All language subtitles for 11 heart

[MUSIC]

[BLANK_AUDIO]

Every time our eyes

mate, this feeling inside me,

[MUSIC]

Patrick.

Adeline.

This is going to be the

best Valentine's Day ever.

This place is just so gorge.

Of course it is, babe.

I picked it.

[LAUGH]

[MUSIC]

What the hell?

[MUSIC]

I told you not to put it in my food.

Oh shit, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Keep going.

[MUSIC]

Adeline Delilah Garrett, you're smart.

You're beautiful and perhaps most

important of all, you make me think.

You're my person and I can't

imagine my life without you.

Will you marry me?

Yes, a million times, yes.

[MUSIC]

Why are you calling me right now?

I didn't get it.

What the fuck do you

mean you didn't get it?

Yeah, I'm sorry, dude.

There was a couple sun flares and like,

could you maybe do it again or?

Why yes, let me repropose to my fucking

girlfriend so you can do your job right.

Technically she's your fiance.

Don't get cute with me.

Do it right this time

or I'll fucking end you.

On Yelp.

Okay, cool, thanks.

I'll talk to you later,

I'm not even on Yelp, dick.

[MUSIC]

Speak, speak, speak, lovey, lovey, lovey,

and will you marry me?

Yes, a million times, yes.

[MUSIC]

One second.

[MUSIC]

Give me that.

Hello?

Nico the photo guy, leave a message.

Are you fucking kidding me?

[MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

He's out of the loop.

[MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC]

[SCREAMING] [MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC]

Hello?

[MUSIC] I'm a fucking fucking asshole.

[MUSIC]

I've been planning

this day my whole life.

And you fucking killed him.

You messed with the wrong bride.

You hear me?

You messed with the wrong fucking--

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

Oh man, you can't be here.

What are you doing?

[SCREAMING]

Hey buddy, you want to

tell me what's going on?

Wait, stop.

Drop the nerve down.

[SCREAMING]

Somebody, please.

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

Hey there, you motherfucker.

Go away.

Go away.

Go away.

You go away.

[MUSIC]

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, hey.

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC]

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

It's Valentine's Day and the nation is

once again on high alert.

For the past two years, a masked maniac

known as the Heart Eyes Killer.

Or H.E.K. as authorities call him for

short, has emerged on a day meant for

romance to target, hunt

and brutally kill couples.

H.E.K. seems to target cities at random

from a blood-soaked rampage in

the Boston area two years ago.

As well as a second killing spree which

left several dead in

Philadelphia just last year.

Even though he's after couples in love,

let me be perfectly clear about this.

He will kill anyone who gets in his way.

Leaving Americans once again plagued with

anxiety on Cupid's

holiday asking the question.

Where will the Heart

Eyes Killer strike next?

[MUSIC]

Do you expect the Heart Eyes Killer to

kill your Valentine's Day plans?

Who the hell makes Valentine's Day plans?

Yeah, because holiday sex asks.

Literally.

Valentine's.

I need a low-key scared. The

A.C.E. can't got nothing on me.

Shut up, Dylan.

You're afraid of the dark.

[MUSIC]

No, I don't.

[MUSIC]

The Heart Eyes Killer.

So glad I'm single.

I'm gonna celebrate inside.

That dude hunts you.

Rubbing your shitty

PDA all up in airfist.

He only kills

straight people like things.

Whether you're with a partner or looking

for love, stay vigilant.

This Valentine's Day.

[MUSIC]

Shit.

[LAUGHTER]

Nice one, dipshits.

Oh, Cupid shoots you in the dick.

Caramel soy latte for Monica?

Ooh, that's me.

Yeah. Come here.

Why do you look so stressed?

Is it because you're

single again on Valentine's Day?

No, I'm stressed because Crystal just

called an all-hands meeting

and the subject of her email literally

says Ally's campaign.

Mm, I saw that. So I'm fucked.

Okay, worst case scenario, you get fired

and you never work

another day in your life.

Worst case scenario, Crystal

wears my skin as a pantsuit.

Best case scenario, we

got nice skin though.

Boop. You know what? Whatever.

If you go down, I'll

go down with you, okay?

We'll thumb him the way he says shit.

Large I-splendid Americano

with oat milk, 2 honey, 1 sugar.

So are you sure that's yours?

Yes, that is definitely mine.

No one else would order a larger

I-splendid Americano with

oat milk, 2 honey, 1 sugar.

Sugar?

Yeah, look at that. Wow.

Guess we're coffee mates.

Nice dad joke.

Thanks.

Thought I was the only one in the world

with the most obnoxious coffee order.

It's a pretty common order, actually. Can

you guys move? We're busy.

Yes.

Hey, can I interest

you in one of these guys?

Oh, no, I'm okay. Thanks.

Carry my own.

Mm, metal straw.

I hate paper straws. They just turn into

mush in like three seconds.

Yeah, no, I totally

get what you're saying.

It's put all the coffee in a plastic cup,

but hey, as long as the straw is paper,

the planet's saved.

Planet saved.

Mm.

Sugar, though. Want one?

Yeah?

A little slow poison for the pancreas.

Oh!

I'm sorry. No, I'm...

I got it. It's okay.

No, it's totally...

Oh, shit!

Fucking Jesus!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Yeah.

Am I?

Here, shit.

Oh, thank you for that.

I'm gonna go. I'll see

you at work, come on.

Sorry, she's getting fired today.

Exactly one year after a Valentine's Day

massacre left three

couples dead in Boston

and four couples dead in Philadelphia,

the hard-eyes killer has come to Seattle.

Four victims have now been claimed at a

winery, ending one dream engagement...

in a nightmare.

Chief Hartley, is this the

work of the hard-eyes killer?

That's not confirmed at this point, but

given the pattern of

targeting couples on Valentine's Day,

we suspect it's the work of AGK.

What do you have to say to all those

couples out there planning

to celebrate Valentine's Day?

Stay home.

Oh, well.

This is quite a pickle.

Why didn't a single one of you tell me

that there is a maniac running around

slaughtering people on Valentine's Day

these last couple years?

Tommy!

Not a single one of you.

This campaign is certainly ill-timed.

Wouldn't you say so, Missy?

Um...

You know, Crystal, how you always tell us

that relevance is really

important in our pitches?

Well, I personally believe that Ali's

campaign is very now...

Monica, thank you so much. If you could

do me a huge favor, shut the fuck up.

Tommy.

Wow, profiting off the death of couples

to sell rings.

Speechless. This is disgusting.

I'll say.

What did I just watch? Straight up tacky.

Someone find out who made this and docks

their ignorant ass. I

mean, it just... it goes on.

I'm sure it does.

Ali, I'm worried about your safety.

Gee, thanks, Tommy. How many people has

this heart-shaped asshole guilt?

I think, like, a lot.

A lot.

You built a nationwide campaign around

romance ending in death.

Well, you approved it.

Because I trusted you. I'm

gonna need a new campaign.

Okay. Um, no problem. I'll...

Jay, get in here. Jay, who's Jay?

Thank you very much.

No way.

That's the guy who knows you

smashed into the cup of shit.

Jay Simmons, everybody. This is Jay

Simmons. Who's Jay Simmons?

Well, I'll tell you. Jay Simmons is the

former CCD of BNY New York.

He is the youngest freelancer to win a

clear award for his viral romantic

campaigns and everything.

From fancy cars to luxury chocolates.

And he has then earned himself a nice

little moniker of Consumer Cupid.

That is Jay Simmons.

And I'll tell you what. When I realized

how far up Shitt's Creek

Alley here had paddled us,

I knew I needed some

reinforcements. And thank baby Jesus.

Now, he's gotta leave and push off

tomorrow and skidaddle. So, he's on the

clock, Jay. Everybody, Jay!

Thank you for the lovely flattery

crystal. I appreciate it.

Listen, as I understand it, we've

experienced some turbulence as of late,

but it's all about how you land the plane

that matters. So, we will

get through this... together.

What the hell was that?

I got a match.

Oh, for fuck's sakes.

We're gonna get married. I can feel it.

That's your boyfriend?

Yeah, he will be. He's an actual

firefighter who loves puppies.

You see? That's why you're still single.

You know what you need, Shaw?

You need a real man.

And then it's willing

to make the first move.

Come on, detectives. You're

gonna love this. Check it out.

When is that a wedding band?

Could it be one of the victims?

Unlikely.

The initials engraved on the inside, JS.

Doesn't let Jigheth over the deceased.

Huh.

Huh.

What kind of an animal would do this?

Probably some incel virgin troll living

in his mommy's basement.

Assuming it's a man.

What about the girl who never got asked a

problem? The love-scorned woman who got

cheated on one too many

times and just snapped.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yes. He replied.

You the gay fireman?

No, no. This guy works in tech.

Shaw's got a fetish for betas.

I don't have a fetish.

Everybody's got a fetish.

Gentlemen, this is more

than just a simple murder.

It's a...

kink.

That's the understatement of the fucking

year. How do you know

for sure it's H and K?

Here we go, detective.

Guess this is the last thing the wedding

photographer ever saw.

Hard Eyes is coming to our city, boys.

They've got another ten hours of

Valentine's Day left to kill.

Excuse me, what in hell are you doing?

What do you mean? You just fired me in

front of the whole team.

Fired you? I got six more months on your

contract. I intend to squeeze every

single ass drop out of you.

Okay, great. So what am I supposed to do?

Get him coffee while he lands the plane?

Now, you're gonna turn in a sizzling,

sexy, seductive

blockbuster crystal cane campaign.

And if you don't, I'll kill you.

I'm kidding. I won't. I black-list you,

though. I won't kill you.

I mean, maybe. But no. But would I?

Whoever made this, I hope you get

murdered and canceled not in

that order. Hashtag do better.

As someone who may die someday, I find

this commercial to be tone

deaf and borderline ableist.

Wow, people are fucking dumb. The only

thing better than the couples in this ad

is the brain cell of the personal creed.

The level of cringe in this video is off

the charts. Hashtag just that.

Hey, Allie?

Yeah?

Howdy.

Jay? This is the women's bathroom, dude.

You can't be in here.

Yeah, technically it is a unisex

bathroom, but can we talk?

Hi.

Hi. I'm...

I am really sorry about our marriage.

Oh, no. It's totally fine. Sorry to stalk

and run, but I'm trying to make this yoga

class that starts in like an hour.

You're serious? Yoga?

Mm-hmm.

Aren't we supposed to

be saving the company?

Yes, and we will just after yoga. I

booked us a table at L'Oyez. We get

inspired, talk about the campaign.

You realize that it's

Valentine's Day, right?

Oh, that's right. You

probably got plans, don't you?

Well, great. It'll be a great place for

some field research. Romance, flowers...

Do you think that maybe we

could just do this tomorrow?

I see. I would love to do tomorrow. I

just have to take the first flight out in

the morning for my best friend's wedding.

So how about this? We'll call it H-sharp

and I'll see you

there. Yeah? I'm excited.

No, no. I...

It's gonna be great!

It looks like the rain...

Oh, thank you so much.

No, Ma, let me get this.

You're like $100,000 in debt.

Ha ha, not anymore. Arthur paid it off

and I get to keep the card.

Are you serious? Mm-hmm.

Damn. Someone likes a

little sugar with their daddy.

Uh-huh. Excuse me, Ali. I do not have a

sugar daddy. That

term is very problematic.

I have a sponsor.

And do you love your sponsor or is he

just erasing your debt?

Yes, I love him. And I love

that he's erasing my debt.

So when am I gonna meet this secret Hugh

Hefner? Should we all get dinner soon?

What do you say? Like 4.30? Suit?

Ha ha. Real clever, Miss Judgey Judy. Oh,

you're literally stalking your ex online.

I'm not stalking him. The

algorithm is stalking me. Okay?

That's the algorithm?

Hey, is Arthur hard-eyes? Is that why I

haven't met him yet?

That's not fucking funny.

Ha ha. Of course Arthur's not hard-eyes.

That guy has so much

arthritis, he can't run.

Honestly, I bet it's Crystal. You know

when she does that, like, thing?

Mm-hmm. When her Botox

doesn't sit right and it gets stuck?

Breaking news. Our Channel 7 affiliate is

reporting that two more couples have been

found murdered at a downtown spa.

We go live to the scene in Seattle.

Can't watch this.

Ali. Ali, hello.

Hey, ho. Monica. Oh, my God. Why are you

torturing yourself? You're

the one who ended things.

I know. He just moved on so fast. I mean,

what even is her job? Look at her feet.

It's all vacation pics.

And she doesn't even have

rich parents. I checked.

You need to stop hate-fucking-yourself

and get out there and actually find

someone to actually

fuck yourself, you know?

No. Oh, what about that guy? He's so

cute. The, the, the bathroom boy, you

know? Your little stalker?

You mean the guy trying to take my job?

Oh, my fuck. He is so hot,

I could literally throw up.

My basement just flooded.

He's okay. Wait. What are you wearing on

this date? It's not a date. We're

working. And what's

wrong with my clothes?

You look like a before picture. Monica,

that is so mean. Okay, this place. What's

the vibe? Is it what?

Fancy? Yeah, it's fancy.

Why? Come on. Where are we going? We're

gonna go fuck up a credit card.

It's gorgeous. So much skin. I got a

little bit of it. It's so much skin. I

can go, sir. Monica, no. It's not a date.

No.

Hi. A reservation for

Simmons, of course. AJ?

Arms out, please.

What gives?

Hard eyes. Can't be too careful.

I'm environmentally conscious.

Sharp my ass.

Good evening, miss. Will anyone else be

joining you? Yes. A friend. A

colleague. It's a work dinner.

Well, I'll be back with the specials once

your date arrives. No,

no, no. He's not my date.

May I tell you that you're lovely.

I am so sorry that I am later trying to

get a car. And for what it's worth, I had

no idea this place was going to be this

nice. But you look amazing. Thank you.

Welcome to L'Ouet. May I offer you a

beverage? Yeah, please. How about a

bottle of champagne, maybe two glasses?

Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. No

offense, but we're working.

None taken. I'll be right back.

So, where are you from?

Phoenix.

Do you have siblings?

No. Are your parents still together?

Mm-hmm.

Well, that's nice. Yeah, I'd

love to grow old with somebody.

Change their depends.

You know, I don't immediately go to poop

when I think about love, but... Yeah.

I would change an adult diaper if it was

in the name of love.

Here we are.

Thank you. Thank you.

Miss? Yeah.

Didn't want any. Thank you.

And for you, sir?

Thank you very much. Enjoy.

What do you say? To love?

Okay.

Listen, this is all very cute. Mm-hmm.

And you're smooth. Oh, thanks.

But I'm just trying to salvage whatever's

left of my career here, so can we skip

whatever this is and get

to cracking this campaign?

By all means. Okay.

I have a couple ideas in here. Some

probably suck, but I'm sure there's a

problem with something.

You've had your heart broken recently.

I'm sorry, what?

No, I just like to think I'm intuitive

with these things and...

Yeah, no. I did not get my heart broken

recently, and it's

really none of your business.

No, you're totally right. It's not.

Definitely not. Okay.

It's just your campaign.

Doom lovers, I mean, it

hardly screams romance to me.

The most romantic

stories of all time are doomed.

You've got husbands, wives, partners,

twin flames, soulmates, whatever you want

to call it, it's all going to end.

It's just a matter of time before someone

cheats, bails, or dies.

What about butterflies in your stomach?

A lightning bolt to the

heart, cozy Sundays in bed.

What's next, birth charts

and long walks on the beach?

I like those things, but I

get it. Not for everyone.

You want to know how I

feel about romance? Yeah.

It's a farce.

A lie.

Not to everyone, I know that. Some people

get really lucky and stumble into

something real and forever,

but the other 99% of us are just bouncing

from one failed experiment to the next,

chasing the same regurgitated fairy tale

bullshit that's been stuffed into our

brain since we were kids.

Prince Charming?

Till you catch him fucking your sister. I

thought you were an only child.

It's a metaphor, Jesus.

My point is, it's not real.

And somehow I landed a job that forces me

to propagate a fantasy in order to sell

blood diamonds harvested

from third world slave labor,

so please forgive me if I'm not swept

away by your magical

notions of romance, Jay.

Wow.

That's really...

What?

Sad.

Why are you single?

Are you really looking for love? Or are

you just another fake-ass, hoe-hunting,

ankle-cuff prick in a suit?

Oh my God.

You don't know me. And you don't get to

cast judgment just because I

don't think like you, okay?

Yeah, um...

I think you were right.

Tonight's a bad night.

I should just let you clear your head.

Don't worry about the

champagne. It's on Krista.

Jay! Jay, I'm sorry, okay? You win.

Listen, I told you it was fine and I

meant it. It's all good.

No, I had a really rough day and I took

it out on you and that was shitty and

wrong and... Jay,

please, I can't lose this job.

I am not gonna take your job.

Although it does seem like you don't

really want this job,

but this is me, so...

I'm gonna go back to the hotel,

brainstorm some creative

so you can salvage from me.

Ali?

Colin! What are you doing here?

Well, Sienna and I are on a

little dinner date, actually.

I've heard so much

about you. Really? Why?

And you are?

Jay, I'm Ali's boyfriend.

I didn't know you had a boyfriend.

Yeah!

Yeah, I mean, why would you? It's not

like I publicised it on

social media or anything.

Well, it's nice to meet you, Jay.

Pleasure. So, dinner, huh?

Yeah, it was supposed to be a double

date, but unfortunately...

What does that mean?

You know the couple that

got murdered up at the winery.

What, you know them?

We worked together. Played racquetball.

Racquetball? It's tragic, really.

Still kept the reservation.

Dinner.

Of course. In their honour.

Wow. Well, a lot to eat

in there and it's good.

We should go.

See you, Ali, as well.

Oh, it's a sexy dress.

You guys have a good dinner.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy V-Day!

Don't get killed, alright?

What was...

Why would he say that?

That was weird. Oh,

you're coming with me.

Oh, so embarrassing.

[music]

Thank you.

No, not a problem.

[music]

So is it the accent? Is that what it is?

I really love that fucking accent.

I can't stand it now.

Brits are so unemotional.

Well, that would explain

the dead friend's resi.

Love. He's a beautiful thing.

Oh, we just work

together. No, we're not a couple.

But you just kiss, no?

Oh, see, no, that was a performance to

seem maybe more desirable and perhaps

less pathetic in front of a rax.

Oh, you love Spotify.

I have ultimate sexiest playlist.

Yeah, we're... No, we're okay. Thank you.

Can we add a stop?

Again, I'm really sorry about tonight. I

swear I'm not a lunatic.

That's exactly what I

think a lunatic would say.

Okay.

Have fun at your best

friend's wedding. Thank you.

Okie dokie.

What the...

No!

Next stop, 2640 Westlake Avenue South.

Hey, can you hold off a second? I think

she locked herself out.

You know what you should do?

You should go to her, tell her you love

her, then never let her go.

Right. Right. Yeah, you

just keep that meter running.

Howdy. Everything okay?

No. No, I think I left my keys in a

dressing room somewhere.

Oh.

Oh my God, this night

could not get any worse.

Have a spare hidden?

Yeah, under a mat. Upstairs.

It's okay, I'll just break the window.

No, what? Are you talking

about breaking windows? No.

No, it's fine. My landlord loves me.

Well, if you're serious, maybe you just,

you know, let me do it.

I can break a window.

No, I know you can break a window, but if

you cut yourself, I'll be...

I'm not gonna cut myself.

Knock yourself out.

Just know I don't condone

this. I worry for your safety.

And you're punching with your thumb

inside your hand,

which is not a good thing.

Okay, yeah, you're gonna do it. Yeah, why

don't you hold that.

Okay, prepared.

Eh, not so bad. That's bad.

I'm so sorry this is all my fault.

I'm sorry I'm

bleeding all over your floor.

Here, okay, let's run

in under some water.

Thanks.

Okay, you're just gonna

wash up in here for a second.

Sorry, it's so messy. I had a house

cleaner, but she won the

lottery last week and fired me.

Really? How does stitching win?

Um, like a million dollars.

Damn.

Well, I hope you find the replacement.

Soon.

Oh, cute.

I was Pikachu for Halloween, too.

Oh, yeah. That wasn't Halloween.

Well, what was it?

It was Tuesday. Yeah,

I was pretty obsessed.

Or that shit everywhere.

Take that.

It was on your shelf.

No, I really wasn't expecting company.

Ever?

Why don't you just take a seat while I

look for the first aid kit?

Huh.

Found it.

Jay.

Excuse you.

I'm sorry. I don't want to

sit on your nice clothes.

Oh.

Will you relax?

It's just a very expensive jacket.

Let's see your hand.

Careful now.

Does it hurt?

No, actually. You're really good at this.

Did you go to med school or something?

I dropped out, actually.

I really can't do blood.

No way.

No way.

Well, I think you're doing a pretty good

job right now if I do say so myself.

Oh.

This is why we dropped out of med school

and pivoted to advertising.

You're funny.

Am I?

I think so, yeah.

Would you mind my hair

falling off my face? Thank you.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

So, do you mind my asking what kind of

medicine you were planning on going into?

Nephrology.

That's the liver.

Kidneys.

Nailed it.

Yeah.

Well, why that?

I had a family member

that was pretty sick.

Guess I... I don't know.

Thought I could fix people.

Anyway, now I'm considered homophobic.

Oh.

That didn't take you for a bigot.

Okay.

Between that and coffee maids, your dad

jokes are top notch.

I'm being facetious, obviously.

Your jokes are cheesy as f-

Ellie!

Ellie!

Fuck you!

Run!

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

You!

What are you doing?

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come

on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

You got it?

Yes.

Oh, good job.

Thanks.

Hey, you good?

Yeah.

Help! He's trying to kill us!

Okay, he's alive, buddy.

No, no, no, no, he's

not the wrong people!

Hey, what are you doing?

We killed couples,

right? We're not a couple.

We barely know each other.

So back the fuck off!

911, what's your emergency?

No!

No!

Help!

Help!

Help her!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What?

Did you hear that?

I don't hear anything.

Shit!

Ali!

Get over her!

Take it! [panting]

[panting]

[dramatic music]

[screams]

[tapping]

[grunts]

[tires screech]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[screams]

No!

[grunts]

[growls]

[screams]

[screams]

[screams]

[grunts]

No!

No! No!

No!

No!

[screams]

No!

My God!

Here!

Wait.

He was--he was right here.

I'll go check it out.

Oh my God, Jay.

Jay, is he okay?

I don't know who you're talking about.

Jay Simmons!

We were with each other all night and we

got attacked and we

got separated back there.

I--

You just--

No, I didn't leave him!

All units, all units, stand down.

Jesus.

You got that motherfucker!

CRPD, baby!

Fuck yeah!

[phone rings]

Yeah.

Congratulations.

[phone rings]

Gun!

Hey!

Hey, you need a backup.

Fucking weirdos.

Detectives.

Here she is.

Detective Zeke Hobbs.

This is my partner,

Detective Jeanine Shaw.

Hobbs and Shaw?

Like, the movie?

I haven't seen it.

We're here to idea a murderer.

Oh my God, Jay?

Jay!

Jay, are you okay?

Mm-mm.

Jay!

Nope.

Jay, are you okay?

Uh, no, Allie.

I'm not okay.

Thank you for asking.

You ditched me.

What?

I did not ditch you.

Oh, yes, you did.

You absolutely ditched me.

We were a team.

I was being chased by a

fucking serial killer.

I know.

I also was being

chased by a serial killer.

What the fuck does that mean?

Jay, you're dull and ripped and

imperfectly capable

of defending yourself.

Allie, I really appreciate the

compliments, especially coming from you.

But right now is not the time, okay?

These muscles were not made for violence.

They're for cuddling.

Okay.

Guys, this was not him.

We were together all night.

Hard Eyes was after both of us.

Ma'am, we found this man

in the park wearing this.

And in possession of this.

Come on!

No, that's not possible.

Jay didn't do this.

Maybe.

Maybe Jay wasn't acting alone.

What?

What?

We're gonna have to take your tall,

ripped friend in for questioning.

Oh!

Ho ho!

Hey, good going.

Really great.

See you in the station, I guess.

Fuck.

What is this?

It's a ring.

Read it.

Read what?

Let me help you out.

Let me help you out.

This is JS.

As in, Jay Simmons.

You are really good.

You're really good at detective work.

That was really impressive.

That's orgasm.

A, I am not married.

B, why would I leave a wedding band at

the scene of the crime?

And C, who gets their own initials

engraved in their own

fucking wedding band?

Also D, yes, that was sarcasm.

Hey, hey, hey!

Come on, huts!

Take five.

Go!

Go.

Pull down.

Come on.

Come on.

I'm sorry.

He can get a little hot under the collar.

Yeah, no kidding.

Do you need anything?

Water, coffee?

I am fine.

Thank you very much.

Okay.

Just you and me.

I want you to look me in the eyes.

And tell me the truth.

All right.

How long have you known Ellie?

14 hours.

You seem to care about her.

Yeah, maybe I do.

With that ring, that's...

it's not yours, correct?

No, again, I am not married.

I'm not married.

I mean, it's not like

by choice or anything.

I just haven't met the right person.

You're telling me.

Your...

Single.

Shocker.

Kind of.

No, do you really, um...

Okay.

Lady, I have been

waiting here for over an hour.

First of all, it's officer's second.

I already told you they're

interrogating the suspect.

And I already told you they're

interrogating the wrong guy.

Can you please just go back there and

give me some sort of information?

I'm sorry, Fran. The

ethernet cable was off, afraid.

Should be working out.

Thanks, David.

It's a five-letter word

for a dog, ending in "H."

Bitch.

Excuse me.

Female dog.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks.

Can you please go back there now and give

me some sort of update?

Fine, thank you.

Hey.

Do we know each other?

No, I don't think so.

Bumble.

Yeah, no, I'm not on the apps.

Oh. It's a waste of time anyway.

Just shooting my shot here.

Um, could I take you

out to coffee sometime?

I'll pay for it.

I almost got murdered tonight.

I am so sorry.

Yeah.

Um, stay safe.

Have a good night.

Thank you.

Who the hell is everybody?

Celebrating.

They caught heart ice.

So what else do you want to tell me?

Not a serial killer.

So there's that.

Were you in Boston in February of 23 and

Philadelphia in February of 24?

I...

Let me rephrase.

You were in Boston and Philly.

Same dates and locations as H.E.K.'s two

prior killings sprees.

Jay, I gotta admit.

That doesn't look very good.

I don't know what you want me to say.

I'm a freelancer, so,

yeah, I travel for, like, work.

Do you ever get lonely?

On the road?

I like to think that I

can keep myself busy.

Yeah?

How?

How do you blow off steam when you're

alone with your thoughts, Jay?

Do you go to a vineyard?

Have you a spa?

Holy...

Holy...

Hello?

Detective.

We got an H.W.W. up front.

What do you want me to do with her?

An H.W.W.

Historical white woman.

I'll handle her.

You sit tight.

We're not done yet.

I'll be here.

When you've been expected, you all know

one of the many men every

toy from his tour guide.

And if you found something in the butcher

meat, you then call H.W.W.

It's your turn.

What the hell are you doing?

God!

Bless the U.S.A.

I told you.

I'm so sorry.

You letting him go?

Not yet.

Why the hell not? He's innocent.

Well, then tell me something. Why is the

Hard-Ace killer after

him? You're not a couple.

I don't know. I assume he saw us and

thought we were together.

Why?

We...

Kissed.

We had to... We had to kiss.

We had to kiss because my ex, he was

there and I was jealous.

It's really stupid. I know. Okay.

I get it.

I do.

So you're not

interested in him, romantically?

Why is that relevant?

Just girl talk.

He's cute. He has a really good job.

Perfect candidate for a

little girl like yourself.

A little girl like myself?

Ah!

Oh, relax. Probably just the breaker.

That's what people say

before they get stabbed to death.

How would you know?

Watch her.

No, no, no, no. She's got to watch me.

Oh, yeah. I'm just getting a flashlight.

A little space? Any

closer, you'd be inside me.

I'm sorry. I'm just scared.

No, no, no. Careful. He hides in closets.

No killer's in here.

No!

No! No! No!

Help!

Hey, what's happening here?

Go! Get back! Get back!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, where

are you going? I'm coming!

Don't worry, lover boy. I'll protect you.

No, no, no.

Shaw!

Shaw!

Shaw! Shaw!

Jay?

Jay?

Jay, can you hear me?

Yes, yes. Ali, Ali,

you've got to find the keys.

Uh, Hobbs has the keys. Okay, you have to

find Hobbs because he

locked me in the locker.

Fucking asshole.

Ali?

Ali.

Duh, she ditched me.

That's okay.

Ali.

Hey.

Come on.

Hey, come on.

This is not fair!

No!

Die.

Jay!

Careful, don't!

Hi.

Are you okay?

You're a terrible shot, by the way.

Don't fucking push it, Romeo.

Okay.

No!

Ali! No!

No, no, no!

You saved my life.

You saved mine.

How did you win?

We're not together!

Don't kill somebody else!

Get up, get up, get up, get

up, get up, get up, get up!

Oh, fuck.

Do you know what we just did?

Yeah, we led a couples

killing maniac to a, uh...

Two in all you can kill, Buffet.

Okay. You know what, Lorenzo?

Okay.

Are you kidding me?

Oh, shit.

Yo, that costume is dope!

I don't like that.

What the fuck?

What's up, man?

Excuse us.

What a creep.

What I came up here to tell you is that

you must stop calling me for a second

word a day, sending me 20 seconds.

Uh, laughing, go.

Right, go, go, go, go.

This is what I have to say.

Turn.

In here.

In here.

Put a fucking shoot on,

there's a killer after us.

What is it?

The hard-hiced killer.

He's out there right now.

We need to be quiet.

Oh, dude, that's so hot.

We love role-playing.

Oh, my God, he's coming.

We're so dead.

Oh, he's so scary.

Oh, he can't stay here.

Maybe we lay low for a little bit.

I actually kind of like this movie.

Yeah, you like that?

Really?

Yeah, are you surprised?

A little bit, yeah.

Oh, no.

I did ditch you.

Oh, no.

No, ditch me.

It's what I'm best at.

Ditching people?

Running.

Hey, I was holding my own.

You didn't see me shaking.

Those little leather boots.

Jay, I wasn't entirely honest at dinner.

My parents had this,

like, storybook romance.

They were literally perfect together.

And then my dad died.

And I don't think my

mom ever fully recovered.

I'm sorry.

You know, when I was a kid,

my parents just hated each other.

I mean, they fought all the time.

I think that is why I'm just this, um,

capitalist romantic.

Just putting every girl

I fall for on a pedestal,

only to have my heart

broken over and over and over.

Keep going.

Only because they...

they just can't breathe

in my suffocating attempt

to prove mom and dad wrong.

No, I think...

I think tonight should have been, like,

the worst night of my life.

But it isn't.

They don't.

Baby, you're so wet.

God, you're so hard.

At least they're having fun.

Holy shit.

Those come around.

You know it's too early.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut up.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Oh, yeah.

[screaming]

Holy shit.

Someone call 911!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

[screaming]

Please, no!

Please, no!

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying] [screaming]

What are you--

Hey, Callie, what are you doing?

Wait.

Wait for what?

He's gonna kill us.

And if he doesn't kill us,

he's gonna keep killing people.

We brought him here.

We ended here.

Come on.

I thought we were a team.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[screaming]

Hey, fuck I!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We need a weapon.

I have this.

That is not a weapon.

That could work.

I don't think I can do that.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, you can.

Come on.

[screaming]

Yeah, right!

Callie!

[screaming]

[grunting]

[grunting]

No.

[screaming]

Oh, shit.

[screaming]

[screaming]

Thanks a lot, Jay.

What?

You got it in my mouth.

It just saved your life.

Oh my God, I think I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, hey.

Oh, no, no, no.

[coughing]

I told you I was not good with blood.

No kidding.

[sighing]

Who the fuck is that?

I have no idea.

[crashing]

You two, you're gonna be famous.

The couple that stopped our eyes.

That's very cute.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm gonna leave you alone now.

[footsteps]

Hey, they come over here.

Showing the dark here.

I'm gonna come back to my hotel and try

and crack this campaign before my flight.

Just actually ate some dinner.

We're at a whole bunch of room service.

Jay, you can't?

[sighing]

[door creaking]

Hey, you two.

Just wanna make sure

you both got home safe.

Either of you need a lift.

Um, actually, I suppose you have a phone

just so I can call a cab.

No, don't be silly.

I'll give you a ride home.

At least I can do.

You're cherry to wait.

Okay.

Work call later?

Sounds like a plan.

Hey, uh, does anyone have a pen?

I got you, dude.

Okay.

Can I see that?

[phone ringing]

That's me.

Your chariot awaits.

She's not my type.

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

Hey, um, I got another call, so I'm just

gonna have to take that.

And that, too.

[phone ringing] [phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

Hey, do you need a ride?

[phone ringing]

Hey.

Um, do you have

something you wanna tell me?

Oh, you're never gonna

believe what happened.

Hello, heart eyes? Are you kidding me?

Hey, are you okay? Tell me the truth. Do

you need to come over?

I can sleep in Arthur's panic room.

No, I hate this feeling.

What feeling?

Liking someone.

God, I fucked up.

I fucked up, Mon. I met a really, really

great guy, and now he's gone.

Where is he?

At the airport.

Oh.

Okay, great. He's at

the airport. Go get him.

I-- Hey, Ali? Ali, listen to me. You

deserve to be happy.

You deserve to have someone love you for

the beautiful,

neurotic mess that you are.

I mean, you could be

so clueless sometimes.

It's one of the ten

things I hate about you.

Honestly, you can't let Jay go off to his

best friend's wedding

and hook up with a bunch of bridesmaids

and move to Notting Hill.

No. This is love, Mama.

Some kind of

wonderful, crazy, stupid love.

Actually...

Go get him. Go get that

beautiful, melanin man.

Okay?

It's gorgeous.

Oh, my God.

You gotta go. You

gotta get it right there.

I'm going.

I love you. You're beautiful.

This is your final call for all

passengers on flight 403 to Boston.

Thank you.

Jay?

Please have your boarding

pass at the station ready.

Jay!

Thank you. Jay?

Jay?

Jay?

Jay?

Sorry!

Jay?

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I

thought you were somebody else.

Sorry.

Your flight is boarded

and ready for departure.

Please make your way to the

main lounge 11 immediately.)

Hello?

Roses are red.

Millets are black.

Guess who's with me and not coming back?

Who is this?

We've met before.

Forget me not.

(I tell it not! Don't do this!)

St. Valentine's Chapel.

Come alone or he dies.

Okay.

Call for help.

He dies.

Okay. Just please don't hurt him.

That's up to you, sweetheart.

They say love is blind.

And lovers cannot see.)

(The pretty follies that they themselves commit.)

(Where love isn't blind.)

Is it?

Wait, you're...

It's me.

David.

The IT guy.

Who the fuck did we kill then?

Eli.

Poor, stupid Eli.

You guys were a couple?

Couple? No.

Thrupple.

Love looks with eyes wide open.

Seeking what the heart desires the most.

Partner.

It's true companion.

I found mine ten

years ago in a chat room.

David saw me, he

understood me, and I understood him.

We got married here.

Yeah.

You know, I didn't really

take you for the religious type.

No.

I just like this story.

St. Valentine...

...was beheaded.

You murdered innocent people.

Show what you love.

Show what you love.

And we love hunting.

Killing.

Deceit.

Taking turns on our victims.

Murdering couples.

Is our kick.

Everybody's got to fetish.

Well, too bad we wasted

your boyfriend at the drive-in.

Oh, God.

He wasn't a boyfriend.

No, Eli was just a stupid fanboy.

He was obsessed with us.

He was obsessed with me.

Yeah, he learned a lot from me.

You just got messy.

I almost got you at home.

I killed your driver.

No!

You're not throwing people!

What are you doing?

And I had a blast wasting those vile

dickheads at the winer.

That reminds me.

Oh.

Found this.

God.

You're the fucking best.

Isn't she the fucking best?

Yeah, I know.

And as luck would have

it, your initials matched.

Jay Shaw.

Janine Shaw, bitch.

Why us?

We're not even a couple.

Just let him go.

Let him go.

Truth be told, we were going to kill the

other couple at the restaurant.

But then, we saw that kiss.

Oh, that kiss.

God.

Your chemistry is undeniable.

Well, I didn't know that

murder was a love language.

Try it.

Maybe you'll like it.

Pick it up.

Pick it up.

There's a single bullet in that chamber

with one single choice.

Him or you?

We may have mistaken you for lovers at

the beginning of the night,

but can you prove us right?

Could you save his life with yours,

thus proving that love

really does conquer all?

If you don't love him, kill him.

And you're free to go.

Wow.

You know, your dedication is impressive.

Just twist it as fuck, but...

Jane.

I spent so long running from love.

Convinced it would destroy me.

I don't want to be that person anymore.

I want the storybook thing.

It was just one single night.

It was just one single night.

But I fell hard for you, Jane.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, don't do that.

No, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, no, no, no, no.

Forgive me.

Ali!

Oh, no.

Baby, no!

Oh, you shot me.

Sorry. I overcorrected.

It's a lucky fucking shot.

Ali, would you be what you said?

Go on.

Okay.

Chop that pretty boy up. I'm

gonna have fun with this one.

No, no.

Oh, yes, Mommy.

No, no, don't you fucking catch him!

You shouldn't have shot me, bitch.

Hey, hey, come on.

Look at her grow.

Oh, you don't want to miss this, do you?

Isn't she perfect?

You talk too much.

I'm gonna fucking kill you, boo.

You watching, Jay?

I want you to see her die.

Love hurts, bitch.

[crying]

[screaming]

[thunder]

[screaming]

[crunching]

Your day fucking sucks.

[dramatic music]

Jay.

Jay.

[crying]

How are you?

[crying]

I think you got over your fear of blood.

[screaming]

Fuck, really?

That's fucking hell, dad!

That's fucking hell, man!

You're a failure.

[crunching]

[crying]

Planet saved.

Planet saved.

[thunder]

[applause]

Now, if you told me that a year ago, I'd

be drinking the highest

recorded sales in crystal

cane history, I'd say, "Y'all just a line

stack of hot trash."

What?

Here we are.

And it's all thanks to

these two marketing mavens.

[cheering]

Right here.

Thank you.

Now, Ella, I am, believe it or not,

mildly devastated that

this is your last day.

But I'm proud of you for going pursuing

your dreams, going back to doctor school.

All told, I really do hope that you're

better with a needle than

you are with a pitch deck.

To Nick's house!

To success!

Wait.

To love.

Hey, baby.

Hi.

What did I miss?

Hey, do you think it's weird having a

date here after everything that happened?

Nope, not to me.

This is where I realized

I was in love with you.

So, I feel symbolic.

Okay, symbolic.

Do you think it's some--

Listen, don't freak out.

Don't freak out.

I know stuff like this

can freak you out, but...

Ella, this has been

the best year of my life.

So...

Willy, you move in with me.

Jay, I...

I don't know what to say.

Yeah, no, I know where

that's going. That's okay.

No, I don't want to key.

I don't want to key.

I don't want you.

[sighs]

Jay Simmons.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, yes, a million fucking times.

Yes.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

Hello?

Who is this?

Relax, bitch.

Tucson? Monica, that's not funny.

Where are you?

Did you get it?

Of course I got it. Are you kidding me?

You look super cute.

I mean, I would have gotten a manicure,

but I told you that,

and you're fine with that.

You're a natural gal. You look great.

Okay, enjoy the movie, Fiancees.

Love you.

Ali?

Hello?

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]