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1
00:00:00,087 --> 00:00:02,999
So I was like, "Okay.
Let's go to the mountains."
2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,271
And he goes to, like, Georgetown.
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,273
He's like, "Get the fuck out."
4
00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:10,343
I'm sorry. I just lost my wife.
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:13,212
[CRYING] Jesus, this is hard to watch.
6
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:14,747
So then don't watch!
7
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,215
Nobody asked you to sit with me!
8
00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:18,752
- Okay.
- No, don't go, don't go.
9
00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:20,954
Just... stick around for a little bit.
10
00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,555
I'm pretty sure it's illegal to cry
11
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,157
and eat ice cream at the same time.
12
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,159
Lucky for you, my wire's not on.
13
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,493
It's just that [SNIFFLES] Jade and I
14
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:30,163
are supposed to be
on our honeymoon right now...
15
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,565
at a Flip-Flop Resort on Hispaniola.
16
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,168
- Which side?
- Haiti.
17
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,437
We booked the Wyclef Jean suite.
18
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,172
One time.
19
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,174
Cheer up. I think that
you dodged a bullet.
20
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,776
Yeah, marriage is a lot
21
00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:45,178
like being held captive
in a basement, anyway.
22
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:47,513
You just say that 'cause
you actually live in a basement.
23
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:48,648
Figuratively, too.
24
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:49,849
I mean, when my marriage fell apart...
25
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,785
- Oh, my God!
- Abbey!
26
00:00:51,786 --> 00:00:53,919
Ease on the arriage-may stuff.
27
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,322
He's sad. A little soon,
don't you think?
28
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:57,390
You're the one that brought it up.
29
00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,193
Do something, Shoemaker.
I'm in existential pain.
30
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:02,061
You know what, Abbey?
Would you be a dear
31
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,131
and go get our friend here
a cup of coffee?
32
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:06,800
Deer can't carry coffee. [LAUGHS]
33
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:07,867
[SCOFFS]
34
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,202
Almond milk, organic sugar.
35
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,736
Yeah, one or two?
36
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,071
Mm, two ought to do it.
37
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,875
All right, you guys.
I've got actual things to do.
38
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,277
You can have your
sausage funeral by yourself.
39
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:19,412
And get me two muffins.
40
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,880
41
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,149
Quit wasting my time
42
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:25,751
I ain't here for you
43
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,953
I'm just putting in work
44
00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:31,578
Till my day is through
45
00:01:31,579 --> 00:01:33,493
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
46
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,295
Do you think you'll be giving
the gifts back to the...
47
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:39,232
Shoemaker, I can't think
about that right now!
48
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,100
So selfish!
49
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,235
Foreman Grills aren't cheap.
50
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,303
[CRYING]
51
00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:46,840
Hey, everybody.
Uh, just a general reminder
52
00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:49,442
that the vocational career fair
that I put together
53
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,578
for Smoot's grossly underserved
low-performance students
54
00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:53,779
starts today.
55
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,981
Quick little pro tip...
Just funnel those kids
56
00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:58,518
straight to
the Armed Services recruiters.
57
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,386
Hey, these kids still have
career options, you know.
58
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:02,321
Oh, yeah. Mnh! Mnh! Mnh! Mnh!
59
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:03,657
Like truck drivers.
60
00:02:03,658 --> 00:02:05,191
[SIGHS]
61
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,660
I hope there's a carousel
at this fair. [CHUCKLES]
62
00:02:06,661 --> 00:02:09,462
It's a career fair, you moron.
63
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,330
- Career fair?
- Getting dumber every day.
64
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:13,666
Never thought about going pro.
[CHUCKLES]
65
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:14,868
I mean, I am pretty good.
66
00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:16,269
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
67
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,337
68
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,740
This is just what you need.
69
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,609
Nothing will make you feel
like less of a failure
70
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:26,412
than Jet Skiing across Lake Loser!
71
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,347
I feel like I'm lying
in a bag of cinder blocks
72
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:29,683
at the bottom of that lake.
73
00:02:29,684 --> 00:02:31,951
- Ugh. Again with the sad stuff.
- I don't want to be here.
74
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,553
Look, look, over here.
75
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:34,754
- Dental hygiene.
- Ohh.
76
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,622
Kids, this is a great job.
77
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,892
It's got all the glitz
and glamour of being a maid
78
00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:40,894
except with your hands
in a stranger's mouth.
79
00:02:40,895 --> 00:02:41,961
[LAUGHS]
80
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,363
You couldn't do it.
81
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,564
Come on. Try to have fun.
82
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,900
Look, look. How about this one, okay?
83
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:49,903
Look at that. Department of Corrections.
84
00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:52,037
[CHUCKLES] This job is perfect
85
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,507
for those of you too racist to be cops.
86
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,641
[CHUCKLES]
87
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:58,978
Oh, oh. All right, easy there, Ponch.
88
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,113
[CHUCKLES] That's pretty good.
89
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,315
This stinks. When's the college fair?
90
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,383
College fair was three weeks ago, Jack.
91
00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,319
If you were college-bound,
you would've heard about it.
92
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,787
Probably why he should hightail it over
93
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,122
to the old HVAC booth, huh?
94
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:10,790
Think somebody's got a long career
95
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,325
of showing his ass crack to housewives.
96
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,526
97
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,195
Oh, you're doing it, Peter.
98
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,463
There you are!
99
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:20,065
- Come on.
- Bangarang, Lost Boy!
100
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:22,335
Come on. You try your own.
Come on. Try one on your own.
101
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,803
All right.
102
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,805
Social work... very nice.
103
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,206
Uh, oh, I got it.
104
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,674
Why don't you show me on the doll
105
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,276
where you failed the bar exam?
106
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,278
- Oh-ho-ho-ho!
- Oh-ho-ho-ho!
107
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,480
- Boom! There he is!
- Dude, that actually felt really good.
108
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,549
- Fan the flames, man.
- [SIGHS]
109
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,817
I just wish we had these losers around
110
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,218
all the time, you know?
111
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,686
Look! Free stuff!
112
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,488
All the free stuff you can carry!
113
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,357
I got a new smaller mustache brush. Mm?
114
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,691
[CHUCKLES]
115
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:48,694
Holy Peanut Buster Parfaits.
Dairy Queen is here?
116
00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:50,429
I'm gonna go try to get her autograph.
117
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:54,567
118
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,569
ABBEY: Big Ol' Yams?
119
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,904
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
120
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,240
I-I think there's been
some sort of confusion.
121
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,509
I'm supposed to be booth 36-D.
122
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,111
Oh, no, we're 36-D.
123
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:08,075
Maybe you're like a... 32-B?
124
00:04:08,076 --> 00:04:09,515
Or A. [BOTH LAUGH]
125
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,517
Oh, yeah, okay. That's funny.
126
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:14,120
Um, listen, woman to woman,
127
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,388
I totally applaud
128
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,991
you reclaiming your sexuality
through franchising,
129
00:04:17,992 --> 00:04:20,860
but this is my librarian booth.
130
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,262
Sorry. We've had this reserved
for, like, three weeks.
131
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,399
Okay. Um...
132
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,268
Steven? Hey! What is this?
133
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,004
You promised me a librarian booth.
134
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:32,472
- Well, actually, you e-mailed me...
- Uh-huh.
135
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,740
And I didn't get a chance to reply no.
136
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,075
I'm sorry, Ms. Logan.
137
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,478
Library science is a lot
like the mortuary arts...
138
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,813
A dying profession.
139
00:04:39,814 --> 00:04:41,146
[CHUCKLES] Get it?
140
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:45,084
So the future is this skanky
vegan "breastaurant"?
141
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:49,555
Um, I mean, pro-fem empowerment...
142
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:50,690
Whatever. You guys are gross.
143
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,493
[SCOFFS] I mean,
who even likes this garbage?
144
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:57,030
Wow. This Tap That Grass
is nummy-licious.
145
00:04:57,031 --> 00:04:58,631
- Oh, thanks.
- Thank you!
146
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,965
All right, you know what?
I get your concern.
147
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,701
I, too, thought it was vulgar at first,
148
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,170
- but the employee benefits are great.
- [SIGHS]
149
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:07,173
I mean, the Big Ol' Health Plan,
the Big Ol' 401 Double K's.
150
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,575
Okay. You know what? I'm sorry.
I don't name these things.
151
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,310
I-I just think this is beneath Smoot.
152
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,978
Excuse me. What free stuff do you have?
153
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,514
Hey, babe, you want
to try some veggie jelly?
154
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,382
[CHUCKLES] I don't mind if I do.
155
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,317
[CHUCKLES]
156
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,520
[SLURPING]
157
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,522
Mnh! Mnh!
158
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,657
- Oh. Okay.
- Ugh!
159
00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:25,659
Oh, my God!
160
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:26,860
[COUGHS, SPITS]
161
00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:28,127
Beneath Smoot, huh?
162
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,262
[BREATHING DEEPLY]
163
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:30,930
No. I think it's right on par.
164
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:34,496
Ugh. I do not think I was
ready for that jelly.
165
00:05:34,497 --> 00:05:35,935
That's the trash, right?
166
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,271
Ugh! Everything is trash.
167
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:39,539
God...
168
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,874
Done.
169
00:05:40,875 --> 00:05:43,409
So, do either of you live alone?
170
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,078
I do. What'd you have in mind?
171
00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:47,213
PG-13 pizza party? [CHUCKLES]
172
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,281
No.
173
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:49,883
174
00:05:49,884 --> 00:05:53,018
And, alas, we reach
rock bottom... real estate.
175
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,888
- Ugh!
- Scum of the Earth.
176
00:05:54,889 --> 00:05:57,357
Commodifying a basic human right.
177
00:05:57,358 --> 00:06:00,560
You're worse than doctors.
How do you sleep at night?
178
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:04,297
On 800 thread-count sheets.
How do you sleep?
179
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,966
Fitfully, actually,
in my son's old sleeping bag,
180
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,367
right next to the furnace.
181
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,836
Come on, kids, let's go.
I've said too much.
182
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,372
Sounds like your friend
sleeps in a basement.
183
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:13,639
Oh, was the furnace the giveaway,
184
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,774
or does that teal blazer
185
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,176
endow you with
magical real-estate powers?
186
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,844
Kind of like that flannel
makes you seem rustic
187
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:21,581
to the Dave & Buster's
waitresses that you flirt with?
188
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,582
How did you know tha...
189
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,850
Oh. Okay. Well, touch?.
190
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,252
Solid assholery, sir.
191
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,520
You're a bit of an asshole yourself.
192
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:28,788
[CHUCKLES]
193
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,590
You ever think about
getting into real estate?
194
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:31,991
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
195
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,859
You know, I'd... I'd love to,
196
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,861
but, uh, the kids need me here.
197
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,530
- Oh, yeah.
- If I was ever to leave Smoot,
198
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,065
it'd just be like Jonestown without me.
199
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,135
Yeah, I can see you're already
at the top of your game.
200
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:43,136
Mm, yeah.
201
00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:44,670
Nothing spells success quite like
202
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:47,096
"public-school educator."
203
00:06:47,097 --> 00:06:48,341
Kids, will you just meet me
204
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,009
at the, uh... The Big Ol' Yams booth?
205
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:53,146
Save me a piece of "Hide the Soy-lami."
206
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:55,548
Shane Oswain, Realtor.
207
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,817
Loren Payton, real interested.
208
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,152
Over there, there's Uber.
209
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:00,686
[CHUCKLING]
I would've got a job for them,
210
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:03,556
but I don't have enough
sex offenses on my record.
211
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,224
[LAUGHING] That's funny, right, Loren?
212
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:08,429
Lore... Loren? Loren? No!
213
00:07:08,430 --> 00:07:10,831
What are you doing? Real estate?
214
00:07:10,832 --> 00:07:13,634
That's the biggest scam there is!
215
00:07:13,635 --> 00:07:14,835
I couldn't agree more.
216
00:07:14,836 --> 00:07:16,236
217
00:07:16,237 --> 00:07:19,640
Oh. No. No, I stand corrected.
218
00:07:19,641 --> 00:07:22,775
Triametrics. "Ask us (almost) anything."
219
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,244
All right, I've got a question...
220
00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:26,779
What's a pyramid scheme
masquerading as a religion
221
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,316
doing at a career fair? [CHUCKLES]
222
00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:30,984
We are not a religion.
223
00:07:30,985 --> 00:07:32,653
We offer careers in advancing mankind
224
00:07:32,654 --> 00:07:33,987
through holistic geometry.
225
00:07:33,988 --> 00:07:37,590
Oh, wow! That's super cool.
226
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,592
I haven't heard a bigger load of crap
227
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,795
since my real-estate agent told me
228
00:07:41,796 --> 00:07:44,131
that my basement was radon-free,
229
00:07:44,132 --> 00:07:47,468
the joke being that my...
basement is not radon-free.
230
00:07:47,469 --> 00:07:48,920
It's too bad you're such a narrow mind.
231
00:07:48,921 --> 00:07:49,928
Whatever.
232
00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:52,873
Or you could live
at Quazar Ranch for free.
233
00:07:52,874 --> 00:07:55,008
Whoa. What'd you just say?
234
00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,143
- Free, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
235
00:07:56,144 --> 00:07:57,878
Here?
236
00:07:57,879 --> 00:08:00,881
Kids, uh, why don't you go over
to the Big Ol' Yams booth?
237
00:08:00,882 --> 00:08:02,749
And go easy on the Camel Tofu.
238
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,551
That stuff is not good for you.
239
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,286
The Ranch allows our ambassadors to live
240
00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:08,288
without the worry of money.
241
00:08:08,289 --> 00:08:10,423
It's a worker's paradise, if you will.
242
00:08:10,424 --> 00:08:11,692
[CHUCKLING] Oh, I will!
243
00:08:11,693 --> 00:08:13,894
[LAUGHS] Zandra.
244
00:08:13,895 --> 00:08:15,496
[LAUGHS] Where do I sign?
245
00:08:15,497 --> 00:08:16,963
On the signature line.
246
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,832
Oh. That checks out. [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
247
00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:20,433
248
00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:22,635
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
249
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,705
250
00:08:24,706 --> 00:08:28,775
251
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:29,976
LOREN: Ohh.
252
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,378
No tub in this place, all right?
253
00:08:31,379 --> 00:08:33,714
- So what did you say?
- I said, "Half bath?
254
00:08:33,715 --> 00:08:35,916
I'll let you know when I need
to take a half dump."
255
00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:38,185
[BOTH LAUGH] Oh, my God!
256
00:08:38,186 --> 00:08:40,387
Shane, your anecdotes
alone, bro... killing me.
257
00:08:40,388 --> 00:08:41,722
- So, get this.
- Yeah.
258
00:08:41,723 --> 00:08:43,190
I'm the exclusive listing agent
259
00:08:43,191 --> 00:08:46,393
for some new lux condos in SuTo.
260
00:08:46,394 --> 00:08:47,994
Lux condos in Sucktown?
261
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,062
Yeah, no, I don't think that's going...
262
00:08:49,063 --> 00:08:51,865
No, not Sucktown... SuTo.
We're rebranding it.
263
00:08:51,866 --> 00:08:53,534
Real estate's all about spin.
264
00:08:53,535 --> 00:08:55,187
Take a house that's
next to train tracks.
265
00:08:55,188 --> 00:08:57,204
- Yeah.
- It's not next to train tracks.
266
00:08:57,205 --> 00:08:59,005
It's "convenient to transit."
267
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,473
Ah, okay.
268
00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:03,210
So, like, "mid-century modern"
instead of "asbestos vault."
269
00:09:03,211 --> 00:09:04,611
Dude, you're a natural.
270
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,813
Why don't you take
the Realtor exam, join my team?
271
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:07,948
I don't know.
272
00:09:07,949 --> 00:09:10,417
The Gables at SuTo is only in Phase One.
273
00:09:10,418 --> 00:09:12,085
There's a ton of potential sales.
274
00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:15,622
If I join, do I get one
of these sick teal blazers?
275
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,290
Or coral. Your choice, bro.
276
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:19,292
- No, teal, all the way.
- That's my team.
277
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:20,894
- You know what? Try it on.
- Really?
278
00:09:20,895 --> 00:09:22,229
Want to see what you
look like in this bad boy.
279
00:09:22,230 --> 00:09:23,496
Okay.
280
00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:24,965
Oh, yeah.
281
00:09:24,966 --> 00:09:26,718
Dude, you look better in that than I do.
282
00:09:26,719 --> 00:09:28,501
- Right?
- I'm gonna take some pictures. Cool?
283
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,303
Hell, yeah.
284
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:31,838
I can see the bus ad right now. Boom.
285
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:35,242
Oh, my God. Where do I sign?
286
00:09:35,243 --> 00:09:37,911
- On the signature line.
- Oh. Yeah. That tracks.
287
00:09:37,912 --> 00:09:39,846
There we go.
288
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:42,048
Hey. $2,400. [CHUCKLES]
289
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:43,450
Congratulations.
290
00:09:43,451 --> 00:09:45,852
You're now a Phase One
Triangle Ambassador.
291
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,255
Cool! When can I move in?
292
00:09:48,256 --> 00:09:49,656
Mondays are good for me...
293
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:52,459
You can move in as soon
as you reach Phase Two.
294
00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:54,394
But that was my entire life savings.
295
00:09:54,395 --> 00:09:55,662
Oh. Ambassador Billy,
296
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,731
you don't have to pay
to enter Phase Two.
297
00:09:57,732 --> 00:10:00,267
You simply have to
recruit five new people
298
00:10:00,268 --> 00:10:01,468
willing to pay for Phase One.
299
00:10:01,469 --> 00:10:02,803
Five people?
300
00:10:02,804 --> 00:10:05,072
W-W-Where am I gonna find five peo...
301
00:10:05,073 --> 00:10:07,741
302
00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:09,743
Can they be stupid?
303
00:10:09,744 --> 00:10:11,544
We accept anyone.
304
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:13,559
Insulated walls, here I come.
305
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:14,841
Fairbell!
306
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,185
307
00:10:18,186 --> 00:10:20,521
It's about building community
is what it is.
308
00:10:20,522 --> 00:10:22,589
Yeah, yeah, and sharing resources,
309
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:24,525
like water and childcare.
310
00:10:24,526 --> 00:10:26,659
And they're not even finished
yet. It's just Phase One.
311
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,061
I can't wait for Phase Two.
312
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:30,130
- Oh, my God. Phase Two?
- Off the chain.
313
00:10:30,131 --> 00:10:32,399
Nothing but hot tubs
and built-in wine fridges, bro.
314
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,000
Oh, that's what I'm talking about.
315
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,802
Look at us, making smart choices.
316
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,003
Dude, totally.
317
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,872
- Mmm.
- Mm.
318
00:10:38,873 --> 00:10:41,074
So, which model of the Ascension Pod
319
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:43,820
- are you gonna go for?
- Ascension Pod?
320
00:10:43,821 --> 00:10:45,488
I'm talking about The Gables at SuTo.
321
00:10:45,489 --> 00:10:46,623
What the hell are you talking about?
322
00:10:46,624 --> 00:10:48,291
- What?
- Gables at SuTo?
323
00:10:48,292 --> 00:10:50,359
No, no, we're talking about Triametrics.
324
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,895
Loren, real estate is a scam.
325
00:10:51,896 --> 00:10:53,563
- Excuse me.
- You're excused.
326
00:10:53,564 --> 00:10:55,498
No, Triametrics is a scam.
327
00:10:55,499 --> 00:10:57,434
Real estate is a slam dunk every time.
328
00:10:57,435 --> 00:10:58,835
I knew he wouldn't sign up.
329
00:10:58,836 --> 00:10:59,836
- Typical NM.
- I'm not an NM.
330
00:10:59,837 --> 00:11:01,038
Narrow mind.
331
00:11:01,039 --> 00:11:02,505
I am not narrow-minded.
332
00:11:02,506 --> 00:11:05,042
Yeah, you are.
Triametrics is not a scam.
333
00:11:05,043 --> 00:11:07,477
I mean, just look at their
tenets for living, okay?
334
00:11:07,478 --> 00:11:10,013
Number 1, eat healthy.
That's common sense.
335
00:11:10,014 --> 00:11:11,815
Number 2, get 10 hours of sleep.
336
00:11:11,816 --> 00:11:13,282
- Okay?
- That's a lot.
337
00:11:13,283 --> 00:11:14,617
Number 3, exercise.
338
00:11:14,618 --> 00:11:16,219
Oh, that's scary. Okay?
339
00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:17,420
And I think there's a fourth one.
340
00:11:17,421 --> 00:11:19,155
I don't really remember what it is.
341
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,224
Trans-morphosize and ascend
into the rocket yacht.
342
00:11:21,225 --> 00:11:22,492
- Okay. There it is.
- How could you forget that one?
343
00:11:22,493 --> 00:11:23,626
- That's the best part.
- Okay, listen.
344
00:11:23,627 --> 00:11:25,161
And there's the bullshit.
345
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:28,164
No. The... The rocket yacht
is a metaphor for spiritual...
346
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:30,766
It's a spaceship we're going
to literally live on forever.
347
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:31,968
Okay. Fairbell,
348
00:11:31,969 --> 00:11:33,303
I'm trying to keep this
into the realm of science,
349
00:11:33,304 --> 00:11:34,838
so if you could stop talking
about the rocket yacht...
350
00:11:34,839 --> 00:11:36,172
Guys, I hate to tell you this, but...
351
00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:37,440
Abbey, I've got this.
352
00:11:37,441 --> 00:11:39,175
You fell for a pyramid scheme.
Congratulations.
353
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:40,644
You both fell for a pyramid scheme.
354
00:11:40,645 --> 00:11:42,111
I was gonna say it was a pyramid scheme.
355
00:11:42,112 --> 00:11:44,580
It's not a pyramid scheme.
It's a flow chart.
356
00:11:44,581 --> 00:11:45,982
There's literally a pyramid on it.
357
00:11:45,983 --> 00:11:47,250
Okay. You know what, Fairbell?
358
00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:49,385
We don't have to sit here
and explain ourselves
359
00:11:49,386 --> 00:11:51,721
to people too NM to understand.
360
00:11:51,722 --> 00:11:52,989
Oh, my God.
361
00:11:52,990 --> 00:11:54,323
Well, we've got
some uniforms to pick up.
362
00:11:54,324 --> 00:11:57,260
Yeah. Uh, you mean
Astral Ambassador Garments.
363
00:11:57,261 --> 00:11:59,595
I swear to God, if you use
the word "astral" one more time,
364
00:11:59,596 --> 00:12:00,930
I'm gonna stick it up your astral.
365
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:01,931
[CLEARS THROAT]
366
00:12:01,932 --> 00:12:04,000
Ugh! Gross, Abbey. Do not get me sick.
367
00:12:04,001 --> 00:12:05,935
I have a shit-ton
of real estate regs to learn
368
00:12:05,936 --> 00:12:06,959
in the next three days.
369
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,604
Well, if you would
listen to me for once,
370
00:12:08,605 --> 00:12:10,740
I was gonna ask you if you
wanted to study together.
371
00:12:10,741 --> 00:12:12,608
'Cause I might be doing
something really exciting...
372
00:12:12,609 --> 00:12:15,411
Unless you might be pre-approved
for a condo in the high 400s,
373
00:12:15,412 --> 00:12:16,612
I have zero use for you, okay?
374
00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:18,481
You know what, Loren? I was trying to...
375
00:12:18,482 --> 00:12:19,883
I don't mean to, uh, butt in,
376
00:12:19,884 --> 00:12:22,151
but, uh, Loren, I think it's great
377
00:12:22,152 --> 00:12:23,819
that you found your calling
at the career fair.
378
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:25,221
And as it happens,
379
00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:27,090
real estate
is a bit of a passion of mine.
380
00:12:27,091 --> 00:12:28,224
I could help you study.
381
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:29,425
Sweens!
382
00:12:29,426 --> 00:12:31,412
Comin' off the bench.
That would be awesome.
383
00:12:31,413 --> 00:12:32,826
Steven, I was actually...
384
00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:34,297
Ms. Logan, we're having a conversation.
385
00:12:34,298 --> 00:12:36,632
We're talking. We're talking.
The grown-ups are talking.
386
00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:38,434
You know what? This answers my question.
387
00:12:38,435 --> 00:12:40,836
You guys are... dicks.
388
00:12:40,837 --> 00:12:42,238
I am so sorry about her, Sweens.
389
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:43,306
Already forgotten.
390
00:12:43,307 --> 00:12:44,908
- My office later?
- [SCOFFS] Totally.
391
00:12:44,909 --> 00:12:46,776
Thank you, Sweeney. Very cool.
392
00:12:46,777 --> 00:12:48,311
No problem.
393
00:12:48,312 --> 00:12:50,246
Anything to help you...
394
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,181
get away from here.
395
00:12:52,182 --> 00:12:54,250
I'm sorry. Did I miss
the last part of that sentence?
396
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:55,985
Nope. Just thinking about real estate.
397
00:12:55,986 --> 00:12:57,587
Real estate. Yes!
398
00:12:57,588 --> 00:12:59,188
399
00:12:59,189 --> 00:13:01,591
Triametrics. Think of it
as the answer key to life
400
00:13:01,592 --> 00:13:02,992
for just pennies a day.
401
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:04,193
A few thousand pennies a day...
402
00:13:04,194 --> 00:13:05,661
Oh, oh, oh!
403
00:13:05,662 --> 00:13:08,331
Got 5 seconds to save
your eternal energy shell?
404
00:13:08,332 --> 00:13:10,800
I have an Ascension Pod
with your name on it!
405
00:13:10,801 --> 00:13:11,867
[WHISPERING] What is that guy's name?
406
00:13:11,868 --> 00:13:12,868
[WATCH BEEPS]
407
00:13:12,869 --> 00:13:15,271
Oh. It's time for our ring re-charge.
408
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:18,007
Come on. It's important.
409
00:13:18,008 --> 00:13:19,542
Vrmmmm!
410
00:13:19,543 --> 00:13:21,210
Ugh!
411
00:13:21,211 --> 00:13:22,612
This is never gonna work!
412
00:13:22,613 --> 00:13:25,881
We're not gonna get
to Phase Two like this.
413
00:13:25,882 --> 00:13:27,417
Unless...
414
00:13:27,418 --> 00:13:28,884
we go straight to the top.
415
00:13:28,885 --> 00:13:30,486
The roof. [CHUCKLES]
416
00:13:30,487 --> 00:13:32,155
No, Quinn!
417
00:13:32,156 --> 00:13:34,690
He has the power to recruit the faculty
418
00:13:34,691 --> 00:13:37,160
- from the top down.
- Ooh.
419
00:13:37,161 --> 00:13:40,430
That's what the three-sided
square system is about.
420
00:13:40,431 --> 00:13:42,098
[CHUCKLES] Fact.
421
00:13:42,099 --> 00:13:44,167
Sweens, you ready to do this thing?
422
00:13:44,168 --> 00:13:45,901
- Ah, Loren.
- Yeah.
423
00:13:45,902 --> 00:13:47,571
I just brewed some Chamomile Rage.
424
00:13:47,572 --> 00:13:49,038
It's got taurine and guarana.
425
00:13:49,039 --> 00:13:51,040
It's the perfect thing
for an intense study session!
426
00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:52,842
Wow. It sounds pretty baller.
427
00:13:52,843 --> 00:13:54,183
Thank you, Sweeney.
428
00:13:55,245 --> 00:13:58,381
Ho ho! Mama Miata. That's got a kick.
429
00:13:58,382 --> 00:14:00,516
But it's also very relaxing.
430
00:14:00,517 --> 00:14:02,452
- Hmm?
- So you ready to ace this test?
431
00:14:02,453 --> 00:14:04,920
[SCOFFS] You tell me, dawg.
432
00:14:04,921 --> 00:14:06,269
Hmm?
433
00:14:07,524 --> 00:14:09,592
Yeah, I had them overnighted from China.
434
00:14:09,593 --> 00:14:11,060
- Pretty swish, right?
- [WHIRRING]
435
00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:12,195
Mm.
436
00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:13,263
Mm.
437
00:14:13,264 --> 00:14:14,930
Wow. Mm-hmm.
438
00:14:14,931 --> 00:14:17,333
Uh, yeah, that is pretty swish.
439
00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:19,002
But have you done
anything else to prepare?
440
00:14:19,003 --> 00:14:21,871
Outside from the pencils? No, nothing.
441
00:14:21,872 --> 00:14:23,339
Then we got a lot of work to do.
442
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:26,984
Says here, "Discriminate
against the poor."
443
00:14:26,985 --> 00:14:28,278
- No.
- No?
444
00:14:28,279 --> 00:14:29,945
No, no, no, no, no.
445
00:14:29,946 --> 00:14:31,747
This is really good.
446
00:14:31,748 --> 00:14:33,149
Tell your friends where you got it.
447
00:14:33,150 --> 00:14:35,018
- You ready?
- I'm ready.
448
00:14:35,019 --> 00:14:36,686
Green Monster.
449
00:14:36,687 --> 00:14:38,888
- Yoga teacher's house?
- No!
450
00:14:38,889 --> 00:14:40,156
- Do it again, do it again!
- Just do it again.
451
00:14:40,157 --> 00:14:42,158
Bl-bl-bl-bl! This tea is magic!
452
00:14:42,159 --> 00:14:45,961
453
00:14:45,962 --> 00:14:47,563
[INHALES SHARPLY] God, yes!
454
00:14:47,564 --> 00:14:48,764
But it's not sticking...
455
00:14:48,765 --> 00:14:51,501
- Hey!
- Get it together!
456
00:14:51,502 --> 00:14:53,369
Oh, man, let's sell some homes.
457
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:55,104
Set, go!
458
00:14:55,105 --> 00:14:56,439
Buyer agents represent the buyer.
459
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,242
Seller agents rock the blazer.
460
00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:00,643
That is not right.
461
00:15:00,644 --> 00:15:03,446
Colorado inspection code requires balls.
462
00:15:03,447 --> 00:15:04,514
Big ones.
463
00:15:04,515 --> 00:15:05,715
I'm gonna have to give you an F.
464
00:15:05,716 --> 00:15:06,782
I'm sorry.
465
00:15:06,783 --> 00:15:10,658
466
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:11,855
- Tudor.
- Yes!
467
00:15:11,856 --> 00:15:13,056
- Spanish.
- Yes!
468
00:15:13,057 --> 00:15:14,123
- Yes?
- Yes!
469
00:15:14,124 --> 00:15:15,124
Yes!
470
00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:17,193
Yes! Did it!
471
00:15:17,194 --> 00:15:19,863
472
00:15:19,864 --> 00:15:21,130
Yeah.
473
00:15:21,131 --> 00:15:22,866
Once again, hammering "sold" signs
474
00:15:22,867 --> 00:15:24,534
and dressing like a Realtor
isn't on the test,
475
00:15:24,535 --> 00:15:26,269
- but nice work.
- Thanks, man.
476
00:15:26,270 --> 00:15:27,603
And I can't believe
477
00:15:27,604 --> 00:15:30,273
that tomorrow's
your last day at Smoot, ever.
478
00:15:30,274 --> 00:15:31,743
It is, isn't it?
479
00:15:33,210 --> 00:15:35,411
Man, I'm not looking forward
to telling Quinn.
480
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,012
Oh, don't worry about that.
481
00:15:37,013 --> 00:15:39,215
I mean, everybody's really
thrilled that you're doing this.
482
00:15:39,216 --> 00:15:42,018
Really, really, really thrilled.
483
00:15:42,019 --> 00:15:44,386
N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...
484
00:15:46,757 --> 00:15:50,093
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
485
00:15:50,094 --> 00:15:51,761
Is this about the wedding?
486
00:15:51,762 --> 00:15:53,429
They say, after a traumatic event,
487
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:55,164
you shouldn't make
any big life decisions
488
00:15:55,165 --> 00:15:57,166
for like six to eight years.
489
00:15:57,167 --> 00:15:58,968
This has nothing to do with the wedding.
490
00:15:58,969 --> 00:16:02,105
God, I regret ever buying her for you.
491
00:16:02,106 --> 00:16:03,573
Well, I am gonna be sick.
492
00:16:03,574 --> 00:16:05,308
Quinn, sign the form, man.
493
00:16:05,309 --> 00:16:07,110
No! I will not assist you
494
00:16:07,111 --> 00:16:09,178
in making the biggest mistake
of our lives!
495
00:16:09,179 --> 00:16:10,646
The biggest mistake of my life
496
00:16:10,647 --> 00:16:12,448
was not becoming a Realtor sooner.
497
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,050
- I'm out of here!
- Loren Payton...
498
00:16:14,051 --> 00:16:15,385
And let me know when I can show you
499
00:16:15,386 --> 00:16:17,520
an elevator-adjacent
garden-level studio.
500
00:16:17,521 --> 00:16:18,922
It'd be perfect for you!
501
00:16:18,923 --> 00:16:21,591
[CRYING] I look forward to it!
502
00:16:21,592 --> 00:16:24,394
[BLOWS NOSE] Hey, Quinn.
503
00:16:24,395 --> 00:16:27,130
I know this is hard to hear,
but I need you to...
504
00:16:27,131 --> 00:16:28,275
I've lost him.
505
00:16:29,533 --> 00:16:31,667
He's gone.
506
00:16:31,668 --> 00:16:33,202
[VOICE BREAKING] He's gone.
507
00:16:33,203 --> 00:16:34,337
Okay.
508
00:16:34,338 --> 00:16:35,939
[SNIFFLES DEEPLY]
509
00:16:35,940 --> 00:16:40,343
[HIGH-PITCHED WAILING]
510
00:16:40,344 --> 00:16:44,614
Principal Quinn, Medicine Woman!
Hey, hey, hey!
511
00:16:44,615 --> 00:16:46,550
Listen, whole school's buzzing
512
00:16:46,551 --> 00:16:48,618
about how sad you are
about Loren leaving,
513
00:16:48,619 --> 00:16:51,020
which is why we thought maybe
you could use a pick-me-up.
514
00:16:51,021 --> 00:16:52,355
Literally... to space!
515
00:16:52,356 --> 00:16:53,623
Okay. I told you to
stop talking about...
516
00:16:53,624 --> 00:16:57,360
- It's the best part.
- Get out of my way!
517
00:16:57,361 --> 00:17:01,364
Ohh! See? You chased him off
with all that space babble!
518
00:17:01,365 --> 00:17:04,900
It's not my fault the faculty
here is so old and brainlocked.
519
00:17:04,901 --> 00:17:06,702
Oh, my God. That's it.
520
00:17:06,703 --> 00:17:08,237
We need to get at the younger minds.
521
00:17:08,238 --> 00:17:09,905
[GASPS] We get a van.
522
00:17:09,906 --> 00:17:11,507
We pass out candy at a playground.
523
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:14,043
- Everyone likes candy.
- No, gross.
524
00:17:14,044 --> 00:17:16,512
- I got an idea. [CHUCKLES]
- Right there with you.
525
00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,848
Head start on tonight's ring re-charge.
526
00:17:18,849 --> 00:17:20,516
- Power up!
- Yeah, yeah, sure...
527
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,118
[GASPS] Oh, my God, Fairbell,
528
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:23,368
is your ring different than mine?
529
00:17:23,369 --> 00:17:24,720
Is it? Don't think so.
530
00:17:24,721 --> 00:17:26,322
'Cause it looks a lot different.
531
00:17:26,323 --> 00:17:27,323
That looks...
532
00:17:27,324 --> 00:17:29,392
[RING CLATTERS]
533
00:17:29,393 --> 00:17:31,194
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
534
00:17:31,195 --> 00:17:33,797
I can't thank you guys
enough for coming here.
535
00:17:33,798 --> 00:17:35,198
I'm gonna miss you so much.
536
00:17:35,199 --> 00:17:36,800
Hey, Abbey,
537
00:17:36,801 --> 00:17:38,001
do you want to leave something behind
538
00:17:38,002 --> 00:17:39,935
for my time "cap-syo-ul"?
539
00:17:39,936 --> 00:17:42,538
You have a Smoot time capsule?
540
00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:46,275
Yeah, it could be anything...
A book, a CD,
541
00:17:46,276 --> 00:17:48,211
some of your favorite bathroom trash.
542
00:17:48,212 --> 00:17:50,213
- Dan, gross.
- Ohh.
543
00:17:50,214 --> 00:17:52,081
Clear out the religion section, Abbey.
544
00:17:52,082 --> 00:17:54,083
I got something you
can really believe in.
545
00:17:54,084 --> 00:17:55,284
[CHUCKLES]
546
00:17:55,285 --> 00:17:57,553
Oh, my God. A going-away party.
547
00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:59,689
You guys... [CHUCKLES]
548
00:17:59,690 --> 00:18:01,757
"Goodbye... Abbey."
549
00:18:01,758 --> 00:18:02,958
Mm-hmm.
550
00:18:02,959 --> 00:18:04,427
That is so thoughtful of you.
551
00:18:04,428 --> 00:18:07,497
You spell "Abbey" with an "e." Huh.
552
00:18:07,498 --> 00:18:11,567
Oh, and a novelty card.
These are fun. Thank you.
553
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:12,702
Well, listen, I didn't prepare any words
554
00:18:12,703 --> 00:18:13,769
'cause I didn't know you guys
555
00:18:13,770 --> 00:18:15,104
were gonna throw me a going-away party.
556
00:18:15,105 --> 00:18:16,172
Oh, actually, the party is for me...
557
00:18:16,173 --> 00:18:18,041
No, it's okay. It's okay.
[CLEARS THROAT]
558
00:18:18,042 --> 00:18:20,043
From the bottom of my heart,
559
00:18:20,044 --> 00:18:21,644
mortgage rates are at an all-time low,
560
00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:22,846
so if anyone is even...
561
00:18:22,847 --> 00:18:25,248
- Really?! A party?!
- [SCOFFS] Yeah, Quinn.
562
00:18:25,249 --> 00:18:26,916
We're losing our coolest teacher,
563
00:18:26,917 --> 00:18:29,519
and you think that that's
a cause for celebration?!
564
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:30,720
Unbelievable!
565
00:18:30,721 --> 00:18:33,923
You, sir, will be going nowhere!
566
00:18:33,924 --> 00:18:35,725
[GRUNTS] That is my... That is my...
567
00:18:35,726 --> 00:18:37,527
- Abbey, I've got this.
- Why won't that rip?!
568
00:18:37,528 --> 00:18:39,663
You've got some nerve, Quinn.
569
00:18:39,664 --> 00:18:42,532
The entire faculty got together
to show me off the right way
570
00:18:42,533 --> 00:18:43,999
'cause they're happy for me,
571
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,268
and I'll be damned
572
00:18:45,269 --> 00:18:47,337
if I'm gonna let you take
that away from them, monster.
573
00:18:47,338 --> 00:18:49,138
- Monster?
- That's right.
574
00:18:49,139 --> 00:18:51,875
The only thing
I have ever been accused of
575
00:18:51,876 --> 00:18:53,609
- is caring...
- [SCOFFS]
576
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:56,145
And indecent exposure
577
00:18:56,146 --> 00:18:58,682
and soliciting a prostitute,
578
00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:01,356
although, ultimately,
I was acquitted of both.
579
00:19:02,419 --> 00:19:03,819
But caring!
580
00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:06,822
Premeditated,
first-degree capital caring...
581
00:19:06,823 --> 00:19:08,892
With aggravated concern?
582
00:19:08,893 --> 00:19:11,427
Well, guilty as charged, Your Honor!
583
00:19:11,428 --> 00:19:13,629
The defense rests!
584
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,431
Cake! That's cake.
585
00:19:15,432 --> 00:19:16,700
Yeah, that's my cake.
586
00:19:16,701 --> 00:19:18,702
You never cared about me, Quinn.
587
00:19:18,703 --> 00:19:20,169
But Steven did.
588
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:23,827
Steven, come here, please.
Come on. Please.
589
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:25,441
You know, this whole time,
590
00:19:25,442 --> 00:19:28,712
I, like you, thought
Steven was this huge turd.
591
00:19:28,713 --> 00:19:31,915
You know, this huge, weird,
misshapen turd
592
00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:33,449
that's pretty concerning.
593
00:19:33,450 --> 00:19:34,784
So you call the doctor, and he's like,
594
00:19:34,785 --> 00:19:37,186
"You're right.
You need to change everything."
595
00:19:37,187 --> 00:19:38,788
And you think, "My God.
596
00:19:38,789 --> 00:19:42,525
Had it not been for this
gross, oddly painful turd,
597
00:19:42,526 --> 00:19:43,927
I'd still be making the same mistakes
598
00:19:43,928 --> 00:19:45,261
I made my entire life."
599
00:19:45,262 --> 00:19:47,797
That's Steven. So, thank you, Sweeney.
600
00:19:47,798 --> 00:19:49,999
You beautiful turd.
601
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,467
And, Quinn, if you need me,
602
00:19:51,468 --> 00:19:54,203
I'll be slam-dunking that Realtor exam.
603
00:19:54,204 --> 00:19:56,406
Enjoy the party that Quinn ruined.
604
00:19:56,407 --> 00:19:57,941
And, Abbey, feel free to help yourself
605
00:19:57,942 --> 00:19:59,475
to a non-corner piece of cake.
606
00:19:59,476 --> 00:20:02,278
Oh, that's so generous, so thoughtful.
607
00:20:02,279 --> 00:20:05,615
Thank you. Sayonara, SuTo!
608
00:20:05,616 --> 00:20:06,950
This is all your fault.
609
00:20:06,951 --> 00:20:09,285
Your career-fair carnival of horrors
610
00:20:09,286 --> 00:20:11,887
is destroying Smoot!
611
00:20:11,888 --> 00:20:12,888
[FOOTSTEPS]
612
00:20:12,889 --> 00:20:14,490
Well, that was a great party.
613
00:20:14,491 --> 00:20:15,825
Up until the lengthy turd talk.
614
00:20:15,826 --> 00:20:17,961
Yeah. It was perfect.
615
00:20:17,962 --> 00:20:20,029
- Abbey!
- Abbey! Hi.
616
00:20:20,030 --> 00:20:21,564
Clear off the religion section,
617
00:20:21,565 --> 00:20:23,633
'cause I want you to think about space.
618
00:20:23,634 --> 00:20:24,768
Dude, I already told you,
619
00:20:24,769 --> 00:20:26,436
if you talk about space one more time,
620
00:20:26,437 --> 00:20:27,837
you are gonna get your face punched in.
621
00:20:27,838 --> 00:20:29,105
- What about space for books?
- I said that.
622
00:20:29,106 --> 00:20:30,373
- You know what?
- Shelf space.
623
00:20:30,374 --> 00:20:32,842
You guys should totally
put your books here.
624
00:20:32,843 --> 00:20:35,177
Let me clear off
some shelf space for you.
625
00:20:37,982 --> 00:20:40,201
That enough room for you?!
626
00:20:40,202 --> 00:20:42,385
Enjoy your sausage cult.
627
00:20:42,386 --> 00:20:44,383
Oh, my God.
628
00:20:44,384 --> 00:20:45,589
Abbey...
629
00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:47,323
said yes!
630
00:20:47,324 --> 00:20:48,658
[BOTH LAUGH]
631
00:20:48,659 --> 00:20:51,727
Let's go tell Zandra
about our new Libratorium.
632
00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:53,729
Quazar Ranch, here I come!
633
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,865
Permission to come aboard
the rocket yacht.
634
00:20:55,866 --> 00:20:57,066
635
00:20:57,067 --> 00:20:58,334
Yes!
636
00:20:58,335 --> 00:20:59,735
Mm.
637
00:20:59,736 --> 00:21:03,006
Well, I would be remiss not
to broach a few qualms I have
638
00:21:03,007 --> 00:21:04,940
with some of the nutritional claims
639
00:21:04,941 --> 00:21:07,010
in your herbivore fare.
640
00:21:07,011 --> 00:21:08,544
Oh, okay. Well, if you'd like...
641
00:21:08,545 --> 00:21:10,079
Aaah!
642
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,215
Are you okay, sweetie?
643
00:21:12,216 --> 00:21:14,017
Yeah, I'm cool. I just...
644
00:21:14,018 --> 00:21:16,546
I didn't think you were gonna
talk back to me, so, you know...
645
00:21:16,547 --> 00:21:17,821
See ya! Yeah.
646
00:21:17,822 --> 00:21:19,355
- Oh. Bye.
- Bye.
647
00:21:19,356 --> 00:21:20,824
Wait till Zandra hear's about this.
648
00:21:20,825 --> 00:21:23,959
I bet Tampa and I get a master bedroom.
649
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:28,564
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
650
00:21:28,565 --> 00:21:30,433
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
651
00:21:30,434 --> 00:21:31,434
Where'd the Triametrics booth go?
652
00:21:31,435 --> 00:21:33,036
- Oh.
- Oh. They took off.
653
00:21:33,037 --> 00:21:34,638
Took off? [CHUCKLES]
654
00:21:34,639 --> 00:21:36,772
The lady said something
about her ship coming in
655
00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:39,509
after she fleeced a couple
of grade-A whales yesterday.
656
00:21:39,510 --> 00:21:41,577
Yes! [LAUGHS]
657
00:21:41,578 --> 00:21:43,379
Oh, my God. We got scammed.
658
00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:45,846
I gave her my entire life savings.
659
00:21:45,847 --> 00:21:47,050
Aren't you listening?
660
00:21:47,051 --> 00:21:50,053
Zandra has ascended... with whales!
661
00:21:50,054 --> 00:21:51,687
[LAUGHS]
662
00:21:53,858 --> 00:21:55,791
663
00:21:55,792 --> 00:21:57,927
You really should be wearing
your astral garments
664
00:21:57,928 --> 00:21:59,462
this close to Ascension Day.
665
00:21:59,463 --> 00:22:01,130
For the last time...
666
00:22:01,131 --> 00:22:03,799
We got scammed, you brainwashed dipshit.
667
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,069
I refuse to listen
to this horse-sorcery.
668
00:22:06,070 --> 00:22:07,671
You mean "heresy."
669
00:22:07,672 --> 00:22:11,274
No, I mean horse-sorcery.
Did you even read the books?
670
00:22:11,275 --> 00:22:13,342
What are you two doing here?
671
00:22:13,343 --> 00:22:16,279
I thought you joined that cult.
I mean, lifestyle opportunity.
672
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,282
Well, if you must know, Sweens,
it turned out to be a scam.
673
00:22:19,283 --> 00:22:20,950
They took all my money.
674
00:22:20,951 --> 00:22:22,752
Well, you know what?
675
00:22:22,753 --> 00:22:24,437
I can live with two out of four gone.
676
00:22:25,956 --> 00:22:27,357
LOREN: Okay. Oh!
677
00:22:27,358 --> 00:22:29,492
So, bullet points...
678
00:22:29,493 --> 00:22:32,095
Handed out my sweet pencils
at the real-estate exam.
679
00:22:32,096 --> 00:22:33,897
Huge hit. Duh.
680
00:22:33,898 --> 00:22:35,498
Unfortunately, they were made
with Chinese lead,
681
00:22:35,499 --> 00:22:38,768
and everybody got super sick
from chewing on them.
682
00:22:38,769 --> 00:22:41,637
And it turns out lead's no good
on TronScan machines, either,
683
00:22:41,638 --> 00:22:44,840
as it ruined every single exam.
684
00:22:44,841 --> 00:22:46,309
So I'm back.
685
00:22:46,310 --> 00:22:48,244
Well, you can take the test
again, though, can't you?
686
00:22:48,245 --> 00:22:51,046
Oh, no, no. God, no.
I'm banned for life.
687
00:22:51,047 --> 00:22:52,582
The prodigal son has returned!
688
00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:54,250
[LAUGHS]
689
00:22:54,251 --> 00:22:55,851
Okay, Quinn.
690
00:22:55,852 --> 00:22:58,187
And I forgive you! [LAUGHS]
691
00:22:58,188 --> 00:23:00,323
No, honestly, I feel like
I owe you an apology.
692
00:23:00,324 --> 00:23:03,326
Shh! You don't owe me anything.
693
00:23:03,327 --> 00:23:06,529
Really? So you don't want
the deposit back for your condo?
694
00:23:06,530 --> 00:23:08,798
'Cause your mortgage pre-approval
was very much denied.
695
00:23:08,799 --> 00:23:11,735
I just want you back here at Smoot.
696
00:23:11,736 --> 00:23:12,936
[LAUGHS]
697
00:23:12,937 --> 00:23:16,139
Well, that's exactly what you've got.
698
00:23:16,140 --> 00:23:17,741
You know what?
One out of four ain't bad.
699
00:23:17,742 --> 00:23:19,875
If you're gonna quote Meat Loaf,
get it right.
700
00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:21,811
It's, "Two out of three ain't bad."
701
00:23:21,812 --> 00:23:23,546
I was talking about
your little foursome!
702
00:23:23,547 --> 00:23:25,281
- Abbey quit!
- What?
703
00:23:25,282 --> 00:23:27,883
She was standing right next
to me at my going-away party.
704
00:23:27,884 --> 00:23:29,352
God, you think she
would've said something.
705
00:23:29,353 --> 00:23:30,886
She didn't even say a word.
706
00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,289
[CHUCKLES] Classic Abbey.
707
00:23:33,290 --> 00:23:36,025
- What a weirdo.
- Well, she can't do that.
708
00:23:36,026 --> 00:23:37,827
She has to get approved
before she can leave.
709
00:23:37,828 --> 00:23:39,724
I have to sign off on...
710
00:23:41,031 --> 00:23:45,835
A-h-h-h-h-h...
711
00:23:45,836 --> 00:23:47,771
712
00:23:47,772 --> 00:23:50,573
[AIR BRAKES HISS]
713
00:23:50,574 --> 00:23:52,776
[GASPING]
714
00:23:52,777 --> 00:23:57,046
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
715
00:23:57,047 --> 00:23:59,115
[BREATHES SHARPLY]
716
00:23:59,116 --> 00:24:00,450
[MACHINERY WHIRRING]
717
00:24:00,451 --> 00:24:01,717
718
00:24:01,718 --> 00:24:06,122
[CHUCKLES]
719
00:24:06,123 --> 00:24:09,392
720
00:24:09,393 --> 00:24:11,727
[GASPS] It's time for me to ascend!
721
00:24:11,728 --> 00:24:13,597
[CHUCKLES]
722
00:24:13,598 --> 00:24:14,798
I'm coming!
723
00:24:14,799 --> 00:24:16,866
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
724
00:24:16,867 --> 00:24:18,001
[LAUGHS]
725
00:24:18,002 --> 00:24:21,204
Who's the brainwashed dipshit now?
726
00:24:21,205 --> 00:24:24,874
Oh, my God! It's finally happening!
727
00:24:24,875 --> 00:24:27,543
Next stop, the rocket yacht. [CHUCKLES]
728
00:24:27,544 --> 00:24:29,345
Aah! Ow! [CLATTERING]
729
00:24:29,346 --> 00:24:30,346
Ohh! Ooh!
730
00:24:30,396 --> 00:24:34,946
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