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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,468
[Sing-song] Rain day! Rain day!
2
00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:06,204
Today's the day we count the rain!
3
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:08,540
I bet it rained 1,000 inches last year.
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:11,209
Get real, Steve. Closer to 'finity.
5
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,011
Only one way to settle it.
6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,079
Let's go to the gauge!
7
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,681
Hmm, that's odd.
8
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,550
I could've sworn this
was where we installed
9
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,619
our professional rain collection system
10
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:23,021
exactly one year ago today to the day.
11
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,357
What are you two dummies
doing staring at the fence?
12
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:28,761
Dad! You're drinking
out of our rain gauge!
13
00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:31,496
Steve, this is a yard-garita glass.
14
00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:32,831
See? It has little markers
15
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,633
so I can measure how
jacked up I'm getting.
16
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,435
You ruined our experiment!
17
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,102
Actually, it seems like I'm teaching you
18
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,639
a valuable lesson about
leaving your stuff outside.
19
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,374
You should've seen all the gross water
20
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,575
I had to drink out of this thing.
21
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:46,111
Oh, so much sweet rain.
22
00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:47,646
You always act like
you're more important
23
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,181
than everyone else!
24
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:52,785
Steve, I act like that
because I am more important.
25
00:00:52,787 --> 00:00:54,719
I'm the big dog around here. Ruff-ruff!
26
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:55,788
Roger, back me up.
27
00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:57,856
Stan, I'm pissed
about the rain thing, too.
28
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,658
But yes, you are the big dog. Ruff-ruff.
29
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,527
You see, Steve,
I cast a pretty big shadow.
30
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:04,596
So either get used to it or mosey along.
31
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,999
Maybe I will mosey along.
32
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:10,002
Maybe you've been holding
me back my whole life!
33
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:11,603
Maybe I'll run away!
34
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,005
Sounds good. Send a postcard.
35
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,273
Address it to my shadow.
36
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:16,875
Mailman knows where it is.
37
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,811
- [Slurps]
- [Door opens]
38
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:21,946
Hey, Stan! Did Steve just run away?
39
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,882
He'll be back. He's a little pup.
40
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,750
He knows the big dog runs the show.
41
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,286
That's you, baby! The big dog!
42
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:29,488
Ruff-ruff!
43
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,356
- Big dog! Ruff-ruff.
- Ruff-ruff!
44
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,358
Ruff-ruff! Ruff-ruff!
45
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:37,830
Uh-oh, is that the dog-father himself,
Tuttle, I hear?!
46
00:01:37,832 --> 00:01:40,432
That must mean the puppy
pound can't be far behind.
47
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:47,439
[All "ruffing"]
48
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,375
49
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:52,777
Good morning, U.S.A.
50
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:56,715
I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day
51
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,718
The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face
52
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:04,390
And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race
53
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:09,394
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
54
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:12,130
-
Good...
-
Good morning, U.S.A.
55
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,032
Aah!
56
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:17,469
Good morning, U.S.A.
57
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,872
-
- _
58
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:23,676
Man, we ran away to a pretty
fancy boarding school.
59
00:02:23,678 --> 00:02:25,343
Yeah, I wasn't expecting this much
60
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:28,480
from a place that let us in
20 minutes after we applied.
61
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,615
Room 237...
62
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:33,418
Our home for the next four years.
63
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:35,019
Holy cow!
64
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:38,356
Welcome to Pendlingtonton
Academy, buddy.
65
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:40,092
This place is nice.
66
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:41,426
Usually, when I run away,
67
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,897
I'm in a children's pickpocket
army within 12 hours.
68
00:02:44,899 --> 00:02:49,167
- I'll make friendships here that'll last a lifetime.
- You might.
69
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,837
I still keep in touch with
some of my pickpocket buds.
70
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:56,374
- Uh, Steve...
- I'll read Plato and Homer...
71
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:58,643
- Steve...
- ...row crew with my best buds...
72
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,914
Steve! I think your experience is
gonna be a lot different than that,
73
00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:06,184
because Pendlingtonton
is an all-girls school!
74
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,787
75
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,790
Woman:
At a school for girls,
Steve'll rock their world
76
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,659
Had to let him enroll
because of a loophole
77
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:16,061
That's right,
there was a bizarre technicality
78
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,796
Discovered in the
charter of the school
79
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,064
That's pretty complicated
but is 100% binding
80
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,733
So all you need to know is...
81
00:03:20,735 --> 00:03:22,534
It was a technicality
82
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,002
That changed his reality
83
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:27,539
And now Steve goes to this school
84
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:33,011
85
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,148
And you best believe,
he'll n-n-never leave
86
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:40,685
'Cause now he's top
of the Steeeeeeeeve
87
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,988
"Top of the Steve" is filmed in
front of a live studio audience.
88
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,119
89
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,820
_
90
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,030
I wonder what our suitemates
are gonna be like.
91
00:03:51,032 --> 00:03:53,632
I bet one's a really smart, uptight girl
92
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,101
and the other one's a bad
girl with a heart of gold.
93
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,369
Or maybe a super-boring girl
94
00:03:58,371 --> 00:03:59,971
and an east-coast Mexican girl.
95
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,974
Or maybe a girl who's a
hacker in a wheelchair
96
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,244
and then the other girl has,
like, I don't know,
97
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,311
a huge ass.
98
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,979
So it's true!
99
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:11,250
They did let a boy into Pendlingtonton!
100
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,317
So, yeah.
101
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,920
No one's actually told
us how that happened?
102
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,521
Yeah, why did they let him in?
103
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,658
It was a technicality!
We're your suitemates.
104
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,792
I'm Spitz.
105
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,327
This is The Babe.
106
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:25,664
I have an actual real name,
but it's not important.
107
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,066
All the girls in school are jealous
108
00:04:27,068 --> 00:04:29,067
that we get to room with the "boy."
109
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,136
I don't care, though. I'm a lesbian.
110
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,271
I'm also prelaw.
111
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:35,006
So this will be a pretty
interesting living...
112
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,943
- arraignment.
- Ha ha ha ha.
113
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:38,877
Yeah.
114
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:42,814
I doubt people are jealous of
you rooming with dorky old me.
115
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,283
Look for yourself!
116
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:45,817
It's the boy!
117
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,620
I'm so jealous you get to room with him!
118
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:52,691
Aaaaaaaaaah!
119
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:55,094
What is the meaning of this nonsense!
120
00:04:55,096 --> 00:04:57,228
Steve Smith.
121
00:04:57,230 --> 00:05:00,899
I knew having a boy walking
around Pendlingtonton
122
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:04,235
with his little dick
would be a distraction.
123
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,371
My office, now!
124
00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:09,240
You're in trouble.
125
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:13,512
126
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,646
Where's Steve?
127
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,848
I got us two tickets to Tara-dise.
128
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,118
Tara Reid's illegal lion sanctuary.
129
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,252
Steve ran away to boarding school,
remember?
130
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:24,123
Oh, yeah. Whatever. Steve sucks!
131
00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:26,091
I-I don't need him to have fun!
132
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,934
So you guys are just doing books?
133
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,869
- [Doorbell rings]
- Yes! Thank God!
134
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,871
Something to get our minds off Steve.
135
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,272
Hey, Mister!
136
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,675
I heard your family could
use a down-on-their-luck kid
137
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,610
with an unflappable spirit!
138
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,012
Unflappable?
139
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,613
I'm Spunky Rooster!
140
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,749
And I'm moving in!
141
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:56,688
A little cramped, but it'll do!
142
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,158
143
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,360
Well, you think you're pretty special,
144
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,363
waltzing in here with your technicality
145
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:06,231
and your little penis.
146
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,833
You keep mentioning the size of my...
147
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,234
I don't want you here, Smith!
148
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,036
Those cowards at the school board
149
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,704
were too afraid to stand up to you.
150
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,105
But I'm not!
151
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,707
But you can't kick out Steve.
152
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,108
I can and I will!
153
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,577
As soon as I figure out how.
154
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:22,514
In the meantime,
don't expect any special treatment.
155
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:25,184
We're not getting you
one of those boy chairs
156
00:06:25,186 --> 00:06:28,387
with a hole cut out
for your little wiener.
157
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:29,988
Boys use regular chairs.
158
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,057
D-Do you really not know that?
159
00:06:34,295 --> 00:06:35,827
160
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,830
Geez. That headmistress
is really gunning for me.
161
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,966
Relax, everyone I've talked to
seems to think
162
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:44,035
your technicality is iron-clad.
163
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,170
Mmm.
164
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,571
Hey, guys.
165
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,039
What's wrong, Spitz?
166
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,374
I just professed my love
167
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,510
to the captain of the
science debate team
168
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,512
and she totally rejected me.
169
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:56,915
Poor Spitz. Tragic, huh?
170
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,718
We're the only two lesbians
in the whole school.
171
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,920
And yet,
neither one of us can find love.
172
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,255
Wait, you're also a lesbian?
173
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,126
Cheer up, Spitz. You'll find somebody.
174
00:07:07,128 --> 00:07:11,062
Now, let me see that smile!
175
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:14,399
Stop it! Stop tickling me!
176
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,267
There it is!
177
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,269
There's that smile.
178
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,006
[Both laugh]
179
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,475
What is happening here?
180
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:24,609
- Steve!
- [Glass shatters]
181
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,011
My udon and meatballs!
182
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:28,613
The headmistress wants to see you.
183
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,748
You're in trouble!
184
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,150
[Chuckling]
185
00:07:31,152 --> 00:07:33,752
[Screams]
186
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,355
[All cheering]
187
00:07:36,357 --> 00:07:38,289
Man, that girl was slippin' quick!
188
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,891
Good thing that conveniently placed
189
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,893
pile of cardboard boxes
was there to stop her.
190
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,628
Whatever. It was a funny fall.
191
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,896
I'm not gonna overthink it.
192
00:07:46,005 --> 00:07:47,298
Hey, Mr. Stan!
193
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,300
What did you mean when you said
I was 'nnoying?
194
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,236
Does that mean I ask a lot of questions?
195
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,771
Is that what it means? 'Nnoying?
196
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,239
Does that mean to ask
too many questions?
197
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,507
Yes, Spunky.
198
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,709
Was it 'nnoying when I nursed
that bird back to health
199
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,845
and then he ate all your
important biz-a-ness papers?
200
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:02,848
Everything you've done since you
showed up has been "'nnoying."
201
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,916
That bus driver you
brought home to dinner.
202
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,919
When you pretended the living
room was the bottom of the ocean.
203
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,588
I've been "'nnoyed" by all of it.
204
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,990
But as long as you're here,
let's do something fun.
205
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,592
Make bisghetti or gazagna?
206
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,993
Shut up. No.
207
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,595
I'm gonna beat you at Horse.
208
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,264
Steve used to love it when
I whipped his ass at Horse.
209
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,400
I never played bus-kit-ball!
210
00:08:21,402 --> 00:08:22,901
But I'll try!
211
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,538
From the car, bounce it off the ground,
212
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,273
to the backboard, then jump down,
213
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,340
and catch it mid-air
214
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,011
for an eyes-closed backwards layup!
215
00:08:34,215 --> 00:08:37,016
Whoa! Today must be my lucky day!
216
00:08:37,018 --> 00:08:39,951
What the hell?
That was, like, top five all-time...
217
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:43,222
- Just bounce it off the ground...
- I saw!
218
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,626
- [Grunts]
- Oopsies!
219
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,561
That's an "H," Mr. S!
220
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,496
[Groans]
221
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:54,499
222
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,568
Headmistress Mahoney: Come in, Steve!
223
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,169
I didn't even knock.
224
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,971
Oh, I could hear your little pecker
225
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,441
swinging to and fro all
the way down the hall.
226
00:09:02,443 --> 00:09:06,177
Clanging against your
thighs like a church bell.
227
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:10,982
I did a little digging into your
"technicality," Smith.
228
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,318
And I found something very interesting.
229
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,654
The technicality has a clause!
230
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:18,189
The technicality has a clause?
231
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,192
That's right, and it states that a boy
232
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,328
can only stay in school
if he competes in,
233
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:27,466
and wins, the Academic Decathlon.
234
00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:29,801
Which is tomorrow!
235
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:30,869
Oh, no!
236
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,871
We are readying this today.
237
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:36,541
Enjoy your last night as Pendlingtonton.
238
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,409
I assume you'll need the next 12 hours
239
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,413
to pack up all your jock
straps and Gold Bond.
240
00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:44,749
Am I the first man you've ever met?
241
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,218
242
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,620
Okay, first question.
243
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:51,690
The Battle of Appomattox
took place on...
244
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:52,958
which page of this book?
245
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,626
That's not something they're gonna ask!
246
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:57,496
69, Steve.
247
00:09:57,498 --> 00:09:58,964
You know,
not to get us totally off track,
248
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,365
but do you think there's something odd
249
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,501
about our whole setup
here at Pendlingtonton?
250
00:10:02,503 --> 00:10:04,103
Roger, I don't have time for this.
251
00:10:04,105 --> 00:10:05,971
Think about it. You show up.
252
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:08,373
It's a surprise that
it's an all-girls school.
253
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,042
There's the technicality. The clause.
254
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,511
[Both laughing]
255
00:10:12,513 --> 00:10:14,313
I can't believe you!
256
00:10:14,315 --> 00:10:16,115
Oh, hey, guys. You should've seen it.
257
00:10:16,117 --> 00:10:19,651
Stacy Hemerson dared The
Babe to eat a whole honeydew!
258
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:20,785
Rind and all!
259
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,453
Not only did The Babe do it,
260
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,189
but then,
she grabbed Becky by the throat...
261
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,791
Not now, Spitz!
Can't you see I'm trying to study!
262
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,994
It's my room, too, Steve. Geez!
263
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,261
Bite my frickin' head off!
264
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:33,732
Well, maybe pay attention to people
other than yourself for once!
265
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,400
You have no idea what it's like
266
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,737
being the only boy at
an all-girls school!
267
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,405
You're right, Steve.
268
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:43,008
I have no idea what it's
like to be different.
269
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,876
[Audience "awws"]
270
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,145
The Babe: Spitz, wait!
271
00:10:46,147 --> 00:10:48,213
Steve, just because you have a dick
272
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,333
doesn't mean you have be a dick.
273
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,019
Whoever that was, they get it.
274
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,755
275
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,223
Name any bird.
276
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,225
- Mm, blue jay.
- That's it.
277
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:03,695
You are ready for whatever test
your teachers might throw at you.
278
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,365
Steve, I know you're mad at me,
but just hear me out.
279
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:07,232
Spitz, wait.
280
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:10,169
Let me apologize. I was a jerk.
281
00:11:10,171 --> 00:11:12,037
I wanted so badly to prove to my dad
282
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,505
that I could be the big dog
283
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,907
that I let it affect our friendship.
284
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,308
And it doesn't even matter.
285
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,578
'Cause I'm gonna lose
and have to move home.
286
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:23,114
Steve, I know
what it's like to feel different.
287
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,649
I'm prelaw.
288
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:27,786
Which is why I took a look
at the school's charter.
289
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,120
And guess freakin' what?
290
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,922
The clause to your technicality
291
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,457
has an addendum!
292
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:35,527
Okay, anyone here speak Spitz?
293
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,729
- Oh, why am I doing this?
- Listen!
294
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,464
Steve doesn't have to win the Decathlon.
295
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:43,535
He just has to win any
school contest he chooses!
296
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,204
Spitz, you genius!
297
00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:50,409
When you're prelaw,
legalese is a legal breeze.
298
00:11:50,411 --> 00:11:52,677
Well, I don't think
we're gonna top that.
299
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:53,612
Let's go.
300
00:11:54,261 --> 00:11:55,814
Headmistress Mahoney.
301
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,349
We took a look at your little clause
302
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:01,953
and it turns out, it has an addendum.
303
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,289
What?!
304
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,224
Damn it! You're right!
305
00:12:05,226 --> 00:12:07,158
It's that easy to find?
306
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,160
Okay, Steve.
307
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:12,363
I guess you've got me by your
sticky little glue stick.
308
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,498
Pick the contest.
309
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:17,102
The Battle of the Bands! That's perfect!
310
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,370
Is it? We don't have a band.
311
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,306
- What the...
- Okay, guys.
312
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,108
I know we've only got
one day to practice
313
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,443
and we've never played together
314
00:12:24,445 --> 00:12:26,445
and it's The Babe's first time on drums.
315
00:12:26,447 --> 00:12:29,180
But the only way we're
gonna win this contest
316
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,316
is if we have some fun!
317
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,318
A-one, two, three, four!
318
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:37,456
[Skillful drum solo]
319
00:12:37,458 --> 00:12:41,793
320
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:44,796
Don't worry! She'll get it eventually!
321
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,466
322
00:12:47,468 --> 00:12:49,334
Hey, I noticed Spunky Rooster's
323
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,403
tie-dyed hammock isn't
in Steve's room anymore.
324
00:12:51,405 --> 00:12:53,872
- Did she...
- She's in St. Paul. That's all you need to know.
325
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,207
- [Doorbell rings]
- Steve?!
326
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,343
If this is Steve,
everyone be cool, okay?
327
00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,611
Oh, hey, Steve.
328
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:03,148
Jolly-ho! You must be Stan Smith!
329
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,816
John Michael Heaton.
330
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:08,753
I am your long-lost,
never-before-mentioned cousin.
331
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:11,222
And I'll be moving in permanently.
332
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,493
Cars should drive on the left,
that's what I say!
333
00:13:14,495 --> 00:13:16,427
I don't want this man to live here!
334
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:20,632
When I come back down,
I expect a massive tea service.
335
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:23,302
Pip, pip! Wimbledon's the best.
336
00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:26,105
Man, we sounded awesome!
337
00:13:26,107 --> 00:13:27,706
I think we might just win this thing!
338
00:13:27,708 --> 00:13:29,508
Yep, seems like just about everything
339
00:13:29,510 --> 00:13:31,510
is coming up Steve these days.
340
00:13:31,512 --> 00:13:33,645
And I think I figured out why.
341
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:35,914
Steve, remember
when Frasier left "Cheers"
342
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,248
for his own show?
343
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,450
When Rhoda left
"The Mary Tyler Moore Show"?
344
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,186
I'm 14, not 90.
345
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,655
Steve, you're in a spin-off!
346
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,525
347
00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:48,393
Don't you spin-off, Steviods.
348
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,562
"Top of the Steve" will be right back.
349
00:13:52,242 --> 00:13:54,132
Steve: What do you mean,
I'm in a spin-off?
350
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,600
Think about it, Steve.
351
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,736
You get into Pendlingtonton
on a technicality.
352
00:13:57,738 --> 00:14:00,539
Then, an obstacle arises
that if overcome
353
00:14:00,541 --> 00:14:03,275
will firmly establish
this as your new home.
354
00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:06,678
A promise of a new life!
That's spin-off 101, baby!
355
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,613
- A spin-off of what?
- I don't know!
356
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:11,416
- You're old life, I guess.
- Roger, that sounds crazy.
357
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,685
Crazier than what's been
going on around here!
358
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,755
Our roommates, who we only know
as Spitz and The Babe,
359
00:14:16,757 --> 00:14:19,023
are both lesbians who
barely notice each other.
360
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,158
Clearly, the beginning
361
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,427
of a "will they/won't they" love story.
362
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,220
They're just friends
who tickle each other.
363
00:14:24,255 --> 00:14:26,364
And the band... Each of your roommates
364
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,500
can play the exact
instrument you needed.
365
00:14:28,502 --> 00:14:30,502
I mean, Spitz wanted to play the bass.
366
00:14:30,504 --> 00:14:33,037
Usually, you have to force
that on the worse guitarist.
367
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:37,041
Face it, this is a spin-off
and you're the star!
368
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,443
I'm the star?
369
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,112
That means I'm the big dog!
370
00:14:40,114 --> 00:14:41,646
Damn right! Big dog!
371
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,248
- Ruff-ruff!
- Both: Ruff-ruff!
372
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,917
- Big dog!
- Both: Ruff-ruff!
373
00:14:44,919 --> 00:14:49,922
[All "ruffing"]
374
00:14:49,924 --> 00:14:53,392
Now let's go win that
Battle of the Bands!
375
00:14:53,394 --> 00:14:55,127
That's not for four hours.
376
00:14:55,129 --> 00:14:58,297
Then let's sit still
and shut down our minds.
377
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,802
378
00:15:03,804 --> 00:15:05,537
Midnight snack attack!
379
00:15:05,539 --> 00:15:07,405
Raiding the fridge for midnight snacks!
380
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,740
'Cause it's midnight
381
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,476
and now is when we
have the snack attacks!
382
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,411
Wait a second.
Where's Steve's root beer?!
383
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,748
- John!
- Yes?
384
00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:18,483
John Michael,
did you replace Steve's root beer
385
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,419
with these shepherd's
pie protein shakes?
386
00:15:20,421 --> 00:15:22,821
I did! Got to bulk up!
387
00:15:22,823 --> 00:15:26,558
Sweater vest season's
just around the corner.
388
00:15:27,962 --> 00:15:29,761
- [Screams]
- [Thud]
389
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,096
[Sobbing]
390
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:34,299
It's okay. We miss Steve, too.
391
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:38,236
It's so hard to accept
that I miss my son.
392
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,172
[All cheering]
393
00:15:40,174 --> 00:15:42,507
Girl: Nice shoes!
394
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:46,044
This next act is horrible,
and if they don't win,
395
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,313
their lead singer will be expelled.
396
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:54,719
So now let's all not give it
up for Stevie and the Banshees!
397
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:58,256
398
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:01,926
We're three cool chicks
and a boy with a dick
399
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:06,264
Pendlingtonton
400
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,200
A place for friends
401
00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:09,601
Until the end
402
00:16:09,603 --> 00:16:12,204
This is a spin-off
403
00:16:12,206 --> 00:16:13,872
404
00:16:13,874 --> 00:16:17,676
That's right. We'll always be friends.
405
00:16:17,678 --> 00:16:21,013
- Let's rock, Pendlingtonton!
- [Cheers and applause]
406
00:16:21,015 --> 00:16:30,489
407
00:16:30,491 --> 00:16:32,157
[Guitar solo]
408
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,425
[All cheering]
409
00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:36,628
410
00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:39,832
- [Keytar solo]
- [All cheering]
411
00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:42,300
They love us!
412
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:45,237
No, Steve! They love the big dog.
413
00:16:45,239 --> 00:16:47,439
- This'll show my dad!
- For sure.
414
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,374
Too bad you'll never see him again.
415
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,510
Totally! Wait, what?
416
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,045
You're in a spin-off.
417
00:16:53,047 --> 00:16:55,514
If the spin-off works,
you can never go home.
418
00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,782
Odds are they're already replacing you.
419
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:01,453
What?! Roger, I don't wanna
never see my family again!
420
00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:04,056
Oh, then you cannot win this contest.
421
00:17:04,058 --> 00:17:06,258
If you do, the spin-off
will be a success
422
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:07,592
and you'll be here forever!
423
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,061
Then we have to lose!
424
00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:12,797
Okay, but you'll be giving
up being the big dog forever!
425
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,667
Who cares?! I want my family!
426
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:18,070
All right, let's lose this bitch!
427
00:17:18,072 --> 00:17:20,873
By the way, we've been soloing
for, like, forever.
428
00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:23,608
- [Both play sour notes]
- [Feedback]
429
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,410
[Sour notes continue]
430
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,346
[Thudding, clanging]
431
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,286
[Both blowing raspberries]
432
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,090
Enough! I have heard enough...
433
00:17:38,092 --> 00:17:42,427
to declare you the winner
of the Battle of the Bands!
434
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,963
- [Audience cheering]
- Yes!
435
00:17:44,965 --> 00:17:46,231
What the...
436
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,632
Of course!
437
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,235
You're the star of the spin-off.
You have to win.
438
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,304
That's probably why there
were no other bands.
439
00:17:52,306 --> 00:17:55,307
I have your medal, Steve.
440
00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:57,041
Steve, we'll be trapped here forever
441
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,578
if that thing hits your
beautiful pink chest!
442
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:00,579
Run!
443
00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:02,381
- [Cheering continues]
- Get him!
444
00:18:02,383 --> 00:18:04,917
Put in on your shoulders and celebrate
445
00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:07,786
our new beloved student!
446
00:18:07,788 --> 00:18:11,189
447
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,657
Steve, you can hide in here.
448
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,259
I'm the laid-back history teacher
449
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,395
who's taken a special
interest in the new kid.
450
00:18:16,397 --> 00:18:17,996
- And that's you!
- It's a trap!
451
00:18:17,998 --> 00:18:20,198
He's a storyline!
452
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,200
I could've been a father figure to you!
453
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,668
We have to ignore everyone.
454
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:26,739
They're all trying to
keep us in the spin-off!
455
00:18:26,741 --> 00:18:28,607
Steve, will you go to prom with me?
456
00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:30,943
Well, my dance card is wide o...
457
00:18:30,945 --> 00:18:32,811
- No, Steve!
- But she's cute!
458
00:18:32,813 --> 00:18:34,479
She won't be cute when it turns out
459
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,080
she was just inviting
you to make her boyfriend
460
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,750
at the boys academy jealous!
461
00:18:37,752 --> 00:18:39,217
Storylines!
462
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,452
[All panting]
463
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:42,955
Hola, Steve!
464
00:18:42,957 --> 00:18:45,090
I am the new foreign exchange student.
465
00:18:45,092 --> 00:18:47,225
In less than three years,
this performance
466
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,961
will be considered offensive!
467
00:18:48,963 --> 00:18:51,296
468
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,697
It's locked! We're trapped!
469
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:55,634
Steve, it's me, talented hockey player
470
00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:57,836
and tentative actor Wayne Gretzky!
471
00:18:57,838 --> 00:19:00,238
I'm here to teach you
an eye-opening lesson
472
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,440
about cyber bullying
through the power of song!
473
00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:08,914
Celebrity guest star. Storyline!
474
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,385
Hey, guys, I found the answer key
475
00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:16,454
to tomorrow's ethics
test in the garbage.
476
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:17,990
I don't know what to do!
477
00:19:17,992 --> 00:19:21,059
Storyline! The teacher wanted
you to find the answers.
478
00:19:21,061 --> 00:19:22,260
That is the test.
479
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,196
Geez, this spin-off has lazy writing.
480
00:19:24,593 --> 00:19:26,130
Headmistress Mahoney:
Take your medal, Steve!
481
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:28,600
Aaaaah! These doors are so flimsy!
482
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:31,136
Wait, flimsy sets.
483
00:19:31,138 --> 00:19:33,071
Lazy writing.
484
00:19:33,073 --> 00:19:35,874
A Canadian flag. I knew it!
485
00:19:35,876 --> 00:19:38,677
Great news, Steve.
We're shooting in Vancouver.
486
00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:41,079
That means this show
was shot on the cheap.
487
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:43,415
All we have to do to ruin
it is go over budget.
488
00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:45,083
How the hell do we do that?!
489
00:19:45,085 --> 00:19:46,685
Sing The Beatles.
490
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:48,953
It can cost as much as $5 million
491
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,756
to sing just two notes
of a Beatles song on air.
492
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,558
All you need to do is pick one.
493
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,827
Oh, man.
494
00:19:54,829 --> 00:19:57,429
I mean, I'm usually
more of a Monkees guy...
495
00:19:57,431 --> 00:19:59,564
- What?!
- Take your medal, Steve!
496
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,366
- "Hey Jude"!
- Both:
Hey
497
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,368
[Tires screech]
498
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,303
No Beatles ever!
499
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,638
[Tires squeal]
500
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:10,308
[Sobbing]
501
00:20:11,465 --> 00:20:12,444
Oh. [Sniffles]
502
00:20:12,446 --> 00:20:14,046
Hey, Steve.
503
00:20:14,048 --> 00:20:15,714
Were you, like, gone or something?
504
00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:16,715
Are you crying?
505
00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:18,783
You wish, little pup.
506
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:19,651
Mm!
507
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:21,053
I missed you, too, Dad.
508
00:20:21,055 --> 00:20:23,922
Now, let's go dig for dinosaur
bones in the backyard.
509
00:20:23,924 --> 00:20:27,292
Tuttle said he found a
T-Rex's arm under his gazebo.
510
00:20:28,262 --> 00:20:30,128
Hey, don't tell Steve, but I scissored
511
00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:32,264
the headmistress at
the school we went to.
512
00:20:32,266 --> 00:20:33,265
Cool, right?
513
00:20:33,267 --> 00:20:35,067
Pretty cool, I guess.
514
00:20:35,069 --> 00:20:36,869
And now, the world premiere trailer
515
00:20:36,871 --> 00:20:39,003
of this fall's funniest new show
516
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:42,474
"Top of the Spitz".
517
00:20:42,476 --> 00:20:45,077
Woman:
Her roommate Steve
masturbated himself to death
518
00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:47,680
So Carla moved in and
changed her name to Beth
519
00:20:47,682 --> 00:20:49,882
Now sheeee's
520
00:20:49,884 --> 00:20:54,553
Top of the Spitz!
521
00:20:54,555 --> 00:20:58,223
This fall on whatever channel
you're currently watching.
522
00:20:58,225 --> 00:21:00,159
Bye-bye! See you soon!
523
00:21:02,029 --> 00:21:04,071
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
524
00:21:04,121 --> 00:21:08,671
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