All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s07e17 Cards on the Table

KRISTIN: We got a little
problem with the restaurant.

Our Sunday brunches
are in the red.

All-you-can-eat might've
been a mistake in a store

that caters to lumberjacks.

Okay. I think you're looking
at this the wrong way.

Really? The wrong way?
I don't, um...

Huh-- oh, look at that.
Hey, yeah, you're right.

Now we're making money.
And it's summer.

Honey, think of it
as a loss leader, okay?

Sundays are kind of slow
in the store.

The buffet brings people in.

Lose a little money
at the Grill,

but we're kicking ass
in the store.

I call it my ying...
and ka-ching.

Mm, I knew I had
a brilliant plan.

I just didn't know what it was.

-Thanks, Dad.
-You bet.

Um-- (clears throat)
Small problem, Baxter.

We need to replace the security
camera in the loading dock.

Somebody stole it.

(chuckling)

Come on.

Somebody stole
the security camera.

You don't see the irony there?

Yes. I was just
hoping you wouldn't.

Yeah.

Huge problem, Mike, huge.

Kyle and Mandy have signed up
for ballroom dancing

on Thursday nights.

I blame Groupon.

Oh, oh, 'cause Thursday night
is our poker night.

But that's okay.
We'll just play with four.

No, four is bad luck for poker.

No-no-no. You know how many
people were playing

the night that
Wild Bill Hickok was murdered?

-Four?
-No, five.

But after he was shot
in the back, four.

So we either find a fifth

or we get our horses,
ride out of town nightfall.

Hyah, gunnery! Come on now!
Hyah! Hyah!

I'll find somebody.
I'll find somebody.

No, no, you don't find anybody.

The last time
you looked for somebody,

you know who you found? Joe.

Oh-- (scoffs)
Uh, you really gonna complain

about a poker player
who thinks out loud?

(imitating Joe):
"Uh, you know, I should fold...

but I'm not gonna."

*

Steve, come on. A poker game
is exactly what you need.

It'll take your mind
off the funeral.

Steve... it's what your mom
would've wanted.

Hello? Hello? Hello!

Still trying to find somebody
to play in the poker game?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steve passed and
apparently so did his mom.

Hey, what... what about you?

-Me?
-You're smart,

you-you're a-a fast learner,

and even if you win,
it's still our money.

-Oh. Uh, well, sure, sure.
-Good.

Yeah, then you can join me
for our next book club.

It's Maya Angelou week.

You're out. You're out.
You're out.

-Namaste, fellow travelers.
-Hi.

-MIKE: Hey, there.
-Hey, here are the quarterlies from the pot shop.

-(Vanessa clears throat)
-Okay, great.

(mouthing)

-No.
-This is about me, isn't it?

Well, the cards have been dealt,
now play the game.

I'm going to fold.

(laughs):
Okay, I'm gonna fold. Oh.

Listen, don't make a big deal
about this,

but I'd like to invite you
to play poker with the guys

on Thursday.

You know,
what I'm really hearing

is that you want to spend
some more time

with your favorite son-in-law.

My favorite son-in-law
is taking dance lessons.

That's why I'm asking you.

Okay, you know what?
I will play as long as you admit

that you, Mike Baxter,
want to spend time

with me, Ryan Vogelson.

-I won't mean it.
-I don't care.

This is why I don't like
asking you stuff.

Because you make
everything so difficult.

Still don't care.

Would you please play poker
with us on Thursday,

so I can spend more time
with you?

And who am I?

-Ryan Vogelson...
-Mm-hmm?

...my favorite son-in-law.

Well, in that case,
I would be honored to.

Thank you, Mike.

Don't thank me. Thank Steve
and his dumb dead mom.

Main menu, yeah.

Main me-- main menu.

I, uh-- r-representative.

(stammers)

Rep-re-sen-ta-ti--

You know what?
Just tell them I'll call back

after I've had wine.

-You're using the phone
to make a call? -(sighs)

I heard people still do that.

How was school?

Interesting.

In chemistry class, somebody
mixed hydrogen and chlorine.

-Ooh, that will explode.
-It did.

We lost two windows
and five eyebrows.

But all anyone
can talk about is prom.

Ooh. So prom's coming up?

How exciting.

-Blah.
-Aw.

Why does everyone make
such a big deal about it?

-It's so lame.
-Mm.

-Haven't been asked yet?
-No. And I'm dying to go.

I know. Hey, Mandy.

-We were just talking about...
-I'm too busy, Mom, sorry.

-...prom.
-Oh, my God!

What's the date?
What's the theme? Who's the boy?

The 15th. Caribbean Nights.
And Adam St. Cloud.

(sighs):
Oh, so he's Catholic.

-How did he ask you?
-He hasn't.

Not a problem. Ask him.

-I can do that?
-Oh, yeah, of course.

It's 2019. (chuckles)

Oh, wow, is it really 2019?

So, um, my sophomore year,
I asked a boy--

well, I told a boy to ask me.

But that was all part
of a bigger plan

to get this other boy to ask me.

Prom was my busy time of year.
(chuckles)

Well, it certainly
wasn't finals. (chuckles)

Okay. Um, now, what are
we gonna have you wear?

I am seeing a tropical
print dress, an updo,

possibly an orchid.

(squeals) Adam St. Cloud
is gonna be blown away.

(chuckles) It'll be
the second time this week.

He was in that chemistry class.

Three, three, three,
three, three.

Four, four, four, four.

Five, five, five, five.

Yeah, it's like playing cards
on Sesame Street.

All right,
jacks or better to open,

you can pull four cards
on an ace, no wild cards,

-just American poker.
-Got it. -Yep.

All right, I am, uh,
I'm in for a big dime.

-I'm in.
-Uh, all right.

Yep. In.

Ooh, too rich for my blood,
I'll tell you that.

You're out?

I got to watch my money,
you know?

Since my mom's
not driving anymore,

I'm responsible
for getting her around,

and believe me, those senior
bus passes ain't cheap.

All right, let's do it.

-All right. Two cards here.
-Okay.

Your mom stopped driving?

Oh, I told her to.
She hit a neighbor's mailbox.

Made a little mistake,
that's all.

His mailbox is attached
to his front door.

-So...
-All right, meanwhile,

-back to the poker game.
-Oh.

That-that must've been
a really hard thing

for you to tell her, Joe.

-Yeah, yeah, I guess.
-Uh, two cards.

-How'd she react?
-Oh, mad as hell. She threw her teeth at me.

Okay. Two cards here.
Two cards.

It's important to remember, this
isn't just happening to you.

You see? Losing independence
is the greatest fear of aging.

Yeah, I went through that
with my dad. It was rough.

You know what's rough?

It's playing cards
with Oprah's audience. Okay?

Two cards?

Mike, Joe's talking
about something

that is really important to him.
We have all night to play cards.

But at some point,
we actually have to play cards.

One.

Ed, it's on you.
How many cards?

Okay, uh...

you know, the secret
is to make sure that she knows

you understand
what she's going through.

-Mm. Wow.
-Hmm?

That is a beautiful statement.

Talk more about that, Ed.

For the love of God!

Okay, okay, okay,
I see that Mike's in a rush

to clean us out tonight.
All right, three cards, please.

-MIKE: Good, good, good, good.
-Three cards.

All right. Chuck?

-Okay. I'm thinking,
I'm thinking. -No, go ahead.

-Come on.
-I'm thinking the only thing worse

than dealing with an aging
parent is dealing with a kid.

-Yeah.
-Oh. Something going on with Brandon?

-Oh, man, let me...
-Listen, when we play poker,

we actually have to play poker!

Yeah, you're right.
Maybe this isn't the right place

-for me to talk about it.
-Or you know what?

-Maybe it is. I fold.
-MIKE: No.

-No. No. No.
-Yeah, me, too.

-Yeah, I'm gonna fold, too.
-No, no, no, no, no! -Go on.

-You know what?
-No, no, no, no!

-I got four kings!
-My wife called this girl

-the disaster from Duluth, mm.
-You can't...

Man, she is just the...

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.

Hey, I want to show you
something I picked up

on my last hunting trip.

(chuckles) Litter!

The footprint of
the Rocky Mountain jackass.

I mean, what kind of sociopath
walks into a pristine forest

and says, "You know what
this place needs? My garbage."

It's the woods, dummy!
Not a movie theater.

Look, I could solve this problem

with a simple two-week
bowhunting season on litterers.

But my state legislator

won't even bring the bill
to the floor.

Government.

Maybe paintballs. That would
humiliate the litterers,

and they're biodegradable.

Now, maybe you're thinking,

"What's one beer can
in 100,000 acres?"

Well, the next guy might say,

"Oh, I guess this is
where we dump our trash."

He adds a potato chip bag
to the mix,

and then some
candy bar wrappers.

Next thing you know, your
perfect landscape is a landfill.

And Iron Eyes Cody has a single
tear rolling down his cheek.

I go into the woods
to escape the real world.

Last thing I wanted to see
is a bunch of real world

scattered at the base
of the tree.

You know, I think of
a good poker game

a little like
the state of nature. Huh?

An untarnished environment
that gets ruined

when people start littering it
with their emotional debris.

You know, it's all like tossing
your dog's crap into my yard.

It hasn't gone away.

The crap is just in my yard
instead of yours.

And I don't want to clean up
after you or your stupid dog.

And the next time
you're thinking about

desecrating my woods
with your trash,

you might want to take
a good look around,

make sure I'm not hiding
behind a tree.

I'm really good at hiding.
(chuckles)

Baxter out.

So, I think you should
change into it at school

right before you ask him.
That way, it'll be a surprise.

Do you have any experience
walking in slow motion?

(vocalizing)

Not really.

I'll teach you. (laughs)

So, uh, how well do you know
this Adam St. Cloud?

Uh, I got my hair caught
on his backpack once.

Okay, not a problem.
Um, how are you gonna ask him?

I don't know. I haven't
even thought about it.

Well, luckily, I'm smart enough
to think for the both of us.

Come on.

Kyle, you have to be
Adam St. Cloud.

Piece of cake.

Who's that?

Uh, Jen's asking him to prom.

So, Jen, where's
the best place to ask him?

-Probably the cafeteria.
-Great.

Kyle, you are in the cafeteria.

Oh, right.
(clears throat)

Hey, Ronnie,
give me some tacos, yo.

It's taco day.

No. He's more confident.

And cool.

And his hair's always messy.

But not too messy.

And he knows everyone.

And everyone knows him.

Jen, he sounds pretty popular.

He's so popular.
He's captain of the swim team.

And he plays guitar.

And he was homecoming king.

Are you sure this
is the right guy to ask?

Of course I am.

(chuckles)

I sound perfect.

All right.
Aim high! I love it.

Um, okay. There he is.
Go ask him.

Be direct, but playful.

-Got it. (exhales)
-Mm-hmm.

(clears throat)
Hey, Jen.

Hi, Adam.
(gags)

The prom is...
(gags)

What the hell is that?

When I get really nervous,

it kind of triggers
my gag reflex.

Okay.

Um... take a breath.

-(exhales sharply)
-Okay.

-Let me start over.
-Mm-hmm.

Hi, Adam...
(gags)

I guess I could...
make a matching bib.

-Hey, Mike.
-Hey.

Hey, Baxter, you wanted
to see us?

Yeah.

I like coming up here.
It's nice to get away

-from all those garage fumes.
-Right.

I like coming up here.

It's nice to get away
from all those garage fumes.

Okay, we got to vent
that garage, all right?

Uh, look,
I asked you guys up here

to talk about the card game.

I think we all agree
that having Ryan there

kind of screwed things up
with all the chitchat.

Well, he got us talking
about our problems.

What's the big deal?

'Cause we talked and talked
and the cards just sat and sat.

And we listened.

I did some good active listening
in that game.

Yeah, but we didn't
play any cards.

So, instead of Ryan,
I say we invite Steve.

He's still grieving for his mom,

so easy money.

Oh, I don't know, Baxter.

Ryan was the only one
who noticed the dash of cinnamon

I put in my homemade
poker cookies.

I'm not gonna lie.

It felt nice.

(stammers)
Ed, wha-what do you think?

I thought it was nutmeg.

Are you kidd...

I'm not talking about
the stupid cookies,

I'm talking about putting poker
back in our poker game.

You know, if you got
a problem with Ryan,

you should bring it up
at the next game.

It's a safe space.

Ordinarily, I'd be
right with you, Mike,

but... the kid does bring
something special.

Yeah, he's like
the dash of cinnamon

-in our new recipe.
-Yeah.

So you guys don't find him
annoying at all?

No, I found
the discussion cathartic.

Which is a new word
our friend Ryan taught us.

Yeah. (scoffs)
I don't know, Baxter.

-You leave the game with
something to think about. -Mm.

So, this is really the way
you want to play cards,

all you guys?

So maybe...
(chuckles)

maybe I should do something else
on Thursday night,

like, oh, play with my cars,
you know?

'Cause cars don't just sit there
and tell me their problems.

(chuckles)

Well, that's really big
of you, Mike.

-That'd be great.
-Yeah, man, thanks.

Yeah, thanks.

-RYAN: Hey.
-MIKE: Hi, there.

So, I was thinking about
opening up

a little lounge in the pot shop

and maybe I could host
the poker game there sometime.

Oh, great idea.

Joe inside of a pot shop.

The guy can barely remember
the cards he has now.

Heck, you guys play cards
wherever you want to play cards.

Okay. What does that mean?

That card game the other night
just wasn't my thing, you know?

I'm just not into people
hashing out their problems

where I'm playing poker.

You know, normal humans
actually like having an outlet.

Well, I don't like
normal humans.

Every day at Outdoor Man,
I'm the man

that everybody brings
their problems to.

Yeah, same. I get asked

a thousand questions a day
at the pot shop.

I mean, granted,
half of them are,

"Uh, dude, did I already
ask you that?"

-So, you get it.
-Yeah, I get it.

But I don't let it get to me
because I meditate.

I have this little room
that I go to

which I'm definitely not
gonna tell you about

because you will
fill it with bees.

Well, I meditate, too.

Every Thursday,
with cards in my hand.

Poker is your escape?

All week long people are
bringing their problems to me,

so for three hours,
while I'm playing poker,

I can shut out the worry,
the questions

and I get to... recharge.

And us talking about
our problems

makes that impossible.

Impossible and annoying.

It's like having vegans
over for dinner.

I mean, what are we gonna eat?
The-the placemats?

Damn it, I hate when
I empathize with you.

But I do.

So, what would you do
for meditation

if you couldn't play poker?

I'm thinking of raising bees.

Actually, you know what?

You solve people's problems
all day. Let me take this one.

All right, let's stay positive.

You did everything you could,
maybe it all worked out.

Yeah, sure, Mom.
Maybe she asked him

and Adam said,
(gagging): "Yes."

Oh...

Hi, guys.

And that's how you do
quantum physics.

Any questions?

Yep, that's how I always do it.

Uh, so, uh, so-so,
how did it go with Adam?

Terrible.

I walked right up to him
just like we practiced

and then I started, you know.

-Aw.
-Well, you know,

personally, I think it's cute.

I never even got to ask him
because...

-Oh, my gosh.
-...he asked me!

-What? Oh! Wow!
-(squealing)

-(Jen laughing)
-Shut up!

Oh, are you serious?

(giggling) He said he was
trying to ask me all week

but he was too nervous.

Me. I made him nervous.
(giggles)

-(chuckles)
-Kyle, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just so happy
we're learning the foxtrot

because we're gonna be

(voice breaking):
dancing at your wedding.

Thank you guys so much.

And Mandy, I got so many
compliments on my outfit.

Wow, you're going to the prom.

I-I can't wait to take pictures.

Get in line, sister.

Now the real work begins.

You need to look spectacular
because everyone is gonna

-be looking at Adam and you.
-(chuckles)

-Everyone?
-Oh, wouldn't it be great

-if she was named prom queen?
-Prom queen? (gags)

(yelps)

(gagging)

How can you think that's cute?

My mom's not
taking the bus anymore.

Now I'm driving her around.

See? Guys?
Joe turned a difficult situation

into a wonderful opportunity.

But you don't want
your mother on the bus, Joe.

Those things are packed
with ne'er-do-wells.

Yeah, we spend
a lot of time in the car

and I'm learning
a lot about her.

-ED: Mm-hmm?
-For instance, she's a great tipper.

Hmm.

You guys know I drive
for Uber, right?

Oh, all right.

And Chuck?
Last time we all talked,

you were worried about Brandon.

Oh, well, not so much anymore.

You know, I stopped hovering

and he figured it out
all on his own.

The girl he was dating
was a train wreck.

Train's another place
crawling with layabouts.

Speaking of layabouts,
I'm gonna lay about seven cards

that you will not like.
Uh, gin, uh, rummy.

-Mm-hmm, all right.
-Hey, guys.

Oh, there he is, right on time.

-All right.
-All right, gin rummy is done.

-Hi, Mike.
-Let the poker begin.

-Let the games begin.
-Yeah.

-Let's go.
-All right.

Hey, I didn't tell you guys.

I met a new girl at the deli,
I think I like her.

Oh, are you gonna ask her out?

I don't think so.

You know?
I'm just a number to her.

RYAN:
Joe.

Remember the rules, okay?

We only talk about our problems
during gin rummy.

8:00 is poker time

and we only talk about one thing
and that is poker.

MIKE:
Now let's be clear, you can talk

about whatever you want, just
as long as it's meaningless.

Uh, Mike, you're up.

I'm open for a big fat...

-ten cents.
-All right, I'm in. I'm in.

-I should fold...
-ED: Mm-hmm?

...but I'm not gonna.

-I'm in.
-Oh, yeah, I'm in.

The bet is to you, Baxter.

I think you're bluffing.

(scoffs) There's only one way
to find out,

Mr. Big Shot.

This is amazing.

Hmm.

I've never seen Joe
in a poker game till the end.

Yeah, when Mike bets like this,

-he usually has
a full house or better. -Yeah.

All right, I'm all in.

I call. What do you got?

Read 'em and weep.

Gin rummy.

It's the fumes
in the garage, isn't it?

(chicken clucks)

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