Original subtitles

Someone's drowning.

What's happening?

One of the Master's girl's in trouble again.

'Break for it.'

Oh! Oh, Linda! Linda!

Linda!

Linda!

- Linda, Tinka is drowning! - Our sister Tinka?

Yeah, Eddie went out to save her.

Don't be silly, Tinka can't drown

she's half fish.

Well, the other half's drowning.

Linda, what's all the shouting for?

The people down there...ouch!

Oh! What..

What on Earth, are you changing all the furniture again for?

You changed it all yesterday and the day before that.

And, uh..

'That fish was in the dining room.'

Well, I'm not gonna start paying any attention to you now

you've been criticizing me for 24 years.

Darling, you love a little criticism.

You happen to be 25.

Alright, if you're gonna quibble, 25.

But if my fiance asks you, 23.

I'm not going to lie to George.

Look, Penny, in a family of four marriageable daughters

a little lie now and then doesn't do any harm.

Oh, you.

Alright, I'll lie for you.

I'm only the housekeeper

I get wages for it, so what's the difference..

I tell you what, Penny, when you lie, wink.

So, you'll know you're lying.

Linda! Linda!

Linda? Linda?

What happened? Did she sink?

No, uh, I-I had it all wrong, Tinka's saving Eddie.

Well, that's more like it.

Buff!

'I'm here.'

Is he unconscious?

No more than usual.

Well, I saved your boyfriend for you.

Oh, no, you can't pass him off onto me.

You saved him and he's yours.

Yes, but it was your name

he was murmuring under the water

I could tell by the bubbles.

What happened? Why am I here?

Oh, for some silly reason, you thought I was drowning

and swam out to save me.

For another silly reason, you thought in order

to save me you had to hit me.

So I hit you back, I started to count ten.

But at five you began to sink so I dragged you in.

- 'Here you are.' - I don't believe a word of it.

That's gratitude. Come on, Cora.

The next time he tries to save you

you just let him sink.

Hey, what do you kids think I am, a drinking fountain?

This was a quiet place till they came?

Yeah, they're up to something everyday.

Make up your mind, do you want it up or down?

Well, I think, I like it sort of like this with a bow..

Oh, there was a chair here an hour ago?

There was chair here a minute ago but your sister Linda

had another attack of interior decorating.

I thought they're wearing hats off the face this season.

I want you to know that where this hat is

part of my bathing suit, isn't.

- Oh, liar. - That's a very important part.

What happened to it?

Honest, I was swimming along

minding my own business when something I, uh..

...I think it was a whale, took a nip out of me.

We're supposed to believe that?

Well...here's the evidence.

The nearest thing to a whale is in Newfoundland

in the Atlantic Ocean.

And you expect a whale to swim 20,000 miles

around Cape Point just to take a nip out of you?

It wouldn't have to? A smart whale will use the Panama Canal.

Whale, my eye, you're wearing a 30 bathing suit on a 32 frame.

- That's all. - Oh, go on.

Gee, I better run up and put something on.

I'll be right back down.

- Hello, Linda. - Hello.

Ladies, John Heming. Shall we let him in?

Personally, I'd advise against it.

- Hi. - Hello, Johnny.

Come on over and sit down. There's plenty of room.

No, sir, a chair is enough.

You're not gonna make a couch out of me!

You see, Johnny, if you ever want to put a selfish system

to one of your plays, there's your model.

- Mm-hmm. - 'You..'

His revised version, rehearsal at 10:00 in the morning.

Oh, did you brighten up my part any?

Couldn't, the playhouse people wouldn't let me.

But I gave you a stammer, that gives you twice as much to say.

I don't know why I bother with the summer theatre anyway.

I'm a clear case of belonging on Broadway.

Always happy to have you as a maid in one of my successes.

Oh, you needn't be so snooty

you haven't made Broadway yet either.

Um, but I had my fortune told yesterday.

It's just a question of time.

Don't tell me you believe in getting

your future for 50 cents.

Well, this only cost me a penny

my weight was on the other side.

Excuse me, Bernhardt.

Maybe his fortune wasn't worth a penny.

Oh, stop butting in.

I didn't but once in while in this family

I'd never get a chance to get in a word edgewise.

Oh, keep quiet.

Yes, that's all the thanks I get

for bringing up a family of children and..

I'm not answering back, I'm just talking to myself.

First thing you know, I won't even be allowed to do that.

Oh, uh..

...is everybody home?

- Hey, Buff, Johnny's here. - 'So what?'

So come down and get rid of him.

- Hi, Johnny. - 'Hi.'

Say, how do you like this dress?

Don't you think, I look wonderful?

Yeah, sure, you do. You look beautiful. Uh..

No, not enough enthusiasm, can't stay, beat it.

Listen, Buff can I see you alone just a minute, you see there's..

Uh, what do you say girls?

Alright, but take notes, we want a full account.

Okay, we'll go out in the garden. How's the play coming?

Fine, but the second act needs a little something.

I read it, needs a new author.

I'd put you three girls in the play

only witches have gone out of style.

Say, they're my sisters you're talking about

and you maybe right.

Hey, kids, listen to this. Come here, Tinka.

Now, the scene is on the back of a boat and

she's just standing there in the moonlight looking pale and sad..

Buff, I-I'm going to tell you something.

Hear me clear through please, don't interrupt, not once.

Well, in that case, maybe I'd better sit down.

No, no, I..

I want you to stand.

Now, you mustn't take your eyes off me.

That's quite an assignment.

I'm serious, Buff, this is important to me.

Alright, go ahead.

- Well.. - Well..

This isn't easy for me to say..

I love you.

No, please, don't interrupt.

I've never been sure of anything

I'm certain of this.

I'm no dreamer, I pride myself on my realism.

You won't be the only woman I'll ever love

but you'll be the only one I'll remember.

The things no one else sees in you will be vivid to me.

The way you smile at me without anyone in the room

being aware of it, just you and I.

The way you can pour your soul out without saying a word.

- I.. - Yes.

I, who can't remember the day of the week

will never forget the smallest detail of your face.

Not even to the most out of the way freckle.

Now, you know the way I feel.

You don't have to say anything, you don't have to do anything.

I've only told you this because..

...in a little while I'm going away.

And the knowledge of how much I love you

is something I wanted to share.

Why, Johnny, so help me, I'm touched.

- Are you really? - Yes, darn it.

Then I guess it'll play.

What do you mean, uh, "Guess it'll play?"

Just what the second act needs, fixed it up fine.

John S. Heming, Jr.

Wasn't sure of this scene, I thought I'd try it out.

It's the only way to tell. Do you mind if I use that?

"So help me, I'm touched."

Just the right answer for Mary to make in a play.

You see, Mary isn't quiet bright and I--

Why, you can just pick yourself up and get out of here.

Now, Buff, you mustn't think I don't really love you.

The fact that I picked you to try this out on must show you.

Why, get out, and don't you come back as long as you live.

I'll be back right after dinner.

- That'll seem like a lifetime. - Oh, it's a terrible scene!

- It won't play at all! - Made a hit with you.

- Won't even last one night! Oh! - Sure, it'd be a big hit.

Hey, Buff, we've struck something good, listen to this.

"The way you smile at me without anyone in the room

being aware of it."

- Oh, what do you mean? - What's the matter?

Oh, mother.

I'm sorry, mother, I didn't see you standing here.

Serves me right for not ringing doorbells.

Hello, darling.

Hi, mom.

I'm glad to be home.

There are eggs in one of those packages.

I haven't the courage to look.

Say, what happened to Johnny Heming

to make him love like that?

He just walked by and doubled up.

How's business, mom?

Terrible.

Women aren't wearing dresses now. They're wearing sarongs.

'How was the weather in San Francisco?'

'Mom, did you design this yourself?'

You could wear it a week, then, we'll toss for it.

Did you see Sam Sloane in town?

Well, sort of and there's a story attached to that too.

- Oh, wow. What happened? - What is it?

Come up to my room while I change into a sarong.

'Penny!'

Penny, here, take these, will ya?

- Oh, mom. - Yes, Buff?

I think I know where the eggs are.

What about Sam, does he want us to get out of this place?

You can't blame him, we were only supposed to be here

during July and now if you look close you could see September.

Oh, not at all, in fact, he wants to give us the place.

- He does? - 'Good old Sam.'

I think I'll write a poem for him, what rhymes with Sloane?

- He's our hero. - Oh, that doesn't rhyme.

He'd have to change his name to Shapiro.

There's a catch in it someplace, what is it?

Listen, Sam Sloane hasn't got a selfish bone in his body.

Nevertheless, this house has either got

a tax lien on it, or termites in it.

Matter of fact, there is a little proviso.

I knew it, there's a but on the other hand.

Sam says, we get the house but..

...he goes with it.

Please, be quiet, please.

Sam Sloane took me to lunch yesterday and..

...asked for my hand in marriage.

- What did you say? - Naturally, I said, thank you.

- It was a very nice lunch. - Oh, don't be flip.

What did you say about the proposal?

Being a well brought up mother, I said, I..

...have to ask my daughters permission.

Oh, darlings, it's alright, isn't it?

You like Sam, don't you?

Of course, we adore Sam, but are you sure, you do?

Mother, marriage is a very serious business.

Mm-hmm.

It isn't something you can just rush into.

Mm-mm.

'Course I haven't known Sam very long just 12 years

but I'm quiet sure, I'm fond of him.

Oh, just being fond isn't enough.

You oughta be sick pining for him.

Go hot and cold just thinking of him.

I think at my age it's possible to be in love

and keep an even temperature.

But you're such a baby when it comes to men.

Look at the mess you picked for our father.

I'm sorry, but I didn't have you girls around to advise me.

He's been gone for 20 years and not even a postcard.

I wonder what he looks like?

Gee, you'd think he'd be curious to see

how his daughters turned out?

I'm sure he'd be glad to know that

at least one of his girls

turned out to be a beauty.

Oh, thank you.

I don't think I'll be making the same mistake.

You see, everything Jim wasn't, Sam is.

You couldn't keep Jim in one spot.

You can't drag Sam away from the fireplace.

Jim ran away from responsibilities.

Sam revels in them.

Jim was flighty, Sam's solid.

Please.

May I marry Sam?

- Oh, you get my vote. - Oh.

I hope you kids will be very happy.

- Thank you, darlin'. - It's alright with me, mom.

Gee, I think it's swell.

You know, Penny's been in the family for 25 years

I think she's entitled to a vote.

- Yeah. - I'll get her.

Oh, mother, I think it's wond..

Oh, I just...just happen to be passing.

Are you going to admit that you were eavesdropping

or do I have to start all over again?

Why, the very idea... I was not eavesdropping.

I wouldn't do such a thing, I-I, uh..

Well, naturally I couldn't help hearing.

- Oh-ho. - 'Okay.'

Oh, well, marry him.

Won't be as exciting as Mr. Masters

and their certainly won't be as many laughs around the house.

But you'll know where he is.

Won't have to be ringing up the North Pole

or the Siberian salt mines to find him.

You'll always know where Mr. Sloane is.

You may not care where he is but at least you'll know.

Oh, well, marry him. Marry him.

Thanks, Penny. That makes it official.

Dear now, that's the front door.

Well, one man's as good as another and one man's

as bad as another, so I don't suppose it makes any difference.

Who is there?

Penny, that's no way to answer the door.

Well, it maybe not be for San Francisco

but it's alright for Carmel.

Alright, I'll be down.

My dear, spoiling my whole afternoon

bringing up Jim Masters, a good-for-nothing.

Man that never did anything for any..

And then you go..

Of all the..

You make me so mad, I don't know..

That's all the..

Don't let her fool you, 25 years

and she hasn't learn to hate him yet.

Oh, it's all so exciting.

Mother, have you picked out the church yet?

I always liked St. Bartholomew.

Oh, but that would mean thousands of people.

Why don't you just elope?

I don't think I know Sam well enough

to ask him to climb up a ladder.

Besides, it wouldn't be fair to you girls.

But it would be so much more exciting.

Go on, mom, elope.

We'd be furious at first, but later on, we'd forgive you.

- No. - Oh, go on.

Well, what do you want?

I don't understand a single word you're saying.

Oh, excuse me, I'm so upset

I don't know what I'm talking about.

It's my son Gabriel, he's in trouble again, in court.

Mm-hmm, again, eh?

Yes, again. I don't know what to do with him.

Mrs. Masters?

'Mrs. Masters?'

'Yes, Penny.'

- What is it? - It's Lopez.

Gabriel, his son, is in trouble again.

He wants you to go and see the judge.

I don't want to disturb you

but I don't know what to do!

Is it absolutely necessary, Manuel.

Please, Mrs. Masters, you are the only one

who can do something with the judge.

My son, he go to jail, sure!

Alright, I'll go. I'll be right with you.

Thank you very much.

- Thank you, to you too. - Oh, go on. Go on.

What's wrong, mother?

Gabriel Lopez is in court again.

Will you drive me into town.

I certainly will, I've always wanted to see

this terror Gabriel, and here's my chance.

Okay, Manuel, we're on our way.

When are you gonna stop sliding down the banisters?

When they stop makin' them.

- Sassy. - Thank you.

Come on, Penny, help me. I'm in a hurry.

'Yes?'

Could you tell me where Judge Hornsby is?

He's in his private chambers with young Lopez

giving him a good talking-to.

'How do you expect to become'

'a respectable member of society?'

'I too believe in freedom, but not when it encroaches'

'upon the liberty of others.'

Now, you've got to mend your ways!

You cannot ignore the obligation that you hold to society.

- Now, when I was a boy-- - Now, listen, judge.

I don't go in for this heart-to-heart

big brother talk behind closed doors.

I'm a free native-born American

I'm entitled to a regular trial by jury

out there, in the main ballroom.

And I want a DA and I want a courtroom full of spectators

to watch me make a fool of the DA.

That's my rights, uh, according to the constitution.

Well, I thought I was doing you a favor

and at the same time, save the state some expense.

Now, listen, judge, the state may have some outstanding debts

but it ain't that hard up.

- A little trial-- - I tell you that..

Come in.

Hello, Henry.

- Nan. - Sorry to disturb you.

Oh, it's alright. How are you, Buff?

- Hello, Judge Hornsby. - How do you feel?

Well, not so good. Not so good.

Wait, till when I get you home

I slap you right and left.

Take it easy, pop, I may not get home for quite a while.

- Hello, Gabriel. - Hello.

I want her for my lawyer.

We've had enough out of you.

Please.

Please, naturally Mr. Lopez was excited.

I got rather a confused account.

Will you set me straight?

Well, alright, alright, you better sit down.

- Thank you. - Ah, help the lady, pop.

Thank you.

This time, he's charged with fraud.

He was picked up for selling this to tourists

as fragments of Moby Dick's teeth.

Now you know very well there never was

an actual whale called Moby Dick.

Every school child knows that Moby Dick

is an imaginary character invented by an author.

Well, uh, all I can say is that

he made him seem very real to me.

And if that isn't enough

he charges $5 for this worthless trinket

that you can pick up in any Five-and-Ten.

Ah, the Five-and-Ten, they undersell everybody.

Henry, I mean, Judge Hornsby

may I say a few words for Gabriel?

Yes, I know, just the few words

you always use for Gabriel on these occasions.

But you know and I know there's nothing

really criminal about Gabriel?

I'll admit his ethics may be a little hazy.

Hazy? A little hazy?

His methods are clear enough to keep him

just on the right side of the law.

Now, it's only my regard for you

and for his hard-working father

that has prevented me from finding

technical grounds to send him away.

He may not be a criminal, but he's a menace to the community.

He's a blot on his family.

'He's in an affront to the decent--'

Wait a minute, wait a minute. You've been summing me?

What about a few facts on yourself?

You started up by running errands for a ward healer

then you chased ambulances.

'You kissed toes and turned the other cheek.'

Finally, some old judge kicked the bucket

and they stuck you in his place on a dark night.

Gabriel?

Well, that statue of justice

out in front of this building

hasn't stopped laughing yet.

And I'm supposed to be

the affront to the decent, eh?

What's the matter, are you crazy

talkin' to the judge in that way?

Everybody know it's a true.

But you gotta tell him right in his face?

You, crazy stupid.

Get out of here, both of you.

Get out.

And if they ever bring you into this court again

I'll see to it that you-you-you--

Nice work, pop, you should've been a lawyer.

I should have been a bachelor, that's what.

And I'm not finished yet.

We two are gonna break your neck before we arrive home.

I'm very sorry, Henry.

Could you come to dinner tomorrow night?

I'm afraid not, I'm contemplating having a stroke.

When you'll end this torture thing?

Not for me. I sacrifice myself.

I try to make a gentleman out..

- Hey. - Poor girl.

I give you a worse beating than the weather.

'Well, you comin'?'

You know, someday I'm gonna have to make

an honest woman out of you.

'What's the matter? You're talk to a dummy?'

What are you trying to do? Make a fool out of me?

I'm waiting for you..

Hey, Mrs. Master's coming, say thanks to her.

- 'Come on.' - 'Alright, alright.'

- Thanks. - It's alright.

That's all? Thanks?

She do so much for you.

Well, what do you want me to do? Curtsy?

It isn't necessary, Gabriel.

I know how you feel, but you will

try to behave, won't you?

Well, I'll try to be more careful.

I have to drive to the station, dear.

I've six cartons of sample dresses from New York

waiting for me, and a trunk full of woolens.

Go help her, show your gratitude.

Six cartons and a trunk, I'm not that grateful.

See you at home, Manny.

No respect.

Thank you.

If you don't mind, I like to help you.

Oh, that's very kind of you, Manuel.

You can squeeze in, darling?

Oh, that's alright, mother, it might be crowded.

- I'll just walk. - 'Alright, dear.'

'See you at home later. Come in, Manuel.'

Thank you.

- Bye-bye, mother. - 'Bye.'

- On the cuff. - Huh?

On the other cuff.

I cannot carry all the time.

Uh, your quality is slipping.

Here, have some peanuts.

Don't worry, I'll pay for 'em.

It's hot.

Mother forgot to introduce us.

- I'm Buff Masters. - Buff. What a name?

No wonder she didn't introduce us.

Oh, it's hot.

And these peanuts are making me thirsty.

Well, I can go for a beer.

How old are you?

Guess.

Old enough for a beer.

Is that an invitation?

No.

Then, um..

Would you be interested in buying a piece of ivory

chipped from one of Moby Dick's teeth?

I'll, uh, tell you what I'll do is

I'll let you have it for a bargain.

Not interested in bargains.

You mustn't take that judge too seriously, you know?

There are a lot of people who believe that

Moby Dick actually lived.

- I'm not one of 'em. - I see.

Would you like to buy me a beer?

- Are you serious? - I'm thirsty.

Alright, I'll stake you the one beer.

We'll let time take care of that.

This place has lot's of atmosphere, hasn't it?

You mean, it's dirty, don't you?

Hey, you, how about that dough?

Keep your shirt on. This time it's not on the cuff.

Here, sit here.

I'm thirsty, aren't you?

'Hey, Joe?'

- What do you want? - Two beers.

- Mike says "nope." - What do you mean "nope?"

I told him, I'm payin' for it cash.

Mike says, "Until he pays me the buck 20, he owes me

we don't even serve rat poison to that dirty little--"

Hey, is that the way to talk in front of a lady?

He didn't say it in front of a lady.

Alright, alright. Gee, I could've used that beer.

Well, let's get goin'.

If you don't mind, just a loan, I have some change on me.

Oh, just a minute.

How much does he owe you?

A dollar twenty.

You know, your chances of never getting

your money back are very bright.

I'll risk it.

And, uh, 30 cents for the beers.

Alright, Joe, two big beers.

You'll get them. Two beers.

Say, could you go for something to eat?

Afraid it'll spoil my dinner.

I might as well have my dinner now.

Save me a trip home. Hey, Joe.

Bring me a lettuce and tomato on rye

and none of that mayonnaise or any kind of dressing.

Bring it to me naked and unashamed.

That will be fifteen cents more.

Alright, bring on the beers, will you?

Keep you shirt on.

Two beers.

This may have a hollow sound of 1939

but this will be my first glass of beer.

Well, don't let me lead you astray, you know

there might be a glass of milk in the joint.

Stranger things have happen.

Never mind, Joe probably has enough trouble as it is.

By the way, when you're not selling

chunks of Moby Dick, what do you do?

Nothing.

Your father's a fisherman, don't you help him?

Oh, I go out on pop's boat once in a while

but, um, mostly in an advisory capacity.

Don't you like work?

Well, personally, never having really worked

I can't say whether I like it or dislike it.

But I know people who work..

...and their reports on it are not so very good.

Now, that's a fine attitude.

If everyone felt that way, what would happen to this world?

How would things get done? Who'd build our bridges?

I'm of the opinion we have enough bridges.

Well, who'd sail the seas? Who'd run the railroads?

Don't worry about it, in time

everything will be run by electricity.

Well, who'd push the buttons?

There you got me.

- Here you are. - Got a cigarette, Joe?

Yeah, plenty of 'em. Fifteen cents a package.

- Oh, I've got some. - Thanks.

Go away. Your spirit of commercialism is a bar to me.

That's slaying a language, ain't it?

You wouldn't think I hardly finished

two years of high school, would ya?

Yes, I would. The word is abhorrent.

Well, I work by the law of averages

I get most of 'em right.

- You still very thirsty? - Yup.

Then, I won't deprive you of this.

Thanks.

'Boy, that's a pip.'

That's too tough, Bill. You can't make it.

Yeah, I guess not.

Can't be done.

Yeah, it's right behind the eight-ball.

What's so tough about it?

Oh, you think you can make it, eh?

With a broom handle.

For how much?

Let's see. How much do I owe you?

A buck 20, 30 cents for the beer

fifteen for the sandwich, a dime tip.

All in all a buck 75.

A buck 75 says I can do it.

- Okay, it's a bet. - Alright. Here, hold this.

In 10 seconds I'll pay you back what I owe you.

God, boys, don't crowd me, you're crampin' my style.

'Some pool shark.'

How about the dough, wise guy?

Don't get panicky.

- Thanks, lady. - 'Thanks, sister.'

We're home. Thanks for walking me back.

Hmm, not exactly a flap joint.

It's very thoughtful of your mother to be rich.

We're not rich at all. Mother's just a working girl.

Designs dresses. House belongs to a friend.

Yeah, who comes with the house?

My mother, and three sisters.

Hmm, no boys, four girls.

Very bad planning if you ask me.

Well, I've had a lovely and expensive afternoon.

Thanks a lot.

You're doing anything particular tonight?

I never plan that far ahead.

Well, why don't you drop around? We might go someplace.

Can you afford it?

I can always float a loan from my sisters.

Well, I may be around, I may not.

Who knows? You're good-looking kid.

But, uh, don't count on it.

- So long. - Goodbye.

Hurry, the patient's ready.

And so is the lord high executioner.

- Careful, don't hurt him. - Leave it to me.

- Hey. - Huh?

Try and talk him into a hair tonic

he surely needs one.

I found a gray hair.

You, why there..

Alright, take it easy, Sam, it's not gonna hurt a bit.

No, it's really not gonna hurt.

- Easy. - 'I'll fix you up. Yes I will.'

How's business, Sam?

Well, it's pretty bad.

But not so bad, but I-I can still afford to go down

to the village and have a barber shave me.

You can't afford three barbers.

Once over lightly.

Do this, Sam. Like this.

- Yeah. - Uh-huh.

How's that?

Oh, for heaven's sakes. What's going on?

Sam showed up with a two-day's growth.

Dinner was almost ready, so we thought

we'd save time and money.

And he doesn't seem to be appreciating it.

Congratulations, darling.

You're marrying into a wonderful family. Good luck.

- Thanks, Buff. - Oh, mother.

You really introduced me to a character.

Later, go wash the lather off your face.

We're going to eat in a minute.

Okay, but I want to tell you about him later.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

That hot water's for my dishes.

This towel is for Sam's face.

These dishes have been in the family

much longer than Sam's face.

Oh, I beg your pardon, Mr. Sloane.

Oh. Ouch.

You see what you're letting yourself in for, Sam.

It's not too late. I won't hold you to it.

No, I won't back out.

The first thing I'm gonna do is get an electric razor.

We'll send them all to a reformatory.

Ouch! See what those girls have done.

Even a kiss hurts.

- Dinner's ready! - Ooh! I'm starved.

Ooh!

Wait, first to the dinner table, last at the alter.

That's an old saying, I just invented it.

I've been waiting a long time for this day.

Sam.

For 12 years, Nan, I thought I loved you

but I never realized until today

how much you really mean to me.

I'm glad, Sam.

As a businessman would phrase it, I love you as of today.

Ouch.

Well, you have to take it on the chin.

Oh, Nan.

Since it's only a matter of a few weeks

I think Sam should start

sitting at the head of the table.

Oh, do you really?

Mm-hmm.

Well, thank you, girls.

Very kind of you.

Quite large.

You're not superstitious, are you?

- We don't mind. - Oh, no, no.

If it's the neighbors you're afraid of we'll draw the blinds.

No, it'll give them something to talk about.

Alright, we'll let them see who's the head of the family.

'Oh, Mrs. Masters!'

Mrs. Masters, it's..

Penny, what is it?

It's..

He's here.

Hello, Nan.

Jim.

I'm annoyed with you, Nan.

Here I am, lot's of gray, more than my shirt has wrinkles.

You, you're as young as ever.

You fought off age

refused to recognize time.

You always were stubborn.

Now, without turning, I recognized that vocal acidity

has the property of our beloved and beautiful Penny.

Same old bunk.

Why didn't you let us know you were coming?

Why didn't you write?

You must be Linda?

No, I'm Cora.

- Hello, Cora. - Hello.

And of course you're Tinka.

I'm Linda.

Buff?

Tinka.

Tinka?

- You're easy. You're-- - Yes, I'm Buff.

Hello.

I didn't know we had a son.

Jim, this is Sam Sloane.

Glad to know you, Sam.

How do you do?

Sam and I are going to be married in a few weeks.

Oh, are you? That's fine.

You're doing very well too, Nan.

You're at least vice president

of the Chamber of Commerce, aren't you?

- Secretary. - Why, even better.

Of course, Elk, Shriner, Givares. Better Business Bureau.

Yes, of course.

You're chairman of the membership committee

of the Country Club, no doubt.

I founded the Country Club.

I suppose you know what you're doing.

Excuse me.

- Shall we have dinner? - Yes.

Yes, of course. Let's sit down.

Oh, uh, Penny, set a place for Mister..

Sloane.

Mr. Sloane.

Thank you.

Let's not make it more difficult.

Well, that fire looks good, doesn't it?

- Rocking chair, Sam. - Thanks.

- Smoke? - Well, thank you, Buff.

- Tobacco? - Hey, lot's of service..

- Ouch. - 'Did you make it, dear?'

Fine dinner, Nan. I enjoyed that roast.

You know, it reminds me of a roast I once fed

to an old cannibal chief in the Solomon Islands.

Had a remarkable effect on the old boy.

Say, I made that dessert.

Made a vegetarian out of him.

Will you have a liquor?

Thank you. That would be nice.

Thank you.

Penny, a liquor for Mr. Sloane.

Are you sure you're in love?

Of course, I am. What makes you think I'm not?

Well, you ate an enormous meal.

Thank you, Penny.

I hate to throw that cigarette away, it's almost whole.

Isn't that a pretty family picture?

Wish they had invited us to dinner.

Yeah.

- Hello, George. - Hello, dear.

Oh, such a beautiful flowers, George you shouldn't have done--

I walked down, I didn't take a cab

so the budget isn't affected.

- Hello. - Hello, Bill dear. Come in.

Cora, Tinka, here comes your bigamist.

I wish I could make up my mind about those two.

They're both so beautiful.

Why don't you have them draw straws for ya?

- That's a good idea. - Oh.

- Look out. - Hello.

- Oh, hello, darling. - Good evening.

- Good evening. - Hello, Eddie.

- Hello, George. - How are you, Mr. Sloane?

- How do you do, Mr. Sloane? - Hello, Eddie.

- How are you? - Fine.

- Oh, no! - Oh, no, you don't..

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

I'm afraid not here either.

I beg your pardon.

Is life guarding getting you in trim for football, Eddie.

Yes, sir, Mr. Sloane. I'm as hard as rock.

I ought to make the team next fall if--

If you don't drown first.

Yeah.

- Tinker, you're beautiful. - Say it to Cora.

- Y-you are too-- - I won't play second fiddle.

I wish I could make up my mind.

How's business, George?

No good. Not so good.

We've changed the name to Refuse Receptacles.

We've streamlined them

and we still can't sell those darn garbage cans.

I'm afraid you're a little ahead of your time.

Yeah, I guess, I guess I am.

If you're in town early next week

George, drop in and see me.

I may have something to talk to you about.

Well, thank you, Mr. Sloane. Did you hear that?

You think Sam looks different?

Well, I think Mr. Sloane looks fine.

He shouldn't, I'm gonna marry him in a few weeks.

- Congratulations, Mr. Sloane. - Thank you, George.

It's too bad we can't make it a double wedding

maybe we'll get a rate from the minister.

Quit talking like a husband already.

'A rate's a rate.'

You know, when a father is neglected in certain sections

of Malay, he collects a dozen human skulls and bangs on

them with the jaw bones of asses to attract attention to himself.

I find turning on the radio much more sensible.

Boys, I'd like you to meet a former member of the firm.

Jim Masters. Father of the girls and my ex-husband.

Well, I'm very happy to meet you, sir. I..

How do you do?

I've heard about you.

You have? I see.

And have you reached a verdict?

Yes, I have. I think..

Never mind.

I'll be quiet again.

Stuffy in here, isn't?

It is a little.

- Hi. - Hello, honey.

Hello, Johnny.

Let that be a warning to you, mother, never open doors.

Well, looks like Town Hall tonight. Hi, Mr. Sloane.

- Glad to see you. - Hello, Johnny.

- Hi, Johnny. - Hi, Johnny.

Nobody offer him a chair maybe he'll leave.

It's alright, folks, I'll sit at her feet.

How is Cory in her part?

Not bad, for a girl who talks through her nose.

I breathe through my nose, why shouldn't I talk through it?

Yes, a dramatic school in New York will take care of that.

My opinion, however, Buff is really

the actress in this family.

Really?

Yes, indeed.

Her pretending not to care for me

is one of the best pieces of acting I've this season.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

* My body lies over the ocean *

* My body.. **

Johnny, I'd like you to meet my former husband.

'Jim Masters.'

- Very glad to know you, sir. - Holy smoke!

You mean he abandoned you, the whole lot of you, what..

Well, it's out.

I might as well make this a public confession.

A little less than 20 years ago, I had the bad taste

and the poor judgment to leave my family and roam the world.

Just up and walked out on 'em, huh?

Deserted his wife and children?

Why, that's wonderful.

Well, a perfectly marvelous character for a play.

I'm very glad to know you, sir.

Well, I'm happy to know you.

Come to think of it, there might be a play on me.

I wouldn't care to see it of course.

Do you mind if I study you closely?

Oh, not at all, you'll find me a fascinating subject.

Thanks, I'll start thinking right away.

Oh, don't, don't do anything drastic on my account.

Buff, why don't you and Johnny take a walk on the beach.

Well, that would be a waste of time for Johnny.

There's no play in me.

Someday there will be.

Wives of great man are always good material.

Why don't you run along, Johnny?

I think I've got a sort of a date...I think.

I'll tell you what. Let's go down to the village and dance.

How about it, George? We'll have a swell time.

- Yeah. - Let's go.

I, uh, kind of thought, we'd spend the evening at home.

You know, we'll go easy on the budget.

Oh, there's no tax on fresh air.

Come on, Tinka. We'll take Eddie. While one talks..

The other sleeps.

Of course, this makes me very happy.

- 'Goodbye, mother.' - Have a good time.

Oh, girls, I think he needs a shave.

- Not again? - No, no, no.

Not until I'm legally in the family.

Come on now. Come on now.

'Come on.'

I don't want to be fatherly, girls, but don't be late.

What do you think, shall we take a cab up there or shall we walk?

What do you say we all walk?

Say, what do you mean, you have a sort of a date, with whom?

With uh, sort of a person.

I'm afraid I'll have to ask my future wife to be more specific.

Now, be a good boy, Johnny.

Run along home and fix your second act.

It's fixed.

I hear your third act's weak.

What third act isn't?

I wonder what time it is.

Maybe he meant sort of another evening, huh?

Maybe he did.

There's a dance in the village.

- You can't dance. - Oh, it's a ten minute walk.

You can teach me the fundamentals.

Come on, be a good sport.

Okay. One date's as bad as another.

- So long, mother. - Goodnight.

I won't let it spoil my evening.

Now, remember, Johnny, the first essential in dancing

is never to step on a lady's foot.

You've done a swell job with them, Nan.

Thanks.

- Uh, I'd like-- - 'Nan.'

I, uh..

...promised the judge that we'd go

and talk a little business tonight.

I'm sure his wife will enjoy your company.

I'm ready.

While we're in town shall we engage

a room for you at the inn?

I'm a little tired of inns.

I thought that perhaps..

...there might be..

You're welcome to the couch for a day or so.

Well, thanks, Nan. Thanks a lot.

- Shall we go? - See you later.

Good evening.

Hello. Who are you?

Huh?

Well, she said something to me

about her old lady and three or four sisters

but she didn't mention an old man.

Young fella, if this light were on

you could see I'm in the prime of life.

Far from an old man.

Well, you may not be in a wheelchair yet

but you're ain't in rompers either.

Come in.

Come in. So, I can have the pleasure of throwing you out.

How come she didn't mentioned you?

She ashamed of you?

- Who? - Huh?

That's funny, I forgot her name.

It must be one of your daughters.

I have four of them.

Well, uh, this one if you stretch the point

you could call cute.

They're all cute.

They all blonde?

Oh, you must mean Buff?

Now that's the one. Trot her out.

Young feller, you and your accordion are a little late.

She's out dancing with some young man

who had no trouble remembering her name.

There's a dame for you.

Out dancing when she could've been with me.

Well, no harm done.

I'll take a stroll down the beach and pick me up a mermaid.

Uh..

Come to think of it, she did mention you.

She said she had a sort of a date with a sort of a person.

Is that all she she say about me?

That's all I remember.

You sure she didn't go into detail?

One sentence was all she devoted to you.

Then, um..

How would you like to buy a historical relic?

A fragment from one of Moby Dick's teeth.

I'll tell you what I'll do with you

I'll let you have it for three bucks.

It'll go very nice on that bookshelf there.

You know that's about as phony a racket as I've ever come across.

It is, huh? How do you know?

Well, when you sell a historical relic

the first essential is to appear anxious not to sell it.

Now is the time for me to learn when I'm young.

Secondly, your price is much too low.

Well, I was asking five for it this afternoon

but on the advice of a judge, I cut it down to three.

Say..

Now, you got the heir of a man

who sold a few historical relics himself.

Well, I confess, once in Hong Kong, when I was desperate

I sold a relic of which I was only a part owner.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

Being a citizen of San Francisco

I sold my share of the Oakton Ferry to an Australian

who wish to make a gift of it to his fiancee.

And a very lovely fiancee.

You know, she had the most beautiful..

- Well, that's another story. - You've been to Hong Kong, huh?

My, boy, there is no spot on this earth I haven't been.

I bet you got a satchel full of stories.

Hmm.

I got the stories, alright.

The trouble is finding somebody who will listen.

Well, if there's a couple of bottles of beer

around the house..

...I might be persuaded to lend an ear.

If there isn't any, I'll make some.

I don't think it's wise to spend too much in the beginning.

Let the guys box on time.

I'll skip those first two payments.

Dollar and a half into fifty eight dollars.

Oh, I better do that long division.

This is the one time I wish I were a wallflower.

Just keep in time with the orchestra.

Just another form of regimentation.

Cash raised, $58 and a dollar and a half a week

that's only 38 weeks.

Linda, would you come and help to take the shine off my nose?

Yes.

Too many pretty girls here tonight.

Keep your eyes on the tablecloth.

We're in $40. Sold twice as much.

I wish his hair was thinning so I'd be sure of it.

- Hiya, girls. - Hi, hello.

Well, what do you think of that father of ours?

- Shh! - Shh!

Has anybody got a bright, red lipstick mine's grown anemic?

Here. Make yourself beautiful for Eddie.

Oh, I didn't think of that.

Maybe I'd better blacken out a couple of teeth.

Now, what do you think of him?

We all know what to think of him.

Walking in just when mother's set to marry Sam.

The problem is, how to get rid of him?

Why, is he staying?

Mother offered him the couch for the night.

Say, mother isn't going soft on him, is she?

I don't think so. She didn't say a word about blankets.

Hey, did anybody notice his eyes?

They are rather nice, blue.

What are you doing? Defending him?

Give me a piece of tissue.

Just because I happen to say

he had nice eyes, read your history.

Some of the foulest people had the nicest eyes.

Well, I've noticed them. They're only fair.

Besides, they are not blue, they're brown.

Well, you're crazy. They're blue--

Oh, Cora, why are you..

Now, wait a minute, we're not getting any place.

What we need is a plan, in case he intends staying.

Why does he stay?

A man who's wandered around the world all his life.

Say, you've got too much powder.

Whether he plans to stay or not, we've got to get rid of that

that indescribable monster as soon as possible.

- Right. - Now, wait a minute.

I'm still not trying to defend him

but after all, I don't think

we ought to call our father an indescribable monster.

Alright, if you want me to, I'll describe him

but the air will be blue.

I dislike him just as much as you all do

but well, he did bring us into the world.

Alright, that entitles him to one nights lodging.

- Is that better? - Much better.

But if you ask me, he's got to go.

We don't need a definite plan.

All we've got to do is to show him that he's not wanted.

- We'll freeze him out. - Freeze him out?

Not with a man who's been to Siberia.

It's agreed then. We all have a popular front against him.

And nobody weakens.

- Nobody. - Nobody.

- Cora? - Cora?

Nobody.

Now, in case anyone does began to feel sorry for him

remember our motto, he shall not pass.

In other words, Verdun.

- Verdun. - Yeah.

Say, that's a marvelous idea.

Now when anyone starts to weaken, we'll just say "Verdun."

- Yes. That's a swell idea. - Yeah.

I'm sure we'll remember that. Verdun.

We'll show him he can't come popping around

after 20 years certainly.

Certainly.

I could swear his eyes are blue.

'And so I drank the native wine, signifying eternal friendship.'

It was a touching scene as I bid the Mahaboos farewell.

"For eight years," I said, "I've been your chief.

"I've given you modern plumbings, surrealist art

"a smattering of air-conditioning.

"I hope that in time, you forgive me.

"And so I'll leave you, before I bequeath

to any more of the horrors of civilization."

I've listened to you for two hours

and two hours more solidly packed with baloney

I never listened to in all my life.

Well, perhaps I did lie a little.

Do you know, my boy, as you go older, you'll find

there's nothing duller than the truth..

...the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

You kicked around the world, all this time

and you got nothing out of it at all.

I wanna see this world, too. That's all I care about.

I wanna get out of this hole. But it's not wanderlust with me.

Who cares what New York or Copenhagen

or Singapore looks like?

They're probably all look like Sacramento.

They all do. Except Sacramento.

What's going on in this world?

Things are happening all around us. Why are they happening?

Did you ever see so much hate in one universe?

Or who sets it off and why?

You read this in the papers and that.

One person tell you one thing

another person tells you something else.

Well, who you are gonna believe?

They all got an axe to grind.

I'm shut up here I know from nothing.

But I'm gonna find out. I'm gonna find out for myself.

Let me tell you one thing.

They don't keep Gabriel Lopez in the dark.

Well, listen, don't take it out on me, I'm not keeping you here.

I'm sorry, pop. I get too excited.

Hmm.

Let me tell you another thing.

When I find out, I'm gonna do something about it.

Okay by me.

That's why I sell phony relics.

That's why I'm in hot water all the time.

I wanna get enough dough to get out of here and I want it quick.

Think I want to be stuck here like my poor pop

work like a seahorse all his life.

What's he got to show for all these years of sweat.

Callous' in the strangest places and me for a son.

This is one fine house. No beer.

Well, I've been gone for 20 years.

They've let the place run down.

We'll soon institute some reforms.

Meantime, have some of the white wine of the Mahaboos.

Signifying an eternal friendship, huh?

Sure. Why not?

You know, we're not so far apart, we two.

We both suffer from wanderlust.

Although, I must say, you've got it with trimmings.

Things I do for a friend.

Eternal friendship or no eternal friendship

I'm going for a beer.

Say, it's almost 11:00, I've gotta go.

Just when I'm beginning to have a good time.

I'm sorry, but it says right here in the training rules.

"In bed by 11:00 and two glasses of hot water."

Signed by the coach. Come on, girls. Goodbye, everybody.

Eddie, couldn't you have four glasses of hot water

and stay up until 12:00?

That sounds reasonable, but I've have to ride the coach.

You don't have to be in such perfect shape

just to sit on the bench.

I'm just a night owl.

You can't get me away when I'm havin' a good time.

Oh, I didn't know it was that late.

We got to be going.

Cover charge in two minutes?

It's only $2.

I know, but I'm broke. I spent my allowance.

Take it out of the savings, it's only $2.

Oh, it's more than that.

I charge myself six percent.

Alright, let's go.

- Goodnight, Buck. - Goodnight.

'What are you leaving so soon?'

- Yeah, we-we're going. - Goodnight, John.

Now, let's hurry.

I hope my watch isn't slow.

Well, here we are, stuck with the check as usual.

Well, it makes interesting reading.

How about a dance?

Why don't you just beat me on the head with a club?

I'll pick it up when I'm in the mood.

- Glass of your best beer. - Glass of best beer?

Yes, sir.

What's the idea? Where are you going?

- Hello. - Hi.

Johnny, this is Gabriel Lopez. Johnny Heming.

- Glad to know you. - Hiya.

Oh, just put that on our bill.

Uh, yes, ma'am.

Who brought you here?

Uh, Johnny.

Who's taking you home?

Johnny.

Sounds fair enough.

They drink better beer in Brooklyn.

Well, glad to have met you.

- So long. - So long.

Uh, I'm not in the mood.

Johnny, what time do you get up mornings?

- About 8:00. - About 8:00?

Well, if you take me home you won't get to bed till 12:00

that means only eight hours sleep.

Playwrights, need more. Goodnight, see you later.

Hey, but..

Check, sir.

Gabriel..

...there's been a change of plans, you're taking me home.

Well, uh, that was the general idea, wasn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Tinka.

Do you think we should let him freeze?

I think it's our duty to.

All the same, I'm gonna get him a blanket or two.

- Cora. - What?

- Verdun. - That starts tomorrow.

Maybe I ought to go in and say goodnight to your old man, huh?

Now, listen, if you're going to come around here to see me

you've got to promise not to be friendly to my father.

We're all dead set against him.

Who says I'm comin' around to see you?

Who says you're not?

You a natural blonde?

Practically. A lemon rinse now and then.

I'm takin' the old man's boat out tomorrow

at 6:00 to the Maine Wharf.

I'll be there.

If you got a good book, stay home and read it.

Then, why did you mention taking the boat out?

Alright, alright, be there.

Make that 5:00 instead of 6:00.

And, uh, better bring your book along.

Shall we begin?

Alright, here's the set-up.

I've just gotten out of

and I've come to you for a job.

I have a letter from a friend

and you've just finished reading that letter.

- You begin. - Okay.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Martin, I can't do anything for you right now.

Perhaps in a few months."

Please, Mr. Trimble, I need that job.

There are three people at home depending on me, I've..

I've gotta have a job.

Why..

...that's very good.

Is-is that all?

Mm-hmm.

I look at him, realize it's hopeless and walk out.

The old scallywag.

Why, he could at least have..

...have given you a letter to Smithy.

I'll take that up with the playwright.

Gosh, how am I ever gonna attract attention in that part?

I'm off before I'm on.

You know, there's an old theatrical trick.

I did develop it once in New York with a group.

All you do is just move your chair up stage a bit.

There's your audience. Come on, Cora.

Then Trimble, will have to look at you

and all the audience will see of him during

the entire scene will be the back of his neck.

You'll be the cynosure of all eyes.

Why, that's wonderful.

I couldn't do that to him. He's the star of the play.

Well, not when you're on the stage, he's not.

And when the audience looks at you, what will they see?

Just a girl who has a few lines to say and then runs off?

Not at all.

You'll epitomize for them

the problems of the world today.

The struggle of their own lives.

Long after you've left the stage

they'll be wondering about you.

Has she found a job yet?

How many Trimbles did she run away from?

You're the thread off or on that holds the play together.

Are you sure it's my part you're talkin' about?

Well, that's the way I see it.

Gosh, you make me feel good.

I'm really the big shot of the play.

You know, you're not such an ogre after all

no matter what they say.

In fact, I've got a couple of good qualities if you look deep.

You might as well know this.

There's sort of a popular front against you.

We girls formed it last night, but..

...I don't feel that way anymore.

If you ask me..

...I think you're alright.

Do you?

Of course, I don't want the other girls to know that

I've deserted them so quickly, so..

...if anybody's around, you won't mind

if I act sort of cool and distant?

You know how it is?

I certainly do.

Well, I better be going.

Goodbye, Penny.

So long.

I guess that irresistible charm of yours

didn't work on your daughter.

I'm saving it for you, Penny.

Oh, you..

Mm, delicious.

Delicious.

* La di la ra *

* La da da ri la da da ri *

* La di *

* La da di da da di *

* La da di *

* La da di da da di *

* La da di *

* La da di da da da *

* La da di *

* La la la di *

* La da *

* They say *

* I shouldn't dream of your face *

*In the moon *

* They say *

* All of my dreams will be nightmares *

* Too soon *

* Let them say let them think *

* What they want to *

* If it makes them feel happy *

* That way*

* I know *

* I'll always love you *

* No matter *

* What *

*They say **

I've played this tune for two hours.

One song wisely used

should last a person a lifetime.

Just like foreign watch to stop when you need it the most.

Can't you tell time by the moon?

A good sailor ought to.

It's the sun, you tell the time by.

The moon is just an ornament.

I'm sorry to trouble you, but we haven't seen her all day.

You haven't? No, she didn't come in for dinner.

Well, thank you, Mrs. Wehring.

The Wehrings haven't seen her.

I think I'll call Johnny.

Are you sure Buff didn't say where she was going?

No, she didn't. I'm positive.

Buff's a grown up girl, mother. She knows what she's doing.

With all this excitement I can't concentrate on my script.

Penny, are you sure Buff didn't leave a message

in a milk bottle or something?

It's not like her not to be here for dinner.

She didn't say a thing to me. I didn't hear anything.

Well, she isn't with Johnny

but he thinks she might be with someone called Gabriel Lopez.

He says she left the dance with him last night.

That's impossible. She wouldn't be with Gabriel.

He's not her type. Besides, I wouldn't permit it.

Gabriel's good-hearted, but...why, he's almost a thief.

- Well, she's not with Gabriel. - How would you know?

Well, she told me she was going to Selena's for some shopping.

The bus probably broke down.

Why didn't you tell us before? Really, Jim--

Why don't you all go to a movie and relax?

- I'll wait up for Buff. - That's a good idea.

The movie's in Technicolor. We'll get three--

- Here's your sweater, mother. - Thank you, darling.

Come on, Tinka darling.

Buff never said a single word to you.

You're an awful liar.

Don't act as if you made a great discovery.

I've known it for years.

You know..

...seeing you this way..

...half a face at a time.

You look pretty good.

Of course, it maybe the moon

that's hitting you just at the right angle.

No, the moon won't tell you the time.

It certainly won't go out of it's way

to make a girl look beautiful.

Whatever it is, you look beautiful.

Uh, I wish I knew another song.

Oh, no, you're not gonna change the subject on me now.

What's the idea?

If you kiss me now, we'll save a lot of time.

You and me...nah.

It's not written in the books.

We'll never get together.

How do you know? What makes you so sure?

I just know.

There's always something a man wants

he can't ever get.

You're it for me.

I'll have everything else.

I'll get out of this place.

Find what I'm looking for.

Do what I wanna do.

I'll have everything but you.

You didn't impress me one bit.

In fact, I wasn't even listening.

It's true. Just the same.

Come on, help me pull the net up, will you?

Boy, mother must be worried.

Why? Doesn't she know you're out with me?

- No. - Why didn't you tell her?

Mother likes you, but not as a companion for her daughter.

Well, mother knows best.

Out four hours.

One underage fish.

Oh, he's cute.

Well, at least, it'll show pop I put the net in the water.

Oh, Gabriel, throw him back, please.

- Why? - Well, look at him.

Doesn't he seem to be appealing to you personally?

He's barking up the wrong tree.

Well, it'd be different, if you'd caught thousands of 'em

but one poor little fish.

Why you snatched him away from his family and friends?

Alright, go back to papa and mamas, stinker.

Thanks.

Yoo-hoo!

Hey!

Anybody home? Oh..

Oh, no, no.

Nobody will be home till the morning.

They've all gone to a double feature.

- Hello. - Hello.

You must be starved.

What makes you think I didn't have any dinner?

Well, you were out with Gabriel Lopez.

If you got potato chips, you were lucky.

How did you know I was out with Gabriel?

Well, that's neither here nor there.

Turkey legs in the kitchen..

...if you're hungry.

Mm, it's beautiful.

It can't be Penny's work. It's too neatly arranged.

Well, Penny did the cooking.

- I did the assembly. - Thanks.

- Mother very much worried? - No.

I told her you'd gone to Selena's

to do some shopping.

Oh, I don't understand.

- Why did you lie? - Mostly from force of habit.

Although, I did rather gather

that your mother wouldn't be too pleased

if she knew that you were out with Gabriel.

I see.

I can understand mother's attitude though.

You can't grow very fond of someone

you're always saving from jail.

But she doesn't know Gabriel the way I do.

Of course, not.

Known him a long time, haven't you?

Well, uh, two days.

Well, you needn't sound so apologetic.

I spent only an hour with Gabriel and I can tell you

there's nothing really wrong with that boy.

Will you tell that to mother?

Well, don't you think that with my standing in the community

it would be a much better strategy

if I denounce Gabriel to your mother?

Then, she'd probably think much more highly of him.

Yes. Yes, you're right.

Your praise would be poison.

Maybe I better keep my mouth shut.

- If you can. - Well, I'll try.

Naturally, I can't guarantee anything.

You know, all the other boys

are so A-B-C run-of-the-mill

but Gabriel, you never know

what he's gonna do or say.

Whenever you're with him there's..

...there's always a thunderstorm coming up.

You have to fight hard to catch a breath.

You saved this food for me

you lied for me

and you like Gabriel.

Listen, dad..

I mean..

...well, anyway, I've always wondered..

...why did you run out on us?

No picturesque reason.

Just plain old-fashioned wanderlust.

You know, I imagined I had a rendezvous with the universe.

A doctor who has a cure for that

will find a statue waiting for him.

- You could've come back. - Too ashamed.

Took all those years to scrape together enough courage.

You know, when I crashed into the dinning room

and slipped into Sam's chair

I looked pretty calm and confident, didn't I?

Well, I can still show the bruising

where my knees were knocking together.

Well, of course, you didn't know us very well

but mother, didn't you ever think of her?

Your mother was warned against me.

She was told what would happen.

It was pounded into it.

Don't marry that lunatic.

Hook somebody safe and solid.

Why wasn't Sam around then?

And who did the warning and pounding?

I did.

I'm afraid I didn't sound very sincere.

You sure nobody's home?

Nobody.

You know I'm gonna tell you something.

Nobody around this house likes you.

In fact, there's a popular front against you.

- Guess I deserve it. - You certainly do.

But you know, I've had a lot of fun talking to you tonight.

You're very understanding and you like Gabriel.

That definitely shows a lot of character.

I wouldn't be surprised if we became good friends

after a while.

That'll be worth waiting for.

In the meantime, to keep up appearances, if, uh..

...if anybody's around..

...we'll just act as if we never had this talk.

You know what I mean?

I know what you mean.

There's Tinka and Cora now. I'd better get out of here.

Goodnight, dad.

Goodnight.

'Have you got everything, Sam?'

'Now I leave it up to you girls. Is it fair?'

I own this house, my name is on the deed, legal and everything.

And just because he says there's isn't room enough

to toss around on the couch

I have to take the couch and he gets my room

with the double box spring mattress.

Well, it's a shame. He's taking advantage of you.

If I were you, I'd see a good lawyer.

- I used to be a lawyer. - You have property rights.

Now, be fair, Sam. After all, he offered you the couch.

Now, Sam, you've always wanted to rough it.

Here's your chance.

Oh, where can we put these things?

- Let's put 'em in the closet. - Yeah.

You'd better get Jim's permission.

Buff, I'm surprised with you. I have never..

- Hello, everybody. - Hello.

- Hello. - Nan around?

She's in town, but she'll be back any minute.

Oh, well, the roses will keep.

I love birthdays, don't you?

Depends on whose it is and how many.

Well, I don't know how many years

Nan confesses to these days

but I bought a rose for each year.

You don't mean that today's mother's birthday?

It is. What date is it?

By George, with all the excitement of the play opening

I clean forgot.

Is there a florist?

Is there a jeweler?

I wanted to get her a bracelet.

What's the number? Let's see..

We've got to do something.

- Oh, here she comes. - Hello?

- Information? - Penny?

It's too late.

She's already here. It's too late.

Here. You take them.

It's much more important that you should remember.

Oh, no, no, no. Thank you. I couldn't do that.

Don't be silly. Take them.

There was a sale in the shop, anyway.

And it might be better if you forgot a few years.

Hey, girls, you give the cake to Nan.

- Oh, we couldn't-- - Now don't talk nonsense.

- You do as you're told to-- - But you brought the cake.

Here.

We never make much of a fuss over birthdays.

Oh.

"Happy birthday!"

- More expense. - The girls need these tonight.

Take them up to the bedroom. Have you started dinner?

- Why, of course. - It has to be early tonight.

We're going to the theater, you know.

I was never so tired in my life.

Whew! I'll never go shopping again on dolliday.

* Happy birthday to you *

* Happy birthday to you *

*Happy birthday dear mother *

* Happy birthday to you **

Is it really my birthday?

It certainly is. Happy birthday, mother.

Oh, Sam, yellow roses. You know, I love them.

Yes, there was a sale at the florist's

and as it coincided with your birthday, I thought--

Thanks. It was sweet of you to remember.

We caught him in the act of phoning Tiffany's too.

Yes, there's a sale there. There's a sale everywhere.

- Oh, Sam. - 'Thank you, Nan.'

My gift to you would be the fact that I won't tell

these people about the time you were 20

crying on my shoulder because you were getting old.

That was a long time ago.

My cake.

- Isn't it lovely? - It's a lovely cake, isn't it?

- It's beautiful. - Yes.

Um, uh, there is, there's something in the garden

we'd like you to see. Wouldn't we, Linda?

- Yes, there is. - Oh, oh, yes, yes.

I was noticing it just the other day. Mm-hmm.

I wanted to ask your advice on something.

We just want to tell you that what you did for Sam

was really awfully swell.

I'd do it for myself.

Did you have the flowers arranged just this way..

...with the corsage?

Well, I left it up to the florist. I..

It develops their initiative.

I thought they'd be nice for the theater.

Mother, may I borrow a pair of your stockings?

- What? Again, darling? - Yes, when I was--

Oh, never mind. They're up in the top drawer.

We'll have to rush. Mother, we'll meet you at the theater.

'Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who are "We?"'

Gabriel and I. I'm picking him up at the cannery.

Oh, Buff, darling, I've asked you time and time again

not to go on seeing him.

Do you want me to turn into an old-fashioned mother

and put you on bread and water?

But, mother, he's a reformed character.

He's got a job at the cannery and he's working hard.

He hasn't complained once.

Really, he's a changed man.

And you know what Freud says in his latest book.

"Mothers should definitely not interfere."

Well, there's a new edition out and he's reversed himself.

It's alright now for mothers to interfere.

I'm sorry, darling, I do not approve Gabriel

and neither does Sam.

- Do you, Sam? - Whatever you say, dear.

- Well, father likes him. - Oh, he does, does he?

Well, that proves my point, doesn't it?

I think I have something to say to your father.

I don't think it'll help.

Sam, you wouldn't mind giving Jim

a piece of your mind, would you?

I would not. I gave him my room.

That's enough.

Naturally, we wouldn't want Buff and Cora to think

that-that we..

I understand perfectly.

Now you act as snip as you like, daughters

so they'll think the popular front is still on.

Here's mother. Come on.

Remember, it's a deal.

Pay no attention to him, mother.

He's a man utterly without understanding.

Jim, have you been encouraging Buff to carry on with Gabriel?

You look lovely, Nan.

And you always had a special sort of bloom on your birthday.

No nonsense, you faltered it alright

to influence your children.

Well, that's true, Nan, I didn't have

the right to encourage Buff.

Neither did I have the right to discourage her.

So I merely look wise. She mistook it for approval.

You are birds of a feather, you and Gabriel.

I've always thought of myself

as a magnificently exclusive specie.

However, there's room for Gabriel

if he'd like to join.

Jim, why did you come back?

Penny's cooking.

Of course, I know it was you who sent me the roses.

You had them arranged just as you always had them arranged

all those years.

Weren't bad years, were they, Nan?

No, they weren't. Not when you look back on them.

You mustn't be too hard on Sam. Anybody can forget.

Now don't go defending Sam or I'll think

there's something the matter with him too.

Anyway, thanks for the roses.

They're a peace offering, Nan.

The first miserable step on the road to repentance.

It's a long road, Jim. That was a major offense.

Walking out on a wife and four children.

Hold it, Tinka, while I call mother.

Alright.

Mother!

Mom, come here and have a look at the dress

I'm wearing tonight. Don't waste time.

We've got important things to do. Come on, mother.

Hey, Cora!

That's no way to talk to father.

I didn't mean to hurt him.

I know, but don't you think..

What about her dance?

Well, uh..

Where's the dress?

Well, it's on a chair there, mother.

Don't tell me you're going to the play with that beard?

Huh?

Well, there's a Tibetan tribe that considers

a clean-shaven face a mark of disrespect.

Well, you're not in Tibet.

- Girls, he needs a shave. - What?

- He needs a shave. - He needs a shave.

He needs a shave.

Now, listen to me, a lot of very funny things

have been done to me, but I've never been shaved by--

We'll make a out of you.

'Probably the best shave you've ever had.'

And the closest. Have you got the towel?

Oh, you can't escape from this this time.

- Gangway. - Hey, that's my shaving stuff.

Ah! There she is.

- 'Come on.' - 'Over here.'

'Come on, scalp ready.'

I hope this is a short play.

The coach wants me to be asleep by 10:30.

If it's the kind of play I think it is

you'll be asleep before 10:30.

...I believe that.

The actors have been rehearsing with the furniture

this way for weeks, it'll upset them.

It's much more important that the room looks right.

Wouldn't you think, with Johnny Heming almost in the family

we'd get a couple of passes?

How can you enjoy a play if you have to pay for it?

- Come on. - Hurry up, Buff.

- Good luck, Johnny. - Thanks.

Well, I know it's gonna be grand, Johnny. Good luck.

Uh, you wouldn't like

to sort of add a little weight

to those words, would you?

Sure.

That the best you can do?

Under the circumstances.

Certain circumstances being Gabriel?

Well, I suppose in the long run, it's better to be known

as a great playwright than a happy husband.

Ha ha. Who ever asked a happy husband for his autograph?

- Yeah. - 'Places, please. Places.'

Go ahead. Get to your seat before some scalper sells it.

'This is Mr. Trimble speaking.'

'I think it'd be a clever idea to open a concessional'

'San Francisco fair.'

'Also another in New York.'

'Yes, that'll boost our products'

'and give us a coast to coast reputation.'

- 'Mr. Trimble?' - 'Yes.'

'There's a Ms. Martin to see you.'

'Ms. Martin? What does she want?'

'She has a letter from a friend of yours.'

'It says she's just out of Vassar.'

'What, another college girl?'

'Alright, show her in.'

Shh!

'Think of the thousands of unemployed.'

People who struggle for their daily bread

with mothers and fathers depending on them.

Yet you modern girls come here

and expect jobs to grow on trees.

Well, I'll have to disillusion you.

I'm sorry, Ms. Martin, but I can't

do anything for you right now.

Perhaps, in about three months time.

Please, Mr. Trimble

I need that job.

There are three people at home depending on me.

I can't go back to them.

I can't. I..

She looked so lovely.

Don't you think you've had this on--

Oh, that's my duty.

- Ah! Ouch. - Ha ha ha.

Well, we used

for as after he'd appointed me royal barber.

You girls couldn't have spared the offer.

Oh, here's Cora now.

Cora, you were simply wonderful.

'Oh, Cora, you were wonderful.'

You know, darling, I could hardly keep from shouting

to the audience that I'm your mother.

Oh, thank you, mom.

I'll have Johnny mention it in his curtain speech.

Another thing he might mention is the fact

that on September 15th Ms. Cora Masters starts

with the National Academy Of Dramatic Art.

Sam, now really? But it's so expensive.

Well, I can cut down on my cigar money.

Oh, Sam!

Give me a year or two and I'll really show you

some scene stealing.

By the way, George, I have an announcement for you

if you promise to refrain from this method

of showing your appreciation.

Yes, sir.

I talked to our directors and beginning Monday

there'll be a desk for you in our organization.

- Oh, Sam, that's wonderful. - Don't thank me now.

I'm sorry, I can't start you up more impressively.

You're just one of our vice presidents.

I'd just like to see somebody

try to stop me from thanking you. I think..

After the show, George, after the show.

Yes, after the show.

It's funny how quickly I begin to feel like an executive.

Uh, by the way, Jim, how about a quick smoke?

Oh, not a bad idea at all.

Here we are.

Hmm, if Angels smoked, this is their brand.

Though I doubt if they can afford them

on their present salaries.

- Masters. - Hmm?

There's something you and I..

Look, this isn't very much of a play.

Do you mind if you miss a bit of it?

I'll talk.

Well, the fact is, Jim--

There's something you want to get off your chest.

- Yes, there is. - Come on, let's sit down.

Now, I thought that perhaps a good straight from the shoulder

heart to heart talk would go with the cigar.

I'm afraid it does.

We're a very happy family here, Masters.

I'm in love with Nan and Nan's in love with me.

And I'm crazy about the girls

and they're more than a little fond to me.

Not a false note in the picture.

Then you had to come walking in.

You see, two fathers in one household

make things a little top-heavy.

I'll admit you've won the girls over

either by some peculiar sort of charm or..

...perhaps it's because they don't know any better.

Well, let's just say they don't know any better.

I know the girls still want me to marry Nan, but..

...frankly, Jim, they still want you around.

If you stay I haven't much of a chance.

Whether you want to or not, you'll win away

every scrap of affection they have for me.

Stacked up alongside of you

they'll see me for what I really am.

A dull, pedantic head of a corporation.

And then what would happen?

One fine day, you will up and leave.

That's the kind of a person you are.

And think how that would hurt them.

They'd never feel the same towards me.

All that old beautiful, carefree relationship

would be a thing of the past.

But Nan and I, we feel that if you'd cut your visit short..

...go away before the girls grew too fond of you

things wouldn't be changed.

Look, Jim, you know what I'm trying to say, don't you?

Yes, I know.

Then do I even get the usual two weeks' notice?

You underestimate your charm.

In two weeks I'd be sunk.

I've been so busy making money

that I haven't had a chance

to realize how lonely I'd be.

All I want to do now is to make Nan and the girls happy.

I can, if you'll let me.

Oh, mother, please, I know what he was

and what he did, but that doesn't mean--

Yes, it does. A leopard doesn't change it's spots.

Now, you're just throwing proverbs at me.

The very fact that you can't be original

shows you haven't got a leg to stand on.

Oh, here's your gloves.

You're under discussion, Gabriel.

Maybe you'd better leave.

Oh, I don't mind being the center of attraction.

The question is, am I worth it?

For the last time, Buff, I'm asking you to come home with us.

Not to see Gabriel tonight or any other night.

Mother, that sounds very close to an ultimatum.

It is.

The fact is, Buff, your mother and I have decided

not to put it off any longer.

We're getting married tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Yes, and all I'm asking you

to do is to get in the car

and come home with us now.

It's your mind. Make it up.

- Jim, what shall I do, Jim? - What do you want to do, Buff?

- Oh, go with Gabriel. - Go ahead.

I'm sorry, mother. Sorry, Sam.

'Marriage? I don't know.'

'Think what you're letting yourself in for.'

'I'm a whacky guy, I could work 24 hours a day'

I'll never have a dime.

Look at the bright side. No income tax.

Look at your menu. Canned fish.

Maybe seven days a week.

You can 'em, I'll eat 'em.

A girl like you, why, you're geared for the best.

Perfumes from the Arabi, spices from Damascus.

I'll have Jim tell me about them.

They're better that way.

What makes you think I'll stick around here?

The first good wind that comes along will take me with it.

I got a date with the world.

That's funny.

Jim said the same thing.

Only he was fancier.

"A rendezvous with the universe" he called it.

Oh, Johnny Heming.

There's the boy for you.

I personally guarantee he'll stay put.

Dad tried to talk mother out of marrying him too.

She didn't listen either.

What a family tree you'll grow out of us two nuts.

Jim!

I couldn't sleep, so I took a turn along the beach.

Now I'm wide awake.

Jim, Gabriel and I have decided that..

Well, it's no use trying to win mother over.

She's too sensible. So we're going to elope.

- When? - Tomorrow.

Well, aren't you gonna make a show of trying to stop us?

On the contrary, you have my official blessing.

Some people would regard it as

equivalent to a witch's curse.

It's all we want.

You two kids..

Oh, I never was sentimental about marriage

and I'm not gonna start now.

Dad.

Goodnight, dad.

Goodnight, Buff.

Yes?

- May I come in? - Yes, Jim.

Just a minute.

Oh, no, that wrinkle is still there.

Nan, Sam and I have been having a little talk.

Yes, I know all about it.

I don't want to go, Nan.

You've been here almost two weeks.

Isn't that a record for you?

And I never want to go.

How long will you feel this way, Jim?

Well, do you know what the past few years have been like, Nan?

Of course, if you were to keep moving

that burned itself out long ago.

But I had to keep on going

because I didn't dare to come home.

One hour meeting joints, one room in smelly boarding houses.

I wouldn't have minded the one room so much

if the wallpaper weren't eternally peeling.

Twenty years of it, Nan.

I'm sick to death of

trains and ships and strangers and cut-rate buses.

You don't know what these few weeks have done to me.

The wallpaper intact.

Two weeks without setting foot on a train

even a trolley car.

I love my daughters, Nan.

I love you.

I want my family back.

Don't send me away.

Don't send me back.

Well, let's look at the other side of the picture.

You say, I can't marry Sam.

I'd get over that, I suppose.

But what about the children?

What happens to Cora's dream of dramatic school?

And George?

No desk for him.

He'll go on ringing doorbells

trying to sell streamline refuse cans.

And Linda will wait until he's scraped enough pennies together

so they can be married.

And you know the one thing she wants more than anything else

in the world is her own home.

And her own paid-up furniture so she can rearrange it.

Oh, Sam would still want to give them these things

but...you don't know your daughters if you think

they'd let him do it.

And I wouldn't want him to, would you?

No.

The worst of it is..

...you'd never know their disappointment.

They never reproach you by a word or a look.

But you'd always know what you'd done

to their lives and so would they.

They could have everything they wanted.

I, I'm not a fool, I've got brains.

- I could go into business. - Young men's talk, Jim.

There's Buff, our youngest.

You remember what you said the day she was born?

You were so set on a boy.

You raised your eyes towards heaven..

"I don't want to complain," I said

"but this is getting monotonous."

I've never forgotten anything I've ever said.

Buff's in trouble, Jim.

Gabriel's not for her.

I don't know how to explain it, but..

...your presence here adds to his enchantment.

Somehow Buff thinks your charm glows in him.

It's not you fault, but your stamp of approval is on him.

If you stay here, she'll run off with him, I'm sure.

And then he'll do to her just what you did to me

break her heart.

What do you think life was like

after you scooted off?

What do you..

I'm sure Buff is headed for the same misery

that even...now I can't bring myself to describe.

I'm doing the pleading now, Jim.

You say you love your children.

If you do, you must go.

'And you must never come back.'

Well, thanks for the last two weeks anyway, Nan.

That'll make glorious remembering.

And thanks for all the things you didn't say.

You might have pointed out the beautifully poetic justice

of a man deserting his family 20 years ago

and being deserted by them now.

Or you might have thrown together a few maxims.

Sins cast from the waters coming home to roost.

Or you might merely have reminded me

this is my past catching up with me.

Final accounting.

Case of delayed bookkeeping.

You might have said all these things..

...but you didn't.

I don't know if my prayers get much attention in heaven..

...but they're all for you and Sam.

'...apartment in the city is easy.'

'Just two rooms.'

"Oh, I think we oughta have a little home in the country.

'After all, the vice-president's got to live up to..'

'I wonder if he'll ever have..'

Say, I wonder if it would cost a lot of money

and move this house closer to the beach.

- What? Move this house? - People move houses.

Why, dad..

Come in.

- Hello, dad. - Dad.

How about it? Should I or should I not accept Hollywood offers?

Do you think George ought to wear wing collars to work?

- Well? - Tell me.

- Say, why so glum? - Huh?

You don't feel badly about mother marrying Sam, do you?

- No. - That doesn't mean anything.

We're four daughters, we could use two fathers.

I could use some sleep. I'm not glum, just tired.

Even a man of my amazing energy..

Go ahead and go to bed.

We want you to look beautiful tomorrow.

Anybody says you aren't, we'll fight them.

Well, I like to think of myself as distinguished-looking

rather than just beautiful.

- Goodnight, Cora. - Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Linda, I'll give you my newest dress

if you get this fish out of here.

Meet you tomorrow at four at fifth and main.

Now, let's be sentimental about it.

At the courthouse by the statue of justice

where we first met.

Okay.

You're beautiful... and...everything.

I love you, and everything.

Hello. What are you doing here?

Got a few minutes, Gabe?

Well, um, my lunch hour's almost over.

I won't keep you long, I'm leaving town.

What's the matter? The family give you your walking papers?

Well, I wanted to get going myself.

But they made the motion, and I seconded it.

Well, if they don't like you, you can stay with Buff and me.

You can sleep over the furnace.

In the meantime, have some

of the white wine of the Mahaboos.

Signifying eternal friendship.

Which brings me to the business of the afternoon.

I don't want you to marry Buff.

Always leave 'em laughin', is that your idea?

I don't want you to marry Buff.

I don't get it. You seemed to be all for it last night.

Makes no sense in the sunlight.

Now, you know very well that you and Buff--

I get it. Your heart isn't in this.

You're just saying a speech for Buff's old lady.

Well, you can go back and tell her my answer is no.

I'm asking it myself.

Do it for my sake and for Buff's.

Well, I'm meeting Buff this afternoon.

We're, we're supposed to get marr..

Well, you can run away if you want to.

But as Shakespeare, Babe Ruth or somebody said

I'm made of sterner stuff.

I'm staying right here in this town

with Buff Lopez. Yeah.

And what's more, I'll make her happy

and I'm no fortune teller either.

Listen, Gabe, you couldn't make

Buff or anybody else happy.

Do you know why?

Because you're just like me.

There's only one thing in this world we're good at.

And that's making people miserable.

Nah, don't give me

any of that paper cover philosophy.

You listen to me. I quit selling whales' teeth because of Buff.

I wear ties because of her, I watch my English because of her.

Well, look, I even went to work because of her.

And I'm not giving her up.

Goodbye, Jim.

Give my regards to the chief of Mahaboos.

Two sweethearts embarking on a sea of matrimony.

Doesn't that inspire you?

I wouldn't get married on such short notice.

Cuts down awfully on the wedding presents.

- Oh! - What's the difference?

You'll have to hide half of them anyway.

Oh, Cora, you know George wouldn't do that.

You bet he wouldn't, he'd take them back

to store to get credit for them.

Well, what's the matter with that?

You look like a Derby winner.

Giddyup!

Wait till Jim sees this.

Oh, my goodness!

- What happened? - Hello, Tinka.

Can you beat it? I had to go and slip on the steps this morning.

Oh, you poor dear, and just before the football season.

- Yeah. Hello, Cora. - 'Hello. What's the matter?'

- I hurt my foot. - 'Oh.'

Here, here, sit down. I'll get you a pillow.

Oh! Now I know what I want!

- You're the one! - What? But your foot.

Oh, that's alright, it was just a test between you and Cora

to see which one cared the most and you win!

Oh, no, Cora feels just as badly as I do

but you know her, the strong silent type.

No, ma'am, I feel sorry for Cora

but you're the one for me.

- Ha ha ha. - Am I lucky?

- Whoopee! - Ha ha.

Oh, everything looks lovely. Where's Buff?

I think she's at the beauty parlor.

By the way, has anybody seen Jim?

This'll make a wonderful photograph

for the morning papers.

Hey! Where are you going?

Well, just out to the beach.

Aren't you going to wait here for the ceremony?

No, Penny, I'm not.

I couldn't stand the thought of what

might have been between you and me.

The flames that could have illumined both our lives.

Penny, my darling, why don't we make this a double wedding?

Sure. Why not?

I am ready.

I'm afraid, Penny my love..

...that ours is a love that cannot be.

Why not?

Because in the Indian Ocean

there are six islands

and I have a wife on every one of 'em.

Why, you bigamist! You trigamist!

Don't you ever let me hear you say

one word about matrimony again!

You won't.

- Uh, you boys. - Yes, sir.

Get Judge Hornsby here safely and on time.

Yes, sir.

We'll borrow your car.

- Alright, George. - Eddie better drive.

George will want to save on gasoline.

Now that was unnecessary. Come on, you needn't laugh..

What time did he say he'd get here, mother?

He says he has one more divorce to grant

and then he'll be ready.

'Mrs. Masters.'

Mrs. Masters. Jim left.

There's a crystal vase on the back porch.

- Will you get it for me? - Why, surely, dear.

He left this note... I'm afraid.

What note? What happened?

He just left the note. I found it.

He's gone.

Gone?

He says he loves us all

but two weeks in one spot

is all that he can bear.

He told me he was only going for a walk.

Is that all he said?

"I might have stayed another week or so

but you who know Penny's cooking will understand."

He could have at least said goodbye.

- Can't we stop him? - We can do something.

No, it was only a matter of time anyway.

Nice note to leave on a wedding day.

- There you are, dear. - Thank you.

Well..

I wonder what's keeping Buff.

Oh, she'll be along.

Hello, Buff.

You certainly have a habit of popping up at the worst times.

This isn't my idea.

- It's Gabriel's. - Gabriel's?

Came around to see me a while ago.

Oh.

He said I'd find you by the statue of justice.

Isn't...isn't he coming?

No. He told me to tell you.

These were his exact words.

"There ain't no justice."

Why did he pick you to tell me?

He was clear about that too.

The other real article he said

that you and her, it is written in the book.

Feel any better?

I'm all cried out. So I must feel better.

Little powder wouldn't do any harm.

Go home, Charlie. You needn't have waited.

I've got no place to go.

Just your mother's wedding.

Oh.

Don't worry, dear, I will hold that dinner

just as long as you want.

Thank you.

Oh, mother, Gabriel's gone.

How lucky you are to lose him now

while you're so young, it won't leave a scar.

It's easy for you to talk.

You never liked Gabriel.

You're wrong, darling.

I never liked what he would have done to your life.

Well, I wish I could think of the right thing

to say to comfort you.

But believe me, Buff, this is for the best.

It's not theory on my part.

I've been through it.

I know everything you are feeling.

Every pain.

But be fair to yourself.

Give yourself time. You'll come through it.

Just as...as you came through, mother?

Yes, darling, just as I came through.

Here's hoping I'm made of the same stuff you are.

Would you like to go to my wedding wet or dry?

- Dry. - Okay.

Hurry up and change.

I don't trust you on giving my regards

to Chief Mahaboo in person.

Well..

...you might as well know

there is no Chief Mahaboo.

It's alright. We'll find one.

I don't want you with me.

It's a big world, two can travel in it.

I asked you not to marry my daughter

I didn't ask you to tag along after me.

I've appointed myself your guardian.

When we get to Los Angeles, I'll make it legal.

Say, what do you want to do?

Spend the rest of your life with tramps

derelicts, no-goods?

Sure. I'm a social climber.

No. I'm not gonna let you do it.

It's too lonely a life.

Not if we're together it isn't.

Great day for the tramps of the world.

We're getting new blood.

How are we gonna start out? Under the train or in it?

This time in it, just for the novelty.

Ike Harper 22, uh, Edison 15, uh, altogether 45,000.

Yes, sir.

Say..

...I wish we could travel in that sort of style.

Maybe we can.

Okay, porter.

Here's a little boy, come to me.

Oh, are you interested in relics, sir?

Oh, quite a bit, as a matter of fact

I'm up here for just that purpose.

Oh, what a coincidence.

Then, uh, what would you say this fragment

from one of Moby-Dick's teeth is worth?

Oh, that's...priceless.

Invaluable.

And authentic too.

- May I see it? - Why, certainly.

'All aboard!'

Are you traveling on this train, sir?

Well, yes.

'Look down with favor, we beseech thee upon'

these thy servants, and graciously protect

this thine ordinance that they who are

'about to be joined together by thy authority'

'may be preserved by thy help.'

'Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife'

'to live together in the lawful state of matrimony?'

'Do you promise to love her, comfort her'

'honor and keep her in sickness and in health'

'and forsaking all others, keep only unto her'

'as long as you both shall live?'

'I do.'

'In token and pledge of our'

'constant faith and abiding love'

'by the authority committed'

'on to me as a judge'

'I declare Samuel Sloane and Nancy Masters'

'are now husband and wife'

'according to the ordinance of God'

'and the law of the State of California.'

'Whom therefore God hath joined together'

let no man put asunder.

- Sweetie. - Am I really Mrs. Sloane?

Well, what do you think I've been talking about

for the last five minutes?

Mother!

I don't see why Sam and I should take the brunt.

Everybody kiss everybody here.

That's all I need.

Hey.

Oh, I forgot. I did make..

Well, I'll see that you aren't neglected.

- 'Thank you, judge.' - Come along. Come along.

Dinner's ready. Dinner's ready.

I hope this meal is fit for a great actress.

Judge, don't you think $2 is very high

for a marriage license?

Thank you, Buff.

Well, let's sit down.

Judge Hornsby, you are over here with me.

Where are we? Here we are.

- May I help you? - Thank you, dear.

- Here I am. - Ah, thank you.