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1
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.
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00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:06,789
- "Will & Grace" is recorded
in front of a live audience.
3
00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,660
- Okay, Daddy.
We'll see you soon.
4
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,185
They're ten minutes away.
My dad stopped for a hot dog.
5
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,447
- But I'm making dinner!
6
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,536
- Don't make a big thing
about it!
7
00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:17,495
- Our first meal together
since your dad married my mom,
8
00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:19,062
and he ruins it
by eating beforehand?
9
00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,237
Who does that?
10
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:23,153
Grace, I'm making dinner!
11
00:00:23,197 --> 00:00:25,329
- Don't make a big thing
about it!
12
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:29,203
Hey, look, don't stress.
It's all good.
13
00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:30,856
We're taking care
of both parents in one swoop.
14
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,336
- Yeah, that's true.
15
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:33,511
It'll be nice to connect
with your dad
16
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:34,817
and for you to bond
with my mom.
17
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,210
- Well, I'm already close
with your mom.
18
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:37,211
- Yeah, you're listed
in her phone
19
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:38,690
as Will's Jewish friend.
20
00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,566
[door shuts]
21
00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,307
- Sorry, I'm just having
a tough day.
22
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:49,353
I just...need to see
a friendly face.
23
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:00,495
Hello, beautiful.
24
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:05,195
- Who's the fairiest
of them all?
25
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:07,415
- Is everything all right?
26
00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:08,590
- Thank you.
27
00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:10,070
Thank you for asking.
28
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:13,682
You've always been
the nice one, Grace.
29
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,206
Just emotionally,
I'm just--
30
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,381
you know,
I'm kind of in the weeds.
31
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,774
- Your wedding
stressing you out?
32
00:01:18,817 --> 00:01:20,732
- Yeah, and my play,
"Gaybraham Twinkin',"
33
00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:23,474
which "Time Out"
magazine called
34
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:25,389
"3 1/2 hours long."
35
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:26,912
- It's that long?
36
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,653
- It was four,
but I cut out the scene
37
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,655
of Abe manscaping.
38
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:35,660
But it still isn't enough time
to cover the relationship
39
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:37,793
between Abe
and his gay lover, Joshua--
40
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,143
Wait, you said you saw it.
41
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:43,103
- We did.
- And we loved it.
42
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,496
- Prove it.
43
00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:46,758
If you saw it, how was I?
44
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:49,109
- So good.
- So good.
45
00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:51,720
- Okay, you saw it.
46
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,246
But I don't even care!
47
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,813
I'm more worried
about my wedding.
48
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,643
- I thought Karen was helping
you with the planning.
49
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,166
- That's the problem.
50
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,341
She's doing everything,
51
00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:05,429
and because she's paying
for it,
52
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,822
I don't get anything I want.
53
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:07,866
- Well, what's something
you want
54
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,172
that she won't let you have?
55
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,521
- Can I show you?
- Yeah.
56
00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:14,438
Is that a--
- It is.
57
00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,353
A unicorn dessert station.
58
00:02:16,397 --> 00:02:18,225
You choose
your unicorn-themed cakes,
59
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:19,835
mini-cakes,
and profiteroles here,
60
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,924
and then when you get
to the unicorn's horn--
61
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:22,925
- It doesn't.
[cork pops]
62
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:24,753
- It does!
63
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,802
It shoots out
marshmallow fluff!
64
00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:31,890
Out of its horn!
65
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,805
All over your face!
66
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,246
It's what I dreamed
of having at my wedding
67
00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:41,683
ever since I was a little boy.
68
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:44,773
- Okay, first of all,
that is gross.
69
00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:45,904
- And you'll be
first in line.
70
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:48,385
- Hell yes!
71
00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:49,734
Jack, come on!
72
00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,214
If you want it,
just put your foot down.
73
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,476
- [sighs] I can't.
She's paying.
74
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:53,999
- It's your wedding.
75
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,784
- I don't know.
I'll do something.
76
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:58,352
Look, I have to get
to the theater.
77
00:02:58,395 --> 00:02:59,657
That is my life, after all.
78
00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:00,832
- All right, well,
79
00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:02,704
break a leg.
80
00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:05,010
- What a horrible thing to say.
81
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,664
[door shuts]
82
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,667
[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]
83
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:16,718
♪
84
00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:20,504
- Martin, how's the brisket?
85
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,332
- Good! Very good.
86
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,769
- Mm-hmm.
- So, Mom.
87
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:26,771
Mom.
88
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:29,992
Marilyn?
89
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,341
- Yes, Grace.
90
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:38,348
- S-so now that you and Dad
are living in the city,
91
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:41,351
you think you're gonna sell
the Connecticut house?
92
00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:43,745
- Oh...I don't know.
93
00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:45,529
It's very personal.
94
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:46,704
- I get that.
I suppose if I lived
95
00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,445
in one house
for as many years--
96
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:51,753
- No, no, dear,
your question is very personal.
97
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,538
- I say we dump it.
98
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,279
Who wants to live
in Connecticut?
99
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,020
It's so goyish.
The state flower is mayonnaise.
100
00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:03,330
- Oh, the city is exciting.
101
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:07,464
We saw Nathan Lane last week,
buying gum!
102
00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:08,900
- Mm!
103
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:11,294
- Oh, why not?
Let's sell it.
104
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,905
- Well, you made that decision
kind of fast, didn't you, Mom?
105
00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,907
I mean, I grew up
in that house.
106
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:19,607
Dad gave up on me
in that yard.
107
00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,913
- Well, if Martin's
not crazy about it,
108
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,567
why hang on to it?
109
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,874
Oh, besides,
we could use the money
110
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,615
to buy a summer place.
111
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,921
- You want a summer place?
- It might be nice.
112
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,446
Maybe something in Connecticut.
113
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,841
- All right, we'll do it!
114
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:37,929
both: Mwah.
115
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:39,409
- You see?
116
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:40,845
That's the secret
to a happy marriage.
117
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:43,457
Not communication
and date nights.
118
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,762
Acceptance.
119
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,373
No fighting.
Just accept.
120
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:47,939
- So what are you saying,
you two don't fight?
121
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,725
- Well, that was what
our first marriages were about.
122
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:53,075
Now we prefer to be happy.
123
00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,772
- Mm. Ah. Ooh.
- What?
124
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,470
- Daddy? Are you all right?
125
00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:58,123
- Yeah, maybe the brisket
was a little spicy.
126
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,516
- Nothing spicy in it.
127
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:00,865
- I thought it was
spicy too, dear.
128
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,781
- Ooh. Maybe a hot pepper.
129
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:04,956
- There's no peppers in it.
130
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,002
- Maybe a shard of glass.
131
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:09,787
- Yes, well, the recipe did
call for a cup of diced glass.
132
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,006
- Ah!
- All right, that's it.
133
00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:12,529
We're going to the hospital.
Come on.
134
00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:13,791
- Where--where's his coat?
135
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:14,966
- Uh, it's on the couch, Mom.
136
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:15,967
- Now, where's his coat?
137
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:17,404
- Mom, it's on the couch.
138
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:18,622
- Oh, he's gonna get cold.
139
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,711
Somebody tell me
where his coat is.
140
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,670
- Coat is on the couch,
Marilyn.
141
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:23,845
- Thank you, Grace.
142
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,716
I don't know why
that was so hard.
143
00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:30,199
.
144
00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:33,115
[upbeat piano music]
145
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:35,247
♪
146
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,380
- ♪ Joshua, oh, Joshua
147
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:40,470
♪ I love you, but,
oh, my gosh-ua! ♪
148
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:45,083
♪ What do you think of me?
149
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:47,477
♪ Me for your thoughts
150
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,914
♪ Me for
your thoughts ♪
151
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,220
♪ If you like 'em
tall and round ♪
152
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:53,353
♪ Then pick me up
off the ground ♪
153
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:56,268
♪ I'm a penny!
154
00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:04,146
So that'll replace
the shadow puppet sequence,
155
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:05,887
which the police made me cut.
156
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,847
- Good idea, honey.
Keep changing it up.
157
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,458
It's what keeps me
and the homeless man
158
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:14,417
who takes a dump in the lobby
coming back.
159
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:17,072
- Okay, now I'm gonna run lines
for the scene
160
00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:19,074
where Gaybraham tells
a sleeping Mary Todd
161
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,206
that he's taking a fairy
to Provincetown.
162
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:25,428
And that fairy is his lovah,
Joshua Speed.
163
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,430
[phone ringing]
164
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:29,563
- What's up, wedding planner?
165
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,303
A unicorn?
166
00:06:31,347 --> 00:06:33,044
That sprays what?
167
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:35,351
Out of its where?
168
00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:38,006
All over your huh?
169
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:42,837
Well, who the hell asked
for that?
170
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,273
- That was me.
171
00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:45,970
Uh, I just thought
it'd be a hoot, you know, if-
172
00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:47,494
- Yeah, no, Poodle,
it's ticky-tacky.
173
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:52,150
And besides, I am paying
for everything, so yeah.
174
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,457
Just do what you did
for Donald's inauguration,
175
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:57,199
but we're expecting
a few more people.
176
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:02,944
- Karen, maybe this one time,
we could just--
177
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,162
- Paying.
- It's just that--
178
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:05,207
- For.
- Shouldn't we have--
179
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,470
- Everything.
- [sighs]
180
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,385
- Honey! Trust me.
181
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,474
I know what's best for you.
182
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,433
- But you don't understand.
183
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:15,565
My whole life, I have dreamed
of a unicorn that shoots out--
184
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:18,612
[phone buzzes, dings]
Come...on!
185
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,356
Rory's sister
can't make it tonight.
186
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,358
She's my Mary Todd!
187
00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:28,970
"Jack, due to circumstances
beyond my control,
188
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,972
I don't want to do
the show anymore."
189
00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,364
Great.
190
00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,192
The one night I have
an esteemed critic
191
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:36,194
from "Butt" magazine coming.
192
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:39,459
Two thumbs up from him
could make or break a show.
193
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:43,550
- Honey, can't you just talk
to a pile of pillows
194
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:46,466
or ask Doug the Bum to step in?
195
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:49,338
- I don't know.
I feel weird asking Doug.
196
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:51,993
He has a Tony.
197
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:53,211
- All right.
198
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,649
Here's what's going to happen.
199
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:58,086
I'm going to play Mary Todd.
200
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,001
- Oh, my God,
you would do that for me?
201
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,524
Because it's super easy.
All you have to do
202
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:03,178
is lie there in bed
with your eyes closed
203
00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:04,527
and pretend
like you're sleeping.
204
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:05,659
- Oh. Honey, no prob.
205
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:07,225
That's what I used to do
with Stan
206
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:09,401
when he wanted to go
to fifth base.
207
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,493
You know...
wouldn't it be better
208
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:16,496
if Mary Todd had
a couple of lines?
209
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,498
- [laughs]
210
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,238
It's a one-man show.
211
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:22,937
- And I'm the one man
paying for it.
212
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:24,155
- [laughs]
213
00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,375
And I appreciate that.
I do.
214
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:27,985
But this play's
very important to me,
215
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,248
and I want it to be done
just the right way.
216
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,728
- Uh, let me get this straight.
217
00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:35,297
You want it to be done...
just the right way.
218
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,386
- Yeah.
- Okay.
219
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,083
Well, I think
we're on the same page.
220
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:40,563
- Oh.
[laughs]
221
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,304
Phew.
- [chuckles]
222
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:44,262
- I don't usually win
these standoffs with you.
223
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:45,481
- No.
224
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,091
You usually don't.
225
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,356
- Here.
- Thanks.
226
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,532
Gosh.
227
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,751
This worked out so perfectly.
228
00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:56,623
My dad has AB-negative blood.
You're AB-negative.
229
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:59,060
- I know, and I've been wanting
to bond with your dad.
230
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:01,192
Now I'm gonna donate my blood.
231
00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:03,586
I'll literally be inside
your father.
232
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:08,112
- You want to rephrase that?
- So much. So much. Yeah.
233
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:12,639
Well, this hero is off
to save a life.
234
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,554
Maybe I'll stop by
the children's ward
235
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:15,555
on the way back.
236
00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:17,165
They'd like that.
237
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:23,040
- Hey, Daddy.
How are you feeling?
238
00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:25,565
- Eh, trying to figure out
how to swap this bag
239
00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:27,305
for a bottle of Chivas.
240
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,481
Where's Marilyn?
241
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:30,482
- Oh, she's just filling out
242
00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:31,701
some forms for the blood.
243
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:33,485
- Oh, I'm surprised
they had my type.
244
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,313
- Oh, you must've been asleep.
245
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:36,619
Will's giving you blood.
246
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,752
- Will?
- Yeah.
247
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:41,537
He's AB-negative also.
I mean, isn't that amazing?
248
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,626
- Well...
- "Well" what?
249
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,410
- I'm not taking Will's blood.
250
00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:47,543
- Why?
- You know why.
251
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,806
- Because he's gay?
- Well, yeah!
252
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,199
- Daddy!
- Look.
253
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:52,287
I know about these things.
254
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,332
There's a certain risk, okay?
255
00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:56,334
- He gets tested.
256
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:59,163
Plus, they screen the blood.
It's safe.
257
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:00,338
- Yeah, forget about it.
258
00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:01,731
I'll wait
for the straight blood.
259
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,516
- The straight blood.
260
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,083
Daddy, that's the most
offensive thing
261
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,737
I've ever heard you say.
262
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:09,347
And I've gone on
263
00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:11,088
the It's a Small World ride
with you.
264
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,178
- Please, Grace, stop, okay?
265
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,527
I don't want to do this
with you.
266
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:18,226
We did the MeToo thing.
There was learning.
267
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:19,227
I heard you.
268
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:20,750
But this is not the time.
269
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:22,491
- [scoffs]
270
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:24,145
What am I supposed
to tell Will?
271
00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:25,450
- Let him think
I took his blood.
272
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,670
That's why Marilyn and I
are so happy.
273
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,717
We don't have to discuss
every little thing.
274
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,371
- Okay, uh, Mr. Adler,
have you taken
275
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:36,287
any recreational drugs
in the last 24 hours?
276
00:10:36,331 --> 00:10:37,419
- No.
277
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,638
- Great, I'll give you 20 bucks
278
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:39,726
to fill this up
with your urine.
279
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:40,770
Thanks.
280
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:46,036
.
281
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,082
- There.
282
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:51,912
Another log on the fire should
keep you warm, Mary Todd.
283
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:53,783
And while you slumber,
284
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:57,047
I steal away
with my beloved Joshua
285
00:10:57,091 --> 00:11:00,703
for a "work weekend"
in Provincetown.
286
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,488
It's important to make
the distinction--
287
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:04,925
- I say hit the gym.
288
00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:07,579
I've seen you
with your shirt off.
289
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,538
[laughter]
290
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,801
- Mary Todd.
- [grunts]
291
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:15,109
- She must be talking
in her sleep.
292
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:17,677
Which she oughtn't hadn't
better be doing!
293
00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:22,725
Where was I?
Uh...beach, top, bottom.
294
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:23,813
Oh, yeah.
295
00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:25,685
And now...
296
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,122
I must pack my beards.
297
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:31,516
But which beard
shall I bring with me?
298
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,170
Not this one.
299
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:36,783
Our carriage shall arrive
at any--
300
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,654
- I'm going with you.
301
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,960
We can stop and go antiquing,
302
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,092
which will probably be
a lot cheaper
303
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:44,181
because everything's new.
304
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:47,924
- Nay, Mary Todd.
305
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,796
You cannot-eth come.
306
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:51,014
Now, back to bed.
307
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:52,146
- Ah!
308
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:54,583
Yeah?
And who's paying for it?
309
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,019
In fact, who's paying
310
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:58,718
for your whole
P-Town sausage party?
311
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:02,112
Why, it's me, Mary Todd.
312
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:04,201
I'm paying for everything.
313
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,161
- Mary Todd--
- Paying.
314
00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:08,728
- It's just that--
- For.
315
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:10,033
- Shouldn't we have--
- Everything!
316
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,556
- That's it!
317
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:14,690
I don't want your money!
318
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,039
I don't want you
to pay for my play!
319
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,867
I don't want you to pay
for my damn wedding!
320
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:21,610
To Joshua.
321
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:24,613
[freewheeling piano music]
322
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:25,832
♪
323
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,790
- Hey! How's your dad doing?
324
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,836
- Good. Great, actually.
325
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,663
They're gonna release him
this afternoon.
326
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:34,318
- Really? Well, maybe that's
'cause he's got my blood
327
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,842
coursing through his veins.
328
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:37,931
- Will.
- Hey, keep an eye on him.
329
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,194
Side effects may include
compulsive tweezing,
330
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:41,978
overdeveloped quads...
331
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,720
And the urge to take
shirtless selfies
332
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,243
in front of national monuments.
333
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,638
- My dad didn't use your blood.
334
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:50,857
- What?
335
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,728
- He had a problem with...
336
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,819
He didn't want
to use your blood.
337
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:01,128
- Ah.
338
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,999
Right.
339
00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:04,348
Well, I...
340
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:05,828
am off to bed.
341
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,177
- Will, I get it,
and the second
342
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,178
he is feeling better,
343
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:09,266
you need to lay into him.
344
00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:10,877
He has to understand--
345
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,095
- He thinks how he thinks.
346
00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:13,923
I'm not gonna say anything.
347
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:16,143
- Are you kidding?
Since when are you defeatist?
348
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:18,362
- Don't do that.
- What? Aren't you mad?
349
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:20,103
- No, Grace.
350
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:22,845
I'm tired.
351
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:26,327
W-why do I have
to lead the fight?
352
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:29,069
What, every time somebody says
something remotely antigay,
353
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,853
I have to jump in?
354
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,855
I've marched.
I've written the checks.
355
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,075
I've made the calls.
356
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:36,903
But every time you think
357
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,775
you can exhale
and have your big gay party,
358
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,777
somebody tells you
359
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,779
they won't bake your cake.
360
00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:46,695
I'm not being defeatist.
361
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,696
I just don't want to
362
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,741
have to defend who I am
363
00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,787
all the time.
364
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,223
I want a day off.
365
00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:56,966
Your dad's not gonna
change, Grace,
366
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,882
so accept it.
367
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:02,842
I hear that's the secret
of a happy relationship.
368
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,976
[mellow piano music]
369
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,108
♪
370
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:11,720
- Honey, are you
still mad at me?
371
00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,156
I'm not even sure
what happened.
372
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,159
Maybe it was my fault.
Maybe it was yours.
373
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,248
Often, it's the writing.
374
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:23,297
Do you really not want me
to come to your wedding?
375
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:26,126
- Interesting. That's the first
time you asked what I want.
376
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:28,476
- Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
377
00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:30,130
It's just that
I love you so much,
378
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:32,784
I want everything
to be perfect for you--
379
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:34,743
your play, your wedding.
380
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:37,180
I guess I've always
thought of you as...
381
00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:46,929
Oh, this is...
really hard to say.
382
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:50,846
I've always thought
of you as my...
383
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,848
- Son?
384
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,894
- Not exactly.
385
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:59,463
No, more like
a little sister
386
00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,378
who we dressed as a boy
387
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:04,164
until she became a boy.
388
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:07,036
- But, Karen,
it's only a perfect wedding
389
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,864
if it's my perfect.
390
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,953
- Honey, I hear you.
391
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:14,130
But it would kill me not to be
able to come to your wedding.
392
00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:16,219
- Of course you'll come.
393
00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:17,873
- Thanks, honey.
394
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,832
Do you think
you two queerbaits
395
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,312
could still find it
in your hearts
396
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:24,445
to let me pay for it?
397
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:27,361
I sure would like to be
the gal who's responsible
398
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:31,843
for giving everyone a face full
of sweet sticky cream.
399
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:36,065
- Oh, my God, this is gonna be
the most beautiful wedding.
400
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,937
- [gasps]
401
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,331
- Hey, tonight wasn't
a total disaster.
402
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,985
The arts critic
from "Butt" magazine
403
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,987
said he wants to give me
a plug and a spread.
404
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,990
[upbeat music]
405
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:49,035
♪
406
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:50,210
[dog barks]
407
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:53,953
♪
408
00:15:57,608 --> 00:15:57,826
.
409
00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,349
- To my William.
410
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:00,829
Oh, we are so grateful
411
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:02,309
for everything you've done.
412
00:16:02,352 --> 00:16:04,311
Well, maybe not
the, uh, spicy meal
413
00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:06,008
that put Martin
in the hospital.
414
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:08,358
- Salt. The spice was salt.
415
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:13,494
- But definitely
your giving your blood to him.
416
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:15,670
You saved my husband's life.
417
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:17,672
- You're a hell of a guy.
- Yeah. Happy to help.
418
00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:18,847
- Oh, my God.
- Grace.
419
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:19,848
[device pings]
- Mm!
420
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:20,980
I gotta take a pill.
421
00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:22,285
[device pings]
Oh!
422
00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:23,721
I gotta take two pills.
423
00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,941
Have I sold you kids yet
on getting old?
424
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,769
'Cause it's great!
425
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,686
- I'd like to give him a pill.
- Stop.
426
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,862
- Why are you two
being so snippy?
427
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:37,213
Oh, is it because I didn't
thank you in my toast, Grace?
428
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:39,563
Because you really didn't
do that much.
429
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:45,700
- Everything's fine, Mother.
- It's not fine.
430
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,658
Your husband refused
to take Will's blood.
431
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:48,659
- Grace.
- What?
432
00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:49,704
- Because he's gay.
433
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:50,966
- Is that true, Will?
434
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,795
Did he say that?
435
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,536
- Yeah.
436
00:16:55,579 --> 00:16:58,408
- Is there an issue?
- Of course not.
437
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,541
- Well, why?
Why didn't you tell me?
438
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,891
- I'm just taking a page
from your book, Mom.
439
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:05,589
Life is easier
when everything's not a fight.
440
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,026
Look, it's done.
441
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,766
We don't have to talk about it.
442
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:10,246
- Of course.
443
00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:11,769
[toilet flushes]
- Why is it your soaps
444
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:13,815
never look like
they've been used?
445
00:17:13,858 --> 00:17:15,556
- You awful, awful man.
446
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,775
- It's just an observation.
447
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:21,301
- You refused
to take my son's blood?
448
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:23,390
- Mom, you don't have to--
- Oh, yes, I do.
449
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:25,870
We are going to have a big,
450
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:29,918
bold, loud, ethnic fight
right now!
451
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,573
Grace, this is your area.
452
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,923
What do I do next?
453
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,359
- Just go for it.
454
00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:37,752
And throw in
something you'll regret.
455
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:38,970
I always do.
456
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:42,452
- You should be ashamed
of yourself!
457
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,672
And you should be too, Will.
458
00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:46,456
- Me?
- Yes.
459
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,372
There are some things in life
that you have to fight about.
460
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,634
- You know,
everyone seems to forget,
461
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,680
I just got out of the hospital.
462
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:55,074
And I had to give that nurse
a urine sample!
463
00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:58,425
And two of her friends!
464
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:01,471
I need some air!
465
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:03,038
- Oh, no, you come back here!
466
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,648
I have more to say!
467
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:05,910
- Oh, yes, you do.
468
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:07,086
- Hey, guys.
469
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,435
Guys.
470
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,960
Thank you both.
471
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:14,005
But you're right.
472
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,833
I need to do this part.
473
00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:20,621
- Boy, that was a rush.
474
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:23,102
Must be what an Italian
feels like.
475
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,718
- Wonderful. Time for another
lesson for the old man.
476
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,111
I don't want to hear it.
477
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,635
- Yeah, well,
I don't want to say it.
478
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:35,636
- Look, I was in the hospital.
479
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:37,638
I wasn't comfortable.
480
00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:39,509
It was nothing personal.
481
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:41,903
- It's the most personal thing
in the world!
482
00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:43,905
I was trying
to help you, Martin.
483
00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:46,647
But I guess 'cause I'm gay,
I'm not, what, clean?
484
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:48,562
- Come on.
You're freakishly clean.
485
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:52,000
Is there anything in your house
that hasn't been washed twice?
486
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,480
- Well, your daughter,
487
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:55,699
but that's
a different conversation.
488
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:58,615
- Come on.
489
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:00,400
A blood transfusion
from a gay man?
490
00:19:00,443 --> 00:19:01,531
I thought there were rules.
491
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,011
- Oh, there are.
492
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:05,666
In order to donate my blood,
I had to lie on the form
493
00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:07,711
and say that I've been
celibate for a year,
494
00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:09,974
even though I've been
in a committed
495
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:12,847
monogamous relationship
and HIV-negative.
496
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:15,806
- You lied on the form?
So I was right.
497
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:17,678
- No, you're not,
because the law
498
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:20,071
is based on fear,
not science.
499
00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:22,683
Trust me, nobody spends
more of their lives
500
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:24,815
thinking about being safe
than gay men.
501
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:27,470
We get tested and retested.
502
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:29,472
On a first date,
we swap medical histories
503
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:31,648
the way straight people
swap pictures of themselves
504
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:34,085
at the same
Ed Sheeran concert.
505
00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,741
And even when we have
nine kinds of proof,
506
00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:39,700
we're still told
we're tainted.
507
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:42,703
And to hear that from someone
that I care about,
508
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:43,878
well, that's a punch
in the gut.
509
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:46,707
- I am not a bad person.
- I know.
510
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:50,232
You made a misguided choice
based on bad information.
511
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,408
You're every woman
that gets bangs.
512
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,588
- I guess the good news is that
513
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:01,591
all the old, ignorant farts
of the world will be gone soon.
514
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:04,855
- Not good enough.
You're here now, Martin.
515
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:07,554
You gotta keep growing.
516
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:09,556
And I gotta keep fighting.
517
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:10,948
Nobody gets a day off.
518
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,950
- Sounds exhausting.
519
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,433
I'm sorry, Will.
520
00:20:18,782 --> 00:20:21,176
I love you, you know that.
521
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,786
- I do.
522
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,005
I love you too.
523
00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:25,746
- I promise to take your blood
524
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,791
next time you try
to kill me with spicy food.
525
00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:30,751
- It was plain meat
boiled for eight hours!
526
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,579
You ever think maybe it was
that hot dog you ate?
527
00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:35,451
- Nah. I've had three of those
every day for 30 years.
528
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,150
- You did great, Marilyn.
529
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,848
- Thank you.
530
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:43,590
And you can call me Mom.
531
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,026
- Really?
532
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:46,506
- Yeah, but just
when we're alone.
533
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:47,811
- Oh.
534
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:53,774
- And, uh, will you try
to read my mood first?
535
00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:56,080
[upbeat piano music]
536
00:20:56,130 --> 00:21:00,680
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