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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,520
Lovely. Look at me. You look
gorgeous. Big smile for me.
2
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:09,160
Dad always said he'd take me to prom
in his cab cos limos are expensive
3
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:10,640
and they're always full of pricks.
4
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,200
Next.
5
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,480
I went with Jasmine.
6
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,720
A Sagittarian stoner Muslim who...
7
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,120
OK, to your mama.
8
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:22,200
..knew I was gay before I did and
claimed she invented putting smartphones in rice.
9
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,320
Smile at the camera.
10
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,160
Having felt self-conscious in gay
clubs I'd use Grindr
11
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,720
so that rather than walking about
chatting to men
12
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,520
as actual human beings
I'd just tap the app.
13
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:42,840
And up came an Argos catalogue of
gays, in stock, ready for collection.
14
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,240
There was Simon, over here, from
Bristol.
15
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,680
Likes the music of Cher,
16
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:48,040
going to see Hairspray
17
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,920
and receiving Bukkake facials.
18
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,440
Then Brian from Staines.
19
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:52,840
Loves beer,
20
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,240
doesn't like feminine men
21
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,480
and can't wait to get our country
back.
22
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,600
But he also has a sloppy hole ready
for a pounding.
23
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,880
Then Adeyemi from Tottenham
24
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:06,280
whose phone in Gordy's was always
inundated.
25
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:08,480
GROWLING
26
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,560
Then there was Fraser from Swansea
27
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,280
who loves house music,
28
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:13,320
hates the Monarchy
29
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,520
but does have a Prince Albert
piercing.
30
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,600
However, by having all this fun
31
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,000
it meant I'd kind of neglected you.
32
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,000
PHONE VIBRATING
33
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,640
The best thing about dating older
blokes
34
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,360
is that they have much nicer flats
35
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,200
with chrome fittings and fridges
that hand you ice
36
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,960
and better quality bed linen.
37
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,240
Fraser, are your sheets from
The White Company?
38
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:48,920
Yeah.
39
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,480
Egyptian cotton?
40
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:52,880
Yeah.
41
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,800
And I was good at some things in the
bedroom.
42
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,120
However, whenever it came to 'The
Big One' I just...
43
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,240
Jack, have you ever been fucked?
44
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,280
Oh, well...no.
45
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,440
I'm nearly 41.
46
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,280
I can't be taking
your virginity, lovely boy.
47
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,200
Come back when you've got some
experience. All right?
48
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,240
OK, OK, here.
49
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:17,040
All young widows must find a way of
overcoming loyalty
50
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,720
to remaining children
51
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,600
and realise they are still a sexual,
romantic being.
52
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:24,280
Well, the word I have an issue with
there is young.
53
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,480
Just, please! Just give Widows Speed
Dating a go, right?
54
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,920
Before Jack gets back on Sunday for
the whole summer
55
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,000
just do something for yourself.
56
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,080
Fine.
57
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,440
But if one of them old widowers is
a creep
58
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,960
and I end up getting murdered or
worse - mugged -
59
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,320
then you're to blame, Shan. Good!
Good.
60
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,920
Cos I've got you some naughty
outfits.
61
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,360
As we entered the final week of
first year, you'd gone AWOL...
62
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,960
Vote for Yemi, LGBTQ+ society...
63
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,400
..and Yemi had gone absolutely
power-button mad.
64
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,520
Where's Danny?
65
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,160
Oh, God. I've not seen him in any
seminars all month.
66
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:04,280
Not even the one with the French PhD
student who refuses to wear a bra. We need to check in on him.
67
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,520
Yes, well, since you've started
sucking willies you've practically ghosted him, my friend.
68
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,800
I haven't, I just...
69
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,240
..I don't always know how to help.
70
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,720
Fair enough.
71
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,680
Now he's ghosted poor Leisa.
72
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,200
Can we focus on me, please?
73
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,040
Cos I will ghost both of you if we
don't get flyering.
74
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,880
Sorry, why do you even want to be
the LGBTQ+ society president?
75
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,920
Because you told me that you were
planning on dropping out of Uni.
76
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:28,960
I am.
77
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,360
This is my legacy back up if I don't
get headhunted in second year.
78
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,640
Or just stay all three years and
graduate.
79
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:36,840
Eh?
80
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,320
Do you know what happens to
full-term fashion graduates?
81
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:40,360
I'll tell you.
82
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,440
Mothercare.
83
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:42,640
Mamas and Papas. Matalan.
84
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,400
And what happens if you don't win?
Corinne.
85
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,360
My competition's Fred.
86
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,440
The boy who the vending machine fell
on.
87
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,640
Now, take these and go and flyer
down by the football field.
88
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,520
The bisexual lads will take one from
you.
89
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:56,720
Fine.
90
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,000
Thank you.
91
00:03:58,040 --> 00:03:59,600
It's a lot of flyers, Yemi.
92
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,760
And why are you looking so glum?
Hmm?
93
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,320
You've been chirpy recently.
94
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:09,640
I thought you'd finally ditched the
whole, "Oh, I'm a gay. Oh, my dad is dead," shit.
95
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,640
I am gay and my dad is dead.
96
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,680
Yes, and you will not stop going on
about it. But, I just...
97
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,320
..I think I'm ready to do...
98
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,720
..anal. Jesus.
99
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,480
But, slowly.
100
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,160
And with someone I trust.
101
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,440
Are you asking me to fuck you? No.
102
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,600
I was.
103
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,920
Look, come round mine later
104
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,120
and I'll sort you out.
105
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,160
Just need to pick up some bits and
bobs.
106
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:44,200
Oh, this is far too young for me.
107
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,600
It's body-con. It's timeless.
108
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,760
MUSIC: I Turn My Camera On
By Spoon
109
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:54,920
I cut my fingers on the way
On the way
110
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:59,040
The way I'm slippin' away...
111
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,400
No.
112
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:03,680
Right, fuck this! Fuck this whole
fucking thing. I ain't fucking going.
113
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,000
I cannot do it.
114
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:10,480
OK, Peggy. Do you not like this item
because, a - it looks different to the image online,
115
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,200
b - you ordered more than one
size...
116
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,200
I don't like it, Shan, cos it's a
pile of old shit.
117
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,840
OK, well that's not an option for
return, so...
118
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:27,000
Pegs. I know you loved my son very
much and we all miss Laurie dearly.
119
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,960
I miss him every hour of every day.
120
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,920
You are the one who gets me through.
121
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:36,880
You get everyone through.
122
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,320
You deserve to be happy.
123
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:42,800
To be loved.
124
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,880
If I were you
125
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,440
I'd go get some nookie.
126
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,080
May just do the trick, old girl.
127
00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,240
Danny, are you in?
128
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,640
We've got your favourite.
129
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,360
All right?
130
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,240
Oh, is that a Tesco 3 meal deal?
131
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,080
Ah, and it's the holy trinity.
132
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,760
Southern fried chicken wrap, Walkers
Max Paprika
133
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,920
and a Naked blue smoothie, yes. Cos
it's...
134
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,440
BOTH: .. 2.50 on its own,
so why wouldn't ya?
135
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,840
Hello, you.
136
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,280
Come in, come in, come in.
137
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,880
Right, excuse the mess, OK.
138
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,920
Let me get some stuff out the way.
139
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,960
It's a flipping pigsty, I know.
140
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,640
Uh, we're just seeing how you are.
141
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:33,880
Yeah, yeah.
142
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,680
So-so. Ha, ha.
143
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,800
Haven't seen much of you the past
few weeks.
144
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,880
Yeah, well, you know me. Man of
mystery, innit?
145
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:44,040
Well, I'm gonna try and be around a
bit more before we move out Sunday.
146
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,360
Shit.
147
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,240
What, we've gotta move out this
Sunday? Yeah.
148
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,400
Oh, for fuck's sake. What are we
gonna do this week?
149
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,680
Uh... Well, I'm actually quite
nervous cos
150
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,880
I might finally do it up the bum
with someone tonight.
151
00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,040
Yes! Ha, ha.
152
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,080
That's wicked, mate. Yes.
153
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,640
I tried to do anal with my
ex but she said I was too thick.
154
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,440
LAUGHING
Well, you never have been the smartest, have you?
155
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:12,360
LAUGHING CONTINUES
Corinne, that's a good joke for you.
156
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,880
DANNY SOBS
157
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,040
Danny?
158
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,200
Oh.
159
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,280
Fucking hell, sorry.
160
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,240
What's wrong?
161
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,400
OK.
162
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:39,200
You weren't so-so, you were brave
facing it.
163
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,960
And we knew we had to help.
164
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,440
Ugh, stop!
165
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:01,360
Hi, Dr Quinn
166
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,960
my name is Corinne Gehemuiry.
167
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,840
I'm here with Daniel King.
168
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,120
We're calling in regards to his
meds.
169
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,040
DOOR KNOCKING
170
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,080
YEMI: Come in, I'm nearly ready for
you.
171
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,760
Just sit and chill.
172
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,600
DOOR OPENS
173
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:28,800
Are you ready?
174
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:30,840
Let's go.
175
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,000
MUSIC: Ready For The Floor
by Hot Chip
176
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:34,720
Do it, do it, do it,
do it, do it now
177
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,160
Say it, say it, say it, say it, say
it, say it now
178
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,560
Do it, do it, do it, do it,
179
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,240
Do it, do it, do it now
180
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,000
BOTH: Say it, say it, say it, say
it, say it, say it, say it now.
181
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,080
Vote Yemi.
182
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:10,880
Right. I've spent 86 quid on you,
yeah.
183
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:13,600
For fuck's sake.
184
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:19,040
Can you put your shorts back on,
please? Yeah.
185
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,120
Will you stay here tonight?
186
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,720
Yeah, of course.
187
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,920
So...
188
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,800
..you wanna lube both your bussy
and the plug itself...
189
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,760
Please don't call it a bussy -
190
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,120
it sends shivers down my spine.
191
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,000
Pop this small one in now and walk
home wearing it.
192
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,440
Wearing it?
193
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:01,120
How am I supposed to physically walk
with that in my bum hole?
194
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:05,040
Look, work your way up the sizes
each night this week
195
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,680
popping in a different one for a
half hour or so.
196
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,360
Look, maybe I'm just a top.
197
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,240
Look.
198
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,000
I do this all the time, yeah.
199
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:21,680
I slide one in, I go Superdrug,
McDonalds, Post Office.
200
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,960
I'll be working a shift at Sainy's
and if I know I'm getting a seeing to that night
201
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,640
I might pop in some anal beads.
202
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,040
All right.
203
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,800
OK. Good.
204
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,800
Do it, yes.
205
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,960
MUSIC: Ready For The Floor
by Hot Chip
206
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,560
Instead of carving up the wall
207
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,040
Why don't you open up, we talk?
208
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,040
I am ready,
I am ready for a fall...
209
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,720
CLINKS
210
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,600
You dropped your...
211
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,400
door knob?
212
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,520
DANNY: Yes, lads.
213
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:10,600
I am so awake.
214
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,840
I've had three coffees, two shits
and a wank.
215
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,480
Today is gonna be a great day.
216
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,240
Right, I have saved the best seminar
of the year for last.
217
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,560
A content analysis reviewing media
bias of the Obama administration.
218
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,000
DISAPPROVING GROANS
Yes, stunning.
219
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:29,040
The first non-White President of the
USA.
220
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,400
Oh, talking about me again, are we?
221
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,320
No, that's a little joke because
obviously I'm very white
222
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,440
but I do endeavour to use my
privilege for change.
223
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:39,760
Oh, sorry, had you started?
224
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,720
Evidently. You should have said
something.
225
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:47,880
This is just to remind y'all that on
Saturday, to announce the new society president
226
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:54,160
I'll be holding my annual...drum
roll...drink the SU bar dry.
227
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,680
Yes.
228
00:11:55,720 --> 00:12:00,640
MUMBLING: I'll be DJ'ing all the
hits from the fantastic year we spent together
229
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,840
from FloRida to Wiz Khalifa.
230
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:07,240
And, also, guys don't forget that
Sunday to Monday is halls move-out.
231
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,160
Now, two of you journo students
still haven't told me your time of departure.
232
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,560
Where are you, where are
you, where are you?
233
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,120
Debs and Asim. Debs and Asim.
234
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,200
Both dropped out during Fresher's
Week.
235
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,600
Oh, shit. I forgot to take them off
the halls list.
236
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,160
Sorry, hang on, so...
237
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,600
..if you didn't know that Debs and
Asim dropped out
238
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:27,280
that means there's been two empty
halls rooms this whole time?
239
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,280
Yes. That sounds...right, yes.
240
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,560
Unbelievable!
241
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,760
Kelly, you should have been in
charge of this.
242
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,320
I'm sorry, Mum.
243
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,160
Did you just call her mum?
244
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:43,280
No... Yes, you did. ..yes, she did
but it's a little affectionate nickname
245
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,760
because I'm sort of like everybody's
mum in a way.
246
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,600
Yeah, Mum. Sorry, Jules.
247
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,600
OK, thank you, that's quite enough,
thank you.
248
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,680
Sorry. You lot, notebooks out,
please.
249
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,280
Danny, wasn't expecting to see you.
250
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,520
Come and see me Friday afternoon,
please, mate.
251
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,000
OK, yeah. Not breaking up with me,
are ya?
252
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:06,200
Do you need to see me at all, Tim?
253
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:07,520
You wish.
254
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:08,600
A - Content analysis...
255
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,840
By Thursday that week, I'd worked my
way up the butt plugs
256
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,040
and felt ready to get fucked
257
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,520
when...
DOOR SLAMS
258
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,160
Who's that?
259
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,120
Shit, that's my boyfriend. Oh!
260
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:23,760
Twat!
261
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,040
He knows I have a lad around, we're
open.
262
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,480
Oh.
263
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,520
Now...
264
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,400
LUBE SQUELCHES
265
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,040
..let's get you open.
266
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,480
It's just, sorry.
267
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,440
What now?
268
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,240
I just...
269
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,320
..wondered if you'd wear a condom.
270
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,280
Babe?
271
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,440
Yeah.
272
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,080
Have we got any johnnies?
273
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:51,960
Check the drawer.
274
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,800
Oh, shit.
275
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,400
Shop shuts in 20.
276
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,640
Babe?
277
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,280
Yeah.
278
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,680
Do you want a Caramac?
279
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,200
Oh, go on, then.
280
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,440
MELANCHOLY MUSIC
281
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,120
Look, Laurie.
282
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,600
I don't want another bloke anywhere
near as much as I want you.
283
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,800
But I gotta do this tomorrow.
284
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,080
So, you're gonna have to forgive me
if I fall for someone.
285
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:43,360
Cos I hope you're up there giving
Princess Di one for me.
286
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,680
Don't mind me I'm just grabbing
me...
287
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,720
Oh, my God, it's you.
288
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,280
The manageress.
289
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,840
Yeah. Evan.
290
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,760
And what have you done with my
boyfriend?
291
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,080
He's getting contraception.
292
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,920
Good. So he should.
293
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,920
We'd hate for you to get pregnant.
HE CHUCKLES
294
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,360
You're that lad that's struggling to
take it up the...
295
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,800
I just can't.
296
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,520
Are you fully out yet?
297
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:19,400
No, I...
298
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,920
..I don't care about being gay
299
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,880
but I just don't wanna make things
any more complicated for my mum.
300
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,600
And why do you think she'd care?
301
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:34,000
All I know is that she dreams of me
with a nice wife
302
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:38,000
that gives her grandkids that have
both her and dad in them.
303
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,400
But you're still naked in my
boyfriend's bed.
304
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,320
So, I think you should tell her.
305
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,440
Because you love her.
306
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,400
And cos you clearly want a cock
inside of ya.
307
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:57,880
Spray.
308
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,520
Mint.
309
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,920
Bump of ket?
310
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,680
I'm joking! Oh.
311
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,640
Right, I'm gonna stay in the car
just in case you hate it.
312
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,480
I've glue-gunned the portable DVD
player to the back of the headrest
313
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,680
so I'm just gonna watch Jumanji. OK,
good luck.
314
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,720
Shannon, thank you.
315
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,960
Oh, I love you.
316
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,600
Love you. Go on.
317
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,120
What's happening, boss man?
318
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,320
Why do you wanna see Big D then?
319
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,160
You failed first year, mate.
320
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,320
Your attendance has been dire.
321
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:47,120
Your hand-ins are sporadic to
non-existent.
322
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,000
The head of department says you
can't carry on for second year.
323
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,200
Oh, right, uh...
324
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:57,640
Thing is I know you can do better
because when you do write it's full of humour and kindness.
325
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,960
It's the kind of stuff I'm envious
of myself but you never hand any of it fucking in.
326
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,800
Look, you can appeal the Uni's
decision.
327
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,160
And I would encourage you to do so.
328
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,120
Cos I don't think you've been
feeling your best.
329
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,680
And you deserve a chance.
330
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,720
OK, um...
331
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:38,240
Yeah. Like, OK, what do I
need to do?
332
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,320
Paperwork.
333
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,080
Loads of really boring paperwork.
334
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,560
Fuck's sake.
335
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,800
So, I've gotta write an initial
letter saying that I'm gonna reapply over the summer.
336
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,000
And then just wait.
337
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,680
Where are you staying this summer?
338
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:02,240
Fuck knows. I mean my nan still
hasn't given her flat back to the council
339
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,600
so probs there and it beats my dad's
sofa, innit?
340
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,520
Oh, mate.
341
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:07,720
I'm so sorry.
342
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,000
Mm-hmm.
343
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,600
How was your shag?
344
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:11,920
Couldn't do it.
345
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,840
I think it's time.
346
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,840
I need to come out to Mum.
347
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:20,680
Come here.
348
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,600
MUSIC: Look At Where We Are
By Hot Chip
349
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,080
Nope! No, not doing that.
350
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:34,120
Right, this is what we are going to
do. You and I are going to bash this bitch out until it's done.
351
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:38,400
Jack, please run to town and
get me a Big Mac with no gherkins and a strawberry milkshake.
352
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,520
And also a four-pack of Red Bulls
because we are pulling
353
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,640
an all-nighter until this is
fucking done. Do you understand me?
354
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,160
SHOUTING: Do you understand me?
355
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,160
OK.
356
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,720
You all right? Yep, fine. Password?
357
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,720
Uh, OK. Right, it's old but...
358
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,000
What's the password, Danny?
359
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,440
Fanny king.
360
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,560
I promise I'm gonna go in.
361
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,160
I just...I just need to build up to
it.
362
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,800
OK? OK.
363
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,520
But I really didn't bring enough
popcorn for two, so...
364
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,160
You've got six bags!
365
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,800
Yeah? Not enough.
366
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,240
How does that read?
367
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,440
Yeah, it's amazing.
368
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,680
Why do you care so much about me
staying?
369
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,080
Because I'd miss you.
370
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,360
So, my older brother
371
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,920
he's had a lot of problems with his
mental health.
372
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,600
He's been in and out of trouble.
373
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,040
Stopped and searched when he's done
nothing wrong.
374
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,720
Oh, shit, sorry. No, it's...
375
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,360
..it's fine, but it took a lot of
work.
376
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:54,440
And the reason that I want good
grades is because I don't want my parents to have to worry about me.
377
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,960
But I also knew that I had to loosen
up a bit more this year
378
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,560
and that's why I want you here with
me next year -
379
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,480
to look after me
380
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,800
in case I fucking shit all over
myself or...
381
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,720
..I get sent to another gay crash.
382
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,720
MUSIC: Look At Where We Are
by Hot Chip
383
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,440
Oh, hello, hello.
384
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,080
So, yeah. Yep, uh-huh.
385
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:38,680
Oh, I thought you were just getting
brandy.
386
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,560
You've gotta have a kebab at the end
of a night out.
387
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,360
But we haven't had a night out.
388
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,560
Have we not?
389
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,920
Sorry I didn't go in.
390
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,520
It's just still a big deal for me.
391
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,640
I know, Auntie Pegs.
392
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,680
Small steps, babes.
393
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,920
Now, do you want garlic or chilli
sauce?
394
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,000
Both...
395
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,960
Course you do. ..be amazing.
396
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,440
And that is why I got three of each.
397
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,840
That was amazing, Karen.
398
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,800
Oh, fuck off!
399
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,560
Uh, I really need a wee.
400
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,440
Well, you'd better go otherwise
it'll be vodka-cranberries all summer.
401
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,360
Oh, you're such a feminist knowing
about cystitis.
402
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,360
Um, OK. I need to pack up my room.
403
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,360
Will you hand your appeal letter in?
404
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:31,360
Mm-hmm.
405
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,120
Yes? Yes, I will.
406
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:44,400
I'm gonna support you all summer
regardless what happens with the appeal.
407
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,040
Thank you, Corinne.
408
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,280
Thank you, Danny.
409
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,320
Well, you know. It's all part of the
service.
410
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,200
Oh.
411
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,480
See you later. Yeah, OK.
412
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,440
Bye.
413
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,960
KELLY: Mic check.
414
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,640
One, two.
415
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,760
Mic one, two, three.
416
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,640
That's fine, Kelly, you don't have
to check it, we know it's...
417
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:27,720
Right..
418
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,880
Where's Danny?
419
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,480
..OK, so, now looking to the
powerful of the future,
420
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,720
um, I'm really happy to announce
that
421
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:40,600
the winner of the presidential
election 2014
422
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,000
for the LGBTQ+ society is, drum
roll...
423
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:45,360
..it's Adeyemi!
424
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,480
Oh! Oh, my God.
425
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:53,840
OK.
426
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,240
Wow.
427
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,280
I'm gonna call him. OK.
428
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,720
Listen. Cheers, bitch.
429
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,360
Come on, let's go see him.
430
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,840
MUSIC: The Best
by Self Esteem
431
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,520
No.
432
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,840
Fuck's sake, Danny.
433
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,880
And just like that,
434
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,760
you'd gone.
435
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,200
Without saying bye.
436
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,960
MUSIC: The Best
By Self Esteem
437
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,160
I did the best that I could, babe
438
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,160
I did the best that I could, babe
439
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,160
I did the best that I could, babe
440
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:53,320
I did the best that I could,
babe...
441
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:57,440
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
442
00:23:57,490 --> 00:24:02,040
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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