All language subtitles for Those Who Cant s03e12 Abbeys Road.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,534 --> 00:00:03,336 Sure. Whatever you have to keep telling yourself, bud. 2 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,587 Okay, Shoemaker, am I gonna have to do 3 00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:07,006 - the Binaca challenge again for you? - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 4 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,474 10 shots under the tongue to prove it right now? 5 00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,343 - You wouldn't dare. - Two shots is the recommended dose. 6 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,011 - You wouldn't dare. - 10 is like a million times... 7 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,413 [SPRITZING] 8 00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:16,215 - [COUGHING] - Ohh! 9 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:17,283 Wow! 10 00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,684 You barely got through that. 11 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:19,953 - But he did do it. - Exactly. 12 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,755 So he's still our alpha. 13 00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:24,090 Attention, mind molders! 14 00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:27,360 I have, uh, some rather unfortunate news. God! 15 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,495 Since the late Abbey Logan... 16 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,364 And I don't mean "late" as in dead. 17 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,299 I mean "late" as in dead to me... 18 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:36,302 Was the last of the last librarians, 19 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,571 Smoot Library will be shut down. 20 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,306 What?! Well, what bathroom 21 00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,642 - are we supposed to shit in now? - Exactly. 22 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,978 Look, I had no choice, okay? 23 00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:47,446 Unless you know someone with an English degree 24 00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:49,182 willing to accept a salary of... 25 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,450 Bookmarks and paper cuts? 26 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,852 $65,000! 27 00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:55,321 28 00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:57,590 Quit wasting my time 29 00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,993 I ain't here for you 30 00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,395 I'm just putting in work 31 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:06,416 Till my day is through 32 00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,001 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 33 00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:11,004 I'm sorry, Quinn. How much does a librarian make, again? 34 00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:15,008 I said $65,000! 35 00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:17,410 Okay, you think that second drink was a tad excessive? 36 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,812 Quinn, I have an English degree. 37 00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,546 I could totally be the librarian. 38 00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,482 Oh, no, no, no. No, that's not fair. 39 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,884 I-I could just go and get an English degree. 40 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,352 [SCOFFS] Yeah, right. 41 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,255 You probably don't even know who William Carlos Williams is. 42 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,622 Who the hell is that? 43 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,957 He's, like, a word guy they teach you about 44 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,827 when you get an English degree, like I have. 45 00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:36,029 Quinn, I could really use a fresh start, man. 46 00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:37,230 Well, I'll tell you what. 47 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,165 You can fresh start immediately. 48 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:40,433 - Oh, come... - Yes! 49 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,635 Wait a minute. You really think that's a good idea? 50 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,303 Well, who better than a bona fide author 51 00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:45,840 to be our librarian? 52 00:01:45,841 --> 00:01:47,634 Exactly. So it's settled. 53 00:01:47,635 --> 00:01:51,244 I just can't believe that Abbey was making 15K a year more than us. 54 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,310 Why would she walk away from that kind of cash? 55 00:01:53,311 --> 00:01:54,780 We'll never know now 56 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,474 because she left without saying goodbye. 57 00:01:56,475 --> 00:01:57,917 Classic Abbey. 58 00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:02,121 Man, I can see it now. Loren Payton... Flybrarian. 59 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,457 [EXHALES] Yeah. 60 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,592 Your spit juice is burning my eyes. 61 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,394 ABBEY: Okay. 62 00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,396 Okay, ma'am, I'm gonna need you to breathe 63 00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:11,865 and tell me what's going on. 64 00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,707 - I think I'm going into labor. - Really?! 65 00:02:13,708 --> 00:02:15,272 Well, you better start walkin' 66 00:02:15,273 --> 00:02:17,441 'cause this car is getting booted. 67 00:02:18,961 --> 00:02:20,206 Nice try, pregs. 68 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,675 [AIR HORN BLOWS] 69 00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:23,809 Damn it, Red Zone, you're the first cadet 70 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,880 to ace the pregnancy simulator test in the first try. 71 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:29,682 You are one sick, sick peach. I love it! 72 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,150 Thank you, sir! Sir, thank you! 73 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,351 Normally, you'd be looking 74 00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:33,819 at about another five days in training, 75 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,621 but we need someone like you out on the street. 76 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:38,290 So, Red Zone, here's your firearm. 77 00:02:38,839 --> 00:02:40,093 And here's your printer. 78 00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:42,562 [GASPS] 79 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:43,563 [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] 80 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:44,698 You know, I took this library job 81 00:02:44,699 --> 00:02:45,899 because it was so lucrative, 82 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:47,317 but I've been reading a lot of these shits 83 00:02:47,318 --> 00:02:48,568 and they're pretty good. 84 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,236 A lot of dangerous ideas in there. 85 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,838 - Super fascinating. - Abbey's problem was that she did not 86 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,907 make the library hip enough. 87 00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:55,174 So I've divided the classics 88 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,042 into sections designed to entice the kids. 89 00:02:57,043 --> 00:03:00,045 I got "William S&M Burroughs" and "Suck My Dickens," 90 00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:02,248 after Charles Dickens, the very famous author. 91 00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:03,983 Hey, why don't you go Faulkner yourself? 92 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,785 [LAUGHS] That one, I got. 93 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,721 Okay, Shoemaker, I realize you're jealous 94 00:03:07,722 --> 00:03:09,255 of my recent cash windfall, 95 00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,056 but you're coming at me very hard. 96 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,459 So why don't you examine that and then dial it back? 97 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,594 To your butt. 98 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,595 [LAUGHS] 99 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,596 Now you're doing it? 100 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:17,863 It just came out of my mouth. 101 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,399 Something feels very off about this entire thing. 102 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,735 Yeah. You know, I noticed it, too, 103 00:03:21,736 --> 00:03:23,269 but I didn't want to say anything. 104 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,004 We were having so much fun at your expense, 105 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,406 but it's like ever since you became librarian, 106 00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:30,409 you just... matter less. 107 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,677 Like, way more less. 108 00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:33,813 Okay, I think I see what's going on here. 109 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,456 With Abbey gone, our entire dynamic is off. 110 00:03:36,457 --> 00:03:38,551 - Hmm. - But I think I have an idea. 111 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,019 Although, first things first, 112 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,821 "Go Faulkner Yourself"... That's... 113 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:42,888 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 114 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,999 Are you gonna write down his joke like it's your joke? 115 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,292 - What are you, a comic? - "His joke." 116 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,560 I mean, I had a similar idea. 117 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,495 No, you never had that idea. I just said it. 118 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,097 I was workshopping something Faulknerian. 119 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,632 You never workshopped... 120 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,567 ABBEY: Been thinking about you. 121 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,102 This new job has everything 122 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,237 that's been missing from my life... 123 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,640 Respect, a sense of purpose, Vitamin "D." 124 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,642 I never would have taken this leap 125 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,043 without your support. 126 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,378 [CELLPHONE BLOOPS] 127 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,647 PEN PAL: I've never felt such a connection 128 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,516 to a person whose gender, ethnicity, economic status, 129 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,785 hair color, eye color, 130 00:04:11,786 --> 00:04:14,053 favorite music, favorite food, 131 00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:17,085 and fondness or dislike of dogs is unknown. 132 00:04:17,086 --> 00:04:18,257 Red heart. 133 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,102 Well, I do like dogs. 134 00:04:21,796 --> 00:04:22,812 [CELLPHONE BLOOPS] 135 00:04:22,813 --> 00:04:23,863 You are naughty. 136 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:27,066 Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk... 137 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,134 Mm, yeah, that was pretty good, 138 00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,536 but let's try it again, 139 00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,605 but with more fire and more sass! 140 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,208 Start grounded, then escalate. 141 00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:36,942 Broader. Broader! 142 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,277 Don't be afraid to use the space. 143 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,278 Okay, good, good. 144 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,413 That's the type of stuff we'll say 145 00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,147 when somebody actually comes in for an audition. 146 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:44,217 By the way, what's going on with your hair? 147 00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:46,085 Oh, I'm trying out a new product. 148 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,687 - It's Tom's of Maine. - Really? 149 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,889 'Cause you look like Douche of Vermont. 150 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,224 [CHUCKLES] 151 00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:53,226 That's good, because Vermont's also in New England, 152 00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,294 - so it's like a lateral diss. - [KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS] 153 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,230 You guys got time for one more? 154 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,833 No, we're at dingbat capacity. Go somewhere else. 155 00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:02,168 Come on. We just need a punching bag, Shoemaker. 156 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,170 - No, we don't. - Come back in, Quinnsby! 157 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,171 [DOOR OPENS] Yeah? 158 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,193 - "Quinnsby"? - Yeah. 159 00:05:06,194 --> 00:05:07,440 - What are you...? - [DOOR CLOSES] 160 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,775 [CLEARS THROAT] 161 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,310 I hope you guys don't mind 162 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,447 if I perhaps... ad-lib! 163 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,581 - You're not an actor. - Go for it. 164 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:16,716 I'd prefer if you'd just read the lines. 165 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,851 QUINN: As your new best friend, 166 00:05:17,852 --> 00:05:20,186 what I can offer you is accompaniment 167 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:24,057 to the "Epileptic Light Ray" Wednesdays at the roller rink, 168 00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:25,458 or even tickle fights. 169 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,527 Who doesn't love a really good tickle fight? 170 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:30,129 Also, I'm willing to attend 171 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,265 any sporting event of your choosing, 172 00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:34,785 and I'll also do chest bumps. 173 00:05:34,786 --> 00:05:37,136 But I want to be very clear... I bruise like a peach. 174 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,205 - You're jumping into me. - Okay, thank you so much. 175 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,606 Can I go again from the top? 176 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:41,615 - No! No, no, no. - No, thank you. 177 00:05:41,616 --> 00:05:42,742 That was... That was great. 178 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:43,943 Just give us a second, if you could, so we can talk. 179 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,344 Please step back. Thank you so much. 180 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,346 Okay, yeah, I'm out, 181 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,549 'cause I already want to choke the shit out of him. 182 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,683 Yeah, since the paper rip. 183 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,618 I'd like to see it again, but louder and broader. 184 00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:53,819 Just a bigger performance. 185 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,755 Look, we don't have to like him. 186 00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,423 I just need somebody that... 187 00:05:57,424 --> 00:06:00,426 We need somebody that we can constantly ridicule, like Abbey. 188 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,027 What am I? Chopped liver? 189 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,964 No, I mean somebody that gets the jokes and is hurt by them. 190 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,031 - Oh! - Right? 191 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,433 [CHUCKLES] Like, picture it. 192 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,702 We're at lunch, Quinn starts talking about principal BS, 193 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,505 and then all of a sudden, it's just Riff City, USA... 194 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,307 Population 3. 195 00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:18,111 Elevation... 420-69. [LAUGHS] 196 00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,914 So you're saying that there's a city in the Continental US 197 00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:22,916 - called Riff City... - Riff City, USA. 198 00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:26,852 That is situated at 42,069 feet above sea level? 199 00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,454 And only three people live there? 200 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,656 Yeah, well, there's not a lot of oxygen to go around. 201 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,725 If I go along with this ridiculous idea 202 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,660 of letting Quinn into our gang, 203 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:37,130 can you promise me that you will never speak of 204 00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:38,932 Riff City, USA, like, ever again? 205 00:06:38,933 --> 00:06:40,866 No, I won't need to speak about it. 206 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,385 We'll be living in it, brah. 207 00:06:42,386 --> 00:06:44,003 No, no, no, I'm asking... 208 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,338 Welcome to the gang, Quinn! 209 00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:48,341 [LAUGHS] Thank you so much! 210 00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:51,165 Now that we're a quartet again, I've got a surprise... 211 00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:54,080 A sneak peek of the new library... 212 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,019 AKA Book City, USA! 213 00:06:57,020 --> 00:06:59,352 It's a totally different city from Riff City. 214 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:05,353 215 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,829 And, unlike Abbey, I understand that drawing dicks 216 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,565 is an important part of student-library culture. 217 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,500 That's why I gave the students 218 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,235 a safe space to do exactly that. 219 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,371 It's like a graffiti wall in the inner city. 220 00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,373 Nothing condescending about that, huh, guys? 221 00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,440 Hmm. 222 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,909 Ooh, favorite part... Loren's Picks... 223 00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:25,645 For your more discerning reader. 224 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:26,780 FAIRBELL: Oh, wow! 225 00:07:26,781 --> 00:07:29,449 So Joseph Heller didn't stay on for "Catch 27"? 226 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,057 Nope, couldn't get him. Oscar Something did this one. 227 00:07:32,058 --> 00:07:33,119 Pretty cool, right? 228 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,654 - No. - It's really exciting. 229 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,189 I'll... I'll be sure to pop back in 230 00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,027 next time I want to take a snooze cruise. 231 00:07:38,028 --> 00:07:39,058 [SNORTS] 232 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,926 - [LAUGHS] - Right, guys? 233 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,662 - Yeah, that was kind of a diss. - [IMITATES GUNSHOTS FIRING] 234 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,263 Yeah. No, I thought so. Yeah. 235 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,332 Well, anyways, I'll catch you guys later. 236 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,002 I, uh... I got to go deal with some principal BS. 237 00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:50,203 Been there. 238 00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:52,938 Yeah, well, I've got to go. 239 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:56,009 I don't have to go. I want to go. 240 00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:57,952 Well, guys, wait up for me. 241 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,613 Snooze cruise. 242 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:03,016 [CHUCKLES] That's a scorcher. 243 00:08:03,017 --> 00:08:09,017 244 00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:12,025 Wait up, sillies. 245 00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:14,427 Fairbell, you weren't at the flag pole, waiting for me, like usual. 246 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,295 Oh. I didn't even think about it. 247 00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,698 Hey, I've been thinking that this Quinn thing's 248 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:19,965 not really working out, you know? 249 00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,300 He doesn't seem to be fitting in. 250 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,389 Actually, I think he's fitting in quite swimmingly. 251 00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:24,704 Really? 252 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,572 Ohh, check it out! 253 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:30,243 I just won $76 for parking in a residential zone. 254 00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:31,711 Read it and weep. 255 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,247 - It's a parking ticket, turkey dick! - [SCOFFS] 256 00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,781 I got one, too. 257 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,250 There he goes, right there. 258 00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:39,118 It's that stupid, little tricycle thing! 259 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,786 - Hey! Hey, you! Stop! - Wait up! 260 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,321 You're not gonna outrun us! 261 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,723 Stop that car! Hey! 262 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,124 - Whoa. - Stop! 263 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,308 [DASHBOARD CHIRPS, ENGINE STOPS] 264 00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:47,326 - Hey, Abbey! - Abbey! 265 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,994 - What? - You're a meter maid? 266 00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,130 Uh, it's Parking Enforcement Officer, 267 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,532 thank you very much. 268 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,534 I see you boys got my card. 269 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,504 - Yeah. - You're responsible for this? 270 00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:58,271 Look, I was just doing my job. 271 00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,005 If you're gonna park illegally, you're gonna get a ticket. 272 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,149 Well, how come we're the only ones that got tickets, then? 273 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,277 Well, that's an officer's discretion. 274 00:09:04,278 --> 00:09:05,611 But if it does happen to be 275 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,346 a carefully crafted, perfectly timed revenge, 276 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,510 then so be it. 277 00:09:08,511 --> 00:09:09,549 - [SCOFFS] Come on. - [DASHBOARD BEEPS] 278 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,421 Have fun at shitty, old Smoot, boys. 279 00:09:11,422 --> 00:09:13,289 I'm off to my new life. 280 00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:16,528 So long, Sucktown! 281 00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:21,164 Hey, I'll have you know we're doing pretty good without you, fake cop! 282 00:09:21,165 --> 00:09:23,567 [LAUGHS] 283 00:09:23,568 --> 00:09:24,768 SHOEMAKER: Yeah, that's right! 284 00:09:24,769 --> 00:09:26,236 'Cause you've already been replaced... 285 00:09:26,237 --> 00:09:28,171 - Uh-huh! By Quinn! - ...by Loren! 286 00:09:28,172 --> 00:09:29,773 - "By Loren"? - Stupid. 287 00:09:29,774 --> 00:09:30,774 Well... 288 00:09:33,344 --> 00:09:34,677 SERGEANT COBB: Hey, Red Zone. 289 00:09:34,678 --> 00:09:36,747 I heard you ticketed 14 Mongol Harleys 290 00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:38,014 outside the Piper Inn. 291 00:09:38,015 --> 00:09:39,616 What, do you have a death wish? 292 00:09:39,617 --> 00:09:41,884 They were more than one foot away from the curb, sir. 293 00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:43,486 You know, normally, I don't pry 294 00:09:43,487 --> 00:09:45,288 into the dark roads that led people here, 295 00:09:45,289 --> 00:09:47,890 but it seems like you were forged from the fires of hell. 296 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,692 Thank you, sir. 297 00:09:49,693 --> 00:09:50,827 Well, to be honest, 298 00:09:50,828 --> 00:09:53,029 I was the librarian at Smoot High School. 299 00:09:53,030 --> 00:09:54,431 Jesus H. Christ. 300 00:09:54,432 --> 00:09:55,832 I actually liked a lot of the job, 301 00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:58,222 but my friends... 302 00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:01,078 turned out to be... 303 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,981 big... dicks. 304 00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:07,043 I'm... I'm sorry. I'm usually cut off by now. 305 00:10:07,044 --> 00:10:08,578 Let me tell you something. 306 00:10:08,579 --> 00:10:11,181 Out here in the streets, we listen to one another. 307 00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:14,050 So, good talk. Now get home to your family. 308 00:10:14,051 --> 00:10:16,186 Well, I don't have a family, sir. 309 00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,588 I was hoping that I could pick up a few extra shifts. 310 00:10:18,589 --> 00:10:20,457 Let me tell you something, Red Zone, 311 00:10:20,458 --> 00:10:21,924 you need to pump the brakes. 312 00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,660 Don't make the same mistake I made 313 00:10:23,661 --> 00:10:25,395 and give your life to this stupid job. 314 00:10:25,396 --> 00:10:26,529 Yes, sir. 315 00:10:26,530 --> 00:10:28,198 There's got to be somebody. 316 00:10:28,199 --> 00:10:30,333 There is someone I'm interested in, 317 00:10:30,334 --> 00:10:33,136 but it's against the site rules for us to meet in person. 318 00:10:33,137 --> 00:10:35,271 God damn it, Red Zone! [MUG SHATTERS] 319 00:10:35,272 --> 00:10:36,606 Let me tell you something. 320 00:10:36,607 --> 00:10:38,608 Scars... On the outside, that's one thing! 321 00:10:38,609 --> 00:10:40,010 But scars on the inside... 322 00:10:40,011 --> 00:10:41,678 Those are scars that never heal! 323 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:45,548 Sarge, I'm not sure your outside scar healed that well, either. 324 00:10:45,549 --> 00:10:47,684 Ah shit, is that bleeding again? 325 00:10:47,685 --> 00:10:49,820 Ah, what the shit. 326 00:10:49,821 --> 00:10:51,354 Oh, God. 327 00:10:51,355 --> 00:10:53,956 328 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,492 How 'bout we break those rules 329 00:10:55,493 --> 00:10:57,093 and take this to the next level? 330 00:10:57,094 --> 00:10:59,095 [CELLPHONE BLOOPS] 331 00:10:59,096 --> 00:11:02,232 Here goes. I'm male. 332 00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:05,101 Yes! 333 00:11:05,102 --> 00:11:07,303 Let's meet in person! 334 00:11:07,304 --> 00:11:08,371 [CELLPHONE BLOOPS] 335 00:11:08,372 --> 00:11:09,572 Hmm... 336 00:11:09,573 --> 00:11:12,442 337 00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:13,844 Of course, I only paid for a water, 338 00:11:13,845 --> 00:11:15,045 but that's not what I got. 339 00:11:15,046 --> 00:11:17,380 I went with some soda. [LAUGHS] 340 00:11:17,381 --> 00:11:18,648 I was there. I saw it. 341 00:11:18,649 --> 00:11:20,116 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 342 00:11:20,117 --> 00:11:21,518 Tammy! 343 00:11:21,519 --> 00:11:23,586 Sorry, but we have a little policy over here... 344 00:11:23,587 --> 00:11:25,455 - Bros before... - You better think about it 345 00:11:25,456 --> 00:11:26,589 before you finish that sentence. 346 00:11:26,590 --> 00:11:28,258 Well, you didn't let me finish. 347 00:11:28,259 --> 00:11:30,326 I was gonna say bros before Tammys. 348 00:11:30,327 --> 00:11:31,862 Why don't you go sit somewhere else? 349 00:11:31,863 --> 00:11:32,863 - Bye-bye! - Bye! 350 00:11:32,864 --> 00:11:35,732 [LAUGHTER] 351 00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:37,067 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Ahh! 352 00:11:37,068 --> 00:11:38,601 Funny stuff. [CHUCKLES] 353 00:11:38,602 --> 00:11:39,670 Speaking of funny, 354 00:11:39,671 --> 00:11:41,271 I was watching Jimmy Fallon last night. 355 00:11:41,272 --> 00:11:43,005 [LAUGHING] He brings the guest out. 356 00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:44,140 It's somebody famous, 357 00:11:44,141 --> 00:11:46,008 and he was singing his famous song from the movie, 358 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,610 but they were spoofing it. 359 00:11:47,611 --> 00:11:48,879 Anyway, for my money, 360 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,215 that guy is giving the system the business. 361 00:11:52,216 --> 00:11:53,664 Wow. 362 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:59,689 When did you start wearing self-tucking shirts? 363 00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,358 [SNICKERING] Yeah, dad! 364 00:12:01,359 --> 00:12:03,293 [LAUGHTER] 365 00:12:03,294 --> 00:12:07,029 Why don't you go find a golf game to golf at? 366 00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,231 [LAUGHTER CONTINUES] 367 00:12:08,232 --> 00:12:10,233 You know, I'm the keeper of the books now. 368 00:12:10,234 --> 00:12:12,368 So it's important that I look professional! 369 00:12:12,369 --> 00:12:14,104 [SNICKERS] 370 00:12:14,105 --> 00:12:17,107 Next thing we know, he's gonna start freezing his eggs. 371 00:12:17,108 --> 00:12:18,375 QUINN: Ha! Ha! Ha! 372 00:12:18,376 --> 00:12:21,111 FAIRBELL: [LAUGHS] Old eggs for dinner. 373 00:12:21,112 --> 00:12:23,846 That was an Abbey joke, Fairbell. Oh. 374 00:12:23,847 --> 00:12:25,382 [COUGHS] Six! 375 00:12:25,383 --> 00:12:27,850 [BREATHING SHAKILY] 376 00:12:27,851 --> 00:12:30,587 [COUGHING] Seven! Come on, Loren! 377 00:12:30,588 --> 00:12:34,231 [CRYING] You're not dope anymore! 378 00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:37,393 You got three more minutes, then you got to move this thing. 379 00:12:37,394 --> 00:12:39,195 I'll just move right along, officer. I'm sorry. 380 00:12:39,196 --> 00:12:40,931 [ENGINE STARTS] 381 00:12:40,932 --> 00:12:42,999 Oh. Hi, Abbey. 382 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,467 [SIGHS] 383 00:12:44,468 --> 00:12:47,470 Oh, my God, are you doing that breath-spray thing in here? 384 00:12:47,471 --> 00:12:50,206 Alone? That is so sad! 385 00:12:50,207 --> 00:12:51,408 Yeah, right. You're just jealous 386 00:12:51,409 --> 00:12:52,809 'cause you could never get past six. 387 00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:56,479 And you're crying in your car just like I used to. 388 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,082 Hey, it's not so easy being a librarian loser, is it? 389 00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:00,751 Like your life is so much better. 390 00:13:00,752 --> 00:13:02,953 Actually, it is. 391 00:13:02,954 --> 00:13:04,154 I have a date tomorrow, 392 00:13:04,155 --> 00:13:06,289 and he's gonna be waiting for me with a red rose. 393 00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:07,490 - Oh, my God! - I know! 394 00:13:07,491 --> 00:13:09,425 Like "You've Got Mail"? That is so sweet. 395 00:13:09,426 --> 00:13:11,161 Mm-hmm. I know! 396 00:13:11,162 --> 00:13:13,896 Oh, look at that. Just over. 397 00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:16,232 Are you seriously giving me a ticket right now, Abbey?! 398 00:13:16,233 --> 00:13:17,500 What the shit?! 399 00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:19,970 By the way, you know, you're a librarian now. 400 00:13:19,971 --> 00:13:22,105 You can afford a nicer car. 401 00:13:22,106 --> 00:13:23,239 [TAPS ON DOOR] 402 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,708 Actually... 403 00:13:25,709 --> 00:13:28,178 404 00:13:28,179 --> 00:13:30,781 Boys are comin' together 405 00:13:30,782 --> 00:13:34,317 [IMITATES GUITAR RIFF] 406 00:13:34,318 --> 00:13:35,986 You aren't leaving, are you? 407 00:13:35,987 --> 00:13:37,053 Uh, I am, warden. 408 00:13:37,054 --> 00:13:39,189 Gonna go meet the boys for happy hour, 409 00:13:39,190 --> 00:13:41,458 probably shoot some BB guns at some stuff. 410 00:13:41,459 --> 00:13:43,460 Yeah, but we had a meeting at 1:30. 411 00:13:43,461 --> 00:13:45,928 We were gonna discuss the upcoming CSTs. 412 00:13:45,929 --> 00:13:48,064 I don't even know what a CKLT is. 413 00:13:48,065 --> 00:13:49,532 Colorado Standardized Testing? 414 00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:50,667 No. 415 00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:52,469 Quinn, these scores determine our funding. 416 00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:53,804 Well, if they're so important, 417 00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,338 why don't you guys get together 418 00:13:55,339 --> 00:13:56,939 and write a little think piece about it. 419 00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:59,209 I'm gonna go ahead and get off this snooze cruise. 420 00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:01,192 I'm outta here. 421 00:14:02,213 --> 00:14:03,680 QUINN: And Steven was all like, 422 00:14:03,681 --> 00:14:06,149 [WHINING] "But I made an appointment! 423 00:14:06,150 --> 00:14:07,283 What an asshole! 424 00:14:07,284 --> 00:14:08,685 - Yeah. - You sound just like him. 425 00:14:08,686 --> 00:14:09,748 - Oh, man. - Hi, Steven. 426 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:10,953 I do impressions. [LAUGHS] 427 00:14:10,954 --> 00:14:13,756 [HORN HONKS] Oh... my God. 428 00:14:13,757 --> 00:14:15,091 Hey, dudes. 429 00:14:15,092 --> 00:14:16,827 Huh? Pretty dang tight, right? 430 00:14:16,828 --> 00:14:18,294 Yeah, I found this thing 431 00:14:18,295 --> 00:14:20,030 on the gambling-debt section of Craigslist. 432 00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:22,032 I figure, with all the extra cash I'm making, 433 00:14:22,033 --> 00:14:23,700 it's probably time for an upgrade. 434 00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:25,568 Yeah, you were about two cups of chamomile 435 00:14:25,569 --> 00:14:26,903 and one blazer away 436 00:14:26,904 --> 00:14:28,505 from going full Sweens. 437 00:14:28,506 --> 00:14:30,040 [LAUGHTER] 438 00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:31,641 That's good. That's a good one. 439 00:14:31,642 --> 00:14:34,310 Looks like you're driving a go-kart, but dumb and stupid. 440 00:14:34,311 --> 00:14:35,379 [BLOWS RASPBERRY] 441 00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:37,447 Let's go, guys. [LAUGHS] 442 00:14:37,448 --> 00:14:38,581 Where are you going? 443 00:14:38,582 --> 00:14:39,782 Can... Can I come? 444 00:14:39,783 --> 00:14:42,252 Hey, how about we text you when we get there? 445 00:14:42,253 --> 00:14:45,455 Wow, it feels so good to be on this end of one of those. 446 00:14:45,456 --> 00:14:47,724 - [CHUCKLES] - Gee whiz. 447 00:14:47,725 --> 00:14:50,993 Wow, a gently-used '97 in school-bus yellow. 448 00:14:50,994 --> 00:14:52,462 Yes! Exactly! 449 00:14:52,463 --> 00:14:54,397 God, I don't know what those guys' problem is. 450 00:14:54,398 --> 00:14:57,200 This is a cool car for a cool dude. 451 00:14:57,201 --> 00:14:58,801 Vroom, vroom. Am I right? 452 00:14:58,802 --> 00:15:00,219 It's "Zoom, zoom." 453 00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:01,804 Miata poser. 454 00:15:01,805 --> 00:15:03,806 It's "Zoom." God... 455 00:15:03,807 --> 00:15:05,075 QUINN: Later, dillweed! 456 00:15:05,076 --> 00:15:06,743 - See you tomorrow, Loren. - Whoo-hoo! 457 00:15:06,744 --> 00:15:07,944 FAIRBELL: Oh, trash can! 458 00:15:07,945 --> 00:15:09,612 [CRASH, TIRES SQUEAL] [SHOEMAKER LAUGHS] 459 00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:10,613 I'm hurt. 460 00:15:10,614 --> 00:15:11,814 Oh, my God. 461 00:15:11,815 --> 00:15:13,683 I am becoming Abbey. 462 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,720 463 00:15:17,721 --> 00:15:19,522 Oh, so your refrigerator is running. 464 00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:22,392 Well, then, why don't you go catch it, then, gravel nuts? 465 00:15:22,393 --> 00:15:25,928 [LAUGHTER] 466 00:15:25,929 --> 00:15:27,664 And he'll never know it's us! 467 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,265 STEVEN: [MUFFLED] I do know it's you. 468 00:15:29,266 --> 00:15:30,867 I'm writing down everything you say, Quinn. 469 00:15:30,868 --> 00:15:32,002 - Shh! - Quiet, wall. 470 00:15:32,003 --> 00:15:33,736 We're trying to prank-call Steven. 471 00:15:33,737 --> 00:15:36,072 Listen, Quinn, I've been doing some thinking, 472 00:15:36,073 --> 00:15:37,674 and I want my old job back. 473 00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:41,784 Well, I'd love to help you, but... I don't want to. 474 00:15:41,785 --> 00:15:44,414 And I'd ask him to help you, but I don't care. 475 00:15:44,415 --> 00:15:45,948 God, look at you two. 476 00:15:45,949 --> 00:15:48,885 Following Quinn around? This is pathetic. 477 00:15:48,886 --> 00:15:51,488 Our whole dynamic is off. We need Abbey back. 478 00:15:51,489 --> 00:15:54,024 - Nice try, but that ship has sailed. - Yeah. 479 00:15:54,025 --> 00:15:56,827 It was a snooze cruise, and you were the captain. 480 00:15:56,828 --> 00:15:58,495 - Toot-toot. - [LAUGHS] 481 00:15:58,496 --> 00:15:59,629 I can't believe how much mileage 482 00:15:59,630 --> 00:16:00,897 I'm getting off "snooze cruise." 483 00:16:00,898 --> 00:16:02,032 Jesus. 484 00:16:02,033 --> 00:16:05,502 You see, Quinnsby is the new leader of this gaggle, 485 00:16:05,503 --> 00:16:07,770 and he's not going anywhere. 486 00:16:07,771 --> 00:16:09,105 We don't even need Abbey. 487 00:16:09,106 --> 00:16:11,107 Tell you what... If fancy pants here 488 00:16:11,108 --> 00:16:12,909 wants to run back to Spanish class, 489 00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:14,310 he's welcome to it. 490 00:16:14,311 --> 00:16:16,713 We will just go into the library 491 00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:18,515 and turn it into something else. 492 00:16:18,516 --> 00:16:20,050 - Adios, amigo. - Oh, a man cave? 493 00:16:20,051 --> 00:16:21,384 We'll be man-cave men. 494 00:16:21,385 --> 00:16:22,385 - Don't touch me. - No! 495 00:16:22,386 --> 00:16:24,054 You can't turn it into a man cave. 496 00:16:24,055 --> 00:16:26,322 Abbey and I have done a lot of work on that library. 497 00:16:26,323 --> 00:16:28,659 Oh, yeah? Well, we're probably gonna put a lot of work 498 00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:29,860 into taking it all down. 499 00:16:29,861 --> 00:16:31,728 - Yeah, we are. - Come on, boys. 500 00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,319 - [SNICKERS] - Move your leg. 501 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,330 Move your leg. 502 00:16:34,331 --> 00:16:35,666 - Sorry. - Hey, I want to be clear. 503 00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:37,667 SHOEMAKER: If you keep calling yourself Quinnsby, 504 00:16:37,668 --> 00:16:39,135 I don't want to be a part of this anymore. 505 00:16:39,136 --> 00:16:45,136 [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS] 506 00:16:55,687 --> 00:16:57,653 [MUSIC DIES] 507 00:17:01,693 --> 00:17:02,959 Oh, man. 508 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,227 Oh, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait! 509 00:17:04,228 --> 00:17:07,163 Are you Red Zone, the... the hot-shot new meter maid? 510 00:17:07,164 --> 00:17:09,031 Parking Enforcement Officer. 511 00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:10,367 It is amazing to meet you. 512 00:17:10,368 --> 00:17:12,435 I mean [LAUGHING] you're my money maker. 513 00:17:12,436 --> 00:17:13,836 And you're... 514 00:17:13,837 --> 00:17:15,305 You're Mayor Gil Nash. 515 00:17:15,306 --> 00:17:17,840 Thanks to you, all my unfunded projects 516 00:17:17,841 --> 00:17:19,109 are back on the table. 517 00:17:19,110 --> 00:17:21,444 I mean, suck my spurs, city council. 518 00:17:21,445 --> 00:17:22,645 I'll tell you what... 519 00:17:22,646 --> 00:17:24,847 How about I name the new all-kill animal shelter 520 00:17:24,848 --> 00:17:25,848 after you? 521 00:17:25,849 --> 00:17:28,318 Don't name it that... or build that. 522 00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:30,787 You know what, I-I-I-I've got to go. 523 00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,724 I've got a job to... quit. 524 00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:35,726 But, hey, hang on. Wait, wait. 525 00:17:35,727 --> 00:17:38,795 Um, do I have any, like, stem stuff in my teeth? 526 00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,936 I-I'm meeting my soul mate. 527 00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:45,335 [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS] 528 00:17:45,336 --> 00:17:47,870 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 529 00:17:50,007 --> 00:17:52,943 [CHAIN RATTLING] 530 00:17:52,944 --> 00:17:54,745 Sir. 531 00:17:54,746 --> 00:17:58,413 Sir, this is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, but... 532 00:17:59,617 --> 00:18:00,883 I'm quitting. 533 00:18:00,884 --> 00:18:04,220 I-I-I can't walk the streets making money for Gil Nash. 534 00:18:04,221 --> 00:18:06,422 - I don't accept your resignation. - [SIGHS] 535 00:18:06,423 --> 00:18:08,291 Mayors... They come and go in this city, 536 00:18:08,292 --> 00:18:10,612 but parking enforcement... We endure. 537 00:18:10,613 --> 00:18:11,894 You think I agree with every mayor 538 00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:13,496 I've worked under in this city? 539 00:18:13,497 --> 00:18:14,646 Hell no. 540 00:18:14,647 --> 00:18:16,366 But I tough it out, Red Zone. 541 00:18:16,367 --> 00:18:17,957 That's why you're the best, sir. 542 00:18:18,636 --> 00:18:21,304 But I can't bring myself to raise money 543 00:18:21,305 --> 00:18:23,640 for boob taxes and kill shelters. 544 00:18:23,641 --> 00:18:26,709 I'm afraid this is goodbye. 545 00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:29,579 [SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING] 546 00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:31,714 This is like watching an eagle turn in her wings. 547 00:18:31,715 --> 00:18:34,050 - [CHUCKLES SADLY] - Where will you go from here? 548 00:18:34,051 --> 00:18:36,719 Some place where I can make a positive difference in society. 549 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,254 I don't know where that is yet, 550 00:18:38,255 --> 00:18:42,125 but I'm gonna find it. 551 00:18:42,607 --> 00:18:48,264 [MUSIC CONTINUES] 552 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:50,470 I'd probably cry 553 00:18:50,471 --> 00:18:53,467 if I didn't have my goddamn tear ducts ripped out. 554 00:18:55,673 --> 00:18:57,874 [SIGHS] 555 00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,141 [SCOFFS] 556 00:18:59,142 --> 00:19:01,277 Yeah, I thought that'd get your attention. 557 00:19:01,278 --> 00:19:03,814 I don't care, Loren. I quit parking enforcement. 558 00:19:03,815 --> 00:19:05,081 Really?! That's great! 559 00:19:05,082 --> 00:19:06,416 You can come back to Smoot now. 560 00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:08,084 Why would I come back to Smoot? 561 00:19:08,085 --> 00:19:09,419 'Cause it's a-a great job 562 00:19:09,420 --> 00:19:11,221 and it's got good benefits 563 00:19:11,222 --> 00:19:13,790 and that... that weird foreign exchange student's still there. 564 00:19:13,791 --> 00:19:15,558 - He's funny. - [LAUGHING] Oh... 565 00:19:15,559 --> 00:19:18,594 [SCOFFS] Because we need you, Abbey. 566 00:19:19,563 --> 00:19:21,637 Because I need you. 567 00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,166 - [SCOFFS] - I didn't realize how much 568 00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:25,301 being a librarian ruins your social status. 569 00:19:25,302 --> 00:19:27,504 I thought leaving the library would fix things, 570 00:19:27,505 --> 00:19:29,239 but our dynamic's just jacked up. 571 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,107 Loren, I-I've got a r?sum? to fabricate. 572 00:19:31,108 --> 00:19:33,176 I can't get involved in your juvenile bullshit. 573 00:19:33,177 --> 00:19:34,977 [SCOFFS] Yeah? Well, Quinn's turning the library 574 00:19:34,978 --> 00:19:35,978 into a man cave. 575 00:19:35,979 --> 00:19:38,314 [SPUTTERS] Excuse me?! 576 00:19:38,315 --> 00:19:39,982 Yeah, he's already ordered the Fatheads and everything. 577 00:19:39,983 --> 00:19:42,185 - Ohh! - Okay. 578 00:19:42,186 --> 00:19:44,187 I feel like that second one was a little bit excessive. 579 00:19:44,188 --> 00:19:45,522 Well, we've got to stop Quinn! 580 00:19:45,523 --> 00:19:47,123 That's what I'm saying! Let's go. Come on. 581 00:19:47,124 --> 00:19:49,726 582 00:19:49,727 --> 00:19:51,461 - Miss. - Sweet. 583 00:19:51,462 --> 00:19:53,063 Oh! 584 00:19:53,064 --> 00:19:55,331 You know what I've always hated about books? They're so heavy. 585 00:19:55,332 --> 00:19:56,667 QUINN: Once we get all the books cleared out, 586 00:19:56,668 --> 00:19:58,528 we can maybe get a pool table in here. 587 00:19:58,529 --> 00:20:00,803 That's gonna go so good with our Fatheads! 588 00:20:00,804 --> 00:20:02,405 - I love those things. - [LAUGHTER] 589 00:20:02,406 --> 00:20:03,806 - Geoffrey? - No, I want lemonlime. 590 00:20:03,807 --> 00:20:05,341 - Lemon-lime. - Oh, oh. Sorry, sorry. 591 00:20:05,342 --> 00:20:08,144 And, uh, you know what? From here on out, it's Jeff. 592 00:20:08,145 --> 00:20:11,013 And I know we're just saying it so you can't tell, 593 00:20:11,014 --> 00:20:12,549 but I'm saying it with a "J." 594 00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:14,417 - I can tell. I can tell. - Quinn?! 595 00:20:14,418 --> 00:20:15,685 Quinn, what the shit?! 596 00:20:15,686 --> 00:20:17,620 What are you doing to my library?! 597 00:20:17,621 --> 00:20:19,956 No, no, no! 598 00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:21,824 You can't come back! You won't come back! 599 00:20:21,825 --> 00:20:23,560 - Oh. [SCOFFS] - Yes. Yeah. 600 00:20:23,561 --> 00:20:26,096 Isn't there a melanoma missing its redhead right about now? [SNICKERING] 601 00:20:26,097 --> 00:20:28,831 Hey, it is not her fault that her skin is translucent. 602 00:20:28,832 --> 00:20:30,366 Two losers are teaming up. 603 00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:31,634 - [SNORTS] - Losers! 604 00:20:31,635 --> 00:20:33,770 Okay, there is no drinking on school property! 605 00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:35,371 - Hey! - What are you doing?! 606 00:20:35,372 --> 00:20:37,107 - Abbey, no! - What? 607 00:20:37,108 --> 00:20:39,041 I have finally climbed to the top 608 00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:42,245 of this very confusing social structure at this school, okay?! 609 00:20:42,246 --> 00:20:43,714 - I'm the new Loren. - No. 610 00:20:43,715 --> 00:20:44,981 Loren's the new you. 611 00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:47,784 Shoemaker and Fairbell are essentially the same, 612 00:20:47,785 --> 00:20:50,053 but what I'm saying is there's no one else for you to be, okay? 613 00:20:50,054 --> 00:20:51,454 I'm sorry. 614 00:20:51,455 --> 00:20:54,657 I'm pretty sure I've got this cool-guy thing dialed in. 615 00:20:54,658 --> 00:20:57,460 Then you probably would have zero problem taking, 616 00:20:57,461 --> 00:21:00,597 I don't know, 10 shots of cinnamon Binaca... 617 00:21:00,598 --> 00:21:02,799 Directly underneath your tongue right now. 618 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,801 You don't owe anything to this guy, J. 619 00:21:04,802 --> 00:21:06,068 Yeah, let's go outside. Let's go TP a house. 620 00:21:06,069 --> 00:21:07,403 - Let's get out of here. - Let's go TP a house. 621 00:21:07,404 --> 00:21:09,005 I'm sorry, Geoffrey. Are you gonna let your girlfriends 622 00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,473 do all the talking for you, 623 00:21:10,474 --> 00:21:13,410 or are you gonna step right up and prove how cool you are? 624 00:21:13,411 --> 00:21:16,279 - Let's go TP a house. - My name is Jeff with a "J"! 625 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,014 I could do 10 pumps in my sleep. 626 00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:19,282 Yeah, he can. 627 00:21:19,283 --> 00:21:21,084 Obviously, someone else would have to do the pumping... 628 00:21:21,085 --> 00:21:22,352 I'll be sleeping. 629 00:21:22,353 --> 00:21:24,354 Just prove it. 630 00:21:24,355 --> 00:21:25,756 One. [SPRITZES] 631 00:21:25,757 --> 00:21:27,023 [SCREAMS] 632 00:21:27,024 --> 00:21:29,626 - Geez! - Ohh! Aah! 633 00:21:29,627 --> 00:21:30,961 - The pain! - Yeah. 634 00:21:30,962 --> 00:21:33,429 It's in my lungs! 635 00:21:35,299 --> 00:21:36,767 Fairbell, count. 636 00:21:36,768 --> 00:21:37,826 No way. 637 00:21:37,827 --> 00:21:39,436 7, 3, 2. [SPRITZING] 638 00:21:39,437 --> 00:21:40,466 - Come on. - Shoemaker, count. 639 00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:41,504 I'm on three. 640 00:21:41,505 --> 00:21:43,906 - I was on the spot. - 4, 5, 6... 641 00:21:43,907 --> 00:21:46,176 - [COUGHING] - ...7, 8, 9... 642 00:21:46,177 --> 00:21:48,111 No way. One more. 643 00:21:48,112 --> 00:21:49,646 - [COUGHS] - 10! He did it! 644 00:21:49,647 --> 00:21:50,647 [LAUGHS] 645 00:21:50,648 --> 00:21:53,583 - He's back! - I am a cinnamon god! 646 00:21:53,584 --> 00:21:55,986 - Whoo! - Wow. 647 00:21:55,987 --> 00:21:58,388 Yeah, that's right, Jeff with a "J." 648 00:21:58,389 --> 00:21:59,589 Looks like King Shit 649 00:21:59,590 --> 00:22:01,858 just got re-elected President of Riff City. 650 00:22:01,859 --> 00:22:02,993 [SNICKERING] 651 00:22:02,994 --> 00:22:05,328 Okay, so, in this scenario now... 652 00:22:05,329 --> 00:22:06,463 Yeah. 653 00:22:06,464 --> 00:22:09,199 A monarch, during a general election, 654 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,401 was elected president of a city. 655 00:22:11,402 --> 00:22:14,270 On top of the biggest goddamn mountain you ever climbed, bro! 656 00:22:14,271 --> 00:22:17,333 Elevation... 420-69! 657 00:22:17,334 --> 00:22:19,542 I have definitely missed a few days. 658 00:22:19,543 --> 00:22:21,411 And as for you, Geoffrey, 659 00:22:21,412 --> 00:22:23,855 I think it's time for you to turn in your little flannel. 660 00:22:23,856 --> 00:22:25,329 Ohh! Aah! 661 00:22:25,949 --> 00:22:28,084 How long was I gone? 662 00:22:28,085 --> 00:22:29,886 And where are my glasses? 663 00:22:29,887 --> 00:22:31,421 Oh, yeah, your glasses. 664 00:22:31,422 --> 00:22:33,623 Yeah, you smashed them when you took us to that rock quarry 665 00:22:33,624 --> 00:22:35,958 to just, well, smash stuff. 666 00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:39,129 Okay, maybe we all got 667 00:22:39,130 --> 00:22:41,964 a little too far away from ourselves there, all right? 668 00:22:41,965 --> 00:22:43,033 LOREN: Yeah. 669 00:22:43,034 --> 00:22:47,570 And, Abbey, maybe we do need you. 670 00:22:47,571 --> 00:22:50,577 So, what do you say? 671 00:22:51,375 --> 00:22:53,243 Will you come back? 672 00:22:53,244 --> 00:22:55,106 Yeah. Okay. 673 00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:58,515 But there's one last thing I need to do. 674 00:22:58,516 --> 00:23:00,917 Well, I hope it's not tear down this man cave. 675 00:23:00,918 --> 00:23:03,186 - 'Cause this rules. - [BOTH LAUGH] Right? 676 00:23:03,187 --> 00:23:05,055 You two have outdone yourselves. Man, how awesome is this? 677 00:23:05,056 --> 00:23:06,389 Look at how hot this chick is. 678 00:23:06,390 --> 00:23:07,790 You're gonna be so disappointed. 679 00:23:07,791 --> 00:23:09,191 - Boner alert. - Let's take this all down. 680 00:23:12,293 --> 00:23:17,600 TOGETHER: 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11! 681 00:23:17,601 --> 00:23:18,801 - Jesus! - Ohh! 682 00:23:18,802 --> 00:23:20,470 - Oh, my God! - New record! 683 00:23:20,471 --> 00:23:22,205 SHOEMAKER: Wow! Whoa! [LAUGHING] 684 00:23:22,206 --> 00:23:24,074 - Wow, Abbey! - Yeah! 685 00:23:24,075 --> 00:23:26,943 Red Zone just got elected 686 00:23:26,944 --> 00:23:30,583 the new Duchess of Riff Raff County, boys! 687 00:23:31,282 --> 00:23:32,949 SHOEMAKER: Wow! 688 00:23:32,950 --> 00:23:36,152 So, in this scenario, a duchess was... 689 00:23:36,153 --> 00:23:37,754 - Shut up, Shoemaker. - Fair enough. 690 00:23:37,755 --> 00:23:39,155 Welcome back, Queen Bee. 691 00:23:39,156 --> 00:23:40,757 Thank you. 692 00:23:40,758 --> 00:23:43,118 Pretty cool. Pretty cool. 693 00:23:45,496 --> 00:23:47,497 S-S-So... 694 00:23:47,498 --> 00:23:48,767 [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] 695 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,101 Mistakes were made, 696 00:23:51,102 --> 00:23:56,106 and I guess we all did some things we probably regret. 697 00:23:56,107 --> 00:23:57,107 So... 698 00:23:57,108 --> 00:23:58,241 I didn't. 699 00:23:58,242 --> 00:23:59,576 STEVEN: Yeah, just you. 700 00:23:59,577 --> 00:24:01,377 You acted like an immature child, Geoffrey. 701 00:24:01,378 --> 00:24:02,379 Mm-hmm. 702 00:24:02,380 --> 00:24:04,581 And can I assume that was your feces I found on my doorstep? 703 00:24:04,582 --> 00:24:06,518 Okay, well, you cannot prove that. 704 00:24:06,519 --> 00:24:08,585 It's at the lab right now. 705 00:24:08,586 --> 00:24:10,052 I'm at my wits' end. 706 00:24:10,053 --> 00:24:11,588 I may have to speak with... 707 00:24:11,589 --> 00:24:13,055 district management. 708 00:24:13,056 --> 00:24:15,258 Okay, well, now, that vaguely sounds like a threat. 709 00:24:15,259 --> 00:24:17,594 It's not vague at all. It's a direct threat. 710 00:24:17,595 --> 00:24:19,329 And it... it is directed at me? 711 00:24:19,330 --> 00:24:20,530 Yes. 712 00:24:20,531 --> 00:24:22,666 [BREATHES SHAKILY] 713 00:24:23,776 --> 00:24:25,843 I've been to prison twice. 714 00:24:25,893 --> 00:24:30,443 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 51527

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.