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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,193 --> 00:00:02,856 "Will & Grace" is shot before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,762 Honey, why are you making me go to work on a Saturday? 3 00:00:06,787 --> 00:00:08,686 I should be home, making love to Stan 4 00:00:08,711 --> 00:00:10,714 and watching cartoons. 5 00:00:12,326 --> 00:00:14,889 Ah, I love cartoons! 6 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:18,953 You heard what we were talking about? 7 00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,515 No. 8 00:00:21,027 --> 00:00:22,637 Jack, why do you have to use my shower? 9 00:00:22,987 --> 00:00:25,480 Four reasons: one, your water pressure's better. 10 00:00:25,848 --> 00:00:27,290 Two, you've got that hand attachment 11 00:00:27,315 --> 00:00:29,077 that gets to all those fun-to-reach areas. 12 00:00:29,157 --> 00:00:31,660 And three through four, I've had two dates this week 13 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,582 with a bear who clogged my drain. 14 00:00:33,682 --> 00:00:35,504 Since when are bears your thing? 15 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:37,467 I thought you were into twinks, twunks, 16 00:00:37,511 --> 00:00:40,875 and everything else that Dr. Seuss didn't write about. 17 00:00:41,771 --> 00:00:43,393 All right, Karen, let's go. 18 00:00:43,568 --> 00:00:47,232 Grace, you work too much, and you're not dating. 19 00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:48,638 It's Saturday morning. 20 00:00:48,663 --> 00:00:50,548 You should be slinking home 21 00:00:50,581 --> 00:00:52,396 with your contacts in a shot glass, 22 00:00:52,421 --> 00:00:55,826 scratches on your back, and itches on your front. 23 00:00:57,909 --> 00:00:59,708 I went on a date last week. 24 00:00:59,733 --> 00:01:01,725 Yeah, that was the meeting with the cabinet maker 25 00:01:01,793 --> 00:01:03,531 you want to use, and he was blatantly gay. 26 00:01:03,556 --> 00:01:05,547 When I came home, he was sitting on the couch 27 00:01:05,579 --> 00:01:06,778 in the pajama party position. 28 00:01:06,878 --> 00:01:08,702 I don't know that one. 29 00:01:08,727 --> 00:01:09,948 Humbled. 30 00:01:10,631 --> 00:01:13,421 Jack? Pajama party position. Please demonstrate. 31 00:01:13,446 --> 00:01:15,448 Oh, yeah, sure. 32 00:01:22,630 --> 00:01:26,034 No heterosexual man has ever sat this way. 33 00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:29,591 If a sitting position could have a lisp, 34 00:01:29,616 --> 00:01:31,990 it would be that one. 35 00:01:32,090 --> 00:01:33,312 Let's go, Kar. 36 00:01:33,412 --> 00:01:35,154 Honey, all I'm saying is that 37 00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,600 if you don't start dating, 38 00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:39,569 it's gonna turn into a fireplace you never use. 39 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,949 Open up the flue and put a big log in there. 40 00:01:46,586 --> 00:01:49,690 Now that the men are off to work, 41 00:01:50,196 --> 00:01:52,172 what should us girls get up to? 42 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,775 - Well, I read an article... - No. 43 00:01:55,253 --> 00:01:57,418 - But you can volunteer... - Boo. 44 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,621 To clean historic houses. 45 00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:00,881 You know how people say. 46 00:02:00,906 --> 00:02:03,609 "Why is Will still single?" 47 00:02:03,925 --> 00:02:05,587 I'm not one of those people. 48 00:02:09,451 --> 00:02:10,708 Hi. 49 00:02:10,733 --> 00:02:12,596 Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but I can't give you any money. 50 00:02:12,621 --> 00:02:14,261 I don't support arts and music in schools. 51 00:02:14,286 --> 00:02:15,766 I don't need the competition. 52 00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:17,847 No, no. 53 00:02:18,141 --> 00:02:19,923 I'm looking for Jack McFarland. 54 00:02:20,023 --> 00:02:21,385 I'm Jack McFarland. 55 00:02:21,410 --> 00:02:22,810 You have a son named Elliot, right? 56 00:02:23,049 --> 00:02:24,921 Technically, although, 57 00:02:24,946 --> 00:02:26,565 like my friend Will and his hair, 58 00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:29,694 we had a falling-out years ago. 59 00:02:29,794 --> 00:02:31,255 Why do you ask? 60 00:02:31,702 --> 00:02:33,424 I found some of the letters you wrote him, 61 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:36,125 and since I'm in New York with my parents, I wanted to meet you. 62 00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:37,731 I'm sorry. Who exactly are you? 63 00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:40,499 Oh, I'm Elliot's son, Skip. 64 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,571 One more time, dear. I'm a trifle "deef" 65 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,939 in my upstage ear. 66 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:48,222 I'm your grandson! 67 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,574 Can I call you grandpa? 68 00:02:56,540 --> 00:02:59,463 Oh, my God, you have to. 69 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:12,321 synced & corrected by PopcornAWH www.addic7ed.com 70 00:03:13,118 --> 00:03:16,622 Hey, got ahold of Skip's parents at the hotel. 71 00:03:16,647 --> 00:03:18,173 They're on their way, grandpa. 72 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,780 Oh, please! 73 00:03:20,249 --> 00:03:22,451 I just found out my youth-obsessed best friend 74 00:03:22,476 --> 00:03:25,197 has a grandson. I am obligated to torture you. 75 00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,859 It's in the contract. 76 00:03:27,059 --> 00:03:28,480 I didn't even know he existed. 77 00:03:28,505 --> 00:03:30,039 How could Elliot not tell me this? 78 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:31,813 You haven't spoken to him in years. 79 00:03:31,905 --> 00:03:33,539 Because he moved to Texas, 80 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,114 married someone super conservative, 81 00:03:35,139 --> 00:03:36,649 and he didn't even invite me to his wedding. 82 00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:38,229 And you got your feelings hurt 83 00:03:38,254 --> 00:03:39,678 and cut him out of your life. 84 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,722 I didn't cut anything! 85 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,258 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 86 00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:48,817 Edward Sissy-hands. 87 00:03:50,359 --> 00:03:52,141 This is your chance to patch things up. 88 00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:53,968 Elliot and his wife are coming over. 89 00:03:54,002 --> 00:03:55,836 Your grandson is in there. Go talk to him. 90 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,668 How am I supposed to connect with a kid from Texas? 91 00:03:58,768 --> 00:04:00,070 I can't fish or hunt 92 00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:02,733 or tell a woman what to do with her fetus. 93 00:04:09,586 --> 00:04:11,749 So, Skip. 94 00:04:16,581 --> 00:04:18,163 Are you having fun in New York? 95 00:04:18,263 --> 00:04:20,265 Yeah! I love it! 96 00:04:25,117 --> 00:04:27,139 Would you excuse us just for a second? 97 00:04:27,239 --> 00:04:28,239 Don't get too excited. 98 00:04:28,321 --> 00:04:29,833 We can't know for sure. 99 00:04:29,858 --> 00:04:32,521 Really? The pajama party position? 100 00:04:32,859 --> 00:04:34,561 Is that not enough evidence to convict 101 00:04:34,586 --> 00:04:36,248 misdemeanor over there? 102 00:04:36,725 --> 00:04:38,747 Take it easy. We are not doing an episode 103 00:04:38,772 --> 00:04:41,675 of "Law & Order: LGBTQ." 104 00:04:42,361 --> 00:04:45,965 Don't mind me, boys. I forgot my Birkin. 105 00:04:49,270 --> 00:04:52,393 Close your mouth, kid. You're gonna catch a fly. 106 00:04:57,513 --> 00:05:00,997 Jesse Tyler Ferguson, she is fabulous! 107 00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:08,226 Okay, Google, 108 00:05:08,251 --> 00:05:09,946 turn down the lights. 109 00:05:10,098 --> 00:05:12,521 Okay, Google, turn on the lights. 110 00:05:12,628 --> 00:05:15,491 Great. Mom's home. 111 00:05:15,884 --> 00:05:17,986 Tony, I don't know what's going on here, 112 00:05:18,011 --> 00:05:20,530 but Karen always takes things too far, 113 00:05:20,555 --> 00:05:23,184 and she is grinding up against me 114 00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:24,631 right now, isn't she? 115 00:05:24,656 --> 00:05:26,638 She was, but it's more like a dry hump thing 116 00:05:26,663 --> 00:05:28,665 with a little bit of spankings. 117 00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:33,210 Stop. 118 00:05:34,504 --> 00:05:37,047 Isn't there something that you would like to say to Tony? 119 00:05:37,147 --> 00:05:38,524 Yes. 120 00:05:38,569 --> 00:05:39,911 I'm so sorry 121 00:05:39,936 --> 00:05:41,611 that I didn't think of this earlier. 122 00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:44,079 Heads up, Puerto Rico! Have a good time. 123 00:05:45,777 --> 00:05:47,644 Karen! 124 00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:49,608 It's okay, Grace. 125 00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:51,443 Every time she does it, 126 00:05:51,536 --> 00:05:53,399 I make her send a grand to hurricane relief. 127 00:05:53,477 --> 00:05:55,479 Worth every peso. 128 00:05:57,309 --> 00:05:59,892 Karen, I don't know where to start. 129 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,680 You have got to stop 130 00:06:01,734 --> 00:06:03,837 sexually harassing the employees. 131 00:06:04,168 --> 00:06:06,920 It's bad enough that you do it to me. 132 00:06:07,020 --> 00:06:08,853 Well, honey, if you didn't want me to play with him, 133 00:06:08,878 --> 00:06:10,880 why'd you buy him for me? 134 00:06:12,678 --> 00:06:14,488 Wait a minute. 135 00:06:14,588 --> 00:06:17,915 You bought him for yourself. 136 00:06:19,034 --> 00:06:21,176 Well, good for you, honey. 137 00:06:21,296 --> 00:06:23,860 That is exactly what you need. 138 00:06:23,885 --> 00:06:26,749 I am his boss. I would never even think that. 139 00:06:27,009 --> 00:06:30,292 Oh, right. Because your snooch died. 140 00:06:32,168 --> 00:06:33,953 My snooch... 141 00:06:36,052 --> 00:06:38,054 is not dead. 142 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,579 Then why isn't it breathing? 143 00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:48,834 For Halloween last year, 144 00:06:48,859 --> 00:06:50,459 I went as my favorite singer, Lady Gaga. 145 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,757 Do you guys know who she is? 146 00:06:53,442 --> 00:06:55,533 Know who she is? Ha! 147 00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:59,137 Excuse me. I sewed my own meat dress. 148 00:06:59,237 --> 00:07:00,499 Okay? 149 00:07:00,599 --> 00:07:02,639 I went as Lady Gaga last Halloween. 150 00:07:02,664 --> 00:07:05,528 And the one before that and the one before that and... 151 00:07:05,553 --> 00:07:08,816 and sometimes not Halloween. 152 00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:11,208 So, Skip, you didn't mention why you and your parents 153 00:07:11,233 --> 00:07:12,446 are here in New York. 154 00:07:12,471 --> 00:07:14,974 I'm going to a camp. Upstate somewhere. 155 00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:17,478 The best theater camps are upstate. 156 00:07:17,578 --> 00:07:19,400 French Woods? Stagedoor? 157 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:20,964 Let me go to my apartment and get some props 158 00:07:20,989 --> 00:07:22,483 for you to take with you. Oh, my God, 159 00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:24,143 this is so much fun. I can't believe... 160 00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:25,671 How old is my grandpa? 161 00:07:25,754 --> 00:07:28,777 He is in his early 100s. 162 00:07:29,270 --> 00:07:30,492 Yeah. 163 00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:32,099 And if you tell him he looks 85, 164 00:07:32,124 --> 00:07:34,106 he'll be so flattered. 165 00:07:34,603 --> 00:07:36,331 - Elliot. - Hey, Will. 166 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:37,593 Dude, not cool. 167 00:07:37,618 --> 00:07:39,881 Oh, you cannot just run off like that. 168 00:07:40,356 --> 00:07:43,190 Wow, look at you. You're a... you're a real Texan now. 169 00:07:43,215 --> 00:07:45,176 I am. I drank the Kool-Aid 170 00:07:45,201 --> 00:07:48,485 and can no longer separate church and state. 171 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,109 That's my wife, Emma. 172 00:07:52,134 --> 00:07:54,448 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 173 00:07:54,618 --> 00:07:57,602 It's a really cute place you have here. 174 00:07:57,841 --> 00:08:01,606 Oh. It's very artsy. 175 00:08:01,706 --> 00:08:03,088 Emma's never been here before. 176 00:08:03,113 --> 00:08:04,655 You don't say. 177 00:08:04,703 --> 00:08:06,567 Well, you may find it a little strange at first, 178 00:08:06,592 --> 00:08:08,754 - but we're all ex... - Now... 179 00:08:13,119 --> 00:08:14,540 A good wig 180 00:08:14,565 --> 00:08:16,307 is all about versatility. 181 00:08:16,332 --> 00:08:17,371 Okay? 182 00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:19,259 This one could be Sia 183 00:08:19,292 --> 00:08:21,554 or Cruella de Vil, 184 00:08:21,761 --> 00:08:24,845 or an indecisive Anna Wintour. 185 00:08:26,352 --> 00:08:28,675 What happened? Did you leave? 186 00:08:31,299 --> 00:08:32,640 Elliot. 187 00:08:32,665 --> 00:08:34,888 Jack. 188 00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:36,524 Nice costume. 189 00:08:41,969 --> 00:08:43,151 Mom, guess what. 190 00:08:43,251 --> 00:08:44,993 Jack was Lady Gaga for Halloween too. 191 00:08:45,295 --> 00:08:47,942 Oh! Fun. 192 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,359 All right, well, we need to go. 193 00:08:50,459 --> 00:08:52,000 We don't want to be late for the first day of camp. 194 00:08:52,025 --> 00:08:54,526 Yeah, it was really nice meeting all y'all. 195 00:08:54,778 --> 00:08:56,621 Could I say good-bye to Jack and Will? 196 00:08:56,674 --> 00:08:59,769 Quick, all right? We'll be down in the lobby. 197 00:08:59,869 --> 00:09:01,171 Jack. 198 00:09:01,397 --> 00:09:03,759 Elliot. 199 00:09:07,918 --> 00:09:09,220 I wish I could stay. 200 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,382 I know. Me too. 201 00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:13,584 Maybe we should, uh, get Skip to the elevator. 202 00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:15,999 Okay, yeah. Hey, what's the name of that camp, 203 00:09:16,024 --> 00:09:17,057 so I can write you? 204 00:09:17,082 --> 00:09:19,084 Camp Straighten Arrow. 205 00:09:22,159 --> 00:09:23,356 "Straighten Arrow"? 206 00:09:23,381 --> 00:09:25,261 Is that a new theater camp? I never heard of it. 207 00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:26,508 No, it's a... 208 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,115 camp my parents found to fix me. 209 00:09:28,428 --> 00:09:29,633 Fix you? 210 00:09:29,693 --> 00:09:31,638 So I can be normal. 211 00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:33,881 Bye. 212 00:09:40,402 --> 00:09:41,823 Hey, I'm sorry about 213 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,429 - what happened this morning. - No. No, no, no. 214 00:09:43,454 --> 00:09:44,783 Do not apologize. 215 00:09:44,808 --> 00:09:46,931 I feel terrible and embarrassed 216 00:09:46,956 --> 00:09:49,338 and hungry... but that's not about you. 217 00:09:49,438 --> 00:09:51,308 I talked to Karen. 218 00:09:51,362 --> 00:09:52,737 Look, it's not all on her, you know? 219 00:09:52,762 --> 00:09:54,296 We were just fooling around, and I was singing 220 00:09:54,321 --> 00:09:55,944 her favorite song. You know, "Mercy"? 221 00:09:55,999 --> 00:09:57,238 No, I don't. 222 00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,134 ♪ Baby, please have mercy on me ♪ 223 00:10:00,159 --> 00:10:03,563 ♪ Take it easy on my heart ♪ 224 00:10:04,698 --> 00:10:06,700 You can sing. 225 00:10:08,669 --> 00:10:09,901 Thanks. 226 00:10:09,937 --> 00:10:12,400 You're welcome. 227 00:10:12,526 --> 00:10:14,528 I like to sing too. 228 00:10:19,066 --> 00:10:20,533 I'm a bit of a singer myself. 229 00:10:20,569 --> 00:10:22,030 - Really? - Yeah. 230 00:10:22,103 --> 00:10:23,445 What do you sing? 231 00:10:23,685 --> 00:10:27,349 It's not like I have a song, per se... 232 00:10:27,436 --> 00:10:30,179 ♪ Green finch and linnet bird ♪ 233 00:10:30,232 --> 00:10:33,216 ♪ Nightingale, blackbird ♪ 234 00:10:33,523 --> 00:10:39,330 ♪ How is it you sing ♪ 235 00:10:42,292 --> 00:10:43,736 Not bad. Wow. 236 00:10:43,783 --> 00:10:45,863 But maybe try singing it from your diaphragm, though. 237 00:10:45,976 --> 00:10:48,557 - Do you mind if I show you? - Oh. Yeah. 238 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,917 All right. 239 00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:54,535 Okay. 240 00:10:54,635 --> 00:10:56,209 Now push your voice against it. 241 00:10:56,249 --> 00:10:59,568 Give me an... ♪ Oh ♪ 242 00:10:59,641 --> 00:11:01,663 ♪ Oh ♪ 243 00:11:01,763 --> 00:11:03,040 ♪ Oh, my God, it feels so good ♪ 244 00:11:03,065 --> 00:11:06,629 ♪ To have a man's hands on my body ♪ 245 00:11:14,597 --> 00:11:16,599 You don't know that song? 246 00:11:19,302 --> 00:11:21,204 It's a song. 247 00:11:21,366 --> 00:11:23,367 You know it. It's by... 248 00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:25,629 The Dead Snooches. 249 00:11:29,834 --> 00:11:32,377 I'm gonna go and... I'm gonna go and download it for you. 250 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,430 ♪ He's got boys being boys ♪ 251 00:11:40,512 --> 00:11:41,958 ♪ In his hand ♪ 252 00:11:41,983 --> 00:11:44,085 ♪ He's got girls being girls ♪ 253 00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:45,712 ♪ In his hand ♪ 254 00:11:45,737 --> 00:11:48,160 ♪ He's got boys-only-marryin'-girls ♪ 255 00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:49,617 ♪ In his hand ♪ 256 00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,442 ♪ He's got the whole-natural-order-of-things ♪ 257 00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:53,187 ♪ Where-people-act- like-the-Lord-intended ♪ 258 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,655 ♪ In his hands ♪ 259 00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:58,559 ♪ He's got suits and dresses ♪ 260 00:11:58,584 --> 00:11:59,966 ♪ On the right person ♪ 261 00:11:59,994 --> 00:12:02,377 ♪ He's got boys chasing girls ♪ 262 00:12:02,404 --> 00:12:04,626 ♪ Appropriately, he's got boys... ♪ 263 00:12:05,288 --> 00:12:06,494 So what exactly 264 00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:08,261 are we supposed to do? As a sperm donor, 265 00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:10,006 the law doesn't recognize you as a relative, 266 00:12:10,031 --> 00:12:11,443 just as someone who made a little money 267 00:12:11,468 --> 00:12:13,270 doing what he would normally do for free. 268 00:12:14,023 --> 00:12:16,317 Are you suggesting that we make a life-size dummy 269 00:12:16,342 --> 00:12:18,502 using pillows and overalls and leave it in Skip's place 270 00:12:18,527 --> 00:12:19,610 while we take him away? 271 00:12:19,635 --> 00:12:20,977 Oh, my God, it's as if 272 00:12:21,002 --> 00:12:23,345 you can read the minds of other idiots. 273 00:12:23,847 --> 00:12:26,641 No, we can't kidnap him. We need a plan. 274 00:12:26,666 --> 00:12:29,049 Okay, okay, okay. Um, how about, um... 275 00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,266 Well, go ahead. Say what you were gonna say. 276 00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:32,759 - I wasn't gonna say anything. - No, no, go ahead. 277 00:12:32,784 --> 00:12:34,006 I'll say mine afterwards. 278 00:12:34,185 --> 00:12:35,159 - I'll get Skip. - Skip... 279 00:12:35,184 --> 00:12:36,396 - I'll send him out here. - Him out here... 280 00:12:36,421 --> 00:12:38,259 - You tell him this is a bad place. - A bad place. 281 00:12:38,284 --> 00:12:39,712 And if he wants to leave, then we'll do 282 00:12:39,737 --> 00:12:42,899 - everything we can to help. - Help him. Yeah. 283 00:12:43,941 --> 00:12:45,359 Yeah, that's right. That's what I was gonna say. 284 00:12:45,384 --> 00:12:47,585 - Ah. - Keep going. 285 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,745 - I'll find a way to divert the staff. - Divert the staff. 286 00:12:49,809 --> 00:12:50,990 And you talk to him. 287 00:12:51,015 --> 00:12:52,015 Talk to him. Yeah. 288 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,084 Yeah, I was gonna say 289 00:12:53,159 --> 00:12:54,719 "distract the staff," but I don't know, 290 00:12:54,744 --> 00:12:56,344 I guess yours could work. 291 00:12:56,698 --> 00:12:59,457 Great, and we'll talk about having a good time 292 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:03,463 and not acting on our impure impulses. 293 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,860 It's not your fault... 294 00:13:07,609 --> 00:13:10,131 Jack? 295 00:13:11,092 --> 00:13:12,474 What are you doing here? 296 00:13:12,568 --> 00:13:14,374 What are you doing here, bringing Skip 297 00:13:14,399 --> 00:13:15,838 to a place like this? 298 00:13:15,930 --> 00:13:17,672 What happened to you, Elliot? 299 00:13:17,933 --> 00:13:19,435 What happened to us? 300 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,061 You know what happened. 301 00:13:21,086 --> 00:13:23,693 You never approved of me being with someone like Emma. 302 00:13:23,718 --> 00:13:26,141 I'm sorry if we have certain beliefs that you don't. 303 00:13:26,295 --> 00:13:28,347 Because they're terrible beliefs. 304 00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:30,707 Oh, well, that's really open-minded. 305 00:13:30,913 --> 00:13:32,483 It's who we are, Jack. You can't 306 00:13:32,508 --> 00:13:34,014 judge someone for who they are. 307 00:13:34,039 --> 00:13:37,063 Are you honestly saying that here? 308 00:13:37,575 --> 00:13:41,039 I have never been 100% clear what irony is, 309 00:13:41,106 --> 00:13:43,689 but I'm pretty sure that's it. 310 00:13:44,008 --> 00:13:45,269 Ugh. We just... 311 00:13:45,294 --> 00:13:47,477 don't want him to... 312 00:13:47,553 --> 00:13:50,095 Turn out like me? 313 00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:52,653 We're his mom and dad. 314 00:13:52,852 --> 00:13:55,134 Go home, Jack. 315 00:13:56,161 --> 00:13:57,729 Okay, campers! 316 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,479 I'm Reggie, and this here 317 00:13:59,504 --> 00:14:02,031 is my beautiful wife of ten weeks, 318 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,270 Roberta. 319 00:14:04,364 --> 00:14:06,575 No. No flirting, fellas, okay? 320 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,382 She's taken. 321 00:14:08,407 --> 00:14:11,951 Ah, you. 322 00:14:12,026 --> 00:14:14,214 Okay. Well, it is time now 323 00:14:14,281 --> 00:14:16,063 for what we at Camp Straighten Arrow 324 00:14:16,104 --> 00:14:18,927 call reorientation orientation. 325 00:14:19,077 --> 00:14:20,243 - Wordplay! - Reg. 326 00:14:20,268 --> 00:14:22,411 Okay. So... 327 00:14:22,457 --> 00:14:24,359 Did you see, guys, what I did just there? 328 00:14:24,619 --> 00:14:26,521 That... and this... 329 00:14:26,546 --> 00:14:28,609 that's what we don't want. 330 00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,696 - Because that didn't feel good. - Mm-mm. 331 00:14:30,721 --> 00:14:32,904 - It didn't feel natural. - Natural. Nope. 332 00:14:32,929 --> 00:14:35,031 Skip, don't turn around and don't say anything. 333 00:14:35,324 --> 00:14:37,962 Are you here to be fixed too? 334 00:14:39,749 --> 00:14:41,411 Your grandpa wants to see you outside. 335 00:14:41,436 --> 00:14:42,774 Now, the important thing 336 00:14:42,899 --> 00:14:44,441 is that we're all gonna have fun. 337 00:14:44,494 --> 00:14:46,516 Yeah. Because... 338 00:14:46,584 --> 00:14:48,328 ♪ We pray, we pray ♪ 339 00:14:48,353 --> 00:14:50,545 ♪ We pray the gay away ♪ 340 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,689 ♪ 'Cause boys like girls and girls like boys ♪ 341 00:14:52,714 --> 00:14:54,056 ♪ And that's what God done say ♪ 342 00:14:54,081 --> 00:14:56,103 ♪ Hey ♪ Okay. 343 00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:00,520 Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. 344 00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:02,192 It was bound to happen. 345 00:15:02,255 --> 00:15:04,367 - Was it? - Yes, Grace. 346 00:15:04,392 --> 00:15:05,632 Crazy things happen 347 00:15:05,657 --> 00:15:08,142 when you ignore you hoo-ha. 348 00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,132 It did feel good. 349 00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:13,700 You know, I think I have been denying 350 00:15:13,725 --> 00:15:16,148 a vital part of me. 351 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,680 I mean, I am a very sexual woman. 352 00:15:20,981 --> 00:15:22,523 Sure, I don't like to move around 353 00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:24,312 when I'm doing it, and... 354 00:15:25,526 --> 00:15:26,748 once I got caught eating 355 00:15:26,773 --> 00:15:28,902 a sleeve of Ritz crackers during... 356 00:15:31,239 --> 00:15:34,152 But I am a woman in her sexual prime. 357 00:15:34,209 --> 00:15:37,080 Attagirl. 358 00:15:37,233 --> 00:15:40,395 I am going to put myself back out there. 359 00:15:40,677 --> 00:15:42,980 My marriage died, 360 00:15:43,046 --> 00:15:45,789 but the rest of me didn't. 361 00:15:46,096 --> 00:15:49,079 Did you hear that, Sophia? 362 00:15:49,592 --> 00:15:52,073 I talk to mine too. 363 00:15:52,523 --> 00:15:55,106 What's that, Jan? 364 00:15:55,219 --> 00:15:58,403 I know. Sophia's a domina... shh. 365 00:16:00,191 --> 00:16:01,711 Back in the old days, 366 00:16:01,818 --> 00:16:03,921 they used a shock collar 367 00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:06,014 to curb any unnatural tendencies. 368 00:16:06,058 --> 00:16:07,239 Remember those days, Reg? 369 00:16:07,264 --> 00:16:08,846 Ugh, I sure do. 370 00:16:09,014 --> 00:16:12,198 They were effective, but really unpleasant. 371 00:16:12,285 --> 00:16:14,067 And besides, look at this thing. 372 00:16:14,092 --> 00:16:15,193 It's like, "Hello!" 373 00:16:15,218 --> 00:16:17,521 Aren't chokers over already?" 374 00:16:17,546 --> 00:16:19,208 Excuse me. I have a question. 375 00:16:19,386 --> 00:16:21,128 Uh, I'm sorry, sir, but, um, but... 376 00:16:21,201 --> 00:16:22,761 but parents aren't allowed in the lodge 377 00:16:22,786 --> 00:16:24,102 for another 20 minutes. 378 00:16:24,127 --> 00:16:25,434 Oh, I... I'm not a parent. 379 00:16:25,459 --> 00:16:27,221 I'm the director of the new conversion camp 380 00:16:27,246 --> 00:16:29,309 across the lake, Camp Kick-a-Mo. 381 00:16:29,436 --> 00:16:30,978 We don't have a lake. 382 00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:33,786 Roberta, let the beautiful man speak. 383 00:16:34,049 --> 00:16:36,071 We at Kick-a-Mo thought it might be fun to have 384 00:16:36,178 --> 00:16:38,081 a friendly competition with the other 385 00:16:38,106 --> 00:16:39,822 conversion therapy camp in the area. 386 00:16:39,847 --> 00:16:41,314 Well, I think I would have heard if there were... 387 00:16:41,339 --> 00:16:43,460 It's a competition, Roberta! 388 00:16:46,897 --> 00:16:48,126 There's no way 389 00:16:48,151 --> 00:16:50,454 you're a better conversion camp. 390 00:16:50,646 --> 00:16:52,283 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 391 00:16:52,308 --> 00:16:55,554 Our success rate is tops in the country. 392 00:16:55,579 --> 00:16:57,522 Plus, all of our counselors 393 00:16:57,547 --> 00:17:00,530 are now certified straight people. 394 00:17:00,698 --> 00:17:02,946 You don't seem that certified, 395 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,684 what, with your dewy skin and your puffed-up basket. 396 00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:12,792 Oh, I'm certified, all right. 397 00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:15,147 In fact, I could kiss 398 00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:17,685 any male counselor in this camp 399 00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:19,332 and not feel a thing. 400 00:17:19,357 --> 00:17:22,561 - Well, that is the most ridi... - Challenge accepted! 401 00:17:29,109 --> 00:17:31,692 Well, uh, round one was a tie, kids, 402 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,357 but round two is where I'm really gonna... 403 00:17:33,382 --> 00:17:35,004 Oh, God! 404 00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:40,043 The point is, this place can't fix you 405 00:17:40,068 --> 00:17:41,730 because you're not broken. 406 00:17:41,850 --> 00:17:43,232 I'm confused. 407 00:17:43,285 --> 00:17:45,067 Of course you're confused. 408 00:17:45,707 --> 00:17:49,045 So, let me tell you a story about another young man 409 00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:50,692 who was once confused. 410 00:17:50,886 --> 00:17:53,589 A young man who grew up to be a model citizen 411 00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:55,113 and today is proud 412 00:17:55,138 --> 00:17:57,129 of who and what he is. 413 00:17:57,154 --> 00:18:00,738 People adore this man, 414 00:18:01,190 --> 00:18:03,063 not only because of his good looks 415 00:18:03,088 --> 00:18:04,847 and dynamic personality, 416 00:18:04,872 --> 00:18:07,454 but because of his open, loving heart. 417 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,547 - Will? - No, not Will! 418 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:16,789 Will's a fat lawyer! 419 00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:20,164 Why does that guy make an impression on everyone? 420 00:18:21,756 --> 00:18:23,698 I'm talking about me. 421 00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:25,611 It was hard for me once, too, 422 00:18:25,636 --> 00:18:27,458 but believe me, it gets better. 423 00:18:27,535 --> 00:18:28,935 I don't see how. 424 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,918 Ugh. Skip... 425 00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:33,325 You are gonna be invited 426 00:18:33,350 --> 00:18:35,532 to so many good dinner parties. 427 00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:37,795 And there's something else. 428 00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:39,688 When you get older, you'll understand 429 00:18:39,713 --> 00:18:41,967 that there's the family you were born into 430 00:18:42,129 --> 00:18:43,911 and the family that you choose, 431 00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:46,576 and the family I chose... 432 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:50,064 well, it doesn't get any better than that. 433 00:18:50,711 --> 00:18:52,532 But what do I do now? 434 00:18:52,647 --> 00:18:54,229 I don't know. 435 00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:56,992 Your hero, Will, didn't really think this through. 436 00:18:58,734 --> 00:19:01,637 You're just gonna have to be really strong. 437 00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:03,939 It's hard, being me sometimes. 438 00:19:04,006 --> 00:19:05,886 I know, but I'm gonna be there for you 439 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:07,372 as much as I can, 440 00:19:07,643 --> 00:19:09,546 and when I'm not, 441 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:11,868 I want you to picture me in your head, 442 00:19:11,949 --> 00:19:14,412 looking at you like I am right now, 443 00:19:14,979 --> 00:19:16,831 and saying, "You" 444 00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:19,664 are exactly who you're supposed to be." 445 00:19:27,726 --> 00:19:29,076 Made you some hot chocolate. 446 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,023 With those little marshmallows floating on top? 447 00:19:31,048 --> 00:19:32,562 We were out of marshmallows. 448 00:19:32,587 --> 00:19:34,730 Ugh. This day couldn't get any worse. 449 00:19:41,501 --> 00:19:43,763 Hey. Could I speak to Jack? 450 00:19:43,788 --> 00:19:45,290 I don't think that's a great idea. 451 00:19:45,315 --> 00:19:47,497 It's okay, Will. 452 00:19:51,311 --> 00:19:54,175 I spoke to Skip and he told me what you said. 453 00:19:54,355 --> 00:19:56,088 Then I looked around and I saw the camp 454 00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:58,834 for the first time through his eyes. 455 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,550 Made me sick. 456 00:20:01,744 --> 00:20:03,085 I had to get him out of there. 457 00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:04,499 Thank God. 458 00:20:04,533 --> 00:20:05,955 And then... 459 00:20:05,980 --> 00:20:07,882 In the car, on the way back to the city, 460 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:11,731 Emma and I got into a pretty big fight, and she said, 461 00:20:11,921 --> 00:20:14,252 "Do you really want Skip to end up like Jack?" 462 00:20:14,477 --> 00:20:16,318 And I said, "You mean someone who'd" 463 00:20:16,343 --> 00:20:17,845 "drop everything to 464 00:20:17,888 --> 00:20:20,770 "help someone he cares for live their truth? 465 00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:24,049 Yeah, I do." 466 00:20:24,622 --> 00:20:27,165 Anyway, um... 467 00:20:27,278 --> 00:20:29,381 Emma let Skip leave the camp. 468 00:20:29,681 --> 00:20:31,142 So... 469 00:20:31,229 --> 00:20:33,732 I guess that's a first step. 470 00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:36,920 Jack, I know we haven't been 471 00:20:37,009 --> 00:20:39,832 close over the last few years, but 472 00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:42,217 you really do mean a lot to me. 473 00:20:43,970 --> 00:20:45,872 You're my dad. 474 00:20:45,931 --> 00:20:48,353 That means so much. 475 00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:51,903 But in public, you're my brother. 476 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:59,074 AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday 477 00:21:00,822 --> 00:21:02,724 So, uh, Skip and I are gonna 478 00:21:02,749 --> 00:21:04,429 hang around the city for the next few days. 479 00:21:04,454 --> 00:21:06,136 I was wondering if you wanna take your grandson 480 00:21:06,161 --> 00:21:08,205 to his first Broadway show. 481 00:21:12,609 --> 00:21:14,811 Please look away. 482 00:21:16,746 --> 00:21:20,250 I don't think a boy should ever see his father cry. 483 00:21:20,275 --> 00:21:21,417 I mean brother. 483 00:21:22,305 --> 00:21:28,309 Please rate this subtitle at %url% Help other users to choose the best subtitles 33853

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