Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,400
- Cynthia...
- Oh, my God! No, no...
2
00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:08,205
- I told you!
- Hold on...
3
00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:09,799
Will you please...
4
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,187
Not marry me?
I choose Veronica.
5
00:00:12,188 --> 00:00:13,121
- What?
- Yes!
6
00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:15,290
- Called it.
- Why would he choose Veronica?
7
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:16,805
Because he loves her.
8
00:00:16,806 --> 00:00:18,344
Well... if it's any
consolation, Summer,
9
00:00:18,345 --> 00:00:20,592
none of it mattered, and
the entire show is stupid.
10
00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:22,055
Okay, I've got an idea, Rick.
11
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,222
You show us your
concept of "good TV",
12
00:00:24,248 --> 00:00:25,889
and we'll crap all over that.
13
00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,232
I thought you'd never ask.
14
00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:29,233
Hey!
15
00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:31,584
Oh, cool! Is that
crystallized Zanthonite?
16
00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:33,531
It conducts electrons
across dimensions.
17
00:00:33,532 --> 00:00:36,090
Twenty percent accurate,
as usual, Morty.
18
00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:38,048
The important thing
being I just upgraded
19
00:00:38,049 --> 00:00:41,248
our cable package with programming
from every conceivable reality.
20
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,912
Wait, does that mean we get
Showtime Extreme?
21
00:00:42,913 --> 00:00:45,984
How about Showtime Extreme in a
world where man evolved from corn.
22
00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:47,975
We're not so different.
We're both corn of action.
23
00:00:47,976 --> 00:00:51,178
Yeah. But one of us is...
dead corn!
24
00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,208
- Boring.
- Summer,
25
00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:55,426
you just spent three months,
watching a man choose a fake wife.
26
00:00:55,427 --> 00:00:58,169
So what? It'd be better if
the people were corn?
27
00:00:58,170 --> 00:01:00,596
Jerry, you don't get it.
This is infinite TV,
28
00:01:00,597 --> 00:01:02,669
from infinite universes.
Look.
29
00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:04,681
This shit is delicious.
30
00:01:04,682 --> 00:01:06,169
A movie about a
guy eating shit.
31
00:01:07,325 --> 00:01:09,199
A violent Antiques Show...
32
00:01:10,463 --> 00:01:12,778
- It's a pleasure to have you.
- The pleasure's all mine.
33
00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:15,204
Letterman from a
time line where Jerry's famous...
34
00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,803
- Wait!
- What in the hell?
35
00:01:16,804 --> 00:01:18,187
I agree.
Where is this going?
36
00:01:18,188 --> 00:01:19,843
No, the other thing!
Go back!
37
00:01:19,844 --> 00:01:21,358
Really?
All right, fine.
38
00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:24,726
Glenn, this is a court order.
It says you can't eat shit anymore.
39
00:01:25,601 --> 00:01:28,905
All right, Jerry, when you're right,
you're right. Now I'm hooked.
40
00:01:29,461 --> 00:01:31,961
Rick and Morty S01E08
"Rixty Minutes"
41
00:01:31,962 --> 00:01:36,963
Translated back from Portuguese
by paulo loppes
42
00:01:36,988 --> 00:01:42,988
Corrections by TPBfan
Tweaking by XhmikosR
43
00:01:43,013 --> 00:01:49,013
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:02:00,962 --> 00:02:04,430
Coming up next on "Shmloo's the
Shmloss", Shmlony has a nightmare.
45
00:02:04,431 --> 00:02:06,287
Shmlantha, Schmlona!
46
00:02:06,288 --> 00:02:09,749
Amazing. A dimension where all
proper nouns begin with "Schmla".
47
00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:13,764
Schmlove,
Schmlandula, Schmlonathan...
48
00:02:13,765 --> 00:02:16,165
All right, that got... that
actually got old pretty quick.
49
00:02:16,526 --> 00:02:20,636
Rick, would you please
go back to me on David Letterman?
50
00:02:20,637 --> 00:02:23,469
Infinity's a big number, Jerry.
I don't remember the channel.
51
00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:25,270
- Go back, go back!
- Jeez...
52
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,849
You speak da tru-tru.
53
00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:29,631
Oh my God!
Dad's in Cloud Atlas!
54
00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:32,241
I'm in Cloud Atlas!
What's Cloud Atlas?
55
00:02:32,242 --> 00:02:36,442
Sometimes small tru-tru
different than da big tru-tru.
56
00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:37,723
How is this possible?
57
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,801
Infinite time lines,
infinite possibilities.
58
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,108
Including a time line where
Jerry's a movie star.
59
00:02:42,109 --> 00:02:45,328
Look, you guys are getting excited
about the wrong aspect of this device.
60
00:02:45,353 --> 00:02:46,728
Wa... Look at this.
61
00:02:46,729 --> 00:02:49,469
And now, another
Quick Mystery.
62
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:53,046
I just want to know who could've done
something like this. It's a travesty!
63
00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:56,190
I did. See this knife and all the blood
on it? Here's my fingerprints.
64
00:02:56,191 --> 00:02:58,071
Guilty! I sentence you
to life in prison.
65
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,962
- Here's another Quick Mystery.
- My mother's dead!
66
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:03,008
And I killed her.
Here's the weapon.
67
00:03:03,034 --> 00:03:04,887
And cuff me, thank
you very much.
68
00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:06,551
Guilty!
Sentenced to murder.
69
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,474
- Here's another.
- I'm the killer!
70
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,639
Wow, that one was really
quick, wasn't it?
71
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:16,491
Now who wants to watch random, crazy
TV shows from different dimensions...
72
00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:20,711
and then who wants to narcissistically
obsess about their alternate self?
73
00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:22,912
- I want to obsess about myself.
- The narcisstic stuff.
74
00:03:23,394 --> 00:03:26,924
Here. These scan your retinas,
and let you view parallel time lines
75
00:03:26,925 --> 00:03:28,956
through genetically matching
versions of your eyes.
76
00:03:28,957 --> 00:03:29,984
Go fetch!
77
00:03:29,985 --> 00:03:31,505
- Yes! This is so cool!
- Ladies First!
78
00:03:32,061 --> 00:03:33,230
I'm proud of you, Morty.
79
00:03:33,231 --> 00:03:35,291
Hey man, I don't give a
crap about myself, Rick.
80
00:03:35,317 --> 00:03:36,746
Let's watch some
crazy stuff, yo!
81
00:03:36,974 --> 00:03:38,345
I'm Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson,
82
00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:40,486
Here at Ants-in-My-Eyes
Johnson's Electronics.
83
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,585
I mean, there's so
many ants in my eyes!
84
00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:45,769
And there's so many TVs,
microwaves, radios...
85
00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:48,939
I think, I can't... I'm not 100%
sure what we have here in stock,
86
00:03:48,965 --> 00:03:50,839
because I can't see anything.
87
00:03:50,844 --> 00:03:53,459
Our prices I
hope aren't too low!
88
00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:56,074
Check out this refrigerator!
Only $200!
89
00:03:56,075 --> 00:03:59,451
What about this microwave?
Only $100! That's fair!
90
00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:01,104
I'm Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson!
91
00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:03,581
Everything's black, I
can't see a thing!
92
00:04:03,582 --> 00:04:06,332
And also I can't feel anything
either, did I mention that?
93
00:04:06,335 --> 00:04:09,285
But that's not as catchy
as having ants in your eyes.
94
00:04:09,286 --> 00:04:11,955
So that always goes, you know,
off by the wayside.
95
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,144
I can't feel.
It's a very rare disease.
96
00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:18,598
All my... All my nerves, they don't
allow for the sensation of touch.
97
00:04:18,599 --> 00:04:21,889
So I never know what's going on.
Am I standing? Sitting? I don't know.
98
00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:24,811
Are we sure we want to do this?
Look at our own alternate lives?
99
00:04:24,812 --> 00:04:28,112
You're right. Maybe we should
just play Yahtzee. Give me those!
100
00:04:29,063 --> 00:04:33,297
- What do you see?
- Whiteness. Pure whiteness.
101
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,310
You're my best friend, Jerry Smith.
I love doing cocaine with you.
102
00:04:38,315 --> 00:04:41,953
Whoa... I love doing cocaine
with you too, Johnny Depp!
103
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:43,993
Haven't we spent enough
time on you?
104
00:04:45,448 --> 00:04:47,282
I'm performing surgery...
105
00:04:47,283 --> 00:04:49,637
but not on a horse,
on a human!
106
00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:53,077
That's great, Beth! You always wanted to
be a real surgeon.
107
00:04:53,244 --> 00:04:55,484
I am a real surgeon.
108
00:04:55,956 --> 00:04:57,659
- Ahh... uh... Summer's turn!
- Finally!
109
00:04:59,356 --> 00:05:00,396
I don't see anything.
110
00:05:00,397 --> 00:05:02,409
Well, you should select a
different timeline,
111
00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:04,357
I mean, if your father and I
achieved our dreams,
112
00:05:04,358 --> 00:05:05,872
there's a chance
you weren't even born.
113
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:09,008
That came out wrong.
That came out very wrong.
114
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:12,178
Fine, I'll find a world
where you bothered to have me.
115
00:05:15,555 --> 00:05:17,126
We're playing Yahtzee.
116
00:05:17,127 --> 00:05:20,643
- Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee.
- It's a fun game for fun families!
117
00:05:20,644 --> 00:05:22,800
Hey, could I get those
goggles back for a second?
118
00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:26,094
It's a 45 horsepower
with anti-lock brakes,
119
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,387
and it's the official car of
Mr. Sneezy 3D.
120
00:05:29,387 --> 00:05:32,531
It's the brand-new...
Sneezy XL.
121
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,614
The horn when you honk it
makes a sneeze noise.
122
00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:40,266
It's polite, it's right,
and it's Sneezy...
123
00:05:40,292 --> 00:05:43,354
Deezy... Mc... Deluxe.
124
00:05:43,355 --> 00:05:45,455
Oh, I'm Mr. Sneezy!
Achoo!
125
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,476
Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions
has a somewhat looser feel to it.
126
00:05:49,477 --> 00:05:52,295
Yeah, it's got an almost
improvisational tone.
127
00:05:52,296 --> 00:05:54,705
It's in theaters now!
Coming this summer:
128
00:05:54,706 --> 00:05:58,854
Two brothers. In a van.
And then a meteor hit.
129
00:05:58,855 --> 00:06:03,166
And they ran as fast as they could...
from giant cat monsters.
130
00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:05,760
And then a giant
tornado came...
131
00:06:05,786 --> 00:06:09,792
and that's when things got
knocked into 12th gear.
132
00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:13,269
A Mexican armada shows up.
133
00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:15,980
With weapons made
from To-...tomatoes.
134
00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:18,828
And you better bet
your bottom dollar...
135
00:06:18,829 --> 00:06:22,078
that these two brothers know
how to handle business.
136
00:06:22,079 --> 00:06:28,291
In: Alien Invasion Tomato
Monster Mexican Armada Brothers,
137
00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:33,492
Who Are Just Regular Brothers, Running
In a van from an Asteroid...
138
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:36,300
and All Sorts of Things... THE MOVIE!
139
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,050
Hold on, there's more!
140
00:06:38,051 --> 00:06:42,038
Old women are coming, and they're also
in the movie, and they're gonna come,
141
00:06:42,039 --> 00:06:45,411
and cross... attack...
these two brothers.
142
00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:47,727
But let's get back to
the brothers, because
143
00:06:47,753 --> 00:06:49,739
they're... they
have a strong bond.
144
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:53,435
You don't want to know about it here,
but I'll tell you one thing: The moon...
145
00:06:53,436 --> 00:06:56,182
...it comes crashing into Earth.
And what do you do then?
146
00:06:56,183 --> 00:07:00,076
It's two brothers and...
and th-they're... It's called...
147
00:07:00,077 --> 00:07:03,743
Two brothers... Two brothers!
It's just called Two Brothers.
148
00:07:03,744 --> 00:07:06,341
Holy crap, I am
winning a Nobel Prize.
149
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,025
Come on!
Time's up!
150
00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:10,098
I'm taming a lion!
151
00:07:10,099 --> 00:07:14,712
No, wait, uh... there are film cameras.
I might be a lion-tamer in a movie.
152
00:07:14,713 --> 00:07:16,583
You get the idea.
I work with lions.
153
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:23,128
Ooh, we're not playing Yahtzee,
we're playing Chutes and Ladders.
154
00:07:23,129 --> 00:07:24,851
It seems like when I exist,
155
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:27,685
life gets a little more,
I don't know... predictable?
156
00:07:27,686 --> 00:07:30,120
When two people
create a life together,
157
00:07:30,121 --> 00:07:33,120
they set aside their
previous lives as individuals.
158
00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:37,121
Gimme a break! We're not heroes for
having unprotected sex on prom night.
159
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:40,329
Oh, I get it. Now that you know
you could have had it better,
160
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:43,467
you resent me
for holding you back.
161
00:07:43,468 --> 00:07:45,659
Now that we know you think
the tables are turning,
162
00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:47,875
we know you thought
there were unturned tables!
163
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:50,604
- What are you talking about?
- All this time, you've been thinking,
164
00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:53,475
"What if that loser Jerry hadn't
talked me out of the abortion?"
165
00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:55,700
Well now you know,
you'd be a doctor.
166
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:56,632
Whoop-dee-doo.
167
00:07:56,638 --> 00:08:00,481
You'd also be drinking wine, alone
in a house full of exotic birds.
168
00:08:00,482 --> 00:08:04,155
And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht,
banging Kristen Stewart!
169
00:08:04,156 --> 00:08:05,615
You thought about
getting an abortion?
170
00:08:05,616 --> 00:08:06,838
Everyone thinks about it.
171
00:08:06,864 --> 00:08:09,429
Obviously, I'm the version
of me that didn't do it.
172
00:08:09,430 --> 00:08:12,290
- So... you're welcome.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
173
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,914
Yeah, thank you guys so much. It's
a real treat to be raised by parents
174
00:08:15,915 --> 00:08:19,242
that force themselves to be together
instead of being happy.
175
00:08:19,243 --> 00:08:20,791
Hey, do we have any
wafer cookies?
176
00:08:22,956 --> 00:08:26,391
Oh, boy. Looks like you guys have been
checking out alternate lives and realizing
177
00:08:26,392 --> 00:08:28,345
you don't have it as good, huh?
That's too bad.
178
00:08:28,371 --> 00:08:30,095
You know, me and Morty
are having a blast,
179
00:08:30,096 --> 00:08:32,425
We just discovered a show
called "Ball Fondlers".
180
00:08:32,426 --> 00:08:34,549
I mean, I don't want to rub
it in or anything,
181
00:08:34,575 --> 00:08:36,738
but you guys clearly backed the
wrong conceptual horse.
182
00:08:49,514 --> 00:08:52,154
- I'm in heaven right now.
- This might be the best day of my life.
183
00:08:52,307 --> 00:08:53,566
So now what do we do?
184
00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:56,036
That show "Ball Fondlers"
sounded kind of interesting.
185
00:08:56,037 --> 00:08:57,306
- Dad!
- What?
186
00:08:57,307 --> 00:08:59,940
They're having fun in there!
What do you guys want from me?
187
00:08:59,941 --> 00:09:03,530
Every family on this block has to
wonder if they're together by choice.
188
00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:05,886
Our family just has
inter-dimensional goggles
189
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,831
to show us for a
fact that we're not.
190
00:09:07,835 --> 00:09:10,515
- We'll I'm leaving!
- You can't leave, you're 17!
191
00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:12,266
Yeah, and I'm not pregnant.
192
00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:15,011
I'm gonna have better judgment
than you guys had at my age.
193
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,672
I'm gonna... move to
the southwest and...
194
00:09:17,698 --> 00:09:20,420
I don't know, do something
with turquoise.
195
00:09:21,076 --> 00:09:24,427
It's Saturday Night Live!
196
00:09:24,428 --> 00:09:25,641
Starring...
197
00:09:25,642 --> 00:09:29,772
...a piece of toast!
Two guys, with handle-bar mustaches!
198
00:09:29,773 --> 00:09:32,587
A man painted silver who
makes robot noises!
199
00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:34,454
Gar Manarnar!
200
00:09:34,455 --> 00:09:39,147
Three... uh... uh, uh, uh,
I'll get back to that one...
201
00:09:39,148 --> 00:09:43,048
A hole in the wall, where
the men can see it all...
202
00:09:43,055 --> 00:09:51,055
and returning, for his 25th
consecutive year: Bobby Moynihan!
203
00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:54,926
Interesting fun fact, uh, Moynihan
and piece of toast hate each other.
204
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,484
Apparently they've got some real
creative differences.
205
00:09:57,719 --> 00:10:00,992
Hey, are you tired of real doors,
cluttering up your house,
206
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,098
where you open 'em, and
they actually go somewhere?
207
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,219
And you go in another room?
208
00:10:04,225 --> 00:10:05,854
Get on down to
"Real Fake Doors"!
209
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,866
That's us. Fill a whole
room up with 'em.
210
00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:11,611
See? Watch, check this out!
Won't open. Won't open.
211
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:15,098
Not this one, not this one.
None of 'em open!
212
00:10:15,124 --> 00:10:16,935
FakeDoors.com is our website,
213
00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:22,655
so check it out for a lot of really
great deals on fake doooooooors!
214
00:10:30,068 --> 00:10:32,469
Hey, wait a minute, Rick.
I thought this was a commercial.
215
00:10:32,495 --> 00:10:34,288
- What's going on? I mean...
- Relax, Morty.
216
00:10:34,313 --> 00:10:36,875
Don't worry about it... Let's just...
just see where this goes.
217
00:10:37,856 --> 00:10:40,437
Step on it,
we all got places to be!
218
00:10:40,738 --> 00:10:42,099
Son of a bitch!
219
00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:47,139
See, that must be where
he lives... OK.
220
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,930
Huh. Making himself a
sandwich now...
221
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,243
Hey everybody!
So this is my house,
222
00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:58,522
I just made a sandwich,
peanut butter and jelly,
223
00:10:58,523 --> 00:11:00,923
still here,
still selling fake doors!
224
00:11:00,924 --> 00:11:03,195
- What?
- Oh, my God! It's still the commercial!
225
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,318
We have fake doors...
like you wouldn't believe!
226
00:11:05,319 --> 00:11:07,659
What are you worried about?
Come get fake doors.
227
00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,986
Call us up, and order some
fake doors today.
228
00:11:09,987 --> 00:11:12,837
Don't even hesitate,
Don't even worry and don't even...
229
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,955
- All right, I'm bored. Change it.
- Wait wait, Rick! Hold on.
230
00:11:14,956 --> 00:11:16,722
Even give it a second thought.
That's our slogan.
231
00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:18,950
See it on the bottom of the screen,
below our name.
232
00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:21,550
Here's another slogan,
right below that one.
233
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:23,866
What are you worried about?
Come get fake doors
234
00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:26,201
Get in here quick,
get out quicker,
235
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:28,002
with an arm of fake
doors in you arms.
236
00:11:28,005 --> 00:11:29,396
Okay, okay, you can change it.
237
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,797
Don't even worry about it...
238
00:11:31,532 --> 00:11:33,488
I hate Mumunmunundsdays.
239
00:11:33,514 --> 00:11:36,083
And I really could go
for some enchiladas.
240
00:11:36,802 --> 00:11:37,927
Hey Rick, that's pretty cool!
241
00:11:37,928 --> 00:11:40,720
It's just like Garfield, only
instead, it's Gazorpazorpfield.
242
00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:42,464
Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp
where uh...
243
00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,655
where those Sex robots
came from, remember?
244
00:11:44,656 --> 00:11:45,706
That whole thing?
245
00:11:45,732 --> 00:11:48,856
Yeah... hey, that's pretty, pretty...
that's true.
246
00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:49,675
That's right!
247
00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:52,119
Yeah. Let's watch some
more Gazorpazorpfield!
248
00:11:52,119 --> 00:11:54,091
Hey Jon, it's me,
Gazorpazorpfield.
249
00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:58,398
Boy. [BLEEP] you, Jon.
You [BLEEP] dumb, stupid, idiot.
250
00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:01,202
Come on, Gazorpazorpfield,
go easy on me, huh?
251
00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:08,203
You dumb, stupid, weak,
pathetic, white, white... uh, uh...
252
00:12:08,536 --> 00:12:14,161
...guilt, white guilt,
milquetoast piece of human garbage.
253
00:12:14,162 --> 00:12:16,121
Jeez, Gazorpazorpfield,
thats, you know...
254
00:12:16,122 --> 00:12:18,197
you're pretty mean to me,
but that takes the cake.
255
00:12:18,198 --> 00:12:22,111
I don't give a [BLEEP]!
I'm Gazorpazorp-[BLEEP]-field, bitch!
256
00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:24,405
Now give me my
[BLEEP] enchiladas!
257
00:12:24,406 --> 00:12:26,942
Hey, Rick, you know, did they
use Bill Murray for this?
258
00:12:26,968 --> 00:12:28,346
Sounds a lot like Bill Murray.
259
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:31,886
No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music.
In this reality, he's still alive.
260
00:12:31,887 --> 00:12:33,581
Oh, okay, was his
name Lorenzo Music?
261
00:12:33,582 --> 00:12:34,593
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
262
00:12:34,619 --> 00:12:37,047
He also did that voice of that
one guy from Ghostbusters.
263
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,257
Which is really strange,
because it's the same character
264
00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:40,703
Bill Murray played
in the movie.
265
00:12:40,704 --> 00:12:41,754
But then, when they
made the movie...
266
00:12:41,755 --> 00:12:45,002
Bill Murray did the voice of
Gazorpazorp... or Garfield, I mean.
267
00:12:45,003 --> 00:12:47,682
Yeah, that's pretty cool, Rick. So all
that happened in this reality too?
268
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:50,439
I don't know. Just making
conversation with you, Morty.
269
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,640
What do you think? I-I-I-I
know everything about everything?
270
00:12:54,157 --> 00:12:56,522
Did you really talk me
out of the abortion?
271
00:12:56,523 --> 00:12:59,181
Well, we... we blew a tire
on the way to the clinic.
272
00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:03,029
I think, in my head,
I was doing it all for the kids.
273
00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:07,174
And now the first kid is going to
do something with turquoise.
274
00:13:07,175 --> 00:13:10,050
What is either code for crystal meth,
or a gateway to it.
275
00:13:10,051 --> 00:13:12,045
So we didn't do the kids
any favors.
276
00:13:12,046 --> 00:13:17,335
So, we should stay together for each
other and ourselves, or...
277
00:13:17,336 --> 00:13:18,761
Or?
278
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:23,283
Man. Woman.
And now trunk men?
279
00:13:23,284 --> 00:13:25,722
We know science has created
men that have a trunk
280
00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:28,604
that allows them to have sex with
both male and female partners.
281
00:13:28,605 --> 00:13:31,547
But we don't like the idea
of these people getting married.
282
00:13:31,548 --> 00:13:33,999
Put a line in the sand
everybody--, people!
283
00:13:34,025 --> 00:13:36,113
Vote no on proposition XW2.
284
00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:37,932
The act that says
that gay... uh... trunk
285
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:39,864
people can get married.
Who needs it?
286
00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:40,995
Not on my watch!
287
00:13:40,996 --> 00:13:43,762
Paid for by Michael Dennys
and The Denny Singers.
288
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:47,448
Hi, I'm a trunk person.
And I want...
289
00:13:47,474 --> 00:13:50,115
I-I feel love in my heart, too,
just like you.
290
00:13:50,116 --> 00:13:53,563
I want to be able to express
that love, with both a man and a woman.
291
00:13:53,564 --> 00:13:55,129
And I won't be able to...
292
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:57,611
If Denny and The Denny Singers
get their way.
293
00:13:57,612 --> 00:14:00,211
Hey, let the trunk people
have sex and get married, huh?
294
00:14:00,212 --> 00:14:02,219
Paid for by...
Trunk People.
295
00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,100
Oh, I love me
Strawberry Smiggles!
296
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,930
Ooh, I hope nobody ever
gets my hands on me,
297
00:14:07,956 --> 00:14:10,369
and tries to steal my
Strawberry Smiggles.
298
00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:12,451
I'm going to eat every last
one of them, because...
299
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,852
and then they'll
be in my stomach,
300
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,766
and nobody will ever be able
to eat them.
301
00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:18,804
Except for me, because they're
going to be all inside my stomach.
302
00:14:19,047 --> 00:14:22,949
I'm... my name is Mister...
Top Hat Jones,
303
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:26,799
and God forbid anyone ever take
my sniggy, little pig-dul... smiggles.
304
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,645
I'm keeping 'em all for me.
305
00:14:29,714 --> 00:14:31,129
Last bite.
306
00:14:31,927 --> 00:14:34,498
Oh, now they are all resting
comfortably in my stomach.
307
00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:35,600
Ooh, am I feeling good.
308
00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:37,072
No!
Get away from me!
309
00:14:37,073 --> 00:14:39,762
Get away from me and
my Strawberry Smiggles! No!
310
00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:44,163
Jesus Christ!
Jesus Christ!
311
00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:46,210
It hurts!
My entrails are out!
312
00:14:46,211 --> 00:14:48,236
Why would you even
want to eat these?
313
00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:50,477
They're soaked with
my stomach acid!
314
00:14:50,503 --> 00:14:53,989
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Lord and savior and spirit!
315
00:14:53,990 --> 00:14:56,024
Save me!
Take me to the light!
316
00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:59,475
Oh, my God, I see Demons!
I see demons are coming!
317
00:14:59,479 --> 00:15:01,201
Jeez, Rick. Oh my god!
318
00:15:01,226 --> 00:15:04,260
That's some pretty hardcore stuff,
you know, for a cereal commercial.
319
00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:07,037
Well, you know, Morty, I mean,
you want to sell boxes of cereal,
320
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,296
you gotta, you gotta,
pump the gas a little.
321
00:15:09,322 --> 00:15:10,696
Pedal to the metal, Morty.
322
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:15,576
In a world, where muscular mannies,
are coming, and they're coming strong,
323
00:15:15,577 --> 00:15:19,545
there's only three...
unmuscular... Michaels.
324
00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:21,404
Get down!
Hurry, run!
325
00:15:23,347 --> 00:15:28,133
And that's when real
turbulent juice is coming,
326
00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:30,034
and you gotta take care of it.
327
00:15:30,035 --> 00:15:33,051
With turbulent juice,
Turmulent tables.
328
00:15:33,052 --> 00:15:38,136
No room is safe from the
turbulent power of turbulent juice.
329
00:15:38,778 --> 00:15:41,258
- What in the hell?
- Sex sells, Morty.
330
00:15:41,259 --> 00:15:45,507
Sex sells what? Was that a movie,
or like, does it clean stuff?
331
00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,891
Hey, Dad.
W-w-what's going on?
332
00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:50,726
Oh, your mother and I are going to
be spending some time apart, Morty.
333
00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:53,550
And your sister found out
she was an unwanted pregnancy.
334
00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:54,422
W-w-w-what?
335
00:15:54,448 --> 00:15:59,373
Speaking of "w-w-what", Morty...
W-w-what should we watch next?
336
00:15:59,399 --> 00:16:01,199
What about this?
337
00:16:01,275 --> 00:16:03,296
Baby Legs,
you're a good detective...
338
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,999
but not good enough,
because of your baby legs.
339
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,613
So I'm partnering you up
with Regular Legs.
340
00:16:08,614 --> 00:16:10,334
- Hey there.
- Detective, I'm...
341
00:16:10,371 --> 00:16:12,751
this is upsetting to
me, because I feel
342
00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,503
like I don't need no
regular-leg partner.
343
00:16:14,504 --> 00:16:16,338
Baby Legs,
don't talk back to me.
344
00:16:16,339 --> 00:16:18,597
Good luck you two, there's
a criminal to kill.
345
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,798
Wow, you sure found
this guy quick!
346
00:16:21,799 --> 00:16:23,913
Uh, yeah, because I'm
a good detective.
347
00:16:23,914 --> 00:16:25,591
Look, Baby Legs,
it's the criminal!
348
00:16:25,592 --> 00:16:28,156
[BLEEP], I'm the killer.
I'm running, running real quick...
349
00:16:28,157 --> 00:16:30,929
Baby Legs, here we go!
350
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,684
That's the sound I make,
when I'm trying to run fast.
351
00:16:36,739 --> 00:16:38,420
All right, I'm not
going to get him.
352
00:16:38,446 --> 00:16:40,511
I'm, I-I just learned a
real valuable lesson.
353
00:16:40,512 --> 00:16:43,914
I'm coming, Baby Legs!
I'm... Regular Legs!
354
00:16:45,086 --> 00:16:47,156
- We got him!
- Hey, that was good team work.
355
00:16:47,157 --> 00:16:48,995
Baby Legs, and Regular Legs,
356
00:16:49,021 --> 00:16:51,701
I'm proud of you two for working
together, and Baby Legs,
357
00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:55,218
I know it was hard for you to come to
the conclusion that you need a partner.
358
00:16:55,394 --> 00:16:58,056
- But I'm proud of you that you did it.
- Hey thanks, chief!
359
00:16:58,057 --> 00:16:59,566
Now get the [BLEEP] out of here!
360
00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,667
Pretty cool, huh, Morty?
Oh.
361
00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:03,056
Uh, I thought it was cool.
362
00:17:03,057 --> 00:17:05,307
I don't give a [BLEEP]
what you think, Jerry.
363
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,553
Hey, uh...
Y-Y-Y-You doin' okay?
364
00:17:13,754 --> 00:17:15,167
I-I-I kind of know how
you feel, Summer.
365
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,004
No, you don't.
You're the little brother.
366
00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:18,796
You're not the cause of
your parents' misery.
367
00:17:18,822 --> 00:17:19,950
You're just a symptom of it.
368
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,449
- Can I show you something?
- Morty, no offense,
369
00:17:23,450 --> 00:17:25,317
but a drawing of me you made
when you were 8
370
00:17:25,318 --> 00:17:27,132
isn't gonna make make me feel
like less of an accident.
371
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:30,093
That, out there?
That's my grave.
372
00:17:30,738 --> 00:17:31,906
Wait, what?
373
00:17:31,907 --> 00:17:35,922
On one of our adventures, Rick and I
basically destroyed the whole world.
374
00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:38,706
So we bailed on that reality,
and we came to this one.
375
00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:41,185
Because in this one, the
world wasn't destroyed.
376
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,011
And in this one, we were dead.
377
00:17:43,012 --> 00:17:46,923
So we came here, a-a-and we buried
ourselves, and we took their place.
378
00:17:46,924 --> 00:17:50,002
And every morning, Summer,
I eat breakfast,
379
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,944
20 yards away from my
own rotting corpse.
380
00:17:52,945 --> 00:17:55,122
So, you're not my brother?
381
00:17:55,123 --> 00:17:57,677
I'm better than your brother.
I'm a version of your brother
382
00:17:57,678 --> 00:17:59,771
you can trust when he says,
"Don't run".
383
00:17:59,772 --> 00:18:03,237
Nobody exists on purpose,
nobody belongs anywhere...
384
00:18:03,238 --> 00:18:06,538
...everybody's gonna die.
Come watch TV.
385
00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:13,529
Mrs. Sullivan always planned
to leave everything to her cats.
386
00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:17,014
But sometimes, plans need
a helping paw.
387
00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:23,320
What are the kitties to do, but
buckle together and work as a team.
388
00:18:23,321 --> 00:18:26,233
Mrs. Sullivan, I, uh... please
forgive me for being forward.
389
00:18:26,234 --> 00:18:28,292
But your eyes are so beautiful!
390
00:18:29,377 --> 00:18:31,273
Wait, this is an actual movie?
391
00:18:31,274 --> 00:18:34,097
This fall... sparks will fly!
392
00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,918
Mrs... Oh... Sullivan...
393
00:18:38,395 --> 00:18:40,568
Between one guy, who
can't get a break...
394
00:18:40,569 --> 00:18:42,915
There's something about you,
Mrs. Sullivan.
395
00:18:42,916 --> 00:18:45,959
...and 9 cats who
break all the rules.
396
00:18:47,021 --> 00:18:51,202
Last Will and Testa-meow:
Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House 2.
397
00:18:51,203 --> 00:18:53,357
Well, somebody in Hollywood
just lost their job.
398
00:18:53,358 --> 00:18:55,926
Written and
directed by Jerry Smith.
399
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,273
I wrote and directed that?
What am I, nuts?
400
00:18:58,274 --> 00:19:01,816
Hey Morty, you just missed a preview
for your Dad's "Citizen Kane".
401
00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:02,829
Doesn't matter.
402
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,706
Hey, if your, uh, mother
and I had to split custody...
403
00:19:05,707 --> 00:19:07,998
- ...who would you guys choose?
- Doesn't matter.
404
00:19:07,999 --> 00:19:11,147
Breaking News: Academy
Award-winning actor Jerry Smith
405
00:19:11,173 --> 00:19:13,636
is leading police
on a slow-speed pursuit
406
00:19:13,637 --> 00:19:16,106
after suffering an
apparent breakdown.
407
00:19:16,107 --> 00:19:18,045
- Don't even think about it.
- Come on, Jer-
408
00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:19,294
Are you kidding me, Jerry?
409
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,263
It's just a bunch of
dumb tabloid crap.
410
00:19:21,264 --> 00:19:23,669
It's my life,
and we're watching it.
411
00:19:25,246 --> 00:19:28,791
You did it, Beth.
You really nailed it.
412
00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:33,433
You're a surgeon.
A human surgeon.
413
00:19:33,459 --> 00:19:35,431
Yay... you win.
414
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,805
Where the hell am I going?
415
00:19:38,298 --> 00:19:40,109
What are you asking
me for Jerry?
416
00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,134
I'm sitting here
trying to figure out
417
00:19:42,135 --> 00:19:44,075
why the cops don't
just take you out.
418
00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:45,913
They got a clear
shot to your head.
419
00:19:45,914 --> 00:19:48,278
I can't believe our tax
dollars pay for this.
420
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,224
Jerry?
Jerry Smith?
421
00:20:00,285 --> 00:20:03,214
Beth Sanchez, I have been
in love with you since high school.
422
00:20:03,215 --> 00:20:06,520
I hate acting, I hate cocaine,
I hate Kristen Stewart.
423
00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:08,265
I wish you hadn't gotten
that abortion,
424
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:11,067
and I never stopped thinking
about what might've been.
425
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,052
Hey, Ball Fondlers?
Huh? Ball Fondlers?
426
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:43,813
- Yeah, I could go for some Ball Fondlers.
- Yeah, Ball Fondlers.
427
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,113
Ha-ha, Hamster-in-Butt-World
Weather is done,
428
00:21:21,139 --> 00:21:22,569
and now it's sports time,
coming up.
429
00:21:22,570 --> 00:21:24,452
- Oh, hello there!
- Good day to you, Miss.
430
00:21:24,453 --> 00:21:27,583
So the hamsters live inside
the rectums of those people?
431
00:21:27,584 --> 00:21:29,581
Yeah, sweetie, that's
where they live.
432
00:21:29,607 --> 00:21:31,118
Well, how does that work?
433
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,319
I mean, do the butts look like little
apartments inside?
434
00:21:33,342 --> 00:21:36,158
Yeah! And can they like, leave the butt,
and walk around on their own?
435
00:21:36,159 --> 00:21:38,815
Look, I don't know! I'm watching
the same thing you guys are.
436
00:21:38,816 --> 00:21:42,195
Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt,
and the person wanders off...
437
00:21:42,196 --> 00:21:44,246
How would they find their butt
person again?
438
00:21:44,247 --> 00:21:46,525
I don't know, Summer! I can't even
hear the TV!
439
00:21:46,526 --> 00:21:48,210
All right, that's it. We're
just gonna go there,
440
00:21:48,211 --> 00:21:50,626
so you idiots can ask your
stupid questions all day.
441
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,832
Ooh! Family vacation!
442
00:21:56,757 --> 00:22:01,758
Translated back from Portuguese
by paulo loppes
443
00:22:01,783 --> 00:22:07,783
Corrections by TPBfan
Tweaking by XhmikosR
444
00:22:07,808 --> 00:22:13,808
www.addic7ed.com
37558
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof