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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,250 --> 00:00:02,290 Here's to love! 2 00:00:02,315 --> 00:00:04,612 Congratulations, you assholes! 3 00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:06,521 Did you always want to join the priesthood? 4 00:00:06,546 --> 00:00:08,030 - Oh, fuck no. - [LAUGHTER] 5 00:00:08,031 --> 00:00:09,390 Are you a real priest? 6 00:00:09,391 --> 00:00:10,670 Yeah. 7 00:00:10,671 --> 00:00:13,457 So, do your family get together much or... 8 00:00:13,511 --> 00:00:15,110 Well, fuck you then. 9 00:00:15,111 --> 00:00:17,200 And do you want to know what gift I'm giving your father? 10 00:00:17,224 --> 00:00:18,683 - Oh, God. - It's a portrait. 11 00:00:18,708 --> 00:00:20,278 - Oh, God. - Of you girls. 12 00:00:20,279 --> 00:00:22,442 - Oh, God. - You pissed off or you doing a poo? 13 00:00:22,467 --> 00:00:24,710 Get your hands off my miscarriage! 14 00:00:24,711 --> 00:00:26,041 - What's happened? - Nothing's happened. 15 00:00:26,066 --> 00:00:28,002 - Just had a little... - What? What, darling? 16 00:00:28,026 --> 00:00:29,711 - Miscarriage. - Hospital now. 17 00:00:29,736 --> 00:00:31,080 What about the bill? Sit down. 18 00:00:31,105 --> 00:00:32,134 I'll cover her. I'll cover you. 19 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,550 If you ever need someone. I'll be there. 20 00:00:34,551 --> 00:00:36,315 If it didn't want to be in there, it didn't want to be in there. 21 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,854 Something wasn't right. 22 00:00:37,879 --> 00:00:39,479 [HE CRIES OUT] 23 00:00:39,504 --> 00:00:41,230 What the fuck!? 24 00:00:41,231 --> 00:00:42,783 [INDISTINCT SHOUTS] 25 00:00:43,791 --> 00:00:46,088 - The priest is quite hot. - So hot. 26 00:00:48,005 --> 00:00:50,670 Peace be with you. Yeah, you too, thank you. 27 00:00:50,671 --> 00:00:53,310 - Peace be with you. - And also with you. 28 00:00:53,311 --> 00:00:55,350 - Peace be with you. - And also with you. 29 00:00:55,351 --> 00:00:56,430 Peace be with you. 30 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:57,470 Peace be with you. 31 00:00:57,471 --> 00:00:59,390 - Peace be with you. - And also with you. 32 00:00:59,391 --> 00:01:01,310 - Peace be with you. - And also with you. 33 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,351 Let us pray. 34 00:01:09,391 --> 00:01:15,030 Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, 35 00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:20,710 thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. 36 00:01:20,711 --> 00:01:25,510 Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, 37 00:01:25,511 --> 00:01:29,510 as we forgive those who trespass against us 38 00:01:29,511 --> 00:01:33,230 and lead us not into temptation, 39 00:01:33,231 --> 00:01:34,951 but deliver us from evil. 40 00:01:37,791 --> 00:01:38,898 Amen. 41 00:01:38,923 --> 00:01:40,926 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 42 00:01:40,951 --> 00:01:47,270 Rooted, grafted, built on thee 43 00:01:47,271 --> 00:01:48,790 Please be seated. 44 00:01:48,791 --> 00:01:50,055 And also with you. 45 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:02,151 Um... Sorry, uh, yes, today's... 46 00:02:04,871 --> 00:02:06,750 Um... Today's notices. 47 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:12,191 There's a raffle at tomorrow's fete to raise funds for the... 48 00:02:13,311 --> 00:02:16,550 Sorry... The diocesan pilgrimage to Lourdes. 49 00:02:16,551 --> 00:02:19,950 Uh, congratulations to St Ethelred's Football Club. 50 00:02:19,951 --> 00:02:21,510 - Woo! - [LAUGHTER] 51 00:02:21,511 --> 00:02:22,830 Three one victory. 52 00:02:22,831 --> 00:02:25,190 Uh, next Friday is a first Friday and I'm going to be 53 00:02:25,191 --> 00:02:29,390 making my usual sick calls to the housebound with the Eucharist 54 00:02:29,391 --> 00:02:33,310 and, finally, on Thursday I'm going to begin Holy Communion 55 00:02:33,311 --> 00:02:36,150 preparation classes and there are more details of that 56 00:02:36,151 --> 00:02:39,470 in the parish newsletter, along with my latest review. 57 00:02:39,471 --> 00:02:41,110 [FAINT LAUGHTER] 58 00:02:41,111 --> 00:02:42,350 That's all, folks. 59 00:02:42,351 --> 00:02:44,431 Uh, please stand for God's blessing. 60 00:02:45,176 --> 00:02:46,589 Thanks so much. 61 00:02:46,614 --> 00:02:48,206 - Thank you, Father. - All the best. See you next week. 62 00:02:48,231 --> 00:02:49,239 All the best. 63 00:02:49,264 --> 00:02:51,430 - Really good one, Father. - Nice to see you, Gina. 64 00:02:51,431 --> 00:02:53,230 Loved the story about your eye. 65 00:02:53,231 --> 00:02:56,350 [HE CHUCKLES] Off you go. Give my regards to those budgies. 66 00:02:56,351 --> 00:02:58,470 [SHE CHUCKLES] 67 00:02:58,471 --> 00:03:00,550 - Hello. - Hi. 68 00:03:00,551 --> 00:03:03,150 - This is lovely. - Oh, thank you. Thank you. 69 00:03:03,151 --> 00:03:04,670 I thought you'd be in prison by now. 70 00:03:04,671 --> 00:03:07,990 Ah, well, I keep trying, but they just won't have me. 71 00:03:07,991 --> 00:03:09,990 - I'm sorry about your eye. - Oh, that's okay. 72 00:03:09,991 --> 00:03:11,430 Gives me some edge. 73 00:03:11,431 --> 00:03:13,350 I've told them some heroic bullshit. 74 00:03:13,351 --> 00:03:14,470 Um... Bless you, Sandy. 75 00:03:14,471 --> 00:03:15,512 - Thank you, Father. - Bless you. 76 00:03:15,537 --> 00:03:16,629 Thank you, Father. 77 00:03:16,653 --> 00:03:18,270 - Thank you. - Bye. 78 00:03:18,271 --> 00:03:19,950 - Bye now. Have a nice day. - God bless you. 79 00:03:19,975 --> 00:03:22,095 - Bye. See you next week. - Bless you. 80 00:03:23,111 --> 00:03:25,038 I just wanted to pay you back for dinner... 81 00:03:25,063 --> 00:03:27,194 - Oh, no! Thank you, honestly. - Because I... No, no, really, I insist. 82 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:29,054 - It'll have to be in instalments... - I don't want it. I don't want it. 83 00:03:29,079 --> 00:03:30,718 - I've got no pockets. - Please... 84 00:03:30,742 --> 00:03:32,696 Honestly, thank you. Nah-ah! 85 00:03:32,721 --> 00:03:35,516 I'm going to knife the candles, Father. They're a bit clogged up. 86 00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:37,590 - Okay, Pam. - Yeah. 87 00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:39,507 Well, the hair dryer's in the, in the wonky drawer... 88 00:03:39,532 --> 00:03:41,990 Under the wonky drawer. Yes, I know. 89 00:03:41,991 --> 00:03:43,390 - Hello, love. - Hi. 90 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,069 Oh, is that for the collection? How sweet. So kind. 91 00:03:46,094 --> 00:03:47,191 Thank you. 92 00:03:48,688 --> 00:03:49,808 That's Pam. 93 00:03:53,481 --> 00:03:54,801 Do you like tea? 94 00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:05,625 Jesus. 95 00:04:13,071 --> 00:04:14,711 - Tea! - Great. 96 00:04:16,871 --> 00:04:18,925 I don't want boast, but I make a cracking... 97 00:04:18,950 --> 00:04:21,070 - Oh! Bastard! Sorry. - Oh! 98 00:04:21,071 --> 00:04:22,547 - Bastard! - Um... 99 00:04:22,571 --> 00:04:24,571 Let me just get this. 100 00:04:25,191 --> 00:04:27,330 - Oh, dear. - Oh, is that holy? 101 00:04:27,355 --> 00:04:30,134 A bit less than it was before. 102 00:04:30,159 --> 00:04:32,220 Shit. Uh... Oh, well. 103 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,033 He'll understand. He's an understanding sort. 104 00:04:36,057 --> 00:04:37,314 Okay. 105 00:04:39,831 --> 00:04:41,111 There you go. 106 00:04:41,822 --> 00:04:43,619 Sorry about all the tat. 107 00:04:43,671 --> 00:04:46,470 It's for a fundraiser garden party thing tomorrow. 108 00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,350 So much stuff, absolutely no staff. 109 00:04:48,351 --> 00:04:51,070 - You can volunteer if you want. - Oh... 110 00:04:51,096 --> 00:04:53,150 - I'm only joking. - Oh. 111 00:04:53,151 --> 00:04:55,830 You've probably got a life. 112 00:04:55,831 --> 00:04:57,150 - What's the time? - Um... 113 00:04:57,151 --> 00:05:00,030 Do you want a proper drink? I've got cans of G&T. 114 00:05:00,031 --> 00:05:01,670 From M&S. 115 00:05:01,671 --> 00:05:03,550 - Well, it's... - I will if you will. 116 00:05:03,551 --> 00:05:05,340 Okay. 117 00:05:05,365 --> 00:05:06,871 Okay. 118 00:05:15,351 --> 00:05:16,671 Thanks. 119 00:05:21,962 --> 00:05:23,579 So, you're a cool priest, are you? 120 00:05:23,604 --> 00:05:24,875 - A cool priest? - Yeah. 121 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,400 No. I'm a big reader with no friends. 122 00:05:26,424 --> 00:05:27,510 Are you a cool person? 123 00:05:27,511 --> 00:05:29,670 - I'm a pretty normal person. - A normal person? 124 00:05:29,671 --> 00:05:31,276 - Yeah, a normal person. - What makes you a normal person? 125 00:05:31,301 --> 00:05:33,671 Well, I don't believe in God... 126 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,883 I love it when He does that. 127 00:05:47,671 --> 00:05:49,459 So, you were in my prayers last night. 128 00:05:49,498 --> 00:05:50,974 Likewise. 129 00:05:51,031 --> 00:05:53,430 I'm sorry for your loss. 130 00:05:53,431 --> 00:05:55,110 What? 131 00:05:55,111 --> 00:05:56,391 Your baby. 132 00:05:57,831 --> 00:06:00,050 Oh! Yeah, thank you. 133 00:06:01,031 --> 00:06:03,071 Thank you. Yes, I... 134 00:06:04,771 --> 00:06:06,130 Thank you. 135 00:06:06,155 --> 00:06:07,914 Is the father all right? 136 00:06:08,015 --> 00:06:10,279 Well, he doesn't really... 137 00:06:12,334 --> 00:06:13,591 ...exist. 138 00:06:15,391 --> 00:06:16,671 I understand. 139 00:06:18,631 --> 00:06:21,724 The funeral liturgy says 140 00:06:21,795 --> 00:06:25,544 that life is changed, not ended. 141 00:06:27,951 --> 00:06:30,430 I've always loved that, if that's of any help. 142 00:06:30,431 --> 00:06:32,727 Oh, well, thank you very much, but I really am an atheist. 143 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,550 Yeah, I gathered that by the smelling of the Bible. 144 00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:36,991 [THEY CHUCKLE] 145 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:39,936 New sermon? 146 00:06:39,961 --> 00:06:43,381 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's... I write, uh... 147 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,551 ...restaurant reviews for the parish magazine 148 00:06:45,576 --> 00:06:47,295 and I was just finishing up the last one. 149 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,887 I actually just came up with a really good title. 150 00:06:48,912 --> 00:06:50,151 Ah, what is it? 151 00:06:50,991 --> 00:06:52,341 - No. - What? 152 00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:54,590 - No, it's not cool. - Well, neither are we, so... 153 00:06:54,591 --> 00:06:57,278 "I'd spend 40 days and 40 nights in that dessert." 154 00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:02,957 Oh, God, I fancy a priest. 155 00:07:39,551 --> 00:07:40,951 There you go. 156 00:07:45,871 --> 00:07:47,344 Hey. 157 00:07:47,369 --> 00:07:49,350 Are you having an event? 158 00:07:49,351 --> 00:07:50,710 No. 159 00:07:50,711 --> 00:07:52,390 Why are there so many people here? 160 00:07:52,391 --> 00:07:54,550 Well, it's just successful, I guess. 161 00:07:54,551 --> 00:07:56,854 Why is everyone talking to each other? 162 00:07:56,879 --> 00:07:58,198 Oh, it's Chatty Wednesday. 163 00:07:58,223 --> 00:07:59,374 If you buy something, you have to have a chat 164 00:07:59,399 --> 00:08:01,206 - with someone you don't know. - What? 165 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,110 Loneliness pays. 166 00:08:03,871 --> 00:08:05,430 Listen, can we... 167 00:08:05,431 --> 00:08:06,471 Sure. 168 00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:13,150 - I know you and I haven't... - Have you had a check-up? 169 00:08:13,151 --> 00:08:15,630 Yes, it's fine. It's really not a big deal. 170 00:08:15,631 --> 00:08:17,141 - It happens all the time... - Hello! 171 00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:18,630 - No. - Where you from? 172 00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:21,540 I'm not... This isn't... I'm not part of this. 173 00:08:21,565 --> 00:08:23,912 I shouldn't have to... I don't want to tell you that. 174 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,865 No. Sorry. No. 175 00:08:26,831 --> 00:08:28,108 Tooting. 176 00:08:28,779 --> 00:08:30,338 She hasn't bought anything yet, Joe. 177 00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:33,363 Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. 178 00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:36,366 Does Martin know? 179 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,335 You're not supposed to tell anyone for the first 12... 180 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,585 - Well, you can tell the father. - I just haven't told him. 181 00:08:39,610 --> 00:08:41,758 - Okay, but what does he know? - I don't want to talk about it, okay? 182 00:08:41,783 --> 00:08:44,117 And I never want anyone to know about it. 183 00:08:44,141 --> 00:08:45,274 You have it. 184 00:08:45,299 --> 00:08:47,125 You're better at dealing with awful things anyway. 185 00:08:47,149 --> 00:08:48,520 - I don't want it. - Well, you took it, 186 00:08:48,545 --> 00:08:50,788 now everyone thinks you have it, so you have it. 187 00:08:51,827 --> 00:08:53,667 [CLAIRE SIGHS] 188 00:08:58,002 --> 00:08:59,601 What? 189 00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,199 They're some pretty funky trainers. 190 00:09:01,224 --> 00:09:02,715 I said I'm fine. 191 00:09:02,718 --> 00:09:04,440 I just really, really don't want anyone to make 192 00:09:04,465 --> 00:09:06,033 a big deal out of this, okay? 193 00:09:06,058 --> 00:09:08,617 Brutal. Just brutal. 194 00:09:08,618 --> 00:09:10,297 You must feel rotten. 195 00:09:10,298 --> 00:09:11,857 Do you feel rotten? 196 00:09:11,858 --> 00:09:14,007 I'd rather not talk about it if that's okay. 197 00:09:14,032 --> 00:09:16,057 Of course, darling. Come on up. 198 00:09:16,058 --> 00:09:17,937 Claire get the door, for God's sake. 199 00:09:17,938 --> 00:09:19,727 Did you know who the father was? 200 00:09:19,752 --> 00:09:21,907 Um, you know, I'd rather not talk about it if that's okay. 201 00:09:21,932 --> 00:09:24,001 No, of course, darling. 202 00:09:24,889 --> 00:09:26,851 I've got a set up I'm very excited about. 203 00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:28,595 - It's going to be very striking. - Cool. 204 00:09:28,596 --> 00:09:30,955 So, Claire, if you just sit here. 205 00:09:30,956 --> 00:09:32,064 That's lovely 206 00:09:32,089 --> 00:09:34,841 And, darling, just beside her like that. 207 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,406 Lovely. 208 00:09:36,431 --> 00:09:38,435 Actually, if you could just... 209 00:09:38,436 --> 00:09:40,211 That's it, that's it. 210 00:09:40,236 --> 00:09:41,596 Just a bit. 211 00:09:43,052 --> 00:09:44,811 Bit more. 212 00:09:44,812 --> 00:09:46,211 There, perfect. 213 00:09:46,212 --> 00:09:47,492 Gorgeous, yes. 214 00:09:50,892 --> 00:09:52,691 Sorry, no, if you could just... 215 00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,692 That's it. Thank you, darling. 216 00:09:55,732 --> 00:09:58,011 - So, um... - She can't not talk about it. 217 00:09:58,012 --> 00:10:00,091 - You know, I have six friends... - A lie. 218 00:10:00,092 --> 00:10:02,451 ...who've had miscarriages. 219 00:10:02,452 --> 00:10:05,731 Five of them never managed to produce a child afterwards, 220 00:10:05,732 --> 00:10:07,965 but the sixth one did and rather regretted it, 221 00:10:08,027 --> 00:10:10,863 so I think you've probably done the right thing. 222 00:10:10,926 --> 00:10:12,132 Thank you. 223 00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:15,526 Did you never want them? 224 00:10:15,551 --> 00:10:17,191 Oh, I'm still thinking about it. 225 00:10:18,372 --> 00:10:20,291 Is Dad here? I texted him, but... 226 00:10:20,292 --> 00:10:22,091 - Oh, I saw that. - Oh, so he is here? 227 00:10:22,092 --> 00:10:24,452 Sorry, no, I've got his phone today. 228 00:10:26,452 --> 00:10:28,131 I love that colour. 229 00:10:28,132 --> 00:10:29,171 Which one? 230 00:10:29,172 --> 00:10:32,149 - That one. - Oh, that's three colours. 231 00:10:32,229 --> 00:10:34,468 Right. I'm getting rid of it. 232 00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:36,491 But it was quite an adventure painting. 233 00:10:36,492 --> 00:10:38,411 I had an orgasm as I finished it. 234 00:10:38,412 --> 00:10:40,853 Well, let's hope we all get as much pleasure out of this one. 235 00:10:40,892 --> 00:10:42,220 - [PHONE BUZZES] - No, no. Could you...? 236 00:10:42,259 --> 00:10:44,967 Um, I have a pretty full afternoon, so... 237 00:10:44,999 --> 00:10:46,702 Oh, have you got to go back to Finland again? 238 00:10:46,727 --> 00:10:48,366 No, Finland are coming here. 239 00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:49,971 Oh. Well, that's easier for you. 240 00:10:49,972 --> 00:10:51,131 Mmm. 241 00:10:51,132 --> 00:10:52,738 Are you still okay to pick up the invitations? 242 00:10:52,763 --> 00:10:54,371 Oh, yes, of course. 243 00:10:54,372 --> 00:10:55,964 And did you find that ribbon thing for the flowers? 244 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,451 - Yes. - Great. 245 00:10:57,452 --> 00:10:58,956 And is Martin's nose on the mend? 246 00:10:58,981 --> 00:11:00,049 Yes. 247 00:11:00,074 --> 00:11:01,863 And how's the bassoon solo coming on? 248 00:11:01,888 --> 00:11:03,450 - [PHONE VIBRATES] - Oh, yes, he's practising. 249 00:11:03,475 --> 00:11:05,769 - Oh, God, and now I just have to... - What? 250 00:11:05,794 --> 00:11:07,193 Sorry, Claire, can you look up, please? 251 00:11:07,218 --> 00:11:08,225 Thank you. 252 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,651 Organise canapes for an awards ceremony. 253 00:11:10,652 --> 00:11:12,491 Oh, gosh, you must be exhausted. 254 00:11:12,492 --> 00:11:14,313 Does the little cafe do canapes? 255 00:11:14,338 --> 00:11:16,118 It totally could, yeah. 256 00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,662 Well, there you are. That's one off the list. 257 00:11:18,687 --> 00:11:19,727 Great. 258 00:11:22,936 --> 00:11:26,975 Gosh, haven't you got a lovely, thick neck? 259 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,759 [PHONE VIBRATES] 260 00:11:28,892 --> 00:11:30,611 - That was fun. - Thank you. 261 00:11:30,636 --> 00:11:32,433 I really can help with the canapes if it's... 262 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,783 - I'm going to say this quickly. Okay? - Okay. 263 00:11:34,808 --> 00:11:36,971 Martin wants to press charges against you for assault. 264 00:11:36,972 --> 00:11:39,066 I've tried to talk him down, but to be fair, you did hit him 265 00:11:39,091 --> 00:11:40,532 - fucking hard. - What?! 266 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,996 I will provide you with exceptional legal advice as long as 267 00:11:43,021 --> 00:11:45,276 you don't tell anyone I'm providing you with exceptional legal advice. 268 00:11:45,301 --> 00:11:47,136 - What?! - This is happening. 269 00:11:47,161 --> 00:11:50,040 I am mortified, but it is happening, okay? 270 00:11:50,065 --> 00:11:52,011 I will hire this lawyer to scare him off 271 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,782 and I will hire you to do the canapes. 272 00:11:54,812 --> 00:11:56,371 - Who's the lawyer? - Oh, he's a friend. 273 00:11:56,372 --> 00:11:58,251 He mainly defends rapists. 274 00:11:58,252 --> 00:11:59,433 He has a high success rate then. 275 00:11:59,458 --> 00:12:02,097 - Undefeated. Come on. - [SIGHS] 276 00:12:02,212 --> 00:12:04,331 I've filled him in with the basics. 277 00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:06,696 - That your husband's an animal? - Be serious. 278 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,467 Just do whatever he says and don't flirt with him. 279 00:12:09,492 --> 00:12:12,496 I'm not going to f... 280 00:12:12,572 --> 00:12:14,731 Fucking hell, okay. 281 00:12:14,732 --> 00:12:16,491 - Claire! - David, thank you so much... 282 00:12:16,492 --> 00:12:18,051 - Oh! Sorry. - Wow. 283 00:12:18,052 --> 00:12:19,571 I can take you to court for that. 284 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:20,731 [THEY CHUCKLE] 285 00:12:20,732 --> 00:12:22,302 This the little trouble maker, then? 286 00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:23,651 - Hi. - Hi. 287 00:12:23,652 --> 00:12:27,076 Now, listen, I just want to be clear that whatever happens, 288 00:12:27,101 --> 00:12:29,834 I don't sleep with people I work with, okay? 289 00:12:30,799 --> 00:12:33,438 [HE LAUGHS] 290 00:12:33,463 --> 00:12:35,336 I'm joking. 291 00:12:35,361 --> 00:12:37,187 Slip on in, ladies. 292 00:12:37,212 --> 00:12:40,344 Well, if you spit guilty, you'll have to swallow a short jail term, 293 00:12:40,369 --> 00:12:41,859 or community service if you're lucky. 294 00:12:41,884 --> 00:12:42,913 Or? 295 00:12:42,938 --> 00:12:44,361 - You definitely started it? - Yes. 296 00:12:44,386 --> 00:12:47,174 - Any witnesses? - About 30. 297 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,197 The most important thing, honey, 298 00:12:50,222 --> 00:12:52,615 is that you do not, under any circumstances, apologise. 299 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,810 - I can do that... - No, that's not what we discussed. 300 00:12:54,835 --> 00:12:57,611 Well, that can be taken as an admission of guilt. 301 00:12:57,612 --> 00:12:59,571 I assume you know the victim personally? 302 00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,604 - Yes... - No, and let's not call him 303 00:13:01,628 --> 00:13:03,891 - the victim yet, shall we? - Well, that's what he is. 304 00:13:03,892 --> 00:13:05,691 Yes. Right. 305 00:13:05,692 --> 00:13:07,091 They've definitely fucked. 306 00:13:07,092 --> 00:13:08,851 We just want a letter to scare him off 307 00:13:08,852 --> 00:13:10,451 if he ends up seeking proper action. 308 00:13:10,492 --> 00:13:12,568 - Really doesn't make sense, Claire. - Actually maybe not. 309 00:13:12,593 --> 00:13:14,123 I think it makes perfect sense. 310 00:13:14,148 --> 00:13:16,240 - I just want to be ahead of the game. - God, I can't tell. 311 00:13:16,265 --> 00:13:18,748 - That's a habit of yours, I've heard. - Oh, I've got it. 312 00:13:18,773 --> 00:13:19,999 - Is it? - They haven't... 313 00:13:20,024 --> 00:13:21,499 You're going to have to tell me who said that. 314 00:13:21,523 --> 00:13:22,982 - Never. - ...but they're going to. 315 00:13:23,007 --> 00:13:24,796 - David. - Oh, God, I've got to get out. 316 00:13:24,828 --> 00:13:26,387 - Claire. - Excuse me. 317 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,384 Where you off to, little lady? 318 00:13:27,416 --> 00:13:30,634 I'm just going to let this... Yeah. 319 00:13:47,268 --> 00:13:48,587 You all right? 320 00:13:48,588 --> 00:13:50,680 Yeah. Just thought I'd leave you to it. 321 00:13:51,588 --> 00:13:53,387 - Sorry. - What? 322 00:13:53,388 --> 00:13:55,500 He says he'll only talk you through potential proceedings 323 00:13:55,525 --> 00:13:57,133 - if you go for a drink with him. - What? 324 00:13:57,157 --> 00:13:58,683 - I know. - Outrageous. 325 00:13:58,708 --> 00:14:00,427 - Stop smiling. - I thought he was after you? 326 00:14:00,452 --> 00:14:03,162 So did I, but my hair isn't great at the moment. 327 00:14:03,187 --> 00:14:05,067 Either way, it's very inappropriate. 328 00:14:05,068 --> 00:14:06,454 - Don't sleep with him. - I won't. 329 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:07,712 - Don't. - I won't. 330 00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:08,844 I don't do that anymore. 331 00:14:08,869 --> 00:14:11,187 What? Why? Are you ill? 332 00:14:11,188 --> 00:14:12,667 - No. - Then what? 333 00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:15,103 Well, I just... 334 00:14:15,128 --> 00:14:16,751 Oh, my God. Have you met someone? 335 00:14:16,776 --> 00:14:19,107 Well, not really. 336 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,707 - Back with Harry? - No, it's actually... 337 00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:21,815 - Someone new? - Well... 338 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,988 - Is he single? - Sort of. 339 00:14:25,828 --> 00:14:27,347 Take this. 340 00:14:27,348 --> 00:14:29,753 I'll try talk Martin down, but call him if you need him. 341 00:14:29,778 --> 00:14:31,627 He's a very good lawyer. 342 00:14:31,628 --> 00:14:33,747 Surprisingly... 343 00:14:33,828 --> 00:14:36,084 ...tender underneath it all. 344 00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,600 Knew it. 345 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:39,881 What you did in the restaurant was unforgiveable. 346 00:14:39,905 --> 00:14:41,905 I know. 347 00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:43,188 Thank you. 348 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,731 Okay, well... 349 00:14:46,756 --> 00:14:49,590 Listen, I actually just wanted to give you... this. 350 00:14:49,615 --> 00:14:51,967 It's just one session, but you've been through a lot, so I just... 351 00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,788 Oh, my God, I said I'm fine. 352 00:14:55,188 --> 00:14:56,428 I'm weirdly fine. 353 00:14:58,948 --> 00:15:00,748 I'd rather have the money. 354 00:15:16,312 --> 00:15:18,645 Excuse me, I've got dry forearms. 355 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,661 Sure. 356 00:15:23,068 --> 00:15:24,867 So, why have you come to the session? 357 00:15:24,868 --> 00:15:26,952 Oh, it was a birthday present from my father. 358 00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:29,427 Is that a joke? 359 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,788 No. 360 00:15:32,508 --> 00:15:34,427 It would be good not to make jokes in here. 361 00:15:34,428 --> 00:15:39,524 Just in case anything gets lost in humorous translation. 362 00:15:39,548 --> 00:15:41,668 Oh, I don't know if I can do that. 363 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:44,467 Is that a joke? 364 00:15:44,468 --> 00:15:45,508 No. 365 00:15:46,868 --> 00:15:50,670 Oh, just try not to, or make it very obvious. 366 00:15:51,548 --> 00:15:52,867 Sure. 367 00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:55,803 So, why do you think your father suggested you come for counselling? 368 00:15:55,828 --> 00:15:58,609 I think because my mother died and he can't talk about it 369 00:15:58,634 --> 00:16:00,790 and my sister and I didn't speak for a year because she thinks 370 00:16:00,815 --> 00:16:02,743 I tried to sleep with her husband and because I spent most 371 00:16:02,768 --> 00:16:05,501 of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void 372 00:16:05,526 --> 00:16:08,123 inside my empty heart. I'm good at this. 373 00:16:08,148 --> 00:16:10,051 Although I don't really do that any more. 374 00:16:10,788 --> 00:16:12,723 You close with your family? 375 00:16:14,778 --> 00:16:16,187 We get on with it. 376 00:16:16,188 --> 00:16:18,547 - Do you talk? - God no! 377 00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:20,507 Any friends? 378 00:16:20,508 --> 00:16:22,748 - Sorry? - Any friends? 379 00:16:24,748 --> 00:16:26,187 Um... 380 00:16:26,188 --> 00:16:28,161 No, I don't really have time for... 381 00:16:28,228 --> 00:16:31,067 Well, I have a guinea pig, but she blows hot and cold. 382 00:16:31,107 --> 00:16:32,302 Not a joke. 383 00:16:33,908 --> 00:16:35,907 Tell me about the sex. 384 00:16:35,908 --> 00:16:38,387 [SHE LAUGHS] 385 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:39,907 All of it? 386 00:16:39,908 --> 00:16:41,667 You said you don't do that now. 387 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,375 Oh, no, I just play tennis now. 388 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:46,791 Tough crowd. 389 00:16:48,068 --> 00:16:49,408 Sorry. 390 00:16:49,468 --> 00:16:51,377 I just... 391 00:16:51,508 --> 00:16:54,244 Sex didn't bring anything... 392 00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:56,556 good, so I'm trying not to... 393 00:16:58,102 --> 00:16:59,501 But I've... 394 00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:01,643 And what have you found in your abstinence? 395 00:17:01,668 --> 00:17:04,588 Well, I'm very horny and your little scarf isn't helping. 396 00:17:06,748 --> 00:17:09,275 So, the impulse is still there? 397 00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,103 Oh... 398 00:17:11,172 --> 00:17:14,361 Yeah, the impulse is... 399 00:17:14,388 --> 00:17:17,239 The impulse is very much still there. 400 00:17:17,308 --> 00:17:19,442 It's just never the right person. 401 00:17:19,508 --> 00:17:20,947 Mm. 402 00:17:21,005 --> 00:17:23,739 So there is a particular person you're not having sex with? 403 00:17:23,788 --> 00:17:25,286 No! 404 00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:28,267 Well, look, nothing's happened. I just... 405 00:17:28,268 --> 00:17:30,067 He's not available. 406 00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:32,307 - In a relationship? - Yes, a bad one. 407 00:17:32,308 --> 00:17:33,987 Oh, really? How so? 408 00:17:33,988 --> 00:17:35,786 It's a sort of relationship where one partner 409 00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:38,375 - tells the other how to dress. - Are you in love with him? 410 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,302 [LAUGHING] No! 411 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,547 Why do you find that funny? 412 00:17:42,548 --> 00:17:44,267 Well, I... 413 00:17:44,268 --> 00:17:46,187 I dunno, I just... 414 00:17:46,188 --> 00:17:48,427 I don't... No! 415 00:17:48,428 --> 00:17:50,677 - Just not a romantic? - No. 416 00:17:51,428 --> 00:17:52,987 Just... 417 00:17:53,089 --> 00:17:55,209 a girl with no friends and an empty heart? 418 00:17:58,748 --> 00:18:00,228 By your own description. 419 00:18:06,148 --> 00:18:07,427 I have friends. 420 00:18:07,428 --> 00:18:09,348 Oh, so you do have someone to talk to. 421 00:18:11,348 --> 00:18:12,508 Yeah. 422 00:18:14,588 --> 00:18:16,067 Do you see them a lot? 423 00:18:16,068 --> 00:18:18,385 Oh, they're... they're always there. 424 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,096 They're... 425 00:18:20,148 --> 00:18:21,941 They're always there. 426 00:18:22,428 --> 00:18:23,886 Why do you find that funny? 427 00:18:23,910 --> 00:18:25,385 Listen, I don't need to be analysed. 428 00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:26,699 I have a nice life. I just... 429 00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:28,723 I just wanted to exchange the voucher for the money. 430 00:18:28,748 --> 00:18:30,627 It's a bit late for that now. 431 00:18:30,628 --> 00:18:32,348 I've only been here five minutes. 432 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,862 I want the money. 433 00:18:39,188 --> 00:18:41,284 I want to fuck a priest. 434 00:18:41,348 --> 00:18:43,067 - Catholic? - Yes! 435 00:18:43,068 --> 00:18:44,747 - A good one? - Yes! 436 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,682 - Looks good in the... - Mmm, yes. 437 00:18:46,706 --> 00:18:48,494 I understand. 438 00:18:49,068 --> 00:18:50,987 Do you really want to fuck the priest, 439 00:18:50,988 --> 00:18:53,227 or do you want to fuck God? 440 00:18:53,228 --> 00:18:56,027 - Can you fuck God? - Oh, yes. 441 00:18:56,028 --> 00:18:59,415 Look just please tell me how to not fuck a priest, 442 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,079 before I get arrested. 443 00:19:01,104 --> 00:19:03,532 Well, I don't think fucking a priest will make you feel as powerful 444 00:19:03,557 --> 00:19:06,307 - as you think it will. - Can you just tell me what to do? 445 00:19:06,308 --> 00:19:07,555 You know. 446 00:19:08,868 --> 00:19:11,827 You already know what you're going to do. Everybody does. 447 00:19:11,828 --> 00:19:13,107 What?! 448 00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:15,570 You've already decided what you're going to do. 449 00:19:16,348 --> 00:19:18,587 So what's the point in you? 450 00:19:20,268 --> 00:19:21,788 You know what you're going to do. 451 00:19:23,388 --> 00:19:25,027 - No, I don't. - Yes, you do. 452 00:19:25,028 --> 00:19:26,406 - I don't! - You do! 453 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:27,559 - I don't! I don't... - You do! 454 00:19:29,341 --> 00:19:31,174 - Good luck! - Thank you. 455 00:19:31,199 --> 00:19:32,681 Shut up. 456 00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:35,627 Hi, can I have two raffle tickets, please? 457 00:19:35,628 --> 00:19:38,016 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, hi! 458 00:19:38,041 --> 00:19:39,827 Hi! You're... 459 00:19:39,852 --> 00:19:40,890 - Yeah! - ...with child. 460 00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:41,857 - Yes. - Cool! 461 00:19:41,882 --> 00:19:43,366 - You, you got a fringe! - Yeah! 462 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,443 Yeah. Oh, cool. 463 00:19:44,468 --> 00:19:47,320 - Aw, you always wanted a baby! - You always wanted a fringe. 464 00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:49,276 She is amazing. 465 00:19:49,301 --> 00:19:51,797 - I mean, it's been tough, but amazing. - Oh, yeah? 466 00:19:51,822 --> 00:19:53,840 Yeah, I mean, the birth really took its toll. 467 00:19:53,841 --> 00:19:55,983 - Oh, really? Was it a tricky one? - I can't really remember it now. 468 00:19:56,008 --> 00:19:59,420 But the whole thing has just really changed me. 469 00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:01,080 I just don't feel... 470 00:20:01,081 --> 00:20:02,779 You know, my emotions are up and down. 471 00:20:02,803 --> 00:20:05,416 My body just feels different. 472 00:20:05,441 --> 00:20:08,601 I mean, Elaine is being amazing, so supportive... 473 00:20:08,626 --> 00:20:10,277 It sounds like you have got post-natal depression. 474 00:20:10,301 --> 00:20:12,730 I do, yeah, but we're working through it. 475 00:20:14,161 --> 00:20:15,861 - Sure. - Just to let you know, 476 00:20:15,886 --> 00:20:17,629 the band is going to start in a couple of minutes. 477 00:20:17,654 --> 00:20:19,360 Hey, Father. This is Suzie! 478 00:20:19,361 --> 00:20:21,720 Aw, I don't know how to talk to babies, sorry. 479 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,360 Do you guys know each other? 480 00:20:23,361 --> 00:20:25,001 - Uh, yeah. - We sort of used to... 481 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,094 I used to be her girlfriend. 482 00:20:27,121 --> 00:20:28,481 Oh, cool. 483 00:20:29,801 --> 00:20:31,561 Good for you! 484 00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:33,402 I'm going to go and show her the coconuts. 485 00:20:33,427 --> 00:20:36,076 - She's really good at counting. - Okay. 486 00:20:36,121 --> 00:20:38,000 Excuse me, everyone! 487 00:20:38,001 --> 00:20:41,840 The Youthy Band is about to play the ode to something! 488 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,660 - You having fun? - Yes, yeah. 489 00:20:43,685 --> 00:20:45,089 - Selling well? Good. - Yes, I think so. 490 00:20:45,114 --> 00:20:46,488 Oh, puzzle. I love a puzzle! 491 00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,450 - The Youthy Band are about... - Yes, I heard you, Pam. 492 00:20:48,475 --> 00:20:50,661 Thank you, thank you so much. Thank you. 493 00:20:52,761 --> 00:20:55,025 - Ah, there's the main event. - Yeah! 494 00:20:55,050 --> 00:20:57,954 - Very talented. - She, uh, she... 495 00:20:57,979 --> 00:21:00,209 Don't say it. She, she, actually... 496 00:21:00,234 --> 00:21:01,318 Just don't say it. 497 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:03,600 She actually orgasmed when she finished it. 498 00:21:03,601 --> 00:21:04,800 I just said it. 499 00:21:04,825 --> 00:21:06,545 - Apparently. - Ah! 500 00:21:08,873 --> 00:21:10,713 Well, whatever gets you there! 501 00:21:13,521 --> 00:21:16,770 Father! Father, we have a cupcake situation over here! 502 00:21:16,795 --> 00:21:18,680 Okay, Pam! I will be there to cupcake. 503 00:21:18,681 --> 00:21:20,160 [THEY LAUGH] 504 00:21:20,161 --> 00:21:21,921 Thank you so much for helping. 505 00:21:27,349 --> 00:21:29,149 Arm touch. 506 00:21:31,921 --> 00:21:35,720 [HE PLAYS OUT OF TIME] 507 00:21:35,721 --> 00:21:39,440 At least my son is in the Youthy Band, what's your excuse? 508 00:21:39,441 --> 00:21:41,400 Urgh! 509 00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:43,520 I'm helping the priest. 510 00:21:43,521 --> 00:21:46,600 Wow, you do love a challenge, don't you? 511 00:21:47,109 --> 00:21:48,529 Hey, I just want to say something... 512 00:21:48,554 --> 00:21:50,320 It's from River Island. I got it last week. 513 00:21:50,345 --> 00:21:54,840 No. I want to say that I'm sorry for saying what I said. 514 00:21:54,841 --> 00:21:57,200 I'm sorry for what you went through. 515 00:21:57,201 --> 00:21:58,749 I'm sorry. 516 00:21:58,773 --> 00:22:00,480 I know what you're doing. I'm not going to say it. 517 00:22:00,481 --> 00:22:02,000 I'm just saying sorry. 518 00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:03,280 I'm not going to say it. 519 00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:05,000 I'm sorry. 520 00:22:05,001 --> 00:22:06,161 Mm-mm. 521 00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:11,011 Okay. 522 00:22:11,041 --> 00:22:12,520 And thank you. 523 00:22:12,521 --> 00:22:14,560 - She and I have never been better. - Oh! 524 00:22:14,561 --> 00:22:16,600 You had a big part in that. 525 00:22:16,601 --> 00:22:18,600 I'm happy for you. 526 00:22:18,601 --> 00:22:21,632 I'm happy you've found a way to deflect from your pitiful, 527 00:22:21,657 --> 00:22:24,757 self-sabotaging, ego-driven, masturbatory... 528 00:22:24,782 --> 00:22:26,680 I cannot believe how well this is coming out. 529 00:22:26,705 --> 00:22:29,120 ...pawing, insidious, insidious, 530 00:22:29,121 --> 00:22:30,921 overwhelming mediocrity, 531 00:22:30,946 --> 00:22:33,353 only to finally figure out that at your very core, 532 00:22:33,377 --> 00:22:36,674 you are a weaky. 533 00:22:37,561 --> 00:22:38,720 Damn! 534 00:22:38,721 --> 00:22:41,080 - A "weaky"? - Damn! Damn! 535 00:22:41,081 --> 00:22:43,109 Wow. A "weaky"? 536 00:22:49,001 --> 00:22:52,280 In that case, I just wanted you to know 537 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,820 that I'm impressed with how you just keep bouncing back. 538 00:22:55,874 --> 00:22:57,640 I really am. 539 00:22:57,641 --> 00:23:00,552 You're a strongy. 540 00:23:01,583 --> 00:23:03,363 That was awesome, man. 541 00:23:03,388 --> 00:23:05,040 Creepy Jake, mainly says things like... 542 00:23:05,041 --> 00:23:06,440 - Where's Claire? - ...and... 543 00:23:06,441 --> 00:23:07,520 Where's Claire? 544 00:23:07,521 --> 00:23:09,040 She couldn't make it, man. 545 00:23:09,041 --> 00:23:12,103 Lucky for us, your aunt is an avid church goer. 546 00:23:12,128 --> 00:23:13,520 Hi. Thanks for watching. 547 00:23:13,521 --> 00:23:15,976 Oh, you were excellent. 548 00:23:16,001 --> 00:23:17,640 - Oh! - Ooh. 549 00:23:17,641 --> 00:23:19,160 Careful there, buddy. 550 00:23:19,161 --> 00:23:21,486 You could go down for that sort of behaviour these days. 551 00:23:21,511 --> 00:23:23,808 - It was just a hug. - "Oh, it was just a hug!" 552 00:23:23,833 --> 00:23:25,722 You got to do better than that these days, boy. 553 00:23:25,747 --> 00:23:28,136 - Specially round this firecracker. - But I didn't do... 554 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,628 Come on. 555 00:23:30,521 --> 00:23:32,537 I don't want to be an asshole. 556 00:23:32,561 --> 00:23:34,480 I just want her to be happy. 557 00:23:34,481 --> 00:23:38,147 And she has been really happy... 558 00:23:38,201 --> 00:23:39,991 ...until she saw you. 559 00:23:40,881 --> 00:23:42,637 Just saying. 560 00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:44,041 Wow. 561 00:23:49,465 --> 00:23:52,600 [SHE SIGHS] 562 00:23:52,601 --> 00:23:55,200 [CHORAL SINGING] 563 00:23:55,201 --> 00:23:56,654 - Psst. - [CHORAL SINGING STOPS] 564 00:23:56,679 --> 00:23:58,560 Hi, Jake. Ooh. 565 00:23:58,585 --> 00:24:01,896 Tell her to leave him. 566 00:24:01,921 --> 00:24:03,600 What? 567 00:24:03,601 --> 00:24:07,766 Tell her to leave him. 568 00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:18,481 He's going to kill someone one day. 569 00:24:21,737 --> 00:24:24,254 - Hey! - Yes, Father? 570 00:24:24,291 --> 00:24:25,322 Yes, Father? 571 00:24:25,347 --> 00:24:27,104 I can't believe I'm saying this, but... 572 00:24:27,129 --> 00:24:28,207 Oh, God. 573 00:24:28,232 --> 00:24:31,160 Can I get that coconut back? They're actually on hire. 574 00:24:31,161 --> 00:24:33,480 I'm not sure if a lot of them are even real, actually, 575 00:24:33,481 --> 00:24:36,504 which is morally a bit dubious, but we've got to make money somehow. 576 00:24:36,529 --> 00:24:39,360 - Thank you. - Knuckle brush. 577 00:24:39,361 --> 00:24:42,156 Also, I hope you don't mind, but, um... 578 00:24:42,193 --> 00:24:45,026 I've marked a few pages in here that I thought might be... 579 00:24:45,059 --> 00:24:46,619 - Ooh, eh. - [BOTH LAUGH] 580 00:24:46,644 --> 00:24:48,764 No, no, no, no. I'm not trying to... 581 00:24:50,241 --> 00:24:51,710 They're just words. 582 00:24:51,761 --> 00:24:55,760 Okay, it's just I... I think I know what happens. 583 00:24:55,801 --> 00:24:57,041 Classic. 584 00:24:58,641 --> 00:24:59,961 Come on, have a read. 585 00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:04,345 I'd like to know what do you think. 586 00:25:04,401 --> 00:25:06,457 And if you ever want to... 587 00:25:06,527 --> 00:25:08,598 talk about stuff, I'm here. 588 00:25:08,641 --> 00:25:10,645 With a G&T, of course. 589 00:25:12,015 --> 00:25:13,655 You can come whenever you want. 590 00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:17,152 I'd like you to come, 591 00:25:17,235 --> 00:25:18,755 if it helps. 592 00:25:24,598 --> 00:25:29,997 [A CAPELLA CHORAL SINGING] 593 00:25:30,048 --> 00:25:35,048 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 594 00:25:35,098 --> 00:25:39,648 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42572

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