All language subtitles for Lucifer - 3x08 - Chloe Does Lucifer.HDTV.AVS-SVA.en

- Previously on Lucifer...
- We're separated.

Sign the divorce papers.

What's with the cold
shoulder? You seduced me.

You almost die, and then
you ghost me for weeks.

Nothing about any of that
makes any sense to me.

Doesn't make any sense to me, either.

I used to see a light in you.
All I see now is darkness.

I just wanted to say thank you

for saving my life.

Take her gun.

He saved my life.

Chloe's fine.

Luckily, Pierce was with her.

But I wasn't.

- Happy birthday, Detective.
- Beautiful.

- What is it?
- It's the bullet.

From when you shot me.

Oh.

Mm, this is a new one on me, Detective.

Mm, mm, well,

there's a first time for everything.

Yes, but I've heard it can take hours.

I'm not sure even I have
the endurance for that.

- Mm...
- Don't worry, I'll help you.

I'll be the top hat.

I will be the race car,

because I'm gonna leave
you both in the dust.

Very funny.

Uh, wheelbarrow,

shoe, ah...

Guess I'm gonna have
to be the shot glass.

- Cheers.
- Oh, that's a thimble.

What? What? I want to conquer
real estate, not mend socks.

- So then be the shoe.
- Please,

I am not a shoe.

Clearly I'm a top hat,
so come on, hand it over.

Want it? It's gonna cost you.

Oh, well, name your price, urchin.

Oh, I'm not talking fake money.

Oh, wow, she slammed you.

Imagine my disappointment

when I realized there
was no raging party.

It's a security thing.

Worked for that Home Alone kid,

but, obviously, you can't take a hint.

Wasn't I being clear last
time I kicked you out?

Oh, clearly being a jerk.

Which is exactly why I
came to look in on you.

You see, we need the most love

when we're being most unlovable.

No offense, Brother, but
I don't need love from you.

I get plenty from naked strangers.

And speaking of, I'm spent.

So, if you don't mind...

That's where you've been, then,

having sex with the nameless masses?

Oh, you know me, Brother,
wine, women and song.

Just, come on, run along.
I don't need a babysitter.

Your cheek says otherwise.

Well, it turns out
"Bruce Lee mid-fly kick"

wasn't in the artist's repertoire.

Look, I had to cut a deal
with the detective's offspring.

So that's who you were with...

Chloe and Trixie.

Well, so much for wine, women and song.

Technically, all of those
things were represented,

when you count the post-game karaoke.

Luci, there's absolutely
nothing wrong with...

with enjoying a quiet night in.

I did not say that I enjoyed it.

Yeah, right. Honestly, Luci, who cares

how you spend your nights?

Um, everyone.

My exciting lifestyle
gives regular people

something to aspire
to... I provide hope.

I see. And how does
Linda feel about this

little ruse of yours?

I'm sure that the doctor
would love to dissect me,

but she's taken some time off

to deal with a death
in the family, so...

I had no idea.

I should go check on her.

Yes, excellent idea. You do that.

Luci, I'm liking this new you.

Boring suits you, Brother.

Now, this poor victim,

she is boring.

- We don't know anything about her.
- Oh, don't we?

Generic artwork, dull clothes,

beige furniture.

I mean, even her fruit
bowl's so tragically safe...

No mangoes, no papayas.

Not even a measly avocado.

Her name's Kim Jones, 29.

She's a computer engineer.

We ran a full background check,

but we couldn't find
anything noteworthy.

A fellow nerd.

I'm sure you're in a better place now.

Well, even if she's in the worst place,

it'd be far more interesting than this,

because this poor
lady, definitely a shoe.

Any idea what he's talking about?

Oh, the other night we played Monopoly.

So, that's that story.

Ella, what's the cause of death?

Uh, BABFT.

Hmm?

Big-ass blunt force trauma to the head.

Murder weapon's missing,

but we are looking for
something small and compact.

Surprisingly heavy for its size.

Kind of like my Aunt Rosalita.

I wish Amenadiel were
here so he could see

what boring actually looks like.

Can you believe that he
said I've become boring?

It's absurd.

Oh, I don't know.

Monopoly doesn't really
sound like the old Lucifer.

And I have to say, you have become a bit

more normal.

- How dare you.
- Crazy idea.

Let's talk less about Lucifer
and more about the murder.

Crime-scene selfies? Really?

Classy move.

And that is Esther,
our victim's roommate.

She found the body when
she came home from partying.

Well, what's such a
dynamic young lady doing

living with a... Kim?

Oh, never mind, she looks traumatized.

- I'll go comfort her.
- Uh-huh.

- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Hel...

No photos at a crime scene.

Sorry.

Not even one last one
with the handsome cop?

Don't let the boring
detective spoil things.

It would be my pleasure.

Right.

Oh.

Bless your heart.

Obviously, I'm far too well-dressed

to be a cop.

So, I take it that

you aren't close with your roommate?

No, I don't spend much time here.

Obviously. Besides, me and Kim,

totally different squads.

Kim followed more
people than followed her,

if you know what I mean.

#Shoe.

Can you think of anyone
who would want her dead?

I don't think anyone wanted
much of anything from Kim.

Okay, well, there was no break-in,

there was no struggle,
which likely means

that Kim knew the killer.

So, can you think of anything?

A recent breakup, a fight?

She did get into a yelling match

- on the phone last night
- Oh.

but I assume that was with
the Thai delivery place.

And I assume that's the poor dear's

closest relationship?

What time was the... the argument?

I'll tell you

if you hand me my phone back.

I was getting ready to go out,

and I totally remember the pic
I was uploading at the time.

There: Kombucha Martini. 10:39 p.m.

All right, I'll trace Kim's
phone call at that time.

You guys mind if I post
that I'm totes helping

a police investigation?

Absolutely.

Do you mind tagging me?

Ella traced Kim's call to this business.

Top Meet. Interesting
name for a Thai restaurant.

No, it's a dating app for
L.A.'s most fabulous singles.

Super exclusive.

Seems you need to get recommended

and meet a bunch of selection criteria,

even go through an interview
just to create an account.

Well, then, why would our victim
be arguing with someone here?

I mean, this is clearly a
place for top hats, like us.

Please, I would never get
into something like this.

Eh, you're right. What was I thinking?

It's way too exciting for
you, Detective... I meant me.

And him.

Gosh, kindred souls.

This interesting young fellow
and I, wouldn't you say?

Except that, apparently,

he's slightly more interesting than you.

Well, journalistic hyperbole, clearly.

- Eh...
- Can I help you?

Oh.

Mack Slater. I'm the CEO.

If you are here for
the selection interview,

I'll spare you. I created Top Meet

for people exactly like you.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

I'm actually... I was
talking to the lady.

You're exactly my type.

I mean the app's type.

Bit on the nose there, Big Mack.

We're here for a different
kind of interview.

There's been a murder,
and our victim's last call

was to someone in this building.

A homicide detective, huh?

- Uh-huh.
- Wow. You just got even more interesting.

Funny, so did you.

Just found out who our victim
was fighting with... you.

Ah. Most interesting bachelor, indeed.

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --

If you didn't know her, then
how did you fight with her?

'Cause she was nuts.

I'm confused, you just
said you didn't know her.

I know her type.

We get them from time to time.

They want to be on Top Meet,

they can't clear our high bar,

and then they get pissed about it.

Problem with her was she just
wouldn't take no for an answer.

And then, uh, she hacked
her way onto my app,

and then our users
complained, of course.

Because nobody joins Top
Meet to hook up with some...

random nobody, and so
we had to kick her off.

Okay, and is that when she got angry

and called to complain?

No, it was more like she went psycho.

Ah, well, boring people never
like to be told they're dull.

Right, Detective?

What did you do after the call?

I stayed here, I worked late.

We've been busy as hell these days.

Not nearly, I can assure you.

Well, I'd like to talk to anyone
who can corroborate your alibi.

Also, I'll need a list
of any of the users

that complained about Kim.

No can do.

With so many celebrity clients,

our entire business model is based off

our ironclad privacy protocols.

Fine, I'll just get a warrant.

Good luck with that.

I mean, how long did it take the FBI

to hack one cell phone?

Yep, I'll have the tech team get on it.

You got it, Chloe. Ah!

Hello, Ms. Lopez.

I wanted to ask you something.

You know this darkness
that you say you see in me?

- Mm-hmm.
- I've been trying to address it,

and, uh, details would help.

So, where do you see it, exactly?

How? When?

Like, now.

Right about there.

Oh.

Hmm.

Little better?

But you know, still,

you don't exactly scream
rainbows and sunshine,

even when you're not
wielding murder weapons.

Well, for the record,
I wouldn't stab you,

not here, with all these cops around.

Oh, come on, that was funny.

Oh, yeah. Ha, ha. Funny.

Also dark.

Right. Fair point.

But it's cool.

You know, being dark.

To each their own, you know?

Wow, you really have this
"being good" thing down.

Huh?

You know, you might be
just the person to guide me.

To where?

Somewhere other than Hell.

See, I've, um, I've learned

that there are
consequences to my darkness.

Really permanent ones, as it turns out.

And I was thinking you
could help me avoid them?

No way, Jos�.

I mean, I wish I could help you, I do,

but I'm so busy.

- With what?
- You know.

Cases, forensic stuff.

The lieutenant won't be
back from medical leave

until next week, so it's,
like, cray-cray up in here.

Oh, hey, Dan.

I bet you need me to
go do that thing, huh?

That super urgent forensic thing.

Yeah, yeah. See?

Cray-cray.

Well...

I'm just gonna...

- I was...
- Yeah.

Bye.

Excuse me.

You know, you're exposing yourself

to dreadful consequences.

And I'm not talking bad Yelp reviews,

I'm talking Hell.

Turns out: real.

I know.

I know, right?

Shocker to me, too.

But not as much as your dancing
queen candle arrangements!

Hey,

Linda.

- Is everything okay?
- Amenadiel, hi.

I'm so glad you're here.

I'm trying to plan my
ex-husband's memorial,

and I could really use another opinion.

Um, okay. So, which
one do you like best?

Just, knee-jerk reaction.

Go.

That one?

Really? You don't think it's too ornate?

That one.

You're right.

This one's simple, yet elegant.

See, you're just the insight I needed.

Busy tomorrow?

That looks absolutely nothing

like our victim.

Take note, Daniel. These filters

could be the answer
to your dating drought.

Or not... I mean,

Kim only got one match.

What... really?

After all the effort
our shoe went through

to make herself look like a top hat,

she only got the
interest of one gentleman?

Gentleman? You mean suspect.

Yep. Username, FOREVER29.

The app arranged a date for them,

and based on their likes and locations,

it suggested a sushi place on Melrose.

Even made a reservation for
them for the night of the murder.

This guy's using the app

as a hunting ground; he could
be targeting somebody right now.

We got to find him.

Yeah, but how? We can't even get an I.D.

Yeah. Tech team hasn't
been able to crack

Top Meet's security algo.

Which means Kim had mad hacking skills.

So can we use FOREVER29's profile pic

and run it through facial recognition?

Yeah, I know, I thought
about that, but...

Partial profiles pics.

Such a telltale sign
of low self-esteem.

Or our guy's keeping his profile secret

because he's the killer.

Wait a minute, there is
some good news, you guys.

He used the app to RSVP
for a mixer at Top Meet.

It's happening tonight.

Okay. We got to get to this party.

Use what we know about
FOREVER29 and single him out.

Okay, fine. I'll go.

Seeing as I'm the only
interesting single person here,

I think I'm our one shot
to catching the killer.

Lucifer, we're looking for a guy.

Your point?

Uh...

He's a dude. And he's straight.

That's never stopped me before, Daniel.

I'm so good at flipping men,
they call me The Skillet.

- Oh, wow.
- Okay.

We need a woman, so I'll go.

What? You, Detective?
Socialize and flirt? Come on.

Yeah, but for the
investigation, I can sacrifice.

Can't be that hard being
frivolous and shallow.

I'll just channel my inner Lucifer.

What, you want to become
a female version of me?

Okay.

I'll gladly train you.

Chloe does Lucifer?

I wouldn't exactly word it that way...

Get ready to go full me, Detective.

Oh, the Paris shows were glorious.

Yes, worth the jetlag alone.

How was your weekend?

Uh, awesome. Great.

Uh, Saturday, went
camping with my daughter.

And, uh, Sunday, did a big Costco run.

There's, like, 300
hot dogs in my freezer.

Oh, really? That is so interest...

Oh, dear. Look what you
did to poor Giancarlo.

Dead from boredom.

Now, look, you're going
to this Top Meet mixer

to hunt down a killer,

not to talk about your
hunt for bulk food bargains.

Okay.

Sorry I'm not fancy-schmancy
enough for Giancarlo.

Okay, let's get the
terminology straight.

Not "fancy-schmancy."

Sophisticated.

Oh, whatever.

Why don't you just give me some tips

on how to blend in
with that crowd. Okay?

You think being as fascinating as I am

can be boiled down to a few tips?

This is not paint by numbers.

Goodness me, I need a drink.

Oh. Thank you.

- I have a tip, Mom. Don't talk about me.
- Mm. Mm!

Yes, definitely, no
mention of the child.

Ugh.

And enough with the tips.

Why don't we do a
little role-play, hmm?

- Okay.
- You be a randy single man,

I'll be...

I'll be the new you.

Okay, I've never once done that.

My point exactly.

Meet Lucinda. Come on.

Gosh, this is gonna be
harder than I thought.

Oh, crap.

Oh.

Need some help there, sir?

There you go.

Good news, Ella.

I've been admitted to the
Forensic Shadow Program.

What is that?

A mentorship program.

Which means I will be your student.

I am going to stick to you like glue,

so I can learn how to
be good... at forensics.

Stuff comes up constantly in court.

- That's great.
- Hold it, please!

Oh, I don't think so, buddy.

I mean, what am I, Mother Teresa?

My, my.

Detective.

You look...

Like a female Lucifer?

Well, that's what I was going for.

Well,

close enough, but you're
going to need this.

Do I really need to wear an ear bug?

Absolutely.

From what we know about our killer,

blue-eyed sushi snob who loves surfing

and splooshing, I'd say you're
a bit out of your comfort zone,

so you're going to need
to bring Lucinda's A game.

You mean your A game.

Absolutely. Oh, and while we're at it,

do you need a refresher on
"splooshing"? It's very simple.

- You just cover yourself in...
- No, no. Stop. I'm good, I'm good.

But... oh.

Except for...

What, you don't want to wear it?

It's not...

really Lucinda's style.

Right.

Oh.

Okay.

There.

I'm ready.

Yes, you are.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Hi. I'll get a, uh, IPA, please.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Not beer. Prosecco.

But I hate Prosecco.

Well, tough luck. Lucinda loves it.

Beer.

It's a good job I'm here.

Yeah, man. Close call.

Possible suspect, moving in.

Right. Whatever he says to you,

just laugh.

Hey there.

What's your name?

Lucinda.

No, no...

Not like a demented witch on crack.

A deep, sultry laugh.

Ha, ha, ha.

Ha... I'm sorry.

I think I may have had a
little too much Prosecco

on an empty stomach.

I should have had that sushi.

Did you try the sushi? Is it good?

No, no. I didn't. I'm a, I'm a vegan.

Oh.

Anyway.

You might want to go
easy on the bubbles.

Ah.

Smooth.

Beginner's bad luck.

Look, it's hard to do justice

to my captivating essence,
but she'll get the hang of it.

Don't be such a Debbie Downer, Daniel.

Sorry.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi.

You're really tan.

Are you, uh, are you a surfer?

Well, I'd sure like
to surf in your eyes.

Ugh, dearie me.

He's lucky it's not a
crime to be a cheeseball.

Anyway, at least the ice is broken.

Now, just make small talk.

So I drove up to this meditation retreat

in Big Sur last week.

No, no, no!

PCH is closed.

Say you helicoptered...

Shush.

Uh, excuse me?

Sploosh. I said "sploosh."

Are you into splooshing?

Time to change tactics.

You know what?

Enjoy the Prosecco, Lucinda.

I don't believe this.

Ditching protocol mid-sting?

Who does that?

Maybe she'll do better on her own.

Don't be ridiculous, Daniel.

She'll flounder without
my expert guidance.

- Oh, yeah.
- Right.

I'm clearly needed on the front lines.

You just stay here and
do what you do best.

Nada.

Oh, I love traveling.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Any fun plans coming up?

Um, well, I...

I was thinking of, uh,
maybe getting out of the city

and taking my daughter camping.

Cool.

I-I love the outdoors.

- Oh.
- I'm a surfer.

Really?

Goes well with camping.

I've always wanted to try surfing.

- But I...
- You should...

Oh, hi, Lucifer.

This is Benji.

He just had

four pieces of sashimi,

and we just started
talking about surfing.

Oh, lovely. Now, I insist

you put your mic back in immediately.

We can't hear a thing in the truck.

You are being quite loud.

Nice work.

Bloody hell.

Hey, there goes Benji!

Benji, over here!

Whoa. You have to save me from them.

Uh, yeah.

They're with me.

Not bad for nada, huh?

Wait, she's a cop?

Detective Decker, LAPD.

We want to talk to you about a murder.

Benji, you're the best, bro!

You're not paparazzi?

What?

Oh, thank God.

I mean, the things Dad gets credit for.

Yeah, I went on a date with her.

Just the other night.

Still can't believe
she's, uh... she's dead.

Oh?

Did you think she'd
survive you murdering her?

I told you, I'm innocent.

Well, you're an overpaid DJ,

so that's up for debate.

It seems you were the last
person to see Kim alive.

I couldn't have been.

When I dropped her off after our date,

- her roommate was still there.
- How do you know that?

Because that's the reason
I didn't go upstairs

like Kim suggested.

I was trying to avoid Esther.

What, kombucha martini girl?

Do you know her roommate?

To the extent that you can know someone

who's glued to her phone
and talks in hashtags.

Yep, that's her.

How did you two meet?

We matched on the Top
Meet app a few weeks ago.

Went on two exhausting dates.

Then why go on the second date?

Because I wanted to see Kim again.

I met her at the apartment
when I picked up Esther

for our first date.

She wasn't there the second time.

So you can imagine how stoked I was

when she popped up on the Top Meet app.

No. I can't, actually.

You're saying that you used
a top hat to get to a shoe?

He must be lying, Detective.

I'm not lying.

I really liked Kim.

She was different than all
the other women on the app.

What, different as in duller,

more mundane and dressed for less?

No, as in she didn't make me feel

like I had to be on all the time.

With her, I could...

I could just be myself.

Interesting.

Thanks.

What if Esther found
out about Benji and Kim?

Got jealous, lost control...

This goddess, jealous of the plain Jane?

It's-it's ludicrous!

It's like me being
jealous of that paper clip.

Or Daniel.

I mean, not to mention

Esther is far too busy
for murder, Detective.

Look. She flew to Florence last week

just 'cause she fancied
eating some gelato.

She went on a plane to get ice cream?

Well, when you say it in
English, it sounds silly.

Oh. Hello. Look at that belfie.

Bet you could bounce a
quarter off that derrière.

Oh. Yeah...

Wait, uh, go back.

- There.
- What?

Something small and compact

and surprisingly heavy for its size.

Well, what's Miss Lopez's Aunt Rosalita

got to do with anything?

Look.

The dumbbell.

It wasn't at the crime scene.

It matches the bruises on the victim,

it's a weapon of convenience,

and it fits the crime
of passion scenario.

Doesn't mean Esther was
the one to wield it, though.

If my theory of jealousy
is right, she was.

Trust me, Detective,

there's no way that Esther
has ever used a weight...

I refer once again to her
naturally sublime derrière.

Oh, crap.

You're avoiding me, aren't you?

Don't be crazy.

No. I just...

you know, like my floors spotless.

An evidence lab can never be too clean.

And that is your Forensic
Lesson of the Day.

More next week?

Why don't you want to mentor me?

It's not that I don't want to, okay?

I just don't have the time.

Well, I've been watching you.

You have plenty of time.

You just waste it chitchatting.

You mean socializing?

Connecting with people isn't a waste.

Okay.

Let's be honest here.

You don't really care about
anyone's kids or whatever.

I mean, you're faking it, right?

Just tell me, how do you keep
your eyes from glazing over?

There is no Forensic
Shadow Program, is there?

Even if I had been tempted to help...

And I'm not saying that I had...

Now that I know you lied?

Poof!

Temptation officially gone.

Okay, so I'm thinking:
big band over here

and two long, two long
buffet tables over here...

or should we do three?

Well, it depends. How
many people are coming?

Uh, just 350.

350?

Wow.

I didn't realize how much
you still cared about Reese.

Of course I do!

I'm heartbroken about his death.

Distraught, really.

Can barely function.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay,
I'm functioning perfectly.

I only feel terrible

that I don't feel
terrible about his death.

Okay, so all of this is just a...

A pathetic attempt to cover up the fact

that I can't stop thinking about me.

Me, me.

Me and my own brush with death.

- I understand, Linda. I mean...
- How could you possibly understand

what it's like to be rotisseried

by the, by the goddess of all creation?

Dealing with mortality
was so much easier

when I was just another clueless idiot.

Being a celestial
insider... really sucks.

I used to walk around thinking

maybe reincarnation was real.

Sure, it sounded bonkers,

but I could still wonder, still hope.

What if I came back as
a chameleon or something?

Chameleons are cool.

But now I know that's never happening,

because I know, you know, everything,

including where I'm headed
when... when this is over.

And where is that?

Where do you think?

I wish I'd never met any of you.

So we wanted to, uh, ask you

a few...

Would you want to put on a shirt,

or anything to cover... your body?

No. Why? Are you cold?

Yes. Would you like
my jacket, Detective?

No. I am great, thank you.

Right.

So, when was this photo taken?

Uh, I took that on my
way to Tokyo, I think.

Sorry.

I travel so much, it's
hard to keep track.

It's actually something else

that we're trying to track down.

This pink dumbbell here?

It went missing the
night of Kim's murder.

Any idea where it went?

Nope.

It's not mine. I don't work out.

- Ah.
- Everything you see

- is God-given.
- And they say that

Dad doesn't give with both hands.

So, the dumbbell.

You're saying that's Kim's?

Yeah. Poor thing

tried so hard to be like me.

So how did it feel when you realized

that Benji preferred Kim to you?

Nuh, uh-uh-uh. Sneaky.

Don't listen to the detective, darling.

She's trying to trick you.

You just look into my eyes

so we can prove to her that she's wrong.

Now, you're too sophisticated

to care about your boring
flatmate's trifles, aren't you?

Tell me, what is it
that you really desire?

I...

I...

Yeah.

Want to...

stop posing and lying!

It takes so much effort

to make these pics look so effortless.

It's exhausting!

Well, so you're saying
it's just all a facade?

I don't even know what that word means!

I'm not worldly at all!

#Barbados?

More like

#Bogus.

The most exotic place

I've ever been is the gym's sauna.

But you said you didn't work out.

Of course I do.

With real equipment, at a gym,

not in my living room.

So you're still saying
that the dumbbell is Kim's?

Yeah. She tried everything to be
part of my glamorous lifestyle.

She was even planning on getting surgery

once all the money came in.

What money?

I don't know,

but she made it sound life-changing.

Maybe the motive

for Kim's murder was financial.

Maybe she was coming
into some inheritance,

and someone wasn't happy about it.

I can't believe Esther was a fake.

I mean, how did I
completely misjudge her?

Lucifer, are you listening?

We need to look into this windfall.

Detective, I think

I've been spending
too much time with you.

It's turned my top hat radar rusty.

- What?
- But no offense, but I think I need

to go and hang out with
some interesting people

before you turn me into a shoe.

- I'm sorry.
- Mm.

I don't regret meeting you.

I just... It's a lot.

I've calmed down now, so can we go?

Lie down with me, Linda.

On the... on the sand?

Oh, okay.

Listen,

there was a time when I, too,
thought that I knew everything.

This was... this was
back when I was an angel

and spent all my time
looking down on the world.

But, you see, I found

that it takes looking
up to gain perspective.

It's a good reminder of just how much

there is that we don't know.

Linda...

if you really think about it...

do you have any fewer
questions than you used to?

When you didn't know?

I mean, they're... they're
different questions,

but there are just as many, maybe more.

So you're still every bit

the clueless idiot that you always were?

That helps.

Still sucks about the chameleon, though.

Thank you.

I can't find any sign of that windfall.

As far as I can tell, there
was no money coming Kim's way.

Oh, there's got to be something.

There is.

Charlotte, what are you doing here?

I felt unsettled about lying to you.

Um, I thought I could make up
for it by making myself useful.

So, I overheard you talking
about finding a connection

between the dead girl and
that exclusive dating app.

So I did a little
digging, and I found one...

- Well, we're long past that.
- Are you sure?

I had to pull some strings to get this.

It's an employment contract

between Kim and the owner of the app,

Mack something.

Drawn up two years ago in total secrecy.

But Mack said that he hadn't met Kim

until she called him that night.

Oh, he met her, all right.

Kim hired him.

She hired him?

And then hacked his app?
It doesn't make sense.

Unless...

she didn't hack it.

Top Meet's encryption protocol
is impossible to crack.

Except to the person who built it.

Exactly.

So, if Kim created Top Meet,

then who the hell is Mack?

Well, no computer whiz, that's for sure.

C-minus student,

barely graduated high school.

Voted Most Likely to
Sleep His Way to the Top.

And guess what he was
doing before Top Meet.

Spin instructor.

Okay, wh-why would
Kim hire him, though,

if she's this genius computer engineer?

What does he bring to the equation?

Uh... that.

Look at him and then look at her.

If both came to you

asking for funding for
an elite dating app,

whose project would you invest in?

Well, yeah, if you're being
all superfish and whatevs.

Which many people are.

Maybe Kim felt she wasn't
fancy-schmancy enough,

so she hid the fact
that she was the creator,

and hired pretty boy Mack
here to be the facade.

In secret. Explains
why it didn't come up

- in the background check.
- So Kim's insecurities

allowed Mack to take the credit.

And the money.

Which she wanted to take back.

That's the windfall she was expecting.

It's a strong motive
for him to kill her.

- Yeah, but didn't his alibi check out?
- He could have

easily convinced one of his
employees to lie for him.

It's a solid theory, but still,

it's just a theory... we need proof.

I really wish we had
that murderous dumbbell

- right about now.
- Well, if Mack did it,

- I think we know where to find it. Hmm?
- We do?

Uh, there's a good chance

the murder weapon is at Mack's place.

Seasoned killers know
to leave it at the scene,

but first-timers, they
tend to take it with them.

I can't count the times I've
allegedly helped a client unmake

that mistake.

Really?

What? I said "allegedly."

We need to get a search
warrant for Mack's place.

- Yeah, good luck with that.
- Excuse me?

Mack's lawyer will argue that
all you have is conjecture

based on circumstantial evidence,

and any judge will agree.

You're never getting that warrant.

Well, then it's a good thing
I am exactly our killer's type.

Mack! I love the place.

Mr. Morningstar.

How about a gentlemen's
weekend in Vegas?

I need to scrape the rust off
my playboy ways, and you're

just the chap to help this Devil

get his groove back. What do you say?

That sounds fun.

- Yeah.
- Uh...

but I'm afraid I have
a previous engagement.

Oh?

Some alone time with the detective?

- Not alone anymore.
- Oh, Mack.

I suppose we all have our low points.

But not to worry,

I've got a chopper
waiting... If we leave now,

we can still make the Encore pool party.

I'm afraid you're gonna have to leave,

Detective... I'm trying to kick off

a Most Interesting
Bachelors' Bacchanalian here.

You leave. I'm having fun.

Something going on between you two?

- Absolutely not.
- Absolutely not.

I'm gonna grab a beer.

Decide for yourselves who gets
the pleasure of my company.

Okay.

Well, I didn't have him
pegged for your type.

I thought you preferred them boring.

You think I'm on a date?

I am here looking for the
murder weapon, Lucifer.

What, so now you think
Mack's the killer?

You're just profiling
fabulous people, aren't you?

Enough with this crusade
against us already.

Mack isn't fabulous.

Kim created Top Meet.

He stole it.

What?

- Another phony?
- Yes.

I suppose that explains the
self-aggrandizing artwork.

Would you just help me find the weapon?

Please?

Okay, fine, in my experience,
it's, uh, usually in the toilet.

Oh, I checked there.

Uh... freezer?

It's not there, either.

Well, the fireplace, then.

Oh, Lucifer.

There's no way.

I mean, could he really
be dumb enough to...

to...

Lucifer.

Wha...

Ah.

Well, I think you put
the dumb into dumbbell.

Decided against the beer...

Because A: carbs. And B:

two cops showing up at
my house on the same day.

Uh, figured that must
not be a coincidence.

Still think I'm dumb?

Basic deduction doesn't
make you a genius, Mack.

But then again, you're used to taking

more credit than you deserve.

Yes, Mack... Or should I say... Hack?

Waste of a pun. You're
gonna have to spell it out

for him, Detective.

We know that Kim created Top Meet.

Oh, yeah? You know she was
also gonna destroy it, too?

She sneaks onto the site,
goes on one good date,

and then wants to make
the app more accessible.

So stupid!

What's stupid about
thinking someone deserves

to be loved for who they really are?

Kim was the brains, Mack.

You were just the face.

Just the face?

Kim was Wozniak. I'm Jobs.

No one gives a crap about Wozniak.

Oh, please, Mack. What
you are is a fraud.

Which, unfortunately, makes you boring.

And predictable. Watch.

- Put that down.
- Or what?

You're gonna blow your own
face to smithereens, Mack?

It's quite heavy, isn't it? At least

they got the density right.

Ooh!

Heads up!

Nice catch.

Today interesting enough for you?

Well, beats Monopoly.

But in the end,

the shoe turned out to be interesting,

and the top hat, boring.

Right. So you're gonna
embrace your boring side now?

Well, I would, but I
have no boring side.

Even the most trivial
of nights takes a turn

for the exciting when I'm involved.

I just got to throw a
man's own head at him.

That sounds... painful.

Oh, don't worry, he deserved it...

For pretending to be
something he wasn't.

I mean, people really do
waste an awful lot of time

trying to be interesting.

People.

Not you, though.

Oh, no. To me, it just
comes effortlessly.

All I have to do is just be myself.

Hmm.

Mm.

But what I really want to know is,

how have you been doing?

Well...

I was in a really dark place.

But...

someone helped me gain perspective.

How's that saying go?

We're all in the gutter,

but some of us are
looking up at the stars.

The stars are just gas bags,

and I never would have
fed Oscar that line

had I known how much I'd have to
hear people quote it back to me.

Oscar freakin' Wilde?

- Mm-hmm.
- Really?

Now, he was an interesting bachelor.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear
that you are doing better.

This calls for a celebration.

So...

Oscar, huh?

Mm.

- Tell me everything.
- Well...

he was straight when I first met him.

Oh, God!

That one was all you.

I was about to knock.

There's... something I need to tell you.

Funny.

There's actually something
I need to tell you, too.

Thank you.

That contract helped
put a killer behind bars.

You did a good thing.

I stole it.

Aw, man.

Seriously?

You know what?

It still counts, okay?

You did a bad thing.

But it was for a good reason.

- Really?
- Yes.

But only if, in good faith,

you try to do it the right way first.

Being good takes practice.

Okay? So just keep at it,

and you'll get better.

I guess I should take that job, then.

What job?

I've been offered a position
in the D.A.'s office to...

help put criminals away for a change.

Yeah, but like you would
ever take that pay cut.

Yeah, I know.

But anyway,

um, sometimes there's
more important things...

than money.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, like all
the things money can buy.

Too late... You talked me into it.

I did?

Yes. This job is the perfect place...

to practice this "being good" thing.

And bonus.

I'll be around here more.

Yeah.

Bonus.

So, how did Lucinda do, Mom?

Uh, she did... okay.

Helped us catch the bad guy in the end.

- Thank you.
- No, I meant...

how did meeting new
people at the party go?

Oh.

Well, um...

I actually... had a pretty good time.

I mean, but only once
I... stopped being Lucinda

and started being myself.

You know, it can be
scary sometimes, but...

being who you really
are is never a bad idea.

Hey, there's a piece missing.

Lucifer.

Are you coming?

Uh...

how about a nice round of Monopoly?

Yeah?

Little face painting, maybe?

I didn't think so.

Hmm.

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