All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s07e20 Yass Queen.eng

Well, it says here
that in 20 years,

all the cars on the road
will be self-driving.

Wow. What happens if
the artificial intelligence

starts to learn

and the cars decide to drive
everyone into the ocean?

"Hi. You've reached
your destination:

"your death.

We are now in total control.
All hail Elon."

-Hi. Morning.
-VANESSA: Hey, Mandy.

You want some breakfast?

Uh, only if it comes with a side
of business advice.

Oh, you having some trouble
with your new designs?

Uh, yeah, kind of.
The last two months,

I've been trying to get
meetings with buyers,

but they all said no.
I just need someone to say yes.

-Yes!
-No.

-Yes.
-No!

Okay, here's my idea.

What if I paid an influencer
to wear one of my designs?

Oh, what's an influencer?

It's a cool way of saying
"spokesperson."

No. It is a social media celeb
who makes tons of cash

endorsing products
to all their followers.

Sounds like a spokesperson.

In Hong Kong,
everybody follows Ping Ping.

When she posts a picture
of herself in a sweater,

it sells out immediately.

Really? You think Ping Ping
would wear something of mine?

Doubtful.
She's a Pomeranian.

Well, I'm off to catch
the school bus,

unless it's driven by
(robotic voice): a robot.

-Then I'll need a ride.
-(Mike chuckles)

All hail Elon.

-Bye.
-Have fun.

Listen, I don't think
spending money on an influencer

is a good idea
for you right now.

Oh, yeah, but I'm not talking
about somebody huge

like-like Hailey Baldwin.
Somebody I can afford,

like one of
the Real Housewives of Denver.

You know, somewhere,
your old business professor

has just burst into tears.
(cries)

Yeah, Dad, this is the way
of the future.

It's how my generation operates.

If I get the right celeb
to drop my hashtag,

my sales could blow up.

Ka-ka-kow! Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa!

Uh, first off, that's not
what an explosion sounds like.

And listen,
the world may have changed,

but the principles of business
are still the same.

Are they?

Why don't you come
to work today?

I'm having a meeting with
one of our manufacturer's reps.

She always gets in the door.
I don't always buy her product.

-Celia Powers.
-Mm. Oh, wow.

-She sounds like a TV lawyer.
-(Mike laughs)

Uh, no, I remember Celia.

She's the one who always tries
to start the conga line

at the Outdoor Man
Christmas parties.

MIKE:
She's a bit of a character,

but you might learn
something from her.

I have.
I've learned that I hate conga.

Well, it sounds like to me
you're trying to teach me

the way things
aren't done anymore.

All right, look, just go
with your father into the past.

He's comfortable there.

-I'll see you later.
-Yeah, bye.

And remember, next time
you're making fun of the past,

that's where I met you.

*

(humming)
Ooh, 40% off sale.

Ew, 100% ugly.

That's why they're 40% off.

So tell me a about Celia.
What's she like?

-Wow, how can I...
-Mike Baxter. 'Sup?

Uh, Celia, good to see you.
Thanks for coming by,

but, actually, I think
it's pronounced "Wassup."

Mmm. No, no.

Little update, Mike:
I was Celia.

-Mm-hmm.
-Now I go by CeCe P.

Like Cardi B, except she raps
and I rep. (chuckles)

You feelin' me?

Who's the Betty?

She's actually a Mandy.
It's my daughter.

She's an up-and-coming
fashion designer,

just gonna sit in
on the meeting.

Hmm. Tall blonde. Me likey.

(chuckles)

-Uh, me likey those shoes.
-Okay.

Bangin', right?

-Okay, down to business.
-Great.

I have got a van
full of samples downstairs.

Sick merchandise
to bring in new customers.

Okay, great, always looking
forward. Not so sick.

I don't want any of that
commie Bernie Sanders look.

-More the moderate John Kasich.
-Mm.

You know, it's perfect
that she's here,

because I looked at your data,

and one of your weakest
sales demographics

is the Betty Mandy.

Honey, it's true, I love my dad,

but I hate this store.

You don't hate the store.

You're just not that into
hunting and fishing.

You know, maybe I would be
if the jackets fit better.

Well, it's a choice--
do you want tight-fitting,

or you want someplace
to hold your dead stuff?

We've opened a dialogue.
Popcorn some more.

-What?
-Uh, millennial women

want to go from workout to work
in the same great outfit.

Yes. Athleisure.

-Already crushing it.
-No. No, no, no, no, no.

We don't do athleisure. There's
not a lot of deer hunters

that want yoga pants, okay?

Wait.

Um, um-um-um, okay,
how about these?

-Mountain climbing pants, right?
-Uh-huh.

They're-they're strong,
they're stretchy, they're soft.

What if we drop the waist,
we taper the leg?

-You can wear these anywhere.
-That's interesting.

Uh, kettle-corn me.

You know,
it's a little safe for me,

but you're just warming up,
aren't you?

-'Kay. Um... (clears throat)
-Yeah? Okay.

You know those, uh... those
fly-fishing waders we sell?

-Mm-hmm.
-Neoprene with the boots built in?

What if those waders
were formfitting?

They'd be called wet suits.

I have a whole bunch
of them downstairs.

Okay. Listen,
don't be discouraged.

This is the dance.

Okay, what would you do
with the boots?

Go crazy, because if I can't
have something fun on my feet,

-why am I outdoors anyway?
-(laughs)

Hey, yeah. Why don't we
just close the store?

How do you feel
about utility vests?

Um, I'm seeing camo, ammo
and a whole lot of slay.

Yass, queen!

I'm having a nervous breakdown
right now.

-Okay, we need
a walk-and-talk, Betty. -Yes.

Okay? Let's go down there
and light up the sales floor.

-Hey, how old do you think I am?
-You're, like, a fetus.

Okurrr!

I smell burnt toast.

*

So, his brother says,
"No, no, no, no, no,

"you're supposed to put
the potato

in the front
of the bathing suit."

(laughter)

Good Lord, Ed, how many times

-can you tell that joke?
-Oh, well...

Oh, I could hear it
a thousand times.

I mean, a potato at the beach?

(laughing):
Where did it come from?

Uh, let me guess, Kristin--

those-those boxes belong
to Ed Alzate.

Uh, yeah, they sure do,
so why were they

in the storage closet
of my restaurant?

Oh, will you
take it easy, Kristin.

These are very important things
that I cannot throw away.

Oh, you... Oh!

So you cannot get rid of...

these?

I guess that answers itself,
doesn't it?

-(Ed laughing)
-Well...

I am just glad
that they are back

in the hands
of their rightful owner,

-along with the rest of this.
-Okay. Thank you.

-Thank you. Thank you, Kristin.
-Goodbye.

Ed, man, what is
all this stuff, man?

-What? Huh?
-What... what...

Cassette tapes.

-Man, throw these away.
-Come on, what?

Throw away my life?

Come on. This is an audio diary
I've kept through the years.

I plan to turn it into a book.

Oh. What are you waiting for?

It could be a book
that's so good,

they turn it into a movie--
like the Bible.

Ooh. Or Air Bud.

Eh.

-Hey, you know
who should play you? -Huh?

That-that bug-eyed kid
from Bohemian Rhapsody.

Oh, yeah?
I was picturing Redford,

but, you know,
have you seen him lately?

He's getting a little old.

Hey, listen, uh,

I've-I've been meaning
to find someone

to help me transcribe this
into a book.

I'd love that.
Listening to your life story?

Let me do it.

-You'd do that?
-Yeah.

All right. That would be
very helpful, Kyle. Thank you.

Hey, you can use my office.

All right, yeah.
I'll get started right now.

-Okay, bring it in. Come on.
-(Chuck and Ed chuckle)

Oh, no.

I just wiped out 1979.

Hang on, hang on.
There should be...

a repair tool in here somewhere.

Here we go.

This baby will be as good as new
in about 40 minutes.

*

How'd your meeting go with CeCe?

Oh, it was fab, it was rad,
it was... it was sick,

it was, uh, off the chain,
over the brain.

I think that woman just makes
stuff up as she goes along.

Yeah, well, you know,
at least she got the chance

to meet a real rep.

Might turn out to be
a good connection for her.

You know, I wish she had
a connection to reality,

not the magical Wizard of Oz
world in CeCe's brain.

Hello, beautiful fam.

Wow. This meeting certainly
put you in a good mood.

You were so discouraged
this morning.

And now I'm the opposite.

I'm couraged.

CeCe P loved all my new ideas.

-Oh, good.
-That's great, but don't get too excited about that.

She likes a lot of new ideas.

We're going
into business together.

MIKE:
Hey, hey.

Mikey B no likey.

*

You're going into business
with CeCe?

Uh, but she's
a manufacturer's rep.

Yeah, she represents
all the young designers

who are changing the game.

So she's gonna represent
all the designs

you've been creating
on your website?

No, no.
All the new ideas

that I came up with today.

(clears throat)

Leggings. Jackets. Vests.

There were shoes,
but I spilled soup on them.

Well, listen, I'm...

I'm sorry I wasn't
excited before.

I had no idea
you had already gotten

to the cocktail napkin stage.

Now, Mike, you know,
a lot of great partnerships

started on a cocktail napkin.

(Mike chuckles)

First night I met your mom,

she gave me her phone number
on a cocktail napkin.

-And then it was off
to the volleyball races. -Kicky-ka-pow!

-You don't even know what...
-(Mandy grunts)

No.

So, CeCe said that

as soon as I can get her
the merchandise,

she's actually certain
that she can place it.

-Oh. You hear that, Mike?
-Wow.

-Yeah.
-So all you have to do is

turn these sketches on napkins
into leggings and jackets

and vests, oh, my.

Not a problem.

Yes, it is, honey.
It is a problem,

'cause that means inventory.

Inventory is capital.
That's money.

You don't have the money.

Not yet.
I think I know how to get it.

Hmm. You hear that, Mike?

Yeah, you guys always say
how-how much you believe in me.

Here's your chance to prove it.

You give me the money.

Hear that, Vanessa?

*

-(laughs)
-CHUCK: Kyle.

-Oh!
-Hey. Whoa. (chuckles)

Uh, you-you've been at it
all day. How's it going?

Oh, it has been "write for five,
laugh for seven."

His stories are that funny?

Oh, you tell me.

Oh, shoot. Okay.

Oh, here we go.
(laughs)

All right. "July 10, 1991.

"Had eggs this morning.
They were runny.

"I don't like runny eggs.

"July 11, 1991.

Eggs again. Still runny.
Must be the pan."

(laughs)
Right?

"Must be the pan."

Kyle, this is not funny.

What? No, y-you have
to read it like him.

Um, okay, uh...

(impersonating Ed):
"Just changed the 75-watt bulbs in my house to 60s.

We'll see how it goes."

Still not funny.

(regular voice):
Shoot. I know.

-It's just so boring.
-Yeah.

You know, and I-I just thought
maybe it's funny

-and I didn't get it,
like... like Dane Cook. -(Chuck sighs)

"WDZT weather girl
is phoning it in.

We had a record high today.
She didn't seem interested."

Kyle.

I-I just don't get it.
His life was really interesting.

I know. I mean,
he's full of great stories.

But, huh, none of them
are in here.

Hey, maybe we can just,
you know, burn all the tapes

and say it was an accident.

Like, uh...
ooh, like I was welding,

and then the cow
kicked over a lantern.

(chuckles):
Okay, Kyle, Kyle, get a grip.

I-I'll... I'll help you
figure this out.

-Thanks, Mr. Larabee.
-Yeah. And he's not wrong about the WDZT weather girl.

It's like she's better
than the weather.

*

VANESSA:
Honey?

-Hmm?
-Hey. Hi.

Uh, look, I want to reopen
our conversation

about helping Mandy.

You know, this is why I hide
in the corner here.

Look, she is just getting
her confidence back.

She could take this opportunity

and run with it
if she only had the money.

And-and she's right--
we have the money.

We should load up the truck
and move to Beverly.

Honey, we've saved the money
so we'd have something

to leave our kids, right?

You know what I-I want
to leave our kids, Mike,

is-is the knowledge
that we believe in them.

But she wants to launch
an entire line all at once.

I know.
Look, she's got a lot of ideas.

She's always had
a lot of ideas. You know...

Every Christmastime, she'd come
to me with the perfect idea

-for the best gift for her mom.
-Hmm.

-And as a dad,
you didn't like that? -Yeah, no, but then...

then, the next day,
she'd have another idea.

And then the next day, and
the next day, all these ideas.

Now, pretty soon,
she had 20 ideas

for the perfect gift
for the best mom in the world.

-She's getting our money.
-(Mike chuckles)

It's-it's wonderful
that she has a lot of ideas,

but Mandy has got to learn
th-the big part of this

is the follow-through.

Okay. Look, you know...
(sighs)

the hardest kids for me to tutor
are the gifted ones,

because they think they're right
even when they're wrong.

Like Mandy.

If this was physics,

I would know how to work
with her, but it's business.

Are you saying that you want
to teach Mandy physics?

(chuckles) No. But I'm saying
I can't teach her business,

and you can.

Can I?

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.

I'm thinking about outer space.

I mean, can there really be
anything beyond infinity?

Sometimes I look up
at the moon, I think,

"Neil Armstrong walked on that."

Imagine leading
such an interesting life

that bailing out of your plane
over Korea

was the second-most interesting
thing you did.

Now, before ol' Neil took
one giant leap for mankind,

he took a bunch of smaller steps
to prepare for the big one.

Aeronautical engineer,
Navy aviator, test pilot,

Eagle Scout-- "Hey, look, Ma,

I got my Walked on the Moon
merit badge."

Seems to me, these days,
everybody wants to skip

the small steps
and just start on the moon.

But if you miss the lessons
you were supposed

to learn on the journey,
you won't be Neil Armstrong.

(chuckles)
You'll be more like Laika,

the Russian dog shot into space.

Yeah. Would've been better
with Astro, right?

"George. Reorge, Reorge.
Where are the retrorockets?

Reorge?"

Listen, you know me
as Outdoor Man,

but there were quite a few
other things

on that ladder before that.

Outdoor House Painter,
where one wrong move

and you'd learn
all about gravity.

(chuckles)
Believe me, my brother did.

Man, that was kind of funny.

The good news is
you dedicate yourself

and you lay it down
brick by brick,

you can build
just about anything,

even a bridge to infinity.

Maybe even... beyond.

Baxter out.

-(chuckling)
-Ooh.

Finally, finally.

Is Kyle still working in there?

-Because I'm ready
to read something. -(chuckles)

Uh, there's a lot of stuff
to go through, Ed.

I-I told him
to select the highlights

and let you pick
the most interesting stuff.

That's good.
That sounds very smart.

-That way, we can get
the first volume out quick. -Ah.

It'll be quick.

-(chuckles)
-Mm-hmm.

Kyle?

Okay. All right. Uh,

this is everything
that we found interesting.

Oh, hope you enjoyed
the mountaintop, J.K. Rowling.

(laughing)

This... Okay, that's, uh...

That's it?
This is everything,

-one little piece of paper?
-CHUCK: Oh, um,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
That's a mistake.

Let me, um...

This is all you have?

My whole life is on those tapes.

-(Chuck sighs)
-No, it-it isn't. It's just...

It's-it's stories, uh,

about light bulbs and eggs

and-and how you like snaps
better than buttons.

Well, they're faster.

Not on your tape.

Well, I wasn't
just about to jump right

into the personal stuff.
I was-I was leading up to it.

But when were
you gonna get there, Ed?

On one tape, you mentioned
spearmint gum six times.

Where was that leading?

It was 1968.

A young Private Alzate
just landed in Vietnam.

And a guy I just-just met...

could tell that I was scared
out of my gourd.

And he said, "I'm gonna give you
something to remind you of home

until you get back there, kid."

And he handed me
a pack of spearmint gum.

It's, uh...
it's-it's spearmint gum.

Simple, I know.

But it made a difference.

I...

That's why I always
have one of these on me.

Always, always.

-Damn.
-ED: Mm.

Now I'm curious about the snaps.

-I'm a storyteller, all right?
-Yeah.

I just... I just can't sit
in front of a microphone.

It's not the same
as talking to people in a...

at a bar, on a boat or...

at a urinal.

If you ever want someone
to tell these stories to, sir,

I-I would gladly
write them down.

Really?

-Yeah.
-Hmm.

Deal.

-(chuckles) Hey.
-All right.

-Hey, so, what do you want me
to do with those old tapes, Ed? -All right. Yeah.

Um, same as I told Nixon one
night we were drunk together:

erase them.

-(door closes)
-(chuckling)

Who's Nixon?

*

Hey. Glad you're here.

-Ooh, a bag of money!
-(chuckles)

No. But I do want
to talk about that.

Oh, I know what you're doing.

You're doing that thing
where you're all serious,

because you're a gruff dad
with bad news,

but, really,
you're just messing with me

because you think it's funny
when people hate you.

No.

Designing an entire line
of clothes is hard,

and it's very impressive,
but it's just too much, Mandy.

(sighs)
CeCe thinks I can do it.

Why don't you ask CeCe
for the money?

I did.

Twice.

What am I supposed to do?

You're supposed to do this.

Mountain climbing pants?

Trying to tell me
to jump off a cliff?

Okay, listen,
you need money for inventory.

-Mm-hmm.
-Well, I've got a lot of inventory that's not selling.

Okay?

Do you think you could work
your design magic

on these mountain climbing pants

and turn them into
hot-selling athleisure wear?

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Yeah. Okay.

If I work my magic on these,

I can get all those bitches
in your britches.

Gross.
That came out wrong.

Okay.

Listen, if we can sell these--

and I think we can
if you do your magic on 'em--

I can guarantee you,
some of the profits

Outdoor Man
will invest in inventory

in one of your designs.

And invest those earnings
in the next design.

Yeah. One step at a time.
Brick by brick.

That's how we do it.

Dad,

I think we just invented
a great way to do business.

(chuckles)

Did we?

-Hey, Celia.
-Mm-hmm.

A little birdie told me
that you're gonna sell

Mandy's athleisure pants.

Why you got to do me dirty, son?

I know I'm gonna regret
saying this, but what?

Mandy pitched those to me first,

so I deserve a piece
of the action, okurrr?

You know, I figured
you were gonna talk about this

after I got your phone call,

so I-I wanted to introduce you
to some associates.

Hey, guys, step in for a second.

-This is Celia right here.
-Mm.

Ms. Powers, we're
Mr. Baxter's legal counsel,

from the firm of James, Earl...

(deep voice):
and Jones.

Look, as you had
no contractual preemptive right

pursuant to Ms. Baxter's pitch,
any claim to proprietorship

is spurious and, well...

(chuckles)
laughable.

Oh, look at the time.

(chuckles)

I'm late for goat yoga, so...

Call me.

You, too.

(chicken clucks)

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