Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,402
Hey, sister.
2
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:07,005
Can I trade you a doobie
for a junior vegan sub?
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,141
It's against corporate policy
to barter.
4
00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:10,475
But we do take zelle.
5
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:11,744
Zelle?
6
00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:14,479
Is that, like, another word
for nitrous?
7
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:17,349
It's actually a pretty tight
digital payment network
8
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:20,352
Run by a conglomeration
of the world's largest banks.
9
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:23,355
Hey, hayley, why don't we have
a quick chat in my office?
10
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:27,025
I noticed you've been
really applying yourself lately.
11
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:30,429
Thanks, boss.
That's not a compliment.
12
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,297
Are you old enough to -
13
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:35,249
Hayley, do you know what the
"sub" in "sub hub" stands for?
14
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,352
Submarine?
No.
15
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:37,569
Subculture.
16
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,838
Here at sub hub,
we pride ourselves
17
00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:43,308
On hiring punks, metalheads,
and that one guy, amir.
18
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,553
I don't think amir is part
of a subculture.
19
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:46,778
He's just foreign.
20
00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:48,446
Why split hairs?
21
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,383
Point is, you were hired to be
this branch's hippie.
22
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:54,052
But you're not a hippie.
You're a poseur.
23
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,454
Whoa!
Can you still call people that?
24
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:59,391
Face it, hayley -
you may dress like a hippie,
25
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,327
But you've been working hard,
showing up on time,
26
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:05,864
And what's worse,
you passed your last drug test.
27
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,000
[ gasps ]
I'm gonna have to let you go.
28
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,402
Hand over your name badge
and tuna scooper.
29
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:11,587
But, boss, I -
30
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:14,339
Your badge and tuna scooper!
Now!
31
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,875
[ theme music plays ]
32
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:20,012
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
33
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:23,081
? I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
34
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:26,418
? the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ?
35
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:31,023
? and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ?
36
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:36,160
? oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
37
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:38,430
? good - ?
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
38
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:39,865
Aah!
39
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:44,169
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
40
00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:46,971
Not a hippie.
I'll show you not a hippie.
41
00:01:46,972 --> 00:01:49,242
Ain't no one on this block
more hippie than me.
42
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,293
[ phone chimes ]
43
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:51,510
Oh, hell yeah!
44
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,312
My amazon stock just split!
45
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,782
Space jam!
46
00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:01,720
Hayley, this is an intervention.
You're a poseur.
47
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,545
You guys think
I'm a poseur, too?
48
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,457
I just got fired 'cause of this!
49
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,125
Oh, we know.
Mason called.
50
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,661
But now it's not your time
to speak, hayley.
51
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,997
Now is your time...
To listen.
52
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,399
Steve.
53
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:18,202
Hayley, if being an inverge -
an involuntary virgin -
54
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,805
Wasn't bad enough,
now you've made me a...
55
00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:22,275
[ voice breaking ]
...Sibaud!
56
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,277
A sibling to a fraud!
Klaus!
57
00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:30,416
[ sighs ]
I'll just go from memory.
58
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,751
Hayley, you're not just any kind
of poseur.
59
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,753
You're a wack-ass poseur.
60
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,445
So the whole family's
against me.
61
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,624
Not me. I'm actually really
proud of who you've become.
62
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,093
Oh, god!
Jeff?
63
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:44,162
Sorry, babe,
but you're no hippie.
64
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:48,300
When was the last time you stuck
a flower into a policeman's gun?
65
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:51,503
[ sighs ]
you're right. I'm a poseur.
66
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,305
But...I can change!
67
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,973
You will change.
68
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:57,442
And we know
where you can get help.
69
00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:00,044
[ electric guitar playing taps ]
70
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,316
??
71
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,452
What the hell
are you doing, flower child?!
72
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:08,720
Get back in bed!
73
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,922
This is hippie boot camp,
god dang it!
74
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,458
I better not catch you
with your eyes open
75
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,059
Till noon
at the earliest!
76
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:16,929
Sorry, sir.
Don't "sir" me!
77
00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:20,264
We're all equals, and
power dynamics are an illusion!
78
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,601
Now drop
and give me 20!
79
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:28,473
No! I meant drop acid and give
me a 20-minute instrumental jam!
80
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,676
??
81
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:32,944
[ birds chirping ]
82
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:35,279
[ mid-tempo music plays ]
83
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,249
??
84
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,459
??
85
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,261
[ birds chirping ]
86
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:46,132
It's not enough patchouli
until I'm ready to puke!
87
00:03:48,135 --> 00:03:52,271
You call that a blunt?!
It's clearly a spliff!
88
00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:53,606
This is my bong.
89
00:03:53,741 --> 00:03:56,475
There are many like it,
but this one is mine.
90
00:03:56,477 --> 00:03:59,412
You know what?
Maybe I'm not a hippie anymore.
91
00:03:59,547 --> 00:04:02,415
And being here is making me
even more of a poseur.
92
00:04:02,550 --> 00:04:04,950
Oh! Sick, bro.
93
00:04:04,952 --> 00:04:08,021
I love watching chicks
self-actualize.
94
00:04:08,155 --> 00:04:09,488
Klaus?
That's right.
95
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:12,024
I tagged along
because my authentic identity
96
00:04:12,159 --> 00:04:14,293
Is as a sidekick
and a sounding board.
97
00:04:14,429 --> 00:04:15,695
I don't know what to do.
98
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:17,496
I was a hippie for years,
99
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:21,166
But now I'm lost,
and I don't know where to turn.
100
00:04:21,168 --> 00:04:24,303
[ singsong voice ] you could
always go to church with me
101
00:04:24,439 --> 00:04:26,171
Ew! No!
102
00:04:26,173 --> 00:04:28,107
I know where you can get
a fresh start.
103
00:04:28,243 --> 00:04:31,777
There's one place
that will always accept you.
104
00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:33,112
[ breathing heavily ]
105
00:04:33,114 --> 00:04:35,781
And that, hayley,
is improv comedy.
106
00:04:35,917 --> 00:04:37,917
Wow!
That was tolerable.
107
00:04:38,052 --> 00:04:39,919
And are you wayne brady?
108
00:04:40,054 --> 00:04:44,057
I am. But I am also
whoever you want me to be.
109
00:04:44,191 --> 00:04:47,593
You see, hayley,
a good improviser fully submits
110
00:04:47,728 --> 00:04:51,464
To the almighty power
of whatever a stranger says.
111
00:04:51,599 --> 00:04:52,649
Let's practice.
112
00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:55,200
Can I get a location?
Mars!
113
00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:57,937
Matt damon's already been there.
What else?
114
00:04:58,072 --> 00:04:59,672
Nope.
Seen enough.
115
00:04:59,673 --> 00:05:02,142
I'd love to charge you 15 hundo
for our intro course,
116
00:05:02,143 --> 00:05:05,010
But improv is no place
for inauthentic cowards.
117
00:05:05,146 --> 00:05:08,013
Maybe try stand-up.
118
00:05:08,015 --> 00:05:09,548
Great.
Now what?
119
00:05:09,549 --> 00:05:12,218
[ singsong voice ] you could
always go to church with me.
120
00:05:12,219 --> 00:05:14,220
Gross!
Get out of here!
121
00:05:15,556 --> 00:05:19,292
Well, there's one place
we could try.
122
00:05:19,427 --> 00:05:24,097
Ugh! It's just the same song
over and over again!
123
00:05:24,231 --> 00:05:27,166
Um, it's a little more nuanced
than that.
124
00:05:27,302 --> 00:05:29,712
Some of the songs
are also covers of worse songs.
125
00:05:29,837 --> 00:05:31,170
Well, it's not for me.
126
00:05:31,306 --> 00:05:33,973
Well, these tickets were
four bucks,
127
00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:36,275
So I'm going back
and getting my skank on.
128
00:05:37,312 --> 00:05:39,578
So...Church?
129
00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:40,630
Fine.
130
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:41,981
Praise be!
131
00:05:41,983 --> 00:05:43,849
Plus, I don't go
to just any church.
132
00:05:43,985 --> 00:05:45,384
I go to black church.
133
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:46,719
Like in the movies?
134
00:05:46,854 --> 00:05:49,188
[ pipe organ playing ]
135
00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:52,257
[ hoarsely ]
let us pray.
136
00:05:52,258 --> 00:05:54,461
[ whispering ] is it supposed
to be this boring?
137
00:05:54,462 --> 00:05:57,396
I thought black church was fun.
Not black catholic church.
138
00:05:57,398 --> 00:06:01,066
Black catholics are
notoriously dull.
139
00:06:01,202 --> 00:06:02,668
Who's that?
140
00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:04,003
Black baby jesus.
141
00:06:04,005 --> 00:06:06,339
Not him.
I mean the guy he's kicking.
142
00:06:06,473 --> 00:06:08,140
You don't recognize
the devil?
143
00:06:08,141 --> 00:06:10,276
He got kicked out of heaven
'cause he was a fake.
144
00:06:10,277 --> 00:06:13,278
Waltzing around like
a goody two-shoes when he was...
145
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,947
Well, he was the devil!
146
00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:18,617
Well, maybe the devil was just
trying to figure out who he was.
147
00:06:18,619 --> 00:06:20,285
Forgive me, black father.
148
00:06:20,286 --> 00:06:22,889
I should not have brought this
white woman into your house.
149
00:06:22,890 --> 00:06:25,290
[ ominous music plays ]
150
00:06:25,292 --> 00:06:28,293
[ brakes squeak, engine stops ]
151
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,962
Good news.
152
00:06:30,097 --> 00:06:32,765
I'm not a hippie
or a poseur anymore.
153
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,300
[ deep voice ]
I'm a devil worshipper.
154
00:06:35,301 --> 00:06:38,438
Nice try, hayley, but I think
you're gonna find it pretty hard
155
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,439
To shock the unflappable
stan sm-
156
00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,841
Eek! Bla- bla- bla-
bla- black lipstick!
157
00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:44,043
Tell me when she's gone!
158
00:06:49,755 --> 00:06:50,855
Aah!
159
00:06:51,825 --> 00:06:53,357
[ door slams ]
160
00:06:53,358 --> 00:06:55,293
Yeah, that's right.
I worship the devil.
161
00:06:55,294 --> 00:06:58,762
Oh, and also I relish
in the glory of pain.
162
00:06:58,764 --> 00:07:01,232
Hayley, you're embarrassing
yourself.
163
00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:04,302
You don't speak aramaic,
you don't own a grimoire,
164
00:07:04,437 --> 00:07:06,637
And you've never severed
a wolf's penis
165
00:07:06,772 --> 00:07:07,839
Under a waning moon.
166
00:07:07,974 --> 00:07:09,040
Poseur.
167
00:07:09,175 --> 00:07:10,774
I am not a poseur!
Ooh! Ow-ee.
168
00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:13,080
I thought you relished
in the glory of pain.
169
00:07:13,179 --> 00:07:16,247
This is the same as when you
were pretending to be a hippie.
170
00:07:16,382 --> 00:07:18,782
The outfit is fire,
but it's all a facade.
171
00:07:18,784 --> 00:07:20,518
No, it's not!
172
00:07:20,519 --> 00:07:23,522
I am going to a meet-and-greet
for devil worshippers tonight.
173
00:07:23,523 --> 00:07:24,989
Then you'll see!
174
00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:27,792
I'll be the most authentic devil
worshipper you ever heard of!
175
00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:29,126
[ door opens, slams ]
176
00:07:29,128 --> 00:07:30,794
Parenting is hard, steve.
177
00:07:30,796 --> 00:07:33,731
Remember that before you start
a family.
178
00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:36,133
??
179
00:07:36,269 --> 00:07:39,871
[ indistinct conversations ]
180
00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:41,272
Hey, hayley.
181
00:07:41,273 --> 00:07:43,208
Tuttle?
You're a devil worshipper?
182
00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:46,410
Oh, I've summoned a demon or two
in my day.
183
00:07:46,546 --> 00:07:48,546
Wait.
You've summoned demons?
184
00:07:48,681 --> 00:07:50,147
Oh, yeah.
185
00:07:50,148 --> 00:07:52,150
I'm actually still pretty good
friends with beelzebub.
186
00:07:52,151 --> 00:07:53,685
He owes me a casserole dish.
187
00:07:53,819 --> 00:07:55,419
I want to summon
a demon!
188
00:07:55,555 --> 00:07:59,290
Thing is, only real devil
worshippers can summon a demon,
189
00:07:59,425 --> 00:08:01,425
Or the consequences
can be deadly.
190
00:08:01,561 --> 00:08:04,962
Oh! I'm - I'm for real.
So, how do I do it?
191
00:08:04,964 --> 00:08:08,632
Easy! Everything you need
is in those scrolls over there.
192
00:08:08,768 --> 00:08:11,336
[ ominous music plays ]
193
00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:15,239
Aww!
This demon's a cutie pie!
194
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:18,576
And to summon you, I need...
Whoa!
195
00:08:18,578 --> 00:08:20,244
Virgin's blood?
196
00:08:20,246 --> 00:08:21,713
[ birds chirping ]
197
00:08:21,847 --> 00:08:23,481
Space jam!
[ gasps ]
198
00:08:25,851 --> 00:08:28,519
Is that a tampon?
Poseur.
199
00:08:28,654 --> 00:08:31,255
Everyone knows
devil worshippers free-bleed.
200
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:34,125
Tears of an innocent.
201
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:37,261
Gotcha, dream!
202
00:08:37,396 --> 00:08:40,131
Jeff! My mom thinks
your hat is stupid.
203
00:08:40,266 --> 00:08:41,599
I heard her say it.
204
00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:44,736
[ crying ]
205
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:48,005
Ohh!
Slaughter a red fox?
206
00:08:48,141 --> 00:08:49,340
I can't do that.
207
00:08:49,475 --> 00:08:50,942
Francine:
Hey, hayley!
208
00:08:51,076 --> 00:08:53,811
You still down there
being a poseur?
209
00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,747
[ birds chirping ]
210
00:08:55,881 --> 00:08:57,481
[ applause ]
211
00:08:57,617 --> 00:08:59,883
Pops, you know that job
I applied for?
212
00:08:59,885 --> 00:09:01,218
I got it!
213
00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:03,887
So I got to pack up and move
to another forest.
214
00:09:03,889 --> 00:09:05,289
Wait!
You can't leave me!
215
00:09:05,424 --> 00:09:07,354
Haven't you heard
you're supposed to
216
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,827
Stick by your father
in sickness and in health?
217
00:09:09,828 --> 00:09:11,229
That's for
married couples.
218
00:09:11,230 --> 00:09:12,563
Marry me, son!
219
00:09:12,698 --> 00:09:13,765
[ audience laughs ]
220
00:09:13,899 --> 00:09:15,833
Listen, pops.
I'm moving out.
221
00:09:15,835 --> 00:09:17,368
You see that?
222
00:09:17,503 --> 00:09:20,304
The dummy of my loins
is abandoning his father!
223
00:09:20,306 --> 00:09:22,573
Uh-oh. I think I'm having
a heart attack!
224
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:26,177
This is the big one, elizabeth!
I'm coming to join you, honey!
225
00:09:26,312 --> 00:09:28,679
[ grunts, groans ]
226
00:09:30,183 --> 00:09:34,051
Well, I didn't slaughter it.
227
00:09:34,053 --> 00:09:35,919
But I am stepping on its tail!
228
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:38,022
This has got to be good enough.
229
00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:42,059
Audience:
Aww!
230
00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:44,996
[ down-tempo music plays ]
231
00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:51,535
??
232
00:09:51,671 --> 00:09:56,940
Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod,
dochyel, dienvay.
233
00:09:56,942 --> 00:10:02,013
Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod,
dochyel, dienvay.
234
00:10:02,147 --> 00:10:06,750
Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod,
dochyel, dienvay!
235
00:10:06,886 --> 00:10:08,952
[ dramatic music plays ]
236
00:10:09,088 --> 00:10:11,622
It is I, xnzux,
237
00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:14,825
Archduke of interdimensional
space hell!
238
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,093
Space what, now?
239
00:10:16,095 --> 00:10:17,695
Space hell!
240
00:10:17,697 --> 00:10:21,365
You know - "hellraiser,"
"event horizon," et cetera.
241
00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:23,567
Who has summoned me?
242
00:10:23,703 --> 00:10:26,303
Not me! I was trying to
summon this cute little -
243
00:10:26,439 --> 00:10:29,306
I mean...
I did summon you.
244
00:10:29,308 --> 00:10:31,108
Me!
The summoner!
245
00:10:31,244 --> 00:10:33,054
Then you will face me
in a challenge
246
00:10:33,179 --> 00:10:36,180
Decided by your very first
utterance.
247
00:10:36,315 --> 00:10:38,916
Like in "ghostbusters."
248
00:10:38,918 --> 00:10:39,968
Space jam?
249
00:10:40,053 --> 00:10:43,054
So it shall be done.
250
00:10:43,188 --> 00:10:45,857
[ dramatic music plays ]
251
00:10:45,991 --> 00:10:50,061
I shall summon looney tunes
on your behalf,
252
00:10:50,195 --> 00:10:52,730
That we might face off
in a space jam
253
00:10:52,865 --> 00:10:57,134
When the stars align
under the darkest of skies,
254
00:10:57,136 --> 00:11:00,671
Lit only by an impending
blood moon.
255
00:11:00,806 --> 00:11:03,206
It's on!
Wait. Is it a Thursday?
256
00:11:03,207 --> 00:11:04,809
'cause I got hot yoga
on Thursday.
257
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:09,346
Should you lose, I will drag
langley to space hell!
258
00:11:09,348 --> 00:11:11,415
What?
I got to warn people!
259
00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,551
I mean, yeah.
I would.
260
00:11:13,686 --> 00:11:16,820
Okay.
So, don't be mad,
261
00:11:16,956 --> 00:11:20,291
But I accidentally summoned
interdimensional space demons.
262
00:11:20,426 --> 00:11:21,825
Come on, hayley.
263
00:11:21,961 --> 00:11:24,795
If you don't believe me,
just check the basement.
264
00:11:29,102 --> 00:11:30,902
Xnzux:
It is I, xnzux!
265
00:11:31,036 --> 00:11:33,437
[ screaming ]
266
00:11:33,572 --> 00:11:37,908
Hayley, you summoned a
basketball team worth of demons
267
00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:39,243
Into our basement!
268
00:11:39,378 --> 00:11:41,128
Do you know how dangerous
that is?
269
00:11:41,129 --> 00:11:42,847
Of course I know
it's dangerous!
270
00:11:42,848 --> 00:11:45,049
They said they're gonna
drag us all to space hell
271
00:11:45,050 --> 00:11:47,051
If I don't win at space jam,
which is when -
272
00:11:47,052 --> 00:11:49,853
Please, hayley. Everyone knows
what a space jam is.
273
00:11:49,855 --> 00:11:52,256
Yeah!
Sounds kind of rad, actually.
274
00:11:52,391 --> 00:11:54,725
It's not rad!
The whole town is in danger!
275
00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,860
But only if you lose,
right?
276
00:11:56,996 --> 00:11:58,046
Well, yeah. But -
277
00:11:58,131 --> 00:11:59,931
You could easily win
a space jam.
278
00:11:59,932 --> 00:12:02,667
And it's not like the demons
are affecting anything
279
00:12:02,668 --> 00:12:03,935
By being in this dimension.
280
00:12:03,936 --> 00:12:07,004
[ thunder crashing,
wind whistling ]
281
00:12:08,073 --> 00:12:10,608
Holy hell!
It's raining blood!
282
00:12:10,743 --> 00:12:13,945
This is why I got into
this business!
283
00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:18,282
So the blood rain
is because you summoned
284
00:12:18,417 --> 00:12:20,484
Interdimensional space demons,
huh?
285
00:12:20,619 --> 00:12:22,553
That's hard to believe.
But it's true!
286
00:12:22,554 --> 00:12:24,489
Hayley, I've been your neighbor
for years.
287
00:12:24,490 --> 00:12:27,624
I say this gently, but you're
a bit of a wack-ass poseur.
288
00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:29,426
She's being real
this time!
289
00:12:29,428 --> 00:12:30,828
We saw the demons
too!
290
00:12:30,963 --> 00:12:33,096
You see?
The demons are real!
291
00:12:33,232 --> 00:12:35,432
And they're gonna drag us all
to space hell
292
00:12:35,568 --> 00:12:37,100
If I don't win the space jam.
293
00:12:37,102 --> 00:12:38,636
Sure,
but only if you lose.
294
00:12:38,637 --> 00:12:40,705
Do you believe in yourself
as an athlete?
295
00:12:40,706 --> 00:12:41,973
Hayley:
Of course.
296
00:12:42,107 --> 00:12:44,375
And could you lead
the home team to victory?
297
00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:46,109
Like no one else.
298
00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:47,979
I'm the michael jordan
of langley falls.
299
00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:50,515
Then it sounds like we have
nothing to worry about -
300
00:12:50,516 --> 00:12:52,783
So long as you win.
Which she will.
301
00:12:52,918 --> 00:12:55,919
Steve: How could langley lose
with bugs bunny on our side?
302
00:12:56,055 --> 00:13:00,657
Yeah. Me and bugs versus
a sack of punk-ass demons.
303
00:13:00,659 --> 00:13:02,593
That's what's up, doc.
304
00:13:03,729 --> 00:13:05,839
I'm about to embarrass y'all
on the court.
305
00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:09,266
All of langley's behind me.
There's no way I can lose!
306
00:13:09,268 --> 00:13:11,068
[ laughter ]
307
00:13:11,204 --> 00:13:14,471
You really thought
we were gonna do a space jam
308
00:13:14,607 --> 00:13:17,008
With you, a poseur?
309
00:13:17,142 --> 00:13:18,942
We were clowning you.
310
00:13:18,944 --> 00:13:21,679
We know you didn't
really slaughter that fox.
311
00:13:21,814 --> 00:13:25,683
And now everyone else will know
that you're a total fake.
312
00:13:25,818 --> 00:13:27,885
You guys are being
really mean!
313
00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:29,620
Aww.
Thank you.
314
00:13:29,755 --> 00:13:32,689
And the blood rain wasn't us.
That was monsanto.
315
00:13:32,691 --> 00:13:35,393
[ flames hissing, crackling ]
316
00:13:41,883 --> 00:13:43,949
Roger,
where have you been?!
317
00:13:43,951 --> 00:13:46,151
Brushing up on some
of my lesser personas.
318
00:13:46,152 --> 00:13:47,287
What's with the tizzy?
319
00:13:47,288 --> 00:13:48,621
I accidentally summoned
320
00:13:48,622 --> 00:13:50,224
Interdimensional space demons
who -
321
00:13:50,225 --> 00:13:52,092
Duped you into thinking
they'd do a space jam
322
00:13:52,093 --> 00:13:54,360
Then pulled out
to expose you as a poseur?
323
00:13:54,495 --> 00:13:55,561
Tale as old as time.
324
00:13:55,563 --> 00:13:57,763
So...No space jam?
325
00:13:57,899 --> 00:14:00,366
No.
Yes space jam.
326
00:14:00,501 --> 00:14:02,768
We're gonna fake
a space jam.
327
00:14:02,904 --> 00:14:05,504
What?!
That verges on the ridiculous!
328
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,040
No.
She's right.
329
00:14:07,174 --> 00:14:10,509
If you don't pull this off,
no matter where you go,
330
00:14:10,645 --> 00:14:13,512
You'll always be the girl
who cried space jam.
331
00:14:13,648 --> 00:14:15,848
But how do we fake
a space jam?
332
00:14:15,983 --> 00:14:19,518
With the help of the realest
guy I know, wayne brady.
333
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,787
His improv team
could dress up his demons
334
00:14:21,788 --> 00:14:23,723
And we could dress up
as the looney tunes!
335
00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:26,058
I could write
an "I believe I can fly"-type
336
00:14:26,193 --> 00:14:27,460
Inspirational banger!
337
00:14:27,595 --> 00:14:29,262
I could help
with the costumes!
338
00:14:29,396 --> 00:14:30,863
And I could make snacks!
339
00:14:30,864 --> 00:14:32,799
Actually, if I'm being
realistic,
340
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,333
I'm not going to make snacks.
341
00:14:34,335 --> 00:14:35,601
All right!
342
00:14:35,603 --> 00:14:37,603
We're gonna fake us
a space jam!
343
00:14:37,605 --> 00:14:41,607
Roger, we'll need costumes for
interdimensional space demons,
344
00:14:41,609 --> 00:14:43,208
Bugs bunny, taz -
345
00:14:43,344 --> 00:14:45,934
I'm a lawyer here on behalf
of disney, warner bros.,
346
00:14:45,935 --> 00:14:48,748
And whatever companies disney
and warner don't own yet.
347
00:14:48,749 --> 00:14:50,816
I'll be attending
the "space jam,"
348
00:14:50,817 --> 00:14:53,687
And if I catch so much as a
whiff of copyright infringement,
349
00:14:53,688 --> 00:14:54,954
You're going to jail!
350
00:14:54,955 --> 00:14:56,823
So either keep it
in the public domain
351
00:14:56,824 --> 00:14:58,491
Or off the basketball court!
352
00:14:59,226 --> 00:15:00,293
[ door slams ]
353
00:15:00,427 --> 00:15:01,817
Oh, man!
We're so screwed!
354
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,030
Relax. Sometimes constraints
can focus you.
355
00:15:04,031 --> 00:15:05,364
When's the game?
356
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:08,768
It's when the stars align
under the darkest of skies
357
00:15:08,903 --> 00:15:11,103
Lit only by an impending
blood moon.
358
00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:13,438
That's a weird way
to say "tomorrow."
359
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,308
Barkley:
What's up, langley?
360
00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:16,642
I'm charles barkley,
361
00:15:16,777 --> 00:15:18,577
And this is a space jam.
362
00:15:18,578 --> 00:15:21,047
Visiting from another dimension
that's hellish
363
00:15:21,048 --> 00:15:22,782
But not quite
technically hell -
364
00:15:22,917 --> 00:15:27,186
Let's hear it for the demons!
[ crowd booing ]
365
00:15:27,188 --> 00:15:31,256
??
366
00:15:31,258 --> 00:15:32,658
All right!
367
00:15:32,660 --> 00:15:34,727
And now,
leading the home team,
368
00:15:34,862 --> 00:15:38,731
Give it up for hayley smith!
[ crowd cheering ]
369
00:15:38,866 --> 00:15:40,599
Due to a scheduling conflict,
370
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,602
The looney tunes
couldn't be here tonight.
371
00:15:42,603 --> 00:15:44,537
But langley's team
is still packed
372
00:15:44,672 --> 00:15:46,339
With public-domain favorites
373
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:49,676
Such as popeye the sailor man's
girlfriend olive oyl's brother,
374
00:15:49,677 --> 00:15:51,476
Castor oyl!
375
00:15:51,478 --> 00:15:54,146
[ light applause ]
376
00:15:54,281 --> 00:15:55,331
??
377
00:15:55,350 --> 00:15:56,882
More ass hair oyl,
378
00:15:56,884 --> 00:15:58,818
'cause it smells like balls
in here.
379
00:15:58,953 --> 00:16:02,421
Barkley: From a comic strip,
I've been assured once existed,
380
00:16:02,423 --> 00:16:03,756
Boob mcnutt?
381
00:16:03,891 --> 00:16:05,224
[ crowd murmuring ]
382
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:09,428
Not even a giggle?
Boob mcnutt's a funny name!
383
00:16:09,564 --> 00:16:13,366
Barkley:
Next up - frankenstein monster!
384
00:16:13,367 --> 00:16:14,501
[ crowd cheering ]
385
00:16:14,502 --> 00:16:15,768
The crowd is going wild
386
00:16:15,903 --> 00:16:18,971
For a character
they finally recognize!
387
00:16:19,106 --> 00:16:21,106
Dad, lose the bolts
in your neck!
388
00:16:21,242 --> 00:16:23,308
Universal studios owns
the rights
389
00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:24,690
To bolt neck frankenstein!
390
00:16:24,779 --> 00:16:27,112
[ metal squeaking,
crowd booing ]
391
00:16:27,114 --> 00:16:28,981
??
392
00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:33,118
Barkley: And last but not least,
felix the cat!
393
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,520
[ crowd cheering ]
wait. Who's in that one?
394
00:16:35,522 --> 00:16:37,456
Klaus.
How's he moving around?
395
00:16:37,592 --> 00:16:40,259
His driving cane.
Ah.
396
00:16:40,261 --> 00:16:41,660
Before we get started,
397
00:16:41,796 --> 00:16:44,329
How about a suggestion
from the audience?
398
00:16:44,331 --> 00:16:47,733
I have a suggestion.
Win!
399
00:16:47,735 --> 00:16:49,802
So, it shall be done.
400
00:16:49,937 --> 00:16:53,606
[ pipe organ plays ]
401
00:16:53,741 --> 00:16:55,540
??
402
00:16:55,542 --> 00:16:56,876
[ crowd murmuring ]
403
00:16:57,011 --> 00:16:58,061
Oh, great.
404
00:16:58,062 --> 00:16:59,746
Of course basketball's
your thing.
405
00:16:59,747 --> 00:17:01,547
Nope. Never touched
the basketball before.
406
00:17:01,548 --> 00:17:04,283
This is just what happens
when you give yourself over
407
00:17:04,285 --> 00:17:05,951
To the power of improv.
408
00:17:06,087 --> 00:17:08,020
But you said
you'd let us win!
409
00:17:08,155 --> 00:17:11,356
Sorry. Hope you brought
your "a" game, bitch.
410
00:17:11,492 --> 00:17:13,092
Okay.
I want a clean game.
411
00:17:13,094 --> 00:17:16,028
It's space jam rules,
so pretty much anything goes.
412
00:17:16,163 --> 00:17:17,797
[ whistle blows ]
413
00:17:18,499 --> 00:17:20,233
[ crowd cheering ]
414
00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:22,435
Oh!
Steve?
415
00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:23,619
[ feedback squeaks ]
416
00:17:23,704 --> 00:17:26,105
? if I ascertain it ?
417
00:17:26,107 --> 00:17:27,306
Whoo!
418
00:17:27,442 --> 00:17:31,310
? I might could do it ?
[ crowd cheering ]
419
00:17:31,446 --> 00:17:34,313
? if I just discern it ?
420
00:17:34,449 --> 00:17:37,716
? possibly I'll achieve it ?
421
00:17:37,852 --> 00:17:41,787
? I perceive that I ?
422
00:17:41,922 --> 00:17:45,524
? might be capable of flight ?
423
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:48,861
? I wrote this song
just yesterday ?
424
00:17:48,996 --> 00:17:52,665
[ crowd cheering ]
? it's pretty good considering ?
425
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,936
? there's a chance I'll ascend ?
426
00:17:57,071 --> 00:18:01,406
? langley may win in the end ?
427
00:18:01,408 --> 00:18:03,943
? I perceive that I ?
428
00:18:04,078 --> 00:18:08,147
? I perceive that I ?
429
00:18:08,282 --> 00:18:13,286
? might be capable of flight ?
430
00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:15,220
Whoo!
431
00:18:15,356 --> 00:18:16,755
??
432
00:18:16,757 --> 00:18:19,291
[ thunder crashes ]
[ roaring ]
433
00:18:19,426 --> 00:18:21,093
[ buzzer sounds ]
434
00:18:21,228 --> 00:18:23,696
Francine: What does
castor oyl even do?!
435
00:18:23,831 --> 00:18:24,897
I don't know.
436
00:18:24,898 --> 00:18:26,299
I couldn't find clips of him
online.
437
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:27,633
We just know
he's from "popeye."
438
00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:29,768
Popeye?
I've got it!
439
00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:32,905
[ dramatic music plays ]
440
00:18:32,906 --> 00:18:34,841
A-badda-a-badda-a-badda-
a-badda-
441
00:18:34,842 --> 00:18:36,642
That's copyright
infringement, folks!
442
00:18:36,643 --> 00:18:37,693
Hope you like jail!
443
00:18:37,778 --> 00:18:39,644
[ crowd booing ]
444
00:18:39,646 --> 00:18:42,515
Hey, ref. We're down a player.
We got to sub someone in.
445
00:18:42,649 --> 00:18:44,317
Its space jam rules.
Do whatever.
446
00:18:44,451 --> 00:18:46,051
Steve!
Plan b.
447
00:18:46,053 --> 00:18:47,653
[ feedback squeals ]
448
00:18:48,589 --> 00:18:52,925
Folks, please welcome, all
the way from the year 1918 -
449
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:55,394
It's koko the clown!
450
00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:57,462
[ "the entertainer" plays ]
451
00:18:57,598 --> 00:18:59,264
[ crowd murmuring ]
452
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:06,671
??
453
00:19:06,673 --> 00:19:10,142
Wow. I did a really great job
on these costumes.
454
00:19:10,277 --> 00:19:13,678
With time running out,
the demon stars lead to...
455
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,281
Whoever these guys are
by 1 point!
456
00:19:16,283 --> 00:19:20,753
I can't lose, hayley.
I am an improviser.
457
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,755
You're just a phony.
458
00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:25,424
Nuh-unh!
I'm...
459
00:19:25,426 --> 00:19:27,893
I'm hayley smith.
460
00:19:28,028 --> 00:19:30,229
[ dramatic music plays ]
461
00:19:30,364 --> 00:19:31,964
[ crowd gasps ]
462
00:19:32,099 --> 00:19:33,832
[ buzzer sounds ]
space jam.
463
00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:37,036
[ crowd cheering ]
[ up-tempo music plays ]
464
00:19:37,171 --> 00:19:43,576
??
465
00:19:43,710 --> 00:19:46,012
[ dramatic music plays ]
466
00:19:48,249 --> 00:19:51,050
It is I, xnzux!
467
00:19:51,185 --> 00:19:53,452
[ crowd gasps ]
[ sighs ]
468
00:19:53,454 --> 00:19:54,519
Aah!
469
00:19:54,655 --> 00:19:56,321
[ fingers snap ]
470
00:19:57,057 --> 00:20:00,659
That's right, langley!
You've been played as fools!
471
00:20:00,661 --> 00:20:03,128
This wasn't a real space jam!
472
00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:06,131
No shit.
Do you think we're all idiots?
473
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:07,466
Wait.
474
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:10,270
You knew this game was fake,
that hayley was still a fraud?
475
00:20:10,271 --> 00:20:13,138
Yeah, but so what?
She was entertaining.
476
00:20:13,274 --> 00:20:16,074
The space jam got
the whole community together.
477
00:20:16,076 --> 00:20:18,411
It was an excuse
to get out of the house.
478
00:20:18,545 --> 00:20:20,679
And it made ma happy.
479
00:20:20,815 --> 00:20:26,551
Besides, hayley's just a 19-
or...Maybe 22-year-old kid.
480
00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:28,487
Yeah.
He's right.
481
00:20:28,489 --> 00:20:30,088
We're sorry, hayley.
482
00:20:30,089 --> 00:20:32,558
You're not supposed to have it
all figured out yet.
483
00:20:32,559 --> 00:20:34,693
But you!
How dare you?
484
00:20:34,695 --> 00:20:37,362
A timeless being
coming into our dimension
485
00:20:37,363 --> 00:20:39,966
And preying on the insecurities
of a young woman?
486
00:20:39,967 --> 00:20:41,233
You're filth.
487
00:20:41,368 --> 00:20:42,701
I'm a demon.
488
00:20:42,703 --> 00:20:45,370
Thanks, you guys.
I guess I learned my lesson.
489
00:20:45,506 --> 00:20:48,641
I don't need to be a hippie
or a devil worshipper.
490
00:20:48,776 --> 00:20:50,309
I can just be hayley,
491
00:20:50,311 --> 00:20:53,045
Even if that means
I'm a little lost sometimes.
492
00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:55,981
Sweet black baby jesus,
that's corny.
493
00:20:56,116 --> 00:20:58,583
[ wind whistling ]
494
00:20:58,585 --> 00:21:00,453
Bye-bye!
See you soon!
495
00:21:00,503 --> 00:21:05,053
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35656
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.