All language subtitles for Coming 2 America

Good morning, Mother and Father.

Good morning, Tinashe.

Good morning, Mother and Father.

Good morning, Omma.

Good morning, Mother and Father,
and happy anniversary.

Yes, Meeka.

It is our anniversary.

Today, we celebrate
30 years of Zamundan prosperity,

30 years of service to our great nation

and 30 years of delicious fast food.

We want to welcome you all
to McDowell's Zamunda.

The McDowell's menu is in no way
influenced by the McDonald's menu.

They've got Egg McMuffins.

We've got Egg McStuffins.

We are also celebrating the arrival

of our new Beyond Big Mick Burger!

And it's all part
of my lovely granddaughter's campaign

to reduce our... our what?

Carbon footprint.

And without using any animal by- products.

It's just good old- fashioned grass.

- So there's no meat?
- There's no meat.

Beautiful, leafy taste.

So delicious.

Maybe it would taste much better with a...

Pepsi.

Pepsi, the official soft drink
of McDowell's Zamunda.

You look tired, Father.

Maybe he needs a nap.

I am the heir to the throne of Zamunda.

I shall not be shamed by my two daughters.

Three daughters!

- Yeah!
- Yes, sisters!

Behold! Prince Akeem
in his natural element,

cowering at the mercy
of the women in his life.

Semmi, perhaps you would like
to spar with my daughters

and teach them some combinations.

No doubt, you are
their best teacher, Your Majesty.

It is my daughters that teach me
in the languages of the modern world.

For instance,
are my princely robes not on fleek?

Oh, my God, Father.
To be on fleek is no more.

Really?

- I rather enjoyed being on fleek.
- Your father has sent for you.

He has an urgent matter
to discuss with you.

Tell me, Semmi, this urgent matter- -

Does it concern my marriage to a suitor

who shall one day sit
on the throne of Zamunda?

I will talk to Father alone.

And how is my father today?

He has already ordered
my execution three times.

Then he must be feeling better.

Prince Akeem!

Nexdorian soldiers.

I could not stop. They are coming.

Presenting the supreme leader of Nexdoria,

the conqueror of countries and hearts,

the wrestler of lions,

the tamer of elephants,

the inspiration for Mufasa...

the most well- endowed man in Africa,

General lzzi.

Prince Akeem.

Look at you.

My condolences this day
for your father, the king.

Many thanks for your well wishes,
General Izzi,

but as you know, my father still breathes.

Barely, but for how long?

Why have you come here, General?

Thirty years ago,
you left my sister at the altar.

Oh, here we go.

Now look at she.

Imani, always a pleasure.

If you had married her,
our countries would be united,

putting an end to decades
of suffering for all our people.

General, throughout the years,
we have tried to help Nexdoria many times.

I would like nothing more
than to help your country

relieve its burden of poverty.

Zamunda can only afford so much.

I did not come here for money.

I came here for blood.

But not the murder kind.

No, no, no, family blood.

Marriage blood, yes?

Has your daughter considered
the proposal from my son?

Hey, Prince- o.

My fellow player.

Hey!

Yes.

I do not think that he and Meeka
will ever happen.

Ever.

There is Bopoto, my daughter.

Perhaps your son can be...

But you don't have one.

The shame must be unbearable,

as a man, as a king,

without an heir with a nut sack.

Thank you for your visit, General.

Seeing you brings to mind

all of my father's
favorite curses for you.

To call you a shit stain
brought him much joy.

I advise you to reconsider my offer.

It is better to be bound
by blood and marriage

than be divided by blood and war.

Hey!

My time has come, my son.

You must heed my words before I'm gone.

Please don't leave us so soon,
Your Highness.

Zamunda needs you.

Oh, shut up, Semmi!

You don't have to suck up to me anymore.

I'll be dead soon.

Why couldn't it be you, Semmi?

Yes, Your Majesty.

His life is far too worthless.

His death would make me smile.

Baba.

The throne must pass to a male heir.

Yes, Father. A male heir.

Once again, I apologize to you

for all of the shame and disappointment

that my offspring's
genetic makeup has caused you.

My son, it appears
your shortcomings in masculinity

have turned out to be unfounded.

I seen it in a vision.

You got a son.

It is true.

You have a son, Akeem.

A bastard son.

That is impossible.

The only woman
I have ever lain with is Lisa.

Father, I did not sow my royal oats.

Semmi!

Tell Akeem the truth at once.

Remember in Queens, night after night,

you were looking for the perfect woman?

Yes.

Well, I too was- - How can I say this?

I was looking for the perfect vagina.

Or any vagina.

We scoured the far reaches
of that loathsome city,

searching rather unsuccessfully
for the woman of your dreams.

My name is Peaches, and I'm the best

All the DJs want to feel my breast

I've been watching you all evening,
and I wanna tear you apart.

And your friend too.

I am going to mingle.

[ Had had enough.

And I realized, if I was ever going
to sow my oats on American soil,

I was going to need to find someone
to take care of you.

But don't worry, I never broke our oath

of keeping our identity a secret.

A prince?

Yes, a prince.

But he cannot know
that you know who he is.

We are undercover Africans.

Africans undercover.
Oh, that's good, baby.

You ain't got to lie like that
to get some of this ass.

But you know what?
I'll bump uglies with your homeboy.

Just let me go throw up real quick

and then we can, you know,
get it crackin'.

! may not have been thinking straight.

In my defense, it had been weeks

since the last time I was tended to
by the royal bathers.

But at the time,
it seemed like a good plan.

I hope you like pumpkin pie.

"Cause you gonna get a whole slice.

That is not what happened, Father.

I remember meeting
this morally bereft woman,

but there was no inappropriate mating.

She offered me
some of her ceremonial herbs.

Princey.

And then, if memory serves,

a wild boar burst into the room.

/t came and jumped into my lap.

And then it began to ram me.

And ram me and ram me,
ramming and ramming/!

And a foul...

You fool, what have you done to me?

- Go on, son. Just kill him.
- Kill him!

- So I actually have a son?
- A bastard son.

Why was his existence
hidden from me all these years?

I was hoping you would put
a stem on an apple of your own.

The royal artist made a sketch
of my vision.

This is your bastard.

Hear me, Prince Akeem.

General Izzi, he will use
the passing of our great king

as a sign to attack the weak one.

The weak one?

Am I the weak one?

I spoiled you, my son.

You are not strong or ruthless as I am.

You will be assassinated.

Within a week.

Month, tops.

Prince Akeem, follow the thunderbird.

It will take you to your boy.

- Follow the thunderbird?
- This is madness.

If my family were
to ever find out about this...

You will be safe.

Our people will be safe.

It is the only way. You must.

Easy, my father.

The end is near.

My funeral...

should be spectacular.

Yeah, it will, Papa.

Let's have it now while I'm alive.

It shall be glorious.

In the beginning, the universe began.

Stars, planets,

all the visible objects in the universe

came to be with a single purpose:

to prepare the way for
the grandest creation of all,

the birth of Jaffe Joffer.

But today,

we gather for a moment or two

to give much respect due

to the king who made
a difference in our world.

Zamundans, I give you...

En Vogue.

- Yeah
- What a king

What a king, what a king

What a mighty good king

I'ma say it again now

What a king, what a king, what a king

What a mighty good king

He's a mighty, mighty good king...

And now... Salt- N- Pepal

My king is smooth like Barack
But his voice got bass

A Michael B. body with a Denzel face

Boss moves like Hov
Face on his own money

He's good in every hood
And he's got his own country

He looking like a meal
Every time I see him

A lover and a leader
Other kings couldn't be him

He dresses like a dapper don
But even in jeans

He's a godsent original
The king of my dreams

- Yeah
- What a king

What a king, what a king, what a king

What a mighty good king

So good, so good, so good

What a king, what a king, what a king

What a mighty good king

Zamunda!

With the passing of the great king,

the world changed forever.

When he died, no one ever smiled again.

Vacations were canceled.

Holidays ignored.

He's leaving...

People didn't even have sex anymore.

Our great king had gone away forever.

Gladys Knight.

He's leaving

Leaving

On that midnight train

From Zamunda

Leaving on the midnight train

- Yes, he is
- Son.

Yes, my father.

Said he's going up

Up, up, up, up

- Going up to that great...
- Remember what I told you.

...Sahara in the sky...

I'm going to die now.

Oh, yes, he is...

Come now, Father.
Everything is going to be...

Oh, please don't leave us

Take us instead

Take us on that midnight train

- Father?
- From Zamunda

Take us on the midnight train

From Zamunda

'Cause this nation's only hope

Next ruler of this land

ls a son who can't have a son

Of his own

What's even the point?

There's not even a point

Sad sad, sad

I just lost the greatest man in my life.

Soon, Nexdorian warriors
will assassinate me.

And I have a child
on the other side of the world.

Take heart in your grief.

You are king now.

Be as your father.

Bark orders at me.

Throw things at me.
It will make you happy.

Prepare the royal jet.

We are going back to America.

Oh, hell no, Your Majesty!

Now, I will find this bastard of Queens,

and I will look into his eyes,

and if I see the strength of our
ancestors, I shall know he is of my blood.

Then he must come back to Zamunda
and take the princely test.

Heir to the throne of Zamunda,

born in America...

land of opportunity.

What kind of man do you think he is?

This bastard.

If he has Joffer blood
running through his veins,

I'm sure he's destined for greatness.

You think you look respectable?

I just want to look employable.

Ain't nobody gonna hire you over all
these Mitt- Romney- looking- ass shmiggas.

Why not? I got sales experience.

Which reminds me- -
St. John's is at the Garden.

Now, I want you to take
these tickets up there.

Sell 'em at full freight until tip- off.

I can't do this shit
no more, man. I really can't.

This hand- to- mouth shit,
it's got to stop, all right?

I got to get solid. I'm in my 30s now.

Since when?

Today!

Today.

Today is my birthday.

And you forgot.

Listen to me, young Jedi, okay?

What you need to do is learn to relax.
I'm your uncle.

You stay on the ground with me.
You dig it, son?

L. Junson.

Don't use white voice.

Present.

I do know smartphones.

I know technology, all right?

I'm well- versed in emerging trends.

And I'll tell you this too.

If you hire me, I won't let you down.

That's really inspiring.

So, just give me a chance, Mr. Duke.

Oh, my God, please. My father is Mr. Duke.

And my grandfather and great- uncle,

who founded Duke & Duke.

- Please just call me Calvin.
- All right.

I'm calling you Calvin.

I noticed here, under education, that- -

Did it say that
you didn't graduate college?

Well, yeah, see, I was three credits short
from getting my business degree,

but then my mom got laid off,

and, you know, I had to drop out
to help with the rent.

- Was she addicted to drugs or...
- What?

- She have gambling issues or...
- No, man.

Pops in the picture or...

My dad was not in the picture.

You know, I went to boarding school,

so there were months
where I didn't see my parents,

except for breaks, and it can be hard.

I mean, I've read
a lot of studies that say

that not having
a dominant male figure at home,

it's so detrimental to a child.

- Do they say that?
- Yeah, they say that.

- Who?
- Scientists.

- Bill Nye did a...
- The Science Guy.

Your guy, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Do you think that not having

that kind of male role model
could put you at a disadvantage?

No more of a disadvantage
than having a father

who handed you your position.

"Handed"?

I was not handed anything.

So you're saying
Daddy never donated a building

to get you into an lvy League school?

No. Yeah.

Well, there was
a small off- campus library.

And Daddy never had to sneak you
into an overpriced rehab facility

to cover up a cocaine addiction, Calvin?

It was oxy, and my mom took me.

Kiss my ass, Calvin.

Hey, you know something?

You've been judging me
since I walked in here.

Which sucks because I am so motivated.

You know what,
I just can't wait for them to find

blackface photos of you
from the office party.

I was Will Smith's Aladdin, okay?

Peace, Calvin.

There was blueface over the black- -

Much has changed in Queens.

Yes, but some things have not.

- Floyd "Money" Mayweather ain't shit!
- He beat that Filipino boy ass.

"Pack- a- quando, " "Pack- a- mondo."

Whatever his name is,
he beat that boy ass, Clarence.

And he beat that meshuggener
Conor McGregor, the Irishman.

Yeah, 'cause he had to do that
for the Blacks.

In this political climate,
a Black man can't be taking

no ass- whipping from no white man.
Would've caused a riot.

I was ready to riot anyway. I wanted
to get me one of them flat- screen TVs.

Well, I'll be damned!
Look who done come up in here.

Hey, it's Kunta Kinte and Ebola.

- Famine and Blood Diamond.
- Nelson Mandela and Winnie.

Those hungry babies
with the flies on their face.

Hey. That's too much, man.
You stepped over the line now.

We don't be talking that kind
of shit about the hungry babies.

- Get out my chair talking that shit.
- Politically incorrect.

Somebody needs to whip your ass.

Get up and whip him, Sweets.

Hey, don't be putting the money
in my hand all rough.

Take your ass out of here. Buy a Flowbee
and cut your own damn hair from now on.

Right now I could rip
a new ass in that kid.

It is so good to see you.
Your neighborhood seems to be thriving.

That's that gentrification.

When the colored man had
this neighborhood, it didn't have shit.

When the white man move in,

they got their coffeehouses
and their dog parks,

and my brownstone
on Foch Boulevard is worth $10 million.

Your brownstone ain't worth
no ten million.

My brownstone is too worth $10 million!
And I'm gonna sell it and get me a Tesla.

America has certainly changed
since our last visit.

Your Black president finally
united this great country.

Yeah, but it's all gone to hell now.

We all gonna die. Just don't know how.

It's gonna be the Nazis.

Nazis are back,

but now they dress
like the Best Buy Geek Squad

and they want to kill people.

Anybody could be a Nazi.
You ever notice that, Prince?

Akeem now is an African king.

Well, I'll be damned.

You got any kids? I got kids.

In fact, I got one granddaughter
used to be my grandson.

They can turn your penis
into a vagina now.

It's science.

I bet they could fix them
long, sloppy titties y'all got in Africa.

You can't even squeeze a tit nowadays.
It'll get you fired.

I'm so sorry you can
no longer indiscriminately

touch a woman's body at your every whim.

Oh, it's okay.
I got it in when I was young.

So what you doing back here, Idiot Amin?

I am actually here with a purpose.

I have just discovered
that I may have a bastard son

here in this land,
conceived during my last visit.

The long arm of the family court
bring 'em back every time.

How much child support
she getting from you?

The king pays no child support.

No child support for 30 years,
and you came back?

You's a dummy!

My son has been without a father
for far too long.

I've seen him.

That's the kid that's always
out in front of the Garden.

He scalps tickets
down at Madison Square Garden.

He probably over there right now
working the St. John's game.

Their mascot is a big turkey.

Hell no, it ain't. It's a thunderbird.

- "Follow the thunderbird."
- "Follow the thunderbird."

Hey! Come on, y'all!

I got five! Got five!

Got five tickets
to the Middle Tennessee game tonight!

Come on, y'all! You want it, I got it!

Hey, I got five tickets
to the Middle Tennessee State game, man.

- No.
- Come on, yo.

What better way to spend
your night than paying to watch

unpaid student athletes?

Semmi, look.

It is my potential bastard son.

Akeem.

You are king of Zamunda.

Your noble visage is known
around the world.

You cannot stroll down the street
like we did years ago.

Come on, Middle Tennessee State.
Come on, y'all.

They got a 7'5" center.

Catch him before his knees pop.

Hello.

- You want some tickets, man?
- No, thank you.

I am King Akeem Joffer, king of Zamunda.

And I believe that you...

What is your name?

It's Lavelle.

- Lavelle Junson.
- ...Lavelle Junson,

are the heir to the throne of Zamunda.

My firstborn child and my only son.

Yes, my son.

Are you putting the candles on the cake?

Thirty- one candles.
I need 31 candles on that cake.

Well, there's only ten in the pack, so...

What do you mean, only ten?
Why is there only ten?

'Cause I did not have enough change
left over to get another pack of candles.

It's your nephew's birthday.

Look, just please try to make 31 candles.
Cut the candles in half.

That's just 20. It's...

Cuzzo! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, coz!

Hey, baby, happy birthday!

Oh, my God.

My African.

I told you he was gonna come back!

Boy, why you ain't tell me
you was bringing company?

- I would've cleaned up.
- Uh- huh. So you know this man?

I definitely know this man.
I know this man all the way live.

You know, I know this man
all up in the crevice.

Yes, it's very good to see you again...

- Mary.
- Mary.

- Like the Virgin.
- Okay, baby. All right.

- Virgin? Not our Mary.
- She ain't no virgin.

- You know that.
- You know what? That's right.

Y'all was doing
that little weak pickup game.

I think he was supposed to be, like,
the prince or something.

He is not a prince anymore.

He is our king.

- He's a king now.
- A king?

Okay, King.

So, you still got that smooth... scepter?

Hey.

No. Nobody want to hear that
on my birthday.

Mary. Mary.

Yo, Mom, for real, is this dude my father?

Father? Boy...

Oh, boy, yeah, that might- - He might be.

He does... Y'all know
I was a ho, though, right?

Y'all know I was out in these streets?

- You was a ho.
- I wasn't selling it.

- I should've been selling it.
- In one of them Fashion Nova dresses.

- 'Cause I was giving it away, for sure.
- Mary.

I've come back for my son.

To have him take
his rightful place on the throne.

Ain't nothing happening.

Zamunda, Wakanda, Connecticut- -
I don't know where you from.

- Exactly.
- But I've been a force

in this boy's life since he was born.

Please.

It is the boy's birthright.

I'm only giving him an opportunity
to have a better life.

No. Hey, man, for real, look.

I don't know who you think you are,
but I'ma tell you who I am, man.

I'm Lavelle Junson, a'ight?

And I don't need no handout.

- Wait a minute. Wait.
- My mistake.

- Continue.
- Oh, my God.

Do the right thing. Go ahead, boy.

Are those coins? Are those gold bars?

There's cash.

Hey, yo, you know, I'm thinking,

who am I to say no to becoming a prince?

Ma, pack your bags, man. We out.

Amen! Okay, so do I get my own hut
with my private shaman?

We are only offering to take
Lavelle back to Zamunda.

Uh- uh. Ain't happening like that, man.

I'm not hopping on some plane,
flying across the world without my mother.

All right? She coming.

- So be it.
- So be it.

- So be it.
- And so it is. A'ight.

- 'Ma go pack.
- Okay, baby.

Hey, Mary, you just gonna leave?

Y'all know my PlayStation
ain't going nowhere.

I mean, what about all your stuff?

It all sucks! Y'all can have it.

Inform General Izzi that I have
retrieved my son from America.

Yes, Your Majesty.

Hey, we packed.

Yes, the limousine is waiting
for you right downstairs.

- Limo? We got a limo, man.
- What's that? Limo!

I ain't been in a limo since '00.

- Hey. What's up?
- What's up, fellas?

How y'all doing? Y'all so cute.

Do you think Lisa will be understanding?

What is not to understand?

You lied to me!

I did not exactly lie to you.

This reeks of Semmi.

Well, I don't want to shift blame,

but, yeah- - Yes, you're right

when you assume that Semmi had
something to do with this.

I should've known about this.

I did not know what to do.
I was only trying to do what is right.

For our family or for Zamunda?

Okay.

You have an illegitimate son.

You wouldn't be
the first king to have one.

- That is true.
- Besides, we hadn't even met yet.

Exactly. We hadn't met yet.
It's not like I cheated on you.

This happened before we even met.

And it's not like you're
the first man I've ever been with.

Right, I- -

What did you just say about the other men?

So I guess you didn't really do
anything wrong, did you?

It was a totally honest mistake
that can happen to anyone

whose best friend introduced him
to a strange woman

who drugged him and had sex with him.

But what did you say- - the other men
that you were with, the...

From here on out,

I'm gonna need you to be honest with me.

- No more surprises.
- I promise.

No more surprises, my sweet.

Never again shall there be
another surprise.

What?

Look at this foyer!

I got to get some shots for the Gram.

Goddamn!

- Oh, my goodness!
- Hashtag "family"!

That's the last surprise.

- Hey! What's up, y'all?
- Hey!

What's up, fam?

Look, I'm gonna hug you
'cause I'm a hugger. Hey, Queen!

I'm sorry I slept with your man.

It's okay. It's okay.

- What is going on here?
- Oh, children.

Children, I would love for you
to meet your brother.

Lavelle, Princess Tinashe.

Tinashe, this is your bastard brother
from America.

And, Princess Omma,
this is your bastard brother from America.

Now, this is my eldest daughter,
Princess Meeka.

Meeka, this is your- -

Bastard brother. They know.

I think they get the idea.
So, how you doing?

And my name is Mary. How you doing?

Just call me your second mom.

But you really don't have to, girls.

I mean, but you should, though,
'cause I kinda am.

Well, look at us.

Just one big, happy Zamundan- American
aristocratic blended family.

Just like the Kardashians!

And that is the story
of the bunny and the bear.

Good class today, children.

Okay, go play now.

Play with your grenades
and your Kalashnikov.

Sifo, don't mess with the sarin.

Okay? It is dangerous.

General Izzi, we have just been informed

King Akeem has returned
from America with a son.

A son?

A son.

I am so hungry,

I could eat the ass out of a zebra.

So, Lavelle, what did you do in Queens

before you found out you were a prince?

I wasn't doing that much,
you know what I mean?

Just sort of, like,
in between opportunities.

- You know?
- Let me tell you something, baby.

You a prince now. Okay?

And one day, all this is gonna be yours.

This long- ass table, all this food,

this whole damn kingdom.

I always thought that Meeka
was going to be queen.

A woman isn't allowed to rule Zamunda.

It's the law.

So it's going to be this guy?

I have lost my appetite.

So, is anybody gonna tell me
why these mashed potatoes is black?

It's caviar.

- It's cava- what?
- Caviar, Mom.

You know, our cousin named that.

You sure you're in the right room?

Lisa, please.
I'm getting it from everywhere.

Meeka is so upset.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe
Meeka might have wanted to be your heir?

She's practically trained for it
her whole life.

This boy would not have been
my first choice,

but what can I do?

He is my firstborn, my only son,

and you know the law.

That is not you talking.

That is your father.

Good night.

Lisa, I was wondering.

I just recently returned from a trip

that was most tiresome,
and I thought maybe, perhaps,

if you were in the mood...

Yeah, perhaps it was
poor timing on my behalf

to even suggest such a thing.

Good night, my sweet.

Sweet dreams, my sweet.

This is bullshit.

Good morning.

Good morning, Zamunda...

Yeah!

Good morning, my prince.

"My prince." I like that.

Would you like us to bathe you?

Bathe me?

All three of you?

Naked?

Okay. All right, well...

I'll be... I'll be right back.

Ma?

Mal!

Hey. Hey, look. I'm freaking out right now
because these three girls,

they in my room right now,
and they just offered to bathe me.

Okay, baby, first of all, calm down.
Okay? You know we in another country.

And you know they have
different traditions and customs,

the way that they do stuff.

You need to roll with it.
This is a princely thing.

They bathe you, okay?

- Yes.
- So be a prince.

"Be a prince."

- Now, you go enjoy that bath.
- All right.

- All right, Ma. Thank you.
- Go get washed.

The royal privates are clean, ma'am.

Just one more time, just to make sure.

Good morning, Your Royal Highness.

My name is Mirembe.

I will be your royal groomer.

Please allow me the honor
of trimming your most precious hairs.

The ones atop your head, sir.

- Precious head of hair. Okay. All right.
- Yes.

Surely, the royal bathers
have cleansed you thoroughly,

judging by the smile on your face.

Now, please sit back and relax.

Yo! Man, look at you.

- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.

- And you look so- -
- Right? Right?

- Right?
- What's this?

Oh, yeah, I got a royal barber,
and she hooked me up.

- We got to go.
- Right. Got that thing.

Presenting Lavelle Junson of Queens!

And my moms.

And his moms.

Oh, hey, baby's daddy king.

Step- mama queen, what up?

Mother, don't you have a dress like that?

Thank you for the borrow.

The royal tailors had to add
some extra material to make it fit.

You got a dope closet, baby.

And who told you
you could go through my closet?

Well, I was just thinking,
since we're related,

maybe that we could share a couple of...

- Why your mama so uppity?
- What is "uppity"?

I am not uppity.

- Uppity bitch say what?
- What?

You said it.

We do that in Queens.

I cannot stress how important it is that
you're here right now at this moment.

For educational purposes.

At any moment, a world leader can come

bursting through the door with
some pressing time- sensitive propositions.

General Izzi,
what a totally unexpected surprise.

King Akeem, I have come
to give you congratulations

for locating one of your lost sperm.

I too wonder about my own stray bullets.

Thank you for your kind words.

But I've not come with just words.

I came with a gift for your new prince.

With your permission, King Akeem.

My permission is granted.

I would like to present to you
my daughter, Bopoto!

How can I put this in a way

So as not to offend or unnerve...

- That's my song! That's Prince!
- That's her song. That's her song.

That you ain't been gettin' served

They say that you ain't you- know- what

In, baby, who knows how long

It's hard for me to say what's right

When all she wants to do is wrong

Get off

Twenty- three positions
In a one- night stand

- Get off
- I'll only call you

- After you say I can
- Get off

Let a woman be a woman and a man be a man

Get off

If you want me, baby, here [ am

Here [ am

Damn!

Look here, boy. Look here.

Pay attention to me. You know this song.

You go put some purple on that ho!

Do it for our country.

One, two, three, nah, little cutie

- I ain't drinkin'
- Get off

Scope this, I was just thinkin'

You plus me, what a ride

If you was thinkin' the same
We can continue outside

Lay your pretty body
Against a parking meter

Strip your dress down like I was stripping
A Peter Paul's Almond Joy

Let me show you, baby

I'm a talented boy

What's up?

King Akeem, shall we join our families
in marriage under one flag

by uniting your bastard with my Bopoto?

General.

As you know, I have
very, very strong opinions

when it comes to arranged marriages.

True love is the bedrock of my kingdom.

But if this is something
that Lavelle desires,

who am I to stand in his way?

- Wait, what?
- Father.

Lavelle, is this what you want?

Yeah. I'm 'bout it.

Then it is settled!

Then let us proceed!

A semiautomatic shotgun wedding
it will be!

Remember your father's final words.

The boy must pass the princely test.

To forget the princely test
would be to spit in the faces

of the great Joffers
who have come before you.

Whose auntie is this?

I give you a week.

I wouldn't want to go back
to plotting your death.

- Zoot!
- Zoot!

What's "zoot"?
Y'all leaving? Does that mean "leave"?

I'll see you in one week, my prince.

Night.

- Father, can we talk about this?
- There is nothing to talk about.

Nexdoria is our greatest threat.

To broker a peace hinging on
the testosterone- clouded whims

of a son you barely even know is foolish.

I said there is nothing to talk about.

This is ZNN.

Good evening, my neighbors.
I'm Totatsi Bibinyana.

In a most promising twist,

the Zamunda News Network has confirmed

that King Akeem has a son.

While it is too early to determine

whether the boy possesses
any strength, intelligence

or capability whatsoever,

what we do know is that he is a man.

And as far as Zamundan royally
ls concerned,

that's good enough.

- The princely test has three parts.
- Okay.

Culture, critical thinking
and, more importantly, courage.

Where do we begin?

Teach the young prince
how to walk like royalty.

That is what we will do.

We will teach you
how to walk like a prince.

Yo, what's wrong with the way I walk now?

You walk like an American pimp.

You dress like a slave from the future.

Old Jar Jar Binks looking ass.

Here, in this hall,

you will come face- to- face
with your Zamundan heritage.

Let us begin.

Jompu Joffer.

Jampu...

- Jakoof Joffer.
- Jujkoof...

Mighty Jokeim Joffer,

the most handsome of all the Joffers.

Clench your backside.

Put your shoulders back.

Put your chin up.

Suck in your stomach and walk thusly.

Now? Walk? Okay.

- This is a regal gait.
- Okay.

Stop! Don't...

Tuck in your backside.

And who is this?

That's Jappa Joffer.

- No.
- Jabba the Hutt Joffer.

- No.
- Jumpin' Jack Flash Joffer.

No.

- Gerald Levert Joffer?
- No.

- Jimmie "J.J." Walker Joffer?
- No.

- Jabberwocky Joffer.
- No.

James Brown Joffer.

Hey!

All right, y'all,
what am I doing out here?

I'm hungry. I'm late for my bath.
What am I looking for?

That's a damn lion, bruh!

Only when you can retrieve
the whiskers from a resting lion

will you be ready to become prince.

This is a joke.

This is a joke, 'cause I know your soft
ass ain't never do nothing like that.

Oh, yes, I did.

- On my very first attempt.
- Well...

Yes. First attempt. Very brave.

You will need the courage
of all your ancestors...

A machete? A rocket launcher?
What you got?

...and the cunningness of your Western ways.

And these.

Thank you.

Ain't this a bitch.

I just don't belong here.

You are the son of the king of Zamunda.

You come from a long line of Joffers- -

I come from a long line
of broke- ass nobodies.

What the hell I was thinking
that I could have this?

Or any of it?

Hey, for real,
just cut this off, all right?

Just cut it off.

You want to get rid of
the royal princely braid?

Well, this is fair.

To be honest,
it wasn't a great look on you.

Just one of the many
backward Zamundan traditions.

Hell yeah.

How long have you felt that way?
You know how itchy this is?

It's a rat tail.

And what's up
with y'all and lion whiskers?

Like, be for real. What's up with that?

Hey, yo, I can't do this right now, man.

Yo, look where I'm at.

I'm not supposed to be here.

You know, my whole life,

I had dreams that
my pops would show up and take me

and my mom away to a whole new life.

And come to find out, he's a king.

To a whole damn country.

And the only way to meet his expectations

is to walk with a stick
up my ass or get myself killed.

This ain't my way, Mirembe.

And I can't- - I can't be
what he wants me to be.

Then perhaps be not as King Akeem

but as Prince Akeem.

Ain't that the same brother?

You haven't heard the story.

Everyone in Zamunda knows

the legend of Prince Akeem

in the land of Queens.

Prince Akeem was a dutiful prince

and loyal son of Zamunda.

- Hello, Babar.
- But he believed that a man

must walk his own path
and follow his heart.

- I intend to find my bride.
- What is wrong with the one you have now?

Bark like a dog.

I want a woman that's going to
arouse my intellect as well as my loins.

He flew across the sea
to find his true love.

Now there,

in the barbaric land of Queens

did Prince Akeem battle bug- eyed burglars,

foul- mouthed barbers

and sexist men of the cloth

to win the heart of his true love,

Lisa McDowell of Queens.

The wedding was grand

and beautiful and magical.

A new dawn had arised in Zamunda,

a new sense of hope

and change.

King Akeem

may have forgotten his story,

but the people of Zamunda have not.

Walk your own path.

Be not the prince of Zamunda.

Be the prince from Queens.

Lavelle Junson of Queens.

If it pleases Your Majesty,

I present to you Kareem Junson,

AKA Uncle Reem,

my royal consigliere.

That's Italian for "mack daddy mentor."

You need no other teacher
than your king and your father.

No, no, no. See, you watch
your bottom lip, money grip,

'cause you understand, while y'all was out
here riding elephants and chasing Tarzan,

I was schooling this boy
on the streets of Queens.

- All right, well, that's...
- No, 'cause he don't know me.

- You do not know me.
- No, you don't know me.

- You do not know me.
- You don't know me.

- I will cut you.
- Enough of this.

Uncle Reem of Queens...
you're welcome in my kingdom.

Come on.

Benson, y'all got some crab cakes, man?

I need some protein.

- Who is Benson?
- Benson is you.

Hold up. Hold up.

Let me get my Spotify on deck real quick.

Let's rock.

You ain't said nothing but a thing.

See his feet?

- Yes.
- See where his hand at? See how he moving?

Yes. There's a fluidity to it.

Yeah, it's like Bruce Lee said,
"Be like water."

That's Hebbe Joffer.

Legend has it he could speak to animals,
and people thought he was crazy

until he made a giraffe
do the Electric Slide.

It appears a royal wedding
may soon be upon us.

- For more on this, we are joined by Semmi.
- Good to see you, Totatsi.

According to our ZNN source inside
the palace, we are hearing- - and I quote- -

“The boy been balling
on this princely- ass fest

ever since his handsome
and mad smart uncle showed up.”

That is absurd, Totatsi.
Who is your source?

What the deal? What the deal?

Palace life for me.

Who do you think you are, Reem,
going behind the king's back?

- You keep talking slick.
- Gentlemen.

When my man is running this place,
you gonna go from royal ass kisser

- lo royal ass wiper-
- No, no.

- I will do no such thing.
- Please, gentle...

Yeah, well, I eat a lot of fried food,
so don't come at me

with anything less than two- ply.

Okay.

That's right.

- I believe I have it now.
- Don't hurt nobody.

- Yeah, you got something.
- Now let me hear you say, "Hey, ho."

- I don't know...
- Hey, ho.

That's right.
That's how we do it in Queens, though.

- Hey, ho.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, don't do that. That's his mother.

- Oh, don't say it to...
- No, not to his mother.

- You obese American, you.
- No.

Yeah, for 25 cents a day,

I could sponsor- feed your scrawny ass.

Go to hell, you Western weasel!

- Yo, well, why don't you go?
- Make me.

You know something? Then [ will.

You cholesterol dumpster fire, you.

- Okay, okay.
- Totatsi! Call the guards!

Let us go for a short break.

That's Forest Whitaker.

I'm joking. That's not...
That one is Tunde Joffer.

He's the reason why the Zamundans migrated
from the north to the east.

He's doing pretty good.

Yeah?

There is but one test that remains:

retrieving the whiskers from a lion.

My one question is:
How will you conquer your fear?

I'm not.

It's a damn lion.

Well, I found it is helpful
to think of them

as just being big house cats.

Just big house cats?

Really? When did you figure that out?

Was that on your tenth or 11th try?

I know not what you speak of.
I was successful my first time,

- just like my father.
- Jaffe Joffer.

- And his father before him.
- Jappa Joffer.

Very good. Very good!

Oh, watch.

- Oh, shit!
- Do not be alarmed.

This is Babar, he is my friend.

I have known him
since he was a small elephant.

Let him pass. Move.

- Let him pass.
- All right.

Come through, Babar, my friend.

Babar, the magnificent one.

I have known him
since he was a little elephant,

and now he is a father, as well.

- Wow.
- The great one!

I must admit, your manner and your style

is foreign to my kingdom,
but it is impressive.

Yeah? Damn, I'm just trying
to be like you.

You know what I mean?

You know, Mirembe, my royal barber,

told me the story that your pops

wanted you to marry a Nexdorian girl,

$0 you bounced to Queens 10 find
a wife on your own terms.

I wanted to find more than a wife.

To find someone that
I connected with on every level.

Someone who knew where I was coming from

even though we came from
entirely two different places.

And one might say
I was looking for myself, as well.

Get some rest, my son.

Thanks, Pops.

He looks hungry.

You can see it in how
he walks low to the ground.

Look, man, you haven't liked me
since I got here, and I get that.

But ain't my fault your dad knocked up
my mom and dragged my ass back to Africa.

Well, no one is asking you to stay.

It's all good, little sis. All good.
I'll be gone in a minute,

- 'cause I'm about to be eaten by a lion!
- I hope so!

- Fine! Fine!
- Fine!

You really think
I'm gonna fail, don't you?

I have never said that...

out loud.

You ain't got to.

It's that look.

Been getting that look my entire life.

People writing me off
'cause of the way I talk

or where I'm from.

But you got no idea
what I'm talking about.

"Cause you a princess.

Princesses can be written off
just as much as anyone.

I have been preparing my whole life

to be standing where you are
in this moment.

But you are right.

It is not fair for me to blame you

for my father's mistake.

Not that you are a mistake.

- Well, you kind of are a mistake.
- Okay. I get it, I get it. A'ight.

Damn.

Perhaps the test
has nothing to do with bravery.

The tests are also a challenge
of the mind.

So, in sales,
it's called a bait and switch.

So, the customer thinks
that they're buying something at half off,

so they come flocking, waving their
wallets, just hungry to buy something,

but by the time they get there,

you sell "em the upgrade
at double the price.

Yes. It is the same as a technique

we use in battle
called the feigned withdrawal.

An army retreats with the sole intention

of drawing the enemy out
and ambushing him.

So, what, in this scenario,
I'm the retreating army?

No, you are the bait to switch.

This ain't right. My nephew could be eaten
by a man- eating lion!

Besides, what kind of kingdom is this?

I don't see no Lunchables
or no lunch trays up here, nothing!

No.

Run! Run!

Trust me, don't look back!

Just keep running! Keep running! Run!

Keep running!

No, no. No!

He's trapped. I must save him.

- Stupid.
- Wait, Father.

Look.

What is this?

What is this?

What every dangerous house cat likes.

Cat food.

I got 'em.

He is almost ready to become a prince.

Wait, almost?

It is time for umba juntu.

- Umba juntu!
- Umba juntu!

What's- - What's umba juntu?

Ceremonial circumcision.

Ceremonial...

That mean they're gonna
sharpen your tool, nephew.

- Hold him.
- Hey, yo, ain't got to restrain me.

- Hey, Ma, tell 'em we already did this!
- That's okay, baby.

We love it here, right?
Let them take a little bit off the top.

These are the foreskins
of your forefathers.

Joffer Joffer.

Great- great- great- grandfather.

Jappa Joffer.

Your great- grandfather.

Jaffe Joffer.

Your grandfather.

And King Akeem.

Okay.

What are you... What is wrong with you?

See, a potato.

They got you, baby! They got you!

You just completed
the final princely test,

- the test of courage.
- Courage?

Need I remind you I was face- to- face
with a man- eating lion?

For one to put his member in danger
is also a test of courage, yes?

You are willing to sacrifice
what is most sacred.

My penis?

Your pride.

Lavelle Junson of Queens,

I hereby crown you

the prince of Zamunda.

It was too much for him.

Okay, so you thought the best response
was to let them cut it off?

I was doing whatever it took.

Like what, exactly?

Well, to prove myself.

You know, like, I never really got
the chance to do that back home.

As you were.

I take it you are growing
accustomed to the palace life.

I mean, aside from some insane rituals
y'all have here,

I suppose life here ain't too bad.

- Well, there are certain disadvantages.
- Uh- huh.

I mean, have you seen a Zamundan movie?
Total baboon dung.

So, what, like, nothing
over a 30% on Rotten Papayas?

American cinema is the best.

The best? That is, like, the most
blasphemous thing I've ever heard.

What do we have besides superhero shit,

remakes and sequels
to old movies nobody asked for?

This is true about sequels.

If something is good,

- why ruin it?
- Why ruin it?

- Although there are exceptions.
- Like what?

Are you familiar
with the Barbershop series?

Am I familiar with... Look at me.

Of course I'm familiar
with the Barbershop series.

My favorite spin- off is
the one with Queen Latifah.

Yeah, but that's not Barbershop.

That's Beauty Shop.

To- mah- to, to- may- to.

Potato, papaya.

So, what, American entertainment?

Is that our biggest difference?

Well, there are certain freedoms
that exist outside of Zamunda.

Okay.

Like what?

Okay, this is going to sound stupid,

but it has always been a dream of mine to...

to one day have my own barbershop.

Yo, that's awesome.

- Are you making fun of me?
- No.

Nah, I'm being dead- ass.

Do it.

I don't know anybody
who can work scissors like you.

Well, except women are not allowed
to own businesses in Zamunda.

- You serious?
- Indeed.

That's not cool.

Well, I'm prince, right?

So, you know something?

As long as I'm prince,

I can promise you there's gonna
be some changes around here.

Well, that is very idealistic.

But every prince
promises to do things differently,

but eventually, they do things the same
way they've always been done before.

Yeah, well, I'm not like
every other prince.

Remember?

I'm a prince from Queens.

I wonder who told you that.

Somebody.

I should not have done that.

- I should not have done that.
- Wait. Wait, hold on. Mirembe...

I think it is best you go to bed
and get some rest.

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day.

You are one step closer to...

marrying your princess.

Good night.

Presenting the crown prince of Zamunda,

Prince Lavelle!

- King Akeem.
- Yes.

So wonderful to see you, General.

- Prince Lavelle.
- General lzzi.

Please, allow me to reintroduce

my daughter, Bopoto!

My prince.

Perhaps you two should get
to know each other a little better.

Yes.

Lovely.

Hey, dig this here.

Could I get two Crown Royals
for me and my royal compadre?

- Compadre?
- It means "friend."

I am Uncle Reem's friend.

Yes, you are.

Cheers.

How you doing? Hey, ladies.

How you doing? I know I look good.

A makeover. My hair is on point.

New dress. Who this?

Well, if you're going to wear that dress,
then you should wear this.

Oh, my God.

Are you serious?

Yes. Turn around.

Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe it. This is so beautiful.
I know you gonna want this back.

It's a gift. You're family now.

- Let's go get drunk.
- What?

Yes, girl, me and you 'bout to turn it up.

Hey, bartender!

Let me have some of your finest drink.

Two shots of chilled Ciroc.

So... marriage.

It's a big step.

I will make you a happy prince.

What about you?

How can I make you a happy princess?

What do you like?

Whatever you like.

Okay, I'll back up.

Bopoto, what's your favorite movie?

Whatever is your favorite movie.

Is there a goal you have?

Is there a business
that you want to start?

Whatever business you'd like to start.

I want to have a connection
with the person

that I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.

But I am just a wife.

- Can you wait right here?
- Okay.

- But what shall I do?
- Just wait.

Right here.

I shall wait here.

Okay.

Everything is coming out- -

Hey, I don't mean to interrupt,

but, Mutombo, do you mind
if I have a minute with her?

My bad, man.

No, no, no.

It's your party, Prince.

Come here, you gentle giant.

Yeah.

I need to talk to you.

There's nothing for us
to talk about. Excuse me.

Yes, there is. I don't want to marry her.

I want to be with you.

You and only you
are the reason why I'm a prince.

But, Lavelle...

Look.

My father, he'll understand.

I'll be right back.

I must say, you are more like
your father than I thought.

Oh, really? Why do you say that, General?

Snatching up this bastard boy from America

and throwing him into our kingly affairs,

like a chess pawn?

Your pawn just took a future queen,

and now there can be peace.

And profit.

Well played, King Akeem.

Well played.

I need to find my mom.
I need to find my Uncle Reem.

We got to bust out of this bullshit, man.

Why? Where are we going?

Home.

A home...

A home that we can build together.

Where is Prince Lavelle?

My prince asked me to stay here
about an hour ago.

Prince Lavelle Junson was seen fleeing
with the royal groomer.

And he took his Uncle Reem
and that wretched woman with him, as well.

Show respect.
She is still the mother of my son.

She took the royal jet.

That thieving bitch.

King Akeem.

Where is your prince?

I do believe he has gone
for one of his evening strolls.

He does that from time to time
to clear his mind.

I hope he's not getting cold feet.

Nonsense.

Good.

Because I will be expecting
a wedding tomorrow.

Of course.

Wedding bells, wedding bells.

After everything that I have done for him,
I can't believe he has done this.

I make him a prince, I give him a chance

to finally make something of himself,
and this is how he repays me!

I finally made a friend from my own hood,

and now she's gone.

I'ma miss her crazy ass.

He could've told me about this groomer.

But, no, instead he runs off
to America without a word to me.

It is the most selfish act,
unworthy of a Joffer!

It is spineless!

Like father, like son.

What did you say?

- Uppity bitch say what?
- What?

You are intoxicated, my queen.

All kinds of wiggity- wack stuff happens

when you are drunk and high,

including making babies

that you don't know anything about.

Right now you are getting
very in and out of my pocket.

Are you trying to say I'm out of pocket?

- When a person is drunk...
- So when a woman speaks her mind...

- ...they may say something they regret...
- ...ilncluding our daughter- -

...80 I suggest you mind your tongue!

What happened to you, Akeem?

You were supposed to change things.

You were supposed to bring
this kingdom to the 21st century,

but instead, you push our daughter aside,

someone who has dedicated
her life to this country.

And because she's a woman,

she can't be your heir?

I cannot ignore
hundreds of years of tradition.

I am the ruler of this land.

I must be strong.

I get it.

You're the king.

Well, I'll tell you what.

There are a lot of other beds
in this castle.

I suggest you find another one.

Would you dare banish me
from my own bedroom?

Are you a fool?

Do you see me hopping on one leg
and barking like a dog?

- What the hell is going on here?
- He's in the back.

He's been here for hours.

Akeem.

How you doing, son?

I used to quite enjoy mopping.

It was simple, and it made sense.

Every day, I have moved
closer to the comforts of life,

and now my eyes are open,

and the man that I always wanted to be
is on the other side of the world.

Lavelle.

Yes, he has fleed to America
for love just as I did.

And now, because of my stubbornness,
I have run off my own son.

Failed him as a father.

You're not just a father.

You're the king.

And heavy lies the head
that wears the crown.

Yes, I understand
that expression more now.

It's not so much the crown
that is so heavy.

It's everything that comes with it.

You've got your country to run

and a crazy- ass general
breathing down your neck.

And on top of all that,
you've got to be a husband and a father.

Yes, you can see that is most troubling.

- I get it.
- Of course you get it.

You are the king of your own castle.

And the troubles never stop, Akeem.

When I introduced the McFlurby,
the McDonald's lawyers came after me

the same way this General Izzi
is coming after you.

Cease- and- desist letters,
copyright infringement.

I mean, the McFlurby
is nothing like the McFlurry.

We put our toppings on the bottom.

So you have to stay strong.

And you have to put McDowell's first.

- I am McDowell's.
- And I am Zamunda.

It's not the Golden Arches.

- It's the Golden Arcs.
- It's the Golden Arcs.

And I'm the boss.

And I am the MF'ing king.

You damn right you are.

Cleo, thank you.

I much needed to hear
the wisdom of a father.

Well, I'm sure your father
would understand

- what you're going through.
- Yes.

Akeem.

What do you think
your mother would say now?

My mother?

The queen.

I always thought that
she was the wisest of all the Joffers.

What do you think
she would say to you now, son?

Zamundans, rise.

Prepare the royal jet.

I shall return to America
and retrieve this errant child of mine.

General Izzi will return in one day,

and if there's no wedding,
he most certainly will attack.

You stay here and protect my family.

I'm no warrior, Your Majesty.

Remember who you are.
You are a son of Zamunda.

Be strong.

And I'll tell you something else.
I only like redbone gals.

See, that's where we part.
I like my women Black.

I want a woman so Black,
when you make love, you need a flashlight.

I'm looking for the good stuff, man.

- Hey! Mufasa!
- Hey, I hear you got your boy back.

My son has returned to Queens.
It is most urgent that I find him.

You know, he was here a little while ago
with a fine, little, pretty African thing.

Wasn't she fine? Yeah, talking about
getting her a job here.

Then they gonna save up her money.

- Then she gonna get her own place.
- That's right.

I told her she could start right now,
she was so fine.

- That's right.
- But they had to go off to their nuptials.

Their nuptials?

- Yeah.
- Where?

Near that Chinese restaurant
where I caught the runs last Saturday.

- What?
- King Yum's.

- Gentlemen, I have no time for this.
- That egg foo young

made me have to stop off at my sister's
last week and make an emergency dump.

Silence!

I have no time to listen to your stories
about your bowel movements.

Where is the ceremony?

- Church of Holy Jubilation.
- Thank you.

You're welcome.

Who the hell he think he talking to?
Coming in here...

Just 'cause he a king.
I got a dog named King.

He ain't the king of this shop.
I'm the king of this shop.

- Exactly.
- He was nicer when he was a prince.

Is this a pious house of God?

If "pious" means cheap,
well, then you right.

This the best house of God we could find
on a Tuesday afternoon.

So let's get these rings on these fingers

before the all- day shrimp
ends at Sizzler's.

I don't even know why
they call it "all- day." It ends at 6:00.

Look, baby, it's about the love, okay?
Not the shrimp.

- What's a Sizzler?
- It's nothing.

I assume the prince has returned
from his midnight stroll

and is prepared to marry my daughter.

My apologies, General.

Prince Lavelle is currently indisposed.

Indisposed?

Really?

I will not continue to be jerked around
like a howler monkey

grazing in a field of horny goat weeds.

Now, you tell me, where is King Akeem?

All right. Let's get hitched.

Let there be light.

Hey!

We are gathered here today

for the meeting
of these two beautiful souls,

pressed together like a pair of sumptuous...

beings.

Yeah, Lord.

- Amen! Amen!
- Amen!

- Feel his presence?
- Yes, Father.

- I can't wait to go home and be with him.
- Look, I just want to apologize.

I know this isn't exactly the wedding
you've always imagined.

I don't know why you would apologize.

I'd always imagined there'd be
a womanizing, sexist officiant

leading a very strange ceremony
in black socks.

It couldn't be more perfect.

- So nice, I want 'em to say it twice.
- Go on, preacher!

Amen!

- Say it again.
- Hallelujah! Amen!

- Yes!
- Go on, girl!

- Yeah!
- That's right, girl.

You family now.

Take her.

Keep her as a prisoner
until King Akeem gives me my answer.

- Zoot!
- Zoot!

Teach this girl some respect.

Halt!

Take me to the Church
of the Holy Jubilation.

Sorry, pal. You're gonna
have to go into the app.

You can get a Lyft Lux.
It's rush hour surge pricing.

You might want to look for a promo code.

Fighting is not for pretty girls
and princesses.

Your king and father
should have taught you

to be more polite,

not so nasty.

Defend yourself,
you sweat from a baboon's balls.

Meeka!

Perhaps now you would like
to solve your problems diplomatically.

Do I have your attention?

I'm listening.

Now it's time
for the main event, young folks.

Lavelle Junson, do you take...

Stop!

Did you run here all the way from Africa?

Lavelle, you cannot do this.

And you cannot turn your back
on your family.

Family? Let me tell you something!

- I raised that boy!
- You ain't gonna run here from Zamunda...

I know what I am to you!

I heard everything
General Izzi said to you.

Using me as a chess pawn, right?

- Lavelle, my son...
- Don't "son" me!

I'm gonna live my life
with the woman I love.

Ain't no castle or mountain of gold

that's gonna stop me from loving her.

And 'ma try my hardest to make her happy.

Now, do you or do you not understand that?

I do.

Long ago, I had your spirit.

I may not have been
as brave as you, Lavelle Junson,

but I know true love.

When I told my mother that
my true love was my Queen Lisa,

she urged me to go to her,

just as you have for your bride.

The burdens of my country
are not yours to carry.

And if you want to stay here
in Queens and marry

this fine Zamundan woman,
I shall not stand in your path.

I've been ruled by fear for far too long.

It's time for me to start
becoming my own king.

My own man.

Just as you did, my son.

So, please excuse my intrusion.
Carry on, please.

Oh, wait, wait, we into overtime now.
I need 200 more dollars.

What you need is to start this ceremony
before I come up there

- and beat your...
- Mary, Mary, if our son

wants to be married
in this glorious house of...

in this glorious house...

This is a house of God, isn't it?

More like a crack house of God.

Then it shall be as magnificent
as a palace ceremony.

Come. Sit.

Yes, continue.

This doesn't feel right.

What? You don't want to get married?

No, I'm not saying
I don't want to get married.

- Then what?
- Zamunda's my home.

It is my pride and my joy.

And what about your sisters?

You think they don't need you?

Well...

maybe we should get married at the palace.

But what about your people here?

What about the land of Queens?

Wait.

Hear me now.

I am King Akeem Joffer,

and I'm bestowed with great power.

I shall bring Queens to Zamunda!

Yes!

That's what I'm talking about.

They still wear silk.

Where the hell is Zamunda?

Someone to care

Someone to share

Lonely hours

And moments of despair

- To be loved, to be loved
- To be loved, to be loved

Oh, what a feeling

To be loved

Someone to kiss

Someone to miss

When you're away

To hear from each day

- To be loved
- To be loved...

I will always do
what is right for Zamunda.

That is my oath as king.

And I promise you,

I shall always do
what is right for our family.

That is my oath to you,

Lisa,

my queen.

What a feeling
To be loved

Presenting the crown prince of Zamunda,

Prince Lavelle,

and his bride, Princess Mirembe.

I think my kingdom was safer
with me gone and you in charge.

I simply acted as my father
and king has instructed.

And that is why
I've issued a decree to Baba.

When I am gone,

Meeka Joffer shall rule as queen.

- But the laws.
- Will change.

With more changes to come
with your guidance.

And what about Prince Lavelle?

Prince Lavelle shall serve
as an ambassador to America.

- Thank you.
- And as your brother.

Forgive an old fool.

An old fool who loves you very much.

- Hi.
- This is Mary.

How y'all doing? Y'all look good tonight.

Hey. How you doing?
Girl, you is making a statement with that.

- You is making a statement.
- Thank you.

King Akeem.

Love has once again triumphed in Zamunda.

Oh, children, you can go and play.
Go dance. Shake your booties off.

I hear the trade routes
have reopened between our nations.

Yes.

It will be a prosperous
and peaceful time for us old heads.

I want to thank you for releasing
my sister from her canine curse.

Yeah, give it up! Give it up for Davido!

My man.

All right, all right.

Where are my people from Zamunda at?

I dig all that. Okay, now,
where my people from Queens at?

Queens!

- Yeah!
- Hey, right here!

- We in the house! We in Zamunda!
- In the building! In the building!

Well, I can dig that, too.

We're about to fix it
into overdrive, okay?

First of all, shout- out
to King Akeem and his family

for bringing my favorite artist
back to Africa.

Who is it? Who is it?

- Wait, Kendrick Lamar?
- No.

All right, we gonna
take this old- school now, okay?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Mary J. Blige.
- No.

- Diana Ross!
- Nope.

He's my cousin. He's also my inspiration.

- Okay? He's the wind beneath my wings.
- Don't play.

Who could be better
than Diana Ross? Tell me!

- You'll see.
- Okay, I want y'all

to put your hands together
for Randy Watson!

Randy Watson in here?

- And his band...
- Oh, Lord.

...Sexual Chocolate!

Everyone can see

We're together

As we walk on by

And we tight just like birds of a feather

- Well, I won't tell no lie
- We

All of the people around me, they say

Can they be that close?

Just let me state for the record

That boy good.

We're giving love in a family dose

We are family

!/ got Sexual Chocolate with me

Feel me, now.

I just want to tell you that every Sunday,
I take my mama to get a McFlurby.

I love you, Cleo.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
without any further ado,

I give you Fresh Peaches and Sugar Cube!

My name is Peaches, and I'm the best

All the DJs want to feel my breasts

Still got the looks, still got the sass

Been 30 years, and I still got ass

Play that saxophone.

It's a party over here! Party over here!

Amen.

God woke me up early this morning.

- Yes, he did
- Said if you ain't got somebody to love,

go out and find somebody to love.

- Find somebody fo love
- 'Cause life's about love.

- Life's about love
- And life's about family.

- Life's about family
- Amen.

- Amen
- Randy Watson.

- Randy Watson's my name
- Take us home.

Take us home, now

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I got Sexual Chocolate with me...

- Hey.
- What say you, brother?

Would you like to leave all this
and go back to Queens?

Get up, everybody, and sing

We are family

!/ got Sexual Chocolate with me

- Nah.
- Nah.

We are family

Go, Uncle Reem!

Get up, everybody, and sing

We are family

!/ got Sexual Chocolate with me

Sexual Chocolate

We are family

Get up, everybody, and sing

We are family

!/ got Sexual Chocolate with me

We are family

Yes, we are.

Get up, everybody, and sing

One time.

Two times.

Three times.

It seems that the last time I...

I only recently- -

I can do that better.

Bastard child here.

- Let's cut.
- Cutting.

...inherited your father's
unforgiving memory.

Who you talking to?

Get that stupid look off your face.

I'm trying to rouse the lion.

Lion!

Got the whiskers.

They from a lion.

- Look at that.
- That's my thing.

Acting mine, that's good.

He has already ordered your- - Shit.

- My Ex- Lax?
- Cut.

- Line.
- Reset!

I've been a- - Oh, boy.

- Oh, my bad.
- I would nothing more- - I would- -

Let's do it again.

Is anybody gonna tell me why
these mashed potatoes is black?

You damn right you are.

Thank you.

Vacations were canceled, holidays ignored.

People didn't even- -
Wait a minute. What was that line?

Master of disaster!

Punisher of infidel!

The midnight train to Georgia.

- Shit!
- I'm sorry.

He actually kicked me in the ass.

I kicked you in the leg. Come on.

That wasn't no acting.

She's your queen to be

A queen to be forever

A queen who'll do whatever

His Highness desires

She's your queen to be

A vision of perfection

An object of affection

To quench your royal fire

Completely free

From infection

To be used at your discretion

Waiting only

For your direction

Your queen to

Be

Good night, Zamunda!

Way down in the jungle deep,

the lion stepped on
the signified monkey's feet.

The monkey said,
"Hey, you bastard, can't you see?

You're standing on my goddamn feet!"

Hey, what is this, velvet?