Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,480
My dad died
when he wasn't supposed to.
2
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:08,000
We were just at home watching Lulu
do the cha-cha-cha on Strictly.
3
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,800
Only a two from Craig!
4
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:11,960
Pass me that phone, I'm voting.
5
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,040
Us older birds stick together.
6
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,640
At the hospice, I suspect
the matron was also watching,
7
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,600
cos we only got the call
after the scores came in.
8
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,720
We later found out that
for those 3½ minutes,
9
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:28,200
including Lulu's rehearsal VT,
no-one knew my dad had passed.
10
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,960
It was empty time.
11
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,680
A bit like a meal in a Wetherspoons
that's ready for table 23,
12
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:35,320
but it's just waiting...
13
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,120
PHONE RINGS
14
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,000
..under a heat lamp...
15
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,160
PHONE RINGS
16
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,560
..becoming more tragic
by the second.
17
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,840
SHE SOBS
18
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:51,560
THEY LAUGH
19
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,200
SHE SOBS
20
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,080
SHE LAUGHS
21
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,960
DRILL WHIRRS
22
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,200
This was the start of my mum's
obsession with DIY.
23
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:11,680
HAMMER THUDS
24
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,560
Ta-dah!
25
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:18,160
Saw one of these in Matalan, and
the fuckers wanted 15.99 for it!
26
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,720
So, I made me own.
27
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,880
Oi, oi! Oh, nice sign!
28
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,720
Yeah, ain't it good
your mum lives so close?
29
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:27,480
SHE LAUGHS
30
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:32,040
You've got your whole life
ahead of you, to LIVE it,
31
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:35,280
to have a LAUGH
with some nice girls,
32
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:38,480
so that one day
you'll fall in LOVE.
33
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:43,520
And I got you some Tupperware,
so that you can keep your weed in.
34
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:47,000
I don't smoke! Well, should you
fancy a nice big fat blunt,
35
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,920
like your dad did on a Saturday,
36
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,360
then you've now got a concealed
receptacle. I'm not Dad!
37
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,080
It just might help you
find your crowd, my babes.
38
00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:01,240
Now, Danny, shall we go and erect
that shelf in your room?
39
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,560
Whoa! Haha! Let's hope you're
not the last bird in there
40
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,920
with a big tool in her hands!
BOTH LAUGH
41
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,760
No offence, but you've gotta
be seriously lame
42
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,840
if your mum is trying
to make you a stoner.
43
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:17,160
Anyway, that should read
"Live, laugh, love...lube."
44
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,800
Two-for-one in Boots, so,
you know, sharing's caring.
45
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,960
Thanks. Actually, that's a point,
do you not use,
46
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,760
like, a thicker lube
for the old bumhole?
47
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,640
I don't know if we use thicker lube.
48
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:26,960
I'll do some research.
49
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,680
Don't worry, OK, we're gonna have
you sliding in and out of fit lads
50
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,600
like Cantona in the '96 cup final.
51
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,600
JACK CHUCKLES
52
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,120
Au revoir.
53
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,920
Yoo-hoo!
54
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,760
Hi, guys, I just wanna say to you...
55
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,360
If you, if you...if you're talking
then it means you're not listening.
56
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,920
MEGAPHONE WHINES
57
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,920
Erm...
58
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,720
CUP CLATTERS
Thank you!
59
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,880
Erm, just to say,
60
00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:03,760
welcome to this year's
keh-razy Brent Uni...
61
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,200
JACK: Freshers fair. Where everyone
tried to figure out
62
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,640
what else to do for three years
63
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,760
aside from make
pesto pasta and masturbate.
64
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,360
In the corner there is you,
65
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,480
stealing all the free shit
you can get your hands on,
66
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,640
including the charity
bake sale cakes for Kony 2012.
67
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,920
Mostly it was just
second-year drug dealers
68
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,280
trying to source new clients.
69
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:23,680
Yes, Jack. Look at this.
70
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,600
I just did a chlamydia test in
exchange for a free USB stick,
71
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,320
this place is fucking brilliant.
72
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:31,240
Ooh, what have you got here?
Don't mind if I do.
73
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,600
Don't steal tampons!
74
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,640
Well, you never know
who might pop round!
75
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:40,520
We live in an age of period poverty!
Put 'em back. All right.
76
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,400
Just a second.
77
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,400
Here I am at the
Christian Society...
78
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,080
SHE CHUCKLES
..if you can guess!
79
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,800
I know you lot think this is a
load of toss, but you know what?
80
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,640
These guys do a stunning
free roast every Sunday
81
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,200
in the halls', um, common room.
82
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,320
So, do sign up for
that lush lamb of God
83
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,960
from our, um, lord and saviour,
Jesus Christ.
84
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,440
MEGAPHONE WHINES
85
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,160
Right! Safe Space Society,
I see you over there!
86
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,920
Can't hide from me. Trigger warning!
87
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,240
DANNY GASPS
And then, there it was.
88
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,920
The society where a group
mainly existed
89
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,880
to arrange a minibus to a
naff gay night each week.
90
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,120
I'd initially wanted to ignore them,
91
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,480
cos they all wore t-shirts that
were either a bit too long
92
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,360
or a bit too short for my liking.
93
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,000
It's the LGBTYMCA society!
94
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,840
I'm joking, obviously!
95
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,600
I actually did my research
last night,
96
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,480
and I am gonna get you
some thicker lube.
97
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,000
Go over.
98
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,040
I dunno. Go on, sign up!
99
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,640
It feels very official.
100
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,960
What were you saying
a couple of days ago
101
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,840
about not wasting your life
being a little saddo?
102
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:48,080
Go on, get involved.
103
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,320
I knew this was my best shot
of finding my crowd.
104
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,640
Well, Gordy's isn't... It's all
right, I'm not gonna lie.
105
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,040
Oh, hello!
106
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,160
How's your...?
107
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,000
Erm...
108
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,960
Are...are you joining
the LGBT society?
109
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,280
LGBTQIA! You gotta say all of 'em,
they're there for a reason.
110
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:17,920
OK, so, tonight we're all
going clubbing in London.
111
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,720
You coming? Oh, uh...
112
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,600
Actually, I haven't done
much 'out' gay stuff.
113
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,800
Are you on Grindr?
114
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,200
Downloaded it, but I actually
haven't used it.
115
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,240
Oh, come the fuck on,
pretty, it's easy.
116
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:32,240
Upload a pic, choose a tribe,
never give out your bank details.
117
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,040
What do you mean, "choose a tribe"?
118
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,520
OK. On the app there are different
tribes for different types.
119
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,800
You've got your bears,
big hairy blokes,
120
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,280
they all look like they
throw barbecues, a lot.
121
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:47,240
Then you have your twinks,
they tend to be quite dull.
122
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,520
Then your geeks.
123
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,040
Which is... No offence.
124
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,520
None taken.
125
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,520
Trans, leather daddies, pretty
much what they say on the tin,
126
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,920
pos, otters, rugged...
What does "pos" mean?
127
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,360
They're positive.
128
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,600
Oh, cool.
129
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,160
HIV positive.
130
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,640
Which is cool, because of an
advancement in medicine
131
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,280
and a reduction in public stigma.
132
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,960
Then you have discrete, which
is basically guys with wives.
133
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,280
Then we have...
CONVERSATION FADES
134
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,960
Have you got any books
on, like, feminism?
135
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,680
Or just about...
HE MUMBLES
136
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,240
Cool.
137
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:31,520
Wow. That...is such
an important book.
138
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:36,000
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, I love female...writers.
139
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,840
Oh, I love women's lit.
140
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,640
I was actually mainly
brought up by my nan,
141
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:46,200
so, yeah, don't even get me
started on the female struggle.
142
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,200
Yeah, they're actually giving out
free tampons over there, which is...
143
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,480
Yeah. Yeah, I think it's terrible
that, you know what I mean,
144
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,120
you guys have to pay tax on 'em.
145
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,400
If was up, you know,
if you ask me, you know,
146
00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:00,400
you should be able to menstruate
freely. And for free.
147
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,120
She didn't ask you, did she?
148
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,480
Oh, hello, Karen. It's Corinne.
149
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,400
See here? Corinne.
150
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,800
OK. Anyway, as I was just saying
to...Liza... Lisa.
151
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,680
CORINNE STIFLES LAUGH
152
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,320
Thank you for correcting me, Lisa.
153
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,640
Erm, yeah, I think
they've actually ran out
154
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,160
of the free tampons, but, erm...
155
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,720
..you're welcome to dip in to
Santa's sack and help yourself
156
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:24,960
to some of mine, if you want.
157
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,800
Why do you have any,
if they ran out?
158
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,520
Well...
159
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,960
..in case I have a female
visitor and... Cool, right.
160
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,520
Well, in that case, surely you
should be buying them in.
161
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,200
I mean, especially if you think
that people who menstruate
162
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:38,560
should access them for free.
163
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,280
Yes, but just, well, just via me.
164
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,720
Look, my flat's having
a pre-lash later,
165
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,120
before everyone goes
Oceania in Watford.
166
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,560
Flat 77, any time before seven,
167
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,280
and maybe you can bring
everyone some tampons.
168
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:56,600
I'd like that.
169
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,800
I've love to, I will, I promise. OK.
170
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,600
See you later, Lisa.
171
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,840
Chlamydia info guide? You know that
there's a WhatsApp support group
172
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,560
for chlamydia sufferers on campus?
173
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,320
OK, thanks.
174
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,680
You're welcome. No need,
I was just having a test,
175
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,200
just being safe, having a laugh.
176
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,520
Ooh, touchy. Hope that
it's a negative outcome.
177
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,760
Ah, I wouldn't be so sure.
178
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,600
No, wait...
179
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,680
Fucking idiot.
180
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,000
You are gonna be so proud of me.
181
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,440
I got us invited
to a halls pre-lash,
182
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,520
and a club night afterwards.
You up for that?
183
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,680
I got asked to an LGBTQ night.
184
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,400
Listen, nobody wants you to spread
your little gay wings more than me,
185
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,400
but this is freshers week,
all right?
186
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,720
We've been here five days
187
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,560
and we still haven't made any
mates in halls, please!
188
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,800
OK. Yes!
189
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:53,360
Although, Danny, what do
the Q, I and A stand for?
190
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,840
Right, Q is for "queer",
or "questioning."
191
00:08:55,880 --> 00:09:02,160
I is for "intersex", and A is for
"asexual." OR "allies". AKA...moi!
192
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,800
BAG THUMPS
Oh, careful.
193
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,840
I'll basically watch
anything with Rylan in it,
194
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,280
so, I'm a flippin' ALLY lama.
195
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:11,160
Are you sure you don't want a hand?
No! Hands off! This is my stuff.
196
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,120
MOBILE BUZZES
197
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:32,440
LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
198
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,800
No.
199
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,320
You two are not registered in halls.
You are in shed.
200
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,720
Halls security.
An emotionally redundant man
201
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,400
whose main job was catching people
masturbating in the laundry room.
202
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,800
Oh, come on, let us through...
203
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,200
..Ru.
204
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,880
Entry only for residents
and signed-in guests.
205
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,680
Oh, please!
The kids in here are my sheep,
206
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:58,120
and I'm the only thing stopping
wolves like you two getting to them.
207
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,600
Well, this is absolute...
208
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:01,760
Bullshit!
209
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,400
Are you sure you're OK with me
going to the queer night?
210
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,440
Yeah! One of us
might as well have a laugh.
211
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,840
Oh, I just dunno how to dress.
212
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,840
Right, get your tightest
white t-shirt,
213
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,480
just like, cut some slashes in it.
214
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,040
That's what all the gay boys
in Margate do, trust me.
215
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,200
What will you do tonight?
Fuck all, obviously.
216
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,160
It's just so bleak.
217
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:23,280
This must be how Anne Frank felt,
you know? Just like, all cooped up.
218
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,760
Just waiting to be adopted.
219
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,560
She was hiding from the Nazis.
220
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:32,920
Nazis? What, in the dumping ground?
She was trapped in an attic, Danny.
221
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,000
I think you mixed up
The Diary of Anne Frank
222
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,360
with The Story of Tracy Beaker.
223
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,760
Yeah, I think I have.
224
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,040
Either way, neither of them were
going out on the razz, were they?
225
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,120
You all right, lads?
226
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,920
Oh!
SHE LAUGHS
227
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,880
Assuming it didn't go well
with Lisa.
228
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,440
Obviously not. Thanks for
checking in, though.
229
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,920
Well, serves you right for trying to
use feminism to pick up women.
230
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,200
Uh, I used to let my ex
sterilise her moon cup
231
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,560
in the same pan I did me
egg-and-soldiers in.
232
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,920
That's disgusting!
Well, that's feminism.
233
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,160
You shouldn't be telling me
what is and isn't feminism.
234
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,880
Will you take a day off? Seriously!
235
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,760
This isn't Oxford or Cambridge,
mate, all right? It's Brent.
236
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,320
That is very clear.
237
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,240
I was the only one out
of my friendship group
238
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,960
not to get in to Oxbridge.
239
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,760
I was the only one in mine once
not to get in to Berghain, so...
240
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:37,400
What's that?
241
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,640
Berghain, it's a club in Berlin.
242
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,760
Oh, for fuck's sake.
You're the type of guy
243
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,440
that goes to one of the most
artistic cities on earth,
244
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,840
just to piss up the Berlin Wall
and go clubbing.
245
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,600
Yeah. Clubbing,
the art of having fun.
246
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,320
Do you know what fun is? Of
course I know what fucking fun is!
247
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,480
But I'm shockingly at uni to study,
248
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,400
so that I can one day
make something important.
249
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,320
Not...dick around like
these bunch of eejits.
250
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,000
Why are you sat outside with me,
251
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,640
when you could be making your
something important in your room?
252
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,960
Well, why are you sat out here?
Because I couldn't get in there.
253
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,280
So, I'm gonna wait for everyone
to come out,
254
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,240
then I'm gonna tag along
to the club.
255
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,000
SHE CHUCKLES
You can't go to the club.
256
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,160
It's sold out.
257
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:21,800
Yeah, they've been selling tickets
in halls all week, so...
258
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,360
Urgh! Fuck my life.
259
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,320
Have a good night, mate.
260
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,800
Look, do you guys maybe wanna...
261
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,920
Come tonight? No!
No, they cannot. No way.
262
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,040
Wahey!
263
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,240
Eurgh, disgusting.
264
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,680
Yemi, quick question.
265
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,160
Dungarees and Birkenstocks.
Underdressed, or...?
266
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,160
To be fair, that is quite
a queer look, but no...
267
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,320
Right, guys! So, I'll be your
designated driver for tonight,
268
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,720
and don't worry,
I've only had four sambucas!
269
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:51,960
SHE LAUGHS
270
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,520
Yes, girls!
Kidding! No, I'm sorry, I'm kidding.
271
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,080
I'm on the San Pelles,
you're on the San Miguel,
272
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,520
let's get on down,
and get a bit gay, maybe!
273
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,720
SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
She is nasty as hell.
274
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,320
Why are you joining us, Danny?
Cos you didn't sign up for LGBT.
275
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,760
No, it's all because of you
that I didn't get into halls,
276
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,960
which means I didn't get a
ticket to the club night,
277
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,600
and I'm basically sat out
on my own...
278
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,080
All right, I don't want your
X-Factor sob story, my dear!
279
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,760
Well, I'm... OK.
280
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,200
OK. Good, yeah.
281
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,640
Can the Badminton Society,
can you get on last?
282
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,600
Cos you're my first drop-off. OK.
283
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,520
Oh, you all right, Debs?
What you doing here?
284
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,040
I'm bisexual. Fed up with shite
blokes like you letting us down.
285
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:34,240
Hi, Karen.
Oh, it's Corinne, Debs, Corinne.
286
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,520
Don't get your knickers in a twist,
love, I couldn't care either way.
287
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,960
HE LAUGHS
Fuck off!
288
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,560
JACK: It's scary going to
your first gay club,
289
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,600
cos the vast majority
are all called things
290
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,040
like Savage, or Envy, or Revenge.
291
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,720
And I'm just like, why not
be called Nice To Each Other?
292
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,920
Or Who Cares If
My Shirt's From River Island?
293
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,960
They Actually Do
Some Quite Good Stuff.
294
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,240
Go on.
295
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,120
Oh, here she is!
296
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,960
Hey, coming through!
297
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,160
HE CHUCKLES
Get inside.
298
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,560
Sorry, Yemi, what's this one's vibe?
OK, he's straight, but...
299
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,400
OK, here's the singe, all right?
300
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,840
Gordy's is a celebratory venue
for all queer people,
301
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,720
all kinks, fetishes, sub-groups.
Gotcha.
302
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,160
Yeah, and we welcome allies,
but this is a creche.
303
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,640
Any funny business,
fucking around, laddy banter,
304
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,520
any pretending to be
Louis fucking Spence,
305
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,560
you'll be thrown in there until your
designated Dorothy takes you home.
306
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,680
Understood?
OK. Hearing you loud and queer.
307
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,560
Honestly, I didn't know it
was in there! Please, can you...
308
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,160
Whoa! No, you're out, love.
309
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,080
No, this is from a charity bake sale
I just did!
310
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,440
You brought a knife to a club!
311
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,560
No! There's crumbs on the blade!
312
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,840
Shoo!
313
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,840
Get out, out! Get out!
SHE SCREAMS
314
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,000
JACK: Debs actually dropped out
of uni that week,
315
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,240
moved back to Newcastle,
316
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,120
and nowadays sends me
Farmville requests
317
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:52,480
on Facebook every fortnight.
318
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:59,680
DANCE MUSIC
319
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,560
CLUBBERS WHOOP AND CHEER
320
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,280
Despite being a bunch
of individual misfits,
321
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,440
we spent the whole night together.
322
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,160
And as Corinne got
progressively wankered,
323
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,280
you went down an absolute storm
on the dancefloor.
324
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:32,320
Hey! So, where are you from?
325
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:37,800
Eh, Margate. Sick!
And do you come to London much?
326
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,320
Eh, yeah, to visit my cousin, Mark.
327
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,840
Sick! Where does he live?
328
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,480
West London.
329
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,400
I just moved west! Where in west?
330
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,880
Eh, do you know Wormwood Scrubs?
331
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,200
Wow!
332
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,720
Erm, Wormwood Scrubs?
I've never heard of it.
333
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:58,240
It's not Rightmove, you've gotta
be asked to live there, actually.
334
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,280
Oh, God, sick!
335
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,280
I know, yeah.
Sorry, one sec, excuse me.
336
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,840
Is Wormwood Scrubs not a prison?
Yeah.
337
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,480
SHE LAUGHS
338
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,760
Sick hat, my friend!
339
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:17,000
DANCE MUSIC
340
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:42,040
Listen, listen, this bit of the club
is really just for me and Jack.
341
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,760
Why? I love this place!
342
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,680
This is the gay men's dark room,
yeah?
343
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,640
It's a drippy cave,
with a flicker of red light
344
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,680
where you can plainly see
outlines of men
345
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,240
having a right go on each other.
346
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,280
Do you know what? I think this
is where I actually draw the line.
347
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,800
You guys knock your socks
and pants off, all right?
348
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,600
I still wanna come.
Corinne, you won't be allowed in.
349
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,360
This is unfair discrimination!
350
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,680
What are you talking about?
Yemi, please!
351
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,400
No chance, love.
I wanna see some fucking cock!
352
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,200
JACK: Corinne was the first woman
to be thrown in the creche
353
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:17,520
since Makosi from Big Brother
did a personal appearance in 2006.
354
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,080
She's not coming out, all right?
355
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,400
Hey, there you are!
356
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,560
I googled Wormwood Scrubs,
and it's a penitentiary.
357
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,560
Lucky for you,
I'm attracted to danger...
358
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,640
JACKL So, in solidarity,
you decided...
359
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,200
Oggy, oggy, oggy!
360
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,640
MEN: Oi, oi, oi!
361
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,680
SECURITY GUARD: Right, that's it.
Get inside.
362
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,160
That was so good!
363
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,280
SHE LAUGHS
364
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,200
BOTH CHUCKLE
365
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,920
Can we go back to yours?
366
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,240
Yeah.
367
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,680
You call the cab, and I'll split it.
368
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,280
OK, yeah.
369
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,800
Wait, why do you wanna
come back to mine?
370
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,160
Yeah, yeah, OK.
No, that's what I thought.
371
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,600
JACK: No-one is ever quite prepared
to smell a room
372
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,400
that's a mix of damp moss,
373
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,480
Paco Rabanne,
and quite frankly...poo.
374
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,080
Are you OK? I just felt
something wet hit my back.
375
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,840
MAN: Oh, sorry about that!
376
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,160
So, no-one touched you
without consent?
377
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:41,600
No, but I saw a man put his
whole arm inside a whole other man.
378
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,520
That's dark rooms for you.
379
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,280
Is it your first time?
380
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,000
Yeah. I'm just here with...
381
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:53,080
I'm Evan, AKA the manageress.
382
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,720
Jack. You'll get used to it,
you know.
383
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,240
One day you might even want an arm
inside you.
384
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,480
I don't know if I want
an arm inside me.
385
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,920
Unless it's to facilitate
a vital colonoscopy.
386
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,520
Mm. Don't worry, he'll kick in,
in a bit. OK!
387
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,800
Look, if you're gonna do anything
in that region,
388
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,200
just need some good poppers.
389
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,080
Here you are, try.
390
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:24,200
It'll just give you a tiny little
headrush, that's all.
391
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,080
HE GROANS
392
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,440
Fuck!
393
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:36,600
This was it. This was me
finally living a little.
394
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,080
VOICES DISTORTED: Noooooo!
395
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:44,880
Nooooooo!
396
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,440
I was right there. Come on, mate!
397
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,000
Aaaargh!
398
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,880
Sorry! It's OK.
Must have been the beers.
399
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,040
Or is it the tablets on the table?
400
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,480
That's... Mm. It's OK.
401
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:11,480
Oh, Danny, it's totally cool. I've
been here before, and this happens.
402
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,000
Come here.
403
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,440
Aaw, pal.
404
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,880
CLATTER
405
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,680
Fucking hell!
406
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,840
JACKL Yeah, my mum actually
was quite shit at DIY.
407
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,480
I hope little Jackie's
getting on OK.
408
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,600
God, yeah.
409
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,840
HE GROANS
410
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,160
Oh, what's going on?!
411
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,880
You fucking drank some poppers!
412
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,760
What?! You fuck...
You drank poppers!
413
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,600
I could get into so much
shit for this.
414
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,800
Thank God that bottle were
virtually empty.
415
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,840
I can't taste my tongue.
416
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,560
Of course not, you have poppers
swimming inside of your stomach!
417
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,920
What's wrong with you?!
My nose is bleeding.
418
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,240
Well, I'm glad it is yours
for a change.
419
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,280
Right, I've got you an Uber home.
I am so sorry, ducky.
420
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:59,160
No! I can't get in an Uber,
my dad was a black cab driver!
421
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,720
Your dad was not black, you liar!
422
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,040
OK, I understand, black cab.
Get up, up, up!
423
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:12,000
JACK: After that first big Saturday
night began our favourite tradition,
424
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,880
pretending to be Christian
to get a free roast.
425
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,600
Oh, dear!
426
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,600
I just still can't believe you
saw such a tiny little bottle
427
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,160
and thought it was drinkable.
428
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,880
Are you sure you don't have
special powers now?
429
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,040
If I did, it would be
for you to shut up.
430
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,840
Oh! He's touchy on a hangover!
431
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,000
Just wait, soon you'll
have Jesus's meat juices
432
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,800
dribbling down your chin.
433
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,080
Guys, guys, wait up!
434
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:38,600
You know what I was thinking? I
actually quite like our little shed.
435
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,440
Same. You know, we're sort
of left to our own devices.
436
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,800
And if anyone tries
to nick my humus,
437
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,040
I'll always know it's you. Uh-huh.
438
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:50,720
Oh, my God, if it ain't you guys,
you're famous!
439
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,080
SHE LAUGHS
These are for you, OK?
440
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:56,760
There you go. Oh, I really
need this roast, lads.
441
00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,440
I haven't had meat and two veg
in a very long time.
442
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,640
Yes!
443
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,520
No, no, no, not you two.
444
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,360
Soz, Ru, but we're now
children of Christ.
445
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,680
That's right, and you're gonna be
seeing us every Sunday
446
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,440
at one minute past midnight,
when our prayer passes become valid
447
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,920
and we are free to attend any
party in this humble inn of God.
448
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,720
CHURCH BELL RINGS
449
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:24,600
JACK: And it was in this moment
I realised I found my crowd,
450
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:29,200
and it was you, and Ru,
and some culinary-minded Christians.
451
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,080
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
452
00:22:39,130 --> 00:22:43,680
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34994
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof