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00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,808
Introducing
the new spokesperson
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00:00:06,810 --> 00:00:09,236
for Wag and Bone Dog Food,
3
00:00:09,238 --> 00:00:12,642
Mr. Jack Mc...
4
00:00:14,244 --> 00:00:17,066
- Line...
- You know my last name, Karen.
5
00:00:17,068 --> 00:00:19,850
Honey, I did Ayahuasca
with shaman last night.
6
00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:22,172
I don't know if it's raining
or Tuesday.
7
00:00:24,215 --> 00:00:26,055
You really booked
a commercial?
8
00:00:26,057 --> 00:00:28,938
Technically,
I probably booked it.
9
00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:31,901
They unofficially told the gal
who's basically my agent
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00:00:31,903 --> 00:00:33,503
that it's between me
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00:00:33,505 --> 00:00:36,226
and approximately
three other guys,
12
00:00:36,228 --> 00:00:40,110
so...
it's in the bag.
13
00:00:40,112 --> 00:00:41,351
Congrats, Jack.
14
00:00:41,353 --> 00:00:44,635
Now, will you be playing
the dog or the human?
15
00:00:44,637 --> 00:00:46,998
See, guys,
this is why I do it.
16
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,201
All the years of people saying,
"You're too good for that job.
17
00:00:50,203 --> 00:00:52,203
You should be leading
a bigger life."
18
00:00:52,205 --> 00:00:56,128
"Sir, this is a library.
Put your pants back on."
19
00:00:56,130 --> 00:00:58,210
Karen's taking me out
to celebrate.
20
00:00:58,212 --> 00:00:59,812
I thought you had
a temp job today.
21
00:00:59,814 --> 00:01:02,615
Oh, that's right.
I forgot.
22
00:01:02,617 --> 00:01:04,657
I picked up a day
as a rehearsal pianist.
23
00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:07,302
God, why did you make me
a triple threat?
24
00:01:10,145 --> 00:01:14,468
Honey, call in sick.
Easy-peasy. Check it out.
25
00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:17,353
Chris, I can't make it in today.
26
00:01:23,279 --> 00:01:25,842
I sprained my ankle.
27
00:01:28,565 --> 00:01:30,806
You know that
Grace is still here?
28
00:01:30,808 --> 00:01:34,169
Jesus, does that woman
ever work?
29
00:01:34,171 --> 00:01:36,174
Hasta la homos.
30
00:01:38,496 --> 00:01:40,777
I don't wanna work today.
31
00:01:40,779 --> 00:01:43,019
It's so expected.
32
00:01:43,021 --> 00:01:45,181
You're my lawyer.
Get me out of this.
33
00:01:45,183 --> 00:01:48,025
In the case
of McFarland v. Reality,
34
00:01:48,027 --> 00:01:50,990
the Supreme Court ruled,
grow up.
35
00:01:52,031 --> 00:01:54,432
- Adults go to work.
- Why aren't you at work?
36
00:01:54,434 --> 00:01:56,194
Oh, I scored a ticket to
the Princess Diana gown exhibit
37
00:01:56,196 --> 00:01:57,675
at the Met
before it opens to the public.
38
00:01:57,677 --> 00:01:59,960
I am freaking out.
39
00:02:01,882 --> 00:02:05,003
- Oh...
- You look shmancy.
40
00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:06,685
If I was straight,
I'd stare at you like a creep
41
00:02:06,687 --> 00:02:08,809
and tell you to smile more.
42
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,374
I am going to
the gynecologist.
43
00:02:15,216 --> 00:02:19,379
What's with the faces?
You both came out of vaginas.
44
00:02:19,381 --> 00:02:21,383
I didn't.
45
00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:25,027
I am a Platinum Star Gay.
46
00:02:25,948 --> 00:02:27,468
Gay-splain, please?
47
00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:29,190
A Gold Star Gay
has never been with a woman.
48
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,872
Platinum haven't
been with a woman,
49
00:02:30,874 --> 00:02:33,074
and they were born
via C-section.
50
00:02:33,076 --> 00:02:35,759
Hence they've never
touched a vagine.
51
00:02:38,522 --> 00:02:40,763
It's all in his book,
"Men Are From Mars;
52
00:02:40,765 --> 00:02:43,085
Who Cares Where
Women Came From?"
53
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:51,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
54
00:02:53,261 --> 00:02:55,326
Subtitles by explosiveskull
55
00:02:57,663 --> 00:03:00,024
Where am I?
What's going on?
56
00:03:00,026 --> 00:03:02,266
You.
I know you.
57
00:03:02,268 --> 00:03:05,029
- You work here?
- I'm Sheila, your nurse.
58
00:03:05,031 --> 00:03:06,631
I used to work
at the sperm bank,
59
00:03:06,633 --> 00:03:08,273
where you tried
to have a gay baby...
60
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:11,757
or the donor was gay.
I don't know, it was super gay.
61
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,278
What happened to me?
62
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,880
The doctor found
some weird cells,
63
00:03:14,882 --> 00:03:16,762
and so he did a biopsy
on your left breast.
64
00:03:18,166 --> 00:03:21,207
Wait, left...
65
00:03:21,209 --> 00:03:24,052
Oh, that's the big one.
66
00:03:26,214 --> 00:03:29,338
- So, are you telling me I have...
- Cancer.
67
00:03:30,499 --> 00:03:33,300
I mean, you might have cancer.
68
00:03:33,302 --> 00:03:36,266
There's a very, very, very
slim chance that you have it.
69
00:03:38,108 --> 00:03:41,111
You're supposed
to lead with that.
70
00:03:42,112 --> 00:03:45,313
I'm... I'm taking this
really well.
71
00:03:45,315 --> 00:03:47,316
Why am I taking this
really well?
72
00:03:47,318 --> 00:03:49,999
Because you're coming out of
a very heavy sedation.
73
00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:51,640
We called
your emergency contact.
74
00:03:51,642 --> 00:03:55,206
- He's waiting outside.
- Oh, good, I need Will.
75
00:03:57,008 --> 00:03:59,409
Hey, Grace.
76
00:03:59,411 --> 00:04:01,691
Leo?
77
00:04:07,355 --> 00:04:10,677
Hi, I'm Jack, the rehearsal
pianist from Temporary Players.
78
00:04:10,679 --> 00:04:12,839
- I'm looking for Alvin.
- I'm Alvin.
79
00:04:12,841 --> 00:04:14,101
Churro?
80
00:04:14,103 --> 00:04:15,961
Uh, one, two,
three, four, five...
81
00:04:15,963 --> 00:04:18,142
I'm sorry, I can't do it.
Thank you though.
82
00:04:18,144 --> 00:04:20,080
Um, so where does
the magic happen?
83
00:04:20,082 --> 00:04:21,979
Oh, we had to cancel
the magic program,
84
00:04:21,981 --> 00:04:24,352
'cause the money disappeared.
85
00:04:24,354 --> 00:04:26,395
No, the theatrical magic,
86
00:04:26,397 --> 00:04:31,080
where thespians work onstage,
and "lespians" build the sets.
87
00:04:31,082 --> 00:04:33,803
If you talking about
the theater, it's right there.
88
00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:35,244
I'm sorry, um,
but in the words of
89
00:04:35,246 --> 00:04:37,727
my dear friend Amanda Bynes,
90
00:04:37,729 --> 00:04:40,252
where am I?
91
00:04:42,094 --> 00:04:44,655
This is the Bronx
Boys & Girls Club.
92
00:04:44,657 --> 00:04:46,777
You're teaching
an afterschool drama class.
93
00:04:46,779 --> 00:04:48,739
- Starts at 3:00.
- Alvin, was it?
94
00:04:48,741 --> 00:04:50,141
- Alvin with an A?
- Yep. Mm-hm.
95
00:04:50,143 --> 00:04:52,663
Alvin as in, "Alvin!"
96
00:04:52,665 --> 00:04:54,906
Don't do that.
97
00:04:54,908 --> 00:04:57,108
- Alvin...
- Mm-hm.
98
00:04:57,110 --> 00:04:59,151
I used to teach, now I do.
99
00:04:59,153 --> 00:05:02,274
In fact, I'm an almost
working actor again.
100
00:05:02,276 --> 00:05:04,156
You probably don't recognize me
101
00:05:04,158 --> 00:05:06,118
from the regional dog food
commercial I'm about to get,
102
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,161
but I certainly can't
consider teaching kids
103
00:05:08,163 --> 00:05:09,562
in an afterschool drama program,
104
00:05:09,564 --> 00:05:11,444
but I think what you do here
is great.
105
00:05:11,446 --> 00:05:13,086
- You know, it's great, great.
- Oh, yeah, it's best.
106
00:05:13,088 --> 00:05:15,248
You know the Bronx
silver service credo:
107
00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:18,974
Come for the free internet,
stay for the Obamacare...
108
00:05:20,456 --> 00:05:23,337
For now.
109
00:05:23,339 --> 00:05:26,423
I don't get that.
I'll see you later.
110
00:05:27,664 --> 00:05:29,424
Pickles!
111
00:05:29,426 --> 00:05:31,426
Pickles to heck!
112
00:05:31,428 --> 00:05:33,148
I'm not familiar
with that expression,
113
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:35,390
but I'm guessing
you didn't get that commercial.
114
00:05:35,392 --> 00:05:38,556
When you guess,
you make an ass of you and me.
115
00:05:40,238 --> 00:05:43,199
Well, you wanna teach,
pickles?
116
00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:45,924
'Cause it sounds like
you're not gonna do.
117
00:05:48,126 --> 00:05:52,049
How heavy was that sedation?
118
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:54,051
Because I feel like
119
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:57,615
my ex-husband
is standing right there.
120
00:05:57,617 --> 00:06:00,979
I think I'm still listed
as your emergency contact.
121
00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:03,181
How could that be?
I told Karen to...
122
00:06:03,183 --> 00:06:05,385
oh, that's how.
123
00:06:07,428 --> 00:06:09,468
I'm sensing some tension here.
124
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,190
- Who cheated?
- He did.
125
00:06:11,192 --> 00:06:13,474
Wow, seriously? That was
just a shot in the dark.
126
00:06:14,555 --> 00:06:17,677
It's a little bit
more complicated than that.
127
00:06:17,679 --> 00:06:19,078
Is it?
128
00:06:20,682 --> 00:06:25,566
Acting is rejection,
rejection, rejection.
129
00:06:25,568 --> 00:06:27,167
Hope?
130
00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:29,890
No, rejection.
131
00:06:29,892 --> 00:06:32,293
So if any one of you can picture
yourselves doing anything,
132
00:06:32,295 --> 00:06:33,855
anything other than acting,
133
00:06:33,857 --> 00:06:37,058
I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave right now.
134
00:06:37,060 --> 00:06:38,860
You, what do you wanna do?
135
00:06:38,862 --> 00:06:40,622
I wanna be a fireman.
136
00:06:40,624 --> 00:06:42,424
Oh, really?
137
00:06:42,426 --> 00:06:44,428
Get out!
138
00:06:45,269 --> 00:06:47,029
Not... not out, out.
You're a kid, that's crazy.
139
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:48,871
Just go to the bleachers.
140
00:06:48,873 --> 00:06:50,433
If I seem intense,
141
00:06:50,435 --> 00:06:53,316
it's for one reason
and one reason only, 'kay?
142
00:06:53,318 --> 00:06:57,080
I don't wanna be here,
and I'm really sad.
143
00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:58,882
That's two things.
144
00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:00,484
Jordan, get out!
145
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,806
I can't bear to look at ya!
146
00:07:02,808 --> 00:07:04,568
Not out, out.
You're a kid, that's crazy.
147
00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:06,571
Just go to the office.
Just go to the office.
148
00:07:06,573 --> 00:07:08,893
Look, if you have any hope
of making it in this business,
149
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:12,417
you have to give me
your undivided attention, okay?
150
00:07:12,419 --> 00:07:13,899
Fully commit here and now.
151
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,661
You can't let anything
distract you from...
152
00:07:15,663 --> 00:07:18,223
oh, my God, Karen's here.
What are you doing here?
153
00:07:18,225 --> 00:07:19,985
Well, I thought about
going into work,
154
00:07:19,987 --> 00:07:21,587
but Grace is at the lady doctor,
155
00:07:21,589 --> 00:07:23,429
and if there's anything
I don't wanna deal with,
156
00:07:23,431 --> 00:07:26,114
it's Grace and her angry inch.
157
00:07:28,597 --> 00:07:30,757
Honey, I'll just
wait for you to finish,
158
00:07:30,759 --> 00:07:33,440
and maybe we'll find
a nasty roof party
159
00:07:33,442 --> 00:07:35,444
and do a little beep-boop.
160
00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:40,608
I didn't wanna say Molly
in front of the kids.
161
00:07:44,494 --> 00:07:46,695
Look, thank you
for bringing me home.
162
00:07:46,697 --> 00:07:50,459
Obviously, I'm going to change
my emergency contact.
163
00:07:50,461 --> 00:07:53,342
That's all right.
It ain't nothing.
164
00:07:53,344 --> 00:07:54,784
- I forgot you did that.
- What?
165
00:07:54,786 --> 00:07:57,507
When you wanna defuse tension,
you...
166
00:07:57,509 --> 00:08:00,632
Turn up the Cajun spices.
167
00:08:02,634 --> 00:08:07,438
"Why, I'm just a handsome
po' boy from N'Awlins.
168
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:12,283
I'm just eating
my bowl of zydeco."
169
00:08:12,285 --> 00:08:14,926
So, a po' boy is a sandwich,
170
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,447
and zydeco is a form of music,
171
00:08:16,449 --> 00:08:18,650
and I am from Baton Rouge,
172
00:08:18,652 --> 00:08:20,812
which is a completely
different accent,
173
00:08:20,814 --> 00:08:22,134
which I lost years ago.
174
00:08:22,136 --> 00:08:26,338
I say, I say, yes, you did.
175
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,662
I'm not Foghorn Leghorn.
176
00:08:29,664 --> 00:08:31,504
But I'm gonna give you a pass,
'cause I know that you're
177
00:08:31,506 --> 00:08:33,386
worried about your test results.
178
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,908
I'm not worried.
179
00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:36,590
Everything's gonna be fine.
180
00:08:36,592 --> 00:08:38,752
You know, it's okay
if you tell me, Grace.
181
00:08:38,754 --> 00:08:41,195
Seriously,
I'm not worried about it.
182
00:08:41,197 --> 00:08:43,117
I'm fine.
183
00:08:43,119 --> 00:08:44,718
You can go now, Leo.
184
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,560
One of the good things
about being single
185
00:08:46,562 --> 00:08:50,767
is you learn how to get
through a crisis alone.
186
00:08:52,008 --> 00:08:54,850
- Hey.
- I almost died today!
187
00:08:54,852 --> 00:08:57,172
What?
188
00:08:57,174 --> 00:08:58,854
What are you talking about?
189
00:08:58,856 --> 00:09:01,497
I had an emergency
biopsy of my boob.
190
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,903
- The big one?
- Yeah!
191
00:09:07,666 --> 00:09:09,706
I'm gonna get the results
later today.
192
00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:11,388
- Grace, that must've been so...
- Terrifying.
193
00:09:11,390 --> 00:09:12,749
- Did it...
- They knocked me out.
194
00:09:12,751 --> 00:09:14,551
- Because you're a big...
- A big baby.
195
00:09:14,553 --> 00:09:15,753
Yeah, yeah. Come on, sit.
'Kay, sit down.
196
00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,875
- How do you feel?
- Not good!
197
00:09:17,877 --> 00:09:19,357
I might have cancer.
198
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:22,242
- I smell toast.
- Wh...
199
00:09:24,044 --> 00:09:26,046
I made toast.
200
00:09:27,007 --> 00:09:29,368
Wait, you're eating bread?
201
00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:31,450
It's not a cheat day.
What's wrong?
202
00:09:31,452 --> 00:09:32,891
No, I don't wanna
make this about me.
203
00:09:32,893 --> 00:09:35,094
You... you're dealing
with something real.
204
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:37,216
- Have you been crying?
- No...
205
00:09:37,218 --> 00:09:40,420
I went to the Princess
Diana exhibit,
206
00:09:40,422 --> 00:09:42,504
which was amazing...
207
00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,226
But I bought remastered DVDs
of the wedding and the funeral,
208
00:09:46,228 --> 00:09:49,229
and I watched them back to back,
and now I'm eating my feelings.
209
00:09:49,231 --> 00:09:51,071
How could you do that
to yourself?
210
00:09:51,073 --> 00:09:54,836
She really was like
a candle in the wind.
211
00:09:54,838 --> 00:09:57,478
Speaking of just
hanging out in the wind,
212
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,601
- I'm here.
- Leo?
213
00:09:59,603 --> 00:10:01,563
- How you doing, Will?
- What are you doing he...
214
00:10:01,565 --> 00:10:04,126
oh, please, God, tell me
you're not back together,
215
00:10:04,128 --> 00:10:06,889
unless you are,
in which case...
216
00:10:06,891 --> 00:10:08,611
Yay.
217
00:10:08,613 --> 00:10:10,933
He's still
my emergency contact.
218
00:10:10,935 --> 00:10:13,056
What?
I thought you told Karen to...
219
00:10:13,058 --> 00:10:14,697
oh, yeah, that makes sense.
220
00:10:14,699 --> 00:10:16,539
You know,
you should've probably been
221
00:10:16,541 --> 00:10:19,302
her emergency contact,
even when we were married.
222
00:10:19,304 --> 00:10:20,824
Good luck with
the test results, Grace.
223
00:10:20,826 --> 00:10:23,427
Will, it was...
it was good seeing you.
224
00:10:23,429 --> 00:10:24,989
What did he mean by that?
225
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,751
I think he just meant
it was nice to see me,
226
00:10:26,753 --> 00:10:28,112
and he understood that
my feelings about...
227
00:10:28,114 --> 00:10:30,074
No, the thing before that.
228
00:10:30,076 --> 00:10:33,198
What did you mean by Will being
my, uh, emergency contact
229
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,839
- when we were married?
- Grace, it doesn't matter.
230
00:10:34,841 --> 00:10:36,281
No, just say it.
231
00:10:36,283 --> 00:10:37,683
You never shared
anything with me.
232
00:10:37,685 --> 00:10:39,485
You always ran to Will.
233
00:10:39,487 --> 00:10:41,967
Wasn't that the problem
with our marriage?
234
00:10:41,969 --> 00:10:44,130
You could never be in
a relationship with me,
235
00:10:44,132 --> 00:10:47,934
because you're always gonna have
this weird thing with Will.
236
00:10:47,936 --> 00:10:50,136
Oh, so that's it?
I don't get a last word?
237
00:10:50,138 --> 00:10:51,778
No, you get the last word
238
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:54,821
by bringing up
who gets the last word.
239
00:10:54,823 --> 00:10:56,583
Well, how about
we're done talking
240
00:10:56,585 --> 00:10:58,225
and no one gets the last word?
241
00:10:58,227 --> 00:10:59,907
- Fine.
- You did it again!
242
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,069
You know what,
I want the last word,
243
00:11:02,071 --> 00:11:03,591
so you get on that elevator,
244
00:11:03,593 --> 00:11:05,954
and you stand there silently,
245
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,597
until the door closes
in your face.
246
00:11:08,599 --> 00:11:10,921
- You know, this is...
- Ay... oh... oh... ooh...
247
00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:15,684
Last word.
248
00:11:15,686 --> 00:11:18,247
- Bye, Grace.
- Dah...
249
00:11:20,652 --> 00:11:22,692
Why is your friend
at the lady doctor?
250
00:11:22,694 --> 00:11:24,414
Why does anyone
go to any doctor?
251
00:11:24,416 --> 00:11:27,177
Fear and pills.
252
00:11:27,179 --> 00:11:29,461
But you mind your own business.
253
00:11:32,585 --> 00:11:34,986
Do you know how I could find
a doctor like that?
254
00:11:34,988 --> 00:11:36,347
Ask your mother.
255
00:11:36,349 --> 00:11:37,949
I live with
my dad and brothers.
256
00:11:37,951 --> 00:11:40,994
Oh, boo hoo, I didn't
ask for your life story.
257
00:11:43,597 --> 00:11:45,157
You're mean.
258
00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:47,842
You have no idea.
259
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:54,647
Why do you need to go
to the doctor anyway?
260
00:11:54,649 --> 00:11:56,569
Mind your own business.
261
00:11:56,571 --> 00:11:58,531
Hm...
262
00:11:58,533 --> 00:12:00,894
Brava.
263
00:12:00,896 --> 00:12:03,617
But seriously, you can tell me.
264
00:12:03,619 --> 00:12:05,019
I got a working relationship
265
00:12:05,021 --> 00:12:06,700
with every doctor
on Park Avenue.
266
00:12:06,702 --> 00:12:09,183
Come on, what's going on?
What's the deal?
267
00:12:09,185 --> 00:12:11,105
Oh. Fine.
268
00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:14,149
You're gonna be like that?
All right.
269
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,111
If you're not gonna tell me
what's wrong with you,
270
00:12:16,113 --> 00:12:17,592
then we are done.
271
00:12:17,594 --> 00:12:21,276
There is nothing left to say,
period.
272
00:12:21,278 --> 00:12:23,038
Ah-ho.
273
00:12:38,478 --> 00:12:41,161
Okay, Jordan, listen...
274
00:12:42,603 --> 00:12:45,606
This isn't "The Miracle Worker,"
okay?
275
00:12:46,698 --> 00:12:48,538
You need to make actual noises
with your mouth.
276
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,940
- I don't think I can do it.
- What you're having right now
277
00:12:50,942 --> 00:12:53,903
is what we in the trade call
performance anxiety,
278
00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:57,710
and what my friend Will
calls date night.
279
00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:01,912
Nothing?
No, nothing.
280
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:03,916
This guy gets it.
281
00:13:04,557 --> 00:13:07,078
Mm, okay.
Look, everybody gets scared,
282
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,680
but you can't stop trying.
283
00:13:08,682 --> 00:13:11,923
When you're an actor,
you gotta believe in yourself,
284
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,927
even when you don't.
285
00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:17,409
♪ Ben ♪
286
00:13:17,411 --> 00:13:20,172
♪ The two of us need look ♪
287
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:23,736
♪ No more ♪
288
00:13:23,738 --> 00:13:26,619
♪ We both found ♪
289
00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:31,425
♪ What we were looking for ♪
290
00:13:31,427 --> 00:13:33,827
♪ With a friend ♪
291
00:13:33,829 --> 00:13:36,590
♪ To call my own ♪
292
00:13:36,592 --> 00:13:39,994
♪ I'll never be alone ♪
293
00:13:39,996 --> 00:13:43,638
♪ And you my friend will see ♪
294
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:49,124
♪ You've got a friend in me ♪
295
00:13:49,126 --> 00:13:52,808
I just got the chills.
296
00:13:52,810 --> 00:13:56,412
I am an incredible teacher.
297
00:13:59,217 --> 00:14:01,618
Okay, I found the perfect
activity to distract us
298
00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:03,059
while we wait for
the test results.
299
00:14:03,061 --> 00:14:04,982
We are going to build
a gingerbread house.
300
00:14:04,984 --> 00:14:07,304
Don't know why.
Just called to me.
301
00:14:07,306 --> 00:14:10,187
What are... what are you eating?
What... what are you eating?
302
00:14:10,189 --> 00:14:11,629
Strawberry ice cream,
303
00:14:11,631 --> 00:14:13,671
but I'm using chicken satay
as the spoon.
304
00:14:17,517 --> 00:14:19,838
It must be bad news, Grace.
305
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,960
We're gonna get through this
together.
306
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,842
I'll shave my head.
Do you need me to shave my head?
307
00:14:23,844 --> 00:14:26,045
No, no, the test was negative.
I don't have cancer.
308
00:14:26,047 --> 00:14:29,569
Oh, thank, God,
I have a weird skull.
309
00:14:29,571 --> 00:14:31,491
Hey, but this is great news!
310
00:14:31,493 --> 00:14:33,853
Come on......
this is great.
311
00:14:33,855 --> 00:14:35,655
Whoo!
312
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:38,538
Why am I whooing alone?
313
00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:39,980
Is Leo right?
314
00:14:39,982 --> 00:14:41,662
Did our relationship
ruin my marriage?
315
00:14:41,664 --> 00:14:43,103
Yeah, you got
a little strawberry...
316
00:14:43,105 --> 00:14:44,905
Was I supposed to go to him
instead of you?
317
00:14:44,907 --> 00:14:46,908
- Just... just... stop, stop.
- Are we weirdly close?
318
00:14:46,910 --> 00:14:49,551
Stop, stop...
stop talking for a second.
319
00:14:49,553 --> 00:14:51,555
There.
320
00:14:54,718 --> 00:14:58,040
I believe you were asking
if we are weirdly close.
321
00:14:58,042 --> 00:14:59,682
- Yeah, are we?
- Yes!
322
00:14:59,684 --> 00:15:01,203
But here,
you know what this is like?
323
00:15:01,205 --> 00:15:02,565
Oh, is this gonna have
324
00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:04,127
something to do with
Princess Di?
325
00:15:04,129 --> 00:15:06,009
I think we both know
the answer to that.
326
00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:08,852
Remember how we both hated
Camilla Parker Bowles?
327
00:15:08,854 --> 00:15:10,974
We were young.
We rushed to judgment.
328
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,056
Exactly. Everyone thought
she was the villain,
329
00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:15,259
because she broke up
this storybook romance.
330
00:15:15,261 --> 00:15:18,062
- Well, do not forget the hats.
- I wish I could.
331
00:15:18,064 --> 00:15:20,505
But all she really did was...
was help Charles realize
332
00:15:20,507 --> 00:15:22,427
the storybook wasn't true.
333
00:15:22,429 --> 00:15:25,550
Wait, who's Princess Diana
in this situation? Leo?
334
00:15:25,552 --> 00:15:28,233
Sadly, yes.
335
00:15:28,235 --> 00:15:30,395
And I'm Camilla.
336
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,077
Here, sit down.
337
00:15:32,079 --> 00:15:33,799
The point is,
338
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:35,961
no happy marriage
ends in divorce.
339
00:15:35,963 --> 00:15:37,643
- Ah...
- I mean, I was there.
340
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,726
You tried everything you could.
341
00:15:39,728 --> 00:15:41,247
Months of therapy.
342
00:15:41,249 --> 00:15:43,450
Grace, you tried golf.
343
00:15:43,452 --> 00:15:45,412
"Is the ball in the hole?"
"No."
344
00:15:45,414 --> 00:15:46,813
"How 'bout now?"
"No."
345
00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,896
"Is it lunchtime?"
"No."
346
00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:51,619
You only came to me
347
00:15:51,621 --> 00:15:53,301
when you already knew
it was over,
348
00:15:53,303 --> 00:15:56,264
just like I came to you when
things with Vince were over.
349
00:15:56,266 --> 00:15:58,266
You're right.
350
00:15:58,268 --> 00:15:59,948
So, you let Leo
think what he wants.
351
00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:01,269
- You're right.
- What matters is
352
00:16:01,271 --> 00:16:02,951
- you know the truth.
- Exactly.
353
00:16:02,953 --> 00:16:04,513
You don't have to
explain anything to him.
354
00:16:04,515 --> 00:16:06,115
Hell no.
355
00:16:06,117 --> 00:16:07,997
You're gonna go explain
things to him, aren't you?
356
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:10,279
Uh, Princess Jambalaya's
not getting the last word.
357
00:16:12,323 --> 00:16:13,603
All right, we good?
358
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:15,165
- Everything go okay?
- Yeah.
359
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:16,886
You do everything
I told you to do?
360
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:19,289
- Yeah.
- Good stuff. Have a nice life.
361
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,616
Honey, you have somebody
you can talk to
362
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,258
about these things, right?
363
00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:30,181
Like a husband or a lover?
364
00:16:30,183 --> 00:16:32,303
What? No.
365
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:36,590
Why does it always
have to be me?
366
00:16:38,552 --> 00:16:40,392
Honey...
367
00:16:40,394 --> 00:16:42,795
I know what just happened
was a big deal.
368
00:16:42,797 --> 00:16:45,158
It isn't fun,
but this day never is.
369
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,802
For me,
it was the summer of fift...
370
00:16:48,804 --> 00:16:51,967
sixt...'79.
371
00:16:55,130 --> 00:16:58,372
I was sitting on my front porch,
372
00:16:58,374 --> 00:17:00,855
listening to my transist...
my Walkma...
373
00:17:00,857 --> 00:17:03,620
my iPod shuffle...
374
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:08,383
And then it happened.
375
00:17:08,385 --> 00:17:11,506
Well, I just wanted to
run into my room and hide,
376
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,829
but my mom's idiot boyfriend
377
00:17:13,831 --> 00:17:16,472
screamed to the whole
neighborhood, "Hey!
378
00:17:16,474 --> 00:17:19,836
Lois's kid just became a woman."
379
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,237
And then my mom celebrated
380
00:17:21,239 --> 00:17:23,079
by opening her bottle
of good scotch
381
00:17:23,081 --> 00:17:25,001
and giving everybody
in the neighborhood a drink,
382
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:27,524
everyone except
the anxious 12-year-old
383
00:17:27,526 --> 00:17:29,528
who needed it the most.
384
00:17:31,731 --> 00:17:34,452
Look, Tasha, the point is,
385
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:37,657
I survived, and so will you.
386
00:17:38,859 --> 00:17:41,179
You're not really mean,
are you?
387
00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:43,183
How dare you!
388
00:17:45,746 --> 00:17:47,748
Get over here!
389
00:17:51,432 --> 00:17:55,475
Mind your own business.
390
00:18:00,764 --> 00:18:02,221
What are you doing here,
Grace?
391
00:18:02,223 --> 00:18:04,696
You and I did not get divorced
392
00:18:04,698 --> 00:18:07,990
because Will and I
are too co-dependent
393
00:18:07,992 --> 00:18:09,511
or whatever.
394
00:18:09,513 --> 00:18:11,073
Oh, crap.
395
00:18:11,075 --> 00:18:14,397
I see you're still
unaware of your wingspan.
396
00:18:14,399 --> 00:18:17,039
Well, at least you're not
blaming me and Will.
397
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:20,884
Well, technically, you came
here to talk about Will, so...
398
00:18:20,886 --> 00:18:22,686
You know what,
can I just please finish?
399
00:18:22,688 --> 00:18:24,167
I'd let you, but you're
putting his gall bladder
400
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:25,449
where his liver goes.
401
00:18:25,451 --> 00:18:28,214
One drink, and he will explode.
402
00:18:29,695 --> 00:18:31,455
Stop being charming.
403
00:18:31,457 --> 00:18:33,713
You are wrong
about our marriage.
404
00:18:33,715 --> 00:18:37,637
It did not end
because of Will and me.
405
00:18:37,639 --> 00:18:40,601
- You're absolutely right.
- I am?
406
00:18:40,603 --> 00:18:43,804
I mean, I know I am,
but... I am?
407
00:18:43,806 --> 00:18:45,526
Grace, it ended
because of you.
408
00:18:45,528 --> 00:18:48,129
Me? Me?
409
00:18:48,131 --> 00:18:50,892
You were the one who joined
Doctors Without Borders,
410
00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:54,135
met a blonde, and it became
Doctors Without Pants!
411
00:18:54,137 --> 00:18:56,538
You see,
you bring this up every time.
412
00:18:56,540 --> 00:18:58,020
Well, it was a big deal!
413
00:18:58,022 --> 00:18:59,702
Well, that was our
first marriage, Grace.
414
00:18:59,704 --> 00:19:02,345
The second time,
I was in it, okay?
415
00:19:02,347 --> 00:19:03,706
I tried.
416
00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,268
But... but you never
let me back in.
417
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:08,752
I couldn't complain,
because I was the cheater.
418
00:19:08,754 --> 00:19:11,715
I... I didn't have
a leg to stand on.
419
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,357
You're right.
420
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,038
I am?
421
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,842
I-I mean, I-I know I am,
but I am?
422
00:19:17,844 --> 00:19:21,245
I tried so hard, Leo,
423
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:23,167
but I just couldn't forgive you.
424
00:19:23,169 --> 00:19:25,930
- I know you tried.
- I did.
425
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,055
I took up golf for you.
426
00:19:31,058 --> 00:19:33,018
I took up golf for you.
427
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,500
I hate golf.
428
00:19:34,502 --> 00:19:36,422
"Can I get back
on the cart now?" "No."
429
00:19:36,424 --> 00:19:39,387
"How 'bout now?" "No."
"Are we the only Jews?" "Yes."
430
00:19:41,429 --> 00:19:43,189
Now I'm sad.
431
00:19:43,191 --> 00:19:45,472
We could've not played golf
together.
432
00:19:45,474 --> 00:19:48,756
I guess we just
got our signals crossed.
433
00:19:48,758 --> 00:19:50,760
Yes, we did.
434
00:19:53,563 --> 00:19:55,883
Okay...
435
00:19:55,885 --> 00:19:58,286
I guess, um,
436
00:19:58,288 --> 00:19:59,768
I'm gonna go.
437
00:19:59,770 --> 00:20:02,731
- 'Kay.
- Oh, uh, one more thing,
438
00:20:02,733 --> 00:20:04,493
I... I don't have cancer.
439
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:07,218
I know.
I ta... I talked to Will.
440
00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:10,499
Hey, Grace...
441
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:13,102
you took my heart.
442
00:20:13,104 --> 00:20:15,867
You took my heart too, Leo...
443
00:20:17,629 --> 00:20:19,469
But I believe
444
00:20:19,471 --> 00:20:22,793
that we both are gonna
find love again,
445
00:20:22,795 --> 00:20:25,476
with the person
we're supposed to be with.
446
00:20:25,478 --> 00:20:28,882
No, I mean,
you took my heart...
447
00:20:29,923 --> 00:20:32,363
From the model.
448
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:34,368
Yeah, you, uh...
449
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:38,172
You put it in your purse.
450
00:20:42,216 --> 00:20:44,256
I mean, I-I'm sure
it was an accident,
451
00:20:44,258 --> 00:20:47,860
but, you know, they... they kill
you on the replacement parts.
452
00:20:47,862 --> 00:20:50,385
You so set me up.
453
00:20:59,315 --> 00:21:01,636
We always had that, didn't we?
454
00:21:01,638 --> 00:21:03,197
We certainly did.
455
00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:06,283
- And that ain't nothing.
- Sure ain't.
456
00:21:09,046 --> 00:21:11,006
See you around, Adler.
457
00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:13,010
Bye, Leo.
458
00:21:14,546 --> 00:21:19,655
Subtitles by explosiveskull
459
00:21:19,657 --> 00:21:21,497
Last word.
459
00:21:22,305 --> 00:21:28,309
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