All language subtitles for Am I Being Unreasonable s02e03.eng

You've not been very good, have you?
Let's get rid of you, then.

Blast off! Oh, my God.

This is actually
my brother's memorial.

I've had that level of connection.

Oh, my God...

There's a guy called Alex.
It was going on for months.

Years, and years and years.

You said that you'd never
recorded me.

I thought he loved me.

He did.

Can I just stay on the sofa?
Absolutely not.

I need you right now cos I've got
nowhere else to stay.

It's only temporary.

I just want my family back.

Your son will
inherit your murderous ways.

Where have you seen this, Ollie?!

It walked past my bedroom window.

Yeah, him killing the cat's got
nothing to do with what you did.

I never told you that Ollie
killed the cat.

The Skellis is like the devil's
debt collector.

PHONE RINGS

Sorry, hi. Uh, can you hear us?

Yes. I'm Nic, this is Dan.

Hello. I'm Savannah.

Lovely. Pleasure to meet you both.

Thank you, first of all, for fitting
us in at such short notice.

No, no problem at all.

My schedule was completely clear.

Um, yeah, so we've...

We've never done anything
like this before.

Virgins. Yeah. Yeah...

SHE CHUCKLES
My favourite.

Well, first of all,
how brave that you're here.

And so I want to just take
a second to applaud you.

Thank you.

This is a place to explore.

It's a place to upset
patterns that are upsetting you.

I guess, what are you looking
to get out of these sessions?

Um, I suppose we've been struggling
with communication a bit.

Yeah, work things out with Ollie.

Like, how to navigate all that.

Co-parenting
and how to navigate that.

Mmm, good daddy.

And how old is your son?

11. Nine.
NIC GASPS

He's not nine?

Well, yeah, he is, yeah. Is he?!

Yeah. He's nine, yeah.

He goes to primary school.

And how long have you been
separated, the two of you?

How long have you
been separated here?

Well, it's a week,
isn't it? A week.

And how has that week
been feeling for you?

Um....

MUSIC: Standing In The Way Of
Control by Gossip

I said to you!

# Standing in the way of control

# You live your life

# Survive the only way
that you know... #

When would you say that
things started to go downhill?

Well, when you started
fucking my brother, probably.

I disagree. I think it was
around the time of the puzzle.

This is ridiculous.

Can you... Can you let her talk?

Oh, yeah, I'm not...
Yeah. Fine.

I think that even sometimes
scowling and shaking your head

sort of tells your partner,
"I don't have space to talk."

Mmm, mmm, mmm. OK.

When we first moved in together,

I used to do puzzles to
help me with my anxiety.

Sorry, I have to...

I'm sorry, I can't let that one
go because it wasn't to do...

There was no anxiety,
it was an attempt to look

cookie and quirky. And it was
just attention-seeking, basically.

Just in a really boring,
route one way.

That's it. Carry on.

I was doing a 1,000-piece puzzle
on the village of Kendal -

you know, where the
mint cake comes from?

Kind of Beatrix Potter territory.

You know, visually stunning.

Oh, yes, gorgeous!

So I'd gone to visit
my cousin, who -

this is irrelevant - but was
in an amateur production

of An Inspector Calls.

With, by the way,
a very young Tom Hiddleston

What's it got to do with anything?

It's...

Just that he ended up being
one of the most beloved

actors of our generation.

And, of course that's
irrelevant to you,

because you don't
understand the arts.

The puzzle, Nic?

The puzzle, I'd come back, er,
cannot wait to see the puzzle.

And find out that he's had a couple
of friends over, gotten drunk,

and punched a hole in my puzzle.

And I remember standing
there, looking down at it

and just feeling,
you know... Puzzled?

SHE LAUGHS

No, I felt distraught!

I felt like it was
an act of destruction

against everything that I am.

Oh, chill out.

Why did you punch that hole?

Er...

Well, like, the week
before we'd been watching

an episode of Scrapheap Challenge -
I don't know if you know that.

Mmm. I do, yeah.
You do, do you like it?

I just started watching it,
I'm, like, bingeing it.

Yeah, it's quite watchable,
you sort of... It is.

I don't know if you saw the
one where there's a catapult

and I just said,
"I could do better than that."

And Nic just launched at me.

MOCKINGLY: "No, you're too thick,
you'll fuck up the dimensions.

"You're stupid, you think
you can do better than that."

I didn't say that. You fucking did,
Nic, you said it all with your head

just in a grab-bag of salt
and vinegar Square crisps.

That, I do do. Yeah, and you just
lifted your head out of the packet

just like a truffle hog
lifts its snout from the soil

and you just went...
HE SNORTS RAPIDLY

You just sort of just spat
that sentence at me,

along with loads
of Square crumbs.

Well, if I did say that,
I deeply apologise.

But do you think you
can apologise to me

for calling me a truffle hog?

No. No, I just don't
think I'm there yet

Does it feel like it would
help you to strip the words

and just go back to
your primordial self?

Be an ape and feel
and emote without words.

I think you can do it.

Let's try it.

As what?

An ape.

Let's have you be an ape.

HE GRUNTS

Did you hear him?

Um...

I think you're trying to
say it would be nice

if you helped out a
bit with the bills?

No. No?

I heard, "It was my brother."

"It was my brother!"

Incredible work.

Let's try a chicken.

My diary entry from 1969.

"The boy who broke my heart."

This sounds spicy.

I'd never been in love
before I met him.

"Jack Tanner, the butcher's boy.

"Beautiful blue eyes, a coy smile

"and riddled with rickets -
so much so, he walked

"as if he were perpetually
playing a game of leap frog.

"To straighten his legs, Dr
Busworth bound them to two canes,

"causing him tremendous pain, but
one could always hear him coming.

"He tottered on the cobbles
like a newborn goat,

"and the sound would make
my heart sing like a skylark.

"I was only 16 when he told me

"I was the most beautiful girl
in the whole wide world.

"We carved our names into the great
oak in Mama's walled garden,

"and each night
he would sneak to meet me.

"All we would do was hold hands,
but it still felt electric.

"I thought it was a love
to last the ages,

"but that summer, Jack grew
paler and weaker each day.

"Turns out Dr Busworth was a quack -

"nothing but
a money-grabbing fantasist,

"who had never set foot in a medical
school, let alone a practice.

"And rickets, left untreated,

"could lead to seizures, and death.

"I remember the night I didn't hear
his click-clacking on the cobbles.

"Hours, I waited by that oak.

"Eventually, I ran
to the butcher's, barefoot,

"fearing the worst."
Oh, God, no. Please, not Jack.

"The lamp was on in his room
and I ran up the back steps.

"I heard painful groaning.

"I flung open the door...

.."and was greeted with
the most awful sight. Ohh, ohh!

"My best friend, Daphne,

"bouncing up and down
on Jack Tanner's cock."

What, like a big chicken? Ah. Right,
OK! We're going - come on, boys!

Well, what did you expect, darling?

Do we have to go? Yes, we do.

What are you still doing here?

I'm just having a little
tipple, darling.

Come on. All right? Go.

Let's talk about the good parts
of the relationship, shall we?

What worked? What was
the success that you shared?

NIC EXHALES

Did you go to Center Parcs with us?

You didn't go, did you?
No, that wasn't me.

I know there were good bits -
of course there were -

but if I'm being honest, I think
we just stopped loving each other.

But that's just
fucking life, isn't it?

You know, you move in with
each other, you have a kid,

you start talking about,
"Could you stack the dishwasher?",

"Have you remembered
to put the bins out?

"Cos the neighbours
have got the bins out."

"It's not a Tuesday, is it?"
"Yeah, it's a Tuesday."

"Oh, God, I thought it was
Wednesday cos Bargain Hunt's on."

And that's just... You know,
that's just fucking life,

It just sucks the romance
out of everything.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not like there was
nothing there in the first place

but it just gets knocked out of you.
It's like, who our age is...

..is totally happy?
You know, like blissfully happy?

Apart from maybe Wayne Lineker.

That, I agree with.

And how's your son coping
with all these changes?

Well, it's not ideal, is it?
I mean, it's up and down.

And, you know, obviously
the cat going missing and...

What... What do you mean,
the cat's gone missing?

Oh, just... Well, I'm
not worried about it -

he's just a cat and went missing

and obviously that just
doesn't help, and... Since when?

A day ago, two days,
it doesn't matter.

I'm not worried about it.

What we've managed to
do here is leave ga....

Oh, for God's sake.

Hang on, it'll sort itself out.

I told you to call BT.

I did phone BT.

CATERWAULING ECHOES

What was that?

Piece of shit.

The blue light's on
so it should be working.

Dan!

Yeah, just give me a sec,
I'm just trying to get it working.

CATERWAULING CONTINUES

Mr Meowgi...

Ooh. Sorry about that.

We're just having some
behavioural issues with our cat.

I'm so sorry.

He's figured out how
to open doors somehow.

Please forgive me, I'm going to

try to get him out of here and...

CAT MEOWS AND HISSES

Ow! DJ Sushi, no!

No.

Where's she gone?

Oh, she went to take the cat out.
She said she'll be back in a minute

CAT SCREECHES

NIC PANTS

What are you doing?

So sorry about that!

Um, where were we?

We're off to such a good start.

You two have made
incredible progress today.

OLLIE'S VOICE: I found him
in the tumble dryer...

What did you just say?

I'd like to do a quick
exercise with the two of you,

if that would be all right?

Mm-hm. Nic?

Oh, sorry. Yes, yeah, sure

OLLIE'S VOICE: Come on, then,
greedy guts.

I was saying, this
can be really helpful

when we need to repair
our communication.

NIC PANTS AND WHIMPERS

What did you do that for?

What's wrong with you?

Nic?

I need to show you something.

Come on. Why don't you
just play some Fortnite

with Harry or something?

No, ta. I'd rather listen to...
David Gray's last album.

How do you know who David Gray is?

Dad listens to him while he drinks
whisky and cries in the bath.

Oh, course he does.

What time's Mum going to be back?

I don't know, she's, um...

She's just got to talk
to your dad for a bit

You can say therapy,
I know what they're doing.

OK.

Well, she'll be back
when they're done.

Well, I mean...
they wouldn't have needed therapy

if you hadn't have recorded
her, but... Excuse me?

KNOCKING

PHONE CHIMES

What are you doing with my phone?

Nothing. Just buying some V-Bucks.

No. Absolutely not.

And give me that. Wait... No.

I don't want you playing
with this any more.

Mum! No, I'm sick of this rubbish.

Sick of what?

Why don't you do what normal
kids do and just go get a yoyo?

That's not normal!

DOOR SLAMS

Just give him a minute.
This is good for him.

He needs to learn
some boundaries and...

..so do you.

ON TV: Come on, then, greedy guts.

You've not been very good, have you?

You've destroyed the whole city.

Let's get rid of you, then!
CAT MEOWS

Three, two, one, blast off!!

Oh, God.

Why didn't you tell me, like...

I... So...

The cat we've got now, is that
just...? Just a random, yeah.

I'm not even sure it's a boy.

Not even sure it's a cat,
by the size of its...dumps.

How long has the second cat
been missing? I don't know!

When would you say, since Sunday?
Fucking hell.

We need to report this, don't we?

Or do we? Do we need to... Oh.
Do we need to call the police?

Like, is this a crime.
Like, what...?

No, but where does that even end?

I mean, what? That he's,
you know, seeing psychiatrists

all the time and living
in a juvenile institution?

He's put on lithium
for the rest of his life?

No, absolutely not. I don't
think we've got a choice, Nic!

I think we need
all the help we can get!

Dan, I mean...kids
experiment, don't they?

I mean, you know, we've done it -
I remember once on a school

trip to Longleat booting a peacock
up the arse out of pure curiosity.

You told me you once
wanked off in a pond.

Yeah, no animals were hurt,
were they?

Other than, like, a frog's pride.
This is different, this is...

This is, like, methodical.
This is Jeffrey Dahmer shit.

Oh! It's a one-off. It's a one-off.
It's not a one-off!

If it's a one-off, where's the
second fucking cat, Nic? Oh.

Hello, darling. OH!
I need you to park my car!

Just calm down.

Quickly! The handbrake's off.

I'm coming, Mum!

NIC SCOWLS
Of course his mum would turn up now.

KETTLE WHISTLES

GROAN TUBE WHINES

Does he have to do that?

It's the only way I could
get him out of the toilet.

So, Goody Winters saw her dancing
in a field under the full moon

and chanting spells, so of course
she told the Witchfinder General.

Goody Winters
sounds like a right tit.

But the last straw was when
Goody Ashmore witnessed her

vomiting up sharp needles and crows
that flew off into the woods.

Then what happened?

So then, all of the men
in the village dragged her

from her house by her pubic hair,
marched her through the village

and drowned her in the Bow Wow.

Urgh. Men. Thank you.

And last year,
we raised �500 for the WI.

I'm sorry, but can you not see
the glaring irony there?

I know, they don't need
any more money.

So what part am I playing, then?
The witch?

No, everyone voted for Nic
to play the witch.

Because of what happened?
No - because of her nose.

Oh, fair enough.

You're playing Edie Yarmouth
Goody Yarmouth?

No, she wasn't married.

She was a one-legged lady
of the night

who frequented the local tavern.

Ah. So a prostitute, then.

Oh, no! No.

She wasn't paid for it.

What... No, why are you adding more?

Because, Carbonel was famously fat
from eating everybody's souls!

Right, OK.

But how am I going to
go to the toilet?

Well, why don't you do what
I do on a girls' night out

and crouch over a drain?

So what part are you
playing, then, Harry?

I'm the sacrificial pig.

Oh, lovely.

I'm so very proud.

HE SLURPS HIS TEA

Tooth looks good.

Yeah, well, it cost me five grand.
You're joking! So...

We were just on our way to
a book signing at Waterstones.

Whose? Whose signing?

Charlie from Casualty. Oh, OK.

What do you think that's going to be
about, then, his time on Casualty?

No...

It was about his journey
of self-discovery

on his walk from
John O'Groats to Land's End.

That sounds riveting
Do you want to come?

No. Tempting as that sounds,
I don't think...

I've got stuff to get on
with here, so... Yeah.

NIC YAWNS
Yeah. So, thank you for coming.

Oh, I see. What?

She's weaselled her way
back in again. Oh, Mum.

She fornicated with
your brother, Daniel!

Mum! I can't do this.

You should be ashamed of yourself!

You killed him!

What did you just say?
He couldn't bear the guilt...

..so he threw himself
in front of that train!

I know he did!

My son is dead...

..and you're just...swanning around

like Joan Collins
in the south of France!

I'm sorry... I can't...
I can't bear it, Daniel, I can't.

Right, I'm done.

Why couldn't you have
married Helen Foster?

You know...

..she designs wallpaper
for Laura Ashley!

Because she's my third cousin.
Well, that never stopped the royals!

Marrying your cousin's
a sign of class!

Look, Suze...
I want to see the video again.

I don't have it.

Why were you there that night?

I was there that night
to tell him that I loved him,

and he turned me down for you.

And that's everything, OK?

At least Alex found a good woman.

You never liked Suze! Yes, I did!

Oh, my God, you've only started
liking her now that he's dead.

That is not true! You said her
Lady MacBeth was so wooden, that it

was like someone threw a chair
on the stage! Shh!

Oh, my God, you always did this!

Did what? Played us off
against each other.

God. No wonder Dad started shagging
his palliative-care nurse.

You're a sad, bitter,
hateful old bitch!

SHE GASPS

And you were a bad mum.

You know what?

Nic may be a lot of things,

but she would never
treat Ollie that way.

SHE GASPS

I want to know, word for word,
what happened on that night.

I, erm...

SHE SIGHS

I knew that he was going
to be getting that train...

Alex.

..so I went there to talk to him

about, erm, telling you and Dan...

I just wanted to say that
maybe it's a good time

for us to come clean about it.

What did he say?

He wanted to come clean, as well.

Get your hands off me.

Well, the sex was fine...

..but I think you
should lose some weight.

To save his relationship with you.

Not... Not... Nothing to do with me.

NIC SNIFFS

How did his coat get
trapped in the doors?

I was really upset.

And he went to comfort me,
so he hugged me.

Open the door.

And he just timed it wrong
cos the doors....

Open the fucking door!

I tried to...

Just pull the cord!

Argh! Ugh!

Pull the cord!
How long have I known you, Nic?

How long?

Long enough to know
when you're lying.

CAROL GASPS

Carol? What's wrong?

I'm having a heart attack.

She's fine.

Take me home.

But can we stop into M&S on the way?

Erm...

SHE BREATHS HEAVILY

Nic? You all right?

SHE SCREAMS

Fuck.

Sor... Sorry, what is it, a fucking
full moon tonight, is it?

Oh, my... Oh, my God.

Nic!

What, are you still
picking up Ollie?

BELL TOLLS

ECHOING VOICES
Why were you there that night?

Ohh...

Hurry up, you stupid bitch!

Oh, shut up.

Hey, look, you never
told me what you actually saw.

You killed him!
Get it together, Nic.

Three, two, one, blast off!

Kids experiment, don't they?

In you go. Channel your sin.

I can't take any more! Shut up!

VOICES STOP

SHE SIGHS

Ohhh... I'm nuts.

I'm nuts, I'm nuts.

Sorry, I'm fine,
I was just having a breakdown...

It was in a dream, I think.
It walked past my bedroom window.

How long have I known you, Nic?

Long enough to know
when you're lying.

The Skellis is...

I can't...

What's wrong? I can't...
I can't breathe.

Mum? I can't breathe...

Er, it's OK, it's OK, boys.

Look... Look, why don't you guys
go into the house and get

Mrs Baggott to tell you about her
grandson's kidney infection? Mum!

Look, she's all right, she's going
to be fine. She's going to be fine.

She just needs a minute. You OK?
She just needs a minute.

I just need you to get the kids out.

Yeah, yeah, so I'll come and get you
in a bit, OK? All right. Yeah?

That's it, off you go.
DOOR CLOSES

Right, it's OK, it's OK.

It's OK, right?

Everything's going to be OK.

What... What happened?

Oh, she knows...

Who? Who knows? Suzie knows.

Knows what? What does she know?

I can't say it, I can't say!

BANGING
The Skellis is...

Oh, my God!

Not been very good, have you?

When you started fucking my brother.

Do you think there's something
special about you? Oh, my God!

What are you doing?
NIC SCREAMS

You're scaring me.

It has never been about...
You're lying.

Open the fucking door!

VOICES STOP

NIC CRIES

It's, like, the worst...

It's the worst thing.

What, Nic, what?!

You have to promise me that
you're not recording this

cos you've done that to me before.
Oh, my God, I wouldn't!

I wouldn't, I promise.
You can't do that to me again.

I promise, I promise.

OK, look, look. OK, I'm going to...

I'm going to put the phone here, OK?

And, look, it's not recording.

Just nothing but Ben Adams'
glossy '90s curtains.

All right?
So I'll just put that there.

Now, I'm not... I'm not going
to go anywhere near it, OK?

Satisfied?

NIC BREATHES SHAKILY

Satisfied. OK.

It's, like...

..the most heinous thing
anybody could ever do.

Oh, God.

You're not a nonce, are you?

God, no! OK, OK, fine, no.

Well, what... What, then?
What? I mean...

Have you shagged your dad?

No! OK, I'm sorry.
Why would you even say that?!

I don't know! My brai...
What, then?!

Alex.

What?

I killed him.

What? I killed him.

God, I can't believe I just
said that out loud.

Er... I killed him. Erm...

You know when the doors were closing

and I said that it's
because we were hugging?

Yeah. We weren't hugging.

I just... He'd dumped me
and I was so angry

that I just pulled his
coat through the...

Fuck.

Ugh... Ah...

Oh, Nic. Yeah.

OK. Oh, God.

It's all right, it's all right.

You've got to...
You've got to breathe. Yeah.

You've got to breathe. You're OK.

This feels better.

Feel better?

Yeah. OK.

So...

..you were at the station?

I went to meet him
at the station... Yeah.

..because he just wasn't
answering any of my calls.

And I had seen him two days before,

and he'd said that he wanted to
come clean about everything.

So, what, two days before, he's...

What, he's going to leave Suzie?
He's going to leave Suzie.

He's saying he loves you? Yeah...

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