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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,342 --> 00:00:03,551 Previously on The Last Man on Earth... 2 00:00:03,592 --> 00:00:05,839 - Do you want to have a baby with Todd? - I'm sorry? 3 00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,496 You said no, right? 4 00:00:07,531 --> 00:00:09,164 I want to have a baby with you. 5 00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:10,940 I'm gonna be a dad. 6 00:00:21,685 --> 00:00:23,211 Um... 7 00:00:23,247 --> 00:00:26,214 so how are we... gonna do this? 8 00:00:26,250 --> 00:00:30,394 First of all, the most important thing here is your comfort. 9 00:00:30,513 --> 00:00:31,712 Okay, so... 10 00:00:31,737 --> 00:00:34,767 Can I get you some water? Another pillow? Sock slippers? 11 00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,510 - I'm fine. - What about the room temperature? 12 00:00:36,526 --> 00:00:37,325 Is that fine for you? 13 00:00:37,361 --> 00:00:39,427 Because I can make a fire, get you some sock slippers... 14 00:00:39,463 --> 00:00:41,633 - Guys, I'm fine. - Back off, Melissa. 15 00:00:41,658 --> 00:00:42,857 She's fine. 16 00:00:42,882 --> 00:00:45,616 Sorry, Todd. 17 00:00:46,899 --> 00:00:48,503 Just so we're clear... 18 00:00:48,539 --> 00:00:51,961 uh, we're not talking about actually having sex. 19 00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:54,209 No. No, no, no, no. No, no. Absolutely no. 20 00:00:54,244 --> 00:00:56,284 You know, the... we're gonna approach this like a... 21 00:00:56,313 --> 00:00:58,108 like a business transaction. 22 00:00:58,133 --> 00:00:59,915 - Sure. Whatever. - Okay, great. 23 00:00:59,985 --> 00:01:02,250 So-so, my, um... 24 00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:04,319 c-company... 25 00:01:04,354 --> 00:01:10,090 is-is gonna, uh... uh, manually, uh, produce 26 00:01:10,115 --> 00:01:13,161 as-as much, um... 27 00:01:13,196 --> 00:01:15,263 uh... product 28 00:01:15,299 --> 00:01:18,500 as-as it can possibly generate. 29 00:01:18,535 --> 00:01:20,761 You know, w-without me passing out. 30 00:01:20,786 --> 00:01:23,916 A-And then my company is going to, 31 00:01:23,941 --> 00:01:28,387 mm, deliver, uh, my product 32 00:01:28,412 --> 00:01:33,281 to your company's... loading zone. 33 00:01:33,317 --> 00:01:36,384 And then your company is-is going to 34 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,852 just basically, uh, uh... 35 00:01:38,877 --> 00:01:42,634 baste the whole store with, uh... product. 36 00:01:42,659 --> 00:01:45,360 Yeah, could you stop calling it "product"? 37 00:01:45,395 --> 00:01:46,628 Absolutely. 38 00:01:46,663 --> 00:01:49,598 What... what's-what's a better word for "product," guys? 39 00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:51,466 Uh, "yield." 40 00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:53,201 - "Overhead"? - "Deliverable." 41 00:01:53,236 --> 00:01:54,336 - "Output." - "Export"? 42 00:01:54,384 --> 00:01:55,509 - "Download"? - "Income." 43 00:01:55,546 --> 00:01:56,465 "Splutter"? 44 00:01:56,509 --> 00:01:58,260 - "Confetti"? - "Bonuses"? 45 00:01:58,275 --> 00:02:00,481 Or "reams," like paper reams. 46 00:02:04,259 --> 00:02:06,259 Top o' the morning to ya, bud! 47 00:02:06,301 --> 00:02:08,216 Nice, uh, leprechaun skirt. 48 00:02:08,251 --> 00:02:11,353 Healthy airflow for the old, uh, bag and pipe, huh? 49 00:02:11,388 --> 00:02:13,321 It's nothing compared to what Erica's got to do. 50 00:02:13,357 --> 00:02:16,291 You know, vitamins, diet, exercise, all that stuff. 51 00:02:16,326 --> 00:02:19,194 So, word on the street is that you're ovulating right now. 52 00:02:19,229 --> 00:02:22,330 I mean, that's not really how it works, bud. 53 00:02:22,366 --> 00:02:25,333 But, yeah, um, Erica's ovulating. 54 00:02:25,369 --> 00:02:27,335 - Erica is... Oh, okay, okay. - Mm-hmm. 55 00:02:27,371 --> 00:02:30,786 Yeah. Okay. I guess I... I'm missing... 56 00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:33,763 - Ovu... ovulating... - Women ovulate. Men don't. 57 00:02:33,801 --> 00:02:35,843 All right. And, uh... 58 00:02:35,858 --> 00:02:38,380 I'm assuming you've been refraining from masturbation? 59 00:02:38,415 --> 00:02:40,281 - Yep. - Good. I mean... 60 00:02:40,317 --> 00:02:43,351 got to hold on to that self-abuse juice, knowasa? 61 00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:45,660 - Huh? - Knowasa? 62 00:02:45,686 --> 00:02:48,389 - What? - Yaknowasaa? 63 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,123 - I'm sorry, I can't... - Do you know what I'm saying? 64 00:02:51,148 --> 00:02:53,528 - No, I-I don't. - No. That's what I'm saying. 65 00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:55,163 - Oh! - "Do you know what I'm saying?" 66 00:02:55,198 --> 00:02:56,164 - Oh. - Knowasa. 67 00:02:56,199 --> 00:02:57,232 Got it. Got it. No, no. 68 00:02:57,267 --> 00:02:58,299 And I have been holding off. 69 00:02:58,335 --> 00:03:00,235 Oh, good, good. Why waste it in practice? 70 00:03:00,270 --> 00:03:02,270 You got to save it for the game, knowasa? 71 00:03:02,305 --> 00:03:04,472 I do now, bud. Well, I better get to it. 72 00:03:04,508 --> 00:03:06,441 Hey, wait, wait, wait, hang on, bud. 73 00:03:06,476 --> 00:03:09,544 'Cause Carol and I have a little surprise for you. 74 00:03:10,614 --> 00:03:13,314 Ooh, perfect timing. 75 00:03:13,350 --> 00:03:15,150 - I just finished. - Well, hopefully 76 00:03:15,185 --> 00:03:18,499 that's what Todd will be saying in a few short minutes from now. 77 00:03:18,524 --> 00:03:19,624 Is that a... 78 00:03:19,649 --> 00:03:22,874 - A masturbatorium? Yes, it is. - Worked well for us, 79 00:03:22,899 --> 00:03:24,159 so we thought we'd pay it forward. 80 00:03:24,194 --> 00:03:25,560 - Ah. - Let me take you through it. 81 00:03:25,595 --> 00:03:27,462 It's no secret that we could use 82 00:03:27,497 --> 00:03:30,059 a few more gentlemen in our world, 83 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,005 so I wanted to give you something 84 00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:35,208 to help you visualize a male result: 85 00:03:35,233 --> 00:03:36,936 Images of some of the best traits 86 00:03:36,961 --> 00:03:38,373 that mankind has to offer. 87 00:03:38,864 --> 00:03:41,284 Like the genius of Albert Einstein 88 00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:43,178 and Benjamin Franklin, 89 00:03:43,213 --> 00:03:46,314 the panache of Elvis Stojko, 90 00:03:46,349 --> 00:03:48,973 the stature of Robert Wadlow, 91 00:03:48,998 --> 00:03:52,153 and the robust presence of William Howard Taft, 92 00:03:52,189 --> 00:03:53,555 Grover Cleveland, 93 00:03:53,590 --> 00:03:57,258 and Donald Trump, our three fattest presidents. 94 00:03:57,294 --> 00:04:01,296 So when you're masturbating, just picture these men. 95 00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:03,508 Okay. Thanks, Carol. 96 00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:05,531 Now, in terms of lotion, 97 00:04:05,556 --> 00:04:07,235 got a lot of options here for you. 98 00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:09,370 But I've gone ahead and preselected 99 00:04:09,406 --> 00:04:11,406 my personal favorite. 100 00:04:11,441 --> 00:04:14,851 A 2012 bottle of Golsten Farm's Shea Butter. 101 00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:16,311 Provides fluidity of motion 102 00:04:16,346 --> 00:04:18,379 with just the right amount of purchase. 103 00:04:18,415 --> 00:04:20,740 Goes without saying, it is paraben-free, 104 00:04:20,765 --> 00:04:22,550 and she's got one hell of a nose on her. 105 00:04:22,586 --> 00:04:25,906 Here. Get in there. Come on. 106 00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,717 - Now, get in there. - Mmm. 107 00:04:27,742 --> 00:04:29,709 - See how she opens up? - Mm-hmm. 108 00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:31,259 Here, dance with her. 109 00:04:39,568 --> 00:04:41,535 Yeah. That's fine. 110 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,542 Yeah, well, this is my stop. 111 00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:45,416 Oh, sure, sure. Here. 112 00:04:47,901 --> 00:04:50,211 Yeah. 113 00:04:50,247 --> 00:04:52,147 O Captain! My Captain! 114 00:04:54,175 --> 00:04:55,384 Oh. 115 00:05:00,659 --> 00:05:03,358 Okay, Todd, well, I'll leave you to it. 116 00:05:03,838 --> 00:05:05,771 Okay. Thanks, Carol. 117 00:05:08,979 --> 00:05:11,299 Okay, now, the first thing you're gonna want to do 118 00:05:11,334 --> 00:05:15,162 is to part your pubic thatch and locate your body's dong. 119 00:05:15,187 --> 00:05:16,530 You got it, bud? 120 00:05:16,555 --> 00:05:18,106 Next, you're gonna want to think 121 00:05:18,141 --> 00:05:20,208 on some kind of alluring scenario. 122 00:05:20,259 --> 00:05:23,177 Bad pitch: You're walking on a polar ice field, 123 00:05:23,213 --> 00:05:26,347 and you come upon a stranded dogsled team. 124 00:05:26,384 --> 00:05:28,548 All the dogs are dead... natural causes... but... 125 00:05:28,549 --> 00:05:30,964 Sorry, bud. C-Could I get a little privacy? 126 00:05:30,989 --> 00:05:32,387 Oh, yeah. You got it, bud. 127 00:05:32,422 --> 00:05:34,289 Everybody, be quiet! 128 00:05:34,324 --> 00:05:36,191 Todd's about to masturbate! 129 00:05:36,226 --> 00:05:37,790 Right now! 130 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,681 Quiet! 131 00:05:43,216 --> 00:05:44,599 Hey, girl. 132 00:05:44,624 --> 00:05:46,791 Oh. Hey, Melissa. What's up? 133 00:05:48,865 --> 00:05:50,271 I just wanted to thank you. 134 00:05:50,307 --> 00:05:53,103 - Oh. - Todd's smiling again. 135 00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:56,064 He's laughing. He's just... he's happy. 136 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,548 And it's all 'cause of you. 137 00:05:57,573 --> 00:05:58,917 - Oh. - You're... 138 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,226 just an angel. 139 00:06:01,251 --> 00:06:03,284 - I'm not an angel. - You are! 140 00:06:04,845 --> 00:06:07,012 You are. 141 00:06:07,081 --> 00:06:08,433 Okay. 142 00:06:08,964 --> 00:06:10,158 Well, thanks. 143 00:06:10,193 --> 00:06:12,227 God, I just feel so close to you! 144 00:06:12,262 --> 00:06:15,009 Like, we've been friends for a while now, 145 00:06:15,034 --> 00:06:17,498 but I think now it's time for us to be... 146 00:06:17,534 --> 00:06:20,301 friends friends, you know? 147 00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:22,470 - Yeah, I-I guess so. - 'Cause, like, 148 00:06:22,505 --> 00:06:24,305 when's the last time we just dished? 149 00:06:24,341 --> 00:06:27,257 Or-or did, like, really silly girly stuff, 150 00:06:27,259 --> 00:06:29,426 like lip-synched into a wooden spoon 151 00:06:29,469 --> 00:06:32,421 or just, aah, got tangled up in ribbons? 152 00:06:32,453 --> 00:06:34,639 Oh, I think, I think... 153 00:06:34,664 --> 00:06:36,046 - never? - What do you say 154 00:06:36,071 --> 00:06:38,053 we boogie down the street, get some candles, 155 00:06:38,078 --> 00:06:40,221 burn them down, and make new candles. 156 00:06:40,257 --> 00:06:42,223 Am I right, queen? 157 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,121 Yeah. 158 00:06:44,146 --> 00:06:46,194 You know, I think I'm just gonna... 159 00:06:46,229 --> 00:06:49,761 - stay here and fold clothes. - That is so you! 160 00:06:49,801 --> 00:06:52,010 You're so funny. God, you just... 161 00:06:52,051 --> 00:06:53,501 you just put me in such a silly mood. 162 00:06:53,536 --> 00:06:57,205 Like, I just want to, aah, like, wear a giant tie. 163 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,607 Oh. Okay. 164 00:07:00,612 --> 00:07:01,870 Well, I'll see you later. 165 00:07:01,895 --> 00:07:03,244 Yeah, you will. 166 00:07:03,269 --> 00:07:04,737 - Okay. - Big-time. 167 00:07:07,825 --> 00:07:09,484 - Peaches? - Peaches. 168 00:07:09,946 --> 00:07:11,612 Five. 169 00:07:11,637 --> 00:07:13,059 Green beans? 170 00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:16,157 - Mm, zero. - Oh, good. Who needs them? 171 00:07:16,192 --> 00:07:18,153 Well, the babies, for one. 172 00:07:18,178 --> 00:07:21,794 And Todd, if he's trying to produce some quality product. 173 00:07:21,819 --> 00:07:25,074 How about you guys can divvy up my share, and in return, 174 00:07:25,099 --> 00:07:27,949 I'll just take all y'all's rest of your chili. 175 00:07:27,974 --> 00:07:30,238 Speaking chili, what we got? 176 00:07:31,737 --> 00:07:34,509 Ooh, bad news on the chili front. 177 00:07:34,534 --> 00:07:35,799 Just this one. 178 00:07:35,842 --> 00:07:38,967 Homestyle beefy with extra beef? Yes, please. 179 00:07:38,968 --> 00:07:40,343 - Mom. - Hand it over. 180 00:07:40,384 --> 00:07:42,153 Mom. Look at this gas bulge. 181 00:07:42,178 --> 00:07:44,285 I don't think that's a good idea. 182 00:07:44,321 --> 00:07:47,732 Carol, a big bulge has never scared off Gail Klosterman. 183 00:07:47,757 --> 00:07:49,882 So, I'm-a take my chances. 184 00:07:49,907 --> 00:07:51,913 Yeah, maybe I'm overreacting. 185 00:07:58,069 --> 00:08:00,733 You know, I'm just gonna go pick some fruit. 186 00:08:21,499 --> 00:08:24,384 Ooh, how'd it go, bud? Did you produce? 187 00:08:24,917 --> 00:08:27,543 Hot dang, the juice is loose! 188 00:08:27,565 --> 00:08:29,657 Hey, give it to me. I'll go run it over to Erica. 189 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,376 Okay, but be careful. 190 00:08:31,418 --> 00:08:33,294 Ooh, heavy. 191 00:08:33,327 --> 00:08:35,194 Grizzle jizzy, bud. Great job. 192 00:08:35,229 --> 00:08:37,686 Make way! Spermatozoa coming through! 193 00:08:43,875 --> 00:08:47,793 Special delivery for one Ms. Erica Dundee! 194 00:08:48,933 --> 00:08:50,385 Oh, uh, sorry, Gail. 195 00:08:50,410 --> 00:08:52,768 Nope. I'm sorry, but I'm under strict orders 196 00:08:52,792 --> 00:08:53,668 to bring this to Erica. 197 00:08:53,683 --> 00:08:55,347 - Just give me the bag. - Oh, God. 198 00:08:55,383 --> 00:08:57,383 I hate it, too, Gail. God, I hate it, 199 00:08:57,418 --> 00:08:59,518 but, yeah, I got to follow "procotol" here. 200 00:08:59,554 --> 00:09:01,187 Do you mean "protocol"? 201 00:09:01,209 --> 00:09:03,127 People pronounce it in many ways, Gail. 202 00:09:03,138 --> 00:09:05,009 Erica, I got your spermatozoa here! 203 00:09:05,034 --> 00:09:06,456 Gail! Gail! 204 00:09:06,550 --> 00:09:10,429 Oh, you're such fake news! Sad! 205 00:09:51,376 --> 00:09:54,168 Oh, my gol. 206 00:09:57,378 --> 00:09:58,544 Oh, hi. I'm so sorry, Erica. 207 00:09:58,579 --> 00:10:00,379 Did you want to sit next to Gail? 208 00:10:00,414 --> 00:10:02,214 Melissa, should we maybe, uh, go? 209 00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:04,550 - I'm fine right here. - Really? I-I mean, I insist. 210 00:10:04,585 --> 00:10:07,253 - Todd, I'm fine. - Okay. 211 00:10:07,288 --> 00:10:09,773 Well, just wondering if you wanted to... 212 00:10:09,798 --> 00:10:12,224 Psst. Remember? 213 00:10:12,547 --> 00:10:13,913 Isn't this funny? 214 00:10:13,938 --> 00:10:16,495 - Mm-hmm. - So, uh... 215 00:10:16,923 --> 00:10:19,173 - How did it go? - Um, fine. 216 00:10:19,198 --> 00:10:22,301 Yeah? That's great. Do you feel like it, um... took? 217 00:10:22,336 --> 00:10:24,203 I mean, it's-it's probably too early to tell. 218 00:10:24,238 --> 00:10:26,205 - Way too early. - But I feel like you're glowing. 219 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,990 I mean, do you feel like you're glowing a little bit? 220 00:10:28,015 --> 00:10:30,309 - Todd, please. - I think she looks like she's glowing. 221 00:10:30,344 --> 00:10:32,378 - I... - I'm not glowing. 222 00:10:32,818 --> 00:10:33,876 Wine, please. 223 00:10:37,251 --> 00:10:40,319 Hmm. Hmm. 224 00:10:41,589 --> 00:10:44,590 Hmm! Huh. 225 00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:46,425 Is everything okay, Todd? 226 00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:50,336 Just, are you gonna drink that whole thing? 227 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,575 - Why? Do you want some? - No. 228 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,640 I'm-I'm doing, uh, water. 229 00:10:54,665 --> 00:10:59,505 You know, because of our whole, you know, little dealio. 230 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,292 That's great. Good for you. 231 00:11:04,717 --> 00:11:06,545 Oh, my God. 232 00:11:06,581 --> 00:11:08,834 - Cheers. - Cheers. 233 00:11:10,779 --> 00:11:13,814 I wrote a poem. 234 00:11:14,527 --> 00:11:16,188 "Girlfriends." 235 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:19,459 There when we laugh, there when we cry. 236 00:11:19,709 --> 00:11:22,792 Hey, Erica, remember this tie? 237 00:11:23,418 --> 00:11:26,017 Nail polish. Boys. 238 00:11:26,042 --> 00:11:27,582 See-through containers. 239 00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:29,417 Putting paper clips in our mouths 240 00:11:29,459 --> 00:11:32,089 - to pretend they're retainers. - Oh. 241 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:35,980 You're beautiful and smart, and you have so much style. 242 00:11:36,126 --> 00:11:40,085 "I can't wait for you and Todd to produce this 'chile.'" 243 00:11:40,126 --> 00:11:42,044 Thank you, Melissa. 244 00:11:42,084 --> 00:11:44,084 No, I'm not done. This is the sitting portion. 245 00:11:44,119 --> 00:11:46,700 "Seated or standing, we're never apart, 246 00:11:46,725 --> 00:11:50,481 'cause you'll always have a big piece of my heart." 247 00:11:50,506 --> 00:11:52,292 - The end. - Cool. 248 00:11:52,327 --> 00:11:55,395 - More wine, hon? - That'd be a hard yes. 249 00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:57,955 Everyone! 250 00:11:57,980 --> 00:11:59,456 Everyone! 251 00:12:00,418 --> 00:12:02,169 We've got company. 252 00:12:03,933 --> 00:12:05,137 We've got company? 253 00:12:05,162 --> 00:12:06,079 Who? 254 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,059 I don't know? 255 00:12:07,107 --> 00:12:08,416 I didn't see them. 256 00:12:08,441 --> 00:12:11,761 But all the proof I need is in here. 257 00:12:17,476 --> 00:12:19,268 - Oh, my God. - Yep. 258 00:12:19,362 --> 00:12:20,857 Is this...? 259 00:12:21,036 --> 00:12:22,363 A bowel movement. 260 00:12:22,723 --> 00:12:24,723 - Ugh. - But that's not all. 261 00:12:24,888 --> 00:12:26,890 You want to know the weirdest thing about it? 262 00:12:26,915 --> 00:12:28,782 That it's sitting on the dinner table? 263 00:12:28,807 --> 00:12:32,620 No. It's fresh. 264 00:12:34,533 --> 00:12:36,666 How do you know it's not Tandy's? 265 00:12:36,726 --> 00:12:39,227 - Did you find this under the "city dump" sign? - No. 266 00:12:39,309 --> 00:12:40,904 - At the base of the water slide? - No. 267 00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:43,392 - Next to the toilet at the youth center? - Gross. 268 00:12:43,486 --> 00:12:45,734 I found it near the orange tree. 269 00:12:45,759 --> 00:12:48,025 Orange tree. Orange tree. 270 00:12:53,517 --> 00:12:56,809 Gang, I cannot, in good conscience, 271 00:12:56,835 --> 00:12:58,869 take credit for this booty cigar. 272 00:12:58,896 --> 00:13:01,824 - See? - It's probably just Jasper's. 273 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,038 My gut's telling me it isn't. 274 00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:07,571 I mean, the density, the sheen, the crumb... 275 00:13:07,596 --> 00:13:09,565 This is an adult. 276 00:13:09,612 --> 00:13:13,181 I'm telling you, someone's out there. 277 00:13:13,283 --> 00:13:15,283 Yeah. His name's Jasper. 278 00:13:16,017 --> 00:13:17,950 Jasper, huh? 279 00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:25,393 Well, at least I know he's eating well. 280 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:37,559 - Todd? - Huh? 281 00:13:37,646 --> 00:13:40,385 - What are you doing? - D-Doing inventory. 282 00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:42,143 You know, of-of the entire house. 283 00:13:42,245 --> 00:13:44,312 And I came across this box of... What-what is this? 284 00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:46,510 Oh, that's right. Tampons. 285 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:49,035 So, you know, um, my tampon records show 286 00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:50,996 that there were six in the box last week, 287 00:13:51,021 --> 00:13:53,354 which also jibes with today's count, you know, also six. 288 00:13:53,456 --> 00:13:57,019 So, um... I hate to ask this, but I got to do it. 289 00:13:57,081 --> 00:13:58,603 Is that because none were used or...? 290 00:13:58,628 --> 00:14:01,262 - Oh, my God! - Hey, what's going on in here? 291 00:14:01,364 --> 00:14:03,131 Todd is snooping around, 292 00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,233 trying to figure out if I'm pregnant yet. 293 00:14:05,335 --> 00:14:08,035 Look, I'm sorry, okay? It's just, it's been two weeks, 294 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:09,827 and I am champing, guys. 295 00:14:09,852 --> 00:14:12,715 Maybe I can help. Uh, Erica, when pregnant, 296 00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:15,309 the female breasts often get tender to the touch. 297 00:14:15,392 --> 00:14:17,310 - Ah. - So, using the palm of your hand, 298 00:14:17,434 --> 00:14:19,517 - make a cupping motion and just... - Oh, God! 299 00:14:19,616 --> 00:14:22,483 Look, I am taking a pregnancy test today. 300 00:14:22,585 --> 00:14:24,252 - Oh, great. - I will let you know the results 301 00:14:24,354 --> 00:14:25,553 as soon as I get them. 302 00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:28,286 Until then, could you please stay out of my tampon drawer? 303 00:14:28,311 --> 00:14:29,981 - Sorry. - And don't ask me any questions 304 00:14:30,017 --> 00:14:31,893 about the sensitivity level of my breasts. 305 00:14:31,894 --> 00:14:34,309 - I would never. - And generally just avoid me, okay? 306 00:14:34,431 --> 00:14:36,431 Todd, I think this might not be your month, bud. 307 00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:38,266 Sounds like someone's getting their period. 308 00:14:38,368 --> 00:14:39,630 Okay, that's it. Get out. 309 00:14:39,655 --> 00:14:42,303 - Yeah, okay. Sorry. - Thanks for coming. 310 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,113 What you doing, hon? 311 00:14:52,215 --> 00:14:55,249 Well, I'm still not convinced that it was Jasper 312 00:14:55,351 --> 00:14:57,251 who left his leavings by the orange tree, 313 00:14:57,353 --> 00:15:00,021 so just setting up a makeshift alarm system, 314 00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:01,389 you know, just in case. 315 00:15:01,491 --> 00:15:03,391 - Whatever floats your boat. - Well, you know, 316 00:15:03,493 --> 00:15:06,427 at the very least, it'll be a calming presence. 317 00:15:13,009 --> 00:15:14,135 Yeah. 318 00:15:14,237 --> 00:15:16,337 It's like friggin' Rainforest Cafe. 319 00:15:17,056 --> 00:15:18,603 Mmm. 320 00:15:24,347 --> 00:15:26,280 Hey. So? 321 00:15:27,358 --> 00:15:28,825 Sorry, Todd. 322 00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:35,143 Guess you're gonna go hit the sauce. 323 00:15:36,217 --> 00:15:37,623 Sorry, did you say something? 324 00:15:37,678 --> 00:15:39,193 I-I'm just gonna come out and say it. 325 00:15:39,295 --> 00:15:40,889 You know, if I were trying to get pregnant, 326 00:15:40,914 --> 00:15:42,296 I wouldn't be guzzling wine at every turn 327 00:15:42,398 --> 00:15:43,518 like a teen at a hootenanny. 328 00:15:43,566 --> 00:15:46,300 I've been having one glass at dinner, tops. 329 00:15:46,402 --> 00:15:48,728 I saw you having coffee the other day, too. 330 00:15:48,753 --> 00:15:50,338 You know, and you still haven't used 331 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,206 that meditation stone I got you, so... 332 00:15:52,308 --> 00:15:55,376 Look, could you please stop acting like a crazy person?! 333 00:15:55,478 --> 00:15:57,445 Yeah, and could you please stop acting like you want this?! 334 00:15:57,559 --> 00:15:59,574 Because it's pretty clear you don't. 335 00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:01,102 Look, if this is a preview 336 00:16:01,133 --> 00:16:02,383 of how you're gonna be as a father, 337 00:16:02,485 --> 00:16:05,152 we might need to change this from a co-parenting situation 338 00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:07,288 to more of a sperm donor situation. 339 00:16:07,390 --> 00:16:10,500 Y-You can't do that. Look, if I put a baby in you, 340 00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:12,910 you better believe I'm gonna be a part of its life. 341 00:16:12,933 --> 00:16:15,434 Then maybe you shouldn't put a baby in me. 342 00:16:24,309 --> 00:16:25,935 Are you here to get me to have 343 00:16:26,017 --> 00:16:28,184 a pillow fight or something? 344 00:16:28,201 --> 00:16:32,950 Todd told me the news, so... I just came to see how you were. 345 00:16:33,029 --> 00:16:34,207 Well, to be honest, 346 00:16:34,232 --> 00:16:37,041 I think I need a little space from Todd and... 347 00:16:37,226 --> 00:16:39,494 other people. 348 00:16:39,629 --> 00:16:43,263 Look, I'm sorry for being weird. 349 00:16:44,855 --> 00:16:48,019 I-I just haven't had many girlfriends in my life. 350 00:16:49,351 --> 00:16:50,685 It's okay. 351 00:16:50,725 --> 00:16:53,557 But just know that whatever happens, 352 00:16:54,905 --> 00:16:57,302 it won't change how thankful I am 353 00:16:57,327 --> 00:16:59,230 for you even giving this a shot. 354 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:02,685 Thanks, Melissa. 355 00:17:03,047 --> 00:17:05,329 I wrote you another poem. 356 00:17:06,006 --> 00:17:08,148 - I'm kidding. - Oh. 357 00:17:08,247 --> 00:17:09,773 Phew. 358 00:17:11,518 --> 00:17:13,310 Okay, Clancy, come to Daddy. 359 00:17:13,338 --> 00:17:14,622 Come to Daddy. 360 00:17:14,647 --> 00:17:17,451 Oh, good boy. Good boy. 361 00:17:17,476 --> 00:17:19,342 Now sit up. Sit up for me. 362 00:17:19,378 --> 00:17:22,145 Oh, good boy. 363 00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:24,130 Good boy. 364 00:17:24,224 --> 00:17:25,224 Oh, hey, bud. 365 00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:27,550 I got us a dog. Well, it's a robot dog. 366 00:17:27,586 --> 00:17:30,026 Well, the body's a robot, and the head's a dog. 367 00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:31,488 It's a taxidermy head. Yeah. 368 00:17:31,523 --> 00:17:33,323 Hey, play dead, Clancy. 369 00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:35,253 Ooh. 370 00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:38,194 There we go. Good boy. 371 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:40,330 - Isn't that something? - Hmm. 372 00:17:40,695 --> 00:17:43,466 - So, how's it going, bud? - Test was negative, bud. 373 00:17:43,502 --> 00:17:45,672 Oh, I'm so sorry, bud. 374 00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:47,800 Here. Clancy, comfort Todd. 375 00:17:55,568 --> 00:17:57,036 Hey. Pat his head. 376 00:17:57,184 --> 00:17:59,018 - Get in there. - Hey. 377 00:17:59,052 --> 00:18:00,714 Look, you'll get 'em next time. 378 00:18:00,725 --> 00:18:03,476 - If there is a next time. - Wait, what do you mean? 379 00:18:03,509 --> 00:18:05,914 Well, we got in a fight, and I went a little nuts, 380 00:18:05,939 --> 00:18:08,259 and now she might want to pull the plug on the whole thing. 381 00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,559 - Well, I thought she wanted another kid. - She does. 382 00:18:10,609 --> 00:18:12,748 I'm just not sure she wants to have one with me. 383 00:18:12,773 --> 00:18:14,770 I see where you're going with this, okay? 384 00:18:14,795 --> 00:18:17,434 But, Todd, rest assured I will never... 385 00:18:17,476 --> 00:18:20,768 barring your early death... have a baby with Erica. 386 00:18:20,779 --> 00:18:22,795 Uh, okay. Thanks. 387 00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:24,795 I mean that, bud. Firmly. 388 00:18:24,872 --> 00:18:26,717 - Here, bring it in. - Yeah. 389 00:18:26,779 --> 00:18:29,146 Now, look, she's not gonna call it off. 390 00:18:29,182 --> 00:18:33,150 Bottom line, she wants a baby, and you're her only shot. 391 00:18:34,307 --> 00:18:36,672 Yeah. I guess I am. 392 00:18:36,903 --> 00:18:38,803 Thanks, bud. 393 00:18:42,630 --> 00:18:45,364 Hey. Clancy, got a stick! 394 00:18:45,409 --> 00:18:47,586 Go, fetch! Fetch! 395 00:18:51,476 --> 00:18:52,768 Clamp onto it. 396 00:18:52,781 --> 00:18:54,581 Come on. 397 00:19:26,925 --> 00:19:28,617 Who are you? 398 00:19:35,688 --> 00:19:38,804 Tandy. Tandy, did you hear that? 399 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,151 I think someone's in the house. 400 00:19:40,186 --> 00:19:41,385 Look, it's probably just the wind, 401 00:19:41,421 --> 00:19:44,088 but I'll go check it out, okay? 402 00:19:51,547 --> 00:19:52,839 Hello? 403 00:19:53,467 --> 00:19:55,199 Anybody there? 404 00:20:01,842 --> 00:20:03,699 Hello? 405 00:20:13,351 --> 00:20:15,018 Huh. 406 00:21:00,897 --> 00:21:02,006 Mike. 407 00:21:03,327 --> 00:21:07,327 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 29195

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