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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:44,130 www.titlovi.com 3 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:50,054 - There she is. Hey. - Hi, guys. 4 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,185 All right, baby girl. You go, baby girl. 5 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,229 You go, baby girl. You go, you go get it. 6 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,815 Yes! 7 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,854 You're my baby... 8 00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,269 No, no, no, don't make it. 9 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:01,979 Damn it! 10 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,565 Yes! 11 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,158 - Nope. I absolute... - I got this. I got this. 12 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,781 - I absolutely can't do it. - Come on, Jess! 13 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,988 But remember, this is a stupid frat boy ritual, so... 14 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,243 Yeah, but kick their ass! 15 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,539 - Yeah, fuck 'em up! - Hey. 16 00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:14,582 - We're together. - No. 17 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,456 Cool, cool, cool. 18 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,329 Yes. 19 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,050 Yeah, go, Jess! 20 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:24,759 Dude! 21 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,588 Oh, God. Oh, God, Jess. 22 00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,848 Only two cups left. 23 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:32,351 No, there's one cup. You're just seeing double. 24 00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:35,395 Oh, God! There's only one cups left. 25 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,313 - I can't do it. It's too much pressure. - What? 26 00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:38,811 - I can't do it, Jess. - Look. 27 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,392 Look at me. Look at me. 28 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,569 You got us through the Wendy's drive-through 29 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,646 when my car had no windshield and three tires. 30 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,107 You can do anything. 31 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,782 Yeah, but everybody's watching me, 32 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,826 and I'm sweating like crazy. 33 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:52,074 I look like a princess, but I smell like a peasant. 34 00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:54,452 Let's go, footjob girl! 35 00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:58,206 Excuse me, she has a name! It's Alice. 36 00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:02,006 And she's my best friend, and she's good and kind. 37 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,297 - Yeah! - Yeah. 38 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,589 Thank you, but I did jerk off his roommate with my feet. 39 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,132 I know. 40 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:11,715 The key is, right foot only for, like, a while. 41 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,722 - You know? Make him beg for... - The left one. I know. Focus! 42 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:20,103 If we win this, we will be the only girls to ever win the Halloween tournament. 43 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,395 We've got to do this. 44 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,611 For womankind. 45 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,074 Stop making me horny, and shoot! 46 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,216 We did it! We did it! We did it! 47 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,339 - I want up! I want up! I want up! - You deserve it. 48 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,419 You've earned it. 49 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,968 Here we go. All right. All right, yes! 50 00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:58,641 I'm the king of the world! 51 00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:03,938 Again? 52 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,777 - Dude. Oh, God. - Jess? 53 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:06,895 Are you all right? 54 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,822 - Oh, my God, are you okay? - Dude. Come on. Come on. 55 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,947 - I'm fine, Mom. - Oh, my God. 56 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,744 What happened? 57 00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,241 Honestly, I don't even know why we go to these stupid parties. 58 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,540 I just want to hang out with you guys. 59 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,913 - I know. I feel the same way. - Yes! 60 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,666 Everyone else at this college is sloppy and gross. 61 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,167 - Water. - Wait, come here. 62 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:28,296 Not bad. 63 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,174 - Who's grosser? - What is that? 64 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,341 - What is that? - What's happening? 65 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,682 It's my vibrator, it randomly turns on and off. 66 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,350 Oh, my God, you guys, I'm gonna miss you so much next semester. 67 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,941 - I don't want to talk about it. - It's sad. 68 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,233 - No, no, no, no. - Dude, 69 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,403 AI Gore is guest-lecturing next semester. 70 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,355 Maybe you don't want to go to Australia. I don't know. 71 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,533 - Yeah. - On my 21st birthday, though, 72 00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,235 my dad's getting us the chopper. 73 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,910 I said I don't want to talk about it. 74 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,408 So I don't know what's happening. 75 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,909 I don't even want to go. I just... 76 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,492 It was so hard to get into the political science program. 77 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,044 And plus, my gym class is bungee jumping, so... 78 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,416 Oh, my God, wear a good bra. 79 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,248 Well, look, we'll have all of senior year together, 80 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:11,050 and then we'll have the rest of our lives together, so it's fine. 81 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,924 - Yeah. - You promise? 82 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,303 You guys, our kids are gonna play together. 83 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,258 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my gosh! 84 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:20,685 - We're so lucky! - Get in here! Come here. 85 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,599 - Okay, that is a second vibrator. - Yeah, I have a few. 86 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:26,899 Just... Just, yeah. 87 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,607 - No! - Janine, no! 88 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,313 - No! No! No! - Janine, get out! 89 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,898 - Come on. - Janine! 90 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:33,982 Uh, my God! Stop! 91 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,658 - Bathroom is next-door! - Cannot believe! 92 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,782 - Every damn weekend with this! - Stop! She's already peeing. 93 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,033 Janine! 94 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:51,500 Hi. I'm Jessica Thayer, and I'm running for state senate. 95 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:55,254 Crime, underfunded schools, sewage. 96 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:58,432 These are real problems that our community is facing. 97 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:02,053 Looking forward to your vote on November 3. 98 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,978 Thank you. 99 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,437 - It's great. - Well, 60% of the focus group 100 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,565 did say that it seemed like you wouldn't put out. 101 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,238 What? Why are they being asked that? 102 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,816 Don't know, but 60% is, like, a lot. 103 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,905 - Yeah. - We're still so close. 104 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,113 I don't understand, Wesson literally tweeted out a dick pic. 105 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:22,163 He apologized. 106 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:25,038 Yes. He said, "I'm sorry, wrong dick pic," 107 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,618 and then he tweeted out another one. 108 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,964 Look, if Wesson wins, he's literally gonna cut every single program 109 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,541 that actually helps people. 110 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,126 We know that. Right? 111 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,720 But people want to vote for someone they can relate to. 112 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,342 They feel safe with Wesson. 113 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,673 They want to have a beer with him. 114 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:44,011 I'm not sure anyone wants to have a beer with that. 115 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,192 Hey, Alice. 116 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:54,522 Hey. I am so excited for this trip. 117 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,902 I got my IUD taken out for Miami. 118 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,734 Is that a good idea? 119 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,740 Yeah. It's your bachelorette weekend. 120 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,696 Jess, Wesson tweeted out another dick pic, 121 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,622 and it's already got 10,000 retweets. 122 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,416 Alice, I got to call you back. 123 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,880 Tulum, give her back her Kindle! 124 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,462 Every fuckin' day. 125 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:23,054 .H6Y- .H6y- 126 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,353 I'm so sorry. I got stuck at the office. 127 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,975 It's okay. 128 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,901 - I got you chicken cashew nut, extra nut. - No. 129 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,895 I ate an apple 130 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:38,232 and a bag of very, very stale pretzels at the office. 131 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,238 It was so hard to get extra nut. 132 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,070 That woman is so mean. She yells at me all the time. 133 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,905 She thought I hung up, but I heard her call me a dipshit. 134 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:48,083 - How much did you tip? -20%. 135 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:51,162 - I know. I know, I know. - Yeah. Like, I couldn't. I... 136 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,087 You're just such a good person. 137 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,923 It's Alice. I forgot to call her back. 138 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,673 - It's okay, get it. - No. I can't, I can't, I can't. 139 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,971 Enough with my bachelorette itinerary. 140 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,593 Like, she's planned it to the half hour. 141 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:06,768 Yeah, I feel like this weekend has come at the worst possible time. 142 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,095 I'm so stressed out. 143 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,896 You'll see your friends, you'll have fun. 144 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:10,972 It'll be restorative. 145 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,184 Like that time we took Xanax and slept for 16 hours. 146 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,060 Oh, God, that was good. 147 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,857 You know, I love those girls, 148 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,156 but I really just don't want to have a party weekend right now. 149 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:22,234 I want to have a weekend with you. 150 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,202 - I miss you. - I miss you, too. 151 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,120 - You've been at the office, like, nonstop. - I know. 152 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,037 Wait, wait, one... If we keep kissing, 153 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,497 I'm gonna want to have sex. 154 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,836 I'm okay with that. 155 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,292 - I'm down. - Okay. 156 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:41,925 But I have, like, four things I have to do before. 157 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,844 I just have to print out those itineraries for the city council meeting. 158 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,800 And I have to email the Hera/d. 159 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:50,308 I have, like, a 25-minute-ish interview. 160 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,604 - Okay. -|... 161 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,149 I tell you what, I'm gonna let you do all that, 162 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,397 and I'm gonna go masturbate in the shower and go to sleep. 163 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,149 - Really? - Yeah. 164 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,569 - You're the best. - Well... 165 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,071 - I love you. - I love you, too. 166 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,031 - So, I texted you the address. - Jess! Shots! Shots! 167 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,367 Shots, shots, shots, shots! Shots! Shots! 168 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:12,871 Shots, shots, shots! 169 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,088 Yay! Yes! 170 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,381 Oh, my God. 171 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,675 - What's on my head? - This is it. 172 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,423 Your bachelorette weekend. 173 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,551 I have been waiting for this moment since the first day of freshman year. 174 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,100 - Get in here. - You have? 175 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:31,641 Oh, my God, there's gonna be so many hot Miami babes. 176 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,597 We are gonna be swimmin' in dick, girl! 177 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,644 Hi, Alice. 178 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,358 - Peter. Hi. - Hey. 179 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,061 And get out of here, she's mine now. 180 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,530 Don't get in too much trouble, okay? 181 00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:44,984 - Yeah, I won't. - Let's go, let's do it. 182 00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,735 Drive safe. Have fun at your bachelor party, okay? 183 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:47,910 Will do. 184 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,533 Hey, Alice, be careful swimming in all that dick. 185 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,080 What are you? Okay, bye. 186 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,124 I'm so happy to see you. 187 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,919 This weekend's gonna be so much fun. 188 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,962 Can't wait to see my girls! 189 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:01,549 When the pepper spray hits your face, and it will, 190 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,718 keep your mouth closed tight. 191 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,887 - We are peaceful protestors. - Yes! 192 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,385 Yet we fight, you know? Yet we are strong! 193 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,967 - Yeah! Yeah! - This is war! 194 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,852 Okay, I got to head to a bachelorette. 195 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,980 But if anybody from the group disappears from the protest, 196 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,309 you text my cell phone immediately. 197 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:20,728 You have a cell phone? 198 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,314 - No. - You're one of them! 199 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,824 I'll pick you up after school on Monday, okay, sweetie? 200 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,403 Mommy, do you have to go to Miami? 201 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:32,117 Yes, I really do. 202 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,450 But I'm gonna miss you so much. 203 00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,081 Technically, my time started 20 minutes ago, 204 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,004 so, going to note this for the custody hearing. 205 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,042 I love you. 206 00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:46,549 Bye. 207 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,062 Well, well, well. 208 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,238 Damn. 209 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,816 Damn. 210 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,150 How do you do it? 211 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,783 How do you look this flawless getting off a plane? 212 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,280 It's honestly rude. 213 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,740 What, are you flirting with me? 214 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,868 I would not flirt with a happily married woman who broke my heart. 215 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,795 Oh, my God, you broke up with me, don't even start with that. 216 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:24,124 Excuse me, now you are flirting with me, okay? 217 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,959 It's good to see you. 218 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,131 It's good to see you, too. 219 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,468 Girl, I have had a day. 220 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:34,097 First was full, I had to ride business. It was disgusting. 221 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,271 - Gross. - You're serious. Okay. Cool. 222 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:42,063 Oh, my God, did you hear Alice is making us go to a foam party? 223 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,189 I know. 224 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,316 She has a scary amount of time on her hands. 225 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,943 Even though she's a full-time teacher, I'm still like, "Get a job." 226 00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,524 Do you have a job? 227 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:53,070 Activism is a full-time job, but... 228 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,158 Also no. 229 00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,161 Look at them, the magic is still there. 230 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,366 - Hello! - Hello! 231 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,081 m Y! . es! YeSI 232 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,173 - Oh, my God! - It is all happening! 233 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,300 God, you smell so good. 234 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,219 I have, like, half a pound of weed in my bra. 235 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:14,512 - Hey, Alice, how's your mom'? - Well, Alzheimer's is tough, but she's good. 236 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,763 Good. 237 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,561 The Wallace 5th Floor Girls are back together again! 238 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,395 God, when was the last time we were all together? 239 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,975 I think it was two summers ago 240 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,776 when we came to visit you in your tree, right? 241 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,988 No, no, no, 'cause Jess couldn't make it, it was... 242 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,860 New Year's Eve, when Blair was in labor. 243 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,909 - Oh, my God. Crazy. - God, that was three years ago, then. 244 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,827 Yeah. Well, we only have 55 hours, 245 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:37,656 so let's stop wasting our motherfucking time 246 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,782 and let's get the party started. 247 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,414 - Yes! - Alice, you rock! 248 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,120 The party starts now. 249 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,133 Oh, my God. That was a bad idea. 250 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,132 - Yeah, we're in an airport - That was bad. 251 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,884 - That sounded like a gunshot. - Yeah. 252 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,009 - Let's go. - Yep. 253 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,307 - Sorry. Our bad. - Sorry, everyone, bachelorette weekend. 254 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,978 I was never here! Never! Move! 255 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:15,864 - Nice Miami house, mami. - Very nice. 256 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,991 We are supposed to pick up the keys from the neighbors. 257 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,251 Did you bring a bathing suit? 258 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:24,543 - Hello? - The beach is nice. 259 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:25,620 Hi. 260 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,455 Sorry, somebody left some keys for... 261 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,256 - Oh, my goodness. - Sorry, we'll come back. 262 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,175 - So sorry. - Hi, girls. 263 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,844 No, no, I'm sorry. 264 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,217 Let me put something on. 265 00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,099 - Come on in. - Very funny. 266 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,391 - Is it really? - I love it. 267 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,969 - Hello. - Hi. 268 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,929 - Thank you. - Hi. 269 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,059 Okay- 270 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,272 What brings you to Miami? 271 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,688 Business? Pleasure? 272 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:49,477 The business of pleasure? 273 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,404 Bachelorette weekend. 274 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,026 Jess is getting married. 275 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,529 Congratulations! - Thank you. 276 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,860 This marriage, will it be open? 277 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,120 You know, we haven't discussed it. 278 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,118 But, probably closed. Yeah. 279 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,995 Tightly, tightly closed. 280 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,793 Lea, does she not remind you 281 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,041 of our French girl from Turks and Caicos? 282 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,548 She does. 283 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,425 Thank you. Thanks. 284 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,049 Well, we're gonna try to keep it down. 285 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,052 Well, we'll try not to. 286 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,758 Yes! 287 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:21,889 - They're serious. - Go. Go, go, downstairs. 288 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,437 She is delicious. 289 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,348 I want that. 290 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,569 Yes. 291 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,490 Real World, baby! Miami! 292 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:38,322 This house represents everything I hate. 293 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,994 I'm gonna go take a protest dump. 294 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,037 I call the room next to Jess! 295 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,873 I think that room has bunk beds, 296 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,074 so you're gonna have to share with Pippa. 297 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,538 Who that? 298 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,416 Pippa, my Australian friend from semester abroad. 299 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,213 She's been CC'd on, like, every single email. 300 00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,916 Right. 301 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,876 Well, if my snoring bothers her, she can take the couch. 302 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,882 Or she can just start on the couch and we'll go from there. 303 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,588 We'll figure it out. She'll start on the couch. 304 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,098 - Blair. - What? 305 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,348 Can you be careful with the red wine on the white carpet, please? 306 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:06,555 My biggest and only donor 307 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,480 generously lent us this house for the weekend. 308 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,268 - So, please be careful. - Okay. 309 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,854 I'm telling you, she's got bigger problems than a wine stain 310 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,439 if she wants to sell this place for 3.4 in this market. 311 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,741 - How do you know that? - Zillow. 312 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,910 - I Zillow everybody. - Really? 313 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,113 Like, do you know how much my house is worth? 314 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,827 Okay, atencin. 315 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:27,659 Bachelorette kit time. 316 00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:28,956 Let me get your attention. 317 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,378 We got it all. 318 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:33,081 Bride-to-be bathrobe for our lovely Jess, 319 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:37,549 penis straws, penis sunglasses, penis sprinkles, penis gum, 320 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,550 penis hats, penis pasta. 321 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,802 And yes, I did get a little drunk and ate some of that dry. 322 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,384 - Don't judge. - No judgment. 323 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,970 Also, I wrote you a card. But don't read it now, read it later. 324 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:48,975 - Thanks, Alice. - Yeah. 325 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,980 Shit. Frankie? 326 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,904 - Frankie? - Frankie. 327 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,400 Oh, my God! 328 00:14:58,356 --> 00:14:59,482 What? 329 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,408 - Oh, my God. - Yes, mami. 330 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,157 Is that a sex swing? 331 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,409 Your donor is a freak, Jess. 332 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,206 Please. She rents this house out. 333 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,079 I'm sure somebody else left it here accidentally. 334 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,752 And installed a load-bearing beam to support it accidentally. 335 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,080 - Yeah. - Oh, my God, Jess. 336 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,755 I want to audition some dresses for tonight. 337 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,333 I brought 14. Come on! 338 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:23,263 Jess, if you are working, 339 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,216 - I'm gonna smack you in the face right now. - I'm not. I'm not. 340 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,425 - One second. - I'm gonna smack your face. 341 00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,682 - Wait, wait, let me send it. Send, send, send. - Put it down. 342 00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,601 All right, come on, let's take a picture. 343 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,559 - Say, "Miami forever." - Forever. 344 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,107 - You want us in the picture or not? - Do you guys want us in the photo... 345 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,029 - We're here, too. - Oh, my gosh, we both look killer in that. 346 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,106 Cool. 347 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,987 I'm so bummed I can't tag you in this, on Facebook. 348 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,409 Why did you delete your account? 349 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,282 I had to. You were, you were tagging me 350 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,034 on things that could literally ruin my career. 351 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,997 Yeah. 352 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,495 It's Pip! She's here! 353 00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,623 - What? Who's that? - Hi! 354 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:53,828 Pip! 355 00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,044 Sorry. 356 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,170 - I'm sorry. - Hey. 357 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,510 Hello, hello, hello. 358 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,012 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 359 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:08,301 You're a goddess. You're literally a goddess. 360 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:09,601 - Guys... - Hi. 361 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,554 This is Pippa. 362 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,980 - Hello. - The famous... 363 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,898 Frankie, Blair, Alice. 364 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,229 Hey, what's up? 365 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,562 My God, you guys are meeting for the first time, this is so exciting. 366 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,191 - I know. - Nice to meet you. 367 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:23,992 This is so weird, you guys, because it's sort of like 368 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,694 you're all Jess's best friends, I'm Jess's best friend. 369 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:30,623 And so it's sort of like we're all already best friends, you know? 370 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:33,042 Well, it's a little different for us, sorry to interrupt, 371 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,996 but Jess and I were freshman year roommates, 372 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,876 so it's kind of like family. 373 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,838 - I know, I know. - Okay, I'm going to grab a chair. 374 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,215 Feel free to gel. 375 00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:45,092 Just gonna sit on my suitcase here. 376 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,214 I'm famished. 377 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,221 - Do you want my leftovers? - Oh, shoot. We just finished. 378 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,893 No, I was gonna wrap that up and take it to go. 379 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,436 I think we're done. Check, please! 380 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:56,733 It's okay. I'm just gonna take some of this bread from the bread basket. 381 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,401 When you got bread and Vegemite, you got yourself a meal. 382 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:00,979 What? Vegemite? 383 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,315 They should call you cuckoos instead of Kiwis. 384 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,523 Am I right? 385 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:05,733 - Alice. - Oh, my God. 386 00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,238 That's funny on several levels, 387 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:10,447 because I'm actually Australian and a Kiwi is a New Zealander. 388 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,499 There's nothing wrong with being a Kiwi, we all love Kiwis, 389 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,703 but, it's sort of like calling a Chinese person Japanese. 390 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,538 It's just sort of like, little bit racist 391 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,420 to not recognize the cultural differences there, you know? 392 00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:22,625 Oh, my gosh. 393 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,798 Eat me out. It's a fruit, Kiwi. 394 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,633 I'll take it. 395 00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:28,263 Pippa, what do you do? 396 00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:31,347 Well, singer-songwriter is the dream. 397 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,268 Party clown is the reality. 398 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,647 Check. Just, anyone, a check. 399 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,356 A chair. 400 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,059 A chair. 401 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,268 Right. 402 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,156 I'm so excited to see you. It's been so long. 403 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,904 - Tell me everything. - I'm dying. 404 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,327 The flight was literally amazoir. 405 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,035 It's toast, toast time. 406 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,835 Raise your glasses, Jess. 407 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,163 Gosh, I can't believe you're getting married. 408 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,920 Feels like just yesterday you were showing me 409 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,798 how to hide that cat scratch on my face with that cover-up. 410 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,128 I remember that. 411 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,929 And even though we don't get to see you all the time 412 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:12,054 because you're so busy with Peter and the campaign 413 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,228 and changing your Brita filters or whatever it is you white people do, 414 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:19,016 I love you, and you're my best friend. 415 00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,190 To me and Jess. 416 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,064 - Be-cheers. - Cheers. Again. 417 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,364 I love you, Alice. Thank you. 418 00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,655 Three toasts is the limit tonight, though. You're cut off. 419 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,951 If you're gonna do another one, do it now, 420 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,119 'cause I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 421 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,288 - Do you want to come? - Why would I come with you? 422 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,365 It's a heteronormative thing that girls do. 423 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,956 Okay, guys, no one responded to my emails 424 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,753 about which club we were gonna go to, 425 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,957 so I printed out the top 10 according to Yelp. 426 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,294 I have my personal favorite, but I don't want to sway anyone, so... 427 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,219 - Is it the one that's circled in big red? - Yeah. 428 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:53,929 I was kind of hoping that we could make it an early night. 429 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,928 Yeah, right. What? 430 00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:59,355 - That doesn't feel right. - No, I'm just so exhausted. 431 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:00,647 I mean, I've been so overworked... 432 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,691 No, not gonna happen, baby girl, all right? 433 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:06,647 'Cause this is the biggest weekend of our lives, all right? 434 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,194 Girls, girls. 435 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,946 Hi. I just got some coke from the busboy. 436 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,284 - You fucking what? - What? 437 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,828 America. Already? 438 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,655 Sort of right on the nose. 439 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,490 Yes, okay, now we're talking. 440 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:18,745 Now, okay, I'm in. I'm in. 441 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,748 Okay, guys, I can't do any cocaine. 442 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,124 I'm running for office. 443 00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,797 What? No one's gonna find out you did a little coke... 444 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,170 - Stop. - Did a little coke at your bachelorette. 445 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:30,344 I haven't really done drugs myself since I sort of... 446 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,548 I smoked this bit of shoji root 447 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,976 on an excursion in the desert, and I died. 448 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,054 Anyway, I'm very jet-lagged, 449 00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,605 so I will do cocaine, yes. 450 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,604 - So everyone's in? Yep? - Dope, dope, dope. 451 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,606 You guys, hold on. I don't know. 452 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,985 Stop being a stupid fucking cunt and do a little fucking cocaine! 453 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,485 Jesus, Frankie. 454 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:52,738 Sorry, I did a little bit of it. 455 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,653 Jess. 456 00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,073 It would mean... 457 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,075 Yeah. 458 00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,086 It would mean so much to me, 459 00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:08,879 if we could do a little bit of cocaine together. 460 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,722 So disgusting! 461 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,140 - Let me get a little more. - Yep. 462 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:20,436 Before, I was very tired, and now I'm sort of very awake. 463 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,520 That's the cocaine. 464 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:23,813 - I figured. - Yeah. 465 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,142 I love this. I love Miami! 466 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,522 - Yeah, girl! - Miami! 467 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,317 Okay, now put on these fucking sashes. 468 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,034 - Thank you! - All right. 469 00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,159 Oh, my God! 470 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,994 Yes, yes, yes! 471 00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,330 - Oh, my God! - No, no, no. 472 00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,835 Man, it smells like barf over here. 473 00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:32,633 - Let's get the fuck out of here. - God! 474 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,079 I'm getting us drinks. 475 00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:09,996 You guys, YOU guys, 476 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:11,956 let's get Jess a stripper! 477 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:14,007 - Yes! - Oh, yeah. Okay. 478 00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:15,175 Right? 479 00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:19,552 You guys, you guys, you guys, male or female, though? 480 00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:21,724 Male. I'm thinking male for her. 481 00:22:21,799 --> 00:22:24,097 - Yeah. - Okay, I got it. 482 00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,471 Frankie, do you have a tampon? 483 00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:28,932 - I need one. - Yup. 484 00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:30,687 - Thank you. - Got one. Here we go. 485 00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:33,736 What day of your flow are you on? 486 00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:36,109 No, no. It's our code. 487 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,282 In college, we would ask each other for tampons 488 00:22:38,399 --> 00:22:41,323 if some guy was skeezing us out and we wanted to be saved. 489 00:22:41,402 --> 00:22:43,200 You just say "tampon," and they run. 490 00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,781 Oh, my God, I love that. 491 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:48,209 I used to use tampons, but now I use David cups. 492 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,787 - You mean DivaCups. - No, no, David. 493 00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:53,001 They were designed by my neighbor, David, 494 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,708 to collect blood for an art installation he's doing. 495 00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:57,964 Let's stop talking about periods now. 496 00:22:58,127 --> 00:22:59,299 Cool. 497 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:03,178 All right, everybody, we have a special request from a Caucasian named 498 00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:04,600 Alice! 499 00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:07,345 That's me. I'm Caucasian Alice. 500 00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:09,226 Bring all your girls up here. Grab 'em. 501 00:23:09,305 --> 00:23:10,807 Jess, come on. Come on. 502 00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:14,144 Give her the drinks. Go on. Girls, get up there. 503 00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:17,821 We won the talent show freshman year with this little routine. 504 00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:20,491 Might want to stand back. No, physically, get back! 505 00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:22,200 Okay- 506 00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:24,404 If you didn't go to college with us, you're not in the routine. 507 00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:25,578 Okay, get into places. 508 00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:44,840 Yeah! 509 00:23:58,020 --> 00:23:59,647 You're doing so good! 510 00:24:06,737 --> 00:24:07,954 These are my new friends. 511 00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:12,122 Jess, Jess, Jess! 512 00:24:14,828 --> 00:24:16,375 - Oh, shit. - Oh, my God. 513 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,628 Are you okay? You all right? 514 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:20,968 Did anybody see me fall? 515 00:24:21,043 --> 00:24:22,716 - Everybody saw. Everybody saw. - No. Well, yeah. 516 00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:25,298 - Alice! You fell! - Yeah. 517 00:24:25,381 --> 00:24:27,634 It was be-gorgeous! 518 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,014 Jess, you were supposed to catch me. 519 00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,142 You know, I forgot that one part. I'm so sorry. 520 00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:33,518 It's a pretty important part! 521 00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:36,983 Would some more cocaine make you feel better? 522 00:24:37,059 --> 00:24:38,185 Yes! 523 00:24:43,774 --> 00:24:47,119 This Montepulciano is majestic and rebellious. 524 00:24:47,361 --> 00:24:49,363 Tell me, what are you tasting? 525 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:51,286 Pepper. 526 00:24:51,365 --> 00:24:52,537 Pass. I need more time. 527 00:24:54,284 --> 00:24:55,285 Forest floor. 528 00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:56,370 Licorice. 529 00:24:57,079 --> 00:24:59,628 - There's a nostalgia to it, you know? - Yes. 530 00:24:59,707 --> 00:25:01,084 You are all correct! 531 00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:04,678 - Yes! - I need more time. 532 00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:09,512 It's Jess. 533 00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:12,060 - Take it. - Okay. Hello. 534 00:25:12,136 --> 00:25:15,640 I'm drunk! I lost two credit cards already. 535 00:25:15,723 --> 00:25:17,145 Oh, no. Okay. 536 00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:19,898 - Well, it's getting pretty wild over here, too. - Really? 537 00:25:20,102 --> 00:25:22,025 I'm getting, like, a light beeswax. 538 00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:23,606 I like that. 539 00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:26,860 Jess, guy says that we can drive his Lambo. 540 00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:29,161 - Babe, I got to go. - All right. 541 00:25:29,236 --> 00:25:30,283 Call me when you're home safe. 542 00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:32,456 - I will. I love you. - Love you, too. 543 00:25:32,573 --> 00:25:33,699 Get off the phone. 544 00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:36,206 Are we ready to get crazy? 545 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,287 - Yeah. - Sure. 546 00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:41,879 This Lambrusco is served... 547 00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,005 Chilled! 548 00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:50,887 Do you guys remember Michelle? 549 00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:53,765 Michelle, she was obsessed with Nickelback. 550 00:25:56,972 --> 00:25:58,440 Beauty, Jess! 551 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,234 - I know what this soiree needs. - What? 552 00:26:01,310 --> 00:26:02,482 Pizza! 553 00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:03,900 Yeah! 554 00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:06,402 - Pizza! Pizza! - Yes, yes, yes. 555 00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:08,280 - Yes! - Nice! Sweet! 556 00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:09,610 Okay, I love her. 557 00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,070 - Right? - Yes. 558 00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:13,656 She is... Be-mazing? I don't know how she would say it, 559 00:26:13,739 --> 00:26:14,865 but she is incredible! 560 00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:17,542 I am telling you, she is one of us. 561 00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:19,712 - She is so free-spirited. - Totally. 562 00:26:19,995 --> 00:26:21,793 - I just... I love her. - I don't know about that. 563 00:26:21,872 --> 00:26:23,545 - I totally feel it. - Do you guys feel like 564 00:26:23,624 --> 00:26:26,343 she's here on a work visa, 565 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:29,217 or, like, a tourist visa or, like, illegally? 566 00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:31,261 - Like, what's her deal? - What, dude? 567 00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:33,183 - She's here for a bachelorette party. - That is crazy. 568 00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:34,594 - Build a wall. - I just, like, don't... 569 00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:36,144 I don't want to do anything illegal tonight. 570 00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:37,512 - What? - You don't? 571 00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,223 You just snorted a mound of cocaine. 572 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:42,401 - Simultaneously. - That was, like, in the name of Jess. 573 00:26:42,476 --> 00:26:44,023 That was, like, for Jess. 574 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:45,776 - Don't put that on me. - Check you out. 575 00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:46,980 You're literally cuckoo. 576 00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,566 I'm just, like, voicing what some people are thinking, 577 00:26:48,649 --> 00:26:50,947 -you know what I mean? - Do you have snags? 578 00:26:52,903 --> 00:26:54,905 Okay, no snags. 579 00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:58,117 This is a pizza shop, yeah? 580 00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,747 God, it is so warm. 581 00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:01,500 You guys have to get in. 582 00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:03,042 I am coming. 583 00:27:03,122 --> 00:27:04,749 L am gonna warn you HOW. 584 00:27:04,832 --> 00:27:09,463 Did not have time to self-wax, so it is like a jungle down there. 585 00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:10,888 - Self-wax? - Yeah. 586 00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:13,466 Like, with those weird little, like, paper strips? 587 00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:14,926 Yikes, dude. 588 00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:17,477 Even I'm like, "Yikes, dude." 589 00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:20,978 Look, you guys, I don't understand. Why all the hate? 590 00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,900 Okay, I got it, I got it. 591 00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:25,398 - Well, that was fast. - But, seriously, 592 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,354 we're gonna talk about this self-wax thing later. 593 00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:28,563 Okay, come on. 594 00:27:34,027 --> 00:27:35,779 - Hey... - Oh, not bad. 595 00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,706 Stripper's here! 596 00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:40,159 - YOLl guys! 'Yes! 597 00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:41,243 I don't want a stripper! 598 00:27:41,535 --> 00:27:42,832 Did you bring a CD or anything? 599 00:27:42,995 --> 00:27:44,963 Like, Now That's What I Call Music! or anything? 600 00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:46,957 - No. No, I didn't. - No? It's all right. 601 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,587 I got some pretty filthy music on my phone. 602 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:50,544 - I'll hook you up. - Thanks. 603 00:27:52,045 --> 00:27:53,217 - Hey. - Hi. 604 00:27:53,297 --> 00:27:56,096 Hey, I got to take a piss. 605 00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:58,302 Oh, yeah, there's a bathroom down there. 606 00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:00,099 All right. 607 00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:02,189 It's, like, down there. 608 00:28:04,266 --> 00:28:05,734 I bet he's going to fluff his junk! 609 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:07,982 Let's give him room, let's make a stage, yes. 610 00:28:08,061 --> 00:28:09,688 You guys, I don't want a stripper. 611 00:28:09,771 --> 00:28:11,398 I think he looks like he's on something. 612 00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:13,950 He's definitely on something. Like bath salts. 613 00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:16,199 Oh, my God, he's gonna eat our faces. 614 00:28:16,278 --> 00:28:19,282 - Oh, God, he would! - This vintage remote is so confusing. 615 00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:22,368 - I've never even had a striptease. I mean... - Nope. 616 00:28:22,451 --> 00:28:23,543 Well, there was that one time. 617 00:28:23,994 --> 00:28:25,041 Yes! 618 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,588 Maybe somebody else should go. 619 00:28:26,663 --> 00:28:28,882 - Stripper. Stripper, stripper. - So, this is Jess, 620 00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:31,460 the bride-to-be, your subject, okay? 621 00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:34,092 And lucky for you, so lucky, 622 00:28:34,171 --> 00:28:35,969 you get to do whatever you want. 623 00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:37,049 Fuck her! 624 00:28:37,132 --> 00:28:38,258 - Alice! - Jesus. 625 00:28:38,342 --> 00:28:39,764 - Too much. - What? If it happens. 626 00:28:41,261 --> 00:28:43,138 - Okay! Here we go. - Do it. 627 00:28:45,891 --> 00:28:47,893 First layer, off. 628 00:28:50,312 --> 00:28:51,438 - Oh, shit. - Yeah! 629 00:28:53,065 --> 00:28:54,567 - Okay. - Come on, Jess! 630 00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:56,152 Here he comes. He's looking at me. 631 00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,869 Happy Boxing Day. 632 00:29:01,281 --> 00:29:02,533 Yes! 633 00:29:02,616 --> 00:29:04,914 It's kind of turning me on, but I really have to pee, 634 00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:06,836 so it's, like, so confusing. 635 00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:09,836 Mansploitation, bitch! Yes! 636 00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:11,671 Let's get to the beans, let's get to the beans. 637 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:12,876 Yeah, just do it. 638 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:14,758 Get it over with. Get it over with! 639 00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:17,882 - So good! - Love her. 640 00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:19,763 Make her feel special. 641 00:29:20,968 --> 00:29:22,390 - Yes! - Get that! 642 00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:23,595 He's warm. 643 00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:26,223 All right. I like it. 644 00:29:26,556 --> 00:29:27,557 Okay- 645 00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:29,352 I know you want it, you little slut. 646 00:29:29,643 --> 00:29:31,361 Oh, God! No! 647 00:29:31,478 --> 00:29:33,230 Gross. You sit down. 648 00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:34,864 So aggressive. 649 00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:37,492 - I'm definitely gay. - Okay, my turn! 650 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,032 - Shit! - Holy shit. 651 00:29:44,074 --> 00:29:45,747 - I'm good! - Hey. 652 00:29:45,826 --> 00:29:47,453 Are you okay? 653 00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:50,463 Him? He's fine. You're okay, right, bud? 654 00:29:50,706 --> 00:29:51,923 Oh, God. 655 00:29:51,999 --> 00:29:54,502 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Oh, shit! That's blood! 656 00:29:54,918 --> 00:29:56,465 What the fuck? Oh, God. 657 00:29:56,545 --> 00:29:58,593 - Oh, my God, he's not breathing! - Shit! 658 00:29:58,672 --> 00:30:00,219 Does anybody know CPR? 659 00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:02,509 - Oh, my God. - I'll look it up on YouTube! 660 00:30:02,592 --> 00:30:04,139 - No, no, no. - Oh, my God. 661 00:30:04,261 --> 00:30:05,638 We got to do something! 662 00:30:05,721 --> 00:30:08,349 Bugger! It's playing an advert for toilet tissue. 663 00:30:08,432 --> 00:30:09,524 Jess, do something! 664 00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:10,646 - Shit. - No, no, no. 665 00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:12,026 Holy shit! 666 00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:14,647 Oh, please, God, please don't let this happen. 667 00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:16,732 He's bleeding out. I can't stop the blood! 668 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:19,443 I have some Advil. I'll get it out of my bag. 669 00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:21,153 What's Advil gonna do, Alice? 670 00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:24,240 - It's extra-strength, bitch! - Somebody call an ambulance! 671 00:30:25,365 --> 00:30:27,584 - Four, five, six, seven, eight... - He doesn't have a pulse. 672 00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:31,746 Fuck. 673 00:30:32,748 --> 00:30:33,920 He's dead. 674 00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:37,924 - Oh, shit. - Oh, shit. 675 00:30:45,010 --> 00:30:47,559 Turn off the fucking music! 676 00:30:56,438 --> 00:30:58,065 - Oh, shit. - I'm so sorry. 677 00:30:58,732 --> 00:30:59,733 I didn't mean to. 678 00:31:02,444 --> 00:31:03,536 I'm so sorry. 679 00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:05,326 - No, no, no. - God, the blood, 680 00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:07,074 it's going everywhere. 681 00:31:07,157 --> 00:31:08,784 Paper towels! Somebody get paper towels! 682 00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:10,202 Why don't you do something, Blair! 683 00:31:10,285 --> 00:31:11,628 I'm delegating! 684 00:31:13,163 --> 00:31:14,710 - I killed a guy. - It's okay. 685 00:31:15,207 --> 00:31:16,424 Oh, God. 686 00:31:16,500 --> 00:31:18,548 - Not the bathroom towels. - Shit. 687 00:31:18,627 --> 00:31:19,753 What are you talking about! 688 00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:21,133 Who cares about towels right now? 689 00:31:21,213 --> 00:31:23,056 Well, I don't know! I don't know what to do! 690 00:31:23,256 --> 00:31:25,099 I killed a guy! 691 00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:26,810 Oh, God! 692 00:31:27,177 --> 00:31:28,724 - I killed a guy today. - Okay, okay. 693 00:31:28,804 --> 00:31:30,647 - Deep breaths, deep breaths. -"What'd you do?" 694 00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:32,520 - Deep breath. -"I killed a guy." 695 00:31:32,641 --> 00:31:34,188 "What have you been up to?" 696 00:31:34,267 --> 00:31:35,735 "Death." 697 00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:38,989 - Keep it in there. - That's better. That's better. 698 00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:41,491 Time to call the police. Yeah? 699 00:31:41,650 --> 00:31:43,448 No, no, no, don't call the police. We're all high. 700 00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:46,121 Let's get rid of the drugs, and then we'll call the police. 701 00:31:46,196 --> 00:31:47,994 Yeah, we'll just, we'll clean up a dead stripper, cool. 702 00:31:48,365 --> 00:31:50,208 Well, technically, he's a prostitute. 703 00:31:51,785 --> 00:31:53,958 - He's a prostitute? - No. 704 00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:55,254 I got him from Craigslist. 705 00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:57,207 He is a stripper, but then also an escort. 706 00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,835 You hired a gigolo? 707 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:02,054 Don't judge sex work, Blair! 708 00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:03,922 - Oh, my God! - Frankie! 709 00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,758 You know I'm running for public office! How could you do this to me? 710 00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:08,594 It's worse for me. I have two strikes. 711 00:32:08,677 --> 00:32:11,226 If I get a third, I could go to jail for 25 to life. 712 00:32:11,304 --> 00:32:13,227 I'm not even supposed to be out of the state right now. 713 00:32:13,306 --> 00:32:15,479 I had to pry my ankle monitor off with a shoehorn to get here! 714 00:32:16,143 --> 00:32:17,520 Oh, God. 715 00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:19,396 It's the chair's fault. 716 00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,107 Fuckin' shit chair! 717 00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:25,194 Wait a minute. You guys, wait a minute! 718 00:32:25,277 --> 00:32:27,120 It was an accident. Right? 719 00:32:27,237 --> 00:32:29,490 So, like, we're not gonna get in trouble for an accident. 720 00:32:29,739 --> 00:32:31,082 We're in Florida, Alice. 721 00:32:31,533 --> 00:32:33,661 A white dude is dead at the hands of a bunch of women. 722 00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:34,995 Yeah, white women. 723 00:32:35,078 --> 00:32:37,547 I'm black, in case any of you have forgotten. 724 00:32:37,706 --> 00:32:39,128 I think the only person who's forgotten that is you. 725 00:32:39,749 --> 00:32:41,422 How dare you. 726 00:32:41,918 --> 00:32:43,215 I rest my case. 727 00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:46,886 I knew this weekend was a terrible idea. 728 00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:48,342 What? No. 729 00:32:48,425 --> 00:32:51,554 This can still be the best weekend of our fucking lives! 730 00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:54,765 Let's just smile a little bit about it. Right? Smile more. 731 00:32:55,849 --> 00:32:57,101 Okay, we're gonna be fine. 732 00:32:57,184 --> 00:32:58,902 - We're gonna call the cops, but Jess is right. - Definitely. 733 00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:00,729 We need to make this seem as innocent as possible, 734 00:33:00,854 --> 00:33:02,071 so let's get rid of all the drugs. 735 00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:03,777 I'm on it. 736 00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:06,777 Alice, not by doing them! 737 00:33:07,277 --> 00:33:10,201 Okay, someone tell me what to do, and I will do it. 738 00:33:12,908 --> 00:33:14,376 What the... 739 00:33:16,036 --> 00:33:17,709 Shit, shit, shit. 740 00:33:22,042 --> 00:33:23,294 It's pizza. 741 00:33:24,127 --> 00:33:25,970 You guys, what are we gonna do? 742 00:33:26,046 --> 00:33:28,515 The house is made of glass. He can see in. 743 00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:30,600 We got to move him, you guys. 744 00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:31,801 Do it, do it, do it. 745 00:33:35,096 --> 00:33:36,473 GO, go! go' 746 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,022 Wait, wait, wait, you guys. 747 00:33:40,101 --> 00:33:43,071 You guys, you guys, you guys, wait, wait, wait. One second. 748 00:33:43,146 --> 00:33:44,648 Watch the couch. 749 00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:49,907 - Shit. - Somebody answer the door. 750 00:33:50,111 --> 00:33:52,034 Does anyone have cash for a tip? 751 00:33:52,113 --> 00:33:53,365 I have Australian dollars. 752 00:33:53,448 --> 00:33:55,041 They're stronger than American dollars. 753 00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:00,046 Castelucci Pizza. 754 00:34:02,791 --> 00:34:04,714 - What's this? - Leave. 755 00:34:06,419 --> 00:34:07,796 - Oh, God. - Oh, fuck. 756 00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:09,047 I was natural. 757 00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,008 Okay, open it. 758 00:34:11,091 --> 00:34:12,764 Open it up. 759 00:34:13,426 --> 00:34:14,643 Yes. 760 00:34:15,512 --> 00:34:17,139 How can you eat right now? 761 00:34:17,472 --> 00:34:20,897 Eating is the number one way people deal with stress, okay? 762 00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:22,649 Don't give me shit. 763 00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:24,024 You guys want some? 764 00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:26,898 - Yeah, I'd go for a slice. One second. - I'll have a slice. Yeah. 765 00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:31,244 Okay, I think now it's time for us to call the cops, yeah? 766 00:34:31,319 --> 00:34:33,572 Wait, wait, wait. I think we should call a lawyer first, 767 00:34:33,655 --> 00:34:35,657 so we know exactly what to say during the interrogation. 768 00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:37,617 - Okay. - Wait, I'm sorry, what's going on? 769 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,001 We're gonna be interrogated? 770 00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:41,831 We are 100% gonna be interrogated. 771 00:34:41,913 --> 00:34:44,041 Somebody died in a sketchy way. 772 00:34:44,124 --> 00:34:45,797 They're gonna separate us into little cells, 773 00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:47,468 you know, with swinging lights. 774 00:34:47,544 --> 00:34:50,138 The coppers are gonna try to crack us, fucking pigs! 775 00:34:50,422 --> 00:34:52,675 Okay, let's definitely call a lawyer, then. 776 00:34:53,258 --> 00:34:55,010 Oh, my God. My Uncle Jack. 777 00:34:55,427 --> 00:34:57,270 He was on the team that defended Bernie Madoff. 778 00:34:57,345 --> 00:34:59,347 - Thank God. - Thank God. 779 00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:02,647 Wait. We should use a burner phone so there's no record. 780 00:35:02,892 --> 00:35:04,439 - Good idea. - That's actually a good point. 781 00:35:04,519 --> 00:35:06,362 - Shit! - What, Alice? 782 00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:07,985 The foam party! 783 00:35:08,064 --> 00:35:09,691 Should I sell our passes? 784 00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:14,784 You're right. Let's play it by ear. 785 00:35:15,030 --> 00:35:16,202 Smart, Jess. 786 00:35:18,283 --> 00:35:19,785 Oh, shit! Peter! 787 00:35:20,035 --> 00:35:21,537 - Okay. - I forgot to call him when I got home. 788 00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:23,088 - Do not answer that. - I have to. 789 00:35:23,163 --> 00:35:24,289 - No! - Jess. Jess, stop. 790 00:35:24,372 --> 00:35:25,419 Hello! 791 00:35:25,540 --> 00:35:27,793 - Hey, babe. - Hi. How's it going? 792 00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:29,970 Stop. - Are you home safe? You never called. 793 00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:31,171 - Hang up. Hang up. - Yeah, I am. 794 00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:32,346 Yeah, everything's great. 795 00:35:32,505 --> 00:35:34,428 Did you do whippets again? You sound really weird. 796 00:35:34,716 --> 00:35:36,639 - What? - Is everything all right? 797 00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:38,599 - Hang up. Hang up. Hang up. - Stop, stop, stop. 798 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:40,518 - Peter, something really bad happened. - No. 799 00:35:40,597 --> 00:35:42,440 - What? - No, this guy came over. 800 00:35:42,515 --> 00:35:44,062 He was a stripper, like, a prostitute. 801 00:35:44,142 --> 00:35:45,189 - A prostitute? - And we were drunk, 802 00:35:45,352 --> 00:35:47,730 and coked up, and I don't know what to do. 803 00:35:47,812 --> 00:35:49,029 About what? The wedding? 804 00:35:50,106 --> 00:35:51,574 Jess, do you still want to get married? 805 00:35:51,691 --> 00:35:53,159 - You can't, you can't... - No! 806 00:35:53,818 --> 00:35:54,990 Jess! 807 00:35:57,238 --> 00:35:58,535 I can't believe you just did that. 808 00:35:58,615 --> 00:36:01,459 We can't talk to anybody until we consult with a lawyer. 809 00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:02,706 She's right. You know what, 810 00:36:02,786 --> 00:36:04,834 I'm collecting everyone's phones until we know what the plan is. 811 00:36:04,913 --> 00:36:06,540 - Agreed? - Yes. 812 00:36:06,623 --> 00:36:07,840 Agreed. 813 00:36:10,752 --> 00:36:13,301 - Well, I have a game on it that relaxes me. - Give it. 814 00:36:14,923 --> 00:36:15,970 Thank you. 815 00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:20,937 Okay, so we got to get this burner phone from a convenience store. 816 00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:22,229 - Smart. - Yeah, good idea. 817 00:36:22,305 --> 00:36:23,932 - Frankie and I can go. - Great. 818 00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:27,485 - Or, like, anybody else could go. - Why? 819 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,029 - Do we argue? - We bicker. Yeah, we bicker. 820 00:36:30,230 --> 00:36:32,528 - It's true, but... - No. I think that we debate, 821 00:36:32,607 --> 00:36:34,405 which is a normal part of talking. 822 00:36:34,484 --> 00:36:36,953 That's funny. That's the same thing, debating and arguing. 823 00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:38,371 - It's semantics. -"Semantics." 824 00:36:38,446 --> 00:36:40,448 I didn't realize I was talking to a wordsmith. 825 00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:42,125 - They used to be lovers, yeah? - Three syllables. 826 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,123 I'm a wordsmith 'cause I read the news regularly. 827 00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:46,330 - Is it that obvious? - Oh, my God. I'm too busy shopping, right? 828 00:36:46,413 --> 00:36:49,383 I have a sort of a sense of these things. 829 00:36:49,457 --> 00:36:52,757 Also, she's been fixated on her nips. 830 00:36:52,836 --> 00:36:54,713 Just because I don't use Tom's of Maine deodorant, which, 831 00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:55,888 by the way, does not work... 832 00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:57,216 I don't use Tom's deodorant... 833 00:36:57,298 --> 00:36:59,642 - It's kind of nasty to watch, isn't it? -...into my body. 834 00:37:00,552 --> 00:37:02,520 Yeah, so, I call. She picks up. 835 00:37:02,846 --> 00:37:04,223 She sounds very strange. 836 00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:05,522 I know something's wrong immediately. 837 00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:07,100 And then, finally, she admits it. 838 00:37:07,183 --> 00:37:08,810 She says something really bad happened with a prostitute. 839 00:37:09,853 --> 00:37:10,979 That does not mean she cheated. 840 00:37:11,354 --> 00:37:13,948 But if she was going to cheat, this is when she would do it. 841 00:37:14,149 --> 00:37:16,823 - Oh, God. - Miami, bachelorette party. 842 00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:18,118 It's pretty classic. 843 00:37:18,862 --> 00:37:21,991 It's not cheating if it's with a prostitute. Technically. 844 00:37:22,323 --> 00:37:24,166 - What? - What? Yes, it is. 845 00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:26,620 Look, guys, we have to have realistic attitudes 846 00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:28,250 about sexual exclusivity. 847 00:37:28,496 --> 00:37:30,999 Whatever. It doesn't even matter, because... 848 00:37:31,082 --> 00:37:32,800 I asked her if she still wanted to get married. 849 00:37:32,876 --> 00:37:34,924 She screamed "no" and then she hung up! 850 00:37:35,003 --> 00:37:36,755 So, guess what, guys, 851 00:37:36,838 --> 00:37:39,182 there's no wedding for you to go to, so return your tuxes. 852 00:37:39,382 --> 00:37:40,679 No! 853 00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:42,511 - No. Hell, no. - Fine, keep your tuxes, 854 00:37:42,594 --> 00:37:43,846 but my Wedding's off. 855 00:37:44,554 --> 00:37:45,806 It's not a shock, right? 856 00:37:45,889 --> 00:37:49,610 I mean, buddy, I love you, you're one of my best friends, 857 00:37:49,684 --> 00:37:52,233 but you're a six and she's a... 858 00:37:53,062 --> 00:37:54,109 Twenty. 859 00:37:54,189 --> 00:37:56,533 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - He can hear you. 860 00:37:56,608 --> 00:37:58,576 I'm feeling... I'm feeling weak. 861 00:37:58,651 --> 00:38:00,198 I'm feeling dizzy, I'm... 862 00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:02,201 - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Oh, my God. 863 00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,661 I knew I shouldn't date out of my league, I knew it. 864 00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:07,085 When she first asked me out, I thought it was a prank. 865 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,084 I could feel her pulling away, but I thought it was work. 866 00:38:10,163 --> 00:38:11,540 - I'm gonna be sick. - No, no, no. 867 00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:13,253 - Give him some Madeira. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 868 00:38:13,333 --> 00:38:15,427 - Yeah. - Peter, that's it. Just take a sip. 869 00:38:16,169 --> 00:38:18,547 - I'll get you a soft cheese! - Yes! 870 00:38:20,048 --> 00:38:21,470 This is so stupid. 871 00:38:21,549 --> 00:38:25,224 Yeah, but this way no one can definitively ID our face. 872 00:38:25,595 --> 00:38:27,268 Old people. Perfect. 873 00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:31,063 Any brand is fine. 874 00:38:31,184 --> 00:38:32,527 What's that on your face? 875 00:38:32,769 --> 00:38:33,986 A detoxifying mud mask. 876 00:38:34,062 --> 00:38:36,156 Look, we need a burner phone, okay? 877 00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:40,156 - Here's some cash. - Again, a burner phone, 878 00:38:40,235 --> 00:38:42,909 and you can find that behind the counter. 879 00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:44,747 - Okay. We heard you. -lnside. 880 00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:48,043 You baby boomers are so demanding. 881 00:38:48,117 --> 00:38:49,414 I know. 882 00:38:49,494 --> 00:38:51,747 - Jesus. Come on, Ma. - I'm sick and tired of this shit. 883 00:38:53,957 --> 00:38:55,209 I can't believe he's dead. 884 00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:59,763 - And it's, like, all my fault. - No, no. 885 00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:02,716 It really is a tragedy, you know? 886 00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:08,347 He could have been a scientist that was gonna cure cancer or something. 887 00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:11,933 - It's nice of you to say. - Yeah. 888 00:39:13,393 --> 00:39:15,612 Guys, is he looking, like, straight at me? 889 00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:19,524 - Oh, my God, he's... - Yeah. Yeah. 890 00:39:19,607 --> 00:39:21,234 He's looking at me, right? 891 00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:27,202 Hi, baby boy. 892 00:39:28,032 --> 00:39:29,705 Mummy Hubbard's here. 893 00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:31,874 She's gonna send you home. 894 00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:35,207 Okay- 895 00:39:35,290 --> 00:39:36,633 Sleep now. 896 00:39:37,542 --> 00:39:39,920 Oh, no. Jesus, no. No, no, no. 897 00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,671 - Okay, why don't we... - I don't like it, I don't like it, 898 00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:42,888 - I don't like it. - Guys, I got it. 899 00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:44,883 - I got it. - I'm done. 900 00:39:44,966 --> 00:39:46,684 - I'm done. - There we go. 901 00:39:47,135 --> 00:39:48,478 He looks good, right? 902 00:39:49,304 --> 00:39:51,181 Totally. 903 00:39:56,811 --> 00:39:58,984 - Oh, my God, Jess. - What? 904 00:39:59,105 --> 00:40:00,527 Look at this ring. 905 00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,946 It's even bigger in real life than it is on Skype. 906 00:40:03,026 --> 00:40:04,653 Yeah, he did a good job. 907 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:06,367 You guys skYpe? 908 00:40:06,654 --> 00:40:08,327 - Yes. - Do we? 909 00:40:08,740 --> 00:40:09,832 Yes. 910 00:40:10,283 --> 00:40:14,379 It's really nice to just sort of, you know, see the person 911 00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:16,502 when you're talking to them. 912 00:40:16,873 --> 00:40:18,466 - I didn't know that. - Yes. 913 00:40:18,541 --> 00:40:19,884 You don't know Skype? 914 00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:22,053 Skype is a free video calling app. 915 00:40:22,170 --> 00:40:23,592 - You should... - No, I know what Skype is. 916 00:40:23,671 --> 00:40:25,890 Jess, you said you couldn't remember your password. 917 00:40:27,175 --> 00:40:29,177 Well, it is really hard to sign in. 918 00:40:32,388 --> 00:40:33,435 - Oh, shit! - Shit! 919 00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:35,479 - Whose dog is that? - Go away! Go away! 920 00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:37,185 - Go! Go, go. - Charlie? Here, boy! 921 00:40:37,352 --> 00:40:39,525 - The owner is coming towards the house. - Oh, God. 922 00:40:39,604 --> 00:40:41,527 No, no, no. You're being too loud. 923 00:40:41,940 --> 00:40:43,942 I can speak to animals, we have a deep understanding, 924 00:40:44,025 --> 00:40:45,072 -so I got this. - Charlie? 925 00:40:45,193 --> 00:40:46,695 - Just go! - Okay, be careful, though. 926 00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:48,030 - Okay. - Here, boy! 927 00:40:48,112 --> 00:40:50,331 Okay, Charlie. Come on. 928 00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,033 Come on, come on. 929 00:40:53,201 --> 00:40:54,248 Shit! 930 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:57,542 - Charlie! - You stay. I'm bringing him to you. 931 00:40:57,622 --> 00:40:59,670 This is impossible, anybody can see into the house from the beach. 932 00:40:59,749 --> 00:41:01,171 - This is crazy. - I know. 933 00:41:01,250 --> 00:41:03,218 If someone reports it before we do, we're dead. 934 00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:06,047 Well, we just... We have to get the body out of sight, that's all. 935 00:41:06,130 --> 00:41:07,803 - Yeah, okay. - All right. 936 00:41:07,882 --> 00:41:08,974 - Okay. - You all right? 937 00:41:09,050 --> 00:41:10,097 - You all right? - Good. 938 00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:13,017 Oh, my God, Pip, I can see all of his teeth marks. 939 00:41:13,096 --> 00:41:14,643 That looks really bad. 940 00:41:14,722 --> 00:41:16,474 No, no, no. This is... 941 00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:17,979 That's not... I'm good. 942 00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:19,777 Yeah, she's fine. Look at her in the eyes. 943 00:41:19,978 --> 00:41:22,401 Okay? So let's just get the body out of sight, 944 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,778 and then we'll put him back before we call the cops. Yeah? 945 00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,029 - Let's do it. Right? - Yes. 946 00:41:26,109 --> 00:41:27,952 - Let's go! Okay! - Let's do it. 947 00:41:28,361 --> 00:41:29,863 Hold the door. Hang on one sec. 948 00:41:29,946 --> 00:41:31,664 - Got it. - There's two steps here. Hold on. 949 00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:33,741 - Yeah, we got it. - There's two steps. 950 00:41:34,242 --> 00:41:35,664 - Put him down. - That was me. 951 00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,245 Can somebody turn the lights on? 952 00:41:37,328 --> 00:41:39,126 - I'll get it. - There we go. 953 00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:40,331 - That's better. - Oh, God! 954 00:41:40,415 --> 00:41:42,463 Shit! Alice, cover the body! 955 00:41:42,542 --> 00:41:43,885 Why? Why? Why? 956 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,462 Pippa, what did you do? 957 00:41:46,045 --> 00:41:48,343 This is a poltergeist situation. 958 00:41:48,423 --> 00:41:49,845 I'm not doing anything. 959 00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:51,471 - All right. - There's got to be a fuse box. 960 00:41:53,219 --> 00:41:55,563 - Oh, God. There is a taxi. - Oh, no, no. 961 00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:57,015 There is a taxi right here. 962 00:41:57,265 --> 00:41:59,563 No! No, no, no. 963 00:42:00,143 --> 00:42:01,235 No, thank you. 964 00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:02,820 - Cover the body. - Hide me. Hide me. 965 00:42:03,146 --> 00:42:04,489 - Balls! - Jesus Christ. 966 00:42:04,605 --> 00:42:06,448 Find a quilt. Find a fucking quilt. 967 00:42:06,774 --> 00:42:08,651 - What the... - Jesus! 968 00:42:09,193 --> 00:42:11,696 - No. My water broke! My water broke! - What? 969 00:42:11,779 --> 00:42:12,951 No, no, I just peed. 970 00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,037 - I have no control over this. - Pippa. 971 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:17,543 Close, you fuck. 972 00:42:18,119 --> 00:42:20,247 - Here you go, sir. Thank you. - Thought I peed. I didn't pee. 973 00:42:20,329 --> 00:42:22,127 - Thank you very much for the ride. - Thank you. 974 00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:24,880 - Safe home! - What the fuck is going on in here? 975 00:42:24,959 --> 00:42:26,961 We're starting a garage band. Do you guys play bass? 976 00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:28,922 We're hiding a body. What do you think we're doing? 977 00:42:29,047 --> 00:42:30,924 Stop saying "body" so many times. 978 00:42:31,007 --> 00:42:32,384 - Alice, what the hell are you doing, man? - Sorry. 979 00:42:32,467 --> 00:42:33,844 - Come on. - God! 980 00:42:33,926 --> 00:42:35,724 Lift him up with your legs. Lift with your legs. 981 00:42:36,345 --> 00:42:38,268 I swear to God, he's getting heavier every time. 982 00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:39,473 Just hold one second. 983 00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:40,900 - There's two stairs up here. - No! 984 00:42:40,975 --> 00:42:42,852 - I got it. - Let's take a break. Let's take a break. 985 00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:43,982 Break, break, break. 986 00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:45,355 - No, no, no. - Okay. 987 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,107 - Okay. - I am out of shape. 988 00:42:47,190 --> 00:42:49,488 - Really good. - Quick question. 989 00:42:50,068 --> 00:42:51,490 Why are we moving the dead stripper? 990 00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:54,247 The whole house is made out of glass. 991 00:42:54,322 --> 00:42:57,121 This is impossible. You can see in everywhere. 992 00:42:57,617 --> 00:42:59,870 Where could we put him that he's not gonna be seen? 993 00:43:12,048 --> 00:43:13,300 So, what do you think, Uncle Jack? 994 00:43:13,674 --> 00:43:16,427 They could charge you with involuntary manslaughter, 995 00:43:16,511 --> 00:43:17,888 but it's not that easy to prove. 996 00:43:18,513 --> 00:43:19,639 - Thank God. - Well, that's not bad. 997 00:43:19,722 --> 00:43:22,100 - That's okay. - Just don't touch the body or the scene, 998 00:43:22,183 --> 00:43:23,901 -and you'll be fine. - What? 999 00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:26,146 Okay, so actually, we have already moved him 1000 00:43:26,229 --> 00:43:27,446 to a sex swing, Your Honor. 1001 00:43:27,772 --> 00:43:28,819 What? 1002 00:43:28,898 --> 00:43:32,778 I said, "Actually, we have already moved him to a sex swing, Your Honor." 1003 00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:33,986 I heard you. 1004 00:43:35,196 --> 00:43:37,119 You knowingly tampered with the scene, 1005 00:43:37,198 --> 00:43:39,451 which means you're guilty of accessory after the fact, 1006 00:43:39,534 --> 00:43:43,880 and they'll have a strong case for involuntary manslaughter. 1007 00:43:43,996 --> 00:43:45,623 Wait, what does that mean? 1008 00:43:45,706 --> 00:43:47,674 Up to 15 years in prison. 1009 00:43:47,792 --> 00:43:50,170 - What? - Fifteen'? 1010 00:43:50,253 --> 00:43:52,972 - Well, what can we do? - Are we on an open line here, girls? 1011 00:43:53,047 --> 00:43:54,890 - It's a burner phone. - Good. 1012 00:43:55,049 --> 00:43:56,722 Like I told Rob Lowe, 1013 00:43:57,218 --> 00:44:00,893 if there's no body, there's no case. 1014 00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:06,151 We can't just chop him up. 1015 00:44:06,811 --> 00:44:09,815 You know what? I'll just tell the cops it was just me. 1016 00:44:10,231 --> 00:44:12,279 No, we all moved the body. 1017 00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:14,319 It's a crime. 1018 00:44:14,402 --> 00:44:17,656 Well, yeah, but if we just, like, explain the situation... 1019 00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:19,706 What are you talking about, "Explain"? 1020 00:44:19,782 --> 00:44:22,456 Last year, a guy in Tampa, he threatened to kill his wife, 1021 00:44:22,535 --> 00:44:23,878 so she fired a warning shot, 1022 00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:26,081 and she went to jail for 20 years. 1023 00:44:26,706 --> 00:44:29,425 This country should be burned to the ground! 1024 00:44:31,586 --> 00:44:33,054 Shit. 1025 00:44:34,547 --> 00:44:36,595 I was so close. Peter. 1026 00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:38,768 My career. 1027 00:44:38,885 --> 00:44:40,432 It's all over, just like that. 1028 00:44:41,596 --> 00:44:43,519 I'm gonna do real time. 1029 00:44:43,890 --> 00:44:44,937 Maybe life. 1030 00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:46,484 You guys are gonna get off with a few years. 1031 00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:49,438 I can't do any years. I'm in the middle of a custody battle. 1032 00:44:49,770 --> 00:44:50,737 - What? - What? 1033 00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:51,860 What? 1034 00:44:54,317 --> 00:44:56,160 Malcolm and I separated six months ago. 1035 00:44:57,111 --> 00:44:58,363 You didn't tell me. 1036 00:44:59,155 --> 00:45:01,078 Yeah, you've been a little preoccupied, Jess. 1037 00:45:02,158 --> 00:45:03,705 Why didn't you tell me? 1038 00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:06,162 I didn't need your judgment. 1039 00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:08,707 Blair, I would neverjudge you for something like that. 1040 00:45:10,499 --> 00:45:13,423 Oh, my God, my students. 1041 00:45:13,502 --> 00:45:15,300 They idolize me. 1042 00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:18,553 They think I'm, like, the best fucking adult 1043 00:45:18,633 --> 00:45:21,056 in the whole fucking world. 1044 00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:22,557 They'll turn to crime. 1045 00:45:23,137 --> 00:45:24,810 I can't go to jail. 1046 00:45:24,931 --> 00:45:26,774 I couldn't even make it through the first episode 1047 00:45:26,849 --> 00:45:28,146 oi Orange ls the New Black. 1048 00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:29,978 None of us can. 1049 00:45:30,811 --> 00:45:32,233 It's too soapy, right? 1050 00:45:32,605 --> 00:45:35,074 No, I meant none of us can go to jail. 1051 00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:36,488 Wait, you guys- 1052 00:45:36,776 --> 00:45:39,780 Even if we don't get charged with this tampering with evidence thing, 1053 00:45:39,862 --> 00:45:41,409 we don't know who this man is. 1054 00:45:41,489 --> 00:45:43,241 His family could come seek revenge. 1055 00:45:43,324 --> 00:45:46,123 He could be part of a cartel that's gonna cut off our toes 1056 00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:47,249 and stick them up our bums. 1057 00:45:47,328 --> 00:45:48,329 She's right. 1058 00:45:48,496 --> 00:45:50,874 We'll have to look over our shoulders for the rest of our lives. 1059 00:45:52,250 --> 00:45:54,002 He did say that 1060 00:45:55,336 --> 00:45:57,759 it would be hard to convict 1061 00:45:58,673 --> 00:46:00,846 with no body. 1062 00:46:01,509 --> 00:46:04,388 I mean, it was an accident. 1063 00:46:04,637 --> 00:46:06,639 And he's not part of an escort company, you know? 1064 00:46:06,722 --> 00:46:08,520 So I don't think anybody knows he's here. 1065 00:46:15,356 --> 00:46:16,699 We got to get rid of him. 1066 00:46:16,857 --> 00:46:17,983 - We gotta, right? - Yeah. 1067 00:46:18,067 --> 00:46:19,193 - We do. - We have to. 1068 00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:21,450 - I mean, we don't want to. - No, of course we don't want to. 1069 00:46:21,570 --> 00:46:22,742 We didn't want to kill him. 1070 00:46:22,822 --> 00:46:24,119 - We have no other option. - But we have to. 1071 00:46:24,198 --> 00:46:25,450 - Of course we have to. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1072 00:46:25,533 --> 00:46:26,534 Must. 1073 00:46:28,744 --> 00:46:30,712 Hey, it's Blair. Don't leave a message. 1074 00:46:30,997 --> 00:46:33,625 Okay. That's it. None of them are picking up. 1075 00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:35,176 That means something really bad happened. 1076 00:46:35,251 --> 00:46:39,006 Dude, this is, like, the third girlfriend that's cheated on you. 1077 00:46:39,422 --> 00:46:41,470 What is that? What's going on, buddy? 1078 00:46:41,549 --> 00:46:43,643 Does your dick bend weird when it gets hard? 1079 00:46:43,718 --> 00:46:44,765 No. 1080 00:46:44,885 --> 00:46:46,387 - All right. - Doesn't matter. 1081 00:46:46,721 --> 00:46:49,725 Let's get you on Tinder right now, so you can start on a rebound. 1082 00:46:49,890 --> 00:46:52,564 - No, I don't want to be on Tinder, okay? - Come on. 1083 00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:55,192 You've gotten over other girls, you can get over her. 1084 00:46:55,271 --> 00:46:59,196 Yeah, this isn't some girl, this is Jess. I'm not gonna get over her, you know? 1085 00:46:59,275 --> 00:47:00,492 And I don't want to get over her. 1086 00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:02,403 Then, this time, do something about it, Peter. 1087 00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:08,291 You're right. 1088 00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:11,003 You're right, I got to go to Miami, and I got to win her back. 1089 00:47:11,078 --> 00:47:13,501 - Yes, dude. Yes. Awesome. - Okay, okay. 1090 00:47:13,581 --> 00:47:17,461 The first flight out of Charleston gets in at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. 1091 00:47:17,543 --> 00:47:18,669 - No. - There is a train 1092 00:47:18,753 --> 00:47:22,178 that gets there tomorrow afternoon and there's room in the quiet car. 1093 00:47:22,590 --> 00:47:24,433 Not quick enough. You got to sad astronaut. 1094 00:47:25,968 --> 00:47:27,094 What? 1095 00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:29,146 He has to sad astronaut. 1096 00:47:29,472 --> 00:47:30,724 - Okay, what is that? - That's nothing to me. 1097 00:47:30,806 --> 00:47:32,683 - Sad astronaut? - That news story? 1098 00:47:32,767 --> 00:47:33,984 Okay- 1099 00:47:35,853 --> 00:47:37,605 Lisa Marie Nowak was an astronaut. 1100 00:47:39,690 --> 00:47:42,113 And she was in love with another astronaut named Will. 1101 00:47:42,735 --> 00:47:45,739 Now, Will cheated on Lisa with some hottie Air Force captain. 1102 00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:48,958 Lisa found out and was pissed. 1103 00:47:49,325 --> 00:47:51,794 So, Lisa decided to deal with it. 1104 00:47:53,037 --> 00:47:55,540 Once and for all. And she got a bunch of adult diapers, 1105 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,216 so she wouldn't have to piss on the way, 1106 00:47:57,583 --> 00:47:59,756 and she drove straight from Houston to Orlando 1107 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:04,136 to, like, kidnap the Air Force... It's... The story gets dark quick. 1108 00:48:04,548 --> 00:48:08,428 Point is, she used that crazy astrophysicist brain 1109 00:48:09,011 --> 00:48:10,558 to find the quickest way to Florida. 1110 00:48:11,472 --> 00:48:14,271 - You want to get Jess back, right? - Yeah. 1111 00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:17,774 Then you got to sad astronaut, bro. 1112 00:48:19,355 --> 00:48:21,153 Let's get some diapers. 1113 00:48:36,622 --> 00:48:38,875 Not this brand! These leak! 1114 00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:13,576 - Jesus Christ. - It's not that bad. 1115 00:49:13,784 --> 00:49:15,582 I think it's the body on top. 1116 00:49:16,495 --> 00:49:18,293 - Okay, okay, okay, okay- - Okay. 1117 00:49:19,039 --> 00:49:21,792 Okay, wait, does anyone know how to actually drive this thing, or... 1118 00:49:21,876 --> 00:49:22,877 I could do it. 1119 00:49:23,419 --> 00:49:28,220 I took one to school every day growing up, so, I feel pretty confident. 1120 00:49:28,299 --> 00:49:29,425 - Great. - Perfect. 1121 00:49:30,551 --> 00:49:31,677 - Hello! - Shit. 1122 00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:34,688 - Hello! - Oh, my gosh. Shit! 1123 00:49:34,763 --> 00:49:36,060 - The neighbors! - Get him off. Get him off. 1124 00:49:36,140 --> 00:49:37,483 Okay, oh, my God, oh, my God, what do we do? 1125 00:49:37,558 --> 00:49:39,356 - No, no... Okay. All right. - No, no! 1126 00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:44,281 -30 happy to see you. - Okay. 1127 00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:46,363 - Nope. - Dang. 1128 00:49:46,984 --> 00:49:48,827 We hoped you were skinny-dipping. 1129 00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:50,529 - No. - No. 1130 00:49:50,613 --> 00:49:51,660 - Nope. - Okay. 1131 00:49:51,864 --> 00:49:54,743 - My, my. - What do we have here? 1132 00:49:58,412 --> 00:50:02,713 You know, I think they just wanted to make love in international waters. 1133 00:50:02,958 --> 00:50:05,256 - Yeah. - Maybe they need our help. 1134 00:50:06,462 --> 00:50:09,557 No. I think we should probably let them do their thing, you know? 1135 00:50:09,798 --> 00:50:11,220 So, let's just... 1136 00:50:11,634 --> 00:50:13,728 This certainly gets me in the mood. 1137 00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:15,683 Hey, Blair. 1138 00:50:15,888 --> 00:50:18,516 - You need a tampon? - Maybe. 1139 00:50:19,225 --> 00:50:21,523 We just opened a bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape, 1140 00:50:21,602 --> 00:50:24,230 and we're listening to some remastered Fleetwood Mac. 1141 00:50:24,897 --> 00:50:26,945 - That's so nice. - It is so good, 1142 00:50:27,024 --> 00:50:29,368 you could hear the cocaine in Stevie's voice. 1143 00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:30,740 - I bet. - We'd love for you to join us. 1144 00:50:30,819 --> 00:50:32,742 - That's so sweet. - No pressure. 1145 00:50:32,821 --> 00:50:35,074 Unless it's asked for. 1146 00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:37,333 Okay- 1147 00:50:37,868 --> 00:50:39,370 I am fully exhausted. 1148 00:50:39,453 --> 00:50:41,581 - So tired, you know? - Understood. 1149 00:50:41,664 --> 00:50:43,337 We're fluent in body language. 1150 00:50:43,415 --> 00:50:44,917 I bet you are. 1151 00:50:47,670 --> 00:50:49,092 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. 1152 00:50:49,296 --> 00:50:50,639 All right. 1153 00:50:53,801 --> 00:50:54,848 - God. - Oh, my God. 1154 00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:56,679 - Pippa. They're gone. Pippa. - They're moving out. 1155 00:50:56,762 --> 00:50:58,355 - What is going on there? - Pippa! 1156 00:50:58,430 --> 00:50:59,647 - Pippa! - What? 1157 00:50:59,848 --> 00:51:01,350 Oh, my God. 1158 00:51:01,433 --> 00:51:02,810 Yeah. Okay. 1159 00:51:05,229 --> 00:51:06,572 - Sorry. - Dude. 1160 00:51:06,689 --> 00:51:08,362 - Let's dump him, yeah? - Yeah, let's dump him. 1161 00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:09,657 Let's do the dump. 1162 00:51:16,615 --> 00:51:18,037 Okay, Spanish language CDs. 1163 00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:21,537 If Jess hooked up with a Spanish speaker, you're gonna want to reason with him. 1164 00:51:22,204 --> 00:51:25,583 And I got this generic Russian Adderall. My little brother ordered it online. 1165 00:51:25,666 --> 00:51:26,883 It will help you focus. 1166 00:51:26,959 --> 00:51:29,963 It's super strong, but it is expired, so... 1167 00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:31,464 - Thank you so much. - Hey. 1168 00:51:31,547 --> 00:51:32,969 - I love you. - I love you, too, dude. 1169 00:51:33,048 --> 00:51:35,301 - Get her back. - Thanks. 1170 00:51:38,304 --> 00:51:39,556 You are peeing. 1171 00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:41,140 I'm so scared. 1172 00:51:42,850 --> 00:51:45,569 I feel like we should say something. 1173 00:51:45,853 --> 00:51:46,979 - Yeah. - Yeah. Good idea. 1174 00:51:48,522 --> 00:51:50,240 We're really sorry. 1175 00:51:50,733 --> 00:51:53,077 - You deserved better. - Yeah. 1176 00:51:53,319 --> 00:51:56,038 There's nothing we could do to bring you back, but... 1177 00:51:56,363 --> 00:51:59,833 We promise to spend the rest of our lives trying to be better people. 1178 00:52:01,660 --> 00:52:03,162 We owe that to you. 1179 00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:06,586 God, we're so sorry. 1180 00:52:07,291 --> 00:52:08,338 So sorry. 1181 00:52:08,709 --> 00:52:09,881 So sorry, man. 1182 00:52:10,419 --> 00:52:11,671 We suck. 1183 00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:17,301 Okay, you can dump him now! 1184 00:52:17,676 --> 00:52:19,303 Aye aye, Captain. 1185 00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:26,110 This never happened. Right? 1186 00:52:26,852 --> 00:52:28,820 - Nope. Jthappened. 1187 00:52:29,104 --> 00:52:30,276 Right? 1188 00:52:30,898 --> 00:52:32,775 - No, we're not gonna talk about it. - Got it, got it. 1189 00:52:34,818 --> 00:52:36,286 Okay, bye. 1190 00:52:37,946 --> 00:52:39,698 That could have been more delicate. 1191 00:52:43,744 --> 00:52:44,996 She's going really fast. 1192 00:52:45,621 --> 00:52:46,747 I did it! 1193 00:52:46,830 --> 00:52:49,583 - Oh, my God, what the fuck is she doing? - What is she doing? 1194 00:52:51,043 --> 00:52:52,716 Holy shit! 1195 00:52:53,379 --> 00:52:55,632 - Oh, my God! - Are you okay? 1196 00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:58,266 I'm good. I'm really good. 1197 00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:01,683 Are you sure, 'cause you landed right on your neck. 1198 00:53:01,887 --> 00:53:04,891 Yeah, I just did a sort of straight shot, landed on the neck, 1199 00:53:04,973 --> 00:53:06,725 snap, and we're back up. 1200 00:53:07,142 --> 00:53:08,268 - It was good. - What happened? 1201 00:53:08,352 --> 00:53:09,774 I thought you knew how to drive those things. 1202 00:53:09,853 --> 00:53:13,574 Yeah, no, I definitely do, but I think the gas and the brake are different 1203 00:53:13,649 --> 00:53:15,151 in Australia, so I got confused. 1204 00:53:15,442 --> 00:53:18,366 - How are you alive right now? - I don't know. 1205 00:53:18,487 --> 00:53:20,114 But I'll take it. 1206 00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:24,911 Well, body dumped, girl's alive. 1207 00:53:25,828 --> 00:53:27,922 - What's next? - We should get the fuck out of here. 1208 00:53:27,996 --> 00:53:29,589 - Great idea. - Yeah, I like that. 1209 00:53:30,124 --> 00:53:32,343 - Let's do that. - You sure you're okay? 1210 00:53:36,755 --> 00:53:37,756 Guys? 1211 00:53:38,173 --> 00:53:40,050 She should probably get a CAT scan. 1212 00:53:40,134 --> 00:53:41,260 Okay- 1213 00:53:43,011 --> 00:53:44,103 She's fine. 1214 00:53:47,391 --> 00:53:50,065 - Is there any more pizza left? - I don't think so. 1215 00:53:50,144 --> 00:53:51,145 No! 1216 00:53:51,478 --> 00:53:52,730 Jesus, dude, we can order more. 1217 00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:54,440 No, not that. That! 1218 00:53:54,732 --> 00:53:56,575 - What? - The sexy neighbors! 1219 00:53:56,650 --> 00:53:58,527 They have footage of us dumping the body. 1220 00:53:58,902 --> 00:54:00,575 We should just turn ourselves in, right? 1221 00:54:00,738 --> 00:54:02,240 - We're fucked. - No. 1222 00:54:02,489 --> 00:54:05,333 We got rid of the body. We just have to get rid of the footage, that's all. 1223 00:54:05,409 --> 00:54:06,456 - Right? - Yes. 1224 00:54:06,702 --> 00:54:07,874 - Yep. Yep. - Yeah, okay. 1225 00:54:07,953 --> 00:54:09,671 - Yes. - Well, how? 1226 00:54:15,377 --> 00:54:16,503 No. 1227 00:54:17,254 --> 00:54:18,301 Absolutely not. 1228 00:54:18,380 --> 00:54:19,757 Thank you. 1229 00:54:27,264 --> 00:54:29,016 Your house is so... 1230 00:54:30,726 --> 00:54:32,854 - Funky. - Thank you. 1231 00:54:33,145 --> 00:54:34,317 You should see our panic room. 1232 00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:42,241 May I? 1233 00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:52,130 It's happening. God, you make me red-hot. 1234 00:55:04,426 --> 00:55:06,645 You know what would be really, really sexy? 1235 00:55:07,012 --> 00:55:08,229 Please tell me. 1236 00:55:08,889 --> 00:55:10,015 If we got this on tape. 1237 00:55:12,017 --> 00:55:14,111 You naughty girl. 1238 00:55:17,397 --> 00:55:21,994 Actually, I noticed that you guys have these cameras outside and it's always been 1239 00:55:22,486 --> 00:55:26,241 a fantasy of mine to get caught on a security camera, so... 1240 00:55:29,034 --> 00:55:30,081 Mesdemoiselles? 1241 00:55:30,953 --> 00:55:32,421 Okay. Okay. 1242 00:55:35,666 --> 00:55:36,838 Thank you. 1243 00:55:47,886 --> 00:55:49,012 Okay- 1244 00:55:52,933 --> 00:55:56,153 - Okay. Yeah. - Is it okay that we're watching this? 1245 00:55:56,562 --> 00:56:00,317 Yeah, we're watching for Blair. You know, for her safety. We're monitoring. 1246 00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:02,784 - Man, Blair looks great. - Yeah, she looks great. 1247 00:56:03,151 --> 00:56:04,494 You ready? 1248 00:56:06,071 --> 00:56:07,869 - Yeah, think so. - All right. 1249 00:56:10,701 --> 00:56:11,953 Relax. 1250 00:56:12,619 --> 00:56:13,666 I've got you. 1251 00:56:13,996 --> 00:56:15,418 - Holy shit! - My... 1252 00:56:15,622 --> 00:56:17,920 - Interesting. - She's showing off. To me. 1253 00:56:18,250 --> 00:56:19,672 Yes! Yes! 1254 00:56:19,751 --> 00:56:21,003 Give me those. Give me those. 1255 00:56:34,850 --> 00:56:36,648 Hey, it's Jess. Leave a message. 1256 00:56:37,019 --> 00:56:38,396 Jess, it's Peter. 1257 00:56:39,646 --> 00:56:41,068 How are you? 1258 00:56:43,650 --> 00:56:46,995 Just calling again. Okay. Oh, man. 1259 00:56:47,404 --> 00:56:49,077 What a story this'll be. 1260 00:56:49,573 --> 00:56:51,667 For the grandkids. If we get married. 1261 00:56:52,534 --> 00:56:54,957 Do me a favor, call me back. Let me know you're okay. 1262 00:56:57,915 --> 00:57:00,009 I love you so much. Please call me. Bye. 1263 00:57:17,017 --> 00:57:18,690 Hey, it's Jess. Leave a message. 1264 00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:20,942 Jess! 1265 00:57:21,313 --> 00:57:22,439 Yes! 1266 00:57:30,822 --> 00:57:34,201 I would love a copy of the tape, you know, 1267 00:57:34,284 --> 00:57:37,128 for, like, jerking off later, whatever. 1268 00:57:37,621 --> 00:57:39,339 Me, too. What's the tape? 1269 00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:42,884 The tape. The naughty tape we just made. 1270 00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:44,507 You know, the DVD or the... 1271 00:57:44,836 --> 00:57:46,588 You know, from the cameras. 1272 00:57:47,839 --> 00:57:49,216 Those don't work. 1273 00:57:49,508 --> 00:57:52,728 - Excuse me, what? - Yeah, they don't work, like she said. 1274 00:57:52,844 --> 00:57:54,892 But we know that's not what this was about. 1275 00:57:54,972 --> 00:57:56,770 Right? This was fantasy fulfillment. 1276 00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:59,730 - Creating a mise en scne. - I'm sorry. Why... 1277 00:58:01,269 --> 00:58:04,239 Why would someone have security cameras that don't work? 1278 00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:05,903 They didn't charge us for the first three months. 1279 00:58:05,983 --> 00:58:07,360 After that, we didn't want to pay for the service. 1280 00:58:07,651 --> 00:58:09,119 You know, they keep out the riffraff. 1281 00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:11,822 You'll just have to jerk off as the Italians do. 1282 00:58:12,364 --> 00:58:13,991 To your memories. 1283 00:58:16,576 --> 00:58:20,297 Wait, so, Blair, so there's no footage? 1284 00:58:21,498 --> 00:58:22,499 No. 1285 00:58:23,542 --> 00:58:24,964 Oh, my gosh. So we're in the clear! 1286 00:58:25,043 --> 00:58:26,295 That's great. 1287 00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:29,427 - Yeah. - She was so intuitive. 1288 00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:33,644 She was inside me. 1289 00:58:34,636 --> 00:58:36,183 And then she was outside me. 1290 00:58:38,515 --> 00:58:40,142 And then she was me. 1291 00:58:41,351 --> 00:58:44,901 - So, we're good. - Almost, except I probably have HPV now. 1292 00:58:45,313 --> 00:58:46,439 Whatever. We all have HPV. 1293 00:58:46,648 --> 00:58:48,992 I mean, I don't have HPV. 1294 00:58:49,484 --> 00:58:54,115 Alice, they say if you had sex after the year 1991, you have HPV. 1295 00:58:54,781 --> 00:58:56,749 Then, I mean, I definitely have HPV then. 1296 00:58:56,992 --> 00:58:59,040 I have, like, clumps and clumps of it. 1297 00:59:00,579 --> 00:59:03,048 Cool. Let's clean up and get the hell out of here. 1298 00:59:03,248 --> 00:59:04,340 Okay- 1299 00:59:30,108 --> 00:59:31,576 - Okay. - Looks pretty good. 1300 00:59:31,651 --> 00:59:33,028 - We did good. - Got it. 1301 00:59:33,111 --> 00:59:36,081 - Yes. Nice. High five, everyone. - Lovely. 1302 00:59:44,122 --> 00:59:46,216 This child is not my son. 1303 00:59:53,381 --> 00:59:55,475 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1304 00:59:59,221 --> 01:00:01,315 Shit. My pants. 1305 01:00:05,227 --> 01:00:07,195 I don't have time for this. 1306 01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:18,032 Good evening, Officer. 1307 01:00:18,156 --> 01:00:19,658 How can I be of service to you? 1308 01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:22,168 - Sir, you been drinking? - Absolutely not. 1309 01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:25,126 I did do a wine tasting earlier this evening, Italian reds mostly, 1310 01:00:25,205 --> 01:00:26,798 but you don't really drink it, you mostly spit. 1311 01:00:26,873 --> 01:00:28,170 You take sips and you spit into a bucket. 1312 01:00:28,250 --> 01:00:30,673 What the... All right, sir, I'm gonna ask you to get out of the vehicle. 1313 01:00:30,752 --> 01:00:31,844 - No. - Now! 1314 01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,217 - Officer. .. - Now! 1315 01:00:33,421 --> 01:00:35,264 Hands. Move slow. 1316 01:00:42,305 --> 01:00:43,602 Officer, I can explain. 1317 01:00:44,307 --> 01:00:45,399 She's a 20! 1318 01:00:46,518 --> 01:00:47,610 Okay, before we go, 1319 01:00:48,019 --> 01:00:49,521 we got to do human friendtipede, yeah? 1320 01:00:49,604 --> 01:00:50,651 - What? - Alice. 1321 01:00:50,730 --> 01:00:52,027 - No way. - Yes. 1322 01:00:52,482 --> 01:00:54,905 - It's tradition. - Alice, quick 1323 01:00:55,527 --> 01:00:57,245 What is a human friendtipede? 1324 01:00:57,445 --> 01:01:00,415 It's a photo we always take that's like the movie Human Centipede. 1325 01:01:00,574 --> 01:01:03,999 Where they're sewn together, mouth to anus, but it's with friends, 1326 01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:06,338 -so it's special. - Come on now, Alice. 1327 01:01:06,454 --> 01:01:08,297 - I don't know about that. - I feel like not the appropriate... 1328 01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:11,342 Guys, if I don't post a ton of pictures from this weekend, 1329 01:01:11,501 --> 01:01:12,923 it's gonna look suspicious. 1330 01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:14,212 Like we killed someone. 1331 01:01:15,338 --> 01:01:18,592 Okay. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think we should do the human friendtipede. 1332 01:01:18,758 --> 01:01:21,932 - Yes! - But we cannot photograph the crime scene. 1333 01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:23,605 Okay. I get the middle. 1334 01:01:25,140 --> 01:01:26,483 Why do you want the middle? 1335 01:01:27,058 --> 01:01:29,152 Okay. Oh, my God, amazoir. 1336 01:01:29,769 --> 01:01:31,442 Say "friendtipede." 1337 01:01:31,521 --> 01:01:32,989 Fflendfipede! 1338 01:01:34,399 --> 01:01:35,651 Cute. 1339 01:01:36,443 --> 01:01:37,535 Yes! 1340 01:01:37,611 --> 01:01:39,329 - Let's see it. - It's ridiculous. 1341 01:01:40,572 --> 01:01:43,746 - Alice, stop. You look really pretty. - No, look! 1342 01:01:46,077 --> 01:01:49,581 - Oh, my God. - No! Come on! No! 1343 01:01:50,081 --> 01:01:52,334 - Shit! Damn it! - Is that our guy? 1344 01:01:53,543 --> 01:01:55,136 - Are you kidding me? - Shit! 1345 01:01:55,420 --> 01:01:56,797 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 1346 01:01:57,005 --> 01:01:59,099 God, I thought you weighed him down. 1347 01:01:59,216 --> 01:02:02,390 I did. I put rocks in his pockets. I guess his pants fell off. 1348 01:02:02,552 --> 01:02:04,225 Men need to wear belts. 1349 01:02:04,346 --> 01:02:06,815 Yeah. How dare they not sink when we murder them. 1350 01:02:08,308 --> 01:02:11,232 Z! Y! XI W! V! U! T' S' R! Q' p! o! 1351 01:02:11,311 --> 01:02:15,066 N, M, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A. 1352 01:02:24,783 --> 01:02:25,909 Okay- 1353 01:02:31,915 --> 01:02:33,292 Did you see that? 1354 01:02:34,542 --> 01:02:38,968 - You only had to walk a straight line. - I know. I just followed my body. 1355 01:02:39,381 --> 01:02:40,974 - Are you a dancer or... - No. 1356 01:02:41,049 --> 01:02:43,017 I've never done anything like that before in my life. 1357 01:02:43,468 --> 01:02:44,845 I still got to give you a speeding ticket. 1358 01:02:45,178 --> 01:02:46,805 Please. That's great. 1359 01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:48,356 Slow down. 1360 01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:50,517 - Thank you, Officer. - I almost shot you. 1361 01:02:50,642 --> 01:02:53,862 I know. That was nuts. Also, don't shoot anybody. 1362 01:02:56,898 --> 01:02:59,117 We can't get rid of his body in broad daylight, you guys. 1363 01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:01,194 We have to think of something. Come on. 1364 01:03:01,820 --> 01:03:02,821 Ideas? 1365 01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:05,911 - Kiwi! You up? - Yeah. Yeah. 1366 01:03:05,991 --> 01:03:09,120 - We need everyone's brain on this, so... - Yeah. Yeah. Okay. 1367 01:03:09,452 --> 01:03:11,875 So, here's what I'm gonna do. 1368 01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:13,707 I'm gonna go to the beach 1369 01:03:13,999 --> 01:03:15,967 and do a bit of mindful meditation. 1370 01:03:16,167 --> 01:03:18,215 And when I come back, 1371 01:03:18,336 --> 01:03:20,134 I'm gonna have a be-genius idea. 1372 01:03:20,672 --> 01:03:22,766 Yeah? All right. 1373 01:03:23,717 --> 01:03:24,764 We got it. 1374 01:03:25,885 --> 01:03:27,933 We're never gonna get rid of his body. 1375 01:03:28,513 --> 01:03:30,390 He's gonna follow us around for the rest of our lives. 1376 01:03:30,724 --> 01:03:32,317 - Oh, God. - No. 1377 01:03:32,475 --> 01:03:34,148 - Police! - Shit. 1378 01:03:34,436 --> 01:03:35,813 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1379 01:03:35,895 --> 01:03:37,943 Do you think the neighbors called them? Maybe they got suspicious. 1380 01:03:38,398 --> 01:03:40,116 - Oh, my God. - Police! Open up! Now! 1381 01:03:40,358 --> 01:03:43,532 Women, this is my world. I will handle this. I got you. 1382 01:03:44,195 --> 01:03:45,538 Turn out the lights and hide. 1383 01:03:59,044 --> 01:04:00,421 Good evening, Officer. 1384 01:04:01,629 --> 01:04:02,881 Step aside, miss. 1385 01:04:03,214 --> 01:04:04,716 What's this all about? 1386 01:04:05,008 --> 01:04:06,134 Put your hands where I can see them. 1387 01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:10,059 Officer, I am cooperating. You see? Hello. 1388 01:04:10,138 --> 01:04:11,481 Get your hands against the wall. 1389 01:04:11,556 --> 01:04:12,682 - I am not... - Get your hands against the wall! 1390 01:04:12,766 --> 01:04:14,814 I am taking a passive stance. 1391 01:04:14,893 --> 01:04:16,691 My body is limp for you! 1392 01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:18,439 Spread them. 1393 01:04:23,443 --> 01:04:25,537 What are you doing? No. 1394 01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:27,284 No! No! 1395 01:04:29,366 --> 01:04:31,209 - Fuck! - Jesus! 1396 01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:35,167 - Frankie! Frankie! - Oh, my God. 1397 01:04:35,455 --> 01:04:37,708 Now we have a dead guy and an unconscious cop? 1398 01:04:37,791 --> 01:04:39,464 - What is wrong with you? - Are you kidding me'? 1399 01:04:39,542 --> 01:04:42,341 He's obviously a rape cop. This is what they do! 1400 01:04:42,545 --> 01:04:44,297 When they have dirt on you, they sexually assault you, 1401 01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:45,678 knowing you won't report it. 1402 01:04:45,924 --> 01:04:48,393 - Daniel Holtzclaw, Oklahoma City? - Who? 1403 01:04:48,635 --> 01:04:50,228 He sexually assaulted eight women. 1404 01:04:50,970 --> 01:04:52,847 Like Matt Dillon in Crash. 1405 01:04:53,139 --> 01:04:55,767 - Oh, my God, that was horrendous. - What a nightmare. 1406 01:04:55,850 --> 01:04:58,228 Information is power, guys. I mean it. I mean it. 1407 01:04:58,311 --> 01:04:59,608 Okay, chill out. You're from Brentwood, 1408 01:04:59,687 --> 01:05:01,485 and your dad used to be John Mayer's accountant. 1409 01:05:02,065 --> 01:05:05,569 Okay. "You are not your father's daughters but mothers unto your own." 1410 01:05:05,652 --> 01:05:06,949 Wait, is that John Mayer? 1411 01:05:07,278 --> 01:05:08,996 It's Malcolm X. 1412 01:05:09,697 --> 01:05:11,244 - Pretty sure it's John Mayer. - Fathers. Fathers. 1413 01:05:11,491 --> 01:05:13,289 Okay, you guys, you guys, we have to move this guy 1414 01:05:13,368 --> 01:05:15,917 before the neighbors return to eat Blair out again. 1415 01:05:16,788 --> 01:05:18,005 I'd be fine with that. 1416 01:05:18,081 --> 01:05:19,298 - All right. - Fuck. 1417 01:05:19,374 --> 01:05:21,297 All right, one, two, three. 1418 01:05:27,340 --> 01:05:30,810 Frankie, how many strippers did you order? 1419 01:05:32,220 --> 01:05:33,517 Just the one. 1420 01:05:34,389 --> 01:05:36,266 Then who's this guy? 1421 01:05:37,809 --> 01:05:39,231 - Let me see his dick real quick. - Good call. 1422 01:05:39,394 --> 01:05:41,817 - Wait, what? - The stripper I ordered had a dick pic 1423 01:05:41,896 --> 01:05:43,398 in his ad. No face. 1424 01:05:43,481 --> 01:05:46,860 - But I can ID him by his member. - Cool. Okay. 1425 01:05:51,698 --> 01:05:53,075 I'm not sure. 1426 01:05:53,158 --> 01:05:54,751 He had a boner in his ad. 1427 01:05:54,826 --> 01:05:56,203 This one's soft. 1428 01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:59,463 I can get it hard. Let's go, feet. 1429 01:05:59,747 --> 01:06:02,045 - What? No. No, no, no, no. - Stop. No, wait. Stop, please. 1430 01:06:08,006 --> 01:06:10,179 Okay, yes. This is the stripper I ordered. 1431 01:06:10,633 --> 01:06:12,226 This is Scotty with the Body. 1432 01:06:13,595 --> 01:06:14,892 Then who did we kill? 1433 01:06:38,786 --> 01:06:40,709 - Hello? - This is Banknorth. 1434 01:06:40,788 --> 01:06:43,291 We have detected unusual activity on your account. 1435 01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:45,043 If you have attempted a purchase at 1436 01:06:45,126 --> 01:06:48,346 Quickie Stop in Port St. Lucie, please press one. 1437 01:06:51,049 --> 01:06:52,346 Thank you for pressing two. 1438 01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:55,053 Your card has been suspended due to unusual activity. 1439 01:06:55,136 --> 01:06:56,433 No. No. 1440 01:06:59,432 --> 01:07:01,434 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1441 01:07:11,736 --> 01:07:13,113 - How's that? - Yeah, that's good. 1442 01:07:15,281 --> 01:07:17,454 If you're looking for our cell phones, I locked them in this drawer 1443 01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:18,786 and I'm not gonna open it, okay? 1444 01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:22,707 Please let me at least text Peter. I feel like he's totally freaking out right now. 1445 01:07:22,830 --> 01:07:24,423 Not until everything is sorted out. 1446 01:07:24,499 --> 01:07:25,751 We made a plan. 1447 01:07:27,043 --> 01:07:28,044 Alice. 1448 01:07:28,127 --> 01:07:29,629 - What's up, dude? What are you doing? - What? 1449 01:07:30,547 --> 01:07:32,641 I'm just making sure nothing's broken. 1450 01:07:33,007 --> 01:07:34,259 I think he's fine. 1451 01:07:34,551 --> 01:07:35,848 Yeah, he's really fine. 1452 01:07:36,177 --> 01:07:37,429 - Jesus. - Oh, my God. 1453 01:07:37,512 --> 01:07:40,812 You need to masturbate more. You're, like, severely horny. 1454 01:07:41,599 --> 01:07:44,318 I know. I just don't like to do it in front of my cockatiel. 1455 01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:45,778 She's very smart. 1456 01:07:46,104 --> 01:07:48,482 - Why don't you put her in a cage? - She is in a cage. 1457 01:07:48,856 --> 01:07:50,483 But I'm loud. I'm a screamer. 1458 01:07:50,817 --> 01:07:52,490 - I remember. - Yeah, I forgot about that. 1459 01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:54,867 And it kind of sounds like her. 1460 01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:56,748 So she thinks I'm talking to her. 1461 01:07:57,490 --> 01:07:59,367 I'm like, "No, I'm just fucking touching myself." 1462 01:07:59,450 --> 01:08:00,702 Like, "Back off." 1463 01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:03,626 Cool, so back to our life-changing emergency? 1464 01:08:04,581 --> 01:08:06,959 Okay, the stripper's here, he's alive. 1465 01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:09,503 - That's good. Right? - Yeah. 1466 01:08:10,086 --> 01:08:12,259 There is still a dead guy in the closet, so... 1467 01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:14,056 - Who is that guy? - We could get rid 1468 01:08:14,132 --> 01:08:16,100 of him if we just had a car, you know? 1469 01:08:16,426 --> 01:08:18,428 Oh, my God. How did this guy get here? 1470 01:08:23,850 --> 01:08:25,443 That'll work. 1471 01:08:26,227 --> 01:08:27,774 - Thank God! - Will it? 1472 01:08:28,396 --> 01:08:31,115 All right, we're gonna drive to the alligator bog, dump the body. 1473 01:08:31,649 --> 01:08:32,992 We're gonna return the Smart car, 1474 01:08:33,067 --> 01:08:36,037 wake up the G-string guy, tell him he hit his head really hard. 1475 01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:37,989 - Blair's gonna give him a ton of cash. - Wait, what? 1476 01:08:38,072 --> 01:08:40,120 - And then we're home free. - I love it. Yeah. 1477 01:08:48,499 --> 01:08:50,001 Alligator bog. 1478 01:08:50,084 --> 01:08:53,338 You will arrive at your destination in 45 minutes. 1479 01:08:55,465 --> 01:08:56,682 Yeah. 1480 01:08:59,510 --> 01:09:01,478 Can I do your... Do you mind if I do your thing? 1481 01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:07,189 Don't litter. 1482 01:09:29,874 --> 01:09:31,342 All right. 1483 01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:33,928 Hey, thanks a lot, man. 1484 01:09:34,671 --> 01:09:36,173 - For you. - Thank you so much. 1485 01:09:36,255 --> 01:09:38,098 So, I got meth. 1486 01:09:38,633 --> 01:09:40,431 You looking? 40 bucks. 1487 01:09:40,635 --> 01:09:43,639 No, thank you so much. I just need gas money. 1488 01:09:44,472 --> 01:09:47,271 Hey, listen, do you want to suck my dick for 15 bucks? 1489 01:09:48,351 --> 01:09:50,194 - No. Thank you. - Okay. 1490 01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:51,772 Good luck, man. 1491 01:09:51,979 --> 01:09:53,196 Thanks, man. 1492 01:09:59,487 --> 01:10:01,455 You will arrive in 25 minutes. 1493 01:10:01,531 --> 01:10:03,124 This is so uncomfortable. 1494 01:10:03,408 --> 01:10:05,331 I mean, does this thing go any faster? 1495 01:10:08,454 --> 01:10:10,707 - Wait! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1496 01:10:19,173 --> 01:10:20,846 So it does go faster? 1497 01:10:30,977 --> 01:10:33,071 - Hi, sir. May I... - Get the fuck away from my car. 1498 01:10:33,271 --> 01:10:34,818 - Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry. - God. 1499 01:10:35,440 --> 01:10:36,987 Let me suck your dick real fast. 1500 01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:38,242 What? 1501 01:10:38,776 --> 01:10:41,120 - Please? - No. What is with this place? 1502 01:10:41,612 --> 01:10:43,080 Okay, listen... 1503 01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:44,745 Do you have any math'? 1504 01:10:49,871 --> 01:10:52,374 - I could sell you meth, yeah. - Really? 1505 01:10:53,791 --> 01:10:56,089 -80 bucks. -80 dollars... 1506 01:10:56,627 --> 01:10:58,049 There you go. 1507 01:11:04,927 --> 01:11:06,270 - Hey, man. - Hey. 1508 01:11:07,930 --> 01:11:09,682 I want to buy some meth. 1509 01:11:10,892 --> 01:11:12,690 Only thing is, though, 1510 01:11:12,977 --> 01:11:15,981 you got to do a little bump, though, so I know that you're not a cop. 1511 01:11:16,063 --> 01:11:18,282 No, man. Please. I'm not a cop. 1512 01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:20,113 You want the meth or not? 1513 01:11:21,527 --> 01:11:22,528 Okay- 1514 01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:25,365 Here we go. 1515 01:11:26,449 --> 01:11:28,918 - And one for Papa Bear. - It burns. All right. 1516 01:11:29,076 --> 01:11:30,373 40 bucks. Not a cop. Come on. 1517 01:11:32,497 --> 01:11:34,716 - Yes. Great. Thank you. - You're welcome. 1518 01:11:35,124 --> 01:11:37,547 So, still a no-go on the BJ, or... 1519 01:11:38,002 --> 01:11:39,379 No, I'm good. Thanks. 1520 01:11:39,712 --> 01:11:41,305 That's fine. 1521 01:11:42,465 --> 01:11:43,842 Actually, 1522 01:11:44,509 --> 01:11:46,352 there's somebody I want to introduce you to. 1523 01:11:47,053 --> 01:11:48,896 - Right on! - Very nice to meet you. 1524 01:11:48,971 --> 01:11:50,564 - Good to meet you, too. - This is so perfect. 1525 01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:53,018 - Yeah, go. Please, go. - Okay. Okay. 1526 01:11:54,060 --> 01:11:56,529 You got to do it, man. That's true love. 1527 01:12:13,538 --> 01:12:15,085 Guys, I fell asleep. 1528 01:12:15,164 --> 01:12:16,666 I fell asleep. 1529 01:12:17,041 --> 01:12:20,136 I had this nightmare where we had all killed a guy. 1530 01:12:21,087 --> 01:12:22,430 - That is a reality. - No, we killed somebody. 1531 01:12:22,505 --> 01:12:24,724 What? No! 1532 01:12:24,966 --> 01:12:28,812 Oh, my God! Jet lag is insane, you guys. 1533 01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:30,479 It's no joke! 1534 01:12:30,972 --> 01:12:32,224 No joke! 1535 01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:33,892 Damn it! 1536 01:12:34,642 --> 01:12:37,816 Did you happen to come up with a be-genius idea out there? 1537 01:12:38,062 --> 01:12:39,314 Yeah, I did, actually. 1538 01:12:39,397 --> 01:12:43,573 In my dream, I remembered that there was this guy in Australia 1539 01:12:43,651 --> 01:12:45,528 who cooked his girlfriend and ate her. 1540 01:12:45,695 --> 01:12:48,164 - Kiwi. - I can't 'cause I am vegan. 1541 01:12:48,239 --> 01:12:49,331 - But... - Kiwi. 1542 01:12:49,407 --> 01:12:51,080 God, I'm so tired. 1543 01:12:51,951 --> 01:12:53,749 We should turn ourselves in. We're guilty. 1544 01:12:53,828 --> 01:12:56,456 No, we are innocent, because this was an accident, you guys. 1545 01:12:56,664 --> 01:12:57,711 Stop saying that. 1546 01:12:57,790 --> 01:13:01,135 Maybe if you hadn't been lethally horny, we wouldn't be in this mess. 1547 01:13:01,294 --> 01:13:03,922 I was coked up because you bought us drugs. 1548 01:13:04,130 --> 01:13:06,303 I didn't force you to do the drugs, Alice. 1549 01:13:06,382 --> 01:13:08,100 And you know what, nobody's talking about how it was 1550 01:13:08,175 --> 01:13:10,018 Blair's idea to get a stripper in the first place. 1551 01:13:10,094 --> 01:13:12,017 Yeah, but you're never to blame, right? 1552 01:13:12,096 --> 01:13:14,519 "Look at me, I'm Frankie. I live in a storage unit. 1553 01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:15,857 -"I'm saving the world." - You know what? 1554 01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:19,403 You act like everybody's so stupid for not being a merciless asshole like you. 1555 01:13:19,478 --> 01:13:21,776 - I'm the asshole? - I mean, you're both kind of assholes. 1556 01:13:21,856 --> 01:13:23,358 - Stay out of this. - Seriously. 1557 01:13:23,900 --> 01:13:25,618 Maybe you're the asshole, Alice. 1558 01:13:25,776 --> 01:13:26,777 Oh, shit. 1559 01:13:27,111 --> 01:13:28,363 Excuse me, bitch? 1560 01:13:29,780 --> 01:13:31,327 I'm a fucking sweetheart. 1561 01:13:32,283 --> 01:13:35,787 Well, then why do you insist on calling me Kiwi 1562 01:13:35,870 --> 01:13:38,043 even though I told you it was culturally insensitive? 1563 01:13:38,372 --> 01:13:42,343 And why did you feel the need to reach over and try to undo my seat belt 1564 01:13:42,418 --> 01:13:43,965 in the taxicab on the way here? 1565 01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:45,880 - Jesus Christ. - Yeah. 1566 01:13:46,130 --> 01:13:47,882 That's an American bit. 1567 01:13:48,174 --> 01:13:51,018 We do it as a joke. Okay? We all do it. Right? 1568 01:13:51,385 --> 01:13:52,432 Come on, say it. 1569 01:13:52,511 --> 01:13:55,856 - Alice! - Oh, my God, stop it, please. 1570 01:13:56,015 --> 01:13:57,892 It's bad enough without you two going at it. 1571 01:13:57,975 --> 01:14:00,319 And I thought your bridal shower was a nightmare. 1572 01:14:00,645 --> 01:14:02,522 What are you talking about? She didn't have a bridal shower. 1573 01:14:03,147 --> 01:14:04,490 No, she didn't. 1574 01:14:08,778 --> 01:14:10,280 You had a bridal shower? 1575 01:14:11,030 --> 01:14:13,749 Well, not really. I mean... 1576 01:14:14,659 --> 01:14:17,208 It was, like, work friends. It wasn't a big deal. 1577 01:14:17,370 --> 01:14:18,417 But Blair went? 1578 01:14:18,704 --> 01:14:20,251 It wasn't even open bar. 1579 01:14:21,123 --> 01:14:22,170 What? It wasn't. 1580 01:14:23,209 --> 01:14:24,711 How could you not invite me? 1581 01:14:25,127 --> 01:14:27,175 Alice, please. Please, can we drop it? 1582 01:14:27,797 --> 01:14:30,846 Please. I'm telling you, it was just... It was for Peter's family. 1583 01:14:30,925 --> 01:14:32,768 - It wasn't a big deal, man. - Peter. 1584 01:14:33,386 --> 01:14:35,059 He is so annoying. 1585 01:14:35,513 --> 01:14:36,856 And I know why he doesn't like me. 1586 01:14:38,015 --> 01:14:39,938 'Cause he's, like, so freaking jealous. 1587 01:14:41,018 --> 01:14:42,270 Peter is not jealous of you. 1588 01:14:42,353 --> 01:14:45,778 Well, then, why would you not invite your best friend to your bridal shower? 1589 01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:48,530 - Oh, my God, you really want to know why? - Yes! I do! 1590 01:14:48,609 --> 01:14:50,577 Because I knew that if I invited you, 1591 01:14:50,653 --> 01:14:52,781 you wouldn't let me talk to anybody else. That's why. 1592 01:14:53,114 --> 01:14:55,242 Okay? You monopolize my time 1593 01:14:55,449 --> 01:14:56,996 and then you make me feel guilty 1594 01:14:57,118 --> 01:14:59,746 about not spending time with you. How can I win? 1595 01:14:59,829 --> 01:15:00,921 Are you kidding me? 1596 01:15:01,247 --> 01:15:03,500 I do not monopolize your time, Jess! 1597 01:15:03,666 --> 01:15:04,838 I just try to make the most of it, 1598 01:15:04,917 --> 01:15:06,794 'cause you don't even make an effort to see me anymore. 1599 01:15:06,919 --> 01:15:09,013 - That's not true! - It is true. 1600 01:15:09,463 --> 01:15:10,635 It is. 1601 01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:13,092 I'm sorry, but you are always at work, 1602 01:15:13,509 --> 01:15:15,352 or you're making plans with Peter. 1603 01:15:16,012 --> 01:15:20,267 Or you're Skyping with other people. I can't do your stupid fucking accent. 1604 01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:22,731 - No, you can't. - Yes, yes. 1605 01:15:22,810 --> 01:15:26,155 We're not in college anymore, and things do change. 1606 01:15:26,355 --> 01:15:28,528 The only thing that's changed is you. 1607 01:15:28,774 --> 01:15:30,321 You've become obsessed 1608 01:15:30,735 --> 01:15:34,456 with your perfect new life and your campaign and you ditched me. 1609 01:15:35,072 --> 01:15:38,246 I am sorry that I don't want to talk about 1610 01:15:38,325 --> 01:15:40,293 the time that we got drunk 1611 01:15:40,369 --> 01:15:42,747 at O'Flaherty's 10 years ago! 1612 01:15:43,289 --> 01:15:44,290 Well, you know what? 1613 01:15:44,582 --> 01:15:47,301 I guess I never should have planned such a nice weekend for you. 1614 01:15:47,376 --> 01:15:50,095 You know, you... God, you are so ungrateful. 1615 01:15:50,713 --> 01:15:52,807 - Did you just say I was ungrateful? - Yes! 1616 01:15:52,882 --> 01:15:54,634 You're an ungrateful person. 1617 01:15:55,009 --> 01:15:57,478 You didn't plan this weekend for me. 1618 01:15:57,553 --> 01:16:00,022 You planned this weekend for yourself, 1619 01:16:00,181 --> 01:16:02,525 so that you could post a bunch of photos 1620 01:16:02,600 --> 01:16:05,479 and not make your life seem so sad! 1621 01:16:11,275 --> 01:16:12,697 I'm sorry, Jess. 1622 01:16:17,740 --> 01:16:19,083 I'll leave you... 1623 01:16:19,241 --> 01:16:20,993 I'll leave you alone from now on. 1624 01:16:22,203 --> 01:16:23,375 Alice. 1625 01:16:25,539 --> 01:16:26,711 Alice. 1626 01:16:31,212 --> 01:16:32,885 Jess, that was really harsh. 1627 01:16:33,172 --> 01:16:35,470 Oh, my God, I can't. I can't with the guilt. Please. 1628 01:16:36,509 --> 01:16:38,477 I can't with any of this anymore. 1629 01:16:39,261 --> 01:16:40,513 Jess, come on, dude. 1630 01:16:40,721 --> 01:16:45,522 No. All we have done all night is make this situation worse, okay? 1631 01:16:45,601 --> 01:16:48,104 We are turning ourselves in and that's the end. 1632 01:16:48,604 --> 01:16:50,857 Now, I'm going upstairs to wipe this shit off my face, 1633 01:16:50,940 --> 01:16:53,034 so I can at least look cute for my mug shot. 1634 01:16:55,402 --> 01:16:58,622 And self-waxing is not weird. 1635 01:16:59,365 --> 01:17:02,744 I don't appreciate your body-hair-removal shaming. 1636 01:17:04,495 --> 01:17:06,338 Shame on you! And you! 1637 01:17:08,541 --> 01:17:09,588 You've been fine. 1638 01:17:19,301 --> 01:17:21,053 Did you hear that? What is that? 1639 01:17:22,388 --> 01:17:24,231 - What is that? - Where is it? 1640 01:17:25,141 --> 01:17:26,188 Where's it coming from? 1641 01:17:30,146 --> 01:17:32,615 - Not these pillows. - Fuck. No. 1642 01:17:35,359 --> 01:17:36,485 Fuck, it's his phone. 1643 01:17:36,652 --> 01:17:38,450 - Someone is looking for this guy. - Oh, my God. 1644 01:17:38,529 --> 01:17:39,872 - Turn it off. - I'm trying! 1645 01:17:40,322 --> 01:17:41,949 - What's going on? - Stop! Oh, my God. 1646 01:17:42,366 --> 01:17:45,870 Someone is trying to track the stripper's phone and it looks like they're... 1647 01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:49,423 Here. 1648 01:17:55,713 --> 01:17:57,636 - Hello? - Miami PD. 1649 01:17:58,215 --> 01:17:59,683 Have you seen this man? 1650 01:18:00,801 --> 01:18:01,927 Shit. 1651 01:18:03,512 --> 01:18:04,855 We tracked his phone to this house. 1652 01:18:04,930 --> 01:18:06,182 We know he's in there. 1653 01:18:08,976 --> 01:18:10,102 It's over. 1654 01:18:10,769 --> 01:18:12,066 The jig is up. 1655 01:18:17,318 --> 01:18:18,615 Hey- 1656 01:18:19,820 --> 01:18:21,163 He's dead. 1657 01:18:52,269 --> 01:18:53,361 You ladies are lucky. 1658 01:18:54,438 --> 01:18:55,815 This man is very dangerous. 1659 01:18:56,065 --> 01:18:58,284 This guy robbed a jewelry store and killed a security guard. 1660 01:18:58,651 --> 01:19:00,824 - Lot of people looking for him. - Oh, my God. What? 1661 01:19:00,903 --> 01:19:02,371 Yeah. He was on the run. 1662 01:19:02,696 --> 01:19:03,948 Probably came here looking for cover. 1663 01:19:04,073 --> 01:19:06,075 Sir, I'm sorry. 1664 01:19:06,283 --> 01:19:09,332 Foreigner here. Just sort of want to be clear on the local law. 1665 01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:10,833 So, are we 1666 01:19:11,330 --> 01:19:13,833 sort of, like, no longer in trouble? 1667 01:19:15,209 --> 01:19:16,836 Sounds like self-defense to me, right? 1668 01:19:17,294 --> 01:19:18,386 Yeah, no, DA's not gonna want to 1669 01:19:18,462 --> 01:19:20,510 press any charges on something like this. You're good. 1670 01:19:21,298 --> 01:19:22,766 - Oh, my God. - No, you're kidding. 1671 01:19:22,841 --> 01:19:25,390 - Oh, my God! - Are you shitting me? 1672 01:19:25,469 --> 01:19:27,267 Oh, my God! 1673 01:19:27,972 --> 01:19:29,895 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 1674 01:19:31,475 --> 01:19:36,072 We're heroes! We're heroes. We're American heroes. 1675 01:19:36,146 --> 01:19:38,023 - Thank you, universe. - Jesus! 1676 01:19:41,443 --> 01:19:44,196 We killed a guy! And it was right! 1677 01:19:44,655 --> 01:19:46,703 We were right to kill him! 1678 01:19:47,616 --> 01:19:49,038 Fuck, yeah! 1679 01:19:52,371 --> 01:19:53,497 Jess. 1680 01:19:53,747 --> 01:19:55,875 Hey, Jess. We're not going to jail. 1681 01:19:56,208 --> 01:19:59,883 I still might be, for unrelated things, but you're not, you're safe. 1682 01:20:00,796 --> 01:20:02,048 Jess? 1683 01:20:03,799 --> 01:20:06,723 You should've seen us at the beginning. We were like Squabble City. 1684 01:20:06,802 --> 01:20:07,894 We didn't like each other. 1685 01:20:07,970 --> 01:20:10,689 Now I can't get her away from me. And I don't want to. 1686 01:20:10,764 --> 01:20:12,687 Did he happen to mention the diamonds? 1687 01:20:13,600 --> 01:20:16,479 No, I think I would have remembered that. He didn't say much of anything. 1688 01:20:17,438 --> 01:20:21,534 Ladies, it's really important that you try to remember any details. 1689 01:20:21,692 --> 01:20:23,285 He was cis male. 1690 01:20:24,069 --> 01:20:28,290 Looked like he could, like, wash his car as a hobby activity. 1691 01:20:28,699 --> 01:20:31,828 - Okay. - And he did have this, like, deep 1692 01:20:32,286 --> 01:20:36,257 Sort of like two large snakes pointing down to a penis. 1693 01:20:36,540 --> 01:20:38,042 This is a big house. 1694 01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:39,926 Any place he might've been able to stash something? 1695 01:20:40,210 --> 01:20:44,465 Well, we did clean the entire house and never came across his coat or phone, 1696 01:20:44,548 --> 01:20:45,845 so it's definitely a possibility. 1697 01:20:45,924 --> 01:20:47,096 Tampon! 1698 01:20:47,301 --> 01:20:48,723 - What? - Blair. 1699 01:20:49,553 --> 01:20:51,555 - What? - I need a tampon. 1700 01:20:51,972 --> 01:20:53,815 I thought you use David cups. 1701 01:20:53,974 --> 01:20:55,476 - Yeah. - No, never. 1702 01:20:55,559 --> 01:20:59,314 Fuck off. Only tampons, the best of tampons! 1703 01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:01,364 You took them from us. 1704 01:21:01,690 --> 01:21:04,113 - What? - And locked them in there, 1705 01:21:04,234 --> 01:21:06,862 -and you have the key. - What are you talking about? 1706 01:21:06,945 --> 01:21:09,198 I didn't lock away our tampons. I locked away our... 1707 01:21:12,242 --> 01:21:14,961 Are we on the same page, Blair? 1708 01:21:15,496 --> 01:21:16,918 - Yes. - Yo, yo. 1709 01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:18,962 Lady, you want to get your friend a tampon or whatever? 1710 01:21:19,833 --> 01:21:23,337 Okay. One tampon coming up. 1711 01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:26,135 Just be right back with that. 1712 01:21:26,382 --> 01:21:28,180 Well, I'm not on my period. 1713 01:21:28,717 --> 01:21:30,219 It's good to know. Thanks. 1714 01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:35,558 K9)'- 1715 01:21:36,350 --> 01:21:37,943 Shit. Shit. 1716 01:21:45,025 --> 01:21:47,448 Quiet, be quiet, be quiet. I just need to get my phone, okay? 1717 01:21:47,820 --> 01:21:48,992 - What the fuck is that? - What's that? 1718 01:21:49,071 --> 01:21:50,197 Nothing. It's... I don't know. 1719 01:21:50,489 --> 01:21:53,288 - What the fuck was that? - This guy, it's another thing. 1720 01:21:53,659 --> 01:21:55,081 - There's more people here? - The real stripper. 1721 01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:56,912 - Yeah. That's the real stripper in there. - The actual guy... 1722 01:21:58,038 --> 01:22:00,132 - I just need to get to my phone. - Get back! Get back! 1723 01:22:00,541 --> 01:22:03,511 - I will not be your drug mule! - What? Stop. Stop. Stop. 1724 01:22:03,752 --> 01:22:05,345 - You better get back. Yeah. - Stop. 1725 01:22:06,338 --> 01:22:09,217 Breaking news and some updated information for everybody. 1726 01:22:09,299 --> 01:22:11,722 These assailants are armed and they're dangerous. 1727 01:22:11,844 --> 01:22:13,767 - No, it's nothing, that's... - So if you're inside your home, 1728 01:22:13,846 --> 01:22:15,769 make sure your windows and your doors are locked. 1729 01:22:16,265 --> 01:22:18,939 - Hey, blondie! Come here! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1730 01:22:22,062 --> 01:22:23,564 - The tampon. - Yeah, I know. 1731 01:22:23,647 --> 01:22:25,365 That's what I was... I was using the code. 1732 01:22:25,649 --> 01:22:27,617 - I just want to get my real estate license! - Shut up. 1733 01:22:27,985 --> 01:22:29,237 Freeze! 1734 01:22:29,570 --> 01:22:31,493 Shut the fuck up! Don't move! 1735 01:22:31,947 --> 01:22:34,871 What the hell's going on here? Come on. Let's go, move it. Let's go, tough guy. 1736 01:22:36,785 --> 01:22:39,834 Everyone in America really does have a gun! 1737 01:22:40,497 --> 01:22:42,545 Let's go! Come on. You, too. Move it. 1738 01:22:43,834 --> 01:22:45,632 - Oh, my God. - Playtime's over. 1739 01:22:45,711 --> 01:22:47,679 - We want those fucking diamonds now. - Look. 1740 01:22:48,380 --> 01:22:49,597 I know you're mad at the 1%. 1741 01:22:49,715 --> 01:22:52,138 - I am, too. - What? Shut up! 1742 01:22:52,217 --> 01:22:54,686 - Tie them up now. - Let's go! 1743 01:23:16,867 --> 01:23:17,959 Jess, 1744 01:23:18,035 --> 01:23:21,164 when I was growing up, I didn't really have many friends. 1745 01:23:21,455 --> 01:23:24,299 And when I left for college, my mom was worried about me. 1746 01:23:24,458 --> 01:23:25,880 And so was l. 1747 01:23:25,959 --> 01:23:28,382 But then we met, and the first night we went out, 1748 01:23:28,462 --> 01:23:30,339 you didn't introduce me to people as your roommate, 1749 01:23:30,422 --> 01:23:32,220 you introduced me as your friend. 1750 01:23:32,299 --> 01:23:34,427 And I knew everything was gonna be okay. 1751 01:23:34,801 --> 01:23:36,223 When I went home that summer 1752 01:23:36,345 --> 01:23:38,473 and I showed my mom the photos of us hanging out, 1753 01:23:38,805 --> 01:23:40,432 she was so happy. 1754 01:23:40,974 --> 01:23:44,569 She doesn't always recognize me anymore, but when I show her those old photos, 1755 01:23:44,645 --> 01:23:47,899 she says to me, "That's my daughter with all her friends." 1756 01:23:48,565 --> 01:23:50,192 That's how she remembers me. 1757 01:23:50,692 --> 01:23:51,989 Thanks to you. 1758 01:23:52,069 --> 01:23:54,788 I can't wait to show her all the photos from this weekend. 1759 01:23:55,280 --> 01:23:58,625 You were there for me, and I will always be here for you. 1760 01:23:59,034 --> 01:24:00,456 Love, Alice. 1761 01:24:00,661 --> 01:24:04,666 P.S. There are some wet wipes in here, because I ordered an ice cream cake 1762 01:24:04,748 --> 01:24:07,046 and I know you have issues with dairy. 1763 01:24:07,125 --> 01:24:08,672 Smiliest face. 1764 01:24:15,008 --> 01:24:18,182 - Come here. Let's go. Come here. - They found me on Craigslist. 1765 01:24:18,262 --> 01:24:20,185 I'm not even with them! 1766 01:24:20,639 --> 01:24:21,982 God damn it. 1767 01:24:23,267 --> 01:24:24,393 Shit. 1768 01:24:25,185 --> 01:24:26,482 Jay double-crossed us, 1769 01:24:26,937 --> 01:24:28,610 and he took off with our score. 1770 01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:30,440 So, tell me, 1771 01:24:30,816 --> 01:24:33,114 -where'd he put it? - I told you, we don't know. 1772 01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:38,036 Sir, I could wire you $50,000 right now if you just let us go, okay? 1773 01:24:38,323 --> 01:24:39,745 50,000 What? 1774 01:24:40,158 --> 01:24:42,252 There's over $2 million worth of diamonds in this house, 1775 01:24:42,327 --> 01:24:43,749 and I am going to find them. 1776 01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:46,169 You shoot anyone who moves. 1777 01:24:47,207 --> 01:24:48,675 - Oh, my God. - Please. 1778 01:25:25,412 --> 01:25:26,629 Fuck! 1779 01:25:26,747 --> 01:25:28,420 Damn it! Fuck! 1780 01:25:30,626 --> 01:25:32,674 Don't make a fucking sound or I will kill you. 1781 01:25:41,970 --> 01:25:43,017 What? 1782 01:25:43,347 --> 01:25:45,020 Handcuff yourself to the sink. 1783 01:25:45,349 --> 01:25:47,147 - Fuck you. - Now. 1784 01:25:48,727 --> 01:25:50,104 Okay. Okay. 1785 01:26:04,785 --> 01:26:06,082 What the fuck? 1786 01:26:17,214 --> 01:26:18,431 No... 1787 01:26:25,972 --> 01:26:28,395 You don't know anything? Well, that smells like bullshit. 1788 01:26:28,725 --> 01:26:30,227 Hurry up, man! 1789 01:26:30,936 --> 01:26:32,438 Do I look stupid to you? 1790 01:26:32,896 --> 01:26:36,366 You expect me to believe that you killed Jay by accident? 1791 01:26:37,234 --> 01:26:39,032 That's a bad accident. 1792 01:26:39,611 --> 01:26:41,454 It's a big fucking accident. 1793 01:26:45,367 --> 01:26:47,290 I am about to lose my fucking shit. 1794 01:26:47,369 --> 01:26:50,543 Jay's dead, and you expect me to believe that you guys don't know anything? 1795 01:26:50,664 --> 01:26:53,087 New plan. You're gonna watch each other die, 1796 01:26:53,166 --> 01:26:54,839 until one of you opens your fucking mouth! 1797 01:26:55,460 --> 01:26:57,508 - And I'm gonna start with you. - No! 1798 01:26:57,838 --> 01:26:59,715 - Oh, God. - I love you, Frankie. 1799 01:27:00,298 --> 01:27:01,720 I love you, too. 1800 01:27:07,055 --> 01:27:08,807 Jess!Jess! 1801 01:27:09,808 --> 01:27:10,980 Yes! 1802 01:27:15,647 --> 01:27:16,899 - Not her beautiful face! - Come on, Jess! 1803 01:27:22,612 --> 01:27:23,955 - You perv! - Come on. 1804 01:27:24,990 --> 01:27:26,663 No, hey, hey, hey! 1805 01:27:27,284 --> 01:27:28,706 You guys! The gun! 1806 01:27:30,078 --> 01:27:32,297 Shimmy. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy. 1807 01:27:36,209 --> 01:27:37,961 Okay. Okay. 1808 01:27:41,506 --> 01:27:42,598 - Right there. - Okay. Yeah. 1809 01:27:42,674 --> 01:27:43,846 - One. - Two. 1810 01:27:44,009 --> 01:27:45,226 - Three! - Okay. 1811 01:27:45,302 --> 01:27:46,849 Oh, God. Squat. 1812 01:27:47,429 --> 01:27:49,227 - Oh, God. Oh, God. - Do you have it? 1813 01:27:49,306 --> 01:27:50,432 Yes. 1814 01:27:56,605 --> 01:27:57,822 Point me in his direction. 1815 01:28:02,861 --> 01:28:05,205 I don't have a shot! Your leg is in the way! 1816 01:28:05,697 --> 01:28:07,495 - No, no. Please. - Up! 1817 01:28:07,574 --> 01:28:08,917 No, please. 1818 01:28:12,162 --> 01:28:13,379 I shot a guy! 1819 01:28:13,747 --> 01:28:16,091 - Yes! - I killed another person. 1820 01:28:16,750 --> 01:28:18,627 You fucking... 1821 01:28:19,461 --> 01:28:20,508 Yes! 1822 01:28:23,340 --> 01:28:25,308 Oh, my God, you guys! 1823 01:28:26,384 --> 01:28:27,431 That was awesome. 1824 01:28:27,511 --> 01:28:29,263 - Alice, I'm so sorry. - No, I'm sorry. 1825 01:28:29,346 --> 01:28:31,974 No. I said things that I didn't mean. 1826 01:28:32,516 --> 01:28:34,610 I think it was just the stress of killing somebody 1827 01:28:34,684 --> 01:28:36,527 and then trying to dispose of his body. 1828 01:28:36,978 --> 01:28:38,150 - Wait, what? - Totally. 1829 01:28:38,230 --> 01:28:39,732 - That's a hard thing. - Yeah, you're right. 1830 01:28:40,023 --> 01:28:41,070 I have changed. 1831 01:28:41,233 --> 01:28:43,201 I thought that I was making people's lives better, 1832 01:28:43,276 --> 01:28:46,246 but I forgot about the people that make my life better, and that's you guys. 1833 01:28:46,530 --> 01:28:48,624 - And I love you, and I'm sorry. - We love you, too. 1834 01:28:48,698 --> 01:28:49,745 - We love you, too. - We love you. 1835 01:28:49,825 --> 01:28:51,998 - We love you, Jess! - I'm sorry, too. 1836 01:28:52,244 --> 01:28:54,212 And you know what? I know that I'm a lot. 1837 01:28:54,287 --> 01:28:57,040 And you were right, I need to stop living in the past 1838 01:28:57,165 --> 01:28:59,418 -and get a hobby, you know? - Well, it could help, right? 1839 01:28:59,501 --> 01:29:01,674 Next time we see each other, we can make new memories 1840 01:29:01,753 --> 01:29:03,926 instead of just talking about the old ones. 1841 01:29:04,005 --> 01:29:05,928 These zip ties are really starting to hurt. 1842 01:29:06,007 --> 01:29:07,600 And I'm sorry about Peter, okay? 1843 01:29:07,676 --> 01:29:10,304 He does not suck. You should totally marry him. 1844 01:29:10,387 --> 01:29:12,355 - Well, I will. - Good. You should. 1845 01:29:12,556 --> 01:29:15,184 I mean, I had a sex dream about him, and I didn't even tell you. 1846 01:29:15,267 --> 01:29:16,484 No, you actually did tell me. 1847 01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:18,528 - You told everybody. - You started a group text. 1848 01:29:18,812 --> 01:29:20,234 It started with him brushing my hair... 1849 01:29:20,313 --> 01:29:21,610 You know what? I'm gonna untie you guys now. 1850 01:29:21,815 --> 01:29:22,862 - Awesome. - Yeah. Okay, great. 1851 01:29:22,983 --> 01:29:24,576 - Here, give me the gun. - It was morning... 1852 01:29:24,651 --> 01:29:26,119 Drop the gun! 1853 01:29:26,570 --> 01:29:28,243 - Drop it. - Damn it. 1854 01:29:30,574 --> 01:29:33,953 The keys were taped to the handcuffs, you fucking idiot. 1855 01:29:35,453 --> 01:29:36,875 You're all dead. All of you. 1856 01:29:36,955 --> 01:29:38,753 - No. No, Jess. - Yeah. 1857 01:29:39,124 --> 01:29:41,172 Really? Come on. Whatever. 1858 01:29:44,880 --> 01:29:46,632 What? What? What? 1859 01:29:47,507 --> 01:29:48,633 What? 1860 01:29:52,679 --> 01:29:54,852 - Oh, my God! - Is that Peter? 1861 01:29:59,185 --> 01:30:00,687 Oh, my God. Is he... 1862 01:30:01,980 --> 01:30:03,698 - Peter! - You guys, what's happening back there? 1863 01:30:03,773 --> 01:30:04,774 I can't see. 1864 01:30:06,318 --> 01:30:07,820 Peter? Peter. 1865 01:30:08,445 --> 01:30:09,617 Peter. 1866 01:30:09,779 --> 01:30:11,622 - Jess. - Are you okay? 1867 01:30:12,574 --> 01:30:14,372 Do you not like my dick? 1868 01:30:15,160 --> 01:30:16,207 What? 1869 01:30:16,328 --> 01:30:18,171 Does it bend weird when it gets hard, or, like... 1870 01:30:18,455 --> 01:30:20,924 - I don't know, is it... - What? No, I love it. 1871 01:30:21,374 --> 01:30:22,751 So, you still want to get married? 1872 01:30:23,251 --> 01:30:27,427 Yes. More than ever I want to get married. I love you. 1873 01:30:28,757 --> 01:30:29,883 I want that. 1874 01:30:31,092 --> 01:30:32,344 Peter... 1875 01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:35,597 Let's just get married. Let's get married this weekend. 1876 01:30:35,680 --> 01:30:37,273 Well, what about the campaign? Didn't you want to wait 1877 01:30:37,349 --> 01:30:38,566 till after the election, and... 1878 01:30:38,642 --> 01:30:41,395 I don't want to wait. Everyone I love is right here. 1879 01:30:41,770 --> 01:30:43,067 That's all that matters. 1880 01:30:43,188 --> 01:30:46,317 - What about your parents? - My parents aren't gonna care. They eloped. 1881 01:30:46,858 --> 01:30:49,202 I mean, my mom did say to look that down as soon as possible. 1882 01:30:49,903 --> 01:30:51,655 - She did? - She loves you. 1883 01:30:52,405 --> 01:30:54,328 - I love you. Let's do it. - Let's do it. 1884 01:30:54,824 --> 01:30:55,996 Yes! 1885 01:30:56,618 --> 01:30:58,245 I have the perfect place. 1886 01:31:01,623 --> 01:31:05,469 Do you, Jessica, take Peter to be your husband? 1887 01:31:06,127 --> 01:31:07,253 I do. 1888 01:31:07,837 --> 01:31:11,808 And do you, Peter, take Jessica to be your wife? 1889 01:31:12,258 --> 01:31:13,635 I definitely do. 1890 01:31:16,888 --> 01:31:18,856 Now, by the power vested in me 1891 01:31:19,724 --> 01:31:22,728 by GetOrdainedNow.net, 1892 01:31:23,103 --> 01:31:25,105 I pronounce you husband and wife. 1893 01:31:25,188 --> 01:31:26,861 You may kiss the groom. 1894 01:31:32,487 --> 01:31:35,161 So glad I didn't sell our passes to the foam party. 1895 01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:36,241 - Yeah! - Right? 1896 01:31:48,086 --> 01:31:50,009 So, you guys are just not in trouble? 1897 01:31:50,463 --> 01:31:52,557 No, we're, like, completely free. 1898 01:31:53,133 --> 01:31:56,558 We've committed what in Florida is known as a "good murder." 1899 01:31:56,845 --> 01:31:58,768 That's a direct quote from the Miami PD. 1900 01:31:58,847 --> 01:32:04,024 So, not only do we not have to go to jail, but we got a sick coupon 1901 01:32:04,352 --> 01:32:06,070 to Romano's Macaroni Grill. 1902 01:32:06,521 --> 01:32:09,024 - Do you want to dance, Pippa? - Yeah, okay. 1903 01:32:09,232 --> 01:32:11,155 But call me Kiwi, okay? 1904 01:32:11,276 --> 01:32:12,778 All my best friends do. 1905 01:32:16,489 --> 01:32:17,991 - Hey. - Hi. 1906 01:32:18,074 --> 01:32:20,122 Can I get you a drink? 1907 01:32:21,745 --> 01:32:22,792 No. 1908 01:32:23,163 --> 01:32:25,461 'Cause I'm on a date with someone else, so... 1909 01:32:26,541 --> 01:32:28,214 - Hey. - Hot. 1910 01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:30,133 You're a hot guy. Cool. 1911 01:32:34,090 --> 01:32:35,182 Here you go. 1912 01:32:36,634 --> 01:32:38,011 Oh, my God. 1913 01:32:39,012 --> 01:32:41,765 Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your feet are'? 1914 01:32:43,892 --> 01:32:45,644 No one's ever said that to me before. 1915 01:32:46,269 --> 01:32:48,442 You should've been told that a million times. 1916 01:32:49,856 --> 01:32:51,483 Do you want to... 1917 01:32:51,566 --> 01:32:52,738 - Fuck? - Fuck? 1918 01:32:54,152 --> 01:32:55,199 Hey- 1919 01:32:55,904 --> 01:32:57,076 Keep it moving. We're a thing. 1920 01:32:58,531 --> 01:32:59,874 Love wins. 1921 01:33:00,825 --> 01:33:01,997 What'd you just say? 1922 01:33:02,786 --> 01:33:05,414 I don't know. I mean, who knows if it will work out? 1923 01:33:05,497 --> 01:33:08,091 And I don't know how you're gonna get to New York. I guess hitchhike, but... 1924 01:33:08,374 --> 01:33:10,718 I already have my bags packed, actually, so... 1925 01:33:11,336 --> 01:33:13,805 Well, just 'cause I'm between places... 1926 01:33:14,506 --> 01:33:15,974 Shut up. 1927 01:33:18,843 --> 01:33:20,470 Yeah, yeah. 1928 01:33:21,012 --> 01:33:22,514 Okay. Yeah. 1929 01:33:22,597 --> 01:33:24,019 Babe. It's for you. 1930 01:33:25,183 --> 01:33:27,060 - Hello? - Jess, it's me. 1931 01:33:27,143 --> 01:33:30,238 That story about you and your friends taking out those criminals is everywhere! 1932 01:33:30,313 --> 01:33:32,486 Okay? We're getting donations and volunteers. 1933 01:33:32,565 --> 01:33:35,535 - What? - Jess, you're gonna win this thing. 1934 01:33:35,610 --> 01:33:37,453 Are you serious? That's amazing. 1935 01:33:37,654 --> 01:33:39,452 Yeah, we're getting a ton of media requests. 1936 01:33:39,531 --> 01:33:41,533 Okay, Good Morning America, Ellen. 1937 01:33:41,825 --> 01:33:45,170 Okay, you have to get back here right now. I'm gonna get you out on the next flight. 1938 01:33:45,245 --> 01:33:46,713 Do you prefer window or aisle? 1939 01:33:46,788 --> 01:33:48,711 I'm more of a middle seat guy myself, but... 1940 01:33:48,790 --> 01:33:50,838 You know what? I'm actually getting married. 1941 01:33:50,917 --> 01:33:53,420 But I'll be there first thing Monday morning. 1942 01:33:53,503 --> 01:33:55,881 You're getting married? Jess, I'm in love with you. 1943 01:33:57,048 --> 01:33:58,391 - Take a picture of us? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1944 01:33:58,466 --> 01:33:59,592 Cool! 1945 01:34:00,718 --> 01:34:02,516 - I love you guys. - We love you. 1946 01:34:03,221 --> 01:34:04,268 Three. 1947 01:34:06,307 --> 01:34:07,650 Can I see? 1948 01:34:09,561 --> 01:34:11,313 - No. - My arm looks too thick. 1949 01:34:13,314 --> 01:34:14,566 - Another one? - One more. 1950 01:34:14,649 --> 01:34:15,866 Okay, okay, okay- 1951 01:34:20,488 --> 01:34:21,785 - I love it. - That, I love. 1952 01:34:21,948 --> 01:34:24,497 - Alice, you can tag me. - Finally. 1953 01:36:04,259 --> 01:36:08,264 Congratulations to State Senator Jess Thayer! 1954 01:36:09,347 --> 01:36:10,564 Thank you. 1955 01:36:10,682 --> 01:36:12,684 My number one boss bitch! 1956 01:36:15,728 --> 01:36:19,232 And now to celebrate her win, we have a special request. 1957 01:36:19,482 --> 01:36:20,529 Me? 1958 01:36:23,695 --> 01:36:25,117 Thank you so much. 1959 01:36:25,488 --> 01:36:27,582 I actually have a surprise for all of you. 1960 01:36:28,908 --> 01:36:30,626 I've written a song 1961 01:36:30,785 --> 01:36:34,289 that I hope can sort of encapsulate 1962 01:36:35,290 --> 01:36:37,588 the bond of friendship that we all have. 1963 01:36:38,001 --> 01:36:40,299 And so, I want to play it for you now. 1964 01:36:41,921 --> 01:36:45,141 Sometimes 1965 01:36:46,092 --> 01:36:48,094 You kill a man 1966 01:36:49,178 --> 01:36:53,183 When he's taking off his clothes for you 1967 01:36:54,934 --> 01:36:57,357 You kill a man 1968 01:36:58,479 --> 01:37:01,358 You kill him with your friends 1969 01:37:01,524 --> 01:37:03,117 And he dies 1970 01:37:07,447 --> 01:37:08,573 Jesus, it's good. 1971 01:37:08,656 --> 01:37:10,875 Other times 1972 01:37:12,243 --> 01:37:14,837 When you kill a man 1973 01:37:15,163 --> 01:37:20,511 You need to toss his body in the ocean 1974 01:37:21,002 --> 01:37:23,255 And you don't care 1975 01:37:24,505 --> 01:37:28,976 'Cause your friends are there by your side 1976 01:37:30,553 --> 01:37:32,146 They make it fun 1977 01:37:33,639 --> 01:37:36,643 I love you, girls 1978 01:37:36,976 --> 01:37:38,068 I love you, Pippa! 1979 01:37:38,144 --> 01:37:40,146 We killed a man 1980 01:37:40,313 --> 01:37:42,941 We made a plan 1981 01:37:43,024 --> 01:37:45,823 You are my friends 1982 01:37:46,527 --> 01:37:49,076 And H! never forget 1983 01:37:49,697 --> 01:37:52,291 This bachelorette 1984 01:37:53,117 --> 01:37:56,246 This bachelorette 1985 01:37:59,791 --> 01:38:00,963 That's the end. 1986 01:39:14,824 --> 01:39:16,952 Do you guys want to come up? 1987 01:39:17,118 --> 01:39:18,961 No, no, no. Don't come up. Don't come up. 1988 01:39:19,036 --> 01:39:20,413 'Cause I got to do stuff. 1989 01:39:21,873 --> 01:39:24,626 So, I will see you at Nussbaum's at 10:00. 1990 01:39:24,750 --> 01:39:26,252 No, no. 12:30. 1991 01:39:26,586 --> 01:39:28,304 - Okay. - I don't want to get up. 1992 01:39:29,130 --> 01:39:30,632 Okay, you guys, 90- GO, 90, 90- 1993 01:39:30,882 --> 01:39:32,805 We want to make sure that you get in okay. 1994 01:39:32,884 --> 01:39:35,353 - You're obsessed with me. - We love you. 1995 01:39:35,470 --> 01:39:36,847 I love you. 1996 01:39:46,564 --> 01:39:47,816 Bullshit. 1997 01:39:53,321 --> 01:39:54,493 Yes! 1998 01:39:57,493 --> 01:40:01,493 Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com 1999 01:40:02,305 --> 01:40:08,555 Watch more movies for free on www.FlixTor.to 148558

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