All language subtitles for Rick and Morty - 1x10 - Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind.HDTV.MiNDTHEGAP.en

>> beth: So, dad, guess what
tomorrow is.
>> rick: Martin luther king

Tomorrow is.
>> rick: Martin luther king
jr.'s birthday.

>> rick: Martin luther king
jr.'s birthday.
>> beth: No.

Jr.'s birthday.
>> beth: No.
Well, it...Might be.

>> beth: No.
Well, it...Might be.
>> rick: It is.

Well, it...Might be.
>> rick: It is.
>> beth: Fine.

>> rick: It is.
>> beth: Fine.
But also, tomorrow is your

>> beth: Fine.
But also, tomorrow is your
one-year anniversary back in our

But also, tomorrow is your
one-year anniversary back in our
lives.

One-year anniversary back in our
lives.
I'm gonna make you

Lives.
I'm gonna make you
flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.

I'm gonna make you
flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.
>> rick: Oh, t-t-there's no need

Flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.
>> rick: Oh, t-t-there's no need
to do that, beth.

>> rick: Oh, t-t-there's no need
to do that, beth.
Regular pancakes are fine.

To do that, beth.
Regular pancakes are fine.
[ loud warble ]

[ all scream ]
>> morty: [ groans ]
>> jerry: Oh, my god!

>> morty: [ groans ]
>> jerry: Oh, my god!
Oh, what is happening?!

>> beth: Happy anniversary, dad.
>> rick: Oh, I get it.
Regular pancakes are already

>> rick: Oh, I get it.
Regular pancakes are already
shaped like flying saucers.

Regular pancakes are already
shaped like flying saucers.
Mmm.

Shaped like flying saucers.
Mmm.
I-I should be making you

Mmm.
I-I should be making you
breakfast for putting up with

I-I should be making you
breakfast for putting up with
me.

Breakfast for putting up with
me.
>> jerry: You should be making

Me.
>> jerry: You should be making
us a whole restaurant.

>> jerry: You should be making
us a whole restaurant.
>> beth: Nonsense.

Us a whole restaurant.
>> beth: Nonsense.
We couldn't be happier to have

>> beth: Nonsense.
We couldn't be happier to have
you around.

We couldn't be happier to have
you around.
I just wish I got to see more of

You around.
I just wish I got to see more of
you.

I just wish I got to see more of
you.
[ loud warble ]

You.
[ loud warble ]
>> rick sanchez of earth

[ loud warble ]
>> rick sanchez of earth
dimension c-137, you are under

>> rick sanchez of earth
dimension c-137, you are under
arrest for crimes against

Dimension c-137, you are under
arrest for crimes against
alternate ricks by the authority

Arrest for crimes against
alternate ricks by the authority
of the trans-dimensional council

Alternate ricks by the authority
of the trans-dimensional council
of ricks.

Of the trans-dimensional council
of ricks.
>> jerry: Hey! What the heck?!

Of ricks.
>> jerry: Hey! What the heck?!
>> neutralize the jerry.

>> jerry: Hey! What the heck?!
>> neutralize the jerry.
>> jerry: Wait! No! I'll --

>> neutralize the jerry.
>> jerry: Wait! No! I'll --
>> summer: Dad!

>> jerry: Wait! No! I'll --
>> summer: Dad!
>> beth: Dad!

>> summer: Dad!
>> beth: Dad!
>> morty: Rick!

>> beth: Dad!
>> morty: Rick!
>> rick: Everybody, relax.

>> morty: Rick!
>> rick: Everybody, relax.
If I know these a-holes, and I

>> rick: Everybody, relax.
If I know these a-holes, and I
am these a-holes, they just

If I know these a-holes, and I
am these a-holes, they just
want to haul me to their stupid

Am these a-holes, they just
want to haul me to their stupid
clubhouse and waste my time with

Want to haul me to their stupid
clubhouse and waste my time with
a bunch of questions.

Clubhouse and waste my time with
a bunch of questions.
Let's get it over with.

A bunch of questions.
Let's get it over with.
>> bring his [burps] morty.

Let's get it over with.
>> bring his [burps] morty.
>> morty: Oh, man.

>> bring his [burps] morty.
>> morty: Oh, man.
>> rick: Leave my [burps] morty

>> morty: Oh, man.
>> rick: Leave my [burps] morty
out of this.

>> rick: Leave my [burps] morty
out of this.
>> you lost the right to have a

Out of this.
>> you lost the right to have a
say in these things when you

>> you lost the right to have a
say in these things when you
refused to j-- [burps] join the

Say in these things when you
refused to j-- [burps] join the
council.

Refused to j-- [burps] join the
council.
>> beth: W-w-w-what about jerry?

Council.
>> beth: W-w-w-what about jerry?
>> rick: Will you at least

>> beth: W-w-w-what about jerry?
>> rick: Will you at least
unfreeze my daughter's idiot?

>> rick: Will you at least
unfreeze my daughter's idiot?
>> jerry: ...Give you anything!

Unfreeze my daughter's idiot?
>> jerry: ...Give you anything!
I have a rare antique-coin

>> jerry: ...Give you anything!
I have a rare antique-coin
collection!

I have a rare antique-coin
collection!
Just don't hurt me!

Okay, maybe not antique, but it
was a limited minting.
They have little r2-d2s instead

Was a limited minting.
They have little r2-d2s instead
of george washington.

They have little r2-d2s instead
of george washington.
>> beth: Our son's been

Of george washington.
>> beth: Our son's been
abducted!

>> beth: Our son's been
abducted!
>> jerry: You hate me for buying

Abducted!
>> jerry: You hate me for buying
those coins!

>> morty: Geez, rick, w-what is
this place?
>> rick: The citadel of ricks.

This place?
>> rick: The citadel of ricks.
It's the secret headquarters for

>> rick: The citadel of ricks.
It's the secret headquarters for
the council of ricks.

It's the secret headquarters for
the council of ricks.
>> morty: Council of ricks?

The council of ricks.
>> morty: Council of ricks?
>> rick: As you know, morty,

>> morty: Council of ricks?
>> rick: As you know, morty,
I've got a lot of enemies in the

>> rick: As you know, morty,
I've got a lot of enemies in the
universe that consider my genius

I've got a lot of enemies in the
universe that consider my genius
a threat -- galactic terrorists,

Universe that consider my genius
a threat -- galactic terrorists,
a few sub-galactic dictators,

A threat -- galactic terrorists,
a few sub-galactic dictators,
most of the entire intergalactic

A few sub-galactic dictators,
most of the entire intergalactic
government.

Most of the entire intergalactic
government.
W-w-wherever you find people

Government.
W-w-wherever you find people
with heads up their asses,

W-w-wherever you find people
with heads up their asses,
someone wants a piece of your

With heads up their asses,
someone wants a piece of your
grandpa, and a lot of versions

Someone wants a piece of your
grandpa, and a lot of versions
of me on different timelines had

Grandpa, and a lot of versions
of me on different timelines had
the same problem, so a few

Of me on different timelines had
the same problem, so a few
thousand versions of me had the

The same problem, so a few
thousand versions of me had the
ingenious idea of banding

Thousand versions of me had the
ingenious idea of banding
together like a herd of cattle

Ingenious idea of banding
together like a herd of cattle
or a school of fish or those

Together like a herd of cattle
or a school of fish or those
people who answer questions on

Or a school of fish or those
people who answer questions on
yahoo! Answers.

People who answer questions on
yahoo! Answers.
>> morty: Hey! What do you know?

Yahoo! Answers.
>> morty: Hey! What do you know?
It's a cowboy version of me.

>> morty: Hey! What do you know?
It's a cowboy version of me.
>> rick: Geez, you're easy to

It's a cowboy version of me.
>> rick: Geez, you're easy to
impress.

>> rick: Geez, you're easy to
impress.
Yeah, most timelines have a

Impress.
Yeah, most timelines have a
rick, and most ricks have a

Yeah, most timelines have a
rick, and most ricks have a
morty.

Rick, and most ricks have a
morty.
This place is a real who's who

Morty.
This place is a real who's who
of who's you and me.

This place is a real who's who
of who's you and me.
>> turn your boring, old morty

Of who's you and me.
>> turn your boring, old morty
into a f-- hot fashion statement

>> turn your boring, old morty
into a f-- hot fashion statement
with some morty dazzlers.

Into a f-- hot fashion statement
with some morty dazzlers.
>> hey, check this out.

With some morty dazzlers.
>> hey, check this out.
>> show me the morty.

>> hey, check this out.
>> show me the morty.
>> rick: Dumb.

>> show me the morty.
>> rick: Dumb.
>> excuse me, sir, is your morty

>> rick: Dumb.
>> excuse me, sir, is your morty
insured?

>> excuse me, sir, is your morty
insured?
You know, every year, hundreds

Insured?
You know, every year, hundreds
of mortys are injured --

You know, every year, hundreds
of mortys are injured --
>> rick: Back off!

Of mortys are injured --
>> rick: Back off!
Not my cup of tea, this place.

>> rick: Back off!
Not my cup of tea, this place.
I say the point of being a rick

Not my cup of tea, this place.
I say the point of being a rick
is being a rick.

I say the point of being a rick
is being a rick.
>> save your anti-rick speech

Is being a rick.
>> save your anti-rick speech
for the council of ricks,

>> save your anti-rick speech
for the council of ricks,
terror-rick.

For the council of ricks,
terror-rick.
>> rick: Hey, save your rick

Terror-rick.
>> rick: Hey, save your rick
rules for the [burps]

>> rick: Hey, save your rick
rules for the [burps]
sheep-ricks, rick-pig.

Rules for the [burps]
sheep-ricks, rick-pig.
>> [bleep] me, pal.

Sheep-ricks, rick-pig.
>> [bleep] me, pal.
>> rick: [bleep] you?

>> [bleep] me, pal.
>> rick: [bleep] you?
No, no, no, no, no.

>> rick: [bleep] you?
No, no, no, no, no.
[bleep] me.

>> bring up the holograms.
27 ricks brutally murdered in
their own timelines -- an

27 ricks brutally murdered in
their own timelines -- an
unprecedented rick-icidal

Their own timelines -- an
unprecedented rick-icidal
epidemic.

Unprecedented rick-icidal
epidemic.
What say you, earth rick c-137?

Epidemic.
What say you, earth rick c-137?
>> rick: You think I did this?

What say you, earth rick c-137?
>> rick: You think I did this?
Why am I the first rick you pull

>> rick: You think I did this?
Why am I the first rick you pull
in every time a rick stubs his

Why am I the first rick you pull
in every time a rick stubs his
toe?

In every time a rick stubs his
toe?
>> you [burps] have a history of

Toe?
>> you [burps] have a history of
non-cooperation with the

>> you [burps] have a history of
non-cooperation with the
council.

Non-cooperation with the
council.
>> rick: Yeah, so does the

Council.
>> rick: Yeah, so does the
scientist formerly known as

>> rick: Yeah, so does the
scientist formerly known as
rick.

Scientist formerly known as
rick.
W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in

Rick.
W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in
handcuffs?

W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in
handcuffs?
>> because he's dead, too!

Handcuffs?
>> because he's dead, too!
[ crowd gasping, groaning ]

>> because he's dead, too!
[ crowd gasping, groaning ]
who else would you have us

[ crowd gasping, groaning ]
who else would you have us
question?

Who else would you have us
question?
You fit the profile.

Question?
You fit the profile.
Of all the ricks in the central

You fit the profile.
Of all the ricks in the central
finite curve, you're the

Of all the ricks in the central
finite curve, you're the
malcontent, the rogue.

Finite curve, you're the
malcontent, the rogue.
>> rick: I'm the rick, and so

Malcontent, the rogue.
>> rick: I'm the rick, and so
were the rest of you before you

>> rick: I'm the rick, and so
were the rest of you before you
formed this stupid alliance.

Were the rest of you before you
formed this stupid alliance.
You wanted to be safe from the

Formed this stupid alliance.
You wanted to be safe from the
government, so you became a

You wanted to be safe from the
government, so you became a
stupid government.

Government, so you became a
stupid government.
That makes every rick here less

Stupid government.
That makes every rick here less
rick than me.

That makes every rick here less
rick than me.
[ crowd grumbling ]

Rick than me.
[ crowd grumbling ]
yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.

[ crowd grumbling ]
yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've

Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've
got pancakes back home with

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've
got pancakes back home with
syrup on top of them.

Got pancakes back home with
syrup on top of them.
They're about to hit that

Syrup on top of them.
They're about to hit that
critical point of syrup

They're about to hit that
critical point of syrup
absorption that turns the cakes

Critical point of syrup
absorption that turns the cakes
into a gross paste, and I hate

Absorption that turns the cakes
into a gross paste, and I hate
to get all andy rooney about it,

Into a gross paste, and I hate
to get all andy rooney about it,
but I think we all like fluffy

To get all andy rooney about it,
but I think we all like fluffy
disks of cake with syrup on top,

But I think we all like fluffy
disks of cake with syrup on top,
and I think we also like to be

Disks of cake with syrup on top,
and I think we also like to be
accused of crimes when there's

And I think we also like to be
accused of crimes when there's
evidence!

Accused of crimes when there's
evidence!
So, as they say in canada,

Evidence!
So, as they say in canada,
peace oot!

So, as they say in canada,
peace oot!
>> evidence! Good idea.

Peace oot!
>> evidence! Good idea.
Scan his portal gun!

>> evidence! Good idea.
Scan his portal gun!
>> rick: Oh, come on.

Scan his portal gun!
>> rick: Oh, come on.
Don't look at another man's

>> rick: Oh, come on.
Don't look at another man's
portal-gun history.

Don't look at another man's
portal-gun history.
We -- we all go to weird places.

Portal-gun history.
We -- we all go to weird places.
>> yes, but it appears you alone

We -- we all go to weird places.
>> yes, but it appears you alone
have been going to the exact

>> yes, but it appears you alone
have been going to the exact
timelines and locations in which

Have been going to the exact
timelines and locations in which
the murders occurred.

Timelines and locations in which
the murders occurred.
[ crowd grumbling ]

The murders occurred.
[ crowd grumbling ]
>> rick: What?!

[ crowd grumbling ]
>> rick: What?!
That's rick-diculous!

>> rick: What?!
That's rick-diculous!
I'm obviously being set up.

That's rick-diculous!
I'm obviously being set up.
>> earth rick c-137, the council

I'm obviously being set up.
>> earth rick c-137, the council
of ricks sentences you to the

>> earth rick c-137, the council
of ricks sentences you to the
machine of unspeakable doom,

Of ricks sentences you to the
machine of unspeakable doom,
which swaps your conscious and

Machine of unspeakable doom,
which swaps your conscious and
unconscious minds, rendering

Which swaps your conscious and
unconscious minds, rendering
your fantasies pointless while

Unconscious minds, rendering
your fantasies pointless while
everything you've known becomes

Your fantasies pointless while
everything you've known becomes
impossible to grasp.

Everything you've known becomes
impossible to grasp.
Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs

Impossible to grasp.
Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs
your balls.

Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs
your balls.
>> rick: I've heard enough.

Your balls.
>> rick: I've heard enough.
[ burps ]

>> rick: I've heard enough.
[ burps ]
run, morty!

[ burps ]
run, morty!
>> morty: [ panting ]

Run, morty!
>> morty: [ panting ]
>> unh-unh. Not you.

>> morty: [ panting ]
>> unh-unh. Not you.
>> morty: [ panting ]

>> unh-unh. Not you.
>> morty: [ panting ]
aaaah!

>> [ screams ]
>> [ screams ]

[ loud farting ]
[ steady farting in distance ]

>> morty: Oh! Oh!

[ dialing ]
>> yeah, I'd like to order one
large person with extra people,

>> yeah, I'd like to order one
large person with extra people,
please.

Large person with extra people,
please.
>> white people.

Please.
>> white people.
No, no, no, no. Black people.

>> white people.
No, no, no, no. Black people.
And hispanic on half.

No, no, no, no. Black people.
And hispanic on half.
>> morty: [ panting ]

[ dialing ]
>> yes, I'd like to order one
large sofa chair with extra

>> yes, I'd like to order one
large sofa chair with extra
chair, please.

Large sofa chair with extra
chair, please.
>> high chair.

Chair, please.
>> high chair.
No, no, no, no. Recliner.

>> high chair.
No, no, no, no. Recliner.
And wheelchair on half.

No, no, no, no. Recliner.
And wheelchair on half.
>> morty: [ panting ]

And wheelchair on half.
>> morty: [ panting ]
[ all speaking gibberish ]

>> they could have gone into any
one of these.
>> [ groans ]

One of these.
>> [ groans ]
son of a...

>> [ groans ]
son of a...
>> oh, geez.

Son of a...
>> oh, geez.
>> oh, man!

>> oh, geez.
>> oh, man!
>> we lost 'em.

>> oh, man!
>> we lost 'em.
>> yeah, I'd like to order one

>> we lost 'em.
>> yeah, I'd like to order one
large phone with extra phones,

>> yeah, I'd like to order one
large phone with extra phones,
please.

Large phone with extra phones,
please.
>> cellphone.

Please.
>> cellphone.
No, no, no, no. Rotary.

>> cellphone.
No, no, no, no. Rotary.
And pay phone on half.

No, no, no, no. Rotary.
And pay phone on half.
>> rick: That'll keep 'em

And pay phone on half.
>> rick: That'll keep 'em
[burps] busy for a while.

>> morty: Those guys were wrong,
right?
Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill

Right?
Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill
yourself -- y-y-yourselves.

Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill
yourself -- y-y-yourselves.
>> rick: Of course not, morty.

Yourself -- y-y-yourselves.
>> rick: Of course not, morty.
How could that profit me?

>> rick: Of course not, morty.
How could that profit me?
But someone out there is killing

How could that profit me?
But someone out there is killing
ricks, and the council ain't

But someone out there is killing
ricks, and the council ain't
gonna stop thinking it's me

Ricks, and the council ain't
gonna stop thinking it's me
until we clear our names --

Gonna stop thinking it's me
until we clear our names --
by finding the real rick-killer.

Until we clear our names --
by finding the real rick-killer.
>> morty: I'm scared, rick.

By finding the real rick-killer.
>> morty: I'm scared, rick.
Maybe we should go home and

>> morty: I'm scared, rick.
Maybe we should go home and
stockpile weapons, like that

Maybe we should go home and
stockpile weapons, like that
show "doomsday preppers."

Stockpile weapons, like that
show "doomsday preppers."
>> rick: Not really my style,

Show "doomsday preppers."
>> rick: Not really my style,
morty.

>> rick: Not really my style,
morty.
Besides, your home is most

Morty.
Besides, your home is most
likely swarming with ricks by

Besides, your home is most
likely swarming with ricks by
now.

>> all right, listen, jerry.
If rick calls, this device is
gonna trace his location.

If rick calls, this device is
gonna trace his location.
You just got to keep him on the

Gonna trace his location.
You just got to keep him on the
phone for 30 seconds or longer.

You just got to keep him on the
phone for 30 seconds or longer.
>> beth: Who wants lemonade?

Phone for 30 seconds or longer.
>> beth: Who wants lemonade?
>> oh, yeah.

>> beth: Who wants lemonade?
>> oh, yeah.
Mmm!

>> oh, yeah.
Mmm!
Oh! Delicious!

Mmm!
Oh! Delicious!
>> beth [belches] you're a

Oh! Delicious!
>> beth [belches] you're a
treasure.

>> beth [belches] you're a
treasure.
>> I have a beth just like you

Treasure.
>> I have a beth just like you
in my [belches] reality, except

>> I have a beth just like you
in my [belches] reality, except
you know what?

In my [belches] reality, except
you know what?
She's not as brilliant or

You know what?
She's not as brilliant or
[belches] attractive.

She's not as brilliant or
[belches] attractive.
>> beth: Aw.

[belches] attractive.
>> beth: Aw.
Th[belches]ank you.

>> beth: Aw.
Th[belches]ank you.
[ laughter ]

Th[belches]ank you.
[ laughter ]
>> oh! She did! She did it!

[ laughter ]
>> oh! She did! She did it!
[ telephone rings ]

>> jerry: H-hello?
>> rick: Hey, jerry, it's rick.
>> jerry: Rick! Hey.

>> rick: Hey, jerry, it's rick.
>> jerry: Rick! Hey.
[ laughs nervously ]

>> jerry: Rick! Hey.
[ laughs nervously ]
what's -- what's up?

[ laughs nervously ]
what's -- what's up?
>> rick: So, listen, the heat's

What's -- what's up?
>> rick: So, listen, the heat's
on, and there's nowhere left to

>> rick: So, listen, the heat's
on, and there's nowhere left to
turn, so morty and I are just

On, and there's nowhere left to
turn, so morty and I are just
gonna fly my spaceship into a

Turn, so morty and I are just
gonna fly my spaceship into a
black hole.

Gonna fly my spaceship into a
black hole.
>> jerry: What?!

Black hole.
>> jerry: What?!
>> rick: Is that cool with you,

>> jerry: What?!
>> rick: Is that cool with you,
dawg?

>> rick: Is that cool with you,
dawg?
>> jerry: Rick, no!

Dawg?
>> jerry: Rick, no!
Morty!!

>> jerry: Rick, no!
Morty!!
>> we got it.

Morty!!
>> we got it.
The call's coming from...

>> we got it.
The call's coming from...
♪ inside the house

The call's coming from...
♪ inside the house
>> look at his face!

♪ inside the house
>> look at his face!
>> you dummy!

>> look at his face!
>> you dummy!
>> ugh.

>> you dummy!
>> ugh.
Can't believe our daughter

>> ugh.
Can't believe our daughter
married you.

Can't believe our daughter
married you.
>> too easy!

Married you.
>> too easy!
[ laughter ]

>> too easy!
[ laughter ]
>> rick: The ricks are probably

[ laughter ]
>> rick: The ricks are probably
gonna waste some time messing

>> rick: The ricks are probably
gonna waste some time messing
with jerry.

Gonna waste some time messing
with jerry.
They won't be able to help

With jerry.
They won't be able to help
themselves.

They won't be able to help
themselves.
But as soon as they get bored,

Themselves.
But as soon as they get bored,
they'll be onto us.

But as soon as they get bored,
they'll be onto us.
>> phones à la clams and

They'll be onto us.
>> phones à la clams and
phonesghetti with phone balls.

>> phones à la clams and
phonesghetti with phone balls.
Anything else?

Phonesghetti with phone balls.
Anything else?
>> rick: Yeah, more phone

Anything else?
>> rick: Yeah, more phone
sticks, please.

>> rick: Yeah, more phone
sticks, please.
>> right away, sir.

Sticks, please.
>> right away, sir.
>> morty: You know, rick, when I

>> right away, sir.
>> morty: You know, rick, when I
first saw all those ricks and

>> morty: You know, rick, when I
first saw all those ricks and
mortys, I thought, "gee, that

First saw all those ricks and
mortys, I thought, "gee, that
kind of devalues our bond."

Mortys, I thought, "gee, that
kind of devalues our bond."
but then I realized it just

Kind of devalues our bond."
but then I realized it just
means that our relationship must

But then I realized it just
means that our relationship must
be pretty special to span over

Means that our relationship must
be pretty special to span over
all those different timelines.

Be pretty special to span over
all those different timelines.
>> rick: Yeah, it's got to be

All those different timelines.
>> rick: Yeah, it's got to be
that way.

>> rick: Yeah, it's got to be
that way.
You're a camouflage.

That way.
You're a camouflage.
>> morty: Camouflage?

You're a camouflage.
>> morty: Camouflage?
W-w-w-what are you talking

>> morty: Camouflage?
W-w-w-what are you talking
about, rick?

W-w-w-what are you talking
about, rick?
>> rick: Ricks have a very

About, rick?
>> rick: Ricks have a very
distinctive and traceable

>> rick: Ricks have a very
distinctive and traceable
brain wave due to our genius.

Distinctive and traceable
brain wave due to our genius.
The best way to hide from an

Brain wave due to our genius.
The best way to hide from an
enemy's radar is to stand near

The best way to hide from an
enemy's radar is to stand near
someone with complementary

Enemy's radar is to stand near
someone with complementary
brain waves that make ours

Someone with complementary
brain waves that make ours
invisible.

Brain waves that make ours
invisible.
See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with

Invisible.
See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with
a morty, the genius waves get

See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with
a morty, the genius waves get
canceled out by the, uh...

A morty, the genius waves get
canceled out by the, uh...
[ clears throat ]

Canceled out by the, uh...
[ clears throat ]
...Morty waves.

[ clears throat ]
...Morty waves.
>> morty: Um...Because o-our

...Morty waves.
>> morty: Um...Because o-our
personalities are so different?

>> morty: Um...Because o-our
personalities are so different?
[ portal gun beeping ]

Personalities are so different?
[ portal gun beeping ]
>> rick: Oh, shit, dawg.

[ portal gun beeping ]
>> rick: Oh, shit, dawg.
My portal gun was hacked

>> rick: Oh, shit, dawg.
My portal gun was hacked
remotely, morty -- obviously by

My portal gun was hacked
remotely, morty -- obviously by
the real killer, to frame me.

Remotely, morty -- obviously by
the real killer, to frame me.
But I was able to trace the

The real killer, to frame me.
But I was able to trace the
signal.

But I was able to trace the
signal.
Come on. Let's go.

Signal.
Come on. Let's go.
[ door bursts open ]

Come on. Let's go.
[ door bursts open ]
uh-oh.

[ door bursts open ]
uh-oh.
>> excuse me.

Uh-oh.
>> excuse me.
We've tracked a pair of

>> excuse me.
We've tracked a pair of
dangerous criminals to this

We've tracked a pair of
dangerous criminals to this
exact location.

Dangerous criminals to this
exact location.
They look exactly like us, so

Exact location.
They look exactly like us, so
in order to avoid confusion, I'm

They look exactly like us, so
in order to avoid confusion, I'm
gonna mark us each with a red

In order to avoid confusion, I'm
gonna mark us each with a red
"x" right now.

Gonna mark us each with a red
"x" right now.
That way, if someone has a gun

"x" right now.
That way, if someone has a gun
and we both tell you to shoot

That way, if someone has a gun
and we both tell you to shoot
the other one because they're

And we both tell you to shoot
the other one because they're
the evil one, you'll know who's

The other one because they're
the evil one, you'll know who's
lying.

The evil one, you'll know who's
lying.
>> hey, check it out.

Lying.
>> hey, check it out.
>> damn it!

>> hey, you didn't pay your
bill!
>> t-the red "x"! Red "x"!

Bill!
>> t-the red "x"! Red "x"!
>> rick: Hey, it's a good thing

>> t-the red "x"! Red "x"!
>> rick: Hey, it's a good thing
that space outlet had lab coats

>> rick: Hey, it's a good thing
that space outlet had lab coats
and your favorite kind of shirt

That space outlet had lab coats
and your favorite kind of shirt
in stock, huh, morty?

And your favorite kind of shirt
in stock, huh, morty?
>> morty: Yeah, rick, I-I heard

In stock, huh, morty?
>> morty: Yeah, rick, I-I heard
you the first time.

>> morty: Yeah, rick, I-I heard
you the first time.
You don't have to keep saying it

You the first time.
You don't have to keep saying it
over and over.

You don't have to keep saying it
over and over.
>> rick: Man, this place is way

Over and over.
>> rick: Man, this place is way
off the grid.

>> rick: Man, this place is way
off the grid.
This guy does not want to be

Off the grid.
This guy does not want to be
found.

This guy does not want to be
found.
>> morty: Well, if he's a rick,

Found.
>> morty: Well, if he's a rick,
doesn't he just have to stand by

>> morty: Well, if he's a rick,
doesn't he just have to stand by
a morty to hide?

Doesn't he just have to stand by
a morty to hide?
I mean, isn't that what mortys

A morty to hide?
I mean, isn't that what mortys
are -- human cloaking devices?

I mean, isn't that what mortys
are -- human cloaking devices?
>> rick: Morty, you're making a

Are -- human cloaking devices?
>> rick: Morty, you're making a
bigger deal out of this than it

>> rick: Morty, you're making a
bigger deal out of this than it
is.

Bigger deal out of this than it
is.
[ groaning in distance ]

Is.
[ groaning in distance ]
>> morty: Oh, my god, rick,

[ groaning in distance ]
>> morty: Oh, my god, rick,
look!

>> morty: Oh, my god, rick,
look!
There's a bunch of people

Look!
There's a bunch of people
strapped all over that building!

There's a bunch of people
strapped all over that building!
>> rick: Not people, morty --

Strapped all over that building!
>> rick: Not people, morty --
mortys.

>> rick: Not people, morty --
mortys.
[ all groaning, screaming ]

>> morty: Oh, god!
W-w-why would somebody do this?
It's horrible!

W-w-why would somebody do this?
It's horrible!
>> rick: Well, one morty's

It's horrible!
>> rick: Well, one morty's
enough to hide from the

>> rick: Well, one morty's
enough to hide from the
bureaucrats, but you get -- you

Enough to hide from the
bureaucrats, but you get -- you
get a whole matrix of mortys and

Bureaucrats, but you get -- you
get a whole matrix of mortys and
put them in agonizing pain, that

Get a whole matrix of mortys and
put them in agonizing pain, that
creates a pattern that can hide

Put them in agonizing pain, that
creates a pattern that can hide
even from other ricks [bleep]

Creates a pattern that can hide
even from other ricks [bleep]
I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept

Even from other ricks [bleep]
I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept
like this once.

I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept
like this once.
On paper, morty. On paper.

Like this once.
On paper, morty. On paper.
I wouldn't do this.

On paper, morty. On paper.
I wouldn't do this.
It's barbaric overkill.

I wouldn't do this.
It's barbaric overkill.
I mean, you could accomplish the

It's barbaric overkill.
I mean, you could accomplish the
same result with, like, five

I mean, you could accomplish the
same result with, like, five
mortys and a jumper cable.

Which I also wouldn't do!
I'm just saying, it's bad
craftsmanship.

I'm just saying, it's bad
craftsmanship.
>> beth: Coffee time!

Craftsmanship.
>> beth: Coffee time!
>> yeah!

>> beth: Coffee time!
>> yeah!
>> yo, yo, yo, yo!

>> yeah!
>> yo, yo, yo, yo!
>> that's what I like to hear!

>> yo, yo, yo, yo!
>> that's what I like to hear!
>> jerry: [ groans ]

>> that's what I like to hear!
>> jerry: [ groans ]
>> hi, jerry.

>> jerry: [ groans ]
>> hi, jerry.
>> jerry: Leave me alone.

>> hi, jerry.
>> jerry: Leave me alone.
I'm working.

>> jerry: Leave me alone.
I'm working.
>> oh, you are?

I'm working.
>> oh, you are?
W-w-w-what do you do?

>> oh, you are?
W-w-w-what do you do?
>> jerry: [ scoffs ]

W-w-w-what do you do?
>> jerry: [ scoffs ]
I-I'm -- I'm in between

>> jerry: [ scoffs ]
I-I'm -- I'm in between
advertising jobs.

I-I'm -- I'm in between
advertising jobs.
>> advertising? Wow!

Advertising jobs.
>> advertising? Wow!
So, people need help figuring

>> advertising? Wow!
So, people need help figuring
out what to buy, and then

So, people need help figuring
out what to buy, and then
y-y-you help 'em?

Out what to buy, and then
y-y-you help 'em?
>> jerry: [ laughing ] well,

Y-y-you help 'em?
>> jerry: [ laughing ] well,
it's a little more complicated

>> jerry: [ laughing ] well,
it's a little more complicated
than that.

It's a little more complicated
than that.
>> well, I mean, you do it, and

Than that.
>> well, I mean, you do it, and
you seem like a guy who really

>> well, I mean, you do it, and
you seem like a guy who really
has it all together.

>> jerry: Dude, are you -- w--
you're being a dick, right?
>> oh, gosh, I-I hope not.

You're being a dick, right?
>> oh, gosh, I-I hope not.
I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to

>> oh, gosh, I-I hope not.
I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to
offend you in any way.

I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to
offend you in any way.
>> jerry: You're really a rick?

Offend you in any way.
>> jerry: You're really a rick?
>> [ laughs ]

>> jerry: You're really a rick?
>> [ laughs ]
y-- of course I am -- just as

>> [ laughs ]
y-- of course I am -- just as
much as my morty's a morty.

Y-- of course I am -- just as
much as my morty's a morty.
>> jerry: Hey, he looks a lot

Much as my morty's a morty.
>> jerry: Hey, he looks a lot
like eric stoltz from the movie

>> jerry: Hey, he looks a lot
like eric stoltz from the movie
"mask."

Like eric stoltz from the movie
"mask."
you know, the one with cher in

"mask."
you know, the one with cher in
it?

You know, the one with cher in
it?
>> that's right, jerry!

It?
>> that's right, jerry!
He -- he's from a reality where

>> that's right, jerry!
He -- he's from a reality where
everyone is eric stoltz "mask"

He -- he's from a reality where
everyone is eric stoltz "mask"
people.

Everyone is eric stoltz "mask"
people.
He's eric stoltz mask morty.

People.
He's eric stoltz mask morty.
They assigned him to me because

He's eric stoltz mask morty.
They assigned him to me because
I never had any kids of my own.

They assigned him to me because
I never had any kids of my own.
But if I did, boy, I'd love them

I never had any kids of my own.
But if I did, boy, I'd love them
if they were as smart and as

But if I did, boy, I'd love them
if they were as smart and as
successful as you are, jerry.

If they were as smart and as
successful as you are, jerry.
>> hey, get a load of this.

Successful as you are, jerry.
>> hey, get a load of this.
Jerry's hanging out with

>> hey, get a load of this.
Jerry's hanging out with
doofus rick.

Jerry's hanging out with
doofus rick.
>> [ laughs ] this is perfect.

Doofus rick.
>> [ laughs ] this is perfect.
>> I'm not doofus rick!

>> [ laughs ] this is perfect.
>> I'm not doofus rick!
I'm rick j19-zeta-7!

>> I'm not doofus rick!
I'm rick j19-zeta-7!
>> oh, is that the timeline

I'm rick j19-zeta-7!
>> oh, is that the timeline
where everybody eats poop?

>> oh, is that the timeline
where everybody eats poop?
Jerry, you know this guy eats

Where everybody eats poop?
Jerry, you know this guy eats
poop, right?

Jerry, you know this guy eats
poop, right?
>> hey, I don't eat poop!

Poop, right?
>> hey, I don't eat poop!
Y-you guys are always so mean to

>> hey, I don't eat poop!
Y-you guys are always so mean to
me.

Y-you guys are always so mean to
me.
[ both laugh ]

Me.
[ both laugh ]
>> [ sobbing ]

[ both laugh ]
>> [ sobbing ]
I guess it's only fair to tell

>> [ sobbing ]
I guess it's only fair to tell
you now, jerry.

I guess it's only fair to tell
you now, jerry.
I'm the worst rick of them all.

You now, jerry.
I'm the worst rick of them all.
>> jerry: According to who --

I'm the worst rick of them all.
>> jerry: According to who --
other versions of you?

>> jerry: According to who --
other versions of you?
If I've learned one thing, it's

Other versions of you?
If I've learned one thing, it's
that before you get anywhere in

If I've learned one thing, it's
that before you get anywhere in
life, you got to stop listening

That before you get anywhere in
life, you got to stop listening
to yourself.

Life, you got to stop listening
to yourself.
>> wow.

To yourself.
>> wow.
You really are wise, jerry.

>> wow.
You really are wise, jerry.
I-I-I guess that's why you work

You really are wise, jerry.
I-I-I guess that's why you work
in advertising.

I-I-I guess that's why you work
in advertising.
>> jerry: The fact that you feel

In advertising.
>> jerry: The fact that you feel
that way makes you the best rick

>> jerry: The fact that you feel
that way makes you the best rick
of them all.

That way makes you the best rick
of them all.
>> morty: You don't care about

Of them all.
>> morty: You don't care about
me at all!

>> morty: You don't care about
me at all!
I'm no different than that

Me at all!
I'm no different than that
jacket you've got on!

I'm no different than that
jacket you've got on!
Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal

Jacket you've got on!
Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal
gun!

Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal
gun!
I'm just a tool!

Gun!
I'm just a tool!
I-I-I'm just an object!

I'm just a tool!
I-I-I'm just an object!
>> rick: Hey, it's your choice

I-I-I'm just an object!
>> rick: Hey, it's your choice
to take it personally, morty.

>> rick: Hey, it's your choice
to take it personally, morty.
Now, for the love of god, be

To take it personally, morty.
Now, for the love of god, be
quiet.

Now, for the love of god, be
quiet.
The point of this is to get the

Quiet.
The point of this is to get the
drop on the guy.

The point of this is to get the
drop on the guy.
>> morty: You know what, rick?

Drop on the guy.
>> morty: You know what, rick?
I'll tell you something!

>> morty: You know what, rick?
I'll tell you something!
I'm more than a human shield!

I'll tell you something!
I'm more than a human shield!
>> rick: Yeah, that's right.

I'm more than a human shield!
>> rick: Yeah, that's right.
You are.

>> rick: Yeah, that's right.
You are.
You're a perfect, impenetrable

You are.
You're a perfect, impenetrable
suit of human armor, morty,

You're a perfect, impenetrable
suit of human armor, morty,
because you're as dumb as I am

Suit of human armor, morty,
because you're as dumb as I am
smart, which is why when I say

Because you're as dumb as I am
smart, which is why when I say
[burps] "shut up," it's really

Smart, which is why when I say
[burps] "shut up," it's really
good advice.

[burps] "shut up," it's really
good advice.
[ whirring ]

Good advice.
[ whirring ]
great. Nice work, morty.

[ groans ]
[ hands clap slowly ]
>> ooh. Look at you, c-137.

[ hands clap slowly ]
>> ooh. Look at you, c-137.
You -- aren't you a tough

>> ooh. Look at you, c-137.
You -- aren't you a tough
customer.

You -- aren't you a tough
customer.
>> rick: The slow clap? Really?

Customer.
>> rick: The slow clap? Really?
Kind of played out, dude.

>> rick: The slow clap? Really?
Kind of played out, dude.
>> not in this dimension, it

Kind of played out, dude.
>> not in this dimension, it
isn't.

>> not in this dimension, it
isn't.
In fact [chuckles] I invented

Isn't.
In fact [chuckles] I invented
it.

In fact [chuckles] I invented
it.
Nobody else has ever even done

It.
Nobody else has ever even done
it here before.

Nobody else has ever even done
it here before.
>> rick: Well, la-di-da.

It here before.
>> rick: Well, la-di-da.
>> hey, that's mine!

>> rick: I don't like the look
of that rick, morty.
We got to escape.

Of that rick, morty.
We got to escape.
>> morty: I'm not gonna help

We got to escape.
>> morty: I'm not gonna help
you, rick.

>> morty: I'm not gonna help
you, rick.
Y-you're a monster.

You, rick.
Y-you're a monster.
>> rick: Don't be rick-diculous,

Y-you're a monster.
>> rick: Don't be rick-diculous,
morty.

>> rick: Don't be rick-diculous,
morty.
>> morty: Will you -- will you

Morty.
>> morty: Will you -- will you
stop saying that?

>> morty: Will you -- will you
stop saying that?
It's stupid.

Stop saying that?
It's stupid.
>> take his morty away.

It's stupid.
>> take his morty away.
>> come with me.

>> take his morty away.
>> come with me.
>> morty: Yeah, gladly.

>> come with me.
>> morty: Yeah, gladly.
Geez, man. Ricks, huh?

>> morty: Yeah, gladly.
Geez, man. Ricks, huh?
Hey, man, you seem to know how

Geez, man. Ricks, huh?
Hey, man, you seem to know how
this place works.

Hey, man, you seem to know how
this place works.
Is there any way we could shut

This place works.
Is there any way we could shut
down that grid and rescue all

Is there any way we could shut
down that grid and rescue all
those mortys outside?

Down that grid and rescue all
those mortys outside?
>> it would be pointless.

Those mortys outside?
>> it would be pointless.
Mortys have no chance of

>> it would be pointless.
Mortys have no chance of
defeating a rick.

Mortys have no chance of
defeating a rick.
In here.

Defeating a rick.
In here.
[ mortys sobbing ]

>> [ farts ]
>> ah. Isn't it beautiful?
>> rick: Yeah, yeah.

>> ah. Isn't it beautiful?
>> rick: Yeah, yeah.
Looks like payday at

>> rick: Yeah, yeah.
Looks like payday at
neverland ranch in here.

Looks like payday at
neverland ranch in here.
Zing!

Neverland ranch in here.
Zing!
>> [ chuckles ]

Zing!
>> [ chuckles ]
>> rick: That guy got it.

>> [ chuckles ]
>> rick: That guy got it.
>> unh-unh-unh, rick. Quiet.

>> rick: That guy got it.
>> unh-unh-unh, rick. Quiet.
You're missing my symphony.

>> unh-unh-unh, rick. Quiet.
You're missing my symphony.
[ mortys groaning, screaming]

You're missing my symphony.
[ mortys groaning, screaming]
>> rick: Hey, I'll take it over

[ mortys groaning, screaming]
>> rick: Hey, I'll take it over
mumford & sons.

>> rick: Hey, I'll take it over
mumford & sons.
Zip!

Mumford & sons.
Zip!
>> [ laughs ]

Zip!
>> [ laughs ]
>> rick: This guy is on it!

>> [ laughs ]
>> rick: This guy is on it!
>> he's not laughing at your

>> rick: This guy is on it!
>> he's not laughing at your
dumb jokes, rick.

>> he's not laughing at your
dumb jokes, rick.
That's just a random noise it

Dumb jokes, rick.
That's just a random noise it
makes every 10 seconds.

That's just a random noise it
makes every 10 seconds.
>> [ laughs ]

Makes every 10 seconds.
>> [ laughs ]
>> rick: [ groans ]

>> [ laughs ]
>> rick: [ groans ]
>> you see, rick, you're not as

>> rick: [ groans ]
>> you see, rick, you're not as
clever as you think you are.

>> you see, rick, you're not as
clever as you think you are.
I wantedyou to find me.

Clever as you think you are.
I wantedyou to find me.
We're not so [burps] different,

I wantedyou to find me.
We're not so [burps] different,
you and I.

We're not so [burps] different,
you and I.
>> rick: Yeah, duh!

You and I.
>> rick: Yeah, duh!
>> see this right here, rick?

>> rick: Yeah, duh!
>> see this right here, rick?
I crunched the numbers.

>> see this right here, rick?
I crunched the numbers.
I created a spectrum of all the

I crunched the numbers.
I created a spectrum of all the
ricks.

I created a spectrum of all the
ricks.
I listed them out from most evil

Ricks.
I listed them out from most evil
to least evil.

I listed them out from most evil
to least evil.
Here's where I am.

To least evil.
Here's where I am.
And lookit -- right here's where

Here's where I am.
And lookit -- right here's where
you are, rick.

And lookit -- right here's where
you are, rick.
This guy right here --

You are, rick.
This guy right here --
super-weird.

This guy right here --
super-weird.
>> rick: I get it.

Super-weird.
>> rick: I get it.
So you want me to team up with

>> rick: I get it.
So you want me to team up with
you to take down the council of

So you want me to team up with
you to take down the council of
ricks, right?

You to take down the council of
ricks, right?
Is that where you're going with

Ricks, right?
Is that where you're going with
this?

Is that where you're going with
this?
'cause that's where I'd be

This?
'cause that's where I'd be
going.

'cause that's where I'd be
going.
>> please.

Going.
>> please.
I think I'm doing pretty good on

>> please.
I think I'm doing pretty good on
my own.

I think I'm doing pretty good on
my own.
I'm simply gonna download the

My own.
I'm simply gonna download the
contents of your brain and then

I'm simply gonna download the
contents of your brain and then
kill you.

Contents of your brain and then
kill you.
>> okay, if we add a little more

Kill you.
>> okay, if we add a little more
titanium nitrate and just a tad

>> okay, if we add a little more
titanium nitrate and just a tad
of chlorified tartrate...

Titanium nitrate and just a tad
of chlorified tartrate...
[ mixture gurgles ]

Of chlorified tartrate...
[ mixture gurgles ]
...Ovenless brownies!

[ mixture gurgles ]
...Ovenless brownies!
>> jerry: Mmm. Mmm!

...Ovenless brownies!
>> jerry: Mmm. Mmm!
It's incredible what a gifted

>> jerry: Mmm. Mmm!
It's incredible what a gifted
mind can accomplish when

It's incredible what a gifted
mind can accomplish when
priorities are in order.

Mind can accomplish when
priorities are in order.
>> well, come on.

Priorities are in order.
>> well, come on.
I can't take all the credit,

>> well, come on.
I can't take all the credit,
jerry.

I can't take all the credit,
jerry.
It was your idea.

Jerry.
It was your idea.
Come here, jerry!

It was your idea.
Come here, jerry!
[ both laugh ]

Come here, jerry!
[ both laugh ]
>> jerry: Hey, uh, come here.

[ both laugh ]
>> jerry: Hey, uh, come here.
I-I want to show you something.

>> jerry: Hey, uh, come here.
I-I want to show you something.
Okay, look, everybody makes fun

I-I want to show you something.
Okay, look, everybody makes fun
of me for getting these, but

Okay, look, everybody makes fun
of me for getting these, but
you're a genius scientist.

Of me for getting these, but
you're a genius scientist.
What do you think?

You're a genius scientist.
What do you think?
See?

What do you think?
See?
There's little r2-d2s where the

See?
There's little r2-d2s where the
george washingtons should be.

There's little r2-d2s where the
george washingtons should be.
>> you know, jerry, I'm not

George washingtons should be.
>> you know, jerry, I'm not
gonna tell you that these will

>> you know, jerry, I'm not
gonna tell you that these will
increase in value or even hold

Gonna tell you that these will
increase in value or even hold
their current value.

Increase in value or even hold
their current value.
The truth is, you bought them

Their current value.
The truth is, you bought them
because you like them.

The truth is, you bought them
because you like them.
They have value to you.

Because you like them.
They have value to you.
That's what matters.

>> jerry: [ voice breaking ] how
long are you staying?
>> until we find your rick.

Long are you staying?
>> until we find your rick.
>> jerry: I found mine.

>> until we find your rick.
>> jerry: I found mine.
I found mine.

>> morty: Help!
>> there is no escape, my son.
We will find our peace in the

>> there is no escape, my son.
We will find our peace in the
next world.

We will find our peace in the
next world.
>> morty: So, what --

Next world.
>> morty: So, what --
y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give

>> morty: So, what --
y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give
up?

Y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give
up?
>> we're giving in -- to the

Up?
>> we're giving in -- to the
power of the one true morty.

>> we're giving in -- to the
power of the one true morty.
One day, he will return.

Power of the one true morty.
One day, he will return.
>> together: Praise the one true

One day, he will return.
>> together: Praise the one true
morty.

>> together: Praise the one true
morty.
>> morty: Ugh.

Morty.
>> morty: Ugh.
All right, mortys, listen up.

>> morty: Ugh.
All right, mortys, listen up.
My name is morty smith, from

All right, mortys, listen up.
My name is morty smith, from
earth dimension c-137.

My name is morty smith, from
earth dimension c-137.
I know you're scared, because

Earth dimension c-137.
I know you're scared, because
I'm scared.

I know you're scared, because
I'm scared.
But that's no reason to accept

I'm scared.
But that's no reason to accept
our fate!

But that's no reason to accept
our fate!
We're mortys!

Our fate!
We're mortys!
We're not defined by our

We're mortys!
We're not defined by our
relationships to rick!

We're not defined by our
relationships to rick!
Our destiny is our own!

Relationships to rick!
Our destiny is our own!
>> this sounds like something

Our destiny is our own!
>> this sounds like something
the one true morty might say.

>> this sounds like something
the one true morty might say.
I'm sick of being a human

The one true morty might say.
I'm sick of being a human
shield.

I'm sick of being a human
shield.
I-I-I w-- I want to be a

Shield.
I-I-I w-- I want to be a
gardener!

I-I-I w-- I want to be a
gardener!
>> I want to write really crazy,

Gardener!
>> I want to write really crazy,
intense action novels!

>> I want to write really crazy,
intense action novels!
>> I'm more than just a hammer!

Intense action novels!
>> I'm more than just a hammer!
>> he is the one true morty!

>> I'm more than just a hammer!
>> he is the one true morty!
>> hooray!

>> he is the one true morty!
>> hooray!
>> the one true morty!

>> hooray!
>> the one true morty!
>> hey, keep it down!

>> the one true morty!
>> hey, keep it down!
[ mortys shouting ]

>> you've lived quite a life,
rick.
It's a real shame you're not

Rick.
It's a real shame you're not
gonna be around to see it

It's a real shame you're not
gonna be around to see it
through.

You're crying?
Over a morty?
>> rick: No, I'm just allergic

Over a morty?
>> rick: No, I'm just allergic
to dipshits.

>> rick: No, I'm just allergic
to dipshits.
>> ugh. Pathetic.

To dipshits.
>> ugh. Pathetic.
We both know that if there's any

>> ugh. Pathetic.
We both know that if there's any
truth in the universe, it's that

We both know that if there's any
truth in the universe, it's that
ricks don't care about mortys.

Truth in the universe, it's that
ricks don't care about mortys.
[ mortys shouting ]

Ricks don't care about mortys.
[ mortys shouting ]
do your worst, you little

[ mortys shouting ]
do your worst, you little
bastards!

Do your worst, you little
bastards!
Kill me! Do it!

Bastards!
Kill me! Do it!
Do I-I-I-I-it!

Kill me! Do it!
Do I-I-I-I-it!
>> rick: Morty! Thank god!

Do I-I-I-I-it!
>> rick: Morty! Thank god!
Get me out of this.

>> rick: Morty! Thank god!
Get me out of this.
Come on!

Get me out of this.
Come on!
>> morty: You're lucky I'm not a

Come on!
>> morty: You're lucky I'm not a
rick.

>> morty: You're lucky I'm not a
rick.
>> rick: Point taken, but this

Rick.
>> rick: Point taken, but this
is [burps] no time for arcs.

>> rick: Point taken, but this
is [burps] no time for arcs.
[ energy powering down ]

Is [burps] no time for arcs.
[ energy powering down ]
>> oh!

[ energy powering down ]
>> oh!
>> [ laughs ]

>> oh!
>> [ laughs ]
>> thank god!

>> [ laughs ]
>> thank god!
[ dialing ]

>> thank god!
[ dialing ]
[ ringing ]

[ dialing ]
[ ringing ]
[ telephone rings ]

[ ringing ]
[ telephone rings ]
>> yeah, hello.

[ telephone rings ]
>> yeah, hello.
>> rick: Hey, what do me and

>> yeah, hello.
>> rick: Hey, what do me and
o.J. Not have in common?

>> rick: Hey, what do me and
o.J. Not have in common?
>> huh? W-who is this?

O.J. Not have in common?
>> huh? W-who is this?
>> rick: I found the real

>> huh? W-who is this?
>> rick: I found the real
killer, bitch!

>> rick: I found the real
killer, bitch!
Get over here!

>> yo, ding-dong, we're done
here.
Time to go.

Here.
Time to go.
>> well, jerry [belches]

Time to go.
>> well, jerry [belches]
I guess this means goodbye.

>> well, jerry [belches]
I guess this means goodbye.
>> jerry: W-w-well, does it have

I guess this means goodbye.
>> jerry: W-w-well, does it have
to?

>> jerry: W-w-well, does it have
to?
I mean, you -- you look just

To?
I mean, you -- you look just
like rick.

I mean, you -- you look just
like rick.
We could maybe, you know, get

Like rick.
We could maybe, you know, get
rid of him.

We could maybe, you know, get
rid of him.
I'm not saying kill him,

Rid of him.
I'm not saying kill him,
necessarily.

I'm not saying kill him,
necessarily.
I -- I'm also not saying

Necessarily.
I -- I'm also not saying
necessarily not kill him, but --

I -- I'm also not saying
necessarily not kill him, but --
>> jerry, w-we both know it

Necessarily not kill him, but --
>> jerry, w-we both know it
wouldn't work.

>> jerry, w-we both know it
wouldn't work.
It's time to go back to our

Wouldn't work.
It's time to go back to our
lives.

It's time to go back to our
lives.
I love you, jerry.

Lives.
I love you, jerry.
I love you.

I love you, jerry.
I love you.
>> jerry: [ sighs ]

[ whimpers ]

>> together: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Hut! Hut! Hut!

>> morty: W-what -- w-what's
gonna happen to all these
mortys?

Gonna happen to all these
mortys?
>> they'll go back to their

Mortys?
>> they'll go back to their
families, attend school

>> they'll go back to their
families, attend school
regularly, play video games,

Families, attend school
regularly, play video games,
date girls.

Regularly, play video games,
date girls.
Poor little rickless bastards.

Date girls.
Poor little rickless bastards.
>> earth rick c-137, the council

Poor little rickless bastards.
>> earth rick c-137, the council
apologizes for its false

>> earth rick c-137, the council
apologizes for its false
accusation, and in the way of

Apologizes for its false
accusation, and in the way of
reparations [belches] for our

Accusation, and in the way of
reparations [belches] for our
terrible mistake, we would like

Reparations [belches] for our
terrible mistake, we would like
to compensate you with this

Terrible mistake, we would like
to compensate you with this
voucher for a free replacement

To compensate you with this
voucher for a free replacement
morty in the event that

Voucher for a free replacement
morty in the event that
y[belches]our current [belches]

Morty in the event that
y[belches]our current [belches]
morty should --

Y[belches]our current [belches]
morty should --
>> rick: Uh, guys, not a good

Morty should --
>> rick: Uh, guys, not a good
time.

>> rick: Uh, guys, not a good
time.
Come on, morty. Let's hit it.

>> morty: Is it time for arcs
yet, rick?
I did a pretty good job back

Yet, rick?
I did a pretty good job back
there for a human cloaking

I did a pretty good job back
there for a human cloaking
device.

There for a human cloaking
device.
Saved your ass.

Device.
Saved your ass.
>> rick: All right, morty.

Saved your ass.
>> rick: All right, morty.
Don't break an arm jerking

>> rick: All right, morty.
Don't break an arm jerking
yourself off.

Don't break an arm jerking
yourself off.
>> morty: Man, I can't believe

Yourself off.
>> morty: Man, I can't believe
you, rick.

>> morty: Man, I can't believe
you, rick.
That right there, that w-- that

You, rick.
That right there, that w-- that
was a great opportunity to show

That right there, that w-- that
was a great opportunity to show
a little humanity, you know?

Was a great opportunity to show
a little humanity, you know?
To connect with me a little.

A little humanity, you know?
To connect with me a little.
>> rick: Hey, morty, you want

To connect with me a little.
>> rick: Hey, morty, you want
connection, go be part of some

>> rick: Hey, morty, you want
connection, go be part of some
stupid club, like all those dumb

Connection, go be part of some
stupid club, like all those dumb
ricks.

Stupid club, like all those dumb
ricks.
You know, maybe I don't connect

Ricks.
You know, maybe I don't connect
because I'm the rickest rick

You know, maybe I don't connect
because I'm the rickest rick
there is.

Because I'm the rickest rick
there is.
And, you know, it would

There is.
And, you know, it would
g-- [belches] go without saying

And, you know, it would
g-- [belches] go without saying
that the rickest rick would have

G-- [belches] go without saying
that the rickest rick would have
the mortyest morty.

That the rickest rick would have
the mortyest morty.
>> morty: It would go without

The mortyest morty.
>> morty: It would go without
saying, huh?

>> morty: It would go without
saying, huh?
>> rick: Yeah, it would.

Saying, huh?
>> rick: Yeah, it would.
Did you hear me say it?

>> rick: Yeah, it would.
Did you hear me say it?
>> morty: Nah.

Did you hear me say it?
>> morty: Nah.
The mortyest morty.

>> morty: Nah.
The mortyest morty.
>> rick: Just don't get too big

The mortyest morty.
>> rick: Just don't get too big
for your loafers, buster brown.

>> rick: Just don't get too big
for your loafers, buster brown.
A cocky morty can lead to some

For your loafers, buster brown.
A cocky morty can lead to some
big problems.

A cocky morty can lead to some
big problems.
It can be a real bad thing for

Big problems.
It can be a real bad thing for
everybody.

It can be a real bad thing for
everybody.
>> morty: Oh, yeah? How's that?

Everybody.
>> morty: Oh, yeah? How's that?
>> rick: U-uh, I'll explain when

>> morty: Oh, yeah? How's that?
>> rick: U-uh, I'll explain when
you're older.

>> rick: U-uh, I'll explain when
you're older.
[ camera shutter clicks ]

You're older.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
>> what a mess.

[ camera shutter clicks ]
>> what a mess.
>> pride cometh before the fall.

>> what a mess.
>> pride cometh before the fall.
I guess he got what he deserved.

>> pride cometh before the fall.
I guess he got what he deserved.
>> what is that?

I guess he got what he deserved.
>> what is that?
[ electricity crackles ]

>> what is that?
[ electricity crackles ]
>> hand me the laser

[ electricity crackles ]
>> hand me the laser
difibulator.

>> hand me the laser
difibulator.
>> hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?

Difibulator.
>> hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?
>> no! Go clean the toilets.

>> hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?
>> no! Go clean the toilets.
Maybe you'll make friends with

>> no! Go clean the toilets.
Maybe you'll make friends with
some turds.

Maybe you'll make friends with
some turds.
>> you make us ashamed to be

Some turds.
>> you make us ashamed to be
ourselves!

My god.
I've seen this technology
before.

I've seen this technology
before.
[ device beeping ]

Before.
[ device beeping ]
>> this rick was being

[ device beeping ]
>> this rick was being
controlled remotely --

>> this rick was being
controlled remotely --
puppeteered by somebody else.

Controlled remotely --
puppeteered by somebody else.
This is the receiver.

Puppeteered by somebody else.
This is the receiver.
>> yeah, but where's the

This is the receiver.
>> yeah, but where's the
transmitter?

>> yeah, but where's the
transmitter?
[ beeping continues ]

>> rick: Wubba dubba dub dub!
Oh. Hey, jerry.
W-w-w-what are you doing in my

Oh. Hey, jerry.
W-w-w-what are you doing in my
room, buddy?

W-w-w-what are you doing in my
room, buddy?
>> jerry: Nothing.

Room, buddy?
>> jerry: Nothing.
[ shakily ] I was just, um,

>> jerry: Nothing.
[ shakily ] I was just, um,
[sniffles] checking the smoke

[ shakily ] I was just, um,
[sniffles] checking the smoke
detectors.

[sniffles] checking the smoke
detectors.
>> rick: All right.

Detectors.
>> rick: All right.
Okay, get out.

What's that dipshit doing out
there?
Are you friends with him?

There?
Are you friends with him?
You know he eats his own shit,

Are you friends with him?
You know he eats his own shit,
right?

You know he eats his own shit,
right?
[ laughing ] oh, my god, this is

Right?
[ laughing ] oh, my god, this is
rich!

[ laughing ] oh, my god, this is
rich!
I've got like [belches] 10 ricks

Rich!
I've got like [belches] 10 ricks
to call right now.