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00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:14,580
Sue... sue shells sea-sells
by the she-shore.
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Toy boat, toy boyt, toy boyt, toy
boyt, toy boyt, toy boyt, toy boyt.
3
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:22,354
Unique New York, new-ique New York,
New York, new-ique 'nique nork.
4
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:26,258
My crotch fell.
5
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Knocked over the crotch.
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00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,596
I should move this.
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00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:35,597
Petunia. Petunia.
8
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:37,870
Hey.
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00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:42,871
It's me, Tom Slansky, on what
could turn out to the be the
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00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:45,844
biggest night of my life.
11
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:49,081
"Why?" You ask.
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Have you ever heard of...
D of...
13
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,693
vampires?
14
00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:03,462
"No, no, Tom.
15
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:06,063
They're fake, the
things of fairy tales."
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00:01:06,064 --> 00:01:08,638
You, okay?
17
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:14,339
Sorry, mom, for the ""
18
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,976
a little bit about me... I'm a
sophomore at Hawthorne college.
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00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:19,912
I'm majoring in photography.
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00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:23,916
Uh, my favorite thing to
shoot is the female form.
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00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:27,989
But this story's not about me...
this is about Dr. G, the...
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00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:33,258
And guess what...
he's a vampire.
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00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:38,163
"Oh, a vampire that teaches history...
that's counterintuitive."
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00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:41,567
You again, man.
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00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:46,568
Once upon a time, Dr. G fell in love...
with a human named Mary.
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00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:53,211
Get a chamber!
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00:01:53,212 --> 00:01:54,045
No.
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00:01:54,046 --> 00:01:56,949
But then, this one time in
Mary's bedchamber, they were in
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00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,818
there, and it was getting late,
but they didn't care, and they
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00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,018
were all over each other.
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00:02:01,019 --> 00:02:04,089
And then the sun went
down, and he bit her.
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00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:04,957
Aah!
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00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:09,958
He killed the love of his life.
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00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,766
Everyone was pissed.
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00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:17,970
Her family didn't even let
him come to the funeral...
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Just 'cause he killed her.
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00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,741
Good thing he's a genius and
dressed up like friar tuck and
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00:02:23,742 --> 00:02:26,877
snuck in to see her.
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Thief!
40
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:48,966
Gretzky!
41
00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:50,969
I never meant to hurt her.
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00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:54,972
The devil himself disguised
as a man of the cloth.
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00:02:54,973 --> 00:02:59,973
Don't be a fool, Gregor.
44
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Ohh!
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00:03:04,950 --> 00:03:08,153
You'll rot in hell,
Wayne Gretzky.
46
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:12,223
You'll rot in hell!
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00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,859
I'm already there.
48
00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,596
He just kicked Gregor's ass,
but did you notice that his
49
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:18,829
teeth didn't grow?
50
00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:23,268
Ever since Mary died,
his teeth went limp.
51
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:29,341
Goodbye, Mary.
52
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:33,210
So, for the last 300 years,
Dr. G has been wandering the
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00:03:33,211 --> 00:03:36,847
earth with his flaccid fangs,
surviving on nothing more
54
00:03:36,848 --> 00:03:41,848
than animal blood... that
is, until a few months ago.
55
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:58,637
You know, vampire impotence is just
another facet of human impotence.
56
00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:00,272
I am not impotent.
57
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:01,873
Your teeth won't grow.
58
00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:03,341
What would you call it?
59
00:04:03,342 --> 00:04:05,943
I just think the
comparison may be useful.
60
00:04:05,944 --> 00:04:06,845
Well, in what way?
61
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:11,846
Well, your impotence began when
you killed the love of your life.
62
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:18,321
Sorry, Herman.
63
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:19,390
Ooh. Bleeder.
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00:04:23,829 --> 00:04:27,299
Say "hello" to Mary.
65
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:32,300
No, it's not uncommon for a
murderer to become impotent...
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00:04:32,704 --> 00:04:37,704
Because it's usually... my God.
67
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,878
What is up your butt, Wayne?
68
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:42,314
You know, maybe this whole
thing would work better if we
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00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,280
were just friends.
70
00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:44,249
Better for who?
71
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,751
Not for you... you
need help, my friend.
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00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:49,186
I know, but no one has
experience with this stuff.
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00:04:49,187 --> 00:04:53,023
I have experience with people, and
you look just like a person to me.
74
00:04:53,024 --> 00:04:55,660
Only, if I do my job right,
we're gonna have you looking
75
00:04:55,661 --> 00:04:56,460
more like a demon.
76
00:04:56,461 --> 00:04:57,729
We don't look like demons.
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00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:58,729
On "Buffy," you do.
78
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,232
In real life, we don't.
79
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,501
Well I'm still learning.
80
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,602
There's not a lot of hard
evidence on your breed.
81
00:05:04,603 --> 00:05:06,923
The only reference I have
is pop culture, okay?
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00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:14,776
But, in any case, I'm, uh,
I'm glad you trust me.
83
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,516
I am, too.
84
00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:25,489
So, who's Chris' advisor?
85
00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:27,559
Dr. Levine, I think.
86
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,761
But he smells
like homemade bread.
87
00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,263
Ugh!
88
00:05:32,264 --> 00:05:34,465
Look, we caught
a largemouth ass.
89
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:34,965
Ohh!
90
00:05:34,966 --> 00:05:36,768
More like a largemouth dick.
91
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,270
What?
92
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,638
Fred, where's your girlfriend?
93
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:40,672
She's not my girlfriend.
94
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:42,407
Just admit...
she doesn't exist.
95
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:45,477
And when the sun goes
down, you guys get gay.
96
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:48,145
Just admit that you smell
like shit a-all day long.
97
00:05:48,146 --> 00:05:49,013
What?
98
00:05:49,014 --> 00:05:52,417
♪ Ghost-penning songs for
big-hair aristocrats ♪
99
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:55,520
♪ now she lies in a
plush, velvet bed ♪
100
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,556
♪ shaped like a coffin
and filled with bats ♪
101
00:05:58,557 --> 00:06:00,958
I think I'm just
gonna wait in the car.
102
00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:02,828
♪ I'm smitten and... ♪
103
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:03,994
I'm sorry.
104
00:06:03,995 --> 00:06:05,330
I forgot my hat.
105
00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:06,665
Oh, you're such a bitch!
106
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:07,232
Chris.
107
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,066
No, Ted.
108
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:09,400
♪ Night blooming ♪
109
00:06:09,401 --> 00:06:10,936
♪ and she bites through necks... ♪
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00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:11,570
She's right.
111
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:16,571
♪ ...like Ginsu ♪
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00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:21,645
♪ a sweet, sweet heartkiller ♪
113
00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:23,047
No, no, no, no.
114
00:06:23,048 --> 00:06:25,951
There's... there's nothing wrong
with a freshman being undeclared.
115
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:29,054
It's difficult to know what you
want to do with the rest of your
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life when you're only 18.
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00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:31,590
I'm 19.
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00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,424
Oh. Were you held back?
119
00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:35,427
What's that supposed to mean?
120
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:38,929
Why would you say that?
121
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Yes?
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Ah, speak of the vampire.
123
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:45,169
Speak of the devil.
124
00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:46,638
He's not a vampire.
125
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:49,941
Um, I've been
reading "twilight."
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00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:51,710
All I can think
about is vampires.
127
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,044
That was not... Gretzky’s, uh...
he's not a vampire.
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00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:56,147
He's a hell of a
history teacher.
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00:06:56,148 --> 00:06:59,150
He seemed a bit scared.
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00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:02,587
He was... But in a good way.
131
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:05,924
The students just love him.
132
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:10,561
Uh, apparently those vampires
can have sex all night long.
133
00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:12,397
How do you like
that Edward, hmm?
134
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:14,198
I don't read that shit.
135
00:07:14,199 --> 00:07:15,667
Chris, please.
136
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:16,400
What, dad?
137
00:07:16,401 --> 00:07:17,234
This is college.
138
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:18,837
You can say "shit" here.
139
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:19,703
That's right, Ted.
140
00:07:19,738 --> 00:07:24,075
Some of our professors use the
word "shit" in their lectures.
141
00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:26,115
Well, they shouldn't.
142
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,082
You're right...
they shouldn't.
143
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:33,118
I'll look into that.
144
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,487
Enough said.
145
00:07:36,488 --> 00:07:38,489
I just think you should
loosen up a little bit, dad.
146
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:39,891
It's just...
it's the language.
147
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:42,126
I know, but it's college, dad...
college.
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00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:43,061
Uh.
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00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:43,727
Fred!
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00:07:43,728 --> 00:07:45,597
Hey, hey, Chris.
151
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:46,998
Hey, hey!
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00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:47,599
Hi.
153
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,333
Hi!
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00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:49,467
Beautiful.
155
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:50,802
Hey, I like your hair.
156
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:51,770
I cut it.
157
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:52,671
Yeah, it looks good.
158
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,039
Not good enough.
159
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,039
Uh, Mr. Keller.
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00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,308
Fred, please.
161
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,842
Sorry... Ted.
162
00:07:57,843 --> 00:08:01,446
Uh, guys, uh, this is Chris
and her father, Ted.
163
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,280
Uh, these are my
fraternity brothers.
164
00:08:03,281 --> 00:08:04,249
This is Jared.
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00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:04,715
Boom.
166
00:08:04,716 --> 00:08:06,217
- And this is Kyle...
- Hey.
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00:08:06,218 --> 00:08:06,850
Knuckles.
168
00:08:06,851 --> 00:08:07,585
And Tom.
169
00:08:07,586 --> 00:08:08,787
Hey.
170
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:11,289
Wow. Great to meet
you guys, really.
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00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,924
Uh, I got to go, honey, so...
Okay. Mwah!
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00:08:13,925 --> 00:08:14,458
Mwah!
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00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:14,893
Mm!
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00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,761
Fred, take care of
my little girl, okay?
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00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:17,761
I will do her.
176
00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:19,931
Uh, I'll... I-I-I will do it.
177
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,232
I'll take... I'll
take care of her.
178
00:08:22,233 --> 00:08:24,669
So, Chris, are you
pledging with anyone?
179
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,638
Yeah, with, uh, kappa omicron.
180
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:29,006
Kappa O’s are the biggest hos!
181
00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:30,040
Unh!
182
00:08:30,041 --> 00:08:31,309
Unh!
183
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,177
Well, which ones are
you guys in, again?
184
00:08:33,178 --> 00:08:34,345
We're STDs.
185
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:36,547
STDs, gonna give
you the disease.
186
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:38,516
We're sigma tau delta.
187
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:42,854
Hey, it's the great one.
188
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,388
Why does he have an umbrella?
189
00:08:44,389 --> 00:08:46,992
He's got a skin disease,
and he's cool as shit.
190
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,225
That's Dr. Gretzky.
191
00:08:48,226 --> 00:08:49,594
Oh, that's him?
192
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:50,862
Yeah, he teaches history.
193
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,931
Remember, I tried to get
you to take that class?
194
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:55,499
Yeah.
195
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:56,066
Yeah, yeah.
196
00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:57,635
I-I mean, I guess I'll add it.
197
00:08:57,636 --> 00:08:59,303
Yeah, my advisor said
everybody loves him.
198
00:08:59,304 --> 00:09:00,437
He's awesome.
199
00:09:00,438 --> 00:09:02,106
Your advisor talked about him?
200
00:09:02,107 --> 00:09:04,743
Yeah, you know, he walked into
my advisor's office, and he
201
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:06,610
goes, "speak of the vampire."
202
00:09:06,611 --> 00:09:11,611
"Speak of the vampire"?
203
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,686
This is history 205.
204
00:09:15,687 --> 00:09:18,056
I'm your Professor, Dr. Gretzky.
205
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,892
Who's here to add the class?
206
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,359
I must be popular.
207
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,897
Professor Gretzky, I'm sure you
get this all the time, but
208
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,867
were you named after
Wayne Gretzky?
209
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:32,269
I was named Wayne Gretzky
long before Wayne Gretzky was
210
00:09:32,270 --> 00:09:33,204
named Wayne Gretzky.
211
00:09:33,205 --> 00:09:35,072
I'm pretty sure
he's older than you.
212
00:09:35,073 --> 00:09:37,341
He's like 50.
213
00:09:37,342 --> 00:09:39,043
I'm not named after him.
214
00:09:39,044 --> 00:09:40,678
He wishes.
215
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,981
Wayne Gretzky wasn't even
in the NHL when I was born.
216
00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:47,686
Hasn't anyone ever heard
of a coincidence?!
217
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:48,720
It's okay, Tom.
218
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:49,854
Sorry, Dr. G.
219
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:51,056
It's all right.
220
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:55,125
We're going to cover
coincidences in history.
221
00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:57,095
You know, you really upset
your daughter today.
222
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,630
I'm not gonna change my
beliefs just because it's her
223
00:09:59,631 --> 00:10:00,465
first day of college.
224
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,667
You know, I've been meaning
to ask you about that.
225
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:07,138
You know Ron from whole foods...
well, he grew up Amish, and he
226
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:09,306
said the Amish have no problem
with being out in the sun.
227
00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:10,774
And he has mirrors in his house.
228
00:10:10,775 --> 00:10:13,811
Yeah, well, we don't
like being photographed.
229
00:10:13,812 --> 00:10:14,845
You go to mass.
230
00:10:14,846 --> 00:10:16,547
My mother was catholic.
231
00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:19,551
Mary, I don't
believe you're Amish.
232
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:22,353
I gave up believing
that years ago.
233
00:10:22,354 --> 00:10:24,589
Well, what do you think I am?
234
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:27,258
I don't care.
235
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:30,161
I always just wrote it off as
slight neuroses... might be
236
00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:33,130
easier just to let it slide.
237
00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:34,065
You know what?
238
00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:36,201
If you're not careful, you're
gonna lose your relationship
239
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,134
with your daughter.
240
00:10:37,135 --> 00:10:41,605
Ted, there are things about
me that I just can't change
241
00:10:41,606 --> 00:10:44,308
and that I don't
like to talk about.
242
00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:46,210
I would think you
should understand that.
243
00:10:46,211 --> 00:10:47,644
What's that supposed to mean?
244
00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:51,014
When was the last time you
wanted to make love to me?
245
00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:52,816
That's not fair.
246
00:10:52,817 --> 00:10:54,219
Don't worry.
247
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,589
I just chalk it up
to slight neuroses.
248
00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:01,125
So, he cuts the guy's arm
off, but he doesn't beat him
249
00:11:01,126 --> 00:11:05,830
with it... he slaps him
with his own hand.
250
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:08,365
Genghis really did have a
wonderful sense of humor.
251
00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:10,869
I mean, he would... he actually
would laugh the most during the
252
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,704
physical act of love.
253
00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:17,207
I remember one time when I was...
when somebody wrote down,
254
00:11:17,208 --> 00:11:22,113
um, that he was entertaining a woman
with a leg-length discrepancy.
255
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:25,883
As he pulled the boot off the short
leg, he just starts to laugh.
256
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:28,552
All the men in the neighboring
caves start to laugh.
257
00:11:28,553 --> 00:11:31,922
When we all look... they all
look up, and they see Genghis
258
00:11:31,923 --> 00:11:33,957
wearing the short-leg boot.
259
00:11:33,958 --> 00:11:34,858
"Unh."
260
00:11:37,462 --> 00:11:39,964
Oh, man, I miss him.
261
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:43,301
I mean, uh, you know, I miss...
I miss reading about him.
262
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:46,638
Well, can't you
still read about him?
263
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,005
Um, yeah.
264
00:11:48,006 --> 00:11:49,340
Yeah, I could... could.
265
00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:52,177
But, um, it... it
wouldn't be the same.
266
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:53,644
It wouldn't be as fun.
267
00:11:53,645 --> 00:11:55,747
As fun as what?
268
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:58,917
Is this going to be on a test?
269
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:02,420
Yes, everything I say is
gonna be on the test.
270
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:03,220
I'm kidding.
271
00:12:03,221 --> 00:12:04,855
It's not gonna be on the test.
272
00:12:04,856 --> 00:12:06,791
But it's history.
273
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:11,792
That's right, Tom
...It's history.
274
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:16,897
I meant to tell you... I, um, I
really enjoyed your paper last
275
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,739
semester about, uh,
impotence among murderers.
276
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:22,407
Thank you.
277
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,508
Oh, yeah, yeah.
278
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:26,277
I actually learned a lot.
279
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:27,912
You did?
280
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:32,913
Well, not about
myself, of course.
281
00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:34,752
I-I'll see you Tuesday.
282
00:12:34,753 --> 00:12:35,220
Sure.
283
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:36,186
Okay. Bye.
284
00:12:36,187 --> 00:12:36,687
Bye.
285
00:12:36,688 --> 00:12:37,488
Hi.
286
00:12:37,489 --> 00:12:38,389
Hi.
287
00:12:41,092 --> 00:12:42,460
"Speak of the vampire"?
288
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:43,228
I apologize.
289
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,095
I was flustered.
290
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,562
I had just insulted a student.
291
00:12:45,563 --> 00:12:46,898
I said what came to my mind.
292
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,932
What happened to
doctor/patient privilege?
293
00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:52,704
I know, but, come on, like
anyone would ever believe it.
294
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:53,971
We'll talk about this later.
295
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:54,939
I got to get to class.
296
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,874
How fast can you run the 40?
297
00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,008
What are you talking about?
298
00:12:58,009 --> 00:13:02,614
If I were a vampire,
I'd be in the NFL.
299
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:07,451
You'd make a hell
of a free safety.
300
00:13:09,221 --> 00:13:11,623
I can't believe Lorianne wants
to do a blood drive again.
301
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:15,125
I mean, I want to do something
different, like maybe a plasma drive.
302
00:13:15,126 --> 00:13:16,326
Well, what's a plasma drive?
303
00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:18,629
Chris, you are like the
coolest bitch I know.
304
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:22,233
I mean, you are not
afraid to ask questions.
305
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:23,150
Hey, Fred.
306
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:24,067
Hey, Chris.
307
00:13:24,068 --> 00:13:29,068
Hey, have you met the...
Oh, hey, you guys, look...
308
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,778
it's the great one.
309
00:13:57,001 --> 00:13:59,080
What was that about?
310
00:14:13,885 --> 00:14:14,985
I couldn't control it.
311
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:16,687
I mean, it was the
same way with Mary.
312
00:14:16,688 --> 00:14:19,223
I could control myself during the
day, but as soon as that sun
313
00:14:19,224 --> 00:14:21,091
- went down...
- Then all bets were off.
314
00:14:21,092 --> 00:14:21,992
Ohh.
315
00:14:22,293 --> 00:14:26,064
300 years of limp teeth and a
couple of sessions with me...
316
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:28,800
Well, you're not cured,
but, hey, come on.
317
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:29,633
I mean, w-who is she?
318
00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:32,103
I'll tell you who she is...
she is your vampire Viagra.
319
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:32,769
She is?
320
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:37,341
And I am your four-hour
erection, baby...
321
00:14:37,342 --> 00:14:41,079
You know, until we get, uh,
you vamping out on your own.
322
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,814
I mean, it w-wasn't
a full vamp out.
323
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,916
I mean, my teeth just barely
are starting to tingle.
324
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:45,950
Oh, tingle, schmingle.
325
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,452
I mean, if you would have stayed
around here a while longer, you
326
00:14:48,453 --> 00:14:51,489
would have had this whole
school scared shitless.
327
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,691
Oh, man, she
looked just like her.
328
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:55,292
Doesn't surprise me.
329
00:14:55,293 --> 00:14:55,994
Really?
330
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,930
Yeah, there... there are only so
many available faces in this world.
331
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,099
You were bound into
run into hers again.
332
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:04,902
I once treated a young woman who
was the spitting image of my
333
00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:08,373
second wife... I mean,
it was head to toe.
334
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:13,374
It... Almost cost
me my APA license.
335
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:19,947
But... She was worth it, and
so is this juicy peach.
336
00:15:26,658 --> 00:15:29,060
Oh, it's weird not seeing
you and Tom together.
337
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:32,562
Oh, yeah, well, he has barbershop
at night, so didn't work out.
338
00:15:32,563 --> 00:15:33,464
That's too bad.
339
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:34,365
Yeah.
340
00:15:34,866 --> 00:15:39,369
Hey, uh, I wanted to ask you...
when you came in the building, I
341
00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:41,339
thought you... you fell down.
342
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:46,340
Oh, yeah, that... that was,
um, like a hundred bees.
343
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,014
Oh.
344
00:15:51,015 --> 00:15:53,618
Okay, well, I'm glad
you're all right.
345
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:58,619
I mean, you seemed pretty panicked, so...
I just hate bees.
346
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:03,494
Hey.
347
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:04,528
Professor Gretzky?
348
00:16:04,529 --> 00:16:06,364
Yes.
349
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,166
Who are you?
350
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,499
I'm Chris Keller.
351
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,436
Um, I'm not on your roll,
but I was wondering...
352
00:16:12,437 --> 00:16:16,139
Mm, yes, you want
to clad my ass.
353
00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:18,810
You want to, um, add my class.
354
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:19,509
Uh, yeah.
355
00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:20,744
Would that be all right?
356
00:16:20,745 --> 00:16:22,580
Yes, of course.
357
00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:25,416
I was, uh... Mnh.
358
00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:26,317
Excuse me.
359
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:32,586
Um, I just found out
that my mother died.
360
00:16:32,924 --> 00:16:33,824
Um.
361
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:37,594
Class dismissed.
362
00:16:48,706 --> 00:16:52,375
Oh. Ah.
363
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,480
Poor guy's hysterical.
364
00:16:56,481 --> 00:16:58,149
Yeah.
365
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,598
Dr. G.
366
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:19,804
What?
367
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:21,406
What?
368
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:23,775
Whoa.
369
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:25,809
Your breath is hot.
370
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:26,710
Oh! Oh!
371
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,882
You're gay.
372
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,182
Gay?
373
00:17:32,183 --> 00:17:33,083
Oh! Aah.
374
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:34,986
Ugh.
375
00:17:56,642 --> 00:18:01,642
♪ I've seen the light in my dark,
sitting alone in the park ♪
376
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:05,316
♪ the stillness of the breeze... ♪
377
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:06,269
Poor Barry.
378
00:18:07,185 --> 00:18:11,822
Poor big, gay Barry.
379
00:18:11,823 --> 00:18:12,723
Hey!
380
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:16,059
Got one for you!
381
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:21,060
♪ ...'cause you're much
more important than them ♪
382
00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:29,207
So, yeah, I think once she
gets into her classes, like,
383
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,008
she'll have more time to
focus on other stuff.
384
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:33,710
Like, I really hope she
gets into Dr. G’s class.
385
00:18:33,711 --> 00:18:36,846
- I think...
- Speak of the vampire!
386
00:18:36,847 --> 00:18:38,848
Hey, Chris told us
what Dr. Levine said.
387
00:18:38,849 --> 00:18:39,316
Oh.
388
00:18:39,317 --> 00:18:41,085
What a d-bag.
389
00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:42,319
Yeah, isn't he?
390
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,822
No, he's cool, though...
And shit.
391
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:45,756
Whoa, Dr. G.
392
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:47,124
I didn't know you cussed.
393
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,893
Well, you know,
I don't usually.
394
00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:50,928
It sounded really good.
395
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:52,662
Hey, uh, are you
...Are you okay?
396
00:18:52,663 --> 00:18:53,163
Oh, yeah.
397
00:18:53,164 --> 00:18:54,030
What do you mean?
398
00:18:54,031 --> 00:18:56,033
Oh, I mean your mom
...She passed away.
399
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:56,866
Oh, yeah.
400
00:18:56,867 --> 00:18:58,302
Pfft, no biggie.
401
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,204
I mean, well, she's been dead for years...
well, she's been
402
00:19:01,205 --> 00:19:05,209
dying for years, so I was ready.
403
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:07,678
You just seemed really upset
when you went out of class.
404
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:12,679
Yeah. I didn't want them
to harvest her organs.
405
00:19:13,117 --> 00:19:16,287
Hey, uh, my friend Chris... she
really wants to add your class.
406
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:17,121
Chris Keller?
407
00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:17,787
Yeah, yeah.
408
00:19:17,788 --> 00:19:19,056
Uh, she's... she's smart.
409
00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:20,524
She's... well, not book-smart.
410
00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:21,092
She's nice.
411
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:23,893
She's... I think you're really,
really gonna like her... and not
412
00:19:23,894 --> 00:19:26,831
in a sexual way,
just a normal way.
413
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,132
Yes.
414
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:29,200
Yes. No.
415
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:33,504
No sexy sex.
416
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:38,505
Ah. So, I'm gonna go prepare...
prepare for my students...
417
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:43,180
not in a sexual
way... for class.
418
00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:45,283
So... I'm gonna go.
419
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:50,284
I will see you two later...
Sexually.
420
00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:55,357
No sexy sex!
421
00:19:57,194 --> 00:20:02,194
♪ Barry, when I accidentally
killed you that night ♪
422
00:20:03,934 --> 00:20:07,203
♪ I wasn't quite myself ♪
423
00:20:07,204 --> 00:20:08,405
♪ I wasn't quite... ♪
424
00:20:08,406 --> 00:20:09,306
Come in.
425
00:20:18,482 --> 00:20:19,382
Hello?
426
00:20:19,750 --> 00:20:20,651
Wayne!
427
00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:23,453
Aah! Oh!
428
00:20:23,454 --> 00:20:24,555
You got me.
429
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,456
I'm... I'm sorry.
430
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:26,222
I'm so sorry.
431
00:20:26,223 --> 00:20:30,493
I-I meant to, um... well, I
meant to say "ta-da" when I-I
432
00:20:30,494 --> 00:20:32,962
jumped into the room, but
I-I said your name instead.
433
00:20:32,963 --> 00:20:34,198
Oh.
434
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:34,731
Yeah.
435
00:20:34,732 --> 00:20:37,971
Hey, too bad my
name's not "ta-da."
436
00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:44,971
Yeah. Actually, well, I guess
you'd better be on your way.
437
00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:48,179
I mean, you know, well, after...
after a quick, brief, but
438
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,714
enjoyable minute or two.
439
00:20:50,715 --> 00:20:52,149
And then... I'm sorry.
440
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:57,150
I don't mean to be rude, but I
have to, uh, prepare for class.
441
00:20:59,423 --> 00:21:04,362
My God, you're beautiful...
Today, just as ever.
442
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:05,263
What?
443
00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:09,600
Um. Brain fart!
444
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,035
No, but what did you say?
445
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:13,938
I said, "brain fart!"
446
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:14,839
No.
447
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:16,874
Before that.
448
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:21,875
Um... I don't think
I said anything.
449
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:25,716
Mm.
450
00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:30,320
Oh, um, I-I grabbed it for you
after you ran out of class.
451
00:21:30,321 --> 00:21:32,390
I cleaned it.
452
00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:35,191
That's, um, that's pretty
sad about your mom.
453
00:21:35,192 --> 00:21:37,728
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
454
00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:41,966
That whole thing...
that was pretty bad.
455
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:46,967
But, um... Oh! Ohh!
456
00:21:47,772 --> 00:21:48,806
There we go!
457
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:49,707
Wayne.
458
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,107
Wayne, are you okay?
459
00:21:51,108 --> 00:21:53,411
No. I just peed my pants!
460
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:54,077
You what?
461
00:21:54,078 --> 00:21:55,312
Get out!
462
00:21:55,313 --> 00:21:56,479
Okay.
463
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,047
Come back tomorrow.
464
00:21:58,048 --> 00:21:58,949
Yeah, yeah.
465
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:00,116
Um, what time?
466
00:22:00,117 --> 00:22:05,117
The morning...
morning's a good time.
467
00:22:11,896 --> 00:22:14,030
Oh, it's gorgeous.
468
00:22:14,031 --> 00:22:16,166
So, who's your first victim?
469
00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:17,468
I don't know.
470
00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:20,304
Fred's girl's been vibing
me pretty hard, eh?
471
00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:22,338
Dude, don't be a jerk.
472
00:22:22,339 --> 00:22:24,208
Well, quit
puppy-guarding her, dude.
473
00:22:24,209 --> 00:22:25,476
Make a move or move on.
474
00:22:25,477 --> 00:22:26,844
Dude, I've had like two days.
475
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:27,644
Give me a break.
476
00:22:27,645 --> 00:22:31,347
All I'm saying is she wants
me, and you're being selfish.
477
00:22:31,348 --> 00:22:33,683
I mean, honestly, what do you
think she'd rather look at,
478
00:22:33,684 --> 00:22:36,420
boys... my naked butt cheeks or
479
00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:39,656
Tom's saggy ass falling
out the top bunk?
480
00:22:39,657 --> 00:22:42,625
Neither! You big dick.
481
00:22:42,626 --> 00:22:43,526
Hey, come on.
482
00:22:45,297 --> 00:22:46,197
Pass.
483
00:22:52,570 --> 00:22:54,204
King me again, sluts.
484
00:22:54,205 --> 00:22:55,105
Ohh!
485
00:22:55,406 --> 00:22:57,173
She always does that.
486
00:22:57,174 --> 00:22:59,075
♪ Your red, red, red eyes ♪
487
00:22:59,076 --> 00:23:01,644
Scum, door... Now.
488
00:23:01,645 --> 00:23:06,645
♪ We could just have
spread them lies ♪
489
00:23:06,684 --> 00:23:07,518
Hey.
490
00:23:07,519 --> 00:23:08,986
I brought you some drinks.
491
00:23:08,987 --> 00:23:09,854
Is that alcohol?
492
00:23:09,855 --> 00:23:12,556
No, energy drinks.
493
00:23:12,557 --> 00:23:14,858
Excuse me, guys.
494
00:23:14,859 --> 00:23:17,260
♪ Over land and sea ♪
495
00:23:17,261 --> 00:23:18,261
♪ don't let them fool you ♪
496
00:23:18,262 --> 00:23:19,497
Did she say that was her mom?
497
00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:21,565
Um, I know... more
like her twin sister.
498
00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:23,100
She is wicked hot.
499
00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:24,001
Bing!
500
00:23:24,536 --> 00:23:25,935
It's 2:00 A.M.
501
00:23:25,936 --> 00:23:27,770
Yeah, I-I wanted
to surprise you.
502
00:23:27,771 --> 00:23:30,607
How? By showing all my
friends how weird you are?
503
00:23:30,608 --> 00:23:32,209
Well, I-I couldn't sleep.
504
00:23:32,210 --> 00:23:33,777
Yeah, well, you never can.
505
00:23:33,778 --> 00:23:35,045
I hate all your Amish shit.
506
00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:37,581
Sometimes, people's Amish
shit isn't what you think.
507
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:40,017
If being Amish is so
important to you, then why
508
00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:42,152
didn't you raise me Amish?
509
00:23:42,153 --> 00:23:46,891
I always wanted to teach you
about our ways, but it just...
510
00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:48,992
I-I didn't know how.
511
00:23:48,993 --> 00:23:50,326
You know, maybe I still can.
512
00:23:50,327 --> 00:23:51,227
No.
513
00:23:52,297 --> 00:23:53,931
No, you can't.
514
00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:55,865
I'm 19. It's too late.
515
00:23:55,866 --> 00:23:58,268
I don't care anymore.
516
00:23:58,269 --> 00:24:01,805
Thanks for the drinks.
517
00:24:01,806 --> 00:24:03,715
Yeah.
518
00:24:15,153 --> 00:24:16,921
We got monster, bitches!
519
00:24:16,922 --> 00:24:17,822
Yeah!
520
00:24:17,989 --> 00:24:18,889
Whoo!
521
00:24:18,990 --> 00:24:19,890
Whoo!
522
00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:23,928
Hey, Tom.
523
00:24:23,929 --> 00:24:24,829
Yeah?
524
00:24:25,063 --> 00:24:28,132
Do you really think kappa
O’s are the biggest hos?
525
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:30,968
Ever seen that clip on YouTube?
526
00:24:30,969 --> 00:24:31,869
Yeah.
527
00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:36,044
I don't know why she
pledged with them.
528
00:24:42,446 --> 00:24:44,181
Hi, honey.
529
00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:45,149
Cute shoes.
530
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:47,550
Did you make it
down to see Chris?
531
00:24:47,551 --> 00:24:50,019
Yeah, yeah, I did.
532
00:24:50,020 --> 00:24:51,521
How'd that go?
533
00:24:51,522 --> 00:24:53,022
Stupid.
534
00:24:53,023 --> 00:24:54,124
Honey.
535
00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:55,893
You have a rapport
with her, Ted.
536
00:24:55,894 --> 00:24:57,060
She hates my guts.
537
00:24:57,061 --> 00:24:58,796
Why don't you sue me about it?
538
00:24:58,797 --> 00:24:59,697
Hey.
539
00:25:03,902 --> 00:25:08,902
Don't you wish you could
just turn back the clock?
540
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,608
How far?
541
00:25:11,609 --> 00:25:13,817
Really far.
542
00:25:38,236 --> 00:25:39,036
Yes?
543
00:25:39,037 --> 00:25:41,337
Professor Gretzky?
544
00:25:41,338 --> 00:25:42,238
Uh.
545
00:25:43,407 --> 00:25:44,441
Yes, he is I.
546
00:25:44,442 --> 00:25:45,209
It... come in.
547
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:46,110
Come on in.
548
00:25:50,248 --> 00:25:52,716
Whoa. What are you doing here?
549
00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:57,453
Oh, I-I thought that message
meant you wanted me to come.
550
00:25:57,454 --> 00:25:58,354
It is.
551
00:26:02,192 --> 00:26:04,761
What can I do for you?
552
00:26:04,762 --> 00:26:05,662
Ah, yes.
553
00:26:10,501 --> 00:26:15,239
The old "add" slip, the infamous...
from before.
554
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,140
Yes.
555
00:26:19,277 --> 00:26:22,512
The "add" slip.
556
00:26:22,513 --> 00:26:27,151
Well, actually, Chris, the night
class is full right now, but
557
00:26:27,152 --> 00:26:29,787
there is an opening
in the morning class.
558
00:26:29,788 --> 00:26:31,721
Oh, the... the 10:30 one?
559
00:26:31,722 --> 00:26:32,622
Yes, yes.
560
00:26:32,957 --> 00:26:37,957
Um, it seems that Barry Pearson
was in that class, and now he is
561
00:26:38,896 --> 00:26:40,297
a missing person.
562
00:26:40,298 --> 00:26:42,700
Yeah, that's awful.
563
00:26:42,701 --> 00:26:43,601
Yeah, it is.
564
00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:49,539
But when God opens a
door, he opens a window.
565
00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:52,222
And now you can join that class.
566
00:27:05,222 --> 00:27:06,122
Oh.
567
00:27:06,423 --> 00:27:09,960
I-I-I hope I-I didn't
break any rules.
568
00:27:09,961 --> 00:27:10,861
Rules?
569
00:27:12,262 --> 00:27:15,598
I mean, who makes rules?
570
00:27:15,599 --> 00:27:16,499
I don't know.
571
00:27:19,436 --> 00:27:23,207
So, um... See you in class.
572
00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:25,476
Okay. I'll look for you.
573
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,243
Deal.
574
00:27:27,244 --> 00:27:29,385
I'll be teaching.
575
00:27:43,060 --> 00:27:44,327
Pervert!
576
00:27:44,328 --> 00:27:46,363
It's for class!
577
00:27:46,364 --> 00:27:47,765
You pervert.
578
00:27:47,766 --> 00:27:51,201
Hey, hey. It's Chris.
579
00:27:51,202 --> 00:27:53,036
Dude, ask her to
the party already.
580
00:27:53,037 --> 00:27:54,805
Dude, don't you think
I'm gonna do that?
581
00:27:54,806 --> 00:27:56,339
Hey, guys, what's up?
582
00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:57,240
Hey, Chris. Hey.
583
00:27:57,241 --> 00:27:58,741
Uh, did you get into
Gretzky’s class?
584
00:27:58,742 --> 00:28:01,278
Yeah, I did, but that
night class was full.
585
00:28:01,279 --> 00:28:03,380
But, you know, I got
into the morning one.
586
00:28:03,381 --> 00:28:04,815
Sweet. That's my class.
587
00:28:04,816 --> 00:28:06,115
Hey, Fred Flintstone!
588
00:28:06,116 --> 00:28:06,950
Ow!
589
00:28:06,951 --> 00:28:09,118
You're supposed
to catch it, dude.
590
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:09,987
You're such an ass.
591
00:28:09,988 --> 00:28:11,188
That really hurt.
592
00:28:11,223 --> 00:28:12,389
It was a love pass.
593
00:28:12,390 --> 00:28:15,459
Speaking of love,
Chris, you look lovely.
594
00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:19,429
Oh, and smelling so sweet.
595
00:28:19,430 --> 00:28:22,332
Mm!
596
00:28:22,333 --> 00:28:24,601
Well, it was good
to see you, Chris.
597
00:28:24,602 --> 00:28:28,872
I don't want to catch you two fags'
pudding in my bed again tonight.
598
00:28:28,873 --> 00:28:29,706
See you guys.
599
00:28:29,707 --> 00:28:31,208
Like he ever catches us.
600
00:28:31,209 --> 00:28:33,309
So, dude, when are you gonna
ask her to the party?
601
00:28:33,310 --> 00:28:35,479
What... what... what
are you talking about?
602
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,949
Uh, Chris, "the most beautiful
girl I've ever seen."
603
00:28:38,950 --> 00:28:39,549
Dude.
604
00:28:39,550 --> 00:28:42,219
What are you
guys talking about?
605
00:28:42,220 --> 00:28:44,788
Ah, chewing the fat.
606
00:28:44,955 --> 00:28:47,156
Just chewing the fat.
607
00:28:47,157 --> 00:28:48,592
Fred.
608
00:28:48,593 --> 00:28:50,393
You were gonna
invite me to a party?
609
00:28:50,394 --> 00:28:53,329
No. Unh-unh. No.
610
00:28:53,330 --> 00:28:57,133
Okay. Well, I-I got to go buy
some textbooks, but, uh, I
611
00:28:57,134 --> 00:28:58,602
will... I'll see you guys.
612
00:28:58,603 --> 00:28:59,702
See you in class.
613
00:28:59,703 --> 00:29:00,604
Bye.
614
00:29:00,605 --> 00:29:02,172
Dude, what the hell
was that about?
615
00:29:02,173 --> 00:29:04,775
I wanted to talk to you about
her, but for some reason, I got
616
00:29:04,776 --> 00:29:07,344
it in my mind when Jared and
Kyle left, I should just...
617
00:29:07,345 --> 00:29:10,346
Don't you think you should
have waited till she left?
618
00:29:10,347 --> 00:29:11,748
I'm so sorry, man.
619
00:29:11,749 --> 00:29:13,619
I'm as surprised as you are.
620
00:29:15,619 --> 00:29:19,489
Every person that entered
into that chamber unannounced
621
00:29:19,490 --> 00:29:24,327
was executed... Swiftly, by
either sword or crossbow.
622
00:29:24,328 --> 00:29:29,199
Luckily, for Guinevere, that fateful
evening, there was a full moon.
623
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,035
So, you're Guinevere.
624
00:29:32,036 --> 00:29:35,838
As Lancelot lay sleeping naked...
let me just pop these off.
625
00:29:35,839 --> 00:29:36,640
Just kidding.
626
00:29:36,641 --> 00:29:39,041
I can only do that to you.
627
00:29:39,042 --> 00:29:44,042
As Lancelot lay sleeping naked,
he reached for a sword, and the
628
00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:49,085
moon shone down just at that
time, revealing her pale and
629
00:29:49,086 --> 00:29:51,387
only slightly blemished face.
630
00:29:51,388 --> 00:29:54,825
It was right then and there...
Lancelot knew he would risk
631
00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:57,894
everything... he'd risk his
power, his title, his rank...
632
00:29:57,895 --> 00:30:02,895
for that one forbidden evening,
very long and naughty evening
633
00:30:05,103 --> 00:30:07,069
with that ginger-haired
Bathsheba.
634
00:30:07,070 --> 00:30:07,970
Yes!
635
00:30:10,340 --> 00:30:13,777
I thought Camelot
was only a legend.
636
00:30:13,778 --> 00:30:17,247
Tom, you will learn in my class
that every legend begins with
637
00:30:17,248 --> 00:30:22,085
the truth and every real hero
must risk everything to get what
638
00:30:22,086 --> 00:30:23,519
he most desires.
639
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:24,420
Yes!
640
00:30:28,092 --> 00:30:33,092
So... Ginger-haired
Bathsheba, seat.
641
00:30:33,765 --> 00:30:36,866
Naked Lancelot...
teacher, pants on.
642
00:30:36,867 --> 00:30:40,237
Lecture resumes.
643
00:30:40,238 --> 00:30:45,238
♪ Chris, you're like a poor
man's version of Mary ♪
644
00:30:46,978 --> 00:30:51,448
♪ since Mary's dead, I guess
I'll take what I can get ♪
645
00:30:51,449 --> 00:30:53,916
♪ can't have Mary
'cause she's dead ♪
646
00:30:53,917 --> 00:30:55,852
♪ but I'll take you, Chris ♪
647
00:30:55,853 --> 00:30:58,587
♪ you don't have
to know about... ♪
648
00:30:58,588 --> 00:31:00,856
Whoa!
649
00:31:00,857 --> 00:31:02,758
Trying to fix your guitar?
650
00:31:02,759 --> 00:31:03,659
Nope. Nope.
651
00:31:03,928 --> 00:31:08,097
I just broke this one, actually.
652
00:31:08,098 --> 00:31:11,201
You're not here to drop my class
after one lecture, are you?
653
00:31:11,202 --> 00:31:12,102
Oh, no.
654
00:31:12,569 --> 00:31:13,870
No, no, no, no.
655
00:31:13,871 --> 00:31:18,871
I... that lecture was... It really...
it really spoke to me.
656
00:31:21,645 --> 00:31:23,346
I can't stop thinking about it.
657
00:31:23,347 --> 00:31:28,347
Well, you know, what's funny is
that, um, it's really... it's
658
00:31:28,685 --> 00:31:30,586
really a misunderstood
love story.
659
00:31:30,587 --> 00:31:34,924
What people don't know about
king Arthur was that he really
660
00:31:34,925 --> 00:31:39,332
was sort of a, uh... Prick?
661
00:31:41,332 --> 00:31:42,899
Awesome, right?
662
00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:44,233
And some people would call that
663
00:31:44,234 --> 00:31:46,435
disgusting because of
the age difference.
664
00:31:46,436 --> 00:31:48,771
Although, if they knew the real
age difference, they'd be puking
665
00:31:48,772 --> 00:31:50,874
all over each other.
666
00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:53,376
I'm proud of Dr. G, though,
because there are only two
667
00:31:53,377 --> 00:31:56,212
people in this world who look
like Chris and her mom, and
668
00:31:56,213 --> 00:31:59,883
that's Chris and her mom, and
he had sex with both of them.
669
00:31:59,884 --> 00:32:04,884
Fred and I would just love to
rub up against them in a crowd.
670
00:32:05,088 --> 00:32:10,088
The only bad part about it
is what it did to Fred.
671
00:32:11,261 --> 00:32:13,333
Do it. Do it.
672
00:32:15,333 --> 00:32:16,233
Ohh!
673
00:32:17,300 --> 00:32:18,934
Hey, Freddie Prinze Jr.
674
00:32:18,935 --> 00:32:22,939
Hey, Jared from
subway commercials.
675
00:32:22,940 --> 00:32:23,440
Nice.
676
00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:24,141
Okay.
677
00:32:24,142 --> 00:32:28,245
Hey, how do you personally feel
about Chris tapping Dr. G,
678
00:32:28,246 --> 00:32:29,578
just out of curiosity?
679
00:32:29,579 --> 00:32:31,847
Not so bad, considering that's
the stupidest rumor I've
680
00:32:31,848 --> 00:32:33,650
ever heard in my entire life.
681
00:32:33,651 --> 00:32:35,184
Everybody knows
they're doing it.
682
00:32:35,185 --> 00:32:37,354
Just because they're
always locked in his
683
00:32:37,355 --> 00:32:39,789
office does not mean
they're having sex.
684
00:32:39,790 --> 00:32:42,058
I mean, it might,
but... It doesn't.
685
00:32:42,059 --> 00:32:44,060
Dude, listen, we're just
trying to give you a heads-up.
686
00:32:44,061 --> 00:32:47,197
Yeah, so don't be surprised if
you see Chris' name in my book.
687
00:32:47,198 --> 00:32:47,831
Oh!
688
00:32:47,832 --> 00:32:52,832
His book of sexual conquest.
689
00:32:52,970 --> 00:32:54,904
She probably won't, Fred!
690
00:32:54,905 --> 00:32:58,408
You guys are jerks.
691
00:32:58,409 --> 00:33:00,477
Let's drink these.
692
00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:01,343
Come on, Chris.
693
00:33:01,378 --> 00:33:03,113
Everyone knows
you're getting some.
694
00:33:03,114 --> 00:33:04,213
Why don't you just admit it?
695
00:33:04,214 --> 00:33:09,118
Because it's none
of your business.
696
00:33:09,119 --> 00:33:11,555
You're, like, in his
office every day.
697
00:33:11,556 --> 00:33:14,557
- Yeah, talking about class...
- Mm-hmm.
698
00:33:14,558 --> 00:33:15,758
With our pants on.
699
00:33:15,759 --> 00:33:19,729
More like your
pants on each other.
700
00:33:19,730 --> 00:33:24,730
Like... like, you
guys swap them.
701
00:33:25,536 --> 00:33:28,305
I think we swapped pants.
702
00:33:28,306 --> 00:33:29,206
Huh. Oh.
703
00:33:30,107 --> 00:33:31,975
Sex is so crazy.
704
00:33:31,976 --> 00:33:35,178
Has its moments.
705
00:33:35,179 --> 00:33:39,783
I need you to take me
to the chiropractor.
706
00:33:39,784 --> 00:33:40,684
Yeah.
707
00:33:46,857 --> 00:33:50,126
When she was 12, she told her dad
she probably wanted to marry me.
708
00:33:50,127 --> 00:33:51,327
How do you know that?
709
00:33:51,328 --> 00:33:52,228
He told me.
710
00:33:52,930 --> 00:33:55,865
♪ Believe me ♪
711
00:33:55,866 --> 00:33:57,400
Speak of the vampire.
712
00:33:57,401 --> 00:33:58,268
Dr. G?
713
00:33:58,269 --> 00:34:00,569
Yeah. And he's with Chris.
714
00:34:00,570 --> 00:34:01,738
♪ Deceive me ♪
715
00:34:01,739 --> 00:34:02,372
Let me see.
716
00:34:02,373 --> 00:34:03,940
This is an expensive camera.
717
00:34:03,941 --> 00:34:05,674
♪ I know you did ♪
718
00:34:05,675 --> 00:34:08,678
Dude, they're
getting into his car.
719
00:34:08,679 --> 00:34:11,614
♪ I'm sorry ♪
720
00:34:11,615 --> 00:34:14,721
♪ we are all alone now ♪
721
00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:18,555
♪ together ♪
722
00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:21,957
Dude, Dr. G is
humping your breezy.
723
00:34:21,958 --> 00:34:24,593
She's not my breezy.
724
00:34:24,594 --> 00:34:27,096
She's nobody's breezy.
725
00:34:27,097 --> 00:34:30,366
Nothing's going on between them.
726
00:34:30,367 --> 00:34:32,935
It's just that they... they
got into the car together.
727
00:34:32,936 --> 00:34:36,105
She doesn't have sex every time
she gets into somebody's car.
728
00:34:36,106 --> 00:34:38,508
She's been in my car a lot.
729
00:34:38,509 --> 00:34:40,643
Dude, think about it.
730
00:34:40,644 --> 00:34:43,647
♪ Holding it down ♪
731
00:34:43,648 --> 00:34:48,484
Dr. G’s humping my breezy.
732
00:34:48,485 --> 00:34:53,485
♪ Never let me down
like this before ♪
733
00:34:54,692 --> 00:34:58,060
How long have you been
humping this breezy?
734
00:34:58,061 --> 00:35:02,064
A few days... well,
probably about five weeks.
735
00:35:02,065 --> 00:35:03,466
Am I just a schmuck to you?
736
00:35:03,467 --> 00:35:04,567
Why didn't you tell me?
737
00:35:04,568 --> 00:35:07,270
She's my student,
and she's a kid.
738
00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:10,073
And now you're vamping
out like it's 1399?
739
00:35:10,074 --> 00:35:11,241
Yeah, pretty much.
740
00:35:11,242 --> 00:35:13,410
Hey, could you
vamp out right now?
741
00:35:13,411 --> 00:35:18,411
I'm not gonna do
it in your office.
742
00:35:19,282 --> 00:35:23,553
Let me just throw
this out there.
743
00:35:23,554 --> 00:35:28,554
Ohh. Besides Mary, um... How
many people have you killed?
744
00:35:31,161 --> 00:35:32,062
No one.
745
00:35:32,063 --> 00:35:33,863
I never asked you to
help me kill people.
746
00:35:33,864 --> 00:35:34,764
Oh, God.
747
00:35:35,833 --> 00:35:38,368
I am so happy to
hear you say that.
748
00:35:38,369 --> 00:35:40,837
I was sweating that
big-time, I'm telling you.
749
00:35:40,838 --> 00:35:42,839
That is a load off my mind.
750
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:43,740
Wow! Okay.
751
00:35:46,344 --> 00:35:51,344
Except, you know, uh, but, then,
why did you want to vamp out in
752
00:35:52,516 --> 00:35:53,549
the first place?
753
00:35:53,550 --> 00:35:55,986
I thought it'd
make me feel better.
754
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:58,187
I didn't think
about the killing.
755
00:35:58,188 --> 00:36:00,723
Now, don't get me wrong... back
during the renaissance, I used
756
00:36:00,724 --> 00:36:02,926
to drain fools for
walking funny.
757
00:36:02,927 --> 00:36:07,927
But, then, when I met Mary, then
she made me feel different.
758
00:36:08,398 --> 00:36:09,765
All right.
759
00:36:09,766 --> 00:36:11,134
You don't want to kill anyone.
760
00:36:11,135 --> 00:36:12,901
You don't want to
play in the NFL.
761
00:36:12,902 --> 00:36:13,903
So, what now?
762
00:36:13,904 --> 00:36:18,674
Well... well, we're just
trying to make me feel better?
763
00:36:18,675 --> 00:36:22,812
Well, at some point, you're just
gonna have to let her go, right?
764
00:36:22,813 --> 00:36:24,381
I mean, look at you.
765
00:36:24,382 --> 00:36:25,482
You're vamping out.
766
00:36:25,483 --> 00:36:26,750
You've got a girl that makes you
767
00:36:26,751 --> 00:36:28,752
feel like you haven't
felt in 300 years.
768
00:36:28,753 --> 00:36:29,685
That's all good.
769
00:36:29,686 --> 00:36:31,453
Do you know why
I feel that way?
770
00:36:31,454 --> 00:36:34,624
Because when I'm with Chris, I
have these moments, these...
771
00:36:34,625 --> 00:36:38,528
these fleeting moments like
Mary's still alive, like I never
772
00:36:38,529 --> 00:36:39,429
killed her.
773
00:36:40,630 --> 00:36:44,267
Then the moment's gone,
and she's still dead.
774
00:36:44,268 --> 00:36:49,238
"I waked, she fled, and day
brought back my night."
775
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:52,509
What am I doing with a
19-year-old Lolita?
776
00:36:52,510 --> 00:36:54,243
A lot less than I would.
777
00:36:54,244 --> 00:36:58,448
Listen, she's
brought you this far.
778
00:36:58,449 --> 00:37:00,221
Just give her a chance.
779
00:37:07,324 --> 00:37:09,591
Hey, stranger.
780
00:37:09,592 --> 00:37:11,493
Hey.
781
00:37:11,494 --> 00:37:12,495
It's been a while.
782
00:37:12,496 --> 00:37:13,396
Yeah.
783
00:37:14,264 --> 00:37:16,366
So much has happened lately.
784
00:37:16,367 --> 00:37:18,518
How does something
like that just happen?
785
00:37:18,869 --> 00:37:23,869
Well, like, one time, when I was
in his office, I-I took off
786
00:37:25,376 --> 00:37:28,645
my coat, and... I was
naked underneath.
787
00:37:28,646 --> 00:37:29,879
Why are you telling me this?
788
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:34,350
Because you're like the only person
I can talk to about this stuff.
789
00:37:34,351 --> 00:37:37,520
Another time, we were in his
office, and we were, like, being
790
00:37:37,521 --> 00:37:39,455
intimate and stuff...
you were having sex.
791
00:37:39,456 --> 00:37:44,456
Yeah. Well, like, the whole time,
all I could think about was you.
792
00:37:47,364 --> 00:37:47,930
No, no.
793
00:37:47,931 --> 00:37:48,832
I mean, no, no.
794
00:37:48,833 --> 00:37:50,100
It's... it's not like that.
795
00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:52,067
I mean, I don't... I don't
think about you that way.
796
00:37:52,068 --> 00:37:54,604
I don't think about
you that way, either.
797
00:37:54,605 --> 00:37:57,006
That was just muscle memory.
798
00:37:57,007 --> 00:37:57,806
From what?
799
00:37:57,807 --> 00:37:58,707
Other stuff.
800
00:37:59,643 --> 00:38:00,543
Oh.
801
00:38:01,579 --> 00:38:04,848
Look... I just thought that...
802
00:38:04,849 --> 00:38:06,515
that college would be
different, you know?
803
00:38:06,516 --> 00:38:09,986
Like, we'd hang out and get wasted...
stuff like that.
804
00:38:09,987 --> 00:38:11,855
I could just be a student and
805
00:38:11,856 --> 00:38:16,856
not have crazy good sex
with my Professor.
806
00:38:17,628 --> 00:38:19,239
What do I do, Fred?
807
00:38:32,041 --> 00:38:37,041
You need to dump his ass... And
quick, before you change your mind.
808
00:38:39,682 --> 00:38:43,185
♪ Once I'm dead ♪
809
00:38:43,186 --> 00:38:44,854
♪ you can tell me everything ♪
810
00:38:44,855 --> 00:38:46,656
Dude, come here.
811
00:38:46,657 --> 00:38:47,557
What?
812
00:38:48,224 --> 00:38:50,026
Just come over here.
813
00:38:50,027 --> 00:38:52,761
Check this out.
814
00:38:52,762 --> 00:38:54,596
Oh. That's Chris.
815
00:38:54,597 --> 00:38:56,198
When she was with Dr. G.
816
00:38:56,199 --> 00:38:58,000
Yeah, thanks for
bringing that up.
817
00:38:58,001 --> 00:38:58,834
No, look.
818
00:38:58,835 --> 00:39:03,473
There's Chris, there's Dr. G’s
umbrella, and no Dr. G!
819
00:39:03,474 --> 00:39:04,540
Oh, my gosh.
820
00:39:04,541 --> 00:39:07,676
Tom, I know... now you can
Photoshop me in there and make
821
00:39:07,677 --> 00:39:08,912
me feel like a bigger idiot.
822
00:39:08,913 --> 00:39:11,381
Dude, I didn't Photoshop it.
823
00:39:11,382 --> 00:39:12,749
Whatever.
824
00:39:12,750 --> 00:39:16,118
I got a quiz on this, so if you can
keep it down, I'd appreciate it.
825
00:39:16,119 --> 00:39:17,553
There's the umbrella.
826
00:39:17,554 --> 00:39:18,488
There's Chris.
827
00:39:18,489 --> 00:39:19,689
Where's Dr. G?
828
00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:21,591
Dude, I am not that good.
829
00:39:21,592 --> 00:39:23,426
I'm not that good.
830
00:39:23,427 --> 00:39:26,129
Exhibit "C"... there's Chris,
831
00:39:26,130 --> 00:39:28,864
there's the umbrella,
and where's Dr. G?
832
00:39:28,865 --> 00:39:32,267
Why would Dr. G not show up?
833
00:39:32,268 --> 00:39:35,205
Shh!
834
00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:38,140
But your hair is a little bit
darker than how she kept it at
835
00:39:38,141 --> 00:39:41,477
the time, but it was cut
off just below the neck.
836
00:39:41,478 --> 00:39:46,478
Marilyn was 5'5" when she wasn't
slouching, and Jack was 6'2".
837
00:39:47,550 --> 00:39:49,785
So she liked to wear high
heels when she visited him at
838
00:39:49,786 --> 00:39:53,489
the oval office 'cause she liked
to look at him in the eyes.
839
00:39:53,490 --> 00:39:58,093
But the affair made
Jack uncomfortable.
840
00:39:58,094 --> 00:39:59,729
He loved his wife.
841
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,730
Marilyn was just a distraction,
842
00:40:01,731 --> 00:40:06,731
something to take his
mind off Castro.
843
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:11,540
You okay, Tom?
844
00:40:11,541 --> 00:40:12,542
Need some water?
845
00:40:12,543 --> 00:40:16,145
Yeah, I just got a cough.
846
00:40:16,146 --> 00:40:17,613
The days are getting shorter.
847
00:40:17,614 --> 00:40:19,381
You better hurry.
848
00:40:19,382 --> 00:40:22,551
Why... because
the sun might set?
849
00:40:22,552 --> 00:40:27,552
I swear, you're like a
werewolf or something.
850
00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,627
And we still are gonna meet at
the tower theater tomorrow?
851
00:40:30,628 --> 00:40:31,261
Oh, yeah.
852
00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:33,997
If it's another Woody Allen
movie, you should go by yourself.
853
00:40:33,998 --> 00:40:37,866
I'm just sick of all these
stupid old-person dates.
854
00:40:37,867 --> 00:40:40,370
I mean, why can't we go out
at night, like normal people?
855
00:40:40,371 --> 00:40:41,638
I'm not a normal person.
856
00:40:41,639 --> 00:40:43,105
Ohh, God!
857
00:40:43,106 --> 00:40:44,908
You're just like my mom!
858
00:40:44,909 --> 00:40:47,009
You think you're
better than everyone.
859
00:40:47,010 --> 00:40:51,948
You know... Sometimes,
when we're having
860
00:40:51,949 --> 00:40:54,651
sex, I think of other people.
861
00:40:54,652 --> 00:40:59,652
I think of someone
else every time.
862
00:41:02,226 --> 00:41:05,194
Mary, you're probably rolling
over in your grave right now.
863
00:41:05,195 --> 00:41:08,564
Yeah, like I give a
shit what she thinks.
864
00:41:08,565 --> 00:41:09,799
And she's not dead.
865
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:10,500
What?
866
00:41:10,501 --> 00:41:11,901
My mom's not dead.
867
00:41:11,902 --> 00:41:14,671
You said she's probably
rolling over in her grave.
868
00:41:14,672 --> 00:41:18,006
I said Mary is probably rolling
over in her grave right now.
869
00:41:18,007 --> 00:41:19,408
Are you a moron?
870
00:41:19,409 --> 00:41:20,877
She's not dead.
871
00:41:20,878 --> 00:41:23,680
You only say that
when people are dead.
872
00:41:23,681 --> 00:41:25,147
Your mother's name is Mary?
873
00:41:25,148 --> 00:41:26,048
Yeah.
874
00:41:26,349 --> 00:41:27,549
You knew that.
875
00:41:27,550 --> 00:41:30,053
No. I would not
have forgotten that.
876
00:41:30,054 --> 00:41:31,254
Well, that's her name.
877
00:41:31,255 --> 00:41:32,187
Don't wear it out.
878
00:41:32,188 --> 00:41:33,455
What's her maiden name?
879
00:41:33,456 --> 00:41:34,790
Why the hell do you care?
880
00:41:34,791 --> 00:41:38,160
Because I care!
881
00:41:38,161 --> 00:41:42,797
It's Lipinsky.
882
00:41:46,603 --> 00:41:47,503
Wayne.
883
00:41:50,340 --> 00:41:52,609
Are you okay?
884
00:41:52,610 --> 00:41:53,276
Oh, my God.
885
00:41:53,277 --> 00:41:54,544
What's wrong with your face?!
886
00:41:54,545 --> 00:41:57,180
I thought I lost you, Mary.
887
00:41:57,181 --> 00:41:59,719
What? Oh! Oh!
888
00:42:03,753 --> 00:42:04,653
Holy shit!
889
00:42:05,121 --> 00:42:07,022
You're a werewolf, for real?!
890
00:42:07,023 --> 00:42:07,923
I'm a badass.
891
00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:24,306
Wayne, no!
892
00:42:24,307 --> 00:42:28,476
Oh, God!
893
00:42:28,779 --> 00:42:30,178
Mary?
894
00:42:30,179 --> 00:42:31,079
Chris!
895
00:42:32,016 --> 00:42:32,781
Chris!
896
00:42:32,782 --> 00:42:36,618
Oh, she's still... Oh, shit!
897
00:42:36,619 --> 00:42:37,185
Shit!
898
00:42:37,186 --> 00:42:38,721
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
899
00:42:38,722 --> 00:42:40,957
Okay. Whew, whew, whew!
900
00:42:40,958 --> 00:42:42,725
That was a bad one.
901
00:42:42,726 --> 00:42:43,626
Whew! Okay.
902
00:42:48,164 --> 00:42:49,064
♪ Oh-oh ♪
903
00:42:52,001 --> 00:42:53,502
♪ oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
904
00:42:53,503 --> 00:42:57,945
♪ doo-ooh ♪
905
00:43:01,945 --> 00:43:06,482
♪ tell Santa I
gave you my heart ♪
906
00:43:06,483 --> 00:43:11,483
♪ but don't tell him
you threw it away ♪
907
00:43:14,692 --> 00:43:15,223
Hello.
908
00:43:15,224 --> 00:43:17,593
Hi. Is Mary here?
909
00:43:17,594 --> 00:43:20,430
Uh, she went to a movie.
910
00:43:20,431 --> 00:43:22,265
Probably Woody Allen.
911
00:43:22,266 --> 00:43:24,033
I don't know.
912
00:43:24,034 --> 00:43:25,301
How do I know you again?
913
00:43:25,302 --> 00:43:27,335
Just from around the town.
914
00:43:27,336 --> 00:43:28,071
Oh.
915
00:43:28,072 --> 00:43:31,741
Does she have amazing skin?
916
00:43:31,742 --> 00:43:32,942
Yeah.
917
00:43:32,943 --> 00:43:34,843
That's... that's a
weird question.
918
00:43:34,844 --> 00:43:37,180
Do you have a
photograph of her?
919
00:43:37,181 --> 00:43:39,716
My wife doesn't like
to be photographed.
920
00:43:39,717 --> 00:43:42,551
Right. Right, sorry.
921
00:43:42,552 --> 00:43:46,122
This belongs to her.
922
00:43:46,123 --> 00:43:47,023
All right.
923
00:43:47,657 --> 00:43:48,557
Thank you.
924
00:43:51,695 --> 00:43:53,162
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
925
00:43:53,163 --> 00:43:54,063
Oh, shit!
926
00:43:54,731 --> 00:43:55,631
Oh!
927
00:43:56,099 --> 00:44:00,403
♪ Told it to the angel,
now we're worlds apart ♪
928
00:44:00,404 --> 00:44:01,304
♪ now... ♪
929
00:44:02,306 --> 00:44:06,808
Wait. You thought Chris was
dead, but she's still alive.
930
00:44:06,809 --> 00:44:10,145
Mary, who is dead, is
at a Woody Allen movie?
931
00:44:10,146 --> 00:44:13,181
She must have been in a... in
a coma when they buried her.
932
00:44:13,182 --> 00:44:15,317
I mean, people didn't check
for pulses back then.
933
00:44:15,318 --> 00:44:17,653
But if her mother was a
vampire, wouldn't Chris have
934
00:44:17,654 --> 00:44:18,587
been born a vampire?
935
00:44:18,588 --> 00:44:19,821
No, it doesn't work that way.
936
00:44:19,822 --> 00:44:20,857
It's like herpes.
937
00:44:20,858 --> 00:44:24,861
A mother can have it, but that
doesn't mean a child will.
938
00:44:24,862 --> 00:44:29,862
So, you have to bring the person to
the edge of death, and then stop?
939
00:44:30,567 --> 00:44:32,201
What... to turn
them into a vampire?
940
00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:32,634
No, no.
941
00:44:32,635 --> 00:44:36,105
You just have to drink about
a pint of their blood.
942
00:44:36,106 --> 00:44:37,372
That's it?
943
00:44:37,373 --> 00:44:40,308
That's how much I
give when I donate.
944
00:44:40,309 --> 00:44:43,346
Does your bite have venom,
like in "twilight"?
945
00:44:43,347 --> 00:44:45,281
No. People get all these
ridiculous ideas.
946
00:44:45,282 --> 00:44:46,482
It's not about the bite... it's
947
00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:49,618
the drinking of the
blood that does it.
948
00:44:49,619 --> 00:44:51,587
That's so simple,
it's almost stupid.
949
00:44:51,588 --> 00:44:54,055
Yeah. I could slit your
wrist, drain it into a glass,
950
00:44:54,056 --> 00:44:56,792
and drink it... tomorrow,
you'd be a vampire.
951
00:44:56,793 --> 00:44:57,693
I'm game.
952
00:45:02,199 --> 00:45:03,099
Yeah.
953
00:45:05,802 --> 00:45:10,071
I really wish I didn't
turn Chris into a vampire.
954
00:45:10,072 --> 00:45:12,140
I just don't know how
this is gonna play out.
955
00:45:12,141 --> 00:45:15,076
Oh, like a fairy tale, my friend...
like a fairy tale that
956
00:45:15,077 --> 00:45:15,944
never ends.
957
00:45:15,945 --> 00:45:18,013
Just the same, I'd better
be there when she wakes up.
958
00:45:18,014 --> 00:45:19,649
Terrific. I'll go with you.
959
00:45:19,650 --> 00:45:20,582
No.
960
00:45:20,583 --> 00:45:21,954
Okay.
961
00:45:23,954 --> 00:45:26,121
Chris?
962
00:45:34,130 --> 00:45:37,132
Oh, shit.
963
00:45:40,404 --> 00:45:41,304
Dvvvt!
964
00:45:44,541 --> 00:45:49,345
What's worse... he steals your
girl or steals your girl, then
965
00:45:49,346 --> 00:45:50,680
turns her into a vampire?
966
00:45:50,681 --> 00:45:52,515
You know, both scenarios suck.
967
00:45:52,516 --> 00:45:55,750
Lucky for me, vampires don't
exist, so I only have to worry
968
00:45:55,751 --> 00:45:56,919
about the first one.
969
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:59,589
How much evidence do you need?
970
00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:00,490
Come in.
971
00:46:01,692 --> 00:46:02,592
Oh!
972
00:46:05,362 --> 00:46:07,296
Speak of the vampire.
973
00:46:07,297 --> 00:46:11,567
Dr. G, what are you doing
here at this ungodly hour?
974
00:46:11,568 --> 00:46:12,634
It's 9:30.
975
00:46:12,635 --> 00:46:14,403
The witching hour.
976
00:46:14,404 --> 00:46:18,707
Well, can we get anything for
you, perhaps something to drink?
977
00:46:18,708 --> 00:46:19,841
Uh, no thanks.
978
00:46:19,842 --> 00:46:22,578
I'm actually looking for
Chris, uh, Chris Keller.
979
00:46:22,579 --> 00:46:24,446
Yeah. We know her last name.
980
00:46:24,447 --> 00:46:27,316
Some of us used to take baths
with her when we were little.
981
00:46:27,317 --> 00:46:28,618
Well, t-this is important.
982
00:46:28,619 --> 00:46:30,620
Have you tried
looking in your car?
983
00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:32,855
I know she spends a lot
of time in there lately.
984
00:46:32,856 --> 00:46:36,259
Please, if you have any information...
The lambda sigs are having a
985
00:46:36,260 --> 00:46:38,526
bonfire up the canyon.
986
00:46:38,527 --> 00:46:39,861
Why do you need her?
987
00:46:39,862 --> 00:46:41,532
I-I just need to find her.
988
00:46:44,233 --> 00:46:47,636
You still don't think
he's a vampire?
989
00:46:47,637 --> 00:46:48,537
No.
990
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:54,239
Just a big, fat,
stupid son of a bitch.
991
00:46:55,344 --> 00:47:00,344
You have to meet Ludmila.
992
00:47:16,632 --> 00:47:20,236
♪ Please don't get me
everything I want ♪
993
00:47:20,237 --> 00:47:22,775
♪ I want to want some things ♪
994
00:47:24,775 --> 00:47:29,412
♪ and if you were to give me
everything, I hope you'd make it
995
00:47:29,413 --> 00:47:34,413
hard for me ♪
996
00:48:12,255 --> 00:48:17,255
Sorry about this, buddy.
997
00:48:24,634 --> 00:48:28,104
♪ Ambush, ambush, ambush,
ambush, ambush, ambush ♪
998
00:48:28,105 --> 00:48:30,506
♪ ambush, ambush, ambush,
ambush, ambush ♪
999
00:48:30,507 --> 00:48:32,540
♪ gather all my folk who's
all together, rally 'round ♪
1000
00:48:32,541 --> 00:48:33,209
Hello, Chris.
1001
00:48:33,210 --> 00:48:34,343
♪ Listen to the drummer... ♪
1002
00:48:34,344 --> 00:48:37,046
Oh, don't you
know how to knock?
1003
00:48:37,047 --> 00:48:38,948
How many people
have you killed?
1004
00:48:38,949 --> 00:48:40,181
Uh.
1005
00:48:40,182 --> 00:48:41,549
He makes 29.
1006
00:48:41,550 --> 00:48:43,685
♪ All my folk who's all
together, rally 'round ♪
1007
00:48:43,686 --> 00:48:44,953
♪ listen to the
drummer talking ♪
1008
00:48:44,954 --> 00:48:46,221
Chris, we need to talk.
1009
00:48:46,222 --> 00:48:48,323
What's there to talk about?
1010
00:48:48,324 --> 00:48:49,658
You're a vampire now.
1011
00:48:49,659 --> 00:48:50,593
Uh-huh.
1012
00:48:50,594 --> 00:48:53,062
And, uh... Wow, really?
1013
00:48:53,063 --> 00:48:56,598
I mean, 29?
1014
00:48:56,599 --> 00:48:57,499
Oh!
1015
00:49:00,170 --> 00:49:02,605
I need to teach you
certain rules.
1016
00:49:02,606 --> 00:49:03,372
Like what?
1017
00:49:03,373 --> 00:49:07,910
Well, how to style your hair
without a mirror, how not to
1018
00:49:07,911 --> 00:49:12,614
blow up in the sun, how to not
leave people alive, or they're
1019
00:49:12,615 --> 00:49:13,816
gonna turn into vampires!
1020
00:49:13,817 --> 00:49:16,384
Then why did you
leave me alive, huh?
1021
00:49:16,385 --> 00:49:18,587
Because I never
meant to hurt you.
1022
00:49:18,588 --> 00:49:19,488
Oh!
1023
00:49:20,190 --> 00:49:25,190
Look, we need to talk
about alternatives here.
1024
00:49:27,597 --> 00:49:28,863
What are you talking about?
1025
00:49:28,864 --> 00:49:32,067
Well, like... like
drinking animal blood.
1026
00:49:32,068 --> 00:49:33,435
But you didn't get my note?
1027
00:49:33,436 --> 00:49:36,004
Yeah. I tried that
shit in your fridge.
1028
00:49:36,005 --> 00:49:37,172
You get used to it.
1029
00:49:37,173 --> 00:49:41,009
Just because you're a weak-ass
vampire doesn't mean I have to be.
1030
00:49:41,010 --> 00:49:43,879
Look, I know this is all
very, very new to you.
1031
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:45,547
It's probably very difficult.
1032
00:49:45,548 --> 00:49:46,448
No.
1033
00:49:46,882 --> 00:49:49,185
You know, it's
actually kind of easy.
1034
00:49:49,186 --> 00:49:51,587
Well, help me clean this up, and
then we can talk about this.
1035
00:49:51,588 --> 00:49:52,488
You know what?
1036
00:49:52,489 --> 00:49:53,589
Clean it up yourself.
1037
00:49:53,590 --> 00:49:56,491
Oh!
1038
00:49:56,492 --> 00:49:58,460
♪ This woman mean,
an aggravated teen ♪
1039
00:49:58,461 --> 00:50:00,062
♪ got you running scared ♪
1040
00:50:00,063 --> 00:50:02,631
Damn, it feels
good to be a gangsta.
1041
00:50:02,632 --> 00:50:04,600
♪ ...shook by guerrilla
tactics, ambush ♪
1042
00:50:04,601 --> 00:50:05,935
♪ you can say you been hit now ♪
1043
00:50:05,936 --> 00:50:08,337
♪ gather all my folk who's
all together, rally 'round ♪
1044
00:50:08,338 --> 00:50:11,372
♪ listen to the drummer
talking, listen to the sound ♪
1045
00:50:11,373 --> 00:50:14,943
♪ ambush ♪
1046
00:50:29,893 --> 00:50:33,828
♪ Mary, I can't wait ♪
1047
00:50:33,829 --> 00:50:38,433
♪ to hold you in my arms ♪
1048
00:50:38,434 --> 00:50:40,102
♪ I always knew ♪
1049
00:50:40,103 --> 00:50:41,303
♪ this day would come ♪
1050
00:50:41,304 --> 00:50:45,841
Want to catch a movie?
1051
00:50:45,842 --> 00:50:50,842
♪ Now we're sitting here,
in lives we can't deny ♪
1052
00:50:51,947 --> 00:50:52,847
Mary! Whoa!
1053
00:50:56,353 --> 00:50:58,956
Your toast is burnt.
1054
00:51:00,956 --> 00:51:03,259
♪ Mary, I said I love you ♪
1055
00:51:03,260 --> 00:51:04,727
I want a divorce.
1056
00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:06,794
♪ I hope you feel the same ♪
1057
00:51:06,795 --> 00:51:10,131
I deserve a smoothy.
1058
00:51:10,132 --> 00:51:11,433
♪ There's just something... ♪
1059
00:51:11,434 --> 00:51:14,136
I killed a priest when
he said I had no soul.
1060
00:51:14,137 --> 00:51:18,207
I killed a football player
who had feelings for me.
1061
00:51:18,208 --> 00:51:20,042
♪ Mary, hold me close ♪
1062
00:51:20,043 --> 00:51:21,477
Oh.
1063
00:51:21,478 --> 00:51:23,546
You really couldn't grow
your teeth without me?
1064
00:51:23,547 --> 00:51:28,547
Well, okay, well,
I-I said I couldn't.
1065
00:51:28,751 --> 00:51:31,986
But then the funniest
thing happened to me.
1066
00:51:31,987 --> 00:51:36,457
Okay, so... okay, not "ha
ha" funny, more of a, um,
1067
00:51:36,458 --> 00:51:40,029
like, "that's interesting"
kind of funny, you know?
1068
00:51:40,030 --> 00:51:41,096
Um.
1069
00:51:41,097 --> 00:51:43,064
So, you know your
daughter Chris?
1070
00:51:43,065 --> 00:51:43,698
Yeah.
1071
00:51:43,699 --> 00:51:44,133
Yeah.
1072
00:51:44,134 --> 00:51:45,567
How do you... how
do you know her?
1073
00:51:45,568 --> 00:51:46,701
Well, just from school.
1074
00:51:46,702 --> 00:51:50,004
But you know how you two
look exactly alike?
1075
00:51:50,005 --> 00:51:52,073
We're practically twins.
1076
00:51:52,074 --> 00:51:52,942
Yeah. Yeah.
1077
00:51:52,943 --> 00:51:57,943
So, anyway, uh, she made
my teeth grow long.
1078
00:51:59,416 --> 00:52:01,283
And then we had sex
a bunch of times.
1079
00:52:01,284 --> 00:52:06,284
Um, but I am not in love with her,
and we were about to break up.
1080
00:52:07,523 --> 00:52:10,558
Also, uh, I turned her into a
vampire, and she killed about
1081
00:52:10,559 --> 00:52:15,559
29 people so far.
1082
00:52:16,199 --> 00:52:19,033
I thought of you every time.
1083
00:52:19,034 --> 00:52:21,770
You have to get out of here.
1084
00:52:21,771 --> 00:52:22,303
Mary.
1085
00:52:22,304 --> 00:52:22,937
Go away.
1086
00:52:22,938 --> 00:52:25,473
♪ Mary, I can't wait ♪
1087
00:52:25,474 --> 00:52:26,308
Go away!
1088
00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:30,446
♪ To hold you in my arms ♪
1089
00:52:30,447 --> 00:52:34,721
♪ I always knew this
day would come ♪
1090
00:52:37,721 --> 00:52:42,721
♪ and now we're sitting here,
in lives we can't rely on ♪
1091
00:52:49,164 --> 00:52:52,112
They prefer to make
love in the daytime.
1092
00:52:52,501 --> 00:52:55,703
It calms their fear of the sun.
1093
00:52:55,704 --> 00:53:00,704
After climax, I
always take a sketch.
1094
00:53:01,644 --> 00:53:02,977
What? What's wrong?
1095
00:53:02,978 --> 00:53:04,580
You don't like sex?
1096
00:53:04,581 --> 00:53:06,649
No, I'd probably love sex.
1097
00:53:06,650 --> 00:53:09,051
I just... I don't see how
hearing about your multiple
1098
00:53:09,052 --> 00:53:10,419
partners is gonna help us out.
1099
00:53:10,420 --> 00:53:13,438
There is over 1,000
sketches in this book.
1100
00:53:14,157 --> 00:53:19,157
If he has ball
sac... He's in there.
1101
00:53:21,463 --> 00:53:23,972
Ball sac?
1102
00:53:28,972 --> 00:53:30,272
What... what about him?
1103
00:53:30,273 --> 00:53:31,939
Did you make love to him?
1104
00:53:31,940 --> 00:53:36,245
No, not this one... And
God knows I tried.
1105
00:53:36,246 --> 00:53:39,381
I met him in Coney island, 1986.
1106
00:53:39,382 --> 00:53:44,382
He said he loved once
before and that was enough.
1107
00:53:44,788 --> 00:53:47,022
He got me a corn dog.
1108
00:53:47,023 --> 00:53:48,357
What was his name?
1109
00:53:48,358 --> 00:53:51,560
He never said, but his
nickname I remember.
1110
00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:53,095
What was it?
1111
00:53:53,096 --> 00:53:54,129
The great one.
1112
00:53:54,130 --> 00:53:54,897
Let's go.
1113
00:53:54,898 --> 00:53:57,466
I've got an appointment with
her, but I'll meet you out...
1114
00:53:57,467 --> 00:54:00,234
meet you out there.
1115
00:54:00,235 --> 00:54:02,074
Thank you.
1116
00:54:05,074 --> 00:54:07,076
Take this and put it on there.
1117
00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:08,243
Are you sure?
1118
00:54:08,244 --> 00:54:11,279
Oh, hey, bitch faces,
where is everybody?
1119
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:12,814
I think they went bowling.
1120
00:54:12,815 --> 00:54:14,116
Lame.
1121
00:54:14,117 --> 00:54:15,384
Is this absinthe?
1122
00:54:15,385 --> 00:54:17,386
You do not even know
what you're missing.
1123
00:54:17,387 --> 00:54:18,486
None of you do.
1124
00:54:18,487 --> 00:54:22,156
I've got something that
will blow you mind.
1125
00:54:22,157 --> 00:54:24,058
What is it?
1126
00:54:24,059 --> 00:54:27,129
Come in here.
1127
00:54:27,130 --> 00:54:29,832
Where's your whip,
sexified bitch?
1128
00:54:29,833 --> 00:54:30,733
Ow!
1129
00:54:34,804 --> 00:54:37,272
Are you trying to be,
like, all lesbian on me?
1130
00:54:37,273 --> 00:54:38,841
Just come here.
1131
00:54:38,842 --> 00:54:41,576
Do you want to do body shots?
1132
00:54:41,577 --> 00:54:42,477
Shh.
1133
00:54:43,646 --> 00:54:44,546
Mm.
1134
00:54:45,681 --> 00:54:46,581
Okay.
1135
00:54:51,755 --> 00:54:52,655
Ooh.
1136
00:54:54,791 --> 00:54:57,692
Oh, Chris, I'm so glad
you roll this way.
1137
00:54:57,693 --> 00:55:00,635
Mm. Me too.
1138
00:55:05,635 --> 00:55:08,873
Ugh! Aah!
1139
00:55:12,074 --> 00:55:13,341
Oh, my God!
1140
00:55:13,342 --> 00:55:14,542
Oh, my God.
1141
00:55:14,543 --> 00:55:15,443
Ta-da!
1142
00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:17,578
What?
1143
00:55:17,579 --> 00:55:19,080
You'll thank me tomorrow.
1144
00:55:19,081 --> 00:55:20,047
Aah!
1145
00:55:20,048 --> 00:55:20,948
Yeah.
1146
00:55:21,851 --> 00:55:23,785
Yeah, that looks good.
1147
00:55:23,786 --> 00:55:24,686
Come on.
1148
00:55:25,288 --> 00:55:27,288
Come on.
1149
00:55:27,289 --> 00:55:29,725
Nothing.
1150
00:55:29,726 --> 00:55:33,529
Why did you have to
tell her about Chris?
1151
00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:35,330
I mean you had to, right?
1152
00:55:35,331 --> 00:55:36,397
Damn it.
1153
00:55:36,398 --> 00:55:37,698
All those hours of therapy, and
1154
00:55:37,699 --> 00:55:41,837
now we're right back
to the drawing board.
1155
00:55:41,838 --> 00:55:43,105
Your hands are prune-y.
1156
00:55:43,106 --> 00:55:48,106
That seems odd happening
to a vampire.
1157
00:55:49,512 --> 00:55:52,747
So, is, uh, 29 a lot?
1158
00:55:52,748 --> 00:55:54,316
Yeah, it's a lot.
1159
00:55:54,317 --> 00:55:55,716
What... you don't
think that's a lot?
1160
00:55:55,717 --> 00:55:56,484
Well, I don't know.
1161
00:55:56,485 --> 00:55:57,518
There was a guy in Toulouse.
1162
00:55:57,519 --> 00:55:59,754
He killed 19 his first night.
1163
00:55:59,755 --> 00:56:01,823
He's what they call a
Nosferatu Puternic.
1164
00:56:01,824 --> 00:56:02,790
What's that?
1165
00:56:02,791 --> 00:56:04,660
It's Romanian for
"super vampire."
1166
00:56:04,661 --> 00:56:06,562
These guys are
cold-blooded murderers.
1167
00:56:06,563 --> 00:56:08,564
They kill way more
than they can drink.
1168
00:56:08,565 --> 00:56:09,730
Is he still alive?
1169
00:56:09,731 --> 00:56:10,631
No, no.
1170
00:56:10,699 --> 00:56:14,669
He fell asleep in the sun.
1171
00:56:14,670 --> 00:56:19,670
You have to kill
her, don't you?
1172
00:56:30,219 --> 00:56:31,419
Are you crazy?
1173
00:56:31,420 --> 00:56:32,955
I thought we were
here to kill him.
1174
00:56:32,956 --> 00:56:34,522
Dude, the sunlight
will kill him.
1175
00:56:34,523 --> 00:56:36,892
And this way, if... if he's not
a vampire, we won't go to jail.
1176
00:56:36,893 --> 00:56:37,625
What the hell?
1177
00:56:37,626 --> 00:56:38,794
For the last five weeks, you've
1178
00:56:38,795 --> 00:56:40,529
been saying you're
positive he's a vampire.
1179
00:56:40,530 --> 00:56:42,997
And I am, but this way, I
don't have to be positive.
1180
00:56:44,701 --> 00:56:47,970
♪ Thou shalt break them ♪
1181
00:56:47,971 --> 00:56:51,272
♪ thou shalt break them ♪
1182
00:56:51,273 --> 00:56:52,741
Yo, Dr. G.
1183
00:56:52,742 --> 00:56:54,176
You played me like a bitch!
1184
00:56:54,177 --> 00:56:55,544
Like a bitch!
1185
00:56:55,545 --> 00:56:56,210
What?
1186
00:56:56,211 --> 00:56:56,979
You stole my girl.
1187
00:56:56,980 --> 00:56:58,546
I don't know what
you're talking about.
1188
00:56:58,547 --> 00:57:00,015
And we got a
picture to prove it.
1189
00:57:00,016 --> 00:57:01,116
You have a photograph of me?
1190
00:57:01,117 --> 00:57:02,817
Yeah, come around
the desk and see it.
1191
00:57:02,818 --> 00:57:03,651
Well, show it to me.
1192
00:57:03,652 --> 00:57:05,220
I'm too tired to come over.
1193
00:57:05,221 --> 00:57:08,457
♪ Thou shalt dash them
in pieces, in pieces ♪
1194
00:57:08,458 --> 00:57:10,692
It's empty.
1195
00:57:10,693 --> 00:57:11,593
Aah!
1196
00:57:11,827 --> 00:57:15,430
We bounced sunlight
on your vampire ass!
1197
00:57:15,431 --> 00:57:17,566
How you like me now, huh? Huh?!
1198
00:57:17,567 --> 00:57:18,467
Ohh!
1199
00:57:19,869 --> 00:57:21,703
He didn't die, you asshole!
1200
00:57:21,704 --> 00:57:26,704
I don't have time for this!
1201
00:57:26,775 --> 00:57:27,910
That's hickory, you moron.
1202
00:57:27,911 --> 00:57:29,076
♪ Thou shalt break them ♪
1203
00:57:29,077 --> 00:57:31,379
Ohh!
1204
00:57:31,380 --> 00:57:33,015
Oh, that's such bullshit!
1205
00:57:33,016 --> 00:57:37,518
♪ Thou shalt break them
with a rod of iron ♪
1206
00:57:37,519 --> 00:57:40,455
You guys are really easy
to fight, so stop, okay?
1207
00:57:40,456 --> 00:57:41,422
Let's just talk.
1208
00:57:41,423 --> 00:57:43,658
Just promise not to
bite my best friend.
1209
00:57:43,659 --> 00:57:48,659
Please, please, please, pl...
I'm not going to.
1210
00:57:49,331 --> 00:57:52,334
I couldn't, anyway... Not
with everything that's going
1211
00:57:52,335 --> 00:57:54,736
on in my personal life.
1212
00:57:54,737 --> 00:57:56,071
Why don't you guys take a seat?
1213
00:57:56,072 --> 00:57:58,140
I don't want to sit
down in your sex chair.
1214
00:57:58,141 --> 00:58:00,274
Well, just lean against
something, then, okay?
1215
00:58:00,275 --> 00:58:01,877
What if I just
want to stand up?
1216
00:58:01,878 --> 00:58:02,944
Fine. Whatever.
1217
00:58:02,945 --> 00:58:05,948
What I'm trying to say is that
what I have to tell you guys is
1218
00:58:05,949 --> 00:58:07,950
gonna be a little bit difficult
to take standing up.
1219
00:58:07,951 --> 00:58:10,252
Really? More difficult than
finding out that your most
1220
00:58:10,253 --> 00:58:12,520
favorite teacher ever is a
vampire and he had a bunch of
1221
00:58:12,521 --> 00:58:15,290
"crazy good sex"
with your soul mate?
1222
00:58:15,291 --> 00:58:16,158
It gets worse.
1223
00:58:16,159 --> 00:58:17,392
What... you killed her?!
1224
00:58:17,393 --> 00:58:18,093
No.
1225
00:58:18,094 --> 00:58:20,194
I turned her into a vampire.
1226
00:58:20,195 --> 00:58:23,665
And now we have to kill her.
1227
00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:24,265
Bastard!
1228
00:58:24,266 --> 00:58:25,533
I know. I know.
1229
00:58:25,534 --> 00:58:26,634
I'm a bastard.
1230
00:58:26,635 --> 00:58:30,571
I'm a son of a bitch
and just a big dick.
1231
00:58:30,572 --> 00:58:35,572
You know, I didn't mean for
any of this stuff to happen.
1232
00:58:36,244 --> 00:58:40,482
But she's out of control...
And I have to stop her.
1233
00:58:40,483 --> 00:58:42,317
How?
1234
00:58:42,318 --> 00:58:44,352
I don't know yet.
1235
00:58:44,353 --> 00:58:45,253
Um.
1236
00:58:46,289 --> 00:58:48,422
Let us help you.
1237
00:58:48,423 --> 00:58:49,591
You guys suck.
1238
00:58:49,592 --> 00:58:51,026
Dude, she's really pretty and
1239
00:58:51,027 --> 00:58:53,127
everything, but she
wasn't that into you.
1240
00:58:53,128 --> 00:58:56,131
And... and now she's
a demon from hell!
1241
00:58:56,132 --> 00:58:59,000
I said you suck!
1242
00:58:59,001 --> 00:59:01,574
Tell us what to do.
1243
00:59:07,809 --> 00:59:10,712
So, why does it have to be ash?
1244
00:59:10,713 --> 00:59:11,379
I don't know.
1245
00:59:11,380 --> 00:59:13,348
Why does the sun
make me explode?
1246
00:59:13,349 --> 00:59:16,984
I mean, why am I still
allergic to peanuts?
1247
00:59:16,985 --> 00:59:20,455
So, after we kill Chris, do
we get to kill you, too?
1248
00:59:20,456 --> 00:59:22,323
Well, I guess I
wouldn't blame you.
1249
00:59:22,324 --> 00:59:23,759
'Cause you're still a vampire.
1250
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:25,259
Yeah, Fred, but he's different.
1251
00:59:25,260 --> 00:59:27,629
"Different" as in he likes to
have sex with teenage girls and
1252
00:59:27,630 --> 00:59:29,064
turn them into vampires?
1253
00:59:29,065 --> 00:59:32,000
Well, I guess I'm different because
I don't like to kill people.
1254
00:59:32,001 --> 00:59:35,236
Yeah, just your
ex-girlfriends.
1255
00:59:35,237 --> 00:59:37,407
Turns out.
1256
00:59:39,307 --> 00:59:41,308
You've been one
way longer than her.
1257
00:59:41,309 --> 00:59:42,944
Shouldn't you be
way more powerful?
1258
00:59:42,945 --> 00:59:45,814
Yeah. Why can't you
fight her by yourself?
1259
00:59:45,815 --> 00:59:47,982
It's because I'm impotent.
1260
00:59:47,983 --> 00:59:50,185
Vampires fight
with their wieners?
1261
00:59:50,186 --> 00:59:51,086
No.
1262
00:59:51,353 --> 00:59:54,692
I assure you I can hold
a gigantic erection.
1263
00:59:55,692 --> 00:59:56,932
Um, I can maintain an erection.
1264
00:59:58,126 --> 01:00:00,709
What I mean by "impotent"
is that I can't vamp out.
1265
01:00:01,931 --> 01:00:04,366
I can't... can't grow my teeth.
1266
01:00:04,367 --> 01:00:05,500
Why not?
1267
01:00:05,501 --> 01:00:08,203
Is it because you're a dick?
1268
01:00:08,204 --> 01:00:09,738
It's a long story.
1269
01:00:09,739 --> 01:00:14,739
But even if I could vamp out,
she's way stronger than me.
1270
01:00:15,610 --> 01:00:19,647
I saw her strength that first
night, and she's just learning.
1271
01:00:19,648 --> 01:00:20,548
Figures.
1272
01:00:21,050 --> 01:00:22,651
You would be a weak-ass vampire.
1273
01:00:22,652 --> 01:00:26,821
I'm not weak...
she's stronger.
1274
01:00:26,822 --> 01:00:30,926
So, do vampires do everything
in horseshit and snow?
1275
01:00:30,927 --> 01:00:31,892
Yeah, Tom.
1276
01:00:31,893 --> 01:00:34,261
Yeah, everything we do is
in horseshit and snow.
1277
01:00:34,262 --> 01:00:37,064
You got that from the
vampire book, I guess.
1278
01:00:37,065 --> 01:00:37,799
Just saying.
1279
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:39,401
It's the only
place in the shade.
1280
01:00:39,402 --> 01:00:40,968
What do you want?
1281
01:00:40,969 --> 01:00:43,638
Okay, I'm gonna be holding her
down because that's gonna be
1282
01:00:43,639 --> 01:00:44,439
the hardest part.
1283
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:46,875
Here. I want you to hold the
stake into place and just lean
1284
01:00:46,876 --> 01:00:47,808
into it a little bit.
1285
01:00:47,809 --> 01:00:49,111
'Cause I'm heavy?
1286
01:00:49,112 --> 01:00:50,078
Just to help, all right?
1287
01:00:50,079 --> 01:00:52,113
Fred, get ready with
the sledgehammer.
1288
01:00:52,114 --> 01:00:55,183
Hey, hold it right
over her heart, okay?
1289
01:00:55,184 --> 01:00:57,319
Dude, do not smash my fingers.
1290
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,386
All right, Fred, you
got to hit it hard.
1291
01:00:59,387 --> 01:01:02,124
Vampire bone is very dense.
1292
01:01:02,125 --> 01:01:03,390
Okay.
1293
01:01:03,391 --> 01:01:04,892
We only got one shot at this.
1294
01:01:04,893 --> 01:01:07,729
You nail that bitch
to the ground.
1295
01:01:07,730 --> 01:01:11,568
She's my bitch, you big dick.
1296
01:01:14,771 --> 01:01:17,872
How the hell do I
get out of here?!
1297
01:01:17,873 --> 01:01:21,910
You big dick and your
big, fat dickhead fence!
1298
01:01:21,911 --> 01:01:24,578
I hate you!
1299
01:01:24,579 --> 01:01:26,714
♪ I'm holding
that against you ♪
1300
01:01:26,715 --> 01:01:29,984
Dude, if you do that during the
real one, it's gonna suck so bad.
1301
01:01:29,985 --> 01:01:30,937
♪ Deceive me ♪
1302
01:01:33,021 --> 01:01:37,792
♪ I know you did ♪
1303
01:01:37,793 --> 01:01:40,729
♪ I'm sorry ♪
1304
01:01:40,730 --> 01:01:42,564
This is hard on
all of us, Fred.
1305
01:01:42,565 --> 01:01:45,834
That's easy for you to say.
1306
01:01:45,835 --> 01:01:46,868
♪ Together ♪
1307
01:01:46,869 --> 01:01:48,669
She was supposed
to be my breezy.
1308
01:01:48,670 --> 01:01:53,670
♪ We're so far apart ♪
1309
01:02:04,887 --> 01:02:06,888
The blood drive is mandatory.
1310
01:02:06,889 --> 01:02:09,390
We're going to have it
at the STD boys' house.
1311
01:02:09,391 --> 01:02:10,325
Where's Chris?
1312
01:02:10,326 --> 01:02:11,593
She's supposed to be here.
1313
01:02:11,594 --> 01:02:13,895
How are they gonna have a
blood drive at our house?
1314
01:02:13,896 --> 01:02:15,997
They're going to park
a trailer in front.
1315
01:02:15,998 --> 01:02:17,631
It's got everything they need.
1316
01:02:17,632 --> 01:02:22,632
We just need to supply all the
refreshments for the donors, okay?
1317
01:02:24,340 --> 01:02:26,908
Oh, I just got the chills.
1318
01:02:26,909 --> 01:02:28,709
Where have you guys been?
1319
01:02:28,710 --> 01:02:31,145
Oh, well, we just, uh, killed a
gas station attendant, and we
1320
01:02:31,146 --> 01:02:33,348
had to cover it up.
1321
01:02:33,349 --> 01:02:34,683
Oh, that's funny.
1322
01:02:34,684 --> 01:02:39,385
Oh, it was.
1323
01:02:40,088 --> 01:02:40,988
Aah!
1324
01:02:44,360 --> 01:02:45,260
Aah!
1325
01:02:45,760 --> 01:02:47,062
Oh, my God!
1326
01:02:47,063 --> 01:02:48,230
Oh, my God!
1327
01:02:48,231 --> 01:02:49,763
Meeting adjourned, bitches.
1328
01:02:49,764 --> 01:02:52,103
Now, who wants to be a vampire?
1329
01:02:54,103 --> 01:02:55,940
Come on. Don't be shy.
1330
01:02:58,940 --> 01:02:59,607
All right.
1331
01:02:59,608 --> 01:03:03,477
Well, the rest of
you are dinner.
1332
01:03:03,478 --> 01:03:08,316
Let's get out of here, Fred.
1333
01:03:08,317 --> 01:03:09,217
Dr. G!
1334
01:03:14,856 --> 01:03:17,225
Dr. G, oh, my God!
1335
01:03:17,226 --> 01:03:18,959
I've been looking
everywhere for you guys.
1336
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:21,162
Fred wanted to try
to talk to Chris.
1337
01:03:21,163 --> 01:03:21,763
Did you?
1338
01:03:21,764 --> 01:03:23,064
What did you do to her?
1339
01:03:23,065 --> 01:03:26,100
She's turning her
sorority into vampires!
1340
01:03:26,101 --> 01:03:27,134
Only half of them.
1341
01:03:27,135 --> 01:03:30,538
They're gonna eat the rest.
1342
01:03:30,539 --> 01:03:31,538
We're gonna need help.
1343
01:03:31,539 --> 01:03:34,174
Who's gonna help us?
1344
01:03:34,175 --> 01:03:37,411
Huh?
1345
01:03:39,447 --> 01:03:41,216
Hello, Wayne.
1346
01:03:41,217 --> 01:03:42,117
Hi, Mary.
1347
01:03:42,885 --> 01:03:46,754
I-I was just noticing how
beautiful your flowers are.
1348
01:03:46,755 --> 01:03:47,655
They're mums.
1349
01:03:48,891 --> 01:03:53,891
Well, your mum has
excellent taste.
1350
01:03:54,764 --> 01:03:58,133
♪ Here we are again ♪
1351
01:03:58,134 --> 01:03:58,933
♪ dancing through... ♪
1352
01:03:58,934 --> 01:04:00,435
How do you know Fred green?
1353
01:04:00,436 --> 01:04:05,239
Uh, he's, uh, helping us with
the logistics on... How we're
1354
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:08,843
going to kill Chris.
1355
01:04:08,844 --> 01:04:11,279
She's turned her sorority
sisters into vampires.
1356
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:12,546
And she's strong.
1357
01:04:12,547 --> 01:04:14,649
She's really strong.
1358
01:04:14,650 --> 01:04:16,451
Why did you do this to her?
1359
01:04:16,452 --> 01:04:21,452
You know the funniest
things happen in life.
1360
01:04:21,623 --> 01:04:24,509
This is not one of them,
though, as you know.
1361
01:04:25,427 --> 01:04:28,830
I messed up pretty bad.
1362
01:04:28,831 --> 01:04:32,000
Why did you bury me?
1363
01:04:32,001 --> 01:04:35,703
I didn't know.
1364
01:04:35,704 --> 01:04:37,705
I need your help, Mary.
1365
01:04:37,706 --> 01:04:38,772
Is Fred a vampire now?
1366
01:04:38,773 --> 01:04:39,674
No. No, no, no.
1367
01:04:39,675 --> 01:04:40,908
He's just helping us out.
1368
01:04:40,909 --> 01:04:43,410
He'll be killed.
1369
01:04:43,411 --> 01:04:48,015
Well, we're working
on a game plan.
1370
01:04:48,016 --> 01:04:49,984
I won't help you
kill my daughter.
1371
01:04:49,985 --> 01:04:50,986
I can't do that.
1372
01:04:50,987 --> 01:04:53,988
Yeah, I figured as much.
1373
01:04:53,989 --> 01:04:58,989
If I could just have your blessing...
Well... Wish me luck.
1374
01:05:07,003 --> 01:05:08,175
Probably die.
1375
01:05:14,809 --> 01:05:17,879
I was hungry, so I had to stop
for a burrito at "Chipotel."
1376
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:20,415
I'm almost there, all right?
1377
01:05:20,416 --> 01:05:22,450
Dude, it's pronounced both ways.
1378
01:05:22,451 --> 01:05:23,517
Mom?
1379
01:05:23,518 --> 01:05:24,852
Hey, Chris.
1380
01:05:24,853 --> 01:05:26,888
Hi, Tom.
1381
01:05:26,889 --> 01:05:29,124
So, I guess it's
supposed to rain today.
1382
01:05:29,125 --> 01:05:33,294
I wish I had the foresight to
have bring my umbr-r-r-Ella.
1383
01:05:33,295 --> 01:05:35,897
So... Ah, yeah.
1384
01:05:35,898 --> 01:05:38,299
I see you guys all
got yours open.
1385
01:05:38,300 --> 01:05:40,234
Mm. Just preserving our skin.
1386
01:05:40,235 --> 01:05:42,002
Ooh, very smart.
1387
01:05:42,003 --> 01:05:44,772
So, what do I do with it today?
1388
01:05:44,773 --> 01:05:47,808
- What is...
- Oh, this is for the blood drive at your house.
1389
01:05:47,809 --> 01:05:48,743
Didn't you know about it?
1390
01:05:48,744 --> 01:05:53,281
Yeah. I guess I just assumed
it was canceled, 'cause...
1391
01:05:53,282 --> 01:05:55,950
Why would it be canceled?
1392
01:05:55,951 --> 01:05:58,218
Weather.
1393
01:05:58,219 --> 01:05:59,988
This is for skin cancer.
1394
01:05:59,989 --> 01:06:00,754
Oh.
1395
01:06:00,755 --> 01:06:01,655
So sorry.
1396
01:06:02,757 --> 01:06:03,424
Okay.
1397
01:06:03,425 --> 01:06:05,526
Hey, don't let Fred come.
1398
01:06:05,527 --> 01:06:06,393
Why not?
1399
01:06:06,394 --> 01:06:10,832
I-I'm like 100% positive
he has a heart murmur.
1400
01:06:10,833 --> 01:06:12,466
But you should come.
1401
01:06:12,467 --> 01:06:14,768
I see how it is.
1402
01:06:14,769 --> 01:06:16,971
Well, I guess I've
got to go to class.
1403
01:06:16,972 --> 01:06:21,972
- If you'll excuse me...
- Thank you.
1404
01:06:26,748 --> 01:06:29,183
You know, if someone would
have told me four months ago
1405
01:06:29,184 --> 01:06:31,618
that, by the end of the
semester, I'd be plotting to
1406
01:06:31,619 --> 01:06:36,424
kill my... True love 'cause she's
a psychotic vampire, I would
1407
01:06:36,425 --> 01:06:41,425
have been like... "No way."
1408
01:06:42,797 --> 01:06:46,267
But now that we're actually doing it and...
I just look back
1409
01:06:46,268 --> 01:06:50,238
on that imagined scenario, and
I-I just want to grab myself and
1410
01:06:50,239 --> 01:06:52,573
I want to say,
"listen to this guy.
1411
01:06:52,574 --> 01:06:56,043
He knows exactly what
he's talking about."
1412
01:06:56,112 --> 01:06:58,312
Dr. G!
1413
01:06:58,313 --> 01:07:03,313
Son of a bitch!
1414
01:07:06,288 --> 01:07:07,188
Damn!
1415
01:07:11,527 --> 01:07:13,361
I'm sorry about that.
1416
01:07:13,362 --> 01:07:15,763
Tom, hey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
1417
01:07:15,764 --> 01:07:18,198
More like a bunch of vampires
that are trying to kill me and
1418
01:07:18,199 --> 01:07:21,502
my fraternity.
1419
01:07:21,503 --> 01:07:22,803
A blood drive?
1420
01:07:22,804 --> 01:07:23,837
They're still having it?
1421
01:07:23,838 --> 01:07:26,006
Yeah, and they're out,
passing out flyers.
1422
01:07:26,007 --> 01:07:28,609
And Chris said you couldn't come
'cause you have a heart murmur.
1423
01:07:28,610 --> 01:07:30,111
I don't have a heart murmur.
1424
01:07:30,112 --> 01:07:32,846
Then she's a
liar and a vampire.
1425
01:07:32,847 --> 01:07:35,683
Why doesn't she want me there?
1426
01:07:35,684 --> 01:07:38,986
This... that doesn't
change anything, okay?
1427
01:07:38,987 --> 01:07:41,622
This just lets us know
where they're gonna be.
1428
01:07:41,623 --> 01:07:45,596
Now, let's put on
our thinking caps.
1429
01:07:52,001 --> 01:07:54,935
Bury me good.
1430
01:07:54,936 --> 01:07:58,372
You wanted to see me?
1431
01:07:58,373 --> 01:07:59,273
Hi.
1432
01:08:01,342 --> 01:08:02,242
Ah.
1433
01:08:02,478 --> 01:08:06,480
Chris invited me to the blood
drive, and I told her that I
1434
01:08:06,481 --> 01:08:07,381
couldn't make it.
1435
01:08:07,382 --> 01:08:12,382
But then I got to thinking...
how selfish of me.
1436
01:08:19,828 --> 01:08:21,196
Is this your blood?
1437
01:08:21,197 --> 01:08:22,097
It is.
1438
01:08:22,264 --> 01:08:23,164
Mm.
1439
01:08:24,500 --> 01:08:25,332
I hope it's enough.
1440
01:08:25,333 --> 01:08:28,635
Um, I actually feel
a little faint.
1441
01:08:28,636 --> 01:08:31,438
Um, could you see
that Chris gets this?
1442
01:08:31,439 --> 01:08:35,042
I'm sure she'll know
what to do with it.
1443
01:08:35,043 --> 01:08:37,946
Sure thing.
1444
01:08:37,947 --> 01:08:42,947
Well, um, I think, uh, I think I'll
turn in a little early tonight.
1445
01:08:45,554 --> 01:08:47,388
You're gonna sleep in here?
1446
01:08:47,389 --> 01:08:48,289
Oh.
1447
01:08:48,791 --> 01:08:53,791
You have no idea how
comfy this thing is.
1448
01:08:56,030 --> 01:09:01,030
Don't drink and drive.
1449
01:09:15,618 --> 01:09:16,850
You almost done?
1450
01:09:16,851 --> 01:09:17,551
All done.
1451
01:09:17,552 --> 01:09:18,353
We got to hurry.
1452
01:09:18,354 --> 01:09:22,122
The salon closes
earlier on Fridays.
1453
01:09:22,123 --> 01:09:25,059
Hey, tweedle-dumbasses,
what is this?
1454
01:09:25,060 --> 01:09:26,594
Uh, it's our new coat rack.
1455
01:09:26,595 --> 01:09:28,862
Why the hell do the hooks go
all the way to the floor?
1456
01:09:28,863 --> 01:09:30,732
Just in case a
little kid comes over.
1457
01:09:30,733 --> 01:09:32,634
Kids aren't allowed here.
1458
01:09:32,635 --> 01:09:34,969
Clean this shit up
before the party.
1459
01:09:34,970 --> 01:09:37,272
♪ Resistance is futile ♪
1460
01:09:37,273 --> 01:09:38,038
Wait a second.
1461
01:09:38,039 --> 01:09:40,241
Aah! Jared! Jared! Ow.
1462
01:09:40,242 --> 01:09:45,242
♪ And I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1463
01:09:46,782 --> 01:09:48,950
We're here to set up.
1464
01:09:48,951 --> 01:09:51,618
Fred... I didn't
think you'd be here.
1465
01:09:51,619 --> 01:09:54,288
Well, I guess a lot of things
happen that you'd never, in your
1466
01:09:54,289 --> 01:09:56,157
wildest dreams, would
think would happen.
1467
01:09:56,158 --> 01:09:57,425
Kappa hos!
1468
01:09:57,426 --> 01:09:59,126
What's up, ladies.
1469
01:09:59,127 --> 01:10:00,495
Well, hello, Kyle.
1470
01:10:00,496 --> 01:10:01,228
Sweet.
1471
01:10:01,229 --> 01:10:03,197
You guys all look like hookers.
1472
01:10:03,198 --> 01:10:05,465
All right, we got to go.
1473
01:10:05,466 --> 01:10:07,402
So... You won't be here?
1474
01:10:07,403 --> 01:10:09,871
Well, then, do you
want me to be here?
1475
01:10:09,872 --> 01:10:13,041
Well, I guess it doesn't
matter either way.
1476
01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:15,309
So it's like that, then?
1477
01:10:15,310 --> 01:10:16,743
Like what?
1478
01:10:16,744 --> 01:10:17,944
We'd best skedaddle.
1479
01:10:17,945 --> 01:10:21,347
So, excuse us.
1480
01:10:28,289 --> 01:10:33,289
Friends, family, Ludmila...
take a good look at me now
1481
01:10:34,829 --> 01:10:38,566
because this could be the
last time you see me alive.
1482
01:10:38,567 --> 01:10:41,903
Just know that I love you
and I did it for you.
1483
01:10:41,904 --> 01:10:46,904
And to the kappa O’s...
buckle up, bitches.
1484
01:10:50,479 --> 01:10:55,479
We 'bout to ride
your asses to hell.
1485
01:11:29,118 --> 01:11:30,689
♪ Ah ♪
1486
01:11:34,689 --> 01:11:35,589
♪ ah-ah ♪
1487
01:11:36,658 --> 01:11:37,558
♪ ah-ah ♪
1488
01:11:38,460 --> 01:11:39,360
♪ ah-ah ♪
1489
01:11:40,496 --> 01:11:41,396
♪ ah-ah ♪
1490
01:11:42,296 --> 01:11:44,098
♪ ah-ah ♪
1491
01:11:44,099 --> 01:11:44,999
♪ ah-ah ♪
1492
01:11:46,068 --> 01:11:46,968
♪ ah-ah ♪
1493
01:11:47,970 --> 01:11:50,537
♪ ah-ah ♪
1494
01:11:50,538 --> 01:11:52,572
Hey, are you guys
done playing grab-ass?
1495
01:11:52,573 --> 01:11:53,340
Almost.
1496
01:11:53,341 --> 01:11:54,876
And what the hell is this?
1497
01:11:54,877 --> 01:11:58,179
Dude, it is what it is.
1498
01:11:58,180 --> 01:11:59,413
You guys need to come upstairs.
1499
01:11:59,414 --> 01:12:01,081
The kitchen looks disgusting.
1500
01:12:01,082 --> 01:12:03,550
Maybe if you play your cards
right and clean up your room,
1501
01:12:03,551 --> 01:12:05,752
you'll get laid tonight...
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1502
01:12:05,753 --> 01:12:07,889
by girls this time.
1503
01:12:07,890 --> 01:12:09,389
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1504
01:12:09,390 --> 01:12:11,959
Mary, please help me kill her.
1505
01:12:11,960 --> 01:12:14,761
It's out of the question.
1506
01:12:14,762 --> 01:12:16,330
Hey, I'm getting
another call here.
1507
01:12:16,331 --> 01:12:16,831
Hold on.
1508
01:12:16,832 --> 01:12:19,099
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1509
01:12:19,100 --> 01:12:20,367
What's up?
1510
01:12:20,368 --> 01:12:23,737
Hey, yeah, Fred's being really
anal right now, but we'll
1511
01:12:23,738 --> 01:12:26,206
be there fairly soon.
1512
01:12:26,207 --> 01:12:29,210
All right.
1513
01:12:29,211 --> 01:12:31,245
Hey, I got to go.
1514
01:12:31,246 --> 01:12:33,447
But if you change your mind,
there will be a bunch of people
1515
01:12:33,448 --> 01:12:36,416
murdering each other
at 1637 Benton.
1516
01:12:36,417 --> 01:12:37,317
So... Bye.
1517
01:12:38,953 --> 01:12:43,256
♪ Da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
1518
01:12:43,257 --> 01:12:45,960
So, she doesn't care either
way, but, at first, she wasn't
1519
01:12:45,961 --> 01:12:47,961
gonna kill me, but now
she's gonna kill me?
1520
01:12:47,962 --> 01:12:48,830
What the hell?
1521
01:12:48,831 --> 01:12:50,598
Dude, she was
always gonna kill you.
1522
01:12:50,599 --> 01:12:53,934
She just wanted you for herself,
and then she was like, "oh,
1523
01:12:53,935 --> 01:12:55,670
whatever," you know?
1524
01:12:55,671 --> 01:12:56,770
Fred, it's not you.
1525
01:12:56,771 --> 01:13:00,605
Get down!
1526
01:13:07,649 --> 01:13:08,549
Hey.
1527
01:13:09,952 --> 01:13:11,885
Go tell the girls it's time.
1528
01:13:11,886 --> 01:13:15,930
But we're gonna be here all
night, so don't get caught.
1529
01:13:41,884 --> 01:13:42,916
Where'd Mel go?
1530
01:13:42,917 --> 01:13:43,817
I know.
1531
01:13:44,552 --> 01:13:46,987
This is getting lame!
1532
01:13:46,988 --> 01:13:47,921
Dude, ease up.
1533
01:13:47,922 --> 01:13:51,759
They said blood drive outside...
party on the inside.
1534
01:13:51,760 --> 01:13:52,359
Who cares?
1535
01:13:52,360 --> 01:13:53,361
Let's just go out there.
1536
01:13:53,362 --> 01:13:56,229
No, I'm not gonna run around
like fricking A.C. Slater.
1537
01:13:56,230 --> 01:13:59,267
Dudes, the bitches
aren't coming!
1538
01:13:59,268 --> 01:14:00,168
♪ I ♪
1539
01:14:01,069 --> 01:14:04,337
♪ I went to the beach ♪
1540
01:14:04,338 --> 01:14:07,375
♪ the bitch was so hot ♪
1541
01:14:07,376 --> 01:14:08,910
♪ she came to me and said ♪
1542
01:14:08,911 --> 01:14:11,011
♪ do you like the
beach, bitch? ♪
1543
01:14:11,012 --> 01:14:11,478
Sweet.
1544
01:14:11,479 --> 01:14:12,647
How do I look?
1545
01:14:12,648 --> 01:14:15,916
Were we supposed
to get dressed up?
1546
01:14:15,917 --> 01:14:16,817
Oh! Ugh!
1547
01:14:17,586 --> 01:14:20,353
Hello, ladies.
1548
01:14:20,354 --> 01:14:22,223
What's up?
1549
01:14:22,224 --> 01:14:24,191
You're all wearing
Dracula teeth.
1550
01:14:24,192 --> 01:14:24,791
No shit.
1551
01:14:24,792 --> 01:14:26,260
How do they stay in so good?
1552
01:14:26,261 --> 01:14:28,328
Same as yours, dickface.
1553
01:14:28,329 --> 01:14:29,397
Hey, come upstairs with me.
1554
01:14:29,398 --> 01:14:30,797
I got something I
want to show you.
1555
01:14:30,798 --> 01:14:33,800
Mm. I'd love to, but Carly's
already got dibs on you.
1556
01:14:33,801 --> 01:14:35,368
Is that gonna be a problem?
1557
01:14:35,369 --> 01:14:37,671
Oh, hells, no.
1558
01:14:37,672 --> 01:14:38,572
Come on.
1559
01:14:40,943 --> 01:14:43,611
Raise your hand if you want
to make out with a vampire.
1560
01:14:43,612 --> 01:14:44,245
Me, me, me.
1561
01:14:44,246 --> 01:14:45,446
Oh! Me, me, me.
1562
01:14:45,447 --> 01:14:46,313
Okay, check it out.
1563
01:14:46,314 --> 01:14:48,849
Look, you're gonna take
this girl right here.
1564
01:14:48,850 --> 01:14:50,451
Go upstairs and
make love to her.
1565
01:14:50,452 --> 01:14:51,786
Don't have sex... make love.
1566
01:14:51,787 --> 01:14:54,589
And, look, you, buddy, come on,
take this girl right here.
1567
01:14:54,590 --> 01:14:56,427
Um. No, you're a douche bag.
1568
01:14:59,427 --> 01:15:02,697
All right, I'll open the
window from upstairs.
1569
01:15:02,698 --> 01:15:04,098
Can you fly up there?
1570
01:15:04,099 --> 01:15:07,635
I may be king shit, but
I'm not super king shit.
1571
01:15:07,636 --> 01:15:08,836
I'll climb up.
1572
01:15:08,837 --> 01:15:10,004
All right.
1573
01:15:10,005 --> 01:15:11,639
Are we ready to do this?
1574
01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:16,208
Are you ready pound a stake through
the chest of your one true love?
1575
01:15:16,310 --> 01:15:18,078
Why you got to
say it like that?
1576
01:15:18,079 --> 01:15:18,879
Hey, hey, hey.
1577
01:15:18,880 --> 01:15:21,549
Tom's trying to get you in the
right frame of mind, okay?
1578
01:15:21,550 --> 01:15:23,416
We can't afford any
hesitations tonight.
1579
01:15:23,417 --> 01:15:26,420
We put in the hours to do this,
and then, like, you're...
1580
01:15:26,421 --> 01:15:28,188
you're upset, but take
it out on yours...
1581
01:15:28,189 --> 01:15:29,823
I'll do what needs to be done.
1582
01:15:29,824 --> 01:15:34,394
Well, let's hope no one
lands there now, I guess.
1583
01:15:38,332 --> 01:15:39,966
Oh!
1584
01:15:39,967 --> 01:15:40,867
Oh.
1585
01:15:41,837 --> 01:15:44,371
Say, Chris,
what's the big idea?
1586
01:15:44,372 --> 01:15:46,540
I hate being tripped.
1587
01:15:46,541 --> 01:15:48,809
Sorry, no girls inside tonight.
1588
01:15:48,810 --> 01:15:51,077
I saw kappa O girls
going in there.
1589
01:15:51,078 --> 01:15:54,014
Yeah, it's a kappa O/STD party.
1590
01:15:54,015 --> 01:15:55,683
Aren't they all?
1591
01:15:55,684 --> 01:15:58,419
Too bad you just died.
1592
01:15:58,420 --> 01:15:59,987
♪ The bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1593
01:15:59,988 --> 01:16:03,023
♪ the bitch said, "yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" ♪
1594
01:16:03,024 --> 01:16:04,892
♪ the bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1595
01:16:04,893 --> 01:16:06,292
♪ the bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1596
01:16:06,293 --> 01:16:07,294
♪ the bitch said ♪
1597
01:16:07,295 --> 01:16:08,028
♪ oh, yeah ♪
1598
01:16:08,029 --> 01:16:08,996
♪ hell, yeah ♪
1599
01:16:08,997 --> 01:16:11,232
♪ damn, yeah ♪
1600
01:16:11,233 --> 01:16:14,602
♪ I went to the beach ♪
1601
01:16:14,603 --> 01:16:18,104
Dude, Jared, I thought you said
there'd be plenty to go around.
1602
01:16:18,105 --> 01:16:20,774
Yeah, I did, and
there will be, bro.
1603
01:16:20,775 --> 01:16:22,943
Good, 'cause you totally
screwed me over.
1604
01:16:22,944 --> 01:16:23,577
No, listen.
1605
01:16:23,578 --> 01:16:25,478
I'm gonna take
care of you, okay?
1606
01:16:25,479 --> 01:16:27,113
I didn't even give
anything to myself.
1607
01:16:27,114 --> 01:16:28,215
That's how leader I am.
1608
01:16:28,216 --> 01:16:28,948
Where are they?
1609
01:16:28,949 --> 01:16:30,651
What? Oh, look at the douche
1610
01:16:30,652 --> 01:16:32,653
bags, all douched up
for the douche ball.
1611
01:16:32,654 --> 01:16:33,720
Where are the kappa O’s?
1612
01:16:33,721 --> 01:16:35,456
Dude, they're gonna
get with all of us.
1613
01:16:35,457 --> 01:16:37,558
Yeah, and maybe if you guys
sit down and quit working on
1614
01:16:37,559 --> 01:16:39,326
your eagle project, you'll
get some action, too.
1615
01:16:39,327 --> 01:16:40,493
You guys are so stupid!
1616
01:16:40,494 --> 01:16:41,528
They're vampires, okay?
1617
01:16:41,529 --> 01:16:42,662
And they're gonna kill us!
1618
01:16:42,663 --> 01:16:44,532
Yeah, it's super hot, man.
1619
01:16:44,533 --> 01:16:45,131
Where's Kyle?
1620
01:16:45,132 --> 01:16:47,134
He's upstairs,
banging one right now.
1621
01:16:47,135 --> 01:16:48,868
No, don't go up there, dude.
1622
01:16:48,869 --> 01:16:51,104
You're salting his game!
1623
01:16:51,105 --> 01:16:52,739
What the hell is that?
1624
01:16:52,740 --> 01:16:55,710
It's a barricade, jackass.
1625
01:16:55,711 --> 01:16:57,545
♪ Calling me high
on the telephone ♪
1626
01:16:57,546 --> 01:17:01,681
♪ came by plane all alone ♪
1627
01:17:01,682 --> 01:17:06,120
All right, no one leaves until
every vampires is dead.
1628
01:17:06,121 --> 01:17:07,822
♪ ...tell it's not enough ♪
1629
01:17:07,823 --> 01:17:10,590
♪ come and... ♪ ♪
1630
01:17:12,560 --> 01:17:14,428
Kyle, are you in there?
1631
01:17:14,429 --> 01:17:15,329
Open up!
1632
01:17:15,497 --> 01:17:17,398
Dude, I'm kind of busy.
1633
01:17:17,399 --> 01:17:19,133
Dude, she's gonna kill you!
1634
01:17:19,134 --> 01:17:20,468
You can be next.
1635
01:17:20,469 --> 01:17:22,269
Wait. That's jacked up.
1636
01:17:22,270 --> 01:17:24,742
Tom!
1637
01:17:26,742 --> 01:17:28,709
♪ You knew my ideas when
they were in my head ♪
1638
01:17:28,710 --> 01:17:30,411
♪ they were my secret
evening plans ♪
1639
01:17:30,412 --> 01:17:32,813
All right, aim for the heart
and use something heavy.
1640
01:17:32,814 --> 01:17:35,381
Dude, I don't care if you
don't want to get some, but
1641
01:17:35,382 --> 01:17:37,283
don't ruin it for the
rest of us, all right?
1642
01:17:37,284 --> 01:17:39,719
Dude, Tom, Kyle's up there
right now with one of them.
1643
01:17:39,720 --> 01:17:40,554
We got to go save him.
1644
01:17:40,555 --> 01:17:43,590
Hey, bro, just out of curiosity,
just let me know... are you gay?
1645
01:17:43,591 --> 01:17:45,960
That doesn't change this, but just
let me know right now, all right?
1646
01:17:45,961 --> 01:17:47,961
Dude, I am gonna
punch your dick, okay?!
1647
01:17:47,962 --> 01:17:50,831
There are vampire girls in this
house, and they're gonna kill us!
1648
01:17:50,832 --> 01:17:53,567
If any of them come back down
before we're back, hold them
1649
01:17:53,568 --> 01:17:55,269
down and do what you have to do.
1650
01:17:55,270 --> 01:17:58,005
That's what I'm talking about!
1651
01:17:58,006 --> 01:17:58,906
Bam!
1652
01:18:03,043 --> 01:18:04,144
Wait. Wait, wait.
1653
01:18:04,145 --> 01:18:06,781
When should I take my pants off?
1654
01:18:06,782 --> 01:18:07,782
After I leave.
1655
01:18:07,783 --> 01:18:09,188
What?
1656
01:18:15,556 --> 01:18:16,456
Dude.
1657
01:18:16,457 --> 01:18:17,357
Mm.
1658
01:18:18,894 --> 01:18:19,794
Aah! Mnh!
1659
01:18:22,730 --> 01:18:24,264
Aah!
1660
01:18:24,265 --> 01:18:25,165
Kyle!
1661
01:18:26,301 --> 01:18:27,201
Oh, shit!
1662
01:18:33,475 --> 01:18:35,809
Dr. g!
1663
01:18:35,810 --> 01:18:36,710
Dr. g!
1664
01:18:37,645 --> 01:18:38,545
Dr. g!
1665
01:18:39,514 --> 01:18:41,081
Oh! Oh, okay, we're starting.
1666
01:18:41,082 --> 01:18:43,082
We're starting.
1667
01:18:43,083 --> 01:18:46,886
Hey, vampire skank...
Bet you can't catch me.
1668
01:18:46,887 --> 01:18:50,422
I bet I can.
1669
01:18:55,396 --> 01:18:58,730
Aah!
1670
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:01,969
Better double-check.
1671
01:19:01,970 --> 01:19:02,870
Wait!
1672
01:19:04,072 --> 01:19:05,371
Bite me instead.
1673
01:19:05,372 --> 01:19:10,277
Why... 'cause your jugular
vein's easier to find?
1674
01:19:10,278 --> 01:19:11,178
What?
1675
01:19:12,113 --> 01:19:16,317
What do you want me to do?
1676
01:19:16,318 --> 01:19:19,620
Dude, just tell me what
you want me to do.
1677
01:19:19,621 --> 01:19:20,521
Aah!
1678
01:19:23,490 --> 01:19:24,390
Do it!
1679
01:19:25,760 --> 01:19:26,660
Oh!
1680
01:19:27,395 --> 01:19:28,295
Ohh!
1681
01:19:29,864 --> 01:19:30,764
Does it hurt?
1682
01:19:33,234 --> 01:19:34,134
Yeah.
1683
01:19:34,636 --> 01:19:35,536
Ohh.
1684
01:19:38,606 --> 01:19:40,040
It's official.
1685
01:19:40,041 --> 01:19:42,542
We're murderers.
1686
01:19:42,543 --> 01:19:44,010
You get used to it.
1687
01:19:44,011 --> 01:19:44,911
What?
1688
01:19:45,113 --> 01:19:47,447
Murderers.
1689
01:19:47,448 --> 01:19:48,749
Murders get used to it.
1690
01:19:48,750 --> 01:19:50,117
Dude, don't look at me that way.
1691
01:19:50,118 --> 01:19:54,688
She's my first kill... Promise.
1692
01:19:54,689 --> 01:19:58,157
So, how do you
preserve the blood?
1693
01:19:58,158 --> 01:20:01,929
You're a very
inquisitive young lady.
1694
01:20:01,930 --> 01:20:04,364
Well, I just think I might be
interested in running a blood
1695
01:20:04,365 --> 01:20:05,799
drive some day.
1696
01:20:05,800 --> 01:20:06,700
Mm.
1697
01:20:08,270 --> 01:20:10,670
I mean, they probably have to
pee, but I doubt they ever have
1698
01:20:10,671 --> 01:20:15,172
to take a dump, you know?
1699
01:20:19,014 --> 01:20:20,080
Hi, Fred.
1700
01:20:20,081 --> 01:20:20,981
Hi.
1701
01:20:21,548 --> 01:20:24,518
Um, hey, did you, uh, hear
that we're all just kind of
1702
01:20:24,519 --> 01:20:25,920
making out with different guys?
1703
01:20:25,921 --> 01:20:28,656
That's the word on the streets.
1704
01:20:28,657 --> 01:20:32,626
It's really too bad that
Chris called dibs on you.
1705
01:20:32,627 --> 01:20:35,362
I thought she didn't
care either way.
1706
01:20:35,363 --> 01:20:37,764
Well, I guess
it's just kissing.
1707
01:20:37,765 --> 01:20:41,568
I'll make out with you...
But it has to be on my bed.
1708
01:20:41,569 --> 01:20:42,368
Mm.
1709
01:20:42,369 --> 01:20:45,371
♪ Back in town ♪
1710
01:20:45,372 --> 01:20:46,272
Can I watch?
1711
01:20:48,342 --> 01:20:50,611
It's what we do.
1712
01:20:50,612 --> 01:20:52,379
I like to watch.
1713
01:20:52,380 --> 01:20:55,448
Okay, crazy-ass.
1714
01:20:55,449 --> 01:21:00,449
Okay, well, just this way.
1715
01:21:02,256 --> 01:21:05,091
Blood goes... pfft!
1716
01:21:05,092 --> 01:21:06,160
Oh.
1717
01:21:06,161 --> 01:21:08,562
So, should we just
start making out?
1718
01:21:08,563 --> 01:21:10,863
Well, why don't you
lay down on the bed?
1719
01:21:10,864 --> 01:21:14,233
And I will get on top of you.
1720
01:21:14,234 --> 01:21:16,870
You've got this all
planned out, don't you?
1721
01:21:16,871 --> 01:21:19,605
We have a system, and it works.
1722
01:21:19,606 --> 01:21:20,306
I'm down.
1723
01:21:20,307 --> 01:21:24,877
♪ If you want to make out,
you'd better come alone ♪
1724
01:21:24,878 --> 01:21:29,383
♪ totally senseless I'm
gonna drive you to ♪
1725
01:21:29,384 --> 01:21:30,017
Straighten.
1726
01:21:30,018 --> 01:21:33,754
♪ When I'm ready
to dance with you ♪
1727
01:21:33,755 --> 01:21:34,688
Oh.
1728
01:21:34,689 --> 01:21:35,589
Dr. g?
1729
01:21:35,724 --> 01:21:36,924
What are you doing here?
1730
01:21:36,925 --> 01:21:40,594
Oh, um... Just... just
getting my frisbee.
1731
01:21:40,595 --> 01:21:41,862
Do you play ultimate?
1732
01:21:41,863 --> 01:21:42,629
No.
1733
01:21:42,630 --> 01:21:45,299
Ah, you know,
neither does Maggie.
1734
01:21:45,300 --> 01:21:46,733
She feels pretty bad about it.
1735
01:21:46,734 --> 01:21:50,737
Check this out.
1736
01:21:50,738 --> 01:21:52,939
See her?
1737
01:21:52,940 --> 01:21:54,140
Whoops-a-Daisy!
1738
01:21:54,141 --> 01:21:55,041
Whoa-oh!
1739
01:21:56,478 --> 01:22:01,478
Better double-check.
1740
01:22:05,185 --> 01:22:06,085
Looking good.
1741
01:22:09,090 --> 01:22:12,492
Hey, you guys, get a room, huh?
1742
01:22:12,493 --> 01:22:14,060
Hey, don't kiss his neck.
1743
01:22:14,061 --> 01:22:15,763
He's ticklish.
1744
01:22:15,764 --> 01:22:18,331
I wasn't going to.
1745
01:22:18,332 --> 01:22:20,200
Now!
1746
01:22:20,201 --> 01:22:23,201
Aah!
1747
01:22:24,038 --> 01:22:25,773
Dude, get off now.
1748
01:22:40,555 --> 01:22:41,889
Hey, side boob.
1749
01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:42,622
Where's Chris?
1750
01:22:42,623 --> 01:22:43,523
Aah! Geez!
1751
01:22:45,460 --> 01:22:47,461
We haven't seen her.
1752
01:22:47,462 --> 01:22:50,130
You scared me, Dr. g.
1753
01:22:50,131 --> 01:22:54,698
Later, bitches.
1754
01:22:58,506 --> 01:22:59,406
Mom?
1755
01:23:00,274 --> 01:23:02,509
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1756
01:23:02,510 --> 01:23:06,179
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1757
01:23:06,180 --> 01:23:08,816
Why do you hate me, God?!
1758
01:23:08,817 --> 01:23:09,616
Shh. Hey.
1759
01:23:09,617 --> 01:23:12,952
Hey, stupids.
1760
01:23:12,953 --> 01:23:14,520
I saw what you did
in the backyard.
1761
01:23:14,521 --> 01:23:16,322
Yeah, did you see what
we did to Samantha?
1762
01:23:16,323 --> 01:23:18,692
No. Did you see
what we did to Jared?
1763
01:23:18,693 --> 01:23:20,661
He's right there.
1764
01:23:20,662 --> 01:23:22,496
So, did you see him?
1765
01:23:22,497 --> 01:23:24,130
♪ Come on over here ♪
1766
01:23:24,131 --> 01:23:26,771
Get Fred. Kill Tom.
1767
01:23:30,771 --> 01:23:31,671
Whoa.
1768
01:23:32,372 --> 01:23:34,374
Hickory. Damn it!
1769
01:23:34,375 --> 01:23:35,341
Come on, Tom.
1770
01:23:35,342 --> 01:23:40,342
It'll be a lot more fun
if you don't fight it.
1771
01:23:40,582 --> 01:23:45,085
I hope you know this
is an automatic flunk.
1772
01:23:45,086 --> 01:23:45,919
Who is it?
1773
01:23:45,920 --> 01:23:46,820
It's Chris.
1774
01:23:46,954 --> 01:23:48,221
Open the door.
1775
01:23:48,222 --> 01:23:49,122
Hold it.
1776
01:23:51,259 --> 01:23:52,859
There's a barricade.
1777
01:23:52,860 --> 01:23:55,661
Well, move it.
1778
01:23:55,662 --> 01:23:57,831
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1779
01:23:57,832 --> 01:23:58,631
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1780
01:23:58,632 --> 01:24:00,166
Hyah!
1781
01:24:00,167 --> 01:24:00,567
Aah!
1782
01:24:00,568 --> 01:24:02,368
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1783
01:24:02,369 --> 01:24:04,470
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1784
01:24:04,471 --> 01:24:07,306
♪ uh-huh, I... ♪
1785
01:24:07,307 --> 01:24:10,176
You're such a pervert
with your giant camera!
1786
01:24:10,177 --> 01:24:10,777
What?
1787
01:24:10,778 --> 01:24:13,880
You know, if it wasn't for
that, I probably would have
1788
01:24:13,881 --> 01:24:16,116
asked you to winter formal.
1789
01:24:16,117 --> 01:24:16,916
You would have?
1790
01:24:16,917 --> 01:24:20,453
Yeah. But now I'm going
to suck your blood.
1791
01:24:20,454 --> 01:24:23,322
Wait, wait, wait! Wait!
1792
01:24:23,323 --> 01:24:25,392
Don't you want to know
what I would have said?
1793
01:24:25,393 --> 01:24:27,461
What would you have said?
1794
01:24:27,462 --> 01:24:29,196
Hells no, biznatch!
1795
01:24:29,197 --> 01:24:30,097
Mnh!
1796
01:24:34,636 --> 01:24:35,588
Writhe it out.
1797
01:24:37,805 --> 01:24:38,705
Sorry.
1798
01:24:40,507 --> 01:24:44,377
I probably would have said yes.
1799
01:24:47,081 --> 01:24:48,590
Sorry, ladies.
1800
01:24:55,590 --> 01:24:58,325
Open it already!
1801
01:24:58,326 --> 01:25:00,160
Mrs. Keller?
1802
01:25:00,161 --> 01:25:01,627
Fred green, is that you?
1803
01:25:01,628 --> 01:25:03,697
What are you doing here?
1804
01:25:03,698 --> 01:25:04,797
Same thing as you.
1805
01:25:04,798 --> 01:25:08,501
You came to help murder Chris?
1806
01:25:08,502 --> 01:25:10,207
Yeah.
1807
01:25:28,655 --> 01:25:29,922
Oh, you found him.
1808
01:25:29,923 --> 01:25:31,825
♪ They're easy pickings
at the discotheque ♪
1809
01:25:31,826 --> 01:25:33,426
You dyed your hair.
1810
01:25:33,427 --> 01:25:35,962
Hey, look what Fred did.
1811
01:25:35,963 --> 01:25:37,797
Pull it out, ho-bag.
1812
01:25:37,798 --> 01:25:39,465
I wanted to show
you guys first.
1813
01:25:39,466 --> 01:25:41,068
♪ And they never, ever check ♪
1814
01:25:41,069 --> 01:25:41,801
Oh, cute.
1815
01:25:41,802 --> 01:25:42,803
You dyed your hair.
1816
01:25:42,804 --> 01:25:44,371
♪ ...that I leave
in the neck ♪
1817
01:25:44,372 --> 01:25:47,040
♪ well, if they were wise... ♪
1818
01:25:47,041 --> 01:25:50,743
It's Chris' mom.
1819
01:25:50,744 --> 01:25:52,011
Come get some, bitches.
1820
01:25:52,012 --> 01:25:54,648
♪ Drac's back ♪
1821
01:25:54,649 --> 01:25:56,183
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1822
01:25:56,184 --> 01:25:58,417
♪ whoo ♪
1823
01:25:58,418 --> 01:25:59,318
♪ Dracula ♪
1824
01:25:59,319 --> 01:26:00,053
♪ Drac's back ♪
1825
01:26:00,054 --> 01:26:02,288
Somebody throw me a stake!
1826
01:26:02,289 --> 01:26:02,723
Ah!
1827
01:26:02,724 --> 01:26:03,823
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1828
01:26:03,824 --> 01:26:04,491
♪ whoo ♪
1829
01:26:04,492 --> 01:26:05,392
Now!
1830
01:26:05,760 --> 01:26:07,693
♪ Dracula ♪
1831
01:26:07,694 --> 01:26:11,331
♪ I'm gonna wait for you
on Saturday night ♪
1832
01:26:11,332 --> 01:26:13,166
♪ I'm gonna give your neck... ♪
1833
01:26:13,167 --> 01:26:14,367
♪ ...a great, big bite ♪
1834
01:26:14,368 --> 01:26:16,937
Come on, Fred! Do it!
1835
01:26:16,938 --> 01:26:20,072
Come on, stick it in her!
1836
01:26:20,073 --> 01:26:21,140
I give up. I give up.
1837
01:26:21,141 --> 01:26:22,442
I give up. I give up.
1838
01:26:22,443 --> 01:26:23,343
Wait.
1839
01:26:23,543 --> 01:26:24,443
She's lying.
1840
01:26:24,679 --> 01:26:29,679
I know, but I've
got a better idea.
1841
01:26:31,519 --> 01:26:32,853
I didn't want it to go to waste.
1842
01:26:32,854 --> 01:26:33,953
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1843
01:26:33,954 --> 01:26:34,755
♪ whoo ♪
1844
01:26:34,756 --> 01:26:35,522
Where's Tom?
1845
01:26:35,523 --> 01:26:36,423
Ohh!
1846
01:26:36,690 --> 01:26:40,925
Let it happen.
1847
01:26:42,162 --> 01:26:43,062
♪ Whoo ♪
1848
01:26:43,730 --> 01:26:45,197
♪ Dracula ♪
1849
01:26:45,198 --> 01:26:47,834
♪ Drac's back ♪
1850
01:26:47,835 --> 01:26:49,303
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1851
01:26:49,304 --> 01:26:51,337
♪ whoo ♪
1852
01:26:51,338 --> 01:26:52,639
She was in love with me.
1853
01:26:52,640 --> 01:26:56,209
♪ They're not hung over, they're
just vampire who rest ♪
1854
01:26:56,210 --> 01:26:57,778
He's dead, dude.
1855
01:26:57,779 --> 01:26:59,112
Damn it!
1856
01:26:59,113 --> 01:27:02,648
Guess who killed the nurse
lady and stole all the blood.
1857
01:27:02,649 --> 01:27:03,215
Chris.
1858
01:27:03,216 --> 01:27:06,019
Why would she do that?
1859
01:27:06,020 --> 01:27:09,255
She's a super vampire, and
she's gonna drink it all.
1860
01:27:09,256 --> 01:27:11,425
What for?
1861
01:27:11,426 --> 01:27:13,426
To turn all the
donors into vampires.
1862
01:27:13,427 --> 01:27:15,394
What a bitch!
1863
01:27:15,395 --> 01:27:19,899
Mm, good... good bitch.
1864
01:27:19,900 --> 01:27:23,135
We have to stop her, right?
1865
01:27:23,136 --> 01:27:27,037
Yeah.
1866
01:27:27,475 --> 01:27:29,076
♪ Whoo ♪
1867
01:27:29,077 --> 01:27:30,344
♪ Dracula ♪
1868
01:27:30,345 --> 01:27:34,012
♪ Drac's back ♪
1869
01:27:38,786 --> 01:27:41,121
You don't have
to do this, Mary.
1870
01:27:41,122 --> 01:27:43,724
I think I do.
1871
01:27:43,725 --> 01:27:44,858
Don't worry.
1872
01:27:44,859 --> 01:27:48,298
We will look back in a few
centuries, and we will laugh.
1873
01:27:51,298 --> 01:27:53,599
But right now, this is
really, really sad.
1874
01:27:53,600 --> 01:27:55,268
Well, let's just
get this over with.
1875
01:27:55,269 --> 01:28:00,203
Okeydokey.
1876
01:28:19,394 --> 01:28:20,660
Chris?
1877
01:28:20,661 --> 01:28:22,434
In here.
1878
01:28:28,002 --> 01:28:32,572
Chris, what are you doing?
1879
01:28:32,573 --> 01:28:35,642
Cutting this blood
with some monster.
1880
01:28:35,643 --> 01:28:36,209
Mmm.
1881
01:28:36,210 --> 01:28:37,743
Where did you get it?
1882
01:28:37,744 --> 01:28:39,112
Where do you think?
1883
01:28:39,113 --> 01:28:41,180
I saw you drive by
when I left the party.
1884
01:28:41,181 --> 01:28:43,349
Okay, Chris, we have to talk.
1885
01:28:43,350 --> 01:28:45,952
What do you want to talk about?
1886
01:28:45,953 --> 01:28:47,888
Why do you have all that blood?
1887
01:28:47,889 --> 01:28:49,221
I'm making vampires.
1888
01:28:49,222 --> 01:28:51,390
It's not rocket science.
1889
01:28:51,391 --> 01:28:53,326
Those people have lives.
1890
01:28:53,327 --> 01:28:56,496
Yeah, and now
they'll last forever.
1891
01:28:56,497 --> 01:28:59,398
Chris, you're a
really evil vampire.
1892
01:28:59,399 --> 01:29:00,299
No shit.
1893
01:29:00,835 --> 01:29:04,504
I love killing people, and I love
making other people kill people.
1894
01:29:04,505 --> 01:29:06,105
It's funny to me.
1895
01:29:06,106 --> 01:29:07,674
Oh, I'll slit my wrists.
1896
01:29:07,675 --> 01:29:11,243
This is the most boring conversation
I've ever had in my life.
1897
01:29:11,244 --> 01:29:14,547
I'm sorry, Chris.
1898
01:29:14,548 --> 01:29:17,584
This is all my fault.
1899
01:29:17,585 --> 01:29:18,485
Now!
1900
01:29:22,155 --> 01:29:23,862
Aah! Aah! Aah!
1901
01:29:27,862 --> 01:29:28,762
Tom?
1902
01:29:29,396 --> 01:29:30,296
Tom.
1903
01:29:32,432 --> 01:29:33,200
Tom.
1904
01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:34,101
Dr. g!
1905
01:29:35,936 --> 01:29:38,541
G, she's biting me.
1906
01:29:42,143 --> 01:29:46,078
Mary, the stake, now!
1907
01:29:46,079 --> 01:29:46,846
Mary, do it!
1908
01:29:46,847 --> 01:29:47,680
Push it through.
1909
01:29:47,681 --> 01:29:49,648
No, I can't.
1910
01:29:49,649 --> 01:29:54,649
What a chickenshit!
1911
01:29:54,689 --> 01:29:55,589
Ohh!
1912
01:29:56,690 --> 01:29:57,590
Oh!
1913
01:30:01,261 --> 01:30:04,563
Ah, good... good hit, Fred.
1914
01:30:04,564 --> 01:30:06,532
I'm so sorry, Chris.
1915
01:30:06,533 --> 01:30:07,501
It's okay.
1916
01:30:07,502 --> 01:30:11,737
I never would have killed you
if you weren't a vampire.
1917
01:30:11,738 --> 01:30:12,638
I know.
1918
01:30:14,809 --> 01:30:19,809
But I was gonna kill you... But
not before I gave you this.
1919
01:30:25,219 --> 01:30:28,321
I made you a mix for your iPod.
1920
01:30:28,322 --> 01:30:31,124
It's on that flash drive.
1921
01:30:31,125 --> 01:30:33,727
You were gonna give me
this and then kill me?
1922
01:30:33,728 --> 01:30:37,730
I was gonna flip a coin.
1923
01:30:37,731 --> 01:30:42,731
I'll listen to it when I jog.
1924
01:30:42,936 --> 01:30:43,836
Wayne...
1925
01:30:45,805 --> 01:30:50,242
you were the best I ever had.
1926
01:30:50,243 --> 01:30:51,377
Uh, thank you.
1927
01:30:51,378 --> 01:30:54,714
Thank you.
1928
01:30:54,715 --> 01:30:55,615
Mom.
1929
01:30:55,682 --> 01:30:56,582
Yeah, honey?
1930
01:30:57,618 --> 01:31:01,487
You're not a chickenshit.
1931
01:31:01,488 --> 01:31:02,388
Oh!
1932
01:31:04,257 --> 01:31:05,157
Unh.
1933
01:31:11,298 --> 01:31:12,999
I had a dream we killed Chris.
1934
01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:15,568
Holy shit, we killed Chris.
1935
01:31:15,569 --> 01:31:20,569
She made me a mix.
1936
01:31:28,248 --> 01:31:30,956
No, no.
1937
01:31:34,956 --> 01:31:37,090
Let's go check the fridge.
1938
01:31:37,091 --> 01:31:40,660
I'm... I'm not hungry.
1939
01:31:40,661 --> 01:31:45,661
Oh, maybe something light, like a
yogurt or something... Parfait.
1940
01:31:48,301 --> 01:31:50,680
Bye.
1941
01:32:00,680 --> 01:32:05,680
There's nothing in here
but blood and monster.
1942
01:32:05,685 --> 01:32:09,522
I guess I'll have a monster.
1943
01:32:09,523 --> 01:32:13,326
Hey, you want one?
1944
01:32:13,327 --> 01:32:16,062
Looks like we have to
kill some vampires.
1945
01:32:16,063 --> 01:32:17,668
How many?
1946
01:32:24,270 --> 01:32:29,270
That son of a gun.
1947
01:32:54,100 --> 01:32:56,836
♪ You think the
birds are pretty ♪
1948
01:32:56,837 --> 01:33:00,239
♪ and you sleep eight
hours a night ♪
1949
01:33:00,240 --> 01:33:05,240
♪ and I'm fog, out of the city,
and still you stake it all ♪
1950
01:33:05,578 --> 01:33:08,547
♪ and trains stop for you
and so do the boys ♪
1951
01:33:08,548 --> 01:33:11,417
♪ when you run your fingers
through your hair ♪
1952
01:33:11,418 --> 01:33:15,524
♪ but resistance is futile ♪
1953
01:33:17,524 --> 01:33:22,524
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1954
01:33:23,698 --> 01:33:28,698
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1955
01:33:29,369 --> 01:33:34,369
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1956
01:33:35,509 --> 01:33:40,509
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1957
01:34:06,372 --> 01:34:07,040
♪ just breathe ♪
1958
01:34:07,041 --> 01:34:08,006
♪ just breathe ♪
1959
01:34:08,007 --> 01:34:09,274
♪ and mouth "goodbye" ♪
1960
01:34:09,275 --> 01:34:14,275
♪ if you want, I'll
give you eternal life ♪
1961
01:34:17,384 --> 01:34:21,254
♪ well, not so much life, but
have you ever seen a good
1962
01:34:21,255 --> 01:34:24,157
zombie movie? ♪
1963
01:34:24,158 --> 01:34:26,925
♪ well, like that, but
you'll be smarter ♪
1964
01:34:26,926 --> 01:34:29,461
♪ and you'll stay 23 ♪
1965
01:34:29,462 --> 01:34:34,462
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1966
01:34:35,536 --> 01:34:40,536
♪ and I just want to
drink your blood ♪
1967
01:34:41,475 --> 01:34:46,475
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1968
01:34:47,515 --> 01:34:52,515
♪ and I just want to
drink your blood ♪
1969
01:35:17,444 --> 01:35:22,444
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1970
01:35:23,583 --> 01:35:28,583
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1971
01:35:29,622 --> 01:35:34,622
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1972
01:35:35,429 --> 01:35:40,429
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
135291
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