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1
00:01:11,203 --> 00:01:14,406
"You are not alone.
Conflict is coming."
2
00:01:14,439 --> 00:01:16,808
That is the message
we received.
3
00:01:16,841 --> 00:01:19,094
Conflict? Is that a threat?
4
00:01:19,095 --> 00:01:21,346
No, sir. It's
more like a warning.
5
00:01:21,379 --> 00:01:25,584
This message was sent to us by a
friendly alien race known as Antarians.
6
00:01:25,617 --> 00:01:26,735
They wanna help us.
7
00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:27,853
Do we need help?
8
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:31,257
The Antarians aren't the
only ones to have found us.
9
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:33,593
Enemies are already
on their way.
10
00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:35,695
Luckily,
it's a great distance,
11
00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:38,797
and it will take many years
before they can reach us.
12
00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:41,834
The Antarians
have offered us a gift,
13
00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:46,706
this unique suit of power that one
person will wear as our champion.
14
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:51,177
It will take many decades
to transport that suit to us
15
00:01:51,209 --> 00:01:53,211
so we have selected a child
16
00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:57,716
gifted with both incredible
intelligence and athletic prowess.
17
00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:00,552
He will spend
his entire life training.
18
00:02:00,585 --> 00:02:05,191
We will push him to achieve perfection,
and then improved perfection.
19
00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:09,395
And after perfection is achieved,
we'll double the score.
20
00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:14,400
As he grows more mature, we'll
test him in every way imaginable.
21
00:02:14,432 --> 00:02:18,905
We will prepare him for anything
the universe can throw at him.
22
00:02:23,508 --> 00:02:24,743
Yah!
23
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:28,915
Aahhh!
24
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:34,253
One final question,
what if this champion fails?
25
00:02:34,286 --> 00:02:37,757
Sir, are you familiar
with the Greek hero Perseus?
26
00:02:37,789 --> 00:02:41,426
When Perseus was sent forth
to defeat the Gorgon,
27
00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:44,597
he was armed with four gifts
from the heavens:
28
00:02:44,629 --> 00:02:46,932
The helm of Hades...
29
00:02:47,932 --> 00:02:51,670
the winged boots
of Hermes...
30
00:02:53,472 --> 00:02:55,808
the shield of Athena...
31
00:02:56,942 --> 00:02:59,278
and the sword of Zeus.
32
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,584
And with the power
of these gifts combined,
33
00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:07,920
Perseus was victorious.
34
00:03:07,953 --> 00:03:11,790
Sir, our Perseus,
our Champion of Earth,
35
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,794
will not fail...
36
00:03:14,826 --> 00:03:18,330
because he
will not know how to.
37
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,693
Perfect score, sir.
38
00:03:31,694 --> 00:03:33,846
Good. Training's over.
39
00:03:33,878 --> 00:03:39,585
Soon, the entire universe will know
the full potential of the human race.
40
00:03:39,718 --> 00:03:43,722
LAZER TEAM
Subrip: Pix
41
00:03:45,991 --> 00:03:48,695
Country music
42
00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:07,980
Hey there, Gloria.
Going kind of fast.
43
00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:10,516
Don't make me
run you in.
44
00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:15,388
God,
I hate Friday nights.
45
00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:23,061
What a night here at Milford
Stadium, where the Mustangs
46
00:04:23,095 --> 00:04:25,965
are up by 21 points with
two minutes left on the clock.
47
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:31,903
Ladies and gentlemen, with us tonight,
former Milford MVP, Herman Mendoza.
48
00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:33,005
The Texas Tornado!
49
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,073
Stand up, Herman.
50
00:04:34,105 --> 00:04:36,576
If he can stand.
51
00:04:37,776 --> 00:04:39,845
I know that guy.
52
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,913
Remember, no open
containers there, Herman.
53
00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:44,083
He doesn't need to be messing with
the fire water, I can tell you that.
54
00:04:44,115 --> 00:04:46,618
Herman Mendoza has been known
to puke a little bit.
55
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,622
Where's Mindy? Mindy!
56
00:04:52,124 --> 00:04:55,094
The cheerleaders are leading cheers,
everything seems to be spelled correctly,
57
00:04:55,127 --> 00:04:57,463
the hot dog vendors are vending hot
dogs, and I'll tell you one thing,
58
00:04:57,495 --> 00:05:00,765
the commentators are commentating.
Wouldn't you agree, Wink?
59
00:05:00,798 --> 00:05:02,200
Yup.
60
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:03,601
It feels right!
61
00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:04,769
Water?
62
00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:05,904
Wrong team, asshole!
63
00:05:05,937 --> 00:05:07,256
Awesome.
64
00:05:07,257 --> 00:05:08,574
Move it!
65
00:05:08,607 --> 00:05:11,110
Of course, Milford's high score
is due to their star quarterback
66
00:05:11,142 --> 00:05:13,845
and sixth-year senior,
Zach Spencer.
67
00:05:13,879 --> 00:05:16,449
He's got a cannon for an arm, but
he's struggled with accuracy.
68
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,452
Just a bit off the mark.
69
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,120
Well, he's been known
to gamble on big plays,
70
00:05:21,153 --> 00:05:24,123
as indicated by his signature
"roll the dice" gesture.
71
00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:26,959
I don't think that's what that
gesture's meant to convey.
72
00:05:26,992 --> 00:05:29,962
With one minute on the clock,
Spencer fakes a hand-off,
73
00:05:29,995 --> 00:05:32,465
goes out on his own!
There's the block!
74
00:05:32,497 --> 00:05:34,933
That's gotta hurt.
Free and clear now.
75
00:05:34,966 --> 00:05:37,135
Touchdown Mustangs!
That's gonna be the game.
76
00:05:37,168 --> 00:05:40,372
An amazing play by Zach Spencer, as
he does his post-game stretching.
77
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:42,442
Always important to keep
those hips limber, Wink.
78
00:05:42,774 --> 00:05:45,977
- You've no idea what you're talking about, do you?
- I do not, Wink, not at all.
79
00:06:03,661 --> 00:06:07,832
I've heard people say
80
00:06:07,865 --> 00:06:13,805
That we'll all find
our place someday
81
00:06:13,838 --> 00:06:16,108
Hey!
82
00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:17,560
You're going the wrong way!
83
00:06:17,561 --> 00:06:18,978
Sorry, Sheriff.
84
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:22,548
He ain't a Sheriff, Woody.
He's a half-ass.
85
00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:25,484
Bye, Sheriff Half-ass!
86
00:06:25,516 --> 00:06:27,987
Yeah, it's nice
to see you too, Herman.
87
00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:32,992
Goddamnit!
88
00:06:39,764 --> 00:06:40,932
That's funny, guys.
89
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,100
Yeah!
90
00:06:44,101 --> 00:06:46,204
All right, I need
to see some ID's now!
91
00:06:46,237 --> 00:06:50,209
Or what, you're gonna hit us
with one of those light sabers?
92
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:52,578
Hey, we're not the George
you're looking for.
93
00:06:52,610 --> 00:06:54,179
Shut up, Franksen.
94
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,747
All right, that's it.
95
00:06:55,781 --> 00:06:57,382
Everybody out of the vehicle.
96
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:58,983
Peace out, Boba Fett.
97
00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:01,219
- Damnit!
- Live long and prosper, baby!
98
00:07:01,252 --> 00:07:04,088
It's not even
the right movie, Moron!
99
00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:08,093
Base, this is Deputy Hagan in pursuit of
a 4-81. I need back-up assistance at...
100
00:07:08,125 --> 00:07:12,597
No dice, Deputy Hagan. Sheriff wants you
out at Ruby Lake for an extraction.
101
00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:14,766
For an extraction?
102
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,970
Base, what exactly
am I extracting?
103
00:07:20,137 --> 00:07:22,640
All right. You jerkoffs
couldn't beat me on the field,
104
00:07:22,673 --> 00:07:24,642
so you think you could
beat me here? I get it.
105
00:07:24,675 --> 00:07:27,479
Hey, douchebag, this is
our party, all right?
106
00:07:27,512 --> 00:07:29,514
Dude, I won the game.
It's my party.
107
00:07:29,548 --> 00:07:32,518
- That's not how parties work, asshole.
- They're all my party!
108
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,019
That doesn't even
make sense...
109
00:07:43,028 --> 00:07:47,033
Great. Drunk teenagers.
This will be fun.
110
00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:50,836
Hey, guys, stripper's here!
111
00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:53,205
All right.
Do you want Turner Bull?
112
00:07:53,237 --> 00:07:55,040
Okay, let's do it. Ready?
113
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,843
- Wait, take it again.
- I think I blinked.
114
00:07:57,074 --> 00:07:59,545
Bye, Jules.
115
00:07:59,577 --> 00:08:02,280
My God! Dad, what
are you doing at this party?
116
00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:05,885
I'm working, Mindy. What are
you doing at this party?
117
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,721
- Partying!
- There are two people in the world...
118
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:12,290
That should not see you with that beer
in your hand, your father and a cop.
119
00:08:12,324 --> 00:08:14,826
And I'm both of them.
120
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:17,295
Please tell me that is not
Zach Spencer out there.
121
00:08:17,329 --> 00:08:22,935
Yeah, it's him. Go easy on
him, Dad. He's kind of dumb.
122
00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:24,486
All right, fine. Thanks.
123
00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:26,004
Hey!
124
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:28,807
Yo, kick his ass,
kick his ass, kick his ass.
125
00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:30,808
Knock-Knock!
126
00:08:30,841 --> 00:08:32,644
Dude, you need to get
the hell out of here now!
127
00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:35,147
Dude, you need to get the hell
out of here! How about that?
128
00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:37,849
All right, lovebirds,
break it up.
129
00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:40,686
- That's what I thought. Number one!
- Come on, kid, let's go.
130
00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:41,954
I'm talking to you, kid!
131
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,188
Top of the world!
132
00:08:48,726 --> 00:08:51,196
All right, that's it.
133
00:08:51,229 --> 00:08:53,831
Undefeated, bitch!
134
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:15,254
Yeah!
135
00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:16,755
One foot in front
of the other.
136
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,223
I got it! I know the feet!
137
00:09:18,255 --> 00:09:20,358
Hey, see if Mindy
needs a ride, too!
138
00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:22,728
Kid, you have the right
to remain silent.
139
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,362
- You should do that.
- Bah!
140
00:09:24,395 --> 00:09:26,331
It's not funny. Stop.
141
00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:30,235
All right, I know we've all
had a lot of fun tonight,
142
00:09:30,268 --> 00:09:33,772
but the show's over. It's
time for you all to go home.
143
00:09:33,804 --> 00:09:36,741
There's nothing else
to see here.
144
00:09:49,754 --> 00:09:53,926
You're lucky I'm not taking you
in, kid. You should be arrested.
145
00:09:53,958 --> 00:09:57,695
Your face should be arrested!
'Cause your face is a whore!
146
00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:01,734
You should really
buckle up back there.
147
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,103
I'd hate to have to give
you a ticket for it.
148
00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:06,105
Wait, I know you.
149
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:09,942
You're that guy that blew the
Championship game like 800 years ago!
150
00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:12,945
What does everyone call you?
Has-been half-back?
151
00:10:12,977 --> 00:10:15,947
No, it's Half-ass Hagan!
152
00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:18,850
Seriously, dude, that hurts!
153
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:20,502
Wait, Hagan! Mindy's name...
154
00:10:20,503 --> 00:10:22,120
That's right.
155
00:10:22,153 --> 00:10:24,123
Mindy is my daughter.
156
00:10:24,155 --> 00:10:26,791
That's why
you're trippin' on me.
157
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:29,795
Look, dude, I get it. You don't like the
idea of someone dating your daughter.
158
00:10:29,827 --> 00:10:33,298
You know, kid, I raised my daughter
to be a strong, independent woman
159
00:10:33,331 --> 00:10:35,734
who's capable of making
her own decisions.
160
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:39,171
That being said, as her father, sometimes
I disagree with those decisions.
161
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:42,974
Look, don't worry about it.
Mindy and I are just friends.
162
00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:44,910
I mean, I haven't
even banged her yet.
163
00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:46,812
God!
164
00:10:46,845 --> 00:10:49,682
I should really get the
breaks checked in this car.
165
00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:29,021
We're tracking an inbound UFO.
Just entered the atmosphere.
166
00:11:29,053 --> 00:11:31,189
Excellent.
167
00:11:31,222 --> 00:11:34,325
Men, this is a moment in time that
has been decades in the making.
168
00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:37,495
Tonight, our aliens friends
will bestow upon us
169
00:11:37,528 --> 00:11:42,735
a gift that will give humanity its
rightful place in the galaxy.
170
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:45,738
Tonight,
we get our champion...
171
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,813
Tonight, we will get
our champion...
172
00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:03,455
Tonight, the Earth
will get it's champ...
173
00:12:03,488 --> 00:12:07,760
Who in the hell
authorized fireworks?
174
00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:17,302
What the... There's a burn
ban out here for a reason.
175
00:12:17,335 --> 00:12:19,338
Hold on, kid.
Gotta make a pit stop.
176
00:12:26,311 --> 00:12:27,696
Woo!
177
00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:29,081
Awesome.
178
00:12:29,114 --> 00:12:32,918
...looks like it's time for
another beer run, Woody.
179
00:12:32,951 --> 00:12:36,254
This is only my second. How
many did you drink, Herman?
180
00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:39,423
Whatever 24 minus 2 is, man!
You do the math!
181
00:12:39,456 --> 00:12:44,096
You ain't never gonna figure it
out, dumbass. Light another one.
182
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,937
Yeah, all right.
Here we go. Come on now.
183
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:53,939
Ho-ho-ho!
184
00:12:53,971 --> 00:12:56,274
Darn tree!
185
00:12:56,307 --> 00:12:59,912
Woo! Yeah!
186
00:13:00,912 --> 00:13:03,447
Shit!
187
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,085
Direct hit! Nice one, Woody!
188
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,586
That was nothing.
189
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,372
Hey!
190
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,124
Well, well, look who it is.
191
00:13:12,157 --> 00:13:13,642
Woody, prep another one.
192
00:13:13,643 --> 00:13:15,127
Stay where you are, Woody.
193
00:13:15,159 --> 00:13:17,461
No, Woody, prep another one.
194
00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:21,299
Look, here, Officer,
this here is private property.
195
00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:24,135
Yeah, you only get to say that when
it's "your" private property, Herman.
196
00:13:24,168 --> 00:13:26,103
Besides, you're
breaking the law!
197
00:13:26,136 --> 00:13:28,139
Since when is blowing
shit up against the law?
198
00:13:28,173 --> 00:13:29,274
Since they invented laws!
199
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:30,375
Yeah?
200
00:13:30,408 --> 00:13:33,144
What do they say about this?
201
00:13:33,177 --> 00:13:35,847
Add littering
to my list of offenses.
202
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:40,052
Look, you either give me the fireworks or
you can spend the night in a drunk tank!
203
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:41,353
That goes for you too, Woody.
204
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,620
I done that before.
205
00:13:42,653 --> 00:13:46,457
Someone threw a ball
and I fell in a tub of water.
206
00:13:46,490 --> 00:13:49,461
No, that's a dunk tank, Woody.
Drunk tank is jail.
207
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,979
I don't wanna do that.
208
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,464
You want the fireworks?
209
00:13:52,496 --> 00:13:56,033
Fine.
I'll give you a firework.
210
00:13:58,937 --> 00:14:01,472
The Mama Gigante.
211
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,645
The courier vessel
is arriving, sir.
212
00:14:07,678 --> 00:14:10,182
All right,
this is it, everyone!
213
00:14:11,448 --> 00:14:15,653
High-pressure moment.
What you gonna do, Hagan?
214
00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:17,055
Herman?
215
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:18,423
Oooh...
216
00:14:18,456 --> 00:14:19,875
Herman.
217
00:14:19,876 --> 00:14:21,293
This gonna be a big one.
218
00:14:21,326 --> 00:14:23,178
Do not light that firework.
219
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:25,029
Do it! Light that bastard!
220
00:14:25,062 --> 00:14:26,530
All right, one more word
out of you and I'll...
221
00:14:26,563 --> 00:14:29,433
What, you're gonna
double-arrest me?!
222
00:14:29,466 --> 00:14:32,403
Herman!
223
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:34,173
...Officer Hagan?
224
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,908
Not now, Woody!
225
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:40,144
Herman!
Do not light that...
226
00:14:40,177 --> 00:14:43,014
Too slow.
Just like always.
227
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:46,384
That's it! Come...
228
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:48,519
What is that?
229
00:14:48,552 --> 00:14:51,956
You think I'm gonna
fall for...
230
00:14:57,696 --> 00:14:59,697
Shit!
231
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:05,703
That is your fault! You did the
one thing I told you not to do!
232
00:15:05,736 --> 00:15:09,040
I shot E.T.!
I killed E.T.!
233
00:15:09,073 --> 00:15:10,875
I didn't mean to do it!
234
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,677
Guys, guys, guys! Help! Help!
235
00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:16,481
Hagan, I promise I won't try to bang
your daughter! Third base, tops!
236
00:15:32,764 --> 00:15:34,682
What in God's name was that?
237
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,600
What the hell was that?
238
00:15:36,634 --> 00:15:40,105
That was...
Woody's fault.
239
00:15:40,138 --> 00:15:42,107
My bad.
240
00:15:53,317 --> 00:15:55,153
Is that it?
241
00:15:55,186 --> 00:15:58,456
No, it's another spaceship that
fell out of the sky, dumbass!
242
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:02,327
I'll check it out.
You guys stay here.
243
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,468
Holy shit!
This is awesome!
244
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,004
All right. Just,
everybody calm down.
245
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:15,474
Calm down? We're gonna be rich!
That's a UFO!
246
00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:17,775
A goddamn Unidentified
Flying Object!
247
00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:19,778
It's not flying, Herman.
248
00:16:19,811 --> 00:16:22,647
It's an Unidentified
laying on the ground Object.
249
00:16:22,679 --> 00:16:25,783
All right, this is serious. We need
to... Hey, what are you doing?
250
00:16:25,817 --> 00:16:27,786
Dude, taking selfies!
251
00:16:27,818 --> 00:16:30,688
First people to shoot down a spaceship?
That's like a thousand likes!
252
00:16:30,721 --> 00:16:33,158
It is not a spaceship!
It's military!
253
00:16:33,191 --> 00:16:36,561
It probably came from the base.
And we did not shoot it down.
254
00:16:36,594 --> 00:16:37,846
Woody shot it down.
255
00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:39,097
Sorry, all.
256
00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:40,331
I gotta be more careful.
257
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,533
Yeah, you're on fire, genius.
258
00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:43,335
Darn fire!
259
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:46,338
Nobody shot it down,
okay? It crashed.
260
00:16:46,370 --> 00:16:49,040
And if you're smart,
you'll stick to...
261
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:56,515
That a body? Nasty.
262
00:16:56,548 --> 00:16:59,183
That is not a body.
263
00:16:59,216 --> 00:17:02,086
Looks like...
armor.
264
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,190
Yeah, that is definitely
military. Zach, leave it alone.
265
00:17:05,222 --> 00:17:08,726
Yeah, right. Finders keepers.
I'm hawking all this shit.
266
00:17:10,228 --> 00:17:12,330
Except this one.
267
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,618
Daddy likes.
268
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:17,836
What else they got in there?
269
00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:20,371
No, hey! Come on, guys,
could be dangerous.
270
00:17:20,404 --> 00:17:22,473
You think?
That would be badass!
271
00:17:22,507 --> 00:17:24,509
...come to Papa.
272
00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:26,211
There's a trigger in here,
but it doesn't do anything.
273
00:17:26,243 --> 00:17:27,745
Don't do that!
274
00:17:27,778 --> 00:17:29,548
Yeah, this is
definitely an upgrade.
275
00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:32,550
I hope you bad boys
like toe fungus.
276
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:37,221
Woody!
277
00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:40,725
This is neat.
They made me wear a helmet
278
00:17:40,758 --> 00:17:43,595
in elementary school,
but I outgrew it.
279
00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:49,400
Come on, just put it back.
280
00:17:49,433 --> 00:17:52,104
It looks like
your head's in a fishbowl.
281
00:17:52,136 --> 00:17:53,271
Not again!
282
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,405
All right, Woody, come on!
283
00:17:54,439 --> 00:17:56,575
Take that thing off for
crying out loud! Put it back!
284
00:17:56,607 --> 00:17:58,576
- You too, Herman!
- I ain't taking off shit.
285
00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:00,878
- Zach, what the... Give me that!
- Dude!
286
00:18:00,912 --> 00:18:03,148
They're obviously supposed to go
together! Find your own, man!
287
00:18:03,181 --> 00:18:05,484
Kid, I'm not trying
to take it from you!
288
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:07,486
I'm just trying
to put it back!
289
00:18:11,455 --> 00:18:12,456
What you do?
290
00:18:12,457 --> 00:18:13,457
I didn't do anything!
291
00:18:13,490 --> 00:18:15,426
- I told you guys to put it back!
- You turned it on!
292
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:22,401
Mine's on too, man!
293
00:18:23,601 --> 00:18:25,587
Aahhh!
294
00:18:25,588 --> 00:18:27,572
Aahhh!
295
00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:29,524
Waahhh!
296
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,442
Aahhh!
297
00:18:31,476 --> 00:18:34,513
Aahhh!
298
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:35,547
Aahhh!
299
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:36,548
Aahhh!
300
00:18:37,648 --> 00:18:41,919
Man! Feels like
my legs just gave birth!
301
00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,922
I didn't think
it was that bad.
302
00:18:43,954 --> 00:18:49,461
Whoaaaaa!!!
303
00:18:49,493 --> 00:18:51,929
Aahhh!!!
304
00:18:51,962 --> 00:18:53,064
Oohhh!!!
305
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,165
Aahhh!!!
306
00:18:56,667 --> 00:19:00,505
God! I think
it ate my brain!
307
00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:03,775
Greetings, O Champion.
308
00:19:03,807 --> 00:19:06,577
Dude, I told you
it was aliens!
309
00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:09,314
Greetings to you, gross alien whose
planet I don't know the name of.
310
00:19:09,346 --> 00:19:12,183
We are Earthlings
from planet Earth.
311
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:14,953
- Woody, you're talking to a recording.
- Right.
312
00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:18,857
Greetings, recording
from the planet Record.
313
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:24,729
The Antarian Federation bestows
upon you this Suit of Power.
314
00:19:24,761 --> 00:19:26,164
Suit of Power?
315
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,566
A great battle awaits you.
316
00:19:27,598 --> 00:19:30,501
The fate of your world
lies in your hands.
317
00:19:30,535 --> 00:19:33,971
Our enemy is powerful, but a
true champion will prevail.
318
00:19:34,005 --> 00:19:35,974
That's gonna get him
mad at you!
319
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:39,778
Prepare yourself. And good
luck, Champion of Earth.
320
00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:42,413
Conflict is coming.
321
00:19:46,384 --> 00:19:49,520
Conflict is coming?
Well, then Herman is leaving.
322
00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:53,358
I ain't got no time
for conflict.
323
00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:55,627
Hold on a second.
324
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:58,296
My limp! It's gone!
325
00:19:58,328 --> 00:20:00,331
Check me out!
My limp is gone!
326
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:05,053
It's a Christmas miracle!
327
00:20:05,054 --> 00:20:06,538
Back in the game!!
328
00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:08,406
What's the matter, Chubs,
you stuck?
329
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:10,241
Are you?
330
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:13,912
Shit! My throwing arm!
How do we get these things off?
331
00:20:13,944 --> 00:20:16,380
I'm never taking
these off, baby.
332
00:20:16,413 --> 00:20:19,017
I think I...
333
00:20:19,049 --> 00:20:20,652
got it!
334
00:20:22,053 --> 00:20:24,222
My God!
335
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,391
Are you kidding me!
336
00:20:26,423 --> 00:20:28,993
Now that's a firework!
337
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,028
My car!
338
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,028
Guys...
339
00:20:31,061 --> 00:20:33,397
my helmet says "warning"
and it's pointing up.
340
00:20:33,431 --> 00:20:36,034
You think it's trying
to warn me about my brain?
341
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:37,935
No!
342
00:20:40,070 --> 00:20:43,040
A shield!
That's awesome!
343
00:20:43,074 --> 00:20:45,043
If you don't have
a gun that shoots lasers!
344
00:20:45,076 --> 00:20:46,294
We gotta get this stuff off!
345
00:20:46,295 --> 00:20:47,511
Hell no!
346
00:20:47,545 --> 00:20:49,413
I'm freaking' never taking
this off! I'm like Iron Man!
347
00:20:49,446 --> 00:20:51,015
Come on, man, hold on!
348
00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:55,386
Herman?
349
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,239
Hey, you guys see that?
350
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,057
No, we didn't.
351
00:20:59,089 --> 00:21:01,458
Wee, I was running fast.
352
00:21:01,491 --> 00:21:03,595
- All right, we gotta get this off!
- No, no!
353
00:21:03,627 --> 00:21:06,931
- I'm not taking shit off!
- Guys, the helmet's talking to me again.
354
00:21:06,963 --> 00:21:10,668
It says there will be
an immediate treat.
355
00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:12,371
Are we getting treats?
356
00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:29,820
Come on! Come on!
All right, move it!
357
00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:34,925
Hands in the air!
Do not move!
358
00:21:34,959 --> 00:21:36,861
Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
359
00:21:36,894 --> 00:21:38,863
Sir, they've donned the suit.
How should we proceed?
360
00:21:38,895 --> 00:21:40,664
Damnit! Incapacitate them!
361
00:21:40,698 --> 00:21:42,267
No, don't do that!
362
00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:43,835
Why don't you
incapacitate this!
363
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:46,637
Zach!
364
00:21:46,671 --> 00:21:49,807
I'm a police officer!
I was just in the process of...
365
00:21:51,776 --> 00:21:54,012
- Okay, that was an accident!
- Take them down, now!
366
00:21:54,045 --> 00:21:57,682
Open fire!
367
00:21:57,714 --> 00:21:59,717
Gotta fix this!
368
00:22:19,703 --> 00:22:21,839
Did we take him out?
369
00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:25,143
No, I think
he just fainted.
370
00:22:25,175 --> 00:22:26,660
Take him out again.
371
00:22:26,661 --> 00:22:28,145
Take him out again!
372
00:22:28,179 --> 00:22:30,749
Stop resisting!
373
00:22:30,781 --> 00:22:33,150
There's not gonna be
any treats, is there?
374
00:22:33,183 --> 00:22:37,087
Woody! Come on, guys,
he's half brain damaged already!
375
00:22:37,121 --> 00:22:40,792
Bag 'em up, men!
376
00:22:40,825 --> 00:22:42,761
The bag won't fit!
377
00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,696
Sir, he's unbaggable.
378
00:22:44,729 --> 00:22:46,214
Just get him in the truck.
379
00:22:46,215 --> 00:22:47,699
Get him in the truck.
380
00:22:47,731 --> 00:22:49,768
You know what,
you're all under arrest!
381
00:22:53,837 --> 00:22:56,875
"UFO spotted in Milford"?
382
00:22:56,907 --> 00:22:59,076
Crazy.
383
00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:06,551
Zach? And Dad?
384
00:23:06,584 --> 00:23:09,086
My God.
385
00:23:15,226 --> 00:23:18,563
After multiple reports of a UFO
sighting in Milford, Texas,
386
00:23:18,596 --> 00:23:20,899
a Twitter post
showing several men,
387
00:23:20,932 --> 00:23:24,067
at what appears to be the
crash site, has gone viral.
388
00:23:24,101 --> 00:23:26,571
Calling themselves
"Lazer Team".
389
00:23:26,604 --> 00:23:29,774
Could this be first contact
with an alien race?
390
00:23:29,807 --> 00:23:32,009
I'm sorry, I just
don't believe in aliens.
391
00:23:32,042 --> 00:23:34,611
I've seen better alien
technology at Comi-Con.
392
00:23:34,644 --> 00:23:37,147
You'd have to be crazy
to think these guys are legit.
393
00:23:37,181 --> 00:23:39,918
You all thought I was crazy, but you're
the ones in your little mind prisons.
394
00:23:39,951 --> 00:23:42,586
You know what? You know
who's free? Lazer Team!
395
00:23:42,619 --> 00:23:45,723
Lazer Team, that's who!
Yeah! Yeah!
396
00:23:53,263 --> 00:23:54,748
No.
397
00:23:54,749 --> 00:23:56,233
What a bunch of morons!
398
00:23:56,267 --> 00:23:58,603
They left me my laser gun! I
could just blast us out of here!
399
00:23:58,635 --> 00:24:01,105
Then blow
this whole place up!
400
00:24:01,137 --> 00:24:03,942
What the hell? Holy shit!
401
00:24:03,974 --> 00:24:05,292
I think they gave me amnesia!
402
00:24:05,293 --> 00:24:06,610
Anesthesia.
403
00:24:06,644 --> 00:24:10,248
Localized to disable
our extremities. Blurp!
404
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,715
W-what did I just say?
405
00:24:11,716 --> 00:24:13,150
My arm's numb, too.
406
00:24:13,183 --> 00:24:15,252
Clearly, they have paralyzed
the parts of our body...
407
00:24:15,286 --> 00:24:18,256
Shut up, dude!
Y'all stupid. I'm out.
408
00:24:18,288 --> 00:24:22,125
Like your boots. Probably should've waited
till I finished talking to do that.
409
00:24:22,159 --> 00:24:24,128
Why are we here?
410
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:26,097
You're here to talk.
411
00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:28,132
At approximately 23:00 hours,
412
00:24:28,164 --> 00:24:31,034
you not only managed
to crash an alien spacecraft,
413
00:24:31,067 --> 00:24:36,240
but you also commandeered a highly
classified weapon system. How?
414
00:24:36,273 --> 00:24:37,274
Fifth Amendment, bitch.
415
00:24:37,275 --> 00:24:38,275
In addition
416
00:24:38,308 --> 00:24:40,811
we would like to exercise
our right to an attorney
417
00:24:40,845 --> 00:24:43,280
and trial by a jury
of our peers. Blurp!
418
00:24:43,314 --> 00:24:46,683
Yeah, man, we know our rights.
My taxes pay your salary, buddy!
419
00:24:46,717 --> 00:24:49,821
Mr. Mendoza, you haven't
paid taxes in 15 years.
420
00:24:49,854 --> 00:24:50,922
It's a figure of speech.
421
00:24:50,923 --> 00:24:51,990
This isn't a game.
422
00:24:52,022 --> 00:24:54,091
Who's this douchebag?
423
00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:57,662
This douchebag is the
rightful wearer of that suit.
424
00:24:57,694 --> 00:25:00,664
I'm the Champion of Earth!
425
00:25:02,866 --> 00:25:04,903
You look like the champion
of swim team.
426
00:25:04,935 --> 00:25:06,904
Where's your junk
in that thing!
427
00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:10,275
It's cool, man. We're all
champions, dude. The alien told us.
428
00:25:10,307 --> 00:25:11,625
What alien?
429
00:25:11,626 --> 00:25:12,943
The Antartican guy.
430
00:25:12,977 --> 00:25:16,681
From the planet Record...
Antaria. Blurp!
431
00:25:16,713 --> 00:25:19,616
There was a hologram
came out.
432
00:25:19,650 --> 00:25:23,221
It said that there's some
kind of battle coming?
433
00:25:23,253 --> 00:25:26,023
In less than five days,
an alien warrior will arrive
434
00:25:26,057 --> 00:25:30,193
to do battle with whoever is
wearing this suit. To the death.
435
00:25:30,227 --> 00:25:32,196
Okay, the hologram
left that part out!
436
00:25:32,229 --> 00:25:34,231
Gentlemen, this is not a game.
437
00:25:34,265 --> 00:25:36,868
This alien species,
the Worg, they're called,
438
00:25:36,901 --> 00:25:40,572
they're on a crusade to eradicate
any race they deem weak.
439
00:25:40,605 --> 00:25:43,074
Seventeen civilizations
destroyed.
440
00:25:43,106 --> 00:25:46,310
And now they're demanding to do
battle with the Earth Champion
441
00:25:46,344 --> 00:25:48,613
to determine the fate
of our planet.
442
00:25:48,645 --> 00:25:52,215
Like the ancient Hebrew
account of David versus Goliath.
443
00:25:52,249 --> 00:25:56,887
Yes. And as David needed his
slingshot, we need our Suit of Power.
444
00:25:56,921 --> 00:25:59,222
All right, well then hop to it,
take the pieces off of us,
445
00:25:59,256 --> 00:26:01,593
put them on Hitler Youth
over here, and let us bounce!
446
00:26:01,625 --> 00:26:05,229
They can't take the pieces off.
If they could...
447
00:26:05,261 --> 00:26:07,365
they would've done it
while we were knocked out.
448
00:26:07,397 --> 00:26:10,267
The suit has a protection
mechanism built into it.
449
00:26:10,300 --> 00:26:14,838
It genetically locks onto whoever
puts it on and activates it.
450
00:26:14,872 --> 00:26:18,009
I assure nobody is happy
about this situation.
451
00:26:18,041 --> 00:26:20,778
But the fate of the Earth
hangs in the balance.
452
00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:23,347
You do want to save
the planet, don't you?
453
00:26:26,250 --> 00:26:28,752
This planet? A little bit.
454
00:26:28,786 --> 00:26:32,190
There's a lot of jackasses.
455
00:26:32,222 --> 00:26:34,959
- What?
- Sir, you told me to let you know...
456
00:26:34,991 --> 00:26:37,628
If any of the media outlets
reported on the incident.
457
00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:39,963
Who picked it up,
local news or national?
458
00:26:39,997 --> 00:26:42,967
Both, sir. But it's
worse than we thought.
459
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,668
It's on Facebook.
460
00:26:44,669 --> 00:26:46,336
Are you kidding me?
461
00:26:46,369 --> 00:26:48,673
My mom shared it.
462
00:26:48,705 --> 00:26:51,875
You posted a threat to
national security on Facebook?
463
00:26:51,909 --> 00:26:53,778
Nobody told me not to do that.
464
00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:55,647
I told him not to do that.
465
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:56,965
What's the Lazer Team?
466
00:26:56,966 --> 00:26:58,249
Dude, that's us!
467
00:26:58,281 --> 00:27:00,250
That's what I named us when
we got our badass alien gadgets.
468
00:27:00,284 --> 00:27:02,687
- You spelled "laser" wrong.
- How would you know, water boy?
469
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:03,922
Delete it.
470
00:27:03,923 --> 00:27:05,123
Okay, that has 1200 likes.
471
00:27:05,155 --> 00:27:07,658
No way. The last time I had a
photo with over a thousand likes
472
00:27:07,692 --> 00:27:12,029
was when I accidentally posted a
picture of my penis in a hot dog bun.
473
00:27:12,063 --> 00:27:14,932
Delete it or I'll delete you.
474
00:27:14,964 --> 00:27:17,268
...you better do
what he say.
475
00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:18,369
All right.
476
00:27:20,304 --> 00:27:22,940
Congratulations, gentlemen.
477
00:27:22,972 --> 00:27:26,109
You're now officially
part of Project Perseus.
478
00:27:26,143 --> 00:27:27,611
Training begins at 05:00.
479
00:27:27,612 --> 00:27:29,079
Training?
480
00:27:29,113 --> 00:27:33,785
And do me one favor,
try not to get us all killed.
481
00:27:33,817 --> 00:27:36,320
- You guys are trending, by the way.
- What? Nice.
482
00:27:36,721 --> 00:27:40,024
Can I friend you?
If that's a... no.
483
00:27:40,057 --> 00:27:42,393
I'll be on the other
side of the window
484
00:27:42,425 --> 00:27:44,428
if you need me.
485
00:28:05,382 --> 00:28:09,320
You expect me to train these idiots that
literally stole my birthright from me?
486
00:28:09,353 --> 00:28:11,322
I've worked my entire life
for this.
487
00:28:11,355 --> 00:28:13,924
That is exactly
why they need your help.
488
00:28:13,958 --> 00:28:16,160
You're the only one experienced
enough with this equipment
489
00:28:16,192 --> 00:28:18,328
to teach them
how to use it in time.
490
00:28:18,362 --> 00:28:23,000
Four days? I've trained
every day for decades.
491
00:28:23,032 --> 00:28:27,003
Adam, is this
about the planet or you?
492
00:28:27,037 --> 00:28:30,208
Without me,
there is no planet!
493
00:28:37,882 --> 00:28:40,351
When Perseus was sent forth
to defeat the Gorgon,
494
00:28:40,384 --> 00:28:43,287
he was armed with four gifts
from the heavens:
495
00:28:43,319 --> 00:28:45,856
A sword, boots...
496
00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:48,025
a helmet and a shield.
497
00:28:48,057 --> 00:28:51,028
With these gifts
he was victorious.
498
00:28:51,060 --> 00:28:53,865
You'll now begin your formal
training to utilize your...
499
00:28:55,065 --> 00:28:57,033
gifts.
500
00:28:57,034 --> 00:28:59,403
You only have four days until
the Worg Champion arrives
501
00:28:59,435 --> 00:29:02,874
to kill you
and destroy our planet.
502
00:29:02,906 --> 00:29:04,509
We start now.
503
00:29:04,541 --> 00:29:08,879
Pardon me, old chap.
I have a question, if I may.
504
00:29:10,314 --> 00:29:11,682
It can wait. Fair play.
505
00:29:11,683 --> 00:29:13,050
I got a question.
506
00:29:13,083 --> 00:29:15,219
Why the hell does he
sound British now?
507
00:29:15,251 --> 00:29:18,221
Woody's helmet is making him
more intelligent over time.
508
00:29:18,255 --> 00:29:20,391
Yeah, Woody's a stupid person,
509
00:29:20,423 --> 00:29:22,393
and that's what stupid people
think smart people sound like.
510
00:29:22,425 --> 00:29:24,928
So, basically, it's just dumb
Woody's version of smart Woody.
511
00:29:24,961 --> 00:29:26,013
What? That's idiotic!
512
00:29:26,014 --> 00:29:27,064
Precisely.
513
00:29:27,096 --> 00:29:28,499
Nah, that makes sense, man.
514
00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:29,901
How's that make sense!
515
00:29:29,933 --> 00:29:31,568
Hey, whassup, girl?
My name's Herman.
516
00:29:31,602 --> 00:29:32,771
That's enough!
517
00:29:34,238 --> 00:29:35,940
Let's get started.
518
00:29:39,009 --> 00:29:40,144
Anthony Hagan, test number one.
519
00:29:40,176 --> 00:29:43,246
The Repulsor Defensive Gauntlet
produces an energy shield
520
00:29:43,279 --> 00:29:45,549
impenetrable
by any manmade weapon.
521
00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:48,319
Your first test is to stop
the incoming projectiles.
522
00:29:48,352 --> 00:29:51,255
Yeah, I just have a quick question
before we begin. How exactly...
523
00:29:51,288 --> 00:29:53,257
Oohhh!!!
524
00:29:53,289 --> 00:29:58,095
Yeah! Yeah! Best test ever!
Run it back! Run it back!
525
00:29:58,127 --> 00:30:00,263
Man,
I freakin' love science.
526
00:30:00,297 --> 00:30:02,967
Next!
527
00:30:05,001 --> 00:30:08,438
Test number 17. Use the
Particle Acceleration Gauntlet
528
00:30:08,471 --> 00:30:10,441
to destroy the targets by firing
529
00:30:10,473 --> 00:30:12,943
concussive blasts of plasma
at varying intensities.
530
00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:15,446
- Let's go with the lower power.
- Low? Get the hell outta here!
531
00:30:15,479 --> 00:30:18,048
I know what I'm doing. Let's
crank this baby up to a hund...
532
00:30:21,317 --> 00:30:23,320
Next!
533
00:30:24,622 --> 00:30:26,591
Test number 43.
534
00:30:26,624 --> 00:30:29,326
Use the Positronic Helmet
to locate the targets.
535
00:30:29,359 --> 00:30:33,296
The visor is specifically
equipped with zoom, targeting,
536
00:30:33,329 --> 00:30:35,398
and other visual enhancements.
537
00:30:35,432 --> 00:30:37,300
My God! Guys!
538
00:30:37,334 --> 00:30:39,437
What the hell is your problem?
539
00:30:39,470 --> 00:30:41,972
Looks like a malfunction with the
helmet. I got a tool for this.
540
00:30:42,006 --> 00:30:43,975
- Turn it off! No!
- Keep your head still.
541
00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:45,159
I wish I was dead!
542
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:46,309
Next.
543
00:30:46,343 --> 00:30:48,346
It's so close!
544
00:30:49,646 --> 00:30:53,149
Test number 124.
Use the Quantum Boots
545
00:30:53,182 --> 00:30:56,119
and jump over all of the hurdles
before the buzzer sounds.
546
00:30:56,153 --> 00:30:58,288
Excuse me, you can't smoke
on this course.
547
00:30:58,321 --> 00:31:00,323
Word? Watch me.
548
00:31:00,356 --> 00:31:03,160
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
549
00:31:03,192 --> 00:31:06,329
Dude, you were supposed
to jump over the hurdles.
550
00:31:06,363 --> 00:31:09,634
Put him on a special diet.
No smoking, no drinking.
551
00:31:09,666 --> 00:31:12,235
Just kill me now.
552
00:31:12,269 --> 00:31:15,105
Next!
553
00:31:15,138 --> 00:31:17,307
Next.
554
00:31:17,340 --> 00:31:19,509
Next.
555
00:31:19,542 --> 00:31:23,413
Next. Next. Next.
556
00:31:23,446 --> 00:31:25,883
Next. Next!
557
00:31:27,050 --> 00:31:30,354
- Sleep tight, Lazy Team.
- See you tomorrow.
558
00:31:30,386 --> 00:31:33,223
Four hours!
559
00:31:34,223 --> 00:31:36,359
That was awful.
560
00:31:36,393 --> 00:31:39,297
I haven't run that fast since
Half-ass Hagan ruined my life.
561
00:31:40,230 --> 00:31:43,200
Yes, this level of rigorous
training can be difficult.
562
00:31:43,232 --> 00:31:47,003
Woody, you didn't do anything! All
you did was see some naked people!
563
00:31:47,037 --> 00:31:49,673
I also had to perform an
enormous amount of calculations.
564
00:31:49,707 --> 00:31:51,676
Well, that sounds brutal.
565
00:31:51,709 --> 00:31:53,644
I thought it was
pretty impressive.
566
00:31:53,676 --> 00:31:55,111
No, this is impressive.
567
00:31:55,112 --> 00:31:56,546
Where'd you get that?
568
00:31:56,579 --> 00:31:59,549
Where do people get anything? I stole
it. I think I'll give Mindy a call.
569
00:31:59,583 --> 00:32:00,935
God. Please don't do that.
570
00:32:00,936 --> 00:32:02,286
Watch this.
571
00:32:02,318 --> 00:32:04,721
You ever wanna see how bad a girl wants
you, just see how long she says "Hey".
572
00:32:04,755 --> 00:32:06,224
Hey?
573
00:32:06,225 --> 00:32:07,692
Yeah. Hey's like "what's up?"
574
00:32:07,724 --> 00:32:10,727
But "Heeey!" means I like you.
Anything more than that
575
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,598
and you know she wants to see
your penis in a hot dog bun.
576
00:32:16,432 --> 00:32:18,402
- Zach?
- Hey, Mindy.
577
00:32:18,434 --> 00:32:23,540
Heeeeeeeeeeey!
578
00:32:23,574 --> 00:32:25,743
Wait, is that blood
on your shirt? Are you okay?
579
00:32:25,776 --> 00:32:29,013
Yeah. Long day. I met some
aliens and got a laser gun,
580
00:32:29,046 --> 00:32:33,049
then the military picked us up, and now they're
training us to save the world and stuff.
581
00:32:33,083 --> 00:32:35,336
All I did today was eat FroYo.
582
00:32:35,337 --> 00:32:37,588
That's awesome! I love FroYo!
583
00:32:37,621 --> 00:32:40,257
After I kick the crap out of these aliens
that are trying to destroy the planet,
584
00:32:40,289 --> 00:32:42,192
I'm totally getting some
FroYo.
585
00:32:42,226 --> 00:32:43,494
That's it?
586
00:32:43,495 --> 00:32:44,762
FroYo is tasty.
587
00:32:44,795 --> 00:32:47,264
Hey, is my dad there?
Is he okay?
588
00:32:47,297 --> 00:32:50,334
Yeah. But his piece
of the armor kinda sucks,
589
00:32:50,366 --> 00:32:52,702
so I'm not sure if he's gonna
make the final Lazer Team.
590
00:32:52,736 --> 00:32:56,273
Look, Zach, my dad
may not be very strong,
591
00:32:56,306 --> 00:33:01,312
or brave, or smart,
but he is really good at...
592
00:33:07,384 --> 00:33:09,753
I love you too, sweetie.
593
00:33:09,787 --> 00:33:12,123
This is just
like camping, guys.
594
00:33:12,155 --> 00:33:14,557
No one ever invites me camping. I
know I was ordered to be here...
595
00:33:14,590 --> 00:33:15,942
Franksen, shut up!
596
00:33:15,943 --> 00:33:17,293
I'm just saying.
597
00:33:17,326 --> 00:33:21,332
Hey, Mur. Why they got us out here all
night guarding this damn wreck ship?
598
00:33:21,365 --> 00:33:25,236
Top secret stuff, refry.
They need their best on it.
599
00:33:25,269 --> 00:33:27,270
Oohhhh...
600
00:33:28,672 --> 00:33:31,342
Besides, beats patrol duty.
601
00:33:33,343 --> 00:33:35,680
What the hell was that?
602
00:33:37,681 --> 00:33:40,651
Let's go have a looksee,
dickholes.
603
00:33:40,683 --> 00:33:42,653
Franksen, stay!
604
00:33:42,685 --> 00:33:44,170
You guys sure
you don't need...
605
00:33:44,171 --> 00:33:45,655
Stay, Frank.
606
00:33:45,689 --> 00:33:51,062
Okay. Careful, guys.
There's possums and... stuff.
607
00:34:03,707 --> 00:34:08,679
I'll be damned. More alien
stuff. I'll radio it in.
608
00:34:08,711 --> 00:34:11,681
Or... maybe
we take a look first.
609
00:34:11,715 --> 00:34:16,586
See if this one's got any of them
fancy gadgets those morons got.
610
00:34:23,860 --> 00:34:26,129
...baby.
611
00:34:30,434 --> 00:34:32,403
Careful, Mur!
612
00:34:50,786 --> 00:34:53,223
What's that?
613
00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:55,259
Mur, what is that?
614
00:34:58,494 --> 00:35:01,431
Mur, what is that?
Get it off!
615
00:35:01,465 --> 00:35:03,601
Get it off me!
616
00:35:03,634 --> 00:35:06,836
Aahhh!!! Aahhh!!!
617
00:35:06,869 --> 00:35:09,539
Aahhh!!!
618
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:13,443
Guys?
619
00:35:14,777 --> 00:35:16,780
Hey, guys!
620
00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,451
You guys okay?
621
00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:24,422
Geez.
I thought something bad...
622
00:35:41,271 --> 00:35:42,323
Adam?
623
00:35:42,324 --> 00:35:43,374
No.
624
00:35:43,407 --> 00:35:44,825
Adam!
625
00:35:44,826 --> 00:35:46,242
I'm done! I'm not doing it.
626
00:35:46,275 --> 00:35:48,778
Will you just listen?
627
00:35:50,914 --> 00:35:53,884
We can cut the pieces off.
628
00:35:53,916 --> 00:35:55,401
No. Jenkins was wrong...
629
00:35:55,402 --> 00:35:56,886
How can you say he's wrong?
630
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,172
He said we could do it!
631
00:35:58,173 --> 00:35:59,423
We do that, we have nothing!
632
00:35:59,456 --> 00:36:01,592
The suit is meant
to work as a unit.
633
00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:03,594
We separate the pieces,
they're not as powerful.
634
00:36:03,626 --> 00:36:05,762
You can forget about using
the dark matter ray,
635
00:36:05,795 --> 00:36:08,598
or any of the other
higher suit functions.
636
00:36:08,632 --> 00:36:10,033
They won't make it.
637
00:36:10,034 --> 00:36:11,434
Make them make it!
638
00:36:11,467 --> 00:36:13,503
That's your job.
639
00:36:13,536 --> 00:36:15,972
My job is to be
Champion of Earth.
640
00:36:16,005 --> 00:36:18,808
That job was taken by the four
men sitting down in the brig!
641
00:36:20,476 --> 00:36:22,646
Get used to it.
642
00:36:25,315 --> 00:36:27,851
They'll fail...
643
00:36:27,884 --> 00:36:30,788
and then we'll have
to cut those pieces off.
644
00:36:30,820 --> 00:36:32,523
I guarantee it.
645
00:36:43,333 --> 00:36:48,771
They'll fail, and then we'll
have to cut those pieces off.
646
00:36:48,804 --> 00:36:50,674
Thanks.
647
00:36:54,677 --> 00:36:59,717
Everybody's sound asleep?
The Lazer Team angels?
648
00:36:59,750 --> 00:37:01,134
They look precious.
649
00:37:01,135 --> 00:37:02,518
What's that then?
650
00:37:02,552 --> 00:37:05,322
Your new uniforms.
651
00:37:05,355 --> 00:37:09,827
Specially formulated by the U.S.
Military with advanced microfibers.
652
00:37:09,860 --> 00:37:12,496
And they are
not anti-flammable.
653
00:37:12,528 --> 00:37:14,097
So they are flammable.
654
00:37:14,098 --> 00:37:15,666
They will not retard flames.
655
00:37:15,699 --> 00:37:18,501
Most clothing's flammable. It's
like, why even mention that?
656
00:37:18,534 --> 00:37:20,971
File this under "most clothing"
then, because these will burn.
657
00:37:21,003 --> 00:37:23,007
Are you expecting us
to catch on fire?
658
00:37:23,039 --> 00:37:25,543
I should go.
659
00:37:26,876 --> 00:37:28,796
What are you looking at?
660
00:37:28,797 --> 00:37:30,715
I said, open the door!
661
00:37:49,032 --> 00:37:51,367
All right. For today's test,
662
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,871
you will learn a higher suit function
known as the Dark Matter Ray.
663
00:37:54,905 --> 00:37:59,376
Accessible only
when the suit is used...
664
00:37:59,409 --> 00:38:01,912
in unison.
What-what's the problem?
665
00:38:01,945 --> 00:38:03,380
This thing's
riding up my gooch!
666
00:38:03,381 --> 00:38:04,815
Half this suit's inside me!
667
00:38:04,847 --> 00:38:06,916
I feel like I'm wearing
a baby's onesie!
668
00:38:06,949 --> 00:38:10,086
Deal with it. Aren't you guys supposed
to be some kind of superhero thing?
669
00:38:10,119 --> 00:38:11,354
Laser Squad?
670
00:38:11,355 --> 00:38:12,588
It's Lazer Team!
671
00:38:12,621 --> 00:38:14,006
Why the hell are we
Lazer Team?
672
00:38:14,007 --> 00:38:15,391
Because I have a laser!
673
00:38:15,425 --> 00:38:16,660
But the rest of us don't.
674
00:38:16,661 --> 00:38:17,894
Right, you're the team part.
675
00:38:17,927 --> 00:38:19,479
Screw that! Boot Group!
676
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,030
"Helmet Boy and Friends"?
677
00:38:21,063 --> 00:38:24,434
I think we should be "The Marvelous
Shield". Now hear me out on this...
678
00:38:24,467 --> 00:38:26,803
- God, that's lame.
- You come up with something better!
679
00:38:26,836 --> 00:38:28,822
I did, "Lazer Team"!
680
00:38:28,823 --> 00:38:30,807
Nobody cares
about your stupid name!
681
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:32,809
Can we focus
on what we're here for?
682
00:38:32,842 --> 00:38:35,045
Which is
to save the planet.
683
00:38:35,077 --> 00:38:37,980
Now, the most important
thing to keep in mind is
684
00:38:38,014 --> 00:38:41,585
when that first wave
comes out...
685
00:38:41,617 --> 00:38:44,922
Zachary, do not react. I'm
talking to you telepathically.
686
00:38:44,954 --> 00:38:47,023
Are you really?
That's badass!
687
00:38:47,056 --> 00:38:49,659
Shut up and listen!
688
00:38:49,693 --> 00:38:51,862
Now, during the first wave...
689
00:38:51,894 --> 00:38:54,498
Don't panic. I'm talking
to all of you right now.
690
00:38:54,530 --> 00:38:57,134
This is weird.
691
00:38:57,166 --> 00:39:01,804
My helmet's abilities are growing as
they adjust to me, but this is all new.
692
00:39:01,838 --> 00:39:04,675
I've made this place
so we can talk mentally.
693
00:39:04,708 --> 00:39:08,144
I'm not sure how long I can do it, but
I need to tell you guys something,
694
00:39:08,177 --> 00:39:10,079
so everyone concentrate.
695
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,981
Yeah, everybody concentrate.
696
00:39:12,014 --> 00:39:14,551
Nobody think about
anything weird.
697
00:39:15,085 --> 00:39:17,088
Are you thinking
about... you know.
698
00:39:17,621 --> 00:39:19,456
- No.
- Yeah, you are!
699
00:39:19,489 --> 00:39:21,458
We can see you
thinking about it!
700
00:39:21,490 --> 00:39:23,092
Now you are too!
701
00:39:23,126 --> 00:39:24,461
You made me think it!
702
00:39:24,462 --> 00:39:25,796
I can't stop it, either.
703
00:39:25,829 --> 00:39:27,865
Guys, I overheard
a conversation.
704
00:39:27,898 --> 00:39:29,800
Adam wants to sabotage us.
705
00:39:29,833 --> 00:39:31,135
He wants the pieces for himself.
706
00:39:31,168 --> 00:39:33,137
If we don't pass
the tests today,
707
00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:35,773
they're gonna cut the pieces
off. Just pay attention!
708
00:39:35,806 --> 00:39:37,875
I'll stop thinking about it!
709
00:39:37,907 --> 00:39:40,110
Just let me come up with
something else. I got it.
710
00:39:40,143 --> 00:39:41,545
You gotta be...
711
00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:42,947
Hi, Daddy.
712
00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:45,983
...which is why
the Dark Matter Ray may be
713
00:39:46,016 --> 00:39:48,485
the only thing strong
enough to defeat the Worg.
714
00:39:48,518 --> 00:39:50,487
Let's try it.
Just remember what I said
715
00:39:50,519 --> 00:39:52,989
and you should be fine.
Ready?
716
00:39:55,025 --> 00:39:56,460
Begin.
717
00:39:56,461 --> 00:39:57,894
Come here, you son of a bitch!
718
00:40:03,199 --> 00:40:05,501
Throw them
back in their cells.
719
00:40:05,534 --> 00:40:09,005
Yo, man! Why you
doing me like this?
720
00:40:09,039 --> 00:40:11,175
Why you guys
got me like this?
721
00:40:14,210 --> 00:40:16,446
Well, that can't have
helped our chances.
722
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,548
Don't worry,
we'll be fine!
723
00:40:18,581 --> 00:40:21,150
Fine? According to Woody, we are
literally on the chopping block.
724
00:40:21,184 --> 00:40:24,488
I wouldn't be surprised if somebody came
in here any minute now and took us away.
725
00:40:24,521 --> 00:40:27,691
You're being ridiculous. They
need us! There's no way...
726
00:40:27,724 --> 00:40:31,695
Hey, are you guys...
the Champion of Earth?
727
00:40:31,728 --> 00:40:34,530
Yeah.
728
00:40:34,563 --> 00:40:36,567
We're as close
as you're gonna get.
729
00:40:36,599 --> 00:40:39,869
Okay, well...
It's time for your...
730
00:40:39,902 --> 00:40:42,805
Jesus.
731
00:40:42,838 --> 00:40:45,074
Your physical.
732
00:40:47,911 --> 00:40:49,980
You were saying?
733
00:40:51,914 --> 00:40:54,050
Dr. Flannigan to the O.R.,
please.
734
00:40:54,083 --> 00:40:56,586
Dr. Flannigan to the O.R.
735
00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:05,795
All right. Patient number one,
step right through here.
736
00:41:05,829 --> 00:41:07,698
Don't worry, Woody.
You'll be okay.
737
00:41:07,731 --> 00:41:09,567
Patient number two,
right there.
738
00:41:11,601 --> 00:41:14,905
Patients number three and
four, right this way, please.
739
00:41:14,938 --> 00:41:16,339
In here?
740
00:41:16,340 --> 00:41:17,740
We're together?
741
00:41:20,777 --> 00:41:23,112
I ain't going in there.
742
00:41:33,188 --> 00:41:36,025
Hey, man! Hey!
743
00:41:36,559 --> 00:41:39,695
Hey, man, you a good doctor or
you one of them crazy doctors?
744
00:41:39,728 --> 00:41:42,698
You a bad doctor.
745
00:41:42,731 --> 00:41:44,701
We were told
this was just a physical.
746
00:41:44,733 --> 00:41:46,702
We don't actually need
these restraints, do we?
747
00:41:46,735 --> 00:41:48,873
It's for your own safety.
748
00:41:50,739 --> 00:41:53,042
Well, that didn't make me
feel very safe.
749
00:41:53,909 --> 00:41:57,079
Hagan! I gotta
tell you something.
750
00:41:57,112 --> 00:42:00,583
I just want you to know
I've always hated you!
751
00:42:00,617 --> 00:42:02,219
I've always hated you
the most!
752
00:42:02,251 --> 00:42:03,569
Not now, Herman!
753
00:42:03,570 --> 00:42:04,887
This all your fault!
754
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,890
If you would've just leave me and Woody
alone, none of this would've ever happened!
755
00:42:07,923 --> 00:42:10,860
But no, you had to take my ass
on a space adventure!
756
00:42:10,893 --> 00:42:13,696
Now they gonna cut my legs
off! I'll be two feet shorter.
757
00:42:13,730 --> 00:42:16,099
You, sir, are a bitch!
758
00:42:16,132 --> 00:42:19,670
Herman, you just need...
759
00:42:19,702 --> 00:42:22,072
to shut the hell up!
760
00:42:24,641 --> 00:42:26,076
Sorry.
761
00:42:26,108 --> 00:42:28,110
I saw the whole thing.
That was self-defense.
762
00:42:28,143 --> 00:42:30,279
I can't believe I'm gonna say
this, but good job, Hagan!
763
00:42:30,313 --> 00:42:34,617
Come on, get me now! Get me!
764
00:42:34,650 --> 00:42:36,353
- Hold still.
- No, you don't need that!
765
00:42:36,385 --> 00:42:38,355
- Just unbuckle me!
- No, there's no time.
766
00:42:38,387 --> 00:42:40,356
There was time to unbuckle...!
767
00:42:40,389 --> 00:42:44,327
Aahhh!!!
768
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:48,130
I think I need a new gown.
769
00:42:48,164 --> 00:42:52,102
Nah, you're fine. Here. Get
dressed. Let's go find Woody.
770
00:42:52,135 --> 00:42:54,104
And the kid!
771
00:42:54,137 --> 00:42:56,640
Let's not get
too far ahead of ourselves.
772
00:42:56,672 --> 00:43:00,810
Okay, so we get a cab, take her back
to the trailer park, all right?
773
00:43:00,844 --> 00:43:04,114
One thing leads to another, we end
up on my water bed making out.
774
00:43:04,146 --> 00:43:07,650
Pretty great. Take her top
off, wouldn't you believe it,
775
00:43:07,684 --> 00:43:11,121
she had a tattoo of Adolf
Hitler on her left boob,
776
00:43:11,153 --> 00:43:14,157
and another one of Joseph
Stalin on her right.
777
00:43:14,190 --> 00:43:16,193
Dr. Marquee
to the Psychiatric Ward.
778
00:43:16,860 --> 00:43:19,195
Dr. Marquee
to the Psychiatric Ward.
779
00:43:19,228 --> 00:43:22,665
Aahhh!!!
780
00:43:22,699 --> 00:43:24,334
Hey, hey, hey!
781
00:43:24,335 --> 00:43:25,969
Get your pants on!
782
00:43:26,001 --> 00:43:27,938
Hey, kid, you free?
783
00:43:27,971 --> 00:43:31,141
Yeah. I used the laser
gun to get my cuffs off.
784
00:43:31,173 --> 00:43:33,309
Where's your orderly?
785
00:43:33,342 --> 00:43:36,846
Yeah, he went away
someplace.
786
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,365
What's that dust?
787
00:43:38,366 --> 00:43:39,849
Nobody.
788
00:43:39,882 --> 00:43:42,318
I mean... nothing.
789
00:43:46,021 --> 00:43:47,223
This is never gonna work.
790
00:43:47,224 --> 00:43:48,424
Slow down, y'all!
791
00:43:48,458 --> 00:43:49,592
Push with two hands!
792
00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:50,726
I only have one hand!
793
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:54,264
- I only have one hand, too!
- Your other hand's inside that freakin' hand!
794
00:43:56,266 --> 00:43:59,068
What is this?
795
00:43:59,101 --> 00:44:01,003
This is one of the spacesuit guys.
Yeah, he just keeled over and died.
796
00:44:01,036 --> 00:44:03,839
The really fat gross one just shit
himself and then just collapsed.
797
00:44:03,873 --> 00:44:05,842
Yeah, I would've been
embarrassed to die that way,
798
00:44:05,875 --> 00:44:07,844
- just fat and covered in your own crap.
- Absolutely.
799
00:44:07,876 --> 00:44:10,279
It's disgusting. You can
take a look if you want to,
800
00:44:10,313 --> 00:44:12,315
as long as you don't mind lots of
shit and grossness on a big fat body.
801
00:44:12,347 --> 00:44:13,582
We'll pass. Move along.
802
00:44:13,583 --> 00:44:14,817
You sure?
803
00:44:14,851 --> 00:44:16,470
You can dive in there.
804
00:44:16,471 --> 00:44:18,088
Move along! Get out!
805
00:44:18,121 --> 00:44:19,423
Thanks, fellas. Good work.
806
00:44:19,424 --> 00:44:20,724
God bless America.
807
00:44:20,757 --> 00:44:22,726
What has happened
to Boot Group, man?
808
00:44:22,759 --> 00:44:24,427
Shut up!
809
00:44:30,432 --> 00:44:34,403
Don't worry,
this won't hurt a bit.
810
00:44:34,436 --> 00:44:37,740
Aahhh!!! Aahhh...
811
00:44:37,773 --> 00:44:39,710
Woody, get up! We need...
812
00:44:39,742 --> 00:44:42,378
My God!
They took his head!
813
00:44:42,411 --> 00:44:44,480
Hey, guys.
814
00:44:44,514 --> 00:44:46,717
Aahhh!!!
815
00:44:47,817 --> 00:44:50,920
Kill it! Kill it!
My God, they took my arm!
816
00:44:50,954 --> 00:44:53,056
How am I just noticing this!
817
00:44:53,088 --> 00:44:54,557
Aahhh!!!
818
00:44:54,558 --> 00:44:56,025
Why? Why?
819
00:44:56,059 --> 00:44:58,062
Aahhh!!!
820
00:44:58,260 --> 00:45:01,063
Guys, relax, it's fine.
821
00:45:01,097 --> 00:45:04,267
Seems Stealth Mode isn't entirely
effective when fractured.
822
00:45:04,300 --> 00:45:05,852
Is anyone hurt?
823
00:45:05,853 --> 00:45:07,403
I'm fine.
824
00:45:07,436 --> 00:45:09,739
I'm a hundred percent.
825
00:45:09,740 --> 00:45:12,041
Yeah, I'm good.
826
00:45:12,074 --> 00:45:15,244
Hey, thanks. I'm good, too.
827
00:45:15,277 --> 00:45:17,279
All right, guys, hurry up.
828
00:45:17,313 --> 00:45:19,916
They're gonna figure out
we're gone any... second.
829
00:45:19,949 --> 00:45:22,251
- Now what!
- Don't worry, I know the way.
830
00:45:24,119 --> 00:45:27,056
Okay, this should be
the quickest way out!
831
00:45:27,090 --> 00:45:29,192
Bollocks!
832
00:45:29,224 --> 00:45:32,061
Woody, can you put a computer
hack on the mainframe?
833
00:45:32,094 --> 00:45:34,130
Screw that! I'll just
blast it at full power.
834
00:45:45,108 --> 00:45:49,211
Great job, kid. You hit
everything but the goddamn door.
835
00:45:49,244 --> 00:45:51,213
What the hell's
this door made of?
836
00:45:53,849 --> 00:45:55,018
Where you going?
837
00:45:57,019 --> 00:45:58,070
Give me my suit.
838
00:45:58,071 --> 00:45:59,121
You can have the suit!
839
00:45:59,155 --> 00:46:01,825
Ain't nobody wants your suit!
Boots, do something!
840
00:46:03,159 --> 00:46:05,195
All right...
841
00:46:05,228 --> 00:46:07,831
You're just wasting time!
842
00:46:07,864 --> 00:46:10,132
That's
quite impressive.
843
00:46:10,166 --> 00:46:12,169
Whoaaa!!!
844
00:46:12,202 --> 00:46:15,572
Whaaa!!!
845
00:46:17,873 --> 00:46:21,244
Hey,
you wanna give me a hand?
846
00:46:24,347 --> 00:46:25,849
Thanks.
847
00:46:25,850 --> 00:46:27,351
Everyone join together.
848
00:46:36,525 --> 00:46:39,161
What?
849
00:46:39,195 --> 00:46:41,597
How are you doing this?
850
00:46:41,630 --> 00:46:44,333
You're not supposed to be able
to do that with the shield.
851
00:46:44,367 --> 00:46:45,986
Guess we're working together.
852
00:46:45,987 --> 00:46:47,604
Teamwork and shit!
853
00:46:47,637 --> 00:46:50,340
You're not a team!
You're a joke!
854
00:46:50,373 --> 00:46:53,043
You idiots think
you can save the planet?
855
00:46:53,076 --> 00:46:57,014
The only champion
this planet has is me!
856
00:47:01,451 --> 00:47:04,588
That's what you get for
messing with Lazer Team, bitch!
857
00:47:04,621 --> 00:47:08,525
All right! Great job, Zach!
Good work, everybody. Let's...
858
00:47:08,557 --> 00:47:11,228
...All right, let's go.
859
00:47:12,394 --> 00:47:14,197
Zach!
860
00:47:14,230 --> 00:47:15,932
Crap!
861
00:47:20,235 --> 00:47:22,239
Find them.
862
00:47:24,974 --> 00:47:28,411
Attention all soldiers. The
Perseus Project has escaped.
863
00:47:28,443 --> 00:47:30,380
I repeat,
Lazer Team is on the loose,
864
00:47:30,413 --> 00:47:33,115
and they're considered
armed and dangerous.
865
00:47:34,617 --> 00:47:37,487
Shit! They're everywhere!
We'll never get past them all!
866
00:47:37,519 --> 00:47:39,389
Speak for yourself.
867
00:47:39,422 --> 00:47:41,391
Hey, isn't Woody supposed
to be like MacGyver now?
868
00:47:41,423 --> 00:47:43,393
Just build us a hovercraft out
of paper clips or some shit.
869
00:47:43,425 --> 00:47:46,195
Does anyone remember
where we left that gurney?
870
00:48:07,617 --> 00:48:10,954
And that cat tells the baby,
"What? No you didn't!"
871
00:48:10,987 --> 00:48:16,593
Cat nap? More like
cat "snap!" Am I right
872
00:48:16,626 --> 00:48:19,095
Web Bomb.
873
00:48:19,128 --> 00:48:21,264
Now, I know you people approve of
these four fools on the Internet
874
00:48:21,297 --> 00:48:23,565
calling themselves
"Lazer Team".
875
00:48:23,599 --> 00:48:26,303
They're on Facebook, they're on
Instagram, they're on Snapchat,
876
00:48:26,335 --> 00:48:30,606
and, Jimmy Kimmel, I know it's
you, man! Come on, quit playin'!
877
00:48:30,639 --> 00:48:34,443
I ain't no fool!
Fool me once, shame on me.
878
00:48:34,476 --> 00:48:37,280
Fool me twice,
shame on Jimmy Kimmel!
879
00:48:39,181 --> 00:48:42,618
Are you Mindy Hagan? We'd like
to ask you some questions.
880
00:48:46,655 --> 00:48:49,625
All right, we can hide out here,
but don't touch anything.
881
00:48:49,659 --> 00:48:52,662
It's my ex-wife's cabin.
If you break something,
882
00:48:52,695 --> 00:48:54,664
I'd hate to have
to pay for this place twice.
883
00:48:54,697 --> 00:48:57,166
God, it's like a Hobby
Lobby threw up in here.
884
00:48:57,199 --> 00:49:00,002
Yeah, man, is this your ex-wife's
place or your grandma's?
885
00:49:00,036 --> 00:49:02,005
Let's just say
she has very classical taste.
886
00:49:02,038 --> 00:49:06,175
This is Mindy's mom?
Nice. I see where she gets it.
887
00:49:06,208 --> 00:49:08,644
Put it down! Now!
888
00:49:08,677 --> 00:49:11,480
Guys, if this countdown
is correct,
889
00:49:11,514 --> 00:49:15,184
this alien Worgle thing
is gonna be here in two days!
890
00:49:15,217 --> 00:49:18,320
Right! So we just chill out here,
let this whole thing blow over.
891
00:49:18,353 --> 00:49:20,589
Blow over?
That's not what we're doing.
892
00:49:20,623 --> 00:49:22,108
It's not?
893
00:49:22,109 --> 00:49:23,592
No!
894
00:49:23,626 --> 00:49:25,495
Statistically, the best option for the
planet was to let the military amputate.
895
00:49:25,527 --> 00:49:28,664
A choice I found disagreeable, given
my zero percent survival rate.
896
00:49:28,697 --> 00:49:31,667
Well, not zero. Zero would be the absolute
certainty that I wouldn't survive,
897
00:49:31,701 --> 00:49:34,237
when naturally there is an
infinitesimally small chance I might...
898
00:49:34,269 --> 00:49:35,304
Woody.
899
00:49:35,305 --> 00:49:36,338
Sorry.
900
00:49:36,371 --> 00:49:39,408
Let the government handle this.
That's why we vote for them.
901
00:49:39,442 --> 00:49:40,944
You don't vote, Herman.
902
00:49:40,945 --> 00:49:42,445
It's a figure of speech!
903
00:49:42,478 --> 00:49:45,215
Guys, we took
their Suit of Power.
904
00:49:45,248 --> 00:49:48,018
We're morally obligated
to do something.
905
00:49:48,050 --> 00:49:51,587
Don't lecture me! Only reason we're in
this predicament is because of you!
906
00:49:51,621 --> 00:49:55,090
Man, only reason I'm in this
bullshit little town, you!
907
00:50:03,099 --> 00:50:06,036
Zachary, is that you?
908
00:50:06,068 --> 00:50:09,438
Yeah. Damn, Mindy, you look
good! Is that cheetah print?
909
00:50:09,472 --> 00:50:11,574
It is an Earth leopard.
Thank you.
910
00:50:11,606 --> 00:50:14,811
Do you still possess the
Particle Acceleration Gauntlet?
911
00:50:14,844 --> 00:50:19,081
What, the laser gun? Hell yeah.
You like that, baby?
912
00:50:19,114 --> 00:50:21,150
I like that very much.
913
00:50:21,184 --> 00:50:23,720
What is your location?
So we can meet and then mate.
914
00:50:23,753 --> 00:50:24,921
Are you serious?
915
00:50:24,922 --> 00:50:26,088
Absolutely.
916
00:50:26,121 --> 00:50:29,391
It is important that we do that.
But first we must meet.
917
00:50:29,425 --> 00:50:32,095
We're just hanging out
at your mom's old cabin.
918
00:50:32,128 --> 00:50:33,663
I should be there soon.
919
00:50:33,695 --> 00:50:38,268
I'm excited and plan to be
very fertile upon arrival.
920
00:50:39,434 --> 00:50:42,105
Yes!
921
00:50:42,137 --> 00:50:44,240
I love this thing!
922
00:50:51,114 --> 00:50:53,583
Attention all units.
The Perseus Project is loose
923
00:50:53,615 --> 00:50:57,119
and they're considered armed and
dangerous, so proceed with caution.
924
00:50:57,152 --> 00:51:00,756
Please keep your head on a...
Shit.
925
00:51:00,789 --> 00:51:04,094
My boss is here.
Guys, I gotta call you back.
926
00:51:05,628 --> 00:51:08,765
General Cale.
I wasn't expecting you.
927
00:51:08,797 --> 00:51:11,600
Emory, we appreciate your
dedication to this project,
928
00:51:11,634 --> 00:51:13,869
but we're moving ahead
with the contingency plan.
929
00:51:13,902 --> 00:51:16,538
General, I appreciate that,
but I have the utmost confidence
930
00:51:16,572 --> 00:51:20,543
that we're gonna be able
to get this thing under control.
931
00:51:20,576 --> 00:51:22,811
I feel that
once the Lazer Team...
932
00:51:22,844 --> 00:51:25,781
What did you
just call them?
933
00:51:25,815 --> 00:51:29,452
I meant the prisoners.
Once apprehended...
934
00:51:29,485 --> 00:51:31,054
Enough!
935
00:51:31,055 --> 00:51:32,622
Sir.
936
00:51:32,655 --> 00:51:35,792
Bill! We need to try
fighting this alien first,
937
00:51:35,824 --> 00:51:40,362
before we launch a nuclear weapon
that just kills millions of people!
938
00:51:40,396 --> 00:51:44,901
Prepare the nuke.
We've got a planet to save.
939
00:51:44,934 --> 00:51:48,171
And more importantly,
a nation.
940
00:51:59,949 --> 00:52:01,801
Dude, what's his problem?
941
00:52:01,802 --> 00:52:03,653
Who, Herman?
942
00:52:03,686 --> 00:52:07,356
Yeah. He acts like Half-ass Hagan's the
worst thing that's ever happened to him.
943
00:52:07,389 --> 00:52:09,658
But they must've been friends
at some point. Look.
944
00:52:09,692 --> 00:52:12,327
Yeah. Herman doesn't really
ever talk about it.
945
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,129
It's complicated.
946
00:52:14,130 --> 00:52:15,898
Complicated? Like gay?
947
00:52:15,931 --> 00:52:18,200
No. Why would you
assume gay?
948
00:52:18,233 --> 00:52:20,502
Well, you paused.
Seemed like a gay pause.
949
00:52:20,536 --> 00:52:22,672
What's a gay pause?
It was a regular pause.
950
00:52:22,704 --> 00:52:24,673
Whatever. I'm gonna
find out what happened.
951
00:52:27,710 --> 00:52:29,746
No, don't get up, guys.
952
00:52:29,778 --> 00:52:32,315
Just somebody knocking on the
door of our secret hideout.
953
00:52:33,548 --> 00:52:34,700
Mindy!
954
00:52:34,701 --> 00:52:35,851
Hello, Father.
955
00:52:35,885 --> 00:52:37,637
How did you find us?
956
00:52:37,638 --> 00:52:39,389
I communicated with Zachary.
957
00:52:39,422 --> 00:52:40,657
Really?
958
00:52:40,690 --> 00:52:43,193
He's one
of the Earth Champions.
959
00:52:43,226 --> 00:52:45,228
That was a really formal
way of saying that.
960
00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:47,230
I purchased food
as a form of distraction.
961
00:52:47,262 --> 00:52:50,500
Food! My God! Thank you,
I'm starving! Come on in.
962
00:52:53,568 --> 00:52:55,704
Thank you so much.
963
00:52:55,737 --> 00:52:57,222
Hey, Mindy.
964
00:52:57,223 --> 00:52:58,707
Hello, Zachary.
965
00:52:58,740 --> 00:53:02,512
Y'all eating in here?
All right!
966
00:53:02,545 --> 00:53:07,282
I hate to interrupt, but may I
have a moment in private with you?
967
00:53:07,315 --> 00:53:10,652
...yeah. Sure.
968
00:53:10,686 --> 00:53:13,556
It's best for us to be alone
so that no one can monitor
969
00:53:13,588 --> 00:53:17,860
things I'm going
to say and do to you.
970
00:53:17,893 --> 00:53:20,429
Where your daughter at?
971
00:53:20,463 --> 00:53:23,432
Before we do this,
I have to tell you something.
972
00:53:23,465 --> 00:53:25,902
I know you think I'm like
a stud, and I am,
973
00:53:25,934 --> 00:53:29,438
but I've never actually
been with a girl.
974
00:53:29,472 --> 00:53:31,740
But I totally practice
on myself all the time,
975
00:53:31,773 --> 00:53:34,543
and I'm pretty sure
that counts.
976
00:53:34,577 --> 00:53:37,447
And it's not that I don't want to
bang you, I mean, I absolutely do.
977
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,451
But I also like you. Maybe
those are connected somehow.
978
00:53:41,483 --> 00:53:43,920
I don't know.
Does that make sense?
979
00:53:48,623 --> 00:53:50,426
Thank you, God.
980
00:53:53,963 --> 00:53:56,599
What the hell?
981
00:53:56,632 --> 00:54:00,003
Have you been working out?
982
00:54:06,442 --> 00:54:09,846
Give it to me.
Give it to me now!
983
00:54:12,347 --> 00:54:14,951
You like it rough?
984
00:54:14,983 --> 00:54:16,920
Too rough! Too rough!
985
00:54:18,621 --> 00:54:21,358
Jesus, Mindy!
986
00:54:22,557 --> 00:54:23,926
What do you want?
987
00:54:23,927 --> 00:54:25,295
I want what you have.
988
00:54:28,797 --> 00:54:31,500
Give it to me, Zachary!
Or I'll rip it off!
989
00:54:31,534 --> 00:54:33,936
Are you serious?
990
00:54:33,969 --> 00:54:36,639
Aahhh!!!!
991
00:54:36,672 --> 00:54:38,407
Zachary?
992
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:41,510
All right, maybe we should
just be friends!
993
00:54:46,349 --> 00:54:49,751
Now he's a happy little tree. He was
sad till we put some leaves on him.
994
00:54:49,784 --> 00:54:51,788
But in our world,
everything's happy.
995
00:54:57,592 --> 00:54:59,661
Clouds are one of the freest
things in nature.
996
00:54:59,695 --> 00:55:02,565
Hey, man, look. I don't like
you, but this is embarrassing.
997
00:55:05,067 --> 00:55:08,737
Damnit, Mindy!
998
00:55:08,771 --> 00:55:10,740
Your grandkid
gonna come out half laser.
999
00:55:10,773 --> 00:55:13,843
All right. That's it.
I can't take it anymore.
1000
00:55:13,876 --> 00:55:14,911
Mindy!
1001
00:55:14,943 --> 00:55:16,612
Jesus!
1002
00:55:16,644 --> 00:55:19,548
God, no, I'm gonna throw up!
My God! No, no, no!
1003
00:55:19,581 --> 00:55:21,550
Mindy?
1004
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:28,057
Mindy, honey, are you okay?
What did you do to her?
1005
00:55:28,090 --> 00:55:30,693
Y'alls relationship is complicated.
What you need to do is talk it out.
1006
00:55:30,726 --> 00:55:33,829
Herman, look out!!
1007
00:55:36,398 --> 00:55:38,835
Zach, no! Don't lay
a hand on my...
1008
00:55:38,867 --> 00:55:40,570
daughter.
1009
00:55:40,603 --> 00:55:42,405
Mindy, no, no, no, wait!
1010
00:55:51,914 --> 00:55:55,985
Aahhh!! Oohhh!!
1011
00:55:56,018 --> 00:55:58,487
Woody!
1012
00:55:58,521 --> 00:56:02,392
Aahhh!!!
1013
00:56:06,094 --> 00:56:08,463
Hey, hey, hey!
1014
00:56:08,496 --> 00:56:10,132
Hey, hey!
No, no, no, no!
1015
00:56:10,166 --> 00:56:11,584
Zach, don't hurt her!
1016
00:56:11,585 --> 00:56:13,001
She's gone crazy!
1017
00:56:13,034 --> 00:56:16,505
She's possessed, Zach!
That thing on her neck!
1018
00:56:20,708 --> 00:56:22,744
Herman, use the tape!
1019
00:56:22,777 --> 00:56:25,614
Screw that! Nobody
possesses my girlfriend!
1020
00:56:29,485 --> 00:56:31,621
I'm your girlfriend?
1021
00:56:31,622 --> 00:56:33,756
Well, yeah...
1022
00:56:33,789 --> 00:56:35,792
Yeah, that's my girl!
1023
00:56:36,025 --> 00:56:38,128
Herman, now!
1024
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:48,971
Mindy! I got her. Come on. We need
to get this thing off of her!
1025
00:56:49,003 --> 00:56:51,540
W-w-wait!
1026
00:56:51,574 --> 00:56:56,179
I am Woodrow, a Champion of
Earth. To whom are we speaking?
1027
00:56:56,211 --> 00:56:58,681
I know this device
is monitored.
1028
00:57:00,114 --> 00:57:02,951
This one is now
a servant of the Worg.
1029
00:57:02,985 --> 00:57:04,404
Those the bad guys.
1030
00:57:04,405 --> 00:57:05,822
Thanks for the update, Herman.
1031
00:57:05,855 --> 00:57:08,925
It is our planet or yours,
and it will be yours.
1032
00:57:08,958 --> 00:57:11,793
What are you talking about? We don't
want your planet! We just want peace!
1033
00:57:11,827 --> 00:57:14,697
The Loodels wanted peace.
Now they are nothing.
1034
00:57:14,730 --> 00:57:16,998
No, it doesn't have
to be like that! Nobody...
1035
00:57:17,032 --> 00:57:19,869
Zach, no!
1036
00:57:19,902 --> 00:57:22,905
What you do that for,
you bellhead!
1037
00:57:22,938 --> 00:57:24,606
To kill the alien bug thing that was making
my girlfriend like my ex-girlfriends!
1038
00:57:24,639 --> 00:57:26,675
We were negotiating with it!
You just destroyed
1039
00:57:26,708 --> 00:57:28,677
our means to communicate
with the Worg!
1040
00:57:28,710 --> 00:57:30,579
My bad.
1041
00:57:30,612 --> 00:57:33,682
Hey, why's that thing
making a beeping noise?
1042
00:57:33,715 --> 00:57:36,085
No! It's got
a self-destruct mechanism!
1043
00:57:36,117 --> 00:57:37,719
What do we do?
1044
00:57:39,021 --> 00:57:41,191
You guys get her out of here!
1045
00:57:43,858 --> 00:57:44,960
Go, go, go, go!
1046
00:57:49,597 --> 00:57:50,666
I guess it's not gonna blow...
1047
00:57:57,206 --> 00:58:00,543
Aahhh!!!!
1048
00:58:06,215 --> 00:58:08,550
What took you so long,
Half-ass?
1049
00:58:08,583 --> 00:58:10,719
Hagan, you're alive!
1050
00:58:10,753 --> 00:58:13,588
Yeah, that's the bad news.
The good news
1051
00:58:13,621 --> 00:58:17,559
is you can spend the rest of your life earning
the money to buy your ex a new house!
1052
00:58:17,592 --> 00:58:19,761
Daddy, what are you doing here?
1053
00:58:19,795 --> 00:58:23,266
Wait... what am I doing here?
1054
00:58:33,641 --> 00:58:36,745
Those headlights?
The military!
1055
00:58:36,778 --> 00:58:40,048
No, guys? Those soldiers are
possessed by Worg parasites, too!
1056
00:58:40,081 --> 00:58:41,951
They're trying to sabotage us!
1057
00:58:41,983 --> 00:58:44,219
Everybody, get in the truck!
Now!
1058
00:58:44,253 --> 00:58:46,623
Mindy, come on! Go!
1059
00:58:48,090 --> 00:58:51,093
Go! Come on!
1060
00:58:51,126 --> 00:58:53,897
Somebody's gonna have
to get out and push!
1061
00:58:56,097 --> 00:58:58,584
Screw you guys!
1062
00:58:58,585 --> 00:59:01,070
Go, go, go!
1063
00:59:01,103 --> 00:59:02,972
Boot Group!
1064
00:59:06,608 --> 00:59:08,260
Herman, you're doing it!
1065
00:59:08,261 --> 00:59:09,911
No shit I'm doing it!
1066
00:59:09,945 --> 00:59:12,014
Faster, Herman!
They're gaining on us!
1067
00:59:12,047 --> 00:59:14,617
I'm pushing a truck, man!
1068
00:59:14,650 --> 00:59:17,619
What the hell is going on!
1069
00:59:17,652 --> 00:59:20,255
No time to explain! You were
possessed by an alien probe,
1070
00:59:20,289 --> 00:59:22,625
and now we're being
chased by four soldiers
1071
00:59:22,657 --> 00:59:24,726
who also appear to have been
possessed in the same way!
1072
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:26,829
I guess there was
time to explain.
1073
00:59:28,230 --> 00:59:30,932
Faster, Herman!
Use those power thighs!
1074
00:59:30,965 --> 00:59:32,467
Faster, fat-ass!
1075
00:59:32,468 --> 00:59:33,969
Man, you get out and push!
1076
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,092
Board the truck!
1077
00:59:39,093 --> 00:59:40,343
They're coming up on our ass!
1078
00:59:40,376 --> 00:59:42,678
Herman, I'm coming!
1079
00:59:42,710 --> 00:59:43,612
Take them out!
1080
00:59:45,146 --> 00:59:46,882
No, wait! Maybe we can...
1081
00:59:50,853 --> 00:59:52,021
Yeah!
1082
00:59:53,989 --> 00:59:56,358
Hey, dickhead! Knock-knock!
1083
00:59:56,391 --> 00:59:59,194
Hagan, there's a low-hanging
obstacle you should look out for!
1084
00:59:59,228 --> 01:00:01,896
What did you say?
1085
01:00:01,929 --> 01:00:02,931
Never mind!
1086
01:00:02,932 --> 01:00:03,932
Yeah!
1087
01:00:04,166 --> 01:00:07,670
Kill them all!
1088
01:00:09,438 --> 01:00:10,790
Goddamnit!
1089
01:00:10,791 --> 01:00:12,141
I think we've agitated them!
1090
01:00:16,077 --> 01:00:19,882
Destroy the truck!
1091
01:00:19,914 --> 01:00:21,416
Get them, Zachary!
1092
01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:22,918
I got this!
1093
01:00:22,951 --> 01:00:24,403
Down, Herman!
1094
01:00:24,404 --> 01:00:25,855
Don't miss! Don't miss!
1095
01:00:25,887 --> 01:00:28,290
Don't move!
1096
01:00:30,358 --> 01:00:32,862
Bloody hell!
You missed them!
1097
01:00:38,032 --> 01:00:41,036
Never mind. Good job.
1098
01:00:41,070 --> 01:00:42,505
Great job, kid!
1099
01:00:42,506 --> 01:00:43,939
Yeah!
1100
01:00:43,972 --> 01:00:45,975
Take that
you sons of bitches!
1101
01:00:47,943 --> 01:00:49,912
Two million views and counting.
1102
01:00:49,945 --> 01:00:54,350
Damnit! What the hell is it with
these kids and the Internet?
1103
01:00:54,382 --> 01:00:57,018
They were actually
working together.
1104
01:00:57,052 --> 01:00:59,889
It's unbelievable.
1105
01:00:59,922 --> 01:01:03,226
You guys wanna see a video
of a guy eating a tennis shoe?
1106
01:01:04,827 --> 01:01:07,897
Keep going, Herman.
Good job, Herman. Yes!
1107
01:01:07,929 --> 01:01:10,899
Just keep pushing.
Just a little bit further.
1108
01:01:10,932 --> 01:01:13,902
Keep it coming. Just a
little... Okay. All right.
1109
01:01:13,936 --> 01:01:16,204
Wait. Our high school? Woody, what
the hell's the matter with you?
1110
01:01:16,237 --> 01:01:18,206
Why not just
steer us towards prison?
1111
01:01:18,239 --> 01:01:20,208
Guys, I'm picking up
a transmission.
1112
01:01:20,242 --> 01:01:22,245
You all should hear this.
1113
01:01:23,778 --> 01:01:25,380
- In here.
- Wait!
1114
01:01:25,414 --> 01:01:27,383
We have a computer lab
at the school?
1115
01:01:27,416 --> 01:01:29,385
Nerds must love this place!
1116
01:01:29,418 --> 01:01:32,054
Don't you go to school here?
1117
01:01:32,086 --> 01:01:35,056
You are looking live
at Milford, Texas.
1118
01:01:35,090 --> 01:01:37,927
This is truly
a landmark event, Janine.
1119
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,230
The craft descended
only a few minutes ago,
1120
01:01:41,262 --> 01:01:45,800
but already has altered the
course of human history forever.
1121
01:01:45,833 --> 01:01:47,936
And to anyone
who's ever wondered,
1122
01:01:47,969 --> 01:01:50,806
are we alone in the universe?
1123
01:01:52,106 --> 01:01:54,777
There's your answer.
1124
01:01:54,809 --> 01:01:56,778
Man, look at the size
of that thing!
1125
01:01:58,280 --> 01:02:00,249
Janine,
something is happening.
1126
01:02:00,282 --> 01:02:02,952
It appears the ship
has beamed something down.
1127
01:02:02,985 --> 01:02:05,021
It's some sort of force field.
1128
01:02:11,994 --> 01:02:17,298
Earth mongrels, the battle for
your world will soon begin.
1129
01:02:17,331 --> 01:02:20,835
Bring your pitiful champions
to the field of battle.
1130
01:02:20,869 --> 01:02:24,206
A failure to appear
will be considered forfeit,
1131
01:02:24,239 --> 01:02:27,842
followed by the destruction
of your entire planet.
1132
01:02:27,876 --> 01:02:31,147
You have 24 hours to comply.
1133
01:02:33,148 --> 01:02:37,887
We are Worg.
We are your destruction.
1134
01:02:44,159 --> 01:02:46,295
What a dick!
1135
01:02:46,327 --> 01:02:49,465
Don't worry, Mindy, we'll
do something. Right, guys?
1136
01:02:49,498 --> 01:02:51,534
Nuh-that's it for me.
I'm out.
1137
01:02:51,567 --> 01:02:54,570
You're out? Herman, the
whole planet's involved!
1138
01:02:54,603 --> 01:02:57,840
We've done this before,
Half-ass. You and me.
1139
01:02:57,873 --> 01:03:00,476
We know how this goes.
1140
01:03:03,878 --> 01:03:05,882
Done what?
1141
01:03:07,349 --> 01:03:10,853
It was 20 years ago,
State Championships.
1142
01:03:10,885 --> 01:03:13,154
They called me
the Texas Tornado.
1143
01:03:13,188 --> 01:03:15,157
I had a full
scholarship all set up.
1144
01:03:15,190 --> 01:03:18,226
We were 10 yards
from a perfect record.
1145
01:03:18,260 --> 01:03:20,229
Hut, hut!
1146
01:03:20,262 --> 01:03:23,065
Hagan had to block one guy.
1147
01:03:25,067 --> 01:03:28,137
He missed. I got blindsided.
1148
01:03:28,170 --> 01:03:32,041
Lost the championship,
and I never...
1149
01:03:32,074 --> 01:03:33,626
Your limp.
1150
01:03:33,627 --> 01:03:35,177
I lost everything!
1151
01:03:35,210 --> 01:03:38,947
My scholarship,
my future, my dream!
1152
01:03:38,981 --> 01:03:41,350
Because somebody who was
supposed to be my friend...
1153
01:03:41,382 --> 01:03:44,352
supposed to have my back,
wasn't there!
1154
01:03:44,385 --> 01:03:47,523
We weren't champions then, and we sure
as hell ain't gonna be champions now!
1155
01:03:47,556 --> 01:03:50,893
Amy wants to fight these things?
Man, I say let them.
1156
01:03:50,925 --> 01:03:54,529
I'm sitting this one out.
You can block for somebody else.
1157
01:03:54,563 --> 01:03:57,333
Don't you understand that we
have a second chance here?
1158
01:03:57,365 --> 01:04:00,068
You're not strong enough
to block with the shield!
1159
01:04:00,101 --> 01:04:02,070
It's gonna be a two-hit fight!
1160
01:04:02,103 --> 01:04:04,539
The Worg hits you,
you hit the ground!
1161
01:04:04,572 --> 01:04:06,608
Then he hits me
and I'm dead!
1162
01:04:06,641 --> 01:04:07,842
That's more than two hits.
1163
01:04:07,843 --> 01:04:09,043
Shut up, Woody!
1164
01:04:09,077 --> 01:04:12,915
Herman, I cannot change
what happened in the past.
1165
01:04:12,947 --> 01:04:15,384
All I can do is make
things better now.
1166
01:04:15,416 --> 01:04:20,989
No matter what comes your
way, I will block it.
1167
01:04:22,456 --> 01:04:24,559
What...!
1168
01:04:24,592 --> 01:04:27,195
Hey, nice block, asshole!
1169
01:04:27,228 --> 01:04:28,963
No! That is not my fault! I
didn't know we were starting!
1170
01:04:28,996 --> 01:04:31,266
Shut up! Damnit!
1171
01:04:37,239 --> 01:04:38,257
I'm out, bitch!
1172
01:04:38,258 --> 01:04:39,275
We'll be all right!
1173
01:04:39,307 --> 01:04:41,277
Just stick together!
1174
01:04:42,543 --> 01:04:44,179
Daddy!
1175
01:04:48,215 --> 01:04:50,886
Zach, make it!
1176
01:04:55,123 --> 01:04:56,659
Mindy, wait!
1177
01:04:59,126 --> 01:05:01,063
Why does everything
always explode?
1178
01:05:23,485 --> 01:05:26,121
Mindy?
1179
01:05:26,153 --> 01:05:28,257
Crap! It's this asshole.
1180
01:05:33,561 --> 01:05:36,097
Gotcha!
1181
01:05:36,130 --> 01:05:38,000
Shit!
1182
01:05:42,304 --> 01:05:44,273
Goddamnit, Woody!
1183
01:05:54,081 --> 01:05:56,585
Shit!
1184
01:05:58,420 --> 01:06:00,706
Come on.
1185
01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:02,992
Nice try... Champ.
1186
01:06:04,326 --> 01:06:05,977
Mindy!
1187
01:06:05,978 --> 01:06:07,628
Dickhead!
1188
01:06:07,661 --> 01:06:09,030
Run, run, run! Come on!
1189
01:06:13,735 --> 01:06:15,371
Don't look back!
1190
01:06:15,372 --> 01:06:17,006
Why would I look back?
1191
01:06:17,039 --> 01:06:18,541
Aahhh!!!
1192
01:06:22,677 --> 01:06:25,114
Aahhh!!!
1193
01:06:27,615 --> 01:06:29,485
Come on, come on, come on!
1194
01:06:38,159 --> 01:06:40,261
Aahhh!!!
1195
01:06:43,097 --> 01:06:45,500
Aahhh! Bugger me!
1196
01:07:00,282 --> 01:07:03,052
Yes!
1197
01:07:14,463 --> 01:07:16,665
Meant to do that, bitch!
1198
01:07:20,268 --> 01:07:23,139
No, wait. Mindy, Mindy,
stop, stop, stop.
1199
01:07:24,773 --> 01:07:27,443
Okay, we're good. Come on.
1200
01:07:27,476 --> 01:07:29,711
Wait, wait, wait!
1201
01:07:29,744 --> 01:07:31,163
We want the suit!
1202
01:07:31,164 --> 01:07:32,581
Just stop! Just let her go!
1203
01:07:32,614 --> 01:07:34,750
I want the suit!
1204
01:07:34,782 --> 01:07:36,351
Woody, where's Mindy?
1205
01:07:36,384 --> 01:07:38,586
- A possessed soldier has her.
- What? Where?
1206
01:07:38,619 --> 01:07:40,371
Is that Hagan?
1207
01:07:40,372 --> 01:07:42,123
Come on, I've got an idea.
1208
01:07:42,157 --> 01:07:43,759
I hate when you have ideas.
1209
01:07:43,791 --> 01:07:46,594
Just calm down. You don't
wanna do this, okay?
1210
01:07:46,628 --> 01:07:47,880
Between you and me, right?
1211
01:07:47,881 --> 01:07:49,131
We will destroy you
1212
01:07:49,164 --> 01:07:51,133
like we've destroyed
all the others.
1213
01:07:51,166 --> 01:07:53,602
Your species cannot compete
with Worg!
1214
01:07:53,635 --> 01:07:57,439
Hagan, listen to me. Raise
your shield. Zach has a shot.
1215
01:07:57,472 --> 01:07:58,674
I do?
1216
01:07:58,675 --> 01:07:59,875
Zach, don't shoot!
1217
01:07:59,907 --> 01:08:02,110
He has Mindy!
You'll hit her!
1218
01:08:02,143 --> 01:08:05,213
Tell your friends to come out,
and I won't make her suffer!
1219
01:08:05,246 --> 01:08:06,497
Raise the shield, Hagan.
1220
01:08:06,498 --> 01:08:07,748
What's going on?
1221
01:08:07,782 --> 01:08:09,217
No, I'm not doing it, Woody!
1222
01:08:09,218 --> 01:08:10,652
One.
1223
01:08:13,855 --> 01:08:15,007
Two.
1224
01:08:15,008 --> 01:08:16,158
Do not shoot.
1225
01:08:16,190 --> 01:08:17,827
Come on!
1226
01:08:20,561 --> 01:08:22,564
Three.
1227
01:08:23,832 --> 01:08:25,534
Hagan, now!
1228
01:08:38,212 --> 01:08:39,514
Hey, you owe me.
1229
01:08:39,515 --> 01:08:40,815
Herman, I said thank you.
1230
01:08:40,849 --> 01:08:42,818
- What else do you want from me?
- I want a case of beer,
1231
01:08:42,850 --> 01:08:44,652
A foot massage,
and another case of beer.
1232
01:08:44,685 --> 01:08:46,621
Mindy!
1233
01:08:49,690 --> 01:08:52,693
Get off me, fool!
Ain't nobody hugging you!
1234
01:08:52,726 --> 01:08:54,112
Everybody okay?
1235
01:08:54,113 --> 01:08:55,497
Shot the crap out of them.
1236
01:08:55,529 --> 01:08:58,166
Hey, everyone,
it's not over yet.
1237
01:08:58,199 --> 01:08:59,685
What now?
1238
01:08:59,686 --> 01:09:01,170
The military are coming.
1239
01:09:01,203 --> 01:09:03,772
Come on, we gotta move. Let's just get
out of town and find a place to lie low.
1240
01:09:03,805 --> 01:09:04,823
No.
1241
01:09:04,824 --> 01:09:05,841
No?
1242
01:09:05,873 --> 01:09:09,443
No, I'm not going.
I'm tired of making messes
1243
01:09:09,476 --> 01:09:11,680
and then just running away
from them!
1244
01:09:11,712 --> 01:09:14,550
So, if you guys wanna run,
you go ahead and run.
1245
01:09:14,582 --> 01:09:17,652
Okay, I get it. These guys,
they almost killed us.
1246
01:09:17,685 --> 01:09:19,688
And yes,
my teenage daughter
1247
01:09:19,720 --> 01:09:22,523
basically beat the shit out
of all four of us at once.
1248
01:09:22,556 --> 01:09:26,862
But, at the end of the day,
when this thing shows up,
1249
01:09:26,895 --> 01:09:31,533
if we're not there
to fight it, who's gonna be?
1250
01:09:31,565 --> 01:09:36,337
I'm staying.
Are you with me?
1251
01:09:58,460 --> 01:09:59,678
Where are the others?
1252
01:09:59,679 --> 01:10:00,895
They left.
1253
01:10:00,929 --> 01:10:03,297
I don't know where they
went, and I don't care.
1254
01:10:03,331 --> 01:10:05,734
You have no idea
how much damage you've done.
1255
01:10:05,766 --> 01:10:09,604
Just cut this thing off of me, give
it to somebody who deserves it.
1256
01:10:09,637 --> 01:10:12,373
Get him out of here.
1257
01:10:17,779 --> 01:10:20,916
Twenty minutes after the
so-called "Doomsday Broadcast",
1258
01:10:20,948 --> 01:10:23,751
police and National Guard units
have cordoned off the stadium
1259
01:10:23,784 --> 01:10:26,822
and are urging civilians
to stay clear.
1260
01:10:26,854 --> 01:10:29,023
Those that approached it
earlier, were unable to enter
1261
01:10:29,056 --> 01:10:32,260
due to what appears to be
some sort of force field.
1262
01:10:32,293 --> 01:10:34,930
Questions remain.
Who are these aliens?
1263
01:10:34,962 --> 01:10:38,466
What happens when the timer
at the stadium goes to zero?
1264
01:10:38,500 --> 01:10:41,270
And who are
the Champions of Earth?
1265
01:10:41,302 --> 01:10:44,773
Is it this Lazer Team that's been
making the rounds on social media?
1266
01:10:44,805 --> 01:10:49,777
Now joining us via satellite to discuss,
noted physicist Neil Degrasse Tyson.
1267
01:10:49,810 --> 01:10:52,046
Dr. Tyson, what do you
make of all this?
1268
01:10:52,079 --> 01:10:55,951
My calculations show that,
scientifically...
1269
01:10:55,984 --> 01:10:57,953
we're screwed.
1270
01:11:10,832 --> 01:11:13,802
Man, what are we doing here? We
should be getting out of town.
1271
01:11:13,835 --> 01:11:15,804
Well, by my calculations,
the last place
1272
01:11:15,837 --> 01:11:17,806
anyone's gonna look for us
is at the actual fight.
1273
01:11:17,838 --> 01:11:20,708
We should be
pretty safe here.
1274
01:11:20,742 --> 01:11:22,978
- What are we gonna do, guys?
- I don't know.
1275
01:11:23,011 --> 01:11:25,347
Maybe we should've
turned ourselves in.
1276
01:11:25,380 --> 01:11:27,516
I feel like these people
deserve a chance to live.
1277
01:11:27,548 --> 01:11:30,351
These people?
These people are idiots.
1278
01:11:30,385 --> 01:11:32,387
Look how that guy
spelled "apocalypse".
1279
01:11:32,420 --> 01:11:34,855
The question here
at Milford Stadium is this,
1280
01:11:34,889 --> 01:11:38,527
will this Lazer Team show up to
battle for the fate of the Earth?
1281
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:40,796
We have one person
who seems to know the answer.
1282
01:11:40,828 --> 01:11:42,730
No!
1283
01:11:42,764 --> 01:11:45,400
Do you think the Lazer Team
is going to show up?
1284
01:11:45,432 --> 01:11:48,703
They're not afraid of monsters,
aliens, or anything else.
1285
01:11:48,737 --> 01:11:50,939
Is there anything you wanna
say to the Lazer Team?
1286
01:11:50,971 --> 01:11:55,676
Save us, Lazer Team. Don't let
the Worg eat my brain.
1287
01:11:55,710 --> 01:11:57,746
We're pieces of shit.
1288
01:11:57,779 --> 01:12:01,683
Well, technically, the human
body is .5 percent feces, so...
1289
01:12:01,716 --> 01:12:03,385
Probably skews higher for us.
1290
01:12:03,386 --> 01:12:05,054
Shut up, Woody!
1291
01:12:12,594 --> 01:12:16,698
Okay, we'll get you prepped, and then
we'll get this thing off of you.
1292
01:12:16,730 --> 01:12:18,699
Be right back.
1293
01:12:18,733 --> 01:12:21,802
It's the first time I've done
one of these. So exciting!
1294
01:12:21,836 --> 01:12:24,439
Yeah, we're all happy for you.
1295
01:12:27,442 --> 01:12:28,660
Screw it, I'm going in.
1296
01:12:28,661 --> 01:12:29,877
Zach.
1297
01:12:29,911 --> 01:12:32,447
Zachary! Where are you going?
1298
01:12:32,479 --> 01:12:34,715
You can't do this alone!
1299
01:12:34,748 --> 01:12:37,086
Without you
we're just "Team".
1300
01:12:38,420 --> 01:12:40,422
Wait, wait. What do you
think you're doing?
1301
01:12:40,454 --> 01:12:42,724
It's cool.
I'm the Champion.
1302
01:12:42,756 --> 01:12:44,725
- You're the Champion?
- Yes.
1303
01:12:44,759 --> 01:12:46,744
Just like them over there?
1304
01:12:46,745 --> 01:12:48,729
Son of a bitch!
1305
01:12:48,762 --> 01:12:50,765
Just go join the rest
of the Justice League.
1306
01:12:50,798 --> 01:12:52,117
I don't have time
for this!
1307
01:12:52,118 --> 01:12:53,435
Hey, back up!
1308
01:12:53,467 --> 01:12:55,537
You believe this guy?
1309
01:12:56,203 --> 01:12:58,739
Take him down!
1310
01:12:58,773 --> 01:13:00,108
I'm the Champion!
1311
01:13:00,109 --> 01:13:01,443
Put his ass in the car!
1312
01:13:01,475 --> 01:13:03,144
You need me!
1313
01:13:05,779 --> 01:13:08,617
Idiots! You have no idea
what you're doing!
1314
01:13:13,121 --> 01:13:15,757
You think this'll work?
1315
01:13:15,789 --> 01:13:17,658
I don't know
if it will or won't.
1316
01:13:17,692 --> 01:13:19,661
I do know this,
1317
01:13:19,694 --> 01:13:23,766
pretty much nothing we can do at
this point that will get us fired.
1318
01:13:26,900 --> 01:13:29,770
Great, it's you.
Come to gloat?
1319
01:13:29,804 --> 01:13:32,440
No. Came to get you out.
1320
01:13:32,474 --> 01:13:34,209
Out?
1321
01:13:34,210 --> 01:13:35,944
I didn't believe in you.
1322
01:13:35,976 --> 01:13:38,113
Not at first.
But I've seen what you can do
1323
01:13:38,145 --> 01:13:40,648
in that suit
when y'all are focused.
1324
01:13:40,681 --> 01:13:43,652
Things that I didn't even
know were possible.
1325
01:13:43,685 --> 01:13:45,954
You even did okay
on some of those tests.
1326
01:13:45,987 --> 01:13:48,155
We did awful on the tests.
1327
01:13:48,189 --> 01:13:51,793
Yeah. But you also
broke out of the space,
1328
01:13:51,826 --> 01:13:55,163
and you took out four soldiers
with alien technology.
1329
01:13:57,532 --> 01:14:01,670
Quite frankly, that was some of the most
competent incompetence I've ever seen.
1330
01:14:01,703 --> 01:14:05,106
And I was raised
by the military.
1331
01:14:05,139 --> 01:14:09,677
You Lazer Team guys actually have
more experience with this than I do.
1332
01:14:09,711 --> 01:14:11,847
Even if the surgery did work,
1333
01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:16,518
I'd say the right man is
already wearing that Gauntlet.
1334
01:14:16,551 --> 01:14:18,820
You think we actually
have a shot at this?
1335
01:14:18,853 --> 01:14:22,524
Hagan,
you were born for this.
1336
01:14:22,556 --> 01:14:25,527
Come on, gotta get you
to the stadium.
1337
01:14:40,041 --> 01:14:43,645
The Military has issued
a statement assuring citizens
1338
01:14:43,677 --> 01:14:47,582
that the situation
is under control,
1339
01:14:47,614 --> 01:14:51,853
but have refused to comment on the
existence of any such Champions.
1340
01:14:51,886 --> 01:14:54,856
As the timer ticks down,
only one thing is certain:
1341
01:14:54,889 --> 01:14:58,859
If these Champions are out there,
we sure could use them now.
1342
01:14:58,893 --> 01:14:59,962
Bill?
1343
01:15:05,265 --> 01:15:08,202
How are we gonna get
Zach out of there?
1344
01:15:11,605 --> 01:15:12,740
Daddy!
1345
01:15:12,741 --> 01:15:13,875
You're alive!
1346
01:15:13,908 --> 01:15:15,710
You have all your parts!
1347
01:15:15,743 --> 01:15:18,647
Herman, listen.
We need you for this.
1348
01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:21,082
I know you think you're not fast
enough and I'm not strong enough.
1349
01:15:21,114 --> 01:15:23,184
And I know we've had our differences,
but I think it's time we...
1350
01:15:23,216 --> 01:15:24,268
Okay.
1351
01:15:24,269 --> 01:15:25,319
Okay?
1352
01:15:25,353 --> 01:15:27,055
I'm in, man.
1353
01:15:27,056 --> 01:15:28,757
You made that super easy.
1354
01:15:28,789 --> 01:15:30,591
I had like this whole speech
worked up and everything.
1355
01:15:30,625 --> 01:15:32,894
Well, thankfully
we don't have to listen to that.
1356
01:15:32,926 --> 01:15:34,111
Woody?
1357
01:15:34,112 --> 01:15:35,296
I'm in.
1358
01:15:35,329 --> 01:15:38,332
All right, let's go before that nuclear
warhead beats us to the fight.
1359
01:15:38,365 --> 01:15:40,902
What? Warhead?
1360
01:15:40,935 --> 01:15:42,354
Did I not tell you guys that?
1361
01:15:42,355 --> 01:15:43,772
You didn't say anything!
1362
01:15:43,805 --> 01:15:45,907
We got a lot of stuff
to deal with tonight, man!
1363
01:15:45,939 --> 01:15:48,242
- It's not my fault.
- Why didn't you say something?
1364
01:15:48,275 --> 01:15:51,278
I just did.
Let's go.
1365
01:15:51,311 --> 01:15:53,914
There's a nuke.
Just telling you again.
1366
01:15:53,948 --> 01:15:56,885
That's what they do to everything. It
didn't work in "Independence Day".
1367
01:15:56,917 --> 01:15:59,920
With less than 10 minutes on the
countdown, the crowd outside the stadium
1368
01:15:59,953 --> 01:16:02,090
is growing increasingly
volatile, Janine,
1369
01:16:02,122 --> 01:16:04,625
with absolutely
no response from the military,
1370
01:16:04,658 --> 01:16:07,228
other than to tell people
to stay away.
1371
01:16:07,261 --> 01:16:12,300
The entire world is wondering the same
thing, where is the Champion of Earth?
1372
01:16:12,332 --> 01:16:15,936
So, where is like the best place
to get donuts around here?
1373
01:16:15,970 --> 01:16:20,609
I've got a list, about four or
five places that are just local.
1374
01:16:22,844 --> 01:16:28,248
Hey, man, listen. I have a really
powerful laser gun from space...
1375
01:16:28,282 --> 01:16:30,652
that I sort of stole
from the Army,
1376
01:16:30,685 --> 01:16:32,821
and I tried to fight on my own,
and I know it was dumb,
1377
01:16:32,854 --> 01:16:34,956
but I think there might still be
time to get it to someone who...
1378
01:16:34,988 --> 01:16:37,658
Hey, kid, I'm not always
gonna be around
1379
01:16:37,692 --> 01:16:39,661
to bail you out.
You realize that, right?
1380
01:16:39,694 --> 01:16:41,163
Hagan?
1381
01:16:41,164 --> 01:16:42,631
Yup.
1382
01:16:42,663 --> 01:16:44,965
All right,
everybody buckle up.
1383
01:16:44,998 --> 01:16:47,167
He means it.
1384
01:16:47,201 --> 01:16:49,170
Hey, hey!
1385
01:16:49,203 --> 01:16:52,140
All units, we have a police car
attempting a break-in at the stadium!
1386
01:16:52,172 --> 01:16:54,908
Hold that. They're going
away from the stadium!
1387
01:16:54,942 --> 01:16:56,311
...not going the right way!
1388
01:16:56,312 --> 01:16:57,679
Is it right? Is this right?
1389
01:16:59,212 --> 01:17:00,714
Humvee!
1390
01:17:00,715 --> 01:17:02,216
Stop or we will open fire.
1391
01:17:02,250 --> 01:17:04,068
I'm backing up!
1392
01:17:04,069 --> 01:17:05,886
Back up! Back up! Back up!
1393
01:17:07,087 --> 01:17:08,606
Watch out!
1394
01:17:08,607 --> 01:17:10,125
How do I stop?
1395
01:17:12,193 --> 01:17:15,329
I think they are heading
for the stadium. But, backwards?
1396
01:17:15,363 --> 01:17:17,065
- Look out!
- No, no, no!
1397
01:17:18,765 --> 01:17:20,201
Take 'em down! Take 'em down!
1398
01:17:23,270 --> 01:17:25,139
Barbecue!
1399
01:17:31,045 --> 01:17:32,180
Shit!
1400
01:17:32,181 --> 01:17:33,314
Everybody hold on!
1401
01:17:33,346 --> 01:17:35,182
Don't let them
get to the stadium!
1402
01:17:39,353 --> 01:17:41,155
Drive! Drive! Drive!
1403
01:17:41,156 --> 01:17:42,957
Hold on!
1404
01:17:53,234 --> 01:17:58,206
Absolutely astonishing, Janine. The
crowd out here is going insane.
1405
01:17:58,238 --> 01:18:02,209
A vehicle has entered the stadium.
Could this be our Champion of Earth?
1406
01:18:02,243 --> 01:18:05,013
Humanity's one chance
for survival.
1407
01:18:07,114 --> 01:18:10,217
They was shootin' at us!
I am not driving with you again!
1408
01:18:10,251 --> 01:18:11,670
I got us here, didn't I?
1409
01:18:11,671 --> 01:18:13,088
Barely.
1410
01:18:17,358 --> 01:18:19,828
Sir, the warheads
are primed.
1411
01:18:19,860 --> 01:18:21,829
Ready to launch
on your mark.
1412
01:18:30,104 --> 01:18:32,240
Hey, what
are you doing here?
1413
01:18:32,273 --> 01:18:34,074
Coaching.
1414
01:18:40,113 --> 01:18:43,518
Greetings,
O Champions of Earth.
1415
01:18:43,551 --> 01:18:44,736
It's the recording!
1416
01:18:44,737 --> 01:18:45,920
Antarian.
1417
01:18:45,953 --> 01:18:49,958
Today you will battle
for the fate of your planet.
1418
01:18:49,990 --> 01:18:53,293
Prepare to meet your opponent.
1419
01:18:58,966 --> 01:19:00,869
I'm scared.
1420
01:19:00,902 --> 01:19:04,105
Don't be.
You guys can win this.
1421
01:19:04,137 --> 01:19:06,975
You have the Suit of Power. There's
nothing else like it in the galaxy.
1422
01:19:07,007 --> 01:19:08,909
All right.
1423
01:19:12,479 --> 01:19:16,817
Presenting the Worg Champion.
1424
01:19:16,850 --> 01:19:18,385
Wait a minute.
1425
01:19:24,292 --> 01:19:25,744
Is he wearing a Suit of Power?
1426
01:19:25,745 --> 01:19:27,195
Come on!
1427
01:19:27,228 --> 01:19:29,230
Man, this fool trying
to join the Boot Group!
1428
01:19:29,262 --> 01:19:32,300
Nothing like it, my ass!
This is bullshit!
1429
01:19:32,332 --> 01:19:34,469
Where the hell
did he get a Suit of Power?
1430
01:19:34,502 --> 01:19:38,006
Same place we did,
from them.
1431
01:19:38,038 --> 01:19:41,009
Come on! Say that
into my non-drunk ear,
1432
01:19:41,042 --> 01:19:43,578
because it sounded
like you said the Antarians!
1433
01:19:43,610 --> 01:19:47,015
As you can see,
your opponent has been given
1434
01:19:47,047 --> 01:19:49,317
an identical Suit of Power.
1435
01:19:49,350 --> 01:19:53,421
This will ensure a fair
and most pleasing competition.
1436
01:19:53,453 --> 01:19:56,023
Competition?
What's he talking about?
1437
01:19:56,056 --> 01:19:58,025
Guys, take a look at this.
1438
01:19:58,059 --> 01:20:01,162
I've intercepted a file
from the Antarian ship.
1439
01:20:01,194 --> 01:20:03,163
Is that a March
Madness bracket?
1440
01:20:03,197 --> 01:20:06,201
Close. It's an intergalactic
gladiatorial circuit,
1441
01:20:06,234 --> 01:20:09,204
wherein the only remuneration is
provincial planetary salvation.
1442
01:20:09,237 --> 01:20:10,555
What the hell does that mean?
1443
01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:11,873
It means...
1444
01:20:11,905 --> 01:20:15,275
that this war we're about
to fight isn't a war.
1445
01:20:15,309 --> 01:20:17,212
It's a goddamn
sporting match!
1446
01:20:17,244 --> 01:20:19,413
But instead of the winners
getting trophies,
1447
01:20:19,447 --> 01:20:21,416
the losers get
their planet destroyed.
1448
01:20:21,448 --> 01:20:23,884
What a bunch of assholes!
1449
01:20:23,917 --> 01:20:25,519
The Earth is never
gonna be safe.
1450
01:20:25,552 --> 01:20:27,521
So, what are we
supposed to do now?
1451
01:20:27,555 --> 01:20:30,525
Long term? Find a way
to break the circuit.
1452
01:20:30,557 --> 01:20:32,043
Short term...
1453
01:20:32,044 --> 01:20:33,528
Don't lose.
1454
01:20:33,560 --> 01:20:34,828
We're screwed.
1455
01:20:34,829 --> 01:20:36,096
This is impossible.
1456
01:20:36,130 --> 01:20:39,900
No, it's not.
Don't say that.
1457
01:20:39,934 --> 01:20:41,603
You guys can do this.
1458
01:20:41,636 --> 01:20:44,906
Get out there and win one
for Earth, okay?
1459
01:20:44,939 --> 01:20:48,243
Great pep talk, Coach.
Thanks.
1460
01:21:00,121 --> 01:21:02,123
We have to fire the nuke.
1461
01:21:02,155 --> 01:21:04,391
General, we're still
evacuating thousands of people
1462
01:21:04,425 --> 01:21:06,226
from the blast radius.
1463
01:21:06,260 --> 01:21:08,396
And it didn't work in
"Independence Day", sir.
1464
01:21:08,429 --> 01:21:10,931
Let's just see
what they can do.
1465
01:21:20,207 --> 01:21:21,576
I wonder what he said.
1466
01:21:21,577 --> 01:21:22,944
It's a lower Worgon dialect.
1467
01:21:22,976 --> 01:21:26,113
But I think he said he was gonna
slowly kill us one by one,
1468
01:21:26,146 --> 01:21:28,416
forcing us each to eat
the remains of the last,
1469
01:21:28,448 --> 01:21:31,585
before himself eating
what was left.
1470
01:21:31,618 --> 01:21:33,353
That's nasty.
1471
01:21:37,291 --> 01:21:40,994
Shit.
1472
01:21:41,028 --> 01:21:43,030
This is it! Get ready!
1473
01:21:44,431 --> 01:21:46,434
Come on, bitch!
Hell, yeah.
1474
01:21:46,466 --> 01:21:48,536
Guys, I just realized,
I don't have a weapon!
1475
01:21:48,569 --> 01:21:50,672
My balls just went numb.
1476
01:21:50,704 --> 01:21:52,908
Lazer Team...
1477
01:21:54,475 --> 01:21:56,044
Game on!
1478
01:21:59,046 --> 01:22:02,083
Oohhh!
1479
01:22:02,115 --> 01:22:04,118
Oohhh!!
1480
01:22:04,150 --> 01:22:06,119
Well, this is going splendid!
1481
01:22:06,153 --> 01:22:08,088
Is it too late
to put money on the Worg?
1482
01:22:12,393 --> 01:22:14,062
Can't get past his shield!
1483
01:22:14,063 --> 01:22:15,730
Do something!
1484
01:22:15,762 --> 01:22:17,882
Woody, target the ground!
1485
01:22:17,883 --> 01:22:20,001
Got it!
1486
01:22:20,033 --> 01:22:22,202
Zach, charge a big one!
1487
01:22:24,471 --> 01:22:27,341
Now, Zach!
1488
01:22:32,613 --> 01:22:33,915
Yes!
1489
01:22:33,916 --> 01:22:35,216
Don't let up! Hit him again!
1490
01:22:37,685 --> 01:22:39,988
Coming back!
1491
01:22:41,689 --> 01:22:43,725
Two can play this game!
1492
01:22:43,757 --> 01:22:45,376
Technically,
it's four of us!
1493
01:22:45,377 --> 01:22:46,994
Get outta here.
1494
01:22:59,105 --> 01:23:01,608
Hold on, Hagan. I'm gonna
push the shield again.
1495
01:23:02,676 --> 01:23:05,547
Aahhh!!!
1496
01:23:16,556 --> 01:23:19,092
Yes! Yeah!
1497
01:23:19,126 --> 01:23:22,195
Yes!
1498
01:23:22,229 --> 01:23:25,066
That's what you get
for messing with Lazer Team!
1499
01:23:26,734 --> 01:23:30,405
No, no, no! He's just cloaked!
Don't let him get...!
1500
01:23:33,573 --> 01:23:35,308
Oohhh!!!
1501
01:23:40,113 --> 01:23:42,282
Come on, sit still!
1502
01:23:45,519 --> 01:23:46,788
Zach!
1503
01:24:00,701 --> 01:24:03,371
Yeah! That's right!
1504
01:24:07,608 --> 01:24:10,110
Target locked.
But I'm the target!
1505
01:24:10,144 --> 01:24:13,114
Hey! You crispy-looking
space raisin!
1506
01:24:13,146 --> 01:24:15,449
Why don't you try
the Texas Tornado!
1507
01:24:28,162 --> 01:24:31,166
All right, now's our chance.
Hit him!
1508
01:24:43,543 --> 01:24:47,347
Herman!
1509
01:24:47,381 --> 01:24:49,317
Woody!
The Dark Matter Ray!
1510
01:24:49,350 --> 01:24:51,319
It's the only way
to put him down for sure.
1511
01:24:51,351 --> 01:24:53,822
- The dark what?
- You never taught us that one!
1512
01:24:57,323 --> 01:24:58,792
Aahhh!!!
1513
01:25:00,360 --> 01:25:02,831
Get back up!
Get on your feet!
1514
01:25:11,704 --> 01:25:13,707
You gotta fight!
1515
01:25:33,226 --> 01:25:35,762
Why don't you pick on someone
your own size!
1516
01:25:40,768 --> 01:25:42,787
Adam, what are you doing?
1517
01:25:42,788 --> 01:25:44,805
I'm buying you time!
1518
01:25:44,837 --> 01:25:46,840
Get ready to use
the Dark Matter Cannon!
1519
01:25:47,875 --> 01:25:49,444
We don't know how!
1520
01:25:50,978 --> 01:25:52,480
No, but it does!
1521
01:26:00,253 --> 01:26:02,856
Adam, don't!
1522
01:26:02,890 --> 01:26:05,827
Come on, you want this planet,
you gotta go through me first!
1523
01:26:22,443 --> 01:26:26,347
Adam, you're the one who's
supposed to save the planet!
1524
01:26:29,250 --> 01:26:31,185
I think I just did.
1525
01:26:36,457 --> 01:26:38,193
No!
1526
01:26:45,599 --> 01:26:48,302
It's time to end this.
1527
01:27:03,617 --> 01:27:05,619
Hey, asshole!
1528
01:27:08,756 --> 01:27:12,293
Well, boys, I guess
he wants a fight.
1529
01:27:12,326 --> 01:27:14,261
He came
to the right planet.
1530
01:27:23,604 --> 01:27:25,640
I think he's about to fire
the Dark Matter Ray again.
1531
01:27:25,672 --> 01:27:27,774
Well, then we'll fire ours.
Woody, get it ready.
1532
01:27:27,807 --> 01:27:29,844
With the suit separated
like this, it could kill us.
1533
01:27:29,877 --> 01:27:31,579
What's option B?
1534
01:27:31,580 --> 01:27:33,281
He'll kill us.
1535
01:27:33,314 --> 01:27:35,516
Yeah, we'll go with option A.
1536
01:27:37,350 --> 01:27:39,069
What do we do?
1537
01:27:39,070 --> 01:27:40,787
We gotta look like him.
1538
01:27:40,820 --> 01:27:45,492
All right, we're getting
freakin' somewhere!
1539
01:27:45,525 --> 01:27:48,996
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Hey, charge it up!
1540
01:27:49,029 --> 01:27:50,865
No, what are you doing?
1541
01:27:52,832 --> 01:27:54,634
We can't keep this up!
1542
01:27:54,667 --> 01:27:56,804
The separate pieces
are too unstable!
1543
01:27:56,837 --> 01:28:00,675
Hold on, everybody!
Just hold on!
1544
01:28:00,707 --> 01:28:02,876
You cannot fire the ray!
This is not permitted!
1545
01:28:08,881 --> 01:28:11,451
Aahhh!!!
1546
01:28:11,484 --> 01:28:12,953
Hold on!
1547
01:28:18,759 --> 01:28:20,528
- No!
- Now!
1548
01:28:29,069 --> 01:28:31,072
Aahhh!!!
1549
01:28:32,405 --> 01:28:34,841
We're outside the force field!
1550
01:29:03,904 --> 01:29:04,906
Yeah!
1551
01:29:04,907 --> 01:29:05,907
We did it!
1552
01:29:08,509 --> 01:29:10,610
Yes!
1553
01:29:10,644 --> 01:29:13,448
God bless America.
1554
01:29:18,752 --> 01:29:20,888
Celebrations are breaking out
across the globe...
1555
01:29:20,921 --> 01:29:23,858
as the alien mothership
appears to have vanished.
1556
01:29:23,890 --> 01:29:27,161
No confirmation yet as to
whether the ship was destroyed,
1557
01:29:27,194 --> 01:29:30,064
but right now I know everyone's
thoughts and prayers
1558
01:29:30,096 --> 01:29:33,867
are with those four men
known as Lazer Team.
1559
01:29:33,900 --> 01:29:36,286
Yeah!
1560
01:29:36,287 --> 01:29:38,671
Nice shooting, team! Yeah!
1561
01:29:38,704 --> 01:29:40,640
That bitch is toast!
1562
01:29:40,641 --> 01:29:42,576
Yeah!
1563
01:29:47,480 --> 01:29:49,449
What do we do now?
1564
01:29:49,483 --> 01:29:51,452
I've no idea.
1565
01:29:51,484 --> 01:29:53,186
I fancy some fish and
chips, to be honest.
1566
01:29:53,220 --> 01:29:55,956
Enough with the British
thing, Woody.
1567
01:29:55,988 --> 01:29:58,759
I can't even eat, anyway. This
stupid thing doesn't even come off.
1568
01:29:58,792 --> 01:30:00,711
Gonna starve to death.
1569
01:30:00,712 --> 01:30:02,630
I don't wanna go.
1570
01:30:02,662 --> 01:30:04,498
All right.
1571
01:30:08,668 --> 01:30:11,471
And here they are,
the Champions.
1572
01:30:11,505 --> 01:30:13,574
The crowd is going wild.
1573
01:30:13,606 --> 01:30:15,943
Janine, they're cheering
for the one with the laser.
1574
01:30:15,975 --> 01:30:18,645
Also the other three.
It's the four of them
1575
01:30:18,679 --> 01:30:21,949
in matching suits,
and the crowd just loves it.
1576
01:30:21,981 --> 01:30:23,917
Just-just look at them.
1577
01:30:23,951 --> 01:30:27,121
Excuse me. The whole world
wants to know, who are you guys?
1578
01:30:27,154 --> 01:30:30,825
We're the guys who just saved
the planet. We're Lazer Team.
1579
01:30:32,826 --> 01:30:35,962
Sorry, Herman. Looks like
I missed another block.
1580
01:30:35,996 --> 01:30:39,800
But the team won, Hagan.
That's all that matters.
1581
01:30:39,832 --> 01:30:42,101
You know, I think
I could fix that boot, Herman.
1582
01:30:42,135 --> 01:30:44,204
I've also been working
on some potential upgrades.
1583
01:30:44,238 --> 01:30:46,974
Woody, how about we figure
out what we have first?
1584
01:30:47,006 --> 01:30:48,091
Secure the perimeter!
1585
01:30:48,092 --> 01:30:49,175
Great.
1586
01:30:49,208 --> 01:30:52,246
Sir, can we get a statement?
Are these men under arrest?
1587
01:30:52,279 --> 01:30:55,149
No, of course not.
I know to many of you
1588
01:30:55,181 --> 01:30:58,519
they didn't seem like the
heroes you might expect,
1589
01:30:58,551 --> 01:31:01,521
but I personally hand-picked
each member of the Lazer Team.
1590
01:31:01,555 --> 01:31:04,057
I couldn't be prouder
of their achievements.
1591
01:31:04,091 --> 01:31:05,593
That's bullshit.
1592
01:31:05,626 --> 01:31:08,162
Now, we may
have won the battle,
1593
01:31:08,194 --> 01:31:10,530
but the war
is far from over.
1594
01:31:10,564 --> 01:31:13,734
Starting today, we're
taking the fight to them.
1595
01:31:13,766 --> 01:31:17,136
I have asked the President
to immediately green-light
1596
01:31:17,170 --> 01:31:18,439
Project Pegasus.
1597
01:31:18,440 --> 01:31:19,707
Yes!
1598
01:31:19,739 --> 01:31:21,942
Queen's beaver!
1599
01:31:21,975 --> 01:31:23,978
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lazer Team
1600
01:31:25,212 --> 01:31:27,215
is going to space.
1601
01:31:29,048 --> 01:31:30,518
What the f...!
1602
01:31:42,061 --> 01:31:44,564
A champion was chosen
for the battle
1603
01:31:44,597 --> 01:31:46,600
He was to prepare
with the Suit of Power
1604
01:31:49,069 --> 01:31:51,205
But like a snake
without a rattle
1605
01:31:51,238 --> 01:31:55,876
We weren't there
but we would not cower
1606
01:31:55,908 --> 01:31:58,211
They thought they'd
slaughter us like cattle
1607
01:31:58,244 --> 01:32:02,750
They weren't prepared
for our finest hour
1608
01:32:02,783 --> 01:32:05,219
They weren't prepared
for the Lazer Team
1609
01:32:05,252 --> 01:32:07,588
It's not a dream
1610
01:32:07,621 --> 01:32:10,757
The most important battle
that the planet's seen
1611
01:32:10,791 --> 01:32:14,228
It's the Lazer Team
more than they seem
1612
01:32:14,261 --> 01:32:18,766
Not just a four-man alien
kicking ass machine
1613
01:32:18,798 --> 01:32:22,603
I don't think anyone
expected them
1614
01:32:22,636 --> 01:32:25,606
To save the day
for you and me
1615
01:32:25,639 --> 01:32:29,076
I don't think anyone
expected them
1616
01:32:29,109 --> 01:32:35,115
to spell "laser" with a Z
1617
01:32:47,828 --> 01:32:51,632
It's the Lazer Team
It's not a dream
1618
01:32:51,664 --> 01:32:54,935
The most important battle
that the planet's seen
1619
01:32:54,967 --> 01:32:58,639
It's the Lazer Team
More than they seem
1620
01:32:58,671 --> 01:33:02,976
Not just a four-man alien
kicking ass machine
1621
01:33:16,689 --> 01:33:19,659
The aliens came
and they said to me
1622
01:33:19,693 --> 01:33:22,663
You're gonna kick ass
in this galaxy
1623
01:33:22,695 --> 01:33:25,666
They gave me the tools
that I'd need to win
1624
01:33:25,698 --> 01:33:29,336
So listen to our song
and let the tale begin
1625
01:33:40,180 --> 01:33:42,983
A ragin' battle
will be heading your way
1626
01:33:43,015 --> 01:33:45,985
It's on you to save your
planet's what the aliens say
1627
01:33:46,019 --> 01:33:48,989
They gave me the suit and
then returned to the sky
1628
01:33:49,021 --> 01:33:51,859
Said, you really gotta win
or everyone's gonna die
1629
01:33:51,891 --> 01:33:54,994
I got one job to do
1630
01:33:55,028 --> 01:33:57,698
Save the world
Save the world
1631
01:33:57,730 --> 01:34:00,333
I don't feel so cool
1632
01:34:00,367 --> 01:34:03,704
And I will get the girl
and bask in fame
1633
01:34:03,737 --> 01:34:07,007
And everyone
will know the name
1634
01:34:07,039 --> 01:34:09,009
Lazer Team
1635
01:34:09,042 --> 01:34:12,713
I'm gonna drop your punk ass
with a laser beam
1636
01:34:12,746 --> 01:34:15,349
Let it stream
1637
01:34:15,381 --> 01:34:19,753
No hero, I agree,
but I'm here to save you now
1638
01:34:30,229 --> 01:34:33,032
Safety helmets
are for kids on bikes
1639
01:34:33,065 --> 01:34:36,036
Bein' brainy's cool but I'm
the one who brings 'em an axe
1640
01:34:36,069 --> 01:34:38,906
You sure can't blog
and your boots can't run
1641
01:34:38,939 --> 01:34:42,042
But I'm the one who's gonna
blow it up 'cause I got the gun
1642
01:34:42,074 --> 01:34:44,744
I got one job to do
1643
01:34:44,778 --> 01:34:47,381
Save the world
Save the world
1644
01:34:47,413 --> 01:34:50,751
I don't feel so cool
1645
01:34:50,783 --> 01:34:53,753
And we know that there's
no "I" in team
1646
01:34:53,787 --> 01:34:56,923
But the Z in Lazer
must be real
1647
01:34:56,957 --> 01:34:58,926
Lazer Team
1648
01:34:58,958 --> 01:35:02,929
I'm gonna drop your punk ass
with a laser beam
1649
01:35:02,962 --> 01:35:05,064
Let it stream
1650
01:35:05,097 --> 01:35:09,936
No hero, I agree,
but I'm here to save you now
1651
01:35:09,970 --> 01:35:14,240
Tonight, before
the morning light shines
1652
01:35:14,274 --> 01:35:17,411
Tonight
Tonight
1653
01:35:17,444 --> 01:35:20,247
I'll beat the Worg
and save your life
1654
01:35:20,279 --> 01:35:23,250
And it's not that I don't
want to bang you
1655
01:35:23,283 --> 01:35:26,086
I absolutely do
1656
01:35:26,118 --> 01:35:29,255
But I also like you
I'm gonna try to
1657
01:35:29,288 --> 01:35:34,127
Be a stud that's true
1658
01:35:45,471 --> 01:35:47,440
Lazer Team
1659
01:35:47,474 --> 01:35:51,278
I'm gonna drop your punk ass
with a laser beam
1660
01:35:51,310 --> 01:35:53,980
Let it stream
1661
01:35:54,014 --> 01:35:59,153
No hero, I agree, but I'm
here to save you now
124101
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