All language subtitles for Zapped! 1982_track3_[eng]

[pop music]

[man]
♪ Day is dead
the sun is down ♪

♪ And I don't know
a single soul in town ♪

♪ Think I'm going solo

♪ I'm just trying to kill
a Saturday night ♪

♪ Work all week
for a little pay ♪

♪ Get the car and I'm
on my way ♪

♪ Won't sit home crying

♪ I'm just trying to kill
a Saturday night ♪

♪ Man it's lonely

♪ when only the wheel
holds you tight ♪

♪ Run from sorrow

♪ Tomorrow I'll pay
for tonight ♪

♪ Yeah

[bubbles]

Okay, Edgar.

Your turn now.

[mouse squeaking]

Hey, come on.

All the rock stars
love this stuff.

Here you go.

[mouse squeaking]

[knocking on door]

Barn?Hey, Peyton.

Since when did you
become a boozer?

Hmm?

Oh, no.

The scuba club
wants a report

on diving under
the influence.

Let's see.

Edgar and Vincent were
given an amount of whiskey

equal to human consumption
of about 10 pints.

It's amazing!

They're twice as big
as they were yesterday.

The growth rate is
up 2 in a day.

I gotta hand it
to you, Barn.

Super dope grown
in super time

means a super buzz

and a lot of bucks
for us.

Ah, whatever.

Hey, you know,
Peyton, over this summer,

I'm gonna test
my Ultra Grow mixture

on various other plants.

It might get me a research
grant in the fall.

Looks like the party's
over for those two.

No kidding.

Let's go, Barn.

It's assembly time.

Come on, Barn.

[mouse squeaking]

Barney, just look
at yourself.

You look like you just
escaped from a mouse cage.

You know what
you need?

No, what?

A girl.

Gotta toughen
you up, bro.

Hey, Barn.

How about some
math help later?

No way, he's got work
of his own to do.

Hey, Barney,
did boss man here

get you a date
for the prom?

Are you kidding me?

Barney doesn't
care about girls.

He's a rocket
scientist.

You guys are assholes.

[rock music]

Smile!

Front page
Senior Edition.

Hey, you print that
and I'll sue.

I'm getting so tired
of the girls around here.

So immature.

Hey, Peyton, you
and her ever--

Roscoe, you know I don't
like to talk about women.

Good afternoon,
gentlemen.

Oh, Barney, how are
my orchids coming along?

Oh, they're fine,
sir.

We're right
on schedule.

Good.

My ex-wife's
gonna be insane

when I win that
blue ribbon.

[woman giggling]

Carry on, men.

You too, sir.

[girl on microphone]
Seniors, I give you
The Penguin cheerleaders!

[martial music]

[everyone cheering]

[girls]
♪ We're number one

♪ you're number two

♪ we're gonna push
The Tigers back in the zoo ♪

[everyone cheering]

[girl on microphone]
Now don't forget
our last baseball game

is Tuesday afternoon against
The Lincoln Tigers,

so let's get out there
and show some spirit, yay!

[everyone cheering]

[girl on microphone]
And now, as your class
president,

it is my pleasure
to introduce

the great principal
of Ralph Waldo Emerson High--

Gary Cooter!

[everyone cheering]

[girl on microphone]
As I was saying,

the great principal of
Ralph Waldo Emerson High,

Mr. Walter Coolidge!

[clapping and booing]

[Walter on microphone]
I'd like to congratulate
all the baseball varsity.

We haven't won a game
all year,

[laughs]
but let's not quit.

Let's pound those Tigers
into rabbit--

doo-doo.

[everyone cheering]

Charge!

Uh, good luck to you all.

[martial music]

Oh, that was
just fantastic.

Miss Burnhart, please.

That's all, seniors.

See you at the ball game.

[Peyton]
Miss Updike?

I'm afraid we're
going to have to reshoot

your Senior Edition
pictures.

The first group
didn't come out.

Okay, Peyton.

Follow me.

[rock music]

You won't forget me

when you're with
those college girls,

will you?

[clicks]

Corinne--

your love is a prize
I could never forsake.

[giggling]

That is one
of your better lines.

[rock music]

Hi, Dex.Hi there, Barney.

Now, don't mind me.

Just keep on doing
what you're doing.

We only have
one more game left.

That's right.

And don't forget
you promised

to let me bat
once before I leave.

Barney,
you're the greatest--

statistician I ever had.

And you're a scientific
whiz kid to boot.

If I were you,

I wouldn't be worried
about baseball.

Now, when
I was your age,

I was always out,
whoring around,

having myself
a good old time.

Well, I wish
I was whoring around.

No, you don't.

Them women is trouble.

First come the woman--

and then the whiskey.

We used to call that the
devil's double whammy.

But you know something?

My old lady don't me
eat salami no more.

Says it causes cancer.

Maybe you ought to drop
this petunia shit

and figure out a
cure for that sucker.

Because I can't live
in this world

without salami.

No weenies either.

[knocking on door]

Talking about trouble,

here's the stickball
king himself.

Just following in your
footsteps, Dexter.

[giggling]
You wish.

Well, I guess
I'll be going, fellas.

So take care, Barney.

See ya later, Dex.

And you get your rich ass
to practice on time today,

you hear?

Sure thing, Coach.

Thanks for stopping by.

So how are we
doing, Barn?

Not bad.

I'm almost finished.

This is the oil I extracted
from the first crop.

Gonna give Edgar
a dose now.

This ought
to get him blasted.

[blowing]

Edgar seems to be
exhibiting signs

of paranoid schizophrenia.

His brain is fried.

Hey, Barn, how do you tell
when they're stoned?

Well-- hand me
that beaker, will you?

Sure.

Well, first of all,

they eat twice
their weight in cheese.

Then they roll over
and stare

at this
little red light.

[knocking on door]

Hi, Peyton, I'm here
to interview Barney

for The Senior Edition.

Sorry, Bernadette,
but Barney's in the middle

of an extremely delicate
cross pollenization.

Well, then how about just
a couple of pictures?

No pictures in the lab,
Bernadette.

Well, I need a picture
of Barney by his orchids,

that's what the--

All right,
I'll take them.

Barney's very busy
now, okay?

Sure, I'll be back
tomorrow.

Fine.

There's no such word
as pollenization.

Whatever,
she's a pain.

Look, I gotta run,
Barn.

I'll catch
you later, okay?See ya.

[mysterious music]

[Barney]
Edgar, how did you
get that?

[zapping]

All right, eat.

But you realize I'll have
to get you a bigger dose

now to counteract the food.

[mouse squeaking]

[zapping]

[mouse squeaking]

[zapping]

[boom]

[mysterious music]

[sighing]

[groaning]

[funny music]

Barney Bonehead.

Up yours.

[dog barking]

[door opening]

[woman]
Barney, is that you?

How you doing?

Hi, I'm home.

[man]
Where were you?

Your mother
was worried.

I was at the lab,
I had some work to do.

Would you
come here, please?

Your father wants
to talk to you.

[man on radio]
Hounded by hemorrhoids?

[fart]
Then have a Relaxo
fruit juice break.

And now back to our
regularly scheduled program.

I saved you some supper,
but you don't deserve it.

You're right,
I don't deserve it.

Don't get smart
with your mother.

Sorry.

What happened to you?

Nothing, I just had
a little accident

in the lab,
that's all.

I think this laboratory
nonsense

has gotten out of hand.

You don't
go out with girls.

When are you going to ask
somebody to the prom?

When I find the right
girl, Mom, okay?

I have some
homework to do.

Should we?

Oh, let's leave it
till tomorrow.

No, I think
we should do it now.

[door bangs]

[whining]

[door opening]

Barney, your mother and I
are very concerned.

It's your attitude.

Not to mention
your late hours

and loss of appetite.

Son, roll up
your sleeves.

Should we check
between his toes?

What's going on?

Your father and I

went to a drug
education seminar

at the school.

Are you a junkie, son?

Right, Dad.

Don't talk to your
father like that.

What's the matter,
Barney?

Nothing's the matter.

All right.

We'll discuss it
further in the morning.

And I expect a little more
cooperation around here.

You can start by
cleaning up this pigpen.

[zapping]

[door bangs]

How dare you!

I didn't do it.

Alvie did it.

[barking]

And I suppose that dummy
taught him how to do it?

[door bangs]

Hey, Barn.Hey.

How you doing?Okay.

How's the hooch?

The hooch?

Yeah, you know.

Hey, Barney, how about
that interview?

Bernadette, we're on
our way to class now.

You should be too.

Barney, how responsible
do you think science are

to the mess of the
world today

and do you think they
can get us out of it?

Yeah.

Well, the scientists
have to bear

some responsibility
for the mess.

But I also think
they're our best hope

for cleaning it up.

A pat answer,
but I'll take it.

What are you planning on
doing with orchids?

I really
don't know yet.

What do you plan to
specialize in at college?

Botany.

Research, that is.

There's a lot of money
to be made there.

Is that your goal,
Barney?

To make money?

I guess that would
be part of it.

That's enough for now,
Bernadette.

I'm not
interviewing you.

I agree, I think that's
enough for now.

[bell ringing]

You gotta
watch her, Barn.

She's nosy.

She sure is pushy.

Hi, Bernadette.

[Bernardette]
Hi, Jane,
how you doing?

Did you do
your homework?

Yeah.Can I copy?

Again?

Sure.

Good afternoon, class.

I'm so happy to inform you

that we have a very
special visitor today--

our esteemed principal,
Mr. Walter Coolidge.

Hey, Coolidge,
you shave with an axe?

[everyone giggling]

Oh, yes, sir,

you can sit here
at my desk, sir.

Thank you,
Miss Burnhart.

It's a pleasure
to be here.

And now we'll continue

with our final
presentations in poetry.

Who's next in
the alphabet?

Let's see here.

You're next, Gary Cooter.

Do I have to,
Miss Burnfart?

[everyone laughing]

Read us your poem, Gary,

or your next year will be
your fourth as a senior.

[Gary]
This is a poem
about something

that's pretty
important to me

and that I get real
confused about a lot.

It's called "Chicks."

"Chicks--

"Sometimes I feel like
I'm so much above 'em

"and sometimes I feel
like I'm so much below 'em.

"Sometimes I hate 'em

"and sometimes
I love 'em--

[romantic music]

[Jane]
Barney--

Barney.

"but if I was caveman,

I think
I'd just club 'em."

[girls booing]

All right.

[girls booing]

[Miss Burnhart]
Thank you, Gary.

Barney?

What do you think
of Gary's poem?

[girls giggling]

Uh--

What's the--

What's the problem,
Barney?

Oh, God.

Are you hiding
something?

[zapping]

[Walter]
What the--?

[everyone laughing]

[cleaning throat]

Shall we continue?

[people chattering]

Oh, Barney--

when may I see
my orchids?

Oh, any time,
Mr. Coolidge.

Just let me know
ahead of time

so I can straighten up.

It's quite messy
in there.

All right,
I'll do that.

Let's make it soon,
shall we?

Hey, Barn,
you feeling okay?

You seem sort
of out of it.

What?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
I'm okay, Peyton.

Whoosh.

Jane looks
kinda cute today.

Sure does.

Hey, watch this.

All you need is
a good opening line.

It all hinges on the
first seven seconds.

It's in The Valley,
it's the best.

Did they card you?

Yes, they did,
but I had my fake,

so it was no problem.

Hi, Jane, can I talk
to you a minute?

Sure.

It's, uh--
kinda private.

Okay.

Who are you going to
the prom with, Barney?

Oh, uh--
I don't know yet.

Why don't you go with one
of your mice friends?

So what's
this all about?

Saturday night.

Dinner and a flick,
we'll have a blast.

Cut the crap.

You know I'm going out
with Robert Wolcott.

He's pre-law at
Tee Winkle College.

Why should I go out
with you?

Well, I'm pre-rich,

pre-famous
and pre-powerful.

You act
like pre-school.

That's a little
immature for me.

[screaming]
Ah!

Wow!

[screaming]
Ah!

[Robert]
What the hell
is going on here?

Nobody touched her,
swear to God.

What's she
screaming for, punk?

Nothing's going on,
Robert.

He didn't touch me.

The wind blew
it open, that's all.

Nothing happened,
really.

He just wishes.

If I catch you
near her again,

I'll break your face.

No problem, Rob.

Let's get out
of here, Robert.

[zapping]

What are you, some
kind of pervert?

It must have shrunk!

Get in the car.

If I ever catch you doing
anything like that again

except when
we're alone, I'll--

I didn't do it!

How do you suppose
that happened?

I don't know.

I guess it was
the wind.

You know,
like she said.

Yeah.

Well, Barn, you want to
get something to eat?

Oh, no, not really.

I think I'm going to
go back into the lab.

I guess I'll see you
later then, huh?

Right.

See ya.

[mouse squeaking]

[glass shattering]

[zapping]

[mysterious music]

[glass shattering]

[zapping]

[mysterious music]

My God.

I can't believe it.

I'm not dreaming.

[triumphal music]

[triumphal music]

That's incredible,
Barney.

How did you get
in here?

The door was open.

Anyway,
you can't stop me.

It's school property.

[zapping]

Thanks a lot, Barney.

Oh, how cute.

What are their names?

None of
your business.

Come on, Barney,
don't be mad.

Don't you realize
how amazing this is?

What is?

Don't try to
bullshit me, Barney.

I saw those test tubes
flying around

and I saw those
maps pop off the wall.

Big deal.

So what does that mean?

What does the word
"telekinesis"

mean to you, Barney?

Uh, I've never
heard of it.

Aha, marijuana.

I can't wait to
find out

how these fit
into all this.

Look, I have some
more work to do.

Can't you just
leave me alone?

Please?

Barney, you can't expect

to keep a thing
like this to yourself.

This is it--
mind over matter,

the power to
move things at will.

Hey, Barn.

I was just passing by

and I couldn't help
overhearing.

Telekinesis, huh?

Hey, how did it
happen?

I don't know.

There was an explosion

and I didn't think
anything of it.

But that must have been
it because after that,

things started happening.

Peyton-- I can make
things fly around.

I can move things.

Barney, we'll shock the
scientific world.

We can prove that
telekinesis exists.

Look, I don't want anybody
else to know about this.

But, Barney--He's right.

There'd just be
a lot of publicity.

We gotta keep this thing
to ourselves.

You're right.

Nobody can know.

Uh, I have to go home.

Hey, you feeling okay?

Oh, yeah, I just need some
time to think, that's all.

I'm a little
foggy still.

Bye.Bye.

So how does the world look
through cracked glasses?

Cracked.

[door closing]

Where were you?

I spent all afternoon
making dinner

and you don't see
fit to come home on time.

Your mother made
her specialty.

Spam with cream sauce.

[blech]

Did you bring me
that milk

like I asked you to?

Oh, I forgot it.

Son, you've been damned
irresponsible lately.

You better
explain yourself.

Answer your father.

What's the question?

You don't eat.

You go to sleep
at 7:30.

I had some work
to finish at the lab

and then I went for
a walk, that's all.

Gee whiz, Mom,
I said I'm sorry.

I think maybe I'll
get a burger.

Now just a minute.

Ahem!

Starting tonight,
you are grounded.

You'll be in this house
at suppertime

and this is
where you'll stay,

[zapping]

I didn't mean it.

Dad, I'm sorry.

You should be.

Now go to your room.

Can't you see your
father's a sick man?

[door closing]

[zapping]

[mysterious music]

[Barney]
Okay, Alvie.

I've got you on the main
view scanner.

They're coming
in for a closer look.

Oh, they seem to be
afraid of you.

[mysterious music]

I don't believe it,
Captain.

That thing
could swallow us whole.

Spock,
do we have a reading?

Yes, Captain.

Computer indicates we're
about to be swallowed

by a giant sheepdog.

[man]
For God's sake,
I hope he's been wormed.

[Alvie growling]

[men screaming]

[sighing]

I have to get
something to eat.

[Alvie whining]

What are you doing?

[whining]

All right,
you can come.

But don't say I never
take you any place.

There.

Now they'll
never know we're gone.

Come on.

[Jane]
Who are going to the
prom with, Barney?

Why don't you go with
one of your mice friends?

Are you talking to me?

[loud]
Are you talking to me?

Oh, yeah?

Well, take this.

[glass shattering]

Oh, no.

Now I'm really
in for it.

What's all
the racket up here?

Who are you
talking to?

Nobody.

I was just talking
to myself.

My God, what hap--

Who's that
in your bed?

[zapping]

[screaming]
Ah!

[funny music]

[man snoring]

Mom?

Oh, listen,
I'm going for a burger.

I won't be long.

[funny music]

Wake up, wake up!

Barney's dummy.

The dummy,
it attacked!Calm down, calm down.

Did you have
your 8:00 Valium?

There you go.

Oh, prune juice.

[tires squealing]

[cars passing by]

[bell ringing]

[mysterious music]

[Barney]
Edgar, you got it too.

Edgar.

Don't try to push me
around.

You better
mind your manners,

[knocking on door]
you little shit.

Hi, Barney.Hi.

What are you doing?

What is that for?

I thought we'd start
by testing your power

for a controlled
distance

on substances

with different physical
properties.

Bernadette, you don't know
a thing about science.

You can't be the subject
of your own experiment.

Now, just see

if you can empty the air
out of that can.

[zapping]

Very good.

Now, see if you can empty
the water out of the tank.

Oh, come here.

[mysterious music]

[thunder rumbling]

[water falling]

Very imaginative.

Now, we know
from last night

that you can move solids.

So I conclude that your
telekinetic power

works on all
three states of matter.

[knocking on door]

Hi, Peyton.

Hey,
what's going on?

Barney, we got a game
to go to.

Oh, right.

We've been conducting
a little research,

but I was
just leaving.

Bye, Barney.

Uh, look, next time
ask me first

before you
barge in here, okay?

Okay.

Sorry.

Gotta keep her
under wraps.

Just the power, it's--

I know,
it's scary.

You know,
I had an idea.

If you don't want to
do it, I understand,

'cause we're best
friends for life and--

What is it?

I knew you'd drag
it out of me.

Play ball!

[man on microphone]
The Emerson Penguins
take the field.

On the mound for Emerson,
Peyton Nichols.

Looks like we're
a little short

on the bench today, Dex.

Alan, take your finger
out of your nose.

What did I tell
you about that shit?

Now suck it.

Suck it!

[man on microphone]
First up for The Tigers,

playing shortstop,
number 4, Deke Davis.

[girls cheering]

[zapping]

What an amazing hop!

[everyone cheering]

Now batting for The Tigers,

their pitcher and the
league's leading hitter,

Nathan "Too Mean" Levine.

[everyone cheering]

There's a shot!

It's a homerun.

[everyone cheering]

Top the first,
Tigers lead one-nothing.

[everyone cheering]

Sorry about that.

That's okay, pal.

Let's just keep it cool
till the ninth inning,

like we said.

[rock music]

You're out!

[rock music]

[everyone booing]

[zapping]

You're out,
strike three.

[rock music]

[everyone booing]

[zapping]

[everyone cheering]

Hold on a minute, Ump!

We got a pinch
hitter coming in!

No, no, Dex.

He was your pinch
hitter.

You used him
in the seventh inning

and now you have nobody
else left except me.

Besides, nobody else even
touched "Too Mean" anyway.

Oh, come on,
Dex, you promised me.

Please?

You promised.

Go 'head on out.

Thanks, Dex.

[everyone cheering]

[man on microphone]
Now batting for Emerson,
Barney Springboro.

[zapping]

[everyone cheering]

[crying]

What an amazing game.

It had it all,

incredible fielding,
pitching, clutch hitting.

And the final score, 3-1,
Emerson Penguins.

[everyone cheering]

Thanks, Dex.

If I only knew.

You know something,

we could have been
contenders.

[laughing]

We did it,
can you believe it?

You were great.

Ah, I couldn't have
done it without you.

It was nothing.

What do you say we
celebrate at my house?

Forget it.

Oh, Robert.

Good game, huh?

Typical
high school stuff.

You would have been eaten
alive in college.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure

you'd know all about
that, wouldn't you?

You going to
The Senior Day?

To Magic Land?

That kid stuff is a
little gooish for me.

Oh, yeah, well,
they do have

the scariest roller
coaster in the world.

Of course, I rode it
standing up last time.

You would.

See ya around, jerk.

Did you smell
that guy?

Let's get
out of here.

[people cheering]

Hey, that's the jerk
that made us lose.

Yeah,
you little weasel.

Okay, pal, kiss this.

[girls laughing]

[zapping]
Ah!

Oh, shit!

Who is this guy?

[both]
Hey, hey!

[screaming]
Oh!

Oh, Dexter, do you have
your passkey on you?

Sure do, Mr. C.

What do you need?

My key doesn't seem
to work in this lock.

We all seem to have

that same problems
sometimes, don't we?

Hello, sir.

Hello, Mr. Jones.

How are we today?

Just fine,
Miss Burnhart.

You see, now, this door
has a special lock

and Barney's got he key.

Maximum security
for the flowers.

Thank you, Dexter.

I'll speak to
Barney about this.

How is Barney's
experiment coming along?

That's what I can't
seem to find out.

Everything
is so secretive.

I want to see what's
in there.

[Bernardette]
Barney!

Barney, look.

I'm sorry I barged
in the other day.

Maybe I've
been too pushy,

but you can't just
shut me out.

I can help.

Can't we just talk?

Okay.

Great.

Now, I promise
I won't do this

if you don't want to,

so don't get mad,
okay?

But please
don't say no,

it'll be great for both
of us, I swear--

All right,
what is it?Okay.

My sister knows someone
at a research journal

and if we can
continue our experiments,

she can publish
our findings.

Hey, that's
a very good idea.

Oh, I knew you'd feel
this way, Barney.

Isn't it exciting?Yeah.

I'll talk to Peyton
about it.

Peyton?

What for?

Well, he's sort of got
all these plans for us.

You know, like selling
the Ultra Grow,

that sort of stuff.

Figures, another
scientist sells out.

No, listen, someday,
I can get my own--

[Miss Burnhart struggling]

Oh, my!

Well, how much does Peyton
think you'll get in jail?

I'm ruined.

I can't believe this.

Come on!

[tires squealing]

[paper rustling]

Yes, Miss Updike?

[Corinne]
Look, today's
Bachelor Bait.

I'm sorry, sir,

but there's no response
to your ad today.

I can't stand
this waiting.

I knew that I shouldn't
have admitted

I was a high
school principal.

They all probably
assume I'm a dud.

Oh, I think

it's best to be honest
from the start.

[door opening]

Excuse me, sir,

but I just learned
something so shocking.

Oh, I can't stand
to see them

make a fool
of you, sir.

What is it,
Miss Burnhard?

Barney's lab.

It's...

It's what?

It's...

come with me, sir.

I hope this is important,
Miss Burnhard.

[struggling]

Well,
here they are.

What's the problem,
Miss Burnhard?

Yes, what is it?

But there was
marijuana there!

I saw it!

I think you smoked it,
Miss Burnhard.

I appreciate you showing me
the orchid, Miss Burnhard,

but sneaking
through windows

does not exemplify the
sort of behavior

we try to impart
to our students.

Good grief!

[funny music]

[scared]Oh--

Dexter.

I was um--
security check.

Got lucky, eh, Walt?

[smiling]
No, Dexter.

It's not what
you think at all.

I sure hope not,

but I'll be saying
my prayers for you,

just in case.

[Miss Burnhard sobbing]
God knows I tried.

Oh, uh, Dexter--

keep this
to yourself, okay?

Always do.

I got a file in my head
two feet thick

about a whole
lot of things you do

that I keep to myself.

[laughing]
I'll be a son
of a gun.

[Bernardette]
Hurry up!

I'm trying, I'm trying.

It's too big.

It doesn't fit.

We don't have all day,
Barney.

Faster!

That's the last
of it.

[relieved]
Thank goodness.

Barney.

Dex.

What are you doing here?

Oh, uh-- nothing.

I just thought--

You got yourself a
good catch here.

Barney's going to be a
famous scientist someday.

Oh, well,
thanks, Dex.

We'll see
you later.Bye.

Next time, take her
some place decent.

That was so close.

[sniffing]

[coughing]

Wow!

Yeah!

Where am I?

Barney,
is that you?

Barney is working
with me now, Dex.

Mr. Einstein.

I'm feeling strange.

Someone's putting
some shit on my mind.

Sounds like too many
chili dogs, Dex.

Got to learn to relax.

Chili dogs are what
I need to relax.

Salami too,

but my old lady
won't let me have it.

I ride a bike
to relax, Dex.

Can you ride?

You see, Dex, it is
not so hard, is it?

Nah, it ain't
so bad after all.

[trumpet buggle call]

[woman]Dexter!

Dexter Jones!

Bow-legged sap sucker.

Here comes the devil

and the four black
stallions after my ass.

That's it,
I found you.

You can't hide nothing
from me, Dexter Jones.

You ugly spasm.

Who is that, Dex?

That's my wife.

Found out where I hid
salami in the garage.

You'd better be
making tracks, Dex.

You ain't shitting,
Mr. Einstein.

This'll teach you.

[boom]

Help me, Mr. Einstein!

Barney!

Help me!

[thinking]
Back on Earth.

[Peyton]
What a drag.

Nobody even got
to enjoy the stuff.

All that research
down the drain.

Better than his life
down the drain.

We had to do it,
Peyton.

Oh, it's no big deal.

This is small time compared
to what you can do

with your--
you-know-what.

Well, I've got to go.

See you around,
guys.

Bernadette?

See ya.

Sure.

[rock music]

Jane,
you're slouching.

Beautiful!

Great.

[man]
♪ Give me a taste
of the wind in my face ♪

♪ and the sun shining
up above ♪

♪ Me and my friends
got the world in our hands ♪

♪ and somebody could
fall in love ♪

♪ All the kids go
looking for trouble ♪

♪ Now that school is
over and done ♪

♪ and we might
just stay here all night ♪

♪ doing it right
just for fun ♪

♪ Checking the action
the latest attraction ♪

♪ back on the track again

♪ You better hold tight
'cause it's faster than light ♪

♪ you may lose a few
now and then ♪

♪ All the kids come
looking for trouble ♪

♪ and the good times
only begun ♪

♪ and we might just
stay here all night ♪

♪ doing it right-- ♪

I want that one
right there.

You're full
of it, man.

Maybe.

Did you see Robert's
face, poor guy?

Ah, he deserved it.

I suppose.

I'm getting a little
tired of this kid stuff.

What kind of man are
you anyways, Peyton?

Why, I'm a man's
man, Robert.

What did you
have in mind?

[belches]

Okay, that's
a 12-pack each.

Can we go now,
you guys?

Sure thing,
let's go.

Ready, buddy?

Ready, Freddie.

Don't you call me that.

You call me that again
and I'll kill you.

Freddie is Robert's
disowned older brother.

He went away on big game
safari in Africa

and married
a little pygmy girl.

[belches]

[fart]

You guys,
are disgusting.

First one to puke
is a loser.

Right.

100 bucks.

100 bucks.

[Barn]
Hey, Peyton!

Peyton!Barn!

What are you
guys doing?

Can't you tell?

They're stinking drunk.

Uh, Barn?

Is there something
that you can do

to make him spin
a little faster?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks, buddy.

I appreciate it.

I wouldn't get involved
in this if I were you.

What are friends for?

[fairground music]

Oooh!

[laughing]

Oooh!

Hey, Robert!

[laughing]

[fairground music]

Hey, what's
the matter, ace?

You got a problem?

[laughing]

[throwing up]

Listen, listen.

Are you okay?

Yeah, tell Peyton
I'll pay him tomorrow.

[coughing]

How you feeling?

Oh, I'm fine.

How's Robert?

Robert says you'll get
your money tomorrow.

I guess college
didn't teach him

how to be such a
good sport, huh?

Shouldn't we go
get something to eat?

Burgers?Yeah.

Well, do you think
you could win me

one of those
big pink panthers

to match the curtains
in my bathroom?

Sure thing,
come on.

Oh!

Hey, Barn.

What's the story with
you and Bernadette?

I don't know.

We seem to be getting
along pretty well.

Boy, I'll tell you,

that Jane's one nut I'd
really like to crack.

Hi, Jane.

Hi.

Where's Rob?

He wasn't feeling
too well,

so he had to go home.

Seemed a lot more mature

than that punk kid
you're with.Buzz off, pal,okay?

Hey, these guys giving
you some trouble?

Everything's under
control, thank you.

Hey, how old
are you, buddy?

13?

Talking to me?

Yeah, pal, he's
talking to you.

Are you talking
to me?

He already said
he was, Barney.

You must be
talking to me.

I'm the only one here.

Where am I, Barn?

Enough of this shit.

[action music]

Oh!

[blow]

Oooh!

[action music]

Let's get
out of here.

Now, that
was exciting.

It was nothing.

You were fantastic
in there.

Ah, they were just messing
with the wrong guys.

I hate to say it,

but I think the park
is closing soon.

Only problem is we
never got to eat.

Dinner?

I accept.

You know, I'd just
like to say

that this
is really nice.

Do you feel the
same way?

[Jane]
So, this is
your studio, huh?

[Peyton]
Yep.

What do you think?

It's, um,
very interesting.

[cork squeaking]

[soft music]

[fart]

[soft music]

Here we are.

Maybe later, okay?

What's wrong?

Well, you know,
Robert.

He's taking me to Hawaii
for graduation.

I understand.

I don't want you
to do

anything you
don't want to.

You don't?

No.

I have way too much
respect for you, Jane.

You do?

[classical music]

I didn't know you liked
this kind of music.

I don't know.

Today's music
just seems so--

juvenile.

I find that classical
music helps me relax

when I really get
uptight about things.

Really?

What have you got
to be uptight about?

Well, yesterday, I got
my acceptance to Harvard,

so it's between
there and Yale.

Only I can't decide
whether to go

to pre-med or pre-law.

My dad, he wants me to go
to business college,

then I can run
his corporation.

See, if I did that,

he said he'd start paying
me my salary now,

after the classes start.

A salary?

Well, it's more
like an allowance.

Just 100 grand a year.

Really?

Go on.

I shouldn't be bothering
you with these things.

My own private hell.

No, that's okay.

Really.

I feel like
I've been going

through some changes
lately.

Like, I'm
becoming more mature.

You do seem more mature.

I'm sorry.

What's wrong?

I don't know
what came over me.

It's okay.

Really.

[classical music]

[camera clicking]

What was that?

What was what?

That flash!

Something flashed!

It must have been
in your mind.

Guess that
means something.

Do you remember
that time

that Peyton
scared Mrs. Smith

with that frog from
biology class?

Yeah, yeah.

I loaned him that frog.

I never got it back.

You know, I'll kill you
if you tell anybody this,

but, uh, I had a crush on
Peyton in fifth grade.

Really?

Did he know?

Oh, no, no way.

I had three crushes
a year

'till eighth grade

and I never
told any of them.

How about you,
Barney?

What?

Who'd you have
a crush on?

Oh, uh, nobody.

You're turning red,
Barney.

Come on,
you can tell me.

Well, I did have a crush
on Pamela Browning

in the sixth grade.

Well, did you
tell her?

What happened?

She got pregnant,
and they sent her away.

No, no!

Well, you just have to
be careful, that's all.

Yeah.

So...

what do you want
to do tonight?

I don't know,
uh, watch TV?

Mess around.

Whatever
you want to do.

Mess around sounds good.

[soft music]

That's my mom.

I'll walk you out.

[man]
♪ Take me to your heart

♪ Show me where to start

♪ Let me play the part
of your first love ♪

♪ All the stars are right

♪ every wish is ours
tonight my love ♪

♪ Pity those who
wait trust in love to fate ♪

♪ finding out too late
that they've lost it ♪

♪ Never let it go

♪ they will never know
the ways of love ♪

♪ Got to believe in magic

♪ tell me how two people
find each other ♪

♪ in a world that's
full of strangers ♪

♪ You've got
to believe in magic ♪

♪ something stronger than
the moon above ♪

♪ 'cause it's magic
when two people fall in love ♪

[soft music]

♪ I may never know
why I need you so ♪

♪ all I need to know
is this feeling ♪

♪ Handle it with care

♪ we were born to share
this dream my love ♪

♪ Got to believe in magic

♪ tell me how two people
find each other ♪

♪ in a world that's full
of strangers ♪

♪ You've got to
believe in magic ♪

♪ something stronger than
the moon above ♪

♪ 'cause it's magic when
two people fall in love ♪

[soft music]

♪ Got to believe in magic

♪ tell me how two people
find each other ♪

♪ in a world
that's full of strangers ♪

♪ You've got to believe
in magic ♪

♪ something stronger
than the moon above ♪

♪ 'cause it's magic when two
people fall in love ♪

♪ Tell me how two
people find each other ♪

♪ in a world that's full
of strangers ♪

♪ You've got to
believe in magic ♪

♪ something stronger than
the moon above ♪

♪ 'cause it's magic when
two people fall in love ♪♪

[both laughing]

Robert,
feeling better?

Yeah.

There you go.

It's all there.Thanks.

No hard feelings,
right?No, no hard feelings.

In fact, if you want
to try some real gambling,

we got a roulette wheel
at the frat house.

Roulette, huh?

I'm sorry, Robert,

I think that's way out
of my league.

I think you owe me a shot
at getting my money back.

Tomorrow night.

How about it?

Well,
I got a feeling

I'm going to be
real sorry.

Okay, I'll be there.

Good deal.

I'll see you there.Okay.

Sorry I'm late,
Robert.

Yeah, come on,
let's go.Jane, should we
tell him about us?

And ruin my trip
to Hawaii?

No way.

Look, whatever
happened last night,

I faked every bit
of it.

Jane.

That's why
it was so good.

[honks horn]

Come on, what's
the hold up?

I'm coming, Robert.

[Corinne]
It's here, boss.

It's here.

The response to your ad

in this morning's
personals.

Go on.

She agrees to your plan.

"Pink carnations
at Alfredo's tonight."

But I said Giuseppe's.

She said Alfredo's is more
romantic, and I agree.

Okay.

This is it.

Oh, God,
I'm excited already.

I think she's the woman
I've been waiting for.

What do you think?

Well, here.

What's your
horoscope say?

"A casual encounter
may be the hot affair

you've been waiting for,
if you don't choke."

[soft music]

You know, Barney,

I'm the last person I
thought would be excited

over the senior prom and
now I can't wait.

Neither can I.

[horn honking]

[Peyton]
Hey, Barn.

Hey, Peyton.

Um, why don't
you go inside?

I'll be right there.

Okay.

Hey, where
have you been?

I've been looking
all over for you.

I've been around.

Hey, Peyton, I got
a date for the prom.

Ah, you and
Bernadette, huh?

Great.

Now listen.

We got invited
to a frat party tonight

and they have a
roulette wheel.

I got it
all figured out.

You do your thing, we'll
make a fortune.

We'll break
those idiots.

Oh, I don't know,
Peyton.

I kind of
wanted to go out

with Bernadette tonight.

Oh, Barn, you can't
pass this up.

You can go out with
Bernadette any time.

Ask her along if
you want.

All right,
I'll ask her.

Roulette wheel?

Barney, I thought
you were a scientist,

not a racketeer.

What's the big deal?

Go ahead and use your power
gambling all the time.

I won't stop you.

I just hope you like
being Peyton's clone.

Come on, Bernadette,
it's just this one time.

Oh, sure.

Tomorrow night you'll
probably go to Las Vegas.

Hey, not a bad idea.

Tomorrow night's
the prom.

I think I'd rather
go alone anyway.

[zapping]

[tires squealing]

Let me go,
Barney!

I'll call
you later, okay?

Barn.

Sometimes life is
like an onion.

You peel it,
it makes you cry.

Just leave me
alone, okay?

Ah, Barn, she'll go
to the prom with you.

I'll pick you up
at 8:00, okay?

Yeah, okay.

See you later.

[Peyton]
♪ My date is
a roulette wheel ♪♪

[classical music]

[laughing]

Rose.

I never dreamed
it was you.

Nor I.

[classical music]

Are you--

you are the sensual,
witty,

intense middle-aged man

who wants to live life
to the fullest.

You are
the affectionate,

complex, adventurous
woman

with an
unbridled joy for living.

Joie de vivre,
I said.

French.

[classical music]

[unzipping]

Oooh!

Rose, darling.

Very nice,
thank you.

I don't
understand, sir.

You haven't ordered yet.

We'd like a little
more time.

Very well, sir.

Call me
when you're ready.

[Miss Burnhart moaning]
Walter, Walter.

[knocking on table]

Is everything
all right here?

Uh--

we'd like the house
Bu-Bu-Burgundy, please.

Yes, sir.

[classical music]

Keep your eye
on the little ball.

What little ball?

What?I'm kidding.

[knocking on door]

[rock music]

Okay, here we go,
here we go.

Hey, glad
you could make it.

Get yourself some chips.

Thanks, Robert.

Don't mind if I do.

All right.

[man]
Now we got it.

Number 29.

29 black.

They'll kill us

when they find out
what we've done.

We're going to have to
give up our concubine maid.

Ah, what are you
worried about, Larry?

You beat off every
night anyway.

Why don't you quit

acting like
such a fat turd?

Larry, come on.

Here we go.

New blood in here,
all right.

How you doing?

Fine.

Okay, let's go.

Someone's
gotta win, let's go.

Place your bets, place
your bets everyone.

Place your bets.

All right,
let's try it, pal.

Place your bets.

Everyone, watch the ball,
watch the ball.

Here we go.

Place your bets.

Okay, here we
go, here we go.

Watch that ball bounce,
watch it bounce.

18 black.

18 black is the winner.

There's something
funny going on.

Sorry, you lose.

Place your bets,
everyone.

Place your bets.

Let's get the money
down, come on.

Place your
bets, everyone.

Watch that ball
bounce around.

And it's 36 black.

Make that 43 red.

I mean,
it's a, uh--

You're a winner.

[mysterious music]

Let's go.

Haven't we won enough?

Barney, we're just
hitting our stride.

If you're good at this
then we will hit Vegas.

We'll be set for life.

What are you
talking about?

All I'm saying, Barn,
is you gotta think big.

There's no other way
to think.

38 black.

All in.

I don't want
to do it anymore.

Barn, this is it.

All we need
is one more throw.

[zapping]

[everyone screaming]

I'm really sorry,
Peyton.

[boy]
Hey, Wolcott, what's
going on around here?

How did that happen?

That's what we're
going to find out.

Everybody out of here,
let's go.

Now!

That wheel was rigged!

That's what set it off.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Wait, you scumbag!

We want
our money back!Yeah!

Hey, Barney, wait.Leave me alone.

Hey, come on, man,

what the hell's
the matter with you?

Can't we talk about this?

Peyton, I don't want
to talk about anything.

Just leave me alone.

[soft music]

Hello?

Um, this is
Barney Springboro.

May I speak with
Bernadette, please?

Okay.

Yeah, thank you.

Bye.

[Dexter]
Them women are trouble.

First come the woman
and then the whiskey--

and then the whiskey.

And then the whiskey--

[mice squeaking]

Okay, move it up
a little bit on the left.

That's good.

Okay, no, no,
not quite so far.

Now, on the right,

just down
just about 6 in.

That's pretty good.

No, no, on the left,

put it down
just a little bit.

Just a little bit.

[soft music]

What happened
to you, Barney?

I don't know.

Can we talk?

Okay.

Bernadette,
I'm sorry.

Oh, what about?

About the gambling.

About acting
like an idiot.

I'm through with it,
it's over.

I'm very happy
for you.

Bernadette, please,
don't be mad at me.

Go to the prom with me.

I mean, we have fun
together, don't we?

I've never felt this way
with anyone before.

Well, I volunteered
for the prom committee.

I had to get to the
prom somehow.

That's no problem.

You can just go with me.

Well, I have to
be here really early

to help with the
decorations and stuff.

Let's just meet
there, okay?

See you there.

[snoring]

Barney?

Father Gallagher
and Father Murray

would like to speak
with you.

Not now, Mom.

I'm going to the prom.

Excuse me.

Shall we begin
the exorcism?

What are you
talking about?

What exorcism?

Let me go, Father.The tranquilizers,
please.

Ma, help me plea--

[suspense music]

I'm gonna throw up.

That's one of the
devil's favorite lines.

[reciting in Latin]

[zapping]

[crying]
What did I tell you?

[man reciting in Latin]

[gargling]

[suspense music]

Keep him away from me.

Please, please.

[zapping]

[suspense music]

Oooh!

[Barney]
I'm going now,
Mom.

[zapping]

[chuckling]

[reciting in Latin]

[door closing]

Oh, hello, Fathers.

Oh!

[rock music]

[man on microphone]
♪ She's a star spangled baby
from New York to LA ♪

♪ Dallas to Chicago
and The San Francisco Bay ♪

♪ Star spangled baby she's
a belle of New Orleans ♪

♪ A blue-jeaned
American beauty ♪

♪ bursting at the seams
America's queen ♪

♪ She's just seventeen

♪ America 's queen

♪ She's just seventeen

♪ She's just seventeen--

♪ She's just seventeen ♪

[everyone cheering]

[Miss Burnhart on microphone]
Okay, okay, seniors,

may I have your
attention, please?

I have a very important
introduction to make.

Your class president,
Bernadette Holland,

is going to reveal

who is the prom
king and queen.

You know, Walt,

looking at these
pretty young girls

makes me feel kind
of old and ugly.

But not
as ugly as you.

Ain't this a bitch.

Look who's talking.

[Bernadette on microphone]
Welcome, Seniors.

I hope you're
having a good time.

[everyone cheering]

This year's Prom Queen
is Jane Mitchell.

[everyone cheering]

Congratulations,
Jane.

Congratulations.

[Jane on microphone]
Oh, thank you.

I love you all.

[everyone cheering]

[Bernadette on microphone]
This year's Prom King
is Peyton Nichols.

[everyone cheering]

Congratulations,
Peyton.

Thank you,
Bernadette.

[Peyton on microphone]
I'd just like to say
it's been a great year.

[everyone cheering]

[Jane]
Okay, let's get
on with it.

[Bernadette on microphone]
The King and Queen will
lead us in the next dance.

[Miss Burnhart on microphone]
Let's everybody
have a good time!

[everyone cheering]

[soft music]

[man on microphone]
♪ We're the king
and queen of hearts ♪

♪ hold me when the
music starts ♪

♪ All my dreams come
true when I dance with you ♪

♪ Promise me you're
mine tonight ♪

♪ I will wai
in line tonight ♪

♪ while the lights are low

♪ I'll never let you go

♪ Did I dream
that we danced forever ♪

♪ in a wish that we
made together ♪

♪ on a night that
I prayed would never end? ♪

♪ You know it's not
my imagination ♪

♪ or part of
the orchestration ♪

♪ Love is here at the
coronation ♪

♪ I'm the king and
you're the queen of hearts ♪

♪ Time will pass and tears
will fall ♪

♪ but someday
we'll both recall ♪

♪ moments of these
golden memories ♪

[soft music]

You look really pretty.

You don't look
so bad yourself.

Oh, uh-- I brought
this for you.

It's one of mine.

It's beautiful.

Oh, I love it,
Barney.

Can you pin it on me?

Oh, sure.

Thanks.

Do you want to dance?

Oh, no,
I can't dance.

Don't be a chicken,
Barney.

I don't know how.

I'll lead.

It's easy.

Come on.

[man on microphone]
♪ Did I dream
that we danced forever ♪

♪ in a wish that we
made together ♪

♪ on a night that I
prayed would never end? ♪

♪ You know
it's not my imagination ♪

♪ or a part of the
orchestration ♪

♪ love was here
at the coronation ♪

♪ I'm the king and you're
the queen of hearts ♪♪

[soft music]

[everyone cheering]

[Bernadette]
Now that wasn't so bad,
was it, Barney, huh?

[Peyton]
Hey, you two
are looking great.

I mean it.

You're a handsome
devil, Barn.

Thanks.

You look
pretty good too.

Thanks.

Still mad at me,
Barn?

Excuse me for a minute.

See?

Everything's patched up
with you and Bernadette.

Got nothing to
worry about.

Here, Barn.

What's this?

Airline tickets.

Look, last night
was kid's stuff.

We can go all the
way, the big time.

Las Vegas.

Is this a joke?

Barney, we just
need one more shot.

No way, Peyton,
forget it.

Worth a try.

[Peyton]
Well, well,

would you two like
some refreshments?

Plenty of punch

left in those
watermelons over there.

It looks like you've
had your share.

Oh, I've had a little.

Sure love some more.

I've had just about
enough of you, buddy.

We got a score
to settle.

Last night.

Hey, don't get excited.

Look, I want
to be pals, okay?

I brought you something.

It's to make up
for what happened.

I'm really not such
a bad guy.

And just to show you

there's no
hard feelings, Robbie,

I want you to have this.

It's from my
personal collection.

Holy shit.

A portrait of the queen.

Collector's item,
limited edition.

Wanna buy one?

[girls exclaiming]

[zapping]

[shrieking]

Thanks, Barn.

I knew you were a pal.

[zapping]

Whoa!

[everyone laughing]

Barn, I just wanted to
say I'm really sorry

about that
Las Vegas stuff.

I'll forget I even had
the idea, okay?

Put her there, pal.

Ah!

[laughing]

[shrieking]

Jane!

[zapping]

[howling wind]

[girls screaming]

Barney, what are
you doing?

[zapping]

[laughing]

[girls screaming]

[action music]

Barney.

[girls screaming]

[zapping]

[both laughing]

[action music]

[gasping]

At it again.

[laughing]

This way, Rose.

[gasping]

Oh, no, you don't,
you son of a bitch.

Barney, don't you think
enough is enough?

Let's get out of here.Ah!

Oh, I'm sorry,
are you all right?

[intriguing music]

Barney?

Are you all right,
buddy?

This power's more
trouble than it's worth.

Try lifting
your head up.

Are you in pain?

Something happened.

My head is tingling.

I've lost it.

What?

The power.

I've lost it.

Wow.

Hitting your head

and getting knocked
unconscious

must have shifted
things back to normal.

Well, at least
you weren't hurt.

I knew it was too
good to last.

I'll see
you, Bernadette.

Keep in touch.

Take it easy.

Guess this kind of messes
up your research, huh?

Guess it kinda does.

Well, no more
exploding clothes

for the telekinetic kid.

You'll just have to do it
with your own two hands.

[sneezes]

[zapping]

Oh, thank you.

[soft music]

Bernadette--What?

Can I give you
a lift home?

Barney!

Barney, what are
you doing?

Wait a minute.

Barney, Barney!

[man]
♪ Someone's playing
tricks on me ♪

♪ where's that quiet kid
I used to be not long ago ♪

♪ the one I used to know

♪ Suddenly I feel
so strange ♪

♪ magically my whole
life has been changed ♪

♪ turned inside out and it
makes me want to shout ♪

♪ Here I am
take a look at me ♪

♪ I'm high as a kite and
twice as free ♪

♪ Like a dream
that was meant to be ♪

♪ this time it's mine

♪ and I'm not running away
like I did before ♪

♪ I'm not going to
hide from it anymore ♪

♪ When I find what I'm
looking for ♪

♪ this time it's mine

♪ Now that I've got my shot

♪ And I'm coming to get
what you got ♪

♪ if you're ready or not

♪ I was playing
hide and seek ♪

♪ staying out of sight

♪ 'till your love
discovered me ♪

♪ I was blinded
by the light ♪

♪ Now I see the light

♪ Here I am
take a look at me ♪

♪ I'm high as a kite and
I'm twice as free ♪

♪ Like a dream
that was meant to be ♪

♪ this time it's mine

♪ and I'm not running away
like I did before ♪

♪ I'm not going to
hide from it anymore ♪

♪ When I find what I'm
looking for ♪

♪ this time it's mine

♪ Now that I've got my shot

♪ And I'm coming to get
what you got ♪

♪ if you're ready or not

♪ I'm coming to get
what you got ♪

♪ if you're ready or not

[soft music]

♪ Here I am
take a look at me ♪

♪ I'm high as a kite and
I'm twice as free ♪

♪ Like a dream
that was meant to be ♪

♪ this time it's mine

♪ and I'm not running away
like I did before ♪

♪ I'm not going to
hide from it anymore ♪

♪ When I find what I'm
looking for ♪

♪ this time it's mine

♪ Now that I've got my shot

♪ And I'm coming to get
what you got ♪

♪ if you're ready or not

♪ Here I am
take a look at me ♪

♪ I'm high as a kite and
I'm twice as free ♪

♪ Like a dream
that was meant to be ♪

♪ this time it's mine and
I'll get my shot ♪

♪ and I'm coming
to get what you got ♪

♪ if you're ready or not

♪ I'm coming to get
what you got ♪

♪ if you're ready or not ♪

[soft music]