All language subtitles for Honeybunnies.2016.BDRip.x264-FiCO

HUH HUH -FILMI
PRESENTS

A FILM BY MAARIT LALLI

Imagine we're flies in our next life.

Watching ourselves
from the ceiling.

Watching what we're doing.

What are you afraid of?

Ricky?

Tell me.

Talk to me. For once.

I don't know
which I'm more afraid of;

that there's nothing after death
or that there's something.

I don't think I could deal
with all this all over again.

THE SIXTH TIME

I can't let you walk.
You'll sneak off.

Good morning,
Ira-Sofia and Luna!

How did your day start off?
- Very well, thanks.

Let me take you.

You got an even better start
with the weather.

Bye bye, Ira!
- Bye!

Enjoy!

Hi, Mom. Where are you?

Hi, sweetie. Call me
when you get out of school.

I'm at work, so I can't talk.

Okay? Kisses. Bye.

APARTMENT SHOWING

We had a normal morning.

We overslept.

I found your ring.

Alrighty.-

How are you?
- I'm good, Dad.

When apartments sell, real estate
agents are happy. - Right.

I've followed the subject all night.

The woman just appeared
on the balcony with a male.

Take photos, send them
to the client with an invoice.

Private Detective Lahti,
Case Number 2 closed.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

What are you...
- Quiet.

Or people will think
I kidnap women from the street.

You make me
come out in the daylight.

Drive around the block. Damn.

I've told you numerous times
that you need professional help.

That's what I'm asking from you.
- I mean mental health help.

Go to the Yrjönkatu Swimming Pool.
She's there at the moment.

Report everything. I'll pay cash.

Hi.
- Hi.

There's no water.

The refrigerator is broken.

Either they're
renovating this building, -

or this collapsed infrastructure is -

a reflection of
the state of your soul.

Did you pay the rent?
- It's your turn.

I'll lie here and cry -

for another seven minutes.
You don't have to react.

You sure?
- Yeah. I'll take care of this.

Upstairs or downstairs?
- Which has a better view?

What did you come here to look at?
- I mean generally.

Here you swim,
not look at people.

I'll come back another clay.

You bought me lunch
and everything.

Next time is on me.
- That'll be next year then.

We'll make this an annual tradition.
- Sure.

Bye bye, darling. Take care. Bye!
- Bye.

How are you?
- I'm good!

It's so great to see you!
- It sure is.

What car is that?
- Isn't it nice?

It's very nice.
- Alfa Romeo.

It's an Alfa Romeo.
- Indeed.

So, where do you want to go?
- Why don't you decide.

Be my guest.

Fuck. Shit.

Are you okay?
- Fuck. Thanks, I'm okay.

Have we bumped into each
other before? - We just did.

I mean, have we met before?
Like, met met?

I wouldn't forget
a baseball cap like that.

You're here to see the apartment?
Ricky Kalin. - Annika.

Have you been
apartment-hunting long?

A couple of weeks.
- That's nothing.

Divorces are our number one,
numero uno, niche.

You know what's the next biggest?
- What?

Estates .

This is a pretty incredible
apartment. - Yeah.

High ceilings.
- Yeah.

Really big windows.

Guess what street that is.

Korkeavuorenkatu Street.
But I guess you knew that.

You can see Pieni Roobertinkatu
Street from the other window.

Where are the kitchen facilities?

Kitchen facilities?
They're here on the left.

Well well.

You like cooking?

Err...

Are you familiar with
gas stoves like this? - Yeah.

It's very efficient.

You can cook things really quick.

Like what?
- Rice, pasta, potatoes.

I don't eat carbohydrates
at the moment.

Eggs. Meat. Fish.

Sushi. Whatever you like.

I don't like anything raw myself.
- Oh.

So you don't like oysters?
- No. I can't swallow anything...

...that's alive?
- Yeah.

That's interesting.

I never had trouble swallowing
things that were alive.

Okay.

You have an info sheet -

about what renovations
have been done in the building?

You're interested in...
- In renovations.

Well, it's good
to find out about them.

A pipe renovation was done
2011 - 2012.

Now I remember you.

Of course I remember you.
You might've thought I didn't.

At my place that one night.

At your place?
- Yes, at my place.

Sex without emotion.
You got what you wanted.

I doubt either of us
was looking for love.

That's it?
- That's it.

Ricky Kalin.

Hi. Sure, I have a moment.

I'm in the Korkeavuorenkatu
Street apartment.

But I'll be done soon.
Just a moment.

Yeah, I think I'm done.

I'll see you there
in fifteen minutes.

Okay.

Bye!

Client Number 3:
Ulf Shostakovich.

Former Member
of the European Parliament.

Married to Brita,
his wife of ten years.

Thinks his wife
is having an affair.

Doubts my abilities
as a private detective.

He's not totally wrong,
as the evidence is modest.

Did Brita marry Ulf for money?
Is she fucking other men?

Do old people say
"fuck" or "have sex"?

The case was interrupted
because Mrs. Detective -

tripped over
a real estate agent's sign.

Annika, Annika, where's your focus?
Focus. Focus. Focus.

Mrs. Marple should admit -

she's having trouble
getting this case going.

Brita, Brita, Brita.
Remember to buy Brie and pears.

Vodka. Raw vodka.

Now it's fixed.
- Fuck!

You have water again.
- Okay.

Bye!

BULEVARDI REAL ESTATE

Hi. Sorry.
Kaisa must've left already.

I'm late because
we had trouble with the lights.

I'm so late.
I ran for the tram but missed it.

Then I realized I hadn't eaten
anything all clay. I'm starving.

I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
Shit, there's no food here.

Thanks for the roses.
They're really nice. - What?

Thanks for the roses. They're lovely.

You liked them, huh?
- Yes, I did.

They were left over
from a wedding gig I did.

There were, like, a thousand roses,
so I sent them to all my friends.

He said it was his.

He said there was a Volvo
hanging from a crane -

at some shipyard.

At a shipyard!

Be quiet.

We will be.

Ulf, read my lips.

In that photo, Brita and the man
are going to do you know what.

This proves nothing.

Women and men walk arm in arm
all the time. That's equality.

That's why I was elected
to parliament in 1966.

I wanted to promote equality
between the sexes.

Finland is not
France or Italy, dammit.

In France or Italy this would be
a clear case. Walking arm in arm.

I told you I can't accept your case.

You're my godfather.
We're too close.

Brita will realize at some point
I'm following her.

That would be embarrassing.

I know you just started
your company.

You have to work hard
for your clients. - Fine.

Why does Brita keep seeing Mikkis?
He's my old buddy.

Maybe she's maintaining your
friendships because you're too busy.

Could you go to her
hairdresser's undercover?

I'll find out when she has
an appointment.

Your hair could use some work.

Excuse me, but do you look
after yourself at all?

Oh, I do.

Whose idea was it
to meet in a champagne bar?

In the middle of downtown
in broad daylight.

People will recognize me.

Your check, here you are.

It was your idea.

Will this wine give me a tan
like yours? Should I open it now?

Is this where you hiked?
- Yes. Camino de Santiago.

You actually hiked
the pilgrimage route?

Did you go with a group of people?
- No, by myself.

That's the thing a man who's
getting married should do.

You look so good.
Tanned and slim.

I can't believe it!
What happened to you?

You look fantastic.
Welcome back.

How can you look
so pure and innocent?

You look lovely! Look at him.
- I'm looking. I want his tan.

Get a spray tan.

You'll go to a small room
and spread your arms.

A beautician will spray you.

Then you'll spread your butt cheeks.
- Seriously?

I'll go if you go.
- I'll go if you go.

How about we open the bottle?

Sure.
- I've been sober for hours.

It's a matter of seconds now.
- You do look pale.

Hi! I have a great
apartment for you. I'll show you.

Have you seen Sanna?
- No.

You haven't?
- We have a date tonight.

It looks fantastic.

You're a 50s type of woman.

Central European brand clothes
usually don't look good -

on us Finns because we don't
have curves. But look at you.

We'll need to take it in here.

You have a waist.
Not everyone at your age does.

And breasts.
You mustn't hide them.

They sag a bit.
I've breastfed one child.

You're not a girl anymore.
You're a woman.

These. Believe me.

Hi.
- She'll take these.

I already bought these.
I think these go well together.

Really nice.
- Very good.

UNKNOWN NUMBER

It's sometimes really hard
to open those bags.

Sometimes licking
your fingers helps.

And then the trap will open.

What would you like?

Those bananas look good.

Should you take a couple
and slip them into the trap?

Can you close the trap
with your eyes closed?

No peeking.
When you're ready, say "hep."

Hep.

RATAKATU STREET

I have to say it's heavenly
to climax with you.

Jesus, Annika!

I have to say it's heavenly
to climax with you.

Good morning, Bunny!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck.

How did the lunch with Ricky go?

Very well, thank you.
- Great.

Two, three. One, two, three.
One, two...

Okay, let's calm down.

Sanna, you're a bit ahead.
You have to learn the steps.

I want to do this
with passion or not at all.

Learning the steps
doesn't lessen the passion.

You know I'm not that good
at learning the steps.

You lead all the time.
- Kristian has a point.

Learning the steps doesn't take away
from the passion. It enhances it.

At least I'm doing something right.
He's just thinking about his steps.

Could you for once do
something to make me happy?

Okay, let's calm down -

and come back to this moment,
to our selfhoods.

Let's take a breath
with our eyes closed.

Take a deep breath and exhale.

Keep your tango. I'll go check
out the African dance class.

Maybe I'll find my selfhood there.

Ciao.
- Ciao.

You have a new perfume?
- Yes. A gift from my husband.

It smells good. It really does.

My husband has good taste.

It didn't work out?
- Definitely not.

I must have told you
about 123 times -

that you should tone down
the attitude a couple of notches.

I can't. - You can do
anything if you want to.

I guess I don't want to.

Could you get me coffee, honey?

I can give you a couple
of tips for selling apartments.

The dance lessons
you recommended suck.

Some self-important blonde
was breathing down my neck.

I didn't learn anything.

This is a stressful time.
For Sanna especially.

Is there a problem
in this neighborhood?

Or don't you young people know
how to sell apartments?

Fuck the wedding.

An old-fashioned institution full of
rules that no one gives a fuck about.

Kristian, good luck.

Thank you.

Wait a moment.

I had an appointment with Antti.
- Come on in.

What's your favorite city?
- Paris, of course. I love it!

Rome is mine.

Look who's here.
- Hello, darling.

Nice to see you again.

Hello. How are you?
- I'm good.

Ciao bella.
- Ciao. Ciao.

See you. Arrivederci.

It's lovely to be here.

Can you give me a haircut
that'll look good in the woods?

I'll give you a BMW 3 series
for the same price.

A stylish car for an elegant lady.

I want a plain car.
- C'mon.

You have a chance to find out -

what it feels like
when your ass is on fire.

There's also
that cream-colored Mercedes.

2.5 L engine.
Automatic. Air-conditioned.

We also have a Ferrari... What?

I wanted to see what your
ass looks like after being on fire.

Okay, fine. So you're looking
for a plain car. - Yep.

There you have them.
- I want that one.

Skoda. You want a Skoda.
- Yes. I want a Skoda.

What are men thinking when
they send pics to women?

What pics?
- Pics of their penises.

What goes on in their mind?
- That's a good question -

because 80 percent of women
don't like them at all.

But 20 percent like them.
Quite a bit, actually.

To the 80 percent,
you have to start talking -

about having children
and a future together -

and the same last name
and blah blah blah.

What are your statistics based on?

How many times
have you sent dick pics?

A couple of times.

What? All men have sent a pic
of their penis at least once.

Do men think women are that stupid?
- No.

Or are men that stupid?
- Don't generalize.

You tell an intelligent woman
she's beautiful.

You tell a beautiful woman she's
intelligent. - So, you lied to me.

I need to take a shit. Seriously.

I told you not to eat or drink.
We can't get out of the car.

You have to hold it.

Now!
- What is it?

Fuck.

Oh hello. Hello.

Go away. Go away.

What the hell are you doing?
- Taking a shit. You have paper?

I told you not to go anywhere.
Put your head down.

I couldn't hold it.

Keep low, goddammit!

Don't come near me.
I can't believe this is happening.

Now we gotta go.
Pull your pants up. Quick.

Come. C'mon.

You see anything?
- Three men just went in.

If they're having some senior
sex session, I'm out of here.

Wait here.

To Brita's first kill of the season.

Annika. What are you doing here?
- Hi, Brita.

What?
- This isn't what it looks like.

I know her. I'll take care of it.
- Okay. We'll go skin the kill.

This is Jape.
- Brita.

Let me help you.
- Our car is that way.

Annika, what's going on?

Why don't you get a divorce and
start a new relationship honestly?

You'll have more problems
if you get caught.

This is about love. For Ulf.
- That's kind of hard to believe.

You've been married a long time.

I thought you'd have
something greater -

than a moment of passion
and this topsy-turviness.

Topsy-turviness? - Yes.
You and Ulf have a wonderful life.

His four children. His career
as a diplomat all over the world.

The whole deal.

Isn't the risk too big?
You're both powerful people.

This isn't about taking a risk.

What then?
- How should I put it.

It's about life itself.
What we have left.

Don't memories mean
anything to you? - Of course.

I want to know why you're
cheating on your husband.

If Ulf finds out he was right,
he'll have a heart attack.

That's the last thing we want.

Are you going to take long?
I'm freezing. - I'll go now.

Bye bye. Drive carefully.
- Bye.

When will you be home?

Your son just wants to know.

I don't know. I can't...

Good evening.

Please blow.

Zero. Your registration, please.
- Here.

Is this a rental car?
- As always. You know that.

Good. Thank you.

Then one kiss.

Toni, can you take a look at
the trunk? It won't close properly.

I've missed you.
- I can't say the same.

Why did you have to leave?
Are you making money doing this?

I wouldn't say that.

Why can't you come back?

I may be
a shitty private detective, -

but I was an even shittier cop.

That's too bad.
You never even let me love you.

Toni, c'mon. I've had to deal
with all kinds of stuff lately.

Yeah. I remember.
You're faithful to your husband.

I respect you for having morals.

Like I said, I've had to deal
with all kinds of stuff lately.

First of all, the Finnish police
betrayed me.

All that chaos
in the management, -

and then my husband
betrayed me.

I thought we'd be there
for each other, -

but he just disappeared
into his own world. Poof!

He stopped caring
about me and said -

it's part of marriage
and part of life.

But you know what? It's not.

It's all a lie.

I can't live a lie.
That's why I always have to leave.

Your coat is stuck in the door.

Annika, take it easy, will you?
- Yeah.

Okay?
- Yeah.

Hi, Bunny.
Are you free this afternoon?

You want to see my family's villa?

Fucking jerk-offs...

Why can't I sell this apartment
even after lowering the price?

Still not? Why don't you use
your badge every once in a while.

It might increase your authority.

You'll have more street cred.

Kristian isn't wearing one.
- I don't have a photo yet.

This isn't my photo.
Does this woman work here?

Does she?

When was the last time you looked
in the mirror, you damn rabbit?

I'd like to see you put
as much energy into work -

as you put into fucking around.

Hello?

Yoo-hoo?

Hello?
- You want a glass of wine?

Your family's villa, right?
- Yes. My family's villa.

Where was that taken?

Cyprus?
- Madeira.

Your clad as a UN peacekeeper.
- Oh, that's right.

In Madeira?
- Yes.

In the early days of UN Peacekeeping.

There was a small crisis that
not many people know of.

Those were the early clays
of Finnish Peacekeeping.

Your mom and clad?

Little Ricky was a mere twinkle
in his mom's and dad's eyes.

Art.

I love art.

Whose are these?
- My dad's, mine and my cousins'.

All trophies won by the Kalin
family. We're a family of winners.

"Best Lady 2000"?
- Oh, it was that long ago.

How many children
did you say you have?

Have you ever wondered
if water drops below 10 degrees...

Can you swim in it?

Can you fuck in it?

Quick!

All I want is clear rules.

I want us to be on the same page.
- And you want sex.

Yes, I want sex.

You don't have to
play games with me.

I just want you to be
honest with me.

Isn't this being honest?

Annika,
I have to turn the lights on.

Sex.

Sex is a force.
- Yep. A destructive force.

Where's our rental contract?
I need it to prove -

that the condominium is liable
for the renovation.

I'll look for it today.

Shouldn't you go home?

People sleep at home, not at work.

Well?
- My Patrik.

Look, he got a haircut.

Wow. It looks really good.

I can't take money under the table.
- It's a birthday present.

Ulf, believe me.
Brita is not cheating on you.

She's just friends with those men.

You've always been like me.
Honest.

I've done what I promised
in my election campaign.

I've spent my whole life working
to pay off our luxury apartment.

I've only had three affairs
in my life. On Corfu.

And a fourth one on Kos, but
there were no feelings involved.

It was for one purpose only.

Annika.

Brita doesn't look at me anymore.

That's how I know
something's going on.

She doesn't touch me
anymore, either.

Here you are.

Ulf, can I answer? Patrik's calling.

Of course. Send him my love.

Hi, sweetie.

I'm having lunch
with your great uncle.

He sends you his love.

Terttu A. - Work related query

Dear Terttu...

Terttu wrote: I suspect
my husband is having an affair.

How much for your services?

CASE NUMBER 1, CASE NUMBER 2

Go away. Go away.

REAL ESTATE AGENT CALLING

Hi.
- What are you doing?

I'm working.
- Under the table?

Yeah. This is better for my back.

Hop in.
- Why?

I'm going to
the Åland Islands on business.

Jesus. That doesn't fit
my lifestyle at all.

I want you, Bunny.

I'll be back in 15 minutes.

Kaisa?

Ouch! Fuck!

Yeah. Just a moment.
I could call you later. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll call you back in a bit.

Okay. Good. Kisses. Bye.

Are you all right?
- Yes, I am.

Hey, we're in the bus lane.
- You wanna drive?

Hi, Josefine.
- Hi, Ricky!

Long time no see.
- Yeah. How are you?

Really good. You?
- Really good. So nice to see you.

I put you in your usual room.
- Really?

Yeah. - Thanks so much.
Hi, Terese, how are you?

Good, thanks. You?
- Really good.

Nice to have you here.
- Thanks. See you.

What's this?

Looks like it reads
"Mr. and Mrs. Kalin."

Could you go to the liquor store?

Bring a bottle of white wine
and a bottle of red.

Hi! Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

How are you? Are we going
to look at the apartment? - Sure.

Guess who?

Boogeyman.
- Correct.

I got the deal.
- You did?

Congratulations.
- Thanks.

If I don't get food soon,
I'm gonna eat you.

You have something in your hair.

This.

How did it end up there?
- Exactly.

How do press-on nails
usually end up in people's hair?

Where did that come from?
- This bump?

Iran into a wall.
I left in such a hurry.

How did you know where
my office is, by the way?

I've seen you there many times.

What do you do?
- Besides you?

What do you do for a living?

All kinds of things.
- All kinds of things?

Things.
- What kind of things?

Different kinds of things. - Could
you show me one of those things?

You want me to do things to you?
- Yeah, show me something wild.

That's what you want?
- Yes, something wild and naughty.

And you can take your time.
- Oh yeah?

Don't.

Hi.
- Hi, it's Mom.

How was your day?

Hi, it's Dad.

What are you up to?

Oh.

Nothing. I'm at a showing,
and a rail just came off.

Hi.

Yeah. Yes, I remember, of course.

Yes. Like we talked,
it would be nice to get together.

Yes, we could... We could...

...close the deal. Close the deal.

I'm not in the city.
I'm on the Åland Islands.

I'll call you when we...
when I get back.

Great. Talk to you later.

Hooray. Hooray. Hooray.

Can I borrow your laptop?
I'm out of battery.

I should check
a couple of work e-mails.

Yeah, sure.

You eat when you use this?

Does it look like I do?
- Yes, and it feels like it.

I'll go get a coffee. You want one?

www.acedating.fi

When I look into your brown eyes

Hazel eyes.

You're the one I...

When I look into your hazel eyes

Well... Err.. I have to...

Honey Bunny,
I have to drop you off here.

I have to turn back.

I'm sure you can take
the tram or something.

Our children moved out.

This is a bit too big
for my husband and me.

We'd like as much
money as possible -

and to sell this
as soon as possible -

so that we can move
into a smaller apartment.

When did you start
making babies? At 16?

Oh no, not that young.
I was 25 when I had my first child.

I turned 50 last month.
- I don't believe you.

You can fit a longer table here, -

if you want to throw
a party or something.

The balcony is over there.

This is the reason we bought this.

That's the master bedroom.

I'm married.

And I plan to stay married.

I've had my adventures. Sorry.

You're absolutely sure?

But you can sell this apartment.
- Then I'll get to see you again.

So you think my ex only wants to get
me into bed if he wants to see me?

He only wants to have
a cup of coffee with me.

Choose: coffee or marriage.

When does your rule take effect?
After we're married?

I don't even understand
your question.

One, two, three, four.

It's starting to look good.
You've made progress.

He sang to me that he loves me.

Love is such a dead thing.
- True.

But we're just having sex.

How many times have you had sex?

You can borrow them, but I want
them back in good condition.

Did you have them washed?
- That's what I was going to do.

Let's hear it. How many times?
- What?

When you bumped
into each other on the street.

Then in the store.
At the apartment afterwards.

At the villa.
The trip to the Åland Islands.

What happened there?
- That counts as once.

What about the first time you met?
The time Ricky didn't remember.

Then the sixth time.
- No fucking way.

Does a blow job count?

Aren't we talking about Annika's
famous sixth time rule here?

Annika, you're in love.

It's a stupid rule.
I don't believe in it anymore.

Here are my shoes.

I forgot to take them on the trip.
- Where did this couch come from?

I didn't notice it had arrived.

I bought it when I wanted
to celebrate starting my company.

It was supposed to be brown,
but that's pink.

Your client's here. I'll go home.

Are you going to tell her
you're sleeping with her husband?

Would you like coffee or tea?

I was here two weeks ago.
What's this?

You have two receipts
for dinners paid in cash.

These could be anybody's.
I'm blonde, but I'm not stupid.

Did you find something out?

You're the one who was supposed
to find something out.

Did it ever cross your mind -

that he might not be
cheating on you? - No.

To be honest with you, no.
I went to his office.

He's sleeping with at least
one of his colleagues, if not all.

He lies so well
that he believes his own lies.

He'll fuck anyone.

Any size, age and any kind of looks.
Anything goes.

Fuck. Fuck.

How did you describe him?

"Insatiable sex addict.
Pathological liar."

You're right.
Ricky is cheating on you.

He went to the Åland Islands with
a woman. That's from their room.

I have my methods. Don't ask me.

I don't understand.

Look at me.

What do you see?

A damn beautiful woman
who's very sweet.

I take care of his children
from his previous marriage.

I rub his feet
when he's worried about work.

I'll do anything.

Why isn't that enough?

I'll pay your invoice today.

I fuck anything that moves
and don't use protection.

Case Number 1: Ricky Kalin.

Client: Lotta Vähätupa, wife.

Assignment accepted two weeks ago.
Got permission to seduce Ricky -

as long as I would keep
my panties on.

Ricky Kalin, how are you
going to pull through all this?

Fuck me harder! Harder!
- What?

Q.“
mm

Hi.
- Hi.

How did it go?

The apartment's mine to sell.

That's my boy.

Are you alone?

WARNING: You're also
logged in on another computer!

Sent: I fuck anything that moves
and don't use protection.

My click has seen every STD
there is. May I give them to you?

Hi, Anette.

Were we? Oh no.

Hi. Ricky must be here, right?
- Yes, he just got here.

Well... Anette, why don't we...

What?

I don't quite understand.

What do you mean, pregnant?

Pregnant by...

Thanks for calling.
I'll get back to you.

You want me to tell all your
colleagues what a creep you are?

Where were you
and the kids last night?

How low can a woman go?

I hired a private detective to keep
an eye on you. - You hired what?

She told me
what I already knew myself.

A business trip
to the Åland Islands?

So? How many are there?

What do you mean, how many?

Those fucking whores!

There are none, Lotta.
Of course there aren't any.

Why are you lying to me?
- I'm not.

Why are you lying to me?
- There are no other women.

Why are you lying to me?
- With you, I have no choice.

Will you pick up the kids?
- Of course. Of course I will.

Fuck! Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Shit. Shit.

The balcony is very spacious
as you probably noticed.

Go ahead, take a look.

This is a good condominium.
They've done the major renovations.

There won't be any surprises...

Hi.

Here you are.
The info sheet on the apartment.

This will sell fast.

Do I have to teach you
how to cheat?

You can't send a photo of your penis
to ten women at the same time.

You want me to list
the women for you?

If I found out about them this
easily, they can find out about me.

You fuck anything that moves?

I don't care
if you're a mediocre lover, -

but I can't stand it
if you're so fucking stupid.

The layout is really good.

The parquet floor is refinished.

PATHOLOGICAL LIAR
INSATIABLE SEX ADDICT

Subject: Ricky Kalin

Wife suspects he's cheating.

Fact Number 1:
He fucks whenever needed.

He has two calendars:
one for work, one for sex.

There's always someone available.

He never uses first names because
he's afraid of mixing women up.

Fact Number 2: His wedding ring
is on and off.

Fact Number 3: Always carries
a clean shirt in his briefcase -

in case of a lipstick stain.

Uses Björn Borg underwear, which
is proof he has no imagination.

Sings beautifully,
which is Fact Number 4.

Says that sex with me
is the best in the world, -

which is Fact Number 5.

Fact Number 6.

Six times. The sixth time I got
hooked on his touch and him.

I thought I'd forget you
in a couple of days.

But it didn't go exactly like that.

You're special.

You're like me, but
at the same time you're not.

What's too much?
What's too little? What's enough?

I'll never be enough for you.

Hi.

Was this for me?

Yes, for you.
I just wanted to say hi.

Good photo.

That's Lotta, my wife.

Now my ex-wife, thanks to you.

We have one child together.

Merite is the mother
of my two eldest children.

Lotta and my father own
a dance studio together.

My colleague Sanna
takes dance lessons there -

with Kristian, her future husband,
who's also my colleague.

Virpi, Anna, -

Heidi, Laura, -

Minna and Sari belong
to the inner circle.

In addition to that, -

I have women in the Helsinki region
that I meet with regularly.

I also have satellites
outside the Helsinki region, -

around Finland,
in the Nordic countries, -

in the Baltic countries, -

in Germany, Belgium, etc.

Ugly, beautiful.

Happy, sad.

Wounded.

Used and unused opportunities.

Questions?

Where am I in that picture?

That's the funny thing.

You're not in that picture.

You know what?

No. Tell me.

I love you.
- You don't.

I love you.
- You don't.

What do you think?
Could I love you?

No.

M.
- Hi.

Is it okay for you
if I drop by at home?

We're getting ready to go to bed...

Well, this is still your home...

I'd be there when Patrik wakes up.

Breathe calmly.
Remember to breathe.

Well, Bunny,
want to drive to your place?

Yeah, let's drive into my living room
and see what we can destroy.

Aren't we alike?
- We're totally unalike.

Bunny“.
- Don't ever call me Bunny again.

I'm not one of your rabbits.

And I have other commitments.
- A husband? Children?

A Child.

And a husband.
- Okay.

Isn't it strange
that I tell you this now?

I don't think so. You have
your life, and I have mine.

What we have in common is us here.

Say my name.

I wanna make sure
you know who you're fucking.

Oh fuck. Stop.

Annika.

Say something beautiful to me.

Are you angry at me?

Why would I be angry at you?

You're so quiet.
- This is what I'm like.

Quiet and boring.

But I'm being myself.

And honest.
- Your morals are interesting.

You're married.

You're sleeping with me,
yet you think you're honest.

Yeah. I'm honest.

I haven't done anything wrong.
My husband hurt me.

The way I see it,
all contracts were terminated.

Even the unspoken ones.

May I ask how you were hurt?

I was forgotten.
- You were forgotten?

The way I see it, if there's no
passion, there's no relationship.

I don't want that kind of life.

I don't think there's anything
more valuable than family.

I wouldn't give up
my family for anything.

Children, relatives, traditions.
My family is the core, my security.

There's nothing without family.
- You're telling this to me?

You broke my family.
- Me?

Mrs. Honesty and Passion.

I won't fuck you. Ever again.

Hi.
- Hi.

Did you have lunch?
- No.

Good, because I booked us a table.

I thought we could eat and talk
and take our time.

I can't make it now.
- Okay.

What do you mean you can't make it?
- I'm seeing a client soon.

Ricky, you're lying to me.

Big Bad...
- ...Wolf.

Did you have a lot of people?
- About ten. Two potential buyers.

You'll sell this in a couple
of weeks. - In a week.

Will you help me?

Is everything okay?
- Yes.

I just have to meet a client
and pick up the kids.

Sanna, Annika. Annika, Sanna.

Why don't you continue tomorrow.

Same place, same time, same lust.

You're used to repetition,
aren't you?

Annika, we were in the middle
of going over some work stuff.

Work stuff? - A real estate
agent's normal work day.

A real estate agent's
normal work day my ass.

I've no idea
what you're talking about, -

so why don't you stay
and talk some more.

Ricky, make sure the place
is tidy and lock the doors.

Are you trying to corner me?
Is that it? Or what's going on?

No. Little Annika just came here -

hoping that what she saw
wasn't true.

You know what's funny?

Even yesterday I thought you and I
could have a romantic dinner.

Really? You're a smart woman.

You know there's nothing wrong
with being romantic.

What's the point in being together
if it's like this? - We're not.

No?
- No.

Oh. What are we then?

I think we've been
together all these weeks.

In bed, yes.
- Nights too.

But we're not together.
- No.

Annika, I haven't
promised you anything.

You love me.

Tell me that you love me.

I want to hear you say you love me.

I love you.

What? I didn't hear anything.

Say it louder.

I love you.

Okay.

You know what?

Are you going to let me go?
Just like that?

Are you?
- I am.

Okay.

Can't we just fuck
like we have up till now?

It's a hell of a lot easier.

Okay.

I'll go then. Okay.

If that's what makes you happy.
- Yes.

You leaving makes me happy.

Where are you going?
- I'll go get something to eat.

What are you going to get?
- Chinese. Or was it Japanese?

Bring me teriyaki salmon
or chicken. And a miso soup.

I love you. Thanks!
- See you.

Hey, Luigi.

I was waiting for you
at the spray tanning salon.

What are you talking about?
- Spray tan. I guess you forgot.

It would've been so cool to do it.
Let's do it some other clay.

You're a grown man. Can't you
go get a spray tan by yourself?

I can, and now I want to.
Not with an asshole like you.

ACEDATING.COM - REVIVE
YOUR PASSION, HAVE AN AFFAIR

Hi, Risto-Matti.
- Dad, please call me Ricky.

Hi, Ricky.
- Is something wrong?

I think I left the lights on
in the dance studio.

And forgot to turn
the burglar alarm on.

I'll go check it.

Brita?

Breathe. Breathe calmly.

Remember to breathe.

Cheers.

This is good.

You know
what "honesty" is in Estonian?

"Ausus."

Ausus.
- Yeah.

You know what "faithfulness"
is in Estonian?

"Truudus."

Truudus.
- Yes.

I'm in peace with my past.

"To be at peace with something"
is the correct expression.

I'm at peace with my past.
What about you?

Honey. Bunny. My love.

What did you say?

For you, a lie is a chair
you can sit on for a moment.

For me, a lie is a chair
I can sit on for a moment -

before continuing my journey.
Nothing more, Bunny.

Hi!
- Hi.

Sometimes I fall for the idea
that something will change.

For the idea that I'll change.

But no, nothing ever changes.
No one ever learns anything.

Case Number 1: Closed.

"He has fenced up my way,
so that I cannot pass;

And He has set darkness
in my paths."

"He has stripped me of my glory,
And taken the crown from my head."

"He breaks me down on every side,
And I am gone;

My hope He has uprooted
like a tree." JOB 19:8-10

It's not you. It's me.

Translated by Aretta Vähälä
Proofread by Rich Lyons