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1
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,339
Ruffles straight from the
shirt, the way nature intended.
2
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:09,808
[ all murmuring agreement ]
3
00:00:09,944 --> 00:00:11,343
Where's onion dip?
4
00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:13,228
In the auxiliary
condiment shirt.
5
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,615
Rogu cream boy.
6
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,550
I want to be cream boy.
7
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,219
Then you should have
shown up for try-outs.
8
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,687
Now, hush.
Greg's on.
9
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,357
Tonight we look at
blue zones, the areas
10
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,226
Where people's
healthy lifestyles
11
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,495
Help them live longer
than anywhere else on earth.
12
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,229
Look at these
gorgeous geezers.
13
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,697
Shh! I'm watching
14
00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:34,433
The jason statham movie
"crank" on my phone.
15
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:35,968
What? Me too.
16
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:37,369
Statham's character,
17
00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:38,894
Chev chelios...
Chev chelios.
18
00:00:38,895 --> 00:00:40,373
...Is getting road head
to keep his adrenaline up
19
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,507
So he doesn't die.
20
00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:45,244
I pretty much just watched this
one scene over and over again.
21
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:47,712
I call it
the erector's cut.
22
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,181
Quiet, fish!
23
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:52,651
Blue zones include sardinia,
Italy; icaria, greece;
24
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:54,587
And, of course,
langley falls, virginia.
25
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,788
Really?
26
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,922
...Is the complete opposite
of a blue zone.
27
00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,191
A red zone, a place
28
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,526
Where you'll likely die
at a young age.
29
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,128
[ gasps ]
30
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,263
My "crank"!
31
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:05,797
We're all gonna die soon
32
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,266
Unless we live like
in one of these blue zones.
33
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,512
Francine, blue zones are
for two things -
34
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,404
The blue man
and his group.
35
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,606
Plus, I'm healthy as babe,
the blue ox.
36
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,009
[ bones cracking ]
[ groaning ]
37
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:20,679
Now let's race upstairs for
a very healthy roll in the hay.
38
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,214
Last one there is a rotten -
39
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,549
[ panting ]
40
00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:26,241
Put the bose headphones on,
kids.
41
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:29,021
Francine,
we'll have to do it here.
42
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,890
??
43
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:34,759
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
44
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,030
? I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
45
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:41,099
? the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ?
46
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:45,204
? and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ?
47
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:50,842
? oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
48
00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:53,578
? good - ?
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
49
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,180
Aah!
50
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:59,051
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
51
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,453
??
52
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:04,789
Please just try
some mediterranean food, stan.
53
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,859
This is how they eat
in blue zones.
54
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,195
There are too many colors
on my plate, francine.
55
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:10,595
It's blinding.
56
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,464
Those are vegetables.
I knew it.
57
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:13,998
Health food.
58
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,001
It's delicious.
And it'll help us live longer.
59
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:19,804
Don't you want to be
around to do all that stuff
60
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:23,742
On your bucket list?
Go on safari, seeing ringo starr
61
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:26,945
And his all-starr band,
learn to play the bass.
62
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:28,881
I gave up on that
years ago.
63
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,216
Remember when I spent the
whole weekend learning the bass?
64
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:32,752
No matter
how much I practiced,
65
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,620
I still couldn't play like flea
by Monday,
66
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,555
So no more wasting time,
francine.
67
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,491
Now I spend every day
living life to the fullest.
68
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,426
Yeah, you do.
Let's watch "crank."
69
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:43,228
Start it up, my friend.
70
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,743
Sorry, but life's too short
71
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,165
To spend it trying
to live longer.
72
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:48,366
[ spits ]
73
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,168
These taste
incredible today.
74
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,371
Because I replaced them with
pita chips and baba ganoush.
75
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,640
[ spits ]
you tricked me.
76
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,642
But baba ganoush is
a hilarious name
77
00:02:57,643 --> 00:02:59,378
And the taste doesn't lag
far behind.
78
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:02,180
Now, what's this?
79
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,116
Mmm. Mmm.
80
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,450
A falafel.
81
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:07,852
I guess maybe I could
82
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,588
Give the mediterranean
diet a try.
83
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:11,923
[ greek music playing ]
84
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:15,660
??
85
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,597
You did a real 180 on
this mediterranean stuff, dad.
86
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,199
Well, that falafel
really changed my life.
87
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,401
[ door opens ]
88
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:26,138
I can't believe
you're allowed to just walk
89
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:27,672
To the grocery store.
90
00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:29,475
I didn't even realize
we were exercising.
91
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,544
Not only was the fishmonger
a type of man
92
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:34,146
And not a type of monster,
93
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,348
He had
whatever this thing is.
94
00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:38,550
This lifestyle makes us social,
95
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:40,284
Which is why tonight,
we dine...
96
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:42,754
Al fresco!
97
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,823
This is living.
98
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:48,160
And this is saganaki -
flaming greek cheese.
99
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,528
Opa!
100
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:55,233
Uh, stan, who are
those guys over there?
101
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,809
Along with tons of olive oil,
102
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,773
I imported
these mediterranean men
103
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,939
To make our social bonds
authentic.
104
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,309
This one is my favorite.
105
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,312
Meet my best friend and mentor,
petros.
106
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,248
[ speaking greek ]
107
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,317
Oh, petros,
108
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:14,119
Your babbling is filled
with such greek wisdom.
109
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,988
Opa!
110
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,923
[ screaming ]
111
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,458
What's this bullshit?
112
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:21,793
It's called bocce.
113
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,929
Takes an entire lifetime
to master.
114
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:30,202
??
115
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,871
We have wasted our lives.
116
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:37,141
Let's go have a warm beer
in a tiny little glass.
117
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:43,748
??
118
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,750
I love you.
119
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:49,354
I wonder if I need to buy
petros a new little greek vest.
120
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,023
Later, stan.
121
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:55,227
Now let's go do what
married couples do best.
122
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,695
Oh, stan!
123
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,297
O-pa!
124
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,933
[ fire whooshes ]
125
00:05:05,523 --> 00:05:09,859
Wow! If we keep
this lifestyle going,
126
00:05:09,994 --> 00:05:13,062
I really think we could
be adding years to our lives.
127
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,532
It feels like we've
been given all this extra time
128
00:05:15,533 --> 00:05:17,667
To do...
My bucket list.
129
00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:19,670
Excuse the post-coitus
interruptus.
130
00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:21,070
I have to call our lawyer.
131
00:05:21,205 --> 00:05:22,672
[ line rings ]
132
00:05:22,673 --> 00:05:25,208
Rudy, I need to update
and expand my bucket list.
133
00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:26,809
How many witnesses
do I need?
134
00:05:26,944 --> 00:05:29,479
None. It's not
a legal document.
135
00:05:29,613 --> 00:05:31,547
Whatever you say, rudy.
136
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,949
You're the family lawyer.
Just write this down.
137
00:05:32,950 --> 00:05:34,283
Meet jason statham,
138
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,686
See ringo starr's
all-starr band,
139
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,820
Join ringo starr's
all-starr band,
140
00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:41,223
Replace ringo
in ringo stan's
141
00:05:41,359 --> 00:05:42,958
All-stan band.
142
00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:47,096
[ greek music playing ]
143
00:05:47,231 --> 00:05:48,364
Breakfast saganaki?
144
00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:49,566
"opa" it for me,
would you?
145
00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:50,700
I have to find petros,
146
00:05:50,835 --> 00:05:53,035
Tell him about my
new bucket list. Petros!
147
00:05:53,037 --> 00:05:55,237
Petros, my soulmate!
148
00:05:55,373 --> 00:05:57,907
There he is.
149
00:05:58,042 --> 00:06:00,309
Looks like someone partied
too hard.
150
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,244
You know what that means.
151
00:06:02,246 --> 00:06:05,581
This is gonna be good.
152
00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,383
Time to wake up, petros.
153
00:06:16,394 --> 00:06:18,928
Oh, my god, petros is dead.
154
00:06:19,063 --> 00:06:22,632
Ooooopaaaa!
155
00:06:25,537 --> 00:06:28,470
How could someone this
young die of natural causes?
156
00:06:28,606 --> 00:06:30,206
He was 96.
157
00:06:30,341 --> 00:06:33,075
But he lived the most
mediterranean lifestyle ever.
158
00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:34,744
My bucket list is huge.
159
00:06:34,879 --> 00:06:37,012
96 years will barely
scratch the surface.
160
00:06:37,014 --> 00:06:39,549
We're doing what we can
to live longer, stan.
161
00:06:39,683 --> 00:06:41,083
But no one lives forever.
162
00:06:41,218 --> 00:06:42,818
? wrong ?
163
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:45,221
I will go beyond
the mediterranean lifestyle.
164
00:06:45,356 --> 00:06:47,823
I will find a way
to live forever.
165
00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:50,826
I will defy death.
Ah!
166
00:06:50,962 --> 00:06:54,497
Oh, petros, will your death
ever stop hurting?
167
00:06:57,815 --> 00:07:02,085
"run a marathon, try anal,
open a failing gastropub,
168
00:07:02,086 --> 00:07:04,821
Get gordon ramsay to visit,
then trap him in the freezer."
169
00:07:04,822 --> 00:07:07,356
Truly a bucket list
to not die for.
170
00:07:07,358 --> 00:07:09,358
Kalamata olive,
stan?
171
00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:11,227
You know I'm trying
to live forever,
172
00:07:11,228 --> 00:07:13,430
And you offer me the very things
that killed petros?!
173
00:07:13,431 --> 00:07:16,365
Now be gone,
ye harbinger of death.
174
00:07:16,501 --> 00:07:19,034
Oh, I guess now we
aren't saying goodbye?
175
00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:21,571
Real nice. Okay.
[ cracks knuckles ]
176
00:07:21,572 --> 00:07:23,774
Like a modern-day wizard,
I delve into strange
177
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:27,544
And arcane alchemies in search
of eternal life.
178
00:07:31,316 --> 00:07:33,649
Bullseye. Targeted ad.
179
00:07:33,651 --> 00:07:36,519
This is
why I always share my data.
180
00:07:36,654 --> 00:07:38,053
Ow! Roger,
what was that?
181
00:07:38,055 --> 00:07:40,456
Your free injection
of peptides.
182
00:07:40,457 --> 00:07:42,459
I'm told there are
articles about studies
183
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,460
That claim it de-ages you.
184
00:07:44,595 --> 00:07:46,662
Dr. Lee vurever, biohacker.
185
00:07:46,663 --> 00:07:48,598
Biohacking
is using high-tech science
186
00:07:48,599 --> 00:07:51,000
On your body
to stop aging in its tracks.
187
00:07:51,002 --> 00:07:53,936
Aah!
Just another injection. Not free.
188
00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:56,005
And this stuff is legit?
Of course.
189
00:07:56,006 --> 00:07:58,475
Why else would insane
silicon valley people do it?
190
00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:00,676
Stan, may I show you
a picture of a shark?
191
00:08:00,812 --> 00:08:03,078
Alright.
Just this once.
192
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,213
The greenland shark.
193
00:08:04,214 --> 00:08:06,082
Longest-living vertebrate
on earth.
194
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:08,083
Five-hundo years old.
195
00:08:08,084 --> 00:08:09,219
Five-hundo?
196
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:11,821
But that's...500.
197
00:08:11,822 --> 00:08:13,824
Scientists are researching
their secrets
198
00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:15,358
To find a way
to live forever.
199
00:08:15,493 --> 00:08:17,783
We need to keep you
from aging so you're alive
200
00:08:17,784 --> 00:08:19,830
When the live-forever
tech is invented.
201
00:08:19,831 --> 00:08:21,631
Then I can do my
whole bucket list.
202
00:08:21,766 --> 00:08:24,099
You could do it twice.
You'll be alive forever.
203
00:08:24,235 --> 00:08:26,769
You'll see the continents
form back into pangea,
204
00:08:26,904 --> 00:08:28,904
The rise
of the mutant roach men.
205
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,774
Sounds great, but will
it turn my life upside down?
206
00:08:31,909 --> 00:08:35,444
No way. It works best if you
go about your normal life.
207
00:08:35,445 --> 00:08:37,113
You'll notice me as much
as you notice
208
00:08:37,114 --> 00:08:38,715
The massive
anal vitamin blast
209
00:08:38,716 --> 00:08:40,383
I gave you
mere moments ago.
210
00:08:40,518 --> 00:08:42,148
Why, I didn't notice that
at all.
211
00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:43,719
Wait. Sorry.
I'm all mixed up.
212
00:08:43,855 --> 00:08:45,955
Didn't do this one yet.
Drop trou, bud.
213
00:08:46,257 --> 00:08:47,590
Umby g!
214
00:08:47,591 --> 00:08:49,259
"umby g" is short
for umberto granaglia,
215
00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:51,794
The greatest bocce player
of all time.
216
00:08:51,929 --> 00:08:54,597
Don't need this
in a longevity lab.
217
00:08:54,732 --> 00:08:56,199
Longevity lab?!
218
00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:59,068
That's my room,
my clothes!
219
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:00,603
My bed!
220
00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:03,272
Aaah!
My jeff!
221
00:09:03,408 --> 00:09:04,974
What the hell?!
222
00:09:06,077 --> 00:09:08,010
What have you done
to my bedroom?!
223
00:09:08,011 --> 00:09:10,680
Well, I need somewhere to put
my high-tech longevity lab.
224
00:09:10,681 --> 00:09:12,548
What about your attic?
Be serious.
225
00:09:12,549 --> 00:09:14,284
Where would I put
all of rogu's toys?
226
00:09:14,285 --> 00:09:16,086
We're all making sacrifices,
hayley.
227
00:09:16,087 --> 00:09:17,687
You don't hear
steve complaining.
228
00:09:17,688 --> 00:09:20,022
[ weakly ] daddy needs
my young blood.
229
00:09:20,157 --> 00:09:21,357
Ugh!
230
00:09:21,492 --> 00:09:24,360
Send that sweet blood
to my fingies, steve.
231
00:09:24,495 --> 00:09:25,695
It's bass time.
232
00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:27,697
[ strings pluck ]
233
00:09:27,832 --> 00:09:29,031
[ crash ]
jeff: Ow!
234
00:09:29,166 --> 00:09:30,833
Hey!
That's on my bucket list.
235
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:33,036
No multi-tasking. It ages you
like nobody's business.
236
00:09:33,037 --> 00:09:35,771
[ cellphone chimes ]
we need single-minded focus.
237
00:09:35,773 --> 00:09:38,641
Dr. Weitzman, any results
for stan's aging test?
238
00:09:38,776 --> 00:09:40,843
Stan's aging 30% slower.
239
00:09:40,978 --> 00:09:44,447
It's working!
Let's effing sloooow.
240
00:09:44,582 --> 00:09:46,649
[ upbeat music plays ]
241
00:09:46,784 --> 00:09:51,720
??
242
00:09:51,722 --> 00:09:56,525
??
243
00:09:56,527 --> 00:09:59,395
From now on, you only eat
highly nutritious sludge.
244
00:09:59,530 --> 00:10:00,729
Tube him!
245
00:10:00,731 --> 00:10:08,871
??
246
00:10:09,006 --> 00:10:16,812
??
247
00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:19,214
Uhp! 1:00 p.M.
You know what that means.
248
00:10:19,350 --> 00:10:20,549
Lunch.
Bedtime.
249
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:22,085
You need
your 14 hours of sleep.
250
00:10:22,086 --> 00:10:24,419
Dog-style.
Doggy-style?
251
00:10:24,421 --> 00:10:25,922
Weitzman!
252
00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:30,693
At least
he sleeps normally.
253
00:10:30,828 --> 00:10:33,562
Sorry, franny,
forgot something.
254
00:10:33,564 --> 00:10:34,830
[ whirring ]
aah!
255
00:10:34,831 --> 00:10:36,166
It's good
for his rem cycle.
256
00:10:36,167 --> 00:10:37,900
What about
my rem cycle?
257
00:10:38,035 --> 00:10:40,136
Oh, no,
it's real bad for that.
258
00:10:43,174 --> 00:10:45,641
Ugh.
I haven't slept in weeks.
259
00:10:45,642 --> 00:10:47,311
We all want your dad
to live longer,
260
00:10:47,312 --> 00:10:50,379
But this biohacking
has gotta stop.
261
00:10:50,515 --> 00:10:52,114
Yeah, he missed me
winning
262
00:10:52,115 --> 00:10:55,185
The famous roberto benigni
invitational tournamentini.
263
00:10:55,186 --> 00:10:59,021
You're all jealous you're not
his special blood bo-
264
00:11:00,257 --> 00:11:02,057
Our life was
so amazing.
265
00:11:02,059 --> 00:11:05,194
The string lights,
the falafel, the saganaki.
266
00:11:05,196 --> 00:11:06,996
The opas!
267
00:11:06,998 --> 00:11:09,098
That'll snap him
out of it.
268
00:11:09,099 --> 00:11:13,269
Sorry, francine.
You can't come in the bubble.
269
00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:16,605
The air in here is filtered to
dr. Vurever's specifications.
270
00:11:16,741 --> 00:11:20,676
But stan, don't you remember
the saganaki?
271
00:11:20,811 --> 00:11:23,478
The opa?
272
00:11:23,479 --> 00:11:24,480
The opa?
273
00:11:24,481 --> 00:11:27,683
The ohhh-pah.
274
00:11:27,685 --> 00:11:31,220
A lot of steve's blood is
rushing to my penis right now.
275
00:11:31,222 --> 00:11:33,689
But, no, I can't.
It could age me.
276
00:11:33,824 --> 00:11:36,491
Don't be silly, stan.
Sex keeps you young.
277
00:11:36,493 --> 00:11:38,427
It's totally natural.
278
00:11:38,563 --> 00:11:41,164
[ breathing heavily ]
279
00:11:41,298 --> 00:11:43,165
Roger:
Looking sexy, stan.
280
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:46,235
Blood oxygen optimal,
sperm motility on target.
281
00:11:46,237 --> 00:11:48,771
Roger,
are you watching us?!
282
00:11:48,906 --> 00:11:50,706
Not watching.
Monitoring.
283
00:11:50,708 --> 00:11:52,307
Great.
Just like that, stan.
284
00:11:52,309 --> 00:11:54,910
[ machine beeping ]
heart rate a little high. Easy.
285
00:11:54,912 --> 00:11:57,513
Faster. No, slower.
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
286
00:11:57,648 --> 00:12:00,716
Under no circumstance
can you climax. [ beeping faster ]
287
00:12:00,717 --> 00:12:02,318
Slow down.
You're getting too close.
288
00:12:02,319 --> 00:12:04,129
[ alarm blares ]
stan, stop! Abort!
289
00:12:04,255 --> 00:12:06,656
What is he doing?!
Weitzman, pull him out!
290
00:12:07,792 --> 00:12:10,459
Get out of here,
weitzman!
291
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:12,995
Stan:
Euuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhh!
292
00:12:12,996 --> 00:12:14,931
Damn it, weitzman,
stop touching your face.
293
00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:16,466
You're getting it
in your eyes.
294
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,801
I thought I could pull you
back to reality,
295
00:12:18,936 --> 00:12:21,203
But now I just feel stupid!
296
00:12:21,204 --> 00:12:23,006
I know it's been tough,
but for me to have
297
00:12:23,007 --> 00:12:25,007
A real chance
to live forever -
298
00:12:25,142 --> 00:12:27,743
Enough with this
living-forever nonsense.
299
00:12:27,878 --> 00:12:29,412
You're acting like a lunatic.
300
00:12:29,547 --> 00:12:30,927
Says the harbinger of death.
301
00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:33,348
Stop calling me
the harbinger of death!
302
00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:34,920
Harbinger of death
says what?
303
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,886
Stop! All this fighting
is aging you faster
304
00:12:36,887 --> 00:12:38,687
Than a wartime president.
305
00:12:38,688 --> 00:12:40,957
It's critical we get you away
from all these stressors
306
00:12:40,958 --> 00:12:42,758
And into an isolation tent.
307
00:12:42,759 --> 00:12:43,960
We're almost
at the finish line.
308
00:12:43,961 --> 00:12:45,894
The finish line,
francine!
309
00:12:45,896 --> 00:12:47,963
What finish line?!
What finish line?
310
00:12:48,099 --> 00:12:50,749
I've finally been invited
to hunt greenland sharks
311
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:52,235
In a submersible
off the coast of -
312
00:12:52,236 --> 00:12:54,103
And this is weird -
texas.
313
00:12:54,238 --> 00:12:56,906
We are this close
to unlocking eternal life.
314
00:12:57,041 --> 00:12:59,908
Francine, look how close
together his fingers are.
315
00:12:59,910 --> 00:13:03,045
[ snoring softly ]
316
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:05,681
[ machine beeping ]
317
00:13:10,855 --> 00:13:14,189
I'm betting
that if primo wife sex
318
00:13:14,325 --> 00:13:16,391
Couldn't bring stan
back to his senses,
319
00:13:16,527 --> 00:13:21,196
The only thing that can is the
taste of his other true love,
320
00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:22,731
Falafel.
321
00:13:22,732 --> 00:13:24,067
But how do we get it
in his mouth?
322
00:13:24,068 --> 00:13:25,334
[ croaking ]
glory hole.
323
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:28,737
Roger always hides
a secret glory hole
324
00:13:28,739 --> 00:13:30,272
In anything he builds,
325
00:13:30,407 --> 00:13:32,475
But it won't be easy
to find.
326
00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:33,676
Here it is.
327
00:13:33,811 --> 00:13:35,210
Sweet souvlaki.
328
00:13:35,346 --> 00:13:38,280
I could bocce it through
the hole and into his mouth.
329
00:13:38,415 --> 00:13:39,882
[ snoring ]
330
00:13:40,017 --> 00:13:42,551
Umberto granaglia
guide my hand.
331
00:13:42,553 --> 00:13:44,620
[ dramatic music plays ]
332
00:13:44,755 --> 00:13:53,829
??
333
00:13:53,831 --> 00:13:55,698
Yeah!
Right in the kisser! Hayley!
334
00:13:55,833 --> 00:13:57,166
Ugh!
What was that?
335
00:13:57,301 --> 00:14:00,435
Oh, no.
It shot down his throat.
336
00:14:00,437 --> 00:14:02,037
He didn't even taste it!
337
00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:04,707
Weird. An insulin spike,
for some reason.
338
00:14:04,842 --> 00:14:06,509
I can fix that.
339
00:14:07,645 --> 00:14:11,213
[ beeping and whirring ]
uhp! Now blood oxygen is dropping.
340
00:14:13,584 --> 00:14:16,651
Now I've got low-t?
Enough pussyfooting.
341
00:14:16,653 --> 00:14:18,087
Let's do this!
342
00:14:18,789 --> 00:14:21,590
[ intense whirring and beeping ]
343
00:14:21,726 --> 00:14:23,859
I'm gonna live forever!
344
00:14:23,861 --> 00:14:25,528
Aaah! Oh!
345
00:14:25,662 --> 00:14:28,130
[ grunting and groaning ]
346
00:14:28,265 --> 00:14:30,166
I was never here!
347
00:14:32,803 --> 00:14:35,604
Stan, you pumped a lot of
horrible stuff into your body.
348
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:38,273
Good news - there's more
health data on you
349
00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:39,742
Than any patient ever.
350
00:14:39,877 --> 00:14:42,011
Bad news -
all that data shows
351
00:14:42,146 --> 00:14:45,014
You'll only live
for three more days.
352
00:14:45,683 --> 00:14:48,918
Three-day weekend, baby!
353
00:14:52,489 --> 00:14:54,689
I only have three days
left to live?
354
00:14:54,825 --> 00:14:56,225
You can do it, mr. S!
355
00:14:56,359 --> 00:14:58,359
There must be some way
to save him.
356
00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,895
The only thing
that could help
357
00:14:59,896 --> 00:15:01,163
Is a transfusion
with your son,
358
00:15:01,164 --> 00:15:03,432
But somehow he has
almost no blood.
359
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:05,634
Uh, a medical mystery.
360
00:15:05,769 --> 00:15:07,969
Where's roger?
Could he help?
361
00:15:07,971 --> 00:15:09,571
I don't think so.
Look!
362
00:15:09,706 --> 00:15:12,441
Dr. Vurever's submersible
has likely imploded
363
00:15:12,576 --> 00:15:14,309
In the ocean depths.
364
00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:16,112
Experts say the accident
was probably caused
365
00:15:16,113 --> 00:15:18,647
By a small circular perforation
in the hull.
366
00:15:18,782 --> 00:15:19,862
Together: Glory hole.
367
00:15:19,916 --> 00:15:21,382
I'll see you soon, petros.
368
00:15:21,384 --> 00:15:24,653
Wait. What if this is
a crank situation?
369
00:15:24,788 --> 00:15:27,922
What?
Raising my adrenaline could let me live longer.
370
00:15:27,924 --> 00:15:29,494
It's worth a shot.
Quick, stan!
371
00:15:29,593 --> 00:15:32,861
Parkour out the window
and steal a motorcycle.
372
00:15:32,996 --> 00:15:35,196
[ exciting music plays ]
ah!
373
00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:36,798
I think it's working.
374
00:15:36,933 --> 00:15:38,333
Aah!
[ thud ]
375
00:15:38,469 --> 00:15:39,835
[ flatline ]
376
00:15:42,473 --> 00:15:45,740
That fall had you
unconscious for 48 hours.
377
00:15:45,876 --> 00:15:47,608
You have one more day
to live.
378
00:15:47,610 --> 00:15:49,478
The "crank" didn't work?
379
00:15:49,479 --> 00:15:51,814
I tried and tried to get
someone to give you road head,
380
00:15:51,815 --> 00:15:53,348
But no one would do it.
381
00:15:53,684 --> 00:15:57,552
??
382
00:15:57,688 --> 00:16:00,398
How about we find some
easy things on your bucket list
383
00:16:00,491 --> 00:16:02,557
We can do on your last day,
stan?
384
00:16:02,559 --> 00:16:05,694
Here's one - "buy
wendy's spicy nuggets,
385
00:16:05,829 --> 00:16:07,362
Eat them in
a mcdonald's."
386
00:16:07,363 --> 00:16:09,031
If there's no time
to do all of it,
387
00:16:09,032 --> 00:16:10,431
I don't want to do
any of it.
388
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:12,497
I'll spend my last day
experimenting
389
00:16:12,569 --> 00:16:15,203
With different ways to say,
"why me?"
390
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:17,906
[ cries ]
391
00:16:18,041 --> 00:16:20,709
I just want him
at least to die happy.
392
00:16:20,844 --> 00:16:24,379
Wait, what if there was
a way he could do all of it?
393
00:16:25,782 --> 00:16:30,185
Why me, why me, why me?
394
00:16:30,187 --> 00:16:31,420
[ knock on door ]
395
00:16:33,324 --> 00:16:34,923
Jason statham?
396
00:16:35,058 --> 00:16:37,058
Hi, stan.
I heard you're dying.
397
00:16:37,194 --> 00:16:39,194
Oh, my god,
he knows who I am.
398
00:16:39,196 --> 00:16:41,363
Not really, mate.
Follow me.
399
00:16:47,538 --> 00:16:49,204
W-what is this?
400
00:16:49,206 --> 00:16:51,206
We're going to
your bucketpalooza.
401
00:16:51,341 --> 00:16:53,608
Bucketpalooza?
As in an event
402
00:16:53,609 --> 00:16:55,678
Where I get to do everything
on my bucket list
403
00:16:55,679 --> 00:16:57,011
Today before I die?
404
00:16:57,013 --> 00:16:59,080
Yes! Klaus is finishing
setting it all
405
00:16:59,216 --> 00:17:00,849
Up at the sharks nest.
406
00:17:03,486 --> 00:17:05,854
Here's your bucketpalooza map,
dad.
407
00:17:07,024 --> 00:17:09,224
A safari.
A bass masterclass.
408
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:10,859
Oyyyy!
[ tires screech ]
409
00:17:12,429 --> 00:17:15,096
Traffic jam.
[ horns honking ]
410
00:17:15,098 --> 00:17:17,165
Like a bleeding car park,
it is.
411
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:20,769
Lorries bonnet to boot
as far as the eye can see.
412
00:17:20,904 --> 00:17:23,171
Remind me again
when you're dying.
413
00:17:23,306 --> 00:17:27,308
According to the data,
I pass away at eight tonight.
414
00:17:27,310 --> 00:17:29,711
Ah, no rush then.
It'll move.
415
00:17:29,846 --> 00:17:34,115
[ horns honking ]
416
00:17:34,785 --> 00:17:37,015
What if we do some things
on your bucket list
417
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,453
Right here in the car?
418
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:41,055
[ gasps ] are we on
safari right now?
419
00:17:41,057 --> 00:17:43,524
[ dog panting ]
420
00:17:43,526 --> 00:17:44,576
[ sighs ]
421
00:17:45,262 --> 00:17:48,664
Ooh!
The bellagio fountain show.
422
00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,400
Should I give statham
road head?
423
00:17:51,534 --> 00:17:53,134
That's not on
my bucket list!
424
00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:55,470
Maybe klaus can put ringo
on facetime.
425
00:17:55,471 --> 00:17:56,405
[ line ringing ]
426
00:17:56,406 --> 00:17:58,539
Stan, ringo's here.
427
00:17:58,541 --> 00:18:00,609
Giving ringo the phone now.
428
00:18:00,744 --> 00:18:02,611
Here comes ringo.
429
00:18:02,746 --> 00:18:05,413
It hung up?
No!
430
00:18:05,548 --> 00:18:07,215
Ringo,
my phone died!
431
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:09,884
We wasted my battery
watching "crank."
432
00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:11,820
I wouldn't call
it a waste, love.
433
00:18:11,955 --> 00:18:14,022
I'd never seen
the erector's cut.
434
00:18:14,758 --> 00:18:17,959
Well, at least you got
to see klaus one last time.
435
00:18:17,961 --> 00:18:19,995
[ cries ]
436
00:18:24,501 --> 00:18:25,566
Chin up, mate.
437
00:18:25,702 --> 00:18:27,702
At least you met me
before you died.
438
00:18:27,838 --> 00:18:29,237
Oh, mr. Statham.
439
00:18:29,372 --> 00:18:32,107
Please, call me
chev chelios.
440
00:18:32,242 --> 00:18:35,376
I'm not crying because I
didn't get to do my bucket list.
441
00:18:35,512 --> 00:18:38,246
It's because my family did
so much for me,
442
00:18:38,381 --> 00:18:40,282
And I treated them
so badly.
443
00:18:41,318 --> 00:18:43,051
Look, I never wrote
one thing
444
00:18:43,186 --> 00:18:45,253
On this stupid list
about my family.
445
00:18:45,388 --> 00:18:48,189
Why don't we change
that using this chaos pen
446
00:18:48,191 --> 00:18:49,458
Sly stallone gave me?
447
00:18:49,592 --> 00:18:51,459
[ ting! ]
448
00:18:51,594 --> 00:18:53,061
Worth 60k.
449
00:18:53,196 --> 00:18:54,529
In fact, you can keep it.
450
00:18:54,531 --> 00:18:56,031
I'll get it back
when you die.
451
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,667
Cancel
the bucketpalooza.
452
00:18:58,801 --> 00:19:01,970
I can finish my
new bucket list right here.
453
00:19:04,341 --> 00:19:06,341
All: Awww!
Oyyy!
454
00:19:06,476 --> 00:19:08,343
Look! We're moving again.
455
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,347
I wonder what caused
all that traffic.
456
00:19:14,151 --> 00:19:16,617
Roger?!
Chev chelios, pull over!
457
00:19:17,354 --> 00:19:19,354
Stan, it's the most
amazing story.
458
00:19:19,356 --> 00:19:20,621
After the sub imploded,
459
00:19:20,757 --> 00:19:23,024
I was saved
by a greenland shark.
460
00:19:23,025 --> 00:19:24,694
It almost felt bad
to turn around
461
00:19:24,695 --> 00:19:27,029
And imprison him immediately,
but it was for money.
462
00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:30,365
I'm sorry I can't muster more
excitement for your story.
463
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:33,168
It's just that I'm dying
in two hours.
464
00:19:33,503 --> 00:19:35,970
Ohh!
You ain't dying, stan.
465
00:19:35,971 --> 00:19:37,439
That's greenland shark
juice.
466
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,974
I distilled its
life-extending power.
467
00:19:39,976 --> 00:19:41,366
Who wants to live
forever?
468
00:19:41,444 --> 00:19:42,844
-Me!
-Me too!
469
00:19:42,979 --> 00:19:44,179
-Me!
-Me, me, me!
470
00:19:44,314 --> 00:19:46,781
[ glass cracking,
crowd clamoring ]
471
00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:51,252
[ crowd screaming ]
472
00:19:51,388 --> 00:19:52,987
Greenland shark!
473
00:19:52,989 --> 00:19:55,924
??
474
00:19:56,059 --> 00:19:57,749
Don't know what
to tell you, stan.
475
00:19:57,861 --> 00:20:01,662
Somehow you're suddenly
as healthy as a... Greenland shark?
476
00:20:01,798 --> 00:20:04,265
What? No!
As healthy as someone
477
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:06,334
Who just met jason statham.
478
00:20:06,469 --> 00:20:09,204
I'm confident you're
going to live a long,
479
00:20:09,339 --> 00:20:12,474
Long, long, long, long...
480
00:20:16,879 --> 00:20:21,482
Stan? Stan, is that you?
Wow. You're still alive.
481
00:20:21,618 --> 00:20:23,017
That's shark juice
for ya.
482
00:20:23,153 --> 00:20:25,420
Boom. New pangea.
How you liking it?
483
00:20:25,555 --> 00:20:27,822
Mutant roach-men are
kind of a bitch, huh?
484
00:20:27,824 --> 00:20:30,825
I miss my family.
Yeah. On the bright side,
485
00:20:30,827 --> 00:20:33,128
That roach-man
kind of looks like steve.
486
00:20:34,164 --> 00:20:37,098
[ growling ]
487
00:20:39,636 --> 00:20:41,836
Huh.
Yeah, a little bit.
488
00:20:41,837 --> 00:20:43,505
You ever get around
to learning bass?
489
00:20:43,506 --> 00:20:45,807
Uh,
does this answer your question?
490
00:20:46,376 --> 00:20:48,843
[ bass playing ]
491
00:20:48,979 --> 00:20:58,052
??
492
00:20:58,054 --> 00:20:59,554
Have a great night!
493
00:20:59,604 --> 00:21:04,154
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