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1
00:00:00,534 --> 00:00:03,336
Sure. Whatever you have to keep
telling yourself, bud.
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,587
Okay, Shoemaker,
am I gonna have to do
3
00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:07,006
- the Binaca challenge again for you?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
4
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,474
10 shots under the tongue
to prove it right now?
5
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,343
- You wouldn't dare.
- Two shots is the recommended dose.
6
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,011
- You wouldn't dare.
- 10 is like a million times...
7
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,413
[SPRITZING]
8
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:16,215
- [COUGHING]
- Ohh!
9
00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:17,283
Wow!
10
00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,684
You barely got through that.
11
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:19,953
- But he did do it.
- Exactly.
12
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,755
So he's still our alpha.
13
00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:24,090
Attention, mind molders!
14
00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:27,360
I have, uh,
some rather unfortunate news. God!
15
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,495
Since the late Abbey Logan...
16
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,364
And I don't mean "late" as in dead.
17
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,299
I mean "late" as in dead to me...
18
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:36,302
Was the last of the last librarians,
19
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,571
Smoot Library will be shut down.
20
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,306
What?! Well, what bathroom
21
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,642
- are we supposed to shit in now?
- Exactly.
22
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,978
Look, I had no choice, okay?
23
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:47,446
Unless you know someone
with an English degree
24
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:49,182
willing to accept a salary of...
25
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,450
Bookmarks and paper cuts?
26
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,852
$65,000!
27
00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:55,321
28
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:57,590
Quit wasting my time
29
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,993
I ain't here for you
30
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,395
I'm just putting in work
31
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:06,416
Till my day is through
32
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,001
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
33
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:11,004
I'm sorry, Quinn.
How much does a librarian make, again?
34
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:15,008
I said $65,000!
35
00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:17,410
Okay, you think that second drink
was a tad excessive?
36
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,812
Quinn, I have an English degree.
37
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,546
I could totally be the librarian.
38
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,482
Oh, no, no, no. No, that's not fair.
39
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,884
I-I could just go and get
an English degree.
40
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,352
[SCOFFS] Yeah, right.
41
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,255
You probably don't even know
who William Carlos Williams is.
42
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,622
Who the hell is that?
43
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,957
He's, like, a word guy
they teach you about
44
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,827
when you get an English degree,
like I have.
45
00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:36,029
Quinn, I could really use
a fresh start, man.
46
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:37,230
Well, I'll tell you what.
47
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,165
You can fresh start immediately.
48
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:40,433
- Oh, come...
- Yes!
49
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,635
Wait a minute. You really think
that's a good idea?
50
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,303
Well, who better than a bona fide author
51
00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:45,840
to be our librarian?
52
00:01:45,841 --> 00:01:47,634
Exactly. So it's settled.
53
00:01:47,635 --> 00:01:51,244
I just can't believe that Abbey
was making 15K a year more than us.
54
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,310
Why would she walk away
from that kind of cash?
55
00:01:53,311 --> 00:01:54,780
We'll never know now
56
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,474
because she left without saying goodbye.
57
00:01:56,475 --> 00:01:57,917
Classic Abbey.
58
00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:02,121
Man, I can see it now.
Loren Payton... Flybrarian.
59
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,457
[EXHALES] Yeah.
60
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,592
Your spit juice is burning my eyes.
61
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,394
ABBEY: Okay.
62
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,396
Okay, ma'am,
I'm gonna need you to breathe
63
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:11,865
and tell me what's going on.
64
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,707
- I think I'm going into labor.
- Really?!
65
00:02:13,708 --> 00:02:15,272
Well, you better start walkin'
66
00:02:15,273 --> 00:02:17,441
'cause this car is getting booted.
67
00:02:18,961 --> 00:02:20,206
Nice try, pregs.
68
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,675
[AIR HORN BLOWS]
69
00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:23,809
Damn it, Red Zone,
you're the first cadet
70
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,880
to ace the pregnancy simulator test
in the first try.
71
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:29,682
You are one sick, sick peach. I love it!
72
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,150
Thank you, sir! Sir, thank you!
73
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,351
Normally, you'd be looking
74
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:33,819
at about another five days in training,
75
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,621
but we need someone like you
out on the street.
76
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:38,290
So, Red Zone, here's your firearm.
77
00:02:38,839 --> 00:02:40,093
And here's your printer.
78
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:42,562
[GASPS]
79
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:43,563
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
80
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:44,698
You know, I took this library job
81
00:02:44,699 --> 00:02:45,899
because it was so lucrative,
82
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:47,317
but I've been reading
a lot of these shits
83
00:02:47,318 --> 00:02:48,568
and they're pretty good.
84
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,236
A lot of dangerous ideas in there.
85
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,838
- Super fascinating.
- Abbey's problem was that she did not
86
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,907
make the library hip enough.
87
00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:55,174
So I've divided the classics
88
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,042
into sections designed
to entice the kids.
89
00:02:57,043 --> 00:03:00,045
I got "William S&M Burroughs"
and "Suck My Dickens,"
90
00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:02,248
after Charles Dickens,
the very famous author.
91
00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:03,983
Hey, why don't you go Faulkner yourself?
92
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,785
[LAUGHS] That one, I got.
93
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,721
Okay, Shoemaker,
I realize you're jealous
94
00:03:07,722 --> 00:03:09,255
of my recent cash windfall,
95
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,056
but you're coming at me very hard.
96
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,459
So why don't you examine that
and then dial it back?
97
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,594
To your butt.
98
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,595
[LAUGHS]
99
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,596
Now you're doing it?
100
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:17,863
It just came out of my mouth.
101
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,399
Something feels very off
about this entire thing.
102
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,735
Yeah. You know, I noticed it, too,
103
00:03:21,736 --> 00:03:23,269
but I didn't want to say anything.
104
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,004
We were having so much fun
at your expense,
105
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,406
but it's like ever since
you became librarian,
106
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:30,409
you just... matter less.
107
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,677
Like, way more less.
108
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:33,813
Okay, I think I see
what's going on here.
109
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,456
With Abbey gone,
our entire dynamic is off.
110
00:03:36,457 --> 00:03:38,551
- Hmm.
- But I think I have an idea.
111
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,019
Although, first things first,
112
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,821
"Go Faulkner Yourself"... That's...
113
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:42,888
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
114
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,999
Are you gonna write down his joke
like it's your joke?
115
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,292
- What are you, a comic?
- "His joke."
116
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,560
I mean, I had a similar idea.
117
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,495
No, you never had that idea.
I just said it.
118
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,097
I was workshopping
something Faulknerian.
119
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,632
You never workshopped...
120
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,567
ABBEY: Been thinking about you.
121
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,102
This new job has everything
122
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,237
that's been missing from my life...
123
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,640
Respect, a sense of purpose,
Vitamin "D."
124
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,642
I never would have taken this leap
125
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,043
without your support.
126
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,378
[CELLPHONE BLOOPS]
127
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,647
PEN PAL: I've never felt
such a connection
128
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,516
to a person whose gender,
ethnicity, economic status,
129
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,785
hair color, eye color,
130
00:04:11,786 --> 00:04:14,053
favorite music, favorite food,
131
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:17,085
and fondness or dislike
of dogs is unknown.
132
00:04:17,086 --> 00:04:18,257
Red heart.
133
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,102
Well, I do like dogs.
134
00:04:21,796 --> 00:04:22,812
[CELLPHONE BLOOPS]
135
00:04:22,813 --> 00:04:23,863
You are naughty.
136
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:27,066
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk...
137
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,134
Mm, yeah, that was pretty good,
138
00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,536
but let's try it again,
139
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,605
but with more fire and more sass!
140
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,208
Start grounded, then escalate.
141
00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:36,942
Broader. Broader!
142
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,277
Don't be afraid to use the space.
143
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,278
Okay, good, good.
144
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,413
That's the type of stuff we'll say
145
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,147
when somebody actually comes in
for an audition.
146
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:44,217
By the way, what's going on
with your hair?
147
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:46,085
Oh, I'm trying out a new product.
148
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,687
- It's Tom's of Maine.
- Really?
149
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,889
'Cause you look like Douche of Vermont.
150
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,224
[CHUCKLES]
151
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:53,226
That's good, because
Vermont's also in New England,
152
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,294
- so it's like a lateral diss.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS]
153
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,230
You guys got time for one more?
154
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,833
No, we're at dingbat capacity.
Go somewhere else.
155
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:02,168
Come on. We just need
a punching bag, Shoemaker.
156
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,170
- No, we don't.
- Come back in, Quinnsby!
157
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,171
[DOOR OPENS] Yeah?
158
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,193
- "Quinnsby"?
- Yeah.
159
00:05:06,194 --> 00:05:07,440
- What are you...?
- [DOOR CLOSES]
160
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,775
[CLEARS THROAT]
161
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,310
I hope you guys don't mind
162
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,447
if I perhaps... ad-lib!
163
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,581
- You're not an actor.
- Go for it.
164
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:16,716
I'd prefer if you'd just read the lines.
165
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,851
QUINN: As your new best friend,
166
00:05:17,852 --> 00:05:20,186
what I can offer you is accompaniment
167
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:24,057
to the "Epileptic Light Ray"
Wednesdays at the roller rink,
168
00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:25,458
or even tickle fights.
169
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,527
Who doesn't love
a really good tickle fight?
170
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:30,129
Also, I'm willing to attend
171
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,265
any sporting event of your choosing,
172
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:34,785
and I'll also do chest bumps.
173
00:05:34,786 --> 00:05:37,136
But I want to be very clear...
I bruise like a peach.
174
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,205
- You're jumping into me.
- Okay, thank you so much.
175
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,606
Can I go again from the top?
176
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:41,615
- No! No, no, no.
- No, thank you.
177
00:05:41,616 --> 00:05:42,742
That was... That was great.
178
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:43,943
Just give us a second,
if you could, so we can talk.
179
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,344
Please step back. Thank you so much.
180
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,346
Okay, yeah, I'm out,
181
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,549
'cause I already want to choke
the shit out of him.
182
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,683
Yeah, since the paper rip.
183
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,618
I'd like to see it again,
but louder and broader.
184
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:53,819
Just a bigger performance.
185
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,755
Look, we don't have to like him.
186
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,423
I just need somebody that...
187
00:05:57,424 --> 00:06:00,426
We need somebody that we can
constantly ridicule, like Abbey.
188
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,027
What am I? Chopped liver?
189
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,964
No, I mean somebody that gets
the jokes and is hurt by them.
190
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,031
- Oh!
- Right?
191
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,433
[CHUCKLES] Like, picture it.
192
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,702
We're at lunch, Quinn starts
talking about principal BS,
193
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,505
and then all of a sudden,
it's just Riff City, USA...
194
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,307
Population 3.
195
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:18,111
Elevation... 420-69. [LAUGHS]
196
00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,914
So you're saying that there's
a city in the Continental US
197
00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:22,916
- called Riff City...
- Riff City, USA.
198
00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:26,852
That is situated at 42,069
feet above sea level?
199
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,454
And only three people live there?
200
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,656
Yeah, well, there's not
a lot of oxygen to go around.
201
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,725
If I go along with this ridiculous idea
202
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,660
of letting Quinn into our gang,
203
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:37,130
can you promise me that
you will never speak of
204
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:38,932
Riff City, USA, like, ever again?
205
00:06:38,933 --> 00:06:40,866
No, I won't need to speak about it.
206
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,385
We'll be living in it, brah.
207
00:06:42,386 --> 00:06:44,003
No, no, no, I'm asking...
208
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,338
Welcome to the gang, Quinn!
209
00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:48,341
[LAUGHS] Thank you so much!
210
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:51,165
Now that we're a quartet again,
I've got a surprise...
211
00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:54,080
A sneak peek of the new library...
212
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,019
AKA Book City, USA!
213
00:06:57,020 --> 00:06:59,352
It's a totally different city
from Riff City.
214
00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:05,353
215
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,829
And, unlike Abbey,
I understand that drawing dicks
216
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,565
is an important part
of student-library culture.
217
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,500
That's why I gave the students
218
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,235
a safe space to do exactly that.
219
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,371
It's like a graffiti wall
in the inner city.
220
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,373
Nothing condescending
about that, huh, guys?
221
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,440
Hmm.
222
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,909
Ooh, favorite part... Loren's Picks...
223
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:25,645
For your more discerning reader.
224
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:26,780
FAIRBELL: Oh, wow!
225
00:07:26,781 --> 00:07:29,449
So Joseph Heller didn't
stay on for "Catch 27"?
226
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,057
Nope, couldn't get him.
Oscar Something did this one.
227
00:07:32,058 --> 00:07:33,119
Pretty cool, right?
228
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,654
- No.
- It's really exciting.
229
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,189
I'll... I'll be sure to pop back in
230
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,027
next time I want to take
a snooze cruise.
231
00:07:38,028 --> 00:07:39,058
[SNORTS]
232
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,926
- [LAUGHS]
- Right, guys?
233
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,662
- Yeah, that was kind of a diss.
- [IMITATES GUNSHOTS FIRING]
234
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,263
Yeah. No, I thought so. Yeah.
235
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,332
Well, anyways,
I'll catch you guys later.
236
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,002
I, uh... I got to go deal
with some principal BS.
237
00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:50,203
Been there.
238
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:52,938
Yeah, well, I've got to go.
239
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:56,009
I don't have to go. I want to go.
240
00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:57,952
Well, guys, wait up for me.
241
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,613
Snooze cruise.
242
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:03,016
[CHUCKLES] That's a scorcher.
243
00:08:03,017 --> 00:08:09,017
244
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:12,025
Wait up, sillies.
245
00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:14,427
Fairbell, you weren't at the flag pole,
waiting for me, like usual.
246
00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,295
Oh. I didn't even think about it.
247
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,698
Hey, I've been thinking
that this Quinn thing's
248
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:19,965
not really working out, you know?
249
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,300
He doesn't seem to be fitting in.
250
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,389
Actually, I think he's
fitting in quite swimmingly.
251
00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:24,704
Really?
252
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,572
Ohh, check it out!
253
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:30,243
I just won $76 for parking
in a residential zone.
254
00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:31,711
Read it and weep.
255
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,247
- It's a parking ticket, turkey dick!
- [SCOFFS]
256
00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,781
I got one, too.
257
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,250
There he goes, right there.
258
00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:39,118
It's that stupid, little tricycle thing!
259
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,786
- Hey! Hey, you! Stop!
- Wait up!
260
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,321
You're not gonna outrun us!
261
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,723
Stop that car! Hey!
262
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,124
- Whoa.
- Stop!
263
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,308
[DASHBOARD CHIRPS, ENGINE STOPS]
264
00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:47,326
- Hey, Abbey!
- Abbey!
265
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,994
- What?
- You're a meter maid?
266
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,130
Uh, it's Parking Enforcement Officer,
267
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,532
thank you very much.
268
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,534
I see you boys got my card.
269
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,504
- Yeah.
- You're responsible for this?
270
00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:58,271
Look, I was just doing my job.
271
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,005
If you're gonna park illegally,
you're gonna get a ticket.
272
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,149
Well, how come we're the only
ones that got tickets, then?
273
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,277
Well, that's an officer's discretion.
274
00:09:04,278 --> 00:09:05,611
But if it does happen to be
275
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,346
a carefully crafted,
perfectly timed revenge,
276
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,510
then so be it.
277
00:09:08,511 --> 00:09:09,549
- [SCOFFS] Come on.
- [DASHBOARD BEEPS]
278
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,421
Have fun at shitty, old Smoot, boys.
279
00:09:11,422 --> 00:09:13,289
I'm off to my new life.
280
00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:16,528
So long, Sucktown!
281
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:21,164
Hey, I'll have you know we're doing
pretty good without you, fake cop!
282
00:09:21,165 --> 00:09:23,567
[LAUGHS]
283
00:09:23,568 --> 00:09:24,768
SHOEMAKER: Yeah, that's right!
284
00:09:24,769 --> 00:09:26,236
'Cause you've already been replaced...
285
00:09:26,237 --> 00:09:28,171
- Uh-huh! By Quinn!
- ...by Loren!
286
00:09:28,172 --> 00:09:29,773
- "By Loren"?
- Stupid.
287
00:09:29,774 --> 00:09:30,774
Well...
288
00:09:33,344 --> 00:09:34,677
SERGEANT COBB: Hey, Red Zone.
289
00:09:34,678 --> 00:09:36,747
I heard you ticketed 14 Mongol Harleys
290
00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:38,014
outside the Piper Inn.
291
00:09:38,015 --> 00:09:39,616
What, do you have a death wish?
292
00:09:39,617 --> 00:09:41,884
They were more than one foot
away from the curb, sir.
293
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:43,486
You know, normally, I don't pry
294
00:09:43,487 --> 00:09:45,288
into the dark roads
that led people here,
295
00:09:45,289 --> 00:09:47,890
but it seems like you were
forged from the fires of hell.
296
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,692
Thank you, sir.
297
00:09:49,693 --> 00:09:50,827
Well, to be honest,
298
00:09:50,828 --> 00:09:53,029
I was the librarian
at Smoot High School.
299
00:09:53,030 --> 00:09:54,431
Jesus H. Christ.
300
00:09:54,432 --> 00:09:55,832
I actually liked a lot of the job,
301
00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:58,222
but my friends...
302
00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:01,078
turned out to be...
303
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,981
big... dicks.
304
00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:07,043
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm usually cut off by now.
305
00:10:07,044 --> 00:10:08,578
Let me tell you something.
306
00:10:08,579 --> 00:10:11,181
Out here in the streets,
we listen to one another.
307
00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:14,050
So, good talk.
Now get home to your family.
308
00:10:14,051 --> 00:10:16,186
Well, I don't have a family, sir.
309
00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,588
I was hoping that I could
pick up a few extra shifts.
310
00:10:18,589 --> 00:10:20,457
Let me tell you something, Red Zone,
311
00:10:20,458 --> 00:10:21,924
you need to pump the brakes.
312
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,660
Don't make the same mistake I made
313
00:10:23,661 --> 00:10:25,395
and give your life to this stupid job.
314
00:10:25,396 --> 00:10:26,529
Yes, sir.
315
00:10:26,530 --> 00:10:28,198
There's got to be somebody.
316
00:10:28,199 --> 00:10:30,333
There is someone I'm interested in,
317
00:10:30,334 --> 00:10:33,136
but it's against the site rules
for us to meet in person.
318
00:10:33,137 --> 00:10:35,271
God damn it, Red Zone! [MUG SHATTERS]
319
00:10:35,272 --> 00:10:36,606
Let me tell you something.
320
00:10:36,607 --> 00:10:38,608
Scars... On the outside,
that's one thing!
321
00:10:38,609 --> 00:10:40,010
But scars on the inside...
322
00:10:40,011 --> 00:10:41,678
Those are scars that never heal!
323
00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:45,548
Sarge, I'm not sure your outside
scar healed that well, either.
324
00:10:45,549 --> 00:10:47,684
Ah shit, is that bleeding again?
325
00:10:47,685 --> 00:10:49,820
Ah, what the shit.
326
00:10:49,821 --> 00:10:51,354
Oh, God.
327
00:10:51,355 --> 00:10:53,956
328
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,492
How 'bout we break those rules
329
00:10:55,493 --> 00:10:57,093
and take this to the next level?
330
00:10:57,094 --> 00:10:59,095
[CELLPHONE BLOOPS]
331
00:10:59,096 --> 00:11:02,232
Here goes. I'm male.
332
00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:05,101
Yes!
333
00:11:05,102 --> 00:11:07,303
Let's meet in person!
334
00:11:07,304 --> 00:11:08,371
[CELLPHONE BLOOPS]
335
00:11:08,372 --> 00:11:09,572
Hmm...
336
00:11:09,573 --> 00:11:12,442
337
00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:13,844
Of course, I only paid for a water,
338
00:11:13,845 --> 00:11:15,045
but that's not what I got.
339
00:11:15,046 --> 00:11:17,380
I went with some soda. [LAUGHS]
340
00:11:17,381 --> 00:11:18,648
I was there. I saw it.
341
00:11:18,649 --> 00:11:20,116
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
342
00:11:20,117 --> 00:11:21,518
Tammy!
343
00:11:21,519 --> 00:11:23,586
Sorry, but we have
a little policy over here...
344
00:11:23,587 --> 00:11:25,455
- Bros before...
- You better think about it
345
00:11:25,456 --> 00:11:26,589
before you finish that sentence.
346
00:11:26,590 --> 00:11:28,258
Well, you didn't let me finish.
347
00:11:28,259 --> 00:11:30,326
I was gonna say bros before Tammys.
348
00:11:30,327 --> 00:11:31,862
Why don't you go sit somewhere else?
349
00:11:31,863 --> 00:11:32,863
- Bye-bye!
- Bye!
350
00:11:32,864 --> 00:11:35,732
[LAUGHTER]
351
00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:37,067
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Ahh!
352
00:11:37,068 --> 00:11:38,601
Funny stuff. [CHUCKLES]
353
00:11:38,602 --> 00:11:39,670
Speaking of funny,
354
00:11:39,671 --> 00:11:41,271
I was watching Jimmy Fallon last night.
355
00:11:41,272 --> 00:11:43,005
[LAUGHING] He brings the guest out.
356
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:44,140
It's somebody famous,
357
00:11:44,141 --> 00:11:46,008
and he was singing his famous
song from the movie,
358
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,610
but they were spoofing it.
359
00:11:47,611 --> 00:11:48,879
Anyway, for my money,
360
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,215
that guy is giving the system
the business.
361
00:11:52,216 --> 00:11:53,664
Wow.
362
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:59,689
When did you start wearing
self-tucking shirts?
363
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,358
[SNICKERING] Yeah, dad!
364
00:12:01,359 --> 00:12:03,293
[LAUGHTER]
365
00:12:03,294 --> 00:12:07,029
Why don't you go find
a golf game to golf at?
366
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,231
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
367
00:12:08,232 --> 00:12:10,233
You know, I'm the keeper
of the books now.
368
00:12:10,234 --> 00:12:12,368
So it's important
that I look professional!
369
00:12:12,369 --> 00:12:14,104
[SNICKERS]
370
00:12:14,105 --> 00:12:17,107
Next thing we know, he's gonna
start freezing his eggs.
371
00:12:17,108 --> 00:12:18,375
QUINN: Ha! Ha! Ha!
372
00:12:18,376 --> 00:12:21,111
FAIRBELL: [LAUGHS] Old eggs for dinner.
373
00:12:21,112 --> 00:12:23,846
That was an Abbey joke, Fairbell. Oh.
374
00:12:23,847 --> 00:12:25,382
[COUGHS] Six!
375
00:12:25,383 --> 00:12:27,850
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
376
00:12:27,851 --> 00:12:30,587
[COUGHING] Seven! Come on, Loren!
377
00:12:30,588 --> 00:12:34,231
[CRYING] You're not dope anymore!
378
00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:37,393
You got three more minutes,
then you got to move this thing.
379
00:12:37,394 --> 00:12:39,195
I'll just move right along,
officer. I'm sorry.
380
00:12:39,196 --> 00:12:40,931
[ENGINE STARTS]
381
00:12:40,932 --> 00:12:42,999
Oh. Hi, Abbey.
382
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,467
[SIGHS]
383
00:12:44,468 --> 00:12:47,470
Oh, my God, are you doing that
breath-spray thing in here?
384
00:12:47,471 --> 00:12:50,206
Alone? That is so sad!
385
00:12:50,207 --> 00:12:51,408
Yeah, right. You're just jealous
386
00:12:51,409 --> 00:12:52,809
'cause you could never get past six.
387
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:56,479
And you're crying in your car
just like I used to.
388
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,082
Hey, it's not so easy being
a librarian loser, is it?
389
00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:00,751
Like your life is so much better.
390
00:13:00,752 --> 00:13:02,953
Actually, it is.
391
00:13:02,954 --> 00:13:04,154
I have a date tomorrow,
392
00:13:04,155 --> 00:13:06,289
and he's gonna be waiting for me
with a red rose.
393
00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:07,490
- Oh, my God!
- I know!
394
00:13:07,491 --> 00:13:09,425
Like "You've Got Mail"?
That is so sweet.
395
00:13:09,426 --> 00:13:11,161
Mm-hmm. I know!
396
00:13:11,162 --> 00:13:13,896
Oh, look at that. Just over.
397
00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:16,232
Are you seriously giving me
a ticket right now, Abbey?!
398
00:13:16,233 --> 00:13:17,500
What the shit?!
399
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:19,970
By the way, you know,
you're a librarian now.
400
00:13:19,971 --> 00:13:22,105
You can afford a nicer car.
401
00:13:22,106 --> 00:13:23,239
[TAPS ON DOOR]
402
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,708
Actually...
403
00:13:25,709 --> 00:13:28,178
404
00:13:28,179 --> 00:13:30,781
Boys are comin' together
405
00:13:30,782 --> 00:13:34,317
[IMITATES GUITAR RIFF]
406
00:13:34,318 --> 00:13:35,986
You aren't leaving, are you?
407
00:13:35,987 --> 00:13:37,053
Uh, I am, warden.
408
00:13:37,054 --> 00:13:39,189
Gonna go meet the boys for happy hour,
409
00:13:39,190 --> 00:13:41,458
probably shoot some BB guns
at some stuff.
410
00:13:41,459 --> 00:13:43,460
Yeah, but we had a meeting at 1:30.
411
00:13:43,461 --> 00:13:45,928
We were gonna discuss the upcoming CSTs.
412
00:13:45,929 --> 00:13:48,064
I don't even know what a CKLT is.
413
00:13:48,065 --> 00:13:49,532
Colorado Standardized Testing?
414
00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:50,667
No.
415
00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:52,469
Quinn, these scores
determine our funding.
416
00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:53,804
Well, if they're so important,
417
00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,338
why don't you guys get together
418
00:13:55,339 --> 00:13:56,939
and write a little think piece about it.
419
00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:59,209
I'm gonna go ahead and get off
this snooze cruise.
420
00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:01,192
I'm outta here.
421
00:14:02,213 --> 00:14:03,680
QUINN: And Steven was all like,
422
00:14:03,681 --> 00:14:06,149
[WHINING] "But I made an appointment!
423
00:14:06,150 --> 00:14:07,283
What an asshole!
424
00:14:07,284 --> 00:14:08,685
- Yeah.
- You sound just like him.
425
00:14:08,686 --> 00:14:09,748
- Oh, man.
- Hi, Steven.
426
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:10,953
I do impressions. [LAUGHS]
427
00:14:10,954 --> 00:14:13,756
[HORN HONKS] Oh... my God.
428
00:14:13,757 --> 00:14:15,091
Hey, dudes.
429
00:14:15,092 --> 00:14:16,827
Huh? Pretty dang tight, right?
430
00:14:16,828 --> 00:14:18,294
Yeah, I found this thing
431
00:14:18,295 --> 00:14:20,030
on the gambling-debt section
of Craigslist.
432
00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:22,032
I figure, with all
the extra cash I'm making,
433
00:14:22,033 --> 00:14:23,700
it's probably time for an upgrade.
434
00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:25,568
Yeah, you were about
two cups of chamomile
435
00:14:25,569 --> 00:14:26,903
and one blazer away
436
00:14:26,904 --> 00:14:28,505
from going full Sweens.
437
00:14:28,506 --> 00:14:30,040
[LAUGHTER]
438
00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:31,641
That's good. That's a good one.
439
00:14:31,642 --> 00:14:34,310
Looks like you're driving a
go-kart, but dumb and stupid.
440
00:14:34,311 --> 00:14:35,379
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
441
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:37,447
Let's go, guys. [LAUGHS]
442
00:14:37,448 --> 00:14:38,581
Where are you going?
443
00:14:38,582 --> 00:14:39,782
Can... Can I come?
444
00:14:39,783 --> 00:14:42,252
Hey, how about we text you
when we get there?
445
00:14:42,253 --> 00:14:45,455
Wow, it feels so good to be
on this end of one of those.
446
00:14:45,456 --> 00:14:47,724
- [CHUCKLES]
- Gee whiz.
447
00:14:47,725 --> 00:14:50,993
Wow, a gently-used '97
in school-bus yellow.
448
00:14:50,994 --> 00:14:52,462
Yes! Exactly!
449
00:14:52,463 --> 00:14:54,397
God, I don't know what
those guys' problem is.
450
00:14:54,398 --> 00:14:57,200
This is a cool car for a cool dude.
451
00:14:57,201 --> 00:14:58,801
Vroom, vroom. Am I right?
452
00:14:58,802 --> 00:15:00,219
It's "Zoom, zoom."
453
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:01,804
Miata poser.
454
00:15:01,805 --> 00:15:03,806
It's "Zoom." God...
455
00:15:03,807 --> 00:15:05,075
QUINN: Later, dillweed!
456
00:15:05,076 --> 00:15:06,743
- See you tomorrow, Loren.
- Whoo-hoo!
457
00:15:06,744 --> 00:15:07,944
FAIRBELL: Oh, trash can!
458
00:15:07,945 --> 00:15:09,612
[CRASH, TIRES SQUEAL] [SHOEMAKER LAUGHS]
459
00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:10,613
I'm hurt.
460
00:15:10,614 --> 00:15:11,814
Oh, my God.
461
00:15:11,815 --> 00:15:13,683
I am becoming Abbey.
462
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,720
463
00:15:17,721 --> 00:15:19,522
Oh, so your refrigerator is running.
464
00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:22,392
Well, then, why don't you go
catch it, then, gravel nuts?
465
00:15:22,393 --> 00:15:25,928
[LAUGHTER]
466
00:15:25,929 --> 00:15:27,664
And he'll never know it's us!
467
00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,265
STEVEN: [MUFFLED] I do know it's you.
468
00:15:29,266 --> 00:15:30,867
I'm writing down everything
you say, Quinn.
469
00:15:30,868 --> 00:15:32,002
- Shh!
- Quiet, wall.
470
00:15:32,003 --> 00:15:33,736
We're trying to prank-call Steven.
471
00:15:33,737 --> 00:15:36,072
Listen, Quinn, I've been
doing some thinking,
472
00:15:36,073 --> 00:15:37,674
and I want my old job back.
473
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:41,784
Well, I'd love to help you,
but... I don't want to.
474
00:15:41,785 --> 00:15:44,414
And I'd ask him to help you,
but I don't care.
475
00:15:44,415 --> 00:15:45,948
God, look at you two.
476
00:15:45,949 --> 00:15:48,885
Following Quinn around?
This is pathetic.
477
00:15:48,886 --> 00:15:51,488
Our whole dynamic is off.
We need Abbey back.
478
00:15:51,489 --> 00:15:54,024
- Nice try, but that ship has sailed.
- Yeah.
479
00:15:54,025 --> 00:15:56,827
It was a snooze cruise,
and you were the captain.
480
00:15:56,828 --> 00:15:58,495
- Toot-toot.
- [LAUGHS]
481
00:15:58,496 --> 00:15:59,629
I can't believe how much mileage
482
00:15:59,630 --> 00:16:00,897
I'm getting off "snooze cruise."
483
00:16:00,898 --> 00:16:02,032
Jesus.
484
00:16:02,033 --> 00:16:05,502
You see, Quinnsby is the new
leader of this gaggle,
485
00:16:05,503 --> 00:16:07,770
and he's not going anywhere.
486
00:16:07,771 --> 00:16:09,105
We don't even need Abbey.
487
00:16:09,106 --> 00:16:11,107
Tell you what... If fancy pants here
488
00:16:11,108 --> 00:16:12,909
wants to run back to Spanish class,
489
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:14,310
he's welcome to it.
490
00:16:14,311 --> 00:16:16,713
We will just go into the library
491
00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:18,515
and turn it into something else.
492
00:16:18,516 --> 00:16:20,050
- Adios, amigo.
- Oh, a man cave?
493
00:16:20,051 --> 00:16:21,384
We'll be man-cave men.
494
00:16:21,385 --> 00:16:22,385
- Don't touch me.
- No!
495
00:16:22,386 --> 00:16:24,054
You can't turn it into a man cave.
496
00:16:24,055 --> 00:16:26,322
Abbey and I have done
a lot of work on that library.
497
00:16:26,323 --> 00:16:28,659
Oh, yeah? Well, we're probably
gonna put a lot of work
498
00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:29,860
into taking it all down.
499
00:16:29,861 --> 00:16:31,728
- Yeah, we are.
- Come on, boys.
500
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,319
- [SNICKERS]
- Move your leg.
501
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,330
Move your leg.
502
00:16:34,331 --> 00:16:35,666
- Sorry.
- Hey, I want to be clear.
503
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:37,667
SHOEMAKER: If you keep
calling yourself Quinnsby,
504
00:16:37,668 --> 00:16:39,135
I don't want to be
a part of this anymore.
505
00:16:39,136 --> 00:16:45,136
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
506
00:16:55,687 --> 00:16:57,653
[MUSIC DIES]
507
00:17:01,693 --> 00:17:02,959
Oh, man.
508
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,227
Oh, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait!
509
00:17:04,228 --> 00:17:07,163
Are you Red Zone, the... the
hot-shot new meter maid?
510
00:17:07,164 --> 00:17:09,031
Parking Enforcement Officer.
511
00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:10,367
It is amazing to meet you.
512
00:17:10,368 --> 00:17:12,435
I mean [LAUGHING] you're my money maker.
513
00:17:12,436 --> 00:17:13,836
And you're...
514
00:17:13,837 --> 00:17:15,305
You're Mayor Gil Nash.
515
00:17:15,306 --> 00:17:17,840
Thanks to you, all my unfunded projects
516
00:17:17,841 --> 00:17:19,109
are back on the table.
517
00:17:19,110 --> 00:17:21,444
I mean, suck my spurs, city council.
518
00:17:21,445 --> 00:17:22,645
I'll tell you what...
519
00:17:22,646 --> 00:17:24,847
How about I name the new
all-kill animal shelter
520
00:17:24,848 --> 00:17:25,848
after you?
521
00:17:25,849 --> 00:17:28,318
Don't name it that... or build that.
522
00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:30,787
You know what, I-I-I-I've got to go.
523
00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,724
I've got a job to... quit.
524
00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:35,726
But, hey, hang on. Wait, wait.
525
00:17:35,727 --> 00:17:38,795
Um, do I have any, like,
stem stuff in my teeth?
526
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,936
I-I'm meeting my soul mate.
527
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:45,335
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
528
00:17:45,336 --> 00:17:47,870
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
529
00:17:50,007 --> 00:17:52,943
[CHAIN RATTLING]
530
00:17:52,944 --> 00:17:54,745
Sir.
531
00:17:54,746 --> 00:17:58,413
Sir, this is the hardest thing
that I've ever had to do, but...
532
00:17:59,617 --> 00:18:00,883
I'm quitting.
533
00:18:00,884 --> 00:18:04,220
I-I-I can't walk the streets
making money for Gil Nash.
534
00:18:04,221 --> 00:18:06,422
- I don't accept your resignation.
- [SIGHS]
535
00:18:06,423 --> 00:18:08,291
Mayors... They come and go in this city,
536
00:18:08,292 --> 00:18:10,612
but parking enforcement... We endure.
537
00:18:10,613 --> 00:18:11,894
You think I agree with every mayor
538
00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:13,496
I've worked under in this city?
539
00:18:13,497 --> 00:18:14,646
Hell no.
540
00:18:14,647 --> 00:18:16,366
But I tough it out, Red Zone.
541
00:18:16,367 --> 00:18:17,957
That's why you're the best, sir.
542
00:18:18,636 --> 00:18:21,304
But I can't bring myself to raise money
543
00:18:21,305 --> 00:18:23,640
for boob taxes and kill shelters.
544
00:18:23,641 --> 00:18:26,709
I'm afraid this is goodbye.
545
00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:29,579
[SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING]
546
00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:31,714
This is like watching an eagle
turn in her wings.
547
00:18:31,715 --> 00:18:34,050
- [CHUCKLES SADLY]
- Where will you go from here?
548
00:18:34,051 --> 00:18:36,719
Some place where I can make a
positive difference in society.
549
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,254
I don't know where that is yet,
550
00:18:38,255 --> 00:18:42,125
but I'm gonna find it.
551
00:18:42,607 --> 00:18:48,264
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
552
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:50,470
I'd probably cry
553
00:18:50,471 --> 00:18:53,467
if I didn't have my goddamn
tear ducts ripped out.
554
00:18:55,673 --> 00:18:57,874
[SIGHS]
555
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,141
[SCOFFS]
556
00:18:59,142 --> 00:19:01,277
Yeah, I thought
that'd get your attention.
557
00:19:01,278 --> 00:19:03,814
I don't care, Loren.
I quit parking enforcement.
558
00:19:03,815 --> 00:19:05,081
Really?! That's great!
559
00:19:05,082 --> 00:19:06,416
You can come back to Smoot now.
560
00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:08,084
Why would I come back to Smoot?
561
00:19:08,085 --> 00:19:09,419
'Cause it's a-a great job
562
00:19:09,420 --> 00:19:11,221
and it's got good benefits
563
00:19:11,222 --> 00:19:13,790
and that... that weird foreign
exchange student's still there.
564
00:19:13,791 --> 00:19:15,558
- He's funny.
- [LAUGHING] Oh...
565
00:19:15,559 --> 00:19:18,594
[SCOFFS]
Because we need you, Abbey.
566
00:19:19,563 --> 00:19:21,637
Because I need you.
567
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,166
- [SCOFFS]
- I didn't realize how much
568
00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:25,301
being a librarian
ruins your social status.
569
00:19:25,302 --> 00:19:27,504
I thought leaving the library
would fix things,
570
00:19:27,505 --> 00:19:29,239
but our dynamic's just jacked up.
571
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,107
Loren, I-I've got a r?sum? to fabricate.
572
00:19:31,108 --> 00:19:33,176
I can't get involved
in your juvenile bullshit.
573
00:19:33,177 --> 00:19:34,977
[SCOFFS] Yeah? Well,
Quinn's turning the library
574
00:19:34,978 --> 00:19:35,978
into a man cave.
575
00:19:35,979 --> 00:19:38,314
[SPUTTERS] Excuse me?!
576
00:19:38,315 --> 00:19:39,982
Yeah, he's already ordered
the Fatheads and everything.
577
00:19:39,983 --> 00:19:42,185
- Ohh!
- Okay.
578
00:19:42,186 --> 00:19:44,187
I feel like that second one
was a little bit excessive.
579
00:19:44,188 --> 00:19:45,522
Well, we've got to stop Quinn!
580
00:19:45,523 --> 00:19:47,123
That's what I'm saying!
Let's go. Come on.
581
00:19:47,124 --> 00:19:49,726
582
00:19:49,727 --> 00:19:51,461
- Miss.
- Sweet.
583
00:19:51,462 --> 00:19:53,063
Oh!
584
00:19:53,064 --> 00:19:55,331
You know what I've always hated
about books? They're so heavy.
585
00:19:55,332 --> 00:19:56,667
QUINN: Once we get
all the books cleared out,
586
00:19:56,668 --> 00:19:58,528
we can maybe get a pool table in here.
587
00:19:58,529 --> 00:20:00,803
That's gonna go so good
with our Fatheads!
588
00:20:00,804 --> 00:20:02,405
- I love those things.
- [LAUGHTER]
589
00:20:02,406 --> 00:20:03,806
- Geoffrey?
- No, I want lemonlime.
590
00:20:03,807 --> 00:20:05,341
- Lemon-lime.
- Oh, oh. Sorry, sorry.
591
00:20:05,342 --> 00:20:08,144
And, uh, you know what?
From here on out, it's Jeff.
592
00:20:08,145 --> 00:20:11,013
And I know we're just saying it
so you can't tell,
593
00:20:11,014 --> 00:20:12,549
but I'm saying it with a "J."
594
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:14,417
- I can tell. I can tell.
- Quinn?!
595
00:20:14,418 --> 00:20:15,685
Quinn, what the shit?!
596
00:20:15,686 --> 00:20:17,620
What are you doing to my library?!
597
00:20:17,621 --> 00:20:19,956
No, no, no!
598
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:21,824
You can't come back!
You won't come back!
599
00:20:21,825 --> 00:20:23,560
- Oh. [SCOFFS]
- Yes. Yeah.
600
00:20:23,561 --> 00:20:26,096
Isn't there a melanoma missing its
redhead right about now? [SNICKERING]
601
00:20:26,097 --> 00:20:28,831
Hey, it is not her fault
that her skin is translucent.
602
00:20:28,832 --> 00:20:30,366
Two losers are teaming up.
603
00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:31,634
- [SNORTS]
- Losers!
604
00:20:31,635 --> 00:20:33,770
Okay, there is no drinking
on school property!
605
00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:35,371
- Hey!
- What are you doing?!
606
00:20:35,372 --> 00:20:37,107
- Abbey, no!
- What?
607
00:20:37,108 --> 00:20:39,041
I have finally climbed to the top
608
00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:42,245
of this very confusing social
structure at this school, okay?!
609
00:20:42,246 --> 00:20:43,714
- I'm the new Loren.
- No.
610
00:20:43,715 --> 00:20:44,981
Loren's the new you.
611
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:47,784
Shoemaker and Fairbell
are essentially the same,
612
00:20:47,785 --> 00:20:50,053
but what I'm saying is there's
no one else for you to be, okay?
613
00:20:50,054 --> 00:20:51,454
I'm sorry.
614
00:20:51,455 --> 00:20:54,657
I'm pretty sure I've got
this cool-guy thing dialed in.
615
00:20:54,658 --> 00:20:57,460
Then you probably would have
zero problem taking,
616
00:20:57,461 --> 00:21:00,597
I don't know,
10 shots of cinnamon Binaca...
617
00:21:00,598 --> 00:21:02,799
Directly underneath
your tongue right now.
618
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,801
You don't owe anything to this guy, J.
619
00:21:04,802 --> 00:21:06,068
Yeah, let's go outside.
Let's go TP a house.
620
00:21:06,069 --> 00:21:07,403
- Let's get out of here.
- Let's go TP a house.
621
00:21:07,404 --> 00:21:09,005
I'm sorry, Geoffrey. Are you
gonna let your girlfriends
622
00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,473
do all the talking for you,
623
00:21:10,474 --> 00:21:13,410
or are you gonna step right up
and prove how cool you are?
624
00:21:13,411 --> 00:21:16,279
- Let's go TP a house.
- My name is Jeff with a "J"!
625
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,014
I could do 10 pumps in my sleep.
626
00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:19,282
Yeah, he can.
627
00:21:19,283 --> 00:21:21,084
Obviously, someone else would
have to do the pumping...
628
00:21:21,085 --> 00:21:22,352
I'll be sleeping.
629
00:21:22,353 --> 00:21:24,354
Just prove it.
630
00:21:24,355 --> 00:21:25,756
One. [SPRITZES]
631
00:21:25,757 --> 00:21:27,023
[SCREAMS]
632
00:21:27,024 --> 00:21:29,626
- Geez!
- Ohh! Aah!
633
00:21:29,627 --> 00:21:30,961
- The pain!
- Yeah.
634
00:21:30,962 --> 00:21:33,429
It's in my lungs!
635
00:21:35,299 --> 00:21:36,767
Fairbell, count.
636
00:21:36,768 --> 00:21:37,826
No way.
637
00:21:37,827 --> 00:21:39,436
7, 3, 2. [SPRITZING]
638
00:21:39,437 --> 00:21:40,466
- Come on.
- Shoemaker, count.
639
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:41,504
I'm on three.
640
00:21:41,505 --> 00:21:43,906
- I was on the spot.
- 4, 5, 6...
641
00:21:43,907 --> 00:21:46,176
- [COUGHING]
- ...7, 8, 9...
642
00:21:46,177 --> 00:21:48,111
No way. One more.
643
00:21:48,112 --> 00:21:49,646
- [COUGHS]
- 10! He did it!
644
00:21:49,647 --> 00:21:50,647
[LAUGHS]
645
00:21:50,648 --> 00:21:53,583
- He's back!
- I am a cinnamon god!
646
00:21:53,584 --> 00:21:55,986
- Whoo!
- Wow.
647
00:21:55,987 --> 00:21:58,388
Yeah, that's right, Jeff with a "J."
648
00:21:58,389 --> 00:21:59,589
Looks like King Shit
649
00:21:59,590 --> 00:22:01,858
just got re-elected
President of Riff City.
650
00:22:01,859 --> 00:22:02,993
[SNICKERING]
651
00:22:02,994 --> 00:22:05,328
Okay, so, in this scenario now...
652
00:22:05,329 --> 00:22:06,463
Yeah.
653
00:22:06,464 --> 00:22:09,199
A monarch, during a general election,
654
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,401
was elected president of a city.
655
00:22:11,402 --> 00:22:14,270
On top of the biggest goddamn
mountain you ever climbed, bro!
656
00:22:14,271 --> 00:22:17,333
Elevation... 420-69!
657
00:22:17,334 --> 00:22:19,542
I have definitely missed a few days.
658
00:22:19,543 --> 00:22:21,411
And as for you, Geoffrey,
659
00:22:21,412 --> 00:22:23,855
I think it's time for you to
turn in your little flannel.
660
00:22:23,856 --> 00:22:25,329
Ohh! Aah!
661
00:22:25,949 --> 00:22:28,084
How long was I gone?
662
00:22:28,085 --> 00:22:29,886
And where are my glasses?
663
00:22:29,887 --> 00:22:31,421
Oh, yeah, your glasses.
664
00:22:31,422 --> 00:22:33,623
Yeah, you smashed them when
you took us to that rock quarry
665
00:22:33,624 --> 00:22:35,958
to just, well, smash stuff.
666
00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:39,129
Okay, maybe we all got
667
00:22:39,130 --> 00:22:41,964
a little too far away from
ourselves there, all right?
668
00:22:41,965 --> 00:22:43,033
LOREN: Yeah.
669
00:22:43,034 --> 00:22:47,570
And, Abbey, maybe we do need you.
670
00:22:47,571 --> 00:22:50,577
So, what do you say?
671
00:22:51,375 --> 00:22:53,243
Will you come back?
672
00:22:53,244 --> 00:22:55,106
Yeah. Okay.
673
00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:58,515
But there's one last thing I need to do.
674
00:22:58,516 --> 00:23:00,917
Well, I hope it's not
tear down this man cave.
675
00:23:00,918 --> 00:23:03,186
- 'Cause this rules.
- [BOTH LAUGH] Right?
676
00:23:03,187 --> 00:23:05,055
You two have outdone yourselves.
Man, how awesome is this?
677
00:23:05,056 --> 00:23:06,389
Look at how hot this chick is.
678
00:23:06,390 --> 00:23:07,790
You're gonna be so disappointed.
679
00:23:07,791 --> 00:23:09,191
- Boner alert.
- Let's take this all down.
680
00:23:12,293 --> 00:23:17,600
TOGETHER: 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11!
681
00:23:17,601 --> 00:23:18,801
- Jesus!
- Ohh!
682
00:23:18,802 --> 00:23:20,470
- Oh, my God!
- New record!
683
00:23:20,471 --> 00:23:22,205
SHOEMAKER: Wow! Whoa! [LAUGHING]
684
00:23:22,206 --> 00:23:24,074
- Wow, Abbey!
- Yeah!
685
00:23:24,075 --> 00:23:26,943
Red Zone just got elected
686
00:23:26,944 --> 00:23:30,583
the new Duchess
of Riff Raff County, boys!
687
00:23:31,282 --> 00:23:32,949
SHOEMAKER: Wow!
688
00:23:32,950 --> 00:23:36,152
So, in this scenario, a duchess was...
689
00:23:36,153 --> 00:23:37,754
- Shut up, Shoemaker.
- Fair enough.
690
00:23:37,755 --> 00:23:39,155
Welcome back, Queen Bee.
691
00:23:39,156 --> 00:23:40,757
Thank you.
692
00:23:40,758 --> 00:23:43,118
Pretty cool. Pretty cool.
693
00:23:45,496 --> 00:23:47,497
S-S-So...
694
00:23:47,498 --> 00:23:48,767
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
695
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,101
Mistakes were made,
696
00:23:51,102 --> 00:23:56,106
and I guess we all did
some things we probably regret.
697
00:23:56,107 --> 00:23:57,107
So...
698
00:23:57,108 --> 00:23:58,241
I didn't.
699
00:23:58,242 --> 00:23:59,576
STEVEN: Yeah, just you.
700
00:23:59,577 --> 00:24:01,377
You acted like
an immature child, Geoffrey.
701
00:24:01,378 --> 00:24:02,379
Mm-hmm.
702
00:24:02,380 --> 00:24:04,581
And can I assume that was your feces
I found on my doorstep?
703
00:24:04,582 --> 00:24:06,518
Okay, well, you cannot prove that.
704
00:24:06,519 --> 00:24:08,585
It's at the lab right now.
705
00:24:08,586 --> 00:24:10,052
I'm at my wits' end.
706
00:24:10,053 --> 00:24:11,588
I may have to speak with...
707
00:24:11,589 --> 00:24:13,055
district management.
708
00:24:13,056 --> 00:24:15,258
Okay, well, now, that
vaguely sounds like a threat.
709
00:24:15,259 --> 00:24:17,594
It's not vague at all.
It's a direct threat.
710
00:24:17,595 --> 00:24:19,329
And it... it is directed at me?
711
00:24:19,330 --> 00:24:20,530
Yes.
712
00:24:20,531 --> 00:24:22,666
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
713
00:24:23,776 --> 00:24:25,843
I've been to prison twice.
714
00:24:25,893 --> 00:24:30,443
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