All language subtitles for Animal Control s03e05 Hot Dogs and Lobsters.eng

...Dr. Tarantula.

Huh?

What the hell?

A dog locked in a car.
Is this the 1980s?

Am I fighting for my right
to party in a Lacoste polo?

Well, the little guy seems
like he's doing okay.

He's not even panting.

Maybe the owner just had,
like, a bathroom emergency.

Yeah. Can't risk it.

It's probably what
the owner thought.

Stand back.

Oh.

Starting to feel like this
isn't your first time

busting out the window
of a really nice car.

Perks of the job.

[crash]

Don't worry, buddy.
The heroes have arrived.

Oh my God!
What are you doing?!

Saving your dog's life.

What?
I left my car on pet mode.

Oh, well... Um.

Hm. Actually, it's
pretty cold in there.

You're probably drying out
the little guy's sinuses,

so we'll let you off
with a warning this time.

But please don't do it again.

Okay. Hi.

This is my supervisor's number,

and she's used to calls
like this.

???

And lastly, tonight is
our annual trivia night

and Bettany has graciously
agreed to emcee.

If there's any interest.

I happen to have an amazing
memory recall technique.

Of course, I don't need it

because I'm retired from trivia.

You're not retired.

You were banned because you
were cheating last year.

I sincerely thought
we were using lifelines.

Then why did you crawl
under the table

when you called your dad?

The memory trick
is called chunking.

And if you want my advice-

Everyone, my sister Melinda is
going to be at trivia tonight.

I can't believe I didn't lead
with that.

I've been looking forward
to this for weeks.

Did she like my welcome basket?

Yes, she did bring her
own toothbrush,

but she really
appreciated the gesture.

Well, I hope she's prepared

to witness an
All-American tradition.

Drunks arguing about
minor facts.

Fred and I will
dominate trivia again.

This man is a beast when victory
is on the line.

Hell, yeah.
Out of our way.

Except I am gonna play
with Isabelle this year.

Wait. Really?

Do you mind?

Of course not.
Why would I mind?

You were dead weight
last year.

What? Not true.

I dominated in pop culture,
famous aviators,

and, of course,
American witches.

And what if they
ask about oceans?

Are you going to say it's
just one big one again?

There is only one
if you think about it.

But don't bait me, man.
Okay?

I'm bursting with
competitive juices right now.

Ready to blow.

[both] Ew!

Do they know they're still
pressing the radio button?

Competitive juices.

I'm just saying, you don't
want to go there with me.

I'm an Olympic-level athlete.

I'm gonna turn into
somebody you don't like.

Uh, just to reiterate, this
is a team-building activity.

And in the time that we've
taken to get off track,

we've gotten about ten calls.
So let's get back to work.

Thank you.

So, chunking, you take
these big bits of information-

[Dispatch] Dispatch
to Precinct 22.

Please keep this line clear.

Just like home, no
one's listening to me.

Hm?

Hey, are you looking
for a trivia partner?

I'll do it.

Oh, I'm not sure I want
to participate

in that chest thumping display
I heard earlier on the radio.

Oh, I know you want
to beat them too.

I see how you look at Isabelle.

[chuckles]

Okay. Maybe she's not
my favorite person.

You know, just floating
through life,

eating the office Triscuits.
Not a care in the world.

Well and, you know,
your thing for Shred.

My... [laughs]

That's hilarious.

I mean, clearly you've been
preparing for trivia,

because that is ancient history.

But platonically,
yeah, I'd love to give her

a big old reality check.

Yeah, we would crush.

I'm an autodidact.
You can look that up later.

And you seem like the type
of person that knows

all about the English
line of succession.

Oh, Prince George
is hot on William's tail.

And the Mountbatten line,

I mean, don't even
get me started.

They're a mess.

Yeah, it's all
gobbledygook to me.

That's why we make
great partners.

Um, yeah.
Okay, let's do it.

But, you know,
let's keep it light.

It's supposed to be fun.

Totally. We are going
to rip their throats out

and make them swallow
their own throats.

Lightly.

?

The States have made you soft.

No, it's more of
an eating culture.

It's good to overdrink

before a trivia contest,
it loosens the brain.

[both] Don't be an egg.

Wow. Somehow in surround sound,
I understand you even less.

I'm loving the sister energy.
I always wanted a sibling.

I'm an only child, but I'm
not looking for sympathy.

I had Steven, he was
imaginary, but very cool.

Okay.
Anyway, back to Melinda.

Why do you look so fresh?
Didn't you have jet lag?

Oh, unlike this wild child,
I have three kids at home.

I just slept nine hours on
the plane, I feel glorious.

Long-distance flight.
I never thought of that hack.

All trivia teams,

please report to your tables
for skin inspection.

We all remember how Patel

wrote the periodic table
on his forearm.

That's not exactly
what happened.

That's exactly what happened.

Frank.

And that is the last thing
you will get correct tonight.

Good luck, Squirt.

Squirt.

I'm going to start
calling you that.

Thank you. No.

Okay.

Hey, Emily.

Wow. Got your answer sheet
all ready to go.

Somebody's prepared.

Yeah, well, you know,

failing to prepare
is preparing to fail.

So good luck.

Ah. Okay.

Well, she basically just
called me a huge nerd

for writing our team name
on our answer sheet.

I think you're reading
into it.

I am going to destroy them.

But I like that energy.
Bottle that up,

and then when the time
is right, smash that bottle

and shank them over and over
again with facts,

even after their
body's not moving.

Okay.

The name of the game
is General Trivia.

Five rounds.
Nine questions each.

That's 48 questions total.

We have not started yet.

And the math is wrong.

Just getting in your head.

Is this guy... spicy.
I like it.

This is me at Pepperoncini.

You don't want to see me
at Carolina Reaper.

First category.
US presidents.

First question.

The most popular first name
for presidents is James.

List every presidential James.

In other words,
let the James begin.

[man laughing]

Thank you, Greg.

I learned a bunch
of this stuff

for my U.S. citizenship test.

James Garfield is somebody.

Oh, you're thinking
of James Williams,

who you used to smoke weed
and watch Garfield with.

Yeah, I ate a lot of lasagna
that summer.

Oh, Melinda.

Okay, quick, take out all
the money in your wallet.

Maybe that'll give us a clue.

Ooh. Okay.

Wait. I feel like
there's one more.

Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter.

Yes, yes!
Jimmy is short for James.

-Jimmy is short for James!
-Yes, yes!

You are whispering so loud,

everyone's gonna know
that we guessed

President James Franco.

Eight more questions, Boss.

Right, right, right,
right, right, right, right.

It's called chunking.

You take bigger bits
of information,

break them down into smaller,
you guessed it, chunks.

Oh.

I know, it's
totally simple, right?

No, I just cut my hand.

Mmhmm, mmhmm.

[Bettany] How many toes...

Oh, that is deep.

Oh, that is like
urgent care deep.

I mean, I'm already
short-staffed.

I might have to close early.

What? No, no, you can't
do that.

I had to get clearance

for these hours from my wife,
I can't-

No, I can't go home now.
Let me tend bar.

Really?

Yeah, I did it in college.

I told you that a few minutes
ago, Marty.

Okay. Hold down the fort.
Just cans and bottles.

Absolutely. I got you, Marty.

-Thanks, Peter.
-Patel.

Patel.

Bartender Patel.

Okay, I want to hear
about your crazy life.

Who are you hooking up
with right now?

Well, this will sound
like a lie,

but I am kind of
in a sexual triangle

with, like, a female
billionaire lifestyle mogul

whose name
I can't legally say.

Oh, like a sexy
polyamorous Voldemort?

Sure. Yeah.

Who's the other person?

-Co-worker.
-Wow.

Don't look at her.
It's not her.

That is a full plate,
even for you.

Thank you. Yeah.

Okay, I have tabulated
the scores,

and it looks like the leaders
are Lone Wolf and Associates

at 14 points.

[Emily howls]

Yeah, it's a silent wolf.

Silent. [silent howl]

In a close second.
We got Shrezzabelle at 13 points.

Permission to approach
the bench.

It's a stage.
But, yeah, you may.

I think you'll see
that they've written-

All right.

All right, uh, yeah.

It looks like, uh, scores
have been updated.

Lone Wolf and Associates and
Shrezzabelle are now tied at 13.

-What?
-No.

What did you say?

He accurately pointed out
that the first Irish step dancer

to visit the White House

is Michael Flatley,
Lord of the Dance.

-Yeah, that's what we wrote.
-Yeah.

No, no, no. You wrote
The Lord of the Dance.

Oh, squeeze us twice.

My Mormon teammate is right.
This is BS.

Yeah.

Guys, is this really
how you want to win this?

Yeah. Let them have their
little measly point.

Because we will be climbing
the victor's podium

to take our place amongst
the pantheon of champions

of bar trivia.

Just a reminder,
there is no podium.

There is a $100 gift certificate

for the surf and turf platter
for two,

which expires at midnight.

And our sweet victory over
Shrezebelle will be our dessert.

And the skillet cookie.

Oh, we'll definitely
get the skillet cookie.

-Frank.
-Yeah.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Bye.

[whispering] Is she trying
to look at our answer?

That's him, isn't it?

Tall, arrogant, and
basically describing dad.

Take that-
That's disgusting.

You are disgusting.

Is he also withholding?

You are making a very normal
platonic situation

where we're sex-sharing
a billionaire weird.

It's not weird.

I bet he sneezes loud, too.

[loud sneeze]

[Frank] Oh. Please.

That wasn't that loud.

You know, it might be fun
if we both got to play.

Because, you know,
we're on a team.

If you want to help,
you can use your body

to block the answer sheet.

Watch this.

Isabelle! Block now!

Oh, quit acting like
you're eating in prison.

I'm not going to steal
your lunch.

Hey, speaking of theft.

Hi, Isabelle.

Hi, Frank.
Close game, isn't it?

Yeah.

You gonna pay for those fries,

or is this one of
your adorable

dine-and-dash situations?

I only stick it to the man
at chain restaurants.

You do know that
when you do that,

Shred goes back and pays,
right?

You do?

No.

Yeah.

Okay. I'm feeling weirdly
judged and embarrassed.

Well, that's the opposite
of how I want you to feel.

That's why I do it
behind your back.

Okay, well,
in relationships,

you're not supposed
to do things

behind your partner's back.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Like, use my prescription
sensitivity toothpaste.

-Yes.
-Oh, my God.

Yes, I smell it
on your breath.

[Isabelle] Okay, we'll stop
at a pharmacy on the way home,

and I'll steal you another one.

It's not that big a deal.

[Shred] That's not what I want.

I want you to respect
the one that I have.

[Isabelle] I want you to let
me steal when I need to steal.

Sounds like you're projecting
your anxieties

about getting older
onto your summer intern.

Now, you either pay him
like a grown-up

or you let a kid be a kid.

Right?

Get out of here,
you rascal!

[Patel laughs]

Spicy three ways,
all night raves.

I think it's so great.
You haven't changed at all.

Thanks.

What do you mean
by that, exactly?

Well, don't take this
the wrong way,

but you're acting like
the same club girl.

You were back in Auckland.

Don't take this the wrong way,

maybe you're just super bored
with your own life.

It's called being responsible.

I have to be the perfect child
holding the family together.

Right? Yeah.

Mum's sick, Victoria.

She is?

No, but if she was,

I would be the one
spoon-feeding her-

What is wrong with you?
You are so dramatic.

Oh. I'm dramatic.

You're the one who moved
to Seattle

because you were so obsessed
with the movie Twilight.

Oh, okay.
Uh, trivia can wait.

We need to hear this.

It was more the books
than the movies.

Oh, I get it, girl.

He could read
everyone's mind but hers.

Okay, we need to stay focused
and unpack this later, okay?

Is that my scrunchie?

Did you steal that
from my room?

No, it's my scrunchie that you
took from my room in year 10.

Give it back.
That is not your scrunchie.

-Year ten
-No, it is not.

And you don't suit an updo,
so take it off.

[yelps]

-Get that!
-I got it at a market.

Okay. Round 4 is over.

Score update.

Looks like Lone Wolf and
Associates have taken the lead.

Yes, yes!

[Emily howls]

Excessive celebration.

All right, everybody shut up.

Okay, now, this next
one is a fun one.

Next category is the great
American novel.

Damn it!
This is Frank's category.

Hey, are you good at books?

I read mainly nonfiction,
DIY manuals,

historical pornography,
blueprints.

This is going to be
a bloodbath.

Wait, let me see
one of your wallets.

Fast, fast. Come on.

Thank you.

Oh, you quitting already,
quitter?

Is that it?

First question.
Which one of these

great American novels
is the shortest?

Fahrenheit 451,

The Catcher in the Rye
or Beloved?

I do remember Beloved
being pretty short

because I read it all

during a single
high school dance.

Your childhood stories
are affecting my game now.

Fahrenheit 451
is not that long,

but for Ray Bradbury, it's...

["Hey Mickey" plays]

Uh... it's... not.

Are you okay?

?... you're so fine,

? you blow my mind.
Hey, Mickey. ?

? Hey Mickey

Excuse me.

? Oh, Mickey,
you're so fine ?

? you're so fine you
blow my mind ?

? Hey Mickey

? Hey Mickey

Yep.
The machine's just for show.

It's playing over
the bar sound system, too.

It doesn't bother me.
I'm fine.

Good.

So fine.

It blows my mind.

Uh oh.

I'll be right back.

? Oh, Mickey,
what a pity ?

? you don't understand

? you take me by the heart

? and you take me
by the hand ?

? Oh, Mickey you're...

What... what just happened?

Just a little
psychological warfare.

Found a little Frank scab
and picked it.

That's a pretty messed up
thing to do to your friend.

All right, next question.

Okay, shh.
We have to focus up.

Excuse me? Shh?

Name one of the witches
of Eastwick.

Oh. Hell yeah.
You hear that, Frank?

Bettany's talking
witches in here.

American witches.

? Oh, Mickey, what a pity
you don't understand ?

? you take me by
the heart ?

Can I give you five? Stop!

? and you take me by
the hand ?

Fine. Fine.

Sorry. Spencer, darling,
I can't hear you.

Auntie Victoria made
mummy's eardrums ring.

I'll call you back.

Oh. Hi, Frank.

-Hey, Mickey.
-It's Melinda.

Mhm.

You all right?

No. Stupid.
Doesn't matter.

When I was a boy,

my brothers locked me
in a room for 48 hours.

And they played the song
"Hey, Mickey" on a loop.

Siblings are the worst.

Yeah, I shouldn't
have told Shred,

but I didn't have
a good excuse

for why I was
punching the truck stereo.

Yeah. People that
know you the best

really know how to get
under your skin.

Mhm.

I used to microwave
Victoria's favorite

stuffed bunny
when we were little.

I wonder if that's
why she saves animals now.

I'm going to head back inside.
Do you want to join or.

No I'm going to walk this off.

I'm gonna punch these
trash bags for a while.

Okay. Put those
big muscles to use.

Right. I am big, right?
Yeah, I am.

Yeah.

[singing] ? Hey, Mickey
what a pity ?-

Oh. [laughs]
Please.

- Oh, the thing.
- Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

No.
It's cool, it's cool.

Hey.

Hey.

Things are really
heating up out there, huh?

Yeah.

Kind of sucks.

Oh, really?
You're not a trivia fan?

No, it's just Shred.

He's just being so insane
about winning.

I mean, don't get me wrong,
I love a free meal,

but he's just acting
like such a dick.

Oh, wow.

Okay. I'm sorry,
I just realized

I'm complaining about
my boyfriend to his boss.

That's... yeah.

- No.
- Sorry.

No, it's totally good.
I'm like a cool boss.

Like I'm wearing jeans
at a bar.

So keep going, chica.

Really?

'Cause we've never
really done this before.

Yeah, I don't know.

I kind of always got the sense
you don't totally like me.

[high-pitched] What?!

Ow!

[both laugh]

Oh my God, no Isabelle.

No. The only thing I don't
like about you

is how, like, bad you are
at reading people.

Because I'm...
I'm fond of you.

Like, I love how much soap
you're putting in that bag.

Um, no. So if you want to,
like, bitch about

the whole BF like...
green light.

I might take you up
on that another time,

but I'm gonna go
get some air.

Yeah. Thanks.
See ya later.

Enjoy the soap.

Did you hear that, Steven?
They're having problems.

They're having problems.

Now you sing.

[clamoring]
Can I have a drink, please?

Yeah, one sec.

Hi. Hello.

Victoria. You never told me
you were a Twihard.

What are you, Team Edward
or Team Jacob or Team Bella?

You know, Melinda is so judgy.

What I did was hard.

I started a whole new life
that I'm really proud of.

On the other side of the world,
where people measure stuff

like lunatics, and I just-

Why can't she celebrate that,
you know?

She should.

You're doing great, you know.
We're all doing great.

Everything is great.

What is going on with you?

Did you OD on your
allergy meds?

No.

I think I know what's
going on.

You became a U.S. citizen.

So?

So Melinda knows you're not
moving back,

and that makes her sad.

She didn't seem
sad when she bit me.

She bit me.

Oh.

That's just her feelings
coming out sideways.

Wow.
That was almost wise.

This is really working
for you.

It kind of feels

like I've wasted my life
up until this point.

Yeah.

Alright, after the final round,
it looks like we have a tie,

so I need a player from
Lone Wolf and Associates

and Shrezzabelle,
to come on up-

-for the tie-breaker.
-Yes!

Hey, Mickey.

Not so fast.

Hey.

Can I go head-to-head
with Shred please?

Please, please,
please, please, please.

Oh, yeah. Totally.

You kind of
smell like garbage.

Yeah, I punched through
a whole bag

of cioppino out back.

Okay. That's great.
Break a leg.

Where's your girlfriend?

She leveled up and dumped you

for the 87th best snowboarder
in America.

Where's your mom?

That's right.
She's dead.

Jeez.

Gonna regret
that in the morning.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Back it up, back it up.

All right, I want
a clean game, fellas.

Five questions, rapid fire.

Ding the bell!
Answer the question.

You get it wrong.
The other player can steal.

First question.

[ding]
The Mariana Trench.

[ding]
High tide.

[ding]
Vulcanized rubber.

[ding]
Key Largo.

[ding]
The Maldives.

Kermit the Frog.

Incorrect.
Frank, yours is steal.

Robert. Bob. Cratchit.

Correct.

[ding]
Who cares?

[ding]
Handlebars.

[ding]
Computers.

Uh... this is way more
than five questions.

Final question.

Which mammal can last
the longest

without drinking water?

[ding]
Kangaroo rat, I win!

Uh, Shred...
that was Frank's guess.

Damn your cold,
callused hands.

I'm gonna go with
kangaroo rat.

Never breaks a sweat.

Urinates sparingly,
just like me.

That is... correct.
We have a winner.

Yeah!!! I possess
all knowledge!!!

All knowledge!!!

Whew!

Lone Wolf and Associates

have won the surf
and turf grand prize.

Dessert not included.

Congrats, Frank.

You're officially
the biggest nerd.

We did it!

We did it!

Tonight we feast!

Your consolation prize
is a t-shirt.

We only had a women's small.

Maybe you and
Isabelle can share it.

Think you can hide from me.

I can spot those sturdy little
ankles from a mile away.

Spencer rang again, and
the lady with the microphone

called me out for using
my phone

during trivia,
so I ducked in here.

It's no spade.

No, I miss their summer ale.

Do you think you'll ever
have some of it again?

Yeah, of course I will.
Maybe this summer.

Spencer is nervous about
starting intermediate.

He could use his cool auntie
to help him get ready.

You think I'm cool?

Yes. And I'm probably a little
jealous of your life.

American dad kind of
does it for me, too.

Oh, he doesn't do it for me.

You have to stop calling
him that, by the way.

I'm serious.

For what it's worth,

I could see you settling
down eventually.

You just put your own spin
on it and take your kid

to a baby rave in an
abandoned diaper factory.

Thank you.

Are you gonna tie
your hair up?

You've got quite
a few gray hairs.

Stop talking.

I'd want to just pull it back.

Do you want to
know what's funny?

What?

I did steal the scrunchie.

[both chuckle]

[camera shutter snaps]

I'm... glad you
didn't leave.

I tried to hitchhike,
but no takers.

Well, I got you something,
and I didn't pay for it,

so we should probably
eat fast.

You dined and dashed for me.

I did.

I'm sorry I was
so bad tonight.

I just had this whole crazy
competitive side

that you haven't seen before.

I was going to stay mad
at you,

but there're scalloped potatoes
in here, so.

I really don't want
to mess this up.

I really don't want you
to mess this up either.

You were so bad tonight.

Yeah.

You stole food.

Mmhmm.

But this is a small business,
you should pay.

Yeah, I may have already put a
few dollars under the coaster.

Like $50.

[chuckles]

I'm gonna save this
lobster claw for Monday

to eat in front of Shred.

Yup. It was a tough
night for Team Shrezzabelle.

Good job, partner.

How does it feel
to beat your sworn enemy?

Okay, Isabelle
is actually not that bad.

And it's not like I'm the only
one who's competitive with her.

What are you talking about?

Come on. The reason you got
so aggro tonight.

You miss having your friend
Shred all to yourself.

Look, if I wanted friends,

I wouldn't treat people
the way I do.

One more thing. Boink!

What?

Why did you.
Wow. Why?

Why?

I don't know.
I saw Melinda do it.

I'm just feeling very good.

Yeah, well, then definitely
don't look outside.

Mmhmm.

I really don't like her.

Me neither.

And I think she took
my wallet.

?

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