some bishops he had my cheek branded. 390 00:18:31,339 --> 00:18:36,098 - Ah, that looks nasty how did you get that? - Pardon. - Sorry? 391 00:18:36,099 --> 00:18:38,378 Listen, I can't hear you. 392 00:18:38,379 --> 00:18:42,898 I had my ears nailed to a piece of wood, then cut off and left there. 393 00:18:42,899 --> 00:18:44,698 - Pardon? - Pardon? 394 00:18:44,699 --> 00:18:45,858 Come again? 395 00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:48,658 For writing a book the government didn't like. 396 00:18:48,659 --> 00:18:51,858 I'll show you, you can still see one over there. 397 00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:54,178 Look, there's an ear nailed to a post. 398 00:18:54,179 --> 00:18:57,898 - I wonder how it got there. - I'm sorry? - An ear. 399 00:18:57,899 --> 00:18:59,938 Hold on, I've got an idea. 400 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,058 Can you hear me now? 401 00:19:02,059 --> 00:19:05,738 It's no good talking to him he's as deaf as a post. 402 00:19:05,739 --> 00:19:06,978 Sorry? 403 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,818 I made a joke. 404 00:19:08,819 --> 00:19:10,298 Pardon? 405 00:19:10,299 --> 00:19:12,338 I'm sorry. 406 00:19:12,339 --> 00:19:13,738 What? 407 00:19:13,739 --> 00:19:15,219 Come again? 408 00:19:17,979 --> 00:19:19,138 Strange man. 409 00:19:19,139 --> 00:19:20,859 Weirdo. 410 00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:29,978 While the regular Army was away in Europe fighting Hitler 411 00:19:29,979 --> 00:19:34,018 Britain had a Home Guard made up of all the men who had to stay at home 412 00:19:34,019 --> 00:19:36,338 but still wanted to do their bit. 413 00:19:36,339 --> 00:19:39,898 Although the whole thing was a bit makeshift. 414 00:19:39,899 --> 00:19:41,418 So, General. 415 00:19:41,419 --> 00:19:46,658 If we are to defend Britain against a German invasion, then every man 416 00:19:46,659 --> 00:19:48,658 in the Home Guard must be armed. 417 00:19:48,659 --> 00:19:51,298 But the regular Army need all our guns. 418 00:19:51,299 --> 00:19:54,138 All the same, every man in the Home Guard 419 00:19:54,139 --> 00:19:56,818 must be armed was some kind of weapon. 420 00:19:56,819 --> 00:20:00,298 Even if it be an ancient one, like a pike. 421 00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:03,219 Yes, sir. Very good, sir. 422 00:20:06,579 --> 00:20:07,738 There we are, sir. 423 00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:09,858 I've had 250,000 pikes made. 424 00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:11,338 You've done what? 425 00:20:11,339 --> 00:20:13,978 General, I said like a pike, 426 00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:18,378 - I didn't literally mean a pike, pike was just an example. - Oh. 427 00:20:18,379 --> 00:20:23,218 Honestly, if I told you to go and jump off a cliff, would you? 428 00:20:23,219 --> 00:20:25,339 He's gone to jump off a cliff. 429 00:20:28,539 --> 00:20:33,099 Your chance to protect Britain by joining the Home Guard. 430 00:20:35,219 --> 00:20:38,818 Choose from men who can't join the regular armed forces. 431 00:20:38,819 --> 00:20:40,138 70-year-old man. 432 00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,538 Baker needed at home to bake bread. 433 00:20:42,539 --> 00:20:45,178 Man who's lost some toes. 434 00:20:45,179 --> 00:20:47,539 Baker selected. 435 00:20:48,619 --> 00:20:51,978 All the proper weapons have been taken by the regulars. 436 00:20:51,979 --> 00:20:54,098 So you choose from what's left. 437 00:20:54,099 --> 00:20:59,018 Cutlass, golf club, blunderbuss, a kitchen knife taped to a pole. 438 00:20:59,019 --> 00:21:00,859 Blunderbuss selected. 439 00:21:03,979 --> 00:21:07,178 Watch out for enemy troops trying to invade. 440 00:21:07,179 --> 00:21:12,458 Ow! Oi, you nincompoop! I'm not the enemy, I'm British. 441 00:21:12,459 --> 00:21:14,698 Watch out for spies. 442 00:21:14,699 --> 00:21:16,418 Trust no one. 443 00:21:16,419 --> 00:21:18,698 What on earth are you doing? 444 00:21:18,699 --> 00:21:20,418 I am a real nun. 445 00:21:20,419 --> 00:21:25,979 - And do be careful you don't shoot yourself with your old weapon. - Ow. 446 00:21:28,059 --> 00:21:30,778 Yes, the Home Guard never shot a German 447 00:21:30,779 --> 00:21:33,298 because the Germans never invaded. 448 00:21:33,299 --> 00:21:36,618 Operation Defend Britain - join the Home Guard. 449 00:21:36,619 --> 00:21:39,578 Players should be 17 or over or lie about their age. 450 00:21:39,579 --> 00:21:42,298 That's 100% acc-u-rat. 451 00:21:42,299 --> 00:21:45,378 And despite the Germans never invaded Britain 452 00:21:45,379 --> 00:21:48,098 lots of Home Guard volunteers were injured. 453 00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:51,218 All the injuries you're about to see are genuine. 454 00:21:51,219 --> 00:21:54,458 Taken from the Durham Home Guard accident book. 455 00:21:54,459 --> 00:21:55,698 No, really. 456 00:21:55,699 --> 00:21:56,938 Attention! 457 00:21:56,939 --> 00:22:00,098 Durham Home Guard prepare for roll-call. 458 00:22:00,099 --> 00:22:02,058 Volunteer Birtwistle. 459 00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:03,898 - Preset, Sir. - Excellent. 460 00:22:03,899 --> 00:22:05,618 Volunteer Davidson. 461 00:22:05,619 --> 00:22:06,658 No Davidson? 462 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:09,578 He's in hospital sir, he got shot in the arm. 463 00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:13,018 - By the enemy? - No, sir, by a volunteer. - Right. 464 00:22:13,019 --> 00:22:14,378 Volunteer Frazier. 465 00:22:14,379 --> 00:22:17,338 - Injured, shot in the leg, sir. - By a volunteer? 466 00:22:17,339 --> 00:22:20,538 No, sir, by himself. His gun went off by mistake. 467 00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:23,138 - Jenkins? - Got knocked off a bike by a dog. 468 00:22:23,139 --> 00:22:24,418 Simpson? 469 00:22:24,419 --> 00:22:28,058 Injured in gym practice - tripped over a mat, smashed his face. 470 00:22:28,059 --> 00:22:30,258 - Skellen? - Fractured ankle, sir. 471 00:22:30,259 --> 00:22:31,938 At the same gym practice? 472 00:22:31,939 --> 00:22:34,298 No, a table collapsed in a lecture. 473 00:22:34,299 --> 00:22:37,298 How's the Home Guard supposed to defend Britain 474 00:22:37,299 --> 00:22:40,899 from an attack from if we're all injured. Extraordinary. 475 00:22:42,699 --> 00:22:43,978 Sorry I'm late. 476 00:22:43,979 --> 00:22:47,058 Volunteer Tomkins reporting for duty, sir. 477 00:22:47,059 --> 00:22:50,818 Good heavens, what on earth have you done to yourself man? 478 00:22:50,819 --> 00:22:55,298 I sliced the top of my finger off adjusting the helmet chin strap. 479 00:22:55,299 --> 00:22:57,218 Right, well, it is a good job 480 00:22:57,219 --> 00:23:01,618 that today I shall be giving you all a demonstration on first aid. 481 00:23:01,619 --> 00:23:02,738 BOTH: Yes. 482 00:23:02,739 --> 00:23:05,858 So, I need a volunteer... Birtwistle. 483 00:23:05,859 --> 00:23:07,779 - Ya! - Lie on the floor, good chap. 484 00:23:08,579 --> 00:23:10,858 Oh! Ow! 485 00:23:10,859 --> 00:23:14,778 - Good heavens, man, what have you done? - Nothing to worry about. 486 00:23:14,779 --> 00:23:16,818 It's just a massive splinter. 487 00:23:16,819 --> 00:23:20,139 Right, hang on there I'll help you. Let's look... oh! 488 00:23:21,219 --> 00:23:22,658 Oh no! 489 00:23:22,659 --> 00:23:26,178 I think I've severed a tendon in my back. It's gone. 490 00:23:26,179 --> 00:23:29,858 - Don't just stand there - phone an ambulance. - Right away. 491 00:23:29,859 --> 00:23:33,338 - I think it's through to the bone. - Don't panic. Here we go. 492 00:23:33,339 --> 00:23:34,818 Ow! Ooh! My finger. 493 00:23:34,819 --> 00:23:38,658 - I definitely think I need some kind of doc. - Lend us a hand sir. 494 00:23:38,659 --> 00:23:40,018 Tomkins... Ah! 495 00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:43,699 - Argh! Now my foot's stuck. - Tomkins! My back's gone. 496 00:23:50,539 --> 00:23:52,618 When we sailed to new lands 497 00:23:52,619 --> 00:23:56,979 we Vikings had some pretty cunning ways of navigating. 498 00:24:00,219 --> 00:24:03,098 Come on. We must be close to land. 499 00:24:03,099 --> 00:24:04,538 What are you doing? 500 00:24:04,539 --> 00:24:05,779 What? Nothing. 501 00:24:05,780 --> 00:24:07,858 Are we lost? 502 00:24:07,859 --> 00:24:09,698 Don't be silly. 503 00:24:09,699 --> 00:24:11,858 You're supposed to be navigating. 504 00:24:11,859 --> 00:24:14,938 The captain'll feed your arms to the sharks... 505 00:24:14,939 --> 00:24:16,418 We're not lost, all right. 506 00:24:16,419 --> 00:24:19,698 That's the sea and that's the sky and we're inbetween them. 507 00:24:19,699 --> 00:24:23,778 On the sea and underneath the sky - exactly where I thought we'd be. 508 00:24:23,779 --> 00:24:25,738 Look at me. 509 00:24:25,739 --> 00:24:26,819 Are we lost? 510 00:24:27,739 --> 00:24:28,898 Yes. 511 00:24:28,899 --> 00:24:30,738 Right. Thought so. 512 00:24:30,739 --> 00:24:33,338 Good thing I brought this then, isn't it? 513 00:24:33,339 --> 00:24:34,498 What's in there? 514 00:24:34,499 --> 00:24:35,618 A raven. 515 00:24:35,619 --> 00:24:38,738 We're in the middle of the sea what use is a bird? 516 00:24:38,739 --> 00:24:42,378 It's the latest Viking trick. This raven's hungry. 517 00:24:42,379 --> 00:24:45,818 When I let it out of the box it'll soar up into the sky 518 00:24:45,819 --> 00:24:48,978 and it'll fly towards land looking for food. 519 00:24:48,979 --> 00:24:50,778 All we have to do is follow. 520 00:24:50,779 --> 00:24:52,618 Sat Rav. Wow! 521 00:24:52,619 --> 00:24:55,498 What a good idea. We'll find land in no time. 522 00:24:55,499 --> 00:24:56,979 - Ready? - Yeah. 523 00:24:58,739 --> 00:25:01,139 Fly raven, fly. 524 00:25:04,539 --> 00:25:06,418 I think it's a bit too hungry. 525 00:25:06,419 --> 00:25:09,259 I probably should have fed it something. 526 00:25:10,379 --> 00:25:15,538 It's true, Vikings really did sometimes use ravens to find land. 527 00:25:15,539 --> 00:25:18,018 But at night they navigated by the stars. 528 00:25:18,019 --> 00:25:22,339 Take a left to Britney Spears and a right after Angelina Jolie. 529 00:25:28,699 --> 00:25:31,898 Was the summer of 793 530 00:25:31,899 --> 00:25:35,698 When we sailed across The Great North Sea 531 00:25:35,699 --> 00:25:38,498 Comets crossed The skies that night 532 00:25:38,499 --> 00:25:41,458 Must've known Something wasn't right 533 00:25:41,459 --> 00:25:44,618 We arrived upon your English shore 534 00:25:44,619 --> 00:25:47,979 And you offered friendship But we wanted more 535 00:25:49,939 --> 00:25:53,578 Yeah, so much more 536 00:25:53,579 --> 00:25:57,098 We're tearing up This place tonight 537 00:25:57,099 --> 00:25:58,699 Literally 538 00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:03,338 We're going to set This sleepy town alight 539 00:26:03,339 --> 00:26:04,979 Literally 540 00:26:06,139 --> 00:26:09,258 We'll kill and steal and burn and drink 541 00:26:09,259 --> 00:26:15,898 Cos us Vikings don't care what you think 542 00:26:15,899 --> 00:26:17,539 Woah-woah-woah! 543 00:26:19,059 --> 00:26:21,978 Let me in now, won't you please? 544 00:26:21,979 --> 00:26:25,218 We're here to raid your monasteries 545 00:26:25,219 --> 00:26:28,058 We're primed and ready to attack 546 00:26:28,059 --> 00:26:31,258 And we love how monks just don't fight back 547 00:26:31,259 --> 00:26:34,378 You'll die or become a slave to me 548 00:26:34,379 --> 00:26:37,699 Though our slaves often get chucked in the sea 549 00:26:39,819 --> 00:26:44,058 If the boat's heavy, yeah-yeah! 550 00:26:44,059 --> 00:26:46,858 You're going to lose your head, my friend 551 00:26:46,859 --> 00:26:48,699 Literally 552 00:26:50,259 --> 00:26:53,058 We're going to get you in the end 553 00:26:53,059 --> 00:26:54,819 Literally 554 00:26:55,939 --> 00:26:59,178 And I would drink a toast from your skull 555 00:26:59,179 --> 00:27:07,138 Cos we are Vikings and that's how we roll, woah-woah-woah 556 00:27:07,139 --> 00:27:09,019 Baby, that's right! 557 00:27:15,139 --> 00:27:18,258 We're going to paint the whole town red 558 00:27:18,259 --> 00:27:19,939 Literally 559 00:27:21,499 --> 00:27:24,458 With the blood of the dead 560 00:27:24,459 --> 00:27:25,899 Literally 561 00:27:26,859 --> 00:27:30,338 We'll take everything that you own 562 00:27:30,339 --> 00:27:36,458 And get back on our ship and go back home 563 00:27:36,459 --> 00:27:38,858 Woah-woah-woah! 564 00:27:38,859 --> 00:27:41,538 We're going home 565 00:27:41,539 --> 00:27:45,058 Woah-woah-woah! 566 00:27:45,059 --> 00:27:48,099 We're going home 567 00:27:51,259 --> 00:27:53,179 We are going home 568 00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:59,738 We are going home. # 569 00:27:59,739 --> 00:28:02,538 Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you the fearsome facts... # 570 00:28:02,539 --> 00:28:05,418 Want to travel through the time sewers with me? 571 00:28:05,419 --> 00:28:08,658 Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures. 572 00:28:08,659 --> 00:28:12,298 Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories. 573 00:28:12,299 --> 00:28:17,699 Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories! # 574 00:28:17,749 --> 00:28:22,299 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42947

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