All language subtitles for American Dad s20e14 The Girl Who Cried Space Jam.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,402 Hey, sister. 2 00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:07,005 Can I trade you a doobie for a junior vegan sub? 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,141 It's against corporate policy to barter. 4 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:10,475 But we do take zelle. 5 00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:11,744 Zelle? 6 00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:14,479 Is that, like, another word for nitrous? 7 00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:17,349 It's actually a pretty tight digital payment network 8 00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:20,352 Run by a conglomeration of the world's largest banks. 9 00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:23,355 Hey, hayley, why don't we have a quick chat in my office? 10 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:27,025 I noticed you've been really applying yourself lately. 11 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:30,429 Thanks, boss. That's not a compliment. 12 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,297 Are you old enough to - 13 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:35,249 Hayley, do you know what the "sub" in "sub hub" stands for? 14 00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,352 Submarine? No. 15 00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:37,569 Subculture. 16 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,838 Here at sub hub, we pride ourselves 17 00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:43,308 On hiring punks, metalheads, and that one guy, amir. 18 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,553 I don't think amir is part of a subculture. 19 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:46,778 He's just foreign. 20 00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:48,446 Why split hairs? 21 00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,383 Point is, you were hired to be this branch's hippie. 22 00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:54,052 But you're not a hippie. You're a poseur. 23 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,454 Whoa! Can you still call people that? 24 00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:59,391 Face it, hayley - you may dress like a hippie, 25 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,327 But you've been working hard, showing up on time, 26 00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:05,864 And what's worse, you passed your last drug test. 27 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,000 [ gasps ] I'm gonna have to let you go. 28 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,402 Hand over your name badge and tuna scooper. 29 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:11,587 But, boss, I - 30 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:14,339 Your badge and tuna scooper! Now! 31 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,875 [ theme music plays ] 32 00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:20,012 ? good morning, u.S.A. ? 33 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:23,081 ? I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ? 34 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:26,418 ? the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ? 35 00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:31,023 ? and he's shinin' a salute to the american race ? 36 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:36,160 ? oh, boy, it's swell to say ? 37 00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:38,430 ? good - ? ? good morning, u.S.A. ? 38 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:39,865 Aah! 39 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:44,169 ? good morning, u.S.A. ? 40 00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:46,971 Not a hippie. I'll show you not a hippie. 41 00:01:46,972 --> 00:01:49,242 Ain't no one on this block more hippie than me. 42 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,293 [ phone chimes ] 43 00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:51,510 Oh, hell yeah! 44 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,312 My amazon stock just split! 45 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,782 Space jam! 46 00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:01,720 Hayley, this is an intervention. You're a poseur. 47 00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,545 You guys think I'm a poseur, too? 48 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,457 I just got fired 'cause of this! 49 00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,125 Oh, we know. Mason called. 50 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,661 But now it's not your time to speak, hayley. 51 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,997 Now is your time... To listen. 52 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,399 Steve. 53 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:18,202 Hayley, if being an inverge - an involuntary virgin - 54 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,805 Wasn't bad enough, now you've made me a... 55 00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:22,275 [ voice breaking ] ...Sibaud! 56 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,277 A sibling to a fraud! Klaus! 57 00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:30,416 [ sighs ] I'll just go from memory. 58 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,751 Hayley, you're not just any kind of poseur. 59 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,753 You're a wack-ass poseur. 60 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,445 So the whole family's against me. 61 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,624 Not me. I'm actually really proud of who you've become. 62 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,093 Oh, god! Jeff? 63 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:44,162 Sorry, babe, but you're no hippie. 64 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:48,300 When was the last time you stuck a flower into a policeman's gun? 65 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:51,503 [ sighs ] you're right. I'm a poseur. 66 00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,305 But...I can change! 67 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,973 You will change. 68 00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:57,442 And we know where you can get help. 69 00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:00,044 [ electric guitar playing taps ] 70 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,316 ?? 71 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,452 What the hell are you doing, flower child?! 72 00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:08,720 Get back in bed! 73 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,922 This is hippie boot camp, god dang it! 74 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,458 I better not catch you with your eyes open 75 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,059 Till noon at the earliest! 76 00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:16,929 Sorry, sir. Don't "sir" me! 77 00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:20,264 We're all equals, and power dynamics are an illusion! 78 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,601 Now drop and give me 20! 79 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:28,473 No! I meant drop acid and give me a 20-minute instrumental jam! 80 00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,676 ?? 81 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:32,944 [ birds chirping ] 82 00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:35,279 [ mid-tempo music plays ] 83 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,249 ?? 84 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,459 ?? 85 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,261 [ birds chirping ] 86 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:46,132 It's not enough patchouli until I'm ready to puke! 87 00:03:48,135 --> 00:03:52,271 You call that a blunt?! It's clearly a spliff! 88 00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:53,606 This is my bong. 89 00:03:53,741 --> 00:03:56,475 There are many like it, but this one is mine. 90 00:03:56,477 --> 00:03:59,412 You know what? Maybe I'm not a hippie anymore. 91 00:03:59,547 --> 00:04:02,415 And being here is making me even more of a poseur. 92 00:04:02,550 --> 00:04:04,950 Oh! Sick, bro. 93 00:04:04,952 --> 00:04:08,021 I love watching chicks self-actualize. 94 00:04:08,155 --> 00:04:09,488 Klaus? That's right. 95 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:12,024 I tagged along because my authentic identity 96 00:04:12,159 --> 00:04:14,293 Is as a sidekick and a sounding board. 97 00:04:14,429 --> 00:04:15,695 I don't know what to do. 98 00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:17,496 I was a hippie for years, 99 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:21,166 But now I'm lost, and I don't know where to turn. 100 00:04:21,168 --> 00:04:24,303 [ singsong voice ] you could always go to church with me 101 00:04:24,439 --> 00:04:26,171 Ew! No! 102 00:04:26,173 --> 00:04:28,107 I know where you can get a fresh start. 103 00:04:28,243 --> 00:04:31,777 There's one place that will always accept you. 104 00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:33,112 [ breathing heavily ] 105 00:04:33,114 --> 00:04:35,781 And that, hayley, is improv comedy. 106 00:04:35,917 --> 00:04:37,917 Wow! That was tolerable. 107 00:04:38,052 --> 00:04:39,919 And are you wayne brady? 108 00:04:40,054 --> 00:04:44,057 I am. But I am also whoever you want me to be. 109 00:04:44,191 --> 00:04:47,593 You see, hayley, a good improviser fully submits 110 00:04:47,728 --> 00:04:51,464 To the almighty power of whatever a stranger says. 111 00:04:51,599 --> 00:04:52,649 Let's practice. 112 00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:55,200 Can I get a location? Mars! 113 00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:57,937 Matt damon's already been there. What else? 114 00:04:58,072 --> 00:04:59,672 Nope. Seen enough. 115 00:04:59,673 --> 00:05:02,142 I'd love to charge you 15 hundo for our intro course, 116 00:05:02,143 --> 00:05:05,010 But improv is no place for inauthentic cowards. 117 00:05:05,146 --> 00:05:08,013 Maybe try stand-up. 118 00:05:08,015 --> 00:05:09,548 Great. Now what? 119 00:05:09,549 --> 00:05:12,218 [ singsong voice ] you could always go to church with me. 120 00:05:12,219 --> 00:05:14,220 Gross! Get out of here! 121 00:05:15,556 --> 00:05:19,292 Well, there's one place we could try. 122 00:05:19,427 --> 00:05:24,097 Ugh! It's just the same song over and over again! 123 00:05:24,231 --> 00:05:27,166 Um, it's a little more nuanced than that. 124 00:05:27,302 --> 00:05:29,712 Some of the songs are also covers of worse songs. 125 00:05:29,837 --> 00:05:31,170 Well, it's not for me. 126 00:05:31,306 --> 00:05:33,973 Well, these tickets were four bucks, 127 00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:36,275 So I'm going back and getting my skank on. 128 00:05:37,312 --> 00:05:39,578 So...Church? 129 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:40,630 Fine. 130 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:41,981 Praise be! 131 00:05:41,983 --> 00:05:43,849 Plus, I don't go to just any church. 132 00:05:43,985 --> 00:05:45,384 I go to black church. 133 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:46,719 Like in the movies? 134 00:05:46,854 --> 00:05:49,188 [ pipe organ playing ] 135 00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:52,257 [ hoarsely ] let us pray. 136 00:05:52,258 --> 00:05:54,461 [ whispering ] is it supposed to be this boring? 137 00:05:54,462 --> 00:05:57,396 I thought black church was fun. Not black catholic church. 138 00:05:57,398 --> 00:06:01,066 Black catholics are notoriously dull. 139 00:06:01,202 --> 00:06:02,668 Who's that? 140 00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:04,003 Black baby jesus. 141 00:06:04,005 --> 00:06:06,339 Not him. I mean the guy he's kicking. 142 00:06:06,473 --> 00:06:08,140 You don't recognize the devil? 143 00:06:08,141 --> 00:06:10,276 He got kicked out of heaven 'cause he was a fake. 144 00:06:10,277 --> 00:06:13,278 Waltzing around like a goody two-shoes when he was... 145 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,947 Well, he was the devil! 146 00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:18,617 Well, maybe the devil was just trying to figure out who he was. 147 00:06:18,619 --> 00:06:20,285 Forgive me, black father. 148 00:06:20,286 --> 00:06:22,889 I should not have brought this white woman into your house. 149 00:06:22,890 --> 00:06:25,290 [ ominous music plays ] 150 00:06:25,292 --> 00:06:28,293 [ brakes squeak, engine stops ] 151 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,962 Good news. 152 00:06:30,097 --> 00:06:32,765 I'm not a hippie or a poseur anymore. 153 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,300 [ deep voice ] I'm a devil worshipper. 154 00:06:35,301 --> 00:06:38,438 Nice try, hayley, but I think you're gonna find it pretty hard 155 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,439 To shock the unflappable stan sm- 156 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,841 Eek! Bla- bla- bla- bla- black lipstick! 157 00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:44,043 Tell me when she's gone! 158 00:06:49,755 --> 00:06:50,855 Aah! 159 00:06:51,825 --> 00:06:53,357 [ door slams ] 160 00:06:53,358 --> 00:06:55,293 Yeah, that's right. I worship the devil. 161 00:06:55,294 --> 00:06:58,762 Oh, and also I relish in the glory of pain. 162 00:06:58,764 --> 00:07:01,232 Hayley, you're embarrassing yourself. 163 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:04,302 You don't speak aramaic, you don't own a grimoire, 164 00:07:04,437 --> 00:07:06,637 And you've never severed a wolf's penis 165 00:07:06,772 --> 00:07:07,839 Under a waning moon. 166 00:07:07,974 --> 00:07:09,040 Poseur. 167 00:07:09,175 --> 00:07:10,774 I am not a poseur! Ooh! Ow-ee. 168 00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:13,080 I thought you relished in the glory of pain. 169 00:07:13,179 --> 00:07:16,247 This is the same as when you were pretending to be a hippie. 170 00:07:16,382 --> 00:07:18,782 The outfit is fire, but it's all a facade. 171 00:07:18,784 --> 00:07:20,518 No, it's not! 172 00:07:20,519 --> 00:07:23,522 I am going to a meet-and-greet for devil worshippers tonight. 173 00:07:23,523 --> 00:07:24,989 Then you'll see! 174 00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:27,792 I'll be the most authentic devil worshipper you ever heard of! 175 00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:29,126 [ door opens, slams ] 176 00:07:29,128 --> 00:07:30,794 Parenting is hard, steve. 177 00:07:30,796 --> 00:07:33,731 Remember that before you start a family. 178 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:36,133 ?? 179 00:07:36,269 --> 00:07:39,871 [ indistinct conversations ] 180 00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:41,272 Hey, hayley. 181 00:07:41,273 --> 00:07:43,208 Tuttle? You're a devil worshipper? 182 00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:46,410 Oh, I've summoned a demon or two in my day. 183 00:07:46,546 --> 00:07:48,546 Wait. You've summoned demons? 184 00:07:48,681 --> 00:07:50,147 Oh, yeah. 185 00:07:50,148 --> 00:07:52,150 I'm actually still pretty good friends with beelzebub. 186 00:07:52,151 --> 00:07:53,685 He owes me a casserole dish. 187 00:07:53,819 --> 00:07:55,419 I want to summon a demon! 188 00:07:55,555 --> 00:07:59,290 Thing is, only real devil worshippers can summon a demon, 189 00:07:59,425 --> 00:08:01,425 Or the consequences can be deadly. 190 00:08:01,561 --> 00:08:04,962 Oh! I'm - I'm for real. So, how do I do it? 191 00:08:04,964 --> 00:08:08,632 Easy! Everything you need is in those scrolls over there. 192 00:08:08,768 --> 00:08:11,336 [ ominous music plays ] 193 00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:15,239 Aww! This demon's a cutie pie! 194 00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:18,576 And to summon you, I need... Whoa! 195 00:08:18,578 --> 00:08:20,244 Virgin's blood? 196 00:08:20,246 --> 00:08:21,713 [ birds chirping ] 197 00:08:21,847 --> 00:08:23,481 Space jam! [ gasps ] 198 00:08:25,851 --> 00:08:28,519 Is that a tampon? Poseur. 199 00:08:28,654 --> 00:08:31,255 Everyone knows devil worshippers free-bleed. 200 00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:34,125 Tears of an innocent. 201 00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:37,261 Gotcha, dream! 202 00:08:37,396 --> 00:08:40,131 Jeff! My mom thinks your hat is stupid. 203 00:08:40,266 --> 00:08:41,599 I heard her say it. 204 00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:44,736 [ crying ] 205 00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:48,005 Ohh! Slaughter a red fox? 206 00:08:48,141 --> 00:08:49,340 I can't do that. 207 00:08:49,475 --> 00:08:50,942 Francine: Hey, hayley! 208 00:08:51,076 --> 00:08:53,811 You still down there being a poseur? 209 00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,747 [ birds chirping ] 210 00:08:55,881 --> 00:08:57,481 [ applause ] 211 00:08:57,617 --> 00:08:59,883 Pops, you know that job I applied for? 212 00:08:59,885 --> 00:09:01,218 I got it! 213 00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:03,887 So I got to pack up and move to another forest. 214 00:09:03,889 --> 00:09:05,289 Wait! You can't leave me! 215 00:09:05,424 --> 00:09:07,354 Haven't you heard you're supposed to 216 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,827 Stick by your father in sickness and in health? 217 00:09:09,828 --> 00:09:11,229 That's for married couples. 218 00:09:11,230 --> 00:09:12,563 Marry me, son! 219 00:09:12,698 --> 00:09:13,765 [ audience laughs ] 220 00:09:13,899 --> 00:09:15,833 Listen, pops. I'm moving out. 221 00:09:15,835 --> 00:09:17,368 You see that? 222 00:09:17,503 --> 00:09:20,304 The dummy of my loins is abandoning his father! 223 00:09:20,306 --> 00:09:22,573 Uh-oh. I think I'm having a heart attack! 224 00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:26,177 This is the big one, elizabeth! I'm coming to join you, honey! 225 00:09:26,312 --> 00:09:28,679 [ grunts, groans ] 226 00:09:30,183 --> 00:09:34,051 Well, I didn't slaughter it. 227 00:09:34,053 --> 00:09:35,919 But I am stepping on its tail! 228 00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:38,022 This has got to be good enough. 229 00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:42,059 Audience: Aww! 230 00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:44,996 [ down-tempo music plays ] 231 00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:51,535 ?? 232 00:09:51,671 --> 00:09:56,940 Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod, dochyel, dienvay. 233 00:09:56,942 --> 00:10:02,013 Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod, dochyel, dienvay. 234 00:10:02,147 --> 00:10:06,750 Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod, dochyel, dienvay! 235 00:10:06,886 --> 00:10:08,952 [ dramatic music plays ] 236 00:10:09,088 --> 00:10:11,622 It is I, xnzux, 237 00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:14,825 Archduke of interdimensional space hell! 238 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,093 Space what, now? 239 00:10:16,095 --> 00:10:17,695 Space hell! 240 00:10:17,697 --> 00:10:21,365 You know - "hellraiser," "event horizon," et cetera. 241 00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:23,567 Who has summoned me? 242 00:10:23,703 --> 00:10:26,303 Not me! I was trying to summon this cute little - 243 00:10:26,439 --> 00:10:29,306 I mean... I did summon you. 244 00:10:29,308 --> 00:10:31,108 Me! The summoner! 245 00:10:31,244 --> 00:10:33,054 Then you will face me in a challenge 246 00:10:33,179 --> 00:10:36,180 Decided by your very first utterance. 247 00:10:36,315 --> 00:10:38,916 Like in "ghostbusters." 248 00:10:38,918 --> 00:10:39,968 Space jam? 249 00:10:40,053 --> 00:10:43,054 So it shall be done. 250 00:10:43,188 --> 00:10:45,857 [ dramatic music plays ] 251 00:10:45,991 --> 00:10:50,061 I shall summon looney tunes on your behalf, 252 00:10:50,195 --> 00:10:52,730 That we might face off in a space jam 253 00:10:52,865 --> 00:10:57,134 When the stars align under the darkest of skies, 254 00:10:57,136 --> 00:11:00,671 Lit only by an impending blood moon. 255 00:11:00,806 --> 00:11:03,206 It's on! Wait. Is it a Thursday? 256 00:11:03,207 --> 00:11:04,809 'cause I got hot yoga on Thursday. 257 00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:09,346 Should you lose, I will drag langley to space hell! 258 00:11:09,348 --> 00:11:11,415 What? I got to warn people! 259 00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,551 I mean, yeah. I would. 260 00:11:13,686 --> 00:11:16,820 Okay. So, don't be mad, 261 00:11:16,956 --> 00:11:20,291 But I accidentally summoned interdimensional space demons. 262 00:11:20,426 --> 00:11:21,825 Come on, hayley. 263 00:11:21,961 --> 00:11:24,795 If you don't believe me, just check the basement. 264 00:11:29,102 --> 00:11:30,902 Xnzux: It is I, xnzux! 265 00:11:31,036 --> 00:11:33,437 [ screaming ] 266 00:11:33,572 --> 00:11:37,908 Hayley, you summoned a basketball team worth of demons 267 00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:39,243 Into our basement! 268 00:11:39,378 --> 00:11:41,128 Do you know how dangerous that is? 269 00:11:41,129 --> 00:11:42,847 Of course I know it's dangerous! 270 00:11:42,848 --> 00:11:45,049 They said they're gonna drag us all to space hell 271 00:11:45,050 --> 00:11:47,051 If I don't win at space jam, which is when - 272 00:11:47,052 --> 00:11:49,853 Please, hayley. Everyone knows what a space jam is. 273 00:11:49,855 --> 00:11:52,256 Yeah! Sounds kind of rad, actually. 274 00:11:52,391 --> 00:11:54,725 It's not rad! The whole town is in danger! 275 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,860 But only if you lose, right? 276 00:11:56,996 --> 00:11:58,046 Well, yeah. But - 277 00:11:58,131 --> 00:11:59,931 You could easily win a space jam. 278 00:11:59,932 --> 00:12:02,667 And it's not like the demons are affecting anything 279 00:12:02,668 --> 00:12:03,935 By being in this dimension. 280 00:12:03,936 --> 00:12:07,004 [ thunder crashing, wind whistling ] 281 00:12:08,073 --> 00:12:10,608 Holy hell! It's raining blood! 282 00:12:10,743 --> 00:12:13,945 This is why I got into this business! 283 00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:18,282 So the blood rain is because you summoned 284 00:12:18,417 --> 00:12:20,484 Interdimensional space demons, huh? 285 00:12:20,619 --> 00:12:22,553 That's hard to believe. But it's true! 286 00:12:22,554 --> 00:12:24,489 Hayley, I've been your neighbor for years. 287 00:12:24,490 --> 00:12:27,624 I say this gently, but you're a bit of a wack-ass poseur. 288 00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:29,426 She's being real this time! 289 00:12:29,428 --> 00:12:30,828 We saw the demons too! 290 00:12:30,963 --> 00:12:33,096 You see? The demons are real! 291 00:12:33,232 --> 00:12:35,432 And they're gonna drag us all to space hell 292 00:12:35,568 --> 00:12:37,100 If I don't win the space jam. 293 00:12:37,102 --> 00:12:38,636 Sure, but only if you lose. 294 00:12:38,637 --> 00:12:40,705 Do you believe in yourself as an athlete? 295 00:12:40,706 --> 00:12:41,973 Hayley: Of course. 296 00:12:42,107 --> 00:12:44,375 And could you lead the home team to victory? 297 00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:46,109 Like no one else. 298 00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:47,979 I'm the michael jordan of langley falls. 299 00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:50,515 Then it sounds like we have nothing to worry about - 300 00:12:50,516 --> 00:12:52,783 So long as you win. Which she will. 301 00:12:52,918 --> 00:12:55,919 Steve: How could langley lose with bugs bunny on our side? 302 00:12:56,055 --> 00:13:00,657 Yeah. Me and bugs versus a sack of punk-ass demons. 303 00:13:00,659 --> 00:13:02,593 That's what's up, doc. 304 00:13:03,729 --> 00:13:05,839 I'm about to embarrass y'all on the court. 305 00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:09,266 All of langley's behind me. There's no way I can lose! 306 00:13:09,268 --> 00:13:11,068 [ laughter ] 307 00:13:11,204 --> 00:13:14,471 You really thought we were gonna do a space jam 308 00:13:14,607 --> 00:13:17,008 With you, a poseur? 309 00:13:17,142 --> 00:13:18,942 We were clowning you. 310 00:13:18,944 --> 00:13:21,679 We know you didn't really slaughter that fox. 311 00:13:21,814 --> 00:13:25,683 And now everyone else will know that you're a total fake. 312 00:13:25,818 --> 00:13:27,885 You guys are being really mean! 313 00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:29,620 Aww. Thank you. 314 00:13:29,755 --> 00:13:32,689 And the blood rain wasn't us. That was monsanto. 315 00:13:32,691 --> 00:13:35,393 [ flames hissing, crackling ] 316 00:13:41,883 --> 00:13:43,949 Roger, where have you been?! 317 00:13:43,951 --> 00:13:46,151 Brushing up on some of my lesser personas. 318 00:13:46,152 --> 00:13:47,287 What's with the tizzy? 319 00:13:47,288 --> 00:13:48,621 I accidentally summoned 320 00:13:48,622 --> 00:13:50,224 Interdimensional space demons who - 321 00:13:50,225 --> 00:13:52,092 Duped you into thinking they'd do a space jam 322 00:13:52,093 --> 00:13:54,360 Then pulled out to expose you as a poseur? 323 00:13:54,495 --> 00:13:55,561 Tale as old as time. 324 00:13:55,563 --> 00:13:57,763 So...No space jam? 325 00:13:57,899 --> 00:14:00,366 No. Yes space jam. 326 00:14:00,501 --> 00:14:02,768 We're gonna fake a space jam. 327 00:14:02,904 --> 00:14:05,504 What?! That verges on the ridiculous! 328 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,040 No. She's right. 329 00:14:07,174 --> 00:14:10,509 If you don't pull this off, no matter where you go, 330 00:14:10,645 --> 00:14:13,512 You'll always be the girl who cried space jam. 331 00:14:13,648 --> 00:14:15,848 But how do we fake a space jam? 332 00:14:15,983 --> 00:14:19,518 With the help of the realest guy I know, wayne brady. 333 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,787 His improv team could dress up his demons 334 00:14:21,788 --> 00:14:23,723 And we could dress up as the looney tunes! 335 00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:26,058 I could write an "I believe I can fly"-type 336 00:14:26,193 --> 00:14:27,460 Inspirational banger! 337 00:14:27,595 --> 00:14:29,262 I could help with the costumes! 338 00:14:29,396 --> 00:14:30,863 And I could make snacks! 339 00:14:30,864 --> 00:14:32,799 Actually, if I'm being realistic, 340 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,333 I'm not going to make snacks. 341 00:14:34,335 --> 00:14:35,601 All right! 342 00:14:35,603 --> 00:14:37,603 We're gonna fake us a space jam! 343 00:14:37,605 --> 00:14:41,607 Roger, we'll need costumes for interdimensional space demons, 344 00:14:41,609 --> 00:14:43,208 Bugs bunny, taz - 345 00:14:43,344 --> 00:14:45,934 I'm a lawyer here on behalf of disney, warner bros., 346 00:14:45,935 --> 00:14:48,748 And whatever companies disney and warner don't own yet. 347 00:14:48,749 --> 00:14:50,816 I'll be attending the "space jam," 348 00:14:50,817 --> 00:14:53,687 And if I catch so much as a whiff of copyright infringement, 349 00:14:53,688 --> 00:14:54,954 You're going to jail! 350 00:14:54,955 --> 00:14:56,823 So either keep it in the public domain 351 00:14:56,824 --> 00:14:58,491 Or off the basketball court! 352 00:14:59,226 --> 00:15:00,293 [ door slams ] 353 00:15:00,427 --> 00:15:01,817 Oh, man! We're so screwed! 354 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,030 Relax. Sometimes constraints can focus you. 355 00:15:04,031 --> 00:15:05,364 When's the game? 356 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:08,768 It's when the stars align under the darkest of skies 357 00:15:08,903 --> 00:15:11,103 Lit only by an impending blood moon. 358 00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:13,438 That's a weird way to say "tomorrow." 359 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,308 Barkley: What's up, langley? 360 00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:16,642 I'm charles barkley, 361 00:15:16,777 --> 00:15:18,577 And this is a space jam. 362 00:15:18,578 --> 00:15:21,047 Visiting from another dimension that's hellish 363 00:15:21,048 --> 00:15:22,782 But not quite technically hell - 364 00:15:22,917 --> 00:15:27,186 Let's hear it for the demons! [ crowd booing ] 365 00:15:27,188 --> 00:15:31,256 ?? 366 00:15:31,258 --> 00:15:32,658 All right! 367 00:15:32,660 --> 00:15:34,727 And now, leading the home team, 368 00:15:34,862 --> 00:15:38,731 Give it up for hayley smith! [ crowd cheering ] 369 00:15:38,866 --> 00:15:40,599 Due to a scheduling conflict, 370 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,602 The looney tunes couldn't be here tonight. 371 00:15:42,603 --> 00:15:44,537 But langley's team is still packed 372 00:15:44,672 --> 00:15:46,339 With public-domain favorites 373 00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:49,676 Such as popeye the sailor man's girlfriend olive oyl's brother, 374 00:15:49,677 --> 00:15:51,476 Castor oyl! 375 00:15:51,478 --> 00:15:54,146 [ light applause ] 376 00:15:54,281 --> 00:15:55,331 ?? 377 00:15:55,350 --> 00:15:56,882 More ass hair oyl, 378 00:15:56,884 --> 00:15:58,818 'cause it smells like balls in here. 379 00:15:58,953 --> 00:16:02,421 Barkley: From a comic strip, I've been assured once existed, 380 00:16:02,423 --> 00:16:03,756 Boob mcnutt? 381 00:16:03,891 --> 00:16:05,224 [ crowd murmuring ] 382 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:09,428 Not even a giggle? Boob mcnutt's a funny name! 383 00:16:09,564 --> 00:16:13,366 Barkley: Next up - frankenstein monster! 384 00:16:13,367 --> 00:16:14,501 [ crowd cheering ] 385 00:16:14,502 --> 00:16:15,768 The crowd is going wild 386 00:16:15,903 --> 00:16:18,971 For a character they finally recognize! 387 00:16:19,106 --> 00:16:21,106 Dad, lose the bolts in your neck! 388 00:16:21,242 --> 00:16:23,308 Universal studios owns the rights 389 00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:24,690 To bolt neck frankenstein! 390 00:16:24,779 --> 00:16:27,112 [ metal squeaking, crowd booing ] 391 00:16:27,114 --> 00:16:28,981 ?? 392 00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:33,118 Barkley: And last but not least, felix the cat! 393 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,520 [ crowd cheering ] wait. Who's in that one? 394 00:16:35,522 --> 00:16:37,456 Klaus. How's he moving around? 395 00:16:37,592 --> 00:16:40,259 His driving cane. Ah. 396 00:16:40,261 --> 00:16:41,660 Before we get started, 397 00:16:41,796 --> 00:16:44,329 How about a suggestion from the audience? 398 00:16:44,331 --> 00:16:47,733 I have a suggestion. Win! 399 00:16:47,735 --> 00:16:49,802 So, it shall be done. 400 00:16:49,937 --> 00:16:53,606 [ pipe organ plays ] 401 00:16:53,741 --> 00:16:55,540 ?? 402 00:16:55,542 --> 00:16:56,876 [ crowd murmuring ] 403 00:16:57,011 --> 00:16:58,061 Oh, great. 404 00:16:58,062 --> 00:16:59,746 Of course basketball's your thing. 405 00:16:59,747 --> 00:17:01,547 Nope. Never touched the basketball before. 406 00:17:01,548 --> 00:17:04,283 This is just what happens when you give yourself over 407 00:17:04,285 --> 00:17:05,951 To the power of improv. 408 00:17:06,087 --> 00:17:08,020 But you said you'd let us win! 409 00:17:08,155 --> 00:17:11,356 Sorry. Hope you brought your "a" game, bitch. 410 00:17:11,492 --> 00:17:13,092 Okay. I want a clean game. 411 00:17:13,094 --> 00:17:16,028 It's space jam rules, so pretty much anything goes. 412 00:17:16,163 --> 00:17:17,797 [ whistle blows ] 413 00:17:18,499 --> 00:17:20,233 [ crowd cheering ] 414 00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:22,435 Oh! Steve? 415 00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:23,619 [ feedback squeaks ] 416 00:17:23,704 --> 00:17:26,105 ? if I ascertain it ? 417 00:17:26,107 --> 00:17:27,306 Whoo! 418 00:17:27,442 --> 00:17:31,310 ? I might could do it ? [ crowd cheering ] 419 00:17:31,446 --> 00:17:34,313 ? if I just discern it ? 420 00:17:34,449 --> 00:17:37,716 ? possibly I'll achieve it ? 421 00:17:37,852 --> 00:17:41,787 ? I perceive that I ? 422 00:17:41,922 --> 00:17:45,524 ? might be capable of flight ? 423 00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:48,861 ? I wrote this song just yesterday ? 424 00:17:48,996 --> 00:17:52,665 [ crowd cheering ] ? it's pretty good considering ? 425 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,936 ? there's a chance I'll ascend ? 426 00:17:57,071 --> 00:18:01,406 ? langley may win in the end ? 427 00:18:01,408 --> 00:18:03,943 ? I perceive that I ? 428 00:18:04,078 --> 00:18:08,147 ? I perceive that I ? 429 00:18:08,282 --> 00:18:13,286 ? might be capable of flight ? 430 00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:15,220 Whoo! 431 00:18:15,356 --> 00:18:16,755 ?? 432 00:18:16,757 --> 00:18:19,291 [ thunder crashes ] [ roaring ] 433 00:18:19,426 --> 00:18:21,093 [ buzzer sounds ] 434 00:18:21,228 --> 00:18:23,696 Francine: What does castor oyl even do?! 435 00:18:23,831 --> 00:18:24,897 I don't know. 436 00:18:24,898 --> 00:18:26,299 I couldn't find clips of him online. 437 00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:27,633 We just know he's from "popeye." 438 00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:29,768 Popeye? I've got it! 439 00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:32,905 [ dramatic music plays ] 440 00:18:32,906 --> 00:18:34,841 A-badda-a-badda-a-badda- a-badda- 441 00:18:34,842 --> 00:18:36,642 That's copyright infringement, folks! 442 00:18:36,643 --> 00:18:37,693 Hope you like jail! 443 00:18:37,778 --> 00:18:39,644 [ crowd booing ] 444 00:18:39,646 --> 00:18:42,515 Hey, ref. We're down a player. We got to sub someone in. 445 00:18:42,649 --> 00:18:44,317 Its space jam rules. Do whatever. 446 00:18:44,451 --> 00:18:46,051 Steve! Plan b. 447 00:18:46,053 --> 00:18:47,653 [ feedback squeals ] 448 00:18:48,589 --> 00:18:52,925 Folks, please welcome, all the way from the year 1918 - 449 00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:55,394 It's koko the clown! 450 00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:57,462 [ "the entertainer" plays ] 451 00:18:57,598 --> 00:18:59,264 [ crowd murmuring ] 452 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:06,671 ?? 453 00:19:06,673 --> 00:19:10,142 Wow. I did a really great job on these costumes. 454 00:19:10,277 --> 00:19:13,678 With time running out, the demon stars lead to... 455 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,281 Whoever these guys are by 1 point! 456 00:19:16,283 --> 00:19:20,753 I can't lose, hayley. I am an improviser. 457 00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,755 You're just a phony. 458 00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:25,424 Nuh-unh! I'm... 459 00:19:25,426 --> 00:19:27,893 I'm hayley smith. 460 00:19:28,028 --> 00:19:30,229 [ dramatic music plays ] 461 00:19:30,364 --> 00:19:31,964 [ crowd gasps ] 462 00:19:32,099 --> 00:19:33,832 [ buzzer sounds ] space jam. 463 00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:37,036 [ crowd cheering ] [ up-tempo music plays ] 464 00:19:37,171 --> 00:19:43,576 ?? 465 00:19:43,710 --> 00:19:46,012 [ dramatic music plays ] 466 00:19:48,249 --> 00:19:51,050 It is I, xnzux! 467 00:19:51,185 --> 00:19:53,452 [ crowd gasps ] [ sighs ] 468 00:19:53,454 --> 00:19:54,519 Aah! 469 00:19:54,655 --> 00:19:56,321 [ fingers snap ] 470 00:19:57,057 --> 00:20:00,659 That's right, langley! You've been played as fools! 471 00:20:00,661 --> 00:20:03,128 This wasn't a real space jam! 472 00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:06,131 No shit. Do you think we're all idiots? 473 00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:07,466 Wait. 474 00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:10,270 You knew this game was fake, that hayley was still a fraud? 475 00:20:10,271 --> 00:20:13,138 Yeah, but so what? She was entertaining. 476 00:20:13,274 --> 00:20:16,074 The space jam got the whole community together. 477 00:20:16,076 --> 00:20:18,411 It was an excuse to get out of the house. 478 00:20:18,545 --> 00:20:20,679 And it made ma happy. 479 00:20:20,815 --> 00:20:26,551 Besides, hayley's just a 19- or...Maybe 22-year-old kid. 480 00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:28,487 Yeah. He's right. 481 00:20:28,489 --> 00:20:30,088 We're sorry, hayley. 482 00:20:30,089 --> 00:20:32,558 You're not supposed to have it all figured out yet. 483 00:20:32,559 --> 00:20:34,693 But you! How dare you? 484 00:20:34,695 --> 00:20:37,362 A timeless being coming into our dimension 485 00:20:37,363 --> 00:20:39,966 And preying on the insecurities of a young woman? 486 00:20:39,967 --> 00:20:41,233 You're filth. 487 00:20:41,368 --> 00:20:42,701 I'm a demon. 488 00:20:42,703 --> 00:20:45,370 Thanks, you guys. I guess I learned my lesson. 489 00:20:45,506 --> 00:20:48,641 I don't need to be a hippie or a devil worshipper. 490 00:20:48,776 --> 00:20:50,309 I can just be hayley, 491 00:20:50,311 --> 00:20:53,045 Even if that means I'm a little lost sometimes. 492 00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:55,981 Sweet black baby jesus, that's corny. 493 00:20:56,116 --> 00:20:58,583 [ wind whistling ] 494 00:20:58,585 --> 00:21:00,453 Bye-bye! See you soon! 495 00:21:00,503 --> 00:21:05,053 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35656

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