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1
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Trigger warning - this ep does
pertain to a period of my past.
2
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:07,040
I have since expressed immense
personal regret.
3
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:10,480
Otherwise known as the time I tried
to be a poet.
4
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,360
MC am I people call me Uff
5
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,440
When I rock the party
you bust a nut
6
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,800
Feadz is breaking out the beat
7
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,720
Shit be hotter than me
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00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:21,040
Me and he our crew's a militia
9
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:22,720
Better watch out my clan gets...
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{\an1}MUSIC: Perfect 10
By The Beautiful South
11
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,960
Sometimes my songs would cut out
12
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,880
because I'd stupidly linked my
Spotify to my mum's Amazon Alexa.
13
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:34,160
Alexa, turn the volume up by three.
14
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,520
Thanks, hon.
15
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,720
She'd always be asking for a song I
knew reminded her of dad,
16
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,720
so I'd let her hijack my Spotify
17
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,280
to remember him, cos I'm nice
18
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:45,120
and I was too tight to pay for a
premium family account.
19
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,160
Oh, Jack!
20
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,560
I'm so excited to start my day
with you.
21
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:50,960
Aw, are you?
22
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,360
No, of course not.
Why are you wearing a beret?
23
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,560
I'm just tryin' somethin' out.
24
00:00:55,561 --> 00:00:58,559
Can't you try meow meow or PureGym,
like the rest of the kids your age?
25
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,200
Well, I'm figuring out who I am.
26
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,080
Oh, I see. Final year panic, is it?
27
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,120
The big bad world awaits and
suddenly you realise
28
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,560
you need "a thing" to be noticeable,
to be employable.
29
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:12,800
But sadly, Jack...
30
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:17,680
..in your quest for individuality
you have committed the cardinal sin.
31
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,520
What? You've become pretentious.
32
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:21,680
No, I haven't.
33
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,320
What you holding?
34
00:01:23,321 --> 00:01:24,639
A sustainable coffee cup,
35
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,160
a copy of the New Yorker
36
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,840
and a new Muji notebook
for my...
37
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..poetry.
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{\an1}HE SUCKS IN AIR
39
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{\an7}QUIET MURMURING
40
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Welcome all.
41
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:41,040
My name is Bamboo Armitage
42
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,000
and you, creative writing comrades,
43
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:48,360
have chosen this eight-week
spoken-word course
44
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,480
to find your voice.
Because your voice is important.
45
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:55,040
Not as important as my voice
46
00:01:55,041 --> 00:01:57,159
but hopefully it'll be
a bit more important
47
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,280
than it was before.
48
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,280
And with that importance,
49
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:05,240
this course will culminate in
a sharing of our voices,
50
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,840
as we tell our urgent,
51
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:11,280
vital and our-thentic truths,
52
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:12,520
which ultimately...
53
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:15,920
..it's important.
54
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:20,440
And this was where I first got
hooked on big fat lines
55
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,200
of poetry.
56
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,480
{\an8}The pop the Glock,
the Glock you pop
57
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{\an8}Pop the Glock, the pop the Glock
58
00:02:26,561 --> 00:02:27,759
{\an8}The pop the Glock
59
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,680
{\an8}The Glock you pop.
60
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,720
What the actual fuck?
61
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,880
That boy has started taking himself
very seriously.
62
00:02:34,881 --> 00:02:36,119
Look, I've seen this all before.
63
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,599
Someone, they start writing poems,
and all of a sudden it's,
64
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,800
"Oh, come to my spoken word gig."
65
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:42,880
"Ooh, come to my one-man show."
66
00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:44,919
"Ooh, please, no, no, come to a
mouldy ramshackle arts space
67
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:48,120
"in the arse-end of nowhere, I've
made a play about my dead dad."
68
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,080
Oh! It's terrifying.
69
00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,800
I'm serious, right? We need to nip
this in the bud now.
70
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,440
Oh, stop it!
71
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,800
I'm excited to see his spoken word
showcase tomorrow.
72
00:02:57,801 --> 00:02:59,719
Although has anyone actually heard
any of his poems?
73
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,839
Yeah, I've read some. Look,
they're decent, but
74
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,879
I don't know why he's got to be
such a wanker about it.
75
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,080
Why can't he do something cool, like
learn to DJ.
76
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,400
One man's DJ
is another man's wanker, Danny.
77
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WHISPERS: Sh, he's coming.
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00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,120
Guys, Tim's just accused me
of becoming pretentious.
79
00:03:15,121 --> 00:03:17,239
Yeah, I'm glad someone's finally
told you.
80
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,559
I'm not pretentious. You are a
poet, all of a sudden.
81
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,399
Yeah, and you've stopped
watching X Factor.
82
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,040
Well, they've replaced Louis
with Rita Ora.
83
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,920
What?! Urgh!
84
00:03:25,921 --> 00:03:27,159
This country has gone to pot!
85
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,210
Honestly!
86
00:03:28,211 --> 00:03:30,239
Like, first it's Clarkson off
Top Gear,
87
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,280
Walsh is off X Factor.
I'm telling ya,
88
00:03:32,281 --> 00:03:34,279
Phillip Schofield's going to be off
This Morning before we know it.
89
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,480
Jack, can I borrow you, please?
90
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,480
Can you not stress everyone out?
I'm telling them today.
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00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,960
Oh, finally.
You've had three months,
92
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,320
and the secrets
and the lies are killing me.
93
00:03:45,321 --> 00:03:47,399
Thank God I've had writing my truth
as an outlet.
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Sh.
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00:03:48,841 --> 00:03:50,879
I want to tell them before your
poetry gig tomorrow,
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00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,080
when they'll be really depressed.
97
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,240
How dare you? Look, telling them is
a big deal for me.
98
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,570
And also, I can't come to tomorrow
because...
99
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,330
..well, honestly, I don't want to,
but, also...
100
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:04,960
..I leave Saturday.
101
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,800
Saturday. Yemi, what?
102
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,640
I've found somewhere to live.
103
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,560
So can you please
try to be happy for me
104
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,680
and I will try to support
your descent into the spoken word.
105
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,160
OK.
106
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,250
Come on.
107
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,240
What's wrong?
108
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,360
Two words.
109
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,880
Anoushka Delafonte says I need to
take a pregnancy test - again!
110
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:36,960
Ffff! Urgh!
111
00:04:36,961 --> 00:04:38,799
I knew I looked too sexy
at Halloween.
112
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,280
I have literally gone out
113
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:42,719
and bought three bottles
of Mint Baileys for Crimbo.
114
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,759
I can't drink a drop now.
It's an absolute farce.
115
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,919
Stay calm. No, I am supposed
to be launching
116
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,679
ShanAndNanIgans Party Planners
L-T-D Incorporated
117
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,360
in Q2 of 2K16, Peggy.
118
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,570
SHE SIGHS
I've kind of found it hard enough
119
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,160
with one baby. I know doll,
but you've done so well.
120
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,040
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
121
00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:01,959
I literally went to
the charity shop yesterday,
122
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,959
I've given away all my baby
and maternity clothes.
123
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,680
That's 400 quid down the drain.
124
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,520
I'm not even a charitable
person, Peggy. Do you know?
125
00:05:09,521 --> 00:05:11,719
I just needed space
for my crushed velvet ottoman.
126
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:12,920
Ooh, let's see?
127
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:15,400
Dunelm? Dunelm.
128
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,000
Oh, Tariq's going to go insane.
129
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,760
He's going to flip his lid.
130
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,000
He won't be angry, loves.
131
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,400
Precisely.
132
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,360
He's going to be buzzing off his
tits about it,
133
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,000
Peggy. He loves it.
He loves all this,
134
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,120
he loves prams and nappies and
Ella's Kitchen.
135
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:34,640
Right, first things first,
136
00:05:34,641 --> 00:05:36,159
I've got to get back down that
chazza shop.
137
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,479
I've got to get all that shit
right back.
138
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,040
You can't do that, Shan.
139
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,360
I know I can't.
140
00:05:40,871 --> 00:05:45,599
Well, I shouldn't be driving,
not in my condition.
141
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,840
You just drove here! Yes,
but I wasn't pregnant then, was I?
142
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{\an1}GONG CHIMES
143
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,640
Thank you, Brigitte,
for sageing the room.
144
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,680
Much appreciated.
145
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,480
My spoken word circle were
a mixed bag,
146
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,760
so I started taking notes on them.
There was...
147
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:06,680
So you're telling me,
Di and Dodi died in a tunnel?
148
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:10,280
Ha! You must be 'avin' a bubble!
149
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,000
She were trouble, can't you see?
150
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,080
Potentially pregnant with a baby.
151
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:20,360
{\an8}She was a threat to our great
monarchy.
152
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:24,720
And as waves hit the tips of my
breasts,
153
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,200
covered in sulphur,
154
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,320
my dreams pickled in vinegar.
155
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,520
So we roll.
156
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,880
Two's up, I say.
157
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,120
Love is love.
158
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,000
Hate is love misguided,
159
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,920
{\an8}derided and spat out of lips
that just need...
160
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,520
{\an1}HE BREATHES
161
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,040
..to be kissed.
162
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,320
Lucien was the main reason
I stayed on this course
163
00:06:53,321 --> 00:06:56,359
and the main reason I bought a
seven-and-a-half inch beret
164
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:57,399
off eBay.
165
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,400
Wow.
FINGERS SNAP
166
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,520
Now Jack.
167
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,480
WHISPER: Yeah.
168
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:04,840
{\an1}CLEARS HIS THROAT
169
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,120
When I was 14...
170
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,560
Ooh. Nope.
171
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,880
I...started wrong, dude.
172
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,640
Shoulders back. perform that truth.
173
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,570
When I was 14...
174
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:19,639
No.
175
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:20,690
Erm...
176
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,800
It needs to feel
177
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,560
like whatever you're about to say
178
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,120
is coming from your authentic core.
179
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,400
IMITATING BAMBOO: When I was 14...
180
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,880
Yes! Boom.
181
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,240
Boom. That's it.
182
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,920
I don't need to hear you again until
the sharing,
183
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,120
cos I know you've got it.
184
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,440
So as I got ready
to bare my truth,
185
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,520
Yemi finally bared his.
186
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,160
Are you sure I can keep this?
187
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,960
I feel like Shirley Bassey.
188
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,040
Now come, sit, we need to talk.
189
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,760
I really hoped it was a phase, but
I can't help my feelings any more.
190
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,760
Yems, are you coming out,
cos...I sorta know, babe?
191
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,840
I'm less coming out... Hmm.
192
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,280
...and more...dropping out of uni.
193
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,840
{\an1}SHE GASPS
194
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,840
I'm really happy for you,
but I am going to miss ya.
195
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,280
Yeah, me too.
196
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,310
But, Yems,
we've only a few months left.
197
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,120
I quit uni back in September.
198
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,240
You've been making me help you
with your final year project!
199
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:28,959
I've been making bits
for my Depop page.
200
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,880
I'll always be there for you, Danny.
201
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,960
I'm just...
I'm just going to be in...
202
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,480
Paris?! He didn't tell me that.
203
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:41,400
God.
204
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,160
Urgh, it's all coming to an end,
isn't it?
205
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,360
Hmm.
206
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,960
I'm sort of excited
to escape London too.
207
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,800
Really? Yeah.
208
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,160
I miss Edinburgh.
209
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,400
And the only time I get to go back
210
00:08:59,401 --> 00:09:01,999
is when fuck-face annoying show-offs
from London
211
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,360
take over the city each summer
with their shite plays.
212
00:09:06,051 --> 00:09:10,199
You know Jack wants to take
some of his poems
213
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,679
up there next year?
He's part of the fuckin' problem!
214
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:15,600
Hey, I might do a play.
Oh, stop it.
215
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:23,920
I feel like...you and me
will be made long distance work.
216
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,200
Yeah?
217
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,120
Yeah.
218
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,960
Yeah, I mean, you know,
you go back for the summer,
219
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,720
I could stay down here,
220
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,160
find a little cheeky gaff
for us two in London.
221
00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:39,679
I could even, like, scout out
for journalism jobs.
222
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,400
No, I'm...
223
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,520
I want to do a master's...
in Edinburgh.
224
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:46,610
Ohhh.
225
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,000
OK.
226
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,120
Cool.
227
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,880
Yeah.
228
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,200
Hmmmm.
229
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,440
Could I live in Edinburgh?
230
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,120
No, Danny, just I'D move there.
231
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,720
I'll be 22. I want to have
a final year of student life
232
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,120
in my home city,
just getting pissed up,
233
00:10:07,121 --> 00:10:10,079
before I solidly set my path
to making the "30 under 30s" list.
234
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:11,520
Yeah.
235
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,040
I'll see you loads.
236
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,280
Hmm.
237
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,520
Hey, we...we don't have to talk
about this now.
238
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:21,040
Yeah? Let's just...
239
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,760
Let's just be.
240
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,720
Oh, my God, OK, there's my bag.
241
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,840
Right, listen, you just grab it
and go
242
00:10:45,841 --> 00:10:48,199
and I'm just going to distract
them by knocking something over
243
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,200
with my arse or something.
No, I am not.
244
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,040
Go. Ask that woman there.
She looks nice.
245
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:55,960
Just be polite. Go.
246
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,200
Good afternoon, madam.
How are we today?
247
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,480
Fine, thank you.
248
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,720
Just doing our little bit
in the daily fight against cancer.
249
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,960
Hmm, good, good.
250
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,120
Erm, so, yesterday I came in
251
00:11:08,121 --> 00:11:09,719
and I made a cheeky little donaysh,
252
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:14,040
but, erm, stupidly I gave you
clothes that I actually need back.
253
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,200
So that's...that's my bag there.
254
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,960
OK, well, yeah, you can take it.
255
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,760
Great, thank you.
256
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,400
Did you know, though,
that one in two will now get cancer?
257
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,240
Will they really?
258
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,920
That's... That's awful.
259
00:11:29,921 --> 00:11:33,679
Did you know that the government are
doing little to reduce waiting times
260
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,240
for those needing treatment?
261
00:11:35,241 --> 00:11:36,999
That doesn't surprise me,
do you know,
262
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,559
because I've really starting
to go right off David Cameron.
263
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:41,520
Him and Sam Cam have such thin lips
264
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,240
and it's just like
never someone with thin lips!
265
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,200
People say I have thin lips.
266
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,400
No. Do they?
267
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,550
I don't know why
they're saying that.
268
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:56,040
That's mad. You've got...
lovely big luscious lips,
269
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,520
I thought, when I came in.
270
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,880
Children can get cancer too.
271
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,640
Er, 'scuse me.
My niece needs these clothes
272
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,680
and she was being very generous,
273
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,440
so back off a little bit.
274
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,720
Sure. Thank you.
275
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,960
It's just a shame, because
we need to sell clothes
276
00:12:14,961 --> 00:12:17,639
in order to continue
our vital research into cancer.
277
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,839
Well, you clearly didn't do
your cancer research properly,
278
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:20,890
did you, love?
279
00:12:20,891 --> 00:12:23,439
Else I wouldn't have had
to bury my fucking husband!
280
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,360
You aggy little cunting
bitchy fucking wanker!
281
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,920
Have that. Thank you.
282
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,880
Goodnight, goodnight.
283
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,200
{\an1}SHE WAILS
284
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,280
Honestly, Pegs don't be upset.
285
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,080
It's Christmas.
286
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,280
You know, quite honestly,
she WAS being
287
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,080
an aggy fucking nasty
little manipulative bitch.
288
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,360
{\an8}OK, so I've brought in
289
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,720
some newspaper cuttings.
290
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,320
I don't care. How's it all going?
291
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,280
Well, I'm thinking
that my new topic is
292
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:56,720
no more page three -
293
00:12:56,721 --> 00:12:58,799
a campaign to end
the objectification of women
294
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,400
in the mainstream news media. No.
295
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:05,000
No? No. I want to know
how your relationship is going.
296
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:06,799
I'd rather talk about
my dissertation, please.
297
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,639
They're the same thing.
They're certainly not.
298
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,799
Don't answer me back.
They are identical projects
299
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,160
that you are pursuing.
300
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:16,680
At your age, everything is research.
So tell me, how is it going?
301
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,040
I just feel anxious, like a lot.
302
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,600
Why?
303
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,880
Well, cos it's final year
and she's talking about
304
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,760
master's courses
and grad schemes and...
305
00:13:26,761 --> 00:13:29,399
I just don't want to lose her.
306
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,240
And how does that make you feel?
307
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,520
Like I'm at uni
to pursue stuff,
308
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,200
towards my own future, obviously.
And we...
309
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,720
Both really love each other.
I know we do.
310
00:13:39,721 --> 00:13:41,839
And I don't want her to think that
this is just some, like,
311
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,239
temporary uni thing,
and then, like, Yemi's leaving
312
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,799
and there's the dissertation,
313
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,039
and it's made me panic that
everything's coming to an end
314
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,639
and I don't know what
the fuck I'm going to do.
315
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,440
Well, I don't know that feeling,
316
00:13:51,441 --> 00:13:54,079
because I famously stayed on
at Brent Uni for 13 years.
317
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,240
But...I mean, you'll be fine.
318
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,760
It's scary but you'll figure it.
319
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,640
Yeah. I just don't want to go back
to Kent and make nothing of myself.
320
00:14:04,641 --> 00:14:05,799
Well, believe it or not,
321
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,040
there are some people in Kent
who are very happy and successful.
322
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,000
I mean, it's not loads
but it's some.
323
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,760
I'm so sorry about earlier.
324
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,560
I just keep getting these texts
from Russell and I just...
325
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,600
Peggy...
326
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,160
You've been ghosting him.
327
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,680
No, I haven't. I just haven't
had the words to reply.
328
00:14:27,681 --> 00:14:29,519
Have you gone off him
since you watched his episode
329
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,160
of Come Dine With Me?
No, but...
330
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,760
I think the edit
really did him dirty there,
331
00:14:33,761 --> 00:14:36,639
and I don't think he realised he was
being that culturally insensitive.
332
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,559
I liked his hat. But it's mine
and Laurie's 30-year anniversary
333
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,960
this Christmas and I'm just...
334
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,240
Sorta made me realise that...
335
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:46,800
..Russell ain't the one for me.
336
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,520
Yeah, well, that's OK.
337
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,280
I think that's why I sort of
had a meltdown in the shop.
338
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,320
I'm in the real anger stage
of grief maybe,
339
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:57,840
where I haven't got the time
340
00:14:57,841 --> 00:15:00,119
for anyone's stupid fucking
bullshit, you know?
341
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,159
OK, yeah.
342
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,199
But let's watch your language
in front of Lauren, though,
343
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,330
Peggy, please, because they're
very corruptible at that age.
344
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,600
{\an1}GENTLE SNORING
345
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:29,960
{\an1}PHONE BEEPS
346
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:34,840
{\an1}BEEP
347
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,880
{\an1}MUSIC PLAYS
348
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,040
{\an1}INCOMING CALL BEEPS
349
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,000
{\an1}INCOMING CALL BEEPS
350
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,000
Hi, Mum. You OK?
351
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,680
Did my song come through to you?
352
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,920
I'm sorry.
I just needed a little pick-me-up.
353
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,560
Broke up with Russell last night.
354
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,000
Oh, no.
355
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,240
I just won't love him
like I did your dad.
356
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,360
I'd rather be on me own
than force it with the wrong bloke.
357
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,840
And now Shan's gone and you've gone,
358
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,560
I just think I need to find myself
a bit, you know.
359
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,760
Of course.
360
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,360
So, I've booked a ticket
361
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,400
to go travelling
round South America.
362
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:12,760
What?!
363
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,000
Kidding.
364
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,040
Nah, I'm going to bingo
with Nan later.
365
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,920
Now, in case it goes badly tonight,
do you want to read a poem of mine?
366
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,010
Nah.
367
00:16:21,011 --> 00:16:22,239
There was a man from Harrow
368
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,600
Who tried to have sex
with a sparrow
369
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,840
The sparrow said, "No,
You can't have a go
370
00:16:26,841 --> 00:16:28,519
"Cos the 'ole in my arse
is too narrow."
371
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,720
{\an1}HE ENDS CALL
372
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,440
Hello?
373
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,840
So, before my poetry reading,
we had one more reading to go to.
374
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,160
Yemi's will.
375
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,840
To Jack, I leave sanitised and
sterilised sexual paraphernalia
376
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,560
from my webcamming box.
377
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,760
Right, thank you, Yemi.
378
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:47,600
To Corinne, I leave my unexpired
condoms and lube...
379
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,760
OK. Why?
380
00:16:48,761 --> 00:16:50,159
WHISPERS: Cos your room's
next to mine
381
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,150
and I haven't heard any action
in weeks.
382
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,400
And to Danny...I leave all
the stuff straight boys from Grindr
383
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,760
have left in my room.
384
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,520
OK, yeah, protein powder.
385
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:01,610
{\an1}HE GASPS
386
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,290
A Caffe Nero loyalty card
and it's nearly complete!
387
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,200
Nuts magazine?
388
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,920
Wow.
389
00:17:13,921 --> 00:17:16,759
They just don't make quality print
media like this any more, you know.
390
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,439
Yemi, we'll definitely come
and visit
391
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:19,839
as soon as our dissos are done.
392
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,479
Yeah, yeah, and, like,
we'll come in June
393
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:22,879
and we'll do FaceTime calls and...
394
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,040
Look...I love you all.
395
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,640
But we're gonna grow
and find new friends,
396
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,000
other friends,
397
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,280
and that's OK.
398
00:17:32,281 --> 00:17:36,039
I won't leave be leaving
the Blue Shed WhatsApp group,
399
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,959
but I can't promise
I won't put it on mute.
400
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,400
Yemi! You can't mute Blue Sheddies.
401
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,960
Friends, comrades,
402
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,360
I'm Bamboo Armitage.
403
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,450
{\an1}SNIGGERING
404
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:59,440
I won't say too much because
today is about a safe space
405
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:03,040
for the creative exchange
of fresh words
406
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,200
from new voices
407
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:09,400
and brave perspectives.
408
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,480
And someone who is all three
409
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,440
is our first poet.
410
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,040
Please welcome Daisy Mould.
411
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,240
{\an1}FINGERS CLICK
412
00:18:18,241 --> 00:18:19,719
What's with all the clicking?
413
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,679
I don't know. Just do it.
Why are you doing it?
414
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,560
This piece is called
Princess Die, Die, Die
415
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,600
Let me tell you why, why, why...
416
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,760
Electra and her bulging tits
417
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,880
Eyes like Penelope's arse...
418
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,120
See it, say it, slaughtered
419
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,680
I'm drunk on the tube again...
420
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,080
A cheeky piece from me.
421
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,440
Smoked a little doob again...
422
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,920
This was part of a campaign
423
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,520
for a small multinational
corporate bank.
424
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,640
Haiku number 603.
425
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,320
604.
426
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:52,640
605.
427
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,040
It's called
'Sup To My Fellow Commuters.
428
00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:00,320
Here's to the sausage-munchers,
429
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,760
the boot-shiners,
430
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,560
the nine-to-fivers...
431
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,400
..and the dreamers...
432
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,720
Fucking white people.
433
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:12,240
Right, next up now
is the urgent, vital
434
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:15,560
and authentic voice of Jack.
435
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,800
{\an1}FINGERS CLICK
436
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,680
Yes. Yay. Whoo.
437
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,100
Trigger warning... Go on, Jack.
438
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,360
This was a real poem
I really did perform...for real.
439
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,400
When I was 14
440
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,920
the McCanns lost their Maddie...
441
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,800
ALL GASP
When I was 16,
442
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,960
cancer went and took my daddy
443
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:37,360
And when I was 18
everybody was a baddy
444
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,960
Cos what I'd lost
445
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,720
Could never now be found.
446
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,600
Ooh. Ooh-hoo.
447
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:47,320
You made a Madeleine McCann joke.
What no, it's a poem.
448
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:49,479
No, everyone thinks you made
a Madeleine McCann joke.
449
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,959
That's why the host threw
a three-minute silence for her.
450
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,039
Hmm, it was quite moving.
451
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,239
Oh, God, everyone needs
to get over themselves.
452
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:56,680
She's been gone years.
453
00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:00,200
I was just trying to make the point
that my dad won't be found,
454
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,560
cos, like, he's properly missing.
455
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:03,680
And...
456
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,760
..daddy rhymes with Maddie.
457
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,840
You, like, actually disgust me.
458
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,240
Oh, Lucien...
459
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,520
Jack... Oh...
460
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,760
Oh! Oh, fuck all you,
461
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,720
you bunch of oversensitive
stupid-named aggy little c...
462
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,520
Honestly, mate, don't get upset.
463
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,610
It's Christmas!
464
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,800
Look, they were just being
465
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:35,270
oversensitive, pretentious rich kids
doing fake Hackney accents.
466
00:20:35,271 --> 00:20:37,959
Apart from that Princess Diana
girl -
467
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,400
she was switched on.
468
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:40,600
Cooeeeey!
469
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,120
Don't do that.
CLATTERING
470
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,320
Did someone call for the Elton John?
471
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:49,240
Oh, Jules, I've finally got
my topic, by the way. Oooh.
472
00:20:49,241 --> 00:20:51,319
Yeah, I'm doing it on
the death of the lads' mag.
473
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:55,160
Oh, my God.
I used to love Nuts magazine.
474
00:20:55,161 --> 00:20:57,159
Everyone said
it was really misogynistic
475
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,200
but they used to pay me so well.
476
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,760
{\an1}GENTLE MUSIC
477
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,400
And so as part of Yemi's
last wishes,
478
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,240
he asked for a nonverbal
yet fittingly emotional
479
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,840
final goodbye,
480
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,200
and that's what we gave him.
481
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,640
Uh! Yemi, wait.
482
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,280
Oi! Dickhead!
483
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,520
What the fuck am I gonna do
without you?
484
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,360
You're going to look
after those boys. Yeah.
485
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,760
You're gonna have an amazing
last term.
486
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,120
You're gonna be fine.
487
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,400
Check your inbox. I've sent you my
private Instagram.
488
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,080
Don't tell them.
489
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:49,720
Why the fuck haven't I had that
for the last three years?!
490
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,480
All right, I got you a little
Christmas pressie,
491
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:02,320
and I'm sorry, cos I know that
wee drifted these last few months.
492
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:05,640
No, mate, I... I owe you an apology.
493
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,880
I was just a bit jealous
you were coupled off
494
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,040
and I was feeling lonely.
495
00:22:11,041 --> 00:22:13,719
Well, I'm sorry that I laughed
when your poetry book
496
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,920
got knocked into the lake
on your birthday.
497
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,440
Wait, how did you know
about my poetry book?
498
00:22:18,441 --> 00:22:20,879
Well, I knew you were
secretly writing last year,
499
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,319
and then when you were drying
you bag on the radiator,
500
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,520
I had a sneaky look and I copied
it all out for you again.
501
00:22:26,521 --> 00:22:29,959
And them stories and poems about
your dad, mate, they're brilliant.
502
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,879
I mean, sure you ain't taking
the piss?
503
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,160
Mate, hands up, honestly.
504
00:22:33,161 --> 00:22:36,239
I mean, look, poetry literally makes
my arsehole go up inside myself
505
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,320
and you need to retire that
Maddie McCann poem yesterday.
506
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,060
Took me fucking ages, so be careful.
507
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,160
Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
508
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,040
{\an1}SHE SIGHS
509
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,800
I'm just going to really miss him.
510
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,440
Hello!
511
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,720
Hi, friends. Yes...
512
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,080
So just a slight hitch in my plans.
513
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:04,759
There's actually weekend
engineering works on the tube
514
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,000
so I can't go anywhere.
STIRRING MUSIC
515
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:08,600
You have me for one more night.
516
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,160
{\an1}CHEERING
517
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,640
You evil b...
518
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,320
Oh, sorry, yeah... It's a bit...
emosh, isn't it, that one? Yeah.
519
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:20,840
MC am I, people call me up
520
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,000
When I rock the party,
you bust a nut
521
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,280
Feadz is breaking out the beat
522
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,360
Shit be hotter than me
523
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,400
Me and he, our crew's a militia
524
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,840
Better watch out,
my clan gets vicious
525
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,640
Bad-ass bitch, I'm rated X
526
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,880
I'm gifted, ain't gotta sell sex
527
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,000
Cross the beach onto the street
528
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,000
Gotta work hard, no room to cheat
529
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,320
Crunk and grime,
that's my bloodline
530
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:44,600
Feadz is mixing, Uffie's shouting
531
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,160
Uff is banging...
532
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,960
{\an8}Subtitles by Red Bee Media
533
00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:52,560
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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