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1
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:15,798
- Crazy news week,
am I right?
2
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,843
Can't say I didn't
see that one coming!
3
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,280
- Morning, Melvin.
4
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:22,326
Oh, hey, sorry I got
your car towed last week.
5
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:24,502
You know, but one inch
into the driveway--
6
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,200
rules are rules.
[chuckles]
7
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:27,505
- [chuckles sarcastically]
8
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:29,159
- Your veins look
weird today, buddy.
9
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,769
- Uh-huh.
10
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:31,814
[squish]
11
00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:34,338
Oh, oh!
12
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,732
That must be Gerty's!
13
00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:39,561
You good little dog, yes.
14
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,693
Thanks for picking it up
for me.
15
00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:42,694
- Yeah.
[dog barks]
16
00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:45,480
- Just reloading.
17
00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:48,874
[Ramones'
"Listen to My Heart"]
18
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:50,267
- One, two, three, four!
19
00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:52,835
- ♪ Next time,
I'll listen to my heart ♪
20
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,838
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
21
00:00:55,881 --> 00:01:02,845
♪
22
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,629
[bell ringing]
23
00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:06,805
- Hey, Lynette.
Hey.
24
00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:08,155
[laughs]
How are you?
25
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,373
- Can't say I didn't
see that one coming.
26
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:10,896
- Oh, yeah.
[both laugh]
27
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,550
Funny stuff.
Yeah, funny stuff.
28
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,857
Hey, so, um, that was
really fun the other night.
29
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,685
Uh, you want to hang out
again sometime?
30
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,382
Maybe as a date?
31
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,123
- Uh...
32
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,255
- A pause is worrisome.
33
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,387
- Yeah, I just--
I don't know, Jack.
34
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:24,910
I don't think
we're a good fit.
35
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:28,305
You hate Toledo,
and I'm here to stay.
36
00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:30,568
Only four more payments left
on my grave plot, so...
37
00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:31,743
- Ooh, well, that's exciting.
38
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,223
I'd like to see
that grave plot.
39
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,920
Maybe--maybe with
some wine and cheese?
40
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:37,401
- No, no, that's a date.
41
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,229
- Ah.
- Perfect date.
42
00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:42,711
And we can't do that,
but maybe--maybe...
43
00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,408
we could hang out as friends.
44
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,715
Though I do worry hanging out
is a gateway drug
45
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:48,412
to harder stuff.
46
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,632
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
A hangout, that's perfect.
47
00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:51,763
Yeah, I--you know what?
48
00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,374
I'm gonna plan
an amazing hangout.
49
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,724
It's gonna be so great,
and you're gonna laugh
50
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:57,508
that you were ever
even worried, okay?
51
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,945
A big, wheezy, deep, guttural,
52
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,773
Dom DeLuise-style laugh.
53
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:04,254
- All right. See ya.
54
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,604
[indistinct chatter]
55
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,171
- Yes, I agree, Randy,
56
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,738
a picture is worth
a thousand words.
57
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:12,175
But is it worth
a thousand dollars?
58
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,656
No, Randy, Randy, we don't
have it in the budget.
59
00:02:14,699 --> 00:02:17,180
Oh, okay, joke's on you.
60
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,922
I would love to be screwed.
61
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:22,272
[receiver clacks]
62
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:23,969
Helen?
- Huh?
63
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,797
- Randy, our yearbook
photographer,
64
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:28,583
has decided
to raise his rates.
65
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,062
Yearbook pictures
start tomorrow.
66
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:31,890
What are we gonna do?
- we're gonna have to fix it.
67
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,415
You know, it's a great break
for the ugly kids,
68
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,808
but the pretty kids
are gonna be mad.
69
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:38,636
[funky percussion music]
70
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,899
- All right, shut up.
[apple thuds]
71
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:42,727
Now, I'm gonna ask you guys
for something
72
00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:45,774
that I feel almost certain
doesn't actually exist--
73
00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:47,645
fun things to do in Toledo.
74
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,386
It's for a potential hangout
with Lynette.
75
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,519
- So like a date?
- Excellent riddle, troll.
76
00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:54,261
It is like a date,
but it is not a date.
77
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:56,437
It's just a, you know,
fun, friendly,
78
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,744
and, uh, potentially flirty--
at most--hangout.
79
00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:02,660
- They do tableside pasta
at Spaghetti Warehouse.
80
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:05,446
You get to see them boil it.
81
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,012
- All right,
please no restaurants
82
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:09,450
with the word "warehouse"
or "factory"
83
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,713
or "mill" in the name,
84
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:17,022
- You could split a pad Thai
and a sparkling wine.
85
00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:18,937
That's what I do
with my college girlfriend.
86
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:21,984
- Mm, I wouldn't call
the soft inner lining
87
00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:23,899
of a Duke sweatshirt
a girlfriend.
88
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,553
[all snickering]
89
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:28,251
- Oh, nothing gets
my father's whore revved up
90
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,861
like a night at the dog track.
91
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:32,995
- We still calling her a whore
even though they're engaged?
92
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,518
Yeah.
93
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:36,390
- Did you know Toledo's
revitalized riverfront
94
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,522
is for lovers?
95
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,958
- Next person caught quoting
96
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,699
the Toledo tourism board
gets an F.
97
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:44,876
Come on, guys, think.
98
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,357
- [scoffs]
We went out one time,
99
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,359
and now this clown
won't stop texting me.
100
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:51,840
Ugh, look at this.
- Let me see.
101
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:53,929
Oh, wait a minute.
102
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,584
Oh. Oh, you meant, like,
a literal clown.
103
00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:57,585
- Mm.
104
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,282
- Like a children's
entertainer.
105
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:00,588
- [giggles]
- [gasps]
106
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:02,285
You're dating Garbanzo?
107
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:04,418
- It's not dating.
- Lucky duck!
108
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,898
Oh, he's hilarious.
109
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,726
Keith and I hired him
for our anniversary.
110
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:10,380
- He's a cute clown, girl.
111
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:11,990
- Good morning, ladies.
112
00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:13,383
Let me ask you a question.
113
00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:16,691
Would you hire
this photographer
114
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:17,909
to take the yearbook photos?
115
00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:19,389
- Ooh!
- Wow!
116
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,086
- Okay, well, get ready
for a shock,
117
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:24,699
because this guy...
118
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:26,788
is free.
119
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,485
- Uh, Ralph?
120
00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:30,574
- Oh, hang on.
121
00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:31,575
It's me.
122
00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:33,098
[all gasp]
- Durbs.
123
00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:35,971
- Well, it looks like we have
a new yearbook photographer.
124
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:37,451
- Yes.
125
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:40,802
- Then I says to the guy,
"It's an '04 Corolla, okay?
126
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,760
"I don't need the fancy oil.
127
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:45,415
"Besides, alls I got is $20,
128
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,939
so alls you're gonna get
is $20."
129
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:49,854
- Hey, Lynette.
- Hey.
130
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:51,769
- So our hangout, okay?
131
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,815
I was thinking we'd go classic.
You ready for this?
132
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,599
All right, we start
with a wine tasting
133
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:57,471
and then a prix fixe dinner,
134
00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:59,864
and then I take you
to the Cleveland Symphony.
135
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:02,650
- Okay, that all sounds
pretty date-y.
136
00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,129
- Yeah.
137
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:07,785
- I think we should watch
a very, very unromantic movie,
138
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,657
like "John Wick 2."
139
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,441
- Mm.
140
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,748
Will I be lost if I haven't
seen part one?
141
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:16,968
- Do you know how guns work?
142
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,493
- This guy says, "Look, what's
the difference of $4?
143
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,538
I says, "What's
the difference of $4?
144
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,975
That's a coffee.
That's a candy bar."
145
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,499
You know what I mean?
146
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,849
It's like, don't make me list
things that $4 will buy.
147
00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:30,417
'Cause you know what?
I got a million of 'em.
148
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:33,420
[mellow music]
149
00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:37,946
♪
150
00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:40,862
- Hey, jackwad.
151
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:43,430
[tense music]
152
00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:47,825
UPS said they delivered
my Garrett's popcorn yesterday.
153
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:49,087
♪
154
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:51,960
Did you touch my Garrett's?
155
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:54,397
- Maybe look in the garbage bin
where you chucked
156
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:57,400
my Castelvetrano olive
deliveries last week.
157
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:01,448
♪
158
00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:03,145
- [growls]
159
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:06,670
- ♪ I won't dance,
don't ask me ♪
160
00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:11,588
♪ I won't dance,
monsieur, with you ♪
161
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:15,026
♪ I know that music
leads the way ♪
162
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,855
♪ To romance
163
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:21,555
♪ So if you hold me
in your arms ♪
164
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,731
♪ I won't dance
165
00:06:23,774 --> 00:06:26,037
♪
166
00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:30,259
- Whoa.
167
00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,827
I have never seen a hologram
of "The Last Supper."
168
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,481
- Yeah, my mom loved that one.
169
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:35,917
She said it was
the closest thing
170
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,528
to a video of Jesus.
171
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,965
- She had great taste.
172
00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,010
I love everything in here.
173
00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:44,534
- Oh, well,
if you like this room,
174
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,971
you are gonna love
the basement.
175
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,756
Wow, that came out
so much creepier
176
00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:50,148
than I thought it would.
177
00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:51,672
- I would like to see
your basement sometime.
178
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,456
- Whoa, slow down, Lynette.
Slow down.
179
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,719
- [laughing]
- All right...
180
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:58,766
- [clears throat]
- Here we go.
181
00:06:58,809 --> 00:07:01,769
[TV clicks on,
dramatic music plays]
182
00:07:01,812 --> 00:07:06,251
♪
183
00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:09,254
[car alarm wailing]
184
00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:12,649
♪
185
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,956
Just gonna pause it
for a second.
186
00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:17,001
[TV clicks, wailing stops]
187
00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:20,048
[car alarm chirps,
wailing resumes]
188
00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:26,054
Would you excuse me
for a minute?
189
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:28,012
I got to take care
of something.
190
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:29,536
- Sure.
191
00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:30,754
[wailing continues]
192
00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:31,929
[car alarm chirps,
wailing stops]
193
00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:34,715
- Just looking at the stars,
194
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,760
eating some olives,
195
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:38,806
testing the old car alarm.
196
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:41,765
- Hey, Melvin, I think
you dropped something, bud.
197
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:43,114
- Hey, Jack?
198
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:44,551
Are you about to throw poop
199
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,596
at that elderly man
and his dog?
200
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,206
[dramatic tango music]
201
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,947
- Uh--
202
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:52,820
[car alarm chirps, wailing]
203
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:54,952
- [smacks lips,
chuckling]
204
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:57,651
.
205
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,696
- Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
206
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,090
I--look, I was--I wasn't gonna
throw it at him.
207
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:03,526
I-I was just gonna, you know,
208
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,223
kind of push it
into his chest.
209
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,312
- Look, if this guy's making
your life miserable,
210
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:10,141
putting dog poop on his jacket
isn't gonna solve anything.
211
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:12,535
- Revenge isn't for everybody,
but it has its merits.
212
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:15,495
- Right, which is why you wait
until he's asleep,
213
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:18,149
then slide it through
his mail slot.
214
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,629
Dog poop on the carpet?
215
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:21,239
Now, that is a steam cleaning
216
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,546
and three days with
the windows open, at least.
217
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,723
- [sighs]
Wow, I got to tell you--
218
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:29,160
that is the hottest thing
any woman's ever said to me.
219
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,335
- You're welcome.
220
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:31,641
[bell ringing]
- Okay, Helen.
221
00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:33,643
Hit me with the wind
and the tunes.
222
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,166
- Yes.
223
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:36,559
[The J. Geils Band's
"Centerfold" on stereo]
224
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,169
- All right, all right.
225
00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:39,344
Okay, Victor, let's go
on a little journey.
226
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,085
All right, here we go.
227
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,522
Yeah, okay.
[camera shutter clicks]
228
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:45,089
Find your wind.
Find your wind.
229
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,438
Find the wind.
230
00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:48,310
Okay, that's--look away.
231
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:49,746
Look away and then look back!
232
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:50,791
Yeah, look away again.
Look away.
233
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,662
Look back!
Oh, nice.
234
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:54,708
Okay, now climb up
on the chair and jump at me.
235
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,318
And a little jump.
236
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,146
And now ready?
Okay, scream, scream!
237
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,104
- [screams]
238
00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:02,150
- ♪ She was pure
like snowflakes ♪
239
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:03,543
- This isn't working.
240
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,196
[music stops]
241
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,112
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry, be good.
242
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:11,115
[dramatic percussion music]
243
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:12,334
♪
244
00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:14,771
- I hate this new mop.
245
00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:17,078
I can't believe you threw
my favorite one in the trash.
246
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,514
- Are we still on this, Dale?
247
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,429
Life's too short for me
to talk about a mop this much.
248
00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:21,822
- You're right.
249
00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:23,606
But just a couple more things
about my--
250
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,869
- Oh, know what
I just remembered?
251
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:27,741
I actually put your mop
in a magic Dumpster
252
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,612
because I knew
you loved it so much,
253
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,701
and whatever you put
in the magic Dumpster
254
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:34,138
comes back as something else
even better.
255
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:37,577
But talking about it too much
can hurt the magic.
256
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,230
- Okay.
[chuckles]
257
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:40,667
Why didn't you say this
five days ago?
258
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:43,408
[laughs]
Thank you.
259
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:46,542
Now we wait.
260
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,892
- I got to go back
to computer school.
261
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:50,502
[indistinct chatter]
262
00:09:50,546 --> 00:09:53,810
- Can a--can a sulking failure
sit here?
263
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:55,769
- I already told Dave he could.
264
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,815
[all laughing]
265
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:01,470
- I genuinely can't tell
if we're friends or not.
266
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:04,342
- Oh, Dave.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
267
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:06,649
- [sighs]
- What's the matter, Durbs?
268
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,433
- Kids didn't like my pictures.
269
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:09,783
I tried to do
something different.
270
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,741
I tried to add a little sauce,
271
00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:14,222
but apparently
nobody wants that.
272
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,703
- Oh, don't let kids
determine your self-worth.
273
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,530
- Yeah, let us do that.
274
00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:20,532
- Yeah, Ralph,
sauce up our pictures.
275
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:21,925
- Yeah!
- Yeah, Ralph!
276
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,492
Sauce us.
- Yeah, all right.
277
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:24,754
Okay.
278
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:25,842
Mary, I want you
to fling the paint
279
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,235
at the canvas, all right?
280
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,585
You're Jackson Pollock
with a little bit of lion.
281
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,456
- [growls]
- Fling the paint, Mary.
282
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,719
Fling it.
Now you're all lion!
283
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:33,850
- [growls]
284
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:35,330
- You get in here,
you mean old lion!
285
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:37,593
- Okay, Stef, now, you're
Marie Antoinette, all right?
286
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,247
Let you eat cake.
287
00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:40,422
Yes, yes.
- Let yourself.
288
00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:41,771
- There you go, yes.
289
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:43,686
Now tear into that cake
with your bare hands!
290
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:45,688
- Don't mind if I do.
- No, no, Helen.
291
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:47,255
No, Helen!
292
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:48,560
Become a brush.
293
00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:50,345
Oh, yes.
294
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:53,174
Now--now smash that cake.
Smash it.
295
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:56,264
Yes, queen!
296
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:58,788
Ooh, attack the canvas.
297
00:10:58,832 --> 00:11:00,964
- Beautiful!
Yes!
298
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,836
- Oh, I wasn't ready
for that. Yes.
299
00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,707
Oh, the lens is melted.
The lens melted.
300
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,274
- Filthy!
- [growls playfully]
301
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:08,189
- Oh, oh.
302
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,321
Uh, okay, let's, uh--
303
00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:11,932
let's tone it down
a little bit there.
304
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,282
Maybe a little--
maybe a little less sexy.
305
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:15,805
School's still
in session, so...
306
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:17,589
- [growls, laughs]
- Ooh, jeez.
307
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:19,504
- [imitates cat screeching]
- Okay, come on.
308
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:22,464
- And I says, "Listen, buddy,
if I walk into a restaurant
309
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:23,857
"and I order a grilled cheese
310
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,685
"and you bring me
a steak on the side
311
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,948
that I didn't ask for,
do I got to pay for it?"
312
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,689
He said,
"Depends on the restaurant."
313
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:31,255
I says, "No, it doesn't.
314
00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:32,822
You can't give me something
I didn't ask for."
315
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,432
- Hey, hey.
316
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:35,825
- Hey.
317
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:38,785
- So...your little mail-slot
plan worked perfectly.
318
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,701
I'm talking poopy footprints
inside and out.
319
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:43,659
It was a mess--
beautiful stuff.
320
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,661
- Problem solved.
321
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,707
- Well--
- See, this dynamic works.
322
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,447
We're not dating.
323
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:51,493
We're just helping each other
destroy old men.
324
00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:53,713
- Well, not so fast,
because Melvin struck back.
325
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:56,585
It appears he sawed
a small tree down in my yard.
326
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:59,022
Very quiet sawing.
It must have taken him hours.
327
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,894
- Wow, this guy's good.
- Mm-hmm.
328
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:02,330
- You need to strike
at his heart.
329
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:03,548
- Yeah, but the guy's
so miserable.
330
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:06,334
I mean, what's something
he actually loves?
331
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,599
all:
Kidnap his dog.
332
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:13,733
- She gets it.
[both chuckle]
333
00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:18,215
.
334
00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:20,304
- Damn, who's this beefcake?
335
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:22,698
Is that your dad?
- That's not my dad.
336
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,221
Okay. All right, guys,
that's enough.
337
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:25,875
Bring it in, okay?
Let's review the plans.
338
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,704
So you Scouts are gonna
distract Melvin
339
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,184
with your
magazine-selling routine.
340
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:32,752
- Uh, technically,
I'm the only one here
341
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,275
who's a real Scout.
342
00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:36,146
- Well, this one's a dud.
- Oh, yeah, he sucks.
343
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:37,757
Uh, Grace, you got
that ransom note?
344
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,323
- Yep.
- Okay, great.
345
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,064
Whoa, that--that really
looks like real blood.
346
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,805
Please don't tell me
whether it is or not.
347
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,807
- It is.
348
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,722
- It is? All right, well,
don't tell me where it's from.
349
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,767
- My hamster.
350
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:50,639
- All right, moving on.
351
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:52,641
- I brought my camping stove
352
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,295
so we can lure
our canine friend
353
00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:56,340
with the aroma of meat.
354
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,866
Who knows? I may sneak
a sniff or two myself.
355
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,868
- Okay, Vic.
Yeah, sniff away, sniff away.
356
00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:03,391
Anthony, you'll grab the dog
and bring it back.
357
00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,088
- Yes, hunty.
358
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:08,657
- All right, guys, let's, uh--
let's break this old man.
359
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,658
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
360
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:12,139
Get to it.
361
00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:15,142
[devious music]
362
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:19,886
♪
363
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,801
- Come on, let's go.
364
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,020
♪
365
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,937
- We're selling magazines, sir.
What's your pleasure?
366
00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:30,766
Politics, hunting,
celebrity "goss"?
367
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,420
- Salesmen, huh?
368
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:33,987
- Salespersons.
369
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:36,032
- Sweetie...
370
00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:38,948
I was a door-to-door salesman
371
00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:41,864
before your parents
were even smooching.
372
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,474
- That's very cool.
- You don't say?
373
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:47,870
- Spoon sets was my game.
374
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,133
- Wow, Vic really loves
that steak, doesn't he?
375
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,831
He looks like he's trying
to inhale the whole thing.
376
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:52,832
- [laughs]
- Come on, man.
377
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,007
Leave some sniffs for the dog.
378
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:55,878
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, seriously.
379
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,445
- Oh, my God, here they come.
- Yep.
380
00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:00,187
- Oh, Anthony, come on.
Would you hurry it up?
381
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,449
- Yeah, that guy's got
one gear.
382
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:02,929
- [laughing] Seriously.
- Here we go.
383
00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,800
[inhales sharply]
Now all we got to do
384
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,280
is wait for Melvin to call
the number on the ransom note,
385
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:07,411
which goes to this
burner phone.
386
00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:09,718
- Yes. Give it to me.
Give it to me.
387
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:11,720
- That was so fun!
388
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,375
- [laughs wheezily]
389
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,333
- [sighs]
Morning, Helen.
390
00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:17,857
- Good morning.
391
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,033
- I want to thank Mary, Stef,
and Michelle for yesterday,
392
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,078
so could you send them each
a bottle of champagne?
393
00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:24,167
- Oh, I don't know
how to do that.
394
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,386
- Yeah, me neither.
395
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,127
Champagne problems,
am I right?
396
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:28,171
- [chuckles]
397
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,912
- Wait, is that
what that means?
398
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,871
- I don't know.
- Me neither.
399
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:33,829
- Anyway, I can't wait to get
400
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,441
my, uh, snapping finger
to work, so, uh...
401
00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:40,880
- Listen, Ralph,
we only got through one student
402
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,316
and three teachers yesterday,
403
00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:44,231
and if we don't get
everyone else finished today,
404
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,320
we're gonna spend more money
on that equipment and lights
405
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,888
than we would have
if we would have hired Randy.
406
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:50,367
- [sighs]
Okay.
407
00:14:50,411 --> 00:14:53,066
I'll just have to shoot
the rest of the students today.
408
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:55,459
- That's right.
- Champagne problems.
409
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:56,591
Is that it?
410
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,419
- I-I don't know.
- Yeah, me neither.
411
00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,463
- No.
412
00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,337
It's fun to wonder.
413
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:04,947
[bell ringing]
414
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,949
- [gravelly voice]
Where you going, huh?
415
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,124
[normal voice]
Where you going, girl?
416
00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:10,213
Okay--hey, come on.
417
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:12,302
Good girl, good girl.
- Hey, Jack.
418
00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,087
[suspenseful music]
419
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,436
- Yeah?
420
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:18,091
♪
421
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:19,962
- Pretty sure we both know
what's going on here.
422
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,312
That's not your dog.
423
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:25,489
And I know how you got it.
424
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:28,884
That dog is my mop.
425
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,452
You got it
from the magic Dumpster.
426
00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:33,106
- [stammers]
I'm sorry.
427
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,325
Wow, I really thought that was
going somewhere else.
428
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:37,371
Did you just say
this dog is your mop?
429
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,416
- That I did, old friend.
- Hmm.
430
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,244
- I'm gonna have to take
that sweet little one back.
431
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,464
I'm gonna give her
a great life.
432
00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:46,249
- Okay.
433
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,426
- I'm gonna get my mop back,
you dog thief!
434
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,428
[funky percussion music]
435
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:53,909
- Come on, girl.
Come on, girl.
436
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,258
Yeah, come on, girl.
437
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:56,956
Who's a good girl?
Who's a good--
438
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,261
All right, everyone shut up.
439
00:15:58,305 --> 00:16:00,002
Everybody just go ahead
and shut up.
440
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,048
- You still have the dog?
441
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,963
- Oh, yeah,
Melvin hasn't called yet.
442
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,616
- He hasn't called yet?
443
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:07,401
- What do you get by repeating
what I just said, Marcus, huh?
444
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:10,447
Who does it help?
- This guy is stone cold.
445
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:11,971
He's trying to outlast us.
446
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,450
- You think?
- I think so.
447
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:16,018
- You know what? I say we cut
the cloak-and-dagger crap.
448
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,541
I say we go bang on his door,
449
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,065
and we tell him if he wants
his dog back,
450
00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:20,936
he's got to accept our truce.
451
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,373
- Or we wait until
he gets a new dog
452
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:26,246
and then replace that dog
with this dog
453
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,117
and then watch him go insane.
454
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:30,032
- [laughing]
He's gonna lose his mind.
455
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:31,468
- Oh, it'd be so crazy.
- That's really good.
456
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,296
- Yeah, yeah.
[laughing]
457
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:37,083
♪
458
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,606
- Okay, we got 100 kids left
to photograph
459
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:39,955
and 15 minutes to do it.
460
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:40,956
Let's go.
- Okay.
461
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,479
Listen up, kiddos.
462
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:45,874
Have your smiles prepped
before you go into the frame.
463
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:47,354
Think of something
that makes you happy--
464
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:50,618
like puppies for me,
Nana's brisket,
465
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:52,141
that chubby little kid
from "Up."
466
00:16:52,185 --> 00:16:54,100
Get in and get out.
- Great, next.
467
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:55,971
- Uh, I was hoping to try one
without my glasses.
468
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,061
- Too late, next.
- Nope! Go, go, go.
469
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:01,324
- Uh, where should I look?
- Wrong way, next.
470
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,978
- Come on,
pretend you're on fire.
471
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,067
Don't milk it.
472
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,286
- Cheese, yo.
- Already took it.
473
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,983
Next.
- Keep moving.
474
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,332
- Don't stop to pose,
walk sideways.
475
00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:11,682
- Go, go, go.
- There you go.
476
00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:13,075
Perfect, nice!
- Pretend there's a fire!
477
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,642
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [imitating alarm blaring]
478
00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:15,947
- All right, boom,
getting it done.
479
00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:17,079
Getting it done,
getting it done.
480
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,994
Yeah!
481
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,691
[sighs]
Oh, God.
482
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,563
Okay.
[sighs]
483
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,086
- We got to take
full advantage of this.
484
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,131
- Mm-hmm.
485
00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,784
- Maybe we can get a TV
out of him.
486
00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:29,961
- Got to say--this has been a
really fun series of hangouts.
487
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:31,050
both: Yeah.
488
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,181
- Yeah, I can't believe
I was worried
489
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:33,443
that it would
lead to something bad.
490
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:34,444
- Yeah.
491
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:38,013
[siren wailing]
492
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,624
Hey, is there something
happening with Melvin?
493
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:42,496
- No, why?
494
00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:43,932
I mean, he died earlier,
495
00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:46,021
but nothing's happened
since then.
496
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,414
- Oh, man.
497
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:49,155
[indistinct chatter]
498
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,634
We won.
499
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:56,075
We won so hard,
we killed an old man.
500
00:17:58,860 --> 00:17:59,034
.
501
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,254
[indistinct chatter
over police radio]
502
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,995
- I thought we might be
a bad fit.
503
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,085
Then we hung out,
egged each other on,
504
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,565
and caused an old man to die.
505
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:12,656
We are definitely a bad fit.
506
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,093
Excuse me?
507
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,877
Sorry, this might sound crazy,
508
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,140
but did Melvin die
of a broken heart?
509
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,795
You know, 'cause he--
he missed his dog so much?
510
00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:23,058
- "A broken heart"?
What?
511
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,800
No, no, the old man choked
on a chicken wing.
512
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:27,628
Always remember
to chew your food
513
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:29,151
until it's a fine paste.
514
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,892
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks for the tip.
515
00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:33,155
Go ahead and move
along there, pal.
516
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,026
[both laugh]
Did you hear that?
517
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:36,027
- Yeah!
- He choked.
518
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:37,028
We didn't kill him!
519
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:38,595
- We didn't kill him!
He choked!
520
00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:40,902
[both laughing]
- Oh...
521
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,905
- Sorry to interrupt your fun,
522
00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:46,777
uh, but the Humane Society's
on its way to pick up that dog,
523
00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,344
since Melvin didn't
leave her to anyone.
524
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:51,565
So if you could just
hand it over...
525
00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:53,741
- Actually, you know what?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
526
00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:55,960
Call them off.
527
00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:58,572
I know someone who'd be
thrilled to take her in.
528
00:18:58,615 --> 00:19:00,313
[bell ringing]
529
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:02,184
Come on, girl.
530
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,926
Hey, Dale, got something
for you, bud.
531
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:06,188
- [sighs]
I really wish people
532
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:08,277
would stop saying that to me
before they pooped.
533
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:09,887
- But--what?
534
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,585
No, I-I'm talking
about the dog, man.
535
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:12,760
Look, the dog.
536
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:14,370
I-I can tell she means
a lot to you,
537
00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:17,199
you know, based on
some unsettling belief
538
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,722
in the--in the supernatural
539
00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:21,334
or just a deep misunderstanding
of science, you know.
540
00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:24,032
But regardless,
I know you'll give her
541
00:19:24,075 --> 00:19:25,207
a better life than I could.
542
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:26,991
- Moppy!
[laughs]
543
00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:28,384
I'm so happy.
544
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,604
I'm gonna find a way
to turn you back, girl.
545
00:19:30,647 --> 00:19:32,997
I am gonna find a way
to turn you back.
546
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:36,044
Yes, yes!
[giggling]
547
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,219
[knocking on door]
548
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:39,134
- It's open. Come in.
549
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,310
- Hey.
- Hey.
550
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,920
Vino.
- "Expendables 3."
551
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:44,400
- Ooh!
552
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:46,054
Now, does it matter that
I haven't seen the first two?
553
00:19:46,097 --> 00:19:47,229
- You remember
how the guns work?
554
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:48,665
- Yep.
- You'll be good.
555
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:49,884
- Okay.
556
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,407
- Oh, and this was sitting
on your steps.
557
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:53,235
- Oh.
558
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:56,238
It's from--it's from
Melvin's estate.
559
00:19:58,153 --> 00:20:01,243
"Jack Griffin, if you're
reading this, I've passed.
560
00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:03,027
"Here's the key
your mother gave me
561
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,681
"to water her plants.
562
00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:07,945
"I'd like to thank you
for the tete-à-tete we've had.
563
00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:11,210
"It's made me feel more alive."
[chuckles]
564
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,299
"And you should know each day
when you went to work,
565
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,953
"I let myself in and--
566
00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:18,129
and put my bare butt
on your throw pillows."
567
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,131
Signed, Melvin Grask.
568
00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:22,264
Well, what do you know?
569
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:25,789
We were able to add meaning
to the man's life.
570
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,791
- To Melvin.
- Yeah.
571
00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:30,403
To Melvin.
572
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:32,100
Hmm.
573
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,450
[slurps] Ahh.
574
00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:37,192
[lighthearted music]
575
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,238
I've taken a lot of naps
on those pillows.
576
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:40,456
- Have you?
577
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,023
- I'd like to throw them
in the trash now.
578
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:43,851
- Can we burn them?
- Yeah.
579
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:50,727
- Got a little more magic
left in you, Mr. Dumpster?
580
00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:53,252
I wish for a son.
581
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,790
Thank you.
582
00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:13,489
Come on, Moppy, let's go.
583
00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:14,925
Yeah.
584
00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:19,713
[mystical music]
585
00:21:19,756 --> 00:21:24,108
♪
586
00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:28,708
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