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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,639
This programme contains very strong
language and adult humour
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00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,119
Before third year properly started
we got matched with supervisors
3
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,919
to guide us after class in our
final project - le dissertation.
4
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,080
I got Tim -
5
00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:14,400
which was gonna be OK cause
I was now no longer a virg,
6
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,440
and decided to stop all silly
childish crushes
7
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,680
on unavailable older men.
8
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,760
Corinne got American PhD
student Eleanor,
9
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:26,480
a media regulations expert who took
everything very seriously,
10
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,960
refused to abide by the smoking ban
11
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,600
and was trying out
natural deodorant.
12
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,480
And finally you got...
13
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:35,920
Kelly.
14
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,560
Danny. Er, what?
Why we saying our names?
15
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,120
Oh, I dunno - but, hi.
16
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,680
No. So, have I got you?
Are you ser...?
17
00:00:43,681 --> 00:00:46,799
Why is no-one at this university
taking my education seriously?
18
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,760
Yeah, got me, baby. Staffing cuts.
19
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,200
Christ. Kelly, can you get
out of my chair, please?
20
00:00:54,201 --> 00:00:55,519
Right, plop yourself down then,
21
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,639
I've got us some Oreos and
a couple of CapriSuns.
22
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,520
No, Kelly, not you.
23
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,120
Can you go to the pub or something,
like a normal 16-year-old?
24
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:04,760
{\an1}SHE SIGHS
25
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,160
Now...
26
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,480
Did you know that Oreos are vegan?
27
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,440
So, guys, the competition
this week, Well and Truly,
28
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,760
is a package for
rest and relaxation
29
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,600
where you and a partner could win
three nights' stay
30
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,880
at this gorgeous country estate.
31
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:32,520
Where are all of my past
non-shite dissertations?
32
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,240
Just imagine it...
33
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,800
..Jack.
34
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,200
Three nights of shagging Tim.
35
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,360
Going from the jet spa bubble bath
36
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,200
to a king size water-bed.
37
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,360
Goin' riiiight at it.
38
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:48,240
Right, Jack,
talk to me about your big D.
39
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:49,360
What?
40
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,640
What area are you thinking about
right now, exploring?
41
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,360
Don't say anal.
42
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,960
Just don't say anal.
Say anything but anal.
43
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,160
Anal.
44
00:02:01,161 --> 00:02:02,239
I said anal.
45
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,600
Fuck's sake, he said anal.
46
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,040
Did you just say. "anal"?
47
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,520
No, no, no, I-I...
48
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,840
I'm just being anal. My God.
49
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,360
I'm trying to be organised now as,
like, the final year... Thank you.
50
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:16,000
..my dissertation idea is, um...
51
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,920
"To Bum or Not To Bum:
52
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,880
"A study into the representation
of homosexuality
53
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:25,120
"within mainstream
media depictions".
54
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,600
"When anal's involved,
55
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:31,640
"is homosexual intimacy always
the butt of the joke?"
56
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,120
Right, wow.
57
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,280
Jack, I'm almost impressed.
58
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,080
Thanks, Tim.
59
00:02:38,081 --> 00:02:39,879
Did Corinne help you
come up with that?
60
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,240
No!
61
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,000
"Better Together or Stronger Apart:
62
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,840
"an analysis into the media bias
63
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,320
"of the Scottish Independence
Referendum.
64
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,430
"Were we spun lies to secure
a continued oppressive union?"
65
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,000
Other ideas?
66
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,040
No. OK.
67
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,880
So, you're 21.
68
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,880
Tell me about yourself.
Drink, smoke, drugs?
69
00:03:03,881 --> 00:03:05,239
That's none of your business.
70
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,320
Yes, to all three, then.
OK. Relationship?
71
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,600
No, Yes. I am in one, but...
72
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,600
OK, bisexual woman with a boyfriend.
73
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,260
How did you know that? Star sign?
74
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,840
Stop. I'm sorry, what's going on?
75
00:03:16,841 --> 00:03:18,599
You're supposed to be helping me
plan my thesis
76
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,839
for the next nine months, not asking
me about my personal life.
77
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,680
OK? You're nothing but a midwife of
academic practice,
78
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:27,320
so stop being nosey and let's get
interrogating this topic, please.
79
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,600
Hmm.
80
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,960
OK so your "topic".
81
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,800
Not to be harsh,
82
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,040
but maybe get the fuck over it?
83
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:41,000
This dissertation should be more
than an overly emotional anthology
84
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,960
of personal intellectual ideas,
85
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:47,440
and should be a robust manifesto
for the rest of your career.
86
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,400
So, stop focusing on
what keeps you trapped
87
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,760
and perhaps utilise this
as an opportunity
88
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,520
to ponder that which forces
you open.
89
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,720
But that's just my advice...
90
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,800
..to any Virgos in the room.
91
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:07,000
Spoiler. Natural deodorant
does naaaat work.
92
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:11,120
Ohh... Yeah, I ain't got a scooby
what to write my disso on.
93
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,240
You know, not a fucking scoobs.
94
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,210
Well, that's not the attitude,
is it?
95
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:16,919
It's Scooby-Doo, not Scooby-Don't.
96
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,680
Hmmm. Let's think what area
of the media -
97
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,440
so, print or broadcast -
do you personally enjoy?
98
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:27,040
Well, you know, time to time
I'll read a...dirty mag.
99
00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:28,919
I'll write that down. Yeah.
Actually, do you know what?
100
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,720
Recently I've really got into
the film Billy Elliot.
101
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,920
Yeah. Oh. Yeah, it's legit good.
102
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,160
And what d'you feel like
you learnt from your degree?
103
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,080
I mean...
honestly, sometimes, fuck all.
104
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,800
Danny! If you haven't got anything
nice to say...
105
00:04:43,801 --> 00:04:46,399
Then you're probably a right laugh.
That's what my nan says.
106
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,200
Aww, how is she, how is your nan?
107
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:52,000
Yeah, she's... Look I'm just...
I've a lot on my plate, you know?
108
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,160
I'm skint...
you know, my laptop's bust
109
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,799
cos I spilt a load of Maccys
strawberry milkshake all over it,
110
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:57,999
I'm in this new relationship
111
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,719
that I'm terrified that I'm going to
fuck up all of the time,
112
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,919
you know, and I spunked all
of this money taking her to Greece,
113
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,800
that was hit-and-miss at best -
114
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:08,600
AND I just found out that
the BBC have sacked Clarkson.
115
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,810
They're filming Top Gear
with Chris Evans.
116
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,000
Oh, Christ.
117
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,920
Chris Evans?
118
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,800
{\an1}THEY COO AND LAUGH
119
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,640
Right, you two,
have fun on your dates.
120
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:27,200
I'm going to miss you
so, so, so, so much! Now...
121
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,360
I got these down Watford Market
for you both.
122
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,400
Erm, Nan, people don't really use
rape alarms any more.
123
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,240
Why? Have blokes stopped
raping people?
124
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:39,960
Didn't fucking think so.
125
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,290
Now put it in your bag
and don't answer me back.
126
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,200
Right, well you be good girl
for Nanny,
127
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,520
otherwise she'll be
a cunt to me tomorrow.
128
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,370
Oh, yes, she will.
Oh, yes, she will!
129
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,440
Ow.
130
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,800
Right, OK.
131
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,320
Sorry...
132
00:05:58,321 --> 00:05:59,999
I just don't want Russell
to come round
133
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,479
and go, "Ooh, she's still
in love with her dead husband."
134
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,080
But are you?
135
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,680
Well, yeah. Yeah.
136
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,040
Anyway, he said he's coming round
for a cosy night in on the sofa.
137
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,520
Oh!
138
00:06:10,521 --> 00:06:13,479
OK, I cannot believe you've left it
this late to tell me that.
139
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,920
So, you can still get chlamydia,
you can still get herpes,
140
00:06:16,921 --> 00:06:18,319
you can still get pregnant -
141
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,880
and lest we forget,
he is a mini cab driver, so...
142
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,680
Oh, Shan,
I did the menopause years ago.
143
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,360
Mm-mm, no, I wouldn't be so sure -
144
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,570
cos I read about this woman
in Take A Break,
145
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,760
she thought she'd menopaused
in 2008 -
146
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,720
turns out, stressed
by the credit crunch.
147
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,640
And she went on to have twins.
148
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:35,730
Right!
149
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,160
I'm not wearing these knock off
Spanx!
150
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,880
I can't get into 'em.
151
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,040
Look, Peggy.
152
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:45,200
Sex with a new partner is different
nowadays, it requires some effort.
153
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:48,200
I haven't had sex
with anyone but Laurie since...
154
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,520
..Ronald Reagan.
155
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,480
Don't lie to me, Peggy.
156
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,120
You have not had sex
with Ronald Reagan.
157
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,320
Now pop on that shapewear, please.
158
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:02,760
Lads do football, or...boxing, or...
159
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,600
SNIFFLES: Oh, wow.
160
00:07:04,601 --> 00:07:05,679
..wrestling.
161
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,599
Yeah, I honestly think you SHOULD do
your dissertation on little Billy.
162
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,760
Right? You know, I just relate to it
so much, Jules. Yeah.
163
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,880
Like his family are either being
dicks or getting nicked,
164
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,960
his nan's got Alzheimer's
and his best mate's a massive gay.
165
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,240
I mean, it's basically my life.
166
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,440
Oh, it's already half eight -
oh, sorry,
167
00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:24,679
actually, do you mind if we finish
this another time?
168
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,400
What?!
169
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,280
No! I'm going to be late
for my date with Corinne.
170
00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:30,999
Oh, I didn't know you were
dating Corinne!
171
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,439
Yeah, it's our four month
anniversary.
172
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,080
Well, you know, just be careful,
173
00:07:34,081 --> 00:07:36,759
because relationships at uni,
they can be very dangerous.
174
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,120
I mean, just look at Wills and Kate.
175
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,760
But... Well, they got married?
176
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,799
I know, but she'll never be
Diana, will she?
177
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,599
And deep down,
I think she knows that.
178
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,600
Sorry, I just feel very strongly
about it.
179
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,880
Do you want a ride? Yeah, please.
180
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,840
Kelly? Where's your e-scooter?
181
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,800
Hey, man. Oh, my God!
182
00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,240
Hi. Wel...
183
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,800
Welcome to The Carhartt Tavern.
184
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,960
Come... Come on in.
My name's Marcus.
185
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,880
Erm, any problems bro,
just give me or my crew a shout,
186
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,560
and, erm...
187
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,880
Er, sick.
188
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:15,680
Thanks for com...
thanks for coming.
189
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:19,040
Oi-oi! Fancy seeing you here!
190
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,720
Hiya. So, lol, it's actually
our first date tonight.
191
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,400
No! Yeah. Hello, Corinne. I'm Tariq.
192
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,000
Tariq. Yes, I know.
193
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,760
We... We literally just went on
holiday together.
194
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,880
I, I know,
but a lot people forget me.
195
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,560
Sh, Tariq, Tariq...
I think she's been stood up.
196
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,720
OK, I think we're just there.
197
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,360
Hello, love. Hi. Hello.
You all right? Come in!
198
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,640
Ooh, I'm starvin' marvin, let's have
a butcher's at these menus, yeah?
199
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,040
Oh, yeah. I love a good Peking fuck.
200
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,560
Duck, duck. Peking duck.
201
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,560
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
202
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,120
All right? Yeah.
203
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,840
Sorry, where is everyone?
204
00:09:26,841 --> 00:09:29,799
They're oddly celebrating
their four month anniversary.
205
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,160
It's very lesbian behaviour,
if you ask me.
206
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,480
So, what do you wanna do tonight?
207
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:39,000
Well, we've got the place
to ourselves.
208
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,640
I think you know.
209
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,120
Yemi, I...
210
00:09:42,121 --> 00:09:43,879
I thought we weren't gonna
do that again.
211
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,430
Watch Billy Elliot without Danny
talking through every single line?
212
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:50,120
Yeah. That's what I meant.
213
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,360
Fuck!
214
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:52,450
{\an1}CRASH
215
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,600
Babe, fuck, I am so sorry.
216
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,240
I'm so sorry,
I'm so - honestly I'm so sorry, OK?
217
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,120
I just need to go to the bogs.
218
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,680
Oh! And then I'm all yours.
I promise, I'm sorry.
219
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,440
You're in the doghouse, mate, OK?
220
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,279
So, I'd keep this heavily discounted
meal voucher
221
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,440
to yourself -
and whatever that is...
222
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,400
It's an e-scooter.
Yep, it's a massive turn off. OK?
223
00:10:15,401 --> 00:10:17,919
All right. Thanks, Shan.
Have a good night. You look great.
224
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,680
Thank you, I know.
225
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,160
Jack, before we watch, sit.
226
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,760
I need to talk to you.
227
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,560
Oh, God.
228
00:10:25,561 --> 00:10:27,519
Is this cos my
dissertation's on anal?
229
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,480
It won't mention you, I promise.
230
00:10:29,481 --> 00:10:31,079
No. I've taken your choice of topic
231
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,130
as a symbol of how much
I've inspired you.
232
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,040
I wanna drop out of uni.
233
00:10:37,041 --> 00:10:38,559
Oh, God, I've heard that one before.
234
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,680
No, I'm serious this time.
235
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,280
I don't think I can do third year.
236
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,480
Really?
237
00:10:44,481 --> 00:10:47,359
Term starts on Monday, so I need
to make a decision this weekend
238
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,400
before I get 9k deeper into
Student Finance England debt.
239
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,520
Come on, then,
let's get the whiteboard out.
240
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,400
I made Yemi first list all
the reasons he should leave,
241
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,680
hoping that ending on reasons
to stay
242
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,880
would persuade him to do just that.
243
00:11:02,881 --> 00:11:04,439
Woohoo, another reason to leave -
244
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,839
the SU shop has stopped selling
white chocolate Maltesers.
245
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,320
No, I will not write that down!
246
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,000
They've been
discontinued nationwide.
247
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:13,160
It's getting boring,
248
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,760
you keep sharing change.org
campaigns about it.
249
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,600
OK, fine, I'm bored here.
250
00:11:17,601 --> 00:11:19,599
My course is teaching me shit
I already know.
251
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,720
Bored of course.
252
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,120
Also everyone on my course
idolises me.
253
00:11:23,121 --> 00:11:25,479
Yesterday I was stopped in
the street by freshers
254
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,840
begging me for a selfie.
255
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,560
Someone has a lower back tattoo
of my name.
256
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,200
You're a BNOC.
257
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,880
Ugh! I need to be challenged.
258
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,720
I need to be around real fashion
259
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,480
and the vicious, competitive,
horrific people
260
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,280
who make up my dream industry.
261
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,040
Not just students
262
00:11:41,041 --> 00:11:43,679
who've already conceded
to my higher levels of talent.
263
00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:47,600
Look, I have a vision, Jack.
264
00:11:47,601 --> 00:11:49,719
I don't want some shitty
junior fashion job.
265
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,360
I wanna to set up my own
independent label.
266
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,960
And I wanna do it now.
267
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,960
We've got one more year left.
268
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,800
And Danny...
269
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,240
Danny only listens to you.
270
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,240
Right, I'm so sorry.
271
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,480
It's fine.
272
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,390
No, but I just had
so much to do today,
273
00:12:08,391 --> 00:12:10,799
I'm, look, that e-scooter is
naaat mine, all right?
274
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:11,959
Will you just sit down, please?
275
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,879
I just - I was talking to Jules for,
like, an age,
276
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,959
and I still don't know
what to do my dissertation on -
277
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,919
and I'm gutted, cos I can't do it on
Billy Elliot
278
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,999
cos apparently some gimp done it
last year... Look, I'm sorry.
279
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,920
Right, no - shut up.
Shut up, Danny.
280
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,440
OK? I want you to leave.
281
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,040
Through that door, fuck off outside,
shake it off,
282
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,400
then come back in here
like you weren't late.
283
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,360
OK? I want a proper date with
the proper Danny, please.
284
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:57,960
Sorry, enjoy your evening.
285
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,720
Happy anniversary.
286
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:10,080
Happy anniversary, you silly billy.
287
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,080
There was shit everywhere. Mm.
288
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,720
I have never seen such quantities
of human poo -
289
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,840
and we just had to pretend
like it wasn't happening. Yeah.
290
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,160
But it STANK.
291
00:13:28,161 --> 00:13:30,679
And, you know, those Irish midwives,
they knew it, too.
292
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,200
Sorry to be a Nazi,
293
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,960
but you've only got about 45 minutos
left at le tablah,
294
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,200
so, if ya wanna order some
yummy scrummy grubby wubby,
295
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,120
then do so now, buddy!
296
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,759
Sorry, you haven't...you haven't
given us any menus, though?.
297
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,640
It's all on the chalky-B, my man.
298
00:13:45,641 --> 00:13:46,799
Yes. That illegible board.
299
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,919
Yeah, it's like a small plates
kinda sitch,
300
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,720
so, um, I'd recommend, um...
301
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,680
What is it? Four, five...?
Eight plates per pers.
302
00:13:53,681 --> 00:13:55,919
Per person?! They - they're
like nine quid each.
303
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,080
Now, can I do some recommendations?
304
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,480
Yeah, yeah. Yes.
305
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,880
OK. Well, I'd recommend
the vegan sweet beets -
306
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,720
or, for my old-skool meat eaters,
307
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,480
the bad boy bresaola bread board,
308
00:14:05,481 --> 00:14:07,559
which comes with a
"lads-back-from-Primavera-
309
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:09,799
"needs-a-snacky-wacky-croquetta
stacky",
310
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,280
and some tiny, tiny slices
of sourdough
311
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,560
which have a perfectly
toasted Carhartt logo on top.
312
00:14:15,561 --> 00:14:18,519
I didn't understand a word of that.
Have you got, like, burgers?
313
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,640
Yeah. You do?
314
00:14:20,641 --> 00:14:22,999
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, OK, that's fine. Let's just...
315
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,080
The Salomon sneaker steak slider.
316
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:28,000
Sneak... Sneaker?
Salomon sneaker steak slider.
317
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,000
What, like a trainer?
318
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,000
Yes, like a trainer,
but it's a burger.
319
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,880
Mm, I'm all out of wine!
320
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,720
{\an1}CREAKING
321
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,040
Oh...
322
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,640
Oh, fuck it. Oh, my God!
323
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:04,240
Shannon, she gave me terrible
knock-off Spanx.
324
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,570
Thank God, I thought you had
osteoarthritis.
325
00:15:06,571 --> 00:15:08,959
Which, you know, I'd be
all right with and all that, but...!
326
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,080
Well, no, not yet.
327
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,720
So...
328
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:16,400
Let me take it all off.
Will you help me?
329
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:21,080
Yeah. Yeah, OK.
330
00:15:21,081 --> 00:15:23,279
I can take off some of mine off
at the same time.
331
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,600
No, no, I mean...
332
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,240
..help me off the sofa, Russell!
333
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,040
Oh, gosh, yeah, sorry!
334
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,560
OK. OK?
335
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:31,920
Yeah? Yeah.
336
00:15:31,921 --> 00:15:36,239
Literally the only one reason
I haven't left already is because...
337
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,200
..annoyingly, I love you all.
338
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,640
And I am happy here...
339
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,760
..but it's not enough.
340
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,760
Then, Yems...
341
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,440
..you need to go.
342
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:55,760
Me coming to uni was the
scariest thing I've ever done -
343
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,360
not cos I was the first in my family
to go,
344
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,200
nor cause I knew
I secretly liked cock, but...
345
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:06,000
..I didn't wanna leave my mum
all by herself...
346
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,720
Yeah, I understand that.
347
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,560
..but I had to put my own
future first -
348
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,320
and that's what you have to do.
349
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,800
Even though I'll miss you so much.
350
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:23,400
Yemi, you've always been the most
talented one out of all of us.
351
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,320
Don't tell Corinne.
352
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,200
Hey, come here.
353
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,520
Right, I don't want you paying
for me, OK?
354
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,920
So I insist we go Dutch.
355
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,520
Snap.
356
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,240
Double Dutch!
357
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,560
Oh, my God!
358
00:16:42,561 --> 00:16:45,399
Oh, no!
Come on, you go for it, love.
359
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,080
No, you have it. No, no. It's yours.
360
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,240
Seriously, Russell, your cracker!
361
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,600
I could feed it to ya.
362
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:03,880
Yes!
363
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,960
Mm!
364
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,200
Oh, sorry!
365
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,000
KNOCKING
Agh!Agh!
366
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,560
LAUGHS: Did I make you jump? Yeah?
367
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:24,650
What are you do..?
368
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,320
What are you watching,
a scary movie or something?
369
00:17:27,321 --> 00:17:28,599
We're watching Billy Elliot.
370
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,720
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
371
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,560
Come on, mate.
Come on, you can do this.
372
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:35,680
She snogged you.
373
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:38,039
You're round her gaff and you've
spent 85 on a dog sitter.
374
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,480
Tonight could be the night.
375
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,760
Oh, sorry love. No, don't worry.
376
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,160
Just gonna freshen up.
377
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,640
Oh, yeah, great, yeah.
378
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,600
Well, freshen away.
379
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,240
Thank you! OK!
380
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:14,760
Laurie...
381
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,320
Sorry, Jules, why are you here?
382
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:28,160
Er, just came to drop something off
for Danny,
383
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,720
Er, sorry, lads,
384
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,480
please tell me I am not looking at
385
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,400
one of the university's many
missing whiteboards?!
386
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,560
Er... No. Oh, for God's sake!
387
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,360
Oh, my God!
388
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,920
Yemi, is this true?
389
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,480
Do you really think I'm creepy?
390
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:54,120
No. Oh, my God, no, no -
I, I didn't...
391
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,120
Jack, I said...I said "cheeky".
392
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,120
Cheeky. Cheeky. Jack can't spell.
393
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,200
Oh, OK, that makes sense.
394
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,600
Cos I was like...creepy?!
395
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,440
In what way?!
396
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,760
Why's it, um, a reason to leave...?
397
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,240
Oh, my God, Yemi,
are you dropping out?
398
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,160
And I haven't taken this
decision lightly.
399
00:19:12,161 --> 00:19:14,879
Unlike Jack, who keeps banging on
about being the first in his family
400
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,359
to go to university, I'm actually
gonna be the first in my family
401
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,679
not to graduate university.
402
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,800
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
403
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,760
So, can I stay living here
for a bit?
404
00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:24,439
My parents are going to be very
angry with me
405
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,210
and I need to figure out
how I'm going to tell the others.
406
00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:29,359
To be perfectly honest
with you, Yemi,
407
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:30,919
if you hadn't just said
you were dropping out,
408
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,519
I would have asked you to leave
anyway.
409
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,240
What? This uni has a bit of
a reputation for fashion
410
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:38,319
and the reputation is that the
best people come and then drop out -
411
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,440
and anyone who stays is -
is a bit of a loser, to be honest!
412
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,040
You've been here 13 years.
413
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,920
Yeah, I know, but I'm wasn't
a fash-ist girlie, was I?
414
00:19:46,921 --> 00:19:49,119
I was a business and languages boff,
thank you.
415
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:51,160
High 2:1, scraped by.
416
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,080
Um, well, I'll sort the paperwork,
417
00:19:54,081 --> 00:19:55,999
and, um, you can stay here
till Crimbo -
418
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,800
but then I'm chucking you out
onto the streets!
419
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,720
Only joking!
420
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:01,880
But I'm not... Oh -
421
00:20:01,881 --> 00:20:03,759
that is when you have to vacate
the premises, actually,
422
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,040
so I'm not joking about that bit.
423
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,760
{\an1}SHE YAWNS
424
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,760
Oh...
425
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:24,720
Oh, dear, I think I'm tired,
Russell.
426
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,440
Yeah, it's all that MSG.
427
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,240
I think it's my bedtime.
428
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:31,800
Oh...
429
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,280
Thanks for a lovely night, though.
430
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,240
I've honestly had the best night.
431
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,640
Yeah? Yeah!
432
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,080
You look so handsome.
433
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:51,920
Like, gruff and manly.
434
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,160
Same. I mean, not...
435
00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:56,319
It's like the best first date
I've ever had.
436
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,880
Are we adding any tip, my guys?
437
00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,800
Absolutely not, no.
438
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,480
Do you maybe wanna
come back to mine?
439
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,760
I've got a large jar of Nutella
and two teaspoons.
440
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:15,200
Ooh, make them tablespoons and,
yeah, I might just do, Mr Millar.
441
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,400
Yeah?!
442
00:21:20,501 --> 00:21:23,119
NAN: Peggy, what you doing?
443
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,520
Hello?
444
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,240
Your house is only 500 metres away,
445
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:31,920
so, I might've been occasionally
listening in to your date.
446
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,880
This is so invasive.
447
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,240
Look, you've gotta stop getting
cold feet.
448
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,200
You can do this, girl.
449
00:21:39,931 --> 00:21:44,119
You need your birthday,
you need the time
450
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,839
and then the place
that you were born.
451
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,040
The place? Yes.
452
00:21:47,041 --> 00:21:48,959
Yes, like the hospital.
What's that got to do with it?
453
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,240
Flippin' hell! Sorry, sorry, sorry!
454
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:55,280
You... You know that voucher
you just discreetly gave to me?
455
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,400
Right, OK. Yeah.
456
00:21:56,401 --> 00:21:58,119
It says the QR code's
already been used.
457
00:21:58,120 --> 00:21:59,200
What?
458
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,000
Used earlier by ShanandNanNigans
459
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,600
PartyPlannersLimited
Incorporated@Gmail.com.
460
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:04,760
Fuck's sake.
461
00:22:04,761 --> 00:22:06,199
Don't worry, we'll just split it.
462
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,560
No, no. It's all right,
I've got this.
463
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,920
OK, so, it's 136, please.
464
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,440
Is it?
465
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,880
OK.
466
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,480
Oh, it's too much to tap.
467
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,200
Right, cos it's 136.
468
00:22:20,201 --> 00:22:21,639
Danny, please can we just split it?
469
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,050
Absolutely not, all right?
Fuck - just fuck off.
470
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,280
Mazing.
471
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,640
See you later. See ya.
472
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,240
Look, don't apologise.
We don't have time.
473
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,120
I'm just glad you invited me back,
because...
474
00:22:39,401 --> 00:22:41,799
..I gambled on a bluey, and.
475
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,760
Ooh, Russell!
476
00:22:43,761 --> 00:22:45,759
Have I shown you
my new velvet ottoman?
477
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,200
Not yet, no.
478
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,680
It's velvet. From Dunelm.
479
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,070
Oh, my God, you know exactly
what to say to a man.
480
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:00,880
Never tell me to fuck off.
481
00:23:00,881 --> 00:23:01,959
No...
482
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:05,920
Come on, I wasn't telling you to,
like, "fuck off" fuck off, was I?
483
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,840
I meant like, "Fuck off!"
484
00:23:08,841 --> 00:23:12,039
OK, I'm sorry, all right?
I'm just - I'm skint,
485
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:15,040
and the money my nan saved
for her care is running out, and...
486
00:23:15,041 --> 00:23:17,359
Look, I'm probably gonna have
to start wanking on cam soon.
487
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,360
Mr King, I've had my loan
come through,
488
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:20,920
so we are splitting the bill -
489
00:23:20,921 --> 00:23:22,639
and that doesn't emasculate you,
490
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,800
it just means we are
an equal couple, OK?
491
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,560
OK.
492
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,080
You're like a child!
493
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,680
OK, I do have some bad news.
494
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,280
Hit me. I'm nearly 30,
495
00:23:38,281 --> 00:23:40,599
I've got indigestion,
and I'm too full to have sex.
496
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,840
Oh, thank God. Same.
497
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,520
But, good news -
498
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,640
we can watch a film
on my new...laptop.
499
00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:47,719
What?! Yeah, Jules gave me
a free MacBook.
500
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,879
She said there was one going spare
501
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,559
cos one of the dyslexic students
left for Isis, so...
502
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,960
Oh, for goodness' sake!
503
00:23:51,961 --> 00:23:53,839
If we just properly supported the
dyslexic kids,
504
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,479
maybe they wouldn't feel the need
505
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,559
to have to join
a terrorist organisation.
506
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,040
I love you.
507
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:01,560
You love me?
508
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,280
What?
509
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,320
You love me, mate?
510
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:08,680
Fuck off.
511
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:20,360
{\an3}Subtitles by Red Bee Media
512
00:24:20,410 --> 00:24:24,960
Repair and Synchronization by
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